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Harry says that PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF just sort of lays there...
This really pains me. I spent the whole day with my wife catching up on some titles that I had missed press screenings for. We started the day with Martin Campbell's EDGE OF DARKNESS with Mel Gibson... Had a blast with it. Then we left the Alamo Village for Alamo South to watch the future director of DUNE have a mad romp with a domed Travolta in FROM PARIS WITH LOVE. The film is utterly insane, but in a way I had a lot of fun with.
But when I got up, I put on my shoes covered in Lightning Bolts... And I left the house excited because a friend that I absolutely love was excited by this film. You see, Mr Beaks interviewed Craig Titley for the site - and during the day, I read that interview on my phone. I've known Craig for years, in particular, I was quite fond of his SCOOBY DOO script that never came close to being what wound up on the screen. But Craig asked me a few months ago why AICN wasn't going gaga on PERCY JACKSON, and I told him that the trailers just didn't do anything for me. Craig had seen the film and felt it was the best translation of one of his scripts yet. That got me jazzed. When we got to the Alamo around 6:30pm tonight... There were crazy elaborate PERCY JACKSON decorations everywhere. That the ALAMO put forth that effort... it got me jazzed. When we came out of FROM PARIS WITH LOVE with 2 hours to kill, we turned and looked at the lobby and there were all these grown-ups dressed as Gods. Kids in various garb, a man in Minotaur gear and ladies in togas.
Yoko and I were giddy. It felt like the beginning of a magical evening. The menu had special Percy Jackson Blue Milkshakes and some cookies of the Gods. Again. Kinda fucking cool. I learned from the exceptionally awesome Topher Bradfield of BOOK PEOPLE, that all the kids in the bright orange shirts that said, CAMP HALFBLOOD on them... They're the hardcore kids that went through 5 weeks of essentially LARPing. That really made me giggle. I love that.
Well, once the movie took over, the dream ended.
I just felt that none of it worked. Uma seemed embarrassingly awful as Medusa (who I guess had her head reattached at some point, so she could continue to get people stoned). Sean Bean, an actor I love, was oddly detached - and in some of his latter scenes, I swear he's just staring right through the kids. The eyelines just didn't work. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
We begin the film in the clouds, teeming with lightning. Then it stops. We drop out of the clouds to a waterfront that an enormous Poseidon is emerging. When I realized that Kevin McKidd was POSEIDON... I was very excited. I literally just devoured HBO's ROME, in which he's amazing. And of everyone, save Hades, he survived the best. But he just had nothing to do. Occasionally Percy hears McKidd in his head... But other than his voice telling him what to do to triumph, and about 3 scenes... we get nothing. I longed for some sort of establishing of how that connection works. I imagined a furious Poseidon looking into a pool, following his son's actions, frustrated that he couldn't physically help him or protect him. And when he touched his son's reflection and spoke - perhaps that's how his thoughts were transferred... but frankly, as my brain was wandering - I realized...
Logan Lerman, Brandon T Jackson and Alexandra Daddario just didn't do a thing for me. Logan is the best of the three, but I found Alexandra actually grating on screen. I get that she's the daughter of ATHENA, but I didn't get the feeling she knew shit about anything. I got no sense of a power or quality that seemed like anything DEMI-GOD-like. She could swing a sword around and give people paper cuts with it, but wisdom? I wouldn't say that. Battle planning, not at all. And don't even get me started on Brandon T Jackson's Satyr pimp best buddy. Yes, I'm well aware of the decadent reputation of a Satyr - but this guy couldn't shine the horns on Tony Curtis' head.
I thought, maybe the movie will get real good once he goes to CAMP HALFBLOOD. The bastard son of Hermes refers to the place as a Renaissance Faire - and folks... that's an insult to Ren Faires. I spent the better part of my childhood at the one outside of Magnolia, Tx. This place is out in the woods. Everyone is play swordfighting, practicing archery or sunbathing. Classroom instruction essentially consists of playing CAPTURE THE FLAG in full LARPing gear minus the duct tape.
