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Mr. Beaks Feels Like He Has To Say Something About NEW MOON!

TWILIGHT: NEW MOON is expected to open to $100 million this weekend, and I refuse to believe that anyone who pays to see this non-movie will enjoy it as anything other than a shameless melange of pasty skin, chiseled abs and tween-emo longing. It's garbage. And while I'm aware there are people who mistake the torpidity of these films for tragic depth, it's my hope that many of them will soon be exposed to Jane Austen as more than a cheap allusion, at which point they'll realize - with horror-struck remorse - the ignorant error of their youth. If producers Wyck Godfrey and Karen Rosenfelt weren't beholden to millions of squealing Twi-hards, perhaps they'd be open to the idea of bringing in a gothic stylist like Neil Jordan to find/invent erotic undercurrents in Stephenie Meyer's queasily chaste narrative. Perhaps he'd imbue actual danger into the puppy-love attraction between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, and at least entertain the possibility that these two might give in to their trouser-chafing desires. And maybe, just maybe he'd give these movies a reason to exist beyond the obvious cash-grab rationale that currently has studios bidding up the rights to vintage board games. Anything would be preferable to the plodding inanity of Chris Weitz's NEW MOON, which abandons the rough (if borderline incompetent) edges of Catherine Hardwick's first installment in favor of a slick studio veneer that drains the picture of all vitality. The story once again centers on the impossible romance between Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart), which goes torturously long-distance when the Cullen clan skips town - and goes completely off the grid - for plot-convenient purposes. Suddenly, Edward's email account starts bouncing back all of Bella's sad missives, which leaves her staring sad-eyed out the window for the next several months like a love-lorn Christopher Reeve (sans this). After a while, Bella takes to her bed and howls for nights on end, but she pulls out of her depression a few minutes later (film time) when she convinces a Native American kid to repair of couple of broken-down dirt bikes for free - because exploiting Indians is the cure for the white girl blues. The savage in question is Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), raven-haired sixteen-year-old and proud descendent of the Washboard Tummy Tribe. Like most Hollywood natives, Jacob spends most of the film running around the great outdoors without much in the way of clothes on - which must've sucked for Lautner given that NEW MOON was shot in Vancouver during the cold-as-balls season. But Jacob's just what the lust doctor ordered for Bella because he's hotter than Edward, has abs for fucking days, and turns into a werewolf when yon delicate paleface is harassed by a dreadlocked black man (thankfully, he gets torn to shreds). If this weren't the most empty-headed studio movie I've sat through since PURE LUCK, I might be concerned about its racial politics. Instead, I'm delighted by its persistent reinforcement of stereotypes. Anything to tamp the dirt down more firmly. The TWILIGHT franchise probably won't be viewed as a massive pop cultural oopsy-daisy for another few years (these things take time to run their course), but when we're finally able to treat it like the New-Kids-on-the-Block joke that it is, I think we'll be most amazed that a series with so little story (at least as far as the films go) captivated such a wide audience. Seriously, there's as much going on in NEW MOON as there is in L'AVVENTURA: aside from a laughably ineffective subplot involving a series of mysterious maulings in the Oregon wilderness (which, strangely enough, coincides with the introduction of the sexy werewolf crew), the movie is basically about keeping Bella and Edward apart until the third act - when Edward goes before the Volturi (the Italy-based vampire counsel headed up by Michael Sheen - who strikes the right note with his overripe line readings) and asks permission to commit suicide. His request is denied, so he decides to reveal himself to non-vampires with his sun-sparkly skin - a huge no-no punishable by execution. Suddenly, but for only about two minutes, we get some ticking-clock suspense as Bella hits town and scampers about trying to locate the soon-to-be-outed Edward. Yay, tension! It makes you yearn for everything from Rudolph Maté's D.O.A. to that scene in THE SWARM where Henry Fonda injects himself with killer bee venom! But then it's over and you remember you're watching a huge fucking mistake of a movie. I've a theory that Chris Weitz, who's got one really good movie under his belt (ABOUT A BOY), made a private bet with himself prior to the shooting of NEW MOON that he could get away with damn near anything as long as he delivered one money shot (i.e. male abs) every five or ten minutes. It's either that or he drank like Peckinpah throughout this shoot, because no one with the ability to operate a Speak & Spell could spend a year on a film like this sober without mounting the scaffold. Lots of invective will be hurled the cast's way, but they're not to blame here. With his sickly alabaster skin and ruby red lips, Pattinson is done up like a clown for most of the film, and directed to emote like a walking My Chemical Romance single; I don't mean to compare the two in terms of talent, but I guarantee you this is what Hollywood would do to James Dean if he were coming of age today. Stewart, a fine actress who struggled through most of TWILIGHT, fares better in this film, but it still looks like she's counting the days until wrap (can't wait for her Joan Jett in THE RUNAWAYS). Lautner has the most thankless role as the musclebound Jacob, but he at least runs convincingly. And while I still have no idea if Ashley Greene can act, I sincerely hope filmmakers keep giving her opportunities to prove herself. David Slade's up next with ECLIPSE. Apparently, there'll be more action in this one. Enjoy. I've waded in as far as I'm willing to go. Faithfully submitted, Mr. Beaks

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:03 a.m. CST

    Will everyone PLEASE stop being so jealous of BIG LOB????

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Goodness...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    Fans of New Moon

    by BADBOYBROM HC

    Too soon, you started singing too soon! Ha

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    Foist!

    by Admonisher

    I just sat through TWILIGHT today (part of a program I was obligated to attend) and was quickly ready to check out. Will definitely be passing on future installments. Yikes! Alexandre Desplat has been doing the scores for these films, and it's a waste of his talent.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:05 a.m. CST

    This really doesn't help the "women are not stupid" cause

    by David Cloverfield

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Whoops...

    by Admonisher

    That's what happens when you type subject headers to amuse yourself, then forget to revise them before hitting "post". :-P

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:07 a.m. CST

    Yep.

    by KonkBob

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:16 a.m. CST

    The Black Guy

    by Media Messiah

    That is exactly what happened to Kanye West!!! Ironically, Taylor Lautner was there to witness both incidences.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:16 a.m. CST

    Where's dancingforever?!

    by Dr. Butthole

    Read HIS review on Quint's review. It's HILARIOUS! As far as this movie goes, won't go anywhere near it. I need me some 2012, quick. Boom, pow, explosion!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:16 a.m. CST

    Harry'll love it.

    by GhostDad

    Can't wait for Harry's gushing "HEY GUYS MY WIFE" review.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:23 a.m. CST

    Who the fuck cares?

    by lockesbrokenleg

    We know this site is going to slam it. This site hates anything popular.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:27 a.m. CST

    Alexandra Dupont...

    by Rocco Curioso

    who's been on hiatus since the Wolvie Origin movie, probably would've had a blast deconstructing "New Moon". Is it too late to light up the Batgirl Signal, Beaks?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    I wished they had learnt from Potter

    by Mr Gorilla

    Those movies have evolved into something really special. And, god, they could have been terrible.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Beaks, you moron

    by criticalbliss

    Pure Luck was a COMEDY. <p> Twilight is funnier, yes... but not intentionally. <p> And Pure Luck at least has MOMENTS where it is successful. Poorly played, sir. Poorly played.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:38 a.m. CST

    You Assholes...

    by mrbeaks

    ... aren't going to make me watch PURE LUCK again, are you? I have a solid track record of defending unfairly maligned action-comedies (like HUDSON HAWK and THE ADVENTURES OF FORD FAIRLANE), so I will honestly watch this fucker again if even a handful of you claim it's halfway decent.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:40 a.m. CST

    Seconded for Alexandra DuPont!

    by DarthCorleone

    It seems a little pointless to have so many New Moon reviews on this site (still enjoyed your take, mrbeaks), but I'd like to see her tackle it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:41 a.m. CST

    I wouldn't do that, Beaks

    by criticalbliss

    It's not a good film. But it's funny in spots. <p> My point is that Twilight isn't successful on any terms other than box office. <p> And I'm glad to see Ford Fairlane and Hudson Hawk get some love (and Last Action Hero deserves some as well). They are better films than Pure Luck. But, seriously, you'd rather watch Pure Luck ten times in a row with an occasional chuckle than watch this meat-gazing, emo-twink shit. And you know it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Tramp the Dirt Down

    by board shitlez

    Good Elvis Costello track. Just reminded me. Sounds like this stuff makes Buffy sound like...you know, better. Ran out of steam on the simile there.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:42 a.m. CST

    We don't need Alexandra.

    by criticalbliss

    Massa said it all. Goddamned work of genius, that review.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Ugly people bashing pretty people is so fucking funny.

    by LordEnigma

    Seriously, Beaks, you can take your opinion, and go share it with Farci's non-chin. Fucking dudes.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:06 a.m. CST

    TV ad for new moon made me rent America Warewolf

    by L. Ron Bumquist

    so it can't be all bad.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:07 a.m. CST

    WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY RETARDED!!!FACT!!!

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    On a past talkback, I got attacked for talking shit about the ladies but I will continue to maintain that, although I truly believe that women are smarter then men, they’re emotionally demented. Look at the bulk of the shit in today’s pop culture; The Jonas Faggots, White Trash Cyrus and now the latest fad, the sparkly-Calvin-Klein-emo-pseudo-Vampire-fags of Twilight.<br> <br>Women usually smarten up as they get older but it’s little girls who lap up this fucking shit because it feeds their fantasies about the hot guy who treats them like shit secretly being in love with them and only wanting to kiss and cuddle as opposed real boys who want to suck their tits, finger them, shove their cocks into their mouths or fuck them.<br> <br>I say that women “usually” grow out of it but it’s fucking hilarious how many of them post ads on Craigslist about wanting some rich guy that looks like Brad Pitt to drink wine with them in front of a roaring fire before making love and riding horses on the beach naked at sunrise or whatever other stupid fucking shit they think about while grinding their industrial strength dildos into the frigid wasteland they call a vagina.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST

    David Cloverfield, oh please

    by MattmanReturns

    Most of us guys got caught up in the dumbass Star Wars prequels. We saw them a bunch of times in theaters and we bought the DVDs. So we're just as retarded.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST

    board shitlez

    by mrbeaks

    Huge fan of SPIKE. You just made me throw on "God's Comic".

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    So many Twilight reviews, yet we had NONE of SAW 6??

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    So basically, BIG LOB is standing by the SAW entrance playing Pac-Man, when he sees all these AICN staff walking into Twilight?<BR> Oh geez...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    My review of New Moon,

    by Dancingforever

    As I posted in other threads this is my review from somoeone with an open mind who is nto trying to just look cool by bashing it like the people here. Alright guys, Im also submitting my review to our school paper, if some of you can make civilized comments I will try to include them in our feedback section. "New Moon. The second movie in the Twilight Saga is called New Moon and it was released tonight. Myself and seven other students from Stewart Home School were lucky enough to get to see the film this evening at the midnight screening. We attended the Cinemark at the Fayette Mall. This was my first time at this theater and it’s really cool. The seats are awesome and the sound system is in 3D. Anyone who has seen the previews knows how the movie starts. There is a birthday party for Bella, played by Mrs. Kristen Stewart, that goes wrong and makes Edward, played by the brilliant Mr. Robert Pattinson, realize he can no longer be her boyfriend and must move away. This makes Bella very sad. She finds that she can however still see ghost like images of Edward whenever her life is in danger. She tries various things to keep her excitement level high because that’s the only way she can feel close to Edward, she is super in love with him. As time goes by she starts to develop feelings for her friend Jacob, played by Mr. Taylor Lautner. Jacob starts to fall in love with Bella but he doesn’t tell her a big secret, he is a were wolf. This becomes known however when he is forced to transform to protect her from another Vampire named Laurent who is real uncool. He and another Vampire named Victoria, who never speaks in this movie, is mad at Bella for things that happened at the baseball game in the movie Twilight and things that happened after that also. A lot of people have been very critical of Bella’s character but I see where she is coming from. Bella loves Edward very much, and when he is gone she becomes very upset, has bad dreams, and leans on her friend Jacob. She is definitely in like with Jacob, but she loves Edward. When you see it that way it makes a lot more sense, I don’t think she is using Jacob, she just doesn’t love him she just likes him. On the other side of the world Edward eventually receives word that Bella has been successful in committing suicide and decides he will commit suicide also. He decides to walk in the sun and reveal himself to the world so the Volturi will end him. The Volturi are only in a small part of the film but are very cool, and if the next movie is like the next book people are going to say they are about the best vampires in any movie ever. Eventually Edward and Bella do reunite and find a way out of a very bad situation but there is a good chance that something from the last ten minutes of the movie will be very significant to the next movie that is supposed to be titled Eclipse and could be the last movie of the Twilight Saga. The camera work in this movie is real cool, and there are a lot of scenes that are shot in ways you don’t see in most movies. I feel the camera works helps explain the emotion of certain characters that don’t talk a lot like Edward. The dialogue is also very good and there are many times during the movie that you feel like you are hearing a real conversation not something from a movie. Talking in movies always slows things down but in New Moon its cool and the subjects talked about are real cool. The acting is tremendous and Mrs Stewart does a great job and makes you feel every moment of hardship she experiences with Edward gone. Speaking of Edward, in my research he would be most comparable to a young Marlin Brando for this generation. He is very expressive in the way he moves and broods, sometimes he doesn’t have to say anything and you know what he is thinking and going through. For super fans like me it’s also cool to see him in Rio and the dream/vision sequences with Bella. I give Twilight 5 stars out of a possible 5. I can testify New Moon is a very good movie with real good acting and a lot of cool action and excitement and love. This is easily the best movie I have seen and easily movie of th eyear. It is far better than 2012 or Transformers 2 which are also cool but are not as deep, they just have cool special effects. More than anything New Moon shows again what we learned from the first movie, that love is very powerful and it can help people through almost any situation.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by MattmanReturns

    All I got out of your three paragraphs of bile was: "Girls made fun of me in high school."

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:15 a.m. CST

    GibsonUSA Returns, good point...

    by MattmanReturns

    It's strange that AICN devotes more space to fucking Twilight than Saw movies. Priorities are pretty fucked up here.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:23 a.m. CST

    MattmanReturns, I ACTUALLY HAD GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN IN

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    As I do with me female co-workers and the various other women in my life. I’m just honest enough to call it like it is and say that most women are emotional basket cases. I was raised by women and actually prefer their company to men, so don’t waste your time psychoanalyzing me because you don’t have the skillz slick. If I’m wrong then answer me this, why are there so many cases of women going back to men who beat the shit out of them, eh? Some do it out of fear but many more do it because the man in question feeds some emotional need which is why they’ll tell the doctor that they fell down the stairs when they go to the emergency room.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:25 a.m. CST

    I can NOT wait for Harry's review

    by SithMenace

    To see if he cried when the fat kids chest bumped. Of course not until hearing about what he did all day leading up to the movie, and how many Twilight action figures he bought.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:27 a.m. CST

    SAW Movies

    by mrbeaks

    Like TWILIGHT, I gave up on that series after the second installment. I know I wrote a SAW II review, but I can't find it on the site.<br><br>Only reason I prioritized NEW MOON was because I left a great set visit (for PRIEST) to see it. Speaking of which, you guys should be looking forward to LEGION. Looks like a fun, supernatural twist on RIO BRAVO/ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:29 a.m. CST

    why would anyone over 15

    by Waka_Flocka_Flame

    watch this shit or read the gay books... fucking weak

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:30 a.m. CST

    won't be watching

    by cahcat

    When a mother at a book shop told me that TWILIGHT was good because you didn't have to think, well I just decided it wasn't for me. I haven't seen the first movie and won't be watching this one, though perhaps once things have died down and I can give it a fair chance, but I know I'm on the anti end and if I watched it now I'd just about HATE it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Woman are retarded for shit movies like this.

    by dailysportspages

    And then us guys make Transformers 2 break box office records... so who is the retarded ones then? <br> Oh yeah... all of us.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Hey Beaks!

    by Mistahtibbs

    <p>quote: "Like most Hollywood natives, Jacob spends most of the film running around the great outdoors without much in the way of clothes on..."</p> <p>Tell you the truth there's something about Indians and no clothes that must be genetic. My brother-in-law's two boys - both under 10 - run around all the time with no shirts on. It can be a cold fall day, rocking the windbreaker and these two kids will be out running, yelling and shirtless. They just don't get cold. It's kinda funny.</p> <p>You couldn't pay me to see this film...although my wife and daughters will, of course, see it.</p> MT

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:36 a.m. CST

    Twilight is the female cinematic equivalent

    by criticalbliss

    to Ashton Kutcher. Both are talentless examples of pandering hackery (Dude, Where's My Car?), and each sex seems to lap it up. Neither can ever truly be explained.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:51 a.m. CST

    I'll stick to True Blood, thank you very much

    by Spifftacular Squirrel Girl

    Twilight's older sluttier lush of a sister.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:55 a.m. CST

    FUCK YOU BEAKS, LEGION LOOKS LIKE SHIT.....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    The trailer was laughably bad. But what do I know, maybe a movie about Ninja angels packing heat can outgross Titanic. It could happen. And Harry could be on the cover of next months issue of Playgirl. Bettany is a twat and we already got to see the best part....Dennis Quaid blowing up. I’ve hated that motherfucker ever since seeing Great Balls of Fire which is one of the worst “performances” in the history of cinema and makes Jamie Gillis’ work in Water Power look like fucking Laurence Olivier

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:57 a.m. CST

    Spifftacular Squirrel Girl, I'LL STICK TO FRIGHT NIGHT AND FROM

    by TehCreepyThinMan

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:10 a.m. CST

    It's actually pretty good.

    by Rorschach1

    I despised a majority of the first film, but this one honestly has a greater depth than the first and it's just genuinely a pretty fun and entertaining film. Lots of small artsy shots too, which i think fits the tone. Way significantly better than the first, and I think it was actually worth my money. On paper, horrible, but the fight scenes are pretty great and the new director saved it (helped the acting, the cinematography, script, everything). Just don't go in focusing on wanting to hate it because it's Twilight, and don't look into it like a chick flick because it really isn't. It was just fun and interesting.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:11 a.m. CST

    Dancingforever...I got two free passes to see it tonight..

    by NemesisOfZod

    and didn't go just to make sure that two less people suffered through this bullshit. I am guessing that at the mature age of 12 you have seen so many movies that it would make my head spin, but Kristen Stewart isn't married, and therefore not Mrs., Robert Pattinson is not even in the same game, let alone the same league as Brando, and this movie will be a box office success due to gays and tweens such as yourself.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:28 a.m. CST

    Legion looks hilarious

    by MattmanReturns

    I was sold when the old lady said "You're all gonna fucking burn!". Old ladies are scary.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:29 a.m. CST

    SAW, Twilight... both are torture porn

    by MattmanReturns

    Saw's just more honest about it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:31 a.m. CST

    Jane Austen was anti-Romantic

    by Dingbatty

    in most of her fiction. The winners turn out to be the steady, rational characters, the losers are the dashing and dangerous Byronic "heroes" or the swooning love-struck lasses.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:33 a.m. CST

    The ScriptShadow blog said it best...

    by 11dayempire

    Quoth he: "I’ll be honest, the whole Twilight obsession is creepy to me. When you have 35 year old female hosts on Entertainment Tonight asking the 17 year old kid who plays Jacob, 'Can you lift up your shirt so we can see your abs?' I mean…that doesn’t even happen on the female side. You don’t see guy reporters saying, 'Hey, Miley Cyrus. Can we check out your midriff? Gotta have some masturbation material for later.'" http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2009/11/new-moon.html

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Jesus Christ...David Slade? What the Fuck.

