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We've Got The First Review Of Platinum Dunes' A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET Remake!

Beaks here

I can confirm that the Samuel Bayer/Platinum Dunes production of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET test screened last week in El Segundo. I have no definitive word on how well the film scored with this particular audience, but according to Skin Peeler, the film needs some serious work. Is this a surprise? Even though the casting of Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger was something of a coup, we've been hearing that a) the Wesley Strick/Eric Heisserer screenplay was lacking, and b) the on-set relationship between the producers and Bayer was less than harmonious. This hardly means the film is doomed (Robert Townsend and Big Daddy Kane fought constantly during the filming of METEOR MAN), but it is distressing that $30 million (to be kind) could be thrown at a complete cock-up of a horror classic that was shot for a paltry $2 million back in 1983. Is this thing anything more than a cash grab? Skin Peeler is dubious.
A Nightmare on Elm Street... the Remake. Saw it at the first showing to an audience. The usual beforehand about it being a 'work in progress', temp effects, sound, editing, etc. so keep that in mind. I'm not a struggling film critic, film student or striving to get into Hollywood, so bear with me. The original film was an entry into the Horror genre that made Freddy Kruger a Hollywood monster icon with many sequels, a TV series, comics, videogames and many Halloween costumes. The film series had an ebb and flow from campiness to sheer horror, sometimes seconds apart, with Freddie Kruger's over the top ways of killing people. It gave me and friends, late at night when the parents were asleep or at a slumber party, the super-willies and often insomnia. It went on to have many sequels and Freddy became a icon in the annuls of horror. Seeing it now, it has a certain surreal campiness that doesn't exactly match my memory of it as a kid, I guess a nice patina of time has skewed my perceptions. However, what the original had are amazing iconic and visceral scenes of horror. If you have seen the original ANoES you basically know the story. SPOILERS AHEAD if you haven't. The story begins a t a slick thumping house party resembling something from the Hollywood hills, where we establish all the main characters and their relationships to each other complete with love triangles, unrequited love and a bong circle. One of the more popular alpha males goes missing and the concerned girlfriend searches the suddenly empty house for him by boldly (or stupidly) following what looks like feet being pulled through doorways and the sound of dragging. When she finally finds him, he's balancing on a railing overlooking a conveniently-placed glass roof next to the pool. We hear him mumbling to himself something like, "you're not real..." then see huge slashes appear across his chest followed by falling to his death through the glass roof. One by one we see the deaths of the other characters who are desperately trying to stay awake with coffee, ADD drugs and Redbull while trying to figure out what the heck is going on by sneaking through their parent's stuff and surfing the net. I don't recall seeing much hard core 'guro' besides slashes, blood and Freddy's hand suddenly appearing through someone's chest, possibly leaving open the possibility of a PG-13 rating? The interesting twist we find out later on is that all the characters are related to each other through a common past with Freddy when he was alive. This opens the doors to the dark possibility of child molestation with flashbacks done creepily, but in good taste... and these flashbacks turn out to be one of the more successful parts of the film. Weather Freddy is a molester is kept nebulous, with Freddy appearing to be a vengeful entity simply exacting revenge at one point. This question is firmly resolved towards the end of the film so there can be no doubt of what his intentions are. The remake keeps many of the scenes from the original script. It unfor tunately is missing a couple more shocking parts from the original like the glorious Johnny Depp bed fountain, the 'tentacle raep' phone-call tongue and cuts away just before a sexy bathroom butt shot causing a big, "AAaaawwww..." from the audience. Do I see an attempt at a PG-13? C'mon... it's just a butt shot, not even a nipple. The Friday the 13th remake wasn't afraid of teh nekkeds! In this way Nightmare seems to be a contradiction... no nudity in the film, however Freddy is a brutal killer with themes of child molestation (like Wes Craven's concept but downgraded to kid killer in the original). The story also has some great set ups only to fall short because of characters you could care less about (Apologies to the actors... blame bad casting). Now, if there were a show on the CW/UPN about these characters for a season, like say Gossip Girl, then put them in this movie and have them killed off in horrible ways, we'd have a blockbuster and a reason to have glossy 29 year old hipsters pretending to be high schoolers. While this is tempting to see the cast of 90210 or Twilight butchered, it's a bad casting choice when you are trying to make the story gritty and serious. If you write the script to be about teenagers with the target audience being teens, for the love of god, cast teen actors or at lest teen-looking actors to play these parts. We can tell the difference. 'Brick' or 'Superbad' are good examples. If not... make the setting a college. In a stroke of genius, the children cast were real kids. Bay and the director obviously wanted to 'Dark Knight'/ 'Saw' it up by adding layer of grit and reality to A Nightmare on Elm Street. The set and makeup departments did an excellent job: Freddy looks like a freakish burn v ictim, many of the dream and flashback scenes are dark and have that 'Silent Hill' feel. It's like they watched a bunch of great horror films for inspiration... but with the sound muted. ANoES's story, dialog and acting don't quite match the imagery. The beautiful scenes in the trailer led me to believe this remake might be a serious 'Hellraiser' caliber horror film... maybe not 'Jacob's Ladder' but possibly 'Mindnight Meat Train'. I'm afraid to say as it's in 'The Unborn' territory: slick production value with little meat to sink your teeth into. Typical Hollywood grindhouse, "Bread and circuses: it makes the masses happy. Hey, there are plenty of scare moments!". This film is chock-full of heart-stopping jump out and scare you moments... the audience was definitely given some jumps, however it's overdone and hides the lack of any real horror. The cheap scares become like little Snickers bites in a bag of Halloween candy: a quick jolt but soon forgotton. This would be fine if there were some good psycological horror thrown in, like a juicy steak for a more substantial meal, however all that's left is a sugar crash. Hmmm, I wonder what Freddy would be like if Cronenberg were to direct? Nightmare is close to being a good film... you can tell Jackie Earle Haley is giving his all with the lines he is given. Kruger was never a Pinhead or Hannibal when it came to dialog, and I know they were going for a more serious slant this time, but he had a confidence that made you know you were fucked since he had you in his world and Haley works with what he is given. Haley's portrayal will no doubt be compared to Robert Englund's performance. In my eyes, Englund's was at times a dark presence of pure anger, at other times a bizarre caricature like an carnival barker or a ngry drunk and pervy uncle. Haley's portrayal seems to be no nonsense, to the point, smarmy, ugly, repulsive and just plain vile... what you would expect from a child molester and it fits the story. However, the writers don't let him playfully toy with his prey as much, he simply twists the screws. I appreciate the lack of campy humor... as it got out of control at times in the original series where Freddy almost became Beetlejuice, but I still wish for just a tiny bit of that iconic personality to his dialog. Just a small dash to separate him from the likes of the Candyman or the Scream killer. So the version I saw tonight could have been an excellent remake. At this point it's at mearly 'mediocre' status in my mind, but with possible 'good' potential. I want for it to be good and I would love to see more of Haley. I don't know what can be done at this point to fix the actors chosen or the missing elements to raise the horror, but I stay hopeful. The editing still has time to be tightened, as I am already forgetting the entire middle of the film except for the flashbacks. Hopefully they will keep all of the Haley scenes, possibly add to them, and trim some of '90210' fat. Just please figure out do you want a PG-13 movie or R? When you make a film, you shouldn't give a sh*t about the rating. This is a Nightmare on Elm Street... It should be a given it's an 'R' rating. Ahhh... If only there was an AINTITCOOL creative thinktank. Maybe a select 250 of us eager nerds, separate and removed from the corrupt ass-kissing and creative black hole effects of the Hollywood mill, spanning all ranges of talent that can view a project during the process and can give critiques before things get beyond the point of no return. Yah, I know, not in a million years. So... Liked

