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Massawyrm's infamous annual VERY WORST OF list, 2009 edition!
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
It’s that time of year again folks. Just as everyone is finally pumping out their series of lists (to which I will of course add to the pile), there seems to be no end of additional “Worst of” lists to compliment the various “best of’s”. And every year I try to look away, knowing full well what they’ll do to me. A worst of list isn’t like a best of. “Best of” is a compliment. It is that grand exaltation, that final pat on the back that says “You made a great, noteworthy film that should be checked out by all.” A Worst of is a fuck you. It says “of all the films that came out this year, yours should be eradicated from history and contains no merit whatsoever.” But the biggest difference is that while most critics spend the final month of the year cramming like a senior at mid-terms for their best of, they don’t even think twice about the worst. So they write a list of the “Worst films I bothered to see this year.” Often times they’ll even write a snarky little addendum mentioning that their shit detector kept them from the real dung heaps, and that the list is what they actually saw.
Fuck that. Compliments are easy. Compliments are retractable, excusable even. Insults require care. If TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN was the worst movie you saw this year then pat yourself on the back, consider yourself lucky and live your life content that you dodged a mess of bullets there, Neo. You are one lucky son of a bitch. You are also incapable of writing a halfway decent worst of list. Bay doesn’t even crack the worst 20 (and I hated that movie.) WOLVERINE? TWILIGHT NEW MOON? PINK PANTHER 2? Not even close. WATCHMEN? GI JOE? FIRED UP? Get the fuck out of here. I can’t believe I’m even seeing those on lists. How many movies did you see this year, 12? Jesus Christ. Man up and watch some real fucking turds why don’t you? At least try to fake it with mediocre failures, or runners up like H2, THE UNBORN, THE INFORMERS, THE FINAL DESTINATION, CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC or MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D. But those aren’t the worst either. What was?
In my opinion? These were.
10) STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI. I try to reserve my ten spot for a truly awful film that retains some sort of unintentional entertainment value. There’s nothing quite like a truly great bad film. THE CORE, THE COVENANT, IN THE NAME OF THE KING - all truly hilarious entries best watched by beer soaked groups of peers at midnight on a Friday. Please welcome this year’s entry: STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI, a film tenuously adapted from the long running video game series. This half aborted shit stain would be almost entirely forgettable were it not for the genius efforts of one Chris Klein. Either Klein took himself too seriously or was in on the joke of appearing in this film and went all BAD LIEUTENANT:PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS on it. He. Is. Hysterical. Holy shit the guy split my side every time he was on screen. You can read my complete dissection of the film here where I refer to it as a “moist, gaping hole of sanity…repeatedly fucked by its own incompetence, its mind numbingly awful script, and its complete and utter inability to even sustain its own logic.” Yeah, this film is glorious.
9) YEAR ONE. Easily the biggest failure of the year, this film possesses one or two giggles for just about everyone – and then nothing but nonstop pain for the rest of the time. As I wrote six months ago: “Jack Black IS Jack Black. Michael Cera IS Michael Cera. And the audience IS none the better for it. In what is easily the most mind numbingly brutal big name comedy I’ve seen this year, you will delight to everything you love about low grade comedy. Someone will eat a pile of shit. Someone else will piss in their own face. There will be farts o’ Plenty (both in the film and the outtakes as well.) And then there will be callbacks to those jokes later in the film. Oh yes. This is not the triumphant return of Harold Ramis. This is the sad, pitiful career suicide that places your face squarely in your palm and causes you to mutter and sputter in confusion about what the fuck it is that you’re watching.” It never gets any better.
8) ALL ABOUT STEVE. Probably the least terrible of bunch in terms of quality, this film earns its place in history for being a misguided mess of a film with one of the worst protagonists in modern history. Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a woman one cat removed from being a crazy cat lady. She is obnoxious, wantonly unlikable and completely unhinged. And she’s also the heroine of the film. When set up on a blind date with a stud-ly reporter named Steve (Bradley Cooper) she, upon seeing him, sluts it up hardcore, attacks him in a manner that would be considered date rape if their roles were reversed and complete freaks him the hell out. Steve bolts and makes up an excuse about needing to go on a job. So Mary stalks him.
Every time Bullock is off-screen the movie is fine, tolerable even. It’s Bradley Cooper, Ken Jeong and Thomas Haden Church running around together as a dysfunctional news crew. It’s not that bad. But every time Bullock reappears it is positively horrifying. The movie goes out of its way to set Mary up in a situation in which all of her insanity and social retardation puts her in just the right place to be the movie’s hero. She even learns that she probably shouldn’t have stalked Steve - AFTER of course Steve realizes what a special, delicate creature Mary really is. So, you know, the stalking all worked out for the best. Classically irresponsible and completely mystifying, the film will baffle you from beginning to end with just how delightfully bat-shit insane Mary can get; including inexplicable shots of her bedroom complete with a black power poster and John Holmes centerfold. No reason. Just because.
7) PLANET 51. This year there were 20 animated films. Not a one of them was half as bad as this mongrel. One of the single most mind numbing, boring experiences I’ve had all year. Here’s the play by play if you need the details.
6) I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER. Good book + solid director should equal a decent last day of high school/graduation flick, right? Nope. Somewhere along the line Chris Columbus forgot how to direct comedy. This is so mishandled that at times it hurts, while proving to be infuriating the rest of the time. You can HEAR the snappy dialog. The script is sharp. Lots of good stuff buried in there. But Columbus can’t get it out of his actors and can’t edit a punch line for shit. This is embarrassingly bad, an unspeakable work that bears forgetting as soon as one is able. They didn’t show it to us – for good reason. Columbus owes me and my wife $19 and an hour and a half of our time. It wasn’t a bad idea or a mangled project. It was simply ineptly handled.
5) POST GRAD. How do you make a worse film than I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER? You remove the narrative structure and have the film amble blindly through a virginal female fantasy that finds its resolution through convenience rather than character growth. At least COOPER knew where it was going, even if it had no idea how the fuck to get there. This is just a meandering mess of bullshit flanked on all sides by the insipid whining of Alexis Bledel. Here is my review. As you might surmise, I was a bit abusive. No film tested my resolve to not walk out of a film (I’ve never walked out of a film) like this one this year. I just had to repeat to myself: This is not going to be the one to beat me. This is not going to be the one to beat me.
4) MISS MARCH. There are exactly 4 scenes in which the main character experiences explosive diarrhea in an 89 minute film, making that one scene every 22 and a quarter minutes. Fortunately only one of those scenes illustrates it in all its “glory.” When it’s not busy shitting itself, MISS MARCH spends the next 22 and a quarter minutes longing to be THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY’s retarded younger brother, telegraphing most of its jokes minutes before arrival, including a painfully long setup for an epileptic blowjob joke involving a strobe light. Take everything that’s ever been done wrong in a teen sex comedy and have it train fuck everything that’s ever been done wrong in a road trip comedy and you get this dismal bubbling wet fart of a movie. “That's why you pooped. Lots of poop. Almost four years worth of poop. I should call you poopy pants. Mr. Poopy pants” Actual dialog. One might qualify for disability after watching this movie. If this is at all indicative of what The Whitest Kids U’ Know are capable of, I hope I never run aground of them again.
3) BRIDE WARS. Oh god. Was it just 355 days ago that I wrote THIS: “Imagine if Nora Ephron awoke from a dream to pencil down a half baked idea based upon having watched Rushmore just hours before and then that notepad was stolen by someone with no imagination whatsoever that wanted nothing more than to set feminism back 20 years or so. That’s Bride Wars. Lacking a single enjoyable, or hell, even palatable moment, this film meanders from lame girly revenge moment to lame girly revenge moment as two women who were at one time lifelong friends, seek to completely humiliate the other by dying their hair blue, giving them a super orange tan or tricking them into overeating so they won’t fit into their wedding dress. For 90 cringe inducing minutes. Yeah. It’s Mean Girls for the ladies that found that film a little too cerebral.” It was kind of hard to top. But as it turns out, two men managed to…
2) OLD DOGS. It’s a film so bad that it inspired a blog dedicated simply to chronicling the many expressions that appear in it. Earlier I wrote : “This isn’t a movie, it’s a series of skits in which John Travolta and Robin Williams race each other to see who can run out of dignity first. SPOILER WARNING: it’s a photo finish. Neither of these two are strangers to the cinematic mad grab for cash, every few years finding their way onto something not unlike a Japanese game show to see how they can be most humiliated for the biggest check; but I thought even they had their limits.” They didn’t. But there was an upside. The film was so badly received that it killed the WILD HOGS sequel. Yeah. Process that. This movie that merely shared a director and a single star while possessing a title that SOUNDED like its wildly successful predecessor killed the unrelated sequel for good and for all.
1) AFTER LAST SEASON. Oh sweet merciful Christ! The previous 9 films were just a fucking warm up. None of them, not one, is as terrible as the film I’m about to tell you about. This isn’t just the worst film of the year, this is the worst theatrically released film of the decade. Fuck THE ROOM. Director Mark Region is the guy that Tommy Wiseau, Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer dance around and throw shit at while singing some song reminiscent of the conehead singing from Todd Browning’s FREAKS. This isn’t a movie. It is an experiment in asking yourself “Which is worse” to figure out how badly you would have to be maimed before you sat in a theater and watched this again. I came to the point that I draw the line at permanent scrotal damage. I’ll take a kick in the nuts rather than watch this again, as long as there’s no blood. After that I have to start weighing my options. Seriously, watch this trailer and meet me back after the jump.
Yes. That’s a real movie. After the trailer premiered, the filmmakers began getting phone calls as rumors circulated that this was some sort of hoax or WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE tie-in. They were all dumbfounded by the notion that people didn’t believe their movie was real. Oh, it’s real. Shot on 35mm and released in 4 cities, it is a movie so bad that the distributors called up the theaters individually and told them to BURN THE PRINTS. Burn the prints. Why? Because it was cheaper than shipping them back. And perhaps because the Lord is indeed a kind and loving God.
That trailer is not quite indicative of how bad it gets. The film is about some sort of researcher – the film is never quite clear what kind as many of the facts we glean come from a 45 minute dream sequence in the middle of the film, the beginning of which is actually anyone’s guess – who discovers, maybe (again, a dream) that his research subject is psychic and can see murders going on around them in their city/town. As we peer deep into her brain, we are treated to computer generated effects that would make Pixar employees weep bitch tears at their amateurish execution. You have a screensaver on the computer you are reading this on that is more advanced than what they commit to 35mm. And worst of all, many of these screen saver like sequences go on, dialog free, for as long as 4 or 5 minutes.
