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Ten Years Later, Someone Finally Apologizes For BATTLEFIELD EARTH...

Beaks here...

If you've got a conscience, and you inflict something as pernicious as BATTLEFIELD EARTH on the world, sooner or later you've got to unburden your soul. Today, screenwriter J.D. Shapiro let it all out. In the first New York Post article I've read from beginning to end in some time, Shapiro self-deprecatingly dishes on how he got ensnared in this fiasco. In short: he blames his dick. An excerpt...
It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women. Willy [Shapiro's pet name for his schlong] convinced me to go check it out. Touring the building, I didn't find any eligible women at first, but I did meet Karen Hollander, president of the center, who said she was a fan of "Robin Hood: Men in Tights." We ended up talking for over two hours. She told me why Scientology is so great. I told her that, when it comes to organized religion, anything a person does to reward, threaten and try to control people by using an unknown like the afterlife is dangerous. Nonetheless, Karen called me a few days later asking if I'd be interested in turning any of L. Ron Hubbard's books into movies. Eventually, I had dinner with John Travolta, his wife Kelly Preston, Karen -- about 10 Scientologists in all. John asked me, "So, J.D., what brought you to Scientology?" I told him. John smiled and replied, "We have tech that can help you handle that." I don't know if he meant they had technology that would help me get laid or technology that would stop Willy from doing the majority of my thinking.
To Shapiro's credit, he doesn't turn this into a Scientology bash piece. Mostly, it's the story of a pussyhound who tried to fuck his way through the Church without officially joining. Shapiro does try to partially absolve himself of writing a shitty script by shifting the blame to Corey Mandell, the guy Travolta brought on to incorporate his notes when Shapiro refused, but he's tough enough on himself that you don't mind. Also, it's entirely possible that a writer with no major credits other than one of the worst films of the 2000s might've dragged his work down a notch or twelve. Then again, both men were adapting BATTLEFIELD EARTH.

Readers Talkback
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  • March 28, 2010, 3:45 p.m. CST

    That movie sucked balls.

    by Galactic

  • March 28, 2010, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Apologize for nothing.

    by thebearovingian


  • March 28, 2010, 3:50 p.m. CST

    battlefield earth is one of the greatest "so bad it's good" flic

    by RedHorseVector

    most bad movies simply lie there on the screen tepidly, but battlefield earth really goes for the gusto, as if they wanted EVERY SCENE to elicit inappropriate laughter.

  • March 28, 2010, 3:51 p.m. CST

    that's funny

    by StrokerX


  • March 28, 2010, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Sorry Isn't Good Enough

    by DangerMan

    The guy is a failed standup comic who was lucky enough to have Mel Brooks redo his material. How does he explained "National Lampoon's Pucked" and his other terrible credits. He can't, so self flagellation is the only way for him to call attention to himself again.

  • March 28, 2010, 3:52 p.m. CST

    I just got off the phone with Lord Xenu

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    he told me Travolta likes men and that he's very dissapointed that we haven't thrown J.D. Shapiro into a volcano yet.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:03 p.m. CST

    I don't think any guy can point fingers..

    by ShogunMaster

    We've all done some pretty horrible things for pussy...

  • March 28, 2010, 4:08 p.m. CST

    I'm actually surprised

    by GiveMeAnFinBreak

    I don't already own this on dvd. One of my favorite mind-bogglingly retarded movies of all time.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:09 p.m. CST

    I like Battlefield Earth. I can watch it start to finish no pro

    by dr sauch

    It's actually an eminently watchable movie. The plot is cool. I mean, think about it, L. Ron Hubbard is really just a sci-fi writer who eventually started a cult for money.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:11 p.m. CST

    He didn't need to bash Scientology

    by lock67ca

    South Park has done a really good job of that....and it's just so easy.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:15 p.m. CST

    While we're at it...

    by lock67ca

    Can we get somebody to apologize for Hudson Hawk and the last 20 years of Eddie Murphy's career?

  • March 28, 2010, 4:16 p.m. CST

    If AsimovLives bashed this movie as much as he...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...bashes STAR TREK, J.J. Abrams, or even Michael Bay...<P>...I'd understand.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:17 p.m. CST


    by Arcadian Del Sol


  • March 28, 2010, 4:18 p.m. CST

    It wasn't THAT bad

    by ghost_matt

    It was just boring. Freddie Prinze has made worse movies.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Who the fuck is

    by PeanutButterSlut

    Tommy Davis? The character from Tommy Boy? What an out-of-place shit comment. Talk about BFE dood.....

  • March 28, 2010, 4:19 p.m. CST

    There is one man alive who loves Battlefield: Earth

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    and that man is Uwe Bole. Battlefield: Earth has given him complete power.<p> Uwe: "I vood lyk to make zis moofee, ya?"<p> Studio: "I dont know. You've made some pretty bad ones."<p> Uwe: "ach, but I deed not make zee Battlefielt:Earff, ya?"<p> Studio: "point taken. Here's your check."

  • March 28, 2010, 4:20 p.m. CST

    peanut butter slut

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    you should probably google Tommy Davis and then come back.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Forest Whittaker

    by PeanutButterSlut

    Has down syndrome in this movie. I call him TRIG.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Went to wikipedia - I was right

    by PeanutButterSlut

    zRKDN, what's your point? He's the character from Tommy Boy.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:21 p.m. CST

    He sounds like a total cunt

    by Ray Gamma

    Way to apologize for Battlefield Earth: Claim that you did it because you were trying to get laid by Scientologists. </p> <p> I have one response to that; WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING COKEHEAD HACK DICKHEAD WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN AN INTERVIEW?

  • March 28, 2010, 4:22 p.m. CST


    by PeanutButterSlut


  • March 28, 2010, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Remake this movie with

    by PeanutButterSlut

    CGI Trig 'Retardo-Palin' in all the roles. Then try and tell the difference. Same Movie.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:25 p.m. CST

    Tommy Davis, from wiki...

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    Thomas W. "Tommy" Davis (born August 18, 1972)is the head of the Church of Scientology's Celebrity Centre International in Los Angeles, California.<p> Davis is the son of real estate investor William Davis and film actress and Scientologist Anne Archer

  • March 28, 2010, 4:26 p.m. CST

    THIS should be a movie...

    by DanielKurland

    Cast Robert Downey Jr., play it up like Ed Wood, have fun with an early '90s soundtrack, and you're half way finished.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:26 p.m. CST

    also, save your neocon bait for workdays.

    by Arcadian Del Sol

    neocons dont surf the web on weekends.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Willy [Shapiro's pet name for his schlong]

    by Anything But Tangerines


  • March 28, 2010, 4:34 p.m. CST

    by Anything But Tangerines


  • March 28, 2010, 4:39 p.m. CST

    Get an E-Meter....

    by banditmania

    ....audit yourself.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:42 p.m. CST



    I can't prove it but the guy didn't have a smile on his face despite all of the drugs in his system.<p>Only watching Battlefield Earth could do that.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:42 p.m. CST

    My friend lived above some Scientologists...

    by blackmantis

    Every Sunday at 6pm on the dot she could hear them watching Battlefield Earth.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:46 p.m. CST

    It;s a comedy.

    by cookylamoo

    Earth is such a backward shithole of a planet that they put it in the trust of two idiot junior execs. Hijinks Ensue. What more is there to it?

