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Wanna see why Moriarty is bald? Read his OLD DOGS review!
Hey folks, Harry here with not a typical story. Yes, I know that Moriarty is no longer writing at AICN. And I know that he's gone in hiding under the alias of Drew McWeeny - which couldn't possibly be real. And you may notice on his Twitatar, that he's plucked bald. How did that happen? The man, willingly, walked into a screening of OLD DOGS.
Now I know. It is supposed to be our job to take bullets for you folks. I get that. But there isn't a force on this planet that could make me drive to a theater and sit through that movie. The trailer is bad enough. Well... I know you're not going to see it, but you know what films like this are good for? You can see what they do to ordinarily sane people. The first line of Moriarty's Review of OLD DOGS, written under an alias so you wouldn't think Moriarty would see a movie like this, is classic Mori... There is a part of me that while reading that review - I flashed upon Kirby Dick's OUTRAGE - and thought that perhaps Drew is a closeted lover of OLD DOGS... what do you think?
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+ Expand All
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Robin Williams is: the Stapler
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I feel like this site is kind of lazy these days without him. Granted, I'm too lazy to read his new site, but STILL... :-DYeah, I'm not surprised this movie sucks. Seth Green is in a movie with ROBIN WILLIAMS and some of the humor is America's Funniest Home Video quality. Also, doesn't Seth Green get carried away by an animal in the trailer? JUST LIKE HE DID IN UP A CREEK?! For real?!I'm sorry to Mori for having to sit through that. Thanks for doing that for us. You're more of a man than I'll ever be.
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A smidge.
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C'mon, Mori, it can't be that bad, can it?
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This guy is a turd burglar. Remember his stance on copyright infringement last year? He basically said fuck all of the regular schmoes like us. Fuck off Harry too. I mean he does not even work for you anymore for fuck sake. Who actually gives a fuck about this prick?
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He's an arrogant asshole. Fuck that guy.
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How many actors have looked at a shitty script and a shitty scene, and been told by a no-talent fuck nugget in a directors cap "Don't worry about it. We'll fix it up in Post. You'll be hilarious!" ?
It doesn't help when the actor is a high level Scientologist, and as such, as gullible as anything and used to believing in horse shit. -
If he had made it big, he wouldn't find time to run a site. He's got a very small shoe in through a very big door.
Let the baby have his bottle. -
a scene with a ghost boy in the background pointing a shotgun at his head as an indication of what this movie makes someone want to do
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I'd watch her do a puppet show.
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Nov 24, 2009 7:04:34 AM CST
Mori: "...Harry? Could you link my review to your site please? I
by mike_d
tisk tisk
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You could make it a weekly thing. Since we're reminiscing, I'll never forget his outrage over that offensive billboard in LA...
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Hilarious review, I like his idea of using this flick as a torture method against irritating family members. Only problem is, I'd have to attend as well.
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Nov 24, 2009 7:25:17 AM CST
McWeeny: "Nobody visits us, Harry! HELP!!!!"
by richard_gere_raped_my_gerbil
ShitFlix + A desperate McWeeny + Harry's willingness to help out his old friend = This article.
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...Bernie Mac's last role was the Puppet Master, somehow lost in a non-Marvel property? Shit... that's just too fuckin' funny!
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....go to his new website and don't come back.
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"Christ on a crutch this is bad. Oh well, paycheck's a paycheck. Fuck this sucks. What was I thinking? Aw man this is bad. As if Transformers wasn't shitty enough! FUCK... getting upset... chest hurts, hard to breathe...HYUUKKK!" (Falls to floor)
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...but you talkbackers just offend my sensibilites too much. Read my talkback @ my new site BuzzBuilders.com where you can also read my colleagues' reviews of the new Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus albums.
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Sure the site isn't as productive now but Quint and Capone have stepped up in a big way and they were always better, more focused writers than Mori was.
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Two Old Dog reviews. But still no Gamer or Saw 6 reviews. Go TEAM VENTURE!
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We bring you the final movie in the "OGS" trilogy: CHUBBY FROGS!
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Nov 24, 2009 9:06:52 AM CST
What is more important is Moriarty's review of THE ROAD.
by mr. nice gaius
Unfortunately, it is the sum of my fears.Oh, and I do miss Moriarty at AICN. Deal.