You WILL lose track of time. You WILL abandon all hope. You WILL NOT be able to get through this movie unfazed without allowing yourself the ability to leave the room and take sanity breaks or hold a conversation. The film is astounding in its ineptitude. I will even go so far as to say that it is the worst theatrically distributed film of the modern era. Terrible lighting and sound is just the beginning of this fetid, painful, epic wonderland of suck. A truly unbelievable experience. It’s almost adorable how hard they try to convince you that an unfinished basement, sheets, cardboard and printer paper is a medical facility of any value. It’s kind of like a kid wearing a towel and a bucket trying to convince you he’s a knight. If you watch this, and I know some of you will, do not, I repeat, do not watch it alone. Get friends. You’ll need them when the movie slips into screensaver mode. And beer. Lots of beer. Trust me. Sober is no way to experience AFTER LAST SEASON.
That's it. That's the worst of the year.
Until next year friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
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Must watch after LAst season trailer
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hoowaa
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is this movie supposed to be funny?
I didn;t laugh once. -
I kid, I kid. Good article. That film at the end shouldn't count though, it's a B movie.
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I feel like I should see Nine just keep Harvey and co. going.
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That's a fact, brother!
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that film had so many problems with it, right froms script stage. I was actually on set to visit my friend Moon Bloodgood and i was speaking with her and Chris Klein (who is actually a funny guy in real life) and they both admited that the film was being rushed out and the script was so lacking that the entire crew just decided to go the route of parody type film that doesn't acknowledge its a parody. The street fighter could be a serious franchise, but producers won't go with a solid script.
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Somebody has out-dogma'd you!
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Somebody has out-dogma'd you!
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Wolverine and Transformers on that list! Those two movies were fucking the worst. Like sitting in traffic with the runs.
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After Last Season looks like a really bad YouTube video and it gets theatrical distribution? Who was the genius who came up with that idea? Rothman?
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"The Street Fighter", what's with Americans putting "The" in front of everything? It's fucking "Street Fighter", as in the status you get when you fight people in the street like a bad motherfucker.
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Mindnumbingly
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I've seen YouTube videos with better production values and acting. Did this play in the theaters at all?
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Fact.
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Your plan has backfired, Massawyrm.
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they make it sound like there's only one street fighter, when, after all, we all know that the roster of bad-ass ass-kickers is nearly infinite.
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And was a bit of a franchise.
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or human beings for that matter. do not give it any further attention. and "beth cooper" was the biggest waste of time of the year. five seconds of dead air in between each line reading is chris columbus' only discernible directorial quirk.
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It's not horrible I mean the message of the film is what really was dumb. but it's no different that any other film of that type.
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by a fucking MILE
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COMES GHOSTBUSTERS 3! Just when you thought they stopped raping your childhood.
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Or the greatest movie of all time. I really don't know. I can't make it more then 10 minutes of the movie without throwing up and curling up in a ball of sweat.
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Almost every worst of 2009 list I have seen released out there G.I. Joe is nowhere to be found. It was not only one of the worst of 09 but one of the worst ever made. It was on the level of the 1987 He-Man movie.
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Maybe because I saw it by myself. I was just fucking bored. I kind of hate knowing that this retard got funding, got people to help him, had people going OH YEAH THIS LOOKS right for his fucking movie. Its just annoying when you see a bad movie and can tell that the main reason it sucks is because they didn't even try.
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Didn't you even appreciate the Film Noir shadows and key lighting in After Last Season?
Great lists, BTW. And Happy New Year to all y'all - haters and all. -
If so, I nominate that for worst film of the year, due in good part to the number of (supposedly) talented forces behind it.
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It turned all dramatic in the end and went the Fatal Attraction route. Or she ended up in jail just crazy and no understanding of how life works. Anyone also notice on the poster the last minute photoshop addition of Dr. Ken Jueng? Talk about a fucking break out year for a one hit wonder. Fuck I'd watch Sam Worthington in 20 more epic hero movies before I try to find Ken Jueng funny again.
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TF2 was not. Turned it off after 45 mins (the college hi-jinks).
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Isn't that bad. If you didn't like it then fine. You take your movies too seriously. That movie was a fucking good conversion of the Cartoon show. Its sort of like, what did you expect going in? Its loud fun, and surprisingly the acting got better as the movie went on and it didn't have BYLOTT syndrome.
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Another film with seemingly talented people involved that was nearly unwatchable, if only because of all the knowing "winks" at the camera and cutesy "indie-ness." Yeah, I know this and "Away We Go" probably aren't nearly as bad as, say, "Bride Wars" or "All About Steve," but I reserve special spite for otherwise talented people who put out cloying shit like that.
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Was the worst piece of crap movie I have seen since "The Treasure of the Three Crowns".
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They can fucking set up a steady shot. TF2 was constant camera movement (even Tony Scott said it was a bit much) and constant dialog? Seriously for the first 1 and a half of the movie there was NON STOP FUCKING SPEAKING.
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Thought I was the only one to see that stinker.
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Yeah, I know that statement, combined with my disgust for "Away We Go" and "The Brothers Bloom" will probably disqualify my opinion in most people's minds, but I was surprisingly entertained by "G.I. Joe." I also thought Sienna Miller did a pretty awesome job. I know she herself disparaged the movie after it came out, but she really sold her character and earned her paycheck. I did, however, think the movie was pretty violent for what was supposed to be a kid-friendly/family movie.
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It was campy & has more cheese than Wisconsin, but it was a good mindless popcorn muncher. Considering the source material, I really don't think we could expect anything much different or better. Yea, I wish Wayans was replaced by someone less retarded, but even he managed to pull out a little charm. I'm hoping for a sequel that is all out Cobra vs Joes now that everything is in place.
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SERIOUSLY DUDE. You guys need to fucking take a stance on the possibilities of Ghost Busters 3. Stop running these unbiased stories about possible plot details. Fucking make is understood that Ramis and his crack team of possible aaron seltzer and jason friedberg pseudonym's writers need to leave this the fuck alone. Word is that they are fucking filming it this summer! Not only was Year One just badly written is was terribly DIRECTED. The fucking thing cost 65 million dollars to make, and it looked like a movie me and a elementary school special ed class could have made (and funnier). Ramis has his head up his ass and the only I bet willing to tell him that is Murray. Richard Roper did a Q&A with Ramis at a screening of Year One this summer, I hope for Richard's sake the Q&A was before the film. Because if not, that would've been a Q&A to see. Could you imagine trying to play nice to the director of Year One? I bet after everyone saw the movie (i bet it was hard not to leave) all the questions were just about Ghostbusters. Also I thought that this was something new for Ramis, but no he's done nothing but shit since Groundhog's Day. If I was JettL and ran hollywood, I would get the Zombieland guys to make this instead. Yes it's true. This man has no dick.
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I've seen none of these movies, nor have I seen Transformers 2 or GI Joe. I guess my shit detector is set too high. Every one of these movies elicits the same response as "After Last Season" - They actually released that? Old Dogs? Any movie with Sandra Bullock? I did actually see the Orphan, while wasted, at my brother's house. So that would probably qualify as the worst movie I saw this year. At least I didn't pay to see it though.
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and Transformers 2 still made my top ten shitlist.
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And Mass'a review is dead on.There's no plot, it's jsut stitched together ,only funny for the over 50 crowd garbage.And they waste so much talent (WTF was Matt Dylan doing? And Justin Long?? And poor Bernie Mac-his rep gets sullied the most).SO GLAD they axed wild hogs two becasue of this shit.And oh yeah-WHOEVER said World's greatest dad was good is FUCKING CRAZY! That movie was awful(not AS awful), but awful nonetheless!
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There are exactly 4 scenes in which the main character experiences explosive diarrhea That could've been me from the time of 1AM last night to 6AM this morning. Thanks Taco Bell ;-) More to follow.
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Whatever World's Greatest Dad was fucking amazing. If that movie wasn't released the way it was Robin would be up for an Oscar.
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One of the best films of the year. If you didn't "laugh once", chances are the film flew right over your head.
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"brought up"
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you can get for the year. Without listing chick flicks. They are all bad of course. Twilight being the worst of course of the chick flicks. I hope Avatar gives them trouble at MTV movie awards next year to prevent their sweep again.
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...happy new year Series7.Laugh it up motherfucker [insert emoticon expressing rueful humor, rage, bitterness, cocky confidence, self deprecating coolness and a hangover here].
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I rented after hearing ALOT of AICN peeps recommend it.I was REALLY bored watching it.Mind you, I really love williams.He's just fucking great(except for old dogs/word's greatest).It was just bland, and not funny.I GUESS he was OOOOKAY in it(I didnt HATE the film, but it sucks).And yeah-IN THE LOOP WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!! I laughed through the whole thing.
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such potential to be a great sci fi/social commentary movie, and it just came across as a bad episode of Fringe
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I'd like to see the list limited to wide releases. I'm sure there are probably a few hundred indie movies that 'come out' every year that suck almost as hard.
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agreed.The trailer made it look so promising.Then, it turned out to be another sci-fi dud.What bout GARBAGE like the "The Haunting in Connecticit".That film was AWFUL.It was the only film I walked out on this year.
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...but of course I've only seen one movie on this list.
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Offensively stupid. I felt like Michael Bay was violating me while i watched it.
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That movie fucking blew donkey dicks! I'd watch Bride Wars 10 times over before I watch that shit again.
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I saw it a late night TV channel called 'Bad Movies' once. Unbelievably poor, but at the same time, genius.
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Is that it was even fucking made. I mean a small city made the fucking movie, how many of them sat around going yeah this is gonna suck but its gonna make bank? Its times like these you wish more producers were like the Weinsteins.
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Dec 31, 2009 10:58:52 AM CST
Notice no Alvin and the Chipmunks 2
by beyondthunderdome2girls1cupbillcosby
because it was actually good. david cross steals the show though
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If you are really stoned and treat it as a comedy. Me and my girlfriend laughed our asses off the whole time we watched it. We rented it, of course. I wouldn't be a dick like that in an actual theater.
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Dec 31, 2009 11:03:16 AM CST
"We got printers in the basement you can use" ah man really?
by stormwatcher
Massa, wow! you made my morning. That trailer was incredible! Like American Movie incredible! Holy Shit! I don't want to see it but the trailer is worth it!
