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Capone declares the Volturi to be good, but NEW MOON still disappointing!!!

Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

The first time we see Edward Cullen in NEW MOON (still pale with ruby red lips, and hair slightly less crazy than in TWILIGHT), he's walking through a high school parking lot in slow motion, looking like he just stepped out of a goth band's music video. For about 90 percent of NEW MOON, Jacob Black (a beefed up Taylor Lautner) is walking around shirtless, wearing only tattered sweatpants, looking like he just stepped off a gay porn set. Never having read any of Stephenie Meyer's novels about the tortured romance between Edward and human heroine Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), I may be a little late to this revelation. But seeing Edward and Jacob at their best and worst in NEW MOON made me realize that this is a film about the classic female dilemma--does she allow herself to fall for the more stable but still temperamental, hunky jock (he’s also good with machines), or does she stray to the dark gothy side of life, possibly even becoming a vampire herself (which she seems more than willing to do)?

But the version of Bella in NEW MOON actually made me dislike her intensely, which is bad news for the filmmakers (led by new and better director Chris Weisz). I didn't loathe Bella because she's a self-obsessed drama queen, mourning the loss of her runaway Edward who leaves her early in the film after he accidentally injures her in trying to protect her. No, I found her unappealing because she's terrible to those she cares about outside of Edward. Jacob helps her picks up the pieces of her shattered heart, ends up being her best friend, and naturally falls for her, which she seems okay with to a point. When he disappears for a time, she gets extremely upset and begs him to come back. But when Edward comes back on the scenes, she tells Jacob to leave her alone. She's also incredibly, passively cruel to one of her high school buddies, Mike (Michael Welch), who has a crush on her, asks her out, and is systematically humiliated for his trouble. I get that she's a confused, torn 18 year old, but that doesn't mean she gets to mess with people's heads and still have an audience like her.

There are two big revelations in NEW MOON. The first is that Jacob is a werewolf (which isn’t really a revelation to anybody), and that he's a part of a werewolf group of young men whose only mission in life seems to be to protect humans from vampire. Since the Cullens don't feed on humans, they are safe from werewolf harm. The second, far more interesting element to this universe in that of the Volturi, the ruling class of vampires that live in Italy and pass judgment on the behaviors of other vampires. If one of their rank gets a little too public, off with their head. You have to sit through most of the movie to get to the Volturi, but man are they worth it, and they are featured in the only segment of the film that would qualify as genuine fun. The great Michael Sheen (who is best known for playing Tony Blair in three films, including THE QUEEN, as well as his perfect turn as David Frost in FROST/NIXON) plays Volturi leader Aro, and he knows exactly how goofy these stories are and clearly having a blast making googly eyes at everybody while speaking in a low-grade hiss. He manages to strike exactly the right balance between camp and danger, and god is he good. I also loved an almost unrecognizable turn by Dakota Fanning as the young, evil Jane, a Volturi vampire whose ability seems to involve inflicting a great deal of pain on someone with her mind. And she seems to really enjoy her work.

But what about the rest of the film? First off, Weisz has made a better-looking film that TWILIGHT, which may not mean much to some, but it actually lends a lot to whatever credibility this series lacked due to the first installment. The effects are better, and the flow of the film has been improved upon (although it still feels remarkably clunky at times). Most of the blame for NEW MOON's ultimate failure to engage rests with the pedestrian script from Melissa Rosenberg, which blows me away a bit because Rosenberg is easily the best writer on the Showtime series "Dexter." The poor writing really stands out during Bella’s god-awful narration, which comes across a the worst kind of immature diary writing melded with low-grade soap opera emotions. Episodes of “Dark Shadows” had more of an emotional pull than Bella’s musings.

Perhaps the more obvious problem with the film is that the two male leads aren't very good actors. Pattinson shows no range or depth at all in his portrayal of Edward. He's angst-ridden from top to bottom, even when he's supposed to be happy. And with a much higher-profile role this time out, Lautner reminds us in no uncertain terms that he's an actor with almost no experience beyond his child-star roots. I'm sure he'll get better as the years go on, but probably not in time to save this series. It's clear he worked his ass off since the first film to build up his musculature to play this part more convincingly. Too bad he didn't bother to work to strengthen his acting muscle while he was at it.

