Cool News
Capone says WHEN IN ROME reminds him of an injured animal that needs to be put down!!!
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
I'm really struggling with this review, which is strange because usually with movies I despise, the words come alarmingly easy. But I know why this is so difficult--it's because WHEN IN ROME actually hurts to watch. WHEN IN ROME is a cute baby deer seconds after it has been run down by a pick-up truck and left for dead. But it's not dead; it's lying there struggling, in immense pain, struggling to take a breath. It's in agony and it needs to be put down, out of its indescribable misery, so that it can go to a special place where it can be something better than it is. Seeing an adorable creature suffering puts me in a great deal of pain, and that's what it was like watching WHEN IN ROME...from the director of DAREDEVIL and GHOST RIDER. Sigh.
What's worse is that Kristen Bell should know better. She almost can't help but be funny and appealing in every circumstance. Yes somehow, director Mark Steven Johnson actually invents ways to make her a grading, controlling, stupid ninny of a woman who we're told is a curator at New York's Guggenheim Museum, but who I didn't believe for a second could curate a ham-and-cheese sandwich at the corner deli. And I think that clumsy woman who tripped into that Picasso the other day knows more about art than Bell's Beth. But I digress. Beth finds out that her younger sister (Alexis Dziena) has met an Italian man and is getting married right away. Why this rushed-marriage scenario is so important to the story is never explained, as are many other plot points that seem placed here to make the proceedings seem quirky and fun, but actually serve to make me both tired and homicidal.
The Rome wedding forces Beth to take a couple days off work just days before her biggest curating job is about to happen. Anjelica Huston lessens her career credibility by appearing as Beth's one-dimensional bitchy boss. In Rome, Beth meets the ceremony's best man, an adorably clumsy Nick (Josh Duhamel), who thinks Beth is peachy. Turns out that when Nick was younger, he was a well-known college football player who got hit by lightning during a game. Again, this point could have easily been written out of the script and nobody would have missed it, but it keeps getting brought up and making me angry. Beth finds herself attracted to Nick, but after she catches him making out with another woman during the reception, she jumps into a "magic fountain" and starts pulling out coins that men threw in for luck in love. She pulls out five coins, which for some reason, triggers the gods of lame romantic comedies to make five strangers fall in love with Beth. Listen to this line up of actors playing the four of the five schlubs, none of whom are funny in this movie: Danny Devito, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, and Dax Shepard. The identity of the fifth guy to throw himself at Beth is kept a secret from us, but she presumes it to be Nick because she's so unlovable she can't imagine a man loving her for her. Come to think of it, I can't either.
All of the men follow her from Rome to New York City and vie for her attention and affection. Heder's magician character is just weird enough to elicit a laugh or two, and Shepard's self-obsessed male model character made me crack up a few times. But beyond that, this movie left me stone faced and hard hearted. Even the beauty and charm of Kristen Bell could not come even a little bit close to saving any part of this movie. And don't even get me started on the aggressively uncomfortable-to-watch closing-credit dance sequence. Did someone think this was a good idea? I'd almost recommend the movie just so you can watch a handful of actors who have been good in other things look so horribly embarrassed during this ending dance number.
A warning to men in particular who get dragged to WHEN IN ROME: if your date enjoys this movie, you may want to raise your standards, because otherwise you are fucking doomed. Hell, if your grandmother likes it, you may want to consider adoption for yourself or at least witness protection. And if you think you might at least enjoy the Roman scenery as you attempt to tune out the foolishness, guess again, Bubbles. The film spends about 30 seconds showing a few touristy attractions of Rome, because apparently the choice comedy just needs to be gotten to right away. Hey people, I see these so you don't have to. So don't! No matter what! As far as I'm concerned, WHEN IN ROME is a race to see what needs to be put out of its misery first: the film or viewer. Need proof? Okay, how about this? Don Johnson (or maybe it's someone who ate Don Johnson) is on hand as Beth's father. I rest my miserable case.
-- Capone
therealcapone@aintitcoolmail.com
Follow Me On Twitter
-
+ Expand All
-
Can't stand either of them.
-
and every other lame-o in the world.
-
can't stress this enough. And he's not even in this movie. But Duhamel and Shepard both suck mighty hard too.
-
...i.e. the kind that she'll recommend to her friends as "So cute!"