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Dec 31, 2009 11:05:09 AM CST
Where's Asimov To Complain That Star Trek Wasn't Mentioned?
by freebeer
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so although they may be the worst, they weren't the most disappointing because I for one haven't seen a single one of them based off of the trailers giving away their lack of value alone. For me the worst films of any year have to be the ones that were the greatest disappointments which means I actually had to THINK that they would be good and instead walked away wanting to hunt down the writers/directors/actors/producers/stuntmen/editors/cinematographers and corporate lawyers who likely had a role in making some dumbfounded demand required by the investors and collectively windmill slap them while repeatedly asking "HOW COULD YOU MESS THIS ONE UP!?!?!" With that being said I think we should begin the Mousetrap Awards for movies that market themselves with a nice hunk of cheese and effectively snap our necks once we get lured in for a taste. For me there was no bigger winner than that which has been mentioned oh so many times already, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The fact that it was a sequel to a decent movie that claimed to recognize its previous faults and improve on the overall quality and storytelling is what made this the undeniable winner of this award on top of the fact that in recent history I cannot ever recall finding such a big budgeted effects driven film to be more boring, annoying and forgettable. In a close second of course would have to be G.I. Joe which couldn't get the number one spot because it was directed by the same guy who directed "the Mummy" films which already gave me a lowered level of expectation along with its stars including the likes of Channing (sp?) Tatum and Marlon Wayans with the kid from Third Rock from the Sun playing Cobra Commander...Actually the only cheese this movie used to lure us was the title and the fact that it was being released in a time where Comic/Cartoon movies have a higher chance of being decent than anytime in movie history.
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ftw!
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Because you're a masochist? Or did you just want to have fodder for an annual "Worst Of" list? I didn't see any of this crap, because wasting money and time on obviously shitty movies isn't something I like to do. I can't feel too bad for someone who actually made the conscious decision to sit through these in the name of criticism. -
It's clear from watching the trailer that the people involved had to know how poor the quality was. I wonder how much it cost to make? I didn't see any of these movies on the list but Transformers 2 was the biggest disappointment for me this year. It was such a mess. Not even the great special effects could save it, it was a stinky force-fed money cow. You can't even sit back and enjoy the visuals cuz Bay kept cutting the shots too short and moving the camera too much for me to tell what the hell was going on.
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It's like a "what not to do" guide for potential filmmakers.
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Cuz it I believe it has the guy that plays matt saracen from Friday Night Lights, and I love that show and am fond of that character. When I saw the trailer I kinda perked up when I saw saracen, and I hoped it would lead to better roles for him. Well at least he can say he was QB1 on Friday Night Lights.
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This is clearly an SNL spoof, as you can see that the doctor at :50 is former SNL cast member Chris Parnell.
also: "I- yeah, I've never been TO that town, but I've been THROUGH it..." -
It was so much better than those shit Transformers filmsd. Levitt as Cobra Commander was a hoot.
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Truly horrible. Kate Hudson needs to stop making movies. I can't think of a more unlikable woman, aide from Palin and Coulter.
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You are a cock, and let me give you two reasons why. 1) It's not the best movie ever, but "The Haunting In Connecticut" pissed all over "Surrogates", which I was really looking forward to, being a fan of the comics. 2) You actually pay attention to JettL93. That guy is the biggest cock on the internet today. He is the shit, you are the fly.
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after last season looked like a direct to youtube clip.. that was.. worse then bad....
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that's it.
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Disney could not push back the terrible Old Dogs because of the $$$ spent on it. So they had to push back PatF instead. Guess what, Fantastic Mr. Fox made a shitload of Thanksgiving cash and Disney 2D animation paid the price. Dumbasses.
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Placing "GI Joe" above "The Brother Bloom" and "Away We Go" not only disqualifies your opinion, it means you have absolutely horrible taste. Seriously, watch the monologue in "Away We Go" where the friend talks about adopting children after his wife's miscarriages. Now go watch any scene from "GI Joe" and try to tell me "Joe" is superior. For god's sake, Channing Tatum wouldn't know good acting if it slapped him upside his thick skull, causing his rain-soaked sunglasses to fall off.
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I'm confused....are you defending both HAUNTING and SURROGATES? If so, then you fair lady-are the cock.An old withered fagotty cock.Becuase if YOU ARE defending those turds-you will ALWAYS have bad opinions on films...forever.Haunting was utter crap, and completly cliche..be honest with yourself.And Surrogates as doodoo also.I read ALL posts, so regrdless of the deuchbaggery of ANY talkbacker, If They say something valid-I will throw my hat into the ring!
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Is still on the air? Seriously, Mind of Mencia gets cancelled, Jeff Dunham gets cancelled and they are only marginally better then The Whitest Kids but you think they'd have a big enough fan base to keep their shitty shows alive? I mean Jeff Dunham had the highest selling comedy DVD in some time. The Whitest Kids U’ Know.....who's watching this? Its on fucking IFC? I imagine people who watch IFC (me) wouldn't enjoy their crap. Boggles the mind.
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Dec 31, 2009 11:39:45 AM CST
GI Joe was great. A fun movie that didn't take
by grammaton cleric binks
itself seriously. Year One and Old Dogs tried to be funny. And what the hell was Jack Black doing at the Kennedy Center Honors the other night on state honoring Mel Brooks.
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$20,946,338 Worldwide gross, is a shit load of cash? Yeah I know Princess and the Frog (best animated movie of the year) is bombing now, but it grossed more then that opening weekend.
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I agree 100%. I have actually recommended the film to people to watch Chris' performance. It's just amazingly bad.
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A piece of turd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I liked My Bloody Valentine 3D, thought it was entertaining, for all that it was. -
Racist, sopomoric bullshit posing as a sci fi toy based movie. Fuck Mikey Bay and Bob the Orci.
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I've actually seen part of this on HBO. It is pure fecal matter, almost as bad as Drew Barrymore's attempt at destroying feminism, Never Been Kissed. Nothing about this movie is good. NOTHING. Even Kate Hudson's hair looks retarded. I can't help but wonder how--HOW?--were Hudson and Hathaway, two otherwise talented and intelligent(?) people, able to drag themselves out of bed every day to go and make this flaming bag of shit movie.
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It was loud, funny, more violent than I thought it would be, and just fun to watch.
Lighten the fuck up people. -
There is a god!
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It would've been higher, had there been Baroness nipple slips.
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Dec 31, 2009 12:04:57 PM CST
KATE HUDSON IS LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE HER MOTHER
by bringingsexyback
That's not a compliment.
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after watching all about steve. not for a while. not until the memory fades. i enjoyed the alaska one with green lantern. but i am actually angry about all about steve. mostly because i think it would have been shelved as a total mistake better left unseen for the sake of everyone if it were not for the successes of Hangover and the movie with green lantern in alaska. it had to have been released as a cash in. and that's just plain wrong.
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..how the Movie totally alienated the Comic canon.The actor Channing tatum deserves the rasberry for worst actor of the year and just when everyone panicked about marlon's casting. Baroness is not only brainwashed, but she's Duke's ex GF and Cobra Commander's Sister?!?But wait it doesn't get any better, Zartan looks like your average middle easterner who doesnt do a damn thing throughout the movie but whistles he's a jolly good fella?? GI Joe or GI HALO?Scarlett and Ripcord as love interests?!?Emo Cobra Commander?!? I mean seriously Sommers, What de fuck were you thinking..or snorting?Only memorable bits were Destro's origin, the chase scenes, the constant jabs in the eye and of course Ray Park's Snake eyes is the only worthy casting.Quiad was OK as Hawk but he only had a walk in part.And don't get me started on the ending song; "Boom,Boom Pow"! fucking Blackeyed peas suck Black one eyed Snake!Resolute owns RoTC and that's a 40 minute Cartoon.yeah, joe had it's moments but the film was seriously flawed and deserved to be considered one of 2009's worst alongside Wolverine.
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should definitely be on anyone's worst movies of 2009 list, assuming they saw it. Like Stalkeye said... racist and juvenile.
You can see the conversation now:"Oh, man, I just realized we're making a movie about robots!!!" "So?" "How do you inject toilet humor into a movie whose main characters don't use the toilet? It's going to be soooo unfunny." "Aw, man, you kiddin' me? EASY! Make them fart, give them giant swinging balls... oh, and they can piss engine oil! Oh, oh, oh, and THEN, *teehee this is great!* you can make two disposable, annoying characters that talk all ghetto, have big ears and gold buck teeth, and are illiterate!" "Man, you're a GENIUS! Comedy GOLD is what that is!" -
says it all
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Even Paul Worthless Scribe Anderson, would have done a far better job had he helmed the movie.DOA was way better than both SF movies and I'm sure Tekken won't be that bad when in comparison to this garbage.
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...in a Victorian period piece.And I don't mean mouth lips.Good for her for not getting them inflated though...
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it seems to me that there was a pretty daring good movie underneath all of the bullshit in year one.
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that was fucking funny, Thanks Mass!
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...right?...right?
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Was kind of the perfect ending theme song to GI Joe. While its stupid and silly as shit, you can't help but be asmused and have fun with it when you hear it. But also maybe after the 500th time of hearing it you wanna punch it in the throat.
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..Nero from Jar Trek,an uninspired knockoff of Khan Singh.Shit, you can hear Bana's austrailian accent when he yells; "I want Spock nauw"!As dull as Superman return's luthor.
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You're clearly so off your tits you're on someone else's tits altogether.
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I think it should be on it's own list - it has an unfair advantage of just being so weird, bad, out of time - that you can't tell the intent of the filmmaker. In the case of the other films, you get it. But that one - just sits as a movie where the guy purposely did what we did. Apparently, that's not even the director's name.
I don't know. The rest of the list is hysterical - great read regarding your view on the them. But After The Season just seems like a strange throwback to good/bad filmmaking that transcends being on "worst of" lists - like Ed Wood or J.P. Simon. Dems my thoughts. -
"But also maybe after the 500th time of hearing it you wanna punch it in the throat".*Cracking knuckles*
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I wasn't defending "Surrogates", that was total pish! I was just saying that "Haunting" is the lesser of two evils. I understand where you are coming from regarding the posts of douchebags, I have no problem with arrogant wankers if they make a good point. Liars like JettL93 need to be ignored.
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"Good for her for not getting them inflated though..."
Not yet, at least. -
Will be gangbusters over seas? You know whats kind of sad, D9 made less money in South Africa then Transforers 2. Not a whole lot less, but still you think that movie would've been some hit over there.