- Some nice dark visuals, locations & makeup - any scene with Clancy fuckin Brown & Jackie Earle Haley. - the talking bloody corpse in the bodybag at end of hallway. that was cool. more like that, plz - flashbacks, just remove the naked gimp in the Speedos. Disliked

- cheesy, unrealistic 29 year old teen characters - cheesy, unrealistic dialog of above characters with some unintentional laughable moments - no original Johnny Depp blood fountain or phone tongue? you kidding me? - too much reliance on scare moments - not enough psychological horror, the dude's now a freakin child molester for jeebus sake. - needs some more tightening work in the editing room - film sadly doesn't yet live up to the exciting trailer - no bathroom boo-tay? we likie the bootie. - the webcam scene with the token Asian guy? ... Sincerely,

Sameul Bayer's A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is currently scheduled to open on April 30, 2010.

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:14 a.m. CST

    None posted yet.

    by The Dum Guy

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Freddy's a sweety in this one

    by anonymous_bitch

    JEH plays him like a softie!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:17 a.m. CST

    Man, it better be R.

    by sonnyfern

    A PG-13 NOES is a BAD idea and Friday the 13th proved you can have an R horror movie and make money with it. Grow some balls studio.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Fuck. This. Noise

    by axemurder

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:37 a.m. CST

    by tomimt

    Wasn't Freddy always a child molester? At least in the original movie. That might have been toned for the sequals though.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:41 a.m. CST

    Sounds lame.

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    Oh well. Always loved the premise, follow through often leaves something to be desired.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Can we all agree the new Curb was disappointing?

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    He's done jokes about tips before, and the guy from Spin City is so over-the-top annoying on this show it infuriated me right off the bat. Always nice to see Super Dave, though. Was kind of funny to see Larry inadvertently kill someone, but I in general just feel Larry's getting to cruel with the jokes.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:44 a.m. CST

    Freddy always was a child molester.

    by Fortunesfool

    That's why all the parents got together and burned him.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:45 a.m. CST

    Child Molestation done in good taste

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Wow, this movie will flop, or be one of AICN biggest "let's try to make it a hit" movie in decades.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:46 a.m. CST

    "If only there was an AINTITCOOL creative thinktank"

    by Playkins

    I absolutely SHUDDER with the idea of that film-by-committee approach. Not to mention, the "select" probably wouldn't stop arguing long enough to get anything done.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:49 a.m. CST

    Platinum cranked it out - NOW YOU'LL PAY - SUCKERS

    by Mennen

    Sam didn't have fun directing this - Hated it at times. It was craziness - There were plenty of days when a bunch of crap was thrown at the wall, hoping some of it would stick in post. I have no problems with remakes (but this one sucks, folks)

  • fucking lame. this isn't friday the 13th, this is freddy krugar. give him some fucking GOREY scenes.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:55 a.m. CST

    Agreed, Playkins.

