Movie News

Fatboy Appraises Zack Snyder’s Warrior Owl Adventure LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS!!

Published at: Sept. 21, 2010, 12:52 p.m. CST

I am – Hercules!! As I recall, longtime AICN reader Robert “Fatboy” Roberts wasn't terribly impresssed with Zack Snyder’s “Watchman,” a movie I loved. Here’s his take on Snyder’s “Legend of the Guardians”:
MY ATTEMPT TO MAKE SENSE OF THE TRAILER FOR ZACK SNYDER'S OWL FIGHT MOVIE 1) 1) Jesus Christ, owls are fucking creepy. 2) 2) They’re armed? Who is arming these owls? Why would you do this? 3) 3) Is this a joke? It looks like a Zack Snyder movie. 4) 4) Holy shit, it IS a Zack Snyder movie. Owls with abs. Why not. 5) 5) And why WOULDN'T it be called "The Something-Something of Gurfle-Hurf" or whatever? That’s catchy as hell. 6) 6) Sure, I’ll watch it. It’s a 3-D Animated Cockfight! For kids! MY ATTEMPT TO MAKE SENSE OF WARNER BROS. EXECUTIVES' DECISION-MAKING PROCESS. “What do you MEAN there’s no more Harry Potter stories? Fuck. Get your ass to the nearest Target. Right now. Call me back when you’re standing in the kids books section.” “You’re at the Target? Great. What looks good? Green Lantern!? I want kids books that KIDS are reading, you idiot. Grab the next kid you see. You got one? Good. Okay, ask the brat if they read. She does? Fucking miraculous, tell me what she’s reading. What did she say? I didn’t understand what she said, it sounded like she just barfed. Oh, that’s the TITLE? What’s it about? Owls? Fucking OWLS? I guess Potter had an owl. These ones wear knives on their feet? That’ll look cool in 3-D. Hey, hold on a sec.” “Okay, yeah, I just heard back from London. She really isn’t going to write any more of these fucking Potter books. So I guess we do the owl movies. Hey, wait, is that kid still there? Ask her mom what she thinks of Ryan Reynolds.” MY REVIEW OF "SLOW-MOTION 3-D AUSTRALIAN COCKFIGHT WITH OWLS: THE MOVIE" DIRECTED BY ZACK SNYDER. Dude does NOT make it easy for himself, does he? “Dawn of the Dead,” “Watchmen,” Frank Miller’s nonexistent storytelling abilities; He has yet to tackle a project that doesn’t have an amazing amount of baggage attached to it. This time, that baggage includes things like “The expectations of millions of kids who buy these books,” and “The pure befuddlement of everyone else.” That ballsiness, more than anything else, defines Snyder’s career, even more than his brilliant visual sense. He makes movies that simply shouldn’t BE. And it’s one thing for kids to imagine a world where owl kids join the boy scouts, grow up and go to war with other owls while wearing pseudo-roman armor. It’s another to take that imagery out of the kids’ head and put it on a couple thousand theater screens in as photorealistic a manner as possible. Other directors aim for suspension of disbelief. Snyder tries to suspend sheer incredulosity. “The Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole” is the movie where Snyder finally descends, slow-motion and screaming, into total self-parody. Some would argue this happened halfway through “300,” but I disagree. What with the stylized action and the speed-ramping, “300” established the Snyder style, for better or worse, and he used those tools judiciously, bringing them out only when needed, maximizing their impact. Whatever problems there were with “Watchmen,” he (mostly) exercised similar restraint in his valiant attempt to adapt what many consider the best graphic novel ever written. With this movie, he’s not so much choosing his tools as he is kicking the whole toolbox into a computer, and then kicking over the computer. It’s a tone-deaf slog through near-total incoherency, its only hope of success completely dependent on frequent - and frequently desperate - attempts at beautiful iconography. The choice to make this as photorealistic as possible is a terrible one. Sure, it’s pretty as hell, and the 3D is mostly immersive, succumbing to gimmick only once or twice. But it’s hard to empathize for these creepy-looking things, and though the voice actors are trying to anchor the movie in real emotion, there’s only so much expression an owl can give. Then there's the rote story, notable only for the incomprehensible way in which its key points are relayed to the audience. The first 15 minutes are an impenetrable wall built from out-of-context details and stupid sounding names. Soren is a dreamer, too willing to get caught up in the fairy tales his father tells him about the legendary Guardians of Ga’Hoole, a band of owls that fight for justice and freedom against the evil Metalbeak, an owl fascist plotting the domination of owlkind. Soren’s older brother, Kludd, is resentful of Soran’s optimism, and his natural talent for flight, and probably the fact Soren's name doesn't sound like a lump of coagulated dirt. One day, while practicing their skills, they are kidnapped by mysterious owls and taken to what they’re told is an orphanage where they will be taught how to become the best owls they can be. In actuality, the school is a training ground for Metalbeak’s army, where weaker students are brainwashed into owl-zombies, forced to spend their waking hours picking through a massive owl pellet collection to find metal flecks that, when pieced together by Metalbeak’s elite force of bat-minions, form a weapon that will be used to destroy the Guardians once and for all. Soren and fellow prisoner Otulissa decide to make a break for it, to warn the Guardians and save their respective owl kingdoms. Kludd betrays his little brother, and thus, the sides are chosen, the outcome inevitable: The Guardians will war with Metalbeak one more time, and the fate of all Owlkind rides on their wings. Will Soren rise to the challenge and realize his potential? Does he have the strength to face his brother, and save not only his family, but seriously WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING. This is an astoundingly bad movie. That isn’t to say it’s not entertaining. It is, in fact, very beautiful to look at, and fucking hilarious in all the wrong ways. Snyder’s never been known for subtlety, but at one point in the movie, he has Owl City sing a song about owls while owls learn how to be owls during an owl montage. I could not. Stop. Laughing. I was waiting for Xzibit to pop his head out of the bottom of the screen and shout “Yo dawg, I heard you like Owls!” The movie isn’t thoughtless, however. It has things it wants to say to the kids. Snyder just isn’t paying attention to what he’s saying. Subtext is beyond this man, I think. A shocking charge, I know, but here’s a couple examples: During one of the scenes of lighthearted levity sprinkled throughout the film with all the grace and precision of a scud missile, a baby owl spends a good 15 seconds of screentime horking up an owl pellet. After the laughs subside, the owl is told by her nursemaid, a matronly pink snake, (obvious choice, really) why she just puked up an owl turd, in a way that sounds, to anyone paying a modicum of attention to subtext, like a mother explaining to her daughter what a menstrual cycle is. This is weird and unintentionally hilarious as it is, until the snake mentions that she is going to save this pellet as a keepsake, just like she’s done for all the owls she’s cared for. And then the scene ends, leaving us to contemplate a world in which a motherly snake keeps a collection of owl periods in mason jars. And this snake is the emotional heart of the movie. We know this because the character inhabiting the role of oracle, a soothsaying echidna, (of course it’s an echidna, duh) says so to the snake, and the viewing audience. And then, at about the midway point, Soren re-caps the movie to the Guardians themselves. The response to his tale sounds like script notes that Snyder mistook for actual pages: A haughty, snooty owl calmly tells Soren that his story is beyond unbelievable, that it occupies a realm so ridiculous that nobody could possibly be expected to understand it, much less go along with it. To his credit, Snyder did not name the owl “Movie Critic,” probably because that name doesn’t sound like an owl pellet being coughed up, and therefore doesn’t fit in this universe. How did Snyder not catch these things? Was he too focused on mining every possibly iconic moment for their last ounce of majesty, unaware he had failed to make anything, yunno, MATTER? It is, essentially, a kids film about ethnic cleansing, starring a shitload of Campbellian clichés dressed as armed barn owls, and there is no resonance to any of it. But will kids like it? Maybe. I’m sure there are kids who liked "Planet 51" and "Alpha & Omega," too. Kids like a lot of shitty things when they're little. But they’re kids, they have a good excuse. Snyder doesn’t. With this film, he has finally stacked the deck against himself far too harshly to come out the other side with a win. Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts www.cortandfatboy.com @fatboyroberts on twitter
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Readers Talkback

