Review

Harry mourns a listless melodrama buried under the Spectacular Effects of 2012...

Published at: Nov. 13, 2009, 12:01 a.m. CST

Emmerich has really got to change his game radically. His announcement on MTV today regarding two additional INDEPENDENCE DAY movies confuses me, cuz with 2012, DAY AFTER TOMORROW and INDEPENDENCE DAY - he has 3 films for his Disaster Trilogy. Aliens, Global Warming and Global Microwaving. Of the three, the film with the absolute best visual effects work, is easily 2012. Easily. The work done to destroy and reform the planet we live on is astonishingly horrifying & beautiful all at once. These films of his seem to follow the exact same pattern. They involve the highest levels of government, a degree of global conspiracy theories, a message that at one level teaches us to mistrust our governments, while also depending on them to save our asses. There's the everyday fella, the Prez, the administration asshole, the scientist that knows not only what's going on, but also has the moral high ground. There's eccentric nationalities drawn with the most broad racial stereotypes plugged into a character. But I do think that in the entire history of Roland Emmerich, I've never been so annoyed by the sheer number of needless characters that just get in the way of the story. Instead, Emmerich wants to give us a buffet of characters... Now, I know a lot about Buffets. Haven't been to one since the lapband, just doesn't quite work for me anymore, but have you ever walked into a Buffet place that simply had TOO MANY OPTIONS. Where they not only had potatoes, but 40 different types? Now - imagine spending nearly 3 hours looking at and trying to identify all of the ingredients while constantly cutting away to a mind-blowing scene of destruction at a scale far beyond anything we've ever seen on film. But often times, these spectacular scenes are just filler. Let me give you an example. This example will involve a spoiler. One that may very well upset the hell out of you if you haven't seen the film yet. But frankly - it happens fairly early in the film. During the evacuation of the White House, a member of the White House stays behind. An Ash Cloud heads for Washington laying down a blizzard of ash. This character, has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. I don't care how important they were, this is a character that has written themselves off. Well - through their eyes we witness a series of ludicrously irrelevant moments of spectacle. Yet, it is just treading water. Rather than spend that time with our main characters, get us to know them, know their fear, their uncertainty. Instead we have pointless visual effects that cost the studio an immense fortune - and for what? 15 minutes that have nothing to do with anything other than shit blowing up. Now I know - I'm the guy that loved ARMAGEDDON, INDEPENDENCE DAY and a lot of these gigantic spectacles - well, FX wise this beats those. BUT, goddamn this movie... Every character has a bittersweet goodbye with some character that is related to them. Hell, one character calls his dad on a cruise ship, where he's a jazz pianist, and as a result we meet the guy that sings with him. As a result, not only do we have a tearful goodbye between the father and son, but then later we also get the friend of the father calling Japan to say goodbye to his estranged son and to hear his grand-daughter's voice. WHY? Well it might make someone cry, but who the fuck are these characters? They're just faces with an introduction and before anything dramatic happens the set shakes and we get a dead telephone signal. That sort of scene is repeated OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER.... Hell, we even have a Chinese laborer, who wants to save his brother and grandparents - and there's drama built over whether or not one of the last chickens on earth is gonna die. It isn't a discussion, but it is a little chicken drama that is built for no particular reason. I'm serious. It's like 3 minutes of cutaways to a chicken in peril. CHICKEN IN PERIL. Really? I'm not shitting you. And you remember that heroic dog escaping alien fiery death in ID4. Wait till you see the miraculous doggy death escape in this thing. ROLL YOUR EYES. Then there's all the moments where little kids cry about various characters almost dying, getting mangled, being slow swimmers, etc. Over the course of the last two films, Roland Emmerich has shown us images spanning 12,012 years - and in all that time - we have only one worthwhile character. Woody Harrelson's "Alex Jones-esque" conspiracy character at Yellowstone is worth the price of admission by himself. He & the visual effects. Everything else varies from being good to not good. I don't know. I'd like to think that if the Government learned there was 2-3 years of existence on Earth left, I'd like to think they would use the news to bring the world together. Not in a secret covert conspiracy, but a WORLDWIDE initiative to Create not 6 big boats to save 400,000... BUT I'd like to think we'd be building these ARKS in every country on the planet. That the world would attempt to pull it together on a giant scale. And I get that THAT type of story doesn't fit the Emmerich brand of story-telling that he has been recycling from UNIVERSAL SOLDIER to STARGATE to ID4 to GODZILLA to THE PATRIOT to THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW to 10,000BC to 2012. Every film is about surviving cataclysmic events in spite of a distrustful and evil government that wishes to crush the average man. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME. I went into this figuring that John Cusack and Chiwetel Ejiofor would carry the film for me. But this film marginalizes both characters by hitting us with a never-ending supply of stereotypes dying or preparing to die. Now, I like visual effects and shit going boom, but other than watching the Pope die, the Sistine chapel crumble on thousands of Catholics... Why were we there? Why did the film take the time to show us that? We'd already seen LA, YELLOWSTONE, VEGAS, WASHINGTON D.C. and HAWAII go away. Remember those useless characters in Japan that a friend of a father of one of our more major characters? Well, we didn't see TOKYO and those characters ACTUALLY die - watching Tokyo go down - we at least had characters there that they attempted to set up. Vatican City? There isn't a single character or related character. Emmerich just thought it would be cool to destroy the Vatican and the center of Catholicism. I'm sure it could help box office in some places. But did it help the story? Did it affect our characters? No, none of them saw it happen. It was just 2-5 minutes about nothing but blowing the Vatican up. At 2 hours & 40 minutes. Character development is nearly non-existent. And I know - it's crazy to say CUT THE AMAZING FUCKING EFFECTS - but dammit - I just can't help but think if this film was told exclusively from the point of view of John Cusack and his struggle to save his estranged family, not knowing about the various steps that had been taken by a secret government. Cusack's character happened to take his kids on vacation to YELLOWSTONE. He meets Woody's amazing lunatic that happens to be right. He goes back to LA, the multi-billionaire boss has him take the Russian Billionaire's kids to the airport. The kids say something foreboding, the ground cracks beneath his car and he sets his plan in motion. We follow him as LA crumbles to Yellowstone - we're there for what happens there. He flies to Vegas - in hopes of getting a bigger plane. And then there's the flight to China - against all hope. He has a map by a crazy person. The word of a greedy self-serving Russian "mobster/enforcer/businessman" - and then he finds himself, god knows where with his family, plus his wife's new Boyfriend... Then... Without any foreshadow they find a ride, a desperate chance to survive - We experience the "end of the world" via his eyes. How even at the end of the world, one man with little to no connections... he could save his family. He could discover the new world. That's the core story, but it is so buried amidst all of Emmerich's typical LARGER STORY. What story is larger than the family without a ticket, escaping the end of mankind? THAT'S THE STORY. THAT'S IT! Had they cut everything else - the movie would be roughly about an hour shorter. Now, the thing is - with a compelling group of fully developed characters and effects like this - I could have sat there for 7 hours watching the film. But with this threadbare group - there's just not nearly enough time to care about anyone in the film. It is a shame. I just can't help but imagine these effects at the service of a filmmaker like George Pal and a story like WHEN WORLD'S COLLIDE. But right now, I'd rather watch WHEN WORLD'S COLLIDE 12 times in a row than watch 2012 again. Though I have to say - this is a film that on Blu Ray - your ability to skip to the effects will sate your desire for awesome visual artistry - and you won't have to sit through endless repetition. The problem with 2012 is it wants to be a hopeful tale about how the world came together, but really - it's how the governments and aristocracy of the world came together with cheap slave labor to save themselves and a few others. Emmerich's cynical view of the world, its leaders and the basic nature of humanity is a polar opposite of someone like GEORGE PAL. Pal showed there was ugliness, but by far - he showed the greater spirit of humanity. Here, it just never felt sincere, compelling or absorbing. I marvel at the spectacle, but regret the rest.

Readers Talkback

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  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:17 a.m. CST

    Sooo....

    by JohnnyThanatos

    Shit blows up real good? I'm in.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:18 a.m. CST

    HOW BAD WAS 10,000 BC?

    by Derek Wildstarr

    Honestly, was that not one of the worst movies in terms of acting you have ever seen? 2012 must be better than that crap.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:21 a.m. CST

    The world ends too much...

    by Lord John Whorfin

    in the movie about the world ending. Uh, okay, if you say so.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Chiwetel Ejiofor needs higher caliber roles

    by Kal Reeve

    He's too good of an actor. He was beyond excellent in Redbelt and possesses great promise.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:29 a.m. CST

    Chiwetel Ejiofor:"u dont pay a ho to fuck you...

    by stefan2789

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:30 a.m. CST

    ..u pay her to leave"...dudes a cholo!!!

    by stefan2789

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:32 a.m. CST

    HARRRRRY!!! DVDs

    by ColeTrickle

    Stop watching this trash and do the damn DVD Picks!!! Two weeks late. Not cool.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:35 a.m. CST

    Emmerich has never made a good movie

    by Optimus Primal

    Name one, I dare you.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:38 a.m. CST

    The Patriot was all right....come on man...

    by stefan2789

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:39 a.m. CST

    C'mon Harry...

    by Read and Shut Up

    ...ah, Harry. The man who compared "Blade II" to licking a clit griping about shallow characters? Seriously - would you have a different view of this one if it was released as a tentpole summer movie?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:44 a.m. CST

    by Omar B

    Fuck this loser Emerich. Too bad Cusack is in his vortex of suck now.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:44 a.m. CST

    Stargate also was good....thats 2!!!

    by stefan2789

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:47 a.m. CST

    He's had a few decent ones

    by bullet3

    Universal Soldier is alright, Independance Day is still a lot of fun to me, The Patriot has a great opening 30 minutes, with Gibson massacring british soldiers, but its also way too long towards the end.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:52 a.m. CST

    I don't want to watch this film

    by antonphd

    I honestly don't know who thought it would be a good idea to make a movie about the world ending in the middle of a global recession. It's already depressing... I don't want to watch a film about it getting worse. I'll watch it tomorrow because my brother and wife want to watch it, but I'll just endure the experience. I don't find it entertaining to think about billions of people dying for 2 and a half hours. I want a story with some fucking hope... and not for the same wealthy fucks who caused this global recession.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1 a.m. CST

    must really suck

    by heroic_duo

    if Harry doesn't like it. Worse than Armageddon? That's scary ...

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:06 a.m. CST

    Omar is right

    by VicSage

    Cusack IS in an aptly described vortex of suck. The Stephen King movie was the last thing I saw him in that I liked, and he used to be a very good barometer of a movie's quality. Gross Pointe Blank is one of my fave's, and Better off Dead is imminently quotable. "You like raisins". Grifters, High Fidelity, Say Anything, just off the top of my head. Steve Martin likes buying art, what's Cusack's excuse?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:08 a.m. CST

    CUSACK IS THE NEW NIC CAGE

    by cinemaniac

    The prophecy was written with CON-AIR...

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:08 a.m. CST

    CHICKEN IN PERIL.

    by UltimaRex

    I gotta see it now. Just for the most elaborate chicken joke in history. If it crosses a road I'm buying the disc.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    ID4-Ever.com is the offical SITE for ID4 part 2

    by anna6543211

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:35 a.m. CST

    So the premise is Harry's lapband bust loose

    by BoRock_A_Boomer

    Causing global destruction. That's fucking awesome!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:03 a.m. CST

    100% agree with Harry

    by JohnRyder

    I'd release an hour shorter producer's cut. Emmerich made another Godzilla here. He needs a trusty partner who can tell him when it is too much, cos it feels he surrounded by yes men who agree with every shit decision he makes. I cannot believe he even repeated himself within one movie (airplane take off) I was very angry. He made another Godzilla.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:05 a.m. CST

    ...

    by Darth Scourge

    It's true, Emmerich has never made a good movie. Stargate was a good concept, but ineptly executed. ID4 was swill. The Patriot was one of the worst piles of rancid shit ever. Everything else he's done: utter swill.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Then maybe I'll watch it on cable

    by Citizen Sane

    And I'll bet any ID4 sequel that he attempts will suck too. Bummer, ID4 it one of my favorite guilty pleasures

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Stargat?!, pffffft

    by Optimus Primal

    Stargate was not good. It had a good premise I even like the setup. But Everything after they meet the Tranny Alien is Dreadful. As for the Patriot, Its ok I suppose. But does not redeem a career spent churning out turgid shit.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:27 a.m. CST

    elephants & giraffes being airlifted....

    by james_cameron_raped_my_childhood

    I reckon that was the turning point, when it went down the tubes. Poseidon Adventure - in the Himalayas. 2012 was Emmerich watching that scene in War of the Worlds (where they drive off while the bridge collapses) & making whole movie about it.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:30 a.m. CST

    Emmerich filmography

    by JohnRyder

    universal soldier- I liked it back then. It was a different time. somewhere wher Emmerich belongs / Stargate- the concept was brilliant, but ultimately I was dissapointed. However I have a friend whose favorite film is this / ID4 -loved it. I felt the Randy Quaid plotline unnecessary back then yet I have seen it twice in cinemas / Godzilla - hated it. seen only once. / Patriot - not that bad, however never felt the need to revisit it. / Day after tomorrow - I loved it. supid as it was, it was a blast. I think it had a much better pacing then 2012. plus, it had Dennis Quaid. watching the deleted scenes on the DVD it is clear it had all the same subplots (ie. wall street guy) as 2012 but they were CUT. / 10.000 - bad movie but not why some people think it is. Historicly not accurate? It was the point. Nobody knows what was it like, who built the pyramids etc. but it had dinosuar birds and that alone makes this movie important. / 2012-what harry said

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Do they get on spaceships at the end?

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Harry, I'm with coletrickle

    by lochkray

    Where's the picks, man? There's been UP, GI Joe, and North by Northwest. Surely they were worthy of the head-geek's sarcasm or insight. I'm sure that there has been a ton of culturally insensitive exploitation fliks come out in the past two weeks. Asian cinema picks that walk the fine line between art and fucked-up pornography. Respectful awe for newly released classics. When I get to the video store, its just a wall of noise. But after reviewing AICN's DVD picks, I can usually locate a few gems. I don't always agree with your tastes (batting about .500, actually), but this site helps me filter through the noise. A critique of 2012 is far less valuable. Pretty much anybody who has seen the Day After Tomorrow could have written an accurate review after seeing nothing more than the trailer (how did I know there would be a dramatic dog-saving scene?) With the exception of the surprising revelation that there's a dramatic chicken scene, a review of 2012 has no value. DVD picks have value.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:36 a.m. CST

    Dean Devlin said to me personally

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    (at comic-con, I don't claim to know him), that he always thought ID4 was just a one-off monster/disaster movie type dealy, and you can't make an ID4 movie without Dean Devlin. Roland's movies haven't been as good since! And what the hell has Dean done lately? Get them back together!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:37 a.m. CST

    I don't see the ID4 hate,

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    It's the background of this damn site! And it's such a great pop-corn movie, just about everyone I know from my generation is all about ID4!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:39 a.m. CST

    the people crowding the net believing the

    by emeraldboy

    2012 hype. need to understand one thing. Emmerich has always destroyed buildings in every film he has made.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Woody Harrelson steals the show.

    by Chaos123x

    Man this movie sucked hardcore! Almost every scene is a ripped off cliche of some other hollywood drivel. The story sucked and pretty much ignored 99% of 2012 lore and speculation. Some stuff made no sense, like the super volcano going off? Then the skys clearing up, sorry but it would take atleast 100 years for the sun to be visible again. The script seemed to be a copy paste collage of all disasters movies ever made, not one ounce of original thought or creativity. It was retarded how the disasters would chase the main character like a giant T-Rex down the road, instead of being random like it would really be. The only saving grace is Woody's Character who is great and is the only person that knows his stuff about 2012 mythos. To bad he is barely in the movie at all. Pickles! The best bet is just watch the trailer featuring Woody's Flash animation and call it a day. If you really just want to see the some crazy FX then see it in the movie theaters, cause this movie would be god awful on DVD on the small screen.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:45 a.m. CST

    All emmerichs films are

    by emeraldboy

    typical of the anti rest of world jingo-ism that is typical of hollywood.

  • in a Roland Emmerich movie, is like going to a lapdancing club and complaining about the nudity. <p> You knew what to expect when you bought the ticket.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:58 a.m. CST

    If you go see an Emmerich film it's your own fault

    by Lone Fox

    Movies for retards. I was fooled once (Independence Day) ...never again. I saw the clip on Apple where Cusack (John Cusack! What the--?) and friends take off in a plane, outrunning an earthquake. They're all going 'Woooaaahh!' as they narrowly avoid tumbling buildings etc. It's hilarious. Like played for laughs hilarious. Cusack gurns in mock shock all the way. I save my money. Job done.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:05 a.m. CST

    WHAT?! Roland Emmerich make a bad movie??!

    by DrunkyMcLush

    NEVER! How could the man behind Stargate, ID4...... Godzilla... ummm... 10,000 BC.... Wait a minute... Kind of talked myself in a circle.... They guy is a German Michael Bay. He makes shit movies.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:25 a.m. CST

    It's your fault if you go in expecting a story

    by estacado1

    This movie is about things getting destroyed visualized with lots of money. Expecting more than that will set you up for disappointment. It's like Transformers 2 but with robots replaced with natural disasters.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:36 a.m. CST

    @Lone Fox... That airplane scene is even funnier

    by V'Shael

    than the trailer. <p> At one point, they're outrunning the pyroclastic flows of a supervolcano, in an RV, heading towards where the plane is being refueled. Many overhead shots show that the flows are moving about the speed of the RV and are about 1 second behind them. <p> They get to the airplane, and then the flows are off screen for a bit (presumably tapping its metaphorical foot) only to start chasing the plane and getting closer to it etc... as it's heading down the runway. <p> Much like it was done in "The Day After Tomorrow" he treats natural disasters as if they were personified. They can't maintain speed, they slow down and speed up as needed, etc...

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST

    HE DID STARGATE

    by Gungan Slayer

    'nough said.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST

    can someone just edit out all the talkie parts and make a torren

    by BMacSmith

    like someone did with Transformers 2? fuck this year sucks. when did these movies become so boring? GI Joe, Terminator, TF, and now this? i'm so jaded with blockbuster movies this year. i just dont give a shit anymore. thats so sad as i used to be a huge movie buff. District 9 is the only movie i saw this summer that gives me any hope for the future.<p>i predicted the entire plot to 10000 BC, and then walked out during the climax, if you can call it that. so boring

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:12 a.m. CST

    estacado1 - then just have stuff getting destroyed

    by BMacSmith

    dont waste time with boring characters and lame storylines. just blow shit up! they are so lazy with how they tie these fx shots together, they should just totally abandon the idea and blow up shit real good for 80 minutes (plus as a bonus it would be shorter!). someone out there has the balls to make this movie.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:14 a.m. CST

    Emmerich and Bay should team up

    by BMacSmith

    but then the movie would be 4 hours long and 2 hours of it would be boring shit with terrible characters talking about shit no one cares about, because they actually think they are serious storytellers.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:15 a.m. CST

    BMacSmith: You really need to see it on a big screen...

    by V'Shael

    but this desire to remove all the talky bits, seems like a step along the road to : http://tinyurl.com/yl8kn47

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:23 a.m. CST

    V'Shael: thats what i was thinking. we're so close!

    by BMacSmith

    whats funny is that ASS:The Movie would actually be worse if you added a few of Bay or Emmerich's "characters" to it. Imagine trying to watch the ass but kept being interrupted by Shia and his stupid parents trying to be funny or Typical Government Douchebag Guy and his team of Douchebags trying to stop the hero? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:39 a.m. CST

    The humour, the humour

    by Mr Gorilla

    INDEPENDENCE DAY is dumb, dumb fun, but I really do admire it. It's not just 'disaster porn' - there are dogfights, and scary bits in laboratories, there's funny digs at mythology - and at the centre are two wonderful and HUMOROUS performances from Jeff G and Will Smith. I haven't seen any sign of that kind of wit from Emmerich since. Seriously, watching INDEPENDENCE DAY in a packed cinema was a brilliant experience - SO MANY rounds of applause at different points, so much laughter etc. THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, on the other hand, was just a drag. And so very stupid: the moment when the Scottish guys raised a glass of whiskey and said 'to England!' I thought 'fuck me, this guy really hasn't bothered to do ten seconds of research has he'.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Chicken does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    Nice review Harry, but now I know there's a lengthy CHICKEN IN PERIL sequence I feel like I gotta buy a ticket just to see that.<p> If only we had 2hrs 20mins just on the chicken.<p> "You've not seen the end of the world until you've seen it through the eyes of a chicken." Voice-over man.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:53 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Mr Gorilla, nice post - I agree wholeheartedly.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:01 a.m. CST

    Best write up in a long time Harry!

    by Professor_Monster

    And good for you on passing on Golden Corral and CiCi Pizza to make yourself healthier. i agree with everything you said about Emmerich - disaster films seem to be the only thing he wants to do - perhaps because he knows he can hide under the blankets of special effects. It's like those guys you meet on the streets of new york that offer you a band new dvd player in the box - you get home and the box is filled with bricks or newspaper. The box is all you are left with.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:02 a.m. CST

    RUN CHICKEN RUN!