Percy gets introduced to his living quarters there... which is essentially a large dock with a roof on it. There's all these decorations and we don't really get to see any of it. Percy spends about 2 minutes in this pad that a "gift from Poseidon." Yeah, his Dad apparently played with Lincoln Logs as a little tadpole.
God, I hate that. I'm being snarky and I don't want to be. I don't want to be a smartass about this film. I want to say that it blew Harry Potter away, but it didn't. I want to say, "It's a great kids movie," but even though these kids were so freaking excited they were bouncing off the walls... We heard kids use the following phrases coming out, "that was cheesy" and "I didn't expect it to be perfect" and one kid told his Dad "I don't think we're going to see the other books." Lastly, there was a young boy in the bathroom standing facing the corner, crying alone. Maybe he was beaten. I've no idea why he was crying, but the CAMP HALFBLOOD headband was what he used to wipe his tears.
I'm not exaggerating. The film was filled with sexual innuendo, a trip sequence after eating some dosed "magic" cookies... and yes, that's all very much a part of Greek Mythology. It just all clashed with the audience there, the modern day didn't feel right with the Greek influence.
And I didn't like the creatures. I thought the design was uninspired. With one exception...
Hades. The fiery demonic visage of HADES was killer, but when he presents himself as Steve Coogan via SLASH... I kinda loved it. Coogan had fun with the part, you could see it on him. He was having a blast. But that was far too little... too late.
There's zero emotional connection in the film. After the Minotaur turns his mother to fairy dust, and he wakes up THREE DAYS later, he seems unaffected by her loss in the least. Which makes his desire to venture forth into the belly of Hades to save her... unsold. I'm sorry, there wasn't a fucking tear. Not a regret. Nothing. Instead, it was like, Mom turned to sparkly ash, but hey, I'm a demi-god!
What a prick, right?
Ordinarily, I'd just say, "Maybe this wasn't for me. I'm old fashioned. I want my Greek Mythology presented in the glory of it's past." But all those disappointed kids. The frowns coming out of the theater, rather than smiles? This was a big deal to these kids. They have been playing in this universe at multiple camps. Before the movie, this one 7 year old incredibly enthusiastic girl was interrogating a guy dressed as Poseidon, and the Alamo's Poseidon played along like a proud Papa whose son was going to finally get his day in the sun. When suddenly, the little girl says, "You're son is pretty hot!" and he went blank. My wife and I howled - it was absolutely precious.
Dammit. I really really hate that my day ended on such a foul note.
Now perhaps it was the hour. Perhaps it was the product of a long frigid rain & sleet filled day. But I was not impressed in the least. One very small supporting performance from the great Steve Coogan wasn't enough.
The performances never sold the peril. They never sold the awe or majesty of these amazing things. Percy just accepts it all, but we never know what he thinks of any of it. They're literally on a cross country hunt for magic pearls in places like Nashville and Las Vegas. And the search for the entrance to Hades, which cutely enough lies in Hollywood.
I'm going to introduce my nephew to the books, try to get him signed up for this CAMP HALF-BLOOD this summer and let him experience the LARPing and greater glory of the written word in book form. And if he still wants to see the movie afterwards - I'll show it to him, but I'm not expecting a positive reaction. There's nothing more solemn than the look of disappointment on a kid's face.
All I could think was nearly 30 years ago, I first saw CLASH OF THE TITANS at a midnight showing here in Austin the night before it opened. I had devoured the original Greek Myths at the library and it absolutely came to life with that film. I came out delirious. So gobsmackingly happy that for that whole weekend, I was running around with my Prince Valiant sword and shield, acting like I was fighting Medusa.
Here... you kinda want to make out with Medusa. Oh - btw. Medusa can't turn you to stone if she's wearing shades.
Craig - buddy, let's just agree to disagree on this. Wish I felt differently.
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+ Expand All
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Fuck Percy, i'm first!
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Anyone know if At the Mountains of Madness will ever get made?