    by TyroneBiggums

    I would love to crash that hypothetical TB writing session...burst in, yell "Bush!" or "Obama!" and watch the conversation diverge for 9 hours (or, were it online, 140 posts.)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Also, the "AICN thinktank" idea has already

    by TyroneBiggums

    been tried once by New Line:

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Child molester

    by BCfreeB

    Freddy was a "dirty child killer" in the original series. They (seemingly intentionally) skirted the "molester" word and went out of their way to avoid any possible sexual desires on Freddy's part. Sounds like the remake is working differently.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:57 a.m. CST

    LOL @ child molestation done in good taste

    by Mike_D

    thats a good one

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:58 a.m. CST

    Wow. They made this movie in about a week, flat out.

    by Ray Gamma

    I remember last Wednesday when they announced they were going to start shooting this remake. Now there's a review on AICN. Talk about fast-tracking. Does anyone take time over movie-making these days? Or is it all about shovelling the porridge as fast as you can?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:59 a.m. CST

    Didn't they just do a teaser trailer a month ago?

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:08 a.m. CST

    It's --

    by DrunkyMcLush

    "CouldN'T care less", not "Could care less." Take two seconds to think about what you're saying.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:13 a.m. CST

    "Child molestation done in good taste"

    by DrunkyMcLush

    What the Hell does that mean? Instead of saying, "I'm gonna RAPE YOU!", is it instead, "I'm gonna make sweet pedophile love to you down by the fire. Here's some candy," ?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:17 a.m. CST

    The thinking behind these kinds of movies:

    by Ray Gamma

    The studio is very cynically counting on those huge queues of emo kids in the multiplexes. You know, the ones with the black eyeliner who spend all their time sending text messages to each other instead of reading movie reviews? The producers of this film don't give a fuck about quality or art. They know that a certain market of teens will go and see this crap anyway, and they've got the figures all worked out so that they'll still make a profit. </P> <P>Don't even mention names of great filmmakers like Carpenter, Cronenberg etc in the same paragraph as these cynical cunts, because it is no longer about making art. It's all about making cash from illiterate teen audiences now (hence horror film remakes being aimed at PG-13 ratings), that's the bottom line. </P> <P>Still, there are occasionally still some artists out there today who appear with genuinely original work (Del Toro etc). </P> <P>My suggestion is this: Movie reviewers ought to get a lot more brutal. We should literally rip movies like this 90210 Freddy remake apart, spread the word that it is utter shit. Be more brutal. If we start really boycotting utterly passionless fast-tracked shite like this, maybe finally they will stop making them.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:19 a.m. CST

    Drunky McLush

    by Ray Gamma

    Don't waste your time trying to educate Americans on the "could care less" meme. Many of us have tried and failed. It's futile; you have to understand that most Americans think with their mouths.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:23 a.m. CST

    I Don't Like Gore!!! Glad It's Gone!!!!!

    by Media Messiah

    Nudity would be nice though!!!!!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:24 a.m. CST

    Seriously Beaks, what's with the Meteor Man ref?

    by Ronald Raygun

    What a goofy fucking movie that was. Although the evil black kids with gold hair were kinda cool.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:26 a.m. CST

    One, two...

    by Some Dude

    ...Freddy remake's poo.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:26 a.m. CST

    re: "I Don't Like Gore!!! Glad It's Gone!!!!!"

    by Ray Gamma

    Erm, stay away from horror movies then?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:38 a.m. CST

    Ray Gamma

    by JethroBodine

    I'm 100% American and I agree with you 110%! And if anyone has anything stupid to say about that I couldn't care less. :-)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:46 a.m. CST

    The pedophile stuff was the best bit!

    by white_vader

    Wait, wait, let me explain! The thing I liked was that they had the guts to make him a child molester and killer. Because basically that's the scariest damn thing there is. You could see it as very simplistic or even uncreative, but to me in a way it was just refreshingly honest and true. The problem was turning him into a jokey figure and the implications of a child killer/molester as a figure of fun at the movies. <p> Somehow I think it's incredibly lame that he's just an innocent guy (is he slow? seemed like it in the trailer), accused of a crime he didn't commit and now out to exact his supernatural revenge on the parents who murdered him in the meanest/most ironic way he knows. <p> The teaser/trailer scared me because it looks like that's exactly what they've done. Hope not.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:50 a.m. CST

    Child molestation done in good taste

    by Chakraborty

    It means that when Freddy fucks kids in the ass, he has the common courtesy to give the kid a reacharound.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:51 a.m. CST

    I l ove m y spa cebar more tha n he do es

    by DOGSOUP

    And of course "teh nekkids"

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4 a.m. CST

    Child molestation is worse than child killing?

    by David Cloverfield

    "downgraded to kid killer in the original" If they downgraded kid killing to molestation, I would understand, but the other way around?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:06 a.m. CST


    by ryan74

    i knew it, they screw it!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:11 a.m. CST

    horror movies should be r rated

    by shamon

    i hate water down stuff.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:11 a.m. CST

    Few more turds and JEH can kiss his revival buh-bye

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    Freddy was always the weakest part of the concept, what made the original so horrific was the imagination Wes Craven put into the horror that had little or nothing to do with anything Freddy did or said, like the stairs that turned into deep mud that you couldn´t climb, the bathtub that was a deep, dark pool underneath, Freddy´s extended arms, the mother getting pulled thru the tiny window, the centipede coming out of the dead girl´s mouth, yes, the phone tongue and the Depp- bed-bloodbath. The slashing and funny lines were the most boring parts. This was a really thin role for JEH and he should really be picking his parts more wisely now if he doesn´t want to squander his career revival. I can remember a couple of years ago, Clint Eastwood saying he wanted to direct him in a Western because he like his face. Should he really be playing fucking Freddy remake?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:11 a.m. CST

