Cool News
Behold!! The TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE Red Band Trailer!! It's SWORD & THE SORCERERiffic!!
Merrick here...
A Red Band trailer for TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE (director Albert Pyun's pseudo-sequel to 1982's THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER) is now online, featuring vampires, titties, a touch of dismemberment, and some cool John Carpenter-esque music from Tony Riparetti (that's actually from the film).
Note that a few shots are still being tweaked, so some of the stuff you see below may look a touch different in TALES' final product.
TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE - RED BAND TRAILER - HD version from Albert Pyun on Vimeo.
Still no sign of the "three bladed sword" that was so badass in the first movie, although I'm told it does make an appearance in this picture - along with Lee Horsely, who can be glimpsed in the material above (2 minutes, 1 second in).
--- Follow Merrick on Twitter! ---
TALES OF AN ANCIENT EMPIRE - RED BAND TRAILER - HD version from Albert Pyun on Vimeo.
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Wasn't the first a Disney cartoon or something. to Google...
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I'm thinking of The Sword in the Stone. How come I never heard of this? Was it released in theatre's?
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You mean Matt Houston is in this?
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Why even bother making it? As an 80s kid, I dug the overall cheese of Sword and the Sorcerer. However, all the over-used terrible CG in this trailer and the entire phoned-in feel of the thing is just a big "why bother?" As cheap as it looks, enough money probably went into this to fund several worthwhile indie projects... alas.
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It made 40 mil US. Where the fuck was I?
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because quite clearly, just showing a steaming heap of fresh elk shit would be a massive improvement...
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There's no such thing as free titties, is there Zack? No, there's not...because I had to pay for free titties by watching one of the worst trailers I've ever seen.This is a B movie trying to be cool....be what you are, don't try to be bigger than that. You suck, and you can only be good by embracing it. Don't try to slang "clever" dialogue which is in fact trash, and don't edit your movie on a Macbook Pro!
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it DOES look like a porno ahhah
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...and you get a new one every week.
Well, you did. -
Sword and Sorcerer seems ten times better than this film. The acting seems extremely amateurish, and set production extremely low budget. I know this is being done on the cheap, but is it worth it given that the original, which is over 20 years old, looks so much better? With this level of acting, they should cut their losses and make it a porn.
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Move along.
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I think that showed a bit too much, the fates of certain characters and whatnot. Should have reigned that back a bit, I feel.
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... Good titties or what?
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...in all the right ways. I'm in.
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...that had that great cheapass effect where those bat-winged monsters would wrap their flappy blanket-arms arms around someone, hiding them from view completely...you'd see a struggle...hear some disgusting noises...and bones would drop out the bottom?
That's how you do shit on a budget. -
Needs more CGI titties.
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...but this makes it look like it might be fun, too.
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I can't wait to see it. Really. Yeah. Holy shit this looks so fucking AWFUL, I couldn't even finish it. I COULDN'T FINISH THE TRAILER!! How bad can the extended horror be?
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The original Sword and the Sorceror is spinning in its film cans!
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I'm a huge fan of the original, but this looks like total garbage. Terrible, terrible acting. Looks like an episode of Legend of the Seeker. Just awful. Why bother with a sequesl to SATS without Lee Horsley (and his bad-ass sword) as the lead? This news is very UNCOOL.
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AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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...and ketchup and
I'm in. -
if not worse...
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...for this movie for twenty-eight fucking years. It is going to be good.
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...there's a Tales of the Ancient Empire.
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while drinking two bottles of wine.
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That's what this is
It's like remaking The Toxic Avenger, and inserting even more cheese in attempt to cash in on the 80s -
was half-assed. Learn some tracking, kerning and word-spacing skills
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through the whole trailer - garbage. Is this a Uwe Boll flick?
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Hercules had better production values than this...
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complete crap... even the titties were lame.
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Syfy must have spent a whole years budget on this thing
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that looks terrible. Poor Kevin Sorbo. Can't cath a break.