I know a lot of people have it out for Kristen Stewart, especially with her constant chronic hair tugging often substituting for an actual performance. But the fact remains that I've always admired her as an actor (watch the recent ADVENTURELAND to see how effective she can be full of gloom and doom). The way her character is written is as a lonely and brokenhearted teen who sits around her room for months and stays away from her friends. She also becomes an adrenaline junkie when she realized that a memory-cloud version of Edward appears whenever she does something death defying. Lucky girl. Some of the things Stewart is required to do and say in this movie are downright embarrassing (her line to Jacob “So, you’re a werewolf” comes to mind), but she handles the task admirably and clearly respects the character on some level.

It also hurt a little to, once again, see talented supporting actors utterly marginalized in this movie. A prime example is Anna Kendrick, playing Bella's best human friend Jessica, who has one decent scene in NEW MOON. But wait until you get to see her in a leading role in Jason Reitman's UP IN THE AIR next month. She's unbelievably strong in that part and largely dismissed as a shopping-addicted teen in NEW MOON. Maybe that's the way her character is written in the book, but it feels like squandered resources. I feel the same way when I see Elizabeth Reaser and Peter Facinelli (ma and pa Cullen) or Graham Greene as the wise Native American Harry Clearwater. There are no small parts, I get it. But these talents deserve better material and more screen time.

The story seems like it simply alternates between depression and posturing. But the good news is that when the character of the clairvoyant Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) returns to Bella's life and the pair head off for Italy to visit Edward with the Volturi, the film gets a whole lot more interesting. The promise of more Volturi alone gives me something to actually look forward to in future TWILIGHT Saga installments. Unfortunately, NEW MOON continues the tradition of lameness that was firmly established with the first movie. And while I know I said this new film is an improvement, it's still not very good. I'm sure it will made assloads of cash. Have fun.



