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Capone thinks THE SPY NEXT DOOR is a sign that it's time to boycott future Jackie Chan movies!
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
Over the last 20 years or so, I've pretty much conditioned myself to see every Jackie Chan movie available to me. I don't care what he does in it, if the film is screened or I get a DVD of something that went unreleased in the states, I'll watch it. There are usually one or two action sequences that make it worth the pain of sitting through whatever dopey story has been concocted for Chan. But with THE SPY NEXT DOOR (and the upcoming KARATE KID relaunch, with Chan taking on the Mr. Miyagi), I'm seriously considering changing my stance, and it's not simply because THE SPY NEXT DOOR is so terrible that it represents an abscess in Chan's career. No, it's because of the opening credits of the film.
"What could be so awful about the opening credits of this movie?", you ask. If you are a Chan fan, you'll understand. You see, Chan plays Bob Ho, a Chinese spy working for the CIA (as most Chinese spies in the United States do). Ho has had a long and solid career, and now he hopes to hang up the hi-tech gadgets and weapons to settle down in the suburbs with his girlfriend Gillian (model Amber Valletta) and her three shithead kids. "But what does that have to do with the opening credits?" Behind the opening credits are a series of clips of some of Jackie Chan's best movie fight sequences and stunts from over his many years as the top action star in the world. By doing this, the filmmakers are implying that all of these awesome, without-a-net stunts were done by Bob Ho during his countless missions. They are taking the great work done by Chan and his team, and throwing shit right across these great movies by associated those films with THE SPY NEXT DOOR. So within the first five minutes, a great shit cloud hovered over this film that never went away.
Chan does get to take part in a couple of his signature fight scenes where he uses whatever implement is in the room to help him beat the bad guys. There's a sequence in a kitchen is probably the best example of this. But Chan has lost himself in the same place so many action stars have--in a movie made for kids. I whole-heartedly reject the premise that kids' movies get some sort of pass--no matter how awful they are--because they're made for youngsters. Parents should hold the films their offspring see to a higher standard because it will shape the films they appreciate and seek out for the rest of their lives. If junk goes in, junk will inevitably come out. And just to be clear, when your film's only other big stars are Billy Ray Cyrus and George Lopez, you are, in fact, fully submerged in a junky movie.
Through plot contrivances that only happen in terrible movies, Gillian has to go out of town and is forced the leave the kids in Jackie's care. Oh, the hilarity! It practically writes itself. Those kids are devious and clever, and their acting has as much dimension as a burnt gingerbread man. And their motivation is completely schizo. In one scene, Chan charms them and somehow wins them over. Then in the next scene, they're fucking with him again. I can't believe they made a kid's movie that doesn't make sense or adhere to any definition of logic. When does that every happen, and when will the madness stop? Right now, that's when. If you are a follower/worshipper of Jackie Chan the way I have been for so many years, it needs to cease and desist right now. I have to see his movies because of my job; you don't. And if you have kids, take them to something good, not this crap. I want you to boycott future Jackie Chan films until he either retires or gets his act together and stop all this brainless pandering. Sorry, Jackie, but you hurt me first.
-- Capone
therealcapone@aintitcoolmail.com
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What did we expect? Sweet review, Capone, but it unfortunately did not catch me off guard. IT sounded as a gay ripoff of the Pacifier. What happened, Jackie? WHAT HAPPENED??! ...first.
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Well, maybe not ever, but certainly the worst of Chan's films.
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one could say "atleast he's making decent films overseas" but thats just as bad a copout as "well it's a kids movie, it's ok if it's shitty". I understand that he may have to do things differently here in Hollywood (fuck Hollywood btw) but I believe he has SOME type of control over what he does. And if not, atleast have some dignity...
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"The Pacifier", right? I think there are others.
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that makes me sad is that because this movie WILL bomb, he's most certainly not gonna get offered any good scripts here in Hollywood (fuck Hollywood btw). It's like he's stuck in a downward spiral...
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What makes you think when a kid sees this they won't come away disappointed themselves? Sometimes there's as much value in watching a bad film as there is in watching something good.
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that Donnie Yen never really took off over here. The shit happened to Chow Yun Fat. Luckly it seems like he "got out" while he could, before too much damage was done (Bulletproof Monk). John Woo's career hurt me the most. He was THE reason I got into filmmaking (HARDBOILED). He came over here and slipped into that spiral Jackie's twirling around in. I literaly can't stand talkin' about John Woo anymore. Pre-Hollywood(fuck Hollywood btw) I woulda argued in his defense all day. Now, I gives a fuck. I'm just sayin'
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I'm all for "suspension of disbelief", but come on Hollywood, that's just taking the piss.