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http://chrisdaneowens.com/video/Shine_med.html
Would've been brilliant. -
I really liked THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER, and hoped that the sequel would eventually be made. But his looks SERIOUSLY amateurish. I doubt it will live up to the original. And Kevin Sorbo??? PLEASE!!! This guy lends nothing at all to this except for a sense of cheapness. Although to be fair to him, I would have said the same thing about Lee Horsely back in '82 prior to seeing the original. Shoving bare chested vampires into the mix makes this seem more like a cheap exploitation flick than a follow-up to movie that many have argued is better than the first CONAN film. I will probably see it, but I have a feeling that Albert Pyun should have left well enough alone. NOTHING about this trailer...except for the brief glimpse of Lee Horsely...interests me at all.
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Freaked me out as a kid. I used to rent it all the time though.
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May 17, 2010 2:14:58 PM CDT
..."many have argued is better than the first CONAN film"?!...
by flickapoo
...many are wrong.
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that video is brilliant! He's a star in the making!
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They are remaking Toxic Avenger....
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I never said I agreed...I've just read and heard people say that. I prefer CONAN THE BARBARIAN to THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER. Both films were enjoyable...and both had flaws. This, however, looks to be little more than one big flaw. One flawked up film I guess!
CONAN THE DESTROYER was nowhere near as good as the first, and this looks to be WAYYYYYYY worse than that film. WHat the fuck was Pyun thinking...I guess about making money, not about following up a cult hit with something on the same level. -
I just lost 2 minutes of my life I can never get back... That acting was HORRIFIC! Even to watch this as a camp adventure with tongue in cheek is beyond my ability... fuckin' terrible.
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worthless
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...equals great move.
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I guess I'm getting cynical in my old age, but the older I get, the less I care about vampires. They arfe no longer scary, just fodder for Goth-minded teenie boppers who can't, or won't expand their horizons.
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Andrew Kramer would be proud.
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Run, run away as fast as you can. This looks like a high school film project. This shouldnt even be a straight to DVD release but instead direct to Betamax.
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This is quite possibly the stupidest, cheapest, most inane trailer I have ever seen in my life. Kill it with fire.
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I played videogames in the early 90's that had better than CG than this piece of shit. Jesus H Tapdancing Lopez - if you can't do something well (limited budget or whatever), figure out a different way to achieve your goal... bad CG like this cheapens the whole thing to less-than-cable-TV-quality. It's pathetic.
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guaranteed 120 million dollar opening weekend if this was 3D
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Seriously? If the writers and editors of this site think this movie looks good...
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... and they put the BEST SHOTS IN THE TRAILER???????
THAT WAS THE BEST MATERIAL THEY GOT?????
Albert Pyun - you're a cool guy and I know you've posted on here a couple of times so I hope this flick helps keeps you 'in the manner in which you've become accustomed' but really - it's not your best work sir! -
And even from Pyun's other stuff like Dollman and his Nemesis films.
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How anyone can be a fan of this guy in anything other than an ironic sense is beyond me. Seriously, he has the worst filmography of pretty much any director on the planet in the last thirty years. Plus he's a completely egotistical cunt to boot from all accounts. If you must see an Albert Pyun film, for fuck sakes download it illegally, don't pay money and further encorage this wretched skinsack of maggot infested shit, lest he might get funding for yet another one of his painful cinematic excretions. And the cinema world just doesn't need that kind of pain, it has already suffered enough at the hands of Albert 'talent vacuum' Pyun, thank you very much.Yours faithfully, The World.
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Seriously tho. You know your movie is going to be badass with talent like Kevin Sorbo. /s
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Without the porn.
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its been far to long since i last saw it ...my VHS copy having since disintegrated
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May 17, 2010 2:46:20 PM CDT
...really is a shame. I was rooting for this to be B-licious.
by flickapoo
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is right. It looks like Pirates, but without Jesse Jane. Pirates also had better CGI.
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Words cannot express how appallingly awful this looks. What a waste.
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...that CHRIS DANE OWENS video. And by the way, titties are never lame.
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It lost me at, "A fortnight ago..."