-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
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Don't you have to have some expectation of
by Shepard Wong
Nov 19th, 2009
09:48:31 AM
DURP 3d
by mattforce7
Nov 19th, 2009
09:48:32 AM
DAMN YOU WHALE
by mattforce7
Nov 19th, 2009
09:48:46 AM
hilarious
by TheDark0Knight
Nov 19th, 2009
09:53:29 AM
Can't this site just ignore this horseshit....
by Karl Childers
Nov 19th, 2009
09:54:31 AM
Michael Sheen in a Secret Werewolf
by BukaHobbit
Nov 19th, 2009
10:03:27 AM
Why Does AICN...
by DonsFingerbangThreatLevel
Nov 19th, 2009
10:08:57 AM
Dakota Fanning
by Bouncy X
Nov 19th, 2009
10:11:09 AM
tween garbage for 13 yearold girls yuk
by skiff
Nov 19th, 2009
10:11:18 AM
You guys don't review over half the films that come out
by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYan ks
Nov 19th, 2009
10:16:42 AM
"Like he just stepped off a gay porn set"
by James Westfall
Nov 19th, 2009
10:24:30 AM
WHY DOES AICN INSIST ON COVERING THIS?
by Mullah Omar
Nov 19th, 2009
10:34:07 AM
Only JOHNNY DEPP and DARK SHADOWS can save us!!!
by YotzVonFrelnik
Nov 19th, 2009
10:45:30 AM
DAKOTA FANNING IS THE BOMB IN NEW MOON, YO!
by Meadowe
Nov 19th, 2009
10:47:42 AM
Wasn't one piece on Twilight enough?
by rogueleader66
Nov 19th, 2009
10:50:15 AM
So, the Volturi in Italy a not so veiled reference to the Vatica
by Stabby
Nov 19th, 2009
10:52:07 AM
Kristen Stewart is soooo tasty
by Drsambeckett1984
Nov 19th, 2009
10:54:11 AM
TWILIGHT = VAMPIRES FOR TWEEN GIRLS AND FAGS!!!FACT!!!
by TehCreepyThinMan
Nov 19th, 2009
10:57:54 AM
Wow, you Twilight haters . . .
by Nice Marmot
Nov 19th, 2009
11:06:20 AM
3 REVIEWS FOR NEW MOON???
by BringingSexyBack
Nov 19th, 2009
11:06:31 AM
Nothing
by shodan6672
Nov 19th, 2009
11:06:47 AM
I'll be avoiding...
by Mr Gorilla
Nov 19th, 2009
11:10:27 AM
Seriously, Twilight is an embarrassing cultural turd.
by dr sauch
Nov 19th, 2009
11:12:07 AM
the writers room mate in college..
by emeraldboy
Nov 19th, 2009
11:17:59 AM
eclipse the movie .
by emeraldboy
Nov 19th, 2009
11:19:36 AM
The porn spoof will be better
by I_am_the_ultimate_product
Nov 19th, 2009
11:20:22 AM
Why are you guys reviewing these movies?
by yesiamaplant
Nov 19th, 2009
11:28:25 AM
Wow. THREE reviews on the main page?
by Emperor_was_a_jerk
Nov 19th, 2009
11:29:39 AM
I only have two words concerning Twilight & this Gay vampire phe
by ChocolateJesusMan
Nov 19th, 2009
11:35:28 AM
44% on RT so far...
by PennsyDeux
Nov 19th, 2009
11:35:33 AM
Cultural turds?
by Himbo
Nov 19th, 2009
11:36:11 AM
shodan662
by livelyguy
Nov 19th, 2009
11:48:26 AM
Stephenie Meyer
by Wrath4771
Nov 19th, 2009
11:51:55 AM
3 reviews
by Star Hump
Nov 19th, 2009
11:59:06 AM
Himbo
by 100Proof
Nov 19th, 2009
11:59:48 AM
Hey Stephanie Meyers
by DrMorbius
Nov 19th, 2009
12:00:39 PM
Glorious news everyone I think we've seen the end of Nerd_Rage
by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYan ks
Nov 19th, 2009
12:02:20 PM
Twilight = Abstinence Porn
by IAmLegolas
Nov 19th, 2009
12:13:04 PM
i made it to the end of the 2nd paragraph...
by TheBaxter
Nov 19th, 2009
12:16:24 PM
Don't blame Rosenberg.
by claytron5000
Nov 19th, 2009
12:21:11 PM
NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYan ks
by ebonic_plague
Nov 19th, 2009
12:21:40 PM
"Abstinence porn"
by ebonic_plague
Nov 19th, 2009
12:23:45 PM
Sticking with my $100m weekend prediction...
by PennsyDeux
Nov 19th, 2009
12:24:13 PM
claytron5000
by DrMorbius
Nov 19th, 2009
12:26:50 PM
Is it true Paramount passed on the Twilight movies
by PennsyDeux
Nov 19th, 2009
12:26:56 PM
I would rather take a shotgun to the mouth...
by porterdsgn
Nov 19th, 2009
12:38:31 PM
The reviews keep getting better I told you!
by Dancingforever
Nov 19th, 2009
12:45:15 PM
et tu, capone?
by belledame
Nov 19th, 2009
12:48:13 PM
