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Angry Charlie takes the bullet to warn you about VAMPIRES SUCK

Hey folks, Harry here... Not surprisingly VAMPIRES SUCK didn't have a press screening... and oddly enough, after watching some of the spots, rather than rush out, I decided that I'd wait until the inevitable DVD assaults me in the sanctity of my humble abode. But for now - I figure many of you probably think that TWILIGHT is just dying to be made fun of in some crazy way. But TWILIGHT is kind of its own parody and satire. You can giggle and laugh and completely make fun of it all on your own - and do you really need a VAMPIRES SUCK? Well Angry Charlie endeavored to answer that question for us. So dear reader, care to guess his verdict?

Hey Harry, First off, I sent this message in the quick response form before I realized I could send it to you directly. So, sorry if this pops up twice, I ain't spam - I SWEAR! :-P Anyways, I was checking out the site today (as I always do) and noticed you have posted a review for Vampires Suck yet. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think people should see this movie. I don't think anybody should accidentally walk into it, even! So, seeing as I don't want anybody to ever support this movie nor make any more money, I did a review for the film for my blog: My Site I also posted the review below this for your enjoyment. Whether you share this or not isn't really important, but I would at least like you to make sure people don't see this vile waste of time. People need to know Hollywood goes where the money is and if this POS don't make no money, they won't make anymore. Spread the word, good sir and keep on doing what you're doing. You're a hero and an inspiration to millions. Word. Angry Charlie VAMPIRES SUCK REVIEW To suck, or not to suck, that is Edward’s question. Unfortunately for him and the rest of the cast of Vampire’s Suck, the answer is… to suck. Where the hell do these movies keep on coming from?! Oh, I know - from the team of “I can’t believe they’re still giving us money!” idiots that brought you 2008’s POS mess of awfulness Disaster Movie (which still has a 0% rating under Top Critics at Rotten Tomatoes, btw). Attention all movie studios: PLEASE STOP GIVING WRITER/DIRECTORS JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER MONEY!!! In fact, they actually lost money with Disaster Movie. These guys have been riding the ‘people will watch anything’ train since they started with Scary Movie (2000). I actually liked Scary Movie - a lot. But its success is perhaps the one to blame for this onslaught of crappy parody movies - the first downer being Date Movie (2006) which failed to be quite as funny. Now four years later we’re still dealing with this junk. After Disaster Movie (and yes I am aware of the ironic title) I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that would be the end. After all, when a movie genre loses money and actually starts to be hated rather than just “disliked”, what studio says “We need to make more of these!”? Like, really?! I like to think this is Friedberg’s and Seltzer’s last shot. That they went into the studio offices and said “Okay, look, I know we screwed up, but vampire movies are hot right now and we need to create some social commentary on them “. Then the execs hummed and hawed and finally gave in – after all, these guys did bring them money-making movies before. Surely they won’t mess up again. Both thankfully and unthankfully, they did. Unthankfully because this was a wasted 77 minutes I’ll never get back, and thankfully because surely the studio that brought us Fight Club (1999) will learn their lesson and never let these guys back onto studio property or near a camera again. From this little rant o’ mine surely you can figure out I really didn’t like this movie at all. Any little laughs or giggles came from inside jokes or guilty pleasures like potty humour. Past the first half hour though it started to get a little tedious and by the end I was just plain annoyed. The jokes are obvious and unimaginative. At one point in the film Edward (Matt Lanter) tells Becca (Jenn Proske) that he is a vampire and she can guess what he needs to eat in order to live. At that point she holds up a box of f***ing Count Chocula cereal. Seriously?! Why oh why can’t these guys learn that a good parody film is something like Shaun of the Dead (2004). It’s still funny because (gasp) it has original jokes, but does a beautiful play on the zombie movie genre. Even SNL’s parody skit Firelight is a better spoof of Twilight. Hell, the Twilight movies are a better spoof of themselves. Vampires Suck sucks. Period. Closed door all the way. In fact, I’m putting about twelve deadbolts on this closed door in case you get curious and bored one afternoon. I don’t care if you are stuck in a room for 76 minutes with a copy of this movie and the dictionary. Pick up the dictionary, and when you’re done reading through letters A and B, use the damn thing to smash this film to pieces – even though it does just a fine job of destroying itself.
Readers Talkback
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  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Alpha