Really? She was so convincing. I lol'd really hard, and clicked login to let everyone know that I lol'd... and I just typed out lol'd 3 times. -
an iffic in the headline needs their head examined.
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The original Sword & the Sorcerer had huge chunks of it ghost directed by cinematographer Joseph Mangine, after Pyun proved to be so completely fucking inept on set, and this along with his difficult nature and frequent outbursts meant that pretty much no one in the industry would touch him for the next few years, despite the film being a surprise hit when it was released. That's probably as much to do with why there was never a sequel as much as anything. I also heard that the same thing basically happened again on Radioactive Dreams, and after that his reputation was set, and his hollywood bridges were basically burnt. So it was independantly financed, mostly offshore movie making from there on out. I also know that Van Damme basically hated his guts, and has said as much, and Steven Seagal once called him "probably the worst director I have ever worked for" in an interview I read, and honestly, has there ever been a worse movie with Seagal in it than Ticker? He does have the gift of the gab in talking himself up though, I'll give him that much.
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it was never cool. It was idiotic from the get go.
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I did experience a twinge of excitement when I saw Ralf Moeller however. Guy deserves better though.
I watched Nemesis recently and though it is undeniably awful I quite enjoyed parts of it. -
Jesus Christ, just show us the action.
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... and it was made ten years ago on a TV budget in New Zealand. Have we really come nowhere in all that time?
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Very amateurish looking, like those bad fan films that litter the net.
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May 17, 2010 3:12:17 PM CDT
Because who isnt interested in what Kevin Sorbo is up to these d
by eddiemurphyslaugh
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May 17, 2010 3:12:43 PM CDT
and yet AICN still hasnt covered Billy Zane meeting with Nolan.
by eddiemurphyslaugh
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Really bad effects and lighting. Was there acting in this, too?
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And better acting.
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Is that actually any good then because I love the synopsis.
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If the douche got a roll in one of Nolan's flicks it wouldn't be any bigger than Eric Roberts' in Dark Knight.
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May 17, 2010 3:23:33 PM CDT
Zane is a perfect followup to Rutger Hauer and Eric Roberts
by mattmanreturns
in Batman 3.
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they aren't interested in zane for anything atman 3 related, zane right now is the top choice for the new lex luthor in the man of steel
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Much better than before, perhaps becasue that hot blonde chick wasn't talking too much this time. The CGI effects look like ass, but hopefully they're not final. I'll defentley see this film.
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Or at least the Red Camera, so it can 'look' like a movie. Looks like they're using HD camera better suited for student films.
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typo
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STFU
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but this really looks awful.
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GB3 news?
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...I remember Sorbo is in it, and his fucking evisceration of KULL THE CONQUEROR. Somewhere in the US of A, the grave of a famous pulp author is spinning, SPINNING I TELL YOU!!
Sorbo is the anti-thesis of all hat is cool about SF/fantasy. If he's in your TV show, movie or short film, you are doomed. End of. IT WILL SUCK. -
...to be considered a sequel.
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That was pretty "Syfy Channel Saturday Feature" worthy.
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What the eff!? That said, Zane news sounds good to me.
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That is all.
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He sure has fallen on hard times.
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PERIOD.
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It looks like it cost about 10 bucks to make, the CGI is worse than stuff in 1997 and I've seen better acting in porno movies. Albert Pyun isn't only a shitty filmmaker, but he's a douche and a half and I can't believe how much leeway he gets on this site just because he now plays the "it's all a joke, I'm hip and cool" angle in the talkbacks. If he offered you money, he's not gonna pay anyway (he owes half of hollywood money). As horrible as he is, Paul WS Anderson is 10X the film-maker Pyun is, yet he gets constantly shit on here Uwe Boll gets ingored, yet Pyun is suddenly the b-movie golden child? Fuck that. There's no justice in a world where Dio is dead but Albert Pyun gets to keep making movies.
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Because he's like that. But deep down inside he knows that this a piece of shit.
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Somebody call Chris Dane Owens and tell him that "this" movie sets the bar. Just shoot for slightly better.