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Guest starring Chicken Little!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:02 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah and -- A 12 WILL BE two-thousanded

    by Professor_Monster

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:04 a.m. CST

    I KNOW WHAT EGG YOU LAID LAST SUMMER!

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Another Chicken In Peril movie brought to you by the team behind 2012.<p>Coming to a theatre near you in 2014.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:06 a.m. CST

    CHIRP

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Roland Emmerich's latest Chicken In Peril movie angers Scream fans across the world.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:08 a.m. CST

    Roland Emmerich's PREDATOR remake...

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    "There's a fox outside the barn!" one CGI chicken says to another before being hit by a meteorite.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:11 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    CHILDREN OF CHICKEN.<p> Set in a dystopic near-future where hens have stopped laying eggs.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:12 a.m. CST

    LOL @ COBRA-KAI

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:13 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    SCHINDLERS CHICKEN.<p> Xmas is coming and the farmer has a list of which prize chickens will be in the Spring fair. The list is life.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:15 a.m. CST

    THE BURGER BUNS OF NAVARONE

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Roland Emmerich's Chicken In Peril Pictures presents the moving story of a group of chicks in Navarone attempting to avoid being coated in mayonaise and lettuce.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:17 a.m. CST

    V'Shael, yeah!

    by Lone Fox

    That was in the clip. The pilot was reading the manual or checking all the instruments, whatever while the disaster had a rest. As I understand it, Day After Tomorrow has people outrunning the ice age?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:17 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    THE LAST HENHOUSE ON THE LEFT.<p> Rated R for Rooster. Not suitable for chicks.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:35 a.m. CST

    Only good part (besides Woody) is the first destruction scene...

    by Executor

    ...the one you've pretty much scene in all the trailers: limo drives through L.A....plane barely takes off from crumbling runway...scenes of destruction. <p> But the trailer ruined it. <p> Then we are given not one more...but TWO identical set pieces where characters race for the airplane as the runway again crumbles. Yawn.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:37 a.m. CST

    Caught a midnight show; Harry's correct

    by Rocco Curioso

    Take away Woody Harrelson and the FX (which are admittedly spectacular) and you got nothin'. It's understandable when Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith stepped up as unlikely heroes in ID4 when they tagged the alien mother ship with a virus, then nuked it into kitty litter. Here, John Cusack merits a similar collective "Hurray!" from the survivors by... dislodging a hydraulic cable. WTF kind of unearned bullshit is THAT?<P>Roland Emmerich screwed the pooch with the casting of the U.S. President. So, the movie being set in 2012... you cast a middle-aged black man. And we get Danny Glover, who has all the authority & magnetism of a common hobo. Hey, Roland: DORIAN fucking HAREWOOD, ya stupid bitch.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:46 a.m. CST

    Not a bad review Harold.

    by Sal_Bando

    It sounds like it could be interesting if they made you care about the characters. Guess not!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:48 a.m. CST

    10,000 B.C.

    by Sebilrazen

    would have been worth sitting through if at the end you had Ra escaping through a fucking Stargate during the revolt.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:54 a.m. CST

    think I'll give this a miss.....

    by So What?

    Really not interested in this movie. I thought 10,000 BC bombed, how is Emmerich allowed to be doing another megabudget "BLOCKBUSTER"?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:03 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    "we get Danny Glover, who has all the authority & magnetism of a common hobo."<p> Harsh Rocco! Harsh!<p> "Mr President, can we get you anything?" smartly dressed aide<p> "Yeah brung me sum more trash cans. I feel like goin a rootlin fer gold." President Glover.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:14 a.m. CST

    No one can dig a ditch like Roland.

    by Bob Cryptonight

    He has all the style and smarts of a ditch digger. But you get what you pay for.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:23 a.m. CST

    typical harry review

    by banjo_bob

    full of errors, twisted facts and flat out lies and enough questionable babbling that makes it unclear whether or not he actually saw the movie or just read moviepooper.com about it. But then again, we can't really expect any real criticism from him. We'd need real writers for that.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:24 a.m. CST

    Read & Shut Up

    by HEADGEEK

    To ape my BLADE II review with sexual metaphor. The quality of the fx and the intelligence of the writing would be like... You get to have sex with the hottest tightest yummiest most amazing LOOKING girl in the world who god gave the amazing love of anal sex. You're having the time of your life, but she has a diarrhea attack shitting all over you. You clean up, go back to it. And diarrhea. Repeat this 5 times... 5 minutes of sex followed by 40 minutes of shitty disgusting diarrhea and cleansing effects glory. If that's your thing, enjoy the fuck out this.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:28 a.m. CST

    "I'd like to think they would use the news to bring the world to

    by Alientoast

    Do you honestly think the world would unite if they knew they were living on borrowed time? Everyone holds hands to fight aliens? Sure. Civilization is gonna be destroyed and there's fuck all people can do about it? Hello collapse of civilization prior to the actual collapse of civilization. Remember Children of Men? That's probably a pretty accurate global picture of what happens when people realize there's no longer a reason to give a shit about your long term future.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:31 a.m. CST

    Harry, you crack me up.

    by CreasyBear

    And by the way, this was one of your best reviews. I hope Emmerich reads it and does about a half hour of serious self-analysis in a quiet room.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:43 a.m. CST

    Holy shit, he directed The Patriot????

    by dr sauch

    I fucking love that movie! No way!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:44 a.m. CST

    Diarrhea and anal sex?!

    by Fart_Master_Flex

    Just as I was about to sit down to my desk for some Aintitcool news and breakfast. Anyone want a barely eaten bagel?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:49 a.m. CST

    How bad was 10,000BC? It was bad beyond belief.

    by AsimovLives

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:50 a.m. CST

    stefan2789, The Patriot was alright?

    by AsimovLives

    That retarded piece of fascist bullshit?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:55 a.m. CST

    People outrunning natural phenomena:

    by AsimovLives

    Ladies and gentlemen, a Roland Emmerich movie.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:56 a.m. CST

    Fuck Roland Emmerich

    by AsimovLives

    Fuck Roland Emmerich up his fucking ass.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:02 a.m. CST

    This shit is THREE HOURS LONG?!

    by ricarleite2

    PASS

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:03 a.m. CST

    @Lone Fox: Not quite outrunning the ice age.

    by V'Shael

    Outrunning an invisible block of supercold air, which defied the laws of physics and appeared to move after our heroes. Although it was invisible, everywhere it went, things containing no water turned frosty white, like stone pillars and marble floors etc... It chases our heroes at various speeds up the stairs, where they get inside a room and close the wooden doors, thereby ... locking it outside. <p> (You have to pause at this point, to either laugh your ass off, or go looking for the brain that crawled out of your ear in a desperate attempt at self-preservation.)

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:07 a.m. CST

    Ejiofor needs to just make REDBELT 2

    by Spandau Belly

    Come on. This series could be the new ROCKY.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Outrunning temperature

    by AsimovLives

    That was a moment in Hollywood history where the level of dumb in a blockbuster reached a whole new record level of low... from which it never recovered to this day.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:09 a.m. CST

    I have a feeling Mel Gibson directed The Patriot

    by ricarleite2

    While keeping Emmerich tied up in the van.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:12 a.m. CST

    ricarleite2

    by AsimovLives

    You know why i disagree? Becasue it's not a well made movie. And all of Mel Gibson movies' regardless of the questionable content in them, were all well made movies which denounce an intelligence at work. Which cannot be found in any of the Emmerich movies.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:34 a.m. CST

    I don't know, Harry...

    by OBSD

    You really think the same U.S. government that allows insurers to murder people by denying them the coverage they paid for as long as those same insurers fill up their re-election coffers, and the same government (or at least some members of it)that still denys global warming, or at least is bringing about the absolute minimal amount of change in the longest span of time possible in favor of corporations giving them more money. That government would get off of their greedy, evil ass and help save humanity if they knew the world was ending? Bullshit. More likely, they'd commission Haliburton to build more arcs and Blackwater to run security so Goldman Sachs employees could survive. And when the American people found out about it, they'd just shrug their shoulder sheepishly and say "sorry." Then the Earth would blow up and humanity would be re-populated by the biggest douchebags our gene pool has to offer.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:46 a.m. CST

    nice review Harry

    by Cedar_Room

    you usually get a lot of stick for your reviews, but I have to say this is one of the best ones you've written in a while.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8 a.m. CST

    Worst movie of the year...seriously

    by couP

    The CG is good for about, 5 min, with 2hr and 25 min of absolute and utter shit in between. I wanted to stab my eyes out with the straw I had.</br ><br /> Also, the "dialogue" is the worst I've ever heard. So much incoherent crap and so many scenes of attempted emotional attachment that just DON'T WORK. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE CHARACTERS. WHY BOTHER? *sigh*

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Allow me to summarize the review.

    by CatVutt

    "This film is exactly the piece of crap that the trailers advertised."

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:09 a.m. CST

    Wait.

    by CatVutt

    This fucking thing is TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES?!?!?! Holy fuck. That's just fucking nuts for an obvious crapfest like this. SEE 'ZOMBIELAND' PEOPLE. Quick, sharp, effective. 90 MINUTES.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:09 a.m. CST

    asimov- look up the words ¨over-opinionated¨ & ¨ad nauseum¨

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    I mean, for real.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:10 a.m. CST

    Thanks for taking a bullet for us on this one, Harry

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    I´ll catch this on cable when I´m sick.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:17 a.m. CST

    OBVIOUSLY HARRY, YOU ARE NOT A PEOPLE PERSON

    by BringingSexyBack

    Have you ever considered that the rest of us WANT to care about, at the very least, a sampling of the billions who are about to die? How humanity reacts when it draws its last breaths? That perhaps life is precious beyond the title characters? Jesus.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:18 a.m. CST

    TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES OF TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'm so there tomorrow.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:20 a.m. CST

    YOU CAN MAKE A POINT WITHOUT RESORTING TO DIARRHEA

    by BringingSexyBack

    But what would be the fun in that?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:22 a.m. CST

    KEEP PUMPIN' THAT CHICKEN!

    by The_Maltese_Vulcan

    Ironic that thanks to Harry, Emmerich's 2012 will now forever be known as his "chicken in peril" movie.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:24 a.m. CST

    ERNIE ANASTOS WANTS ONE LAST FUCK WITH THE CHICKEN

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Let me get this straight

    by I am_NOTREAL

    Two hours and forty minutes?!? TWO HOURS and FORTY MINUTES?!? All of the forces on Earth could not get me to see this film. It's sad when good actors like Cusack and Ejiofor feel compelled to be in dreck like this for a payday, but that's the state of movies today. His movies may look better than other hacks, but Emmerich is artistically on the same level as the likes of Ratner, W.S. Anderson, and Wiseman. Pfft. It's garbage. I'll bet Taylor Swift likes it though.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:29 a.m. CST

    The scene with the dog in Independence Day

    by JoeD

    Where he outruns the explosion in the tunnel and then leaps into the alcove, is the funniest fucking thing ever put to film. I remember how badly I wanted the dog to survive (I was 10 at the time), but didn't give a shit about the millions of people recently incinerated.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:37 a.m. CST

    At 2 hrs. and 40 minutes

    by OBESE_WAN_KENOBI

    I will be praying for my own cataclysmic destruction. I thought 90 to 100 minutes. Maybe I could've sat through that. But 2 hours and 40 minutes!! Ummm...No I don't think so.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:41 a.m. CST

    YOU GUYS DON'T WANT MORE DESTRUCTION FOR YOUR MONEY?

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:44 a.m. CST

    iamnicksaicnsn

    by bah

    Oh my God, thank you! I honestly never knew what that was in the background. I always thought it was King Kong holding a tree or something.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:48 a.m. CST

    If the movie is listed at 2 hours 40 minutes

    by skimn

    you know the last 10 minutes will be the end credits with 14 digital effects houses vying for space, a couple hundred of stuntperformers and the such. But its still 45 minutes longer than it would ever need to be.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:51 a.m. CST

    why

    by tgmee

    is this movie opening in Nov?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:58 a.m. CST

    If 2012 has done anything good...

    by SLY_STALLONES_COCK_VEIN

    ..it has brought us a great Harry review. The 2012/hot girl anal sex/diarrhea analogy easily tops the Blade II/oral sex analogy for complete bizareness. Added to which we have a new 'chicken in peril' meme to run into the ground in every talkback for the next six months. So we have a lot to thank Emmerich for!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:58 a.m. CST

    People outrunning natural phenomena:

    by DocPazuzu

    Ladies and gentlemen, an M Night Shyamalan movie.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:02 a.m. CST

    THAT WAS A REVIEW?

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:03 a.m. CST

    this review

    by Sonod

    is as pathetic as every review done by this chump. Stop being so personal you numnut!!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:08 a.m. CST

    This Review

    by Sonod

    The dudes who own this site - aka the "reviewers" are geeks who don't really have any knowledge of mainstream movies.Dumb fucks - each nad every one!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:14 a.m. CST

    Other things that need to be.... IN PERIL!

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Tuna Sandwiches! (Emmerich's next movie should show one almost swallowed by an earthquake perhaps)<p>Uwe Boll! (He could guest-star in the 2012 sequel where he is almost eaten by a giant lizard emerging from the centre of the Earth)<p>Orange Chocolate (Using state of the art CGI, Emmerich could tell the story of how orange chocolate almost runs out and only a few people with fucked up tastebuds give a shit)<p>People who talk on phones on trains (Put a whole load of them in a scene and have the train running towards the gaping maws of a giant cat embiggened by CGI)

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST

    Crushed.

    by Powerring

    And here I was, expecting a movie that was released mid Novemeber, a time for all hollywood garbage to be dumped out- to be the citizen Kane of disaster movies. Roland Emmerich+mid november+disaster movie. What are the chances that this type of this would be good? If it had a chance of being good, it would have been released in summer, Thanksgiving or Christmas. So what if the transformers crowd goes to see it just for the effects to kill 90 minutes? The only difference is Megan Fox and no all spark or camaros or robots. But IT'S THE SAME LAME SHIT.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Finish this thought

    by Dolmes

    At 2 hours & 40 minutes. Character development is nearly non-existent. And I know - it's crazy to say CUT THE AMAZING FUCKING EFFECTS - but dammit - I just can't help but think if this film was told exclusively from the point of view of John Cusack and his struggle to save his estranged family, not knowing about the various steps that had been taken by a secret government........... you can't help what?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Does the chicken

    by bobbofatz

    just barely escape an explosion in slow motion while millions die and movie crowd cheers? Someone said it. ASS the movie

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Don't forget, Harry liked Armageddon

    by PinkFloyd7

    And Armageddon was one of the worst pieces of shit I have ever seen. The editing in that movie was so horrible that no single scene lasted longer than about 10 seconds. Also, Roger Ebert gave this movie 3 out of 4 stars. I would listen to Ebert before Harry any day.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:58 a.m. CST

    The Reviews are Uniformly Terrible. Don't Go.

    by WriteFromLeft

    Please, vote with your wallet. Don't give Hollywood your money when they produce plotless films.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:04 a.m. CST

    CHICKENS HAVE SIGNIFICANT MEANING FOR MANY CULTURES

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:05 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    CHICKEN AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE FARM<p> Chickens vs geese on the duck pond. Includes a lengthy sojourn at the tortoise shed.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Harry didn't like Astro Boy so this might be good

    by FeralAngel

    I mean, I'm trying to put the time spent on reading Harry's reviews to some good use. It's akin to putting manure on rose bushes. Seriously, Harry, after I ignored your review of Astro Boy and went to see it, I have serious doubts about your judgment. No offense, dude, but I loved that film, everybody I know who's seen it loves that film, and it deserved support from people who actually have a talent for appreciating good movies, as opposed to...well...you. Maybe your deeply flawed assessment of Astro Boy was just a glitch; let's hope so. But I might go out and see 2012 anyway. Again, just trying to put my time spent here to some good use.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    LORD OF THE WINGS.<p> A brooding darkness is gathering over the land. Yep, it's about to rain.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:12 a.m. CST

    GLENGARRY GLEN CHICKEN

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    "Cluck you! That's my name!"

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    THE CHICKEN MATRIX.<p> With the aid of a bald turkey, 'The One' chicken escapes from the battery farm. Mr Smith the farmer feels infected by their stench.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    ZombieHeathLedger

    by AsimovLives

    I looked it up and i saw your picture in it. It's also on pedantic.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:26 a.m. CST

    This post is in hommage to our friend ZombieHeathLedger

    by AsimovLives

    So, this year somebody mannaged to make a worst movie then Jar Jar Abrams' STINO. That's quite an achievement. Who would ever though that possible?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Danny Glover AND Woody Harrelson?

    by SmokingRobot

    They were shooting for a perfect 'loudmouth idiot Anti-American' trifecta but Susan Sarandon was busy getting her hair done that week.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:36 a.m. CST

    I knew there would be a "dog scene"...

    by Mrhazard

    Good lord Independence Day sucked...

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST

    screw all these disasters

    by blonde redhead

    I WANT CATNAROK that will be epic

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:54 a.m. CST

    The Ghost and Mr. Chicken

    by skimn

    with a real chicken!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:57 a.m. CST

    EASTERN THINKING: "SHOULD WE LIVE THROUGH THIS CATACLYSM"

    by BringingSexyBack

    "... this chicken and its eggs will ensure the survival of our family." <P> Western Thinking: "Who gives a shit about the fucking chicken?!?!"

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11 a.m. CST

    so how does it end?

    by knowthyself

    There's no recovering from all that damage.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11 a.m. CST

    I am still waiting for a great zombie apoc movie

    by DangerDave

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:06 a.m. CST

    AINTITCOOLBUSINESSNEWS.COM

    by BringingSexyBack

    CHICAGO — Burger King franchisees sued the hamburger company this week over its $1 double cheeseburger promotion, saying they're losing money on the deal and the company can't set maximum menu prices. <p> The National Franchise Association, a group that represents more than 80 percent of Burger King's U.S. franchise owners, said the $1 promotion forces restaurant owners to sell the quarter-pound burger with at least a 10-cent loss. <p> While costs vary by location, the $1 double cheeseburger typically costs franchisees at least $1.10, said Dan Fitzpatrick, a Burger King franchisee from South Bend, Ind. who is a spokesman for the association. That includes about 55 cents for the cost of the meat, bun, cheese and toppings. The remainder typically covers expenses such as rent, royalties and worker wages. <p> "New math, or old math, the math just doesn't work," Fitzpatrick said. <p> After testing the $1 deal in markets across the country, the discounted burger went on sale nationwide last month even though franchise owners, who operate 90 percent of the company's 12,000 locations, twice rejected the product because of its expense. <p> "The current management team has disregarded rights that Burger King franchisees have always had," Pennsylvania franchise owner Steve Lewis said in a statement. <p> Denise Wilson, a spokeswoman for the nation's No. 2 hamburger chain, said the Miami restaurant company believes the litigation is "without merit," particularly after an earlier appeals court ruling this year showing the company had a right to require franchise owners to participate in its value menu promotions. <p> Restaurants, especially fast-food chains, have been slashing menu prices because of the poor economy. Executives hope the deeply discounted deals will bring in diners who are spending less when they eat out, or opting to stay home altogether. <p> When the $1 double cheeseburger was announced this fall, analyst said it could increase restaurant visits by as much as 20 percent. But despite that boost, a Deutsche Bank analyst said as much as half of the gain recorded from increased traffic could be lost because customers were spending less when they ordered food. <p> The lawsuit was filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Southern Florida. <p> Burger King shares fell 18 cents, or 1 percent, to close at $17.12 Thursday. <p> Read more at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/13/burger-king-franchisees-s_n_356360.html

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:18 a.m. CST

    How to detect a hack made bad movie?

    by AsimovLives

    There's always an undestructable family pet pooch who survives through the most dangerous and deadly scenarios beating impossible odds. And all for the emotional gratification of dog lover fanatics whose devotion to non-human creatures borders on bestiality.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:21 a.m. CST

    The Patriot

    by Shaner Jedi

    was by far this guys best "film". In fact, it's his only film. But his best movie disaster film is by far ID4. I still love the set up of that film and all its goofiness.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Expectations.

    by kld3169

    I guess a bad review was not unexpected. But if you buy a ticket for this movie expecting ANYTHING more than great visuals, then it's your own fault.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:48 a.m. CST

    This weeks DVD picks, Harry?

    by The Fly on the Wall

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:53 a.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION... but I doubt I'll see it

    by turketron_2

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:53 a.m. CST

    DIARRHEA AND ANAL SEX

    by turketron_2

    Hahahah, sounds like a BLAST!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:55 a.m. CST

    or CHOCOLATE RAAAAIIIINNNN

    by turketron_2

    Cover the room with plastic and go for broke!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:57 a.m. CST

    BSB, thanx for the BK news

    by Stabby

    I did not know about that deal. BKs double cheeseburgers are the only thing I like from them. Gonna pick up a few tonight for a couple bucks.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Looks like shit to me..

    by MegaBeth

    The FX in the trailers look like crap. The movie looks ridiculous. I feel bad for Cusack. And Independence Day was one of the worse movies all time. From the cheesy acting to the lousy script, it was pure shit.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:13 p.m. CST

    Ah, you mean a "too much crazy shit" buffets

    by AsimovDiedOfAIDS

    There's a chinese place near me, located in a former steakhouse in a strip mall. Fucking place has every food imaginable on the buffet, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai sushi, kimchee, do-it-yourself Mongolian beef, cake, jello, soft-serve ice cream, chicken wings, pizza (the fuck...?), hamburgers with toppings bar (the FUUUUCK!!??!!??). It's like Babu's Dream Cafe on Seinfeld but as a buffet place.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:16 p.m. CST

    No Country for Old Hens

    by ReportAbuse

    ...there's a Woody Harrelson film for ya

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:20 p.m. CST

    What else do people expect?

    by smellmycheese

    I've NEVER seen a good Roland Emmerich movie. I saw Independence Day and Godzilla and they were enough for me. Lots of special effects, trite scripts and absolutely zero characterisation or development. If that's what you like then fair enough but it's not my bag. To watch one of his movies and expect anything other than 90+ minutes of glib wisecracks and tedious set pieces is just folly. I'm afraid you've only got yourself to blame, Harry. You should have passed on this and just written "It's a Roland Emmerich movie. It's going to be shit."

