Movie News

THE EXPENDABLES' final 30 minutes make Capone feel a whole lot better about the rest of the film!!!

Published at: Aug. 14, 2010, 2:56 p.m. CST

Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here. I'll admit, I'm slightly torn on this film. First off, I do not believe that casting trumps writing or acting or plot. But if it did, THE EXPENDABLES would be the greatest movie of all time. I also don't believe that the maximum number of explosions and/or the most bloodshed makes for the best movies. Again, if that were the case, THE EXPENDABLES would rule the day. But granting that there may have been a time in my life when cool-as-shit casts and non-stop action may have been my only criteria in loving a film, THE EXPENDABLES brought out a lot of feelings and emotions in me that I simply didn't expect. Of course, these were feelings and emotions I probably last felt when EXPENDABLES stars Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren first met in the ring in ROCKY IV, but I'll take it where I can get it. If you asked me to recount the story of THE EXPENDABLES, I couldn't with any degree of accuracy because it doesn't matter, and it's beyond forgettable once the film is done. If anything, I kind of hope Stallone and his team are planning a sequel because I think that film would be an even better effort and a chance for us to actually learn enough about these guys to give a shit what happens to them. And this may be considered a spoiler, but I had a slight problem with the body count among Stallone's teammates. That's all I'm saying, but let me just add that the title of the film is a little misleading. The one thing that is not misleading are the ads for this movie. They promise death and destruction, and this movie delivers them with a cherry on top. Holy shit! I'll give Stallone credit, his love of excessively brutal death has not wavered as he's gotten older. If anything, he loves it more. When a guy basically unloads a full pistol clip into the chest of another guy standing about six inches away from him, that's quite a mess. And I have to applaud the sound team for blowing my ears out with gunshots and explosions. My ears are still ringing from a mega-gun that the great Terry Crews wields for much of film's 30-minute climax. While we're on the subject, let's talk about that 30 minutes. I was on the fence on THE EXPENDABLES until that ending sequence, which is basically just never-ending chaos and death. I was in a place just north of heaven for that bit of the movie, and it essentially propelled this review into the positive column. And what about that cast? There's no getting around that Stallone has pulled together a great crop of guys, including current action king Jason Statham, martial arts master Jet Li (who spends a lot of time using guns and grenades, even though he's supposed to be the hand-to-hand combat guy), ultimate fighter Randy Couture, and the aforementioned Crews and Lundgren. Also popping in for a spell are Mickey Rourke, as I believe a former member of the team who still offers up his tattoo parlor as a meeting spot for the team; wrestling superstar Steve Austin as a bodyguard for the villainous Eric Roberts; David Zayas as a South American puppet dictator under Roberts' thumb; and Mexican actress Giselle Itié, as the dictator's beautiful and rebellious daughter. And then there's the stunt casting of Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a totally disposable scene that still brings a couple knowing laughs to the proceedings. Amusing but completely unnecessary. My biggest problems with THE EXPENDABLES is that I wasn't impressed with the writing, which is actually kind of surprising, since I'm a fan of Stallone the writer. I thought he did a great job with RAMBO and ROCKY BALBOA. The banter and one-liners fall flat, and most of the characters are written as rice-paper-thin cliches. Believe it or not, a bunch of guys trying to out-badass each other isn't that interesting. What is more interesting is three-dimensional human beings trying to out-badass each other. I wasn't looking for elaborate backstories for each and every character, but give us something. A weak subplot involving Statham's character and a woman (Charisma Carpenter) he sees when he isn't on mission is a step in the right direction, but even that is reduced to two guys squaring off. THE EXPENDABLES is never boring; it's just not always as interesting as it could have been. Still, I admired Stallone's take-no-prisoners approach to the action, especially in the final act, and for that and little else, I'm recommending it. The movie feels familiar, but it's a comforting kind of familiar.
-- Capone capone@aintitcool.com Follow Me On Twitter



Readers Talkback

comments powered by Disqus
    + Expand All
  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Whoops!

    by DeltonParker

    Rocky IV Capone, but I get your point.. I cried when apollo fell and when Rocky finally beat the "machine" Drago.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Just say it RULES and be done with it!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    All the reviewers sound like they wanna say it rules, but fear it will risk their critic cred for praising such unapologetic shallow badassery.<BR><BR> Reminds me of the first Mortal Kombat movie (though I expect this to be waay better than Mortal Kombat). The crowds were going nuts in the theater (still the loudest I've ever heard)...but the critics had to keep their critic-hat on and refuse to engage in the environment.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:50 p.m. CST

    It's ROCKY 4, Dumbass!

    by W0NKOtheSane

    Dude, do you ever even proof read your shit? DOUCHE!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:53 p.m. CST

    I wasnt let down

    by PULL_SMASH

    I agree almost entirely with Capone's review. But for all its flaws, the film is just FUN. Could it have been improved with better writing, characterization, and possibly dropping Charisma Carpenters whole subplot? Yup. But for me thats not enough to stop it from being entertaining as hell. Listen, we as fanboys have a bad habit of building things up so much that the final product cant possibly live up to the hype. Is The Expendables a modern day classic? Not quite. Is it balls to the wall entertaining as hell? Fuck yeah! The movie gets a B- for me, mainly for the action. And Id totally be down to see a sequel! And at the very least support this movie so we can send a message to Hollywood that we want to see a return to real, tough guys blowing shit up real good. Just my two cents.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Karl Urban is Judge Dredd

    by AKA_Gern_Blanston

    per comingsoon.net

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:53 p.m. CST

    I still want to see this

    by AKA_Gern_Blanston

    although reviews have me worried

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Rocky IV is a great example.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Some critics complained it was an extended music video, but everyone else thought it ruled! <BR><BR> By the way, why couldnt I sign into from this site just as Expendables was coming out and I was preparing to hype it up like crazy and defend against trash talkers? Were Expendables supporters being kept away or something? I am not a spammer or a troll.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Whiskey, Cigars and Bleeding

    by DeltonParker

    I saw the movie after a 1/2 pint a whiskey, 3 cigars and getting my ass whooped at an amateur boxing tourney. If it had been anything other then a mindless action and deathfest, I would have passed out in a pile of my own blood and piss, so all things considered.. loved it.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4 p.m. CST

    One thing that did annoy me...

    by PULL_SMASH

    I really wish they had used Terry Crews more effectively. He has very little prescence in the film, besides a few BADASS moments towards the end. The dude is a friggin Black hulk, and funny as hell too! Shit cut some of Randy Coutures lines (some of the most eye rolling and worst delivered in the entire movie) just to give Crews a few more ACTUALLY funny one liners. Couldve been one way to improve the group dynamic IMHO

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:01 p.m. CST

    I stopped reading

    by drumdaddy60

    After he botched the Rocky reference. All credibility is lost, this review is dead to me.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Didn't care about the action because..

    by lantern48

    I just didn't buy why the 2nd half of the movie took place. Saving his soul by trying to save the girl just didn't work as a reason for it all. And as a result, I just didn't care about anything that happened.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:05 p.m. CST