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It looked like a SyFy movie-of-the-week that got an extra c-note in the FX budget.
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May 17, 2010 4:31:13 PM CDT
Wow, that was terrible. Was it shot with a phone camera?
by kravmaguffin
I've seen better acting from the cast of the Hills. Jesus, that skank from Jersey shores is a better actor. I feel soiled for watching that, what a shitfest. Cool News? gfy
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Oh wait.
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Sorbo is the LEAST of the problem in this 'movie.'
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May 17, 2010 4:49:16 PM CDT
Zane as Luthor is a true story..met with Nolan twice now actuall
by eddiemurphyslaugh
Am I the only one that wants to see a Coen Bros. SUPERMAN movie but made exactly like Hudsucker Proxy?
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May 17, 2010 4:51:01 PM CDT
MattMan..thats exactly what I thought about Haur & Roberts..
by eddiemurphyslaugh
Nolan loves B 90's stars for some reason.
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That is an amazing movie...why isn't it here in the U.S.
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"Note that all of the shots are still being tweaked, so most of the stuff you see below will look a bunch different in TALES' final product."
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I see your triple-bladed sword and raise you a Glaive! Krull rules!!!
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... don't work, do they?
I dig the States n all, but... don't work -
make Beastmaster IV
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I'm not saying I could do better .. but someone should be able to do better than that ...
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than the original. After watching Spaceballs last night, I'm inclined to believe you've shown us the REAL Tales' stunt double! The CG looks 90's video game bad, the acting makes soap operas look Shakespearean, the tits are the only thing that I didn't regret watching. And I dug on the original SATS. Sad.
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but have no mention of Ewan Magregor replacing Johnny Depp in Gilliam's reattempt at Don Quixote.
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but it looks shitter shit!it's shitterer!
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Seriously! After Lord Of The Rings came out, I figured we might finally start getting some good fantasy movies but nooooo; instead we got crapola like Eragon and whatnot.And now every other Scyfi (or whatever) movie seems to be some cheap shit fantasy movie that looks just like THIS. CHeap CGI, bad accents, dodgy costumes, terrible dialogue and idiotic plots. I'm sick of it.I just want a good fucking fantasy movie. Stop making fantasy movies if you can't afford to make them right. The only exception should be when the director has the passion to put his or her vision on the screena and the ability to work within their budget to avoid it looking like a complete fail.I've not seen the original movie but this looks terrible and only goes to reinforce the idea that all fantasy is bad. 80's movies like "Krull" had ten times the heart that this shit does.
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May 17, 2010 5:29:54 PM CDT
I love how Merrick says "a few shots still being tweaked"
by eddiemurphyslaugh
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Take it back.
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...gotta see it now
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So I'm here to admit it. I did not notice ANY fake boobies in that whole trailer. I hate it when period films with nudity hire actresses who have had boob jobs. It's , to me, worse than having a Volkswagon in an old west movie.
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it looks like it might just be a fucking blast to watch.
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May 17, 2010 5:48:41 PM CDT
I declare Tales of an Ancient Empire an OUTLAW!
by stereotypical evil archer
It looks lamer than my talkback posts.
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I was actually looking forward to this being a fan of the first one. The acting looks amateur, the CG in every instance looks bad, the trailer had no rhythm to it or gave any real sense as to the movie, just came off as a bunch of shit edited together.
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It's like they haven't learned anything in 28 or so years since the first one, which was always just a broke ass Beastmaster and was bested by Krull. And this trailer has a partial shot of the projectile portion of the sword.
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because if so...look out Uwe Boll. You've got some competition
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I don't understand. Is this a theatrical release? A cable movie? Because I can't really argue that it looks like a SyFy production. And a cheap one at that.
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I really enjoyed it, but it still felt like a b-movie. Looks about 1000 times better than this, though.
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when do we get a remake of 'Hawk The Slayer'?
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Ya I was pretty sure this was going to be some fantasy medevial porn movie.
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Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka
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I hope it can because LOTS is an awesome series minus the naked titties!