  • March 28, 2010, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Dont u remember in Tommy Boy

    by PeanutButterSlut

    When the Scientologist Church needs money so they send Tommy Boy out to sell Xenu Breakpads? Lrn2watchmovies.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:48 p.m. CST


    by PeanutButterSlut

    Whats NECON? SOme kind of army base?

  • March 28, 2010, 4:50 p.m. CST

    Look, I'm not in the army

    by PeanutButterSlut

    nor do I live in a base. So I guess you could call your comments "base-less". See what I did there?

  • March 28, 2010, 4:50 p.m. CST

    DanielKurland - was about to say the same thing! Make this movie

    by workshed

    I would pay to see this on film.

  • March 28, 2010, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Beck is a scientologist

    by BumLove

    I didn't realize that until just now when I googled a list of famous scientologists. That's the only name that disappointed me. The rest of them were pretty flaky and came as no Bijou Philiips, Karen Black, Giovanni Ribisi, Jeff Conaway, Jenna Elfman, Juliette Lewis, the Presleys, and Greta Van Sustern.

  • March 28, 2010, 5 p.m. CST

    Trig as Forest ALien

    by PeanutButterSlut <p> This is horrible and mean, but damn a few minutes in ol photoshop' does wonders!!

  • March 28, 2010, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Rerelease it in 3D...

    by andrew coleman

    It will at least make 60 million easily because people are fucking stupid. Paying $13-15 bucks for 3D is like getting raped without the exercise.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:07 p.m. CST

    barry pepper

    by JaredP

    one of the greatest ham performances of the decade so good krakis should package him

  • March 28, 2010, 5:11 p.m. CST

    The book is pretty entertaining, actually.

    by ThreeOranges

    Just because L. Ron Hubbard was evil, that doesn't mean that he wasn't a good stroyteller.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:12 p.m. CST


    by emeraldboy

    is in avatar.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth was funny, but give us THUNDARR!!!!

    by Lornsorrow

    A live action Thundarr the Barbarian, that's what I want to see. I have a boot of the cartoon series. Pretty damn funny, some actual cool moments. Some actually decent ideas (though crammed into such a short time). Battlefield Earth kind of reminds me a bit of Thundarr. But I found out that Battlefield Earth (the novel) came out in 1982. And Thundarr of course ran from 1980-1982, so if anything, maybe Hubbard got inspired by watching Thundarr, but I don't see much of a similarity except both take place in an apocalyptic future and both have some kinda Conan guy in the lead. A lot of Conan rip offs and inspirations were going round in those days. Actually, Thundar seems to be kinda of crazy apocalyptic take on Conan and Flash Gordon, with a little Star Wars maybe. There's a decent write up at Wikipedia currently. For now, I'll just leave this: The opening narration to the show: The year: 1994. From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man's civilization is cast in ruin! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn... A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science, and sorcery. But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of evil. He is Thundarr, the Barbarian! -------------------------- AAAhh those were the days.....

  • March 28, 2010, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Very interesting article

    by ominus

    thanx for the link Beaks

  • March 28, 2010, 5:24 p.m. CST

    The Problem With This Film Is Its Director...

    by Media Messiah

    ...and choice of casting. The director, a former worker at Lucas Film, destroyed this movie, from start to finish, and one wonders if Lucas initiated him to do just that, undermine "Battlefield Earth", fearing the competition of another big science fiction franchise?<BR><BR>However, John Travolta deserves the bulk of the blame for hiring an untested director, and for inappropriately casting himself in this film. Travolta was a stunt casting, he...and the actor playing the lead, just didn't have the right chemistry...and did not belong in this movie.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Travolta's involvement

    by Bouncy X

    well its not like he shoved himself in the movie last minute. he tried getting this made many times over the years and the original plan was for him to be the lead. of course when it finally came time he realized he was too old so he took the villain role.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Tommy Davis

    by Denty420

    makes me laugh.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:32 p.m. CST

    It SHOULD have been a Scientology Bashing Piece!

    by greigy just wanted to say

    It's not something to be casually laughed at. It has a VERY DARK SIDE to it (no Pun Intended). Too often the media just write it off as a bunch of cranks. These are a very very POWERFUL bunch of cranks who use the most dubious set of criteria as an excuse to abandon basic Morality. They are not funny, they are not harmless. At the end of the day they are about exploiting the weak and the desperate for a pure financial gain.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth > Avatar

    by br1947

    ...ok maybe that was trolling too far :-)

  • March 28, 2010, 5:40 p.m. CST

    Roger Christian

    by Wormie1

    The director of Battlefield Earth was Roger Christian who worked in the art department on Star Wars: A New Hope and Alien, and directed second unit on The Phantom Menace. He directed a short film called Black Angel which was shown with The Empire Strikes Back in UK cinemas. I saw it as a kid, and I just remember it being a scary, weird, medieval fantasy about a mysterious knight. Not what I was expecting when I was there for Empire!

  • March 28, 2010, 5:41 p.m. CST

    I'd like Travolta to apologize to us...

    by Triple_J_72

    ...for the last 20-odd years of his career.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:47 p.m. CST

    I knew Battlefield Earth would be a turkey when...

    by Hipshot

    John Travolta showed up at a science fiction convention in Seattle to promote it. There was a huge line, but something about his body language said even HE knew this was a major-league pile of crap. Decent guy. Felt sorry for him.

  • March 28, 2010, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Lol, "He blames his dick."

    by zillabeast

  • March 28, 2010, 5:57 p.m. CST

    ...Is scientology that bad?

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    ...Sure they are a weird cult, but have they done any evil? like compared to christians...

  • March 28, 2010, 5:58 p.m. CST

    ...Also can AICN apologize

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    ...For the last five years?

  • March 28, 2010, 6:11 p.m. CST

    A Great Director Could Have Turned That Script...

    by Media Messiah

    ...into a good, or great movie, or at least, acceptable, as it is, but the directing job on the film, and the miscasting of acting roles, including the bad acting job supplied by John Travolta, was unforgivably bad!!!

  • March 28, 2010, 6:14 p.m. CST

    I watched maybe 3 minutes of the thing years ago on basic cable.

    by JayLenoTookMyJob

    ...Still, I feel a piece of my soul was torn away and chained to a volcano by an alien presence flying around in a space-going DC-9. Literally... it made my eyes bleed!