    If you see a geek with a notepad for Expendables, punch him in t

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    If you see a geek with a notepad for Expendables, punch him in the face! Because he has the wrong approach and the wrong frame of mind already. <BR><BR> Imagine watching Mortal Kombat, everyone's going nuts, but you're sitting there scribbling about implausibility, contrived, trite, and all those other geek words. You're clearly not getting it.<BR><BR> If your in the frame of mind where you plan on writing a review after watching a movie like Expendables, or MK, then you're prob not gonna like it.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Rocky 4 (it doesn't deserve the Roman numerals) is by far

    by Jardinier

    the worst Rocky film. Okay, not by far, because 5 is also pretty bad, albeit for different reasons (intention of going back to the down-to-Earth roots of the character: good; ridiculously soapy and melodramatic execution: horrible). So I'm not too hot on a reunion. Stallone's last film he both wrote and directed that was good all the way through (as opposed to "decent or mediocre with moments of excellence") was Rocky II. 31 years ago.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Last summer I said I wanted a big dumb action movie

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    Then I went to see Transformers 2, which may have destroyed the filmgoing experience permanently for me. Thankfully people like Nolan, Bloomkamp and Curon can show you can make pulse pounding action that actually revolves around a plot.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:07 p.m. CST

    Sounds exactly what I was expecting it to be

    by Briannicus

    Just a fun mindless ride with a buncha action heroes. Ya know what, I got no problem with that.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:07 p.m. CST

    GibsonUSA

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    Stop referencing Mortal Combat. Really. It's not your best go-to argument.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Not Enough Tits

    by DeltonParker

    I didn't get 1/2 the movie either, but I also don't get why I get erections when things explode.. None of that bothered me. What bothered me is when shit started blowing up all over the place I would have like to see some titties.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Transformers 2 wasn't an action movie

    by DeltonParker

    It was a bunch of imaginary toys pretending to blow up

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:12 p.m. CST

    JacksBloatedPayroll

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    I admit its not my best comparison, using a cheesy videogame movie. But its the only example I could think of (shrug), of one of those opening night movies where a packed house goes crazy, but the movie itself is critically considered shallow and "dumb".

  • (shakes head)

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:14 p.m. CST

    mega-gun that the great Terry Crews wields

    by Omar B

    That's the Atchisson AA-12 automatic shotgun. http://world.guns.ru/shotgun/sh29-e.htm

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:15 p.m. CST

    Loved it....

    by joker40

    Normally I loath an all out action flick with no character development (transformers movies for example)...But this movie, I will go against what I normally say, and just say..I just had alot of fun at this movie..and in case anyone wants to know..there are outakes on youtube...if anyone cares about my 2 cents worth..yes I will play hypocrite on this film alone..and say screw character environment...just have fun and blow things up etc etc etc...Sly I hope for a second one...besides we have to finish your tattoo...for those who have seen it you know what Im talking about..Peace people..

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Haha Delton

    by PULL_SMASH

    Thats EXACTLY what I said to my friend when I walked out "Sooo Charisma Carpenter's too big a star to show us some tit?" Honestly I thought that was going to be the whole point of her and Stathams love subplot, to add some nudity. I mean its a movie almost completley dedicated to explosions, stabbings, head shots, a guy getting torn in half...they couldve thrown us some nice titties in there. And yes Im well aware I sound like a 13 year old, but thats the part of me that enjoyed the hell outta this movie, flaws and all

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:23 p.m. CST

    PULL_SMASH

    by DeltonParker

    Amen Brother! I miss 1980-1989 when all of that was ok and we didn't have to be ashamed to just be happy watching shit blow up, blood flying everywhere and perhaps a nice set of exposed Titties!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Epic Epic Fail Capone

    by peter_dickinson

    for thinking Dolph appears in Rocky III. Christ...

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Delton

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    I'm not sure theres a difference between Optimus Prime and Sylvester Stallone. They're both artificially enhanced creations that blow shut up.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Delton

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    I'm not sure theres a difference between Optimus Prime and Sylvester Stallone. They're both artificially enhanced creations that blow shut up.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Wait.....NO TITS?!?

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    And how is this a 80's Action Throwback exactly?!? And anyone who says you don't need tits is Gay. PERIOD.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:27 p.m. CST

    The Difference..

    by DeltonParker

    The difference JacksBloated is Terry Crews was actually firing an AA-12 automatic shotgun.. and Stallone actually broke his back in the Austin fight.. Optimus prime fighting was done by some geek designer whacking off at his computer!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:28 p.m. CST

    Character development wasn't to be found...

    by SAILOR_RIPLEY

    in most of the movies this is paying homage to. I usually don't care for movies that are non-stop action because there is usually not much of a story to make you give a shit about the outcome of the action. But honestly, outside of a few like Die Hard or First Blood, how many 80's action movies had you caring about anyone on screen? Most of Schwarzenegger's movies were shoot-em ups with little plot and cardboard characters. Commando anyone?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:31 p.m. CST

    DELTON

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    A valid argument, I suppose I do want to see this movie, I just feel I'm going to need to be blitzed before I go.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Really I feel that way...

    by PULL_SMASH

    ...about comedies nowadays too. In ALL the classic comedies theyd throw us a nice pair of titties in there, many times for no reason at all besides TIITIES (and ofthen accompanied by that hillarious BUUUIONG SFX). Animal House, Caddy Shack, Fast Times, many many many others ALL had great, funny, memorable nude scenes. You dont see that often in todays comedies, which is a sad sad state of affairs.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Phoebe Caetes In Fast Times!

    by DeltonParker

    I know it is almost cliche now, but holy shit those wet titties!!.. Sorry guys I have to go now.. be back in 3 minutes.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Yeah Jacks

    by PULL_SMASH

    I hate to break it to ya, I was pretty disappointed in that respect myself. They didnt even get Terry Crews to do his trademark titty dancing ;)

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:35 p.m. CST

    PULL_SMASH

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    There's tits galore in Todd Phillips movies, but that's about it. Even Judd Apatow has gotten away from it.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Meanwhile in Scott Pilgrim,

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    Girls are constantly taking their clothes off. But The Expendables is the "Dude" movie.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:37 p.m. CST

    I don't care for Emo Pilgrim takes over the world

    by RPLocke

    or whatever the hell it's called.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Charisma Carpenter

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    Had no problem showing those beautiful babies in playboy a few years back. Stallone has lost it if he wasn't able to talk her top off.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:40 p.m. CST

    First Julie Benz, now Charisma Carpenter

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    is Joss Whedon funneling his 'talent' to Stallone?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:40 p.m. CST

    No SHIT?

    by PULL_SMASH

    Scott Pilgrims got more in the ladies department going on? I was planning on seeing that this weekend too. Im one of those equal opportunist geeks who loves Stallone AND Scott Pilgrim. Cant stand people that have to choose sides. And yeah I knew there was always a reason I enjoyed Todd Phillips comedies more than Apatows.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Expendables 1 + Carl Weathers + Titties - Any Remaining Plot =

    by DeltonParker

    My Vote For The Expendables Sequel. F'it! and screw that about any of the expendables dieing.. I don't need them to die to make me feel strong emotions.. If I want to cry I'll have my wife slam my nuts between two bricks.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Yeah I remember her Playboy spread

    by PULL_SMASH

    Very niiiiice. Excellent heiney too, like two fine christmas hams. Yeah its a damn shame she didnt show the goods in this one