    by alan_poon

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:17 p.m. CST

    People keep going to these movies

    by bat fastard

    They will keep making em.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:18 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah

    by bat fastard

    I also hope this is their last shot, but I somehow doubt it.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Attention all movie studios: PLEASE STOP GIVING WRITER/DIRECTORS

    by torontoxic

    This can not be said enough.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:23 p.m. CST

    f'in cut it off

    by torontoxic

    Attention all movie studios: PLEASE STOP GIVING WRITER/DIRECTORS JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER MONEY!!! <P> Attention all movie studios: PLEASE STOP GIVING WRITER/DIRECTORS JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER MONEY!!! <P> Attention all movie studios: PLEASE STOP GIVING WRITER/DIRECTORS JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER MONEY!!! <P> There.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:24 p.m. CST

    OH look..a link to a site where a guy actually reviews movies

    by Neck_Lucas

    thanks for that Harry..I'll go there from now on

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:25 p.m. CST

    Yeah the guys behind these should just move onto Porn

    by Neck_Lucas

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:25 p.m. CST

    I like that review

    by Lemure_v2

    Harry, hire him!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:27 p.m. CST

    Why....

    by LethargicJ

    Vampires Suck is the #2 movie this weekend behind The Expendables. It will have made a profit in only 5 days. Why would they stop making them when people keep going to them?

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:30 p.m. CST

    I feel like Thomas Jane did at the end of Frank Darabont's the M

    by gruemanlives

    after finding out this movie is probably going to make money this weekend.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:31 p.m. CST

    I feel like Thomas Jane did at the end of Frank Darabont's The M

    by gruemanlives

    after finding out this movie is probably going to make money this weekend.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:34 p.m. CST

    Batman XXX is a better parody movie than this

    by centilope

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Those little fat emo shits who've made Twilight popular...

    by HarryKnowlesNonExistentInceptionReview

    ...have now spilled over to make this piece of shit the #2 (how apt) movie of the weekend! It's time to start picking off these little shits like rats in a junkyard.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:42 p.m. CST

    This is the RP LOCKE of movies

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Bitter, twisted and empty. And best avoided unless you want to feel angry at the world for letting it exist.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:45 p.m. CST

    These movies are so lazy.....

    by Bright_Boy

    But then, so is your average movie-goer. It pains me to say it but these types of movies aren't going anywhere soon.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:48 p.m. CST

    THE MOVIE GOT MADE BECAUSE THE GUYS BLEW ROTHMAN!!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:50 p.m. CST

    ANY DIRECTOR WHO SUCKS TOM ROTHMAN GETS $40 MILLION!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:50 p.m. CST

    People won't take a chance on Pilgrim

    by Bright_Boy

    And this movie will make its money back 10 times. I'd rather watch my only child's life slowly ebb away than sit through 5 minutes of this steaming pile of cinematic smegma.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Relax...

    by Lemure_v2

    In a years time these "glittery-vampire" stories will be forgotten and the kids will have moved on to something new.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Friedberg & Seltzer gave Rothman ANAL & he made their movie!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 6:55 p.m. CST

    Rothman makes Ratner's movies because he loves his blowjobs!!!

    by JonChambers

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:01 p.m. CST

    What a shit weekend for movies

    by RPLocke

    Eli Roth, and this painful idiot.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Lemure_v2, that's true...

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    But unfortunately these two fuckwits will still be around 'parodying' the new thing that the kids have moved onto. <p> These guys are fucking parasites and should be surgically removed from the film industry with a high powered sniper rifle.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:07 p.m. CST

    Finally!

    by PULL_SMASH

    I couldnt have given a shit if Harry had NEVER posted an Inception review...and I mean that sincerely...but I was totally going to lose it if I didnt get a review for this. I just wish it had been from Massa or Capone, but HOPEFULLY well get their two cents sometime soon. I demand more reviews for Vampires Suck!!!!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:12 p.m. CST

    yer mama...

