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Published at: Mar 04, 2010 3:03:59 AM CST

I am – Hercules!!

A sci-fi-ish version of “Alice in Wonderland” written and directed by Nick Willing (who also directed a 1999 NBC “Alice in Wonderland” as well as Syfy’s “Tin Man”), “Alice” stars Caterina Scorsone as a brunette college-age karate girl trying to save her kidnapped boyfriend, who has been taken to an urban wonderland accessible via a big mirror.

I thought it silly without being funny, pokey, predictable and full of flat characters I could not bring myself to care about. Matt Frewer’s white knight character sounds alarmingly like neighborly necromancer Doctor Orpheus on “The Venture Bros.”

The reviews on Willing’s “Tin Man” two years ago were generally poor, yet that miniseries was a big hit. This may explain why a lot of critics couldn’t be bothered to review “Alice” this year.

Its release on Blu-ray and DVD is, of course, timed to the arrival in cinemas of Tim Burton’s “Alice In Wonderland” (which also features a grown-up title character).

TV Guide says:

… a tone-deaf mishmash that pays facile lip service to the iconic creatures from Lewis Carroll’s magical underworld but operates under the assumption that being strange and surreal is enough. The story is a chore …

USA Today says:

… bogs down in Willing's superimposed plot, with its shifting motives and dreary lectures. And while there are times Alice fends (or punches) for herself, too often Scorsone succumbs to a drab weepiness. …

The Washington Post says:

… in one of the last scenes, the new Alice picks up a copy of one of Carroll's books -- and then quickly puts it down again. Putting it down quickly, however, is a preferable alternative to spending four hours at the same joyless task.

The Boston Herald says:

… an odd, enchanting and surprisingly romantic retelling … Viewers who can set aside their preconceptions may find they’ll enjoy this trip down the rabbit hole.

The Chicago Sun-Times says:

… charming, but not perfect. The pacing dragged in some parts, and although this Alice is unmistakably empowered, she asked a lot fewer questions than I would. Like: Does the President know about Wonderland? And are there any bathrooms? …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… There's plenty of fantasy (flying mechanical flamingos) and horror (a roomful of eyes), but there's also too much running around without sweating and lines like "spin another roulette wheel and it'll be your last." What ultimately sinks "Alice" is that it is too normal. Carroll's nonsense, anarchy and druggy weirdness always turned the tale into a fevered dream. Here, Alice disappears instead into a tired missing-father subplot. …

Variety says:

… Willing has reshaped Wonderland into a kind of swinging psychedelic '60s, but it's all set design in search of a purpose. Despite a few surreal kicks, this headlong trip through the looking glass brews a rather weak tea party. …