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...Rob Zombie! As if his first 'ween remake was bad enough, new he further punishes us with the unwarranted sequel.Damn, what happened to the guy that bumped out cool nu metal shit like Supercharger heaven or Cosmic Monsters?"It's over, Robbie, It's Over"!
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Dec 31, 2009 12:33:32 PM CST
The oscar for best lighting EVER goes to: After Last Season
by azultool
Wow, I love shadows but GAWDAM!!
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I don't think Rob is going anywhere. Anyone else catch that a bunch of theaters ran H2 on Halloween?
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Second worst comedy of the year right behind Year One.
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I need to know so that I can send you a big basket of chocolates and a Six Pack of heineken.*applause leading to a standing ovation.*
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Dec 31, 2009 12:39:01 PM CST
Is it just me, or did QT basterd's failed to live up to the hyp
by stalkeye
Kill Bill still remains unchallenged.
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Great Job. Great List. As always.
Everyone needs a Best of, Worst of and Most Fun Lists. I had alot of fun at some bad movies, TF2, GIJOE, StarTrek. But the Worst movies drain all life out of you. And yer list was perfect. I run a movie theater and as a business we need the TF2's, Gijoe's and Star Trek's. Thats were we get our money to stay open(Lots of Concessions sold). And for the movie lovers, we need all the good stuff too. That's my take from a business point of view. Anyways Happy New Year to all!!! -
And other people who wanted it to be just Brad Pitt killin Nazis. The rest of us realized it was one of the best films of the year.
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Can't believe how many people saw it in theaters. It was obviously made for DTV.
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Oh yeth! They sound bad enough to watch. Like leading a dog on.
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I've acted in movies that weren't even close to that bad and they didn't get any theatrical distributuion. How the fuck did these people get theaters to run that? It looks like a Youtube skit. And I haven't seen a single movie on your worst of list. I guess that's a good thing.
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the ugly truth w/ katherine heigel.
holy shit. -
The film was a complete mess. No direction, stupid set pieces, tons of rubbery CGI and an absurd plot that even wouldn't even work in a cartoon. For as many years as I've been hearing about a GI Joe movie, this thing is an abomination. They should have taken the masculine, bad ass bearded GI Joe Adventure Team from the 70's and had them fighting mummys in Egypt, diving for treasures guarded by giant squid and wrestling crocodiles in the Amazon. What the fuck is wrong with Hollywood?
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"I wanna get mah dickie stickie!!!" still makes me laugh when I thinks about it.
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I couldn't believe how bad that POS was. I'd heard people hate on it but nobody managed to capture just how awful it was. It was like an incompetent 14 year old kid with no sense of nuance was making his idea of what a Tim Burton Terminator movie would look like. The tone was so out of keeping with the rest of the franchise I'm pretty sure McG has never watched any of the other movies. GI Joe was at least entertaining. The plot made more sense than the abomination that was Star Trek.
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"You get me what I need and I'll see to it you get your legs back. Your real legs." - Avatar.
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Check it out
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I had put Miss March completely out of my mind till you brought it up...'Horsedick.MPEG'. Only Copious amounts of Nudity could have salvaged that POS.
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s the only movie I've seen on this list. It was the in-flight movie on my plane ride yesterday. I wish Michael Keaton would get cast in something decent again.
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looks awesome. Like a Don Dohler film from 1975. I swear, the "direction" reminds me of the Alien Factor. The frame composition was fucking hilarious. Could you give the actors a little more headroom in the frame there, Lurch? Holy fucking shit. Laughed my ass off.
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but at least it was entertaining shit.what about dragonball, land of the lost and whiteout? all pretty much donkey turds
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BIGGEST letdown.
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did Will Ferrell help write this list? and how is Beth Cooper up there? That's like putting American Pie 12 on the list.
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Per capita than Kate Hudson?
Her strike rate must be through the roof. Nicole Kidman wouldn't be too far behind her. -
Fuck this backlash against the backlash. Stand up against bad movies, people. "Ith okay becauth I had fuuuun!!" Fuck you. It's brain-rape.
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Old Dogs cost $35, which would hav made maybe $30 back if it did not open for a holiday. The boost would have given $20-30 more for PatF an stolen an additional $8-10 from FMF. Plus giving PatF 2 more weekends before Christmas may have added another $20-30. Basically Disney screwed themselves out of a ton of cash and gave it to the F Mr F.
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We all better stay the fuck away from 9 then.
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Holy shit. I remember seeing the ads on tv in LA when I first got here and thinking "what the fuck is that? Some weird gimmick?" I had no idea there was a cult following. I just went to the wikipedia page for it and I'm telling all of you, you got to read it. I MUST SEE THIS MOVIE NOW. Apparently, it's turned into some kind of Rocky Horror Picture Show thing.
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TIED FOR WORST MOVIE IN 2009:
2012 AND AVATAR
AVATAR is an intelligence test.
If you liked it, you failed. -
It looks like everyone already is staying far the fuck away from Nine.
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might be the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life -
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I don't think 14 million to Fan Mr. Fox is really much to care about. I think your exaggerating it a bit. I think Disney was fucked either way.
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I have actually stopped in the aisle of Blockbuster and and held both ALL ABOUT STEVE and MISS MARCH in my hand on seperate occasions debating whether or not I held a possible 'hidden gem'.
I am happy to say I walked away unscathed. I guess my shit detector is was firing on all cylinders. -
Life is an intelligence test, you failed at Birth.
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this lists are usually more fun if they are movies most people are familiar with like Transformers 2. How did that not make the list anyway?
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Dec 31, 2009 2:41:45 PM CST
You & me are gonna have a problem if you are mean to my future w
by phantom einstein
that is all
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THAT is all.
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Amen to that! Frankly, if you can't tell how good a movie is from watching the trailer with above 70-80% accuracy, you are retarded. No surprise any of these movie sucked. Its the ones that you get excited to see and then they suck balls that are the worse.
Formula for how much a movie sucks: Quality of movie-(Potential+Anticipation)=level of suckiness -
Easily the most overrated piece of shit I saw this year.
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You and me are gonna have a problem if you try to marry my future baby's mama.
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As bad as Miss March is, there's a reason their show is still on the air. It's cheap to produce, generally, and the show itself is pretty funny. Don't let Miss March be the standard you hold them to - the show has lots of very well written, dark sketches on it.
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some film school fag thinks he's a genius for making it. I would hope that all the prints for this were burned as exhibitors danced around the flames. Shot on 35mm?..looks like it was shot on a camera phone. Fucking awful.
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Wow. Usually trailers show all of the good parts. ????? It's bad even to the pseudo-pretentious title. Why didn't they call it, "The Day After Yesterday"?
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Nice work, Massawyrm. Kudos for not just going after the low-hanging fruit.
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That is your only chance to save yourself at that point. Maybe it's because you can't review a film you haven't seen in its entirely but I bail on shitty movies all the time. I don't go see them at the theater very often but have in the past. I've certainly turned a lot of DVDs off about 10 min into them..sometimes the suck is abundantly clear early on.
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It's a terrible movie, but did you really expect it wouldn't be? Calling it the worst of the year is like announcing to the class that the retarded kid got an F. There was so much shit released this year by major studios for big time money, and that's much less forgiveable than a low budget indy flick by a guy you've never heard of and will never hear about again. It was made by amateurs, and yes, they did an amateur job.. but amateur work by actual professionals is what deserves the callout. Also you're giving Mark Region an opportunity to pull a Wiseau and say "It was a comedy all along!"
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your friggin' review is filled to the brim with fecal references? Shitstain. Turd. Dungheap. Wet Farts. By Crom, take your own advice and add a little variety to your metaphors, ya scat-loving douche.
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Got to wait another year for another one of these lists
This article may be the best entertainment I've gotten from the movie industry this year -
Both those movies sucked Dick!!!!
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Dec 31, 2009 3:46:31 PM CST
"You are incapable of writing a halfway decent worst of list"
by mattmanreturns
Congratulations, Mass... you're an asshole. G.I. Joe was worse than a lot of those films you mentioned. And it's on a lot of worst of lists for that very reason. You don't have to be a dick about it.
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cuz it was in the dollar rental bin. The Whitest Kids make Broken Lizard look like Mark Twain award winners. BTW...was Slammin Salmon ever released? Or can we expect a DVD in February?
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To quote Casablanca "I don't object to a parasite, what I object to is a cut rate one." If it was scatological humor I objected to, there would be movies like I LOVE YOU MAN or THE HANGOVER on here. But those had shit jokes with thought put into them. Not people randomly shitting themselves in the place of a joke.
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Paranormal Activity? Now that was a godawful waste of time. I'd rather watch Godzilla 1998 10 times, followed by the first street fighter film 5 times, topping it off with Mortal Kombat 2. I don't care how much money it made, the film suuuuuuucked ass!
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That doesn't follow. Are you saying because you saw GI JOE, you didn't NEED to see any other bad movies? That you'd found your winner? Or did you miss the part where I said "In my opinion these are (the worst)."
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...your best stuff.
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Now I HAVE to rent Street Fighter this weekend.
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But I also obviously didn't miss the condescending "If TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN was the worst movie you saw this year then pat yourself on the back..." thing. I've seen about half of the movies on your list. Transfomers 2 and G.I. Joe were worse than any of those. They were epically bad. And you also came off as condescending with the whole "Get the fuck out of here. I can’t believe I’m even seeing those on lists." You really can't believe G.I. Joe is on a worst of list?
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looks like a porno with no sex
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Dec 31, 2009 4:08:34 PM CST
Good list, but why make your #1 a worthless, homemade indy?
by force_mccockin
All of your others are major theatrical releases, why pick on a craptastic piece of shit no one has or will ever see? Transformers 2 or Terminator Salvation would have been a much better pick. Fuck you Michael Bay! And fuck you too, McG!!
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GI JOE accomplished everything it tried to do. It has a bevy of fans, made scads of money and its target audience - dads and their 13 year old sons - went apeshit for it. Yeah, I have a hard time justifying putting that on a WORST OF. MOST HATED? Sure, go for it. Can't argue with you there. But WORST? Watch the other half of the list and then come back to me and try to explain how Sommers was in any way incompetent.
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Can we all just concede that video games are not good templates for movies? Especially fighting games. A lesson the late great Raul Julia taught us with his dying breath.
