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Massawyrm calls PRINCE OF PERSIA: SANDS OF TIME cinematic cotton candy

Hola all. Massawyrm here. For quite some time I’ve argued that no one, short of Gore Verbinski, was ever going to make a great video game movie. And I’ve gotten mail for years about that from many of the diehard video game fans out there, arguing the contrary, clapping as loud as they can with hopes of keeping that little Tinkerbell alive. Video games are just structured differently from movies, but often borrow very heavily from television and film, and turning them into films is often effectively adapting one film from an adaptation of another. And often a lot gets lost in the translation, not unlike babelfish poetry. There have been a few noble attempts, but mostly nothing but a field littered with cinematic catastrophes. As of this writing, no one has actually made a great video game movie. But now someone has at least made a good one. PRINCE OF PERSIA: SANDS OF TIME is the very model of a summer blockbuster: fast paced, pretty and loud. The lead is beefy and handsome, the romantic interest dazzling and almost impossibly beautiful. And there is a whole lot of interesting action, interrupted occasionally by surprise performances from top notch character actors. But there is little, if any, substance. It is good old fashioned Jerry Bruckheimer cotton candy entertainment; sure it’s tasty, but it evaporates on your tongue the moment you touch it. The film suffers from one, sad, crippling flaw that is unfortunately inescapable. Adapted from the video game of the same name, the filmmakers borrowed the game’s most interesting element – a dagger that acts like GALAXY QUEST’s Omega-13, giving the hero a gigantic reset button that allows him to take back a short amount of time and repair a single mistake (or two.) While this sounds like a great idea to build a movie around, it also serves to undercut the primary tension of the film. How are we supposed to feel emotionally connected to anything that happens when, no matter how tragic the event, the sands of time can be swept back and all the wrongs can be undone? This creates an enormous disconnect as characters die, but we never feel like it is forever – even if it is. There’s always this lingering feeling that our hero could undo it at any time. While this concept is fun to play around with and creates some visually arresting scenes, it ultimately leads to the film’s hollow feel and leaves the audience wanting. Fortunately, everything else in the movie fires on all cylinders. Were it not for the aforementioned disconnect, this might have had a chance at being something fairly substantial. Gyllenhaal and Arterton absolutely smolder together. Their chemistry is undeniable and their snappy dialog gives this a very classic, romantic adventure feel not unlike the old Errol Flynn films. Jake Gyllenhaal nails the honorable rogue hero role in a way I don’t think many had him pegged for. He’s spent so much of his career brooding on screen, that I personally didn’t think any amount of sit-ups or glistening body oil could transform him into an action hero – but instead he turned on the charisma and gave off this very Kurt Russell/Harrison Ford-like vibe unlike anything I’ve seen out of the modern crop of actors. He’s incredibly likable with an ability to take even the stiffest piece of dialog and make it sing. Similarly, this is a career making role for Gemma Arterton, who while noted for her beauty before, has never been allowed so much leeway to command the screen as she was and does here. Throw in a fun performance by Alfred Molina as an unscrupulous, Middle Eastern Tea Party/Right Winger parody (that will certainly turn heads while simultaneously getting laughs), and a nice turn by Ben Kingsley and you have everything you need for a good old fashioned, Bruckheimer summer blockbuster. The action is goofy but fun, the effects are interesting and at times stunning and everything pulls together nicely to keep you thoroughly entertained while occasionally even laughing. Of course, you can make a successful drinking game out of people uttering the phrase “Prince of Persia”, and the film’s conceit really does eradicate a few of the bold choices the story makes, so when all is said and done, this proves to be another fun, but forgettable, night at the summer cinema. If this movie remembered for anything, it will be for making A-listers out of its stars. Outside of that, Bruckheimer haters will hate on it and families will flock to it. Worth a watch, but nothing you’ll be heartbroken for having missed.
Until next time friends, Massawyrm
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Readers Talkback
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  • May 26, 2010, 10:27 a.m. CST


    by Uopap


  • May 26, 2010, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Sounds.... AVERAGE

    by Steve Rogers

    Watch me dash to the cinema.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:30 a.m. CST


    by my liege

  • May 26, 2010, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Damn >: (

    by my liege

  • May 26, 2010, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Isn't this already out since last week?

    by RedEgiraahgnal

  • May 26, 2010, 10:31 a.m. CST

    I kind of hope this movie flops...

    by heytherekitty

    so maybe Hollywood will back off of all of these video game movie adaptations.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Can't wait to see this

    by Bathman

    the film looks amazing, plus it's got my future wife in it, and i love that they cast a white guy as the persian, that way the film will be watchable and not feel like i'm up late at night watching the hindu chanel

  • May 26, 2010, 10:32 a.m. CST

    This guys movies are never about substance

    by Cal the useless

    He's just a visual kind of guy and once you get past that, its just a collection of phoned in perfomances.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:36 a.m. CST

    Meh No thanks.

    by Ricochetmatt

    I'm gonna pass on this one. Hated the games... And will probably hate the movie.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:37 a.m. CST

    Solid Review

    by DangerDave

    In Massaw we trust!

  • May 26, 2010, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Right wing nutbags MUST BOYCOTT

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    If it makes fun of their simpering retardation, then to NOT be hypocrits, they must boycott the film.</p><p>Then again, EVERYONE makes fun of them so I guess they would have to just lock themselves in their homes and masturbate to Soldier of Fortune magazine.</p><p>Anyone else think it's completely awesome to hear these idiots say "Obama's a socialist because he takes over businesses!" Followed closely by "Obama needs to take over BP NOW!" ha ha, what a gaggle of fuckin' douchbags!

  • May 26, 2010, 10:43 a.m. CST

    sadly, sex and the city will probabaly kill this

    by Bathman

    sex and the city will probabaly be number one this weekend, only because alot of guys will be draged to that instead of this. But that is what we get for allowing women to have freedoms, if we kept them in the kitchen where they belong then movies like sex and the city would never be made. And while i'm at it, why don't people dress up to go to the cinema anymore? Back in my day it was custom to don a hat and jacket, even if you were just going to a matanee with the boys, and when you got home you wife had dinner ready for you and she shut her mouth while you watched TV afterwards. The world just aint like it used to be i suppose

  • May 26, 2010, 10:43 a.m. CST

    From the headline I didn't think I'd agree with this.

    by brokentusk

    But I have to say you hit it on the head, Massa. <p> The film leaves you the moment you leave the theatre. At least PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN was fun and gave us Jack Sparrow. All this film gave me were CGI snakes and the belief that ancient Persia was filled with white, British people. <p> It wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either. <p> It just was.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:45 a.m. CST

    Video Games

    by gingerella

    are interactive. You shape the story by controlling the central character, thereby becoming God of that world. Why would you then want to sit and watch someone else shaping the central character? Why would you relinquish your power? Watching a video game film spin off is effectively watching someone else play a video game for two hours. Now where's the fucking fun in that?

  • May 26, 2010, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Persia's gonna be the first flop

    by gingerella

    of the summer. Fuck that nights of Arabia shit.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Looks weak

    by Kenny_Fucking_Powers

    Fuck this movie

  • May 26, 2010, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Typical Hollowwood Lefty Pinko Shit

    by DangerDave

    I am so tired of the left projecting their politics into their product. The Liberal media ramming and thrusting their agenda into me. <P> I am a member of the Tea Party, and I believe in small goverment...Big Business doesn't need them messing their bottom-line...or their bottoms. Socialism taking more money out of my pocket and giving it welfare babies and lazy fucks that should be doing the jobs that the Mexicans currently do when we kick them back across the border. <P> Hollowwood teaching my kids socialism through Avatra, protect the trees and the natives...while hard working Americans struggle to get the energy to full their spaceships. And that race traitor Jake Sully selling out his people for giant smurfs. <P> I for one will be boycotting the summer movies...I will be busy misspelin signs for the ralleys and picketting the Fire Department station house.....END SOCISALISMM NOOOWWW.<p> :)

  • May 26, 2010, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Bioshock and Half Life

    by TheNewDirector

    Make those movies. And I would consider silent hill and mortal Kombat good videogame movies. The best (although is it a doc.) would be King of Kong, Billy Mitchell is such a douche.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Yes, Silent Hill and Mortal Kombat

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Rock the fucking hizzouse. I honestly don't understand when people say they didn't like Silent Hill. I fucking LOVE that movie.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:58 a.m. CST

    I want a Half-Life 2 Movie

    by DangerDave

    like fucking NOW.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:01 a.m. CST

    The Silent Hill Argument

    by Dave I

    It's not that it CAN'T be done, or even that it WON'T, just that it hasn't. Silent Hill for example. Great, GREAT games. The movie was, sadly, lacking. Kind of good, but not great. However, it would be very doable to make Silent Hill 1 or 2 into a great movie, and none of the problems with Silent Hill the movie were intrinsically because it was a video game adaptation. There are enough games (Shadow of the Colossus, Silent Hill 2, the later Zelda games, no doubt others) that are cinematic enough with great storylines to be reshaped into great movies. Sure it takes being reworked, but they are at their best getting closer with some pretty identifiable problems that can be fixed.<p><p>As for video games not being able to be successfully made into movies, I'd argue you're wrong. They've made movies' themes into very cinematic games, it can't be impossible to reverse engineer the more cinematic & inspired/inspiring games into movies. It just takes the realization you have to rework things a bit. Heck, we could have had this same conversation about comic book movies not too long ago (since people forget about how great the original Superman Movie(s) was(were) and arguably we didn't get any comic book character dead-on until the Spider-Man 1 & 2 movies and the most recent series of Batman Movies (sorry Tim Burton's Batman) on through the current batch of movies.<p><p>Call it clapping my hands to keep Tinkerbell alive, but I'll (still respectfully, however) disagree with you on this one.<p><p>-Cheers

  • May 26, 2010, 11:03 a.m. CST

    I agree Fett..

    by TheNewDirector

    .. and Cameron directing a big budget Half Life 2 movie in the vein or aliens or the like would be a dream come true. Although I wouldn't want him to write the screenplay...

  • May 26, 2010, 11:04 a.m. CST

    I don't know...

    by wampa 1

    ...but it sure smells good!

  • May 26, 2010, 11:07 a.m. CST

    "good old fashioned Jerry Bruckheimer cotton candy entertainment

    by AsimovLives

    That means it's shit.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the heads up


    On the screening C

  • May 26, 2010, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Thanks for the heads up


    On the screening C

  • May 26, 2010, 11:10 a.m. CST

    So this is the obligatory AICN's Bruckheimer ass kissing review

    by AsimovLives

  • May 26, 2010, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Jerry Bruckheimer, An Hack For All Seasons

    by AsimovLives

  • May 26, 2010, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Opened to terrible numbers in UK last weekend

    by Pedro_Voted_For_Me

    Only made £1.4million, and not even in the top slot. Admittedly we had uncharacteristically good weather, but still, doesn't bode well for a summer tentpole

  • May 26, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST that code?

    by DangerDave

    And while ur at it...fix the TBs get an edit button and user delete function to remove multiple post?

  • May 26, 2010, 11:15 a.m. CST

    I Think I've Finally Grown Out of Summer Blockbusters

    by Crow3711

    I just can't think of a reason to see this. All giant summer blockbusters are the same unless someone unique is given the money to make something special, as in, imho, Star Trek last year. Inception is the only major studio flick I have any interest in seeing this summer. Makes me pretty sad overall, to be honest.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Ratchet and clank would make for a good film

    by Bathman

    it may be too edgy for them, but imagine if pixar got the rights and gave us an original story staring ratchet and clank.<P>Other games that would make for good films if done right include metal gear solid, infamous, red dead redemption, and yes even super mario brothers (don't make it real world, make it fun like the original games and hire a director who can handle fun movies)

  • May 26, 2010, 11:19 a.m. CST

    All flash no substance..

    by TheNewDirector

    .. with shit like this, transformers, etc. it is no wonder why movie lovers are so jaded. As soon as I hear "mystical sword, Michael Bay, LeBeouf", you know it's going to be shit.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Played the game, now I can't watch the movie

    by CBWolf

    It sounds like a fair review, and my wife has actually been rather excited to buy a big bad of popcorn and go see it. But I actually played the game, and it is one of the best single player experiences I have ever had. When I watch the trailers all I see is where it falls short of the game.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:23 a.m. CST

    had my fill of hollow blockbusters this year

    by TheManWhoCan

    ironman2 mehh<p> wolfman mehhhhhh<p> skipped Clash! will be skipping this too. looks good though, but cant blow more cash on ultimatly unrewarding/forgettable movies<p> cinemas expensive y-know!

  • May 26, 2010, 11:34 a.m. CST

    The Mummy without the charm

    by greyspecter

    That's what this looks like. Of course, I haven't seen it, so I shouldn't even have opened my mouth. Scratch this whole post.<p>In other news, way to keep the streak alive, Massa! 2547 consecutive posts bashing the Right and counting for AICN!