    The script was boring as all fuck

    by The Gospel According to Bastardface

    Nightmare is probably one of the greatest film concepts in the history of cinema. Yet they managed to fuck it up. It's just depressing.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:12 a.m. CST

    nice review...

    by billyhitchcock

    ...i read every word, which is unusual :-)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:25 a.m. CST


    by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer

    You told us what..5 times in that review? What the fuck is this..HALEY PLAYED A GREAT ONE IN LITTLE CHILDREN..LETS HAVE HIM PLAY ONE AGAIN!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:32 a.m. CST

    I watched a lot of superb horror at the weekend

    by Lost Jarv

    Halloween, Suspiria etc. Then fucked it up by watching Underworld. <P>Which is such a waste because it's a good idea, has a superb cast (barring that useless bag of cocks Speedman) and is reasonably well written. <P>I know how they fucked it up- too much blue and a complete imagination failure with the hybrid monster at the end. Garbage.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:33 a.m. CST

    shit. Wrong TB

    by Lost Jarv

    Sorry. <P>Anyway, this was always going to be wank. So no surprise.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:33 a.m. CST

    Good question

    by DOGSOUP

    What the Fuck IS that?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:37 a.m. CST

    Child Molestation isn't all bad

    by darrenspool

    There have been humourous cases.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Beetlejuice was a pedophile?

    by darrenspool

    I didn't know that.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:46 a.m. CST

    Forget "Freddy Vs. Jason"

    by Rocco Curioso

    I wanna see Freddy Vs. Big Daddy Kane. Costarring Robert Townsend (in drag) as the Damsel In Distress (aka skank ho') that BDK rescues from Freddy's slicing/dicing/he even makes Julienne fries.<P>THERE's yer mf'in AICN Thinktank, son.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:57 a.m. CST

    Ray Gamma

    by DrunkyMcLush

    What's sad is I'm American.... And that I completely agree with you.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:02 a.m. CST


    by TheDestroyerOfWorlds

    Every single redux from his garbage factory has been shit. They all have that shitty MTV look and are populated with zero personality scum. What a horrible world we live in that cocksuckers like him are rewarded for making the shit they make. But then it's because they people who pay to see his movies are fucking cretins and there are plenty of those to keep Bay in whores and coke for the rest of his worthless life.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:11 a.m. CST


    by TheDestroyerOfWorlds

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:14 a.m. CST

    LMAO @ Freddy vs. Big Daddy Kane

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    Kudos to Rocco Curioso, great post.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:19 a.m. CST

    I'm affraid the remake will be an icon in the anus of horror

    by AsimovLives

    Small wonder, it's from Platinium Dunes, the House That Bay Built.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:21 a.m. CST


    by TheDestroyerOfWorlds

    Probably looks like a sausage left a little too long in the frying pan.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Downgraded to child killer...

    by barrignite

    That reminds me of that scene in The Onion movie where the lady arrives to the house where the guests are having a "Rape Mystery" night. Why do people react more strongly to what amounts to a lesser crime?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:27 a.m. CST

    Yup pretty much confirms for me what I thought

    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    that this movie will be a total shit fest. Fuck this remake, I got the box set of the originals to fire up.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:28 a.m. CST


    by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz

    Someone had to say it.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:29 a.m. CST

    speaking of things coming back from the dead..

    by emeraldboy

    eduardo Sanchez career has been brough back to life, thanks to paranormal activity. He is working on blair witch 3. as if that second film wasnt bad enough.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:32 a.m. CST

    i didnt see the onion movie...

    by soup74

    it didn't look good to me, even though i love the onion, but the concept of a 'rape mystery' party is pretty effing funny.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:34 a.m. CST´s Bayer not Bay

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    but please don´t let that stop the Bay hate.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:52 a.m. CST

    Platinum Dumbs

    by Ray Gamma

    Let this be the new meme.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:18 a.m. CST

    How about Platinum Ruins?

    by Chakraborty

    As in, it ruins franchises.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:20 a.m. CST

    Should've said..

    by Karl Childers

    "It went on to have TOO many sequels"

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:22 a.m. CST

    250 select nerds.....OH THE HUMANITY

    by DoctorZoidberg

    I can't even begin to imagine the utter shit that AICN TBers would generated if allowed creative license on any film. Despite all those around here that believe they hold the keys to the kingdom of film.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:23 a.m. CST

    pardon my shoddy grammar above, its too damn early

    by DoctorZoidberg

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:28 a.m. CST

    Platinum... Dunce?

    by Shubniggorath

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Why do people STILL say "could care less"...

    by ianlegend

    it's "couldn't care less" for fuck's sake. I mean, just think about what you're saying - "characters you could care less about" means you COULD CARE LESS THAN WHAT YOU DO; "characters you couldn't care less about" means that it is impossible for you to GIVE ANY LESS OF A SHIT ABOUT THEM. Thick fucking fucks.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:38 a.m. CST