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I mean, what the fuck? That trailer tells you nothing, the special effects look god-awful, and OOH, boobies! I got bored like a minute into it. It seemed like the cast was bored too. And the music fucking blew. I love John Carpenter and even at his worst he never was that fucking terrible and generic.
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May 17, 2010 6:26:23 PM CDT
A fortnight ago? A sorceress? like totally murdered my sister
by spacechampion
The big secret of this film is that the Ancient Empire was located in the San Fernando valley.
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But without the fucking parts...
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May 17, 2010 6:32:36 PM CDT
Damn, I've see the trailer...its gonna suck and here's why!
by hollywoodhellraiser
1)VAMPIRES! Vampires during this time period was an awful idea! Think of bigger demons during this time that were more menacing!2)CGI! C'mon that shot of the swordguy slicing off the vamp head with awful, FUCKING AWFUL!!!3)Too clean! Where the fucking grittiness and sweat on the actors!? Gone is the sense of atmosphere where you feel the stink of the environment and the dirt where you walk! How hard was it to make these actors look dirty, tired, and not giving a fuck about personal hygiene?4)Too much talking from women! The original had women servant to men and in bondage. Why are they sitting in bars and dscussing shit like their equal?This sequel could have been something good but they fucked it! Very disappointing!
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Although I haven't seen Sword & the Sorcerer in maybe 20 years, I remember it fondly and was kind of looking forward to this. But this looks like a total waste of time. I understand the porno comments but frankly, aren't we doing a disservice to pornos by comparing them to this? I mean, porn is makde by professionals. This looks like a class project. What a disappointment.
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And the dialog was still bad. At least it made me laugh a few times.
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May 17, 2010 7:07:47 PM CDT
The Vampire "sister"? was literally chewing the scenery.
by zardozap2005
Wow, I've seen plenty of bad overacting, like Jeremy Irons in D&D, but man she takes the cake for bad over-acting.
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That was horrid.
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May 17, 2010 7:21:48 PM CDT
You had me at "A fortnight ago ..." spoken with an American
by creasybear
accent. Sublime.
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Jump to 38 seconds, the look the guy with the scar gives the woman standing next to him sums up this movie. It stinks!!!
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I don't need to buy it from your website now, Albert.
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in both its scope and its sweeping grandeur. Lush vistas married with exhilirating, visceral action ensure this trailer will long be remembered as
I'm sorry, I've been huffing paint thinner -
Shitty CG, gratuitous breast shot, two girls with daddy issues, one is a vampire who makes more vampires, the other spews Syfy scripted "Prophecy" and then kills the vampire sister at the end.
And it was still a waste.
...I miss the Jun Horde in Beastmaster... -
lol I saw sword and the sorcerer in theaters when I was a kid and this looks soooo bad
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Maybe one of them can fly in and liquify any and all morons trying to spin this as anything other than...that which must not be spoken. No, seriously...Do the writers actually speak or write anglais? Because the actors were sure having a hard time presenting anything that resembled dialogue.
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I like Kevin Sorbo. He seems like a nice guy, and always seems like he's giving his best, no matter what (in fact he's the only person in the preview that could even act). So what the fuck did he do in his past life to get shoved into this shit sandwich?
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Alright y'all...Lee Horsley did not age gracefully and this movie looks so bad it boggles the imagination. I mean, I honestly felt my eyes bleed while watching the trailer...and I would swear my brain unwrinkled the memory of it existing as I was watching it...now what was I talking about?!?
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May 17, 2010 8:15:44 PM CDT
Aren't trailers supposed to make you want to see the film?
by vezner2007
because this one has the opposite effect on me.
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that's what I was thinking too! But I thought to myself, shit sandwich is cliche, I gotta think of something more creative. So I came up with "WOW this looks even worse than I imagined. And I had imagined a shit sandwich with shit cheese and shit mayonaise."
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Stupid. Always was, always will be. The single most unrealistic and impractical fantasy weapon ever designed. You get yourself killed with that thing so damn fast.
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Seriously, how did shit filmed for less money 30 years ago look better? Oh right, because they had charm, soul and grittiness to them. Eat a bucket of dicks, Pyun
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Now we know.