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    When you get a bit older, like maybe 12 or so, you'll look back and realize that you're wrong.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:21 p.m. CST

    You just said Vampires Suck isn't as good as Disaster Movie

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    So where's Disaster Movie on your top 5 huh?

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:24 p.m. CST

    YER MAMA

    by gruemanlives

    Is obviously trolling. Don't get riled up by him. No one would ever even put those movies in their top infinity list.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:27 p.m. CST

    The Other Guys...

    by PULL_SMASH

    is by no means a great movie, but it is most certainly funnier than this turd. I watched Airplane! this week and it really saddens me that it seems the art of making a great spoof movie seems long forgotten. Oh and yer mama Old Dogs was TERRIBLE and it was actually a little depressing seeing Robin Williams at such a low point...tho I guess hes been there for awhile now. Ill admit to liking Bubble Boy (so sue me) but def wouldnt place it anywhere near the Holy Grail

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Ehh..

    by PULL_SMASH

    I think Holy Grail might crack my top 5, but youre right grueman the rest dont even make my top 50...or in the case of Old Dogs, the list at all

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:30 p.m. CST

    Why would anyone need a review of this?

    by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_Loggia

    Seltzer and Friedberg movies are all crap. The only people laughing at this shit are Seltzer and Friedberg because they know they're making rubbish and they know stupid Americans will keep paying to see it. Fuck these two assholes. Fuck them in the ass with the rotting corpse that is "spoof" comedy. There hasn't been a funny Zucker-style flick in nearly two decades, and these two sycophants definitely aren't the ones who'll revive the genre.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Wasn't Old Dogs so bad it blackballed Wild Hogs 2?

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    Apparently, just the mere fact that it starred four actors and one of them was John Travolta was enough to make the studio pull the plug on the planned Wild Hogs sequel. It was probably for the best though.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:36 p.m. CST

    These movies are paying ANGRY CHARLIE'S grocery bill.

    by Tigger Tales

    So by all means, keep producing them.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:38 p.m. CST

    I dont really make a habit of ranking films...

    by PULL_SMASH

    but since yall got me thinking about it I would include (in no particular order) Caddyshack, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Anchorman, Airplane!, and Black Dynaimite very high up on my list of favorite comedies. IMHO of course.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:45 p.m. CST

    KevinCostnersRecycledPiss

    by PULL_SMASH

    If what you say is true, then I guess some good did come from that fucking travesty of a movie. Wild Hogs was bad...Old Dogs was a cinematic abortion. The better question is WHY am I seeing these shit movies...bc Im a lazy lazy man and the remote is too far away. Awesome name btw!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:55 p.m. CST

    I've been thinking of getting Black Dynamite

    by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS

    It's not available here in the UK so I'd have to get it online... you'd recommend it?

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 7:55 p.m. CST

    and "movies" like this is why hollywood needs to burn to the gro

    by alienindisguise

    it's worthless shit aimed at worthless american morons.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 8:02 p.m. CST

    I didn't make it past the first 5 minutes...

    by LargoJr

    It was that bad. The 'disco-ball for a dick' gag was the overload point on my stupidity deflector.. and I walked out. I saw Expendables while my GF stayed and watched V.S. <p> Talk about a fucking train wreck.. I just couldn't take it. I NEEDED this to be funny, I HATE the whole Twilight genre, but this just sucked ass on a whole new level :(

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 8:05 p.m. CST

    I Most Certainly Would

    by PULL_SMASH

    recommend Black Dynamite! Of course I can only speak for myself, but I laughed the entire movie and I was in tears several times. Ive seen it twice now, and caught alot of funny shit I missed the first time. Check it out, hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Black Dynamite is amazing!

    by andrew coleman

    Yer Mama you are also hilarious. His list of favorite comedies had me cracking up. "1. Beverly Hills Cop 3 2. Bubble Boy..." That shit is hilarious unless you're being for real. If that is case I'm doing to have to take you out back with my shot gun. This movie will do very well. At the theater last night there was a line... Not shitting you a LINE to see this movie. Filled with tween girls. The same girls who see Twilight. See they are going to see this to laugh at themselves. The immature jokes suit them because they are 15 and younger. So don't worry about it so much. It will make some money and then vanish. Hopefully Expendables wins the weekend again!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 9:01 p.m. CST

    WHERE'S ***MASSA'S*** VAMPIRES SUCK REVIEW?!

    by Nasty In The Pasty

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 9:30 p.m. CST

    bubble boy was funny!