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amazing
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Didn't have much hope from the trailers anyway.
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is rubbish in 70% of the films he's in.
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There's always the new Clash of the Titans to fall back on. Then again disappointments seem to be abound lately.
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I'm surprised you disliked this so much. do you think after seeing this that logan lehrman would be a good Peter Parker?
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Of all the shit that's turned up in the wake of Potter.This looked like the most blindingly obvious rip.It almost looks like a parody.
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And they ARE kid flicks, whether it's Harry Potter or the damn Narnia movies...if I had kids, sure I'd watch it with them, but i don't and trust me, I've TRIED to watch them, but can't stand them. The worst was in Narnia when Santa showed up to give the kids weapons, I couldn't fucking believe what I was seeing. No thanks. Nobody will remember this movie in a few months...might bomb worse than the Golden Compass did.
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I don't know about others but for the first year ever there are more computer game projects I am interested in than films. Does anyone think this film or Clash of the Titans will be better than God of War 3? Heavy Rain will be better than any mystery this year including Shutter Island. The Last Guardian will be most emotional adventure of the year. I honestly think that film has started to lag.
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That line just guaranteed I will never watch this movie.
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If you think a vid game is going to be 'better' than Shutter Island - well, you're entitled to that opinion of course, but may I suggest that you are in the wrong place!
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see what i did there? that's "your." we write that when possession is denoted. we don't write the contraction "you're." do you even think of yourself as a journalist anymore?
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...'Let's take an idea from a Brit and Americanize it' once again.
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I don't know how you "had a blast" with it. I respect Mel Gibson and think that his last directorial effort was underrated and overlooked. But Edge of Darkness was advertised as a revenge thriller like Taken, and it clearly was not that type of movie. Even the scenes where Mel interrogated bad guys lacked any sort of bad-assery. With regards to Percy Jackson, my little brother and his friends dont even want to see it. That says a lot.
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Seems like this is pretty mediocre "product" to me. C'mon Harry, with all the great sci-fi and fantasy you read growing up, you can guide your nephew better than that!
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DESTROY THE GREEK GODS
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Because the boy is a reading machine that has already devoured the 150 or so classics I've given him. He's gone through Verne, Wells, Grimm's, Musketeers, Ivanhoe, Hobbit, Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, Tarzan, John Carter, Knights of the Round Table, etc etc etc. Besides I found out tonight his cousin is a huge fan of the books - and it'd give them something to bond over.
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...and this is serious proof. Why can't they just do what Universal did and fix the mistakes with movies they already released? Well, they need to can the idiot who thought they could cram 700+ pages of "Eragon" into under two hours and leave the most vital parts of the book out of the final cut. Seriously, it's great they finally hired a fantasy director, but they should've done so for "Eldest". Maybe this series should just lay there for a while while Fox's management changes. Of course, if Disney didn't snatch up Garrett Hedlund for "Tron", I'd be fuming about this whole mess...
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I don't know about the source material, but the studio did a lazy adaptation.
I say this because I hated the Harry Potter books, but I think the movies were adapted pretty well. It showed some cleverness on the part of WB. -
I can't believe it, but the grammar has actually gotten WORSE.
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... Oh well, maybe Clash of the Titans can scratch my Greek mythology itch?
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Really guys? Really? Doesn't bug me at all, I usually read through them too fast (or is that to?) to really care. I don't expect perfect editorial skills from this site, it's not that kind of place...
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Feb 12, 2010 6:06:44 AM CST
Bad timing with Clash imminent. Just not interested in this.
by mr nicholas
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Then into PK Dick, Gibson, and Stephenson!
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With the gods squabbling, heroes get to hack soldiers with such brutality the way Homer describes it, and the women wanting to marry men who are heroes and not wimps. And no Brad Pitt ass used to sell the movie.