  • March 28, 2010, 6:14 p.m. CST

    They Should Reboot The Film

    by Media Messiah

    Do a reboot and hire a good cast, and a competent director.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:16 p.m. CST

    How To

    by btc909

    Has someone written a book on how to start a BS religion. Google "great codpieces in history" 4th result.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:16 p.m. CST

    So if he had a blow up doll...

    by Carri

    If Shapiro had a vibrator or a blow up doll, then this turkey would never have crapped on our screens? Someone buy him a vibrator.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:19 p.m. CST


    by BixbySnyder <p>Say no more.</p>

  • March 28, 2010, 6:19 p.m. CST

    "We have tech that can help you handle that."

    by Xiphos_2

    And by "tech" Travolta meant his hands, mouth and meat rod.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Remake this movie with

    by Immortal_Fish

    CGI Dennis Kucinich 'Retardo-Progressive' in all the roles. Then try and tell the difference. Same Movie.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:20 p.m. CST

    $cientology IS that bad.

    by ebonic_plague

    yourSTEPDADDY, go to to check out some of their hijinks, it's like the Catholic church minus any attempt at altruism and they practice figuratively fucking their members rather than literally. As far as overt evil, they're somewhere (in the ever-shrinking grey area) between the KKK and the GOP, in that the average member is probably more a naive and weak-willed ladder climber than criminally vile. But as an organization, fuck them and anyone with any ties to them, they should be rightfully and loudly condemned at every opportunity.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:21 p.m. CST

    I took a writing class from Corey Mandell

    by Browncoat_Jedi

    He came into the classroom one night at UCLA Extension in 1997 and told the class he just took the gig for Battlefield Earth. He didn't want to, and he knew it was crap, but the offer was just too financially rewarding. By the way, he was the best writing teacher I ever had.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:22 p.m. CST

    Now the Church of the Subgenius...

    by ebonic_plague

    ...THAT'S a religion! We all could use more slack. And fiber.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:24 p.m. CST

    ...How does a vibrator help?

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    ...If a guy likes vag, how does a penis shape instrument help?

  • March 28, 2010, 6:24 p.m. CST

    As Mayard James Keenan said


    Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:26 p.m. CST


    by Kavalier

    I agree with ThreeOranges, forget the movie and all the Scientology bs, the book is actually a good read. If done right, the movie (or three) would've have been pretty cool to watch. If you have nothing else to read, and you're open to an epic story, give the book a chance.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:27 p.m. CST

    I still have yet to see this, although I'm sure I will

    by SoylentMean

    and I'm sure drugs will be involved

  • March 28, 2010, 6:32 p.m. CST

    that movie was talking ghost rider great...just needed

    by theDannerDaliel

  • March 28, 2010, 6:36 p.m. CST

    ...Scientology bad?

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    ...I didnt go to those sites you guys suggested, but i still think scientology is somewhat harmless... sure it preys on the weak minded and scam them out their money, but that has nothin to do wit me personally... whereas many christianity effects many parts of my life thru the government... not sayin all christians are evil (i just prefer to say theyre insecure about life and their next destination) but ive wanted to punch many christians in my life but never wanted to punch any scientologist (even durin that Cruise vs medicine fiasco)...

  • March 28, 2010, 6:36 p.m. CST

    Can we stop talking about Battlefield Earth?

    by Nuking the Fridge

    I am done with this shit....I mean really. There are enough future disappointments to look forward too already.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:37 p.m. CST

    If this guy was so desperate for sex

    by umbral_shadow_

    he should have headed to the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Could have spared us all a terrible movie.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Crom laughs at your Xenu.

    by Flip63Hole

    He laughs from his mountain.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:38 p.m. CST

    How many more years until George Lucas

    by PedroM

    Apologizes for The Phantom Menace? <br> That was due last year, wasnt it?

  • March 28, 2010, 6:39 p.m. CST

    ...Plus xenu makes more sense than zombie messiah

    by yourSTEPDADDY

    ...Just sayin

  • March 28, 2010, 6:43 p.m. CST


    by ebonic_plague

    Check out wikipedia's page on one of Scientology's more famous uncovered intimidation campaigns against a journalist who was critical of them. <p> <p> They go way beyond somewhat harmless... if someone crosses them, they will do anything in their power to destroy that person's life. The members might just be naive, but the church itself is purely despicable.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:44 p.m. CST

    or try this one:

    by ebonic_plague (take out the spaces)

  • March 28, 2010, 6:49 p.m. CST


    by TehCreepyThinMan

  • March 28, 2010, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Apologize for HUDSON HAWK?

    by Darkman

    You fucking take that back, right now! That movie owns. <br><br> And dude got led into a controversial organization because he wanted to get laid? I wonder if the guy who wrote THE MAJESTIC heard this story.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:51 p.m. CST

    Reboot B.E. with Taylor Lautner and Tom Cruise

    by Flip63Hole

    That would be epic.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:52 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Do the math people. OPEN YOUR EYES

  • March 28, 2010, 6:53 p.m. CST


    by TehCreepyThinMan

    It's because he was a devious sociopath.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:54 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    for (500) Days of Summer. Still, the gratitude continues unabated.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:55 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    I really don't know what that means, but somehow it just plain makes sense.

  • March 28, 2010, 6:57 p.m. CST

    i agree with others

    by nora inu

    who say that this may be the greatest guilty pleasure so ridiculous is awesome movie of all time. I have watched it numerous times, one of the few "bad" movies i can say that about and always get a kick out of it. my best friend and i have for years been shouting "YOUR FRIENDLY BARTENDER!!" at each other

  • March 28, 2010, 6:57 p.m. CST


    by BringingSexyBack

    Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution!!!!!

  • March 28, 2010, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Hudson Hawk ...

    by Yer_Maw

    ... absolutely does own. While rocking entirely. It may also pwn, although I'm not entirely sure what that means.<p><br>I do love me some Hudson Hawk.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:07 p.m. CST

    At least he got laid out of it...

    by Henry Fool

    Cults are a great way to get laid if you can fake conforming to their standards without actually getting brainwashed. Even if she looked like Kelly Preston, I don't think I could fuck a female Scientologist without cracking wise about Lord Xenu...

  • March 28, 2010, 7:11 p.m. CST


    by BixbySnyder

    It's so transparent.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:12 p.m. CST

    How intelligent people can take Scientology seriously is beyond

    by Orionsangels

  • March 28, 2010, 7:13 p.m. CST

    Apologize to Barry Pepper for ruining his career...

    by thecomedian

    Seriously, Barry Pepper was gonna be this big star and he was pretty fucking talented in Saving Private Ryan and the 25th Hour and then he got wrangled in to the shit storm that was Battlefield Earth. Now he's probably driving a cab in Pasadena. Poor guy.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:15 p.m. CST

    isnt the director of this film,the same one who

    by ominus

    directed Empire strikes back?