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All you can do with is make inch cuts or stab people.
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...all it's going to get you is your body parts (and probably your head) cut off by whomever you're fighting.
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I never understood any advantage to the "gauntlet of steel" in the first one.... your target would literally have to stand perfectly still and let you awkwardly aim and shoot the blade, and it's too unwiedly to use as a sword. That and the Glave are the two worst fantasy weapons ever
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Mind numbingly awful. My fav part is when the guy swings his sword at two people, the blad does not come with in ten feet of them but their heads fly off! If the trailer is this bad just think of how bad the movie is!
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...don't even get me started. lol Don't shoot, it's too heavy and unwieldy. Shoot once, it's unevenly weighted. Shoot twice and you've got a huge amount of intrusive, unneeded hilt guard. Plus, I guess you've just got to assume that it's magic. Otherwise, how the hell did the thing "fire"? It's one of those "hey man, check this out" cool ideas that just didn't work on film, for me. I understand a lot of people geek out on it. I ALWAYS thought it was just silly looking.
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....neeeeh. Never mind.
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...designed to make people not want to see the film. I can only imagine it was cut by Albert Pyun's evil twin, who then hacked his website and uploaded it, so that people would think the movie is an amateurish waste of time that can't even be salvaged by titties.
You know it's bad when even titties can't salvage it. -
I couldn't even finish watching the trailer and it had tits in it.
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That was really, really, really awful!!
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...but it had charm and was spectacularly silly.
SWORD AND THE SORCERER wasn't even remotely a good movie, but it was gloriously stinky cheese, and had tons of fun with itself.
Hell, it wasn't even my kind of fantasy. I liked my fantasy high and misty, or existentially grim and bloody. -
ever since it was announced, and why on earth I have no idea, but it's getting tiresome.
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May 17, 2010 9:45:04 PM CDT
re: "I like my fantasy high & misty, or existentially grim & blo
by hollywoodhellraiser
Dude, Sword and Sorcerer was those things. LOL
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May 17, 2010 9:49:30 PM CDT
re:AICN has been shoving this flick down our throats".
by hollywoodhellraiser
Actually they haven't. I mean this sequel hasn't been overly promoted like Transformers, Iron Man, Avatar, Indy 4, Spider-Man, Any Raimi film, Batman by Nolan, etc, and etc!
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I couldn't bear to sit through the entire trailer. I can't imagine how awful the movie itself must be.
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Really, this is quite a team effort of making something fun (these comments) out of something traumatic (this stunningly bad trailer). Lots of good ones here - good work all around, folks.As for the trailer - I feel for Sorbo, because he's likable and deserves better than this. But everyone else in the film acts too poorly to be sympathetic figures. "Misguided" is the word that comes to mind.
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That looks like shit!
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...serious minded like Tolkien or LeGuin, or dark and bloody like Howard in RED NAILS.
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TRANSFORMERS and INDY4
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Yes, we complain because the people involved with those franchises have infinite money and infinite creative freedom. They can get any actor they want. Any location they want. Any special effects house they want. With that much power we EXPECT something close to perfection. With this, there was a HOPE that it would be good. A nice fantasy b-movie to geek out about like the first one. That's why the responses to this trailer are disappointment mixed with jokes. Not the vitriol spewed as if the guy who raped and murdered the children of the world was captured when something like Indy or Transformers disappoints.
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WTF did I just watch? It felt like each scene was filmed on a tripod on live digital TV or something? What the fuck? Where are the sweeping shots of mountains and castles, horses galloping, amazing sword fights. They're barely even outside. It feels like a FMV game from the early 90's. Why the hell can't directors today film with old school film?, nothing looks better than film, because even if the film is bad. The grainy look of film makes it look classic. This film on the other hand looks so synthetic.
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The Evil Dead movies were the same case, but same raimi still made it work. So it's possible. I might have not been so harsh if the movie looked like film and not an episode of SNL.