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Where is the Holy Land Destrution?

    by nemov

    Oh that's right. We have to keep this film politically correct.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:33 p.m. CST

    I heard this is Cusack's finest hour?...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    Instead of his "Where do we go from here there's some crazy shit going on" shtick he pulls a "Where do we go from here there's some crazy END OF THE WORLD shit going on" thing. I can hardly wait I promised myself 6 viewings in one night. *crosses fingers*

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:33 p.m. CST

    Why do people care about Harry's DVD column?

    by p0llk4t

    It's pretty worthless. Mostly all Blu-ray shit anyways. Do you really need Harry to give you his opinion on what the new releases are? There are much better sources out there. Yet every TB has some loser whining about it like Harry poured some sand in their vagina whenever it's a day late.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Sounds like a movie TF2 haters will love

    by cylon_conspiracy

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:42 p.m. CST

    Because I like the column you fucking jack-ass

    by The Fly on the Wall

    And he finds some cool shit that I didn't know was coming out. Follow your own advice and read other DVD release sites while I enjoy this one you fucking troll hack.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Hope you click on the links too fucking lemming...

    by p0llk4t

    Keep blubbering.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Indeed..it is Emmerich after all

    by skimn

    Some favorite critic blurbs..<p>Detroit Free Press:"Emmerich goes so far over the top that he achieves a kind of trash divinity: "2012" turns out to be one of the most purely pleasurable guilty pleasures ever made."<p>Chicago Tribune:"I quite enjoyed the experience, at least the first five or six hours of it. 2012 is not simply the last disaster movie you ever need to see. It's the last movie you ever need to see. "<p>Mr. Ebert:" 2012 delivers what it promises, and since no sentient being will buy a ticket expecting anything else, it will be, for its audiences, one of the most satisfactory films of the year."<p>Sounds like a Royale with cheese, extra cheese, topped with cheese. After the low tech "scares" of Paranormal (ohhh, theres a creak,,a banging sound..yipes!!), I think we all could use everything thrown at us, including the kitchen sink.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Transformers 2 still the worst movie of the year.

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:02 p.m. CST

    somebody register WWW.CHICKENINPERIL.COM, stat

    by Sir Loin

    ...and then make it similar to khaaan.com, showing nothing but said chicken in peril. SOMEBODY DO THIS FOR ALL HUMANITY before 2012.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:03 p.m. CST

    The worst movie that made the most...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    Go fucking figure.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Another part of the Emmerich disaster movie pattern...

    by Triple_J_72

    ...they always seem to involve a bunch of idiotic characters that we shouldn't give two shits about.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:08 p.m. CST

    Harry-you have redeemed yourself!

    by spiceybiscuit

    Holy Fucking Shit...the world might end! But you might have talked me into it-The pope and the Vad. are destroyed, that would be fun to watch! JK-10,000 BC was the biggest PoS and this one looks just as bad

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    The review reminded me of Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

    by ME_M

    AvP2 would show five minutes of "characterization", then kill the character. After about the 8th time doing this, the audience was laughing instead of caring about these throw-aways who added nothing to the plot.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Actually, in 10,000 BC.....There was the Giant Bird Scene.

    by cookylamoo

    Which was pretty exciting.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Needs Moar Obama

    by NippleEffect

    I still have some money left

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Diarrhea and anal sex

    by darth_fuck_shit

    Sums up Harry's sex life perfectly.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Harry is a dollop of gay cellulite.

    by 3 Bag Enema

    He had his stomach surgically knotted to curb his eating because he can't control himself. He's in a wheelchair because he crippled himself. He thought The Phantom Menace was good. He refers to his wife as "Yoko." He's a danger to himself and others and must be stopped.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Wow, I thought he would like it.

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Harry seems to enjoy movies that don't have a plot.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:23 p.m. CST

    did that gay American Idol runner up help?

    by Meadowe

    Did they play that song during the movie or the credits? If I wasn't told he was gay, hearing that song during the trailer for 2012 before This Is It would've tipped me off for sure. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE FACT I'VE KISSED MORE GIRLS THAN HIM.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:26 p.m. CST

    No way!?! This sucks!?!

    by Giant Ape Balls

    Seriously, did anyone think that this would be any good at all?

  • Sounds like a bay film. Btw, how far along does the destruction of Vatican city occur? And do we get to see the destruction of mecca or any other religious areas or do only Catholics got emmerich-ated?

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 2:53 p.m. CST

    Hype the movie for a year....

    by cookylamoo

    And then crap on it. You're a cruel lover, Harry.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:15 p.m. CST

    DEMAND IT!

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Fuck the net.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:17 p.m. CST

    I Will Never Watch This Movie

    by Flummage

    I am not ashamed.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:32 p.m. CST

    Meadowe

    by 3 Bag Enema

    I assure you, Emmerich doesn't only hate Catholics. His contempt for humanity is complete, and cannot possibly be relegated to superstitious idiots who think everyone who doesn't belong to their little club is rightfully going to eternal torment after they die. And just in case you're wondering, yes, the saints were watching that one time, and what you did made them cry.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Read & Shut Up

    by 3 Bag Enema

    Harry, please never touch a keyboard again.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:34 p.m. CST

    You can review any of Emmerich's movies

    by veritasses

    without even seeing them. Some pretty CGI overwhelmed by ineptness and incredibly stupid, illogical, idiotic, moronic, senseless stories, characters, situations, dialog etc resulting in an infuriatingly sh!tty movie. <BR><BR>

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:38 p.m. CST

    ROLAND EMMERICH, I DEMAND....

    by RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL

    IN YOUR NEXT MOVIE, YOU MUST HAVE PUFFINS IN PERIL. THEY ARE MUCH CUTER THAN CHICKENS AND HAVE BETTER BEAKS. THEY DESERVE A FEW MINUTES OF SCREEN TIME IN AT LEAST ONE BIG BUDGET MOVIE.<P>I AM WRITING THIS IN CAPITALS TO SHOW HOW SERIOUS I AM.<P>PUFFINS IN PERIL.<p>YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:41 p.m. CST

    I happen to know, sir...

    by 3 Bag Enema

    ...that your gerbil, technically, raped Richard Gere. And I really don't think gerbal rape is funny. Even if the victim was asking for it.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Or however you spell gerbul.

    by 3 Bag Enema

    I started early today.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:45 p.m. CST

    EBERT nearly gave it 4 stars!

    by Orionsangels

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:46 p.m. CST

    I'm sooo totally on a law sodium diet

    by NippleEffect

    mom? dad? sparkey?<br> I hear your voice...

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:46 p.m. CST

    If you pay to see this movie...

    by 3 Bag Enema

    ...think of that money going to an old, misanthropic German who is laughing at you from the middle of a twink orgy. http://www.queerty.com/los-angeles-a-gays-gather-at-roland-emmerich-bryan-singers-post-pride-party-20090615/

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Thanks for the further spolier alerts.

    by Dr. Samuel Loomis

    I voided the first, but then you get into a rant about where and what, in order, Cusack's character does in the movie. Lame.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Emmerich made this movie for the Discovery channel.

    by Orionsangels

    To give the Discovery channel an endless supply of end of the world footage. All for those end of the world documentaries. You see so much on the Discovery channel. During the credits of one of these documentaries. It'll say in small print. Footage provided by the film 2012. Available on DVD.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4 p.m. CST

    HOW THE FUCK DOES A TIDAL WAVE REACH THE HIMALAYAS?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Can't wait to find out!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:02 p.m. CST

    STABBY - JUST MAKE SURE YOU BRING A PITCHER

    by BringingSexyBack

    and fill up at the self-serve soda fountain.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:08 p.m. CST

    3 Bag Enema

    by RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL

    Roman Polanksi said the same thing.<p>You agree with Roman Polanski.<p>Your sense of morality is squiffy.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:09 p.m. CST

    ORIONSANGELS THAT IS SO TRUE

    by BringingSexyBack

    I had to sit through a Crystal Skull "documentary" yesterday on the History channel. I can't believe they're giving credence to bizarre theories of aliens from Mars on History. Unbelievable.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:23 p.m. CST

    some folks here know too much about gay orgies

    by Meadowe

    NOt tHAt THERE'S ANYtHING WRONG WItH tHAt.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Hottest girl sex AND tons of diarrhea?

    by TheMcflyFarm

    Sign me up!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Meadowe

    by RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL

    WWW.GAYORGIESINPERIL.COM<p>Educate yourself.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:29 p.m. CST

    THE FILM TO END ALL FILMS

    by El Mamerro

    And AVATAR ready to start it off again.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST

    no thanks I live close enough to LAX as it is

    by Meadowe

    X doesn't stand for international airport btw.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Ebert's right. Harry's wrong.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    This movie was a fucking blast. <p> Who goes into this expecting story and character development? <p> Give your head a shake.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:53 p.m. CST

    sample of emmerich "character development"

    by Meadowe

    Heath Ledger "I'm not a child!" Mel Gibson "You're MY CHILD!" yeah this fliq is brainless so what? At least he's not ruining any potential for greatness like bay has with tf. Lets watch stuff be destroyed and feed some crew members while we're at it.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Missing the point

    by lockesbrokenleg

    These are B movies. You don't go for the characters. You go and see the spectacle of it. They're not character studies.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:15 p.m. CST

    NEEDS GIANT ROBOTS

    by Sal_Bando

    -you better believe it fuckin' does-cuz it DOES

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Well, it was what I expected

    by terry1978

    Basically seeing every popular landmark on Earth get fucked up. That is what it should have been called. And sadly, I do not feel like I wasted my money...Emmerich does not skimp on the f/x, they're never shoddy. I have to give him props for that at least.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:27 p.m. CST

    lol ...

    by GINGE_MUPPET

    Why are we talking about anal sex and shitting on cocks???? can only be AICN

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:34 p.m. CST

    Aint it Anal News

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:36 p.m. CST

    Admit it Knowles you loved this film.

    by Smashing

    Your either in a snit or trying to pre-empt the curse of AICN. 8)

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    This review has it backwards.

    by antonphd

    The special effects are nearly all in the trailers... and they are just ok. The characters and story are standard disaster fare... but rather than distracting from the effects... the effects simply served the characters and story. It wasn't a great story, but it wasn't bad. It was good. I actually liked it. Not for the effects either. I guess I'm just one of those saps who can get sucked into a story about characters trying to survive a disaster. Maybe it's because I got news this morning that I don't have cancer. I'm just in a mood to be happy that John Cussack lives.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:11 p.m. CST

    This is... Cinerama!

    by Unscripted

    It sounds like this movie is the 21st century equivalent of "This is... Cinerama!", a short that existed for no reason except to show off the wraparound format with one spectacle after another. Could be worse. Could be in 3D.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:22 p.m. CST

    "I don't care how important they were, this is a character that

    by Dr. Strangelove

    Congratulations Harry. You have officially killed the English language.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Fuck the haters

    by Powerring

    Saw it today, and it was entertaining. It was a simple story based around relentless property destruction and narrow escapes. Awesome effects. Anyone expecting more is a fucktard. It's a popcorn movie for fucks sake, not an oscar contender.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 6:49 p.m. CST

    That's just the thing...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    the majority of us aren't ten-years-old anymore. We don't want fucking popcorn flicks. We want movies worth a damn. And for the guy who mentioned "Ebert being right"... Roger Ebert does not exist in this dojo. He's given 'Ass: The Movie' a pass time and time again.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:32 p.m. CST

    The story was a hot mess, however ( big spoilers)

    by CherryValance

    who gives a shit? The point of this IS the special effects. Honestly this movie was pissing me off until they started to make a break for it and that initial run from I dunno was it San Francisco or LA was the most roller-coastery roller coaster ride I've ever seen in a theater. Woody Harrelson's character was the fuckin' stupidest thing ever. He must have upgraded from pot. If not for the map he didn't need to be in it at all. I would have just had some crazy loon ex-professor of Cusack's send him the damn map. Just a package with the map and a note that says "Hi. The world's gonna end. Go to China. Love, Prof. Youusedtoknow.</p> <p>My favorite thing about the film was that every time someone prayed they got their ass handed to them. It was so awesome. Those Cardinals looking up at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and the crack between God and his creation was my absolute favorite moment of the film. Too perfect. For me the point was if you're just gonna sit there and pray, we don't need you in the future. If you're going to actually do something about it and be a benefit to mankind you can make it. Which makes Danny Glover the worst president ever. But you have to admit the USS John F. Kennedy destroying the White House was just precious.</p> <p>I mean as a film, it's full of fail. As a uproarious entertaining nonsensical movie full of movieness it passes with flying colors. Come on. They didn't have enough fuel so China moved to meet them. How fucking awesome is that?</p> <p>I still like the movie where Jake outruns the cold better. But as ridiculous as this movie was, it was totally worth dragging your butt to theater to see it.</p>

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:34 p.m. CST

    I thought it was fun!!!!

    by TheDudeinLA

    Way too long...but I loved seeing L.A. go down. I like Cusask and Woody. A serious re-cut of the movie is in order...but it was still fun. Also...Mel Gibson actually Directed The Patriot even though he is not credited.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Harry's DEAD ON with this review

    by MattmanBegins

    I've never agreed with Harry more. He nailed this movie. The subplots that birth subplots was insane. This movie has about 40 minutes worth of scenes that should be deleted scenes on a DVD. Craziness. The effects are jawdropping though, and there are worse ways to spend 2 and a half hours of your life, but this could've been so much better. Rent Knowing instead.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:48 p.m. CST

    I am looking at a joyless Harry right now.

    by ThreeOranges

    In his Hawaiian shirt and wheelchair, sitting in a roped off area at the Dethklok show. Be happy for metal, Harry! Don't be a grumblepuss.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:51 p.m. CST

    What a surprise...

    by TheGreatHomsar

    ...2012 is a loud, obnoxious, brainless sack of shit dripping with overwrought special effects and absolutely no character development. Certainly wouldn't have expected that from Roland Emmerich. That being said... I am eternally grateful to this movie for providing me with the "Internet Meme of the Year." CHICKEN IN PERIL. Love it! Pure gold!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 7:52 p.m. CST

    But do they ensure the survival of our SPEE-CEES?

    by Anything But Tangerines

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:33 p.m. CST

    "He & the visual effects."

    by TedKordLives

    That's what's going to stick with me, as far as that review goes. <P> He & the visual effects, with a fucking period at the end.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Observe and Report = Fuckin' Awesome!

    by SoylentMean

    2012, not so much.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:46 p.m. CST

    There is always room for popcorn movies

    by Powerring

    From 4 to 94 people love popcorn movies. What fucktard limits them at 10? And who the fuck puts a gun to your head and forces you to see them? What a dumbass response. Transformers 1/2? GI Joe? speed fucking racer? all those are ultra-shitty popcorn movies that made millions (except speed fucking racer) because people want mindless destruction once in a while. 2012 was fun for no other reason. "FTH" Fuck The Haters. You assholes think of 100 reasons why a movie is worthless, yet praise total shit that 4 people want to see.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:56 p.m. CST

    GI JOE was pretty decent

    by lockesbrokenleg

    It had surprisingly good character development. Far better character development than the usual shitty horror remake that comes out but gets a free pass.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 8:58 p.m. CST

    FUCK THE MODERN HORROR MOVIES!

    by THE TRUE PINBACK

    SPECIAL EFFECTS RULE THE WORLD!!!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:11 p.m. CST

    Let's face it.....

    by D o o d

    This was never going to be a great film. All his films follow the same stereotypes. Just like a model is only a clothes horse, Emmerich is just a horse for the visual effects industry.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Lets not get the fat guy excited

    by NippleEffect

    everyone says I'm uninsurable after the last time

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:39 p.m. CST

    when Amanda Peet was on gap tooth's show

    by Meadowe

    She was talking about how the Scottish a.d. Or whatever was telling them where to look and how to react since the effects weren't there yet, obviously. She talked about (I think because I was drowsing off already) how if they put those cuts on the dvd they're gonna be really embarassing acting all shocked to absolutely nothing. Personally I'd like to see it just out of freakish curiousity.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 9:58 p.m. CST

    Moon 44 (1990)

    by web

    Well, in my humble opinion, Moon 44 was not such a bad movie (which was directed by Roland Emmerich). It is what it is, I suppose.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10 p.m. CST

    I want Michael Bay and Emmerich to co-direct something

    by terry1978

    Honestly, I just want to see the end result of that on an IMAX screen so my cranium would literally explode at what I was seeing up there.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:02 p.m. CST

    Have you ever wanted to go back in time

    by NippleEffect

    Just to punch yourself<p> I was one of those guys who gave Harry shit about his *MAN IN SUIT! MAN IN SUIT!<br> over exuberance<p> Man<br> I miss that boy

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:11 p.m. CST

    MOON 44

    by frank cotton

    character developement? read a review yesterday bemoaning the lack of said developement in THE INFORMERS...WASN'T THAT THE WHOLE POINT OF THE FILM? if the lack thereof ruins a film for you, just go ahead and start saving for the sex change, pussy. and no, they won't tell us the world is going to end, because alot of us would go on fucking rampages, and the first ones in our sights would be the rich and powerful. and finally, the obsession with POOHTANG around here is too much - get fucking boyfriends already, and you can have all the buttfucking you can stand

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Emmerich's Irwin Allen fixation

    by MasterShake

    He wants to be the next Irwin Allen, unfortunatly, he doesn't have 1/10th the imagination or character insight Allen had. I hope to god that the rumor he's tackling a Fantastic Voyage remake aren't true.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:14 p.m. CST

    stupid fat lazy americans ...

    by juice willis

    ...and their stupid fat lazy cinema. Jump up and defend your banal tastes and hollow convictions NOW!!!!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:23 p.m. CST

    hey nipple efect fuuny you say that

    by Meadowe

    Cu I just watched Time Traveler's Wife @ my local cheap theatre.

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:26 p.m. CST

    love it....SHEEPLE UNITE!!!!

    by LabattsBleu

    Honestly, i don't mean to be the Devil's Advocate, really I don't... <br><br> but when steaming turds like T$ or TF2 make boatloads of money, it makes me truly wonder how stupid people are?!?<br>br> Bring on the REAL 2012...this society, sadly, needs reboot...idiots SHOULD NOT BE BREEDERS!!!<br><br> 500 million worldwide and another film deal for the hack known as RE is say...bring on the apocaplyse!