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:45 p.m. CST

    PULL_SMASH

    by DeltonParker

    What the F is Scott Pilgram? Was he the gay character in that Oregon Trail game?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Delton...

    by PULL_SMASH

    That sequel sounds like the perfect storm of manliness! This movie is exciting for me too, because it seems like a great jumping off point for future films. And they should bring in new blood too: Tony Jaa, the Rock, anyone else yall can think of?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:47 p.m. CST

    MMM.. Ham!

    by DeltonParker

    Now I'm horney and hungry! Thanks a lot Smash! With a name like Charisma she should be letting those puppies breath every chance she gets.. I've read that it enhances Charisma.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Typo does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    Capone, oh dear... III to IV that's not even a typo... that's just a dude who doesn't know. Weak.<p> And as for your headline about the final 30 minutes, you could easily substitute the title RAMBO or ROCKY BALBOA for THE EXPENDABLES and it would still be valid. Stallone has patience - he likes to build a movie up and then blow it out in a blaze of glory. More power to him.<p> I'm predicting this film will play better at home with beers and your mates round than it will in cinemas.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Killik.. I agree

    by DeltonParker

    I think.. I didnt' read all of that shit it was too long, but amen on that enemy kid.. He can suck it.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Why no Seagal...

    by SAILOR_RIPLEY

    Was his fight scene double not available? Carl Weathers? Action Jackson for God's sake.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Did everyone not see the preview to this movie?

    by RPLocke

    Remember back when everyone was salivating over the preview to this movie? How could you not expect anything else?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:55 p.m. CST

    I want to see both.

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    But this whole Lib/Cons Coke/Pepsi Yankee/Sox Dick/Vagina american culture seems to think you need to pick sides. Fuck it, I'm gonna see both TONIGHT!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Carpenter did playboy already...

    by Bouncy X

    she didnt need to show them here although it be nice to see them in motion, despite the fakeness.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:56 p.m. CST

    cobra-kai. . .

    by drumdaddy60

    I will see it at a theater that serves beer. the best of both worlds!!! This no tits thing really got me down though :(

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:57 p.m. CST

    5 posts in and some dipshit idiot has to be a dick

    by Six Demon Bag

    and correct a man who just watched no less than three films in a day or two and then wrote sensible comprehensible reviews and put them up while the films were still in the theaters..<P>YOU MOTHERFUCKERS BETTER CUT CAPONE SOME SLACK!!! Im talking to you WONKO!!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:58 p.m. CST

    Cobra Kai

    by PULL_SMASH

    My thoughts exactly, I cant WAIT to grill some meat, get stupid drunk, pop this in and watch it with my buds. And then afterwards just beat the shit outta each other, laugh about it, smoke some cigars and go get tatoos. Then come home to porno-style fuck my lady, burn a jay and pass out. Surely a day to remember it will be.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 4:59 p.m. CST

    cobra-kai

    by DeltonParker

    Theater with a beer - good idea.. My recommendation - bring tits with.. at the 1 hour 16 minute mark have her air them out.. You wont' be dissappointed.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5 p.m. CST

    cobes

    by Six Demon Bag

    i wasnt talking to you..peace!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:04 p.m. CST

    And yes Bouncy X

    by PULL_SMASH

    She DID need to show them. Or they shouldve hired an actress who would. Because without titties, as it stands, the whole Statham/Carpenter angle was pointless, despite an awesome fight that results bc of her. I really thought that was the only reason they were even setting up that subplot, as an excuse for nudity

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:10 p.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!!!!

    by antonphd

    I can't believe anyone with an ounce of testosterone in their body didn't enjoy the hell out of themselves with this movie!! Yeah it had some slow parts but the action kicked fucking ass!! Statham was a walking bad ass mother fucker in this movie. I hope this puts him on the A list for action stars where he belongs. This was a solid B movie with an A++ for a total fucking destruction climax that FINALLY made we walk out of a theater this summer with a big huge grin on my face ready to turn around and walk back and in and watch it again.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:16 p.m. CST

    I'm Glad You Were Turned On By The Hot, Manly Action

    by LaserPants

    So, did you get hard when "a guy basically unloads a full pistol clip into the chest of another guy standing about six inches away from him"? Sounds gay. Sounds CRAZY SUPER GAY. The guns are stand-ins for penises. The bullets, cum. You guys realizes this, right? That it's one short step removed from gay porn? That this whole thing is a pickle party for secretly gay dudes looking for a way to get off without having to admit their gay? This is really starting to sound like the gayest movie since 300. <br><br>I sincerely hope that those of you who plan to see it this weekend, sitting in the dark with a bunch of men desperate for some hot, manly action, that you finally just admit it to yourselves and come outta the closet. It's a different world now. There will always be bigots, but in 2010, homosexuality is pretty much accepted by the mainstream. You don't have to hide in the shadows anymore, polishing your "gun." You can come out, be proud and say it loud! Come on, sisters, do it! Sing it loud! "I'm comin' out!" just like that old disco song. <br><br>Have a fabulous weekend at the movies, girls!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Haha LaserPants

    by PULL_SMASH

    Ok first, despite totally disagreeing with you, your post made me laugh my ass off. I agree there have been a fair amount of homoerotic scenes in action movies. Certain scenes in Commando. The "running on the beach" sequence with Rocky and Apollo. The entire film, Top Gun. But sometimes a gun IS just a gun, and if you cant see past that in ANY action movie? The im afraid thats man juice youve got on YOUR mind, friend. The majority of us just want blood and explosions...oh and titties...more titties

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:25 p.m. CST

    LaserPants

    by antonphd

    the movie is incredibly gay! including the gayest gay of all gay scenes with sly, arnold and bruce. do you have a problem with that?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:34 p.m. CST

    I liked it...

    by The Dum Guy

    But, my expectations for the film wasn't as high as Rambo or Rocky Balboa.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:38 p.m. CST

    As soon I saw the ROCKY III thing, I thought--

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    Oh lord, this Talkback is going to be one long line of Stallone fans kicking poor Capone in the balls for not remembering that ROCKY IV was the movie that introduced the world to Dolph. I have to congratulate most of you for not going that route. I think the problem here (and I'm seeing the movie later tonight) is that most of us enjoy/enjoyed 80s action movies in an "ironic" hipster sort of way. I mean, "Commando" is AWESOME and always was AWESOME, but certainly not because the acting/plot/screenwriting is top notch. All of that stuff is terrible, but I can't look away because it's AWESOME! A lot of these flicks are lightening in a bottle that could have only been made by crass marketeers trying to guess what pimple-faced idiots would spend their parents money to see and something amazing happened as a result. It's hard to re-create that.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:38 p.m. CST

    No tits policy is a plague on modern cinema

    by gooseud

    We have the interwebz to thank for this, as actresses live in fear of their tits being accessible forever on some spank off website. Now, instead, we get completely jarring and unrealistic sex scenes, the tipping point of which was the scene in Knocked Up. Now, I've banged a metric fuckton of chicks in my day, and NEVER, ever ever have they ever said "Ok, we can have sex and all, but I'm keeping my bra on. Doggy style over the couch: perfectly acceptable. Taking bra off: WHOA, calm down there, crazy man!!!" When people have sex, the bra comes off, usually within 30 seconds. Period, end of discussion, anything else is retarded.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:39 p.m. CST

    as for the gay thing...

