I am – Hercules!!
I’ve come to accept how unlikely it is that any TV drama will ever come to equal or surpass the twisted genius that was David Lynch and Mark Frost’s “Twin Peaks,” but it’s always jarring when an attempted clone arrives on the airways as dreadful, malformed and short of the mark as “Happy Town,” which takes the place of “Eastwick” on ABC’s schedule and is of similar quality and ilk. Another in a seemingly endless line of unfunny dramedies from ABC, “Happy” comes to us from Josh Applebaum, Andre Nemec and Scott Rosenberg, the fellows behind ABC’s horrible dramedy “October Road” and ABC’s horrible dramedy version of Britain’s acclaimed sci-fi hit “Life On Mars.” The new series seems determined, like “Desperate Housewives” before it, to mock corners of America that never existed outside a TV set. Though it deals in grisly incident, it is packed with cliché-riddled characters too outlandish for most single-camera sitcoms. The trouble starts with the too-cheerful real estate lady who settles the Lauren German character into a local boarding house, and the pilot careens off the rails with the introduction of the randy old hens who already live there. The saddest thing about “Happy” is its amateur scripting serves so poorly an impressive cast that boasts Sam Neill (a refugee from NBC’s equally malfeasant “Crusoe”), M.C. Gainey (who has already moved on to “Justified”), Robert Wisdom (“The Wire”), Amy Acker (“Dollhouse”), Steven Weber (“Studio 60”), Frances Conroy (“Six Feet Under”) and Abraham Benrubi (“ER”). Televisionary was the first to warn us about this one nearly one year ago:

… It's a shame as Happy Town boasts a fantastic cast of well-known (and, in some cases, much beloved) actors but they are hampered by a ridiculous plot, insipid dialogue, and an overabundance of exposition that's about as subtle as an anvil. At its best, Happy Town comes off as a cheap knock off of Twin Peaks without that series' effortless wit, intelligence, or flair. At its worst, it's laughably bad and cartoonish. …

USA Today says:

… Surely every other Hollywood producer must marvel at how loyal ABC has been to Josh Appelbaum, André Nemec and Scott Rosenberg, the troika behind October Road — one of the worst written shows in recent painful memory (just the thought of those supposedly grown men forming a lip-sync "hairbrush band" is enough to give me nightmares) — and Life on Mars, which collapsed in inanity the minute the producers stopped copying the British original scene-for-scene. And yet despite those two ABC strikes, the network now plunges ahead with the equally miserable Happy Town, a serial murder mystery so awful, it makes you think ABC saw CBS' Harper's Island and felt some suicidal urge to do even worse. …

The New York Times says:

… if you’re like me, you’ll want to go to a place without televisions. … the mystery and the bucolic soap opera come encrusted in arch humor, the currently popular sensibility in which everything that is said or done takes place within invisible quotation marks. That has been an ABC specialty, from “Desperate Housewives” to “Pushing Daisies” to “Modern Family,” though the standard-bearer right now is “Glee” on Fox. However you feel about that style — and a lot of people like it, obviously — it’s an uneasy fit for “Happy Town,” pulling your attention away from the central story of a mysterious kidnapper dubbed the Magic Man and the themes of rural repression and conformity. It worked in “Twin Peaks,” but there’s no David Lynch here providing a direct line to the pastoral American id. … there’s no sign yet that “Happy Town” deserves the “Twin Peaks” comparisons that it so badly wants.

The Los Angeles Times says:

… seems doomed to languish in its own insurmountable imperfection. … between the magic man, the widows, the Stiviletto brothers and the bird, "Happy Town" quickly becomes more Mad magazine than "Twin Peaks." Which is quite unfortunate because, as it stars Sam Neill and Frances Conroy, I am bound by love and devotion to watch it until the bitter end.

The Chicago Tribune says:

… Forget about the fact that "Lost's" creators had a cool, unique idea and a truckload of money with which to execute that idea. That sort of thinking doesn't fly at this network anymore. No, let us continue to slavishly imitate parts of the "Lost" premise and hope that the audience doesn't notice that most of these shows contain elements that don't work, look cheap or defy logic. If we keep rejecting truly original ideas (which are way too risky) and keep throwing these kinds of derivative shows at the wall, one of them has to stick eventually, right? … Throw in a gaggle of town freaks and gossips, lay on the usual cloyingly insistent ABC soundtrack and toss in heapings of overwrought melodrama ("The third floor is strictly off limits!"). Really, with a show like this, you've got to get the details right. The main thing you've got to remember is, the scripts for this show have to beat the audience over the head with exposition. People are busy. They can't be expected to keep track of complicated stuff like, you know, the Magic Man. Who takes people. Maybe. That's a lot to remember. So you need to have the characters spell out everything the viewer needs to know, multiple times, in every episode. …

The Washington Post says:

… it's like being dragged to a dinner theater where the troupe has decided to stage an amateur adaptation of "Twin Peaks" as a hammy homage to that show's 20th anniversary this month. … The problem is that the show is strewn with an unironic, overwrought sense of portentousness and constant, blunt hints that the town is Not What It Seems. It's got a bad case of the foreshadows -- so much so that you expect a wolf to howl after every character speaks. … Confused? Do you like to be confused? Do you have time to be confused? Then welcome to "Happy Town." Let me know how it works out.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

… wants to be a modern, more accessible "Twin Peaks," but viewers who reveled in that show's obtuse artistry will be let down by "Happy Town," from the producers of the equally humdrum "October Road." They populate their newest show with generically quirky characters. Great TV always flows from the specificity of a show's characters; "Happy Town" traffics in banal generalities. …

The Salt Lake Tribune says:

… feels manufactured and trite. Instead of these arcane events occurring organically and with a twisted humor, ala "Twin Peaks," "Happy Town" unfolds its story mechanically, as if the producers were following a formula.…

The Boston Herald says:

… there’s paying tribute to “Twin Peaks” and then there’s filling an hour with inside jokes, and “Happy” comes dangerously close to that point next week in bits involving the introduction of a new agent to the case. If “Happy Town” is to thrive, it needs to set down its own foundation.

The Boston Globe says:

The ham-handed irony of the title is a dead giveaway that subtlety will not be a hallmark of “Happy Town.’’ (As is the ad campaign solemnly advising viewers: “Don’t let the name fool you.’’) And indeed, this creepy new ABC drama throws restraint to the winds as it gins up one shock effect after another in the far-from-happy town of Haplin, Minn. But even as you may be tempted on occasion to roll (or close) your eyes, it’s hard not to be drawn in at least partway. …

Variety says:

… does establish that it isn't strictly a one-horse affair, though its soap-opera elements and hints of the macabre remain less than fully formed. The main weakness might be the wishy-washy nature of the ostensible protagonist …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… the most confusing aspect of the series is its tone thus far. Perhaps viewers are meant to sympathize with the nice townfolk one minute, then giggle adoringly at phrases like "you're cuter than a mouse's pocketbook" the next, but let's hope not. The minute "Town" demands an audience that gets scared along with the locals, all is lost. But so long as we get to dine on the same scenes Neill is chewing on, then count me in for dinner.

10 p.m. Wednesday. ABC. Follow Herc on Twitter!! Follow Evil Herc on Twitter!!

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