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    So he's gone from the Kubrick-like boulevard of Hard Candy, took a detour through schlocky-shit avenue with 30 Days of Night and now he's got his headlights off and is headed straight for the artistic fucking cliff!!!! <p> In three fucking films no less. Jesus man grow some testicles.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:39 a.m. CST

    CreepyThinMan...you know the wrong women

    by quantize

    Because I know plenty..including my wife who thinks this shit is utterly unwatchable..you may be right about little girls though..and to a point some women who continue to live out cliched fantasies about romance. <p> Dancing forever...good luck with that life of yours.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:42 a.m. CST

    MattmanReturns, THAT OLD LADY IS LIKE MY GRANDMA.....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    And Jane Austin was, what we call today, a butch diesel dyke who would look like that disgusting fucking pig Chastity Bono. I once had a nightmare where I was ted to a chair and had my eyelids cut off so that I would be forced to watch Bono (the bitch, not that Irish wanker) and Rosie O Donnell hate fuck each other in a 69 like two rutting pigs with rabies trying to chew off each others labia.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Also upon reading Dancingforevers review

    by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks

    I'd like to retract my defence of them on a previous talkback.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:53 a.m. CST

    So you liked it, then?

    by KingNineReturns

    Good review, Beaks.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:59 a.m. CST

    GibsonUSA Returns

    by Massawyrm 1

    Of course we reviewed this and not SAW VI. The studio showed us this. Lionsgate hasn't screened a SAW film for the majority of critics since the second film. Studios are playing a game in which they try to hide their films from critics if they think we won't like them and so unless they are of import we ignore them.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:08 a.m. CST

    Whats the point of these 'reviews'???

    by Drsambeckett1984

    They are all slating the film, all the same complaints, if you dont like the books then the chances are you aint gonna like the films!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:17 a.m. CST

    This review makes me sad

    by JacksBloatedPayroll

    Because I have women in my life who are smart and I respect, but for some reason the go fucking nuts for this shit. I can't stand it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:21 a.m. CST

    You tried too hard to top Massa's there, but

    by ricarleite2

    All in all, I enjoyed the new kids on the block comparison. True that. Well done.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:33 a.m. CST

    mrbeaks

    by hst666

    If Pure Luck is the Martin Short film, I saw it once on video after it came out and found it mioderately enjoyable. At least as enjoyable as Ford Fairlane. I certainly did not find it horrible.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:44 a.m. CST

    Good call on Jane Austen, Beaks

    by Mr Gorilla

    Emma is my favourite novel.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Awesome Review

    by Laserhead

    That'll do, Beaks. That'll do.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:57 a.m. CST

    Yep, only films of "import" get reviewed here

    by OptimusCrime

    Directors dream of one day winning the honor and prestige of having a film reviewed by AICN. Blow it out your ass Beaks, the people who read this site may not care much for Saw, but they care about Twilight much, much less.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:49 a.m. CST

    It is my sincerest hope...

    by THE TRUE PINBACK

    ...that everyone who wastes their money to see this chunk of shit needs a flu shot next week and can't afford it because they spent their bucks on the ticket. Enjoy your sickness.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Actually Saw VI was....

    by Quartermass-87

    Pretty fucking good. I am a hardcore Saw fan and thought last years Saw V blew a goat but VI was actually a great flick...and had an actual statement to make about the fucked up politics of the medical insurance companies. And at least those who think Saw is crap at least can agree it is adult crap and not pussy emo shit. Oh yeah Twilight fans can choke on True Blood's gigantic vampire goodness...bring on season 3!!!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:54 a.m. CST

    Torpedo incoming!

    by Dazzler69

    So much for next years mtv movie awards again. This will sweep again. Those Spike movie awards was closer to getting it right.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:57 a.m. CST

    once you work out that ellen page is..

    by emeraldboy

    a pyschopath in hard candy. fairly easy to do. the movie ends quickly. it was a terrible film by the way. great poster though.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:03 a.m. CST

    Sookie the Vampire Fucker is every bit as horrible

    by gruntybear

    Shallow, insipid, draining all the magic out of the mythos - aside from a few sweaty ass shots, there's very little to differentiate the two

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:06 a.m. CST

    Fagpires & Vamqueers

    by adiehardfanwithalethalweapon

    My wife and I are only 29. So were not too far off the mark of who these movies are intended for but neither of us care for them. I give even the shittiest of movies a chance. I tried to be subjective with the first flick but son of a bitch. There's not a person I know that didn't laugh at fucking Vamqueer baseball or Fagpire shininess. It's just sooo damned stupid. When the dust settles even the tweens, teens, and emo are gonna wonder what the fuck they were thinking.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:07 a.m. CST

    "if you don't like the books, you won't like the films"?

    by V'Shael

    On a quick side note to that. I thought the Harry Potter series was utter shite, and gave up early in book 4 despite protestations from others that "they get better". <p> Still, I think the movies are a lot of fun, for what they are. <p> I've no interest in twilight, either the movies or the books, because it sounds like they were written by an emotionally retarded childwoman.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:15 a.m. CST

    The masses enjoy these movies to escape reality

    by iluvsyfy

    Most Americans go to the movies to escape from the real world for 2 hours give or take, it has been that way since cinema began a century ago. That is why movies like Twilight, Transformers, 2012 to mention a few, make shitloads of our near worthless currency. In a recession, fantasy movies and comedies are .999 fine gold. I myself enjoyed these movies, they aren't meant to be so-called Oscar fare, but entertainment for the masses, to make you forget the world outside. Fuck "Precious" and all other movies that try to examine societal issues, conflict in the family, political or moral discord or ideology by coating them in digital celluloid. The average person wants to laugh, watch murder and mayhem, long for the romantic past, watch explosions and disasters, spaceships and lightsabres, damsels in distress and the reluctant hero, sexy girls and hunky men, monsters and aliens, dragons and sorcerers, Gumps and gangsters. Finally Hollywood is remembering it's roots and throwing out the arthouse reality trash (leaves those to independent houses) and producing movies the public enjoys, afterall that is where the money is and the public wants, 49 of the top 50 grossing movies of all-time are fantasy and comedy fare and when you adjust for inflation add historical epics and gangsters to the mix. Bay, Bruckheimer and Emmerich know this fact and produce movies the masses want to see, and that is the cold hard truth of the matter.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:20 a.m. CST

    Here's my take. I like Chris Weitz. If this makes a lot of...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...money maybe he will get over the giant failure that was GOLDEN COMPASS.<P>Whore it up on NOW MOON and get back to ABOUT A BOY.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:27 a.m. CST

    Dark Knight's $18.4m midnight screening take in danger...

    by PennsyDeux

    Nikki Finke of Deadline H'wood Daily: 'Gargantuan' lines reported at theatres across North America: http://tinyurl.com/ygnjytj, and broken down by city: http://tinyurl.com/yhmwkfy. It's a cultural phenomenon.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:28 a.m. CST

    One-day and Friday all-time records could tumble, too...

    by PennsyDeux

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:50 a.m. CST

    A CALL TO ALL MEN

    by UMAGA

    We need to get behind The Expendables like these bitchfucks are getting behind this piece of shit. Three fucking shows are sold out here. What the fuck?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:56 a.m. CST

    TWILIGHT will be remembered as a great film.

    by I Hope You Die

    The portrayal of Bella was shockingly realistic. She's essentially an anti-heroine. She's egotistical, uninteresting, emotionally stunted and sleepwalks her way through life. Her only defining feature is who she's dating. Nothing like this has ever been done in cinema before. Of course it resonates with teenage girls. They're up on screen for the first time in cinematic history.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:17 a.m. CST

    FUCKIN HELL MAN! WHO FUCKIN CARES!?

    by Laserbrain

    Twilight?? Jesus FUCK, Beaks, you are in intelligent reviewer - why are you wasting your and everyone else's time with this Mary Sue-wank-fantasy- HORSESHIT? Have you lost your mind, man?<p>What's it all about? <p>WHY?<p>WHY?<p>WHY?!!?!?<p>Disclaimer: I am very drunk right now. I'm not that angery. Someone please tuck me into bed and stick something in my mouth so I don't choke on my tongue.<p>Thank you.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:19 a.m. CST

    There is nothing wrong with escapism

    by Drsambeckett1984

    And these movies are a million times better than TF2! <P> As long as people enjoy them, isnt that all that really matters??? I'm going to see this on Monday night and I'm not even slightly ashamed because it is a piece of escapist cinema that keeps my mind of the monotony of life. Wheres the harm in that?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:22 a.m. CST

    DancingForever...

    by Psynapse

    Shut the fuck up or kill yourself. Please.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:27 a.m. CST

    On 2nd thought....

    by Psynapse

    Just kill yourself. That way you shut the fuck up permanently.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:59 a.m. CST

    The only real problem I had with NEW MOON.

    by TiPPiDa

    I didn't care for NEW MOON much, I thought it was much like the last one, a decent idea, not matured enough and executed poorly. But that's not the reason I didn't like it... I left the theatre with a bad feeling in my gut, a feeling I've not had since "40 Days and 40 nights" (another film, decent idea, not matured, executed POORLY).. the feeling I had with that one mirrors the kind of feeling I have with this one, but in a scarier way. <p> With 40D&40N I had a problem with the ending how the *SPOILER ALERT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO PRETEND TO GIVE A FUCK* The "NICOLE" chick basically rapes Josh Hartnett and he loses the woman he likes, and basically has to beg for her forgiveness for being raped.*SPOILER END... Ah who cares you're not gonna see it are you!<P> In New Moon, it was the audience's turn to make me uncomfortable.<P> I think it's a bit tragic that 20-50yo something women everywhere can openly salivate, drool, and have mini girly pant-explosions over a 17 yo boy (who incidentally, is playing a 16yo boy). Yet if a dude had such openly public hysteria over an underage girl he would be socially bludgeoned and labelled a pervert... Where's your cries for equality NOW ladies?!? <p> In any case, its a small thing, but it made me like it less than I would have had the character been in his 20s.<o>Oh.. and "ALICE" (Ashely Greene) deserves her own spin off, it can be just her in front of a camera for 2 hours, being HOT AS FUCK.. (See that's ok Because the actress and her Character are in thier 20's and 200's respectively. <P>Cheers, big ears.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:03 a.m. CST

    you can always tell the single losers on this site

    by Magic Rat

    because they've never read the books, or engaged with their girlfriends about them. If you were dating ANYTHING remotely close to a female, you'd be up to date on this shit. If you're clueless as to why its popular, YOU SIR, are never getting laid.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:04 a.m. CST

    I wish I could piss on every print of this piece of shit

    by alienindisguise

    and then snap the necks of all involved in its creation.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:06 a.m. CST

    Watch how Twilight tears couples apart: http://www.youtube.com/w

    by MisterFace

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Twilight ruins marriages: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ByDWdG

    by MisterFace

    Sorry, last one was cut off. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ByDWdGrfu0

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    I get laid plenty, buddy.

    by Laserbrain

    My girlfriend isn't a mooning imbecile looking for some puerile adolescent fantasy to compensate for her lack of nookie. <p>No offence.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Nice review

    by Larry Sellers

    Of course I'm referring to Dancingforever. I think talking slows down movies too! And I agree with your "research" that Pattinson best represents a young Brando. Excellent findings!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:24 a.m. CST

    My mom and girlfriend

    by SpawnofAchilles

    both went through a twilight phase, but ultimately they both lost interest before finishing the series. I'm so proud!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Is dancingforever kidding with that review?

    by SpawnofAchilles

    seriously, what's the deal here?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:36 a.m. CST

    Magic Rat

    by Drsambeckett1984

    Good call!!! And so true!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:43 a.m. CST

    In more good news, scriptgirl hasn't been here in awhile

    by supercowbell5THECOWBELLHASSPOKEN

    Thank fuckin god

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:55 a.m. CST

    The average person is a fucking moron

    by Jack Burton

    Feel free to debate as you see fit. But the "average person" wouldn't know quality if it showed up in their living room and bitch slapped them during their nightly viewing of So You Think You Can Raise 8 Kids and Dance with Talent. Escapism is one thing. Everyone has guilty pleasure entertainment and that's fine. But you can't eat White Castle every day, people. Ocassionally, you gotta eat some vegetables and stuff that is good for you. This defense that "people want to turn off their brain, life is teh hard" is bullshit. Read a fucking book. And to DancingForever, I really hope your post was a joke. If not, I hope your review was for a junior high paper because that was fucking terrible and lowered the IQ of everyone that read it by a good 10 pts. Beaks, your review was great. I plan to rent the entire "saga" when it is complete, throw a marathon viewing party, and rip the flicks to shreds with a bunch of friends.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Magic Rat - That Scensrio Doesn't Work

    by adiehardfanwithalethalweapon

    You quickly presume every female in the nation is hot and heavy for twighlight. That's just not the case. Sure teens, tweens, and few divorcee love it but they only account for maybe 30% of the populace. I can honestly say that my wife, mother, grandmothers, stepmother, aunts and niece care nothing for the book or movies. None of them wanna be the cool kids going against type. It's just not that interesting of a concept. So your rant holds no water.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:40 a.m. CST

    If you watch indie flicks AND porn

    by terry1978

    You have already lost the argument. You can enjoy intellectually stimulating media and be into stupid ass media at the same time. As sophisticated as we all claim to be, our most primal lusts(basically eye candy, explosions, crude humor) will always be there under the surface.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Nikki Finke: New Moon midnight screening haul: $23 million.

    by PennsyDeux

    Just for the midnight screenings alone! Amazing.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:46 a.m. CST

    how's Dakota Fanning? and what's the last line?

    by Meadowe

    She's the only Reason I'd see this. Otherwise I still plan on saying "what's that smell? Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-DOOOOOOKIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    MORE PROOF DANCINGFOREVER IS A PRANK

    by Meadowe

    I tried to read their review but I stopped because I knew it was bull. They say they saw the movie with students that go to STEWART HOME SCHOOL? If you're home schooled, doesn't that mean YOU'RE BY YOURSELF OR MAYBE WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS/OR FROM THE SAME HOUSEHOLD? And also the female new moon lead is named kristen STEWART so we know where df got the name of their "home school" from. It's a good there's no edit feature on this tb so you can't edit out your mistakes/clues (because you might've called it stewart home school on purpose whether intentionally or unconsciously to show your posts are bs) Please get a life. You're not funny, just very sad and pathetic. But on second thought, I digress. As long as you're not kidnapping people and throwing them in your basement or shantytown in your backyard, whatever bakes your cake.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:02 a.m. CST

    Lame, grade-school level "romance": check.

    by AsimovDiedOfAIDS

    Chaste but cocktease-y heroine that has to constantly be rescued by her man: check. Make out scenes that never lead to real boot-knocking: check. Subtle racism: check... vaguely Chrisian subtext: check. Hilariously blatant homo-eroticism: check. Shitty movie: check. Yep! You can sure tell this one was made by Christers, based on a book written by another Christer. Seems like once you choke down that little wafer with a Dixie cupful of sparkling grape juice, it purges your system of every last shred of originality, creativity and intellect you ever had. Just blows it out your ass instantly like explosive diarrhea shit. Christianity: Jesus's Maalox. Anyway, what's next? Kurt Cameron and Stephen Baldwin as reformed warlocks ('cuz magic is frum thuh Debbil!) who get into a nonsexual 3-way dry hump with Bella?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Pure Luck is hilarious!!!