    by The Dum Guy

    When a certain baddy gets shot, and then has a bowie knife shoved through his chest, some guy in the audience yelled "Man-gasm!" as alot of other patrons clapped and laughed.<br><br>That was the closest thing (other than the "dick sucking" part) to gayness the movie had to offer.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Charisma Carpenter doesn't get nekkid? Damn.

    by br1947

    Biological clock's ticking, we need more than Playboy stills to remember her by

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:52 p.m. CST

    so, let me get this straight...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    ... what everyone who likes this movie seems to love about it is that the heroes (who cant die) blow the living shit out of armies of foreign nonwhite bad guys - is this what geeks have come to these days? - and , they seem to get hard ons when watching said slaughter - wow

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:54 p.m. CST

    this movie is "sex and the city 2" for men

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Goosebud

    by PULL_SMASH

    You are a man of much wisdom...those scenes in Knocked Up totally took me outta the film. And you know its was Katherine Heigl (who apparently dislikes the film) who refused. Your point about actresses being unwilling to bare all because those images will live on forever on the web is totally valid. You know what I say tho? Hire unknown hotties who are willing to flash some skin. I mean its not like Carpenter brought anything amazing to her role, so why not go with a relatively unknown hottie trying to make a name for herself? Im sure there are MANY actresses willing to take it off for a slim chance of screen time.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 5:59 p.m. CST

    the names are like gay porn star names

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    yin yang, toll road, hale ceasar (seriously?), tool... wtf

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 6:05 p.m. CST

    JimmyJoe

    by PULL_SMASH

    One, I dont care if the heroes die as long as its in a badass, violent and heroic fashion. Two, I dont give a shit the color of the enemies skin, as long as theyre menacing and a formidable threat for our heroes. Three, my dick didnt get hard at all during the film (prob from the lack of nude female fun parts) but yeah I was grinning like a mofo during said slaughter. Is this what geeks have come to these days. No, what I listed have been fundamental truths for many geek action fans for a long time.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 6:08 p.m. CST

    We all know Sly's opinion of waterboarding now.

    by antonphd

    I'm glad there are still some republicans out there who are not so lock step that they are willing to sellout their principles just to support that fucking pussy Bush Jr. I love that Sly put that part in to show who the people are who do that shit. The bad guys.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 6:10 p.m. CST

    I stopped after "Rocky 3"

    by We_like_it_VERY_MUCH

    Capone, how about some fucking research or proof reading next time?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Capone is spot on

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    Felt the same way about The Expendables. I had a great time with it but I hope the promised sequel has a much stronger script.<br><br> Great seeing Dolph back on the big screen!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 6:40 p.m. CST

    waterboarding?

    by The Dum Guy

    I don't remember any surfing during the movie.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 7:01 p.m. CST

    I AM THERE no matter what...

    by Wizzkid

    Sorry. Got to see these guys together on the big screen....a popcorn and coke kind of movie. Gonna be fun!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 7:10 p.m. CST

    I just saw it... it was good fun!

    by catlettuce4

    The audience was laughing and reacting to all the violence just right, and the movie itself was quite entertaining. The casting of all these action stars carried weight beyond what these characters would have otherwise, and made the movie feel new and somehow special. The Sly/Bruce/Arnie scene worked well and was funny, really setting the tone for the whole picture. Very violent without showing the gore in overly excessive or gratuitous detail. The characters were simple, yet fun to watch do their thing. As a rip roaring action film, it worked... go see it and have a blast!

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 7:50 p.m. CST

    They should have Tarantino write the next one

    by chien_sale

    At least the writing would be fun. Or maybe have John Milius do it.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 8:02 p.m. CST

    Too many bad reviews, not paying to see this...

    by Bill Clay

    I'll download the DVDR when it pops up on the net in a couple of months.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Worst Idea ever to download the DVDR

    by asojax

    Bill Clay, Your the reason we have shitty movies getting made and released in theaters making tons of money, because you rely on a critic to tell you what's good and what's bad and then if it's bad instead of paying to see it, you steal the movie and claim that it's ok for you to do it because it had too many bad reviews. If you can't decide from a preview whether you wanna see a movie and judge for yourself you're just another sheep.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 9:25 p.m. CST

    100% correct...

    by moviemenace

    I couldn't agree more. It's as if Capone threw all my thoughts into his review.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 9:36 p.m. CST

    30mins of loud action saved this movie

    by 2007

    but the equally plotless tranformers can derive no fun from it's cinema. hyporcrites

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Scott Pilgrim Vs Expendables Fight Scenes

    by DrCaligari111

    While I thought "The Expendables" had its entertaining moments, one of the big disappointments was the lousy fight scenes. Everything was shot too close-up and over-edited. This was especially heartbreaking, during the Jet Li/Lungren fight that could have been awesome. In contrast, "Scott Pilgrim" delivered much better fight scenes, because Wright knew to PULL THE ^%$#@! CAMERA BACK and let the audience see the fight. Sigh.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 10:34 p.m. CST

    White Men Can't Rap !!!!

    by ShavedLeatherPig

    What in thee phuck was that limerick nursery rhyme freestyle rap from J-Stat at the very very end ?

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Tarantino doing the next WOULD be a cool idea.

    by future help

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/170623/jimmy-kimmel-live-thu-aug-12-2010

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:05 p.m. CST

    Gary Daniels!

    by Jarek

    He rocks.... brings me back to the DTV glory days. Was alright in this, but underused.... Expendables was fun, but what really annoyed me was the editing. All the fights are horribly over-edited, so we can't tell what the fuck is going on. Annoying trend.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:30 p.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE RULED!! What a kick ass movie!!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    What are you negative fools talking about??<BR> This movie was AWESOME! <BR> FINALLY a movie that delivers!<BR> And I'm not saying it just because I was hyped up for it...I was hyped up for Predators too and came out of that movie disappointed. I'm also not saying it's a masterpiece...just that it DELIVERED. <BR> <BR> The theatre crowd was going completely crazy, just as I expected. Reacting to every scene, bursting into "YEAHs!", and walking out smiling. I cant imagine someone experiencing that environment, then going home and bitching about Jet Li needing more character development. WTF.<BR> Are you focusing on the awesomry, or your writing career? <BR><BR> To address some complaints from various reviewers (with merely my opinions, of course.) <BR><BR> 1. Characters disappearing - When I told my dad about this movie's cast list (he's Mr. Action Movie Watcher), the first thing he said was "Well it's gonna have to only focus on only a couple of guys. Some guys are gonna be backseat and barely there if it's gonna work. This is not the type of movie that can be too long." And indeed, this was pretty much a Stallone/Statham movie, with Roberts/Austin as the bad guys. That's fine.<BR><BR> 2. "Caring" about characters - This is a MAN movie, and the script seems to EXPECT that we know the stars, and watch the UFC. AND INDEED WE DO. So when Randy Couture is battling Steve Austin, its not just some generic mercenary against some one-dimensional thug, its the UFC Heavyweight Champion going up against the WWF Champion! Yes, it's novelty. Yes, you can probably only do it once. But it works! The Stallone/Arnold/Willis scene exists solely for the purpose of the audience knowing and caring who the actors are. Without that, there's no point. <BR><BR> 3. The CG - WTF?? You mean the laser pointers at the beginning? Who cares???? <BR><BR> 4. The shakey cam - This is the part I was worried about. When people started bitching about it I was like "aw shit more clusterfuck editing." But it really wasnt that bad. I could tell you exactly what was going on. Stallone and Austin were at a room to the right, Jet Li was in some kind of centerish room with that nerdy henchman, and Statham was on the side with multiple soldiers. If I watched it I could tell you move by move as the scene progressed. My theater crowd was following it perfectly and cheering at all the big hits. Even the final battle at the end, if I watched it again I could tell you the geography of who was where. It's easy, fool.<BR> How dare you scare me into thinking it had super confusing editing!<BR><BR> I would be willing to compare this to Transformers 2 should the discussion come up.<BR> Expendables was awesome. <BR><BR> (btw, my usage of "fool" is in a joking, Mr. T way :) )