Stabby
by frozen01
Nov 19th, 2009
12:54:57 PM
THE AICN WRITERS SEEM TO BE CLOSET FAGS!!!
by TehCreepyThinMan
Nov 19th, 2009
01:00:53 PM
frozen, so there's something else Meyer ripped off?
by Stabby
Nov 19th, 2009
01:09:01 PM
G * G * G *
by THE TRUE PINBACK
Nov 19th, 2009
01:33:26 PM
"The Road"...
by Rocco Curioso
Nov 19th, 2009
01:39:47 PM
Ebert's quote cracked me up...
by BGDAWES
Nov 19th, 2009
01:50:02 PM
You Want A Good Vampire Movie...
by THE TRUE PINBACK
Nov 19th, 2009
02:00:25 PM
The Volturi
by rainbowtrout1265
Nov 19th, 2009
02:01:20 PM
A WORD OF ADVICE TO ROBERT PATTINSON
by THE TRUE PINBACK
Nov 19th, 2009
02:04:26 PM
My wife and I
by HapaPapa72
Nov 19th, 2009
02:08:21 PM
That sure makes sense...
by THE TRUE PINBACK
Nov 19th, 2009
02:16:04 PM
I haven't seen this but...
by ClaireRedfield
Nov 19th, 2009
02:18:23 PM
Just came out of the theather....
by etantao
Nov 19th, 2009
02:41:46 PM
Awkward
by Rathbone
Nov 19th, 2009
03:21:40 PM
LAME
by WillardGreensThunderballs
Nov 19th, 2009
03:34:06 PM
I'm so lucky my girlfriend only likes good movies
by SithMenace
Nov 19th, 2009
03:44:34 PM
And Kristen Sewart was only good in Adventureland
by SithMenace
Nov 19th, 2009
03:46:53 PM
"musculature"
by InstantClassic
Nov 19th, 2009
03:56:31 PM
Is it too much to ask...
by JerryAurora
Nov 19th, 2009
05:04:51 PM
as someone trying to be a performer
by jms182
Nov 19th, 2009
05:29:08 PM
Movie Is the Dumbest piece of Shit!
by BlackBriar
Nov 19th, 2009
05:37:29 PM
Movie Is the Dumbest piece of Shit!
by BlackBriar
Nov 19th, 2009
05:42:21 PM
I'm glad this movie is going to be huge...
by dcut75
Nov 19th, 2009
06:01:58 PM
WHY DO THE OVERWEIGHT UGLY NERDS OF AICN CARE ABOUT TWILIGHT?
by nightheat500
Nov 19th, 2009
06:22:11 PM
Thank God my wife has good taste
by criticalbliss
Nov 19th, 2009
06:45:23 PM
The Volturi sound like a rip-off of something
by Dingbatty
Nov 19th, 2009
07:14:39 PM
Shame on fathers for forking $ over to their
by MacReady452
Nov 19th, 2009
07:38:28 PM
Twilight causes puberty in girls and boys
by derousse bag
Nov 19th, 2009
08:23:15 PM
This movie is gayer than Milk.
by Onin Solstice
Nov 19th, 2009
08:44:22 PM
Something To Consider -
by ThusSpakeSpymunk
Nov 19th, 2009
08:49:53 PM
jms182
by jsm1978
Nov 19th, 2009
09:05:36 PM
New Moon fans camping out to see it = Star Wars fans
by PennsyDeux
Nov 19th, 2009
11:06:56 PM
Ive seen it, the review is in, its awesome!
by Dancingforever
Nov 20th, 2009
01:36:10 AM
"Disappointing?"
by criticalbliss
Nov 20th, 2009
02:01:08 AM
Dancingforever
by criticalbliss
Nov 20th, 2009
02:11:41 AM
Nice, objective review, Dancingforever...
by criticalbliss
Nov 20th, 2009
02:13:40 AM
Several years later fans will wonder why they like these films.
by HollywoodHellraiser
Nov 20th, 2009
07:03:09 AM
stephenie meyers..
by emeraldboy
Nov 20th, 2009
07:16:14 AM
stephenie meyers..
by emeraldboy
Nov 20th, 2009
07:28:20 AM
Dancingforever.....
by Psynapse
Nov 20th, 2009
09:00:23 AM
dancingforever, stay in school
by belledame
Nov 20th, 2009
10:30:09 AM
Calling something "gay" or "faggy"
by Rex Carsalot
Nov 20th, 2009
10:50:09 AM
TehCreepyThinMan- HOWS THE CLOSET?
by artdude102
Nov 20th, 2009
10:53:53 AM
Yo Rex.....
by Psynapse
Nov 20th, 2009
10:54:14 AM
when we were kids..
by emeraldboy
Nov 21st, 2009
06:16:59 AM
Harry potter is british..
by emeraldboy
Nov 21st, 2009
06:22:03 AM
That harry potter theme park..
by emeraldboy
Nov 21st, 2009
06:23:39 AM
UUUUUU you in truble
by pauduro
Nov 21st, 2009
06:17:48 PM
The writer was responsible for DEXTER? Better and better.
by Sepulchrave
Nov 22nd, 2009
05:16:51 AM
I have not seen HDM the movie..
by emeraldboy
Nov 22nd, 2009
12:35:00 PM
my EXPERIENCE AND OPINION watching New Moon and twilight bluray
by Meadowe
Nov 23rd, 2009
04:03:35 PM

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