    by BadMrWonka

    Beaks! you take it back right now! Pure Luck and Clifford are two VERY underrated Martin Short comedies. I know Pure Luck was mostly slapstick, but come on, it was good fun.<p>it shouldn't be mentioned in a review of this sparkling vampire abortion.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Al I know is

    by ToughGuyRizzo

    Lockesbrokenleg will watch this movie. Well, if he hasnt already attended the midnight screenings.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Sweet Christmas

    by Mr.FTW

    A 4th review of this movie? Why? I think any review for this movie on this particular site is a waste of time but if there was one I could understand that but 4 and since Harry has been a flag waving defender of the books and the first movie there is a chance there will be a 5th? Come on guys, when other movies don't even get covered at all 4 reviews for a movie where all the reviews read the same and only generate hostile reaction is retarded just like the fans of this series.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Magic Rat - my chick HATES this shit

    by spud mcspud

    And is therefore up in the top 1% of everything as a female. Smart, and with great taste in movies. I loves me some Mrs-Spud-To-Be.<P> sister of Spud and Niece of Spud, sadly, are MIA to this TWILIGHT shit. I tried, I really did- I even saw TWILIGHT on DVD TWICE. But I'd rather be buttfucked by Simon Cowell than have to go through that shit again.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Hey Stephenie Meyers...

    by DrMorbius

    I thought I saw a NEW MOON last night...<P>But it was only URANUS!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Stewart, "a fine actress"?? Beaks, WHAT THE FUCK??

    by spud mcspud

    So far, I've seen Kristen Stewart in PANIC ROOM, ZATHURA, ADVENTURELAND and TWILIGHT. And while in PANIC ROOM she was basically an excitable kid with very little acting talent, she's actually gone backwards with TWILIGHT and ADVENTURELAND - she basically plays both roles as spoiled, whiny emo bitches who've been hitting the bong fairly heavily - how else do you explain that torpid delivery and vacant lack of expression? Boring as fuck to watch, no screen charisma at all - Jeez, she's not even fuckable. WHY is she "a fine actress"? Or was Joan Jett actually a whiny emo bitch all her life, which is why Stewart is supposedly awesome in that flick? Explain yourself, Beaks!<P> Kudos on the love for HUDSON HAWK movie. More than any other Bruce Willis movie (including the DIE HARDs) I want a sequel to THAT one.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:37 a.m. CST

    That's 3 bad AICN reviews and 30% at Rotten Tomatoes

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    but I find myself wondering what Harry thought since he was the only critic at AICN that loved (or even mildly liked) the first film in the series. I don't get all the hype because my generation has seen vampires and romances alike, both done much better before, but my 12 year old niece thinks "Twilight" is the OMG bomb. No matter what anyone says, we're likely to see $100 million opening this weekend. So are Twilighters the new Trekkies? Is this whole phenomenon only for the true believers? And why is the one true believer, Head Geek, not jumping to the defense this time? Was he disappointed or just too busy?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Jack Burton - my fucking hero!

    by spud mcspud

    As if you weren't already, what with takin out Lo Pan. We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we? No horseshit...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Weitz compared his approach to David Lean and Kurosawa

    by Redmond

    Intv. in LA Times, he said that's what he's going for. Commence hysterical laughter now.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Jack Burton - Further to your theory...

    by spud mcspud

    That the average person is a drooling fucking moron (which I wholeheartedly subscribe to), here in the UK over 17 million people - which is over 50% of the viewing population the UK - watched THE X FACTOR. And of their own free will.<P> It's facts like that that makes the inevitable zombie apocalypse actually seem like a viable alternative to Western civilisation. That, or Simon Cowel has mad magickal skills that leave the likes of Derren Brown looking like schoolkids with fake card tricks - how else do you explain Cowell's seeming ability to hypnotise practically the entire Western world with his inane, vapid, worthless bullshit??<P> If Al Quaeda could ever afford to buy Cowell over to their cause - WE'RE ALL FUCKED.<P> *Or would be, if Cowell wasn't rich enough to buy Al-Quaeda out several hundred times over...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:46 a.m. CST

    Stewart doesn't act, she pouts

    by Redmond

    And self consciously touches her hair whenever she needs to go for the big emotion. Seriously, does this girl's mouth even move when she talks?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:48 a.m. CST

    iluvsyfy says cinema = The Roman Colosseum

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    Talkbacker iluvsyfy makes some damn interesting comments in his/her post regarding the place of mainstream cinema in the modern world. He/she is speaking from the common man's perspective, but a thesis could be written on this topic. Is the multiplex really a place to see bloody spectacle to distract the masses from the real problems going on in society? And do the masses eat up the worst atrocities displayed before them just as those in power want them to in order to keep them pacified? There's a whole post there that begs for discussion.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by frozen01

    The fans of those pop culture phenoms aren't women, they're teen and pre-teen girls. Although there are some adult women who get into Twilight, and I never understood that.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    FEMALES ARE BUGNUTS

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Redmond

    by spud mcspud

    "Seriously, does this girl's mouth even move when she talks?"<P> Yep, but it makes her look like Princess Lamia from STAR FLEET when she does. Only with less emotion.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:16 p.m. CST

    KRISTEN STEWART WAS IN PANIC ROOM?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I didn't know that. Did she play the little boy?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Bringing

    by spud mcspud

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:18 p.m. CST

    CTM - DAMN YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ON WOMEN

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:19 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, you SWINE!

    by spud mcspud

    You just made me laugh so much, chocolate coconut macroon cake came out my nostrils.<P> I can't even BEGIN to explain how much of a mess that is...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:21 p.m. CST

    BUT SPUD I WAS BEING SERIOUS!

    by BringingSexyBack

    That cake sounds good though!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:27 p.m. CST

    BSB - The cake was great...

    by spud mcspud

    Till I added my own secret igredient. And now, as I am streaming with the flu, it's chocolate coconut snot-filled macaroon cake...<P> Know what you mean though - both Mrs-Spud-to-be and I looked at each other after PANIC ROOM, after seeing the Cast credits, and both said "Huh? That's a GIRL?".<P> And she gets frozen for half of ZATHURA - with no discernible effects to her acting ability. She's okay in ADVENTURELAND, but only because she's playing a spoiled whiny emo bitch. She's good at that one role...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:36 p.m. CST

    The midnight showings have garnered 24 million

    by terry1978

    So......looks like it will hit that mark.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Stop saying that gays like this! It really is tween girls only..

    by mattdegroot

    I'm gay and so are most of my friends but I don't know a single one who is interested in seeing this shit. So please don't associate it with us - tween girls deserve all the blame for this particularly turd in the pop culture punch bowl. ;)

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:38 p.m. CST

    "because exploiting Indians...

    by strosmer

    is the cure for the white girl blues"<p>Love it! Love it when ill-thought political correctness backfires.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:38 p.m. CST

    FACE IT AICN NERDS, YOU'RE OLD

    by nightheat500

    Wow, a 4th review of a teen-flick? Because this series represents a generational shift, you're all coming to grips with the fact that you're old, out of touch, and miserable. Let the teenage girls have their movie, WTF does it matter to you at all? ITS OBVIOUS THAT TWILIGHT IS FOR TWEEN-TEENAGE GIRLS YOU FCKING NERDS. WTF DO YOU CARE? Serious question. Also - is it just me or has this site devolved into a mediocre news site that hasn't had an exclusive story worth reading in YEARS. Face it AICN, the world has passed you by, and based on these reviews of Twilight you're now a symbol of old/bitter/get off my lawn Clint Eastwoods.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:45 p.m. CST

    nightheat500 - It's not the generational shift thing...

    by spud mcspud

    It's the discovery that the next generation is a herd of drooling mongoloids that wouldn't know a decent plot if it bitchslapped them and filmed it on the Nokia Bollocks 7599, then vomited it up on YouToooooobe. Rather than denouncing all of us critics of this hallowed epic as crusty old farts (which we are), why not try mounting a passionate defence of this movie, starting with all the amazing things about it that we're missing??<P> People like this for the same reason they like AMERICAN IDOL and THE X FACTOR - everyone syasy they like it, and moron herd mentality trumps personal taste. That's it in a nutshell. Stephanie Meyer's books aim for the lowest common denominator, and they hit it. They're devoid of style, detail, logic, characterisation... It's tripe and women love it. Why? I don't know, and that's the point - it's shit, it's OBVIOUSLY shit, so WHY do so many people flock to it?<P> Because people these days LOVE shit. Why else is Simon Cowell so inexplicably popular??

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:45 p.m. CST

    It isn't about how old you are.....

    by The Dum Guy

    I saw alot of heavy-set 30-40 something year old women going to see this. It all boils down to how much you love cock and/or have a vagina.<br><br>BTW, I didn't go see the movie, I just saw a shitload of said above waiting in line for 5 hours to see this thing.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:46 p.m. CST

    THE FISH IS SERVED!

    by BringingSexyBack

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/19/megan-fox-wears-leotard-l_n_364263.html

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Oh, and nightheat500...

    by spud mcspud

    We had this shit back in MY generation too. It was called DIRTY DANCING, and to this day I've never met a straight guy who enjoyed it. We get why women love it (Patrick Swayze) - but what's with that story? Why is it so SHIT??

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:49 p.m. CST

    BSB - With hot cheese sauce, natch

    by spud mcspud

    There's a rug that needs munching...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:50 p.m. CST

    WHOREY CRAP: $26.72 million, per Summit

    by PennsyDeux

    http://www.gossipcop.com/breaking-new-moon-biggest-midnight-opening-ever/

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 12:54 p.m. CST

    $26.27 million, I should have said...

    by PennsyDeux

    Damn transposing on my end...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1 p.m. CST

    JESUS WEPT!

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Dancingforever

    by frozen01

    I believe in constructive criticism, so here goes: I know this is just for a school paper, but if you expect to be taken seriously, especially if you're putting yourself in the role of defending something, you need to give it your all. If you're reading something back to yourself (editing) and it sounds monotonous, it will sound that way to your readers, too. The way to avoid monotony is to create sentence structures that vary. Have one-part, two-part, and three-part sentences, not just a whole collection of two-part sentences. You do a better job of this as your review goes on, but the first part, not so much. Also, avoid over-using words, such as "very". You mention quite often that something or someone is "very cool", but you don't say why. Elaborate. For example, instead of saying "Bella is very cool" say something like "Bella, despite her faults, is a believable character who is put in the difficult situation of making an impossible love actually work without sacrificing her humanity in the process. I admire her for that reason." Just saying that something is "very cool" without telling us why kind of implies "it's cool because I said so". I would also recommend not giving away the plot to the entire movie. A review is not a recap of a movie, it is an essay explaining why you think the movie is good, so-so, or bad. It's okay to give a partial recap if it helps explain your review, but there should be no spoilers. <p>Okay. Now, I have read the entire series, and I have seen Twilight, but not New Moon. The first few books are okay, but the last book's plot is rather ridiculous (*spoilers* the birth of Renesmee, for instance... Edward gnawing through the womb, Jacob falling in love with a half-vampire baby... heck, even the NAME Renesmee is awkward and sort of childish in that it kind of reminds me of a name that a 7-year-old might come up with.) I would describe the first three books as "turn-your-mind-off beach reads"... they're neither intellectually engaging, nor original in any way. Any original plot points come off as original only in that other people may have thought about it and passed it up because it is not up to par (such as Renesmee's birth, not to harp on that one thing). The writing is slightly juvenile but it's alright enough to at least trudge your way through it. There were some good characters, but most of them were 1-dimensional and appeared only to be there to further the plot (such as some of the Cullen "siblings"). To be fair, I did like some of the characters, Alice in particular, and Bella's father did have some decent development. The weird thing is that all of the interesting character development occured with unimportant or marginally-important characters. The villains were bad "just cuz", Edward was completely defined by his struggle to control his urges and seemed to have no other characteristics, much like Bella's only traits seemed to be her clumsiness and her blind devotion to Edward. Now, the movie Twilight. The dialog was pretty cheesy, reduced to poorly-delivered one-liners that seemed more comical that dramatic. The breathless and over-important delivery probably didn't help. The "special effects" (running through the forest, the infamous "sparkle") seemed straight out of an 80's movie. I had already read most of the books by the time I saw the movie, and so I knew what was going to happen, but I still couldn't help but laugh myself nearly off my chair during the running-through-the-woods and sparkly scenes! The make-up was worthy of a high school musical... you could actually see the line where the make-up artist stopped applying the white powder to Edward's face (his neck and all other exposed body parts were a healthy flesh color, but his face was garishly white, and the line was just under his jawbone). The acting was just about the worst I have ever seen, but I can't decide if that's the actors' faults or the writers', since they weren't exactly given much to start with. (It reminded me of the oft-mocked acting on Telemundo.) Either way, none of the characters was believable. The plot was just like the books, never pushing any boundaries, repeating the same tired storylines and coming across more as alleghory to Ms. Meyer's Mormon faith, tripping a little too close to propaganda and sacrificing plot and character development in order to conform to said alleghory in the process (this connection becomes only more and more obvious in the book's sequels, so I'm guessing New Moon and future movies will follow this same path). <p>I obviously had an open enough mind to read the books, so I hope you will not think that what I've written here is an attempt to "look cool". It's an honest review of why I think the Twilight phenomenon is an over-inflated fad. I managed to get part-way through the fourth book before I stopped and said to myself "What the bloody hell am I reading?" and the second I finished I was embarrassed that I ever started. The books certainly do hook you in, but for the life of me I can't figure out why. The movie didn't have that same hook for me.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    The Dum Guy

    by frozen01

    Two words: Transformers 2.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:20 p.m. CST

    frozen01

    by spud mcspud

    Well done! You got nearer to understanding this phenomenon than I ever shall.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:23 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, I WILL WRITE A BOOK ABOUT WOMEN AND CALL IT...

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    COCK HOLSTERS AND BABY FACTORIES

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:26 p.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by frozen01

    I can't figure that one out either. DIRTY DANCING was mind-numbingly boring (one of only three movies I have ever started and not finished), and Patrick Swayze looks like the creepy guy sitting at the back of the theater by himself decided to wash and style his hair one day. <p>But you definitely can't blame dumb movies on only one gender. And without teens (who, I'm sure, will one day look back on this fad with shame, unlike the DIRTY DANCING fans) no one would've ever heard of TWILIGHT and Stephanie Meyer would be in an unemployment line like everyone else.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:29 p.m. CST

    frozen01 - True dat...

    by spud mcspud

    Why else would the TRANSFORMERS movies have made so much bank? And - God forgive me! - I saw them BOTH on the big screen...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:29 p.m. CST

    frozen01

    by The Dum Guy

    I agree.<br><br>I fucking loath that movie.<br><br>Shit is shit.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:33 p.m. CST

    CTM - SOUNDS LIKE ALTERNATE TITLE TO GOING ROGUE

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 1:37 p.m. CST

    How's not "whoring for TWILIGHT traffic" going, Beaks?

    by The Garbage Man

    Glad to see that, unlike some other sites, AICN would never stoop to posting four New Moon reviews in the span of two days just to juice up traffic. <p>Love your sparkly high horse, by the way.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:02 p.m. CST

    Fuckin loved STARFLEET

    by savagedave

    I may name my first born Barry Hercules.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Rots made 50 mil in one day

    by lockesbrokenleg

    This fucker will barely make that this weekend.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Yo, BSB, what did you think of Gigantic?

    by Stabby

    I never got to ask ya.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:12 p.m. CST

    lockes, it's already halfway to 50m now before the sun rose

    by PennsyDeux

    on the East Coast. They may wind up with 50m by 6PM *tonight*.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:25 p.m. CST

    You hit it on the nose Reluctant Austinite

    by iluvsyfy

    You noticed that R.A., so why do the masses prefer entertaining movies over thought provoking movies? Why do the more intellectually minded prefer movies that make them ponder real world situations over popcorn fare? Example Star Wars vs. Annie Hall, which is more important to film history and American culture, which will truly stand the test of time. Not to say this was thought out beforehand by Hollywood, as the masses always preferred their entertainment light, take for example 1941, the year Citizen Kane was released, Kane had tepid B.O., while the masses went to see Blood & Sand, How Green was My Valley (Best Pic), Buck Privates, Dive Bomber, They Died with Their Boots On, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, Sgt. York, Maltese Falcon and others. So are entertaining popcorn flicks detrimental to American culture like the Colliseum was to Rome. My opinion is reality tv is more a threat to America than Transformers or Twilight.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:30 p.m. CST

    I was at the movies last night, seeing another movie

    by YackBacker

    And the fucking place looked like a Hannah Montana concert, with heavier eye-makeup. It's staggering to see so much enthusiasm for such trite nonsense. It kinda made me realize that people are still easy to influence, like in good 'ol Nazi Germany.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Pure Luck

    by Sgt.Steiner

    is Innerspace less evolved. I have used the something is "less evolved" ever since I saw Til Schweiger in "SLC Punk!" and he was like "dolphin is man less evolved" with a stoned Teutonic detachment. Classic. Like Eddie and Tommy "Swingin' on a Star" and crucifix Bat phones.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:48 p.m. CST

    The "Female Demographic"

    by AsimovDiedOfAIDS

    Is destroying cinema, television, theatre and art. I'm an artist and if a woman sees a work in progress and says something like, "Oh that's cute" I immediately tear the fucking thing up and start over.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 2:53 p.m. CST

    Frozen01 Thank you

    by Dancingforever

    Thank you very much for the feedback. I really want to be a great writer someday and I printed out what you wrote, its about the best advice I have ever gotten. I want to thank you and the people who have been very cool for the construction criticism and help. My dream would someday be to write a super exclusive review for AiCN and be able to post it for you guys. I would also like to meet Mr Knowles someday he seems real cool and knows everything about movies. I like also how we can not agree on stuff but you put it in a way where your not attacking me but making me see where you are coming from which is very cool. Im still young and learning a lot and I dont understand all the attacks or weird stuff like a while ago where people were making a name like mine posting stupid stuff. I wish more people here could be like you, it really helps a lot and I appreciate you taking the time to talk at me and let me know how I can get better. I am the movie person for my school newspaper and about the best writer at my school but you have shown me I have a long way to go but I look forward to learning and trying to improve. Again thank you very much for the help.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3 p.m. CST

    THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GIRLS AND BOYS……

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    This may sound very nerdy but here it goes. Boys love shit like Transformers and Star Wars because it excites our minds as to the possibilities of our universe. Sentient robots, aliens and strange worlds beyond the stars. Laugh if you will but this shit will inspire maybe a few children who may become the next scientists and explorers of the future.<br> <br>Meanwhile, young girls couldn’t care less about Vampires or the Titanic but they will lap up anything as long as it has a love story between some hot guy and some chick that they can identify with. The concepts don’t mean shit to them, they’re in it for the fantasy love life. They will go to see scum like the Jonas faggots because they are soo emotionally needy while completely ignoring the FACT that those asswipes are musical cancer. They run to see Miley Cyrus because they love the idea of being rich and getting all that attention from thousands of screaming fans while being oblivious to the fucking garbage that trailer trash spews out of her cocksucker. Everything they are into fills some emotional need and quality has nothing to do with it.<br> <br>And what will it inspire but a generation of morons who dream of becoming rich and famous with no effort what so ever while also lining the pockets of scum like the Jonas’, Cyrus and the makers of Twilight as the real artists and innovators starve because they don’t produce simplistic trash that is lapped up by the fucking cretins that make up about 75% of the population.<br> <br>In conclusion, young girls are driving down the quality of pop culture while rewarding mediocrity and it’s only going to get worse.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3 p.m. CST

    frozen01

    by Hey_Kobe_Tell_Me_How_My_Ass_Tastes

    That was very constructive without being condescending. Kudos.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:06 p.m. CST

    The Roman Colosseum analogy is worth talking about.

