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Capone thinks PERCY JACKSON is spineless and weak fantasy!!!
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
Forgive me for being slightly outside the demographic for the PERCY JACKSON books that are apparently quite popular among the teenagers. And having once been a teen obsessed with Greek mythology, I can fully understand the level of passion some kids might feel about this modern retelling of the adventures of the Perseus myth populated largely by gods and teenagers. And even if your film history knowledge is surface level, then you also know that this is essentially a remake of CLASH OF THE TITANS, but populated by hormonally challenged youngsters. I like the concept of PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF more than the finished product, but what we're left with isn't altogether unwatchable even if it is completely lacking in depth, substance, or character development.
My initial problems with this movie begin with its premise. Apparently somebody has stolen Zeus' master lightning bolt (the only side effect that I could see was that thunderstorms aren't accompanied by a light show) and the leader of the gods of Mt. Olympus is pissed. For reasons that are never quite explained (actually, quite a bit of the plot isn't explained; it just is), Zeus (Sean Bean) blames the son of Poseidon (Kevin McKidd from "Rome"), a boy named Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman, recently seen in GAMER and 3:10 TO YUMA), who isn't even aware that his whore of a human mother (the utterly wasted Catherine Keener) had sex with the god of the sea. Okay, explain this. Zeus and Poseidon have this initial conversation about the missing lightning bolt being on earth on top of a building. Why? Don't know. It's never explained. A better title for this film might have been THE PLOT THIEF.
Suddenly, the entire god community is after Percy because they think he has the lightning. So his mother sends Percy off to what can only be described as demigod camp, along with his best friend from school, Grover, (Brandon T. Jackson from TROPIC THUNDER) who we learn is a satyr and Percy's protector. The camp is a ridiculous place run by a centaur named Mr. Brunner (Pierce Brosnan; yes, the former James Bond plays a half-man/half-horse creature), and it is there that Percy is trained to go out into the world and find out who really stole the lightning. At the camp, he meets the hottest girl there, Athena's daughter Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), and the pair plus Grover set out to save the world (and Percy's useless mother, who has been kidnapped by Hades).
Director Chris Columbus is probably exactly the right person to tackle this material, having a proven track record getting decent performances out of young actors in such works as the first two HOME ALONE movies, ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING, MRS. DOUBTFIRE, and the first two HARRY POTTER films (he also did last year's I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER, but we won't speak of that). But there's something slightly desperate about the film as it tries in vain to seem hip and youthful. Lerman plays Percy like a bit of a cocky douche, Jackson must resign himself to playing a cliché sidekick, and Daddario has a heaving bosom. That's really all I took away from their characters.
In fact, there were only two scenes in THE LIGHTNING THIEF that I even half-heartedly enjoyed. One features Uma Thurman as a dominatrix-style Medusa, with a few dozen very aggressive snakes in her hair that not only swirl around her head but, if she gets close enough to you, start entangling themselves in yours as well. It's a great creep-out moment. The other decent sequence occurs when the trio makes their way to the underworld and meet Hades, played as a sort of aging rock star by Steve Coogan, with his scheming lady friend Persephone (Rosario Dawson) by his side. But for every successful attempt at entertainment, we get two or three truly awful moments or performances, such as Joe Pantoliano as Percy's stereotypically evil stepfather. Even the moment when Percy makes it to Olympus to return the lightning is a huge let down. Oh look, "CSI: NY's" Melina Kanakaredes shows up as Athena and does...nothing but look purdy.
I think it's fair to say that the HARRY POTTER films set the standard for this type of fantasy storytelling, in which the lead characters are teens or slightly older, and honestly no other attempted film series has even come close. Look at THE GOLDEN COMPASS, or the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA movies, or THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT. None of these even come close to what Potter has built, for the pure and simple reason that those films don't try to appeal to families or kids. Each of those movies was made with the intention of being a great movie, not a great one for a certain demographic. Kids don't need their movies to talk down to them; they want characters they can aspire to be, not ones just like them or more than likely a lot less intelligent. THE LIGHTNING THIEF has no idea what teens are like, so it doesn't even bother to inject its character with anything resembling emotional content or its story with anything remotely like logic or consistency. I'd rather you skip this and go check out AVATAR again if you must see a film with minimal depth.
-- Capone
therealcapone@aintitcoolmail.com
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You can feel the clammy hands of publicists all over this, trying to replicate a money-making francise without a single glimmer of original flair or creativity.