-
I liked it better when we could only afford to go to the movies we really, really wanted to see. I bet the 5th guy is the sisters new husband.
-
I mean, he was brillant in That 70's Show! You have to give him that! Yes, that's the only good thing he ever did, but he nailed the role so fucking perfect.
-
This will make major money.
-
If my Grandmother doesn't like it? And why would anybody want to adopt my grandmother anyway?
-
Goddamned stupid no-edit forum.
-
Pass. Next.
-
But I enjoyed reading it anyway
-
How does the director of Ghost Rider and Daredevil continue to be hired?
-
with the sound down.
-
If you people are going to try and even pretend be profesionals,you could proofread your articles once in awhile. "Yes" instead of "yet" and "grading" instead of "grating", and that's in 1 sentence!
It's a few paragraphs, take a fucking second and proofread your shit before you post it. -
Two astonishingly bad movies.
-
"if your date enjoys this movie, you may want to raise your standards, because otherwise you are fucking doomed. Hell, if your grandmother likes it, you may want to consider adoption for yourself or at least witness protection".
Probably was more entertaining than the actual movie. BTW, is anyone actually shocked that a Kristen Bell vehicle romantic comedy from the director of Ghost Rider released in the dead of January is a painful experience? -
how many shots are there where Bell's eyes are pointing in two different directions?
-
I was just going to ask the same thing!
-
I would have really liked a review of that.
-
Jan 29, 2010 11:29:56 AM CST
This movie's ad campaign offends my senses.
by liesandpicturesofalsolies
Literally, all that bright garish yellow is terrible to look at.
-
Sooo... When in Rome (do as retards do)?
-
Among the most annoying emerging film tropes is the zany dance during the end credit. A good film requires a good punctuation mark, and a dance seems like a feeble attempt to convince the audience that they just witnessed zaniness of the highest order. When Judd Apatow ended The 40-Year-Old Virgin this way I was massively disappointed. Not enough to swear off Judd Apatow movies but enough to imagine machine gunning the entire cast right on the side of that fruity hill.
-
I mean seriously, is there any other reason to go? WOPs are fuckin' HAWT!
-
... she destroyed 65 million pounds worth of value of the painting. How much money did they destroy forever in making this film that they'll never get back?
-
I am italian and you can be sure nobody is going to see this crap here.
I don't even understand why had they to insult us pretending they were shooting a movie abour Rome: the fountain you see in the movie is NOT in Italy at all. -
Checked this turd at a test screening over a month ago. It was just an unfunny mess. The flimsy premise was forgotten at times, muddled by slapstick performances by Heder and Arnett. Waste of time. Waste of talent. And the Pedro cameo was lame ass.I had fun filling out the comment card, however.
-
starring Sarah Michelle Gellar before she stopped being relevant (in other words, before Buffy ended), and the guy who played young Indiana Jones. It was awful, though in hindsight it was actually better than the cinematic abortion that was Nora Eprhon's Bewitched (HOW do you ruin a movie version of Bewitched? Give it to Nora Ephron and cast Will Farell as Darren). I am embarrassed I even remember Simply Irresistible, but I feel as if Kristen Bell is following Gellar's path, only her awesome show got cancelled after just three season instead of hitting and missing for an extra four.
-
I'm still clueless as to how women can watch this tripe.
-
so it confounds me how she could let herself be engaged to that troll Sheperd
-
AeKPvS mPDpWrrO
-
cvrAtmX UWMTPNpp
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 273 total posts 271 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 92 total posts 92 posts
- AVENGERS enemy revealed as pink boardgame pieces... You might suffer some form of elation... SPOILERS!!! -- 160 total posts 69 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 151 total posts 63 posts
- Does ‘SNL’ Rhyme With ‘Deschanel’?? Learn Which SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Vet Hosts After Sexy Zooey!! -- 67 total posts 59 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 60 total posts 57 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 484 total posts 49 posts
- Here's The Red Band Trailer For Drafthouse Films' THE FP! -- 69 total posts 42 posts
- Friday Brings SWEEPS DAY NINE!! Gab Here About Tonight’s FRINGE!! Plus Einstein on TIM, Wiig On PORTLANDIA, MAHER, CLONE, GIFTED, GRIMM, SPARTACUS, SUPERNATURAL, GOLD RUSH And More!! -- 120 total posts 32 posts
- SPACE 2099!! -- 183 total posts 24 posts