  • May 26, 2010, 11:36 a.m. CST

    best film since iron man 2

    by ieatgarbage

    stay for jake. but look closely.<p>Give me back the dagger!<p> classic!

  • May 26, 2010, 11:37 a.m. CST

    this won't be a flop

    by Bathman

    it won't do nearly what they want it too, but by the end of the summer it will easily hit the 150 million mark, i get a GI joe vibe from this film so i can see it doing the same business<P>In terms of flops i think jonah hex will be a big one, and unfortunetly two films that don't deserve to be flops pretty much are, that being Macgruber and the losers. Both films were really great but they just never cuaght on with audiences, they oth might make a profit by the end (due to only costing 10 and 25 mill) but both deserve to be up in the 70 to 80 million dollar box office

  • May 26, 2010, 11:39 a.m. CST

    wolfman was another flop that didn't deserve it

    by Bathman

    That film was crazy fun and it could have been the start of a great franchise again, but unless Bluray/DVD sales are big i don't think we'll see another one anytime soon

  • May 26, 2010, 11:40 a.m. CST


    by umbral_shadow_

    It made under £2m in its first weekend, which is pretty poor for a family blockbuster. But, hey, Massa liked it...

  • May 26, 2010, 11:41 a.m. CST

    I HATE Bruckheimer, but I LOVE Newell.

    by Mr Gorilla

    C'mon, Newell gave us the first Harry Potter that really made an audience laugh, cry, be thrilled, be scared - even though it didn't give us the poetry that Cuaron did. Newell really projected a LOVE of the three main characters. I get the feeling that Prince of Persia is probably not all that bad. At least it has performances. Pirates, meanwhile, is simply ALL OVER THE SHOP. No sense of tone, so sense of 'is this tongue in cheek or am I supposed to be taking it seriously?'

  • May 26, 2010, 11:49 a.m. CST

    this only floped in the uk, because the english are uptight

    by Bathman

    there was probabaly a tea festival or a benny hill marathon or maybe everyone was full of gravy and lamb after the st swivin's day festivities to go see a movie<P>to sum it up, the british are lame and don't see movies unless they have a queen in them

  • May 26, 2010, 11:50 a.m. CST

    So not interested in this movie

    by SnowDogs

    Looks totally forgettable.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:55 a.m. CST

    I'm worried that they stole too much of what makes

    by JackSlater4

    Assasins Creed great and put it in this movie instead, and the eventual Assasins Creed movie will suffer like Judge Dredd post Robocop.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:56 a.m. CST

    DOA: Dead or Alive is a masterpiece

    by Spandau Belly

    Pure Eric Roberts glory! But I've given up on waiting for a sequel.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:56 a.m. CST

    anyhoo, I'm taking the kids to see this

    by Spandau Belly

    should be fun

  • May 26, 2010, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Agree about Silent Hill. Excellent adaptation

    by Quake II

    Wicked cool movie with some truly creepy shit. Much more actual horror in that film than most of the crap we see these days. Prince looks decent. Could be the new "Pirates" franchise. Still waiting for the second run theaters to see it. I'll pay 3.00 for Prince.

  • May 26, 2010, 12:05 p.m. CST

    "That means it's shit"

    by Double M

    Really? Why exactly does fun=shit? I for one am all for a good old-fashioned entertaining and FUN movie. Remember FUN everyone? Can someone please tell me what doesn't constitute a movie or TV show being "shit" anymore, because I can never seem to find anything based of these talkbacks.

  • May 26, 2010, 12:16 p.m. CST

    It's a Jerry Butt-pirate production... It is going to SUCK!!!

    by Citizen Sane

  • May 26, 2010, 12:26 p.m. CST

    I'll check it out.

    by HorrorFan81

    As long as it's stupid but fun, I'll be satisfied.

  • May 26, 2010, 12:31 p.m. CST

    slag brukneimer all you want, but...

    by Bathman

    i mean really, the dudes track record has alot more wins then it does loses. He constantly puts out fun big budget movies, hell even G-force was fun to kids (i simply cannot stand when an adult says a kids movie sucks, to a kid i'm sure schindlers list and godfather suck too)<P>Brukheimer is just the man, his movies are always at least fun and sometimes thats all your looking for in a summer movie, just a fun two hours by yourself in a movie theatre

  • May 26, 2010, 12:33 p.m. CST

    The worst summer movie season ever?

    by scudd

    I can't bring myself to give a shit about any of these movies. The season peaked with Iron Man 2, and that was the first in the line up.

  • They say this at least three times in the film. Wonder what that could be referring to?!?! Hmmm...

  • May 26, 2010, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Fuck this, when is the damn Tekken movie coming out?

    by Stalkeye

    it's been in the can for sometime and if there's no distributor atleast put the shit on video/DVD.It cant be as bad as street fighter the legend of chun li now could it?

  • May 26, 2010, 12:56 p.m. CST

    This summer is far from the worst

    by Bathman

    In fact theres lots of great films coming we've got <P>get him to the greek<P> the A-Team <P>toy story 3<P>predators<P>inception<P>Salt<P>the expendalbles<P>This summer is far from the worst ever, true it's no 2008 but at the same time it's no 2009 (a year i think was the worst in recent history, with only star trek being the shining light)

  • May 26, 2010, 12:59 p.m. CST

    Dangerdave & the liberal bias of reality

    by awepittance

    hey Dangerdave when you say you are part of the Tea party movement, were you part of it while George Bush was in office? Reason i ask is because there are distinctly two types of tea partiers, the ones who followed Ron Paul in 2007 who started a protest movement against big government and the federal reserve and the herd mentality lackies who with the help of Fox news created an astro turf protest movement directed against Obama, never once focusing any energy on Bush. And yes reality is known to have a sharp 'liberal' bias

  • May 26, 2010, 1 p.m. CST

    Silent Hill was the only enjoyable VG adaptation

    by awepittance

    that i've seen, i wasn't a big fan of the games so i can't say how accurate it was but i still found the visuals & atmosphere extremely creepy

  • May 26, 2010, 1:02 p.m. CST

    dangerdave= good parody i feel for it

    by awepittance

  • May 26, 2010, 1:06 p.m. CST


    by RETURN_of_FETT

    We should be bombing those fuckers for what BP is doing to us!

  • May 26, 2010, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Its GOT to better than Clash Of The Titans

    by skimn

    which I saw for free thanks to a Movie Cash coupon..and still feel like I was ripped off.

  • May 26, 2010, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Obama's next public address shoudl be:

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    And no, I don't give a fuck that this has nothing to do with the topic...</p><p>"My fellow Americans........fuck the British! Bombing begins now!" *hits oversized red button on his desk*

  • May 26, 2010, 1:20 p.m. CST

    I mean, seriously...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Osama Bin Laden on his best fucking day couldn't do 1/1000th of what these limey fucks are doing to us every day!</p><p>I think they should all line up and get tripe shoved up their ass one by one, then topped off with a funnel full of crude. Then we can hire R. Lee Ermey to scream in their face "And that's for Hugh Grant you limp-dick faggot!"

  • May 26, 2010, 1:25 p.m. CST

    Good job Massa

    by CartoonFanboy

    Not just with the review (though it confirms my suspicion that this was a well performed but ultimately hollow film) but with your explanation as to why video game movies don't work. I've been harping on this for awhile now, every time someone starts talking about how great a Halo film would be, or Bioshock, or World of Warcraft, I try to tell them that the stories are mostly composites and don't really offer anything new. Still the video game die-hards don't want to listen, oh well.

  • May 26, 2010, 1:30 p.m. CST


    by bod33

    I did not realise the company was EP i thought it was BP. Oh wait your American so you know nothing about Britain or the rest of the world.

  • May 26, 2010, 1:33 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Silent Hill . . .

    by Dave I

    Are they every going to make a movie out of Silent Hill 2? With James and Mary? For a creepy, surreal game with monsters jumping out of fog and trying to kill you, it was a great love story with very compelling tragedy from numerous fronts. I would love to see them make a great adaptation of that that stayed true to the plot of the game (obviously changing what they had to, but the same characters & arc).<p><p>I've heard they're planning SH2 but based on a continuation of the first movie. I'm not as keen on that as I am the story of James in the second game.<p><p>-Cheers

  • May 26, 2010, 1:40 p.m. CST

    sounds like a good movie to see with my uncle

    by The_Crimson_King

    I'm glad to hear this isn't awful, it's about time video game movies start getting good

  • May 26, 2010, 1:42 p.m. CST

    the Silent Hill movie is not good

    by The_Crimson_King

    it comes close to being good yes, but if you're very familiar with the games it sucks, visually it was pretty awesome, but all the hammy acting and Sean Bean being entirely pointless ruined it, it just didn't capture the surreal nature of the games well enough

  • May 26, 2010, 1:43 p.m. CST


    by MJohnson

    ...God, we suck.

  • May 26, 2010, 1:46 p.m. CST

    Not a good film

    by SonOfChiba

    It just never really comes to life, none of the jokes work, the action scenes are jumpy-cutty-too-close to see what's going on, the whole cast - especially Kingsley - looks kinda bored. And everyone appears to be a COCKNEY.

  • May 26, 2010, 1:53 p.m. CST

    the only good things about the BP oil leak

    by Bathman

    is that, we already only had 30 years left of oil, but now that we are wasting millions of galons into the ocean, it means that 30 year reserve is quickly dropping, which means companies are going to need to invent some kind of renewable resource pretty soon, beacuse earth will be without oil in like 20 years if they don't stop that leak. Maybe one day we will all be driving electic cars or bikes that run of warp coils or something

  • May 26, 2010, 1:57 p.m. CST

    A Tea Party Right Winger in Ancient Persia?

    by MarkWhittington

    I find that hard to believe. Of course this comes from the same site that claimed that Zorro was being menaced by "Neocons" in 1860 California.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:16 p.m. CST

    I am just Surprised anyone took me SERIOUS?

    by DangerDave

    wtf ftw.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:21 p.m. CST

    I hope Fett was being ironic...

    by umbral_shadow_

    Because bombing other countries is pretty much the only thing that the good ol' US of A do well. And Prick Of Persia bombing in the UK seems to indicate that the limey fucks actually have better taste than we thought...

  • May 26, 2010, 2:25 p.m. CST

    I think with the movie box office it's becoming clear...

    by SoylentMean

    that people are fuckin' broke! I'm still trying to figure out how Iron Man 2 didn't destroy the box office. I think people are really watching their wallets and also starting to realize that these movies are coming to home video really fuckin' fast. <P> I'll probably end up seeing this because I have giftcards and won't pay a dime of my own money. I just don't think too many people are gonna flock to this movie.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Mean....I seen IM2

    by DangerDave

    But my wife and I smuggled in 2 bags of microwave popcorn and 2 mountain dews. <P> Value Engineering.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Whenever the subject of VG movies comes up

    by skimn

    so does Silent Hill. Yes, it was dark and atmospeheric and had creepy-as-fuck visuals, but the story fell apart for me, and ohhhh creepy, evil child? Thats not a horror movie cliche...

  • May 26, 2010, 2:36 p.m. CST

    The game was great

    by bigpale

    This movie will be 'meh' The previous talk-backer's comment about reverse engineering it (if video game developers can make good movie adaptations, then movie developers should be able to make good video game adaptations), misses one critical point: Typically the game developers care more about getting their adaptation right, than the movie developers do. Since video games are high risk/low reward in terms of cost vs profit, whereas movies with good enough advertising almost always turn (eventually) SOME kind of profit.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:37 p.m. CST

    I make movies part of my budget

    by Bathman

    it's not that hard, each week i set aside 30 bucks and that covers my ticket and snacks and stuff.<P>Of course i'm 63 with no children or significant other, so my expenses are light but i've set aside money each week for years...of course i've never actually had a girlfriend so i guess i've always had the extra money for movies, um, yeah so maybe it is hard to see movies when you have a life, thank god i don't have one of those

  • May 26, 2010, 2:41 p.m. CST

    63 and never had a Girlfriend?!?!?!?!!

    by DangerDave

    *facepalm* <P> I can see why you are at the movies....A LOT!

  • May 26, 2010, 2:45 p.m. CST

    Well theres more to life then having girlfriends

    by Bathman

    yeah i never had one, and i've never had sex either, but theres more to enjoy in life, women just hold you down and don't let you have any fun, i think most would say i've had a fufiling life because i've remained single

  • May 26, 2010, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Obama should...

    by JayLenoTookMyJob

    ...declare a state of emergency that would give him the power to: seize all BP's assets in this country, nationalize its operations on U.S. soil and revoke the visas of all its chiefs of operations in the U.S. pending criminal investigations. But of course he won't... he's a corporatist like anyone else in government... bought and paid for. Also, he's more than a little effete.