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    It seems even more relevant when thinking about the box-office hunger for films about mass death and destruction like "2012" or "300" or even the "Saw" or "Friday the 13th" franchise. People want to see death, destruction and blood and guts in the greatest arena around today, the multiplex. However, the analogy works even when talking about big children's films. People don't want to have to think in the theater and they don't want their kids to start thinking (or feeling anything other than "happy") while they're in there either. That's why families HATED the bill of goods they were sold in "Where the Wild Things Are", but will gladly pay to repeat the experience of "Alvin & the Chipmunks" or "Madagascar" or "Ice Age". PEOPLE WILL PAY NOT TO HAVE TO THINK. Is that true? Do people want millions of dollars to be spent on CGI so they don't have to waste brain power on their imaginations to complete an experience. Do they want all the work done for them? Do they just want stuff to blow up and funny little characters to fart? These are the grotesqueries that made up what you would see in the Colosseum. Is this where all entertainment ends up eventually?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Dancingforever, thank you, kid

    by YackBacker

    Thanks for being a mature, self-possessed young person, dealing with AICNers twice your age (if not older) and far less patient than you obviously seem to be. You will be a good writer, I predict, because you're open to honest criticism. Good luck with your future and keep us posted on your writing.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:17 p.m. CST

    I don't think these teen vampire movies are AICN material

    by cylon_conspiracy

    <p>I know it's a big phenomena and everything, and I haven't seen any of these Twilight movies so I can't judge them, but it seems pretty clear that these are just films geared towards young girls.. not really "genre" entertainment that the people here want to read about. </p>

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:18 p.m. CST

    We get like ten reviews for New Moon.

    by knowthyself

    And so few for far better more note worthy films. Films that don't get as much ink. You're wasting a lot of space and time on a movie you hate. Think about that for a minute.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:28 p.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by cylon_conspiracy

    I endorse all your posts. Some talkbackers at AICN are still in the "women are goddesses, don't criticize them" phase. Unless it's Megan Fox, they'll rip her a new one because they know she is unattainable.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:30 p.m. CST

    cylon, you're not from around here are you?

    by Stabby

    Megan Fox is not worshipped in these parts. Far, from it. Now, Zooey Deschanel, on the other hand.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:32 p.m. CST

    I know Megan Fox is hated

    by cylon_conspiracy

    ... re-read my post. I agree Zooey is more loved because she is more "relatable" than Fox.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:34 p.m. CST

    so

    by jdhasson

    why isn't there any word on kristen stewarts panties?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Knowthyself...

    by Psynapse

    Dude this is Nerd central (and damn proud of it) and this is a genre movie so ludicrous on so many levels. (New Moon/Wounded Gazelle + Nerds/Pack of Hyenas)= Nature's Course. (*_^)

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Sorry, cylon, I did misread your post

    by Stabby

    but i still think you kind of contradict yourself a little. And all of the women discussed here are unattainable for the most part. But, like you I also agree with most of what Creepy says.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:47 p.m. CST

    Yeah STOP pinning this dickless crap on homosexuals

    by Sepulchrave

    Homosexuals like dick, not this castrato silver-ring thing fucking Christmas pep-camp garbage. Chris Weitz, I might point out, is the Jesus freak they anointed to destroy any chance that His Dark Materials might actually be a proper anti-religious let's kill God adventure; he is the ringleader of an EVANGELICAL HOLLYWOOD CABAL dedeicated to adcvancing the messages of Christianity through resposible film-making. So hence the bloodless vampires, the chastity, the sexual boredom and the absence of anything like real sex, gay or otherwise. Gay men want more than fucking abs.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Psynapse, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    by TehCreepyThinMan

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:49 p.m. CST

    You think women are goddesses?

    by Sepulchrave

    You clearly don't know any women. Kali, maybe.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Err, wtf? native american man, dreadlocked black man..

    by couP

    white woman.. why are you identifying them like that..?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:14 p.m. CST

    EASTBOUND AND DOWN

    by master_of_realty

    Best TV of 2009

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:21 p.m. CST

    Talkbackers

    by FKAC

    We women are ruining art? Really? GI Joe, Transformers, Episodes I, II, and III; need I go on? Don't even give me that horseshit about how Transformers 2 is going to inspire anything for the future. I have 2 words: robot testicles. That was all I needed to prove what a worthless piece of shit it was. How many movies revolve around the geek getting the girl who is way out of his league? Don't even talk about how we women try to satisfy pathetic youthful fantasies; you're just as guilty, maybe even moreso. Most successful movies are based around men trying to live out their fantasies of fucking the hot girl while saving the world, but we're the emotionally fucked up ones? I've also known just as many men who like crazy women who treat them like shit; that seems to be a plague of the human race, not women. I don't give a shit what you think of Twilight--not great but not the worst thing ever either--but don't bash women for liking it when there is 10 times more male-based swill out there. Psynapse, you're a dick for telling a kid to kill himself. Dancingforever, like what you like. You have more guts than the knee-jerk, reactionary haters here who are probably crying in the theater when Edward dumps Bella. MattmanReturns and dailysportspages, thanks for the female defense. Nice to know not all men write crappy things about women because they are behind the impenetrable internet curtain. Meadowe, way to support your gender. CreepyThinMan, you clearly have mommy-issues.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:24 p.m. CST

    Women are ruining TV and film

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Most of Tv and film cater to these god damn soccer moms that act like tramps and cougars, and talk behind people's backs. Assholes.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Robot Testicles

    by cylon_conspiracy

    <p>I thought that was a pretty ballsy thing to do in summer action movie.</p>

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:36 p.m. CST

    surprise, another negative review on AICN

    by james_cameron_raped_my_childhood

    yeah these movies may suck, but why be so venomous about it? trying to judge them on cinematic merits is just pointless. I'm having fun watching the fandom unfold, never seen anything this crazy. The way women are bonding is really cool. They know it's silly too. And why all the hate on this Pattinson bloke? All he did was turn up for an audition, give it a go & now he's an icon. Well done, I say.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 4:54 p.m. CST

    FKAC, MEN = CITIZEN KANE, THE SEVENTH SIGN, 2001......

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    When women Direct, all we get is either drippy sentimental emotion porn from the likes of Nora Ephron and Penny Marshall or the aggressive posing of Kathryn Bigelow and Karyn Kusama. The one great female Director working today is, IMHO, Marry Harron who made I Shot Andy Warhol, American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page. Otherwise, when was the last time a woman made an innovative, groundbreaking masterpiece that pushed forward the boundaries of cinema? If it sounds like I’m hating on women then too bad and claiming that it’s a male dominated society doesn’t cut it either. I would love to see more female Directors but all we seem to be getting are hacks like Catherine Hardwicke. Julie Taymor is one to watch as I loved Titus and Frida. Across the Universe sucked though.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:09 p.m. CST

    Notorious Bettie Page

    by cylon_conspiracy

    <p>Didn't know that was from the director of those other two films.. gonna Netflix it now. Titus is one of my favorite films too.</p> <p>So essentially, these twilight movies are making women look bad. A valid point.</p>

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:09 p.m. CST

    FKAC, ALSO, FUCK YOU AND YOUR "MOMMY ISSUES" PUTDOWN....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    Typical attack from pseudo feminists who spend hours in the bathroom getting dolled up before a night on the town searching for some rich, good looking guy they can fall into bed with. Feminists are full of shit and do nothing but emasculate men at every opportunity despite the FACT that it’s us rutting male chauvinist pigs who make the world go around and have created the society that surrounds you for better or worse. Jack Nicholson said it best in As Good As It Gets when asked how he writes women soo well to which he relies “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.” Good day to you ma’am and I hope you enjoy seeing Twilight at the theatre tonight before retreating home to that cucumber you bought at the supermarket earlier today.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE IS GOOD, NOT GREAT ALTHOUGH....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    It has some stunning cinematography. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Preach it

    by cylon_conspiracy

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:15 p.m. CST

    THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH TRASH LIKE TWILIGHT IS....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    The same one that I have with most movies about women where they have to define themselves through a relationship with a man or have to be butch dykes and mimic the worst aspects of male behavior.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Not every woman likes this stuff!

    by IK1701

    Please do not make the general assumption that every woman will run to the theater swooning over Edward Cullen. I am absolutely disgusted that this movie is on track beating the brilliant Dark Knight's opening weekend numbers! Several of my friends are into Twilight so I did give it a chance and have read the first book to see what it's all about... I thought the book wasn't very good, simple as that. It was too sweet, soap-opera-like and kitschy for my taste. So I will stay away from any of the movies or any of the other books. I'm sick and tired of seeing all the ads on TV...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:29 p.m. CST

    The real culprit behind the decline of art and civilization:

    by ebonic_plague

    Vapid, narcissistic young girls and the idiot guys who cater to their horrible tastes just for the chance to bone them. All demographics are complicit to a degree. It's a chicken and egg thing, IMO.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:31 p.m. CST

    "butch dykes and mimic the worst aspects of male behavior"

    by cylon_conspiracy

    They're calling that "empowered" now... gotta use the PC terms. It's the same thing, just different words really.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Creepy, some great female directors...

    by Boxcutter

    Jane Campion, Susanne Bier, Agnieszka Holland, Mira Nair (Amelia excepted) - nothing drippy or forced about their work. Oh, and some mad Teuton called Leni Riefenstahl, Seminal, but without the semen.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Lesbians on TV

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:56 p.m. CST

    A serious point

    by Boxcutter

    ...and there's one to be made (probably someone could make it better than me, however) about the "pandering" of the TV programmers and marketeers to the female audience in primetime - which they all seemed to discover in the late 70s when the megasoaps hit. This has reached its apotheosis in the car crash appeal (and CHEAP production costs) of "real soaps" like Survivor, the Real Whores of Wherever County, Sex Rehab, Dancing with the Twats, Home Makeover...insert the one you loathe most here. But worse is the attempts to up the oestrogen-containing watcher numbers for big sports events like the Olympics. in 96 the Atlanta Olympiad (and most of them screened on these shores since) was well nigh unwatchable on NBC, since research showed that women like "stories" and "narratives"...so instead of seeing actual live coverage we would have a packaged nightly dramadoc, soundtracked to impeccable synth strings and acoustic guitar, on the recent untimely death of some diminutive Tampa gymnast's hamster and how this brought the family together - complete with endless fucking interviews, slomo domestic scenes - and focused her training, before they squeezed a few minutes of highlights in before the next batch of Miller, Canon and Micky D shills. Er, where were we?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Which is why ABC was so unsure about V

    by cylon_conspiracy

    ... they were concerned that women would not like spaceships and words like "alien invasion"... chicks in general fucking hate genre entertainment, and to call these Twilight movies legitimate genre is just stupid. Shouldn't even be on this site, just legitimizes the whole thing.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Boxcutter, THEY'RE GOOD AND I'LL GIVE YOU RIEFENSTAHL....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    Too bad that she needed the support of the Nazi's to make her films. If she had went to the States she could have been one of the all time greats.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Women LOVE sci fi stuff

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Ever been to cons? Far more women there than men. Women dress up as fucking Slave Leia! Most of the fans of the New Galactica were women, because the cast was predominately male.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:31 p.m. CST

    FKAC, I'm not supporting my gender?

    by Meadowe

    Because I've got a vag and I'm not hopping on the "twi-hard" bandwagon I'm not supportive? What just because I don't find the three leads in these films attractive? Or because I know that Dancingforever is just bs? Or is it because I don't attack a bunch of mattoid loners who put down chicks that I WILL LIKELY NEVER MEET IN REAL LIFE OR ADMIT TO ME THEY RECOGNIZE MY NAME FROM POSTING ON HERE DESPITE POSTING UNDER MY GOD GIVEN 1ST NAME? Could you clarify what you meant by "Meadowe, way to support your gender." Or did I already list it above? Well you can have your opinion that's coo'. By the way later tonight I'm posting a review of new moon. You *might* be surprised.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:31 p.m. CST

    I said chicks in general

    by cylon_conspiracy

    <p>If they are dressing as Slave Leia, it is specifically to be drooled over by the nerdy guys at comicon. Yes I have known some girls who like sci-fi... but they are in the minority. I know way more women who will roll their eyes the second they hear someone say "Star Trek" or "Star Wars", and even more inexplicably, that they have never actually seen any product from those franchises.</p> <p>The point is this Twilight stuff is not sci-fi or horror, it just poses as something like that. Doesn't belong on AICN.</p>

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 6:31 p.m. CST

    I say fuck the women/gay bashing...

    by The Dum Guy

    <br>I do know chicks who find Twilight laughable, the fact is we must blame stupid people (men, women, striaght and gay) for making shitty movies/tv/music so goddamned profitable.<br>

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:02 p.m. CST

    ABOUT A BOY was fucking awful

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    Hugh Grant of the stammering/overblinking school of acting and a "Killing me Softly" film climax had me throwing up in my mouth a little bit.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Oh, this TB is GOLD!

    by buffywrestling

    Who else can we feel superior too? Midgets? I look down on midgets.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:35 p.m. CST

    It's just another week of crap movies

    by lockesbrokenleg

    No wonder New Moon was huge. Christ, it made PA's entire gross in under 3 hours.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Dakota Fanning needs her own spin off

    by Tall_Boy66

    One of the few highlights of the film was her. "Or desert." Pretty funny. She's good at playing evil. Rest of it was really blah and lame. There's always hints, and teases that this series may finally find it's balls and step up and be something awesome but it never does. It's like being a Bills or Leafs fan.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:45 p.m. CST

    The chase sequence to Yorke's song was pretty great

    by Tall_Boy66

    This movie didn't have the indie handheld vibe of the first, which is a shame because that's one of the few good things about it. This one is more Hollywood slick and is almost entirely lame, but it has the odd bright spot, like that vampire/werewolf chase scene set to the Thom Yorke song, that was very well done. One of the few times a slow-motion shot sequence kind of clicks. I'm convinced you edit together Twilight and New Moon into about 40 minutes from both movies, it would be pretty watchable.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:09 p.m. CST

    You know what's REALLY fucked up??

    by spud mcspud

    That NEW MOON can get four talkbacks in two days, but SUPERNATURAL is in its fifth awesome season and one particular site - mentioning no names, Big Red! - is fucking ignoring it AGAIN.<P> There's more originality, charisma, smarts, intelligence and just good ol' entertainment in five minutes of an average SUPERNATURAL than the entire ouevre of abstinence Queen Stephanie Meyer. God help us, and God help this site, if they think TWILIGHT is more fucking relevant to AICN fans than SUPERNATURAL...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:13 p.m. CST

    Dancingforever

    by spud mcspud

    God, I almost feel like I should warn you off this site. We're mostly a bunch of bitter, twisted old farts venting our spleen because those who reply to us are usually more help than a shrink. I also feel really weird about swearing so much knowing there's a high schooler on here. That said...<P> You got passion, you got smarts, and you got a thick skin. Damn good for you! You'll need all those to make it as a writer, and there's no better place to get baptised in fire than the AICN TBs - if you can leave here with your self-esteem intact, there's nothing you can't do. So long as you can defend your position on whatever discussion you're joining, with grace, tolerance, intelligence and a fair dollop of humour, you will be GREAT. Just don't take anything said about you with you away from the computer. It's all more in jest than anything else.<P> Oh, and good luck. You'll do just fine ;D

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:15 p.m. CST

    The kid from ABOUT A BOY...

    by spud mcspud

    ...Is still overcompensating for that movie by making as many "adult" teen dramas (read: lots of swearing, smoking, and shagging - C4's idea of "adult") as he can to rid himself of that sweet little kid image. ABOUT A BOY fucked Nicholas Hoult up for life, I'm convinced of that.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:17 p.m. CST

    David Slade making ECLIPSE??

    by spud mcspud

    He must REALLY need the money. What else can propel a guy from HARD CANDY (creepy awesome) to 30 DAYS OF NIGHT (the last decent scary vampire flick in YEARS) to ECLIPSE (guaranteed shite)?? The only way he can escape this with any dignity intact would be to cast Danny huston as a renegade Volturi or something, and make with the bloodletting. Oh, and then go pay off White Wolf for Meyer ripping off KINDRED: THE EMBRACE...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:18 p.m. CST

    McSpud

    by buffywrestling

    Quit hitting on the high schooler, you sick fuck ;)

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:23 p.m. CST

    It's a kids film

    by Giant Ape Balls

    Why get so worked up about it? It's not made for you or me, it's made for young teenage girls. Let them have their crushes over ripped guys. I loved Wierd Science as a kid with Kelly Lebrock. Sure, it was a daft flick when I look at it now, but I loved it at the time. One Tree Hill with Vamps ain't going to hurt anyone.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:24 p.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by Rupee88

    well said

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:41 p.m. CST

    WEIRD SCIENCE is daft, but it's absurdist humor as well

    by YackBacker

    It was a contemporary riff on those old '50s movies- monsters mixed with silly coming-of-age stuff. John Hughes knew what he was doing, and it was all tongue-in-cheek fun.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 8:51 p.m. CST

    mrbeaks is really "DancingForever"...

    by TopHat

    ...hand to God...