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Dec 31, 2009 4:16:16 PM CST
Massa, my complaint isn't actually about what movie's worse
by mattmanreturns
It's about the fact that you seem to think people are unworthy of writing a worst of list if they have Transformers 2 or G.I. Joe on there. It's all subjective. I could just as easily say any list without "Whiteout" on it isn't a competent 'worst of' list. But I'd be an asshole if I said that, because my opinion on Whiteout is just that... an opinion.
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Anime's are good. most of em at least
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No, my point was saying that people who write the "worst movies I bothered to see" lists are unworthy. That said, I know about four or five people who have seen all (or most) the 2009 bad films out there as well, and none of them put TRANSFORMERS or GI JOE on their lists either. I would GLEEFULLY watch either of those films before any of these again...except Legend of Chun Li. That one is AWESOME!
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I got worked up. Sorry bout that. I actually try to see as much as possible, and I've seen a lot this year, but G.I. Joe remains firmly at the top... I felt like my brain was literally being raped. Chun Li was pretty awful though. Most anti-climactic fight scenes ever. But honestly where is Whiteout?? That was pretty excruciating with no value whatsoever, aside from Kate Beckinsale's face.
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I feel people create these lists to pick on certain films they didn't enjoy. How in ANY WAY is Watchmen a bad film? Maybe you didn't like it but its not bad and certainly not one of the worst films of the year.
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And its...its...something else.
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came to it with some preconceived notions of how the comic book should have been interpreted. I actually preferred the way the movie tied Dr. Manhatten more fluidly into the climax. But that's just me.
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It's all good, Mattman. To answer your question, Whiteout didn't strike me nearly as bad as several of my almost made its like THE INFORMERS or THE FINAL DESTINATION. It was bad to be sure, but I would argue that all of these above are far worse.
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If you can get through that film... you can accomplish anything.
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Dec 31, 2009 4:57:25 PM CST
I'm sorry but Fired Up, TF2, Unborn, and the rest were all shitt
by hollywoodhellraiser
No way should there be a TOP 10 LIST without em!
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Found it to be a caricature of the series and characters
The story was beyond stupid
Scoty going *Captain, I'm givin 'er all she's got* was the only payoff for me -
... walked out stone-cold sober... and sad inside.Made Van Damme's version look like 'Once Upon a Time in China.'
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Transformers 2 was just disgusting.
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wrong tb I think
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You are exactly right most people's worst list are about disappointment or not connecting with the movie, not actually the worst movies
My most disappointing movie was TF2, didn't expect a masterpiece but was hoping Bay could have built on the first one and made the best blockbuster of 09. I think with some editing it could be made into a better movie. TS would have been my next biggest disappointment -
And I was bored through most of TF2. So I give Joe a pass for keeping me entertained with its...whatever the fuck that was. A lot of people are confusing personal disappointments (TF2, TS) with movies that were horribly conceived, horribly written, and horribly filmed. I never saw any of those films Massa listed...I mean I think we all know better. And it's just more entertaining to read his reviews anyway. But I was embarrassed every time one of my coworkers would say "Doesn't Old Dogs look funny???"
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Is that the usual "get hot actress in revealing clothing" scene of her going to the club had her in something that literally looked like a formless burlap sack. Why even bother making this movie if you're not gonna focus on the lead actress being hot?
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IN THE LOOP was a smart satire, so animas not laughing once said all we need to know about Bush-era America. What a moron.
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Fucking perfect. Kind of nails it.
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It looked like the cameraman actually has some kind of a problem in his brain that makes him frame EVERY shot up just a bit and to the left. He even included that ceiling fan in that one shot as if it were an important element in the composition. How did that film even get made? At gunpoint?
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Is most disheartening. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR GHOSTBUSTER 3 MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF CRAP.
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I agree. Chun Li is worth watching, much more so than Transformers 2. I probably laughed more watching Chun Li than any movie I've seen in the last few years.
The Chun Li PARTS aren't any good, though. But as a crazy INTERPOL AGENT/SEXY COP teamup picture, it is genius. -
were the two worst films I watched in 2009. I disliked both immensely. I'd actually watch Transformers 2 again before either of 'em. Don't comment until you've watched both films.
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Just wondering have you seen Revolution Road? I really hated that. Its what turned me off from hunting down Away We Go. Didn't mind Brothers Bloom. Fucking hated Transformers 2, raped my childhood.
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but not the unspeakably lousy film Away We Go is. I wonder what Sam Mendes plans to direct next.
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I sometimes wonder if they're the same person. Their style is very similar. Which was the more headache inducing film this decade...Domino or Transformers 2?
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The most baffling thing about that film is how on earth it cost $150 million. It looks like ass. Say what you want about Bay but at least you can see the money spent, on screen.
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I think it's a parody, or something. I love the Amazon.com review that says "the best movie I've ever seen"
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and that worst movie... shit, even Kevin Smith didn't compose shots with six feet of headroom on the actors. Little bit of advice for you fellows out there: You need some headroom, but not half the screen.
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Was the movie crap? Hell yeah, but in the same way as the 80s toon- almost as ludicrous as the Funhouse episode. Yeah, I get if you're more of a comic fan... I like that side fine but I'm more taken with the absurdity of a terrorist group that hires twin lawyers who finish each other's sentences and go into battle dressed like Siegfried and Roy.
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for some of those...I guess you can call them movies.
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Dec 31, 2009 9:12:02 PM CST
I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER is not one of the worst films of 09!
by orionsangels
I actually enjoyed it. Granted it's not a great film by any strech of the imagination, but worst? No way!
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I loved the action scene at the Pit. I hated most of the character relationships. I like the Snake Eyes/Shadow story. The end sucked.
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Massa's list is just shooting fish in a barrel.
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I literally dont remember the end, i was so bored. I wouldn't say i hated it, but the hype for it really bothered me once i had seen it.
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Tony Scott makes headache inducing movies at a fraction of the cost of Bay. But it does make me wonder what a 250 million dollar Tony Scott film would be like!!
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was also a huge disappointment. I'll add that to my 'worst of 2009' list. I like Apatow but Funny People was a fucking mess. And about 40 minutes too long.
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You know that, I know that. We both went to film school... the director of After Last Season did not. Dude had no clue how to make a movie, just the desire to do it and he somehow got 6 million bucks. The movie's one of the worst things I've ever seen... but honestly, how could it not be under the situations it was made? What bugs me more is that movies made for 120 million made by name directors suck.. they may be more technically sound, sure.. but they deserve more hate, I think, that After Last Season. Besides, the Director is supposedly an asian dude who speaks very little english and isn't talking about the movie at all, not a D-Bag like Tommy Wisenau who thinks he's God's gift to film making.
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Worst effing movie of the decade.
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If you read about the movie, you'll find that this was a movie that cost supposedly a few million dollars. Want to know what I think? I think the guys who made this are extorting the investors, in essence. My ameteur theory, in no way provable, is that the folks behind this probably lived high off the money he got from the investors for this while doing no work. When collection time came, he got a bunch of friends, some paper, did the movie as fast and as effortlessly as possible and then fulfilled his contract obligations by paying to get it into theaters like people pay those book publishers to "publish" your book. Four theaters later, they call to burn the prints so no evidence exists of the money not actually going into the movie. Ther's just no picking way this cost millions.
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Cry yourself to sleep in shame. It wasn't just the funniest comedy this year, it was the smartest, which is why it got very little love. Most people, apparently, prefer comedy about as witless as it comes. And the only glaring omission from this list for my money is Haunting in Connecticut. What an odious wiff of taint that was.
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just because a movie was a let down doesnt make it a terrible bottom 10 movie. T4 was decent but not awesome. better than T3. DBZ, Wolverine, and GI Joe arent worth pirating. Transformers was cool robots and if you wanted more you have downs syndrome.
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I kind of assumed that that movie was originally delayed or shelved because it wasn't any good, but was finally released to cash in on Bradley Cooper's sudden success in The Hangover.As for movies like TF2 and G.I. Joe, I feel that they get pushed much higher on the list for people who loved the franchises in the past, and didn't just feel the movie was bad, but had a level of disappointment, as well.
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Jan 01, 2010 12:25:05 AM CST
Hell Yeah, I'd pay to see a $250 mil Tony Scott Flick
by nomoredirtyjokespleaseweareyanks
he's the guy Bay thinks he is. He has misfires but his style is fantastic. He has the best directed Tarantino flick under his belt.
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From interviews with the guy, it seems like he dropped 400k of his own money on film and equipment, but then somehow got 5 million to do post production. Honestly, I think someone fleeced HIM and not vice versa, since he dropped 5 mil on the SFX that anyone could do on Poser 3.
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What about Katherine Heigl?
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...or being utterly obsessed with them is, like most normal people, we can avoid watching obvious shit films. It's sometimes a difficult form of entertainment to fully enjoy when 90% (at least of Hollywood movies) are utter shit. Bad writing has to be the worst culprit. There's absolutely no excuse. A film should always be based on a smart, well written or interesting script. As for the 'actors' of Hollywood it's hard to know where to begin. I can accept pretty actors getting work, the problem is that the same 20 or so leading men and 10 or so leading women get almost every leading role this industry pumps out. I get that this is a business, but is Hollywood running so scared, and has so little faith in all the other areas of their business that they'd rather pay horrendous amounts of money to the lucky (and generally undeserving) few than employ decent, quality, unknown actors and allow smart writing and direction to sell a film?
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After Last Season would be the best episode ever. Manos Hands of Fate and this film look to have a kindred soul. Get Rifftrax on that shit.
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That dude is just bad, period. 1 Sam Worthington movie in 2010 then it should be over and back to the bush for that ass clown.
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He can't help it! He's just a boy, standing in front of James Cameron, asking him to put him in another movie. It's almost touching!
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Why did I have this image in my head of Sam, with a goofy grin on his face, literally rolling around in money?
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I just haven't connected with him in any of his roles. Even in Avatar, which I liked, he only seemed to do a half-decent job when he was the avatar; as a human character, not so much. I don't think it's that he is horrible, he just doesn't have... presence?
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I thought it would be almost impossible to fuck up a Movie based on cool concept, but hey that's what happens when you have hacks on board who lack creativity or vision. As I have mentioned in a previous post (around August)GIJoe was entertaining shit, but still shit nonetheless.I really hope that the sequel will fare much better, well for starters Sommers is out so what's left is to fire Stuart Beattle's ass and take that no talented shithead Tatum with him.otherwise it's No,Joe!
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Surely that has to qualify for the WORST Top ten list. Is the use of CGI in AFTER LAST SEASON really any worse than the CGI in AVATAR? Adding more polygons and textures and lighting and mo-cap just means MORE meaningless stuff to distract you from the crapness of the plot. If you're going to put AFTER LAST SEASON on this list, then you have to put AVATAR.