  • March 28, 2010, 7:19 p.m. CST

    AICN Should Apologize for Ignoring Ed McMahon's Death!

    by Drunken Busboy

    Still a shame! Not too late for an obit! Never too late! Ed will still be dead! Make it right guys!

  • March 28, 2010, 7:23 p.m. CST

    @ominus - Nah, that was Irvin Kershner

    by BixbySnyder

    Also the guy who did Robocop 2. (and "A Fine Madness" w Connery)

  • March 28, 2010, 7:25 p.m. CST

    I would suggest that a refund would be appropriate.

    by BurnedNotice_Dude

    I know some people who would love a refund but I don't think the movie made enough to give any back.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:27 p.m. CST

    I heard a new lawsuit is going against Scientology.

    by BurnedNotice_Dude

    Crazy cult. Can't Tommy keep his people in line.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Humans are descended from molluscs

    by umbral_shadow_

    So stated by the Church of Scientolgogy. Riiight.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:35 p.m. CST


    by Twisk

    Did he get laid or not?

  • March 28, 2010, 7:37 p.m. CST

    After reading the article

    by funkylovemonkey

    This might be the most entertaining thing this guy has ever written. I'm not saying that's necessarily a good thing....

  • March 28, 2010, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Scientology is a great place to meet women?

    by HucksterFinn

    Well hot women do like to hang around gay men. Cough, cough, Tom Cruise.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:40 p.m. CST

    the guy call his junk "willy"..

    by SonnyBonoWigDo

    possibly the most cliched name for a wang and we're supposed to expect great writing from him? just saying.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:42 p.m. CST


    by frank cotton

    it is a great film if you approach it as a comedy. PRAISE BOB!

  • March 28, 2010, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth was bad...

    by tj donkey show

    ...but it wasn't Transformer 2 bad. I can at least get a good laugh out of Battlefield Earth. Transformers 2 just made me angry.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:45 p.m. CST

    ...Hudson Hawk

    by Unknown Canadian

    ...while awesome, would've been better without all the camp. Battlefield Earth was a long, but fantastic SF story. The movie only tells the 1st half or so of the book.

  • March 28, 2010, 7:46 p.m. CST


    by Unknown Canadian

    * the NOVEL of Battle field Earth was a long, but fantastic SF story* DAMNIT, Harry!!! Put an edit feature in here, already!!!

  • March 28, 2010, 7:59 p.m. CST

    In order to understand and appreciate Battlefield Earth.

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    It has to be translated by Tom Cruise

  • March 28, 2010, 8 p.m. CST

    Hudson Hawk gets an unabridged pass for the phrase..

    by MacReady452

    "..slurp my butt."

  • March 28, 2010, 8:07 p.m. CST

    by BixbySnyder

    Hmm. Better stop the wacky links now, before i get Black Bagged by my government. Or recruited by the CIA...

  • March 28, 2010, 8:08 p.m. CST

    paul haggis left after 30 years..

    by emeraldboy

    after he suddenly found Scientology was homophobic. he did not go quietly either did paul haggis.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Anyone saying this is worse then

    by Series7

    Year One is kidding themselves. The only possible talent involved was a Mr. Travolta and his idea of a good movie is obviously screwed. Pretty much EVERYONE involved with Year One is a huge proven talent and its a fucking worthless sack of shit. The only time I've ever thought to myself, well Vinnie Jones my just be the best actor in this movie. <P> Also that movie, not nominated for any Razzies that's why the razzies are also unfunny sacks of shit.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:09 p.m. CST

    Scientology is evil

    by lock67ca

    Ask the families of members who have died as a direct result of belonging to that crackpot cult. There are a few cases listed on the clambake website, as I recall. They are not harmless. They are, in fact, very dangerous. TIME magazine did a piece on them in the 80s (when TIME could still be taken seriously) that would scare the shit out of anyone who read it. The tactics they use, and the lengths this group will go to are just plain scary.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:13 p.m. CST

    I would like to apologise to all of the EU for

    by emeraldboy

    sending a comedy puppet to Eurovision. and I would also like to apologise to the rest of the world for Crystalswing and for riverdance, and Micheal flately and louis walsh and supremely apologise to the world of entertainment for jedward. for all of the above we the irish are truly sorry.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:15 p.m. CST

    It was still better than Transformers.

    by onenil

    Or anything made by Roland Emmerich.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:27 p.m. CST

    Anybody else try to read Dianetics?

    by SoylentMean

    Wow. It is whack-a-doo.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:28 p.m. CST

    I tried to fuck my way through

    by SimonDunkle

    an Amish community. But they just looked at me blankly. So I wrote the screenplay for "For Richer or Poorer"

  • March 28, 2010, 8:28 p.m. CST


    by BixbySnyder <p>Sweden shoulda sent Dolph. We'd have won for sure.</p>

  • March 28, 2010, 8:30 p.m. CST

    u want to get rich...start a religion.......dianeticcs 101

    by theDannerDaliel

  • March 28, 2010, 8:30 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth > or < The Phantom Menace?

    by SimonDunkle


  • March 28, 2010, 8:31 p.m. CST

    Actually he did NOT apologize

    by SlimButNotreally

    He did what ever writer did...he said they butchered it. I read all that crap. His "apology" was laced with "mine was good until they ruined it!!!" typical writer propaganda. The dude sucks. The end.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:40 p.m. CST

    @ SlimButNotreally

    by lock67ca

    Yes, I love how it's never their fault. It's ALWAYS somebody else who destroyed your masterpiece. Lol.

  • March 28, 2010, 8:56 p.m. CST

    It's gotta suck knowing your writing career peaked...

    by KillDozer

    with that episode of Charles in Charge you wrote in the '90s

  • March 28, 2010, 9 p.m. CST


    by Sithdan

    Phantom Menace is a MASTERPIECE. It doesn't even belong in the same sentence as Battlefield Earth.

  • March 28, 2010, 9:04 p.m. CST

    I'm with you Sithdan

    by Annie The Pod Racer


  • March 28, 2010, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Say What You Want About Battlefield Earth...

    by Bondtana

    But I will watch it again before I ever watch flicks like Crystal Skull, Avatar (non 3d), Matrix 3, etc...

  • March 28, 2010, 9:16 p.m. CST

    Is it really "self-deprecating"...

    by Skraggo

    ...if you're bragging about being a pussy hound? I don't believe a word of that shit. Who the hell goes to the Church of Scientology to pick up women? Bullshit.

  • March 28, 2010, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Well, he apologized

    by Weapon M

    He's honest. Much props to him. At least for that

  • March 28, 2010, 9:31 p.m. CST


    by SimonDunkle

    I agree about Phantom Menace (except for a couple of things). Just being provocative. So many people rag on TPM - saying it's a load of crap - would they prepare to rate it below Battlefield Earth?? TPM fans who won't admit it should come out of the closet.

  • March 28, 2010, 9:50 p.m. CST

    If this guy can find the decency to admit his crime,

    by ColonelFatheart

    the pope certainly fucking should.