    "250 Select Nerds"

    by Rocco Curioso

    Actually, that sounds like a decent premise for "Saw: The TV Series", now that the movie franchise seems to have run its course (asswhuppin' courtesy of "Paranormal Activity").<P>Jigsaw finds new & exciting/experimental ways to kill nerds each week.<P>Nerds tune in because they bein' "represented".<P>Non-nerds tune in because they enjoy watching nerds suffer. Sounds like a win-win scenario.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:42 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    I can't remember about Freddie's backstory whether he had the razor hand when he was alive or he only got it when he became a nightmare?<p> Because if he was a pervert who liked to wank himself off then his cock wouldn't have looked like barbecued sausage, more like thinly sliced pepperoni.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:45 a.m. CST

    Haley would make a good Leprechaun....

    by Black_Super_Predator

    ...not an imposing Freddy. Unless they did close face shots and used a real sized person for the long shots, I cant see Freddy generating fear and intimidation via a 4 foot 11 inch frame.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:46 a.m. CST

    Regarding nerd committees and movies....

    by Chakraborty

    ...isn't that what movie screenings are? They screen movies for geeks who love to see movies early, then they hold a focus group at the end or have the 250 nerds fill out a survey. That's a reality. I feel like Zombieland is one of THOSE movies. It was a good movie overall, but not great....and the entire Bill Murray scene was nothing more than a bow to the geeks. Bill Murray dressed as a zombie, then as a ghostbuster, then a reference to Garfield, and then getting blown away. Nothing very funny about it...but it made geeks cum in their shorts.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:48 a.m. CST

    SAW does not exist in this dojo

    by Cobra--Kai

    Rocco, if you made that then i'd like be to the lovable nerd that only ever says '... does not exist in this dojo' to everyone of Jigsaw's fiendish puzzles.<p> Thus creating a catchphrase that people initally like, leading the producers to offer me an attractive contract for Season Two. But then everyone gets tired of it, so the producers are compelled to kill me off before the season end and spend a small fortune buying out my contract.<p> Last laugh to the dojo. Mwahahaha.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:50 a.m. CST

    Kevin Peter Hall

    by Black_Super_Predator

    Now HE would have made a GREAT Freddy...God rest his soul. Did Jackie walk around on stilts the entire production or are all his victims midgets?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:51 a.m. CST

    why does platinum dune exist?

    by awardgiver

    haven't we had enough butchered horror classics? and did I hear someone mention Michael Bay's name? dammit! He persists to fill the world with crap!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:54 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Chakraborty, damn you and your evil 'spoiler' ways!<p> Aw, fuck it. I wasn't that bothered about seeing the movie anyway.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7 a.m. CST


    by Rocco Curioso

    Well played, sir. Yeah, every week of Season 1 you'd throw down that Zen riddle to Jigsaw, he'd get all annoyed, and (cue laugh track)... but only then. The remainder of the episode would be dead serious.<P>Aside from that, maybe insert a character like Bill Paxton in "Aliens" or Kevin Dillon's Lucky Larry from the "Poseidon" remake who wails "Oh shit, shit we're fuuuuucked!" every episode, yet somehow survives from week to week.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:01 a.m. CST

    Oh, shit....I forgot....sorry

    by Chakraborty

    Not everyone has seen that yet. Sorry...if you have seen Zombieland....spoilers in my post above.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:02 a.m. CST

    I am all for ths film..

    by KevinMuller

    My friends think it is going to suck, but if they dare make this PG-13, I am jumping over to the otherside.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:03 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Yeah, Jigsaw keep Bill Paxton gimped up in a box and everytime one of his fatal traps are sprung he lifts the lid and Paxton says "Game over man. Game over." then the lid's shut again.<p> Shit Rocco, we've got something here - this practically writes itself!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:03 a.m. CST


    by Chakraborty

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:08 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Im in the mood for some disco. 'Shake your booty'. C'mon...<p> Chak chak chak. Chak chak chak.<p> Chak ra Borty! Chak ra Borty!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:18 a.m. CST

    The only thing you have to fear,is bad remakes themselves

    by ominus

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:25 a.m. CST

    This dudes parents went to sleep overs?

    by Shepard Wong

    Must be awkward knowing your parents are swingers.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:31 a.m. CST

    Looks like we're in for a bad weather spell

    by Kizeesh

    he he he. See what I did there?

  • With the exception of maybe one bit character, no one in the cast is older than 23, pretty much the same age as the actors playing teens from the original film, so what's the problem? Also, there wasn't any real nudity in the original film either, so what's with the cries that there should be more nudity?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Is this thing anything more than a cash grab?

    by Buzz_Aldrin

    fuck you beaks, you're an unredeemable shitbrain.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:51 a.m. CST

    This sucks. Enough said. Move along. =0)

    by jae683

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 7:53 a.m. CST

    the bastard son of a 1000 maniacs.......

    by tanks1

    great line.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8 a.m. CST

    No amount of money can make a platinum dunes movie good

    by alienindisguise

    Because everyone involved in that company are fucking retards with not a shred of talent between them.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:17 a.m. CST

    making Freddy a weaker character

    by Cobb05

    The whole point of the original was that Freddy killed and possibly molested kids. The parents kill him and he comes back for revenge. Freddy in the original is a monster. This was before the wisecracking Freddy. Freddy liked killing and was ruthless. I haven't seen the remake. But what worries me is that by him possibly being innocent, it takes away the ruthlessness. Cause that means that there's the possibility of reasoning with him. That even though he's killing for revenge, he could still have a human side to him. I don't understand why people feel the need to show why a killer is the way he is or why they need to have us sympathize with them. The reason the Halloween remake wasn't as good as the original is that Rob Zombie tried to make us sympathize with Michael and show him as a child, in the hospital. In the original, he was evil. That's all you need to know. It made him less human and more scary. I use to be scared to death of Freddy as a kid. But if you try to explain him or show a human side, you take that away.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:22 a.m. CST