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:20 p.m. CST

    DancingForever, Didn't Get to See It Today, Darn It

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I did not get a chance to see NEW MOON today, but I'm hoping I'll get to see it tomorrow morning, so I'll come HERE to write the review. BTW, if you want to talk to someone who is an autistic person, I'm it, and I'm always looking for other non-neurotypical people to talk to. I saw you're attending Stewart Home School so I figured maybe you were non-neurotypical. If you are and you'd like to chat about TWILIGHT or anything, please email me at spymunk@gmail.com! Anyway, since I couldn't go I rewatched the first TWILIGHT to get myself in the mood. Your new modified review is MUCH stronger than the first one. Remembering to write and write and rewrite and rewrite is a key to success.<p><p>Oh, and I wanted to also congratulate you for keeping a level head and rising above the hatred all around on these Talkbacks. When you see someone write venomous posts, it's because their own lives are very empty and sad. You keep a great attitude, ma'am, and I am glad to see you keeping that attitude even when peopel attack you. Remember, the truly intelligent people are the ones who can see the truth of the universe.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 9:59 p.m. CST

    Spymunk is so noble!!

    by buffywrestling

    So understanding to other fandoms!See you in the next Dollhouse talkback {Dec 4th}.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:30 p.m. CST

    DON'T EVER FUCKING COMPARE WEIRD SCIENCE TO TWILIGHT!!!

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    That movie was and still is a fucking classic. These piece of shit Twilight movies will be forgotten by the stupid tween bitches that flock to see them within 5 years if not sooner once another fad comes in. They're low grade, badly made trash as opposed to something like Fright Night which is STILL a beloved Horror movie and holds up over two decades later.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:32 p.m. CST

    Buffy -

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    LOL, no, I have no patience for DOLLHOUSE. 'Twas a doomed concept from the get-go.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:34 p.m. CST

    It's ripping off the Harry Potter thing

    by lockesbrokenleg

    churn out a book. Churn out a movie. The only difference is that Twilight is only slightly worse than Potter.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:42 p.m. CST

    LA Times: New Moon projected to make $70m -

    by PennsyDeux

    For Friday ALONE. http://tinyurl.com/yf8z42s

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 10:53 p.m. CST

    Would be a badass movie if Edward turns to leave Bella...

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    and see Blade standing in the doorway with a grin on his face!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:11 p.m. CST

    THIS MOVIE

    by HarryLove

    is stealing our girlfriends!!!!!! FUCK YOU NEW MOON!!!!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Heh, you guys are the reason girls love Twilight.

    by AnnoyYou

    They want pretty boys who look at them longingly with LOVE in their eyes...and what they get in real life are smelly, slobbering boy-men who want to get in their pants and treat them like crap. So they spend their money to watch Robert Pattinson yearn over and "protect" Kristen Stewart, something they know will never, ever happen to them in their lives. Pathetic, really.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:42 p.m. CST

    HArry willl eat this shit

    by Wookie_1995

    up with a smile on his face, and fap to the thought of another twatlight

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Alexandre Desplat

    by starlesswinter7

    is the only good thing about this film. His score makes up for the terrible drama.

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Fuck Twilight!! It's a Piece of Dog Shit!

    by BlackBriar

    Don't Compare it, don't agree with it,Don't waste your time and money.You won't see someone taking a shit, So don't Bother! It's SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S It's SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 12:52 a.m. CST

    AnnoyYou

    by cylon_conspiracy

    There are plenty of wusses out there. They're usually alone. The guys that "treat them like crap" are the guys that actually get chicks. Of course "treat them like crap" really just means don't faun over them and act like a puppy dog. Be a little arrogant and cocky once in awhile. Learn it now or suffer later.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 1:23 a.m. CST

    The first annual AICN TWILIGHT Hater's Ball continues...

    by BurnHollywood

    Hate, hate, hate! I'm loving this...

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 1:58 a.m. CST

    Who the fuck cares about this shit...

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    ...when A V A T A R is FUCKING OUR EYEBALLS this very December?

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 2:14 a.m. CST

    FOUR HEADLINES ABOUT TWILIGHT

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    AINT-IT-CULLEN-NEWS!

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 2:30 a.m. CST

    The saddest part

    by r2hunter

    The saddest part is that the success of this will lead to more garbage exactly like it. And even if Avatar is wicked, it won't make as much. This makes me very, very sad at the state of film.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 2:32 a.m. CST

    by r2hunter

    If Avatar fucks our eyeballs, what does New Moon do to them?

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 2:40 a.m. CST

    Queefs on them?

    by cylon_conspiracy

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 2:44 a.m. CST

    Have only seen Twilight via RiffTrax

    by Dingbatty

    Line?...Line?...which was a hoot. I can imagine how painful these would be straight up, though. Only good part is how Ashley Greene lifts her leg every time she pitches the baseball, which I find oddly fascinating. Well, not odd -- erotically fascinating.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:05 a.m. CST

    AnnoyYou/cylon_conspiracy, WRONG AND WRONG…..

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    Firstly, women have unrealistic expectations. They want an idealized fantasy which is no better then some guy whacking off to porn. Secondly, most women like being with assholes because they need the drama and the constant push/pull dynamic. Third, most women will put up with some fucking asshole because he’s good looking and they think that they can’t do any better while the men in the relationship know they can get another stupid bitch to fuck any time they want.<br> <br>Example; there’s a guy that lives down the hall from me. He’s your typical wigger douchebag with the prerequisite baggy pants hanging down to his fucking knee’s. But the guy is good looking and has a good body. He had this chick show up at his fucking door every other day and the crazy cunt was shrieking for him to let her in. She would stand there, screaming and crying for him to open and she didn’t even know if he was there half the time as they guy either was ether not responding or wasn’t there. The rest of the time I’d hear them yelling at each other and just listening to him, you could tell that he’s a fucking punk. But this dumb bitch, who was quite good looking herself, kept this shit up for weeks until he finally told her to get to fuck. A week later he had some other little piece of ass. Now, why would a woman subject herself to that sort of shit and go out of her way to make a fucking scene over some asshole if she wasn’t desperately needy?<br> <br>What’s really pathetic is the way that women pretend as though what really matters is that they feel some sort of deep emotional connection with a man when the truth is that they’re with him because of either his money or looks. True love doesn’t exist except between people who have compatible physical or financial characteristics and that’s all there is too it.<br> <br>Getting back to Twilight, the reason I hate it and shit all over the dumb bitches that watch this trash is that it isn’t even real Horror and there are no real vampires of werewolves, just a bunch of pretty boys posing and fighting over a self absorbed little bitch, exactly the same type of girl that pays to see a movie like this to live out her delusional fantasies.<br> <br>Final note; I always find it amusing how, when men cheat, it’s because were pigs but, when a woman does it, it’s because she didn’t feel the love anymore and her man wasn’t satisfying her emotional needs which makes it perfectly fine, right?

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    "It's actually pretty good."- Rorshach1

    by PTSDPete

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA</P>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA</P></P>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA</P></P>This generation stinks.</P>

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:19 a.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by PTSDPete

    You do know that 'Twilight' is a tribute to your views. </p>Right ?</p>

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Stephanie Meyer was a creation of misogynist pricks

    by PTSDPete

    Enjoy !

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:42 a.m. CST

    The short version is Creepy's girlfriend

    by buffywrestling

    went ass to mouth on his best friend. Poor Creepy.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:44 a.m. CST

    women

    by HarryLove

    are stupid. there i said it.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Girls are also bad at math

    by buffywrestling

    There I said it.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:57 a.m. CST

    You know what else girls are bad at?

    by buffywrestling

    Sarcasm.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:04 a.m. CST

    buffywrestling, I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE TASTE OF......

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    Shit covered cock quite well.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST

    Also

    by PTSDPete

    One of the things that make 'Twilight' such an epic fail is that it is a byproduct of an atrophying frame-of-mind : that whole strain of sex-based religio-racist-puritanical conservativism along the lines of the George W. Bush people ( libertines threaten me with their practiced 'freedom', so sex must be evil. Therefore, I'm going to swear off alternative lifestyles, practice abstinence, support the War In Iraq, buy guns kill all abortionists and gays, put women in their place, adhere to the most Rightist mores, and worship armageddon Jesus ( sure, I am just as put off by them pretentious libertine types, but I still remain a Leftist. And an atheist. ) You go by these people's paranoia, and it would seems that sexual indiscretion is the be-all and end-all of evil in their world. Oh, it's perfectly fine to engage in Wall Street crimes, for as long as you stand against Homosexuality and Sleaze. RIGHT ?</p> Which leads me to my question : why is it the most overtly NEO-CONSERVATIVE works end up looking like GAY PORN ?!? ( 300 ?!? Twilight ?!? )</p></p> Something of pure, absolute contradiction a lot of people could never hope to understand. I mean, how do you explain that ?</p> And this doesn't apply to just the books or the works, or whatever. It's also in the personalities. This strain of stupid, jack-ass conservativism either appeals to sleazy people, or make people look like sleaze. Lemme count the ways : Sarah Palin ? Mark Foley ? Bristol Palin ? Then you got the '70s boob ladies succumbing to the same ideological lines. And Vanity ! Another one is : the co-founder ( if not the REAL founder ) of 'Suicide Girls' is male - and he is an avowed conservative. A lot of things have been written about this fantastic contradiction - nay, outright HYPOCRICY - of Right-Wing Pundits ( least of which, FOX news ), who like to wag their fingers at the cultural indecencies, yet visibly slobber all over the bikini chicks that gets within their line of sight ? Is this just the insecure nonsense of the people who adhere to this frame of mind, where they had to insist their 'ownership' of the other all the time ? Is this a byproduct of being mocked and maligned FOR BEING A WEASEL when they were kids, shut out of parties, and not getting any with girls, and this is their comeback. Or are they these worthless losers, who grew into adulthood thinking of nothing but their gonads, and getting out of it, their gonads still decide ?</p> So they go about, screaming Hosannas and praying like a motherfucker in Church 'coz they've sworn off getting fucked and sucked, or it keeps their mids away from their only needs in life : which is fucking and sucking. The dick and pussy stays in the pants, yeah. That will show them, cheerleaders and jocks ! You can keep your 'Ivy League' proclivities, I ain't gonna need that anyways. Hu hu hu. I don't need THAT sex, this abstinence and religious euphoria is MY sex ! Should this account then for Stephanie Meyer's social 'concerns' taking the form of a sparkling, moody, pasty Aryan, and a shirtless, disposable Minority fellow ?</p></p> I personally think this is psychological damage of a MAJOR scale : of a society so rendered powerless by the corporations that own their lives, that they can only choose to gravitate between the sleaze of the effeminate Democrats, and the sleaze of butch, cock-sucking Republicans.God help America.</p>

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:10 a.m. CST

    Creepy, I actually do

    by buffywrestling

    I tasted it on your ex-girlfriend`s tongue when we made out behind your back. I had to stand in line but it was worth it.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:17 a.m. CST

    Movie sucks cuz book sucks

    by shittybeatles

    Wondering what the hoopla was all about I read Twilight a couple years ago. I can honestly say that never have I read anything so mundane, air-headed, and void of any vitality whatsoever in all my life. Hoping the series might get better I got about 100 pages into New Moon but then decided "You know what? I just don't care." The film probably lacks substance because the filmmakers had such shitty source material. I loved the NKOTB analogy Beaks. That's exactly what this shit looks like.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:51 a.m. CST

    buffywrestling, I'M SURE HER BREATH WAS STILL....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    Better than yours.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:53 a.m. CST

    PTSDPete, NEO-CONSERVATIVES ARE ALL CLOSET FAGS!!!FACT!!!

    by TehCreepyThinMan

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5:01 a.m. CST

    It did have a bit of an aftertaste

    by buffywrestling

    Luckily, your mom was in the line behind me and gave me a hard candy. Then I made out with her too.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5:30 a.m. CST

    Creepy and buffy

    by HarryLove

    need to FUCK!!! you guys are driving me crazy!!!

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5:44 a.m. CST

    Deja Vu

    by buffywrestling

    "need to FUCK!!! you guys are driving me crazy!!!" <p> Do you know Creepy's Mom too?

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5:47 a.m. CST

    yes

    by HarryLove

    you introduced me.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:01 a.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan = Instantly Proven WRONG

    by quantize

    Hurt Locker. <p> wake the fuck up you misogynistic douche.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:03 a.m. CST

    iluvsyfy, go fuck yourself and your shallow notions of cinema

    by AsimovLives

    No, really, go fuck yourself.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:05 a.m. CST

    Boxcutter

    by AsimovLives

    You forgot to mention Kathryn Bigelow.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:06 a.m. CST

    asimov

    by HarryLove

    why did you hate the new trek?

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:06 a.m. CST

    And the Punisher: Warzone movie...

    by AsimovLives

    ... was directed by a woman.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:07 a.m. CST

    its not that bad

    by HarryLove

    i really just hated the shaky cam.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:08 a.m. CST

    War zone was good

    by HarryLove

    no doubt about that

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 8:47 a.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinGuy--- you're right man youre right

    by DioxholsterReturns

    its all rather pointless, and look at the stuff they watch on TV. jeez if it werent for their gorgeous bodies, i wouldve never even bothered to care for their interests. and lets be fair here, if it werent for their low self-esteem issues we wouldve not gotten some so easily, so it all works out in the end. like imagine women who are so into themselves that they demand 8-inch dicks only and nothing less. we would all be screwed. so lets pretend we have emotions so we can get into their pants, thats the first thing i learned in high school.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Although I don't like this Twilight crap -

    by Laserbrain

    I just want to say, I ain't with these creepy misogynists.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:43 a.m. CST

    "Twilighters" the new Trekkies????

    by rogueleader66

    Somewhere in this TB, someone had asked that question. Probably THE most absurd question I have ever heard on this site EVER. In 30 years no one will be talking about Twilight, there wont be Twilight conventions, it will in no way be held in the same regard as Star Trek...EVER, to even think this is so ridiculous. It's a fad, one that will die out, hopefully sooner rather than later, but it will die out.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:46 a.m. CST

    It's not aimed at 30 year old men

    by pokadoo

    It's made specificly for teenage girls. Said tween girls love it, therefore it's a success. Teenage girls don't Give a crap about Avatar or Star Wars.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:48 a.m. CST

    lol Twilight will be forgotten 2 month after release

    by DioxholsterReturns

    of final film. just like harry potter

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:50 a.m. CST

    These girls will grow up as soon as they get knocked up

    by DioxholsterReturns

    then they will know vampire fantasy is bullshit

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 10:11 a.m. CST

    AVATAR Will Never Be Forgotten, Dix

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    You have to remember something first before you can forget it, and again and again and again the American public have made the point known that they couldn't give their last fuck for AVATAR. I wouldn't be surprised if AVATAR film fails to break $100m. It's this generations HEAVEN'S GATE, this generation's WATERWORLD, and it is going to tank so hard it's going to make fanboys wet themselves with agony. I can't wait. Watching the geeks on here stumble to come up with explanations other than "Nobody in America likes sci-fi and fantasy" will be hilarious to see. Fuck you all, AVATAR fans. Your day of FAIL is coming soon!

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 12:27 p.m. CST

    Yep...y'all don't like it....

    by The Elvish Chef

    ...but the damn thing grossed $72.7 MILLION on it's opening day. On track to become the BIGGEST box-office weekend of all time. Whether you liked the movie or not, the studio LOVES it. It's making big mega-bucks for them, AND THAT'S ALL THEY CARE ABOUT. Whine all you want.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Herc, Let's have a Glee talkback this week

    by InActionMan

    I want to see the nerd rage turned up to 11 or maybe even 12.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 12:55 p.m. CST

    Twilight is Still Better than Bayformers

    by havehope

    Not saying much, but more hate should be directed towards Bayformers than Twilight. At least there is some integrity within it, with characters that can speak rather than the shite that is bayformers.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Look, little Girls OWN when it comes to $$$

    by havehope

    Titanic, this...Pretty Woman? If you appeal to the senses of little girls it is GAME OVER, in a box office sense. What happened to given us guys what we want? We are still waiting, damn it!

