CANNIBAL FEROX review - Night 2 of the Cannibal Film Festival

I knew that very few would understand my... our embracement of cannibalism. That’s what this Film Festival and Dining Delicacy event was all about. It’s why Tim threw the 1st Annual Cannibal Film Festival.

Until you have tasted the meat for yourself... as prepared by the capable culinary cannibal chefs.... meat so tender you can chew it merely by pushing your tongue against it.

The hand they prepare... I know a lot of you have eaten Baby Back Ribs or Buffalo Wings... well, like those... there isn’t much meat on the hand... but what is there is tasty.

This is the second night of the festival and a classic of the genre, CANNIBAL FEROX, has been brought in. To good ol fashioned God-fearing cannibals, this movie exhibits a clear exhibition of the horrors inflicted upon cannibals in third world countries. Along the Amazon... our fellow flesh eaters live a squalid hut existence. Usually they dine upon delicacies such as grilled sea turtle or monkey... They don’t eat humans all that often.

Generally that is the way cannibalism is nowadays in the rural areas of the world. One needs a easily attainable stock of humans to choose from... and along the banks of the Amazon... hidden from the eyes of many men... You don’t get the chance for spleen al carte often. See... Generally speaking, cannibals don’t eat there own kind. They eat only the folks out there that don’t dine upon flesh. You know... the uncivilized.

This particular night started off fairly normal... no protesters though rumors off a big rally trying to get us to stop our... get this... ‘killing’. Sigh... When you harvest a potato do you think of the degradation being visited upon it’s roots? I don’t think so.

Well, I had already eaten earlier this day... mexican food... (no... it didn’t have any mexicans in it, just regular enchiladas) and so I passed on the delicacies this night.

Tim came out and told us a harrowing tale of the ‘ordinaries’ out there that called the TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH to complain about the serving of human flesh at the Drafthouse. And how this Monday, the Department of Health was going to inspect the facilities to put the public at ease. Luckily for us, the inspector was long ago converted to gnawing on a pelvic bone long ago... so the Alamo was able to continue in the serving of flesh unimpaired by the zealots that would infringe upon our rights.

Then he started up the trailers... good ol fashioned blood and guts fare...

Then the movie began....

Now I assume many of you have never seen CANNIBAL FEROX by cannibal directing genius Umberto Lenzi.

Lenzi’s CANNIBAL FEROX is perhaps one of the greatest ‘jungle cannibal’ movies ever made. The acting is a bit ham handed... ok... really ham handed. But the premise of a Doctoral Student embarking upon a quest to prove that ‘Cannibalism does not and has never existed.’

Ok.

Now beyond that poor child being the most naive young lady on the planet... the idea of setting off into the jungle to find a tribe rumored to be cannibals...

Well.

Ya know, I don’t think that is necessarily the wisest course of action to set out upon. We Cannibals generally don’t like to be found out. There or very few extrovert cannibal tribes... Ones that promote themselves.

That’d be like trying to lure deer to kill by roasting a buck over an open flame and televised throughout the forest.

Now.. Cannibal Ferox’s cast is... Um... a strange looking bunch of folks. The heroine is an intelligent brunette with a strong ol brother to swing the machete for her. Then they seemingly take a blonde bimbo Slut along with them, that’ll fuck the ugliest man alive (and aren’t I glad) to just take a shower.

Of course having a slut that will do anything with anyone is... well it can be quite advantageous really when bartering with cannibal tribes.. but... they don’t go in that direction. Instead they meat up with this psycho and his partner and...

Well...

Let’s just say that the real cruelty in this film is initiated by assholes of such profound sadism that...

Ok... There is an eye plucked out with the end of a hunting knife, a penis cut off with a machete, a body burnt to a crisp, nipples teased with blades... all sorts of other things you don’t even want to think about.

And the one thing you don’t want to do as a non-cannibal is alienate the cannibal horde against you.

Because your enemy is best served... raw.

I’ve never really been into the raw flesh myself. After that first experience I found that... like sushi, it just didn’t really float my boat. The naturally salty nature and taste of human blood is just... Well I prefer bay leaves, cloves of garlic, basil, oregano, etc... A good cheese, a fantastic marinade... You know.. the gourmet routine.

I’m a civilized cannibal. But I understand the ferocity and anger exhibited by these natives. One of their loveliest daughters is shot dead for no reason whatsoever. They were forced into leech infested cages and soaked in the amazon for days... This is.. not cool.

Meanwhile there is a secondary plotline that takes place in New York... for no apparent reason whatsoever. I could live with all, save the last New York sequence, cut out entirely. I mean.. what the hell? It is not needed or wanted at all.

It does not advance the plot at all and it drags the film quite a bit.

I mean... I come to my Cannibal movies to watch cannibalism and dish preparation. It’s a bit like those PBS culinary shows.

I mean... I remember when I used to use rocks to crush chickens’ heads in before plucking them. But thanks to searching out for a better way, now I just grab em by the head and twist. Really really easy.

So.. in a film like this I learned how to properly remove the top of a head in order to create a nice dipping tray. It really is a nice arts and crafts lesson.

Oh.... One last thing about CANNIBAL FEROX... the score... Man oh man... if you love the score to VAMPYROS LESBOS or THE BEYOND.... you have got to hear this. This is really exceptional, I love the cool ‘New York’ music tracks, though I hate the scenes.... a bit odd really. And the great body of the score, Annette Kellerman, Tom Joad and I can perform live for you whenever you want... But you have to be willing to buy a round of beers.

Ahhhh... next will be EATING RAOUL!!!