    Doesn't "could care less" = "couldn't care less"?

    by Shan

    I always thought that "could care less" was an American slang term that could also mean "couldn't care less" and was the ironic version of it. Yes, I also find it annoying.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Platinum Dunes sucks. Period.

    by Jack Burton

    They haven't made one good movie. Every flick they've cranked out that I've bothered with has been forgettable garbage. I can't imagine I'm missing a whole lot by skipping Hills Have Eyes 2, TCM: The Beginning, and Last House on the Left. Did they even do that one? That's how much I care. Fuck them, and fuck Wes Craven for GIVING them the license to do NoES.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:26 a.m. CST

    TheDestroyerOfWorlds...for your pleasure...

    by FlickaPoo

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:32 a.m. CST

    NOT INTERESTED, I got the original,

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    and a shitload of sequels.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:32 a.m. CST

    I'd rather see a Leonard Pt. 6 remake

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Get Kayne as Leonard and Taylor Swift as the ostrich.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:33 a.m. CST

    This wasn't made for geeks or fans

    by snallyg

    It was made for teenagers with non discriminiting tastes and disposable funds. Let 'em have these crappy remakes. As long as I can watch the old classics, and see a decent new genre flick now and again, I could care less what shitty, watered down crap they churn out. I just feel sorry for the kids raised on nothing else (20 years later: "The remakes we grew up on are SO much better than these new remakes!")

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Drunky McLush - Damn straight!

    by spud mcspud

    Listen up, you dumb-ass yanks:<P> COULDN'T CARE LESS - Means you could NOT care any less for the situation / statement / movie than you do right now. It is at the BOTTOM (or the NADIR) of your expectations. You assume it will be complete shit.<P> COULD CARE LESS - Means you COULD STILL CARE LESS for the situation / statement / movie than you do right now. It is NEAR THE BOTTOM (or the NADIR) of your expectations - which means NOT AS BAD AS COULDN'T CARE LESS. You assume it will be shit, but NOT COMPLETELY SHIT.<P> "COULD CARE LESS" IS NOT A WAY OF FURTHER EMPHASISING THAT YOU "COULDN'T CARE LESS". IN FACT, IT MEANS THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS!!<P> Rant over. Now I feel better. Drunky McLush, at least I now know there is one American on this site who isn't completely fucking clueless on the appropriate use of English, and for that, I salute you.<P> Those who DON'T understand what I'm saying - LEARN TO UNDERSTAND YOUR LANGUAGE PROPERLY, YOU FUCKING CRETINS!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:34 a.m. CST

    Little Children is probably

    by Samuel Fulmer

    ten times scarier than this Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:36 a.m. CST

    And as for ANOES remake...

    by spud mcspud

    Did ANYONE think this shit was going to be anything less than lame? Yes, they got the casting right for Freddy. Yes, Sam Bayer is good at making this look all glossy and Bay-lite. But the script was still dogshit and the backers were Platinum Fucking Dunes. Did anyone SERIOUSLY expect anything HALFWAY decent to come from this? <P> If so - for God's sake, go watch some movies from the 20th century. Then keep watching them until you understand why Platinum Dunes fucking sucks so much.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:39 a.m. CST

    I mean, NO FUCKING GORE???

    by spud mcspud

    FUCK YOU BAY!<P> Just... FUCK YOU, BAY. FUCK YOU FOREVER.<P> Talentless cunt.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Can Michael Bay be remade

    by Samuel Fulmer

    into a good film director? Is it too late for Bay, or will he have some sort of Darth Vader redemption?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:41 a.m. CST

    does Freddy welcome people to prime time?

    by krod

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:43 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Take Katie Cassidy. Adorably fuckable as Ruby in SUPERNATURAL (at least, until she allegedly got a little too greedy and got recast for her cheek). Very very sexy. But absolutely only an OC level actress - out of the league of say Olivia Wilde, who as well as being insanely hot is also a good, solid actress. There are two ways this could go - girls such as Katie Cassidy can either go Charlize Theron and become great actresses, or go Tara Reid and become breasts that occasionally spout exposition, frequently whilst in bikinis. I don't see Katie being a Theron.<P> What the fuck happened to young people who could fucking ACT, for cryin' out loud? ACTORS? ANYONE??