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 1:48 p.m. CST

    More kiddie book bullshit

    by nostairway

    What's with all these books for kids becoming movies that adults are obsessed with? First Harry Potter, now this crap. You know you live in a nation of morons when young adult books are more popular with adults than adult books.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Did your theater smell of fish?

    by standundermyumbrella

    Mine smelled like a tuna factory

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:28 p.m. CST

    "Give Us Guys What We Want"

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    They tried that. Twice. It was called CRANK. The first time you kind of showed up half-stoned and drunk and farting all over yourselves while laughing and spitting, scratching your testicles and then trying to reach into the popcorn and then smear a buttery hand over everybody's collectiove breast. Then, after you got laid by that movie, they tried to get you to call back the next day for CRANK 2 but you pretended not to be home and took a long dump and then a shower without wiping first.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Dancing, I Just Saw NEW MOON

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I just got back from seeing NEW MOON, Dancing, and your review is right-on. The performances are all universally-stronger than the first movie. The special effects are solid, esp. the fight sequence with the Volturi - I adored Dakota Fanning as Jane. This time around, the vampire perfomers really have settled into their familiar roles and the new ones have come on to give us some added conflict. Dakota, especially, really had a look in her eyes that said she was as old and merciless a being as we were led to believe. There's a sense of humor to the Volturi sequences that really makes them seem even more evil and chilling, the cavalier way in which they deal with human and vampire lives and then vanish back out of the story to sort of bubble underneath the surface - it leaves you knowing there's a lot more to them than has been revealed so far, and I was pleased to see Cameron Bright in there too as he is a favorite actor of mine right now. I hope he gets to do more as Erik in the next movies. The action sequences were stronger, too, and really carried the pace of the movie up a few notches. Edward and Bella's romance was a lot more believable this time around, too, and I "got" Robert P.'s performance a lot better this time than last. Bella as performed by Kristen Stewart was more believable, too, in the sense that she seemed more like a real teenage girl dealing with the way her life has turned out and trying to make sense of who (and what) she is going to become. I felt Taylor Lautner did a great job as Jacob, as well, giving him the quiet strength the character needed when it would've been so much easier just to make him seem tough and powerful on the outside. Instead, Taylor measured back his performance from that kind of thing - which would've seemed cheesy and silly - and made Jacob a person dealing with some difficult and complex situations not of his own making. In all, I felt NEW MOON fixed just about everything I disliked in TWILIGHT and I'm hoping ECLIPSE carries that level of prowess with its new director. This director clearly got the material and is working with the right cylinders firing in his brain. I had an absolute blast, Dancing! Keep the faith, and run with the vampires (though I'm a Team Jacob person myself).

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Oh, and MrBeaks?

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I spent a good portion of my childhood shirtless. I would've gone pantsless too if they'd've let me. Also - reservation life isn't too far removed, aesthetically, from what you see in Forks. Really. It ain't great.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 4:37 p.m. CST

    I love the Talkbacks

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Now that I have forever abandoned the chat room of AICN - soulless wasteland of doom that it is - I find that there's more communication and OPPORTUNITY FOR INTERACTION here.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5 p.m. CST

    Damn, I was really excited to see this movie

    by Rob0729

    Then I realized I am not a 15 year old girl and I decided to pass.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 5:04 p.m. CST

    Rob0729

    by Hey_Kobe_Tell_Me_How_My_Ass_Tastes

    Puberty is a bitch aint it? Or maybe not in your case. Then again if you are just now finding out...

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 6:26 p.m. CST

    This movie is so good it's ridiculous ThusSpakeSpymunk

    by Dancingforever

    I have now seen it three times and plan on going back again. Its the best movie I have ever seen and it gets better each time you watch it. Im nervous that Eclipse will have a different director because this one was so good I dont want to change anything. I feel really bad for Jacob but Edward is the coolest so I cant blame Bella for her decision, I think she will be forever in like with Jacob but Edward is her one true love. After seeing the movie multiple times I can also say that this is the first time the werewolf/vampire relationship has been done in a real cool way and not he typical thing where weres are slaves to vampires, that they are human protectors is real cool. Alice is becoming my favorite character, I used to like the Dad best but Alice is real cool and seems to have great timing. Im glad you liked the movie and I hope that they consider some of the actors for an academy award, especially Jacob for supporting actor and maybe Kristen Stewart for best actress.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Dancing - *SPOILERS*

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I agree with you about the werewolf idea - I liked the idea that was stated in the movie that the werewolf gene makes the werewolf power 'sleep' in a person but awakens when a vampire is nearby in those people who have it, sort of like a built-in defense system for the world against the apex-predator vampires. Alice was awesome in this movie; you really got a sense of how her visions have affected her sanity ... but she's not JUST crazy or JUST pretending. It's a mix of the two, which would be very hard to pull off in any kind of movie, let alone a fantasy fi;m like this.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:12 p.m. CST

    About those werewolves...

    by spud mcspud

    I've only seen the NEW MOON trailer, but I gotta know - when Jacob leaps in the air, transforms mid-leap and lands as a bad-ass werewolf, WHERE do his shredded clothes go? Watch carefully - the clothes shreds DON'T LAND!!<P> That's just lame...

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 9:14 p.m. CST

    And I just rewatched WEIRD SCIENCE...

    by spud mcspud

    Here in my snot-ridden sick bed, and you know what? It ROCKS! TehCreepyThinMan is RIGHT - it's a stone-cold classic.<P> But you know what really scary? Kell LeBrock turns 50 on March 24 next year. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMNNNNN....

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 11:33 p.m. CST

    CRACKED BREAKS DOWN THE TWILIGHT BOOKS....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 12:33 a.m. CST

    haha...beaks, you

    by inkingeekX

    just blamed the filmmakers for making a movie that sounds EXACTLY like the book haha!!!

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 12:38 a.m. CST

    ITS MADE FOR YOUNG GIRLS.

    by uberman

    The series has huge appeal to young, teenage girls. This demographic always has to endure the attacks on their tastes by older, more mature males. This is not supposed to be 'film'. It simply is a glossy romantic kids book featuring the cutest boys to appeal to said girls. Yes, young girls like one thing: Boys. They like well marketed boys in spite of the music or the film featuring them. It will never be different, so if your not a girl and/or retarded older woman, you just wont get the appeal.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 1:05 a.m. CST

    How in the fuck

    by inkingeekX

    do pieces of shit like this get made while something as original and legitimately awesome-sounding as Solomon Kane can't even find a distributer...oh the humanity! On the flip side, Twilight has made me a lot of money (I've done no less than three of those gay tribal tattoos that "Jacob" has on his arm this week)! haha-suckers

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 1:10 a.m. CST

    Actual post from

    by inkingeekX

    fuckmylife.com"Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying that she wanted someone, "more like her Edward" when I asked who the fuck edward was, she thrusted a copy of twilight at me and stormed out...so sad, so very fucking sad...

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    has anyone seen...

    by inkingeekX

    the cover for the Near Dark blu-ray? They gave Caleb the"Edward eyes" which he didn't have at all in the movie, and pretty much copied the cover...so sad they felt they had to do this in order to get new people interested...

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:09 a.m. CST

    Wow, men hate it, what a shock

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Most men can't handle anything in entertainment that doesn't have an explosion every 10 seconds. It was made for women. Not men. Oh, and Blade sucks ass.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:26 a.m. CST

    Blade does not suck!!!!!!

    by inkingeekX

    and-for the record, I am a man and I accept twilight as a reasonable, and not relationship-ending fight inducing substitute to my girlfriend suggesting we watch, say, The Sex and the City movie for the hundredth time...and those books and movies weren't made for "women" they're made for "girls"

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:39 a.m. CST

    " We're turning into a nation of wimps "- George Liquior

    by PTSDPete

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Lol, grown men arguing over this shit

    by lockesbrokenleg

    What's wrong? Couldn't find another Avatar commercial to put up?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 3:07 a.m. CST

    haha-i'm not "grown"

    by inkingeekX

    i'm only 27...

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST

    I will watch it a second time. I liked it.

    by antonphd

    And I can't wait for the Wolfman. What can I say... I like Die Hard movies and I like Twilight movies. Not a lot of difference except one appeals to a 12 year old boy and one a 12 year old girl. I'm married. My wife watches Die Hard with me and I watch Twilight with her. It's popcorn and candy fun. Nothing more and nothing less. We like fantastic stories. They are fun. Some are classics like LOTR and some are just passing entertainment like Twilight. You can call it bad all you want but you know... you like superhero films like Spiderman and Batman so you can't really talk. I enjoyed the hell out of The Dark Knight, but, it's still a movie for 12 year olds.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    FFS, you lot (reviewers) need to get a grip

    by Brody77

    It's pretty clear to me the only reason you're all slating these flicks is because you think it's the cool thing to do. Sure, they are very flawed & rip off pretty much everything that's gone before, but calm the fuck down. You'd think it was episode 1 all over again the way you're all talking. You can't completely hate a film where Michael Sheen is so deliciously evil! (nice to see big Chris Heyerdahl from Stargate Atlantis/Sanctuary too.) And who didn't find Dakota Fanning creepy as hell? Chill out, all of you.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Self deinial is HOT right now.

    by gotilk

    I swear I heard that on TV in passing. Some morning show. No joke. Wish I'd DVR'd it.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6:26 a.m. CST

    The people complaining the most

    by Dancingforever

    Have not even seen the movie yet. Notice how the people spewing the most vile comments, don't even reference the movie. Im going for the 4th time today and cant wait. You have werewolves ripping vampires heads off, the Volturi who are about the best Vampires ever in a movie, Dakota Fanning, the whole Jacob story line, there is a ton of cool stuff to like in this. Maybe if some of you saw the film you would understand why it had the biggest opening day ever. That means that New Moon owned Star Wars, Batman, and everything else. There a lot more people who like this movie than people think and its not just young girls.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 7:10 a.m. CST

    $43 million for Saturday, $140m weekend?

    by PennsyDeux

    Nikki Finke w/both sets of numbers. Wow.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 7:26 a.m. CST

    Dancingforever, BIGGEST OPENING EVER = MILLIONS OF MORONS!!!FACT

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    And you're one of them. This piece of shit is no better then Transformers ROTF and just as insulting to anyone with a brain. Luckily there are tens of millions of fucking idiots like you who will lap this trash up, thus helping cinema's slide into the fucking shitter. Its braindead troglodytes, such as your self, that reward lazy movie making for the lowest common denominator. You have no brains and even less taste. You want a GOOD vampire movie? Bram Stokers Dracula or Interview with the Vampire. Both are fucking quality and stupid teen bitches would NEVER go to see them because they are REAL Horror movies unlike this fucking Romeo and Juliet style shit being played out, for the 12 millionth time, in a PG-13 landscape written by some Mormon bitch who’s underlying subtext is that women should forgive physical abuse and abstain from sex.<br> <br>The fact is that you don’t give a fucking shit about the quality of anything. AT ALL. You don’t fucking care just so long as the queerbait get their shirts off and your panties get wet. It fucking sickens me that the scum of North America actually put 72 million dollars, IN ONE DAY, into the pockets of these asswipes who are playing you for suckers which is exactly what you are. And they’ll keep pumping more of this garbage out because they know they have a never ending supply of low IQ dipshits ready to consume anything with a bunch of pretty faces.<br> <br>Here’s a perfect example of the differences between boys and girls. Boys ran to see Transformers 1 & 2 to the tune of over 1.5 billion at the box office. Morons were under the impression that Megan Fox was now a bankable actress just because she happened to be in those movies and, yet, Jennifer’s Body just came out and fucking TANKED. Know why? It’s because boys went to see the fucking Transformers, not some dead-eyed zombie fuckdoll and they couldn’t give a shit that she was starring in another movie. It’s because we’re not soo feeble minded so as to shovel money towards a movie starring a no-talent pornslut. On the other hand, retarded teenage girls across North America have went running to see every piece of shit that faggot Shit LaBeef has starred in, all of which has been piss poor.<br> <br>You are fixated on nothing but shiny superficial gloss without any thought as to the inner meaning of anything and the Twilight series exemplifies everything that is not only wrong with you but also of society which has devolved into a true idiocracy. I fucking hope the Mayan’s were right and the world is coming to an end because the sooner the better given how low our civilization seems to be sinking every fucking day.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 7:39 a.m. CST

    Who gets the girl?

    by DDMAN26

    Count Chocula or Fruit Brute?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 7:53 a.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by Brody77

    Bram Stoker's Dracula is a piece of shit. Come on man, it had Keanu "Beuda-pesht" Reeves in it! Oldman was awesome, but the film was a mess. New Moon is way better that TF2 was (no racist robots, no clanging metal balls and NO SHIA!!) I think Ashley Greene & Peter Facinelli are both very good to watch, and I'll also admit the 3 leads of this movie are not very good - although Lautner is clearly trying. Cedric Diggory let me down, I thought he had more talent than this. Despite that, I still enjoyed most of the film, apart from the slo mo run through the woods vision, and will prob end up buying the blu-ray for the Mrs.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 9:04 a.m. CST

    interesting...

    by Redmantle

    The interesting thing is, that because of the reviews I read here, I was geared up to see a mind numbingly bad flick. (I took a very hot girl who really wanted to see it.. she read all the books, ugh!) Anyway, my expectations were so low, that when it finally came on I found it was not so bad. That's the good thing about low expectations! LOL

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 10:57 a.m. CST

    CreepyThinMan/Guy/Dude

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA? You mean the one where they were so lazy they couldn't even be bothered to get a professional mime or dancer to play the part of Dracula's Shadow, so the scenes where it's supposed to be eerie that the shadow and Dracula's movements are slightly varied simply LOOK like a dude and the shadow of some other dude because the movements not only are different, but don't register to the eye as belonging to the same body? You mean the one where Keanu Reeves remarks with a Valley Guy accent "'Tis the man himself, but made YOUNG?" You mean the one where Oldman grunts his way through every line as if it were good acting? "I hef krawzzed EWWWWH-shunz of THYME tooh fayyyndEH -yoo-?" You mean the one where Oldman's Dracula hilariously takes his sword, stabs it point-first into a statue, lets go of it and it just kind of wobbles there like it's made of rubber and stays in the stone despite there being no rational way it could do that? You mean the movie where the werewolf effects consist of a dude with a fuzzy face jumping on (and raping) a young underaged girl? You mean the movie where Oldman wears that "queerbait" top hat and glasses and puffy shirt? Or how about the one where he's got the giant hairdo that looks like a man's behind coming out of the back of his head? Or that in the finale of the movie he's wearing a kimono like you'd expect to see worn by Mrs. Roper in an episode of THREE'S COMPANY? You mean that DRACULA, buddy? Because here's the thing: I like that DRACULA. But I recognize it has faults. It's not a perfect movie. You are so without a sack, so without balls that you can't handle ANY criticism of ANYTHING you like. I bet reading the above made you a little upset.<p><p>Know what? DancingForever and I have both seen NEW MOON (have you?), and we both loved the hell out of it, had a GREAT time at the theater, felt great going home, felt great writing reviews, felt great even despite people like you trying to put down the movie over and over and over again. Nothing you say will make either of us like the movie any less. Nothing you say has any effect on the amount of fun we had at the movie. The trouble is, fanboys such as yourself can't HAVE fun at the movies. The movies you like or see aren't based on your own tastes or preferences - they're based on public opinion, which is why you get so angry when people say that American comic books are "Biff! Bam! Pow!" or that you only went to see TRANSFORMERS: ROTF to look at the robots but you hated it and everything else. Guess what? You were either NOT smart enough to be able to tell from having seen the first one that this movie would be full of the same (you went anyway), or you're into self-abuse (weird) or you're just swayed by public opinion and your enjoyment of the movie was ruined because of how awful it was. If it was that awful, why did you go see it? Just so you could slag on it? OK, awesome - you're a douchebag who wastes his money. Cool. Dude, you're a typical fanboy coming from a typical fanboy's perspective. You have nothing in your life that you enjoy, nothing you take pleasure from, nothing but directionless anger in your heart and you can think of nothing better to do with a gorgeous Sunday morning than slag on someone else's ENJOYMENT of something, going so far as to tell people that if they experience PLEASURE then they are STUPID. The only difference is, you won't attribute this to yourself because you've made sure you've got such a cynical barrier in place that when YOU see something like TF: ROTF you make sure you don't get any enjoyment out of it, that you hate it, that you publicly register your hate, so that people will know you saw it but you were too smart to have a good time, too smart to enjoy yourself, too smart not to see it for the horrible piece of trash it was. Well, sir, guess what? You win the universe prize: BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER. You've made sure you're never going to have fun at the movies again. CONGRATULATIONS<p><p>Me, I admit the things I like have flaws, but the core of my argument is that I enjoy what I enjoy. You live in such a seething world of hate, such an unfortunate and disappointed existence, that if you were ever to go to visit Heaven in a dream you'd be standing around the Pearly Gates saying "HOLEE SHEEYIT, what's with the fog being so thin? What's with everyone wearing the same effing white robes? AND FOR GOD'S SAKE, COULD SOMEONE CUT OUT THE FAGGY HARP MUSIC, PLEASE? Dude, your wings look fake-ass, and that seraphim over there doesn't have as many eyes as they do in the WIND IN THE DOOR book I read as a kid, holy shit this place sucks, it's only for tweens and fags." How abut living in the real world like me and DancingForever, and maybe you should just go see the movie, relax, have some popcorn and stop overthinking everything and have a good time. How about it, Uncle Creepy?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Dancingforever - Just a correction...

    by spud mcspud

    Glad you enjoyed the movie - wild horses could not drag me to a theater to see this after the debacle that was TWILIGHT - but you're wrog in one respect: the Volturi are NOT the coolest vamps ever in a movie.<P> The coolest vamps in a movie EVER? Could be the gang in NEAR DARK, could be the main gang in THE LOST BOYS, or it could be Jerry Dandridge in FRIGHT NIGHT. I'm fairly certain they're cooler...<P> As for the Volturi... Have you seen INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE? Apart from them being much better novels than Meyer's TWILIGHT series (hell, Anne Rice has a much wider vocabulary, and her writing, though over-verbose, has a rich, textured descriptive quality to it), and just as much female interest, there's a scene in the movie where Louis (Brad Pitt) is in Paris having left Lestat, and found a vampire called Armand (Antonio Banderas) who leads a family of vampires who put on grand guignol plays every night where they feast on flesh as part of the act. Those Parisian vampires are more like the Volturi than the Volturi - they even have the same rules (if you kill your own kind, you will be executed). Methinks Stephanie Meyer has read/seen waaaaaaay more vampire stuff than she's admitting to...

