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Trailers that make you George Bailey out in the face of Christmas & the New Year...
Hey folks, Harry here barely. I just went through hell. Yeah, I'm watching trailers... and the trailers we get at the end of a year, well... sometimes they make you look forward to the upcoming year, and still others... well others make you wish that God would hurry up and leave a bunch of piles of clothes where we used to be. These are all reasons why Roland Emmerich plots should be unleashed upon mankind. Why other countries hate us. Why everything isn't right in the world. And these are the films that make the best job in the world, not always the best job in the world.
Let's start with FURRY VENGEANCE - a nature revenge comedy starring Mr. Subtlety himself, Brendan Fraser. Behold an endless variety of shit, piss and fart gags. Happy New Year!!!
After a bunch of pissing, shitting & farting abominations of nature, we get SEX AND THE CITY 2. Now the trailer isn't offensively bad, like FURRY VENGEANCE, but I still see nothing compelling whatsoever about the trailer. I suppose if you're a fashion freak, you might go gooey for the trailer, but me... This is a nightmare where I see shitty TV unleashed upon the Silver Screen.
Ok - now we're back to the dogs... did we ever leave them? Anyway this time we have the Big Summer Blockbuster... MARMADUKE. With MARMADUKE - we have the lead from MARLEY & ME, Owen Wilson as the voice of MARMADUKE. This is just a teaser, and still... I feel the pain. Share the pain!
The next probable atrocity is a film all about Jennifer Lopez being unable to get a guy to knock her up apparently. The first time I tried loading this - my computer refused to load anything after the 25 second mark. I like to think my computer was smart. When I watched the rest - I realized that J. Lo was over-anxious to get knocked up, goes to a clinic to be inseminated - again, how would she ever have a problem getting knocked up? Anyway - shortly after getting juiced - she meets the perfect guy... but... how will he accept donor sperm baby? OH the agony! Here's the agony
But wait, I can do worse than that... Yeah, here's CATS & DOGS: THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE. This - well, this is SO bad, that it literally boggles the mind to look at it. That said, I still think FURRY VENGEANCE is king of the shit pile. But this is its queen. They will now go off and fuck and create deformed shit masses that will find an audience that loves staring at deformed shit masses. Behold the mass of shit!
Our dear reader, Scott H sent a link to THE TOOTH FAIRY which we've seen on AICN before - but dear God - if we're talking about dung-infused eye vomit and rancid ear lube... one can not leave TOOTH FAIRY off the list of things that might make you leap off a bridge. It is a trailer like this that might convince one, we're already all dead and working our way through purgatory. I'm not sure to thank Scott H, or kick him in the balls for reminding me of this shit!
That's the poo that I see so far. If you see a trailer that looks like something you'd rather drive a railroad spike through the center of your skull, than see the film... Drop us an email at this address with a link to the atrocity - and we'll add it to this article of shame.
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as ever
GQtaste -
Thank God for skimming.
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Just too bad it wasn't for some cooler news!
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http://www.dlisted.com/node/35351
Heres' the Tommy Girl and Cammy's latest. Looks like he's playing the MI character, but in a different film altogether. -
The 40 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaWFeGxuXgM
Looks absolutely terrible. -
...that Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thieves thing that is coming out this PRESIDENT"S DAY!!! I saw that trailer in front of Avatar, and it looks like one big shameless Harry Potter ripoff. Not to mention the fact that they say PRESIDENT'S DAY!!! like three times during the trailer.
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Because that is just how the universe works. Though as far as Marmaduke, the only way I would have interest is if he mercilessly devours human flesh like in the comics.
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but maybe we will get an early year gem this year.... we got In Bruges last year...... we will probably just get more shit though.
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Unless you apologize for that review, you've got no reason to talk at all, dude. Say what you will about SEX AND THE CITY, it's still a zillion times better than that fucking Mormon so-called vampire trash.
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Is that really an OC parody/homage? I'm speechless
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Looks a million times better then that filth Marley and Me. Marley and Me is for people who hate animals. God what an awful hateful shit film. Worst movie of the decade had Year One not been released.
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Turned out better then planned. Hopefully the Oscar bait crap is a lot better then the nothing this year.
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The guy accepts her and the donor-child, and only THEN do they discover that he's actually the biological father.Or else there's no twist, and they play it straight. Not sure which prospect is more horrifying.
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Dec 23, 2009 2:39:23 AM CST
You left out the obvious - Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakque
by crimson king
I swear, I want to kill someone every time one of the TV spots comes on.
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Where are your reviews of Its Complicated (Alec Baldwin nudity!) and Did You Hear About the Morgans (Sarah Parker and Hugh Grant!)?
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Unless you heap a big pile of shitty writing and The Rock on his head. And what the fuck is Julie Andrews slumming here for? Sad day indeed.
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God wanted me to mention that you're racking up the score with this shit, Satan. Good show.