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  • Sept. 21, 2010, 12:52 p.m. CST

    Yep looked like crap from the trailer

    by jimmy_009

    Will not be seeing with my kid.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 12:55 p.m. CST

    I dunno...

    by HapaPapa72

    I just can't get excited about owls. Or penguins. Or 3D.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 12:59 p.m. CST

    WOW

    by niccageshairpiece

    Awesome Review. Could not stop laughing.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:01 p.m. CST

    these are the kind of reviews I come here for

    by WickedJacob

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Stupid movie. Owls would never be able to support the weight of

    by OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWW

    Also, the internet is serious business.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:03 p.m. CST

    this reviewer sounds like a biased idiot

    by Browncoat_Jedi

    Brought his Snyder hate to the movies. Can't trust him.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Good review

    by RedLeaderStandingBy

    Bad idea for a movie.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Why are there no snail movies?

    by belasco_house

    I want to see an epic snail movie. <p> Screw owls.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:04 p.m. CST

    It probably seemed like a good idea after reading the book...

    by Ironhelix

    ...kind of like the Lord of the Rings movies.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:04 p.m. CST

    That was my exact reaction to the trailer too, Snyder is a joke

    by reflecto

    Just a big kid who likes cool explosions and knows jack shit about jack shit.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:05 p.m. CST

    too many words in the reviews

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    and i cant tell if he liked it or not... real lazy right now

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:06 p.m. CST

    But...

    by KubricksBellEnd

    ...it's got owls in it!. Colour me interested. Seriously, I thought the animation of the owl flying through the rainstorm looked technically superb. But this movie is going to choke up a dessicated mouse carcass when it comes to bums on seats...

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:06 p.m. CST

    Hilarious review... but I'm still seeing it.

    by GreatGonzo

    Why am I going to see this? Not that I'm exactly psyched about it. It's because everybody spends all their time bitching about how every movie is a reboot, remake, or sequel. We never get anything original. Well, you want original? How about an action movie... with owls!!! Didn't see that coming, did ya? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! (Oh, and I like Snyder. He hasn't let me down yet)

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Ugh, fatboy.

    by Bvc79

    Not this idiot's reviews again. I seriously have a thing against people who think they're so clever and funny (but aren't).

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:20 p.m. CST

    Review made me laugh.

    by blackwood

    I still kinda want to see it. I mean -- Photorealistic. Warrior. Owls. I don't think I'm wired to not want to see this. In 3D.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Is Fatboy's hero . . .

    by Nice Marmot

    . . . that Neil Cumpston or whatever his name was? Now THAT guy was effortlessly funny. I'm not intrigued enough by this flick. The animation is beautiful, but that's the only draw. And I'm not a Snyder hater. That new one w/ the hot chicks in the looney bin looks to be awesome fun. Give this guy Justice League now.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:24 p.m. CST

    nice review

    by DioxholsterReturns

    not interested in the movie but that was funny.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:27 p.m. CST

    DId Snyder diect this??

    by moorE12

    OH Shit, he did.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:28 p.m. CST

    WTF?!?

    by Maynard G. Krebs

    That was my exact reaction when I saw this trailer for the first time. And on subsequent viewings... I love animated films but I couldn't sit through this if my life depended on it.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:31 p.m. CST

    BEST Damn Review Ever...

    by The Dreaded Rear Admiral

    Hey, here's a movie with owls scratching through their own shit and puke, and going to war, and...I'll probably watch it for the WTF factor.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Lay off the cocaine...

    by Sam_Jay_Jick_Donutly_Dildoclip

    ...and try to write a coherent review. What a bunch of gibberish. Sure the movie might suck, but it's obvious this "Fatboy" cockbag has an agenda against Snyder.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Fatboy is just another jealous dweeb.

    by Stalkeye

    Let's see you get off your lard ass and make a movie as good as Zac's previous efforts.No? I thought so.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Secret of NIMH

    by Box_Bruceleitner

    That's the vibe I got from the trailer and I was slightly intrigued. I really doubt I'll pay the ridiculous price it costs to see a 3D movie these days but I may just rent this when it comes out.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:56 p.m. CST

    This is one of those movies.....

    by Han Cholo

    You gotta watch after smoking some serious weed or munching on some shrooms. Otherwise I don't understand why people would see a movie about talking owls.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:57 p.m. CST

    This movie looks like shit

    by RPLocke

    Also a LOTR rip off.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 1:58 p.m. CST

    by D o o d

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2 p.m. CST

    Snyder

    by D o o d

    I really love his version of Dawn of the Dead, 300 was meh, Watchmen was boring and now I'm being told that this is terrible.<p>Did snyder peak on his first movie..?!!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:09 p.m. CST

    "Frank Miller’s nonexistent storytelling abilities"

    by rabidfnark

    I respectfully disagree, sir. If you're talking about 300 (as you obviously are), then you may have more of a point than if you were talking about Batman: Year One, The Dark Knight Returns, or his legendary run on Daredevil. Don't get me wrong...old Frank's storytelling has taken a bit of a turn LATELY (the Dark Knight Returns sequel, and All Star Batman and Robin, for example (I'm still trying to forget about The Spirit, okay?!)), but let's not drag the man's entire portfolio through the mud, huh? Other than that nitpick though, no objections, and damn fine review.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:13 p.m. CST

    guardians of gay hole

    by rur

    Crap.. Realistic crap that takes every single ounce of magic and squeezes through the meat grinder called no vision. What a waste of computer power. We are in the early days of oil paintings, when painters thought that the only use of oil paints was to paint super realistic scenes.. then the camera came and expressionism had to evolve.. still waiting for that to happen with CGI.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:13 p.m. CST

    Searching For An Alternative

    by angranoid

    Hi, For quite a while I've been getting really bored of all the smart-arsed retards and mummies boys who come to this site just to mouth off and bitch about everything. It seems the inevitable has happened and they're letting these cunts, who love the sound of their own brainless sarcasm more than films, write the reviews. To be fair I couldn't give two hoots (geddit?) about this movie, but the self satisfied, jerking off to his own bullshit rhetoric tone of this review is basically the last straw for me and this site that I've been visiting since '97. Can anyone recommend an alternative, independent film site that isn't full of douchebags and dickheads? Thanks.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:16 p.m. CST

    HOW MUCH DID THIS PIECE OF SHIT COST?