  • March 28, 2010, 10:03 p.m. CST

    The home office thinks this letter is man-animal propaganda.

    by The Winged Doucheman

    My buddy got the Terl action figure on clearance. It's fucking hilarious.

  • March 28, 2010, 10:08 p.m. CST

    I want a Men In Tights Sequel...

    by The_Ritty

    Maybe Ridley's version will finally give Mel some fodder...

  • March 28, 2010, 10:23 p.m. CST

    I want to see this stupid movie now....

    by mistergreen

    So bad it's good?

  • March 28, 2010, 10:25 p.m. CST

    "to his credit..."

    by MikeTheSpike

    To his credit he didn't rag on scientology? Why is that to his credit?

  • March 28, 2010, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Hollywood is awesome

    by happyboy

    can we have more Jewish dudes slagging other people's religions to advance their own careers?

  • March 28, 2010, 11:28 p.m. CST

    I saw Battlefield Earth at the cinemas!

    by Joely_Boy

    I was obsessed with Ghost Dog at the time and saw that Forest Whitaker was in this, so I went to see Battlefield Earth. Man, if only Jarmusch did this film! Haha! <P> Also, after watching this 'movie' I thought two things: 1. Man, I wish I could learn to fly a jet in two seconds! and 2. Never in my life will I use dutch angles in my cinematography again...!

  • March 28, 2010, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth is unwatchable and...

    by Orbots Commander also killed Barry Pepper's career. I mean, killed it stone cold. The movie is truly that awful. <p> And the screenwriter sounds like somebody who needs to get punched in the nuts. He's probably really insufferable to be around.

  • March 28, 2010, 11:54 p.m. CST

    by Omar B

    So what, all religion is garbage anyway. How rational people can believe in fairy tales is beyond me. At least some of them try to do good though.

  • March 29, 2010, midnight CST

    I liked the book

    by BBSloth

    The book was actually pretty good, though about 500 pages too long. I haven't seen the movie.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:02 a.m. CST


    by gotilk

    ..oh it was your penis?

  • March 29, 2010, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Scientology is proof that we (humans) aren't that smart

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    And more to the point are still very immature. <p> I can get to some extent why Christianity and Islam is practiced by so many, they were founded when the populace had low levels of literacy, science was in its infancy (at best), people were controlled (by king etc) and there was very little information available. They then become a tradition and kids are indoctrinated, the beliefs come into law in some nations, you don't have a choice etc. <p> But now a days you have high levels of literacy, science is kicking butt, information is readily available, and yet people sign up to join a religion created by a science fiction author. <p>

  • March 29, 2010, 12:23 a.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth 2: Welcome to Earf.

    by otm shank

    Starring Will Smith.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:24 a.m. CST

    Scientology: The org has my wallet.

    by OnO

    So he wanted to find some lovin. Talk about sticking your wick in the fire. Place your head in a oven, you'll save oxygen for those who really need it.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:27 a.m. CST

    "f#% his way through the Church without officially joining"

    by Meadowe

    the only chiq that i thought that was "hot" that was a scientologist was carrie from king of queens. Maybe the hot chiqs quit going after figuring out getting "poked by an e-meter" (hee-hee!) wouldn't really further their careers?

  • March 29, 2010, 12:33 a.m. CST

    Not "good" bad. B.E. is just plain bad.

    by Teddy Artery

    And the "sci-fi" it was based on was pretty pedestrian as far as the whole 'science' end of things goes.

  • March 29, 2010, 1:20 a.m. CST

    Never seen it because L. Ron Hubbard is an idiot

    by SithMenace

    and so are Scientologists. Religion is fucked in general, but if you're dumb enough to get sucked into the armpit of religion, I want nothing to do with you or your stupid movie.

  • March 29, 2010, 1:22 a.m. CST

    I would do unspeakable things to Leah Remini

    by SithMenace

    How could someone so fine be so dumb?

  • March 29, 2010, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Also, I would bang Star Trek 2 Kirstie Alley

    by SithMenace

    But not 2010 Kirstie Alley.

  • March 29, 2010, 1:30 a.m. CST

    The book was it.

    by Cap'n Jack

  • March 29, 2010, 1:49 a.m. CST

    J.D. Shapiro is a liar


    I have a copy of the original script written by J.D. Shapiro. He is lying. Anyone can purchase his script online. It is a piece of crap. Also, anyone can read L. Ron Hubbard's book, Battlefield Earth - which most posters have, quite obviously, not personally read. I myself walked out on BE the movie on the day it opened in my city. It was the most disgusting thing I had seen since Bonfire of the Vanities. It was a TERRIBLE rendition of a great book. L. Ron Hubbard, one of the original masters of SF, had NOTHING to do with the film. (As Tom Wolfe had NOTHING to do with BONFIRE the movie.) J.D. Shapiro messed up a great story. Blame him. Period.

  • March 29, 2010, 1:59 a.m. CST

    Seriously, just...

    by Jaka

    ...a stinking pile of rotten pulp found in the corner of an uncleaned 10 year old back alley dumpster of a movie. Foul.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Ok Schumaker, now Shapiro, can we get Lucas?

    by cgih8r

    Or Raimi? Or Gavin Hood next? I would love apologies from all those guys.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:12 a.m. CST

    What does Raimi have to apologize for?

    by SithMenace

    If you're gonna say SM3, get real. that was Sony and Avad's fault.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:33 a.m. CST

    You had me, MENOT

    by ol' painless

    Until the bit about it being a "terrible rendition of a great book." I read it as a teenager, in the days when I thought if you start a book, you HAVE to finish it. I did and here is my verdict. A shit book, shittily written by a child-molesting shithead, a shithead who created a shit religion for shit-for-brains dumbshits who love to steal other peoples shit, while eating every bit of shit that the aforementioned shithead writer shat out in a giant pile of shit-smelling shit.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:53 a.m. CST

    the problem wasn't just the script

    by The_Crimson_King

    everything from the acting, to the directing (constant dutch angles?), to the CGI was awful too

  • March 29, 2010, 3:03 a.m. CST


    by Denty420

    'L. Ron Hubbard, one of the original masters of SF, had NOTHING to do with the film.'<br> You're aboslutely right on that. Mind you, Battlefield Earth was made in 2000 and old L. Ron jossed it in 1986. But yeah.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Never seen Battlefield Earth

    by Denty420

    as I always thought it would be Scientology propaganda. However, it'd have to majorly suck to beat Shark Attack 3: Barrowman... sorry, Megalodon.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:07 a.m. CST

    @Greigy Just Wanted To Say

    by Denty420

    I agree that Scientology is not a laughing matter. But Tommy Davis is funny. His pseudo-Edward Norton badass act is hilarious when you realise he's just another Hollywood brat at heart.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:39 a.m. CST

    Scientologists are shrewd

    by Chuck_Chuckwalla

    They'll get hot women to hand out information on their "church" to ensnare stupid guys who think with their dick. It's the Hooters of religion.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:59 a.m. CST

    Hmmmmm, well....

    by KnoxHarringtonsCleftAsshole

    I blame my dick for WATCHING battlefield: earth!!! I was home alone... horny.... it came on tv... and i ain't EVER gonna refuse the chance to knock one out over John Travolta dressed as the most absurd fucking alien of all time!! Some say it's a weird fetish, but i say FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS JOHN TRAVOLTA DRESSED AS A GIANT FUCKING STUPID CUNT DREADLOCKED ALIEN FUCKING BEING FROM OUTER SPACE is just about the hottest thing ever. Apart from Barry Pepper, that guys got it going the fuck on.