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:42 p.m. CST

    Poor Cusak

    by MacReady452

    Bring on..HOT TUB TIME MACHINE

  • Nov. 13, 2009, 11:59 p.m. CST

    My after midnight showing review (minor SPOILERS)

    by _Lizarkeo

    1. Every time I watched a money-shot from the trailers, I couldn't shake from my head the crazy old tune from that amazing seventies "homage" trailer ("!!!!!") <p> 2. Man, a Predator can't kill Danny Glover for sure. But try a big fraking air carrier plus giant tsunami instead...I could swear he was going to say, in his last moments, "I am too old for this sh..." <p> 3. Nice, original Night Owl was playing Admiral Piett, heh. <p> 4. In the LA destruction scenes, I was just thinking about that great video game from American McGee, "Bad Day LA". Without the zombies! <p> 5. Loved the ships, great concept and beautiful scifi-navy design. Emmerich loves his air carriers. Me too! I could watch a whole TV show about the ships. Season one, episode one: "Africa: When we met Old Adama in his cabin", ahem. <p> 6. Woody, of course, was a blast to watch. But Chiwetel was the real deal here. Because Woody was playing Woody. And Cusak was playing...guess who. <p> Emmerich's next movie: THE TOTAL FRAKING DESTRUCTION OF THE UNIVERSE, when we going to see Laika, the zombie dog astronaut, dodging a big fraking comet! Heh. <p> Cheers.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:02 a.m. CST

    Did Harry really like "ARMAGEDDON"?

    by blakindigo

    Or is that a joke?

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:04 a.m. CST

    Face it...he's a hack piece of shit....

    by MJohnson

    That's it. He won't get better...his films are nowhere near as good as you remember them to be...Emmerich sucks. End of story.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:09 a.m. CST

    PowerRing...you don't get it...

    by MJohnson

    We understand that mouth-breathers like you enjoy this shit...but we're the intellectual elite who know better...we know what makes good films...we know that box office take means nothing in terms of actual art...and we know that the majority of the human race consist of morons who wouldn't know a good movie if it walked up and fucked them in the ass. So...we know better. And you know jack shit. Deal with it.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:47 a.m. CST

    Harry, the Reality Would Be Even Worse

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    In reality, the aristocracy would sabotage each other to make sure they were the only survivors. There would be rioting on a scale undreamed of. Harry, did you hear about the situation where gasoline ran out ... for an hour ... at a Georgia mini-mart/gas station. The people rioted in a frenzy of violence - over an hour's worth of gas. They were ready to destroy and eat each other when the gas finally came. That's the face of humanity. You talk about George Pal and hope. The reason effects like this wouldn't serve George Pal is that in the last 50 years we have learned that any belief in even the most fundamental basic human compassion is a total lie - a complete and whole fiction, that it in no way exists. Human beings will slaughter each other for a quarter. Businessmen in the USA will slit the throats of babies if it means an extra nickel in their pocket. Don't believe me? Read up on FIRESTONE TIRES, a company where there was actual work done by an actual committee to determine if anticipated lawsuits involving the deaths of children as a result of unsafe tires would cost more or less than replacing the tires and ordering a recall. Guess what was decided? Not recallin the tires, hiding the news - that was cheaper, so what did Firestone do? They hid the news. There IS no human decency. There IS no human compassion. There IS no human morality. There IS no human integrity. There IS no global community. The plot of 2012 couldn't work because if the government announced the end of the world the fucking American right wings and the Islamofascists (cut from the same cloth) would tear apart ANY fundamental effort to save humanity. I honestly believe that if SUPERMAN's origin story were told in the real world, the result would not be that the planet explodes just before Kal-El escapes, but rather that an angry mob of Rao-worshippers would burst into his chambers carrying torches, scream about defying Rao's law in trying to survive, explode Jor-El's lab and slaughter the baby and parents before dancing their way into the demise of Krypton. That's the true human condition - insanity, hatred, violence, viciousness, pointless avaricious greed uber alles and NO loyalty to even one's own species. People are shit. Pure unadulterated shit. And those of us who aren't shit have to live ... in shit.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 1:58 a.m. CST

    Re: Thusspake

    by SK229

    I wouldn't say there's NO compassion or decency, but I would say that it's perhaps become the exception to the rule and that it DOES exist. Of course it exists. I do think, though, that you're right about it rapidly disappearing and pretty much becoming nil when the chips are truly down and people are dealing with survival, civilization and society's rules of decorum go right out the fucking window. Also, to single out republicans and islamofascists is selling the left short... they're just as fucking insane, controlling, and full of 'elites' programmed by their own dogma as any other ideology.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Just a reminder people - LAST CHICKEN ON EARTH!

    by white_vader

    I'm fucking sold.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:30 a.m. CST

    Fuck me Fuck me Fuck ME (RoboCop Style)

    by Spacezilla

    I knew this movie was going to be dumb and shit. But I just thought it might be dumb fun shit. What a goddamn waste of a perfectly good Friday the 13th night but nooooo I just had to go see Total fucking destruction. I feel like punching myself in the face repeatedly. <P> This movie is so bad. The only nice thing I can really say about 2012 is that it isn't quite as bad as Wolverine Origins and might not be as bad as Transformers 2. But jesus christ is it bad. I actually got bored in it. It is boring just like in these reviews states. I can't believe I didn't take that shit seriously. <P> and what was weird is that no matter how some of the shit looked, it had some really fucking cheap shit too. Like some noticably BAD CGI. And the part where they are in the ship at the end and dorkfuck is trying to unjam the gears (holy shit is this movie retarded), the shit looked like one of those Universal Star Trek shows. You know, when they take audience members and have them act out a scene and make it like a movie.<P> Some of the scenes looked that bad. Specifically this part of the movie. If I can save even one person from buying a ticket to this fucking dumb vomit I will feel like I at least redeem my own really fucking boneheaded decision to spend money on this.<P> This is painfully bad. Its worse then what the reviews are saying and I generally like Total destruction movies. Roland will never get another dime from me. Motherfucker (period).

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:33 a.m. CST

    Goddamn

    by Spacezilla

    I am really angered by this. I feel like I wasted my night and no I am tired and done. Wasted my fucking night goddamn this 2012 movie.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:37 a.m. CST

    I like how the chicken screamed before she killed it

    by MattmanBegins

    I still haven't figured out the symbolism of that scene. I'm not sure Roland Emmerich has either.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:45 a.m. CST

    The Patriot is inexplicably good

    by MattmanBegins

    It has interesting characters that aren't black and white (Mel Gibson is not a good dude in that film) and people die who shouldn't. You actually care when they die. How the FUCK did Roland Emmerich direct that? Total fluke.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:46 a.m. CST

    DEAR HEAD GEEK

    by Struggling Comedian 37

    Sorry again about the melodrama. But about 2012, I gotta say that I haven't seen it. Going to on tuesday for free. [Thank you Optimum] Anyway, answer me this. Is it good old fashioned nightmare fuel? That is from MST3k. ur welcome to express ur opinion on that as well as a superfluous sprinkle to ur reply post. [fouth kind vs. paranormal activity. there should be a debate thread.] PS I just lightly skimmed ur view. anyone who wants to put fake spoilers after this point feel free. I'd appreciate the coupling of mr. truth and ms. information

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:47 a.m. CST

    Johnny Thantanos

    by Struggling Comedian 37

    lol

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST

    MattmanBegins

    by AsimovLives

    I don't know if you are american. but let me tell you, as seen from aforeigner like me, The Patriot is one of the worst fascist bullshit i ever had the displeasure to watch in my whole life. And i think the fucking movie says a lot about the fucking hacks who fucking made it. Fucking asses!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:12 a.m. CST

    I saw MOON few hours ago

    by AsimovLives

    anmd that's what a SF movie really looks like. That's the deal! That'show it is! It's the real deal. absolutly. That's pure Science Fiction. It's Science Fiction as Science Fiction. As in, SCIENCE FICTION. It's great so see that science fiction is still alive and well and in the proper hands of proper people who properly care for it. Instead of using it as an excuse to make stupidifying dumb shitty movies designed to make them fill their pockets with too-easily-gullible-audiences-and-geeks money. District 9 and Moon proved that somewhere there's still people who care about SF, and also care enough about audiences to give them a couple of smart movies. Those are the real deal. And those are the true fun, the true entertaiment. Yeah, i did liked Moon.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:28 a.m. CST

    re a joyless harry...

    by emeraldboy

    up till very recently harry filled us all in on what was going on in his life. his relationship with yoko. his engagement to yoko and his marriage. he even put her on a BNAT poster. which was great, it had a big trouble vibe. He even gave her a column. he has talked about his lapband surgery. I totally undertstand if yoko is a very private person. but isnt there something a little odd in all robogeisha type films. the japanese porn movies. I cant quite put my finger on it. yokos column, the references to her are all gone. or maybe yoko told him she didnt want to be mentioned on his site. which is fine.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:41 a.m. CST

    emmerich works for fox becuase...

    by emeraldboy

    fox are one of the jingo-istic film studios ever. One of criticisms levelled against the film Australia was that in regard to Auberiginies the movie was historically inaccurate and from thier point insensitive. there is a scene in TDAT. where they burn all the books except the bible. what a load of far-right conservative clap trap.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:52 a.m. CST

    wolverine 2 in japan in the hands of the fox execs...

    by emeraldboy

    is not a good idaa. it will give fox the excuse to load that movie jingo-istic scenes where the marines go in and kick japanese ass. saw patton. on that dvd there is a trailer for tora, tora, tora. its claims are spurios that its the true story of how america got dragged into the war. we still dont know! almost 70 years later.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:53 a.m. CST

    AsimovLives

    by Struggling Comedian 37

    I've been dying to see MOON. Blerg. Patience is key.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:43 a.m. CST

    roland emmerich and fox...

    by emeraldboy

    make films for a certain prt of america called the heartland. I am not saying these people are stupid. in many ways they are very sharp. but they believe the way the world is painted. they are suspicious of foreigners. and america has population of over 100 million people. anyway. very few americans travel outside the us, becuase they can travel in thier own country. 9/11 was inside job for that very reason. the war in iraq was started to distract americans from asking questions about bushs domestic policies. brown is doing the smae thing right now. minister after minister keeps saying war in afghanistan is important to keep british citizens safe on british stree

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:43 a.m. CST

    roland emmerich and fox...

    by emeraldboy

    make films for a certain prt of america called the heartland. I am not saying these people are stupid. in many ways they are very sharp. but they believe the way the world is painted. they are suspicious of foreigners. and america has population of over 100 million people. anyway. very few americans travel outside the us, becuase they can travel in thier own country. 9/11 was inside job for that very reason. the war in iraq was started to distract americans from asking questions about bushs domestic policies. brown is doing the smae thing right now. minister after minister keeps saying war in afghanistan is important to keep british citizens safe on british stree

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:47 a.m. CST

    to continue..

    by emeraldboy

    safe on british streets. last week brown announced that he was clamping down on foreign visas. and in the uk. BNP are debating whether to drop the ban on non ethnic british people from thier fascist party.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 6:24 a.m. CST

    oops there goes another

    by NippleEffect

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:04 a.m. CST

    Remember that Emmerich is GERMAN.

    by Sal_Bando

    Okay? Fuck that 'Americans Is STOOPID' Meme that's going on. The clown who directed this junk is from the same country that gave us the SS. Gee thanks guys...<p> Then there's our friend from Ireland. Great. Here's a potato. Here's some blight. No this time you guys go to fuckin' Brazil or Wales. Fuck off. <p> Then there's our goat-fucking fool from Portagul. Jarv sez it best-LANDFILL. LANDFILL LANDFILL LANDFILL. You last contribution to the world at large was serving as an open grave for Franco for some 40 years. Fuck off and die. <p> And as for Japan--ever see Kaiju Contest? Ever see the X From Outer Space?? Yeah great contributions to the world at large. Thanks a gazillion folks. Your current craze is the lolita slut look. WOWSERS jest what you WANT your 14 year olds to aspire to. Fuck that and fuck off w/ your Johnny Sokko CDS.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:20 a.m. CST

    WHAT GIVES KNOWLES?!?

    by THE TRUE PINBACK

    Frankly, I don't give a hoot in Hell what you think about 2012...I'm still gonna see it. What I wanna know is this...WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR DVD COLUMNS?!? Two weeks without one...what the fuck is that all about? Y'know, you're getting to be as unreliable as Kevin Smith doing comic book work when it comes to keeping a schedule. If you can't keep up, then hand it off to someone who CAN!!! Now, feel free to go beat off over the next TWILIGHT movie. I bet that chunk of shit will get your coagulated blood (and pudgy fist) pumping. YOU are losing it, man! Oh...and always remember...SPECIAL EFFECTS RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:32 a.m. CST

    Sal_Bando IS THE MAN!!!

    by THE TRUE PINBACK

    Maybe HE should be running this site...then things would straighten themselves out! You ROCK man!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:05 a.m. CST

    HEY HARRY.....

    by bennie garcia

    Not sure if how your schedule is for BNAT but if you've got an empty slot I highly recommend getting your hands on a print of "Harry Brown". It opened on this side of the pond yesterday and its rocks extremely feckin' hard, one of the films of the year. A tough ambigious and emotional vision of violence worthy of Peckinpah. Come February dont be surprised to see Sir Caine with his mitts on oscar. Its the cinematic equivalent of a potent cup o' Joe, setting the heart racing, leaving you elated yet riddled with anxiety and dread. The perfect flick to be consumed during a long day of celluloid gazing.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Nuke The Fridge

    by orangepico12345

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    better or worse than TF2 and Gi-Joe?

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    both were 2.5 out of five for me

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    orangepico12345 is a douche

    by OBSD

    That is all.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 9:37 a.m. CST

    So, it's pretty much a remake, of The Day After Tommorrow?

    by Jamie McBain

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Richard Kelly's THE BOX

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    It's why I couldn't go see THE BOX. "Excuse me, ma'am, I have a box here that will give you money if you kill someon-" *PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS* People wouldn't even let him finish in the real world. They'd be pressing it multiple times JUST to find OUT if they could get more cash for killing more people. It's that bad, people.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Uh, Chicken in Peril?

    by blackmantis

    Harry seriously over sold that one. There is no mention of it being the last chicken on earth, and only one cutaway to the chicken raising its head in alarm. This movie was dumb as all hell but entertaining, the kind of movie you'll enjoy but hate yourself in the morning for doing so.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST

    It felt like one of those rides at Universal Studios

    by Yeah I Wrote That

    Basically, it should have been in 3D with moving seats. And yes the script is awful, but it seemed intentional. The writer(s) must have known that no one is going to take a movie seriously when some dumbass pun ALWAYS predicts the next phase. Unintended consequence: since there isn't a single believable character or human interaction, the ridiculously over-the-top action sequences (which would normally have people rolling their eyes) comes off as the most sincere scenes. In other words, go see it if you like to see things go boom.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:20 a.m. CST

    Did anyone actually think this was gonna be good?

    by Sulla

    It looks like every shitty movie from the last 10 years all rolled up in one.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Chicken in peril has a beer and cheets on her husband

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    and shortly thereafter is pursued by a fox with a bomb in its ribcage.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:16 p.m. CST

    YOU WERE EXPECTING MAYBE SHAKESPEARE?

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Looks like shit and the visuals effects are UNEVEN

    by Proman1984

    thus it is shit.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 12:52 p.m. CST

    MEL Directed The Patriot

    by TheDudeinLA

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 1 p.m. CST

    Asimov, yes I'm American

    by MattmanBegins

    I generally dislike blind patriotism and flag waving, but independence is important to me and The Patriot hit all the right notes with me, because it didn't portray Gibson's character or any of its heroes as saints. I think it's very well made and I love watching it. I'm not exactly sure how it's fascist. If anything it's anti-fascism. Isn't that the whole point?

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 2:02 p.m. CST

    There's no apostrophe in "When Worlds Collide".

    by johndillingers20inchseveredcock

    Worlds is plural, not possessive.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Patriot's message was undercut...

    by blackmantis

    ...by the revenge plot. Of course if someone is raping and killing your family, you should fight back, but that's not what The Revolutionary War was about. It was about equal representation, and adding on the whole revenge storyline just made it a one dimensional plot.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 2:18 p.m. CST

    I would complain if the revenge plot hadn't been

    by MattmanBegins

    so well done. Isaacs was just such a relentlessly frightening villain, it's hard for me to find flaw. Of course it's not realistic and it never happened, but it makes the movie more personal. As opposed to 2012, where there is so much going on all over the place that you lose focus and there aren't any main characters. You're not invested.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:07 p.m. CST

    FX inplausibility

    by jameskpolk

    I personally never see a film that advertises itself with a flashy cataclysmic FX shot that no human could have witnessed and survived... <br><br> Like the image of the man falling toward the camera as the skyscraper he was in takes an asteroid hit...I can't suspend disbelief in those cases...

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:31 p.m. CST

    The reason movies like this get made is...

    by VermithraxPejorative

    90% of the population are incredibly simple sheep who will go see anything with eye-popping visuals. So many great scripts and films get overlooked and this stuff gets made... worst of all it will probably make money... sad.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:39 p.m. CST

    By the way Harry, you "mourn" something

    by Ingeld

    that you no longer have. Something that is no more-not something you have in front of you--which would be the "listless melodrama buried under the spectacular effects of 2012."

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 3:40 p.m. CST

    VermithraxPejorative

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Man, what a stuffy asshole you are. Let me guess, you're a Firefly fan?

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:20 p.m. CST

    VermithraxPejorative is correct.

    by Sulla

    I'd say 90% is a pretty close percentage, sadly. This shit keeps getting made because the vast majority of people are ignorant mouth breathers who just like shiny objects. Countless good films are never seen while this shit makes huge profits.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 4:38 p.m. CST

    orangecapichino

    by NippleEffect

    just, like<P> blech<p> Ya know?

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Sulla

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Countless good films that never get seen? Have you heard of these things called DVDs? They're great.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    Would have been praised if you got a set visit

    by GeorgieBoy

    What a bunch of sell outs on this site.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    I'm gonna buy me the blu-ray, rip it

    by unami

    and cut it down to a healthy 90minutes. seriously.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 6:10 p.m. CST

    lockesbrokenleg

    by Sulla

    Wtf are you talking about? What do DVDs have to do with anything? I was talking about theatrical releases. Great movies get pushed aside and go unnoticed because of this mindless garbage that floods the market, and is then watched by millions of morons, thus making a lot of money & fueling more shit movies. You're out of your element Donnie.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Emerich can care less wat we think cause....

    by stefan2789

    i think he really tried with the patriot with the whole "character development thing", movie did OK, but then movies like 2012, and the day after tomorrow make twice as much, minus the work of getting good script,acting, and development, just fucking cgi destruction, so as a result...DUMB FUCKING MOVIES, BUT A RICH AND SMART ASS GERMAN!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 6:30 p.m. CST

    2012 and a MOON question (spoilers)

    by StrokerX

    Saw 2012 yesterday with my mom and dad and we all had a great time. Sure there was the melodrama but that's to be expected from these films lately.<p> Though I am bitter they had to kill all the Russians. I don't think the Russian mob guy was bad at all. His girlfriend was cheating on him and we were supposed to hate him for wanting to save his sons? Bullshit.<p> Moon Question: When the 1st clone calls his daughter he sees that she's 15. So if the clones die every 3 years. Does that mean they've only been doing this clone shit since she was born? Meaning they're only on the 5th clone? Moon question

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 6:46 p.m. CST

    I agree (spoilers)

    by CherryValance

    I wanted Yuri to make it too. But he was "bad" because he used Cusack and his group to get there and then ditched them. So it wasn't just that he was saving his kids. He was selfish, so the kids make it. I was actually sad about the other two. His girlfriend and the pilot. I didn't think they deserved what they got.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 7:35 p.m. CST

    it is a remake of when worlds collide

    by brabon300

    right down to the absurd ending<p> but while george pal is a god, emerich is a fucking hack

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Awww... fat bastard no likee 'splodey movies?

    by Cash907

    Big fucking surprise. If it's not foreign, or filmed on the same amount of money your mom charges for a blow job, you usually don't like it Harry.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:02 p.m. CST

    this is one of the worst fucking movies of the year

    by Tall_Boy66

    Worse than GI Joe. That's saying something. Retarded from frame 1.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:04 p.m. CST

    when the world blows up in 2012 - NO MORE EMMERICH MOVIES

    by Tall_Boy66

    THANK FUCKING CHRIST FOR THAT!!!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:07 p.m. CST

    Seriously, they DROVE FOR FIVE MINUTES

    by Tall_Boy66

    And the FLEW FOR ANOTHER 10 through insane chaos and everybody dies but them. That is INSULTING the audience, right there. "Hey fuckers, look at the explosions and don't care about logic." Go get fucked, Emmerich. Thanks for Stargate.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:08 p.m. CST

    "Night Owl was playing Admiral Piett"

    by Rendell

    I Can't believe that didn't occur to me while I was watching the movie!<p>Although to be fair, I was thinking "isn't that the Romulan Senator from the best DS9 episode ever, In The Pale Moonlight?"<p>Those Ark Officers did look pretty Imperial though...