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Remember When Movies Used to Be Fun?

    by WriteFromLeft

    Bond used to be fun. Even Batman had a sense of humor once upon a time. I dread the new Ghostbusters being drained of every ounce of life. But ya never know; maybe they'll surprise us and be a little goofy. I want the cycle to shift back, to where it was, in the 80s. But I think I'm in for a long wait.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Samuel Fulmer

    by spud mcspud

    I'm not sure even casting Hayden Christensen as Bay would do him justice. As a film-maker, he's a one-man wrecking ball to subtlety, great acting, coherent narrative, watchable action geography or plot logic - but, on the plus side, his visuals are what they called "slick" and "glossy" back in the hazy days of 1986, and he does make sexy/slutty girls such as Teh Fox look awesome in slo-mo and top-heavy sepia filters.<P> Should have been Chris Cunningham to make this movie. Or nobody at all.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:48 a.m. CST

    It's 'Krueger' not 'Kruger'

    by talonscar


  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:49 a.m. CST

    Anyway, the US doesn't rule the horror genre any more...

    by spud mcspud

    The Japanese took that crown in the early 90s with the coming of Takashi Miike to the West, and nowadays with the French and their fucking unhinged horror. Seriously - the US will NEVER make movies as frightening and disturbing as MARTYRS, THEM, INSIDE and IRREVERSIBLE. The French are out of their fucking minds right now... and HELLRAISER is all the poorer for having Pascal Laughier walk away from it.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:49 a.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by 11ZOMBIES

    Bravo to you sir on your lesson in proper English. Every time I hear someone say they "could care less" my temper rises to a dangerous peak. I'm not sure I understand what the reviewer is trying to say about the new ANoES... I'll still be seeing this on opening weekend.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:51 a.m. CST

    When Movies Used to Be Fun?

    by Samuel Fulmer

    Yeah we either get total campy garbage like the transformers films, or stuff like the new bond where it's too dreary. I guess most directors either go one extreme or the other.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:51 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    I do remember those great, great days. Which is why my Halloween weekend viewing included VAMP, TRICK OR TREAT (the 1986 one), ARMY OF DARKNESS and TERROR VISION... because the 80s were the epitome of imaginative low-budget fare, and this decade is the epitome of vacuous non-talent put in a movie for dumb-ass non-fans to pay to not watch while they fingerbang their dates or spend the entire fucking movie Twittering their non-entity pals.<P> Did that sound bitter??

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:53 a.m. CST

    Pretty much what I expected

    by liljuniorbrown

    In a world where we have a pg rated Die Hard film, why not a pg NOES? The producers of this crap are only looking for money and the only way to secure that is to allow as many mouth breathing morons as possible into the theater. This review was all over the map. We get that Freddy was " a child moelester" and that you thought that he wasn't moelesterish enough. You didn't have to hammer that shit into every line, and another thing, whats the deal with "tentacle raep" ? Are you trying to say tentacale rape? When was there a tentacle rape scene in a NOES movie? Not trying tro bust balls but when you enter a review in on this site you got to prepare for this shit man.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Can someone 'Splain how you can FUCK UP Nightmare

    by conspiracy

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:57 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    It's heartening to see so many miserable old bastards like myself holding fucking charisma-free talent voids like Platinum Ruins to account. It means that (a) most of the people on these TBS actually fucking care about movies way more than those fuckers lucky enough to actually make movies, and (b) I'm not the only bitter late-30s-year-old who wishes it was 1988 again.<P> I know 20/20 hinfsight is a wonderful thing, but this isn't just about arguing that the new ANOES is a fucking travesty compared to that amazing original - it's about pointing out the creative bankruptcy that is wrecking Hollywood's rep right now, and the emergence of an entire generation of movie-goers who wouldn't know a well-made, well-written, well-acted movie if it shat on their iPhone and laughed at them. The future's bleak... the future's fucking DUMB.<P> Jeez... Mike Judge predicted how the Apocalypse begins. Scary or what?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9 a.m. CST


    by talonscar

    How? You take a series of movies that were cheesy-bad but had good gore and nudity, and remove the gore and nudity.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:02 a.m. CST


    by conspiracy

    Fucking up Nightmare on Elm Street is like Fucking up a movie based on the fucking Bible; seriously, the road map on what to do exists...just follow it you fucks.</p><p>I swear to Fucking God...every time I come to this site I spend half the time wondering how these people making these shit films get work. Maybe all that is needed to get 30M to make a movie are good oral skills.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Site is fucked up this morning....

    by conspiracy

    or my laptop is getting ready to take a shit.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:05 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    I don't remember there being any nudity in the first Nightmare, but part 3 will always be my favorite for including that uber hot topless nurse (who later morphs into having Freddie's head, but hey the tits are still there!).<p> Also the reviewer's mention of "tentacle raep" is meant to mean the phone turning into a tongue and trying to lick Nancy. He's clearly never been tentacled raped in his life, otherwise he would know it's rather more 'involved' than just that.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Fighting over Meteor Man

    by Crimson Dynamo

    like it was Brazil or Citizen Kane

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Englund could pull off a grittier Kruger

    by daggor

    Freddy vs. Jason was just more of the same, but the flashback early in that film is what we need (and sounds like what they might be aiming for in the new film). Freddy threatening the little girl gave me the creeps. I don't think Freddy needs to go all-out goofy with the jokes, but I do like seeing that Freddy takes perverse pleasure out of murder. His character needs that. He's not just a killing machine - he really, really enjoys killing.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:10 a.m. CST

    Clancy Brown

    by Judge Briggs

    Really is the man.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:11 a.m. CST

    The great horror films of the 70's/80's were

    by Samuel Fulmer

    mostly independantly funded affairs. When they were put out by the studios, they were usually acquired after the film was finished. Of course today we have these "independant" studio branches that are nothing more than Hollywood trying to be indy and putting out highly manufactured horror films with no soul. Take Nightmare on Elm Street. The New Line Cinema that put out the original Nightmare on Elm Street is not the same one we have today.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Re: "do we get to see Freddy's burnt cock?"...