  • March 29, 2010, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Something about this moive

    by Thehairyhandedgentwhoranamucinkent

    My friend, had a breakdown, skipped one of his important final year college exams and spent the day watching battlefield earth.

  • March 29, 2010, 4:38 a.m. CST

    what Battlefied really needed was

    by ominus


  • The Master. and while I'm not sure what to think of Scientology's tenets and whether anyone in the group knows what's really going on.. There are spirits that attach to the body and control the dark aspects of our lives, I've been dealing with these things directly for the last 6 years, I know they're real. It's just like the body thetans they talk about. so who knows?

  • March 29, 2010, 5:24 a.m. CST

    L. Ron Hubbard stole the idea for scientology!

    by TheManWhoCan

    From the Riverworld series of books by Philip Jose Farmer. So not only was Hubbard a founder of a crackpot religion he couldn't even think of an original concept to base a crackpoy religion on and plagerised a fellow SF writers ideas! Farmer takes a few digs at Hubbard and scientology in his later RW books.

  • March 29, 2010, 5:48 a.m. CST

    Jack Parsons

    by TheUmpireStrokesBach<p>Somebody needs to make this a movie. It would display for everyone what a worthless shyster Hubbard really was. If there are filmmakers that have the balls to go there that is..cause I'm sure the Scientologists would do what they could to disrupt or disparage anyone who attempted it.<p>Then again, maybe PTA's The Master will drive a nice thick stake into the heart of that filthy beast...or be like one gigantic Cinematic Enema to flush out the toxins...

  • March 29, 2010, 6:55 a.m. CST

    he should have to apologize every single day.

    by alice133

    for the rest of his life. <p>while hes flogging travolta .<p>while travolta makes notes in that rastaconeheadmon getup.

  • March 29, 2010, 7:14 a.m. CST

    Id' bang 2010 Kirstie Alley

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    just for nostalgic reasons....

  • March 29, 2010, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Can't.. unwatch.. Battlefield Earth...

    by Billyeveryteen

    Still.. trying.. to.. wash.. eyeballs...<p>I got a friend who loves B.E., Phantom Menace, and all Will Smith SciFi. Wait, why is he my friend?

  • March 29, 2010, 7:41 a.m. CST

    Battlefield was on German TV last week ...

    by geckobrothers

    ... thought i give it a try again after all those years ... as the texted (german) prologue ran i recognized they misspelled every second word and some words were completly missing ... turned the tv off ... read a book ... had a good time ... sorry John T. ;-)

  • March 29, 2010, 7:43 a.m. CST

    It's hard not to watch Battlefield Earth...

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    It's like midget + donkey porn. <p> Also..... Hudson Hawk Rules!!!!!!!!

  • March 29, 2010, 7:56 a.m. CST

    News on this site is flowing like molasses

    by BumLove

    I have nothing to say.

  • Matrix Reloaded is also right up there.

  • March 29, 2010, 7:57 a.m. CST

    I only wrote the good bit

    by Potatino

    before they ruined it. Oh and I'm a giant ladies man. Oh and I'm terribly funny. Oh and I stood up to scientology. Yay me! I'm the best!! I'm a fun guy!!! This guy sounds like a giant dickhead.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:21 a.m. CST

    Anyone who says that The Phantom Menace

    by rogueleader66

    Is just as bad, or worse than Battlefield Turd, is an absolute freaking idiot. Put aside the fact that I am a SW fan, looking at both movies from just a MOVIE fan standpoint, Battlefield is far and away one of the worst movies ever, while TPM was weak, it was far from the debacle that Battlefield was. TPM had some classic SW moments in it, while Battlefield had nothing memorable about it, the only thing good about it was it's conclusion.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Great book. Terrible film. Why this writer?

    by Ecto-1

    When you look at what he had wrote before Battlefield Earth, no one in their right mind would allow him to take a crack at it. Regardless of how cool he claims his original draft was, he could easily be just bullshitting to cover his arse seeing as how he's done nothing since.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:52 a.m. CST

    Never thought it was terrible

    by jimbojones123

    Post apacapoco wonderland was interesting, as was the leaps of logic jet fightering. Nothing to bad about dumb dumb aliens.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Anger towards Scientology channeled through this film

    by jimbojones123

    Really, isn't this where most of the hate comes from, not the movie itself?

  • March 29, 2010, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Was The Apology Made As Lord Zenu Stood Behind All Menacing?

    by LaserPants

    You know the Scientologists totally Hostel-tortured this guy until he apologized.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:56 a.m. CST

    I Want To Start A Scam Religion Too!

    by LaserPants

    All religions are scams, but I want to start my own and get the tax break. Man, people are SOOOOOO dumb, they'll believe anything.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:57 a.m. CST

    He should do more than apologize

    by Big_Daddy_Nero

    For those of you who have not read Battlefield Earth, I don't blame you, as it is a really thick long book, and it's just words, there are no flashing lights or pretty pictures. But the fact is, he wrote it before he had lost his mind, and it is actually one of the best rousing sci-fi adventure novels of all time. Absolutely epic. In order to have made this properly, it would have had to have been a mini-series, or a trilogy, or something, there is no possible way a 2-hour movie could do anything more than massively fail to approximate anything even remotely close to the book. Forget Hubbard wrote it (no one hates scientology more than me), pick it up in a used book store so you don't contribute to their coffers, and spend a few days reading it. It's a blast. And THEN, you are just warmed up, because the real meat and potatoes is the 10-book 'Dekology' called Mission: Earth, which is just some of the most amazingly fun satire you could ever read. And for those of you who have this sort of benign opinion of scientology, you need to shake yourselves and do at least a little bit of research, and try to understand just how sick and dangerous and powerful these people are. Forewarned is forearmed.

  • March 29, 2010, 9:42 a.m. CST

    yo Big_Daddy_Nero

    by The_Crimson_King

    I heard that those Mission: Earth books were awful and probably not even written by him

  • March 29, 2010, 9:47 a.m. CST

    any piece about scientology SHOULD be a bash piece...

    by thekylegassproject

    ...lest we forget - this is an ideology that claims an alien conqueror wrangled up all of the aliens in the galaxy and dumped them in a volcano on earth, which released all of the world's negative emotions.<p> these ppl are fucking nuts. full stop.