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Harry. Hasn't done his dvd column in forever- and each time he does and tries to play catch-up it's with a whole new string of excuses. I don't even think he caught up to where he was trying to the last time- he was like oh here come the late entries! - and then they petered out before the then current week. Such a hard life- being buried under mountains of swag- writing shit movie reviews.
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I've got to take my kid to see this this weekend.
I try to give the excuse that it will "probably" be on DVD within 3 months, but I had no luck there. -
May i suggest you mind your fucking manners before presuming you have a better right to use a geek talkback than anyone else. My comment was about expectations; you obviously know nothing about Heavy Rain and I haven't seen Shutter Island apart from knowing the really obvious twist at the end that would ruin the film if I happened to be in the business of being a prick. My point was that in any previous given year I am usually anticipating more film projects than game projects; this year however I can detect more innovation and creativity in the game industry than the film industry. I may very well be alone in feeling this however since cinema is barely cruising along on the back of a total gimmick ie 3d I suspect that I am not.
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...but there is an extra scene
after the main credits finish. -
Feb 12, 2010 7:37:41 AM CST
I LAUGH AT THAT LITTLE BOY CRYING IN THE RESTROOM
by richard_gere_raped_my_gerbil
But i wonder....Was he crying because of the movie?Or had TehCreepyThinMan left a few minutes before Harry got there?
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did you expected the movie to be good? that guy is an untalanted,unimaginative hack as fantasy genre is concerned.he fucking ruined the first two HP movies,even Gilliam says so.
fuck him and give the sequel if its made to someone batter. -
Feb 12, 2010 8:17:06 AM CST
I'd give this a shot on dvd ,JUST cuz of Columbus.
by idrinkyourmilkshake
But, truthfully, this film is not made for me.It's made for 8-13 year olds.Ain't no shame in that game.What baffles me is WHY THE FUCK are studios still spending cash on copy-cats of HUGE sucessful franchises.Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings have spawned SOOOO many copycats (Narnia,The secret of Tabrithia,Spiderwick chronicles,The Golden Compass,Eragon)it's insane.And I know these were all books prior to being developed for film, but they ONLY got developed because of the similarities between POTTER/L.O.T.R.It fucking baffles me.In this case, we got Columbus involved.He maybe washed up, but he's still Chris Columbus!!
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Love me some Mel, but come on.
I guess some people never tire of the old "female employee whistleblower trampled by uncaring corporation and assorted Republicans" storyline. Hooray for Hollywood creativity. And, it's ostensibly a remake as well. Nice.
I guess whatever reinforces the viewer's world view seems plausible? With Harry, I guess it's like shooting fish in a barrell.
Seriously, the baddies in this film made Raul Julia's turn in Street Fighter look subtle by comparison. -
Feb 12, 2010 9:18:09 AM CST
Percy Wossname and the Whatevers: The ...oh, I can't be bothered
by bombtwat
Seems like a simple americanised rip-off of Harry Potter to me. A designed by committee pile of utter mediocrity.
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On a whim, I picked up the whole series. I still read "children's" books from time to time - I blame Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.While the conceit is pretty awesome, and the books do grow into their own identity eventually, The Lightning Thief is shameless. Kirkus Reviews wrote "Look no further for the next Harry Potter." and I swear when I read that quote I could hear the publishers high-fiving each other.The books are kind of fun, and by the fourth one, Battle of the Labyrinth, I actually felt invested in the overall story (it's the best book of the series, but I haven't started the fifth yet so maybe there's a strong finish). Very fast-paced, kind of clever but somewhat witless, very pro Western Civilization with an unsympathetic view of questioning authority, which isn't my favourite message to give children. Reading them I can still access my inner twelve-year-old and he's kind of pumped about it, but my outer thirty doesn't buy it wholesale.This review makes it seem like they were fairly accurate to the first book.
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I mean, really. J.K. needs to conjure up a lawyer.