    by CreationistTechnophobicManiacs

    And WHY did Snyder think it was worth wasting that money on this fucking trash? Couldn't he have used the money to do something cool like an all CGI Heavy Metal movie?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:30 p.m. CST

    I went...to see the Great Owl

    by Nasty In The Pasty

    The Owl? You say you saw...the *Owl*...?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Hey, D o o d!

    by rabidfnark

    Snyder really hasn't done much other than translate other people's work into film (or in the case of Dawn of the Dead, a NEW film). I've enjoyed a lot of his stuff, but it's hard not to compare it to the original versions (and when the original is something like Watchmen...that's just not a battle you can ever truly win). So I've decided to wait 'til I've seen Sucker Punch (which is mainly HIS work), to judge him overall.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:39 p.m. CST

    My main problem with the VISIONARY Zack Snyder is....

    by Fart_Master_Flex

    My main problem with the VISIONARY Zack Snyder is the fact that all of his projects are based on existing ideas. His first film was a remake and his second two were based on graphic novels that he painstakingly made sure to stay close to. So then, who is Zack Snyder? How can we call him visionary when he is too busy with other people's material? This movie, crazily enough will be the closest we can see to a real Zack Snyder, considering the fact that it hasn't existed before in any film or story board form. Anyway, I do enjoy his movies to a point. I just take issue with the visionary label.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Impressive

    by SuperstarDJ

    It really strikes me as impressive when someone who calls himself "fatboy" (the name itself giving out a really good vibe of someone who actually go out and do stuff), spends his time bad mouthing the hard work done by others. Someone who probably have some "exciting" job behind a counter somewhere and have spared himself of all the trouble of going through film school and trying to earn a living and make profit (yes, profit, films cost money, so they must make money) in such a competitive field. What's more incredible is that this fatboy, that probably has been mocked for his entire life (wonder why?), comes out making this remarks. He obviously know that people over the web will also mock him or rant against him, and in my opinion (if anyone can give out one, why shouldn't I?) he wants it. Maybe a lifetime of mocking left him hooked up on being teased and made fun of... Anyway... This looks more like a job for a shrink....

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Whatever fattie

    by pushthebuttonmax

    I'm seeing this anyway, college is overwhelming and I want to be a kid for two hours.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:06 p.m. CST

    Who?

    by Dingbatty

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Angranoid

    by JoeD

    io9.com is a great source for the kind of news found here, but with a much more respectful and decent commenting community. They also focus heavily on advances in science, space, the world of sci-fi and fantasy literature, etc. The features are long form, and the updates are succinct and professionally written. They're funny too, without the smarmy snarky tone crapping all over this review. I've discovered lots of great reading and viewing material on io9. The site is extremely well organized, and solidly in the web 2.0 world. Editing your comments are a wonderful thing. It's updated several times a day by its two full time editors, and regularly features several guest writers a week. It's really a great site and scoops AICN on a fairly regular basis. It's a great property all around, and I genuinely enjoy my time there.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Lame Review

    by Mr. Profit

    Sorry. Every director has their go to trick that they employ. Snyder like's slo-mo. Big deal. It looks cool. And most action directors can't direct an action sequence as good as Snyder. He uses quick cuts and slow mo, but his sequences always have a sense of geography. You know what the fuck is going on. <P>Furthermore, the film looks like a throwback to when kids movies were darker like "The NeverEnding Story" and "The Dark Crystal" so I'm interested. It looks better than the 596 animated films that are released that all look the same unless they are released by Pixar.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:13 p.m. CST

    Who? Who? what are you a fuckin owl?

    by cgih8r

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Anyone else sick of this kind of review?

    by phool2056

    Where it's more about trying to be funny than it is letting us know about the movie? If I wanted an overload of snark I'd read the talkbacks. Not that it ever even occurred to me to go to this movie. If a full on computer animated thing doesn't get ridiculously good reviews all around, it's just not worth paying the extra for 3d and sitting through it with a million screaming kids.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:20 p.m. CST

    FATBOY - you HAVE to become a regular writer at AICN!!!!!!!!!!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:21 p.m. CST

    BEST, FUNIEST REVIEW IN AGES!!! LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:22 p.m. CST

    THANX!! I WON'T EVEN DOWNLOAD IT AT PIRATE BAY!!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:29 p.m. CST

    WOW

    by P862010

    another snyder hater lol dont take this review serious at all it was not even a review it was a snyder lynch post for no reason

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Terrible review

    by SirLoin

    This review had nothing to do about serious criticism about the movie, and everything about how uncomfortable this guy is to be watching a family movie so he has to constantly act like it's so hilariously beneath him. Would I watch Garfield and find things ridiculous? Of course I would, but I have perspective, unlike this douche. Stop being such a snarky hipster bitch.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Neil Cumpston is back???

    by cloudyP

    Ok, if comestain ain't reviewing any more (look up his lord of the rings reviews - jesus!!!) FATBOY GETS THE JOB!!!!!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Hilarious Review

    by Lord_Byron_Farthammer

    "at one point in the movie, he has Owl City sing a song about owls while owls learn how to be owls during an owl montage." Good gawd...

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:40 p.m. CST

    LEGEND OF THE WHAT!!

    by RPLocke

    WHATTTT!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Review is funny, and kinda icky...

    by Billyeveryteen

    Fatboy clearly has an agenda. His snark and lack of objectivity really belongs down here in the mud, with us.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:12 p.m. CST

    PROJECT METALBEAK!

    by Harry Weinstein

    (dna overload)

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:30 p.m. CST

    NETFLIXXXXX

    by eROKv

    this one will go to the bottom of my netflix queue. theres a lot of shit down there that i will never watch.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Owl Shit: The Review

    by NerdRageFanClub

    shit turd fart like a fart shit turd on a shit

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:49 p.m. CST

    No desire to see this

    by smatt584

    Even as a fan of Snyder, a childrens movie about talking owls is not my thing. What this douchebag doesn't seem to get is that it isn't supposed to be his thing either. It's an animated movie about talking, singing owls that go on an adventure. What the fuck was he expecting? You could dissect any childrens movie, pixar included, the way he does here without even hinting at an objective sense of quality. So, the animation looks great?, the story is entertaining?, it's got stupid humor for the kids?, it has an actual message for said children other than "love=solution to everything"? Great, so what the fuck is the problem? Leave the reviews of kids movies to someone who doesnt obviously hate kids movies.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Fuck you Fatass

    by Dark Knight Lite

    You lost me at slamming Frank Miller. Read RONIN, THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, or THE HARD GOODBYE and get back to me, douche.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Give a hoot don't pollute.

    by RPLocke

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Fair enough, Fatboy, but...

    by crankyoldguy

    ...you don't have kids (and probably shouldn't yet or at all, ever). Yeah, my son wants to see it, thinks it looks cool. \Memo: Adults ike crappy movies too. All the time. And "Alpha and Omega" was just fine for kids btw (Yeah, Marmadung's another story). Really, you're kind of a wussy ass douche. Are you actualy fat as well?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Owls are not creepy. Owls are freaking awesome.

    by D.Vader

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Fatboy has an issue with talking, warring owls?

    by D.Vader

    Forget the rest of his issues with the film. It seems he was biased against this from the start. I'm sure he'd hate the Rats of NIMH too because talking rats are fighting each other and WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING?! Come on...