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:10 p.m. CST

    Fucking Emmerich! Makes White Americans the Bad Guys!

    by Alfie Boy

    SPOILER!!! When Ark #4 slips away from the docks without picking up the masses of people against plan, "thank heavens" for the "good" Europeans and the black American scientist who tug on the heartstrings to get it to turn back for them! Those damn middle aged white Americans are so evil. What fucking drivel!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:13 p.m. CST

    This movie is revenge for WWII!

    by Alfie Boy

    Roland the German and Sony the Japanese company portray the USA as bad. Gee, what a surprise!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 8:25 p.m. CST

    Herzog should remake THIS movie

    by Manatee

    Remember, Herzog and Errol Morris were going to make that documentary about the giant rooster? The farmer had to fend off attacks with a metal garbage can lid! That chicken stares peril in the face and cackles, or... whatever chickens do.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 10:31 p.m. CST

    Why worldwide destruction in TF:RotF is better than 2012

    by Tall_Boy66

    Very simple: it has giant fucking robots. That makes it cooler. Take out the giant fucking robots, and it's 2012.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Same shit all over again and again and again....

    by Nick Michalak

    Emmerich needs to stop making the same film over and over and over and over again. Guy needs to get a new idea. I can't believe people continually roll over for this guy's movies, thinking that they're gonna see something new or exciting. ID4 was a piece of junk, and it doesn't look like he's gotten a any better since then. Seriously, Emmerich is a clear example of EXACTLY what's wrong with Hollywood these days - all flash, style, and effects drowning out any semblence of a quality story. If this isn't self-indulgent bullshit filmmaking, I don't know what is. I continue to quote George Lucas, circa 1980 - "A special effect is a tool, a means of telling a story. A special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing." Roland Emmerich makes special effects films with little to no story to justify the exorbitant use of visual effects. Again, he needs to stop recycling the same template over and over and over again, and come up with some fresh ideas and a new view of the world and people in general. He basically just remakes his own films about every three years, and it's stale. I cringe everytime I hear he's making a new movie because millions of people are going to roll over again to see the same old worn out shit he gave them last time.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Tall Boy66

    by dixieflyer

    I would love to see a TF movie, or any movie where there is a fight that results in global destruction on the scale of 2012, but it has not happened yet. 2012 is BY FAR the most intense global destruction special effects I have ever seen. I would love to see this level of destruction in a Kingdom Come move!!!

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Kingdom Come movie.

    by dixieflyer

    edit for spelling.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:40 p.m. CST

    What was up with the switch from filmstock to digital video?

    by Tall_Boy66

    Anyone else notice this? Most of the movie looks like it was shot with film (or digital film, which is practically the same) and digital video (the opening and almost the entire sequence in the end inside the Ark). It was kind of jarring. I actually liked the digital video look better - if the movie was shot entirely like that I think I would have liked it slightly better.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:49 p.m. CST

    Tall Boy66

    by dixieflyer

    I actually did notice that. The "under water get the gate closed on the ark" sequence looked like it was filmed with hand held DV. Weird.

  • Nov. 14, 2009, 11:53 p.m. CST

    SO, WHY IS ANYONE HERE SURPRISED?

    by uberman

    His films are shit. Somebody just cut out the fx disasters, slap em on a DVD, and I'll watch if there nothing else on TV. I mean, to act surprised that his movies have NO VALUE OTHER THAN THE SPECTACLE. Just edit out the chit chat cause it's not needed, not nessessary, not compelling, not well written, etc.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:09 a.m. CST

    Just saw it

    by Anything But Tangerines

    Like Harry said, the Woody Harrelson stuff is worth admission... well, matinee senior price maybe these days. Anyhow I searched this entire page for "yellowstone" and got jack shit, proving the tangents that erupt and dominate here. That scene was FUCKING INCREDIBLE when the whole valley suddenly goes nuclear. Why isn't anybody talking about that? Its like Indy4-Fridge-Gopher*10^5 awesome! yeah, I used an equation to critique film. deal with it.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:28 a.m. CST

    Why is global destruction a good thing?

    by Tall_Boy66

    Do you really want to see anybody falling to their deaths outside of office buildings post-9/11? I mean, c'mon. Really?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:02 a.m. CST

    I usually hate Emmerich...

    by Cult07

    but I actually enjoyed this one. Pretty fucking good time at the theater. Maybe it depends on the audience attending... mine was really fun. 7/10 from me.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:12 a.m. CST

    I hate it when movies slow down during an urgent moment...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    ...either to crack or joke or to say some lovey dovey stuff. <BR><BR> Near the end of the movie when the family was trapped in the room, the scientist was like<BR> "We met at Yellowstone!"<BR> and the trapped guy was like<BR> "Thats f'n great get us out of here!"<BR> Urgency right? Well when the guy learns of the tangled gears, he spends like a full min talking love to his wife before going. WTF???? Where did the urgency go? Thats not how people act!<BR><BR> Same with the stepdad checking preflight safety checks before taking off as Calfornia sinks...is that supposed to be funny?? TAKE OFF ALREADY!! I hate ruining urgent moments with some wannabe joke or wanna be romantic line.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:25 a.m. CST

    The indian scientist was the best character in the movie.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    And he was in there for what, 5 min?<BR> Yet his family facing the tidal wave was the most emotional, because he's like the only guy in the movie I gave a crap about.<BR><BR> John Cusack's strange character could have fallen into the earthquake and I would have went "oh well". Who cares what happens to the Russian character, his girlfriend and puppy, or any of the other characters? Did anyone care what happened to the stapdad? They all acted like cartoon characters. The indian guy was like then only human being in that movie.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    No, the chicken was the best character.

    by MattmanBegins

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST

    WHY "When Worlds Collide" was BETTER...

    by Big Dumb Ape

    Basically because of what Harry pointed out. I can't believe I agree with him on this one, but I do!<p>In WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE the events that propel the movie forward are the direct OPPOSITE of 2012. In WORLDS the scientists make the discovery...they then break the bad news to the world...and then the world LAUGHS AT THEM, which makes the logistics more -- well, more logical. It explains far, far better why the "rich people" are involved. It's because they have money to burn, so they buy into the notion of building rocket ships -- so THAT is why there are fewer rockets being funded and built. Basically because the rest of the world scoffed and laughed and ignored the scientists and rich people.<p>But then, once some initial disasters do strike the Earth, and the approaching planet gets closer and closer, the world realizes "Oh shit!" and there is more of an effort by mankind to save some aspect OF manking.<P>And then of course, just like in 2012, you naturally get an end scene of people trying to fight their way aboard, but that was just screenwriting 101 to add some tension.<p>But I agree with Harry. Emmerich blew this in a large degree by going with his usual angle of: "Not only is the U.S. government evil, but ALL governments are hiding top secret shit from you!"<p>Well, DUH!<p>Thanks for the news flash, Roland!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 3:23 a.m. CST

    Emmerich: Fuck Christians - HOORAY ISLAM!!!

    by Big Dumb Ape

    And just to add some political fire to the mix, it cracks me up that Emmerich destroyed lots of Christian sites and had no trouble toying with that imagery, but was too chickenshit to even TOUCH an Islamic site.<p>From an interview at SCI FI WIRE...<p>Emmerich said that he got approached by people who wanted their landmarks destroyed, such as the 101 Tower in Taipei, the world's tallest building.<p>But Emmerich was thinking of something even more explosive: the Kaaba, the cube-shaped building at the heart of Mecca, the focus of prayers and the Islamic pilgrimage called the Hajj; it is one of Islam's holiest sites.<p>"Well, I wanted to do that, I have to admit," Emmerich says. "But my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. We have to all...in the Western world...think about this. You can actually let Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with an Arab symbol, you would have a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it's just something which I kind of didn't think was an important element, anyway, in the film, so I kind of left it out."<p>http://tinyurl.com/ya7ppd3

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 4:04 a.m. CST

    #1 - IDIOTIC story points ( ** SPOILERS **)

    by Big Dumb Ape

    So, let me see if I've got some of these straight...<p>1) When the END OF THE WORLD is in sight, the President of the United States -- who, by the way, was the one that broke the bad news to all the other heads of nations and who got the whole Ark idea moving -- DOESN'T get on a boat just because he wants to stay behind because he's feeling sad about his deceased wife from YEARS ago?<p>Are you fucking kidding me??? Gee, in comparison, you'd think he'd step up to the plate and care about seeing things through to help his LIVING Daughter instead. Boy, what a great Dad this fuck is!<p>Not to mention, don't you think at least one or two military officers stationed at the White House would have secret standing orders to shoot the President with a tranquilizer dart (or at worst hit him over the head, to knock him out) to ENSURE he leaves the White House? For fuck's sake, at the very least, you would think SOMEONE would say "We can't let you stay here, Mr. President. We don't have any confirmation that the Vice-President or Speaker of the House (in terms of chain of command) have reached the Ark site yet. So you HAVE to go, sir. And we have orders to MAKE SURE you get there."<p>Seriously, how did this fuck get elected? Danny Glover is about as useless a President ever committed to screen, not to mention he's a useless character. Hell, in another stupid screenwriting lapse (and wasted character moment) he doesn't even get to stay behind in order to give some sort of Bill Pullman/ID4 inspirational speech, since he gets cut off mid-sentence AS he's talking to the people of the country!<p>So basically Danny Glover's heroics in this movie are (1) I gave up on my country... (2) I gave up on my daughter... (3) I promised some crying little kid in the White House that I would find his Dad, which I then didn't do... (4) Oh yeah! And I really SUCK at giving speeches too! So I'm on no comfort or use to ANYONE!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 4:24 a.m. CST

    #2 - IDIOTIC story points (** SPOILERS **)

    by Big Dumb Ape

    John Cusak takes his kids to Yellowstone, where after a turn of events he runs into Woody Harrelson. Harrelson lives out of a camper, from which he broadcasts his own "end of the world and government conspiracy" radio show. Okay, basically I can buy into that set-up.<p>HOWEVER...when they're talking in the camper that night, Harrelson mentions that a NASA scientist, who just happened to be a good friend of Cusak's (he gave Cusak scientific advice on his book) has since been murdered in order to silence him. Harrelson then adds "He knew all about what they're planning and doing. He even gave me a map."<p>Now, at first, Cusak acts like a real person. He expresses shock and surprise that Mr. Nasa Scientist has died. But the moment Harrelson mentions the map and adds "They're building ships and your friend knew it. That's why they killed him", Cusak goes into full retreat and thinks Woody is a nut and leaves.<p>But why would he do that? Woody just TOLD HIM that his friend was dead...fuck, he even SHOWED HIM the news clipping to prove it. But more importantly, he just mentioned that this scientist had GIVEN HIM SOMETHING.<p>So given Cusak's character as a writer and given his so-called curiosity to "find things out", which propels him along and is supposedly that character trait that ultimately allows him to spring into action and save his family, don't you think Cusak would've said -- right there and then -- "SHOW ME WHAT HE GAVE YOU. I want to see what my now-dead friend actually handed to you. Just to satisfy my own curiosity."<p>But, gee, I guess THAT would have made too much sense, not to mention it would have ruled out the need to make a fucking SECOND return trip back to Yellowstone within the same movie.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 4:49 a.m. CST

    #3 - IDIOTIC story points (**SPOILERS**)

    by Big Dumb Ape

    Speaking of Woody, here's another lame ass logic hole. So, let me get this straight -- early in the film, the powers that be kill Thadie Newton's boss, the French Guy, because he's figured out that "something" is clearly going on. That the art treasures of the world are not being put in a secure vault in Switzerland, but instead are going "somewhere" else instead. So, he's going to hold a press conference and reveal that fact. The result: ala Princess Diana, they have him killed in his car, in a tunnel.<p>But think about it. Basically, all this guy was going to say was "Hey, the world's most famous works of art have been stolen! I don't know why or where they took them, but they were stolen!" So, they kill him...<p>...And yet Woody, who is broadcasting a RADIO SHOW about the end of the world, and who is talking all about what will happen on 12/21/2012 and who even has a FUCKING MAP THAT SHOWS WHERE THE WORLD'S GOVERNMENTS ARE BUILDING GIANT SHIPS...no, HIM they leave alone.<p>Most laughable of all, he's broadcasting from within Yellowstone, where we SEE that the military has established a base. What, no one there fucking turns on their radio? Or, what, you're telling me they can't track his signal even though he's broadcasting from right on top of them?<p>For crying out loud, not only do they kill the French guy, but later on we also see Oliver Platt chewing out Adrian, for having told his father what was really going on. Platt basically says, "Of course we monitored all of your phone calls. Only a few people knew the truth, so we kept them all under watch. And you jeopardized this entire thing by opening your big mouth and telling your dad!"<p>Wow! What a great job of monitoring the government was doing! They're tapped into Adrian's phone, but somehow missing Woody who's fucking telling the whole wide world -- both on the radio AND on the Internet -- "Hey, the governments of the world know the world's gonna end soon! And they're building secret ships in China too! Look, I even got a map for it!"<p>Riiiight. That makes sense in an Emmerich movie. Kill the French guy who essentially knew nothing, but ignore the guy that's detailing ALL of your plans!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:09 a.m. CST

    Cynical, or realistic, Harry?

    by Wookie_Weed

    "The problem with 2012 is it wants to be a hopeful tale about how the world came together, but really - it's how the governments and aristocracy of the world came together with cheap slave labor to save themselves and a few others." I'd say Emmerich is being realistic about our ruling elite, both govt and rich. They would push their grandmothers off a boat if it meant they'd survive. We're just sheeple to them, and Emmerich was right to portray it this way.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:47 a.m. CST

    A perfect review, Harry. Down to the point. BUT:

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    who the fuck cares about 2012 when A V A T A R is fucking our eyeballs in 32 days?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:52 a.m. CST

    "Chicken In Peril." Thanks, Harry...

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    ...I just found the name of my new band.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:55 a.m. CST

    Indeed, Motoko.

    by LlGHTST0RMER

    Eyeball fucking. 32 days. Hells yeah.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Harry "liked" godzilla

    by SylarTheCylon

    and "loved" jar jar.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Re Big Dumb Ape

    by Rendell

    The only point I would disagree on is the one about Woody'd character. I think they would know full well about this nut but would decide not to kill him. Think about it, he sounds like a full blown wacko (even though he's dead right) if he suddenly has an "accident", that's going to make it look like he was right all along. More people would likely take an interest and start digging...

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:56 a.m. CST

    NEEDED MORE DESTRUCTION

    by BringingSexyBack

    I don't mind the human interest asides, and as much destruction as we were treated to, I wanted more. And yeah, it would've been nice to see Mecca and Jerusalem destroyed along with the Vatican and the Buddhist temple. Quite frankly the only people I felt sorry for were the old monk, the Indian family and the two old ladies who ran into the wall of asphalt LOL

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:58 a.m. CST

    Yellowstone Super Volcano...

    by Rendell

    Btw, as much as I love the "Destruction of LA" scene, I thought the Yellowstone scene equalled it. When miles of countryside bulge upwards till they form the most massive mountain - and then - explodes in a way that would DWARF most nuclear explosions! My eyeballs feel violated.<p>And I wasn't even watching A V A T A R...

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10 a.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION 2: PACQUIAO VS. COTTO

    by BringingSexyBack

    HBO replay on 11/21 at 10PM bitches.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:04 a.m. CST

    I'M NOT GOING TO GET INTO THE PLOTHOLES AND GAPS IN LOGIC

    by BringingSexyBack

    Who has the time?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:19 a.m. CST

    AMANDA PEET IS SUCH A NATURAL BEAUTY

    by BringingSexyBack

    I really dig her.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:49 p.m. CST

    I LOVE YOU HARRY BUT...

    by thefear24

    These kind of movies don't ever have character plots. And they don't have to. They are meant for one thing and one thing only, total fucking destruction. No more no less. And with that said, shit this movie surely did that. I couldn't even take in all the action I saw. That I have to see it again. Kick ass movie. One of Roland's Best this is what the day after should of and could of been.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:50 p.m. CST

    LMAO one other thing...

    by thefear24

    LOl why would you save terrorist and an fuckin 97 year old women for what knowledge. LMAO

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:55 p.m. CST

    TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!! The Movie!

    by Johnno

    EXCEPT EMMERICH IS A TOTAL FUCKING PUSSY!!! Blow up the Vatican but no Islamic site??? That's TOTAL FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!! I see his TOTAL FUCKING point though, and I don't think he's really anti-Christian (well he could be I don't know, maybe he is but not TOTALLY FUCKING so...) and it's more like Emmerich just loves to TOTALLY FUCKING destroy beautiful buildings with crowds of people as the confetti. Well TOTALLY FUCKING FUCK HIM!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 12:55 p.m. CST

    AHHH!!! HERE COME THE SPECIAL FX!! WATCH OUT!

    by supercowbell5THECOWBELLHASSPOKEN

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 1:46 p.m. CST

    I LOVE HOW THERE'S A WARM, HAPPY ENDING

    by BringingSexyBack

    after 8 billion people just died.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 1:48 p.m. CST

    DANNY CLOVER GOT PWNED BY AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER

    by BringingSexyBack

    Did Chrissm write that scene?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 1:48 p.m. CST

    I HOPE ZOOEY DESCHANEL GOT ON ONE OF THE ARKS

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Harry Gave a Glowing Review to Emmerich's GODZILLA

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    And he was invited to the BIG STAR-STUDDED PREMIERE premiere of GODZILLA. Was he invited to the premiere of 2012, as well? Hmmmm!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:17 p.m. CST

    That said ...

