I am – Hercules!! The Oscars may be coming to TV way way earlier next year, according to a report by Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood. According to the report, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ board of governors is meeting about moving the ABC Oscar telecast to January, presumably to crush NBC’s parasitic Golden Globes broadcast. Studios and stars court the Globes because the Globes supposedly influence Oscar voting. But if the Oscars, which have lately been airing in late February or March, move to January, it would be much harder for the Globes to exert its alleged influence on anything, since the Globes themselves traditionally air in January. The Globes could move their ceremony to October or November, of course, but then they wouldn’t be able to see a lot of the "Oscar-bait" the studios put in cinemas very late in the year. Unlike the Oscars, which are voted on by filmmakers, the Globes are voted on by 100 or so mysterious people in something called the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. They all claim to be journalists, but if one Googles, one doesn't find a lot of bylines for most of them. The HFPA’s website lists the names of its members but, tellingly, not the outlets for which they supposedly write. But if you head over to the webpages of virtually any other press association, they freely reveal the outlets for which its members write. If the HFPA is truly comprised of journalists, why are so many of it members making it so difficult to find their work? Most working journalists I've met write their stories because they want people to read them. All but perhaps a half-dozen of the HFPA members are forbidden to speak to legitimate journalists outside the HFPA. That's right: "Journalists" forbidden to speak to other journalists. (Due to an unusual circumstance, I have had the grave misfortune of speaking with most of them, and I can tell you there's at least a couple of obvious reasons they're so forbidden.) The HFPA members are also famous for rejecting legitimate foreign journalists who wish to join their organization. Here’s what some real journalists have to say about the Globes:

“Never mind that the [Golden Globe] is considered a joke, given the dubious credentials of the 90-odd foreign journalists who pick the winners.” -- Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

“Respect? Not much, especially from other journalists, who have publicly called [the Golden Globes voters] moochers, boneheads and bottom-feeders.” -- Andy Seiler, USA Today

“[The Golden Globe voters are] freeloaders who would sell their votes for a vodka tonic and cross the Alps for a hot dog.” -- Film historian Aljean Harmetz

“[The Golden Globe voters are] essentially just bottom-feeders around the industry, who've somehow been inflated to this point where their judgment is supposed to be very, very important.” -- John Powers, L.A. Weekly

“[The Golden Globes represent a case of] let's sell the public a lie." -- Producer Michael Phillips

"The Globes have long been the entertainment industry’s dirty little secret. At the heart of the con is the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn., the tiny, cliquish group of foreign entertainment journalists – and I use each of those terms liberally – whose votes determine the winners. "The members of the association are not, generally speaking, film experts (like the people who judge the National Society of Film Critics awards) nor are they members of the creative community (like those who give out the Oscars). They’re not even representatives of prominent foreign publications, like Le Monde or the Guardian or Haaretz. "Only a handful are full-time journalists; the rest are freelancers for mostly obscure publications, and some are simply hanging on for the parties and movie stars. To maintain their status in the organization, they need only write four articles a year." -- Sharon Waxman, The Los Angeles Times

Read the rest of Waxman's illuminating 2008 piece on the Globes here. I say the influence of the Golden Globes is total fucking bullshit anyway. Here’s what got best picture at this year's ACADEMY AWARDS: The Hurt Locker Here’s what got best film honors at this year's GOLDEN GLOBES: Avatar (drama) The Hangover (comedy or musical) And here we have what some real critics’ associations picked as best picture, almost all before the Golden Globes weighed in: NATIONAL SOCIETY OF FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker INTERNATIONAL PRESS ACADEMY The Hurt Locker NEW YORK FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker LOS ANGELES FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker CHICAGO FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker SAN FRANCISCO FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker BOSTON FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker HOUSTON FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker AUSTIN FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker DENVER FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker BROADCAST FILM CRITICS The Hurt Locker Find all of Deadline’s story on the Academy possibly moving its ceremony here. Follow Herc on Twitter!! Follow Evil Herc on Twitter!!

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