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Feb 12, 2010 7:32:53 AM CST
LORD VOLDEMORT LAUGHS AT YOU PERCY CRAPSON
by richard_gere_raped_my_gerbil
And now I do too.
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Feb 12, 2010 7:33:12 AM CST
fuck you Capone. Avatar isn't exactly shallow
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
Elitist prick. How the fuck do you work for this site? Are you a fuckin film geek or not? There is a reason why this is the number one film of all time. JAMES FUCKING CAMERON MAKES GREAT FUCKING MOVIES YOU STUPID TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL FUCKS. I can ignore the fuckin trolls but fuck you man... Film critic..huh! Go fuck yourself.
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is that the books are the exact opposite of what this movie appears to be. Why make the main character a teenager already if they hope to make a series of these? He was twelve in the book.
Oh, and Avatar's story does suck. Just saying. -
Avatar fucking ruled
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Variety's reporting that Universal has finally greenlit Riddick 3!
Now hurry and post the story! -
if you like movies that rip off other, better, movies. It had good special effects though.
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You wrote a full review of the Percy Jackson film, but a short little swipe against avatar is enough to hijack this talkback!!
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Never a good sign when they're ripping off jokes from Wild Wild West...
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The road to Hades/Hell starts in New Jersey! But I already knew that.
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I haven't seen this movie but the book certainly didn't remind me of clash of the titans. At least no more then any mythology based action story might. The book was entertaining but a little slight and somewhat illogical. My kid is excited about the movie though.
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If you disagree then you need to watch some real Sci-Fi. Yes, Cameron makes great movies. Avatar is not one of them.
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in the world who were going to see this thing may be dissuaded! I have to say, I feel sorry for Christopher Columbus....going from launching the Harry Potter franchise to doing a crap Harry Potter knock-off released in the dead of February in a few short years.
Well, I guess he can always accidentally discover a new continent and mistake it for India again! -
Look pretty. Look confused. Repeat.
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I really like the Percy Jackson novels, and yes I'm a grownup, ut the books are fun, and they do have a point to make, they deal with issues such as absentee parents and environmentalism, and they do it deftly, without hitting you over the head with a message.
For those of you who are curious to see what the original is like, you can read chapter one here -
http://www.hyperionbooksforchildren.com/percyjackson_lightning_chap1.html
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Why HP is the standard? It has managed to stay away more from H'wood with each film. As soon as Americans are calling the shots: shallow MTV kids in a funky RGB colored world. F*ck you very much.
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You hate them all. Your thumbs down hhas come to mean "may be pretty entertaining". Oh, and it does not make you look more smarter than the film makers. It just does not.
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Exact same freaking movie.
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What do you mean 'whats an avatard'. Are you tellin me them Navi aint got no retarded kin? What are they discarded at birth like the Greeks used to (see '300' moron) ?
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exploits and bastardizes myth and folklore. How about making movies based on the books of Charles de Lint, Robert Holdstock, Terri Windling, John Crowley? Hell, if it has to be about teens, de Lint has plenty of stories with teen protagonists; the only difference being his writing has teeth. Tanith Lee would be a smart choice, as well, as her take-no-prisoners storytelling would appeal to young men as well as the women, who are drawn to her dangerous romanticism. Lee started out writing opulent, brutal sword & sorcery; she writes lots of stuff for the YA section, now.It's so frustrating that they constantly gear this stuff to overly sensitive pre-teens, despite it failing, every time. Or mistakenly think it all needs to be live-action. Spiderwick has a genius artist in Tony DiTerlizzi -- so why didn't they just do an animated film utilizing his Rackham-like style? Sheer lack of vision.
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being Spidey.
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Who the hell is Percy Jackson? Has anyone outside the U.S. actually heard of him? Aside from a good sub-title "The Lightning Thief", the rest of it sounds terribly derivative... oops, it's the Hollywood studio machine... what can you expect?
Oh, and No more dirty jokes, etc, etc... Avatar is a piece of crap! James Cameron once might have made great movies, but this nonsense isn't one of them. Get away from the lame plotting and acting (or synthespianing... or whatever it's called) and all youve got is some candy coated, phospherent blue tripe that belongs on the Cartoon Network... Game changing? Cinema destroying more like it. -
I think I'm there.
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Are you saying the Potter films don't talk down to kids and for this reason are successful or that the other movies you mentioned don't talk down to kids and are therefore not successful?
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Of all the things I wish I could unsee, the trailer for this makes the top five.
And I really can't believe that Alpa Chino is in this. I can't. -
They are entirely unwatchable for anyone who hasn't read the books. The only reason they're still making the Potter movies is because the books are so successful.