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Why does Zach Snyder keep working?

    by Rubiks Doob

    I mean honestly- he SUCKS. Watchmen is crap, so is 300. That is unless you think filmmaking skills consist of slow motion fetish violence shots ad infinitum...

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Wait a minute, wait a minute...

    by phool2056

    They're teenage, they're mutants, they're ninjas, AND they're turtles? What a piece of shit, I want my money back. These wars take place in the stars? Like SPACE? The SPACE ship travels through SPACE and shoots at a SPACE station and WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING?!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:34 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading the "review..."

    by Grasscutter

    after only a few seconds, at the part about going to Target. How about less what you think is funny and what should be and shouldn't be allowed in film and talk more about the actual movie?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:39 p.m. CST

    Angranoid stay the fuck away from io9

    by KilliK

    if you enjoy the freedom and anarchy nature of AICN talkbacks.<br /> the conversations in the io9 talkbacks are better,more mature and more satisfying than the ones here,but the main problem is that a lot of the people who comment and moderate are girls, something which easily can get you in trouble: <br /> <p>i am commenting in the io9 talkbacks for some time now,i never insulted anybody there and i always tried to give my best in the conversations there.i even got a star which basically means that my texts are full opaque so they can be viewed easily from other commenters.well some weeks ago i almost got banned.why?<br /> <p>because there was an article with pics from a cosplay event.my comment was about one of the chicks from the photos who was dressed as batgirl.i said that she was sexy but she should lose some weight.those were my exact words.after an hour,a furious female moderator removes my star status,she says that i should read the rules about comments,that this is my only and last warning and next time i will get banned.<br /> <p>the irony? i read the rules and they specifically stated that criticism of the physical appearance of people shown in pics posted in the various articles is allowed as long as it happens in a civilized way.<br /> <p>i didnt want to reply back to that moderator because you simply cant win in a situation where the egoism of a woman comes into play.its just a loss of time.<br /> <p>so if you want more mature dialog and better articles io9 is a very good site to visit.but if you want the free nature you can enjoy here in these talkbacks,well then AICN is the only and best way to go.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:46 p.m. CST

    What is to be gained from bashing Snyder

    by CarmillaVonDoom

    This review reeks of jealousy.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 5:46 p.m. CST

    That's more of a message board.

    by RPLocke

    I don't post at message boards anymore. Too many people on head trips moderate that shit.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Yes Phool26

    by D.Vader

    I am sick of this kind of review. Also.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Dark Knight Lite,

    by rabidfnark

    I didn't get the Miller hate either. It seemed unnecessary, at best.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:25 p.m. CST

    Wow, totally disagree on this.

    by Novaman5000

    Movie was pretty solid. Story was a bit rushed and basic but not overly cliched (or at least not noticably so). Characters were emotive enough, and the animation was beautiful, too. Say what you want about Snyder but the man knows how to make a great looking film.<p> Second best animated film to come out this year behind toy story 3, and one of the few films this year, live action or otherwise, that I enjoyed much at all.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:26 p.m. CST

    also, totally reminded me of NIMH.

    by Novaman5000

    And that's a good thing.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Novaman

    by D.Vader

    Clearly Fatboy doesn't like Snyder, or Owls, so obviously he disliked the movie. The review is pretty disingenuous and misleading. I don't trust it.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:29 p.m. CST

    I've been reading this site for YEARS,

    by rabidfnark

    and I've been posting for a while (just under a year I think). I find this place thoroughly immature, and the people in the talkbacks here are foul mouthed. Let me be clear: I. Would. Not. Change. A. Fucking. Thing. I love it here!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:32 p.m. CST

    Fatboy would totally hate NIMH

    by D.Vader

    "Rats are creepy. Who would want to make a CGI movie with realistic rats. Ew... WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING?!?!"

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Outraged Snyder fanboys defend his lack of substance

    by reflecto

    by trashing the most promising new reviewer the site has had in ages.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:46 p.m. CST

    Once again for the record: Fatboy's writing is awesome.

    by reflecto

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Fatboy the comedian

    by Eyegore

    I got two lines into his review and was so revolted by the forced comedy, I had to stop reading. Then I saw that he went on and on, so I took a deep breath and tried again. This time I made it to the bottom of his list, and he proceeded with the lame comedy routine, and I really couldn't take anymore. Fatboy, you hate Zack Snyder, we get it. Please STFU!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Fatman needs an editor.

    by claytron5000

    I'm 99% certain that the movie's script has a shorter word count than this review. I need a review of this review just to find out what the flick is about. Fat failure.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:52 p.m. CST

    I liked it

    by Disco_sucks

    The review, not the film that is. Who cares if he's biased or not as long as he explains his perspective? To me, this kind of hate and ridicule makes a refreshing change from plants and people mailing in dull, personality-free reviews.<p>And all the Frank Miller defenders need to wake up, read All-star Batman and Robin and watch The Spirit. DKR, Ronin, etc. are firmly in the past - if you want to bring up ancient history you've got to take into account Robocop 3 as well. It's only fair.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Fatboy writes like he's still on the "radio".

    by RPLocke

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Hey guys

    by Fatboy Roberts

    I actually liked Secret of NIMH. The comparisons between the two films are pretty superficial, honestly, having seen them both. And the rats of NIMH hardly looked all that realistic. They were anthropomorphized in a much more traditionally accessible manner, I feel. That's not to say non-traditional methods immediately get shit-talked. Snyder's non-traditional eye is what I like most about his filmmaking, and I'm a big fan of both Dawn and 300, (and yes, when I ranked out Miller, I was speaking specifically about 300, and almost all of his work from that point forward) I admire what Snyder was trying with Watchmen. He just really fucked this one up. At least his failure is still entertaining to watch, just in none of the ways he intended. But he gambles big, every time. 4 movies, 4 huge gambles, and this is the first one that he's busted out on. That ain't bad at all.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    JoeD say's I09 is great but...

    by Eyegore

    I agree, it's a good site for sci-fi info, but your hawking it's comment system is fucking misleading. I09 doesn't let you comment at all unless you apply to be a commenter, using a sample comment you submit, which they then judge to see if you are worthy to share your opinion with their readers. This, to me, is big brotherish backwards bullshit. It's a good site, but fuck their privileged commenting system. I've never applied, because FUCK THOSE BITCHES! I still read the site every day though, so whatever.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:04 p.m. CST

    Eyegore

    by JoeD

    Not exactly. Editors can only give out stars. Starred commenters make the approvals of new comments. It took me a while to understand how it works, but it really does filter out a lot of the chafe. It can be constricting though, so I definitely understand where you're coming from.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:10 p.m. CST

    io9

    by JoeD

    I actually agree with everyone about io9. The two sites are totally different experiences, which is why it is still fun to hang around here. I enjoy the more professional layout there, the focus on science, the long form features, and the book recommendations. Plus, it seems that it's easier to discuss topics in the comment section that relate to the previous article. The threaded conversations make it easier to respond, and trolls either stay away or don't last long. There is a hierarchy though and that isn't for everyone. Nothing really competes with the anarchy here. Which is pretty awesome in its own right.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:22 p.m. CST