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...is an enormous goof on entertainment as a whole. Just one big joke that people thought were serious? Because, man, that is BAD!
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but seeing his interviews he wouldn't care , the guy is very cool and unlike most of Hollywood not in love with himself , bring on more Sam and others like him
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...between horrible studio product and horrible independent film. I mean I could easily fill a worst ten list with only movies that didn't come from the studios. Even if you didn't allow dtvs I could fill a list with movies that got some sort of limited release. But that's an apples and oranges comparison. When you compile a top ten for the year you should stick with Hollywood product or indie films that jumped the line and got a mainstream profile. Otherwise you're starting your list of the worst kickball players in class with Tom the paraplegic, and that's not so cool. So Massawyrm, I disagree with the inclusion of Season on your list, though it is indeed a dreadful movie.
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The Orphan is in the top three worst movies of the year. And Confessions of a Shopoholic deserves Beth Cooper's spot. Cooper was a failure but I think disappointment on your part, as opposed to true level of quality (which was low but not bottom ten low) put it on your list. But back to the one I just find inconceivable...no Orphan. I mean of the truly horrible movies this year (and yeah, I have a condition that makes me sort of love horrible movies) only The Orphan and All About Steve really stand out for me from the widely relased films as the sort of classic I will make myself watch this again examples of what can be achieved when the very fabric of film making reality starts to unravel.
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...a list with Transformers or GI Joe or Terminatfour or whatever big studio slop you happened to eat. Yeah, in some ways these are the worst movies of the year (not GI Joe, which was dumb and paint by numbers but was good hearted and fast moving enough to escape a bottom ten even of that variety) because there is so little creativity or desire to produce anything more than a product with a certain generic taste. Because I kind of like the mind-numbingly bad movies it is mediocre, no-heart crap like Transformers 2 I hate the most. But most worthy of scorn doesn't necessarily mean worst. If I could wave a wand I would disappear bloated budget, by the numbers, count the explosions works for hire like Transformers. But as a bloated budget, by the numbers, count the explosions works for hire Tranformers 2 did what it was produced to do. It made its bank and it satisfied, to a sufficient extent, its target audience. I hate Revenge of the Faulty much more than I hate All About Steve. I had a grin on my face through huge swathes of All About Steve, just thinking "oh they're really going to do that...wow, how special", whereas every beat of Transformers was as predictable and dispiriting as a trip to the dentist. But that doesn't make Transformers 2 worse than All About Steve. It just makes it more regrettable.
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So Massawyrm - Are you saying that After Last Season is 21st century version of Plan 9 ??
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...element to deciding on the worst movie of the year. A lower budget movie can be Worst Movie Of The Year, but a big budget definitely improves your chances.Worst movie I saw all year was G.I. JOE...but I didn't see TRANSFORMERS 2.
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Jan 01, 2010 10:05:45 AM CST
...shit is shit, but the more you spend to produce shit...
by flickapoo
...the longer and harder you walk of shame...
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...I understand that opinion to the point of sort of agreeing with it. Ultimately it's what direction you want to approach it from. I think what broke me from looking at things that way was IMDB member reviews. You know, how you have people on there for almost any indie or...let's say "challenged" film writing these vitriol fueled screeds that always, ALWAYS include the phrases "Worst Movie I've Ever Seen" and "Get This Hour and a Half of MY Life Back". And all you can think is well, if this is the worst movie you've ever seen then you haven't seen enough movies to get an opinion, so shut the hell up. I really hated Transformers 2, but my seven year old boy liked the robots and the explosions and hell, when I was seven I liked Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot, and let's be honest, that was not wonderful (although made for one fortune less; and yes it hurts to admit that Johnny Sokko maybe wasn't great), so Transformers accomplished some portion of its weasly, no-heart mission. All About Steve failed to please even its core target audience in a way that was just...remarkable. But I certainly adhere to the standard you put forth enough to say that with true independent features the amount of resources available should always be taken into account.
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...of course by that line of reasoning no movie that appeals to kids could ever win Worst Movie since kids are pretty much omnivorous.On a separate but related topic, I'm proud and surprised to say that although I consumed and enjoyed mountains of excrement as a kid, almost all of my most loved childhood favorites are as good and in some cases better than I thought they were when I was little.
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Jan 01, 2010 10:47:09 AM CST
...and by that line of reasoning, no movie with breasts...
by flickapoo
...could ever win Worst Movie Of The Year.Makes perfect sense to me.
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...you have to interpret. Because yeah, when I asked my kids if they liked Happily Never After, for example, right after they saw it they said sure. These are the keys: 1. Do they bug you to see it again/get it on video (and how much); 2. Do they incorporate it or elements from it into their play; 3. Do they demand books, toys or other paraphernalia related to the movie; 4. Do they ask if there are sequels, prequels or anything else of the brand out there for them to see. Even with interpretation to see what they "really" like, yeah, you're right, they like a lot of what appears to adult eyes to be crap. Plus, there's the social pressures. Any boy at my kids' school who didn't proclaim Transformers love would be considered a freak. But you'd be surprised just how discriminating they can be once the above criteria are put into place. The kids demand Miyasaki a lot more than they do most things, and they've watched both Wall-e and Up enough times to make me hate the movies. Not perfect, though. Over the Hedge. Madagascar. But I like plenty of crap, too. Hell, my screen name comes form a character Robert Shaw played in a pirate movie everyone in the world hates but me and my favorite Alex Cox movie (not best, just favorite) is Straight to Hell.
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...loves TOTORO and WALL-E more than cookies. We try to strictly limit what she sees, but her favorites by a mile are...WALL-E and TOTORO tied for first place by a mile.The CURIOUS GEORGE movie.JUNGLE BOOKThe original WINNIE THE POOH movie.So yes, kids will watch anything, but they can definitely recognize good stuff when they see it.
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I laughed at In The Loop more than any other film this (last) year.
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Damn, my filter got fucked up. OK, imagine being 8 and seeing WALL-E for the first time. Or, how about the Curious George movie (with songs by Jack Johnson) for the first time?
Wow man the times are in revolt almost! Leaps and bounds. Back to point, the kids are getting jaw-dropping stuff these days. (PUFFS CHEST) -
...I envy you the fun you have ahead. Mine are seven and eleven now and they get cooler, better and more fun every year, but two through five are extraordinary. Make sure to capture as much as possible (surreptitiously as possible) on video. My daughter (both the kids are terrible little hams) watches herself and her brother on video more than you would believe.
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..is in the eye of the Beholder. Mostly, though, we all can recognize bad cinema when we see it. The problem is that most of us don't have the time nor the inclination to watch something that doesn't appeal to us. That being said, you do a real disservice to those of us who watch very few (50 or less) movies a year by including those films we will never get a chance to see. While I appreciate your opinion, and keep in mind, it is only an opinion, I cannot see the use in making a list that includes limited release films. You would be much more relevant if you listed a "Worst of" that included only films the majority of your readers have access to.
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I haven't seen Avatar yet. I just can't take the bio mass, the hot mess, that is going because their Aunt Sheila who dresses up in Star Trek clothes sez it is a great movie. But I am going to see it for Cameron and only for him. Well Sigourney is a bonus. Butr my brother saw this fucking movie in Anchorage in Alaaska and it made him fuckig cry, and he's a tough motherfucker too. It takes a lot to make Alaska guys cry. Yes, I have held off, but now that I got drunk as a nigger on NYE I am ready to gp see the Blue4 People!
Galdarn it, my brother saw it in Anchorage, Alaska yesterday and that is a no shitter. It was 2D and he said he had tears coming down his face at the end. I want to be a kid again. I want to be a guy like my brother, who doesn't know the term "Dances with Smurfs" Fuck a buncha internet bullshit. I wish I lived in Compton but I live in Tampa and its warm here but at least we have an IMAX. -
...she was not quite two and had been on a limited and strict SESAME STREET only diet...we decided to give WALL-E a try as a special treat, but didn't know how much she'd get out of it since she was barely talking...and half the movie is silent...and the main characters aren't human.Anyway, LOVED it. She sat on my lap through the ENTIRE movie (an eternity at that age)..she responded at all the right moments, go excited when WALL-E and "Fancy Robot" hold hands, got worried when "Wall-E running!"...it was great.I was surprised that the non human protagonists posed no obstacle at all...and I think her toddler lazerlike focus helps her get even more out of the silent body language than I do...
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Jan 01, 2010 11:45:41 AM CST
After Last Season is on Amazon. It's Razzie-eligible. Do the mat
by jatbam
"After Last Season" is available on Amazon.
It played at a theater in L.A. County, so it's Razzie-eligible. It needs to win an award.
:P
Although joining the Razzies costs money. A group of 4 or more can join for $12.50 each.
Worst film ever. Read a few reviews. Some even like it! Fun ones at IMDb and Amazon. One of the actors even posted a list of reviews on Facebook!
http://tinyurl.com/jkalsfaq
Un-fucking-believable
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It's a truly dumb, bad rehash but if you see it in 3-D, its not so bad, only because the 3-D really worked well and looked nice. But yes, the movie sucks overall.
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Jan 01, 2010 11:56:11 AM CST
TERMINTOR 4 was so shit that it would terminated all these films
by tazzzer
No film had more expectation, more hope, more passion than that given and granted by audiances worldwide for T4 and what we got was a complete LOAD OF FUCKING SHIT that is so bad im glad the company that made it has gone bust so they cant fuck up the franchsize any further. HOW THE FUCK DID T4 not make it into this fucking list? Are you mad Madawsayrm (or however the fuck u spell it)?? No one cared a fuck whether the films u chose were bad or not but T4 people did give a shit about so its a travesty that it didnt even geta mention for a shit turd it was. Even thinking about it makes me feel all shity oh fuck what a shity film shity shity shity the v worst of 2009 is T4!!!!
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Yeah man Battle for Terra is a lot of fun. Just cool to see a straight action animated movie. Yes it has pretty much the same plot as Avatar. Just the aliens are peaceful in nature and are passive. But man Cameron could've taken a hint or to from the score in that movie, its got an awesome score. If I was still a kid I would've loved the shit out of that movie. The only problem I had with it, was that the aliens look like floating sperm but I got past that. Also there are 2 like amazing iconic shots in the movie that just blew me away for an animated film. The first one is the shot of the human's space ship from Terra its really crazy and realistic looking how they do it, the second is the last shot of the battle. Its really an epic tale and just fun. I was mad I didn't see it in theaters, fucking stoopid me and listening to reviews.