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May 17, 2010 10:31:22 PM CDT
Good points, Jaka! Hard to comparre blockbusters...
by hollywoodhellraiser
to DTV movies!
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Merrick said it's still being worked on but the site says the SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION is sold out. Fuck man that sounds sick I guess I missed the boat, so they're printing some more DVDS then? how the fuck do you see this movie? I guess eventually Netflix will have it?
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May 17, 2010 10:36:44 PM CDT
then when I click on the link for the movie
by winona_ryders_pussy_juice
it freezes up and I can't access the link. I guess the webtraffic is too high from the demand for this thing? Fuck guys let me have a turn on the link.
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Are we having our time wasted showing us this shit? REPEATEDLY!??? Shut up about this damn thing, I've seen better student flicks. Shit acting, shit directing, shit music, shit editing, shit vfx - shiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!
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You know the actors knew it was the beginning of the end for this production when the HD video camera was 90% of the budget. Are we sure this isn't a straight to late night SyFY movie???
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Because it looks like it was shot on a handy cam inside a friggin' ren fest orgy. It looks like shit, in other words.
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After that trailer, one cannot help but visit www.albertpyunmovies.com and get out that visa debit card and make the necessary purchase. The special effects speak for themselves. Anyway, after that humanity molesting colonoscopy of a trailer, the only thing I can think of is: Even Elmo deserves to pursue his dreams. And if that dream includes standing in front of a camera and spraying my face with diarrhea, then, sigh, I guess all the more power to him for realising it. Ugh.
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May 17, 2010 11:24:53 PM CDT
Syfy Playboy Channel Community College Theater Productions proud
by gambit7025
really?
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I didn't even make it halfway to the trailer. The porno comment is spot on.
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....porno is arousing, and turns you on, and is actually, like, ya know, sexy... or hot... or dirty... or nasty, etc. etc. etc. This doesn't actually qualify under any of those guidelines. A couple titties does not make porno, even if the production values are the same.
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Good grief. It looks worse than the original by today's standards. DESPITE the better lighting and camera angles!Modern Technology truly couldn't recapture the charm of Excalibur or Hawk the Slayer, could it?
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Uwe Boll called to congratulate you for such a fine looking production. He's also offered some tips if you wanted to challenge anyone to a boxing match.
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....
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seriously...it's not even 'funny-bad' like 'Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus', it's just 'pathetic-bad'. how does this qualify as "cool news"? yeesh!
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well, it's Pyun, so whaddaya expect. indeed looks like a cheap porno. Huah.
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"OMG, the camera is pointing at me, people watching this will be able to recognise me! Arggghhhhhhh...." Or the guy next to her just farted.
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Yeah, says it all right there.
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About 2 and ahalf minutes in, you can see what is one of the blades from the three bladed sword hit a vampire girl in the chest before she disintergrates in one of the cheapest FX shots known to man. I would like to thank the good people at AICN for wasting 3 minutes of my life that I will never get back. I couldn't even get a wank going......
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Because he said it better than I could. Brilliant post that reflects my feelings exactly:
Seriously! After Lord Of The Rings came out, I figured we might finally start getting some good fantasy movies but nooooo; instead we got crapola like Eragon and whatnot.
And now every other Scyfi (or whatever) movie seems to be some cheap shit fantasy movie that looks just like THIS. CHeap CGI, bad accents, dodgy costumes, terrible dialogue and idiotic plots. I'm sick of it.
I just want a good fucking fantasy movie. Stop making fantasy movies if you can't afford to make them right. The only exception should be when the director has the passion to put his or her vision on the screena and the ability to work within their budget to avoid it looking like a complete fail.
I've not seen the original movie but this looks terrible and only goes to reinforce the idea that all fantasy is bad. 80's movies like "Krull" had ten times the heart that this shit does. -
of each others tits and whatnots as much as the next guy, but I can't see any reason to watch this. It could of course just be the fault of whoever made the trailer, but the damage is done.
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May 18, 2010 7:12:22 AM CDT
Seriously, its not porn but more of a Cinemax adult movie!
by hollywoodhellraiser
Think about it. You see this same kinda shit on late night Cinemax, not porn. Like Jaka was pointing out!