  • May 26, 2010, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Palpatine already did that

    by Bathman

    it didn't turn out well and i doubt obama could do it, even if he did trick jar jar into voting for it

  • May 26, 2010, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Bathman, that was pretty much the ultimate self imolation

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    I've never seen anyone actually admit to not getting laid on a message board before! Holy fucking schnikies!</p><p>And let me just say that you're missing the fuck out! Holy gawd I really feel sorry for you man! :(

  • May 26, 2010, 3:09 p.m. CST

    i didn't get laid until i was 26

    by antonphd

    because i waited until i was married. there, now bathman doesn't have to feel as bad.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:11 p.m. CST

    And not just about the sex...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Sorry, I'm goign to obsess over this because I've never met a life-long virgin before. It's sort of like Bigfoot popping up in a talkback.</p><p>I mean, yeah, sex is awesome and it's COMPLETELY different with a real live woman. I can't even describe it, it's this whole mingling of personnaes reacting off each slight movement so completely affecting the experience of a seperate entity..... People are doing this shit for a reason, let me tell ya!</p><p>But no, the REAL tragedy is never to have known what it's like to have a soulmate. To have a woman love you through and through. To see the look in her eyes when your every breath thrills her. That is some POWERFUL fucking mojo! Makes a man want to wake up in the morning. And all you want to do is please her, to be worthy of that love. It's what drives you to be a better person.</p><p>We can all imagine what being a good and noble man is, but let's face it, if the world were populated by men, we'd be some smelly, selfish pricks.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:12 p.m. CST

    I hope this is sarcasm

    by DangerDave

    and it is lost in internet translation. <P> cause if it aint....WOW JUST WOW. <P> Bathman, don't fool yourself, we all know that you have laid awake night wondering if you would ever find love. Crying yourself to sleep. Spending massive amouts of revenue on porn. <P> This is making me wonder about my own personal status as a fanboy and geek, I am married with kids and maybe I am wasting my life following movies.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:13 p.m. CST

    My kids (ages 11 through to 17) loved it.

    by Jugs

    I thought it wasn't bad, but then I didn't expect much. The baddie from Spiderman 2 owned.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:13 p.m. CST

    No, he should still feel pretty bad...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Although 26, duuuuuude. Christ I did most of my fucking by then! Most of my random fucking anyway. Hell I thought I was late out of the gate at 17!

  • May 26, 2010, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Bathman= GAY

    by DangerDave

    That is the only explaination. <P> You can claim viginity, if it was only another guy sucking you off.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Hmmmmm, that might be it.

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    It just doesn't seem plausible that a man could go his whole life without sex or a girlfriend. Unless he's like John Merrick ugly, or permenantly disabled or something.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:23 p.m. CST

    I was a late 19.

    by DangerDave

    And at the time I thought that made me a freak. Now once I got that first shot off, it was ON. I got more ass than a toliet seat when I was stationed in Germany.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:26 p.m. CST

    My best friend in High School had Muscular Dystrophy

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    So he was in a wheelchair and had no real ability to do anything but sit, and he needed help with that.</p><p>He would try to convince himself that women were just trouble and he was living the good life because he didn't have a job.</p><p>We both knew different. One day he started to cry because he knew the end was coming and he had never even kissed a girl. That eats at a man's fucking soul.</p><p>There's no way this guy is GLAD he's never had a girlfriend. This is just some sort of defense mechanism. It's GOT to be.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:29 p.m. CST

    You guys really believe Bathman?

    by umbral_shadow_

    A 63 yr old posts using the language and lingo of a typical 35 year old? No, Bathman is NOT a 63 yr old virgin. The question is WHY he is masquerading as a 63 yr old virgin. That's the interesting part, and I'm guessing only his shrink knows the answer.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:30 p.m. CST

    DangerDave, right on brother!

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Once you've got a taste of that sweet, sweet lovin', there's no going back. Pussyhound for fucking LIFE!</p><p>Once I turned 21 and started going to bars, holy shit! Girls that age want the cock! I'd walk into that bar and it was like those kids walking into Wonka's chocolate factory with the river of chocolate and the lollipop trees and all that shit! Besides, back then the women all dressed like total sluts. They literally looked like hookers with tiny little black leather skirts, fishnets, hair teased up, etc.</p><p>*daydreams* Aaaaah....those were the fucking days, let me tell ya.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:38 p.m. CST

    "Fuck the English"....?

    by Pawprint

    Here's a clue - The 'B' in BP stands for 'British', you stupid twat.

  • May 26, 2010, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Corporate Hollywood loves built-in brand recognition audiences

    by HerbDean

    Prince of Persia & video game adapted movies are no different from, Magic 8 ball movies, Battleship movies, Monopoly movies and Mass Effect movies. If you have pop-culture recognized brand Hollywood will buy into it. It's all the same in the end.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:02 p.m. CST

    English, British, what the fuck ever

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    You're all stupid, toothless fucks that eat really shitty food and don't believe in water pressure.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Actually they'd have us believe the B stands for "Beyond"

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    They're been marketing it that way here for like a decade.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:04 p.m. CST

    And you can all shove your VAT tax...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Right up your fucking BUMS!

  • May 26, 2010, 4:06 p.m. CST

    And NO, I will NOT pay to take at piss

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    At fucking Herod's! I'd rather get a fucking bladder infection!

  • May 26, 2010, 4:08 p.m. CST

    Didn't TOMB RAIDER do the turning back time plot device?

    by Drath

    Jeez, I am happy to read that the movie is otherwise solid, but I really wish Hollywood script writers would stop with using time travel plot devices.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:08 p.m. CST

    I am 63 and no, not gay

    by Bathman

    Just never found the right one i guess, plus when i reached about 37 i figured what the fuck it's never gonna happen so i just found other stuff to entertain me. Do i get lonely, sure I mean, parents are dead i have one brother i haven't spoken to in 13 years and i really don't have any friends, but you can learn to be lonely and it forces you to like yourself better. Of course i would have loved to have found my soul mate or had kids, but you know what, i didn't theres nothing i can do about that, i'm a fanboy at heart i spend most of my time and money on movies and collectables and stuff. I quite enjoy it

  • May 26, 2010, 4:12 p.m. CST

    All the grovelling BP'ers on TV

    by belasco_house

    are yanks. Just sayin'. You guys dropped the ball... heh. <p> And that's only cos you shouldnt've picked it up in the 1st place. 'S why it's called football.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:13 p.m. CST

    And I hate to break it to you....

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    But England OWNS ALL OF BRITAIN! that's why the terms are virtually interchangable. England took over Scotland 300 fucking years ago....IT'S ENGLAND! They can call it whatever the fuck they want, they can prance around in their skirts, but it's all the same shit.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Don't kid yourselves, this kind of movie

    by MorganLeafy

    is why we come to AICN in the first place. I only go to about 3 of this type of movies per summer, but I can still have fun with them. I was a bit hesitant to see this one but Massa's review just won me over.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:20 p.m. CST

    I'm looking foward to it

    by Geekhaterssuck

    I must question Massrym's complaing though about this disconnect I mean that was the focus on the freaking game the dagger and the sands of time, so I mean I get what you are saying but it's only the purpose of the dagger and if you take it out well it's just Prince of Persia in name only isn't it?

  • May 26, 2010, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Regarding Silent Hill

    by Geekhaterssuck

    I thought it was good wasn't crazy about the character changes in the adaptation but hey what are you going to do? As far as a sequel I would love to see what Dave I is talking about with James and Mary, I would say though they could adapt it where Sean Bean's character goes there after receiving a message from the other side from his wife wouldn't it be a twist if all that was in his head and he had killed his wife and daughter and the whole Silent Hill thing was in his mind?

  • May 26, 2010, 4:23 p.m. CST


    by Lemure_v2

    Have we gone from Prince of Persia to hating the British? I mean, if it wasn't for us Brits sending our unwanted abroad, you'd still be hunting buffalo. We gave you Rugby. You got scared, put on a ton of padding and renamed it football. We also gave you Tolkein, Shakespeare, Douglas Adams, Chris Nolan, Gary Oldman, and Trainspotting. You Yanks better get down on your knees and thank the British. Oh, and sorry for Hugh Grant, truly.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:35 p.m. CST


    by Geekhaterssuck

    Yeah I think the Hugh Grant thing pretty much wipes out the rest of the good. LOL. Although I must I should apologize for Kevin Costner trying to sound British in Robin Hood.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:40 p.m. CST


    by Lemure_v2

    Nah, we LOVED Costner's Robin Hood...oh, and that reminds me, you can thank us for Alan Rickman too.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:45 p.m. CST

    LOL Lemure

    by Geekhaterssuck

    Yep the Brit is great when he plays a German villian LOL. But nah still not enough to make up for Hugh Grant. Nolan's got to hit it big with Inception, kick ass on Batman 3 and rejuvinate the Superman franchise before I'll even consider calling it even LOL.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:51 p.m. CST

    Bathman is the most depressing soul I've

    by Phategod2

    ever seen. Jesus Christ on a cross dude your life is based on Nerd culture from your self description you have to be the most pathetic Human Beings on the planet. When you die whose gonna be at your Funeral? Whose going to morn you? What have you acheived, and whose life did you affect? My God man I can't believe you've never even paid for sex. I'd have more respect for someone who had to pay for some, then settling for the many works of George Lucas.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Double M

    by AsimovLives

    What is supposed to be fun in a JerryFuckheimer movie is in fact pure shit. Retard fucking shit. I'm sorry that you mistake that shit for fun. But better you then me. I count myself fortunate to know the difference. Which shouldn't be all that hard to know, actually.

  • May 26, 2010, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Forgettably average entertainment

    by lex romero

    Everything in the film has been done better (and in the case of the parkour, done for real) in other films. The action is poorly shot, the plot shoddy and awkwardly structured, the ending stupid, character’s two dimensional. There are some fun parts to it, Gyllenhaal sells me on the character and I wouldn’t be against seeing Prince of Persia 2: Havana Nights in a couple of years time. But I don’t think I’d ever sit through the first one again.

  • Badboys 2.....Great review Massa. The trailers made it seem like it was going through the action movie motions and my interest died, but your review is the volt of electricity needed to shock my interest back to life "IT'S A ALIVE! I SAW IT ITS A LION,ITS HUGE!"

  • May 26, 2010, 5:04 p.m. CST

    I lived in England for a few years

    by umbral_shadow_

    Its easy to sum them up: a nation of alcoholics, emotionally crippled, cold as fish, unfriendly as hell, arrogant, self-centered, stiff upper lip oh and bad teeth. Having said all that I married a Brit and I'm soon going to move back there for good. Oh well!

  • May 26, 2010, 5:10 p.m. CST

    i've never paid for sex, doubt i ever would

    by Bathman

    I guess you could say i've always been a little overweight (not by much, the most i ever was was 30 pounds over and i'm 6"3 so i was told i carried itwell) but still even if i was paying for it i'd never allow anyone to see me naked, i come from the idea that if your fat you don't deserve things in life and until i get to my ideal body weight, i don't deserve to have sex or have a woman love me. Odd way of think, i know but i've always had that outlook and at my age i doubt it'll change

  • May 26, 2010, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Silent Hill, the closest a video game movie came to being good.

    by Obnoxious_Username

    But Sean Bean's character really hurt the film and kept it from being a success. It's still better than all the other game adaptations out there, but that's like saying your retarded kid is the least retarded one in special ed class.

  • May 26, 2010, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Metal Gear Solid and maybe HALO


    games that could possibly translate into good to possibly great films. Abe's Oddysee also. It already has a string of amazing CG cutscenes, and Metal Gear... oh YAH baby.

  • May 26, 2010, 5:38 p.m. CST

    metal gear solid would make for a great movie

    by Bathman

    i'm actually surprised they haven't done it yet, i'm sure someone (probabaly sony) owns the rights

  • May 26, 2010, 6:17 p.m. CST


    by Double M

    Could you please explain to me what qualifies a movie for "retarded fucking shit" status. You are apparently deeming yourself an authority in the ability to pronounce a particular cinematic work as "shit". In that case, please share your criteria for such a proclamation.

  • May 26, 2010, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Taking my kids to see it next week

    by Moleskin_1

    I don't have high expectations for it, but it looks pretty fun.

  • May 26, 2010, 6:48 p.m. CST

    I will not see Prince of Persia thanks for the heads up!

    by Fandude7

    Jake was great on Donnie Darko but that's about it. I will keep my $10 and buy a paper back book.

  • May 26, 2010, 7:25 p.m. CST

    Anal fissures>Prince of Persia

    by TakingScorpiosCalls

  • May 26, 2010, 7:26 p.m. CST

    Bathman, did you at least get some unconsensual fondling....

    by BumLove

    ...from a drunk Uncle growing up?