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Was pretty much the exact same movie as Star Trek. Just everyone likes Star Trek more, because its up beat and seems like everyone is having a good time and wants to be there and be Star Trek. T4 was just a fucking downer. Also T4 had no new action set pieces while Star Trek's action felt fresh.
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...as long as the animation is interesting. Animation doesn't have to be expensive looking (in fact I love cheap and homemade) but boring or lazy animation really pisses me off.
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what the fuck?? its not the same film as Star Trek at all u been watchin t4 a little to much i think..
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...don't you think expectations played a big part, too? I think people were expecting Terminat4 to be good, whereas they were hoping the new Trek wouldn't be too bad. The new Star Trek is a bad movie, with a plot so implausible as to be almost a joke. But you know, I've watched it twice now, and I sort of...like it. I mean there are moments in it where I cringe in embarrassment. New Spock shooting Kirk onto Hoth. Old Spock waiting there to find him. Almost everything involving Scotty. The Kirk/Spock/Uhura not quite triangle. The way Spock cedes command of the Enterprise. The list is almost endless. But the way the cast tried to ape the performances of the folks from the original show is just goofy cute in a way that makes me smile. Every time Urban is on screen it makes me grin (and the fact they cast someone as McCoy who looks like he could kill with his bare hands every other member of the cast is just...neat). Terminat4, on the other hand, is both self important and stupid. It needed a plot that made coherent sense in order to support the weight of its pretensions and it just didn't have one. And I love Santiago, really all of Resnick's Inner Frontier books, so the riff they played on that theme, half-hearted and tacked-on as it felt, was a real turn-off, too.
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No movie with breasts could ever be all bad and NO MOVIE WITH BALE COULD EVER BE ALL BAD.
TERMINATOR SALVATION should be making the best of lists not the worst!
And if you want to argue... I'LL BE BACK! -
...so you like Bale in the same way you like breasts. Does this mean that you would be thrilled if a woman removed her shirt and revealed two Christian Bale heads? Hmmm...wonder what the cup size for that would be?
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http://tinyurl.com/yd4hgcb
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35mm of what? toilet paper?
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I totally understand the points you are making your preamble as they're actually quite clear. However, I have nothing but pride in the fact that I did not see a SINGLE ONE of these "movies" this year. Nor, I can say with extreme confidence, will I see many of them in the future. I'll probably check the animated one on cable... if I remember it. But I can't see much else falling into my "hey I meant/need to watch that" radar.
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I mean, I guess it's not everybody's cup of tea. It's certainly depressing as all get out. But I swear to you the book is even worse. Far worse in fact. I was genuinely depressed and kind of, I don't know, gross feeling for a couple days after finishing that book. The movie also contains great performance from Rose and Jack... err... Kate and Leo. I think I could even recommend it to people, so long as they knew they were not in for any kind of redeeming, happy experience.
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This is hilarious. THIS is how to market your film, brothers and sisters. Pay attention, young filmmakers:
"ACQUISITION AND DISTRIBUTION: If you are a company or a studio and you want to discuss releasing this movie into theaters and other outlets (as it is or if you want to add some visual FX or fix some issues,) please contact us at Index Square: (978) 764-4601." -
Has anyone seen the "Director's Cut" on DVD or Blu-Ray? I couldn't find a single shot or line that wasn't in the PG-13 theatrical version. Anyone know what the difference is supposed to be?
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Yeah also I saw it right after I got married. But still I didn't think it was that great. Mad Men is better.
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Jan 01, 2010 5:16:40 PM CST
LlGHTST0RMER, the native american chick gets her tits out
by mattmanreturns
in the director's cut of Terminator Salvation.
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I alone saw T4 once in theaters. Its just a fucking downer of a film, nothing happy/good happens. While Trek is just fun and loose people having a good time, people enjoy that. Wait I lie, I've seen PARTS of T4 a bunch of times, like all the times I've seen ID4, T3 and all the other movies is stole from. Also people bitch about easy plot devices in Star Trek, how about the fucking terrible science or whatever of T4. Like the fact that you can just blow the shit out of your hide out trying to get one man and the robots don't notice. But you play You Could Be Mine on the radio in the middle of the desert the Robots will be there in seconds?
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Both Salvation and Wolverine are just bland. I mean, Transformers 2 is so bad it actually has drinking game value. But Salvation and Wolverine are just worthless.
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So we are in total agreement then. Good.
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But it reminds me of the crap-a-thon of shit being generated by a bunch of new "filmmakers" who don't want to be bothered with technique or training. I had to deal with a ton of that retardation in a recent "life", and I was about ready to shoot people. The lack of financial incentives in most of the US is killing the crews and professionals, who are retiring or moving abroad (when allowed), while a whole new "breed" of moronic wanna-be's has come up through the cracks. They are delusional and inexperienced. Every damn young "filmmaker" rambles on about Sundance, but won't lift an arm to actually get legit crew experience or credibility. Existing talent is languishing on obscene-budget pablum, and the training ground is suffering. I tried to assist with a regional film festival, but its director had his head too far up his ass, working on "his own" film, that he hadn't a clue about film history or standard production procedures, let alone how to place a light, or frame a shot.
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But it reminds me of the crap-a-thon of shit being generated by a bunch of new "filmmakers" who don't want to be bothered with technique or training. I had to deal with a ton of that retardation in a recent "life", and I was about ready to shoot people. The lack of financial incentives in most of the US is killing the crews and professionals, who are retiring or moving abroad (when allowed), while a whole new "breed" of moronic wanna-be's has come up through the cracks. They are delusional and inexperienced. Every damn young "filmmaker" rambles on about Sundance, but won't lift an arm to actually get legit crew experience or credibility. Existing talent is languishing on obscene-budget pablum, and the training ground is suffering. I tried to assist with a regional film festival, but its director had his head too far up his ass, working on "his own" film, that he hadn't a clue about film history or standard production procedures, let alone how to place a light, or frame a shot.
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My mistake, sorta.
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T4 was shite really shite and Star Trek although a 'fun' film was so annoying in that the story made no fuckin sense. Allow me to explain so the Romulus is gona blow up and the Romulans wouldnt b able to tell that even tho they r a big fuckin empire?? And bcus they dont knw that Spock rushes there in his little ship but hes too late. Hang on WHY THE FUCK DIDNT HE JUST RING THEM and say hey u fuckers its gona BLOW time to fuck off but nah maybe he was worried about his phone bill? Theres a big fuckin mining ship that gets left over and yet it couldnt save at least a few people well at least that fucking dick of a Romulans fucking wife if he gave that much of a shit about her? And then how are we all threatend by a shitty drill that the Vulcans cant forsome reason fire at and earth seemingly doesnt knw what to do about resulting in Spock taking it out in his little shitty ship. Oh and Vulcan is gona blow but the elders dnt seem to have much clue resulting in spock needing to beam dwn to save um but wait did he try to save anyone else except his own fuckin parents no he didnt really all about him so in his case needs of the one outnumberd needs of the many. All this said i loved the acting, special effects and music but thought the script was SHITE in thos parts ive mentioned. Now for T4 now that is just a big load of SHITE TOTAL SHITE ALL THE WAY through. Poor batman for agreeing to do that boy must he regret it. MCGEE is just a fucking tosser that made the biggest piece of shit ive seen in a long time. Simple as. Cobra i guess u have been watchin to much GI Joe to knw what a good movie is how the fuck u rate T4 at all is beyond me ITS SHITE BIG FUCKING SHITE and easily the worst fucking piece of SHITE of 2009 enough said!
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...not that anyone cares at this point. I don’t normally do this sort of thing, but I was a vocal AVATAR skeptic…I mostly just voiced my concerns about what I was seeing and hearing in the trailers and clips, but I did fire off the occasional flippant or derogatory remark if it seemed funny or cool enough.
I was wrong.
My only major beef is with the staggeringly incompetent and hopefully soon unemployed person who decided to put any and all questionable material in the trailers and promotional clips. The Charging The Bear scene was hopelessly cliché and has been beaten to death…but at two minutes in a nearly three hour move the irritation it caused was like a tablespoon of vinegar in an ocean of champagne…hardly worth mentioning. Dialogue that sounded corny and trite in the trailer made perfect sense in context. That villain absolutely would say things like “we’re not in Kansas anymore” just as much as he would say things like “hold your position” or “target at six o’clock”…that’s part of what made him villainous…that’s who that guy was, having him spout creatively evil Shakespearian metaphors would have been out of character.
A lot has been made of the familiar and/or stolen plot. Stealing is a dangerous game…it’s a big gamble and you better know what you’re doing. And Cameron did steal. Cameron stole not just from DANCES WITH WOLVES and FERN GULLY and the rest…he stole from the best of everything. He stole from Edgar Rice Burroughs, Jules Verne, Robert E. Howard, H. G. Wells and all the old pulp writers…he stole from BRAVEHEART and old classic war movies, he stole from LAST OF THE MOHICANS…I’m sure he stole from countless sources I’m not familiar with. Maybe I’m getting carried away here, but that kind of stealing doesn’t just get a pass…that kind of stealing is what art is made of. AVATAR rapes pillages and plunders all of storydom and mixes up a thousand recognizable influences into something I haven’t quite seen before.
I’ve read tens of thousands of words about AVATAR at this point, and even the harshest critics acknowledge that the visuals are impressive. I was completely unprepared for what I saw on Pandora. It took me a while to settle in, but by the time night fell and the bioluminescence that looked so cheesy on TV kicked in I was frankly a bit emotional at the majesty of what I was seeing. I’ve only had feelings like that on top of real mountains, in real forests, or in cathedrals in Europe…spine tingling awe and wonder.
A few effects were a little less amazing than others (the horses were the weakest animation) but hardly worth mentioning in light of the overall experience. Our hero’s disability and his wonder and glee at his new body was far more effective and moving than I imagined it would be and fit perfectly with my humbled exhilaration in Pandora’s jungle. Of all the familiar and re-mixed elements in AVATAR something I have never seen is a twelve foot alien that I now love cradling the broken and crippled body of her mate…seeing him as for the puny human he is…and loving all of him for real for the first time.
Strangely, as much as I loved it, I don’t feel an urge to see AVATAR again anytime soon unless it’s to share the experience with someone who hasn’t been yet. I certainly won’t see it in 2D. I have argued that a good movie shouldn’t rely on effects...that it should be just as good in 2D as in 3. Maybe, but I was on Pandora…I was there for real…and I don’t want to see a flat imitation on my TV at home.