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evidently he still does shitty movies.
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Jan 15, 2010 7:40:52 AM CST
As big as a JACKIE CHAN fan I am, I will NOT see this movie
by sherlock_junior
Thanks for the warning Capone, I go watch me some Drunken Master now.
Allthough I liked Forbidden Kingdom, Yuen Woo Ping , Jackie Chan and Jet Li did a great job at the action in that movie.
I won't give up all hope. -
The villain is played by Sportacus!
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Yep, I agree that the movie is shit. But this boycott business is laughable. "You hurt me first..." comedy gold!
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FACK! he DIDN'T make it out! That's right, I'd forgotten all about that piece of shit waste of time. in the immortal words of Soderbergh's Traffic tag line: No one gets away clean
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So many of these US films that star Chan just seem like he's plugged in there because they weren't able to get who they might have wanted action star wise.. they just tailor the script afterwards. He always seems so lost.
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Shanghai Noon was fun, Shanghai Knights was even better (and the best American Jackie movie, although that's a dubious distinction), so what happened to Shanghai Dawn? On the DVD commentary, the writers even said they already had the last scene of the movie plotted out in their heads. Jackie can make shite like The Tuxedo and this crap, but no trlogy-capper for his best American series (the Rush Hour films relied on too much potty humor and racial barbing)?And no Massawyrm review? Shame.
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Jan 15, 2010 8:05:35 AM CST
At least Jackie got the best celebrity-based cartoon series
by nasty in the pasty
ONE...MORE...THING! [thwap] OW!!!!
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stupid fucking hollywood
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Jan 15, 2010 9:40:33 AM CST
Okay, Capone, but you must be talking about his American films,
by scottadkinsfist
Because his HK stuff is still cool, and its obvious he's just doing the American stuff for cash. If you want to keep the faith, then stick to his HK stuff, which is still quality. Shinjuku Incident was cool, and he has a great slate coming up, with Little Big Soldier, Shaolin (remake of Jet Li's Shaolin Temple, and no, he's not playing the Jet Li part), and Chinese Zodiac, the latest adventure of his character from Armor of God and Operation Condor. I expect nothing from his american product.
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We'll always remember the good times
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He needs just 1 good solid American action film for him to shine. All his movies that first came out here in America back in the 90s were already made like in the 70s and 80s and were just re-dubbed. Now, all he has to show for in Hollywood are horrible kiddy movies. Rush Hour 1 + 2 were good, but thats about it. Chris Tucker made part 3 annoying to watch with his "stereotypical" black character..made me sick to my stomach and I get embarrassed watching black actors like that in movies.
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Where have you been? That's what all kids do. That's why they're kids.
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...he needs to hook up wit an A-list director action director like Bay or do some crazy darker stuff like make a movie wit Taratino...imagine Jackie fightin some crazy ass mofos wit some crazy ass Taratino dialogue in his accent... action and hilarity ensues
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...and weep softly for the Jackie Chan that is no more...
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It's a family-friendly kid's film. Probably laced with snot, burp, and fart bits...as are most of the films in the genre.Occasionally we may get a Mary Poppins or the like, but the *vast* majority of these films are exactly what they appear to be...sugar-coated shit.Next up: The Tooth Fairy! Looking back a decade or so the Rock probably would've body slammed ya into oblivion if told him he'd be playing the tooth fairy. Nothing like a few zero's on a paycheck to turn things around....
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Jan 15, 2010 11:30:40 AM CST
it just me or did the trailer seem to have come right out of the
by creamcheesealchemist
The only scene that looked interesting was Jackie fighting at what looked like Benihana. Problem is that movie tickets are pushing 12 bucks in my area, so I'll probably wait to tivo this thing and fast forward quite a bit.
yourStepdaddy> I think that's an awesome idea but I do think Jackie has family-friendly star aspirations that can only end in some crap like an action riff on Full House with The Rock. But one can hope. -
so how is it for a 2010 movie? Is anyone even trying to sell this thing?
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That's non-traditional.
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...that Tarantino talked about way back when MTV gave Chan that lifetime achievment award. yes the guy does cool and inventive fight scenes and the fact its all him without protection and stuff makes it impressive but the movies all suck. even his chinese movies are all terrible. i guess the chinese people are easily impressed or something.
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you sir are a xenophobic philistine and capone why dont we boycott you since you have never written anything worth reading. About 3 other talkbackers in this thread know what their talking about in ,all others seem to have watched Drunken Master and/or Snake in the Eagles shadow and presume they know what their talking about. Id sooner watch any jackie movie rather than the utter shite Segal, Van Damme churn out. And most of hollywood for that matter
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I kind of liked Jackie Chan's character in that one. What did you guys think?