I think it's unfair to pick on the Narnia movies. The first one was a huge success and Caspian was released in the wrong month. -
...and raise you a Bond. James Bond.
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Feb 12, 2010 10:03:10 AM CST
Capone r you suggesting those films have the wrong approach?
by d.vader
You say this: " Look at THE GOLDEN COMPASS, or the CHRONICLES OF NARNIA movies, or THE VAMPIRE'S ASSISTANT. None of these even come close to what Potter has built, for the pure and simple reason that those films don't try to appeal to families or kids. Each of those movies was made with the intention of being a great movie, not a great one for a certain demographic. Kids don't need their movies to talk down to them; they want characters they can aspire to be, not ones just like them or more than likely a lot less intelligent. " Are you implying that these latter movies are WRONG for trying to make just a good movie? Instead of one that appeals only to families and kids (which you imply is how the Harry Potter films work and why they are successful)? Or did you mistype something? Bc that seems like a very strange opinion for a film critic to have- "Make it for a specific audience, stop trying to make a good film." And I have a hard time believing your stance. Can you clarify for us?
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Potter set the films for NARNIA? No they did not. Very wrong you are sir. VERY WRONG.
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I wouldn't wish that on anyone. How much mega-buck stupidity can one person stand?
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Assuming that "Percy Jackson" is supposed to be the American teenage incarnation of Perseus, then someone needs to tell the writers that Zeus, not Poseidon, is the father of Perseus. Just plain lazy.
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Avatar might be simplistic, but it isn't simple. People who think the dark knight, for example, has more depth than say an Avatar, don't understand films as well as they think they do. Tortured, conflicted and ambiguous characters are no more 'deep' than a straight-forward villian or hero. In fact, it's just as cliche. Harry Potter has some truly weak and annoying moments when it comes to how kids are portrayed. For example the animosity between Potter, Malfoy and Voldemort is in many ways pathetic. However, what makes Potter strong, is that there are many other characters in the film that are interesting and fascinating. Potter is NOT an example of how to make a good kid's film, but, unfortunately, it IS better than the rest of the bullshit that is shat out by hollywood these days. And that's what makes this whole predicament even more pathetic. That Potter is taken as an example of how to make a kid's film. It's a reflection of how bad the rest of the market is. That's truly sad.
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though. I'll say that. But it looks like I'll be watching The Wolfman this week instead. I'll rent Percy Jackson. Neeson's Zeus looks like a homeless Santa Claus.
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Been reading him the books and he loves 'em. He knows the film makes changes But he so wants to see it, so we'll give it a shot, despite the three, quite fair really, reviews on this site.
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Maybe I'd go see it if it had been the Muppet Grover: "Hello there Percy. I am a hmm... what is this word? I will sound it out with help from my other friend Roosevelt Franklin... S...A..."
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Too bad Columbus couldn't salvage that mess of a book. Riordan clearly hasn't a clue about character development, dialogue or how to craft an interesting world and plot. It was as if a high school kid had written it. Embarrassingly bad.
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I would rather watch AVATAR 1,000,000 times than watch this movie or any Harry Potter movie once.
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Can't say that I am surprised. Typical of a Bitter individual that hasn't been able to succeed any where else but the internet. Why don't you write for "Poopshoot.com?" I'm sure that Jay & Silent Bob would appreciate it.
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When I was a young there was a series of books that I read in the 80's that were about this boy who went on modern day adventures to weird tows ( I don't remember if it was like a dimensional portal or what ) and he was looking for these circled "power" objects that he would fashion to his belt ( as was the custom at the time... ahem.. sorry spastic Simpson's reference ) So anyway.. each one of them was made of different elements... iron, solver, wood, gold, etc... and I think they would give him powers. Anyone know what the hell I'm talking about? I can't recall it for the life of me, and I don't know how I ever read the books in the first place.
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And that's counting the novels, too.
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Cause otherwise you wouldn't know more than me
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could you not just say trio?
oh wait, its a black guy, so he isnt even a character, right? i mean what the fuck dude, how is it not a trio?
you guys always have some suspect shit going on at this site that shows an underlying lack of interests in characters who arent white. its fucking annoying. -
Are you British or something? Cause I dont know that many people who use that word.
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You give passes to some of the shittiest films, then act all high and mighty over other films. I mean how the fuck are you going to sit here and praise Harry Potter as deep entertainment when pretty much all the films (except maybe one) are about as shallow as anything you see in Avatar. And it's even LESS excusable because they have books as blueprints. The truth is a film is only as shallow as you let it be, but I can assure you Avatar presents much more interesting ideas then most films released to the public, and most films you put on your questionable top 50 list.