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    ... I'm a fan of Emmerich's. STARGATE is oen of my top 10 favorite movies. I enjoyed the hell out of ID4. I cheered for THE PATRIOT (especially seeing as how a LEGAL immigrant cared so much for our history he made a movie about it to make visible his appreciation for the country and his patriotism). Guys, I even have an uncut DVD double-disc set of JOEY! But I couldn't care less about 2012. Why? In all of RE's movies, there's conflict, of course . But this is conflict about ... a date! There's nothing to be done! How can you avoid it? You can't - it's gonna happen. 2012. In the movie, I mean (not a fucking thing will happen in real life). To me, there's no conflict. There's nobody trying to stop it or anything. And if they are, well, the trailers make it evident it doesn't work. So, to me, the whole point of a movie - a drama, a conflict, doing something about it - is moot. Same reason I had no interest in DAY AFTER TOMORROW. But RE fucked up on GODZILLA, which I loathed. This? I have no stake in. Not even interested. Hell, I even enjoyed 10,000 BC!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Rendell - Agreed

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    You could kill him with an accident, but he'd just get martyred and some other person would take over with REMEMBER JOE SMITH banners. Kill him and then someone else takes over with two banners. If they killed every conspiracy nut wacko in the country, who'd be left to vote Republican?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Admiral Piett's in this film?

    by Kontarsky

    What the eff?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 2:51 p.m. CST

    I had low expectations

    by Messyjoe

    I am about to go see this movie in a couple of hours. I am quite sure Harry's review is dead on. I am seeing it so I can say I have. But it is very sad that the art of movie making is never seems to be matched with the magic of movie making. The next opportunity is Avatar. I am prepared to be disappointed on that also. I hope not.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 3:33 p.m. CST

    This was a 2-star movie at best

    by BillEmic

    but still not bed. I enjoyed it. It was overly long, mostly because of the listless scenes on the Ark towards the end (after we've seen the entire world destroyed ten times over, is it really all that exciting to watch John Cusack try to get a gear unstuck?). The script definitely needed some work, and focusing on so many fucking characters in order to give the movie "global import" definitely weakened it. But, man, the sequence of Los Angeles sinking into the earth was so strangely beautiful and cathartic that I felt it was worth the price of admission. Hats off to the special FX crew on this mother.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 4:19 p.m. CST

    You're not ruining anything...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    by telling us it was a happy ending. Let me guess: Cusack, his pet dog with the one leg, his bitch and his daughter crawl under a fallen satellite dish. Wake up "Some Time Later" and everything is all desert like. Am I warm?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 4:21 p.m. CST

    @Kontarsky

    by Rocco Curioso

    No, the guy you're thinking of is a character actor named Stephen McHattie. He plays the captain of the American ark. His uniform bears a striking resemblance to Admiral Piett's.<P>I KNEW I'd seen him somewhere before. About a month ago I was watching an old episode of JAG (don't ask me why), and McHattie was in it, playing a gunnery sergeant trying to clear his name in some shooting incident. Solid actor.<P>On a more somber note: if a buttcrack of a movie like "2012" can open to a $65 million weekend, maybe the end IS truly near. I'm not a big Twilight fan, but I truly hope "New Moon" stomps this movie into little pieces next weekend.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Cut the emotional crap and we have a movie

    by tradeskilz

    Just saw it at the theater and i was squirming in my seat at all those terrible sugar-sweet goodbyes. Also i couldnt give a fuck about any character on screen. All that character involvment you guys want was fucking annoying and it made me wish i could fast forward to the disaster effects and all that talk about what people whould be allowed on the arks etc which was kinda interesting. "Please daddy tell me i wont die. I promise baby, nothing will happen to you" *puke* The black scientist who didnt squander a signle opportunity to take the moral highground was nauseating also. Good review Harry.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Danny glover 4 prez!

    by supercowbell5THECOWBELLHASSPOKEN

    Soundz like a good prez 2 me lolz mayne

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:02 p.m. CST

    2012 is the prequel to Waterworld!

    by lockesbrokenleg

    I just realized it!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Did I write $65 million?

    by Rocco Curioso

    My mistake... make that $225 million worldwide for the weekend.<P>"Mummy, look!--- there's a giant tidal wave coming toward us".<P>"No, Trudy... that's just 2012's box office. Now go play with your Ian Holm action figure".<P>At least Jimbo's Eyeball Fuckfest is now visible over the horizon. Gracias, Dios.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:44 p.m. CST

    LOL, it made more monet that PA did in a few days

    by lockesbrokenleg

    chuckle.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:55 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, the warm happy ending

    by CherryValance

    WAS that 8 billion people just died. Could you imagine how awesomely peaceful that would be? Quiet. All the open spaces. *wishes*

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 6:58 p.m. CST

    as usual, Harrys review is the exact OPPOSITE of

    by BillboeFett

    every other review I've read. All the other reviewers wanted less of the stupid melodrama of the people's lives. They felt whenever it came onscreen, the movie came to a grinding halt. It was pretty annoying to the reviewers. But Harry wanted more?? Ugh...

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 7:04 p.m. CST

    I LOVE that dog! Bring on "The Last Dog on Earth"!

    by The Reluctant Austinite

    "2012" was pretty much exactly what I expected from a guy that still owes me a debut over the raping of "Godzilla," but I LOVE THAT LITTLE DOG! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time in an actual comedy as I did when that little bastard came pitter-pattering over that one inch cable above the yawning abyss. I could've cared less about the rest of the cast, but from that moment on, that bad mutha of a dog became my hero. That son of a bitch is gonna outlive the cockroaches!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Harry Proves the Hypocricy of Fanboys

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    "I wish this movie showed the true nature of humanity: people caring for each other, working together to solve problems, global unity instead of hatred and mistrust - why did we not see the best of humanity shown up on the screen?"<p><p>"FUCK ALL THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE! I DIDN'T COME TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE! I CAME TO SEE TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION! LOSE ALL THESE ANNOYING TWAT BITCHES! I WANNA SEE KILLS! KILLS! KIIIIILLS! MORE BLOOD! MORE VIOLENCE! MORE PAIN! BRING THE PAIN! BRING THE PAIN! PAAAAAAIN!"<p><p>Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Living Hypocrite Piece of Shit that is "FANBOY."<p><p>Harry, you can be excused from this - you actually clearly have some faith in humanity. Not so for the douches who want all characters eradicated and 2.5 hours of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. You at least said you wanted it to focus on character.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 8:29 p.m. CST

    Did this really make $250,000,000 this weekend?!?!

    by Anything But Tangerines

    Worldwide (yeah, there's a world out there) this made over 250 Mil in one weekend. Is this some kind of record?

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 8:31 p.m. CST

    by Anything But Tangerines

    225 aporogees pareese

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 8:34 p.m. CST

    Fett -

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    The thing is like this. Look at STARGATE as a good example. When they tested STARGATE, the original cut was near 3 hours, and the studio got cards back saying OH MY GOD THIS MOVIE IS TOO LONG, IT'S WAY TOO LONG! So, they went back and cut it down to an 'action cut' that was 98 minutes, removing ALL the character development. Guess what happened? The cards at the next test screaming WERE SCREAMING EVEN LOUDER THAT IT WAS TOO LONG, evne though it had been cut by around half. The reason was that the long cut REALLY WAS too long, but the short cut FELT longer because nobody gave a fuck about ANY of the characters. When they added back in some character details, the next cut - the theatrical one - got almost NO cards saying it was too long, even though it was longer than the 98 minute cut. If you CARE about characters, then it isn't a chore to spend time with them. Harry's review rightly says that focusing on a few core characters and seeing the disaster through their eyes would've been a lot stronger.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:01 p.m. CST

    Whenever Spymunk writes anything...

    by Mostholy

    Just remember, he's an Ayn Rander. And anybody idiotic enough to swallow objectivism whole can't be trusted on much else. Also, 2012 is terrible. That is all.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:09 p.m. CST

    THERE WERE QUITE A FEW CHARACTERS I WANTED TO SEE DIE

    by BringingSexyBack

    And Emmerich did not disappoint.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:18 p.m. CST

    CHERRY - I AGREE

    by BringingSexyBack

    The Earth is better off without the virus known as humanity. Fuck, I was hoping they wouldn't be able to close the hatch.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:29 p.m. CST

    [RANT ]Don't forget that this film totally...

    by Seph_J

    ... considers Tibet as part of 'the People's Republic of China'. Not a very responsible thing for America film makers to do, is it. <p> It basically says... look, we have deliberately used the Himalalyas as a location for an integral plot development, and YES we DO consider the area as part of Chinese territory. <p> And come on, do you REALLY think that the Chinks would allow ANYONE into 'their' country in the event of such a disaster? And... if these arks WERE indeed Chinese built (using slave labour, as Harry correctly said) do you actually think it would fucking work? Of course not. And the inside floors would be so covered in Chinese spit, and the Chinese would be shitting and pissing against the walls all over the damn ship. <P> Nobody would actually be able to enter that particular area of 'China' anyway, as they would first need a Chinese VISA, and then a Tibet Autonomous Region entry permit, along with a 'guide' the accompany them the entire time. A plane that didn't have clearance would be shot down. And YES... EVEN IF THE WORLD WAS ENDING, THE FUCKING CHINESE WOULD STILL RESTRICT ACCESS TO TIBET. There certainly wouldn't be any BBC reporters allowed on the ark, thats for sure... incase they saw an unhappy Tibetan and reported that JUST POSSIBLY the people in Tibet were fucking unhappy. YES. EVEN IF THE WORLD WAS ENDING. And anyone who thinks I'm exaggerating, or being unfair.... you clearly haven't spent more than a day in China. Because THATS WHAT THE CHINESE ARE LIKE. I saw this film in Shanghai at People's Square's 'Peace Cinema' (name and shame, I say)... and apart from the applause at the "welcome to the PRC" line being annoying, the most fucked up thing was thus: 2/3rds of the movie was out of focus. Now, I seem to the only person in China that likes to watch films IN focus, (my theory is that Chinese slanty eyes are so squished up that they SEE it as being IN focus, when infact it's not... just like when you squint to see things clearer, but that's beside the point) and when I banged on the projectionist door and asked him WTF... he told me that the CHINESE subtitles needed to be in focus, even at the cost of the ACTUAL FILM being in focus. When I explained to him that the movie (casting, CGI, etc.) cost far more to do than the guy who writes the subtitles, and that were the subtitles out of focus it would be hardly noticeable, whereas if the FUCKING MOVIE was out of focus it makes it fucking horrible to watch, not to mention nauseating every time the camera moves slightly.... HE JUST LAUGHED AT ME as if to say.... NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ENSURING THAT THE LANGUAGE OF OUR MOTHERLAND IS IN FOCUS. <P> And thats what we're up against folks. <p> If anyone wants to go to SHANGHAI PEACE CINEMA in PEOPLES SQUARE, (the one with the fake TERRIBLE I-MAX) then let me know and we'll burn it down together. <p> And by the way. <p> FUCK <P> THE <P> FUCKING <P> CHINESE!

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:36 p.m. CST

    Roll the Donut is the new Nuke the Fridge

    by snallyg

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:37 p.m. CST

    SEPH J - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN CHINA THEN?

    by BringingSexyBack

    Come back to America, Round Eye.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:39 p.m. CST

    Watch Predator free On Demand instead

    by snallyg

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:44 p.m. CST

    BSB

    by Seph_J

    I ain't American... I am British. <p> And trust me, I would if I could. But unfortunately I like China Vagina... <p> But thanks for the concern.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 9:56 p.m. CST

    SEPH J - GOOD LUCK TO YOU THEN, MATE

    by BringingSexyBack

    And I agree with everything you said about the implausibility of China being the base for the arks. Totally made fuck all sense. Emmerich was probably coddling up to the Commies with that bit of bullshit.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:15 p.m. CST

    Seph_J

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Calm down, I doubt the movie was trying to make a political statement...I think it was just trying to get the characters to a new location to increase the scale of the movie.<BR><BR> And the statements about the Chinese people were uncalled for imo.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:25 p.m. CST

    2012 Is a Runaway Hit... 66 Million USA & Canada

    by blhotz

    ...more proof critics are clueless when it comes to a "good/popular movie"......

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:36 p.m. CST

    but GIBSON like I said, you dont know...

    by Seph_J

    ...the Chinese. Be grateful for that <p> And BSB the reason why Emmerich and Bay are butt-fucking the Chinese so much (Optimus Prime just HAPPENS to be hunting Decepticons in Shanghai?) is because an immense number of Chinese love to see movies featuring their little utopic world in a positive light. They can get all self-congratulatory and eat big bowls of rice in celebration, and feel that there country is so fucking great (when it's clearly a giant shit-hole). Thats why 'The Dark Knight' (along with a lot of others) was never shown in China. Apparantly the fact that EVEN Batman needs to bypass the Chinese government to ensure justice irks them SO much. POTC: AWE had the entire opening Singapore scenes cut, and almost ALL traces of Chow Yun Fat removed, and replaced with on-screen title cards to explain the missing plot points... JUST BECAUSE they felt that Fat's character was insulting to Chinese (but he was Singaporean???). Yes... thats the level of retardation the Chinese are at. I have hundreds more examples. <p> So if the most critically successful movie of the year 'TDK' wasnt shown because it offended the Chinks, I KNOW! LETS HAVE OPTIMUS PRIME HUNTING DECEPTICONS IN SHANGHAI, AND LETS HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD SAVED BY CHINESE GOODWILL AND WORKMANSHIP (I AM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THAT CONCEPT). That's why the WORLDWIDE box office has been so good for these shittttty movies. <p> You should have seen how many Chinks were lining up in Shanghai all this week to see 2012, JUST BECAUSE of one line "Welcome to the People's Republic of China". <p> I mean come on.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:50 p.m. CST

    With the exception of Harry's ugly anti-Catholicism..

    by thot

    ....I agree completely. While watching the movie I kept getting the feeling I'd seen it somewhere before. Afterwards I realized I had, several times. The sfx were indeed spectacular, but the story was quite hollow. Coulda been so much better. A lost opportunity to tell an interesting, end-of-the world story. I'd give it a 'C'. The film's anti-Catholic bias was distracting and disgraceful. Had they pounded the Muslims the same way there'd have been hell to pay.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:55 p.m. CST

    thot

    by Seph_J

    by hell to pay you mean 'another bomb on a plane'

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 10:57 p.m. CST

    just saw 2012 an I liked it finally a movie worth 11.99

    by skiff

    All the critics are fucked I had more fun at this than any movie this summer. You see I like it when there is fun shit to watch in a movie. I hate movies where they talk about action for 2 hours and show nothing.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 11:12 p.m. CST

    it was basically new Battlestar Galactica

    by lockesbrokenleg

    without any Cylon attack.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 11:14 p.m. CST

    did anyone else notice

    by Seph_J

    that the movie looked like everything that wasn't CG was filmed on an old home video camera? Any scene with Cusack talking, or water flowing into [insert location here] room was grainy! Then... wide-shot of destruction in glowing perfection. Then... Cusack talking again... and oh shit, we're back to grainy 8mm again. <p> Anyone else notice this? <p> talk about distracting and amateurish.

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 11:47 p.m. CST

    ID4 is fun but "The Patriot" is Emmerich's best

    by darthvedder81

    Though he had A LOT of help with that (a decent screenplay, Mel Gibson, Heath Ledger, John Williams, Caleb Deschanel, etc.)

  • Nov. 15, 2009, 11:54 p.m. CST

    Fluke

    by darthvedder81

    I don't think "The Patriot" was fluke so much as a perfect example of the old adage: a good screenplay can save shitty directing but good directing cannot save a shitty screenplay.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:10 a.m. CST

    blhotz...

    by cheyne_stoking_DMS

    Generally critics are the only ones who know what's good. That's why they professionally critique. That's why Roger Ebert has won the Pulitzer Prize. It's the audiences that are fucking clueless as to what is good. Exactly why this movie is #1 at the B.O. further proof that people are retarded. Big 'splosions + paper cutout characters = audience doesn't have to use their brain. It's not hard to figure out.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:11 a.m. CST

    someone get Seph_J out of China

    by CherryValance

    before he spontaneously combusts. For the record I thought the easy answer as to why they built them in China was that it would be cheapest. As far as it not making sense, dude, most of the movie didn't make sense. That's what was awesome about it. Remember John Cusack can outrun all the crumbling earth you can throw at him. The number of things that happened that were too convenient meant that it was supposed to be too convenient. Emmerich is in on the joke and hopefully the audience is too. He didn't make a laughable movie, he made a movie to laugh at. On purpose.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:15 a.m. CST

    the american movie going public is fucking retarded

    by maitlanr

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:02 a.m. CST

    Cheyne - Preeeecisely

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    That's it in a nutshell. The American viewing public are UTTER DUMB ASSES. I split that last word out into two for a reason.<p><p>The thing is, I think people overestimate by a -scary- margin how smart the American people are. Look at Homer Simpson - he's one of the SMART ones. I mean, dude, these are people that think a polygon means their parrot's missing. I stole that from a show. But I like it, and it fits.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:08 a.m. CST

    I don't think the American viewing public are dumbasses.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    I just think they are under-critical of movies.<BR> I know CPAs and very intelligent and accomplished people that LOVED Transformers 2.<BR><BR> I think, when they pay $10 for a ticket, they are watching from the point of view of "I worked my ass off all week, I'm so tired, entertain me." And watching Optimus Prime tear up some Decepticons does the trick.<BR> Doesnt mean they are dumbasses, imo.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:11 a.m. CST

    The billionaires who control the planet are evil

    by Spazatronik2000

    They have no humanity. They are selfish, corrupt, megalomaniac sociopaths. That's just the way it is. Infowars.com

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:13 a.m. CST

    God, invoking those cheesy "disaster" movies

    by thegreatwhatzit

    ...yet, somehow, this latest incarnation coined $65 million at the boxoffice. Ernest Borgnine is in the wings...

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:13 a.m. CST

    Ya Gibson in a lot of ways that's true

    by Spazatronik2000

    My dad is pretty smart but he likes pretty much ANY action/scifi/adventure movie, like say, the Scorpion King for example lmao.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:01 a.m. CST

    an apocalyptic movie about the end of the universe

    by DioxholsterReturns

    would be great. Roland Emmerich, do it man, go for it. make the universe explode.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:04 a.m. CST

    Seph_J people in Tibet were unhappy

    by ominus

    even before the Chinese came.Those tibetan monks and their dalai lama leader,are not the wronged innocents you all think.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:19 a.m. CST

    ominus--- chinese scallywager?

    by DioxholsterReturns

    keep it up, those tibetans look disturbed.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:25 a.m. CST

    i got a new idea for a disaster movie

    by DioxholsterReturns

    Obama re-elected for a second term.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 6:21 a.m. CST

    there is a rumor out there saying

    by DioxholsterReturns

    ...

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 6:26 a.m. CST

    Edward Woodward passes away.

    by bennie garcia

    Sad. Sargent Howie, what a wonderful performance. Thoughts with his family and friends. R.I.P.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 6:35 a.m. CST

    haha thats a funny name

    by DioxholsterReturns

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 6:44 a.m. CST

    DioxholsterReturns

    by quantize

    nice idea you redneck dipshit. Then you can have that dropkick braindead neocon christian looney puppet dubya back.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 7:07 a.m. CST

    I HOPE MECCA AND JERUSALEM'S DESTRUCTION ARE DVD EXTRAS

    by BringingSexyBack

    Would be great to see imams and rabbis falling into the Earth's crust.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 7:09 a.m. CST

    THE CHINESE ARE THE *LAST* PEOPLE YOU WANT BUILDING THE ARKS

    by BringingSexyBack

    A Chinese-made ark would be sinking the moment it hit water. Make mine Norwegian.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 7:24 a.m. CST

    started off slow

    by MamboMan

    built up to great total fucking destruction. slowed down again. more destruction. ended with weak poseidon adventure ship in peril action... nothing we havent seen before.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 7:24 a.m. CST

    imagine the politics that happens after an event like this

    by DioxholsterReturns

    REPENT!!!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 9:21 a.m. CST

    2012 shows the reality of government and humanity

    by ninpobugei

    Harry is so funny. How the HELL does he think the governments of the world are going to save 6.5 billion people? How could they even save 1 billion...or half a billion? Now way.</p> <p> And the question arises...SHOULD you even try? I mean, humanity is pretty shitty as a whole. If humanity is at stake, who are you going to save...poverty-stricken people (of which there are more than 4.5 billion), or scientists, philosophers, world leaders?

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 9:23 a.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack --

    by ninpobugei

    Actually, I'm pleased as punch that they show the destruction of the Vatican. Those people have caused more harm to western civilization than the Islamic people. Sorry, but that's a historical fact.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 10:19 a.m. CST

    You want a good end-of-the-world movie?

    by Royston Lodge

    Go rent Last Night, directer by Don McKellar.<p> No special effects.<p> No heroes.<p> Not even an explanation of what's about to destroy evreything (only hint, there's sunshine at midnight).<p> Just follows a few people as they kill time for their final day.<p> Awesome, freaky, funny, stuff...

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Royston Lodge ugh

    by Series7

    I almost listened to you then I saw this: <P> Sandra Oh <P> NO THANK YOU.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Well, I liked it...

    by Royston Lodge

    She's fine in it, and she's only one part of a very big ensemble cast.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:05 a.m. CST

    And David Cronenberg is great in it. He plays ...

    by Royston Lodge

    ... the president of the gas company. How he spends his last days on earth is priceless.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Royston Lodge

    by Series7

    Naw I'm just messing. I may check it out. If you like small post apocolyptic films, check out Luc Bessons first movie Le Dinre Combat or something like that, interesting end of the world film.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Harry's points on this are why I loved Cloverfield...

    by baimun

    While there area people who complained to no end about the "shakey cam" in Cloverfield, what I liked about it, was in the short amount of time, we were treated to logical character development, and we saw the destruction through the eyes of the people involved. Of course comparing the two movies results in a "you can't please all of the people all of the time" but I think I'll just skip 2012 and re-watch Cloverfield.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:23 a.m. CST

    oh and i have news..

    by emeraldboy

    the theme tune to avatar. it will have a theme tune. will be sung by leona lewis. any interest i had in seeing this film has shrunk. considerably.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:44 a.m. CST

    SoylentMean mourns a listless Harry no longer providing...

    by SoylentMean

    DVD REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Tony's son's asian wife

    by bralli

    Had a gorgeous set of knockers.... Carry on.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:57 a.m. CST

    INDIAN DUDE AND HIS HOT WIFE WERE ONLY ONES WERE SAVING

    by BringingSexyBack

    She made awesome fish curry. *Wink*

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 11:58 a.m. CST

    TONY ESTRANGED FROM SON BECAUSE OF JAPANESE WIFE

    by BringingSexyBack

    What century is that guy living in?