  • March 29, 2010, 9:52 a.m. CST

    This movie bombed because people blamed

    by Grammaton Cleric Binks

    Scientology. Look, I'll be the first to say Scientology is a scam, but that aside, the movie was pretty good. No, it wasn't everybody's cup of tea, but the truth is it was bashed not because of plot and effects, but because of anti-scientology sentiment.

  • March 29, 2010, 9:52 a.m. CST


    by SSquirrel

    is a 2nd generation Scientologist. Not like he got famous and rich and then joined them. Same with his wife Marissa Ribissi, she and Giovanni are 2nd gen too.

  • March 29, 2010, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Wait... there's a 2nd generation??

    by Billyeveryteen


  • March 29, 2010, 10:17 a.m. CST

    Here's a fun game:

    by shut_the_fuck_up_Donnie

    Watch Battlefield Earth and try to pick out the shots that aren't dutch-angles. There's literally only 4 or 5 in the entire fucking movie, probably a sum total of 20 seconds.

  • March 29, 2010, 10:38 a.m. CST


    by BixbySnyder

    Pssst...Central Instigation Bureau.

  • March 29, 2010, 11:01 a.m. CST

    "Crom laughs at your Xenu"

    by Rhinosaur

    Still laughing.

  • March 29, 2010, 11:06 a.m. CST

    And, yes. I used a different word

    by BixbySnyder

    Instead of the usual one, for that last one. Now if you excuse me, i got a tinfoil hat to fold.

  • March 29, 2010, 11:11 a.m. CST

    About as kookie as mormons.

    by Uncle Stan

  • March 29, 2010, 11:36 a.m. CST


    by jeffv

    I gotta agree with some here that it's not really an apology. He says his script was good and then they butchered it. I'd like to see proof of that (but I wouldn't risk paying to do so). I believe writers own their scripts. Like Harlan Ellison did with City on the Edge of Forever, he *could* put his version out there to prove his point.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:14 p.m. CST

    Do not blame the cock!

    by hallmitchell

    What a cop out!

  • March 29, 2010, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Whether the guy is lying or not.....

    by archer1949

    it doesn't change the fact that this scenario would make a great movie. I love the Robert Downey Jr. idea.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:49 p.m. CST

    What Do Jeebus, Allah, YHVH, and Xenu All Have In Common?

    by LaserPants

    They're all fictional characters used as symbols to front THE BIGGEST SCAM IN HISTORY -- Religion.

  • March 29, 2010, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Or, Wait, Is Xenu The Bad Guy?

    by LaserPants


  • March 29, 2010, 12:58 p.m. CST

    Good Enough For Me

    by pr1c3y

    He's got a pass man

  • March 29, 2010, 2:04 p.m. CST

    So he blames his dick for the movie?

    by fiester

    Cut it off then and it's apology accepted.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:24 p.m. CST

    I don't know what's worse...

    by Anna Valerious

    The fact that Scientology is scamming the stupid out of their money, or the fact this guy was scamming stupid women for sex... That being said, I am applauding Mike Figgis for standing up to that cult. I think anything that makes you sever ties to your family unwillingly is a crime. :( Also, I've noticed how much they bully Catholics, citing the wrongdoing a few priests have been up to (Although the media is worse) and stealing both Tom Cruise and John Travolta...Jim Carrey was too smart to fall for that bull when he was invited and found it all to be crap. So that's pretty much what I'm saying- IT WAS STARTED BY A SCI-FI AUTHOR! It has not been around for hundreds of years, it exploits the non-celebrity members and makes them work for nothing while the others get rich off their labor, and the celebrity members should follow Mike's lead and wise up.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Who knows? In a thousand years,

    by BixbySnyder

    even Scientology may be worth something.

  • March 29, 2010, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Silly Man-Ape!

    by Ben_Richards_Bomb_Collar

    Banish him to the gold mines! ... What?

  • March 29, 2010, 2:57 p.m. CST

    I actually liked battlefield earth...

    by nrn

    I know I am among the minority here, but I liked the movie, would give it at least a 7/10 it wasn't horrible. I didn't see why everyone was hating on it.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Wait, that should have been Man-Animal

    by Ben_Richards_Bomb_Collar

    Damn, that's just stupid.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:05 p.m. CST

    Crimson King..

    by Big_Daddy_Nero

    Well, when you get to about book 9 or 10, you see a definite change in style and tone, the whole thing changes drastically, and it just sort of ends. I suspect that Hubbard wrote most of it, but it was still unfinished when he died. It is a fascinating exploration of paranoia and insanity, and the main character (a 'bad guy') is probably the closest approximation of Hubbard's mental state in his declining years. In any case, up until that point, it is hilarious and lots of fun. It's kind of like watching Cruise movies, in a way. I can watch him in a movie, and enjoy it as a separate work of filmmaking art or whatever, and not let it bother me that he let himself get suckered into that next of poisonous vipers known as scientology.

  • March 29, 2010, 3:06 p.m. CST

    nest... bah!

    by Big_Daddy_Nero

  • March 29, 2010, 3:22 p.m. CST

    Actually, the book's JUST as bad as the movie...

    by Messiahman

    Anyone claiming that paperweight to be a solid read doesn't know what they're talking about. I read it when I was twelve years old, and that was the first time my inner critic ever kicked in and said "wow, the story and characters here truly suck."

  • March 29, 2010, 3:41 p.m. CST


    by Big_Daddy_Nero

    That's it? You are qualified to dismiss everyone else' opinions because YOU read a 1,200 page book when you were 12 (extremely unlikely, and if, as you claim, you immediately understood it to 'suck', then you surely didn't read the whole thing, why would you?). Well, sorry. Despite your obvious literary-criticism might when you were twelve, and with all the respect you are due as such, you are flat wrong. Out of curiosity, what are some of the 'great' books you read when you were not yet a teenager?

  • March 29, 2010, 3:51 p.m. CST

    Big Daddy Nero...

    by Messiahman

    Getting a wee bit defensive, are we? Yeah, I did indeed read it when I was 12. Not unlikely at all, as I was a smart kid, and the book is written at a near-grade school level. And I've looked at it since, so this isn't my 12-year old still talking. The characters are one-dimensional, the storyline is rote and dull, and the obvious Scientology shilling (the evil Psychlos are, GASP, psychiatrists) is painful to read. That's marvelous that YOU like a godawful book. Not only do you have bad taste, but turn into a defensive asshole when your bad taste is rightfully mocked. In other words, you're a stereotypical talkbacker. Way to set the standard!

  • March 29, 2010, 4:05 p.m. CST


    by Big_Daddy_Nero

    And so off-handedly declaring that anyone whose opinion differs from your 12-year-old judgment 'doesn't know what they are talking about', and THAT is ok.. I see. And *I* am the defensive a-hole? Mm hmm. Ah well, whatever.