  • May 26, 2010, 7:27 p.m. CST

    Or as a drunk Uncle?

    by BumLove

  • May 26, 2010, 7:58 p.m. CST

    But I'm confused about this quote, Bathman

    by BumLove

    "Back in my day it was custom to don a hat and jacket, even if you were just going to a matanee with the boys, and when you got home you wife had dinner ready for you and she shut her mouth while you watched TV afterwards. " <p> How would you know if you've never been married or had sex?

  • May 26, 2010, 8:13 p.m. CST

    This quote from another talkback confuses me too, Bathman

    by BumLove

    i usually ignore women's faces by Bathman May 17th, 2010 07:43:58 AM most of the time i put a bag over their head, i hate making eye contact with any woman so if we are going to play in my basement i put a bag over their heads or at least blindfold them. Zoe has an alright face though, i'd probabaly keep a piece if we ever met <p> That doesn't sound like talk from someone who's a virgin....or actually...maybe it does....

  • May 26, 2010, 8:19 p.m. CST

    aren't most action/adventure movies forgettable?

    by Warcraft

    Why does every movie have to be oscar caliber? If it's a good movie, it's a good movie. who cares about emotional disconnects or if it's just cotton candy. Movies like this are why cinemas exist in the first place. Just some fun fantasy escapism. Not every action/adventure movie is gonna be lord of the rings/indiana jones/starwars O.T. caliber.

  • May 26, 2010, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Sounds average like Kick Ass?

    by RPLocke

  • May 26, 2010, 8:36 p.m. CST

    @ TakingScorpiosCalls

    by Obnoxious_Username

    So you're a fan of the fissures too, I see. Great minds...

  • May 26, 2010, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Two things:

    by Orbots Commander

    One, I don't have high hopes for Prince of Persia. The awful, boring trailers aren't doing it any favors either. Gyllenhall as action hero? Can't see that either. <p> About Bathman: I say we pool a pot of our spare change to buy Bathman a night with a clean hooker. Damn, dude, a chick hasn't even given you some head or even a lowly tug-job? How about you sock away all the money you spend on movies each week for one year, then use the money to buy yourself a round trip ticket to Las Vegas. And enjoy.

  • May 26, 2010, 8:48 p.m. CST


    by Orbots Commander

    You're right, not every thing is going to be Indiana Jones/Lord of the Rings/Star Wars, but I expect every filmmaker making a fun adventure film to towards that. Otherwise, why bother making big action movies if not to aim high?

  • May 26, 2010, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Orbots Commander, I say we use that pool of money...

    by BumLove

    ...and hire an elite team to rescue the children and women locked in Bathman's basement.

  • May 26, 2010, 9:05 p.m. CST

    Sitll it will make more than MacGrubber!!

    by RPLocke


  • May 26, 2010, 9:08 p.m. CST

    I loved the actor who played Harry Mason in Silent Hil

    by AshokForgiven

    Yeah Harry Mason was SWEET in Silent Hill. Oh --- wait, the main character from SH wasn't even in the movie. SH sucked. :( <br><br> The only good thing about that movie was Sybil.

  • May 26, 2010, 9:32 p.m. CST

    Sorry to go off on this thread...

    by Captain Happy

    But Bathman, you DO deserve love. Who told you you didn't?

  • May 26, 2010, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Yes, but does it have crap CGI toddlers on fire?

    by Fleet

    Just wondering...

  • May 26, 2010, 9:51 p.m. CST

    That is sad as Hell Bathman

    by Phategod2

    In world where fat pricks like Bret Ratner can get a girl like Serena Williams, if your only 30lbs overweight As I am you shouldn't have such a complex. I cant go on to about the Joy's of ass, but seriously Its not too late enjoy real life develop friends, get a girl, hell pay for it if you need to but experience life, instead of just watching it.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Wow the hatred in here is something else

    by Semen Stains

    Thought this was for talking about movies,not hate filled rants against others and talking about imaginary ass they had in the day,sure you did....that must be why you are so full of hate huh,makes sense.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:39 p.m. CST

    I don't see any hatred in this talkback

    by BumLove

    Seems pretty tame by talkback standards. <p> "talking about imaginary ass they had in the day,sure you did....that must be why you are so full of hate huh,makes sense." <p> Riiiiight...because people who are not virgins have absolutely no hate within themselves whatsoever....spoken like a true virgin.

  • May 26, 2010, 10:53 p.m. CST

    All FLash, No Persian

    by BranMakMorn

  • May 26, 2010, 10:57 p.m. CST

    a funny thing happened...

    by greyspecter

    ...on the way to the talk back about PoP:SoT, or whatever the cool acronym is. (Though PopSot does bring some images to mind...hmm.) Anyway, how did we get started talking about Bathman's sex life? Move on people, nothing to see here. <p>As for AsimovLives' arrogant comment, it's also probably accurate. Most action movies now require an IQ of 45 to decipher. I just watched Transporter 3 and feel like I spent 99 minutes slamming a 2x4 into my cranium. While mainlining RedBull, thanks to the frenetic photography that seemed to think more than 3 seconds per shot to be grossly excessive. No wonder kids can't read or write when they graduate high school; all they do is have their minds numbed at the movies and ignore their teachers in school. This country is over in a generation.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:11 p.m. CST

    Bathman is playing everyone.

    by fatjesuschrysler

    I don't buy the pathetic 63 year old virgin angry racist dude schtick one bit. If I'm wrong, well then I guess that makes me a dick...kinda. I never said I wasn't a dick, so no big deal.<P> If I am wrong, then I commend you brother. You are the paragon of integrity and keeping it real!

  • May 26, 2010, 11:17 p.m. CST

    Yesterday's Garbage

    by FilmFan311

    With this and sex and the city 2 coming out this holiday weekend, Hollywood can definitely fuck off for the next few days. Persia, which was shown almost in its entirety as a trailer before Iron Man 2, looked so tired within the first pathetic "freeze frame" that most of the audience was almost asleep by the end of the trailer, save the loud, look at us shit spewing off the screen. So, yeah. I'll skip it. Jake needs to eat too. He looked pretty embarrassed whoring his film on Letterman.

  • May 26, 2010, 11:31 p.m. CST

    reason to see the movie

    by lyleblake82000

    I want to see this just for Jake, who is incredibly good-looking and basically hot as shit. I've thought so ever since Donnie Darko. Speaking of sex, I didn't lose my virginity with a woman until I was 23, but I had an excuse. I'm gay. P.S. It wasn't bad.

  • May 27, 2010, 12:36 a.m. CST


    by Fleet

    Jake certainly looks Hottie McScottie in this movie, that's for sure...

  • May 27, 2010, 1:53 a.m. CST

    Actually read two very similar reviews...

    by Jaka two other places. Looks good, not terrible, but instantly forgettable.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Double M

    by AsimovLives

    It's very easy to know what is a retard fuckign shit movie. All you need to do is what any Michael Bay movie or any Jerry Bruckheime rmovie that doens't have Pirates in the title, it's not exclusively about a submarine, or wasn't directed by Ridley Scott and Paul Schraeder. There you have it, i did your work for you.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:20 a.m. CST


    by Obnoxious_Username

    It would have been AMAZING in 3D! All the shitty CGI and phoned in acting would be right their in your lap.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:21 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    There is no arroganc ein my coments. If anything, it's the people who say "this is what fun is about2 or "movies are supposed to be fun" that are the arrogants. It's they who have this absolute views of what movies shouldbe like, and they are only fine if they stick to this very strict idea: idiotic dumbed down super-fast paced action stuff filled ot the teeth with cliches older then my greatgrandparents. This is, for me, the height of arrogance. This notion they are the only ones they know fun because they are addicted and extremely forgivable of very dumb bad movies. Give me a break!

  • May 27, 2010, 2:22 a.m. CST


    by Pawprint

    I apologise for calling you a 'twat'; I notice that in all your subsequent posts, you didn't once insult me personally in turn, and having read the rest of your posts, I am sensing an element of tongue in cheek.<p> However, I wouldn't suggest the term 'English' is interchangeable with 'Scottish' or 'British' to a Scotsman - you're liable to be picking bits of his forehead out of your broken nose for weeks...

  • May 27, 2010, 2:55 a.m. CST

    I was incredibly bored watching it.

    by Ecto-1

    For all the action and the special effects (CGI of course), it failed to engage me in any way. After the first half hour I was utterly bored. Plus, Jemma Arterton is the most annoying actress ever.

  • May 27, 2010, 5:31 a.m. CST


    by mrbong

    when 9/11 hit, you were one of those who went "running to the hills, crying like cowards" like Osama suggested, aren't you? you talk a good fight, but when there's a good fight to be had, you'll be found hiding behind someone or something, usually British.

  • May 27, 2010, 6:09 a.m. CST

    The Crank films are great videogame movies basically.

    by Mr Nicholas

  • May 27, 2010, 6:34 a.m. CST

    Look at all the Xenophobic cunts

    by yodalovesyou

    This is probably the most disgusting talkback in the history of all Internet talkbacks. You think 62 million people should be murdered because of what some stupid fookin' oil company did? brilliant. You must be so proud.

  • May 27, 2010, 6:58 a.m. CST

    Oh, nevermind, Semen Stains....

    by BumLove

    ....I skipped over all the inter-continental hate rants....I thought you were talking about the comments towards Bathman.

  • May 27, 2010, 7:23 a.m. CST

    Going to get my ticket today

    by Bathman

    just woke up, gonna have some breakfast, head to best buy and grab my ticket for tomorrow's show, Now the torture of having the long almost 2 day wait until i can see it, but i'm so excited to be having my ticket soon!

  • May 27, 2010, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Ecto-1, so you don't like Gemma Anterton?

    by AsimovLives

    Can i have her, then?

  • May 27, 2010, 8:29 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    What good fight we should be talking about? Afghanisthan was a good fight, it was justified, but the Iraq invasion is a whole pile of bullshit based on lies and stupidity. Those who refused to go to Iraq were in the right.

  • May 27, 2010, 8:44 a.m. CST

    I feel sorry for this Bathman dude.

    by Joely_Boy

    But he's walking his own path, which is his decision, I guess. He's not conforming to the nonexistent rules of what we're meant to do as humans. I bet he's a brilliant philosopher or physicist or something like that.<P> Sex is pretty good, but independence is pretty good too. Who's to say who is better than someone else or who has lived more?

  • May 27, 2010, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Afghanisthan was NOT justified

    by Bathman

    President bush's administration was behind the 911 attacks, i've spent alot of my free time doing research and the evidence is clear

  • May 27, 2010, 8:52 a.m. CST

    No need to feel sorry for me

    by Bathman

    Life turns out different for everybody, even though i haven't experienced things, i still hold out hope that someday i'll be deserving of them and it'll happen, and if it doesn't then no big loss i suppose, that stuff can't be that great

  • May 27, 2010, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Actually, I feel more sorry

    by Joely_Boy

    for anyone who goes their entire life without ever trying high doses of LSD. I've experienced death and rebirth on acid, channel-surfed through different bodies and lived entire lifetimes in the space of a few hours. Sex is everywhere... reincarnation on acid, not so much!

  • May 27, 2010, 8:56 a.m. CST


    by Joely_Boy

    I bet you've seen and done things no one else ever will. There's no rules to living! You don't sound bitter or angry like most of the other talkbackers, so at least you're doing something right!

  • May 27, 2010, 9:26 a.m. CST


    by Stalkeye

    I don't for the life of me, understand how Rathner got Selena.And it's not cause he's a fat bastard, but another no talented hack.Then again, Selena is a buttaface so meh.

  • maybe ratner is a nice guy or something... well, probabaly not, i'm kinda confused on that one too

  • May 27, 2010, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Disney ought to make Kingdom Hearts

    by FeralAngel

    If it HAS to make a video game movie, why not that one? One that has Disney characters in it. What? Disney making a movie with Mickey Mouse in it? Wow, that's a radical idea...

  • May 27, 2010, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Obama nationalizing private oil companies...

    by FeralAngel

    ...a la Hugo Chavez. Good god. Who REALLY wrote that post? Sean Penn?

  • May 27, 2010, 9:35 a.m. CST

    I dunno, I think Bathman is "suspect"

    by Stalkeye

    Unless he's actually fucking with you all, there's NO way a Red Blooded Male would lack interest in putane,punanni,tweenie,meat curtains,the roast beef,etc.<p>Dude, you're either an Asexual which is extremely rare, or a Latent Pillow Biter in the making.<p>WTF kind of revelation is this?Imagine how the peddlebackers would respond to this as it is way off topic.

  • May 27, 2010, 9:36 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I hate Georgie Dumbya Bush, i think he's a retard evil bastard that helped make thw world a worst place, and even with that it's beyond absurd to think that the 9/11 is the result of some conspiracy nonsense from inside the government. That's absurd beyond words. Osama Bin Laden did it, he claimed it, and he was supported by the Talibans who ruled Afghanisthan at the time. The Afghan invasion was beyond justified. And it all should had ended with that.