    I love beatiful imagery and action in slo mo

    by JackSlater4

    Thank you Akira Kurasowa

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:30 p.m. CST

    rabidfnark

    by D o o d

    True Words Man. Let's wait and see Sucker Punch and then really lay into him if he deserves it!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:35 p.m. CST

    The Guardians of Gahurl

    by FeralAngel

    Now I like owls - real owls. They're my favorite bird. But those Gahoolies make me want to Gahurl. Couldn't pay me to see this pile of owl pellets. Bite my whiny feathered ass!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Disco _Sucks,

    by rabidfnark

    Oh, I don't think Miller is god or anything. Yeah, the man has had his fair share stinkers and sure most of his true hits are in the past but Mr. Roberts up there dismissed everything the man has ever done with the line, "Frank Miller’s nonexistent storytelling abilities." He never said 'recently' or singled out which piece of crap he was referring to (300, I would guess, cause Snyder made it, but I liked that one). So sure Robocop 3 sucked (although, somehow I doubt Frank Miller is the only one to blame). But your logic baffles me: a person who has written truly great things deserves to be dismissed completely because of other things he did that weren't that great. How do the not-so-great things manage to drag down the great stuff? How does the Spirit (or Robocop 3, or ASSBAR(heh heh)) make Batman: Year One (or Ronin, or TDK) less awesome

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:44 p.m. CST

    DKR, not TDK.

    by rabidfnark

    Sorry, freudian slip. We had been talking movies, so that's where my mind went.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Plant!

    by WerePlatypus

    Wait, I should read the review first. . .

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Oh.

    by WerePlatypus

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 7:59 p.m. CST

    really?

    by jameskpolk

    We're trashing the guy who thought the talking, beweaponed owls movie was a bad idea? We really think this movie is defensible and that the fat guy is somehow diminished by his lack of patience with it? OK. memo received.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Great review

    by MC-909

    Has AICN found its new Vern? Or better yet, has AICN finally found an actual voice as opposed to the run-of-the-mill crap reviews they usually throw up? <p> I've never understood why people think Capone's and Quint's reviews are worth a damn. There is nothing to them. No insight. No humor. Nothing. It's just guys saying things about movies. Beaks is the same way. Moriarty was the same way. Massawyrm isn't too bad but Herc...Jesus, Herc is just a moron. Sorry guys, I love coming to the site but it sure ain't for your thoughts on movies. It's for the TBs and the TBs alone. <p> That said, I think Fatboy definitely deserves a spot on the payroll.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Personally, D o o d,

    by rabidfnark

    I like my owls better in supporting roles (The Secret of NIMH, Clash of the Titans (original)). Maybe that makes me speciesist... I don't know. This sounds a bit too much like an Owl Overdose to me. So unless I get begged to go by a young cousin (unlikely, they're mostly still at the age where a lot of this would scare the shit out of them), I'll pass this one by. But yeah, we'll have to cast our collective glances back his way for Sucker Punch... See how he does on his out on own (so to speak).

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Okay, my last sentence there...

    by rabidfnark

    I give up. I'll be writing my posts out and mailing them to the site from now on. Damn!

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 8:44 p.m. CST

    30 Seconds to Mars in Trailer = Pretentious Crap

    by MST3KPIMP

  • That line made me laugh

  • did that get it?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 9:12 p.m. CST

    uter

    by ldm882

    There we go

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 9:23 p.m. CST

    Speaking of NIMH, are they still doing that remake?

    by Nasty In The Pasty

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:01 p.m. CST

    Saw this last night. This Fat Fuck doesn't know dick.

    by SON_OF_THE_CHOPPAH

    Warrior owls......what more can you want?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:02 p.m. CST

    And Frank Miller is THE comics writer of our time.

    by SON_OF_THE_CHOPPAH

    It's indisputable

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Guardians of Great Googly-Moogly.

    by Dingbatty

    Now, is Peter David going to take Fatfuck to task because his young daughter liked the movie? ;-)

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:08 p.m. CST

    Would rather see Mouseguard, Mice Templar

    by Dingbatty

    or Redwall. Medieval-fantasy mice...strange subgenre inspired by Beast FAbles/Reynard the Fox/Disney's Robin Hood + Bluth's unfaithful take on Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, but it works. Perhaps rodents work in this setting because of the plague association?

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:33 p.m. CST

    I'll second that MouseGuard suggestion.

    by rabidfnark

    Good stuff that.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:34 p.m. CST

    Cool

    by Cobbio

    I'll be taking my nephews to see this on Saturday. But until this review, I didn't realize "Guardians of Ga'Hoole" was directed by Snyder. Now I'm really interested.<p> I like his style.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:51 p.m. CST

    I dunno Fatboy...

    by D.Vader

    Your ridicule of Snyder's use of an Owl City song about owls seems like a bunch of bullshit considering Disney made a shit-ton of movies that featured songs in which the characters sung about exactly what they were doing onscreen. <p> To criticize Snyder for doing the same just seems like a bullshit reason to slam the film, the director, and a poor attempt to be funny rather than insightful.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:53 p.m. CST

    Is it just me, or does this film look ridiculous?

    by KhocolateMoose

    This film looks like a colossal waste of time and money. But I could be wrong; I'm willing to give anything a chance. It's just this chance may be a matinee. Feel free to join the conversation about action films at http://khocolatemoose.wordpress.com/ We'd love to hear from ya often. KM

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 10:55 p.m. CST

    here’s only so much expression an owl can give.

    by Dreamfasting

    That was an unexpected line to see in a review given how the owls in the trailer seemed wildly expressive to my eye.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 11:29 p.m. CST

    AWESOME review

    by drturing

    I didn't know Zack Snyder's legion of Frazetta masturbating, iron pumping fanboys were so eager to defend captain slomo the chief architect of filmed Hot Topic round here, but this review was amazing. The Owl City line especially. Fuck em Fatboy keep em coming.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 11:38 p.m. CST

    This is a wise ass rant, not a review.

    by OutlawsDelejos

    I stopped reading when it completely deviated from the movie and started to read like a fucking audition for last comic standing.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 11:43 p.m. CST

    "THE OWLS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM."

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    'Nuff said.