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:37 p.m. CST

    The last 30 minutes saves the movie...

    by Mr. Profit

    The movie was good. It is a good throwback and the film has many good scenes of awesomeness throughout. BUT. It didn't come together until the final 30 minutes which were what the ENTIRE film should have been. When you hear the names, you expect the film to feel more "EPIC". But you never get the sense that these guys are in any danger since the bad guys are pretty generic. <P>Lundgren was struggling to keep up. And Couture was never given a moment to be bad ass. This movie is Stallone's, Statham's, and Li's and that's why they got top billing in the credits. <P>Austin was a stock character, and if he is going to use Goldberg's spear in one scene and not the stunner, bitch can get the fuck out. <P>Crews was great (as usual). And Rourke (essentially an extended cameo), Willis, and Arnold were good. <P>I had fun with it. I thought it was good. I'd buy it on DVD. But I prefer the mayhem and craziness of "Rambo 4". In "Rambo 4" the main villain was evil. Here Eric Roberts poses no real threat. <P>And in "Rambo 4" the violence felt real and looked disgusting. Here it was tamer and a few shots were too CGI assisted. <P>But overall there is enough here to recommend to any die hard action fan to enjoy. But I wanted it to be the bad ass film to end all bad ass films, and it's merely just a pretty good, fun action film.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:39 p.m. CST

    Just saw it

    by _Lizarkeo

    ABKing must be very very happy right now. I was for five minutes. A dream come true scene (the Sly/Arnie/Bruce come together). What next? Team Willis (with Chow Yun Fat, Kevin Durand and Mark Dacascos) in Part II and Team Arnie (with Ray Stevenson, Wesley Snipes and Vin Diesel) in Part III? And both in "Expendables: The Farewell Total Fracking Destruction"! </p>About the rest of the movie? The second best thing: Terry Crews blasting the mega-gun, frack, I want one of these in a FPS game right now! BUM BUM BUM BUM. Great car chasing/fight action shots (but Paul Greengrass style, not eighties style). The surprising return of a beloved main bad ass at the end. One main problem: the bad guys...they weren't evil enough to be mass slaughtered like that, poor fried bastards, heh. </p></p>(But) The main cast having SINCERE fun together was super cool. I could watch them even without any explosion or gunfire. They just SCREAM charisma on SCREEN, heh. Ok, I could watch them (plus Arnie and Bruce) blasting gazillions of alien monsters in "Colonial Marines: the Official Aliens Sequel"!! Or a movie version of the first "Wetworks" mini-series. A geek can dream after this movie... Thanks, Sly.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:44 p.m. CST

    Jet Li should have been a bad guy.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    I agree, there werent enough bad guys. It was like an action hero superteam against Steve Austin.<BR><BR> Jet Li should have played his Lethal Weapon 4 badass. Jet does not strike me as the type who would hang out in a tattoo parlor/garage and ride bikes. He was the most out of place in there. Making him his Lethal Weapon 4 bad guy would have given more threat.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Also, the theater was superpacked...

    by Mr. Profit

    And a lot of showings were sold out here in NYC. I think these estimates will end up being too low for "The Expendables". I am thinking 40mil instead of 34mil. <P>And finally, boobs in an R rated action movie mean less violence. The MPAA doesn't play that shit. It's one or the other, and since I can see boobs for free in real life and online, I don't care if they aren't in an action film.

  • Aug. 13, 2010, 11:59 p.m. CST

    They needed a main bad guy to rival Stallone

    by Mr. Profit

    IMO, Rourke was fun as a good guy, and I liked his character, but he would have been better bad. If Rourke was the main baddie, along with Roberts, Andrei Arlovski, Sutherland, Jai-White, and maybe even a chick, they stakes would have felt higher. <P>I would have beefed up Crews role, eliminated Couture and replaced him with someone like The Rock (to better play off Crews with the banter they TRIED to attempt with Couture). And left Li a good guy. <P>Also Lundgren was a far better actor in the underrated DTV "Universal Soldier: Regeneration". But that is because he was a silent killer.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 12:50 a.m. CST

    Expendables #1 this weekend

    by MANNZILLA

    And it was a great movie, scott pilgrim bombed.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:01 a.m. CST

    Loved it! Even my 15 year old daughter enjoyed it.

    by thot

    Stallone delivers again!! Expendables is an ass-kicking, rollicking good time. Sure, character development was at a minimum, but that gave us more time for total destruction and blood-letting! The movie doesn't really get bogged down at any point and delivers the hardcore action goods in spades. I don't get the doubters, this is classic action all the way. Really hope Sly does a sequel. Thumbs WAY up!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:06 a.m. CST

    What I liked was Stallone gave everyone their moment!

    by HellKing

    It had exciting action and each member had their time on camera to show how much of a bad-ass they were. My problem from the beginning is this movie had a lot of build-up hearing about it. It sounded like it was going to be a big movie. But because there was only a scant character development and not a more depth to the story, it didn't feel big. Also there seemed to be no effort getting to their objectives. They had to go somewhere and they were there the next scene. So if you just like to see some good action, have fun. But I have to say I wanted more action scenes.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:11 a.m. CST

    Sick of these pussies reviewing this movie

    by Harrigan

    This movie is great fun. Stop being little girls asking for some emotional resonance.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:27 a.m. CST

    SOunds like someone masturbates more than has real sex!

    by HellKing

    Or no sex! LOL!!!!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:31 a.m. CST

    if you thought expendables rocked

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    And delivered what it promised even though it was poorly written then you cannot bash TF2

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Want to see the Thor trailer ??

    by mrfilmmaster

    http://www.kino-govno.com/players/jwflvplayer4.swf?image=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.kino-govno.com%2Fmovies%2Ft%2Fthor%2Ftrailers%2F7913t.jpg&file=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kino-govno.com%2Fkgfix.php%3Fnum%3D7913%26url%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fmedia.kino-govno.com%2Fmovies%2Ft%2Fthor%2Ftrailers%2Fthor_trailer_480.flv&stretching=unified&type=video

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:42 a.m. CST

    I stopped reading this review after....