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Feb 12, 2010 10:03:57 AM CST
Yes, Harry, THIS is what AICN has been missing!
by the reluctant austinite
I almost cried. This is the Harry Knowles I think the site has been missing. It's not about whether or not you liked the film, it's about the story you tell surrounding the experience. The idea of storytelling, the yarn spun around the proverial campfire, is something people will never tire of. Critics and gimmicks will come and go, but storytellers will outlast them all. Many years ago, in my opinion, you invented this type of Internet film journalism. It was different than anything you could get from newspapers, magazines or the "professional" world of journalism. Dry. Detached. Objective. You told stories about your day, the journey to the film and your background coming into it. Sometimes the film itself took a backseat, but that was okay. The others writers at AICN are great in their own way, but I think many readers were missing the old Harry. When Talkbackers, for example, complain about the DVD column, I think what they're really complaining about is missing that Tuesday fix of reading your crazy stories, not about wondering what's out on DVD that week. I know you're busy with a family, film projects, screenings and more, but keep up the storytelling that we love! Nice job, big guy.
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...device...after HARRY POTTER, I never want to see it again.It's simplistic, boring, and I think its obvious wish-fulfillment sends a shitty message to kids.Classics like LOTR, THE HOBBIT, NARNIA, HIS DARK MATERIALS, even EARTHSEA always have unlikely heroes who rise to the challenge...not some kid who discovers that Daddy was a rock star and he can be too if he just figures out how to unleash his inherited potential.Rubbish.
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"lies there," not "lays there."
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And this from the guy who was head over heels for freaking CITY OF EMBER. Go figure.
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Some funny one-liners here and there...but the feeling of magic just wasn't there. Have to hand it to Rowling, as lame as some of her prose is, at least she did create an alternate world that was so odd and eldritch it just, you know, HAD to exist. And the films helped bring that world to life much better than Rowling actually did, so they were worth seeing. Doesn't look like that's the case with the Jackson movies. Not that I was interested anyway because, as I mentioned, the books are kind of blah and shallow. They would have made a good Disney Channel series rather than a movie (given how awful that Wizards of Waverly Place is. All that so-called magical show does is make teenybopper brain cells disappear).
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Guess he *is* probably a bit young for "Song of Ice and Fire" at this point. I'm sure the books are harmless fun, just keep him away from Stephanie Meyer. ☺
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"I learned from the exceptionally awesome Topher Bradfield of BOOK PEOPLE, that all the kids in the bright orange shirts that said, CAMP HALFBLOOD on them... They're the hardcore kids that went through 5 weeks of essentially LARPing. That really made me giggle. I love that."I genuinely cannot understand this string of text and what it contributes to a review of Percy Jackson. Could someone please translate?And am I expected to infer from this that real orange shirts are intelligent and can talk?
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When did Medusa start sharing hemp?
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Really? That can lead to a nasty chafe.
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Wait -- Up to this point, the review led me to believe that Hades was portrayed as a person, not a place, counter to traditional Greek mythology. Kinda like Disney's Hercules. But now, all of a sudden, the protagonist is looking for the entrance to Hades.Did he find it in Massachusetts?
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Last watchable Greek-mythology film for me. Clash of the Titans is boooringgg compared to it.
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'Here... you kinda want to make out with Medusa. Oh - btw. Medusa can't turn you to stone if she's wearing shades.'
a) I totally wanted to make out with that Medusa.
b) That's just the solution they arrive at in the episode.
Don't judge me. -
Well I liked it. Yeah Percy's situation wasn't entirely believable especially at the beginning but since it's a fantasy movie and a kid's movie, I didn't expect it to be realistic. I also didn't expect it to be Harry Potter. I haven't read these books but I assumed they started off lighter if not cheesier so I wasn't going to hold that against the movie. Otherwise it was just adventure and fun. They got from point a to point b to point c and it made sense and it was entertaining. The grownups weren't in it much. I did like Uma actually and I had assumed those were some kind of special glasses if stylish. I dunno I saw it as the first of many so I never thought it was going to be great. I just figured it was a starter.
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...a kid could come out of a movie and know that it wasn't going to make enough money to justify filming the sequels. Where's the innocence?
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