  • Sept. 21, 2010, 11:46 p.m. CST

    THEY'RE... EAGLES IN DISGUISE!

    by D.Vader

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:14 a.m. CST

    Sadly, Fatboy is the voice of a new generation.

    by TheLastCleric

    That cynical, mealy-mouthed, hyper-critical, self-absorbed generation that produces jack shit yet verbosely rambles on about those who do create and somewhere along the way found the temerity to try and channel that seething contempt for everything into some sort of half assed ideology fused with pseudo-intellectualism, with just a dash of hubris. (Okay, make that a heaping pile of hubris) I am so fucking sick of the internet and the little cunt mites who troll its depths looking for whatever nastiness they can dish out to make themselves feel bigger in a world that is indifferent to their existence. It’s one thing to blast Uwe Boll for making sludge but Snyder, love his work or loathe it, is doing his thing with as much artistic integrity as he can muster. Even if you dislike his films they have many notable attributes and a firmly entrenched style yet somebody like Fatfuck, in an effort to sound both smart and funny, spends his time forgetting to adopt some humility and instead drones on about a film that looks, at worst, like an inoffensive good time for the kids. Yet this man-child, with his witty comments and his thesaurus-infused vernacular, insults not only Snyder but Miller, no doubt because in doing so it lessens, if only for a moment, the banality of his own life and makes him feel that if he were to get up off his lazy ass and actually create something it would be good, though he’s ultimately too smart and talented to “play the game”. So instead he writes protracted reviews for a third rate spoiler site. Way to make mom proud, asswipe.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:43 a.m. CST

    Add me to the list that is tired of this type of review...

    by Imagikafan

    Let's hope that's the last we review from Fatboy.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:45 a.m. CST

    or hear for that matter...

    by Imagikafan

    It would help if I read my own posts. :)

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:52 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller's storytelling

    by MARCEL_THE_NEGRO_PROJECTIONIST

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:57 a.m. CST

    Frank Miller's storytelling

    by MARCEL_THE_NEGRO_PROJECTIONIST

    I agree with Rabid -- take a look at Dark Knight Returns or, better yet, his seminal, early run on Daredevil in the early 80s. Miller virtually defined the darker, adult movement in comicbooks that everyone attributes to DKR and Watchmen. I'd say the forerunner to this maturation of the comics medium was really his work on DD. Wonderful storytelling set in a fluid, visual, crime noir milieu. Great fucking storytelling.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 1:36 a.m. CST

    Another 'review'...

    by WavingFlagsInSpace

    ...from the world of snark.<p>Surely this film is aimed squarely at a certain audience - children - and so, for a film like this, I'd rather read the opinions of my godson than a post-ironic movie hipster.<p>My godson would be less interested in promoting his pop cultural credentials and more into offering an honest, qualitative judgement.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 2:26 a.m. CST

    I wish. People would stop. Writing sentence.

    by Dingbatty

    Fragments. That end. In periods. It's not cute.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 2:46 a.m. CST

    Just happy

    by Brewtix

    we have yet another big-budget original film. As fattie mentions, Snyder takes risks with his choice in movies. I'm glad he does. I wish more directors did. I'm in.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 2:55 a.m. CST

    This. Looks. Really, REally, really, really. Stupid

    by CAPTAIN_AMERICAS_COCK_SHAPED_HELMET

    and Retarded. and gay. and it baffles my mind.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 3:01 a.m. CST

    Yeah, owls are just stupid

    by v3rlon

    Becasue no one, and I mean NO ONE went to see Watership Down (Rabbits), Finding Nemo (Fish), Cars (vehicles, and not all cars, how lame), Monsters, inc (random shapes), Toy Story (toys), Bambi (deer and forest creatures). Everyone knows you just CAN'T make a movie for children with animals as the central characters. All Dogs Go to Heaven tanked, as did Lady and the Tramp, Aristocats, and 101 Dalmationsm too. Given that these have collectively made enough money to bail out the US Economy, why in the world would a studio even give owls a second look? I would much rather watch a movie like this than take the word of someone stupid enough to decide that he hated a movie without seeing it, hated the very concept the movie was built on, and then let his dumb ass got to see it anyway. When I go to see Transformers, I accept that for whatever reason that ultra advanced robots turn into hot sports cars and duke it out for our little planet. When I see Superman, I accept that for whatever reason, an alian that looks exactly human has godlike powers on earth and doesn't let it go to his head. When I see Legend of the Guardians, I will have to accept (without complain), that owls don roman inspired armor and scrap it out. If you can't accept the premise of a movie, don't see it.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 3:22 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the support, Marcel.

    by rabidfnark

    I don't understand AT ALL why this guy would call Miller's storytelling ability into question in a review about Zack Snyder's 'warrior owl' movie. If Bobby Roberts doesn't like 300 (or Miller in general), that's fine. He's more than entitled to his opinion... but to drag Miller's entire portfolio into the mud with an offhand remark that has nothing to do with the actual review... then that's just... damn. It ain't right. Like you said, the man helped revolutionize comics and the way we think about them. Anyway, it's time I got some sleep. So, thanks to everyone for one hell of a debate. Oh, and, Dingbatty, I apologize if I fragmented on ya (it was completely unintentional). 'Night!

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 3:48 a.m. CST

    Actually, Dingbatty, come to think of it,...

    by rabidfnark

    The fragmenting WAS intentional but it happened so much earlier that I just forgot. I thought it would add emphasis but I understand where you're coming from (a standpoint commenting on grammar and cliche, I'm guessing). I'll try to avoid it in the future. However, I'm a shitty typist so chances are I'll frag again accidentally (hopefully you won't hold that against me). Good night again.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:47 a.m. CST

    I was directing my ire at the review,

    by Dingbatty

    Who did the full stop thing for emphasis. No irritation directed at you. ;-)

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Rabidfnark

    by Disco_sucks

    Considering it was in the context of a film, rather than comics review, the comment about Miller's storytelling skills can be seen as being fairer (it's quite evident that Sin City, his only real onscreen success, has more in common with Rodriguez's other films than Miller's). As for his past work, I just don't subscribe to the idea of a lifetime pass. With the rare exception, once someone's lost it they've lost it. Miller, in my opinion has lost whatever ability he once had to tell a story of any kind of depth which is why he's had to fall back on familiar tropes and characters more and more over the last few years. I mean, the guy's still pissd he couldn't publish a story where Batman hunts down Osama Bin Laden.<p>Also, Snyder's an efficient stylist but nothing more. Just watching the trailer, this has turkey written all over it and I think a big factor in that is that he doesn't have an established visual source to take from.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 6:21 a.m. CST

    I'll wait for more positive reviews...

    by DiscoGodfather

    ...then rock this mother out in TRUE IMAX (none of that AMC multiplex LIE-MAX garbage). If only for more Potter and Tron trailers.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 7:23 a.m. CST

    This movie looks painful.

    by rbatty024

    Of course, I've hated Snyder ever since he tricked me into seeing 300, or as I liked to call it, the most overrated piece of shit ever put to screen. I also don't understand why everyone praises his visual style. He's never done anything that I haven't seen before in a dozen other music videos.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 8:17 a.m. CST

    creepy ugly and weird creatures run around

    by ForgetfulPete

    it's WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE all over again. THE KIDS WILL LOVE IT! remember how much they loved WTWTA? yeah. I can't wait to see this one met with total abandonment and hopefully it will mean ZS won't get to make any more movies ever again period. this is a looming disaster right down to the rock music in the trailer near guaranteeing no adult or child will want to go.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Other reviews have started to appear...

    by AndoSoundsLikeAMong

    And it doesn't look like it is going to get universally panned. Nowhere will be showing it subbed near me and I don't feel like turning out for the Japanese dub, however - which I did with Toy Story 3, and actually didn't regret it, although still looking forward to hearing the oroginal voices. With this, I think I'll wait... Damn, 3D is killing subbed showings of stuff...

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Brilliant Review

    by Sirmausalot

    Thank you for this awesome, funny review. Everything I suspected fromt he trailer, alas, seems to be true. The critic has done me a huge service and saved me from doling out over thirty bucks for my son and me to see this piece of crap. We can stay home and watch Castle in the Sky again. So don't shoot the messenger. He's done his job with wit and aplomb. Please review more on this site!