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these are obviously the sorta movies that aren't to their tastes or likings, just like the movies they think are awesome aren't to someone else's liking. i dont understand how anyone can get upset on any level because you thought a movie was bad. some of you take it so personally and act like its the end of the world. i mean wow, god forbid people actually like something you dont. i expect this sorta attitude from real critics because they're elitist morons but from "regular folk" ? of course the real question is, if you thought it looked so bad why did you ever watch it? there's a list longer than the universe of movies i have no interest in, that i think look like shit or whatever and you know what, i'll never ever watch them. it isn't hard. but even if i somehow did and realized it was as bad or worse than i feared then i'd just forget about it and move on. you people hold onto your anger and grudges against movies so hard core, must make life sorta crappy at times. if a movie sucks then it does, the end. to get your panties in a wad and make a whole huge speech about it is rather pointless. of course this will never stop and does make for funny reading but yeah, i just wonder why they torture themselves. lol
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Sob.
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My body thetans are tickling my pancreas. That answer will cost you $2,000.00.
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He rips it apart then under the banner "You might also like" is the information for...Old Dogs...
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Nov 24, 2009 9:21:55 AM CST
Margot, this talkback is about Moriarty and Old Dogs, not you...
by chakraborty
...fuck off.
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Nobody cares about your little blog, that is why you are on the receiving end of so much "crudity." Good luck with your career as a writer nobody cares about.
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Ya snobs.
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Did it leave him speechless?
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...then she deserves the crudity for being unfunny and unclear.
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And I somewhat enjoyed Wild Hogs. Come on, Seth Green singing in a gorilla's arms, how is THAT not funny?! You guys need to learn to enjoy some silliness.
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Someone is actually waiting for a review of those movies?
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...that RottenTomatoes got a tv show... um AICN, wheres your show at?
and bout Mori, I think he was a good reviewer on the site, but for some reason I started dislikin him when I realized he was actually in the biz...
so currently, Capone is the best AICN has to offer -
I take it all back, you sweet-scented quim.
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but i cant agree more with his take on 'harmless' entertainment.too many people actually take the 'lessons' from movies to heart. and too many 'lessons' are complete bullshit. hard working dads should stop working so much and spend more time with their kids... until they have no more money and the family completely falls apart.all you need to do to make it in the real world is find something you love and do it! thats why no one works at mcdonalds, or retail, or a an office, and 80% of the american work force is artists, actors, musicians, etc..i could on and on.. like married couple sex is very often portrayed as horny dad excited to get it from the wife whenever she allows it. bullshit. after 10 years of marriage hardly anyone is that excited to have sex with a cold, hold out, use sex as a weapon, bitch. i could go on.. but i really probably shouldnt have typed any of this in the first place.
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Nov 24, 2009 11:51:34 AM CST
Again ...more space and time wasted on a steaming pile of shit .
by mr dark
It's amazing that this vile steamer is getting any press at all. Remember the old saying Even Bad press is better than no press at all..Well this movie will even make more money than it should by the bad reviews..cause nobody will believe that a movie like this with the "talent" involved can sick so hard..These reviews just put a few more people in the dome that need proof of the suckmagnitude of this film..I said it before that seeing the preview to this and actually going to see this is akin to stepping in dogshit even though you see it right there before your eyes...
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But who the fuck cares with this fucker..If A.I.C.N. keeps reviewing shit like this and then posting reviews from other sites about it well.. The end is not far off...
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What a pugnatious asshole.God I miss 'em.
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Bernie Mac's death and Travolta's son's death was a the result of all the bad karma from them doing this movie.I know am an asshole.
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Robin Williams, you are fucking dead to me and you have been for years. Just do your cameo in a fucking MORK & MINDY remake movie and let's all be done with you once and for all.
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He posts in the review I agree with. Ever notice how just about every sitcom has the wise wife and the idiot husband? The only recent example that bucked that trend was King of the Hill.
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... that it comes back around to be brilliant?
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You gotta admit though - we're not an easy lot to moderate. So if Mori forced to deal out the occasional spanking, know he did it for your own good.
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...but Mori brought brains with a dash of crazy and two dashes of bitter geek rage. Smelled like home.
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You treated him like he was royalty, and for that, he tolerated you.
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"i could on and on.. like married couple sex is very often portrayed as horny dad excited to get it from the wife whenever she allows it. bullshit. after 10 years of marriage hardly anyone is that excited to have sex with a cold, hold out, use sex as a weapon, bitch."
Truer words were never spoken, homes!
Another movie cliche I despise is "There's one person out there who's your true love and you just have to let her know it by constantly stalking her in a harmless, but irritating way and she'll realize it's true." Yeah, she'll realize she needs to give you a faceful of pepper spray the next time you show up, as well as get a restraining order. (Not that I've ever stalked a chick, quite the contrary, really.) -
...you prooomised!" trap. First of all, never say "I promise". Ever. Because you know you're going to get a flat tire on the way home and miss your kid's birthday party...and now the little sucker is scarred emotionally and hates you for life. Too many variables in life to control. Never let anyone corner you into saying "I promise".Second...suppose you did screw up and promise something you have no control over. Little insipid movie children brats need to learn that some things have to take priority sometimes...even when we don't want them too. We were all looking forward to that promised camping trip, but sometimes that sudden deadline that will cover the mortgage for the next four months is more important. Frustrating but true. I'll make it up to you...but I don't give a fuck if the entire American theater going public thinks I'm a stinky dad.OK, I'm done.