  • March 29, 2010, 4:13 p.m. CST

    The Worst Film of '00?

    by Arcangel2020

    How about one of THE worst films, like, EVER! It deserves to be in the same category of Crap-Gawd-Awful-Holy Shit-I can believe THAT was made as sayyyy...."Superman IV and V"; "Batman and Robin"; "Caddy Shack 2"; All of the Aien Movies after "Aliens", "Bug"...I can go on and on here, but you get the idea of my posting/ran't here. I actually LIKED the novel "Battlefield Earth" and thought back when I first read it that it had a pretty decent premise and the bad guy aliens seemed pretty cool...then John Travolta and The, uh...I mean "Church" got their grubby cult of personality hands on a script and ruined it. Maybe one day, someone will do a proper "reboot/reimagining" of how the novel turbed movie SHOULD be!

  • March 29, 2010, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Battlefield Earth is on Netflix Instant, should I watch it?

    by SoylentMean

    It can't be that bad. Can it?

  • March 29, 2010, 4:55 p.m. CST

    Those Scientologists are Crazy

    by D o o d

    so be careful what you say on here. They'll hunt you down and destroy your life. I saw a show on it. These guys are just completely insane!

  • March 29, 2010, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Big Daddy...

    by Messiahman

    Apparently, you missed the part in my post where I mentioned that I checked it out again in later years only to find that my judgment still held. Before you attempt to get snarky, remember that reading comprehension is your friend. Then again, that likely explains your predilection for Hubbard's pedantic prose. Am I dismissing your opinion? Yup. Because you can't even process a simple AICN talkback post. End of story.

  • March 29, 2010, 7:53 p.m. CST

    I tried to get a job at the place he's talking about...

    by Colt19801980

    When I first moved to LA I had an apartment down the street from the scientology celeb center off Franklin...this was 2001 and i didn't know what the hell scientology was, I just saw a big fancy building and figured I could maybe there'd be some cute girls working there (like the writer thought)...after going inside, i asked for an application. they told me to wait in the lobby area. I sat down and got the creepiest feeling, there was a dude playing the piano, like this creepy Eyes Wide Shut type music. when they brought me an application it was bigger than the ones you find at McDonalds...these people wanted to know my mother's name, where she lived, what her number was...same for my grandmother and my aunt and other family members! I shit you not. I couldn't get outta there fast enough.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:16 p.m. CST

    there are so many movies that I hated so much worse

    by bishopfan85

    This movie was far from being a golden piece of cinema joy, but when I did finally get around to seeing it I really couldn't see where all the hate was coming from. Waterworld was deserving of its punishment via audience backlash but this movie at least had some degree of entertainment value. I also enjoyed Blade 3 (minus any scene involving Dracula in human form) so maybe I'm just unique in my interests.

  • March 29, 2010, 8:47 p.m. CST


    by BBSloth

    I like in the book how the Psychlo Breath-gas explodes on contact with radioactivity, so the humans send some nukes to their homeworld to really fuck their shit up. It was awesome.

  • March 30, 2010, 4:25 a.m. CST

    I love it when someone bashes the Cult of Scientology

    by Monkey_King

    and dumb celebs who follow it

  • March 30, 2010, 7:07 a.m. CST


    by Malcior

    quite enjoyed it...hangs head in shame and shuffles feet

  • March 30, 2010, 7:20 a.m. CST

    So bad it's good...

    by Breotan

    except that it isn't. The book was full of stupid and the movie dumped all that in favor of a whole new brand of stupid. Harriers still working after 1000 years. Yea.

  • March 30, 2010, 7:47 a.m. CST

    So Scientology chicks are easy?

    by impossibledreamers

    I guess he thought since they were dumb enough to believe the ramblings of a failed sci-fi writer - they'd be easy to bed. His logical was NOT entirely flawed. And hey... he helped waste a lot of their money - so what's the harm?

  • March 30, 2010, 7:58 a.m. CST

    I like to quote Superman....

    by Sprinky

    Too late Luther, too late...

  • March 30, 2010, 12:55 p.m. CST

    I wouldn't go so far as to call Hubbard...

    by Darth Macchio

    ..."one of the greatest science fiction writers" and yes, I actually have read Battlefield Earth (which is a great book but doesn't remotely compare to the actual greats of sci-fi).<p>As for Scientology, aren't the most wealthy of their members supposed to be able to purchase supernatural powers from the church? I'm not kidding. Powers like telepathy, telekinesis, etc? You become more and more advanced until you can actually shoot lasers from your eyes?<p>I've seen a Scientology convention and they all look like middle-aged Navy people (they all wear dark blue uniform jackets with chevron markings on their sleeves and shoulders...perhaps it's the space navy?! that would be awesome! a navy! in space! awesome!).<p>But yeah...Hubbard is to great sci-fi as KIX are to great breakfast cereals. Worth a mention but nothing compared to Crunchberries or Honeycomb not to mention Fruity Pebbles and Lucky Charms! And don't even get me started on fucking Cookie Crisp! And not even as honorable as Cheerios or Puffed Rice.

  • March 30, 2010, 12:57 p.m. CST

    How is this movie worse than Superman Returns,

    by parissun

    Gili and Glitter? It's definitely a horrible piece of cow dung but I dooubt it's the worst of the decade.

  • March 30, 2010, 2:45 p.m. CST

    He should apologize for Men In Tights

    by Dr. Hfuhruhurr

  • March 30, 2010, 2:59 p.m. CST

    My "research" on Scientologists

    by BixbySnyder

    Has shown that: 1.They're fucking everywhere. Their "methods" that Tom Cruise giggled about in that video, up above, "Criminon": <p>And their "program" for drug addicts:</p> <p>These "programs" are spreading like wildfire over here in Sweden.</p> <p>And indeed, the entire world. Germany have managed to stop them by declaring Scientology a cult.</p>

  • March 30, 2010, 3:15 p.m. CST


    by the Green Gargantua

    Grow a brain you willing slaves.

  • March 30, 2010, 3:45 p.m. CST

    Hubbard is a great sci fi writer.

    by SSquirrel

    I mean c'mon! He invented a religion on a bet and has all these celebs gulled into believing it all

  • March 30, 2010, 4:01 p.m. CST that true? I've heard that as well...

    by Darth Macchio

    That it was on a bet but then I've read some really weird shit about Hubbard in what he did with the Scientology folk when he was alive. Might have started as a joke but he sure did milk it eventually, that wily ol' demagogue!

  • March 31, 2010, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Darth Macchio

    by SSquirrel

    This is the story according to Harlan Ellison, who claims to have been there when he started it. Had to it cuz the original link was long dead

  • March 31, 2010, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Harlan, the wee little angry man

    by orcus

    He got pissed that folks discovered he wore lifts in his shoes