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    a pre-sorta famous galifaniks? A pre-brokeback gyllenhal? Hecks yea!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Not only did the entire theater laugh often...

    by worldofwarcraft

    ... but every demographic was represented. I was seated next to four black teen boys on one side and two ladies in ther 60s, honestly. They all had a great time! What's wrong with that? I walked out of Vampire Movie more satisfied than i've been in a while when it comes to my theater experiences. I'm not saying which film is better, just that when I walked out of The Wrestler I wasn't as satisfied as when I walked out of Vampires Suck.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Haha

    by mrbonefish

    Love seeing this funny flick trounce that garbage Pilgrim. That crap is so overrated. Nerd hero flicks deserve to fail.

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 9:57 p.m. CST

    I didn't even know this existed

    by CherryValance

    Until the lady in front of me at the box office asked for a ticket. And she was like older than me. WTF? Is that even allowed? She said "the vampire movie" and I had to look up at the titles to see if there was still a Twilight of some kind and I was all "huh-wha?"

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 10:22 p.m. CST

    yahcc

    by xuebi

    Hello. My friend URL: http://www.Yahcc.us The new update, a large hot FREE sHIPPING WE ACCEPT PYAPAL PAYMENT YOU MUST NOT MISS IT!!! thank you !!!

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 10:29 p.m. CST

    I wouldn't actually mind seeing a Twilight parody

    by BetterCallSaul

    in the rights hands, it would work. Also, the guys behind Vampire Suck make Uwe Boll look like Kubrick

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 11:50 p.m. CST

    at least uwe boll likes movies

    by brabon300

    the guy cant make one for shit, but he is in love with the genre<p>these guys hate everything about the movies and pop culture, and that is why their movies suck<p>go and watch the real parodies made by mel brooks and the airplane people...those guys loved the genre that they are parodying<p>and it is beyond me why they are allowed to continue making this shite

  • Aug. 21, 2010, 11:53 p.m. CST

    worldofwarcraft

    by brabon300

    so now that we are finally coming out of the depression, is the pay for plants improving...cuz i would like to apply<p>tell your bosses that you did fine...right up until you invoked the wrestler

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 12:02 a.m. CST

    a THE WRESTLER parody movie would be ...

    by Tigger Tales

    Uncalled for, for one.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 1:21 a.m. CST

    If you enjoyed this movie

    by Cujo_Fugate

    then you are the source. You are the reason. You make all the bad things possible. You probably also like Sarah Palin. You probably also like MTV and Jersey Shore. You probably also like American Idol and Big Brother. You probably root for Kate Gosselin. You are the black mass of nothingness behind the eventual demise of everything. You are pure emptiness and your disease is enveloping and ubiquitous. While you eat Taco Bell and drool in front of your large LCD television, China and Russia are in the early stages of complete and utter world domination. Environmental disasters beyond the scope of your finite imagination are imminent. The take-over of the US government by corporate America is complete. Water will be the next oil. Your children and your children's children will know horrendous and unrelenting pain and it will ALL be YOUR fault. Goodbye.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 2:31 a.m. CST

    MIDDLE SCHOOL RETARDS

    by Sardonic

    are why these movies still exist.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 4:12 a.m. CST

    Hey watch it, Sardonic!

    by PULL_SMASH

    I was a middle school retard not long ago, and I stopped paying for this shit after Scary Movie 2. Dont lose hope for the future just yet; I teach a group of young uns now and they even said the movie looked stupid. At the same time tho, I think theyd buy tickets to anything just to sneak into The Expendables or any R-rated movie for that matter. Now that I think about it, thats prob half the reason why these shit films still make a profit

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 5:32 a.m. CST

    I just simply don't get these movies...