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:03 a.m. CST

    Brody77 -

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Yeah, I don't get the hate for Taylor Lautner. I admit, I want to do the serious nasty with Taylor, but the thing is, I also think I'm viewing the film somewhat objectively in that I don't think he did -anything- wrong in his performance. I mean, he's playing Jacob as a guy dealing with a LOT of complex shit, and he comes off as believable. How he behaves is how I'd expect someone truly in that situation to behave. Since Jacob has to remain silent about a lot of things, and is essentally TELEPATHICALLY limited in what he can say and do RE: his situation, Taylor conveyed a lot of emotion with eyes, with body language. There's a lot of stuff that goes unsaid with Taylor and Robert, a lot of internalization I like that, and think it works. I went into NEW MOON not a fan of Robert's Edward, though not hating it. It took me a day after the movie but I think I "get" what Pattison is doing and it works a lot better in NEW MOON, where Edward clearly is realizing that the situation is ridiculous ... not in the sense that it's a bad story, but that his love for Bella is so strong that it's almost funny, that he's amazed with himself at the depth of his feelings. And that he dislikes himself for what he's putting Bella through, and that worked very well in the movie. Overall, NEW MOON is INFINITELY stronger than the first TWILIGHT, and I'm glad to see that. What other films series do the fanboys have that grows stronger as it goes as opposed to getting worse? Huh. I thought so. Peace to a fellow traveler, Brody.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Well...

    by Tipsy McStagger

    Dark Knight did 154 million on its opening weekend, and New Moon did 140 million. But, I don't remember, did Dark Knight open on Wednesday?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Spud - a Correction on Volturi

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    The Volturi don't enforce many of their rules, but the execution of a vampire in NEW MOON et al wasn't for killing one's own kind. The Volturi realize that there will be conflicts and vampires WILL kill each other.<p><p>The ONE rule they do enforce absolutely is that any person who REVEALS the EXISTENCE of vampires to the world by making a public spectacle of themselves is put to death for it 100 percent of the time.<p><p>However, I did want to thank you, Spud, for some solid recommendations.<p><p>One of the things I think is interesting is that rather than welcome fellow fans of vampires with open arms, a lot of people who are into horror or vampires are so dismissive of the TWILIGHT story. Think about it like this - what a great chance for a HORDE of young girls who in past generations regarded boys' love of horror as "gross" or "yucky" to start with TWILIGHT and then discover so many other great vampire stories - like LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, which I think is a natural "next step" after TWILIGHT, or the old BUFFY tv show, or THE HUNGER or FRIGHT NIGHT.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:11 a.m. CST

    NEAR DARK, on the other hand ...

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    ... is a great vampire movie, and a great movie, but I think it would be probably quite a bit down the road from TWILIGHT before getting to that point. But when a lot of the young girls who see TWILIGHT go off to college, I bet they'll be NEAR DARK fans within a few years.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Having a girlfriend doesn't absolve you from being a woman-hatin

    by zombie_fairy

    which you obviously are, TehCreepyThinMan. You're the type of guy who swears he's such a nice guy but can't understand why those fucking bitches won't date you (eureka! it must be feminism!). The type like George Sodini.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Twilight is the new Beanie Babies

    by liljuniorbrown

    Women go ape shit crazy for the mass hysteria thing.They see a feeding frenzy and they jump in head first without even asking why.If anything I feel sorry for the guy that plays the main vampire.The poor bastard is going to be the next Joey Fatone or Leif Garret. He's going to be hearing " ugh,I can't belive i used to think he was hot" from women walking away from him . Enjoy it while your swimming in it bro.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 12:06 p.m. CST

    140,700,000.

    by PennsyDeux

    Third biggest opening weekend for a movie. EVER.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 12:27 p.m. CST

    antonphd

    by inkingeekX

    I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with you-spiderman was definately made for 12 year old boys-but the Dark Knight? there is a lot of grown up material in there, ust handled well enough to make it acceptable, but the mob violence, watching rachel dawes get blown up, harvey's face, Heath Ledger's brilliant joker...i don't think that was intended for the preteen crowd.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 12:40 p.m. CST

    Inkingeekx -

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    No, it wasn't made for the 12-year-old crowd. It was made for the 12-year-olds in the cynical adults in the crowd. "And dude, when you see his face, it's all GROSS!"

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Spymunk...

    by Anti-fanboy

    ...you realize you did to Bram Stoker's Dracula what you're saying TehCreepy does to things he dislikes, right? Good. Anyway, try not to overthink things, and enjoy the Twilight zeitgeist -- thinking and enjoying Twilight, after all, appear to be very mutually exclusive.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 1:58 p.m. CST

    UGGHHH-- induce vomiting

    by corplhicks

    Yeah, of course it sucks. It's full of mopey, emo laden teenagers who know more than they should and a protagonist who could smile once in a while. that said, yeah it will make a bundle because teenage girls want two super strong, good looking men vying for them, especially when one of them seems to forget to wear a shirt very often, and one offers eternal life. I think there is a poor message on this series about depression being missed in teenagers and wanting to actually DIE to be with your teenager boyfriend when you clearly need a psychiatrist session 2X per week plus Prozac 10 mg PO daily and not to be with a dog and the undead. It's part of the reason that Titanic made so much-- girls went over and over and over to see Jack save Rose from her fiance, the ship sinking, be her knight in shining armor, the sex part, the romance, and the ultimate sacrifice he makes. This film and its series is another example of shitty film making that makes a bundle.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Blade did not suck! It was Blade that once saved the genre

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    from turning into what its now--a romance novel with teen angst!<p>Blade gave us asskicking vamps who didn't give a shit about humanity and barely their own!<p>We got vamps who didn't sparkle and who considered us nothing more than cattle!<p>Now Twilight has once again fucked the genre in the ass and made vamps look like goth teens hanging out at the mall!<p>It'll take several yrs or more, once the films are done before people truly forget!<p>So far the process work as evident by Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson not being relevant anymore!

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 2:44 p.m. CST

    Expose Teens to real vampire stories

    by rogueleader66

    And the ones who have brains will see the light. Last night we had my g/f's daughter watch Interview With The Vampire, and after watching it she said "Wow that makes Twilight look like crap". Period, end of story, and that was coming from a girl who has read all of the books and loves...or should I say loved Twilight.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 3:21 p.m. CST

    Inkingeekx

    by antonphd

    Yes, it is for the 12 year olds and the 12 year olds in the adults in the audience. If you took the super out of the dark knight then you'd have a die hard movie. Which is also made for 12 year olds and the 12 year old in adults in the audience.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 4:06 p.m. CST

    oh PuhLeez

    by corplhicks

    Blade 1 and Interview with a Vampire and Dracula are 100X better than this teenage undead angst fest. Please ! I'm shocked people think this is GOOD filmmaking. It's popular filmmaking, but not really good.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 4:06 p.m. CST

    teh creepy thin man

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    check your fb dude

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 4:23 p.m. CST

    I haven't seen New Moon, but...

    by Tipsy McStagger

    I don't usually see movies that have a 29% at Rotten Tomatoes. That means 7 out of 10 people who reviewed this movie think it's a floating turd. This movie has no staying power, no legacy to leave. It's another Pirates Of The Carribean franchise. That is all.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 4:34 p.m. CST

    Hey Tipsy! Yes, you!

    by Mr Gorilla

    Agree with you 100% dude. I saw enough of the PIRATES franchise to see that it was empty and charmless. As was TRANSFORMERS. And NEW MOON sounds like the same. Whether it's for boys or girls, old or young, there are only two types of movie: good and bad. (Copyright Ray Charles, sort of.)

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Cock and ball torture, this is. -Yoda

    by LimpdickSherlock

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 5:22 p.m. CST

    mr.beaks I know almost nothing about Twilight but it is

    by FamousEccles

    apparently more than you - what is the point of trying to insert "erotic undercurrents" into a story where the authors intention is to encourage abstinence ?? don't be a thick cunt.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6 p.m. CST

    The best review...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    is from John Fallon (Arrow in the head): "NEW MOON is a cultural phenomenon. I’m not reviewing the phenomenon, I’m reviewing the film. Yeah, I’m not the target audience for this film but with that, I’m not some stone cold heartless prick ALL THE TIME either."

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6:41 p.m. CST

    First...Creepy...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...what can I say? You've made yourself part of the reason to read these talkbacks, and your post above is a work of true psychotic art. Let's see, boys are better than girls, girls are stupid, Interview With a Vampire and Oldman's Dracula were great vampire films, the Twilight series is the best example of the declining state of the world you can find and, to top it all off, New Moon making a lot of money is reason enough to wish for the end of life on earth. Bravo, sir. Bravo. You have managed what I would have thought to be impossible and made me feel like an asshole for being a cranky old vampire purist who hates the Twilight series.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6:49 p.m. CST

    And about Near Dark...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...because I don't feel like a big enough asshole to stop me from being a cranky old vampire purist. Near Dark is two acts of one of the best vampire movies ever made. I think Whedon ripped off the vampire clan in the movie for virtually every way the vampires in his shows acted. The scene in the bar is simply one of the best vampire horror sequences ever committed to film. Henrikson and Paxton were brilliant as brilliant could be. But, the final act was imbecilic with Tim Thomerson's cure, and the end of the movie is about as complete a cop out as any movie could have. And Pasdar and Wright were very nearly as dewy-eyed and moony as Patterson and Stewart. You just overlooked it because of all the cool stuff that was going on. Anyone who thinks Near Dark didn't contribute to the dumbing down of vampire movies probably thinks the Lost Boys "kill the head vampire and everyone goes back to normal" trope was genius innovation. Told you, I am a cranky old vampire purist.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 7:52 p.m. CST

    SPOILERS -- NOT THAT ANYONE HERE WOULD CARE

    by RequisiteMonkey

    Just out of curiousity I read the synopses for the next 2 Twilight novels. In last novel, it turns out the Jacob Black character is a sort-of pedofile, when he falls in love with his soul mate, the half-human/half-vampire offspring of Bella & Edward. No joke!

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 8:21 p.m. CST

    Nobody's a Pedophile

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Edward is perpetually 17. He has the mind of a 17-year-old. And Jacob doesn't "fall in love" with a baby. He IMPRINTS on someone, the way dogs do. Um, yeah. End of message.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Anti-Fanboy

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    See, that's the thing. Good you noticed. And no, I'm really not being sarcastic here. I deliberately slagged on DRACULA because, while flawed, I think it's a very enjoyable film. I have a good time watching it when I do, and I've seen it a few times. I just feel like it's unfair to attack TWILIGHT while complaining that your own personal favorite 'X' or 'Y' thing is so much better.<p><P>Would I love to expose TWILIGHT fans to LET THE RIGHT ONE IN? Hell yes. But I see no reason to be hostile toward one or the other. Get it? :)

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 9:23 p.m. CST

    No racist robots in New Moon

    by Chakraborty

    No, but there are the scary black men with dreads who pursue the pale faced girl, embodying the ultimate fear of pale emos everywhere.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 10:23 p.m. CST

    Laurent is Not a Racial Stereotype

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    He's just a dude who picked the wrong side in a fight. There's no racial issue to his character. In fact, he's the most noble of the original trio of Victoria, Jake and Laurent - though that's not saying much.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 10:40 p.m. CST

    Why does AICN staff review Twilight films???

    by Warcraft

    This movie is OBVIOUSLY NOT geared towards normal geek moviedom. At it's heart it's just another cheesy romantic comedy. You guys NEVER review shit ass romantic comedies starring jennifer anniston, so why would you review this? Just because it's got vampires and werewolves doesn't mean you are OBLIGATED to review it, and it certainly doesn't mean it's suppose to appeal to you. If you went in KNOWING this was a movie geared for teen girls, why would you bother watching it?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Pics from the various lines waiting to see New Moon

    by PennsyDeux

    http://tinyurl.com/yhahq32

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:45 p.m. CST

    Just a Note to Decent People

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I wanted to write to thank people for being open in dialogue with myself and DancingForever, who both enjoyed this movie quite a bit despite the negative reviews on here. I had a blast, Dancing had a blast. It was fun. I'm glad to see that most people are ok with other people having diffrent tastes, with a few exceptions. I alo hope that maybe we've opened some minds and shown we take an intelligent approach to film and still had a good time. Cool, guys.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:52 p.m. CST

    Horrible, just horrible

    by corplhicks

    Other than mindless girls ogling 6-pack abs, no one liked this movie in the theater I saw. Many lines were laughable and horribly executed. People by the droves literally laughed and stupid dialogue, horrible acting, endless silent stares into eyes,.... Story absurd, Victoria's character was oddly important for like 10 minutes, and that black Vampire who was nice in #1 is inexplicably evil in #2. Any first year medical student (from which I am 22 years past) can tell you Bella is mentally ill-- she is clinically depressed. She is way beyond teenage angst-- frankly I think this film is irresponsible film making-- shows her taking life-threatening risks, including fleeing the USA, jumping off a cliff because she is depressed (YEAH, she did that)-- nothing about this movie sends any message to young girls except that NO ONE, especially all your friends and your parents understand you or your pain about your true love of your life, whom you met a year ago, and oh by the way, is the un-dead. But don't fret, if things don't work out with him, and none from his race murder you, a member of the local pack of oversized dogs wants to mate with you. So you can commit necrophilia or bestiality, oh and make sure you spend 2 hours looking like a mopey, emo, angst-ridden clinically depressed loser. Sorry, but this movie SUCKED !!!!!!!!!! And that's coming from someone who say Planet 51 yesterday, and almost gouged by eye balls out over that one.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 12:13 a.m. CST

    @ThusSpakeSpymunk

    by Rocco Curioso

    If you sat all those Twihard girls down in an auditorium and told them "OK, you gots to watch this 'Let The Right One In' dealie, or no 'Eclipse' for any of ya"... they'd do it with no hesitation, but you'd scar them FOR LIFE. I was sufficiently enticed by LTROI to buy it on DVD just to see it, because I knew it would be one of those movies that the local video store would prop up only 3-4 copies of it upon release (actually it was more like 5-6 copies). Harry put it at #1 on his Top Ten list for 2008. God knows his taste in movies can be a tad bit wonky, but he hit the mark on that one.<P>I watched LTROI once, and never again. Completely unsettling. Some movies do their job a little TOO well, and that was one of them. I'm impressed to see you pegged it and the Twilight movies as opposite ends of the spectrum. Well played.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 12:22 a.m. CST

    corplhicks

    by Dancingforever

    Do you see Bellas behavior that much different than Juliet? New Moon, while awesome for the things it has innovated, is absolutely inspired by Romeo and Juliet. To say that Bella is a possibly bad influence and an irresponsible character is the same as saying Juliet is a dangerous influence on the young. Bella only took the drastic steps she did because it allowed her to see Edward. Regardless of her reasons, its a little sad that the best arguement people can come up with against the film is she could be a bad influence on the youth, if anything she is a great influence because she believes in love and has a guy in her life who wants to make there relationship more serious.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 12:42 a.m. CST

    @Dancingforever

    by Rocco Curioso

    Are you for real, or are you just engaging in a timely bit of Internet Performance Art? (either you know what that means, and your brow just wrinkled... or you DON'T know what that means, and your brow wrinkled for an entirely different reason).<P>AICN talkbackers put a premium on grammar, spelling, and overall articulation. And insight, IF you're among the chosen & esoteric. Quite frankly... your spelling errors seem just a wee bit too deliberate. It's what poker players refer to as a "tell".<P>So tell us: am I correct in my skepticism, or way off the mark?