  • May 27, 2010, 9:39 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Not only suspected sexual interests, he also believes the the government was behind 9/11 conspiracy theory bullshit. I'm a left winger like there's none in USA, and even that doesn't mean i'm going to believe any bullshit just because it's supposedly anti-Bush.

  • May 27, 2010, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Asi, I think Bathboy, has been watching that Doc..

    by Stalkeye

    ..Loose Change (available on Netflix instant streaming) way too many times and ended up believing the hype or as we TBers refer to it as "drinking the kool-aid".<p>As much as I loathe that Texas swindling jizzbag (Dubya)I doubt that the US Government were the architect beind something as fucked up as 911.<p>This is one conspiracy theory that's more than unfounded.Everything else that messed America's good standing was mostly The Bush Administration's fault however.

  • May 27, 2010, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Na na na na na na na na BathMan!

    by skimn

    Na na na na na na na na BathMan! ZOWIE!! SPLAT!!<p>Read the post above...anyone THAT excited to see Prince Of Persia has got to be pulling our collective legs. (And a conspiracy theorist to boot!)

  • May 27, 2010, 9:58 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    There is no one type of guy for all women. You cannot predict general women interests as if you were talking about the feeding habits of giraffes. getting the right girl it's like winning the lotery and jackpot, you need to be at the right place at the right time, and you need to do the right thing when the ocasion arrives. Small wonder most relationships don't last. As the famous saying goes, "it's complicated". We learn that in high school already.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:02 a.m. CST

    In a world of Facebook,Myspace and various..

    by Stalkeye

    ..other social networking sites, how hard could it be for someone to "hook up"?<p>I maybe a Geek, but if I was single or worst a virgin, I would be more likely to spend more time,either on the net or at clubs/social gaterings hunting p*ssy or searching for a soulmate as oppossed to spending time discussing Movies.There has to be some balance y'know. If Bathman is terribly shy to the extent in which he wouldn't know what to say if he was approached by a Woman, then he sould make some kinda effort to step up his game. This is almost unheard of as more geeks are getting laid nowadays. And the movie, kick-Ass proves it..<p>OK, bad example.LMMFAO

  • May 27, 2010, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Well said Asi

    by Stalkeye

    There is no right Woman, however there's nothing wrong with experiencing various women during one's search to find the "perfect' soulmate.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:10 a.m. CST

    The 911 conspiracy thing was a joke

    by Bathman

    i was making fun of those conspiracy theory nutjobs that think everything was planned by the govenment. I forgot irony doesn't deliver well on a message board. I do however believe that afghanistan was notjustified..but thats just a personal opinion<P>And to Stalkeye It's not that i'm not interested in women, of course i am and i always have been, but the thing is that they never seemed all too interested in me and about 25 years ago i just decided i should accept that i'll never get laid or find my true love. It allowed me to see the world differently. I'm still interested, i'd love to fuck some hot little thing and kiss her, but at my age it's not likely to happen. Of course i get bitter at times (i know i hold some hostility towards women) but i find other distractions to keep me busy.<P>I'm retired and am pretty well off, i own my house have 2 cars and am a huge movie buff (my DVD and bluray collection is over 7000. i've convinced myself to enjoy life and so far it's worked

  • May 27, 2010, 10:22 a.m. CST

    OK, Bath now that you have cleared that up..

    by Stalkeye shouldnt have given up so easily. Yes, women are very complicated creatures, but unless you were truly holding out for a 'better deal" i can't fathom you not even going out on one date, let alone a kiss. there's someone for everyone even at your age. If you are only 30 pounds overweight that's not as bad as someone that weighs 300 lbs. even the contestants from the biggest loser are getting some. stop the self effacing and get out there.No amount of Blu-ray collection can substitute for a woman's touch,taste and smell..(for the most part

  • May 27, 2010, 10:37 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    "Everything else that messed America's good standing was mostly The Bush Administration's fault however."<br><br>Definatly. but i tell you this, as a foreign myself, the good will that Obama has created in favour of USA is incredible. The world really loves him. and when i read the anti-Obama bullshit in here, my mind boggles. So finally, the USa as a working helthcare system. WELCOME TO THE 20TH CENTURY. I didn't say 21th century, but 20th century. Good job, guys. That's a good start to finally enter the 21th century.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Bathman is likely a put on...

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Grave

    Reminds me of our dear departed friend Troy Anderson aka. ThusSpakeSpymunk, the guy who claimed to be a native american liberal homosexual while spouing the most insane right wing claptrap imaginable and harboring pornographic war fantasies. I'm not saying Bathman is the same guy, but he sounds very much like a guy putting on a similar sort of persona, probably as part of some sort of weird social experiment or perhaps just for kicks.<p>If afraid, be very afraid.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:43 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Well, on the going easy on the ladies because one has accepted the lot in life that one will never find the perfect woman, well,i have to say, that's where i sand as well. When i was a teen i agonized that i wasn't finding the perfect girl. Now, i just don't care. Let the chips fall where they may, i say. If it will happen, it will happen. That's one thing where i have matured past adolescence. When i started taking that easy and stop worring, i gained a new appreciation of life.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Brett The Rat-ner is a real player

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Grave

    It's true - despite looking like an unshaven dumpy douchebag he does extraordinarily well for himself. He seems to have good people skills in general which is no doubt how he gets work, because it sure as fuck ain't talent. There is a lot to learn from The Rat; unfortunately not from his movies themselves.<p>Also, all this off-topic stuff concerning Bathman's sextegenarian virginity is a lot more interesting than discussing the snoozefest Prince of Persia. Props to him for livening up a dull thread even if he is a fake.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Yet Asi, Bam's approval rating is only 40%

    by Stalkeye

    i guess, no matter what good he does,(way moreso than "Bushit")there are those that will still find any excuse to slam him while disregarding his intentions.Maybe there are those who are still uncomforatble with him being Black.

  • May 27, 2010, 10:51 a.m. CST

    40% among Whites within the US, that is.

    by Stalkeye

  • May 27, 2010, 10:56 a.m. CST


    by Stalkeye

    I don't think I would put something as personal as Bath's ginormous virginity on these boards.Anomitity or no, we all know how insentitive us TBers can be. :p<p>I'll give him props for being honest unless he's pulling our dicks...(bad choice of words.)

  • May 27, 2010, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Saw on Tuesday...

    by mintoncard

    Walked out after 1 hour. I couldn't stand the horrible dialogue or lame directing. The "parkour" was retarded. Want to see parkour done well? Watch Casino Royale. This film is a crap.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:07 a.m. CST

    I've heard of films being crap

    by Joely_Boy

    but 'A CRAP?!' That made me chortle!

  • May 27, 2010, 11:07 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Maybe if the whites knew that Obama is a big fan of Conan The Barbarian character and he's an avid collector of the comics, then they would change their opinion on him.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:08 a.m. CST

    "Want to see parkour done well? Watch Casino Royale"

    by AsimovLives


  • May 27, 2010, 11:09 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Maybe it's THE CRAP.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Bathman, reading your last post, I have to admit

    by skimn

    you are incredibly self-aware, realizing your feelings of misogyny whatever the degree. As a divorcee who's ex wife can still push my buttons on occasion, I can understand. But as the old adage goes, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. But you seem to have accepted (settled into?) your lot in life, and at least keeping yourself amused and happy, as opposed to being morose and depressed.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:12 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    There are many directors that earned their high status in the business due to their very good inter-personal skills and being very good salesman, despiste being completly lacking in talent as storytellers and filmmakers, people like the aforementioned Brett Ratner, McG and the big daddy of them all, Herr JayJay Von Abramstein.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:14 a.m. CST

    I didn't included Mickey Bay because...

    by AsimovLives

    ... that idiot has no inter-personal skills whatsoever. He owes his career because he lived under Jerry Bruckheimers's skirts for a decade and was his favorite bitch-slave.

  • May 27, 2010, 11:17 a.m. CST

    What inter-personal skills are needed

    by skimn

    to troll the Playboy Mansion looking for bikini clad, silicone enhanced bimbettes with the IQ of a brick?

  • May 27, 2010, 11:22 a.m. CST

    i used to suffer from depression

    by Bathman

    in my 20's there was this girl that i was just crazy over, she seemed to just want to be friends, even if i wanted more, so i sat patiently as she would cry to me about guys that dumped her but i could never get past the friend stage (coudn't even get a kiss out of her) eventually after trying to get with her for 6 years she met a guy and 8 months later said she was pregnant and they were getting married. I was so distrought i even contemplated killing myself but luckly i didn't, it took a good decade before i was finally over her and by that time i was mid 30's and it was already to late, i tried for a few more years and then just decided I was never going to get kissed, laid or evebn married so i made a choice to use my energy elsewhere in life. I'd like to think i'm a happier person because of it, partly i guess because i don't know what i'm missing..but thats sometimes a good thing

  • May 27, 2010, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Well, once you've seen hell

    by Joely_Boy

    everything looks like heaven, I think.

  • May 27, 2010, 12:10 p.m. CST

    Hold up, stop the presses

    by BumLove

    I think AsimovLives just admitted to walking the same path Bathman claims to be walking, if I'm not mistaken. This doesn't really come as news, but still, it's an admission of sorts. <p> As for Bathman, I think it's a put-on. If it's not a put-on, then yes, it's incredibly sad. He's admitted that he would like to have the company of a woman but thinks he wouldn't be able to get it's not that he's put that interest out of his mind, he doesn't think he can attract women. That doesn't explain why he doesn't pay for it. <p> Also, he's playing the innocent now, acting like he's channeled his sexual energy into more constructive channels...but then what about this quote from another talkback "i usually ignore women's faces by Bathman May 17th, 2010 07:43:58 AM most of the time i put a bag over their head, i hate making eye contact with any woman so if we are going to play in my basement i put a bag over their heads or at least blindfold them. Zoe has an alright face though, i'd probabaly keep a piece if we ever met" <p> For a normal male who has had sex and has had relationships, such humor would be amusing, but coming from a 63 year old virgin, it's a bit more moribund. Sorry, it's the Columbo in me...

  • May 27, 2010, 12:11 p.m. CST

    And that's what's also fucked up Asi

    by Stalkeye

    ..It's true, Obama was a big collector of comics as it was revealed when Marvel tried to cash in on his nomination as The prez by having him appear in a Spiderman Comic.He's one of us, yet he doesnt quite get as much respect as "Dick & Bush" (get the pun? ) who practically ruined this Country with thier policies and not to mention invading Iraq for their own "justifications" did they pull this

  • May 27, 2010, 12:12 p.m. CST


    by BumLove

    not moribund

  • May 27, 2010, 12:17 p.m. CST


    by Stalkeye

    (pressed the enter button during my unfinshed tirade. my bad.)WMD shit on North Korea or to a lesser extent, Iran? hell naw it was all about the looting of iraq.Yes, saddam hussein deserved death for the attrocities he has commited (especially gassing the kurds.) but it's not America's stance to play "GloboCop" all of the sudden. that liberating the Iraqis excuse after there were no Weapons of Mass distruction found was another falicy if that were the case, why were so many people still being murdered and raped in dafur? where was the bush administration then?<p>Bam knew what he was getting into, but the public opinion here can be very fickle and this teabag movement isnt helping much either.

  • May 27, 2010, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Bumlove uh,oh. Methinks you exposed this guy.

    by Stalkeye

    BTW WTF is the explanation behind your TB name? Either you love the homeless (i.e. Bums) or you are from England and you know what "Bum" means over there.<p>Jus sayin.

  • May 27, 2010, 12:27 p.m. CST

    damn just saw a commercial for this, i'm excited

    by Bathman

    forgot what this TB was about, but i just saw a commercial and i rmemebred how excited i am for prince of pershia: Sands of time, or as i like to call it "POPSOT"

  • May 27, 2010, 12:36 p.m. CST


    by BumLove

    ...I've either exposed him as a fraud...or as a sex offender/serial killer. I'm not entirely sure of which. <p> As for my name, it has no meaning, really. It's like that movie Gothika. Why the hell is it named Gothika? I don't know. My name is like a cloud formation...or a painting in a museum. People see different things depending who they are and what they bring to the table with them.

  • May 27, 2010, 12:56 p.m. CST


    by Stalkeye

    just fuckin with you although I still don't have a clue WTF a Bumlove is. for that matter what's behind the name Bathman?According to your interesting theory, could it be some derranged sex offender/serial killer who drowns his victims in his bathtub after getting them drunk via date rape drugs/mickeys?<p.oops, better not go furhter into it cause before you know it, hacks like Eli Roth might steal this concept and use it for his next film.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:05 p.m. CST

    "Bathman" was a typo

    by Bathman

    I meant to type Batman, but somehow an H got in there before i hit the M key and it was too late because i had already hit enter<P>I suppose i should consider myself luccky, the type could have been batfman or batjman, or something much stupider then bathman

  • May 27, 2010, 1:09 p.m. CST

    See Stalkeye.....

    by BumLove he addresses the origin of his screenname...but not the whole fraud/serial killer/sex offender thing, LOL.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:15 p.m. CST

    No worries, i'm no serial killer

    by Bathman

    I'm being 100 percent honest with my story and as far as i know i'm not a serial killer, unless i black out and commit a sex murder, lol

  • May 27, 2010, 1:18 p.m. CST

    If your story's 100% honest, Bathman....

    by BumLove

    ....why not pay for some sex?