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Answer : No because he is a twat. Moves on.
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After I looked at his review I tried to find some of his older reviews and couldn't navigate around to safe my life. It was a clusterfuck trying to find any of his old ones. I clicked on his name and it didn't help one bit.
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In a couple of emails I exchanged with him he was a genuine good guy. So, I showed him respect in the talkbacks. If that's asskissing then so be it.
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Nov 24, 2009 4:20:46 PM CST
Well, I didn't kiss Mori's ass and he was a decent guy to me
by yackbacker
Even though he considered banning my ass at some point, he got what I was up to after a while. Mori is good peoples. But AICN MUST GO ON!!!!!!
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...but you claimed he was good to you and many others, but my observation was that it was only towards those who fawned over him, and he definitely did have his groupies. The way girls swoon over Robert Pattison, several geeks at this site would chase after Moriarty with hard nipples and a full-on boner. If he showed up in this talkback you'd see some of that. But, again, I'd have to say you definitely did your share of ass-kissing because I remember around the time Mori departed you seemed to be making a genuine campaign for a black-box and moderator privileges, and were definitely smooching some caboose.
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And that means it'll be a big hit.
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He named his kid, Toshiro...haha, what a fucking doucher!
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he lost all credibility with me.
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Have you ever actually read a TB? We deserve every once of that contempt.
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Yeah, that mod campaign was a joke. Come on now. Like Harry is going to give a black box and mod privileges to an anonymous talkbacker?
Short and simply, Mori never done me wrong. And I liked his writing style. I "fawn" over Massa's posts too. Does that make me his groupie?
I don't know what he did to people to deserve deeply personal attacks. Especially those against his kid. I mean, that's his little boy. I can't fathom what he could have done to deserve that. -
but he could be a really pretentious, condescending asshole sometimes. Totally disingenuous with a lot of his beliefs and hypocritical stances on things as well. Dude could write circles around most reviewers though... but Massa is the new master in my book. And that Hitfix site... goddamn, what a shitty design. I'll bet they paid A PRETTY PENNY for that too. Probably to the same firm that came up with Syfy and changed BRINKS security to broadview... so that a security company with a name that hangs on chasing fucking cowboy bankrobbers over a hundred years ago and makes burglars shit their pants now sounds like a cell phone provider or an isp... ok, rant over. I just know they probably paid some overpriced design firm to do that site.
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i'm not clicking on that link. FLOCKA!
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And as for Drew's blog over-there, once a week it's kinda fun to read. His reviews are the same old over-stuffed masses of bloviation that you remember here. If he'd cut down on the 'personal history w/ Garth Brooks/Fozzie/Star Wars/X-men/ junk and just Review Da Damned Movie--he'd be better off. Plus he mastered hooked on phonics and gets to write for Carpenter now, so it's all good.
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...it's mostly for the reasons people have already mentioned, like being a pretentious douche who has contempt for the TB'ers. Even though you say you never experienced that, there's far more who have. He takes himself way too seriously. And he started parading around like his shit didn't stink. The God-complex he developed because of his black box and scripts he sold to Hollywood was getting to be unbearable...the way he would come into talkbacks and talk down to everyone like they're children. I realize some TB'ers often cross the line and deserve to be put in their place, but most of the time, it's just people having fun and shooting shit. This is a website about movies, it's supposed to be fun. Many of the talkbackers, even the more infantile, are actually very educated or have professional jobs. People doing important things and making a difference in the world, but movies are their past-time, as is shooting the shit about them in TB's. Mori has the distinct talent of making something that should be a fun past-time into something joyless. And his superiority complex likely comes from an inferiority he struggles with...his name is McWeeny for chrissakes. As for his kid, yeah, people should probably lay off his kid. BUT, I think part of the ribbing he gets about his kid is because he wouldn't shut up about his kids in many of his reviews in the last few years, like Kathy Lee Gifford talking about Cody. I still have it burned into my memory how Mori thought it was hilarious that his kid called "Kung Fu Panda" "Fuck you Panda"...and anecdote which made me NOT see that movie to this day. Anyhow....Mori sucks.
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Then Mori sounds pretty much like the average talkbacker - I think the posts in a black box just gave him the appearance of a God Complex. Anyways, you should watch Kung Fu Panda, it's pretty good. So is the video game.
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I've been to it like twice. And judging from the comments section over there, it looks like only friends and family are reading it so far...
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