    by BunnyMcNibbnles

    .... he said that Stallone and Dolph were last on screen in Rocky THREE. Nothing more for me to see here, folks, so I'm just gonna go ahead and keep movin' along.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:51 a.m. CST

    eh...painful

    by readyoufool

    any section of this movie with extended scenes of dialog with the characters is just painful to watch. I had the thought about 30 min in that this movie would be much better with a rifftrax playing underneath it. Even the action is only great because it's a welcome respite from the awful dialog. But the action, honestly assessed, is filmed in the shaky cam can't see shit form. So many of these action scenes would have been better if the camera was set back a distance and didn't change position at all during the sequence. This movie is not really just not worth your time. I don't even know if it would be possible to get through the whole thing in one shot with a rifftrax commentary on it. I completely do not care about this movie at this point.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:57 a.m. CST

    then again...

    by readyoufool

    terry crews shotgun kicked ass! They need to make a companion film to Machete called "Shotgun" and Terry Crews is in there with the shotgun and he's just blasting the shit out of everything around him. Make it 60 minutes. I'd pay full price for that. Hell, make it a 10 minute short to play before Machete. Well worth the price of admission. That shotgun needs to be in better movies.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:02 a.m. CST

    I disagree on Expendables vs TF2

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Expendables and TF2 can be differentiated in various fronts. To say both are "dumb action" therefore cannot be distinguished is simplifying.<BR><BR> As an initial example, TF2 is an eye opening 2.5 hrs long, which may be too drawn out for certain action-goers, especially given its contents.<BR><BR> An all-star R rated actionfest can easily be distinguished from a big robot movie, regardless of which you like better.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:45 a.m. CST

    expendables

    by cecil1

    looks dumb as fuck. need to have gotten Weathers instead of Crews. Fuck 2010, shittiest year for movies, except for Inception of course

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 3:02 a.m. CST

    I just watched it.

    by Briannicus

    This movie did exactly what it set out to do. It was made to be an over the top action-fest in the style of the 80's action movies.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 3:06 a.m. CST

    To be honest...

    by PULL_SMASH

    I enjoyed The Expendables while I was a little drunk AND I liked Transformers 2 when I was very high. So I like to mix various substances with movies, sue me. (The 1st Chronicles of Narnia blew my mind on shrooms...I was afraid what would happen when the movie ended)

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 8:34 a.m. CST

    The Expendables was a piece of shit on top of dog shit!!!

    by samuraiyao

    Why you ask, well the way it was shot, the quicky/shaky cam bullshit followed by the quick edits and close up which is a pussy ass gimmicky move by Sly.. I could't see a godamn thing and coming from my slanted eyes made it even worse.. There are some nice little patches of action throughout the movie like Crew's gunning down muthafuckas left and right but the last act was just corny and gay as fuck!!!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 8:51 a.m. CST

    So if he met Drago in Rocky III.....

    by PinkFloyd7

    then who did he fight in Rocky IV, Clubber Lang? Man, that's like saying Luke first met Yoda in A New Hope.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 8:56 a.m. CST

    I just saw The Expendables and I thought it was good....

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    The CGI was like 1990 weak, I'm not sure if that was due to buget constraints (I'm sure the cast came with a hefty price)or time restraints on gettin the movie out. But as whole I really liked it. It was nice to see all the old & new guys on screen. It had a lot of funny scenes and the last part of the movie had some great action. Jet Li's horrific "Engrish" lines grated on me at first, but once he started cracking jokes o his height I got over it. As I stated before the CGI is just awful, me being 30 and an action fan...I can look past it. But the younger kids who were raised on Twilight and Scott Pilgrims will hate it. They were raised to worship androgynous heros. Just look at the cast for Scott Pilgrim, they look like the fuckin cast for Rocky Horror. All Metro/homosexual dudes fighting over an ugly emo bitch when it really looks like they should be fuckin each other. I'm really sick of Michael cera playing the same awkward nerdy Jewish kid stereotype (even thoguh he's not jewish) in every fuckin movie. I seriously want to kill him, but what good that do. They would just replace him with Jesse Eisenberg...but at least he's actually jewish. But I digress, go see the Expendables....it's fun and well worth your money. Don't listen to the AICN Emo pussies.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 8:58 a.m. CST

    SCOTT PILGRIM = SPEED RACER 2

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Unmitigated...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ...CRAP made for morons...

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:16 a.m. CST

    How could anyone not love the shit out of this movie?

    by RedBull_Werewolf

    Saw it last night and I just don't get the hate, the movies was balls crazy ass pund action, I was expecting the worst but all these reviews were way off. The team doesn't just disapear in the middle - Jet Li has a huge action scene right in the middle of the film! The only ones i felt were underused were randy couture and tery crews, but honestly, randy isn't a great actor so I can see why he was just used for action scenes, and as for terry crews, he was underused because It was set up. Sly just gives us snippits of him thoughout so that when he finally does show up with that gun, the audience is like What the fuck! <P>Great fucking movie, best action mvie of the year and easily in my top 5 summer films

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:28 a.m. CST

    the sequel needs..

    by DrGoodspeed

    JCVD to sign and stop being such a pussy. Kurt Russel, and hopefully after he's out of office Schwarzenegger gets all crazy roided out and shows up with the... "i'm going with you" and start tearing peoples heads off. That's all. Can't wait to see this today, biggest BRONER ever.

  • .

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 10:04 a.m. CST

    The next movie needs....

    by PinkFloyd7

    Chuck Norris, JCVD, Steven Seagal, Michael Dudikoff, Steve James, Christopher Lambert, and Ernest Thomas (as "Chicken Pimp")

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 10:24 a.m. CST

    You want a real badass American action movie!!!

    by samuraiyao

    Go watch Undisputed 3, none of that shaky greengrass fag close up cam bullshit!!! Undisputed 3 is raw as hell and the fight scenes pack a punch.. Scott Adkins is the muthafucking Man!!!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Fuck this movie man!!!

    by samuraiyao

    Fuck the shit out of this movie, give Crew's his own fucking movie already!!!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 10:29 a.m. CST

    action King? Jason Statham?

    by gotilk

    Did I miss his huge hits? And that's a genuine question. I'm not JUST trying to be an asshole. Did I miss something?