    by THAT__SAID

    I mean, it's like the same fucking jokes recycled in all their movies anyway, something falls on Paris Hilton/Ironman/Lady Gaga, oh look! It's Batman, Oh look it's Indiana Jones, Oh look it's Kung Fu panda (Or a guy in a $5 costume at least cos if we spent any money on a CGI version we'd never make our money back) <p> I will say one thing for these guys though, they know they're audience... morons. For example, in the trailer for Vampires Suck there's a bit where the girl asks why the dude isn't wearing a shirt, he replies that his contract states he has to go topless ever ten minutes of screentime. Okay, not particularly funny or original but whatever... it's the fact that as he says this he actually holds up his contract and it has 'CONTRACT' written in big fucking letters accross it just to hammer the joke home. Friedberg and Seltzer know that the only people who go see they're movies are moronic mouthbreathers that unless they literally spell out the joke nobody will get it. <p> Still don't believe me? Here's a YouTube review from someone who is probably the dictionary definition of a vapid, celebrity/pop culture obsessed moron and guess what? She loved it. <p> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v45pdYZu6Sk

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 6:58 a.m. CST

    HARRY, you are part of the problem...DO YOU DENY?

    by VaderSabre

    Vampires Suck has a 3% on rottentomatoes and a 21 score at metacritic. These guys continue to make movies, despite consistently negative reviews, because they have an audience. An audience is built by exposure, and by simply acknowledging this film as entertainment worth reviewing, this site adds to the devolution of cinema. What is of value in these Friedberg/Seltzer movies that will resonate? I wonder what your selfish interest is in having this reviewed on your site...

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Why do these guys still have a job?

    by DeweyDecimalConfessional

    This guys need to be stopped! When the name of a movie has the word movie in it thats a red flag that its bad. Its insulting that these guys have a 'career' in the film industry, this is coming from some one that gave up on that dream!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:09 a.m. CST

    SCARY MOVIE WAS NOT MADE BY THESE ASSHOLES

    by Paulseta

    Jesus, is the reviewer that dumb, or ... also, wonderful quality film reviewing standards, AICN. Again.<P> This site fell so far...

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Ummm.....This Wasn't A Review?

    by Crow3711

    I don't even think he mentioned anything that happened in the movie... yes, friedberg and selzter are ass-clowns, but that doesnt mean I should read your thoughts on them for a page. stupid

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 9:03 a.m. CST

    Ummm.....This Wasn't A Review?

    by Crow3711

    I don't even think he mentioned anything that happened in the movie... yes, friedberg and selzter are ass-clowns, but that doesnt mean I should read your thoughts on them for a page. stupid

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 9:12 a.m. CST

    the studio that brought you fight club

    by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World

    god, shut up

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 9:20 a.m. CST

    There's a cute girl I work with

    by kolchak

    who I was considering asking out until she told me she loved "the 41 year old virgin who knocked up Sarah Marshall and felt super bad about it".

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Paulseta

    by The_King_of_AICN

    They were co-writers of Scary Movie, so definitely involved deeply with it. <P> Crow3711, he mentioned a specific joke from the flick in the text, and since the text was so short an uninformative, for you to miss that part is pretty fucking stupid. <P> Finally, yep, I'm in total agreement that only absolute fucking morons could find this movie in any way entertaining....these assholes manage to make Porky's look the height of sophistication in comparison, and yet legions of 'dropped on their head as babies' fucking dipshits continually show up to clap their flippers together and 'arf' at the screen like retarded seals. Fuck them, and fuck anyone who gave them money. There is no defence, you see this film....you're a fucking idiot. Simple. <p> The King has spoken.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 10:33 a.m. CST

    review difficult to read

    by IEatHippies

    There's something awkward about the writing that is really distracting.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Crow3711 is spot on - that was no review

    by Brody77

    That was some clown ranting about a film he hated. Bad or not, a review is supposed to be just that - a REVIEW of the film - plot, characters etc. Not just "this film's fucking shit I hate it blah blah blah."