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Dingbatty my sentence fragment was parody

    by D.Vader

    Of Harry. Also.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Funniest review on the site in a while

    by henrydalton

    I really don't like Snyder's films (the Dawn of the Dead remake is probably his least painful - I'd say Watchmen if it was an original film but he totally missed the point of the source material). Even the trailer for that owl shit had me laughing in the cinema - this review fucking nailed it.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:27 a.m. CST

    I think Snyder directed this one over the phone.

    by knowthyself

    Miles away from where it was being made.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:44 a.m. CST

    @ Last Cleric

    by jazzgalaxy

    Wow, irony escapes you huh? I think this review is hilarious and the movie looks like crap. Let's not forget that part of the "pedigree" is "from the studio that brought you Happy Feet..." That movie is terrible. FACT.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Hate Much?

    by Gumbo1

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:49 a.m. CST

    last cleric...

    by t_kwilly

    sorry if this has been noted, my updates are a bit slow. is there anything not funny about using the phrase "thesaurus-infused vernacular" as an insult? no, there is not.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Maybe

    by Big_Daddy_Nero

    Maybe people who have no soul should not be reviewing kid's movies. Seriously, your review is all cool and stuff, and it's clear you are too cool for school man, but in all honesty, your review is more of a review of your own uber-coolness than of the actual movie itself. Which is fine, except usually this just means that reviewers who do that kind of thing do so out of an angry reaction because the movie went over their heads, or they just didn't 'get it, or it just failed to connect with the warm-fuzzy part of their non-existent hearts. So, ok, but I will still be taking my son to see it, and we will probably enjoy it. Maybe some day I will see a review of this movie that reflects that aspect, instead of trying to convince me I am foolish if I don't agree with the reviewer. Bleah whatever.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 11:13 a.m. CST

    nero and others...

    by t_kwilly

    I'm with you on the lack of warm-fuzzy. Still, I don't think Fats is actually "too cool" for anyone. I have a non-opinion about Snyder, but his opening comments (barring the Frank Miller shot) were valid in a vague and interesting sense. He has taken on a series of bad ideas/great properties. He has tried to attach a signature style. I think Fatty recognized that. Plus, there was no plot under 300, so that was a valid shot at Miller. Sometimes a man has to wallow in his own self-love of style.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 11:41 a.m. CST

    You'd think owls wielding talon swords and helmets

    by Novaman5000

    Would be right up this groups alley. They slit each others throats, people! Come on. Amazing how every time Hollywood releases a cute cuddly talking animal movie everyone here bitches, but now that they've created a pretty badass one, you're still complaining.<p> Wait, that's not amazing, that's typical. Carry on.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Snyder is not above criticism, but

    by Novaman5000

    Just because you criticize something, doesn't make you "hilarious" either. <p> There's a fine line between being legitimately funny while criticizing, and criticizing in an attempt to be funny.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 11:59 a.m. CST

    I bet this dude Thinks god is real

    by Spacezilla

    yet talking Owls in a fantasy movie is ridiculous.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 12:29 p.m. CST

    PLANT!

    by Galactic

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 1:38 p.m. CST

    @Novaman5000

    by Dingbatty

    I hear ya, but they thing that is turning me off is the uncanny valley creep factor, and the overly earnest voice acting from the trailer. If this were stylized 2D, I'd be all over it. If they ever did something like Mice Templar, I'd want to see Oeming's style up on the screen, for example. Or, imagine if they decided to make a CG/3D or live action Samurai Jack for the big screen. It's not an improvement.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Lifetime passes and Miller's work in film.

    by rabidfnark

    I get it, Disco_Sucks, hell, I even agree to a certain extent. And just for the record, my problem was never with YOU (and I apologize if it seemed that was the case. I do recall saying "your logic" at one point, when my aggravation was really aimed at the reviewer... Sorry about that). Now, assuming I understand you correctly, you're saying that since the criticism took place in a film review, the comment must have had more to do with Miller's film career, than his work on Batman over 20 years ago. Fair enough. MY problem was that even in a MOVIE review the statement about Miller's storytelling ability still sounds pretty all inclusive. If The reviewer was just talking about Miller's work in film, then let him say that, because I obviously didn't get the same implication you did (but if that's actually TRUE, then Mr. Roberts has a point). Now, that having been said, I think Miller's past greats should always be respected as turning points in the genre, but there's no denying he's lost something (an edge, his mind... Who really knows?). I doubt we'll ever really and truly see eye to eye on this. But what the hell... I can agree to disagree if you can.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Setting aside the rest of the review...

    by Grandpa Bunche

    When Fatboy refers to Miller's non-existent storytelling talents, was he making a blanket statement about the man's entire career or specifically his Hollywood output? Miller's comics work speaks for itself — up to a point; he lost me after the first few Sin City arcs — and still holds up over two decades after the fact, so if that's what Fatboy's referring to, he's got his head lodged right up his ass. If he's talking about Miller's movies, I have to agree with him. Clarification is needed.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Zack The Hack Snyder

    by AsimovLives

    Another hack that AICN fell inlove with, much to great puzzlement and scratching of heads. Sometimes, i really don't get the AICN people. Why does AICN keeps on falling in love with the hacks, of all people?

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Stalkeye

    by AsimovLives

    Can you make a car? Can you build a house? Then how dare you criticize any of those! The "if you can't make a mvoie then you can't criticise" thing has been exposed as a fallacy a long time ago. Sorry, friend. You know what give us the right to criticise? If you bought it. If you bought a movie ticket, you have every right in this world to criticise a movie. Every right. Consumers' rights, man.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 3:51 p.m. CST

    I'm hoping this film is Zack Snyder's Waterloo

    by rbatty024

    If this owl film bombs then I won't have to see his stupid face pop up on movie site anymore. From The Day of the Dead to The Watchmen, Snyder is a director who has constantly failed upwards. He keeps on getting gigs even as he turns out complete crap.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Re: the Miller Crack (again)

    by Fatboy Roberts

    I clarified in the earlier comment I made, "Hey Guys," - I was speaking about 300 specifically. That book is clearly the demarcation point, for me, regarding his abilities as a storyteller, and almost everything that followed 300 was increasing levels of confused garbage, up until The Spirit, his absolute nadir. That Snyder made something compelling out of 300 is a big plus in his favor. Reading this as a hitpiece against Snyder's entire filmography doesn't make any sense- you'd have to ignore the praise for his earlier movies and his successful risk-taking right there in the review. Also, RE: Cleric's comment - It sounds like he's choking on my personal thesaurus while trying to knock the porkchop off my plate. :) Arguing for humility and elevated discourse in a talkback while projecting "cunt-mites" from your fingers during an impassioned argument against online cynicism seems to be a counterproductive measure at best.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:22 p.m. CST

    Hack?! Oh STFU. When Snyder makes something as bad...

    by Spacezilla

    as Terminator 4, or X-Men Origins: Wolverine then by all means, flame away you fruity fucking motherfuckers. Hack is Ratner, Boll, McG. Compared to any of these "Hacks" Snyder's movies are like fucking Jaws and shit. <P> Snyder is also miles more talented then Mike Bay, and makes movies far better then anything the Modern Age Spielberg seems capable of making. In my book, Snyder hasn't made one bad movie. When y'er high as shit 300 is fucking trippy. His Dawn of the Dead was the best Zombie movie in a long time with some classic moments, and Watchmen was far better then it had any right to be, and far better then what haters deserved.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:34 p.m. CST

    I haven't seen Wolverine, but...

    by rbatty024

    I would put 300 below Terminator 4. Don't get me wrong, T4 is a terrible, terrible movie, but 300 is still worse. The makeup on the crippled Spartan alone, is more laughably bad than anything in T4 (but again, both are terrible movies).