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 10:47 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    "but once he started cracking jokes o his height I got over it" MJs_Corpse<p> Hahahahaha!! Coming from you runt boy that's double funny!!<p> You're not only a nasty little troll you're also forgetful, you posted that photo of yourself on this site so we all got to see what a short ass you are.<p> Even Jet Li looks down on you little bitch.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:13 a.m. CST

    I loved it

    by Binkysguy

    It was awesome, fellas. Seriously, do we need angst and drawn-out character studies in a shoot-em-up movie? Christ, it would be 3 hours long if you tried that. As far as there 'being no plot/story'...wtf? I seriously think that 4/5 of the world is fucking retarded! Here is the story for you assholes who say there isn't one: Jaded merc is world-weary. He meets someone willing to die for her principles and he feels like he's a big asshole. His best friend tells him he wishes he'd done something honorable with his life because maybe said friend wouldn't feel like he's also a worthless asshole. Jaded merc decides to do something good for a change and try to redeem his soul and his self-respect. His team comes with him because they love him. Now, why is that story/plot so hard to understand?</p> Oh, and the action scenes kicked ass. Statham and his knife work was a joy to behold and seeing Couture/Austin fight was great. This movie delivered, people. Don't let any soy-eating vegan fags tell you any different.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    ANTONPHD

    by TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

    Amen! Clearly, you are a disciple of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Cobra--Cunt

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    lol, you came back after I crushed on the last talk back. I'm bigger than you'll ever be. You're the typical runty nerd with a little pink dick.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:43 a.m. CST

    MJS_COLD_DEAD_LIMP_DICK

    by TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

    I crap bigger than you. And when I do, my turds spell out TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Cobra Cunt does not exist in this dojo

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    because he's a little small weak bitch. Now stop stalking me ya fat little girl....better yet let's see your soft imposing figure! We could all use a good laugh

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:45 a.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    your mom says Im bigger than you

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Cobra--Kai = SCOTTPILGRIMFAN

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    same faggot

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 11:49 a.m. CST

    MJS_COLD_DEAD_LIMP_DICK

    by TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

    My mom is a whore who leaves her johns quivering in a puddle of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 12:22 p.m. CST

    The no tits policy comes from politics too

    by Omegaman

    Feminists and liberals for decades nagged Hollywood about it (about mixing sex and violence, exploiting women, etc....) until they stopped doing it. Its also that the people in Hollywood (producers, directors, writers...) changed too, theyre more... politically correct now. Thats why you dont see any action stars like Stallone any more either. They cast small wimpy men, and they purposely avoid creating any new macho white action heroes. Guns are out too, for the most part; although theyre coming back a little - they cant avoid totally giving the audiences what they want. None of it is based on the marketplace. Its all about politics.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:52 p.m. CST

    I actually feel bad for people...

    by TheLastCleric

    who can’t sit back and enjoy a movie that is this much fun. There were a few rough spots to be sure but this was a truly excellent throwback to an era that is just about gone and seeing so many talented tough guys on screen at one time was simply awesome. What’s really nice is reading the impressive box office tally, which hopefully means we’ll get a follow up with a tighter script. I do concede some of the fight scenes needed less shaky cam bullshit but even that wasn’t nearly as bad as some have insisted and most of the action was very well shot. The Expendables may not be a classic in the same way as something like Die Hard but compared to most action films of today it’s a testosterone-infused blast of fresh air, which is precisely why so many critics can’t wrap their PC-correct heads around a pure action experience. Also, Pilgrim looks like a blast so why even compare these flicks? They are about as disparate as it gets.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 1:59 p.m. CST

    Omegaman, you are retarded

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    the reason we dont see tits anymore isnt a lliberal p.c. scheme - its because most movies are rated pg13 so the studios can sell more tickets - its not politics - its money - now we get pg13 horror movies with no balls - why? - money - even your lack of muscley white heroes is about money - the studios give the public what they want - this is based on what sells - global b.o. returns - this is why nicholas cage keeps making shitty action movies - because there is a big market for them overseas - and i see more guns and violence in movies and on tv now than ever - the no tits/nudity thing is more of a conservative scheme - sex is bad but violence is ok - very conservative christian g.o.p. - watch a show like c.s.i. - all those corpses, blood and guts and nasty head wounds - but no hot chicks tits and asses in bras and panties that are too tight - why? - because in the u.s. sponsors and the ratings board (conservative interests) think seeing tits and asses do more damage than seeing autopsies on bullet ridden corpses

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:33 p.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    I agree

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Mickey Rourke's crying scene was awful

    by MattmanReturns

    This movie had some really cheesy dialogue that tried WAY too hard. All the characters fell flat. The action scenes were cool, but I call bullshit on this being an 80s action movie, as the fist fights were filmed like Bourne Identity with too many quick edits. That's not 80s.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:44 p.m. CST

    One of the best things: There is NO Jar Jar in this movie.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    No Rob Schneider following Stallone around. How dare action movies so commonly insist on adding foolish comic relief. Hey, let's lighten the mood but adding in some fool with stupid jokes! Like Ripcord in GI Joe!<BR><BR> Appreciate this film's lack of foolish Jar Jar. The closest we get is Jet Li, and its not even close. Jet is likeable and reserved. It's pure asskicking.<BR> This movie rules.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Omegaman, liberals like tits

    by MattmanReturns

    Ever heard of Playboy? Liberal. The PG-13ing of movies lately comes not from some liberal push (how did you even come up with that argument?) but from the studio's desire to get more people in the theater. R rated movies don't make as much. I will give you that feminists are a pain in the ass. Movies often portray strong women (and have for quite a while now), so feminists can kiss my ass.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Also Omegaman, if you want nudity: Piranha 3D next week

    by MattmanReturns

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Also most R rated comedies have tits

    by MattmanReturns

    Hot Tub Time Machine?

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 3:32 p.m. CST

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    I fuck Cobra--Kai doggystyle and cum on his fat tits

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 5:45 p.m. CST

    This film should have been rated R+

    by omega_786

    ....only for those born before 1976. Anybody after then doesn't and won't 'get' the Expendables. Useless review.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Liberals love tits more than conservatives.

    by antonphd

    Liberal men LOVE tits and so do half of liberal WOMEN!! Who's got the lesbians? Liberals. If you want to blame someone for getting rid of tits in movies blame all those church people. They are the ones who are afraid of seeing tits in the theater. It was a liberal who ran for president who had the girl with the big tits singing in the videos. Liberals are the party of t and a. We just also like the t and a attached to smart independent women. That's all.

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:05 p.m. CST

    Liberals love homosexuals and pedophiles

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    Milk, Brokebutt Mountain, Michael Jackson, Roman Polanski, etc.....

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Ah, P.C. the term used by cons & neocons to denounce pesky polit

    by tombseye

    You see, it used to be you could use good ol' racial epithets and call women anything from toots to honey whether you knew 'em or not. Then came PC! Oh no, now some people with very limited imaginations (and even more limited vocabulary) missed what they rarely got to use in the 1st place, terms offensive to some people (and what's life if you can't use offensive terms?!)! Then they started acting like PC was an 'agenda' and starting seeing it everywhere! What, no toplessless in a movie, PC police! Not enough rape, PC police promoting the feminazi agenda (as per that paragon of wisdom the ever blubbery Rush Limbaugh)! Luckily conservatives know better, especially Christians who are very anti-PC and hate it when women cover up their bodies or do anything with their bodies that 'god' doesn't want them to! Yes indeed PC has ruined our society to the point that we may very well become (and the god that doesn't exist help us!), yes you guessed it, Canadians! Nooooooooooooooooo!

  • Aug. 14, 2010, 9:13 p.m. CST

    pesky politeness, damn the word limits!

    by tombseye

    No doubt part of the PC agenda!

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 12:19 a.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    by antonphd

    oh, you named 2 liberals who were pedophiles... now my turn. ALL OF THE CATHOLIC PRIESTS WHO MOLESTS CHILDREN you may not shut your fucking mouth

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 12:26 a.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    by antonphd

    oh, you named 2 liberals who were pedophiles... now my turn. ALL OF THE CATHOLIC PRIESTS WHO MOLESTED CHILDREN you may now shut your fucking mouth.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 5:36 a.m. CST

    THE EXPENDABLES VShat w THE PREDATORS

    by NIETSELAM

    Two teams of expendables dropped on the hunting-ground planet going against all kind of creatures, tould be the next step.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 5:37 a.m. CST

    by NIETSELAM

    eh something went wrong with my text. Already damned...