  • May 27, 2010, 1:23 p.m. CST

    The reason i won't pay for sex

    by Bathman

    just the thought of paying for it makes me ill, i mean no offence to those that do it. But just thinking of paying so that someone will "let me use" their body for an hour is the furthest thing from romantic i can think of. Plus i would be like customer number 1000, which is also a turn off.<P>I've always thought of sex as something very special between 2 people, it's not something that just happens but something you have to earn through trust and love, maybe it's not the outlook of every male, but it's been mine ever since i can remember

  • May 27, 2010, 1:27 p.m. CST

    The Deal with Bathman

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    I think it is very possible, if not probable, that he is on anti-depression medication. These pills are well known to drop labido down to practically nothing.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Fair enough

    by BumLove

    Although...when you relieve yourself sexually...I'm sure your mind has done things far more mischievous than pay for sex...but still....that's fair. Not saying I buy your story or not...but I'll go with it. <p> Well take solace in this....with AsimovLives least you know you're not alone.....

  • May 27, 2010, 1:35 p.m. CST

    It should also bare mentioning...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    That Bathman does not have the lifetime of experience communicating with women that the rest of us have. This is an unquantifiable skillset. As we all know, talking to a woman is not like talking to a man. We excercise different muscles to do so.</p><p>For example, women are far more likely to use non-verbal communication such as body posture, touching, eye contact, etc. They are also less direct.</p><p>These are things that cannot be practiced on ones own or taught and only are derived at by exposure.</p><p>I frankly don't think Bathman COULD relate to a woman by this point in any sort of romantic way. Sure he had a female friend, and that's important, but he clearly didn't know what to do with her and probably just ended up being an emotional tampon.</p><p>The act of pursuit is indemic to being male. It's part of our inherent personalities. We see what we want, and we go after it. It should be noted that this trait is extremely alluring to females, so if you lack it, I think you're just fucked dude.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:40 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I said that i emphatised with Bathman because as a teen i suffered a similiar thing. Which in true is a story that most of us here and outside have suffered, but few have the courage to admit.<br><br>There was this american psycologist who comenting on teen movies and Tv shows, he said that while most teen Tv shows and movies give the impression that the majority of teens are engaging in sex and fun activities, with the exception of a few nerds and dork guys and girls, the truth of the matter is that the vast majority of the people in real life are the nerds and geeks who let life pass by while a very small minority hare having the sex and fun. In the movie,s they make the scarse minority to look like they are the majority, and the nerds to be the scarse minority. This hapens because filmmakers know that teens and young adults are essencialy narcissitic, in that they think their own personal problems are unique and they belong to a small group, if any. This, teen movies which are aimed at the nerd crowd make the nerds look like exceptions, when in fact they are the majority. And you can't sell a nerd movie to the nerds if you make them look banal and commonplace. This is why in the movies, the nerd is just one or two or a small group, surrounded by lots and lots of people engaged in sex and fun. The filmamkers knows their crowd, and how to seell their movies, and to make the nerds feel they are rare and unique, to apease their natural youth narcisism. The truth of the matter is, the sexual immature nerd boy and girl are most of us, most of everybody. Regardless if we want to admit it or not. Hell, there are people who will have a decades long marriage and they will still reach old age sexually immature.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:44 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    You nkow what the blessed geekry in here hasn't noticed it yet? What they haven't noticed is that Obama is a geek. He is one of us. Bush was the fratboy, and the president who suceeded him, Obama, is a geek. You know whave a geek president, after the fratboy president Dumbya Bushie. The geeks in here should be happy and dancing in the streets that now they have one of their own as president. And instead what they do? they piss, and shit and moan and say stupid bullshit about him using retard redneck right win neo-con rhetoric that would even make Ronald Reagan puke his guts out. Who can understand this shit? How can geeks in here support fratboy Bush? What's wrong?

  • May 27, 2010, 1:45 p.m. CST

    There's truth to that, FETT

    by BumLove

    Although Bathman is supposedly 63, so the women his age might not mind, but that probably applies at all ages. There's a single dude in my building who's retired, and he's a bit off. He's obsessed with rent hikes and anything that goes on in the building and he makes a big political case out of it, but it's quite apparent to everyone that he just needs some female companionship and he might not be so grumpy and out's never too late, but it must get tougher for those who get stuck in their ways.... <p> I met a female version of this sort on my last job. She's in her early 30's, and related to all the women in the office well, sort of, acting like little school girls, but she was frighteningly odd towards me (one of the only males there) to the point that her behavior bordered on sexual harassment. Apart from the constant staring, and saying odd things to me when I leave the office after hours like running up and saying "Awwwww, you're leaving?", she started touching me as she walked past me...and she's part of the reason I quit. She gives me shudders to think of her.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:45 p.m. CST

    It's not only women i have trouble relating too

    by Bathman

    it's pretty much any human contact, as i said above i have little friends (ok thatys a lie, i have no friends) the only family i have left is a brother but we haven't spoken in 13 years, he is married with 3 kids, allof which i have never met. sometimes i go 4 or 5 days without any contact whatsoever (thank god for the internet) and when i do go out to say the movies or best buy or grocery shopping, i find that i can't amke small talk with anyone, so i just keep to myself. I'll admit i'm an introvert and i think the term social awkward fits me to a T, lol

  • May 27, 2010, 1:46 p.m. CST

    No offense taken Bathman..

    by Stalkeye

    ..since I don't belive in paying for it either especially when there are so many chicks that are willing to give it up for almost nuttin. (it's all about the gift of gab or being in the right situation..hey, women have needs too.)if you ask most guys they would rather roll with a fat chick than pay for it. (that is, unless the fat chick in question is huge and fugly like that gabbie sidibue actress from Precious.)but 63 and not 'getting any' after all these years is ...whoa..speculative.<p>God forbid if you suddenly give up the ghost without ever experiencing one of the best things live has to offer.But hey, if you're happy then so be it.<p>FETT, if that's true then it's a fucked up trade off, either way a depressed individual is miserable.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:48 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    The deal with GOTHIKA is that it's a fancy-pants way of saying "Gothic" and to look pseudo german (gothic, german, geddit?) while saying that it's a gothic horror movie, bla blablabla. Actually the least of my problem with that movie was not the title, but the constant anti-rationalism of the fucking movie. That, above all else, pissed me off. Fuck logic? Fuck you, sister!

  • May 27, 2010, 1:49 p.m. CST

    I think most teenagers have had sex

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    I'm pretty sure it's statistically like 60% or something.</p><p>I will admit that getting started was sort of nerve-wracking because sex is such a personal experience.</p><p>But then I had a really hot makeout session with this girl and nothing was going to keep me away from that pussy. It's like a switch went off in my head and my whole went "OH FUCK YES!"</p><p>Sounds like Asi and Bath never had that experience and that is supremely fucked up.</p><p>I fucked somewhere in the neighborhodd of 22-23 girls. I haven't added them up in awhile so it's a bit fuzzy.</p><p>The weird thing is that you don't particularly reember the actual penetration. That's essentially identical across all of them. Pussy feels like pussy. It's an instrument custom made for pleasing cock, and it's got that hit down to a science.</p><p>No, what you remember is the look on their face, a special noise they made, their hot breath on your neck, etc. It's the CONNECTION that makes sex so fucking amazing.</p><p>That's why paying to bust a nut in a whore completely misses the point.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:50 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I suspect if the girl in question looked like Scarlett Jonahssen, you wouldn't had quit.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Asi....I will agree with you partly

    by BumLove

    That for teenagers to go without sex and feel like they are abnormal and the only ones in the world not doing it, it's actually quite common. But 63....that's a different story altogether. If you're saying you sympathize with him based on your past as a teenager, I don't think it compares unless you're experiencing the same thing now.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:53 p.m. CST

    Perhaps not, Asi

    by BumLove

    She looked like a cross between a 1950's librarian, Feivish Finkel, and a large tarantula.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:55 p.m. CST

    I hated gothika

    by Bathman

    I actually bought that as a blind buy when it came out on DVD, man was i so disapointed, i wound up throwing the disc away (something i do gfar to often when i blind buy a sucky movie, lol)

  • May 27, 2010, 1:57 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Not in my teens, i didn't. And you know what? It was for the best i hadn't a sexual experience in my teens. I wouldn't had been mature enough to handle it, and it migth even had come as a bad thing, i would had fallen inlove with the girl and would had had a broken heart the size of Texas. That it came after was, in retrospect, a good thing for me. But it didn't looked like that in my teens, i felt i was missing out big time.<br><br>Beside,s what many people call sexual experienc ein their teens is just that mercy fuck they got from the guirl who took pity on them, a fuck they got from a girl as desperate as they were to get laid because of peer fresure to lose virginity as if it was the plague, or that occasion when they got the girl and themselves drunk enough to let inibitions fall. The great sexual encounter of the teenage years is more the exception then the rule. The good sex cames with adulthood. This is one of the reasons i'm a supporter of age of concent, sex is just a too damn important thing for teens. Anyway, we will spend more time of our lives as adutls then as teens, anyway. So, why the rush? If only i knew this when i was a teen, would had saved me a lot of useless agony and personal anguish.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:58 p.m. CST

    I don't fuck around at work

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Part of that is because my father owns the company and I always thought hitting on a coworker would put them in a weird position.</p><p>But it also brings the drama, which none of us want at work.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Bathman, I think you should try....

    by BumLove anxiety support group run by a therapist, and then perhaps try some medicine that helps with social anxiety to supplement that. As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to begin living...and life is defined by our interactions with others. Living isolated in a box is what we do after we die. Solitude can be comforting, but not when it's all encompassing.

  • May 27, 2010, 1:59 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I'm 39, and i'm harldy a Don Juan, but damn, the thing with Bathman is just sad. Another reasonh to feel sympathy fopr the old dude. Well, if all he says is true, anyway. If not, he can go fuck himself in his fucking ass.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Good points Asi

    by Stalkeye

    However regardless of Bam's Geek Cred, we have quite a share of obama haters on this site. (the douchebag that is Chriisssssm comes to mind.) maybe it's not enough for his the haters to support him regardless if he's a fan of conan or spiderman.There's fuckers out there that would disregard everything (positive) that Obama has done the minute they don't get their way. (i.e. as if it's a fucking litmus test he has to pass with all flying colors.)<p>At the end of the day, Barrack is still trying to clean up the mess that was bought on by the gross irresponsibility of the previous adminstration.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Regarding this sex issue

    by rogueleader66

    I didn't get laid until i was 18, and it wasn't from lack of trying, I had girlfriends, it just never happened. But that's fine with me, this notion that you have to fuck as many girls as possible when you're young is about knowing what the hell you are doing before going out and trying to find and conquer as much pussy as you can? I cant speak for others, but knowing what the hell I was doing made things much better and more fulfilling for me.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:10 p.m. CST

    But there are alot of assholes out there

    by NotEnoughBiehn

    both male and female, so I'm not suprised if it colors someone's perception of the human race and their desire or confidence to interact with it. If you run into enough of this trash it's easy to become wary of the whole thing.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Bathman your lil Bio reeks of JL Sabatian..

    by Stalkeye

    ..but seriously, you need to get over your social anxiety and mingle.Bumlove is right, it's not too late.if you are really fucking with us, then that's one desperate attempt at getting attention or a pathetic prank.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:15 p.m. CST

    No Asi, trust me, you were missing out ;)

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    The way you are characterizing sex.....I don't know what fucked up movie you are drawing that from but it has fuck-all to do with my experience as a frisky teen.</p><p>Yes teens are emotional, but they are about everything. If the criteria is that as a teen you might get upset if things don't go you way, then they should all be locked up until they are adults.</p><p>ALL parts of growing into an adult are precious and I believe should be experienced as a teen. I personally think waiting for sex is just stupid. It's not even about "depriving" yourself, it's about preparing yourself.</p><p>What happens when you wait until you're 21 before you have sex...and it's terrible? Or she's freaked out by you? Or it upsets her in some way and she breaks up with you? Not to mention that fact that when you assign too much emotional weight to sex that you can have "issues with your biology" when it comes time to perform.</p><p>Sex is an integral part of human life. It's not some boogey man, it's not some traumatic experience, it's not some conduit to God.</p><p>It's a deep form of communication. It's certainly best when that message is love, but it doesn't have to be.</p><p>I can't emphasize enough how important a male/female connection is. I have never felt like more of a complete human being than immediately after sex. She's laying there, her breath coming in deep heaves, she's coated in sweat and then she looks at you like you're King of the fucking Universe and curls right into your arm.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Although I have to say

    by NotEnoughBiehn

    It's hard to not make "friends." You really have to go out of your way to push people away or give off hella bad vibes. There is always some clingy person or social butterfly out there that wants to talk to you.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:18 p.m. CST

    Ain't It Therapy News

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Grave

    Bathman, I have some advice.<1>Log off of Ain't It Cool News.<2> Go outside.<p>Not likely to get you laid, but it's a start, huh?