Anyone reading this will be able to tell that I just got back and am still riding the high. I would probably be more measured in my praise tomorrow, and I will probably regret this post tomorrow. and I promise I will go back to poo flicking as soon as possible…but I'm a humbled skeptic. Avatar was one of the high points of my theatergoing life.
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Jan 01, 2010 8:08:50 PM CST
Its funny that you think you have to tell us these sucked
by glory_fades_immaxfischer
Maybe you just have shit taste in film Mass??? Most anyone with 2 briancells didnt fork a dollar over to these films knowing they sucked already..but you..lol..not you..you actually went out and paid to see these..congrats captain obvious..whats next..your dissertation on why you think Lindsay Lohan is a drug addict?
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WOW. I was unconvinced, but that final line in the trailer for After Last Season blew me away. I MUST see this movie. Is he going to use multiple printers for good or evil?! What does it all mean?
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The Film with the most glaring, ridiculousillogical plot holes that still manages to be an enjoyable night at the movies award. Red matter (wtf is this floating red sphere fetish that JJ Abrams apparently has???)Wonky time travel plot. Where the fuck did Nero & company hang out for 25 years? Klingon prison? Why didn't the Klingons confiscate the super-mining-ship and kick the shit out of the Federation? Nero maroons Spock on a plant that's closer to Vulcan than the moon is to Earth? Why are there big, clear water pipes on a starship and why didn't Scotty explode when he was beamed into water? And, Scotty has a pet Oompa-Loompa??? But it was a fun ride anyway. Just hope JJ hires a science advisor to help out his 'tard writers next time!
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If you bothered to watch the deleted scenes on the Trek DVD, they explained that the Klingons DID read Nero's notes on Spock and the ship, but Nero broke out before they could get their hands on the ship. Also, why wouldn't there be pipes on a ship? OUR ships have pipes.
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It's true. That movie is exactly what it was advertised as... basically a live action version of the cartoon. If you went out of your way to watch it and were disappointed, it's your own fault.
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I can guarantee that if The Hangover would not have taken over the world, that's a straight to DVD pick. At least the studio got something back on it. Good year for Sandra though. Career year actually.
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You are a shit stain on man's legacy.
Die. You stupid, stupid man. I hate you. -
You see these so we don't have to.
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Except for one brief scene of Ashton Kutcher dancing with a girl in a club and some nice shots of naked Anne Heche, it was a 90 minute black hole of entertainment.
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I was pretty sure that nobody had bothered to do so.
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It was a free pass. Sometimes we sneak into something else, but we couldn't find anything else we wanted to see.
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Jan 02, 2010 7:01:02 PM CST
After Last Season should not be included on this list
by grandmufftarkin
C'mon, released in 4 cities? There are student films with better distribution. Unless you can say you've seen every tiny indie limited release and still can say ALS is the worst of the lot, then yes, keep it on. Otherwise, you're comparing apples and oranges - major, widely-distributed Hollywood films that sucked hard, and small indie films that sucked hard. If you're going for the latter, I'm sure there's a plethora of choices that can fall in your sights.
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Jan 02, 2010 8:07:16 PM CST
Massa-I am impressed-that was a fucking hateful list
by megan_foxs_tool_box
Impressive. Most impressive. But you are not yet-A Jedi!!!
After this list and writing i will read exactly 2 more reviews before i go back to shouting out plant notices. -
*nods* to alice133.
Carlos mencia-you belong on these boards, because that's about how professional your "Comedy" was.
He was probably managed by JettL-that's what i think of his awesome industry resume. -
Im sure it was a mafia money laundering exercise, could get us all in cement boots. Aparantly it had a budget of $6 milion....where was the money spent, it certainly wasnt spent on equipment, crew, actors, FX, or production design??? I reiterate...Cement boots people!!!!
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I am pretty sure that was Burt Renold's "Playgirl" centerfold. *chuckle* Anyway, love the list, having seen seven out of the ten - while I hated TF2 more than any of those, a large part of that is probably just disappointment. That said, I would watch "Miss March", "All About Steve", "Bride Wars" in a row before watching "Revenge of the Fallen" again.
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sounds an awful lot like Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock.
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...has no soul"
Whenever I hear someone saying this I get this overwhelming urge to punch them in the face -
Based on the trailer alone with my buddies, no script, no budget and no reherseals. Then I'm going to get the DVD and watch the two back-to-back. I implore every "wannabe" filmmaker around the globe to do the same.
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It satisfied a key Oscar requirement by playing in a theater for 1 week in L.A. county.
If it qualifies for the Oscars, it qualifies for this list. What I want to know is, will it win an Oscar?
And Mark Region will never be able to backpedal like Tommy Wiseau. He's on record talking about this like it's a serious film
http://tinyurl.com/FilmMagRegion
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...because I don't believe in such silly nonsense.
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Maybe it will be the plot point of a future Charlie Kaufman film - they went BEYOND a viral video and made a viral film, complete with distribution. Either that, or he tried to pull out the THE ROOM bullshit and made it bad on porpouse, expecting it to achieve a cult status. Because there is NO WAY, NO FUCKING WAY, this movie was made and distributed. No way. I mean, I can understand how even Manos had a distribution back in the early 60s, but in today's age, a seriously toned drama, costing 5 fucking million? Come on! Unless he was really pulling a "springtime for hitler" and got the money to himself, this is the ONLY answer I can come up. There is NO FUCKING WAY this movie was for real unless it is a hoax, a viral flick, or an overbudget scam.
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Fired Up wouldn't even sniff my Worst 20 list. The two leads actually have comedic timing even if the plot was ridiculously cliche. Ft13th remake deserves consideration except for the guy who was a magnificent horror movie dbag.
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It had character development, solid acting, and even made a mockery of the films it was supposedly interpreted as—indie flicks where white people have dysfunctional families and do nothing to solve these problems. It's about two people not wanting to become a dysfunctional family, and actually includes some excellently written dialogue, like the scene on the trampoline, or the scene in the bar about the miscarriages.
I get that not everyone likes it, but saying it deserves to be on the bottom 10 is ridiculous. I mean, it was written by Dave Eggers, the man is pretty well-respected as an author and screen-writer. -
that After Last Season was some kind of scam. Someone got a $6 million payday thanks to this movie (minus the cost of renting the camera, buying the film, and the $30 for pizza the "actors" got for the shoot). In this day and age of digital video and computer editing, why would any small-budget production use film? But then again, I don't really think of $6 million as "small-budget".Thanks to the 7000% return on Paranormal Activity, I expect to see a lot more "films" like this over the next few years. Quick tip for all those hoping to try their luck: cheap and inexpensive are two very different things. There are ways to cut costs without necessarily compromising quality.
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Those extended "heaven" sequences...pretty...but pretty useless. I hated the girl's parents, the whole movie they care more about their dead daughter than actually being there for ones who are still alive. And SPOILER ALERT, the serial-rapist-murderer doesn't get caught but it's okay, cause you know, karma gets him in the end, I feel much better now.
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usually i will strongly disagree with at least one choice regardless of the type of list it is.best of, worst of etc etc.but this is pretty dead on so i hade chime him and give him props
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the "fanboy" type flicks getting panned in the talk back that shoulda,woulda,coulda been on the list i.e Wolverine, G.I Joe, Terminator Salvation etc etc.arent on the list for a very good reason in IMHO. i honestly feel if you have an emotional connection to these stories beyond just watching movies(you read the comics, you played with the toys you watched the cartoons as a kid) u are gonna be really hard to please. the bigger the connection you have the more disapointed your gonna be with the changes made to story lines, Characters and the like and i think thats proven by the fact that when i discuse these movies with my large circle of fanyboy friends i cannot get a unanimous oppion on any of these movies. one of my buddies who i usually see eye to eye on when it comes to pretty much everything fucking loved transformers while i absolutely hated it. and when it came to Terminator salvation i thought it added to the mythology of the property and some of the concepts they came up with where really quite cool and the same can be said for G.I Joe they are not going to get anywhere near my all time faves list but i was pleased and felt no buyers remorse for what i paid for my ticket to seem um. i have friends who both loved and hated these movies. and i actually thought Wolverine was a good movie. you will notice none of these movies made his list. while a movie like bride wars which for some reason seemed to be one of previews i had to sit through for every movie i saw for like six month made me squirm in disgust and loathing and ask out loud who the hell would want to see that P.O.S even my wife and a good female friend of who would typically enjoy this type of movie and be its core audience had to agree that it looked horrible which in my mind was a"universal" reaction of dislike.
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the "fanboy" type flicks getting panned in the talk back that shoulda,woulda,coulda been on the list i.e Wolverine, G.I Joe, Terminator Salvation etc etc.arent on the list for a very good reason in IMHO. i honestly feel if you have an emotional connection to these stories beyond just watching movies(you read the comics, you played with the toys you watched the cartoons as a kid) u are gonna be really hard to please. the bigger the connection you have the more disapointed your gonna be with the changes made to story lines, Characters and the like and i think thats proven by the fact that when i discuse these movies with my large circle of fanyboy friends i cannot get a unanimous oppion on any of these movies. one of my buddies who i usually see eye to eye on when it comes to pretty much everything fucking loved transformers while i absolutely hated it. and when it came to Terminator salvation i thought it added to the mythology of the property and some of the concepts they came up with where really quite cool and the same can be said for G.I Joe they are not going to get anywhere near my all time faves list but i was pleased and felt no buyers remorse for what i paid for my ticket to seem um. i have friends who both loved and hated these movies. and i actually thought Wolverine was a good movie. you will notice none of these movies made his list. while a movie like bride wars which for some reason seemed to be one of previews i had to sit through for every movie i saw for like six month made me squirm in disgust and loathing and ask out loud who the hell would want to see that P.O.S even my wife and a good female friend of who would typically enjoy this type of movie and be its core audience had to agree that it looked horrible which in my mind was a"universal" reaction of dislike.
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I think this movie is coming out in 2010, but after watching the preview, this is a sure fire contender for worst movie of the year. Starring the voices of Ron Jeremy and Tara Patrick as porn star dogs, the movie sounds like a mountain of potential. Unfortunately, after watching the trailer at porndogsthemovie.com , my baloon was deflated and I think I have witnessed the end of the illustrious movie career of Ron Jeremy.
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I'll that that over that hateful tripe known as Bride Wars any day.
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