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Descriptions about those movies are pretty much spot on...about AICN website!
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first off Furry Vengeance sounds like a movie about Yiffers raping 4channers (their mortal enemies), I always though Marmaduke was fucking lame, even as a little kid! and lastly who was clamoring for a Cats and Dogs sequel almost ten years later? and it's a THEATRICAL release no less! WHAT THE SHIT IS GOING ON!?
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They all look atrocious. At least Cats and Dogs looks like something my 4 year old will like. Marmaduke looks horrible, at least from the trailer. And I like Owen Wilson . . . but as the voice of Marmaduke?Um . . .
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It's *so* gratifying to know that Summit hasn't wasted all that fuck-you money they made with TWILIGHT.
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...re. the guy being the sperm donor. Isn't that romantic? I can see all the 12-year old Twilight fans getting all gooey-eyed over...um, wait, perhaps that's a bad choice of words...
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By the way, as I was about to type.....
We may have found early contenders for 2011's Razzie Awards. -
Dec 23, 2009 9:29:40 AM CST
I hated 'Cats and Dogs' and if my kids think I'm going to take t
by workshed
...to see another pile of doo-doo they've got another thing coming. Plus, I hate dogs and love cats.
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the alleyway has gone quiet. Arnold Stang has left this Mad Mad Mad Mad World.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8427789.stm -
For apparently having less CGI than Sex and the City 2.
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What a stupid idea to have him talk. Modern cinema has lost the notion of subtlety
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Furry Vengeance and Tooth Fairy look the worst.
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I mean, for a kid's movie, of course [eyes shifting nervously from side to side].
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It's a goofball comedy, where cute animals mess with Brendan Fraser. Basically a live action Over The Hedge.
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That is all.
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And I enjoyed the first CATS & DOGS (Mr. Tinkles is the best work Sean Hayes has ever done). I'm surprised as anyone that the sequel is getting a theatrical release. So far, it looks not-terrible. Not good, but not-terrible.
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made me chuckle... but my heart was weeping and my brain was angry. What a strange sensation.
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is that new one with Jackie Chan as a secret agent babysitter. Basically The Pacifier with Jackie....looks fuckin terrible!
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Poor Chuck now has something called "The Squeakquel" on his resume, and the Pie-maker gets to share the screen with a talking dog.
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...they're not "MILFs", they're not "Cougars", they're "Skanks", pure and simple. (And dried up, horsefaced skanks at that.)
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No shit? Does anyone under the age of 50 even remember Marmaduke? Is the comic even published anymore? Bizarre. Maybe in the movie, Marmaduke can kill and dismember Garfield? Or a full-on Marmaduke vs. Scooby Doo deathmatch might be fun.
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Seriously. Just don't take them. Have some balls - just say "NO WAY, KID....you deserve better than that."
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Should fit in nicely with these movies.
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...Harry ends up giving three of these a positive review.
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COOLnews!! I don't want an article about a bunch of dumb shit we are all going to avoid anyway. What about any COOL trailers. C'mon man!
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Oh, piss... it's not an Oscar. I just had some Furry Vengeance on my shoe.
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Was the original even successful? And wasn't it released in TWO-THOUSAND-FUCKING-ONE?! It's like when they did a 48 Hours sequel EIGHT YEARS after the first. Who cares?
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I don't know why, but that was really funny.
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I thought that was going to be about creepy people who cosplay as foxes with big boobs killing people. That I would watch. This looks like ass.
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the trailer for crazy on the outside. Sigourney Wever, Tim Allen, ray Liotta and julie Bowen. oh dear god...
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Kevin Smith has a new film out. called cop out. stars Bruce, Sean William Scott and som guy called tracy morgan. looks kind of funny.
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Dec 24, 2009 2:13:38 AM CST
if you want to know just how bad Crazy on the outside is..
by emeraldboy
the main gag is that Allen´s character who is out of prison, has convinced his family that he has gone to france. oh and kelsey grammer is in this too. a bunch of sixty year old actors trying to do slap stick doesnt work. sigourney weaver should just retire.
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if you wish to put yourself through the misery
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg44SeDVKP4 -
Whatever, that piece of shit "starring" Gerard B. and Jennifer A. where he has to escort his ex-wife. Oh Gerard, what happened to you, oh wait, this falls in line with almost everything you've ever done.
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column.
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really, have you sunk so low that all you can do is bag on kiddie flicks and chick flicks? Seriously? These are the formulaic things that sell to families and non-regular movie watching women. Yes, I know kiddie flicks CAN be smart and fun for people of all ages... Pixar and Shrek movies do it all the time... but sometimes the mindless shit can be just as fun BECAUSE it is mindless. Did I think Alvin 2 was good? Fuck no... but my kid laughed his ass off... and that's why it was made
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and slaughter a room full of people. want hollywood to only make those kind of films. not everyone likes those kinds of films. Harry showed his nephew texas chainsaw massacre. and not the remake.
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