  • May 27, 2010, 2:21 p.m. CST


    by rogueleader66

    The guy aint perfect by any means, but how can he win? He was left a huge fucking mess by that asshole Bush, the MINUTE he got into office, the fucking shit nosed asshole Republican party has been doing everything in their power to derail everything the guy does. They filibuster everything the guy wants to do, until they force him into changing what he wants to do so it suits them, thus making him look like a wimp and even a liar. <P>We are all Americans in this country but the fucking Republicans think of themselves as above everyone else, and want America to be exactly how THEY want it to be and will stand in the way of progress even if it means the American people will suffer. Democrats are not perfect by any means and can be just as bad, but they at least TRY to help the American people. Just about every Republican is totally against extending Unemployment benefits, yet how are people supposed to find a fucking job with no means to have a home, or much of anything else? Easy to say for a bunch of ignorant fucks who get a fat paycheck for fucking up the country. People on unemployment , for the most part, DON'T WANT to be on it. It's way less than what most jobs pay, you never make the same as you did when you were working, I know that for a fact as I have been on it twice in my life. It sucks. It's better than no income, but for Republicans to say enough is enough should be fucking shot. I could go on and on, but I would bore everyone. Suffice to say that Obama aint perfect, but damn the guy is hitting roadblocks on everything he does thanks to those wonderful members of the GOP. Fuck them.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:22 p.m. CST


    by RETURN_of_FETT

    How the fuck else are you going to figure out what the hell you're doing" without trying to do it?</p><p>Being a competant lover is not something you can get out of a book or by watching porn. You need to anticipate what she wants and give it to her. That goes back to non-verbal communication.</p><p>Eddie Murphy said it best: "Teenagers are just surprised to be fucking!" That's completely true. All you can think of is getting in and getting out before she changes her mind. Plus when you're a teenager there is the constant issue of time and place. You're usually in your parent's house and they're always showing up at the most inopportune times.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:23 p.m. CST

    Obama's press conference today

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    I have to say, he did a really fantastic job. I just wish he would have done this 2 weeks ago.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:26 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Maybe i didn't explained myself well. I wouldn't call it waiting for sex. I just think that this culture we have that you have to have sex as a ten or else you are a gooey mutant is jsut fucked up. It only serves to create impossible expectations on people and create neurosis that are frankly completly unnecessary. And it's bullshit. The fact is, most teens will reach adulthood without experiencing sex. Many of them have lied to look hip and cool, but the thing is, it will onyl been in their early adult years it wuill happen. and you know what? It's for the best. Most sex during teens end in disapointing experiences that cloud our judgement. and contrary to what the americna Pie movies show, most first sex experiences are not good experiences. Many even retain a bad memory of it that will inform the rest of their sexual lifes. It's fucked up, pardon the pun.<br><br>The reason i say better wait until adulthood is not a question of morality but a question of maturity. One doesn't need to reach Yoda status to finally get into sex. Early 20s adulthood is enough. Well let me put it this way. Better have your sex life start, really start at the college years. Not high school, the college yars. Maturity makes a hell of a lot of difference. Teens mostly act by raw emotionalism and peer pressure conditioned behavior. to have your sex experience starting in such a age where you are so emotionally vulnerable and unexperienced, it's a bad thing. Beside,s as i said before, we will live decades as adults, so, really, what fucking it all up with a bad early start? Now, if only i knew this when i was a teen, it would saved me so much useless sadness. You might call me a rationalism, maybe evne an extremist one, but i was always one such, even in childhood. Except in my teen years, then my glands and hormones betrayed me. The fuckers!

  • May 27, 2010, 2:28 p.m. CST

    LMMFAO@'Teenagers are just surprised to be fucking!"

    by Stalkeye

    No truer words have been said.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Well MY first sex experience was fucking phenominal!

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    You keep using descriptors like "disapointing" and "pressure" and "vulnerable" and "bad". My friends and I LOVED pussy! I don't know where all this dreariness is coming from but it certainly hasn't been my reality. It's like you think sex is something to be feared. I just don't get that.</p><p>No sure there's teen pregnancy to consider and VD and crap like that. Those are all real concerns, but I think that emotionally most people are able to handle the intensity of sex by the time they are 16 or 17.</p><p>I think this whole "oh, the teen pressure is so bad" bullshit is just a copout. There's a reason your bod is SCREAMING at you to get laid when you are a teenager and it is because it knows you need to begin that journey into adult human relations.</p><p>If you don't think you were mature enough to handle sex when you were a teenager, fine. I don't think you speak for many people and I don't think societal pressure has shit to do with it.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:38 p.m. CST


    by rogueleader66

    I understand what you are saying, and yea you do havbe to know what they hell you are doing, but when youre a teenager, youre right youre just happy to be fucking, and I just feel you benefit more as you become older, like you said when your a teenager you dont know shit, you just want to have sex, youre never all that concerned with how youre doing it, you just want to do it.<P> When you start getting older and realize it's as much about pleasing your partner as yourself, that's when you start learning how to do it right, how to read the signs, non-verbally like you said. Most teens are also, at least IMO, not emotionally mature enough to handle relationships much less sex. There are the occasional couples that meet in High School and get married blah blah blah, but it's rare, that, to me is more what the teen years are about, getting a handle on your emotions. When you have a good handle on your emotions, sex is great. If you don't....ehhhh not so great, it may have the illusion of being great, but it really isn't.<P>But hell, sex is like Pizza, even when it's bad it's still pretty good. LOL

  • May 27, 2010, 2:39 p.m. CST

    The most fucked up shit when a teen and letting emotions run...

    by AsimovLives

    ... every single though process in you is when you mistake passion for love and you think this girl is the girl and nothing will convince you otherwise. So you have this mindblock that will fuck everything you will think say and do. And then, say, the girl is one into seduction and subtleries and giving hints instead of saying out loud if she cares or not. And if you are one of those who wer enot blessed with inate social abilities to pick up the smallest details about intersexual relationships, you ar ejsut there not knowing if you should advance to the next or not. If you do and she is not interested, she will fucking hate you and leave you and you willhave your heart destroyed. If you don't you will not know if she wanted you because you can't read the subtle clues... if they are there. Basically, you are fucked. This is the teenage bullshit crap about sex and love. And unlike movies and TV, where all character wears their hearts in their sleeves and they can say whatever comes to their minds, because fot the sake of dramma, in reality, most people don't dare expose their emotions and sentiments to the open without soem clue they might be corresponded. One of the most devastating things that can happen to a person is to open up and lay bare their inner self, and lay himself exposed. People have found fighing enemies in battle an easier thing to do then to open up their heart and mind. And by that, i mean, really open their hearts and minds, and not just as a say so as part of a seduction play. The majority of the people when they say thet love, they really mean it. again, what goes in movies and TV shows are a very care exceptions cases turned common for the sake of drama. The truth of the matter is that most people are nerds/geeks who have some difficulty totally open up to others because they are afraid to get hurt and humiliated. And that's human.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:41 p.m. CST

    It's all subjective though

    by rogueleader66

    Fett you make good points and I do not really disagree with you, like I said I tried to get laid when I was younger, I just didnt have the stuff to get it done, I was a social dork. I just think it's complicated no matter how you look at it.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Dude, most ADULTS mistake passion for love

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    You need to stop meditating on this shit and just DO IT. Stop trying to analyze everything. I've found that often times women don't even realize they are giving non-verbal clues. I've had girls say they had no idea we would end up in bed when by her non-verbal communication I knew that's what she wanted.</p><p>What all of you need to do is just go for it. What the worst that can happen? She tells you to go fuck yourself? At least your little dead-end fantasy is over right? Take the fuckin' red pill and learn whereyou really stand. As I said, women want you to go for what you want, even if they don't want you back. they will RESPECT you trying and of course be flattered by it.</p><p>But this is crucial, you need to play in your own sandbox. If you look like Jonah Hill, don't go hitting on Megan Fox. That's just gonna be fucked up. Hit on a girl who looks like a female version of you. don't like the way you look? Change it.</p><p>You're worrying too much about what's being said and what's not being said. Women don't come with a se of instructions. What you need to do is make her feel safe and special. If you can do that, she'll lead you where she wants to go. Once you understand what her boundaries are, you should be able to stay within them.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:53 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Man, forgive me for sayingthis, but you still talk of sex a bit like as if you are still a teen. Good for you that you think you had a good first experience as a teen. but let me tell you, what love for the pussy has anything to do with a bad first experience as a teen, which is what happens to most? You know, i can love cars and be in accident the first time i drive one. So, what one has to do with the other? The crude comparison is just to enforce that notion, it's onethingto love sex and to love guirls, it's anotehr to have a disastrous first experience because you were a fucking teen whose acts were dictated by emotional impulses and raging hormones. And need we say that all teens are narcicistic? It cames with the teritory. Hav eyou ever considered that your first great experience might had been the bad one for your partner? Of cours,e as teens, fuck what the otehr wants or thinks, if it's good for me, it's good for everybody. I had it good, then everythign is fine. But it's not fine.<br><br>This is why i say that sex is the domain of adulthood. As teens we hav ethe impulse and the nede but not the maturity to effectively deal with it. And you know why? I tell you why. It's because of this thinginvented in the 20th century that didn't existed before in thw whole histyory of mankind: ADOLESCENCE.<br><br>Adolescen is an exclusive invention of the 20th century. Before, you were either a child or an adult. And for milenia, people would make a transsition between childhood to adulthood in initiation rituals. The transition was abrupt and fast, but it marked you. You were no long a child, you were now a man. As it happens, this transitions, this maturity rituals happened at the same time when your hormones start to make their presence know. So, when your sex drive woke up, you were an adult, with all the responsabilities and duties it entails. This would go both for men and woman. This happened at the ages that today is our teenhood years.<br><br>In today's adolescence, what we have is a prolongued immaturity, a prolongued childhood but with aspects of adulthood mixed in, like sexual maturity. And this mixtute is a bomb. It clashes. It creates this strange thinking and behavior from people in which we act both as children and adults, without being one or the other. And this gives rise to a a worst of the worlds scenario, specially about sex. Extreme childish immaturity governing an essencially adult thing like sex. In fact, i would evne say that as teens, people ar emore immature and dumb then as children. Children at least don't have their raging hormones turning them into mutant slaves of emotionalisms, children can outthink a teen.

  • May 27, 2010, 2:55 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    You know what kind of adult still mistake passion for love? The ones who think that their teen years were the best of their lifes (the idiots!) and act their lives in the image of their teen eyes, as if those were their Camelot to be inspired to.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:12 p.m. CST

    Trying to make sex rational? GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    Since you want to use metaphors, I'll try one. Part of my job in marketing is being an artist. As a little boy I just loved to create things. I was always drawing and writing stories, etc. It's just part of who I am.</p><p>I can spend all day doing a seminar on the technicalities of how to be a great artist, but unless the people have that artistic ability inside them, it's all for naught. You have to be able to see BEYOND the page. It's not a series of technically accurate strokes, it's the drive towards something kind of magical.</p><p>You keep trying to use your slideruler and graphing calculator to figure out how to make a sexual connection with a woman and you will continue to fail.</p><p>All your "mutant slave" talk just reinforces the fact that you don't know your way around a woman. You say how emotionally stunted all teenagers are and that's just bullshit. It may seem that way sometimes because they are dealing with a lot of change, but teenagers are very deep people. some of the best poetry I've ever read came from teenagers. I've seen absolutely stunning art from teenagers.</p><p>Emotion aren't a handicap, they're an asset. You just have to learn how to not let them get the better of you. That's a big part of being a teenager and hiding from things that might upset you doesn't avoid the problem. As you and Bath are showing us, it cements it.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:13 p.m. CST

    There is WAY TMI going on in this TB.

    by ebonic_plague

    It's like the Breakfast Club meets Happiness in here. <p> Though it's no surprise that people who frequent places like AICN and CHUD have other priorities than finding some form of happiness with a female... such sites are like the mental place in Dune that women find too terrifying to even comprehend. If getting worked up about Michael Bay movies is more rewarding than sex with girls, AICN is the place to be... otherwise I recommend closing the AICN browser window and finding something in life you're good at that makes you happy, and everything else will eventually fall into place.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Who said my teen years were the best of my life?

