I am – Hercules!! Ladies! If Jack Bauer offers to get to know you? You’re extra-likely to leave a good-looking corpse. Just ask Teri Bauer, Nina Myers and Renee Walker. Oh wait, you can’t; they all died violent post-coital deaths! Well, maybe ask instead Jack’s season-five landlord Diane Huxley, who only barely managed to evade the horny deathtrap that are Bauer’s loins. Or Mandy The Assassin, who continues to cavort nakedly far from terrorist-riddled Manhattan – perhaps because she was never in danger of being gifted with Bauer’s manly essence. Producers indicate Grandpappy Bauer was just warming up when bullets ripped into the disgraced special agent to whom he was making love last Monday. He had merely taken a break from Walker’s first Power Hour to replenish the Jack Sack with a masculine glass of water. And! After nearly seven full seasons of taking orders from stupider managers with better political connections, nonsense-despising Chloe O’Brien is finally large and in charge at The Counter Terrorism Unit. Now that the first of this season’s CTU moles has been exposed, perhaps she’ll even implement some sort of rudimentary employee screening process. Fox says of tonight’s installment:

With only seven hours left in the series' final harrowing day, Jack Bauer sets out to avenge the tragic life-changing events that he has endured. As things become even more personal for Jack, he heads to CTU for an intense meeting after learning of a devastating development. Meanwhile, on the verge of achieving peace on a scale that has eluded the world for generations, President Taylor becomes deeply conflicted when former President Logan sits down at the bargaining table. Guest Cast: Bob Gunton as Ethan Kanin; Frank John Hughes as Tim Woods; Necar Zadegan as Dalia Hassan; Gregory Itzin as Charles Logan; Sarah Hollis as Presidential Aide; Graham McTavish as Mikhail Novakovich.

9 p.m. Monday. Fox. Follow Herc on Twitter!! Follow Evil Herc on Twitter!!

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