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 1:03 a.m. CST

    BTW, Dancingforever...

    by Rocco Curioso

    You're right about "New Moon" (and "Twilight" as well). The love story is the foundation of the castle... the bricks and stones and girders and stained glass windows. The vampires vs. werewolves chaos is what permeates it within.<P>A potent blend, to be sure. Little wonder these movies have been so popular.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 1:35 a.m. CST

    tyler perry...

    by Oprah_Duke

    For white girls.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 2:43 a.m. CST

    I guess this one doesn't get a BEST OF THE YEAR

    by lockesbrokenleg

    slap to it like most other films do on here. If Puxar had made Twilight you can bet your ass everyone in the world would be kissing its ass right now.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 2:51 a.m. CST

    Anger on AICN has me concerned

    by thevision

    Twilight grossed over 140 million domestic and I'm actually worried its going to push one too many an angry, bitter poster over the edge and do a "Fort Hood" at the cineplex! I'm serious, Law Enforcement are investigating internet postings by Nidal Hasan prior to the massacre. Creepy Tin Man's rantings about women- remember that guy in Pittsburgh who vented on his blog about being rejected then shot up a fitness center and killed 3 people then turned the gun on himself. Look, I know most of the negative posters are harmless and the really bitter ones are laughable because its obvious envy but I've been noticing the negative talkbacks on AICN are getting angrier- its the times we live in I guess. All you guys that invest way too much spleen on this shit, please get therapy and if you own firearms-do the community a favor and turn them in to local law enforcement.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 3:57 a.m. CST

    thevision, GET A CLUE YOU DIPSHIT....

    by TehCreepyThinMan

    I ranted just as much over Transformers ROTF last July and, yet, didn’t have some fucking asswipe like you comparing me to some murdering piece of shit. So go fuck yourself you puss dripping herpes riddled pussyface. Seems as though I hit a nerve with the castrating feminist dyke brigade who hate the idea that they can’t shout down a man who has an opposing viewpoint over a series of movies that are complete and utter shit. Movies that, I might add, are insultingly stupid to anyone with an IQ over 50. I expected Transformers to make bank because, being a man, I know that teenage boys would flock to see that shit because of the robots and destruction. But women ARE smarter then men and it disappoints me that they willingly eat up shit like Twilight. Women just seem to let their emotions run rampant and control their lives to an unhealthy extent.<br> <br>What bothers me the most is that there are movies out there about Vampires and Werewolves like Let the Right One In and Ginger Snaps that are genuinely well Written, Directed and Acted and they never made the amount of money this garbage has. The Twilight series does nothing but promote lowest common denominator movie making and all we’re going to get is more of this as the studio’s decide that it’s better to finance PG-13 pseudo-Horror films, that don’t actually contain any Horror at all, rather then make Horror movies for adults. The worst part is that the women who go to see this don’t give a fucking shit about the Horror genre at all. Twilight is just another variation of Romeo and Juliet with the façade of Horror when there is nothing horrific about these movies except for how much they resemble gay porn and far women are willing to ignore the lack of quality these movies have.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 4:19 a.m. CST

    If this is the new Potter...

    by Mr Gorilla

    I can only comment that I hated, HATED, the first two Potter films. But after Alfonso Cuaron gave the series an artistic shot in the arm, after they realised they could make it good and STILL make money, I have really come on board. I think the last four were all fantastic family fantasy films, and can definitely stand shoulder to shoulder with classic fantasy films of yore. So what I'm saying, to the makers of the TWILIGHT series is: Let David Slade do what he wants on this next installment. Let him be artistic. And for future episodes, hire people who are primarily character-directors. It's astonishing how David Yates' action direction improved over two films, and it proves that a classy, intelligent film-maker can learn those skills. But an 'action-oriented' director, like Bay, will never, ever be able to learn the craft of character and story.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 4:44 a.m. CST

    last Potter was a snoozefest

    by DioxholsterReturns

    let me sum the whole movie for you = dude with large beard gets shot with wand thingie and dies. that is it, Harry potter is the most over-rated piece of shit of this century.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 4:48 a.m. CST

    TheThinMan

    by Dancingforever

    I will admit, you kind of scare me. I was wondering if you would consider seeing the film perhaps? You are a good writer, and express yourself much better than I do, but the point remains that you cant talk endlessly about how bad something is until you have seen it. I think you might be surprised and find that there are certain parts, if not the whole mnovie, you would really enjoy. The Volturi are super cool, the werewolves bite heads of Vampires, there is an awesome chase scene of the werewolves chasing Victoria through the woods with perfect musical backing, and Edward owns in this movie. People think I went to far, but he really does seem like a Marlon Brando for this generation, or maybe James Dean. He is a really good actor. The movie is over 2 hours long but it feels real short because there is always something going on and cool action. I really think if you saw the movie you might enjoy some, if not all of it. But even if you hated it you could talk more about why. I think right now you seem to hate the fans of the movie, not so much the movie. Thats a whole different thing. I think some of the people who bother you a lot are just people that are enthuisiastic about the film, and isnt that what AiCN is about, people loving movies? Maybe we dont all like the same things, but I always thought it was the love of films in general that we all had in common here.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 4:55 a.m. CST

    this blows

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 4:59 a.m. CST

    no really it does

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 5:25 a.m. CST

    it blows if you allow it

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 5:37 a.m. CST

    sometimes it blows in places you dont expect

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 5:41 a.m. CST

    surrender to the blow

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 5:45 a.m. CST

    you can see the stars if you blow hard enough

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 7:14 a.m. CST

    edward

    by notkinski

    in each and every pic i've seen looks like he is straining to fill his pants.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 9:27 a.m. CST

    seems more like a starwars backlash...

    by Warcraft

    because thethinman's sentiments are exactly how I feel about starwars and it's fans. I guess you just gotta let people like what they like.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 9:28 a.m. CST

    meaing that the way everyone is acting on this site...

    by Warcraft

    towards twilight and it's fans is pretty much how I reacted to each shitty starwars prequel movie.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 10:04 a.m. CST

    I Cannot Wait for this Film Comes Out on DVD

    by Sidepocket

    Because the RiffTrax for this will be epic just like the first film. God Bless RiffTrax, they make any mess look good! Oh and btw there are only four really good vampire movies: The Original B&W Nosferatu, Shadow of a Vampire, George A. Romero's Martin, and the Sweetish "Let The Right One In." Runner up credits in the goofy fun department are Dusk 'Till Dawn, John Carpenter's Vampires, Blade II and Salem's Lot TV series both versions.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 11 a.m. CST

    Sidepocket...

    by Red Ned Lynch

    ...I certainly wouldn't agree with that. A number of the Hammer vampire movies are extremely good, Daughters of Darkness is a beautiful gothic fable, Lemora, A Child's Tale of the Supernatural is extremely unsettling, The Night Stalker is just a brilliant bit of Richard Matheson 70s horror, Fright Night is fun, Cronos has some great bits, Bava's Black Sunday is a masterpiece. I'm sure there's a bunch more I'm forgetting. There are plenty of great vampire movies.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 12:38 p.m. CST

    The thing is Red Ned Lynch...

    by Sidepocket

    Is that I take vampires seriously. Which is what 97.5% of all vampire movies aren't. Which is why I'm excited about Daybreakers. The problem with Vampire films is they are the most cleche creature, pretty much every single vampire is the same in every movie. They are pale, mostly white people, with fangs and bat like qualities that have the same weaknesses and they are the sexy aristocratic in crowd. I'm sorry but I like my creatures to be...you know, creatures. Not just humans in fangs who are attractive in that goth way. -,-;

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Although I must admit...

    by Sidepocket

    I cannot believe that I almost forgot about Cronos!

  • Because if I put "review" someone might try to hold me up to some sort of professional standard. Anyway as me and my Meadowechlorians were walking to the theatre I see a guy in his 30s-40s, about 5 foot 6, bald and a little overweight with a new moon shirt on. He looks like he may *possibly* be a little retarded. He's outside of the line and just walking around the outside box office. He sees us and smiles and points at us as if he's reuniting with old friends even though the only thing we have in common without us even saying it is that we're about to watch new moon. I've got my ipod on so I can't hear what he says. He turns around and points to the back of his shirt, which seems to be customized, that says HOWL AT THE MOON! CHAPTER II. While waiting in line I see him speaking to other people excitedly. He seems to be very enthusiastic about watching this, while the people he's speaking to, some older males obviously dragged into seeing this, and others who are "twi-hards" are @ varying degrees of discomfort talking to him, whether they want to see new moon willingly or not. About 3 percent of me wants to laugh at this guy and generalize every single "twi-hard" as being this pathetic and laughable. Yet the other 97%.....is a mirror image of him. Just like he's the opposite of what you think a twi-hard should be, im the opposite image of what a film-geek usually is. Besides, as dorky as he looks, we should all be as content as he is. He's totally psyched for this film. He may look like a doofus but he isn't hurting anyone. He's just trying to have his version of fun. So I let my guard down for a little and try to enjoy the experience. The previews are ok, I see that Percy Jackson fliq, a rob pattinson drama fliq with Pierce Brosnan as his dad, and my personal fave, Letters To Juliet because it has my fave of the moment, Amanda Seyfried. Anyway the movie starts and you hear Bella quoting shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet which immediately starts to irk me alread because it's as if most people don't know this is a "star crossed lovers" type of movie. From there on it's.....just there. when I'm faced with nothing substantial in the way of story my senses gravitate to "eye candy" whether it be male or ahem, female. And Ashley Greene as Alice Cullen filled that role. For all you guys there's decent shots of her cleavage (as much as you can get away with in twilight). When Bella goes to school she doesn't want anyone to make a big deal that it's her bday, so she wants no gifts. Someone does anyway and edward is mad that they get to give her a gift, and he expresses this in a very emosexual way that reminds me why I never wanted to see this. I guess Jasper has the power to influence moods (if I'm wrong well whatever I'm just guessing from the dialogue). Bella tells jasper to stop influencing her mood. Most of the people laughing @ the little moments like that are girls (no surprise since that's the demographic). At Bella's little bday party @ the cullen household she gets a "papercut" and I guess she has old faithful for a vein on her finger because it just starts gushing out blood. Jasper LOOKS LIKE A LESBIAN THAT JUST FOUND A TITTY TREE and goes after her, and edward stops him but he also strongly pushes Bella and she lands on a table, bleeding even more. So whereas before it was just Jasper, now ALL THE CULLENS LOOK LIKE SAID LESBIANS FINDING SAID TITTY TREE. They eventually compose themselves and later edward puts the second act in motion with the whole I don't wanna risk hurting you so me and my whole fam are outro spiel. they show Bella looking out her window and the seasons change out everytime they shoot around her (with subtitles insultingly saying October, November, December, etc. As if you're too stupid to realize that a lot of time has passed). This sets up the majority of the film, where we see things like Bella in bed screaming like it burns when she pees. During one of these episodes her dad wakes up suddenly while on the couch (why he's there we're not told). Imo its the best reaction to a sudden noise waking someone up since Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny saying "WHAT THE FUQ?" when he hears an owl outside his cabin. We see her discover that a rush will make her see and hear edward, first riding a motorcycle with some fugly middle aged guy, so she asks jacob to fix two bikes so they can ride together. And I love the fact that this 16 year old can basically make brand new motorcycles but only wants to get laid by a girl that's a 4 or 5 out of 10 that has tittle litties, but I guess that's what bakes his cake. That's one problem I had was that he's sprung on bella, when he can obviously have some choices. Maybe not enough chicks on the reservation? They should at least show why he's so smitten. Bella, Jacob, and her pussy friend Mike go see a movie called FACE PUNCH. You don't see what they're watching, just the 3 as they watch the movie, where you hear inane dialogue where Freakin or frickin is every other word, as if they saw that snl skit where the girl accidentally said fuck and said hey! Let's have a movie in a movie moment and have that skit in there, but we'll make it an action fliq instead of Megan Fox as a biker girl! Pussy mike can't stand what's *supposed to be* some crazy action scenes, and runs outside to puke. Anyway there's some MISSED OPPORTUNITIES AS FAR AS ACTION IS CONCERNED. The scene where the dreadlocked vamp Laurent is killed is only told in flashback, and a short pitiful one at that. I know he's up against like 3 or 4 wolves, but they should have shown more imo. And when Bella jumps off a cliff into the water, her pursuer Victoria is shown swimming her way. But next thing we see is another Edward apparation and jacob pulling her to safety. If Laurent could take on 3 or 4, I would've loved to see Victoria take on Jacob underwater for a little bit. Jacob's grandpa (I think it was his grandpa) suffers a heart attack and this affects Bella's dad much since they were buds. It kinda affected me too cuz he's played by the same guy who was the native american friend in Maverick swindling Mel Gibson and also Die Hard 3, and it was nice to see him again. His death set up imo the BEST BIT IN THIS MOVIE. Jacob and Bella are finally about to kiss, when a phone rings. Jacob answers "Swan residence." He suddenly becomes more serious and says something to the effect of, "he's not here, he's planning a funeral." Bella asks who it was. Jacob is evasive, saying something like, he's always getting in the way. He finally relents and admits it was edward, and Bella goes menstrual that he didn't give her the phone. Cut to a shot of Edward, looking emotionally fuqed up. I guess he was told Bella died during her swan dive and jacob's little half-truth about Bella's dad planning a funeral has pushed him off the emo edge. Although admittedly this sounds like the gay crap most bash this franchise for, I loved Jacob telling his little half-truth; it's pretty much the manliest thing anyone has done in this series. So this sets up the final act, where they race to stop Edward from revealing his gayazz sparkling and thus having the Volturi kill him for coming out the emovamp closet. They do, and we see the reason I even agreed to see this film, Dakota Fanning. In it she's, well, wearing red contacts and smiling sadistically while she mentally causes pain on others. I can't say I was let down because this is twilight so she did the best with what she was given. It was great to see Michael Sheen (spl?) in here as Aro, who is kind of the head of the Volturi. I really like the 1st 2 Underworlds and I think Kate Beckinsale is awesome, and since she found him worthy enough to knock her up in real life that makes him ok in my book. so Aro is fascinated that his powers of knowing everyone's thoughts once he touches them doesn't work on Bella, and even more so when Dakota can't harm her. The icing on the cake is when they're about to kill edward and Bella offers herself instead. Michael has me mesmerized with his reactions. I heard that the director actively pursued Sheen for this, and I'm glad he did. His acting chops along with Dakota's (though not in this fliq) and Ashley Greene are the saving graces of this for me. It ends with that wedding proposal, or should I say, Bella making a short surprised noise as reaction to the proposal. So basically it was a meh film. Nothing worthy of the records it broke (1 more record it will probably break is largest 2nd week nosedive since The Hulk) but not as nauseatingly bad as I had been dreading. I didn't get the do the whole "what's that smel? Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-DOOOOOOOKIEEEEEEE!!" because I figured, the fans of this crap are for the most part, "tweens" and that little period of innocence they have is fleeting, and it would be fuqed up for me to shorten that time for them. Now if they're my age or older, fuq it, it's on ;) and I'm running them down. One of my newest Meadowechlorians (who bought my ticket) goes on about the first fliq, and still trying to convert me, buys me the twilight bluray (new moon had Dakota and Michael Sheen and still didn't bake my cake, I don't know what she thinks the 1st might have on me). The one she buys is the target one with the extra disc no one but target has, so even though this "saga" doesn't bake my cake I'm never ungrateful to a gift. I watch it and I notice certain things that are different from new moon. One thing I notice is edward "kind of" dresses more like a teenage kid, wearing t shirts and utility vests, whereas new moon he's full on thrift store chic, almost always wearing a blazer. The gay azn kid is as gay as ever, I hope one thing they do for a future film is for him to admit he loves scrote. I find myself even more drawn to Ashley Green's Alice Cullen character, especially when she's introduced by Anna (?) Kendrick's character as a weird girl. I'm a "weird girl" admittedly so this resonated with me. In this one I'm kind of confused that Laurent (the dreadlocked vamp) warns the Cullens about the other two vamps and seems to show that he doesn't want to attack them or Bella. Yet in new moon he's solo and suddenly willing to kill her? Oh well. And Kendrick seems to be on the rise, it's nice to see her alongside Clooney and Vera in UP IN THE AIR. Otherwise it was more of the same. The bluray impressed me by stating that it has a target exclusive digital copy of the fliq AND most of the special features. That's one thing I don't like is not being able to dl special features to my ipod. But then I put in both bluray discs in my computer and nothing happened....? It (the bluray) had the chance to be something great, so far it doesn't live up to hype. The same with the "saga" itself. David Slade directed one of my fave fliqs Hard Candy and also 30 Days of Night, so maybe when Eclipse comes out in June he can do something with this series. One of, if not my BIGGEST ISSUES WITH THIS "SAGA" is that it other people lump people of my age and ESPECIALLY gender as loving this and this being 'our' ideal form of entertainment. My dad has been the primary person in the decade and a half I have been alive, and a lot of people are quick to point out that's why I'm a bit "quirky." But I like to think nature>nurture that even with more female role models I'd still not care for this series. Well anyway I hope I was able to articulate a decent opinion of this, I know it was a little long but I wanted to give as full a picture as possible to it and why I thought what I did.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 7:24 p.m. CST

    SidePocket, how did you feel about....

    by Warcraft

    30 days of night, and bram stokers dracula? Sure Keanue and Winona sink bsd, but the movie is awesome in spite of them I think. Anyway, atleast 30 days of night managed to make vamps scary again, but they were still euro trash looking i guess.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 7:41 p.m. CST

    I don't believe for a second you are a 15yr girl meds..

    by Warcraft

    but then, you replace hard "c"s and "k"s with a q, so you might be a kid.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 8:37 p.m. CST

    Meadowe

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Yours is the first review I've read from someone who was kinda "meh" or disliked the film that sounded genuine, reasonable and thought-out. Really, calling this the worst movie ever made is automatically totally-off. It's not even close to the worst movie ever. I really enjoyed it, but your review is reasonable and well thought-out. I disagree with a lot of the points, but I think I'm more of the audience for the movie in some ways. But I did want to say thank you for writing a reasonable review.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Dancing

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Don't you know it! CreepyThinMan is a very negative, angry person. You'd do well to just ignore him. I find him unpleasant and so I just ignore everything he says. If nobody pays ANY attention to CreepyThinMan (and this is good advice for EVERYBODY on here) maybe he'll be quiet and go away.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Rocco

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    Cool! Thanks for the compliment. I am working hard to try to expand the horizons of many TWILIGHT fans I know WITHOUT attacking what they and I like. It's possible to enjoy LET THE RIGHT ONE IN and TWILIGHT both. There's no reason a person can't enjoy both. But you're right - LET THE RIGHT ONE IN is easily one of the most unsettling movies ever. It's very good, though.

  • Nov. 27, 2009, 2:24 p.m. CST

    TehCreepyThinMan

    by Giant Ape Balls

    You know you're right. I take it back, Wierd Science is still better than this. The only thing I can compare it to really is New Kids On The Block. They got all the girlies giggly in their day but they now they're women they look back and find it kind of embarrassing. It's not worth getiing worked up about. Though I will say High School Musical is pure fucking evil and needs to be stamped out now.

  • Oct. 30, 2010, 5:13 p.m. CST

    And now, AICN ignores SAW 3D in favor of Paranormal Activity 2.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Some things never change...