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i love it when i get people's panties in a wad because i dare not like something they do.
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Its directed by Brian Levant, the mastermind behind Snow Dogs and Are We There Yet? It stunk from the head down.
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Capone, you never learn do you? HA! Only kidding. I happen to be a defender of your Squeakquel review, douchey kids comment and all. And that's precisely why I agree about this piece of excrement here. Apparently the kids that Chan has to babysit were treated to multiple screenings of the Squeakquel and other brain cell killing "kids' movies" of its ilk. And yeah, I think we can agree that Chan's career is over. Ditto that for The Rock. Dwayne's been on a downhill slide into Tooth Fairy Land since a few movies back when he played that football player who had to babysit the little girl. Vin Diesel almost got on that slippery slope when he did "The Pacifier." He seemed to pull out of it, but his career is still careening off the tracks. The sooner he straps those Riddick goggles back on, the better.
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It's not about liking something I do, as a "kung fu movie" fan I've had people looking down at me for it for years. It's about writing off 40 years of a GENIUS' career, to just dismiss ALL his movies and a whole nation of people ignoramus.
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yes it is about not liking something you do. this "genius" career is just your opinion just like my not liking his career is just mine. as for "writing off a whole nation" well again it comes down to opinion, i dont like asian movies, the end. there's no big deal, no reason to get bothered in the least. i'm sure there are many movies or even genres that i like that you'd consider stupid but it doesnt matter because thats just your opinion. you like what you like and i like what i like and the world keeps turning. as for dismissing a nation well i'm from canada, a country that couldnt make a good movie if existence itself counted on it, its no biggie. some countries just suck at that stuff.
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Jan 15, 2010 2:59:13 PM CST
Jackie's "fight" moves in Rush Hour 3 were PAINFULLY bad
by nasty in the pasty
Like watching Harrison Ford trying to run in Indy 4-level bad. It's weird, because Jackie still seemed pretty limber in The Forbidden Kingdom. Then again, facing off against Jet Li for the first time probably inspired him to bring his A-game.Still, Jackie's FIFTY-FIVE years old now. He has *maybe* five years left in him where he can still do his thing reasonably well, so to see him wasting those years in kiddie garbage like this is just sad.
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The clips i've seen look like "who am I" jackie Chan and not the hollywood bs he's been doing. what's the problem here?
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yea your right it's all opinion dude and I'm giving mine on why your wrong, and I think the evidence of Jackies legacy over the years backs me up more, along with the fact that lots of his action scenes have been stolen over the years by hollywood, he knows everything about making movies, probably more than most of the so-called Hollywood big players. So yea that gets me a bit bothered that a fellow movie fan dosen't see that. I don't like most superhero movies/comics, but I recognize the impact they've made on cinema over the years, No biggie, but "not liking asian" movies means your missing out on some brilliant pieces of art dude. Infernal Affairs makes The Departed look like a fucking farce for a start. And what is'nt Trailer Park Boys Canadian? I haven't seen the movie but I used to like the series but it cant be that bad! can it? His career is not over as Scottadkinsfist stated above he has many coming out this year, Shinjuku Incident was a great movie with NO jackie action in it at all. And Little Big Soldier looks great.Nasty In The Pasty I like the first Rush Hour, 2 not so much and 3 is just shit, everyone on set is just phoning it in, I think your spot on he pulled his finger out for Jet and Yuen Woo on The Forbidden Kingdom. Hollywood is just a paycheck for Jackie, even he's admitted it, he gets the cash and runs back to Hong Kong to make what he really wants to. Sorry for the rant but I think to many dismiss Hong Kong action cinema, and simply do not realise the impact it's made on movies the world over, throughout the years. Look up S.P.L, and Flashpoint for 2 modern greats.
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I just watched the trailer and it looks no worse than any other hollywood crap I think. I think Jackie is a great comedy actor, which is why some friends of mine don't like his movies, because some are to silly, and I think that's obviously what this movie seems to be focusing on. And I realise my above rant seems condecending to some, but it's really not, just give HK action a try!
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He's a lowly paycheck player on par with The Rock or Leslie Neilson, signing off on any shit script their agent sends over.
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Be sure to take in the beautiful "Bronx Mountains" that can be seen in the background.
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yea Bouncy he made that in Canada I think, can that be classed as one?