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Capone didn't care for Avatar. Big whoop. You guys act like he kicked your dog. As long as you enjoyed it that's all that's important.
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From the trailers, I was hoping "Percy whatever, Lightning Thief" was going to be a solid film. A few of the sequences looked somewhat badass.
You know, for a modern lukewarm teenage entertainment.
But still... I was hoping.
Then again, I'm not quite trusting of Capone's opinion these days due to his dissing of a certain other film he mentioned above.
Guess I'm still at square one. -
don't know the books, but they made a decent flick called THE SEEKER that fits the desciption
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Selfish Prick!
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But let me remind you that you defending something that is infinitesmail and not even worth my goddamn time to discuss. So, Excuse Me! If you want a real good topic to argue over, why don't you wait till some asshole starts mentioning politics. If not, you could be the asshole, cause you certainly sound like one. Goodbye
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Feb 15, 2010 11:07:08 AM CST
I love the people who point out that Avatar made so much money..
by ironhelix
...so it MUST be a good movie, right?! Titanic made a shitload of money too, and do any of you bust that one out and watch it because it's a "classic"? Fuck no you don't because it's a shitty movie, and so is Avatar. The story is fucking stupid and worn out, the acting is bad, and the fucking science is a joke. You people are awfully easy to please for calling yourselves movie geeks.
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All I did was make one comment and you go Bat-shit Crazy on that one comment. If I WAS wrong, you could've just told me, you didn't have to throw it at my face. and FYI, You're not the one that I called a dumbass so you shouldn't even be involved in the first dam place.
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I wasn't gonna see this movie anyway. It looks like a perverted and sorry telling of the Potter series even in the trailers. The books are probably geared towards 12 year olds with no lives, and the big-name actors in this flick all looked so sorry to even be doing this flick. On their faces it reads "I need a paycheck...so I picked up this shit to get one."
Thank you for validating mine, and my boyfriend's, desire NOT to see this trifling awful bullshit that is a waste of time and money and film. You are my hero. -
I did not say that because Avatar has made money that it inherently bad. I said that because Avatar has made so much money that it is not automatically good. So then, according to your theory, the Transformers movies are pinnacles of science-fiction? I don't even believe they Avatar is ALL bad. The special effects are, of course, top notch. However, after watching a certain number of movies, you kind of expect that from a film that had so much time and money poured into it. My feeling is that for such an awesome visual spectacle (and I admit, it is AWESOME), it could have had more thought put into it's story. Instead, we are supposed to be so blown away by the effects, that we won't care. Well, I care, and I think that using such a worn-out premise detracts enough from the overall experience that I can call it a shitty movie. If you disagree, then you obviously have lower standards that I do, and are more easily "wowed" than I am. It's OK, you were clearly the target audience.
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You are so irritating. I deal with shitheads like you on a regular basis. You strut in here all big and bad, shooting your fuckin mouth off, correcting everyone's mistakes except your own, knowing nobody has the balls to touch you. I just post my stuff on here for fun and you grab it and turn it into a sick game of Tug-o-War. So what if I am wrong, youre as fucked up as I am. There's a famous saying you probably know, "Hell is other people," and you are living proof of that.
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Hope you read this, I've seen you asking Capone that question (re: Book of Eli and Avatar tribute/derivative) without any response, thought I'd offer my opinion on what (I think) he meant, haven seen both films. Book of Eli has a unique story that has a few outside influences, using the essence of these acts as a 'tribute'. While Avatar was pretty much a direct copy of the Pocahontas story with a couple of added elements, none of which were unique, making it derivative - please note I'm not talking about setting, yet! To put it plainly, I knew exactly what was going to happen next while watching Avatar, while I couldn't be absolutely sure while watching Book of Eli. And I'm not trying to have a go at Avatar - I personally would rate it as the more enjoyable and better-crafted movie of the two.
As far as Avatar being shallow, that's a bit unfair. Yes, the plot was generic, but the amount of detail put into the setting should be commended. It's probably not as apparent in the movie, but looking through the 'Pandoropedia' in the Avatar game indicates how much effort went into developing the environs of Pandora. Although the amount of information pales in comparison to games like Mass Effect or movies like Star Wars (admittedly though, most of the mythology of Star Wars was created after the first three films), it is still impressive for a film these days that doesn't have an already established mythology (eg. LOTR)
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