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This looks shit.
Even Hercules says at the end "It's all so DIRE!" -
the Asylum movies look like they were done by fucking Weta.
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...groping actually dull, should be in director jail. Seriously.
And Kevin Sorbo? What, he can't need the paycheck THAT badly, can he? -
This is like the late 90's vivid porno movies(like all the early Jenna Jameson movies)...not really that hot, everyone looks bored...
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http://tinyurl.com/2dcody7
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to sum up: even cheap film stock has a gritty charm that cheap digital cameras and processing cannot match; cheap practical effects/stop-motion is better than cheap CGI for the same reasons. To match the cheesy charm of 80's budget fantasy, the same techniques should be used. Above all, a film needs soul. The creators need to put love into it and have to really enjoy what they're doing. That sort of stuff really shows up on screen and can't be faked.
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The secondary cast do a good job, and the special effects seem to be there. But the blonde chick can't act, perhaps too much collagen in her lower lip, and Sorbo has too much contemporary attitude for sword and sorcery, raising his eyebrow more than Roger Moore did as Bond. Ralf Moeller should have played the lead; at least he'd take it seriously.
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My only hope at the moment is that the A Game Of Thrones television show is good. It would be nice to see the fantasy genre done right for a change.
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May 18, 2010 6:03:09 PM CDT
RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL, is Game of Thrones really fantasy
by famouseccles
There are no wizards or monsters, etc.
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What about the Others?
Those undead things that slaughtered a whole bunch of expendables in the prologue of the very first book, even commanding the dead bodies of their victims to fight for them?
Sounds pretty monstrous to me.
Still, you're right. The Others are a background presence most of the time. And we've only heard dragons, manticores, and such mentioned, and haven't seen them on-page as it were.
You tend to forget the fantastic elements are there -- but they are there.
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My second sentence should have ended at "prologue".
I forgot myself and took the title of the *book* to be the title of the whole *series*. Yeesh. My mistake. -
I submit myself up to digital drawing and quartering by anyone who hasn't read the book(s) yet. ;)
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Yeah, that's probably already been mentioned above but I'm not at work so I don't have time to read all the comments.
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Seriously where are these porno comments coming from? Have you guys watch porn lately?I mean it similar to softcore than porn! Heck look at any late-night movie on Cinemax and thats where the similarity lies!
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I'm definitely going to masturbate to it.
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And not in a good way either.
I think even Boll would say "My god, what a piece of shit!"
(Well, either that, or praise it as a cinematic masterpiece.)
Poor Kevin Sorbo's career, I can start to smell it from here... -
isn't this movie on like every other day on SyFy , and then marathon'd on Saturdays ??? almost expected that weird Baldwin brother to pop in for a scene or two ...
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movie, but being dull is unforgivable. I couldn't finish the trailer.
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Holy Cow! This is beyond ouch. Sounds like I managed an "epic" fail of alltime with the Tales trailer. I'd slink back to the drawing board if there was anything to retool. I'd definitely like to use some quotes from this talkback for a secondary trailer, think I will actually. Therein lies inspiration. There better than the standard reviewer blurbs which tend to sound alike and rote. I'll get some clips online so you can all judge its porno quality as it'd be nice to at least achieve that. And yes, kirttrik, IMAX 3-D is the only place to see this level of cheese. I fling it wantonly. Sorry to have wasted your time on such a failed trailer effort. - Albert (www.albertpyunmovies.com)
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And what fool put up the money? Even a cheap film is expensive to produce. Kevin Sorbo is better than this crap. What's sad, is I usually like a sword and sorcery movie, and I tend to not base an opinion on a trailer, but this looks like complete shit.
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If we can purchase this pile of steaming donkey crap, why can't I purchase a movie I really want? Namely Solomon Kane. Are they just going to let it rot on a shelf. I want Solomon Kane!
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No a bead of sweat on the mighty nads of the original, this looks like low rent video fodder
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Not a bead of sweat on the mighty nads of the original, this looks like low rent video fodder
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