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Jan 15, 2010 4:21:22 PM CST
Chan's and Jet Li's futures are to make movies together
by takingscorpioscalls
Forbidden Kingdom while average, and annoying kid actor, the TRUE test of it was passed to see Chan and Li have some good comraderie in that one, the really need ot make more movies together, it would help each others careers at this point and it's the only way to go instead of keep slumming thier stale solo movies.
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That was a good series with a premise that would adapt easily enough, and have some nifty special effects.
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The guy's a masterful stunt man/coordinator and nothing more. A friend once dragged me to Super Cop. The stunts were impressive but the movie was complete shit, as I knew it would be. I haven't seen a Chan movie since. Why bother? This guy should have been exclusively a stunt man, or released stunt videos, or worked behind the scenes coordinating action sequences for movies. He has no place starring IN the movies. Movies are supposed to tell stories. The action scenes are there to propel the story, not the other way around.
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yep so you know that "Every single Jackie movie stinks", O.K Game over, I'm out, bye guys.
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Probably like 20 yrs but who's counting!
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Thats was a stupid title to give a post. I'd edit it if I could.
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...but he clearly doesn't say no. Whether this is because he likes paychecks, or likes working, I'm really not sure. But dude seems to do whatever his agent gets him.
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Jan 15, 2010 8:18:43 PM CST
Drunken Master was awesome, 2nd best movie of 1994!
by takingscorpioscalls
right behind Ed Wood.
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the dude has earned it. from 1978-94 he made movies that no one on earth can match in terms of the mix of stunts, choreography, and comedy. he is and always will be a legend.
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So help me, that's what I first thought when I heard Chan's character name in this (say it like Owen Wilson and it's a riot).
Speaking of which, why not SHANGHAI DAWN? NOON was all right and KNIGHTS was terrific. Plus, Owen Wilson is back on his feet. Come on, Disney, let's make it happen! -
When I saw the sorry-excuse-of-a-trailer for SPY, I knew right from the word "go" I wasn't gonna see it. Not only cuz it looked shitty as all hell, but because I've ALREADY seen it. Remember THE PACIFIER with Vin Diesel that came out a few years ago? Same kinda plot, with a few tweaks. The point is, as bad as that movie was (Diesel obviously needed a paycheck) is as horrifyingly craptastic as SPY NEXT DOOR is gonna be.
Perhaps Chan did this waste of money and film as Diesel did with PACIFIER...foo' need a paycheck! -
I don't think it's available on dvd in America, but I saw it on tv once and it fucking rocks! the plot is stupid and probably best ignored, but the action is incredible! it's young Jackie Chan at his best
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...or have forgotten how many movies Jackie had made before 99.9% of Americans had ever heard his name, let alone actually knew who he was. So, yeah, I'll go along with giving him a pass. But still, maybe it's time he starts enjoying his legend instead of taking every role he gets offered.
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excellent third act. non-stop action mind-blowing stuntwork no-regard for safety. also young sammo hung, and the underrated yuen biao (crazy backflips). It's supposed to be meals on wheels (they co-own a lunch truck), but translated wrong. Project A is also great from that period, when Jackie was the number one b.o. star in the world
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Enjoyed it fine. Wasn't Hollywood's fault no one in Hong Kong put these guys together in a film. It should have been done ten years earlier, but was still terrific fun.
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No shame in that.
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Yeah. In full agreement with the poster above. Give us Shanghai Dawn before it is too late. Shanghai Noon and Knights were hugely enjoyable films that sold noth Jackie's action and comedy skills and he and Owen Wilson made for a good old fashioned double act.
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Jan 16, 2010 11:20:21 PM CST
If you're offered a movie that co-stars Billy Ray Cyrus.....
by lock67ca
....and George Lopez, you might as well just retire....or shoot yourself.
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So according to you, if kids want to see this they are "shitheads" and if kids want to see the Squeakquel they are "douches." Your words. You, sir, are a douchey shithead of the highest order.
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I think he doesn't give two rips for his legacy in America. He achieved the goal he had, which was to have a hit or two here. If any of you pay attention to Twitch, he's cementing his Hong Kong Legacy with upcoming films like Shaolin, Chinese Zodiac and Little Big Soldier. He's also been funding movies by new young stars like he did with Gen-X cops. Bottom Line: If you love Jackie, basically treat him as he was before he came here, and stick to the Asian films. Personally, he's made enough awesome films he gets a pass, same as I'd give Clint Eastwood. Remember Police Story 1-4, Meals on Wheels, Drunken Master 1 and 2, Project A and A2, Dragons Forever, Young Master, New Police Story, Who Am I?, Armor of God 1 & 2, My Lucky Stars, Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Stars, Miracles, Heart of Dragon, Gorgeous, Thunderbolt, Rumble in the Bronx, Mr. Nice Guy, Shinjuku Incident. That's more than enough for me. Bravo, Jackie, Bravo.