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield

    by Series7

    Should stay what it is, a dvd feature on the Roland Emmerich Godzilla, 3-Disc Criterion Edition Bly Ray DVD.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:23 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, trolling away, i see

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    what a fucking troll you are! and your racist jokes are stupid as fuck! what a loser!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:25 p.m. CST

    2012 > avatar

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    this movie may be bad. but, not half as bad avatar will be. avatar will be 10 times more sappy and saccharine. the cheesey-ness factor will be at maximum strength.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:55 p.m. CST

    SHUT THE FUCK UP

    by BringingSexyBack

    I wasn't even talking about Mexicans, taco boy.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Series7: In your honour, I just added Le Dernier Combat . . .

    by Royston Lodge

    . . . to my ZipList (Zip.ca is like the Canadian version of NetFlix).<p> However, I have over 800 movies on my ZipList, so it'll be a while before it rises to the top.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:02 p.m. CST

    i love...

    by ladevastation

    how you'll respond Harry to some comment about Blade II but ZERO acknowledgment regarding your DVD column. Why are you so lazy about that lately? And then you choose to not even address the fact that you're late. It's pretty pathetic, considering you even get kickbacks from amazon for doing it... Sometimes, i absolutely loath you and you're laziness regarding this site. It's in a downward spiral...

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:06 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, no your right

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    you were just making unfunny racist jokes about a dozen other races and elasticities in this talk back and others.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:07 p.m. CST

    ethnicity's

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:13 p.m. CST

    HEY IF YOU'RE WILLING TO RISK YOUR LIFE IN A CHINESE ARK

    by BringingSexyBack

    built by the same people who make exploding DVD players, then be my guest. Pragmatism trumps political correctness in my book, taco biy.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Just wondering about critics...

    by MJohnson

    ...but when exactly did a viewpoint about any given film become valid just because you put up a website and made yourself a "critic" of film? Last I heard, you had to have some sort of professional cred to be acknowledged a viable "critic" - and that Film Appreciation course you got a C in in college, or the "awesome" DVD collection you have in your parents' basement where you still live, doesn't really count as "cred." I am thinking this as I read the "critics" weighing in on 2012 on RottenTomatoes.com...and looking at their various "publications"...must be nice to live in a society where you can simply proclaim yourself an expert and have people take your uninformed opinions seriously. Next thing you know, critics of film will be the guys coming out of the theater saying "When the Vatican blowed up it was fukkin' AWESOME! Bring on Independence Day: the Suckuel! WOOOOO! Fuck yeah! Woooooooo!" The dumbing down of everything. I weep for the future.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    THEY CAN'T EVEN MAKE BABY FOOD THAT DON'T KILL BABIES

    by BringingSexyBack

    But hey, you're right. That's unfunny.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:22 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, why do you think im mexican?

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    i think that all of your racist jokes about all the different groups you make fun of are fucked up and unfunny. you should do the world and your parents a favor and kill yourself :)

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:27 p.m. CST

    MEXICAN DOESN'T LIKE MY MEXICAN JOKES

    by BringingSexyBack

    Color me shocked.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:40 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, your dumb

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    and cant read. i said that i think all of your racist jokes about all the different groups you make them about are fucked up. color me shocked, douchebag.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:42 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, im shocked you dont get banned

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    harry is pretty intolerant of racism... but, then harry does seem to like stupid people. so, maybe thats why your still here.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 1:55 p.m. CST

    IF ANYONE WAS TO GET BANNED IT WOULD BE YOU NERD RAGE

    by BringingSexyBack

    A troll whose only contribution (so to speak) is to spam every single talkback with anti-Avatar comments. Not that your opinion on anything else would be worth reading but at least mix it up. Being boring is the worst offense a talkbacker can commit, and you are by far the most boring troll ever to post here. Try ethnic jokes.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Seeing it Today - Big Decision is What Time?

    by Autodidact

    Either 6:30 or 10PM. It's a VIP screen, and there are two other screens showing it at the same time. So if I go to the VIP it probably won't be *that* busy on a Monday early show. But I'm thinking about seeing the 10PM just to make sure I don't feel crowded. I hate seeing movies in crowded theatres because inevitably every second person in the vicinity is a moron. Maybe that would enhance the experience of watching 2012, as I sit there wishing the events on screen were real so that my fellow viewers could become part of the carngage. But no I think I'll wait until later just to have better odds of not having to endure some idiotic fuckball "explaining" things to his girlfriend.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:16 p.m. CST

    SEPH_J NEEDS TO PUT A GUN TO HIS HEAD!

    by HellKing

    It's a fucking movie!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:25 p.m. CST

    AUTODIDACT

    by BringingSexyBack

    We saw it with a packed house. I wouldn't worry about talkers with this one. Nothing much to say when mouths are agape at awesome visage of TFD.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:31 p.m. CST

    You mean PFD, don't you?

    by Royston Lodge

    "Partial Fucking Destruction"

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:40 p.m. CST

    OKAY WHO WANTS A NICE GLASS OF CHOCOLATE ALMOND MILK?

    by BringingSexyBack

    I'm buying.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:41 p.m. CST

    ROYSTON

    by BringingSexyBack

    Yeah, it could've done with more I agree!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Did Harry not get the whole point of showing Italy

    by Series7

    Was to show that the Prime Minister stayed behind? And to show it getting blown up? <P> Yet in Armagedon it was ok they showed China and Paris just get destroyed, just to do it.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Royston Lodge

    by Series7

    Hahahah yeah I got a Netfliks queue of 500, the max. I'll put that one on there when I watch Hardware and send it back to clear up space.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:12 p.m. CST

    BringingSexyBack, you are an idiot

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

    the true sign of a troll is someone who leaves the caps lock button on. just because your posts are in all caps does not make them interesting. and oh, yeah. that avatar talkback i was in was #1 for 5 days because of me. jealous much? i am honest and i say what i mean and people cant get enough of me. you, on the other hand are a loser and full of shit. fuck off and get a new routine you worthless piece of shit

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Let's fly IN BEWTEEN the collapsing buildings

    by Rorschachian

    ...instad of over them. Or how about we don't fly so damn sclose to the ground at all? Or maybe find a better escape vehicle than a limo. More high-budget Hollywood trash. But If you're looking for a good laugh, watch the 5 minute clip of 2012 they released a while back on Yahoo Movies. It's (unintentionally) hilarious.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:38 p.m. CST

    That was *close, not "sclose"...

    by Rorschachian

    This keyboard is almost as useless as 2012. ALMOST.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Chicken does a double take.

    by parissun

    Best scene since the pigeon in Moonraker. The movie was a fine spectacle. You have to check your brain at the door. This movie is disaster chase after disaster chase. It has great visuals and it's better than Transformers 1 & 2. Oh, second best scene is John Cusack and the daughter out running the mother of all pyroclastic clouds in a winnebago.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:43 p.m. CST

    LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S FEELINGS DONE GOT HURT ...

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:55 p.m. CST

    I have to agree with Harry

    by JB007

    I feel bad for going to see this movie because my money supports more movies like this. I loved some of the acting in this movie. there were great goodbye moments that make you tear up but the disaster scene themselves really are just filler and they are absolutely ridiculous.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:58 p.m. CST

    2012 Misconception

    by Brakus

    Perfect example of the big-budget Hollywood CGI driven spectacle, and completely failing in the story and content department. Instead of spending all their money on special effects they should have paid for more research in the writing department, 2012 is NOT the apocalypse. As an anthropologist I have spent many years researching the world's mythology and theories surrounding the date of 2012. What were are experience, and what world mythos have portrayed, is an expansion in human consciousness, the world is changing, not ending. http://www.realitysandwich.com/mayan_elder_2012 I looking forward to the day when Hollywood remembers that it moved from the first film studio in NJ to the beautiful hills of Hollywood to have the perfect environment to CREATE stories. Hollywood needs to awaken to this task start writing new material and quit regurgitating story.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Harry, might I suggest the movie "Miracle Mile".

    by ExcaliburFfolkes

    From 1988, and starring Anthony Edwards as a guy visiting LA who accidentally finds out before almost anyone else that the Soviets have launched their nukes and that he has slightly more than an hour to escape before they strike and destroy everything and everyone. After the early set-up the entire film exclusively follows Edwards' attempt to escape, which sounds more like what you were looking for from "2012". The film doesn't have much of a budget or Fx but is mainly character driven.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 4:08 p.m. CST

    2012 = Ouch. Far from great. Close to OK.

    by King_Ding

    While all of Harry’s review is true, I think special mention should be made to how bad much of the dialog and acting was in this. We have a new bar for bad Russian stereotyping and accents. Even John Cusack who is usually great, was very flat and dull. (Perhaps he agrees with us Harry, which would explain it.) Only Hollywood could make a scenario so shallow to grind up the poor old step (who saved every ones ass and was a pretty good guy actually) with virtually not an ounce of morning or sorrow from anyone just so they can have a perfect, happy feel good way to get Cusack and Peet back together. Not only did I want Chiwetel Ejiofor’s (who was excellent) character to punch Oliver Platt’s character in the face, I did as well after suffering through his pompus Lou Dobbs impression for 2 ½ hours. The movie had 2 modes, full-on insultingly inaccurate devastation or not fun, dreary bummer-mode sad sack dialog and situations. Just give us the rollercoaster, F the plight of humanity! None cares! At least the little girl with the hats was great. I look forward to see what she had on next more than anything else.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 4:10 p.m. CST

    $250,000,000 and counting

    by IwatchMovies

    Take that Bitches.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 4:13 p.m. CST

    not enough babe sacrifice

    by lenireeferstahl

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCBNwMSUgA8

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Harry, I am dissapoint

    by Eyegore

    I just got back from seeing 2012. It was good. The effects were fucking awesome, and the story didn't suck. That's good enough for me because that's what I expected. WTF were you expecting? I thought you liked good movies. Something bad has gotten into your head. Also, the scene the involved the ultimate fate of the white house was an awesome spectacle of visual effects. I mean, it was fucking fantastic, and one of the most memorable scenes in the film. And you think they should have left that part out to see more of the talking heads? WTF happened to you?

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Is Anyone Else Disgusted by Harry?

    by The Aquarian 1

    I'm thinking of never returning to this website, after that anal sex shit on your dick analogy. Where's the Fantastic Mr. Fox review??? Get your dick out of small, male, asian assholes.

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:37 p.m. CST

    looks like someone got jealous

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:38 p.m. CST

    bsb i mean. loser

    by Nerd_Rage_Retard_Strength

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 5:53 p.m. CST

    How come the Ark couldn't move with the drill stuck in the gears

    by Tall_Boy66

    Anyone who thought this was good filmmaking, please explain to me how a multi-trillion dollar (Eruos, remember, it's a billion a seat) piece of machinery like the Ark could be undone by ONE DRILL! They were going to CRASH INTO THE MOUNTAIN AND FUCKING DIE because of ONE DRILL stuck in the GEARS. How is this good filmmaking again? Please?

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 7:31 p.m. CST

    Where...the...fuck...are...the...DVD...Reviews...!!!

    by SoylentMean

    Holy shit!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 8:01 p.m. CST

    Ominus... when the Chinese came...

    by Seph_J

    ... the Dalai Lama was a child. I'd call that pretty innocent. <p> And BSB I totally agree... the last people you want making ANYTHING are the Chinese. It will fall down... it will break... it will poison...

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 8:16 p.m. CST

    Left 4 Dead 2 comes out tomorrow mother fuckers

    by The_Crimson_King

    I can't wait!

  • Nov. 16, 2009, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Want a good END OF THE WORLD Movie?

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    MIRACLE -fucking- MILE, bitches.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 12:53 a.m. CST

    Well, that movie sucked a shit-stained cock

    by Autodidact

    How in the hell do you make the end of the world so GD BORING!? When shit wasn't blowing up I could barely focus on what people were saying, it was so inane. Thandie Newton is bloody hot though... seriously I think I'd give it to her before any other woman in Hollywood... she looks like she's formed out of the smoothest, most delicate porcelain.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 12:54 a.m. CST

    I Agree, Miracle Mile is a Better End-of-World Movie

    by Autodidact

    I can't see ever sitting through 2012 again. But I expect to probably watch Miracle Mile at least a half-dozen more times in my life.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:02 a.m. CST

    Irritating People Around Me Made Me Wish It Was Real

    by Autodidact

    I saw it in the VIP auditorium which means you pick your seats beforehand and they're more expensive and no little kids allowed. So you'd expect the crowd to be less irritating, right? WRONG. To my left, a couple, the woman a giantess, who spent the ENTIRE movie chit-chatting. In front of me, a fat girl and her friend. Fat girls spent the ENTIRE movie turned towards her friend, laughing and pointing at the screen. POINTING AT THE SCREEN. In the movies. I think it's safe to assume in a movie theatre that you're referring to events on the screen. Fucking fat bitch ham handed piece of shit whore. Shut the fuck up for five minutes! Not once did I notice this fucking idiot looking at the screen. From what I could tell, she spent two hours and forty minutes starting at the side of her friend's head. Anyways, it was extremely distracting. On my other side, a young chinese couple who TALKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE MOVIE NON-STOP, AND I MEAN NON-STOP TO WHERE I WAS ACTUALLY AMAZED, LITERALLY AMAZED BY THEIR ABILITY TO SUSTAIN NON-STOP CONVERSATION FOR TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES. I'm no racist, but I have to say I've observed a pattern that young chinese people fucking TALK IN MOVIES MORE THAN GHETTO BLACK PEOPLE DO. Finally, the entire row behind me seemed to be full of chipmunks who just wouldn't shut the fuck up. Basically I spent two hours and forty minutes wishing the earth would split open, dumping everyone in my auditorium, screaming as they hurtled towards a scorching death in the sulfurous lava. DIE EVERYONE IN MY SHOW TONIGHT. DIE THEATRE WORKERS WHO WANT TO CHARGE ME 75 CENTS FOR BUTTER WHEN I JUST PAID $15+ FOR THE POPCORN, SOME GLOSETTES, AND A DRINK. I GOTTA FUCKING PAY FOR BUTTER TOO!?!? DIE PEOPLE AT BURGER KING WHO FUCKED UP MY ORDER ON THE WAY HOME. PS MY LANDLORD ALSO NEEDS TO DIE.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:38 a.m. CST

    Oh, and Harry?

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    You should do sex metaphors for ALL your reviews. "TRANSFORMERS 2 is like this really hot-looking girl who's sucking your dick and then she suddenly sticks her front teeth out over your cock head and gives a retarde 'DOYYYYYYYYYY!' and a laugh right in the middle of the blowjob while picking her nose with both fingers.'

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:38 a.m. CST

    P.S.

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    I'm autistic, as many know. I'm allowed to call people retarded.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:46 a.m. CST

    BTW - One Description on China

    by ThusSpakeSpymunk

    They make CHILDREN'S TOYS out of POISON. Think about that the next time you praise their ingenuity. Then go watch RED CORNER. Not too far from the truth.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 3:39 a.m. CST

    A strange think happened while watching this turkey

    by thegreatwhatzit

    I began to hum the theme from THOSE MAGNIFICENT MEN IN THEIR FLYING MACHINES (all-star homage to aviation; a 60s movie, Benny Hill nailed a role). Don't know why. I recall the theme from a radio retrospect but that was, like, YEARS ago. Couldn't care less about the cheesy f/x, zip characterization (in comparison, GODZILLA's dialogue was undiluted Hemingway). But I yielded to the whole MAGNIFICENT/MACHINES humming thing and started a bit of toe-tapping. Should have brought my harmonica. Excal--hell yeah, MIRACLE MILE rocked---and it was shot on barely a fraction of 2012's budget (hell, the Nazi who put together this show probably squanders the equivalent of MIRACLE MILE's budget on average power lunches).

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 6:17 a.m. CST

    AUTODIDACT WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST STAB EVERYONE IN THE MOUTH

    by BringingSexyBack

    with a #2 pencil? Did the Chinese couple talk in Chinese? I think Black people only talk during Black and Michael Bay movies.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 6:29 a.m. CST

    THE FAT GIRL WAS NERD_RAGE

    by BringingSexyBack

    Just punch her in the back of the head next time and tell her to shut the fuck up.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Where did all the water come from?

    by Shan

    When Waterworld came out, some scientists worked out that if all the polar ice caps melted, about a third of the world would still be above sea level. I seriously doubt this has changed that much, so how on Earth do they submerge ... well most of the Earth?

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 7:40 a.m. CST

    So there was never any chance of ...

    by Shan

    ... the Chinese Government seizing all the arks at the last minute and filling it with Party Members and the Army and then going on to conquer what was left of the Earth? <p> Just asking ...

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 8:19 a.m. CST

    The bad guy politician was right

    by David Cloverfield

    It was hillarious how they portrayed the only competent man as the bad guy. Yeah, I sold tickets to build more boats. Yeah, I'm not gonna risk the HUMAN RACE just save a few more guys. And did the heroes almost just kill man kind by sneaking on the boeat, and then people are cheering when they fix the gear they've ruined? Where's the emergency court marshal?

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 8:51 a.m. CST

    Autodidact

    by Series7

    Dude: "a young chinese couple who TALKED THROUGH THE ENTIRE MOVIE NON-STOP" <P> Yes. I totally had that problem too. Granted I didn't pay for the fancy seats, but its a nicer theater. I sat next to a Asian couple, we'll call them chinese for now who cares. And they fucking spoke all the way through Coraline. Laughing all the time, not loud laughing, you couldn't hear them unless you were right next to them, but I was. And the dude fucking laughed by breathing really fast through his nose, god it was fucking annoying. <P> But what do you do? HEY BUDDY LAUGH BETTER? It was like when your asleep and your dog comes up to you and is sniffing you and your half awake and its fucking annoying.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 9:35 a.m. CST

    I almost switched seats

    by Autodidact

    I will usually switch seats at the blink of an eye. But the auditorium was kinda busy and it was VIP so peopole who arrived after me had picked their seats based upon my first selection. So it doesn't feel fair to switch in that type of auditorium.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 9:39 a.m. CST

    What's wrong with you nerds?

    by MonkeyManReturns

    Don't analyse this movie. We know what this film is, we know who has made it, and we know the premise makes no sense. So, if all of that annoys you, don't watch it. If you just want to watch a dumb movie that destroys the world, which entertains for 2.5 hours, and which is gloriously ridiculous, then this is the film to see. I enjoyed this stupid movie because it was stupid. The stereotypes were stupid. Jimmy Mistry gave us the worst indian accent in recent memory - brilliant. The pooch scene was utter nonsense - excellent. The rising arks surviving the tidal wave was insane - amazing. Nuclear volcanoes!! Whahoo! And don't get me started on the Russians - whoot!! It makes $60 million at the box office, won't stop wars, won't cure disease, and won't put an end to world hunger. Unlike Where The Wild Things Are that made you nerds weep in your pillows and sh!t in your nappies at its utter brilliance, this movie is made to just make you say 'My, my, that is ridiculous. Ha ha ha...' It is just dumb popcorn movie by a guy who knows how to make them (and has the box office to prove it). I salute him and everyone else that bought tickets, checked out brain, and laughed at every ridiculous escape scene. Bravo!! 2012 succeeds! Roll on Summer 2010 and the shit that comes with it!

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 10:10 a.m. CST

    HOW ABOUT A MAKING A TALKERS-ONLY SECTION

    by BringingSexyBack

    So the fatties, Chinese and Blacks can yap all they fucking want.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:51 p.m. CST

    Emmerich's problem is

    by geckobrothers

    that he hasn't a single clue how to portray "real" characters with personal depth. His only half-decent movies were "Das Arche Noah Prinzip" (his graduation movie at filmschool munich) and "The Patriot". I watch his movies just for regional patriotism as Emmerich was born and raised 5 km from my hometown but while his first Hollywood movies were dumb but entertaining (US, SG, ID4) he totally lost track since 20.000 B.C. - 2012 has awsome effects but only when it's 100% CGI - the greenscreen works still look shity.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 1:52 p.m. CST

    sorry 10.000 BC

    by geckobrothers

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Emmerich's great flicks are Universal Solider and Stargate

    by Tall_Boy66

    Stargate has a cool concept at it's core so it kind of works (and they've been milking it ever since). As for Universal Solider, it's about zombie Vietnam cyborg vets. And the guy wears a necklace of ears. That is all kinds of fucked up badass. They get worse as they go on. As of right now, I can only tolerate ID4 and I think the rest of his movies are awful.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 2:27 p.m. CST

    Why do people even go to the movies?

    by Autodidact

    Why don't you go to the library or a cancer ward if you want to have a couple hours of disruptive conversation?