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 10:55 a.m. CST

    I'd see Nanny McPhee Returns quicker than this one

    by HapaPapa72

    Okay, so I did already. Not that bad. Kids loved it. A little Ewan for the missus, a little Maggie Gyllenhal in flowy country dresses, kids not annoying, and even a bomb to defuse!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 11:43 a.m. CST

    by eegit

    I wanna see a funny movie! This is funny I'm gonna watch it cos the adverts told me to!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Amateur reviews =

    by Larry Sellers

    "How many different ways can I say I hate something in three paragraphs?"<p> These movies are best ignored. And a review of ANY movie by these two is a waste of space. We all know better.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 1:56 p.m. CST

    "You can giggle and laugh and completely make fun of it all on y

    by Sometimes_My_Arms_Bend_Back

    ..or preferably not watch it at all. Sad that this has made more money in one day than Scott Pilgrim will make in it's entire theatrical run.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Whats truly sad is it will gross more than Scott Pilgrim!

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    So what does that say about the state of mind of the movie going public?<p>Do people ever wondered why these types of movies keeps getting produce? Heres the answer. The studio is simply giving you what you want.<p>Thats why I'm glad The Expendables is making money! Its a return to the genre.<p>Too many rom-cons, emo fags, and 90 lbs women have sour the genre!<p>When you have to count on Matt Damon and Angeline Jolie as the only legitimate action stars than you know the genre in trouble!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Did they actually see the movie?

    by JoeSixPack

    I can't tell. It just says the movie sucks. Come on, did anyone read this before posting it to this site?

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Scott Pilgrim deserved to flop

    by RPLocke

    The movie was marketed at 12 year olds. Flop.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Vampires Suck is marketed at 10 year olds.

    by THAT__SAID

    And even they are probably too mature for its brand of 'humour'

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Not Another Teen Movie = awesome

    by MyScroteHasGout

    I don't care what anyone says...as far as "satires" go, that one is up there with Scary Movie 1 and 2. It wasn't made by the hacks that keep making these other awful movies, either. Those guys just made one. NATM was hilarious.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:20 p.m. CST

    MyScroteHasGout

    by Cujo_Fugate

    You're an idiot. And not the kind of idiot who has issues with basic comprehension. You're the kind of idiot whose ignorance is dangerous. The kind of idiot who mistakes their complete lack of intelligence as strength of character. I would tell you that you should keep your opinions to yourself but there seems to be so many like you walking the streets these days that you are now in the majority (and you all share the same opinions) so what's the point? Such a shame. The human race had glorious potential.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:41 p.m. CST

    It's the year of self-descriptive titles

    by Anything But Tangerines

    Vampires Suck, Despicable Me, Cop Out, Kick-Ass, Back-Up Plan, The Losers... just to name a few!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:45 p.m. CST

    by Anything But Tangerines

    oh, and Salt

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:45 p.m. CST

    Not Another Teen Movie was good for one reason...

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    Cerina Vincent!<p>Whoever had enough money to pay her to walk around naked for the whole movie deserves a fucking medal and much respect!<p>I don't care if their careers turns to shit afterward, but you paid CERINA VINCENT TO GET NAKED AND WALK AROUND!<p>That is perhaps every fanboy dream! Who wouldn't paid Monica Belluci to do the same thing?<p>That and working with BRUCE LEE would be the hightlights of anyone career!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:50 p.m. CST

    And Airplane will always be the funniest satire from Hollywood!

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    Monty Python and The Holy Grail will be the funniest satire overseas!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Not another teen movie often gets lumped in with these

    by THAT__SAID

    But I have to agree that it is definately on a whole different level to Date/Epic/Disaster Movie. Anyone who's actually SEEN it will agree because the one thing it does that none of those other movies do is actually satire the source material. It pokes fun at all the cliches in highschool movies such as the plain girl who's obviously really hot but they've just given her glasses, or the guy who starts the applause by doing a slow hand clap, or how the climax of the movie is always the prom.

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Oops, I meant "spoofs or parodies" not satires!

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    Airplane and NATM are spoofs or parodies, not satires, IMO!