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I've never been a big fan of Jackie Chan. He's a good karate guy/funny guy, and occasionally does something cool on screen, but he's B-movie all the way. He's pretty far from A-list, at least talent-wise, in my opnion.
Plus, of all the badass fight scenes I've watched in my life, he's not in even one of them. Not one. He just doesn't do it for me. Never has.
Guess he's continuing this trend with his goddawful new film.
Thanks for the review, Capone. -
Jan 17, 2010 11:04:11 AM CST
ahhh, because this doesn't appear to be a total rip off of The P
by boxking
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Jan 17, 2010 11:04:14 AM CST
ahhh, because this doesn't appear to be a total rip off of The P
by boxking
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I saw this movie with my 9 yr old yesterday in Dallas and the entire theater enjoyed it. Obviously you're not going to get Drunken Master 3 but Jackie's humor and style of action are both present. If you are a parent, you can do worse than taking your child to see a Jackie Chan movie on a Sat afternoon. I think calling for a boycott is an asshole move. If you don't like a movie then fine but I tell you, I'd rather see another Chan movie than that floating turd that was Sherlock Holmes.
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well said dude, and corvette63 too.
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Jan 17, 2010 2:07:49 PM CST
Why are all pop-culture references in bad kiddie movies...
by nasty in the pasty
...usually at least ten-to-fifteen years out of date? The tagline for that awful-looking Tooth Fairy movie is YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH. Honestly? A reference to fucking A Few Good Men? Just like the trailer for the first Alivin & The Chipmunks movie had a "Tell her she completes you..."! joke lifted from Jerry Maguire...a movie that was ELEVEN YEARS OLD at the time. Not to mention Shark Tsle, which was riddled with moldy references to mob movies from the 70's and 80's, stuff NO child in the audience had a chance of getting, and even unlucky parents stuck in the kiddie matinee with their spawn would find incredibly out-of-date. It's baffling.
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Jan 18, 2010 2:28:43 AM CST
Just watched this movie - MY REVIEW (more like comments)
by gibsonusa returns
***MAY CONTAIN SMALL SPOILERS***
Going into this movie I thought I'd get some enjoyment out of it. Okay, so it's a kiddie movie about babysitting. Nevertheless I figured that Jackie Chan doing his usual stuff would make it worth watching. Wait through the kiddie stuff, then get rewarded with Jackie Chan jumping around doing his stuff, right?
Um, not really.
Commence bulletpoints.
1. Jackie Chan and Amber Valletta are NOT a match. I cringed every time they kissed, not because it was inter-racial or anything, but because a.) they clearly had no chemistry, b.) Jackie Chan is 55 yrs old, and C.) its just so UN-Jackie to do that. When you watch Jackie's classic movies he doesn't smooch his girlfriends on the lips like that. It felt like Jackie was hesitantly playing a role clearly not written for him. So I cringed.
2. The kid characters are indeed shitheads. Why make them so unlikeable? The boy is a complete douche. I did not care at all what happened to that character. The older girl was semi-likeable, apparently due to the natural likeableness of the actress playing her, but it felt like the movie was doing everything it could to destroy that likeableness.
3. The main bad guy sucked. His girlfriend was a lot more interesting. She should have just been the main bad guy herself.
4.Due to lack of likeableness of the kids, and lack of charisma of the bad guy, the cool factor of Jackie Chan's action sequences felt completely deflated. He's basically fighting boring bad guys (besides the female) to protect shithead kids. So I end up cheering for Jackie and his efforts...and NOTHING else.
When Jackie/Bob Ho is saving the kids, I care nothing for the kids. So basically I'm just watching Jackie and his team do their water-down family-movie-approved action sequences just for the sake of watching them. I don't care if he succeeds in protecting the kids or not. They're shitheads being threatened by boring bad guys. And imo those are the main issues with the movie.
If they had made the kids likeable, and had more interesting bad guys, much would have been salvaged.
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As bad as The Tuxedo was, nothing comes close to the mediocrity of that clusterfuck. At least The Tuxedo had JLH going for it.
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medallion was terrible. BUT remember its you yanks (im english) that ruined him. you wouldnt let him make his movies in english.
ignore the newer stuff (shanghais and rush hours are great still) and watch armour of god, police story etc. ive been a fan of jacky for 20 years and have loads of his early works. i say loads as he's made about 100+ and i only have about 20-30
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