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 3:51 p.m. CST

    I only go to theaters if a big movie comes out

    by lockesbrokenleg

    that I want to see, otherwise, I wait a few months to see it in better quality on DVD.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 3:58 p.m. CST

    lockesbrokenleg

    by geckobrothers

    in better quality on DVD? Well, either you own the best home cinema system on earth or you have the bad luck to live in a small town with outdated cinemas ;-) i saw 2012 in a thx/digital projection cinema and sound and image were perfect. in fact i think this is the only way a film like 2012 makes sense watching, as sound and image are it's only pros.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 4:17 p.m. CST

    geckobrothers

    by lockesbrokenleg

    I love the digital theaters, but the ticket prices these days are insane. I can wait for the DVD or Blue Ray and get great quality and then I get extras like a good commentary, or whatever.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    hope theres a tidal wave

    by HarryLove

    in foundation, thats the only way that film will work. thank god emmerich knows this

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 6:46 p.m. CST

    Not how to spend movie money

    by William Munny

    2012 Special Effects: $150M 2012 Marketing Campaign: $30M 2012 Script Development: 89 cents

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 8:35 p.m. CST

    Someone Above Mentioned "MIRACLE MILE"

    by Red Dawn Don

    I second that. MIRACLE MILE (1988) is a movie about the end of the world that is chock full of character development. That blonde chick that played Star Trek's Tasha Yar is in MM. No real special effects but lots of character development. Oh wait, someone needs to splice/edit 2012 with MIRACLE MILE to get a better 2012. By the way my Mayan wall calendar is a wooden perpetual calendar, so no end in sight.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 8:42 p.m. CST

    I looked up the definition to "AUTODIDACT"

    by Red Dawn Don

    Autodidact= A self-taught person. Since I looked it up, I am sort of an autodidact person myself.

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 9:25 p.m. CST

    I INVITE CHINESE PEOPLE OVER TO GET THE FULL HOME THEATER EXPERI

    by BringingSexyBack

  • Nov. 17, 2009, 11:06 p.m. CST

    The Queen Would Not Run

    by Hat Man

    Magaret Pomeranz (Australian film reviewer) made the comment that you would not see the Queen of England or Prince Phillip running for an Ark and abandoning Britain! Whether you are a Royalist or not, the Royals stayed in London during the Blitz and shared the same risks as their people. If the Italian PM stayed, so would the Royals!

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    What The Fuck Did You Expect You Twat ?

    by DIBARAHMAN

    It was exactly how I imagined it, and I fucking loved it you fat bastard.

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 3:26 a.m. CST

    DIBARAHMAN

    by MonkeyManReturns

    I shake your hand and salute you! You get this movie. Bravo!

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 6:08 a.m. CST

    Cliche after Cliche after Cliche

    by TheSquifster

    OMG WTF just seen 2012 and I simply cannot believe how utter shit it was! Dont get me wrong the effects were outstanding but the story was so thin they managed to fit every single movie cliche I have ever seen into a meer 2hrs 50mins! Well done Mr Emmerich! Please, please stop destroying the Earth especially if its done like that! It was utter shite!

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Autodidact's comment

    by Eyegore

    Just to pick one of hundreds of retarded comments here... "When shit wasn't blowing up I could barely focus on what people were saying" Fuck you and your worthless opinions on movies. You are a gibbering fool. Suck 99 dicks.

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Eyegore - Don't Start Some Shit You Can't Handle

    by Autodidact

    Seriously, son. I'm not a simp like most of the guys you could have called out. If you try and tell me the non-special-effects segments of 2012 were worth watching in any sense, it's you who is the gibbering fool.

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 3:57 p.m. CST

    Autodidact I saw this yesterday on the biggest screen in town.

    by mr dark

    This film is just what it is. It's a celluloid version of a rollercoaster ride..Just like all the movies of it's type before it..Towering Inferno, Earthquake, Armageddon, in all of these films you get the "big drop" followed by the slow climb then another drop and so on and so on..You need a chance to rest between the money shots or the money shots become less effective. Its the pacing in between the jolts that makes or breaks a film like this and I must say Emmerich has that formula down pretty fucking good. I like most people here thought the effects were outstanding for the most part. Unlike most here though I had a fun time with this as it seemed everyone in the theater did also.. This wasn't meant to be the next Oscar winner but it will probably get something for the effects work. I actually look forward to see what Emmerich will do with a real story like The Foundations Trilogy. This time there is no excuse for a poor script considering the source. I think Emmerich can do somethings right as evidenced by The Patriot,Universal Soldier,Stargate, and even the most part of ID-4..yeah so sue me I kinda had fun with that one too..

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 4 p.m. CST

    Thanks For The Explanation, Professors

    by Autodidact

    Thanks for the lesson in film theory you couple of geniuses. When I say the parts between effects bored me, that doesn't mean I want the whole movie to be effects. It means the non-effects parts were poorly done. And they were. The non-effects parts of this movie are about as involving as the non-effects parts of Godzilla or Day After Tomorrow. It's the shittiest goddamn writing and acting that could possibly be delivered in a movie this expensive. I actually love ID4, have it on blu-ray and find the non-effects parts of it to be more charming than in his other movies.

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Y'ank you for the compliment Autodidact

    by mr dark

    I agree about the writng but what do ya want Shakespere..Ha ha I made a funny Shake Sphere....

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 6:36 p.m. CST

    Harry....I agree!

    by Jabroni

    I have to agree. First off the only Emmrich film I have enjoyed was Universal Solider, I have not enjoyed anything else. Infact 10,000 BC ranks as one of my personal worst films ever. I saw this last night and couldn't get home to post a review on facebook fast enough. I am not near the writer of film that most contributors are on this site, but I do like to give an opinion. I basically complained about the same exact stuff here, just not written at elequently as Harry's here. The movie was a great 100 minute movie the problem was that is was about an hour too long. I have always hated emmrich's need to put in every racial sterotype in all his films, I get the global box office thing, but it gets old fast. I hated Danny Glover as the president, his acting was the worst. I also hated the forced love stories set up throughout the film. Emmrich tries so hard to force emotion, and that's the problem, it's forced. Like Harry I say wait for the DVD watch the Woody Harrelson parts and the destruction, the rest has been done over and over and over and can be missed.

  • Nov. 18, 2009, 6:52 p.m. CST

    did you AICN guys ever review The Box???

    by peopleintrees

    i havent seen it yet, kinda want to though, just want to know if you guys think it's any good.

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Harry's review is accurate sort of...

    by HB_Dad

    ...but I still enjoyed the hell out of this movie and look forward to seeing it again. I will own the Blu-Ray the morning of release when Best Buy does its door buster deal. Harry is right about how odd some of the side-character stories are that we seem to get diverted to, and I agree it should've focused on Cusack's character. Its like scenes such as the vatican should've been TV news footage Cusack was watching live on TV and we see his reaction to it rather than him having no idea it is occurring as it is in the movie. I mean almost all of the out of place destruction bits could've been tie in in such a way. The other route I that Emmerich could've gone more ID4 with it and have several groups of main characters that go through individual ordeals who meet up in the end of the movie. That way, the destruction serves a purpose in telling a main character's story. I guess he kind of tried it in 2012 but it didn't work as well as ID4 did in that regard. Lastly, I wonder what this movie would've been like if they went with the found footage route ala Cloverfield. Sure you might not get the same scope, but you could definetely get into what the characters would be feeling better.

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 1:47 a.m. CST

    The best 2012 story: "Domain" by Steve Alten...

    by HB_Dad

    http://www.stevealten.com/Domain/home.htm Quick excerpts from author's page: "On December 21st in the year 2012, the entire Human Race will DIE! So predicts the 2,000 year old Mayan Calendar. But before you dismiss this prophecy as mere myth, consider this: * The Mayan Calendar is a more precise an instrument than all but our most modern-day calendars. * The Maya were an enigma. Here was an ancient civilization that somehow came into possession of advanced knowledge in astronomy, physics, and mathematics yet never mastered the wheel. * It is said that the great teacher, Kukulcan was the calendar's inventor. Kukulcan is described in both Mayan myth and artifacts as being a large Caucasian, with long flowing white beard and hair and deep-blue eyes. Yet the first Caucasians did not set foot in the Yucatan for 500 years after Kukulcan's departure! * In almost every advanced ancient culture, there appears a similar great wise man matching Kukulcan's appearance. The Egyptians called him Osiris, the Inca Viracocha, the Aztecs Quetzalcoatl. * The Kukulcan pyramid in Chichen Itza is a perfect ziggurat of stone. Each of its 4 sides has 91 steps. With the platform at the top it equals 365 -as in days of the year. * For over 1,000 years, on each Autumn and Spring Equinox, the afternoon sun creates the shadow of a giant serpent on the pyramid's northern balustrade. As the sun sets, the body of the serpent appears to descend the steps to meet with its stone head. What does it mean? Is it a warning? * When Kukulcan abandoned the Maya, his people began barbaric human sacrifices, all in an effort to forestall the end of the world. Tens of thousands of men, women, and children joined a procession atop to Kukulcan pyramid-only to have their hearts cut out by priests! It is said human blood ran down the stone steps like a red river. * The Spanish conquistador, Cortez, invaded the Yucatan hundreds of years after Kukulcan departed Chichen Itza. Both the Maya and Aztecs surrendered, even though they greatly outnumbered the Spanish. Why? Because they confused Cortez as their bearded white wise man returning to save them. * The Great Pyramid of Giza, Stonehenge, the Nazca Drawings, the Pyramid of the Sun and the temple of Angkor Wat. How are they related to Humanity's prophesied Doom?"

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 2:32 a.m. CST

    I'm sorry but most of you are wrong - inc Harry

    by silentbobafett2

    Harry and I have almost identical views on films. It's scary! But not this time. Not only was the film action packed and exciting but the characters, while unoriginal and classic "Emmerich types", they held enough interest and emotion to keep me in my seat. I went to see a film called 2012 by the director Indpendence Day and Day After... because I wanted to see amazing visuals of the world ending and not bothered if the characters were of a LOTR,Godfather,Five Easy PIeces caliber. No sir - this did what it had to

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 12:08 p.m. CST

    How did they characters have ANY interest / emotion in it?

    by Tall_Boy66

    Seriously, how anyone could actually give 2 shits about these people is amazing. And the rationale behind it, "Cuz the Myans said so!" is basically insulting.

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 6:28 p.m. CST

    Harry mourns a listless melodrama buried under the Spectacular E

    by FungoMcGurk

    You guys are making what I call the Hulk Mistake. You went to see a flick about a guy who turns into a giant, green, tank-throwing beast and you COMPLAIN about the script?? Emmerich doesn't pretend to be Selznick; he makes big fat popcorn epics. What you call faults I call a breezy fun kaboom and that's all I WENT to see. "2012" required no heavy lifting from the cast, but they did what the story CALLED for perfectly well. If you apply the standards of "Casablanca" to movies like "2012," of course they're going to fall short. Taken for what it promised, "2012" has a great pace, stellar FX and a competent cast to shore up the imagery. It also has a few GOOD cheap laughs. I didn't make the Hulk Mistake, so I got off on it. Sorry your mileage varied, Whitey, haw haw haw....

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 7:01 p.m. CST

    are we really still talking bout this movie?

    by AnwarNamtut

    I hope so, this is a sweet talkback! If there had been bare breasts, this film would have gotten a "pass" I have a feeling...

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 9:13 p.m. CST

    FungoMcGurk

    by Azby

    That's fair enough..if the movie was actually fun. It wasn't. I was just waiting for it to finish. Awful, awful film.

  • Nov. 19, 2009, 10:28 p.m. CST

    to be honest... I think we've been off topic...

    by Seph_J

    ...for too long. <p> Lets get back to the real discussion here. <p> Just what to do about those damn Chinese then?

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 5:50 a.m. CST

    FungoMcGurk - CORRECT!

    by silentbobafett2

    I agree 100%. I don't mind if people don't like the film - thats fair enough. Found it boring? Thats fine - over the top action ain't your thing. Fine by me! BUT if you went to 2012 at the cinema, what did you expect? I mean didn't the trailer give you an idea? Did Emmerichs previous films not hint? If you're a film geek/fan and you went into this knowing the history of this film and those involved and expected anything other than what you got - you are insane! You shouldn't be allowed to go to watch movies! Hey all you idiots moaning about acting and script - go watch Godfather or a hundred other classics. If you want to see a ten minute scene of a car driving through a collapsing city - where the hell else you gonna get that? This film delivered. I expected action, fun and some cheesy melodramtic moments. I got all that and more! Sorry the rest of you thought Emmerich's 2012 was going to be The Seventh Seal! You should learn to watch trailers and learn more about film... fools! FOOLS I TELL YOU!

  • Nov. 20, 2009, 7:48 a.m. CST

    2012 rocks and was funny to boot

    by iluvsyfy

    I thoroughly enjoyed this event movie for what it was 2 hrs and 45 min of popcorn escapism. It contained all the neccessary elements, effects, sound, B acting, destruction and more destruction, good direction and score with the ever so hopeful ending. Woody rocks, Chiwe steals the scene and I want to so sleep with Peet. The movie had one overdone part set in Vegas "Spoiler alert"..................They could have foregone the earthquake ripping up Vegas which was a rehash of LA, I would have preferred some other catalyst for that scene....................... But one flaw in an otherwise entertaining film which I will own on Blue-ray.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Actually Harry, its quite the opposite.

    by Vesuvio

    They should leave the whole Cusack moronic family thing off the movie, and focus on the Government part, especially in Platt's character, THE ONLY ONE INTELLIGENT in this whole mess of a movie.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Emmerich is the shittiest director in the world

    by football

    Not one of his movies is any good or can be called a classic. I've hated everything he's made, even that Nazi crap The Patriot. No point in paying good money to see his CGI turds when you can smell them a mile off. <p> All Emmerich's movies consist of the same jingoistic cliches involving hammy acting interspersed by the latest CGI mass destruction shots. <p> Truly the only thing I want to see destroyed is Emmerich's office... <p> ... with the fucker inside it!! <p> It's been a shit year for movies from Hollywood, the best of the bunch being the Star Trek reboot and The Hurt Locker. Sure hope this Avatar lives up to the hype. <p> Oh, and Hollywood. Stop giving Emmerich money to make these mega buck turkeys.

  • Nov. 21, 2009, 7:17 p.m. CST

    this isn't suppposed to be good

    by Rupee88

    it's supposed to sell tickets...it probably will succeed at that

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Re: Emmerich is the shittiest director in the world

    by FungoMcGurk

    Um... how do you KNOW none of his movies are any good? You'd have to SEE them to really say that creditably, ahem. What the heck STANDARD are you using here? Some movies have no redeeming aspects, true, but not many. I laugh when people diss "Godzilla." What, you had issues because it didn't take the subject SERIOUSLY?? HA! It was worth the admission just to see Matthew Broderick stand and stare as a crew of baby dinosaurs falls around on a floor full of baseballs and basketballs, 10 steps away from eating him. Why, even the threat of that was almost as good as seeing Aliens eat the hell out of Paul Riser. Mmmm, that was good. In "2012," casting Woody Harrelson as a conspiracy nut was almost a given and made things more fun, 'cause Woody is an INTELLIGENT nut. Some of you seem to have lost your sense of Fun. Whatsa matter, boys? Did your balls drop off? And YES, I'm going to go see "Avatar," sit in the front row and flog Mr. Happy when the female aliens are onscreen.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    ^ lol

    by Autodidact

    Good troll. Or you're a funny retard. Worth reading either way.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 1:36 p.m. CST

    2012 was finbe to me. Harry is going overboard.

    by The Founder

    Now i can agree with harry on some points but it didn't ruin the film. Well not for me at least. I enjoyed it. It was entertaining. When you get to much damn character development the film becomes boring.

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    i've liked

    by HarryLove

    emmerichs films from moon 44 all the way to the patriot but ever since day after tomorrow his movies have bored me. he needs to get back with dean devlin big time. did they have a falling out or what? anyone know?

  • Nov. 22, 2009, 6:16 p.m. CST

    and 2012

    by HarryLove

    just looks like more of the same.

  • Nov. 23, 2009, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Good Review....

    by charabicharabia

    Hey Harry, that was a good one ! It's exactly how I felt...the loveboat scenes were sooooo unnecessary ! Woody H is pretty amazing in this..wish they'd spent more time with him and less time wasting money on the vatican shots. Oh and as for the chicken, I think he's trying to make a point. I'm sure more people got squeamish looking at that chicken's fate than seeing all of LA tumble down the pacific. I saw my work place go down btw on that very scene...kudos to that ! :P haha

  • Nov. 24, 2009, 4:59 p.m. CST

    2013: A Chicken In Peril

    by Pompoulus

    I'd see it.

  • Nov. 25, 2009, 9:18 p.m. CST

    Sequel: Survival of the Headless Chicken.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

  • Nov. 27, 2009, 9:54 a.m. CST

    Harry WTF?

    by SupermanEmpire

    You didn't capture half of the rediculousness that was 2012...plus you call the only passable character a pickel eating dirty hippy played by Woody...are you fucking serious...I laughed my ass off at the retardness that was this character. You also give the effects a pass...I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure if Las Vegas is being swallowed by the earth like a dick in Andy Dick's mouth...that the power at the fucken Billagio would probabely go out...for that matter, if a 1000 foot wave is drowing DC, I'm pretty sure not every light in the fucken white house would be on...these may be minor details to effects artists and D-Bags like Roland...but I'm not checking my Brain at the counter cuz he says its prohibited on the shit fest flight that is 2012...FUCK THIS FILM AND FUCK ROLAND EMMERICH!

  • Nov. 27, 2009, 9:24 p.m. CST

    mourn

    by biberkopf5

    you mourn things you love, not listless drama

  • Nov. 27, 2009, 9:24 p.m. CST

    mourn

    by biberkopf5

    you mourn things you love, not listless drama

  • Nov. 28, 2009, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Saw this movie with my cousin

    by Goody2shoes

    We both pondered why no one in any disaster movie ever comes from large, extended families. I asked her if she'd miss me if just her and her immediate family made it. I got "Nah. Maybe every once in a while we'd say 'Remember cousin so-and-so? They were so funny!'".

  • Nov. 29, 2009, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Danny Glover should have said he was too old for this ship

    by Smashing

    Just before he died, it would have made me laugh. I loved this film, it was wildly entertaining and made me feel oddly happy.

  • Dec. 1, 2009, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Didn't you just discover the moon, Harry?

    by Schisis

    Emmerich is Uwe Boll with a budget. Every movie he is involved is the same pile of manure: big FX, big booms, and zero storyline and character development. Emmerich films a great trailer, but he is incapable of pulling off a 2-hour film. I could have written your blog around the time Stargate came out. You're stating the obvious yet you're acting as if you've discovered the moon. Considering that you're a fan of ID4 and you see every Emmerich movie, STOP CRYING TO US THAT YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED. Learn your lesson and boycott all of this guy's future projects.

  • Dec. 3, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST

    The line of the entire film!!!

    by Steelhack

    Amanda Peet: Hey, thanks for bringing the kids home early Cusack: No problem Peet: Would you like to come in for pancakes? Cusack: No, I'm late for work. How are you both back early and late for work? Forget the fact that Manhattan Beach and Yellowstone is a 12 hr drive away ================================ I don't know about you, but if I was just in a grocery store that split in half right at my feet...barely escaping death..I would be telling that story for ever...yet Peet never tells Cusak ================================= Why not make the boob surgeon a pilot? So you could at least think...well maybe he could have made it...guy is an actual pilot after all. Oh I forgot.. he wrote 2 almost funny boob jokes that had to be shoehorned in. =============================== Amazing that the ARKS built to survive the end of the earth can get take down by an air hose =============================== You have 3 rooms in a line...how does the middle room flood first?

  • April 2, 2010, 11:23 p.m. CST

    Milo!!!!

    by stellanskarsgaard

    ...hey this movie fucking sucks, but at least Milo from the Pusher Trilogy gained like 120 pounds and still acted his balls off...and Stephen McHattie...never count out Stephen McHattie.

  • April 3, 2010, 6:37 p.m. CST

    Milo?

    by orcus

  • April 3, 2010, 6:37 p.m. CST

    Milo?

    by orcus

  • April 25, 2010, 11:43 p.m. CST

    Harry, the chicken comment is way overblown

    by SithMenace

    It wasn't 3 minutes of cutting back and forth to the last chicken on Earth, it was just an unfunny joke about whether or not the chicken was gonna get the axe. Jesus Christ.

  • April 26, 2010, 2:05 p.m. CST

    Milo?

    by orcus