  • Aug. 22, 2010, 11:18 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the feedback!

    by Angry_Charlie

    Just wanted to thank you all for the feedback on this! As for the question as to whether or not I had seen the movie the answer is "Of course I did!" I should have done something a little more like Harry does and explain why I ended up going to this movie opening day, as opposed to something I actually wanted to see. I was dragged by friends who are idiots. Simple as that (or maybe not so simple). As a new movie reviwer though I want to see anything newer in the theatres I can, simply to apply what I am learning critique-wise to the source material. In this case I felt it wasn't as important to mention the plot here because the plot is basically the same as Twilight, and really, when it comes down to it, this movie has no actual plot that's worth mentioning. It reminds me a lot of a Family Guy episode - little plot, LOTS of unrelated jokes.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 2:45 a.m. CST

    ^

    by Anything But Tangerines

    I like Family Guy, and think Seth McFarlane is an OK guy with great voice talent and a sense of humor I enjoy. I loathe the films of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, and think they should be given the Ludovico Treatment with their own work. I know there are many people on here who want them to die painfully. They have what I call anti-talent which is rare, and not to be snuffed out. Let them live in constant pain whenever they are reminded of their lives' work.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 6:52 a.m. CST

    Did Harry post this because...

    by Knuckleduster

    ... the guy called him a hero and an inspiration to millions? Wow.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 7:25 a.m. CST

    most parodies are satires and most satires are parodies

    by hst666

    Everyone does realize that, correct? I'm feeling cocky, so without looking them up, let me say that a parody exaggerates elements of a work for humorous effect. A satire is a means of criticizing a work using humor. There is huge overlap there and just because we have had a lot of shitty parody films over the last decade does not mean they weren't satires as well.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Nice to see NATM love

    by DiscoGodfather

    A guilty pleasure I no longer have to keep a secret thanks to these hacks. It perfectly followed the old ZAZ formula: use a slightly twisted version of the base plot from one film, load the movie up with injokes from the genre, and don't forget the sight gags in the background! Not that I'm comparing NATM to anything ZAZ did.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 8:36 a.m. CST

    At least this wasn't as awful as Inception.

    by Snake Foreskin

    And The Dark Knight. Yikes!

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 10:03 a.m. CST

    It's unfortunate that all the kids who bought

    by jim

    tickets to this so they could sneak into The Expendables and Piranha 3D weren't a little more discerning as to where their money was going.<p>When a new "movie" didn't get excreted from these guys last year I thought they had finally worn out their welcome. Sadly though, it seems this one will make its money back and the studio will continue to finance their fecal finger-paintings.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 10:12 a.m. CST

    Why, America, why????????

    by sam jacksons wig

    A $12 million weekend for another spoof piece of shit?<br><br> The tossers who make and bankroll this shit are sitting back and laughing at you all!

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Not another teen movie

    by bobbofatz

    is miles ahead of the pseudo parodies around lately. People cared about the making of that movie. They wanted to deliver a decent product. They cared about their reputations. Fried and Seltz not so much.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 12:58 p.m. CST

    For me, NATM is on a par with the Hot Shots movies

    by THAT__SAID

    Pretty good as far as spoofs go but not quite in the same league as Airplane! the original Naked Gun or Top Secret. Plus Randy Quaid is great as the drunk father. <P> Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up. <p> Janey: Why, do you have a job interview today, daddy? <p> Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be waaaay too drunk. <p> Janey: Oh... well that's good, we don't want you drinking and driving. <p> Mr. Briggs: Oh, I'll be driving. I'll just be too shit-faced to remember to pick you guys up.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 2:52 p.m. CST

    LOL @ Bettercallsaul :"Uwe Boll look like Kubrick"

    by chadiwack

    yeah agree with most of you fullas.... this is more an opinion than a review. Still com'on did anyone seriously think this movie was gonna rule! I think these guys were trained in the school of BOLL!

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Best movie spoofs

    by skimn

    Airplane<p>Top Secret<p>Naked Gun<p>Thats it. Don't give me any Scary Movies, even the one done by partial ZAZ, or Hot Shots. Don't. Those three. Thats it. STFU.

  • Aug. 23, 2010, 3:06 p.m. CST

    BTW, not including Mel Brooks

    by skimn

    His spoofs are a category all their own.

  • Aug. 24, 2010, 9:14 a.m. CST

    "I think these guys were trained in the school of BOLL!"

    by jim

    I think you are giving them way too much credit in assuming they've had training.

  • Aug. 24, 2010, 10:04 a.m. CST

    math

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