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 9:34 a.m. CST

    antonphd

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    Catholics love Liberals They are one in the same. 1/3 of Hollywood liberals are Catholic, the rest are Jewish. The Pope Plays B-Ball with Obama. Don't confuse Catholics with Christians. You were molested by your own kind and you will pass on the tradition to another little emo liberal boy by fucking his mouth hole. You, like most liberals, are a disgusting spineless piece of trash and should be treated as such.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 9:41 a.m. CST

    Liberals preach ....

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    No Death Penalty for criminals yet they love to Abort Babies like crazy, They preach religious tolerance for Wicca and every other bullshit religon but attack Christianity at every turn, they preach Free Speech yet they are the Assholes who started this ridiculous Political Correctness monkey shit, they preach anti-captialism or helping out the poor and impoverished and yet they are the assholes you see on MTV Cribs & Super Sweet 16 living like greedy selfish pigs, they preach and preach and preach....and tell you how to live your life. Yeah for Liberals our benevolent masters!!!!!

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 12:08 p.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    by antonphd

    i was a protestant minister. then i realized what a retard i would have to be to believe in a god who creates an infinite amazing universe and then creates humans as the only life that like god can actually create and appreciate the wonder of all of creation... and then god is going to torture most his most amazing creation with fire forever for not believing in god? only sick and twisted morons would think a god who created all of this amazing universe would lose his shit over where a dude sticks his penis and torment him with fire forever for it. and what kind of a pathetic selfish fuck would actually want to be in heaven with god while god is torturing your loved ones who didn't believe in hell. how disloyal is that? that is the same as marrying someone who lights your children on fire because they are really rich and you'll live a life of luxury. you sold your soul for luxury to someone who just torched your children to death. that is fucked up. but go ahead man. keep lecturing other people on morality. cause if anyone knows morality it's a piece of shit like you who betrays your own loved ones for riches in heaven. i hope you and god have a good time golfing in the clouds while he's burning your friends who didn't believe with fire in unending torment. you fucking piece of shit.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 1:48 p.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    im a "liberal" - i dont "love to abort babies like crazy" - i hate all religions - religion is for small minded xenophobes like you - liberals arent keeping you from living the way you want - your fear and guilt is - if you want to buck political correctness and say whatever is on your mind to whomever, go ahead -youre allowed - if your definition of a "liberal" is what you see on mtv then that proves you are full of shit and mentally swayed easily by stereotypical depictions

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 1:56 p.m. CST

    "i was a protestant minister"......

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    yeah, and I'm a fucking chinaman. Your last post was something only a true sociopath pedophile would conjure up. Our country was founded on Christian beliefs whether you like it or not. The morals taught in the bible influenced our current justice system which keeps child molestors like you in check. I'm not sure why you are picking out Christianity, but most liberal faggots do it. Humans are spiritual creatures, that's a fact. It doesn't matter where you go on this planet or what civilization you visit, whether they are polytheistic or monotheistic, humans have always had a belief in a higher power(s). Organized religion was here before you and it will be here long after you and your seed die off (which will be real soon). So eat a dick you insignificant rat. Liberalism = Male Anal Sex, so have at it

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 6:40 p.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse...

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    wow - your last post says it all - the christian believer in god who thinks all humans are spiritual creatures by nature and need religion... also wishes death on someone (liberals in general) who disagrees with him... and is a violently outspoken giant homophobe - ya know, most macho homophobes are secretly gay - and are angry about it - they target openly gay people with their anger - because theyre uncontrollably aroused by openly gay people ( which the macho homophobe brain interprets as a threat) - because these macho gay haters want to suck a dick really bad but know doing so would destroy their macho straight cover - these types are almost always conservative - and christian - so have at it

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Rourke's crying scene was well-performed but out of place

    by Tall_Boy66

    Good acting, didn't fit the movie at all, but nicely delivered speech. I guess Sly thought if he had Mickey in it he might as well give him an Oscar Nomination Clip speech, even if it is in the frickin Expendables.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 7:41 p.m. CST

    JimmyJoe RedSky

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    look here catamite, I never stated that I was a good Christian and I'm not a homophobe by any means, but I do find their (and your) lifestyle hilarious and gross. I happen to love your moms pussy, I can stretch that thang out and it's still like new the day. You are obviously just another liberal queer who enjoys the thought of anal sex and aborting babies to drink their stem cells in a smoothie. So drink up.

  • Aug. 15, 2010, 9:37 p.m. CST

    MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse, keep going

    by JimmyJoe RedSky

    you are just verifying my previous post - my mom is 85 by the way - what is so gross about my lifestyle? - you are in fact a homophobe and a god fearing know-nothing conservative patriot - you are what is keeping this country and the world from being better - you (and your ilk) are the reason we (the usa) drug our feet entering ww2 - put japanese americans in internment camps - still dont have flying cars, jet packs, bases on mars and the moon, transporters (like in star trek), cold fusion, better public schools, universal healthcare, world peace and clean energy - bravo - i never had anal sex by the way - i tried it with my first girl friend but i didnt fit and she wasnt into it - plus, the whole shit smell thing is a turn off - you mention gay butt sex a lot for a non-homophobe -

  • Aug. 16, 2010, 12:21 a.m. CST

    "You remember that next Christmas!!!"

    by Dogmatic

    Terry Crews' line after blowing the hell out of a buncha guys with his auto-shotgun. <p> Best most inexplicably ridiculous line....ever.

  • Aug. 16, 2010, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Rourkes scene was the best non-action scene in the movie

    by Tikidonkeypunch

  • Aug. 16, 2010, 8:48 a.m. CST

    LMAO JimmyJoe RedSky

    by MJs_Cold_Dead_Pale_Corpse

    you're the reason we have AIDS, a broken medicare/welfare system, child obesity, a border/drug/kidnapping problem, high crime rates, high birth and abortion rates, child pornography, pre-teen pregnancy, Flavor of Love, Keeping up with the Kardashians, For The Love of Ray J, etc... I'm the only reason you are not reading The Qur'an and practicing Sharia law.

  • Aug. 24, 2010, 10:05 a.m. CST

    math

    by diban

    Dear customers, thank you for your support of our company. Here, there's good news to tell you: The company recently launched a number of new fashion items! ! Fashionable and welcome everyone to come buy. If necessary, please input: http://www.newgoing.com/ T-shirts (Polo ,ed hardy,lacoste) $14 New era cap $10 Air jordan(1-24)shoes $30 Handbags(Coach,ed hardy,lv,d&g) $35 Jean(True Religion,ed hardy,coogi) $35 Sunglasses(Oakey,coach,gucci,Armaini)$14 Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $18 http://www.newgoing.com vbgfb

  • Aug. 25, 2010, 2:14 p.m. CST

    It didn't bother you...

    by mrpoizun

    that the editing, quick cuts and shaky cam didn't allow you to see what was happening in the last thirty minutes?