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    ope, I just said they were good. They were fun, they were exciting, but so is my life now. Sure it's different, but not bad.</p><p>I frankly don't think you know what the fuck love is let alone passion.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:36 p.m. CST

    As afraid of heartache as you are, women are 5X as worried

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    We all want a loving relationship, or we should anyway, but it's different with women. It's THE thing they want. It is defining to them.</p><p>And so you have to recognize that they are very concerned that they get the right guy. So yes, they can be confusing or standoffish, or even cold. That doesn't necessarily mean they aren't considering you as a potential mate. You have to prove yourself worthy. She has to know that you're gonna "stick". So she'll throw some tests your way. She'll see how you'll respond to something, or see what you'll do when she doesn't call you, etc. If you're going to give up easy, she won't invest herself in you because next time won't be a test.</p><p>Can that be frustrating? Absolutely. But you need to understand where it's coming from. Frankly, you should respect it because she is protecting herself and a potential child.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:42 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    You must be very emotiomalist, it'sthe only reason why you wouldn't udnerstand what i mean to say about being a rationalist about the subject of love and sex. As in, having your actions be ruled by reason and reasonability. You know, there is a whole book that'd about that aspect of dealing with romance and romantic feelings, it's called SENSE AND SENSEBILITY. And in the book, the sister who is senseble (rules her actiosn by cool reasoning and rationalism) is the one who has the best man for her and ends up very well for herself earlier. The sister who embodies the senses, the sensualist one, the one who lets her actiosn driven by emotions, is the one that almost dies of heartache. Thankfully she has a very good man inlove with her, a man who is very reasonable and rational, and eventually she ralises that he is the right guy all along, and ends up well married and happy ever after.<br><br>Yeah, there is a book writen about the glories of using your head evne in matters of the ehart,a nd it has been a best seller since the fucking 18th century! You want me to give you another title about the story of the doomed stupidity of two characters letting passions rule over the heart versus the two other characters are who are sensible and reasonable? Leo Tolstoy's ANNA KARINA. Also a best seller since the mid 19th century. Yes, there is much to be said about using your head in matters of the heart. SPECIALLY ABOUT MATTERS OF THE HEART.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:46 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    That was low. like, as if being a movie geek would be incompatible with a romantic life. Give me a break here, pal! You realise that in life things doen't exactly work out like in the movie cliches, right? Next you will tell me that an athlet cannot be good at maths and developt an interest in science, and that all scientists are adverse to sports and the outdoors?

  • May 27, 2010, 3:50 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    And mate, women are like that? All women are like that? What kind of fucking women have you dealt with all your life? Those aren't women, they are cliches out of a bad soap opera. Man, either you know jack shit of women, or women in USA have yet to reach the 1970s. Well, the later i wouldn't be too suprised, i mean, only know you have helthcare, something that existed in most of Europe since the early 70s. Your womenfolk have yet to reach the late 20th century yet, if what you say is any indication. I'd rather be a monk then be around that kind of womenfolk retardness.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:52 p.m. CST

    You'd do well to stop basing your love life on MOVIES!

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    This is the second time you've brough fiction in as some sort of half-assed "proof" of how the world of sexuality works.</p><p>THIS IS REAL LIFE, OK? We aren't characters in a script. There's no theme, there's no morality tale, there's no character arc.</p><p>And since I know the only thing you really give a shit about is Star Trek, Spock never got married did he?</p><p>Love and sex are fundamentally about LETTING GO. It's about putting somebody else before yourself which is 180 degrees away from what you're saying.</p><p>You have got to sart figuring this shit out dude or you're going to be just like Bathman. And you fucking KNOW it.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:52 p.m. CST

    And this is all i have to say about the subject

    by AsimovLives

    Correction: all i want to say about the subject. The subject is getting stupidier and stupidier. Back to movies and why a movie produced by Jerry Fuckheimer is always bad news.

  • May 27, 2010, 3:55 p.m. CST

    Ask any woman what she wants most out of life

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    If you don't believe me. Of course, you'd have to actually talk to one first.

  • May 27, 2010, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Asi, I stand by my remark.

    by ebonic_plague

    No, being a movie fan is not antithetic to having a fulfilling sex life/relationship, but being an AICN talkbacker pretty much is. Try this: when chatting up a girl, launch into one of your screeds against Abrams. Then see how long it takes for her eyes to glaze over and for the conversation to terminate. It's like anti-Sex Panther cologne; 60% of the time it works everytime. But, in the unlikely scenario she actually responds to that approach... marry her!

  • May 27, 2010, 4:25 p.m. CST

    ebonic_plague, speak for yourself, dude!

    by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Grave

    "No, being a movie fan is not antithetic to having a fulfilling sex life/relationship, but being an AICN talkbacker pretty much is."<p>Way to throw us all (and yourself)under the bus, pal! I think you meant 'obsessed' AICN talkbacker. I kid, I kid.<p>Anyway, what are you talking about? I use long, rational arguments about the de-merits of Star Trek all the time when chatting up women. You mean to tell me their eyes WEREN'T glazing over in puppy dog lust, but merely boredom? So that's where I've been going wrong all these years! I also highly recommend the topics of politics, computer programming, the stock market, religion, and ethics when chatting up a women; you will be guaranteed to score! Anyway, this talkback is better than sex, I say!

  • May 27, 2010, 4:26 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    The last remark is quite ironic, given that only a man whose opinions on women are based on TV shows and chick flicks would say what you did. In the real world, women came in many shapes and sizes, and, yes, in many varied personalities. In credible that, hem? WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD, brother!<br><br>Thank goodness i do not know the women you do. If they actually exist.

  • May 27, 2010, 4:30 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Have you ever met a women who loves to listen to a passionate argument, adn find that interesting? You know, there are women who love to see passion and thinking from a man. Who love to see a man talk about a subject with vigour, that he has his ideas though out, that he can bring a new angle and approch to a subject, or make her interested in a subjkect that they didn't cared much before. did you know some womne like this exists? I have meet some, have you not? and relaly, as Turd said, speak for your self regarding your generalizations. You need to remind yoruself that when we are discussing about people, real people, the kind we can actually meet in real life, we should say and thinkidfferently then when we are talkign about movies. On account people being people, and movies aren't.

  • May 27, 2010, 4:32 p.m. CST

    "Talkback is better than sex."

    by ebonic_plague

    Turd, I must be doing it wrong, then. ;) <p> Besides, I'm the exception that proves the rule. My favorite pick up line at comic conventions is, "Baby, I'd like to do to you what Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer do to discerning film-lovers every summer."

  • May 27, 2010, 4:32 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Incorrect, no talkback is ever better then sex. Never happen.

  • May 27, 2010, 4:50 p.m. CST

    I have met a few like that, Asi.

    by ebonic_plague

    But I prefer to connect with women over things that make us both happy, rather than our mutual complaints and grievances, however passionate they may be. I've actually just been talking to a girl I dated in art school over a decade ago, who always played hard to get and unimpressed before dumping me, who is trying to (now) tell me I'm the only man she ever loved, and we should get back together... but I realized in talking to her that she's actually completely miserable because her only passion in life is finding things to complain about, and it's driven all her other friends away, and I'm the only one who even listened. And life is too short to devote so much energy to bitching. <p> Women want guys who use their passions to actually DO something; not critics, even passionate ones. That's why arrogant pricks (like, say, Bay) get so much tail; they do what they want and make no apologies. Find something you enjoy doing, and do it to the best of your abilities, and you will find success in love. Or stay in talkback and see how well your theories serve you. Either way, as long as you're celebrating the things you love, rather than only denigrating that which you hate, people will respond positively.

  • May 27, 2010, 5:06 p.m. CST

    this has to be the best Talkback ever

    by RedBull_Werewolf

    but seriously, you nerds should put the keyboards down and find some love, theres nothing beter in the world then having someone who loves you. and i don't mean find a slut to bone, i mean real love your soulmate to the end. <P> I call you "nerds" out of love by the way, everyone should be happy. Hell even Harry found Yoko and he's a fat basterd, there's hope for all of you

  • May 27, 2010, 5:37 p.m. CST

    /sits down with popcorn

    by buffywrestling

    This is getting good! At first it was all vapid, 'American Pie' sex movie but now we are getting into some serious undertones.... <p> Continue.

  • May 27, 2010, 5:52 p.m. CST

    The Secret of a "Normal" Life

    by Coordinate_System

    <P>I think that any definition of a "normal life" would have to preclude posting to AICN on a regular basis!</P> <P>Seriously though, some here seem to be forgetting this little gem from way back in the 20th century:</P> <P></P> <P>Simplistic, but good advice nonetheless.</P>

  • May 27, 2010, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Ain't it sexually frustrating news???

    by I_shot_Cyrus

    Bathman's gonna save a shitload of money from NOT having to but Viagra.

  • May 27, 2010, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Bathman, you are amazing.

    by TedKordLives

    Every single thing you say is wrong. <P> How do you do it?

  • May 27, 2010, 8:44 p.m. CST

    Oh I see.

    by TedKordLives

    He's just funnin'! No one would admit to being 63 and a virgin, not on here, anyway.<P> Fun away, pally.

  • May 27, 2010, 9:22 p.m. CST

    Yeah, Bathman is nothing but a lonely troll

    by BumLove

    I'm sure he draws inspiration from his own lonely desperate life for the lies he spins, but yeah, he's full of shit. Do a search for the article "N.W.A. movie gets a writer", and Bathman is there making a lot of racist comments, and also referencing rappers, which your average 63 year old would know nothing about....and saying things which contradict the lies he's told here. <p> You were right to feel sorry for him...those of you that did....but for all the wrong reasons....

  • May 28, 2010, 12:33 a.m. CST


    by Joely_Boy

    You're quite spot on in what you say about women and getting them. Good work dude. :)

  • May 28, 2010, 2:28 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I know a girl just like the one you described above. And she is married to a saint, to one of the top best guy i ever meet. The guy does everything for her, every whim of her, and yet seh still complains and find stuff to criticise him. She doesn't know how lucky she is. Really, there's people who just cannot see the good they have. Well, in my teens i was a bit of a miser sue myself as well, which might also had been one reason why a certain girl might have not fall for me. Or she was just not the great girl i though she was, but then again, i was an emotional teen devoided of intelligent though due to raging hormones.<br><br>The thing is, all this stuff we thinkhappened to us and we think it's so unique to us and made who we are, it happend to others as well. The millions of others. This stuff is just in perpectual repeat.

  • May 28, 2010, 2:28 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Dude, Harry bought Yoko.

  • May 28, 2010, 2:33 a.m. CST

    RETURN_of_FETT and Joely_Boy

    by AsimovLives

    The women you have met and deal with sucks. Really terrible pieces of womanfolk. I'm really sorry for you two. But you should know that women come in al types and in great variety. Or is it that women in USA just came in one shape and size? And you call europeans communists, and yet, it's in USA where i see more descriptions of uniformity. Who understands this?<br><br>Or, and this is what must be closest to he truth, you also have extremely limited experienc with girls, have lied your way to try to make yourselves cool, and the idea you have of the ladies is based on 80s teen comedies, from Abrams's FELICITY and chick flicks.

  • May 28, 2010, 9:19 a.m. CST


    by LaserPants

    So why do they keep making movies based on them? I don't understand.

  • May 28, 2010, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Asi, I'm very comfortable with my female relationships.

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    And they aren't all sexual. If you restrict females to "can I fuck them or not", then you are completely missing their unique beaty. They are spectacuar creatures. I love everything about them, even the frustrating parts. Maybe ESPECIALLY the frustrating parts.</p><p>When I hear from guys like you that frankly just don't get that, I eel for ya. Women are not these alien beings that were pu here to humiliate you. All they ask is for men to take the time to listen and be genuinely interested in learning about them. Learning about them as human beings, not as cum dumpsters.</p><p>You need to just take a breath and begin to appreciate women for who and what they are, not for what you want them to be. If you can sta do that, you'll find they make everything more radiant. :)

  • May 28, 2010, 10:50 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Who cares about that subject, anyway? It's so yesterday. Fuck if i care talking about this anymore.

  • May 28, 2010, 10:53 a.m. CST

    I wonder if Jerry Fuckheime rlongs for the days with Michelle Ba

    by AsimovLives

    Back when Michelle Bay lived under his skirts and was his favorite cock sucker and ass licker. Fuckheime rmust look back on those days with great foundness. Michelle Bay, however, must be thinking otherwise, because he decided to leave from under Fuckheimer's crotch and give AIDS to Spielberg instead.

  • May 28, 2010, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Or maybe Asi, just maybe...

    by RETURN_of_FETT

    You're a miserable fuckstick nobody, especially women, want to be around.</p><p>I think that's the most likely root of all your problems.</p><p>I mean, anyone who spends MONTHS whining about a movie they saw in every talkback they can find no matter what it's subject, has some serious fucking problems!</p><p>"Oh, I couldn't talk to girls as a teen becuse I was stupid with hormones". Uh, NO, you couldn't, and still can't, talk to women because you're an obnoxious fucking douchbag with no redeeming qualities.