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:40 p.m. CST

    This review isn't worth two pellets!

    by SympatheticDevil

    Would you give any credence to someone who reviewed Jackson's The Lord of the Rings if he was completely ignorant of Tolkien? Why then do you presume to review this film when you are so obviously ignorant of Lasky's epic? By Glox, I suspect you are a seagull or some other variety of wet pooper!

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Spacezilla

    by AsimovLives

    Zack The Hack Snyder already made 300, and for that alone he fully gained his lifetime membership into the Hack Pack. WATCHMEN, or rather, the botchered job he made in that movie that is Watchmen In Name Only only confirmed it. And the trailer of this new movie of his is full of retard. Zack The Hack indeed.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 4:57 p.m. CST

    rbatty024

    by AsimovLives

    Many other hacks besides Zack The Hack Snyder deserve their waterloos too. Michellete Bay, Jar Jar Abrams, McGonalds, Brett The Rat Ratner, John No More Moore, Paul WC Anderson, even fucking Robert How The Mighty Have Fallen Zemeckis. All of those should had massive Waterloo massacres and then disappear from the face of world cinema forever. And good fucking ridence to those fools.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 5:21 p.m. CST

    OMG ORGASMSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! BEST TRAILER NOW ONLINE!!!!!

    by DioxholsterReturns

    http://youtu.be/9NbBcLf1-jA?hd =1

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 5:53 p.m. CST

    AsimovLives. I completely Disagree with you.

    by Spacezilla

    I was one of those that thought making a Watchmen movie was a bad idea. That there was no way to do it and do it justice. The movie surprised me. I like it. I like it better then the book. I like the ending better. The movie has balls. It even did the animated Black Freighter and all things considered it is far better then what I could ever have imagined a Watchmen being. <p> People claiming to be fans of Watchmen but hating on the movie is really just cheap. Same goes for 300. You don't like the style fine. Whatever. But don't act like because you don't like it it sucks. I truly enjoy the shit out of it. Its fucking batshit nuts like the book that inspired it. It looks great and Leonidas is fucking cool as hell. It being a tall tale is just fucking cool. It is infinitely more rewatchable then Sin City is for me. Sorry you don't like it. I am just not sure where this hostility towards Snyder is coming from when he clearly has talent. Not sure why you don't see that. You think any number of the real hacks could make one of Snyder's movies better or even have the audacity to make this Legend movie, or the ability?

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 6:04 p.m. CST

    AsimovLives

    by rbatty024

    I can (mostly) get behind that list. Although, sometimes I think that Robert Zemeckis merely needs a swift kick to the head to turn him around.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 6:13 p.m. CST

    Stupid Review

    by Fleet

    ...I love it when jaded, cynical "grown-ups" review movies aimed at children...

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 6:35 p.m. CST

    If a Fatboy backtracks...

    by claytron5000

    ...is it called "fatbacking" or "backfatting?" He's the perfect fit for this site; false bravado wrapped in personal frustration. Ahhhh... did a quick google. Radio personality. This all makes sense now.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 7:54 p.m. CST

    Dingbatty,

    by Novaman5000

    I totally get the uncanny valley thing but I didn't really feel it in this film. I think a huge tell with UVT is the dead eyes, and the eyes of these owls are pretty expressive and alive-seeming, so it makes the whole thing much easier to swallow. The animation may actually be its strongest point, in my opinion.<p> One thing about the style, which I mentioned before, it's very reminiscent of THE SECRET OF NIMH in the sense that the characters have a slightly stylized look- the bad owls have feathers sticking out in patches and exaggerated manes like the great owl, others are frazzled looking like Jeremy the crow. It's hard to explain, but it felt very much like the darker parts of NIMH in more than one occasion for me.

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Ah, thank you for the clarification, Mr. Roberts.

    by rabidfnark

    I'm sorry I missed your earlier post. Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you weren't going after the whole of Miller's work. Whatever aggravation I might have felt toward you is now, in effect, erased. Thanks again for gettin' your feet dirty with the rest of us just to clear that up. By the way, I don't want to call you 'Fatboy' (I've heard it used cruelly for too many years for it to ring right in my ears), and Bobby seems a bit informal (given your reviewer status you outrank this mere talkbacker)... So that's why I've been going with Mr. Roberts (in case you were curious).

  • Sept. 22, 2010, 9:57 p.m. CST

    Fatboy is a biased Assclown

    by chainsaw_shawn

    first of all zack synder is no hack. He has brought us masterpieces. forthe films he has made they look exactly like their comic book origins. Secondly he is a fanboy of anything he makes thats why the detail in those movies worked. I mean who didnt notice in 300 the final scene when leonidas was standing with the shield bubble in the back wtf ripped straight from the pages. You fatboy are biased not only to discredit synder but to even discredit frank miller who created sin city, the dakr knight returns and wrote and created the original 300 comic. Did you even sit and watch the movie? cinematically it's very beautiful and great attention is paid to detail. I mean did you even read the source material? The trailer got me interested and im a grown man for crying out loud. I'll wait for the blu-ray. then we'll see if i agree with your review or not.

  • Sept. 23, 2010, 6:37 a.m. CST

    I actually learned what an echidna is

    by Inexplicable_Nuclear_Balls

    Had to google it. Turns out they eat cunt mites.<p> AICN - always an educational experience.

  • Sept. 23, 2010, 8:09 a.m. CST

    is this guy's name Robert Roberts?

    by listo65

    just wondering

  • Sept. 23, 2010, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Belasco_House

    by listo65

    i'm with u... epic war snail movie!!!!

  • Sept. 23, 2010, 8:53 a.m. CST

    asimovlives is a fucking hack

    by riggs_and_murtaghs_love_child

    I have lurked these TB's for a while, I post rarely but omfg asimov you fucking assclown. Do you spend your time coming up with clever "names" for the directors you hate? You realize what an immature asshole you come across as by doing that don't you? Of course you don't, your gonna say its justified. Get a life douche bag. Contribute something to the world other than trek bashing and inventing "kewl" nicknames for directors.<P>FOr the record, I am not a fan of any of those guys save for zemeckis, my point is not about them, its about the dick who nicknames them so cleverly. Get a life.

  • Sept. 23, 2010, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Fatboy, thanks for the clarification.

    by Grandpa Bunche

    I missed the post where you made things clear. And I'm with you on 300. I didn't like the graphic novel in the first place and I remember thinking Miller was done when I read it. That broke my heart because I had been on board from his days on Daredevil, and the decline in quality was just staggering. I hated the movie even more and I simply don't understand why the film struck such a chord with so many people, especially guys. If you want to see that same story told with more emphasis on story rather than visual gimmickry, check out THE 300 SPARTANS (1962).