    by FlickaPoo

    ...I'm so proud of remembering this and finding the link...I'm going to have to go humble myself and post it again...<P>

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Cobra-Kai - tentacle rape

    by spud mcspud

    Until we finally get to see someone Shoggoth-shafted to death - possibly in Del Toro's AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS, but as I haven't read the script, who knows?? - we may never know the true horror of proper tentacle rape, Cthulhoid-style. I get the feeling ShubNiggurath up there knows what I mean, but who knows?? He's the only Lovecraftian pan-dimensional monster that is also a racial slur ;D

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:16 a.m. CST

    And regarding the original ANOES...

    by spud mcspud

    It was always made clear that he was a child molester as well as a child killer. They never showed anything, but it was well alluded to in those movies...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:17 a.m. CST

    If he's innocent, then how does the glove figure in?

    by JackLucas

    In the original series, the lovingly crafted glove was one of the devices that Krueger used to terrorize the kids he kidnapped and killed. So if the rumors are true that in this one he is innocent, then where the hell does the glove come into play? Or is this just another throw away moment where the iconic item is "just there" like the hockey mask in F13INO. Damn, Jackie... didn't you read the fucking script before signing on to this thing?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:27 a.m. CST

    I remember when I was 12 I read the novelization of NOES 1-3...

    by JackLucas

    There was a short story in that collection that detailed Freddy's upbringing. Had the whole "Bastard Son Of 1000 Maniacs" angle and him being adopted by a pimp who beat him and who if I remember correctly Freddy eventually killed. Krueger then went on to retrofit an ice cream truck for his future kidnapping adventures in Springwood. Need to get my hands on that collection again. Great memories from childhood. I also remember being sent home from school for dressing up as Freddy for "Career Day" in sixth grade. So yeah... you could say I have an emotional investment in this series. (Or at least the first three films before it turned into an over the top jokefest.)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:31 a.m. CST

    NOES 1-3 Novelization

    by Bouncy X

    i have that and the cool thing is that Part 3 is the Craven version and not the theatrical. i mean its the same basic story and ideas with some same and/or similar characters but i always thought it woulda made an even better movie. and this is coming from someone who holds Part 3 as the best of the series.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    "we may never know the true horror of proper tentacle rape"<p> If only more victims were prepared to come forward.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:37 a.m. CST

    What a bummer.

    by WickedJester

    Guess we'll have to wait 10-15 years for the next reboot to get it right.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:51 a.m. CST

    I'm still excited...

    by Jack_Mort

    I'll take a so-so remake treated seriously over the endlessly campy and churned out sequels. Glad to see Freddy is no longer being portrayed as a demented gameshow host.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Nice review Skin

    by juice willis

    Thought you were going to go down the road of beat-for-beat analysis, but you came through nicely. Now I can't get the thought of a Cronenberg-helmed Elm Street out of my head. That would be one fucked up trip I'm sure.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    The Assassination of Jesse James also cost $30 million.

    by Knuckleduster

    And that film is a goddamn masterpiece. Just goes to show that money and talent don't always walk hand in hand. <p> District 9 also only cost a mere $30 million, and that movie was fuckin epic. This piece of shit will probably end up looking like One Tree Hill: The Halloween Special.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:21 a.m. CST

    "I can't even begin to imagine...

    by AsimovLives

    "... the utter shit that AICN TBers would generated if allowed creative license on any film."<br><br>Aint that the truth?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:22 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Well said, especially regarding DISTRICT 9. Those SFX were so tight for a budget that low, if I were ILM I'd be pissing in my pants right now. D9 was a fucking masterpiece when you consider the budget as well as how great the movie itself was.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:23 a.m. CST

    "Platinum Dumbs" - that's great!

    by AsimovLives

    I'm going to use it from ence foward. I'd love to see it become a meme in here.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    At least push reference to Hollywood Shuffle -

    by Professor_Monster

    Not Meteor Man - batty batty batty

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:25 a.m. CST

    The Bayer - that's funny too!

    by AsimovLives

    As funny as Michael Bay Denis. The Gay For Bay crowd might disagree, of course.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:27 a.m. CST

    PG13 = LAME

    by Logan_1973

    Freddie is a fuckin' hard R.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:28 a.m. CST

    no nudity in the film

    by Series7

    Just like the original. Freddy wasn't about nudity like Jason was.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Who will be impressed with the remake?

    by AsimovLives

    Who will be impressed with the remake the same way that people of my age were with the original when we say it back in the day? Will any kid today experience that pure "what the hell i just saw?" feel when we first saw the original movie back then? I suspect no, i don't think so. I think the kids today are being short changed with mos tof mthe corporate horror made today, specially from such outfits as Platinium Dumbs. American horror mostly made by big Hollywood studios is in the skids.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:33 a.m. CST

    What the hell is this Platinium Dunes name anyway?

    by AsimovLives

    What kind of a name for what is an outfit whose production consists ONLY of horror movies? What does that name has anything to do with the image of horror? What is this name supposed to evoque, anyway? what is this, it's Michael Bayer trying to be arty? Showing that he also has an artistic heart, that he also has art pouring out of his ass? Who the fuck understands this shit?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:38 a.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by AsimovLives

    You know what's funny? This NOES remake has a budget 20 million dollars more then Distict 9. Can you believe that? You think you are going to get 20 million dollars more of epic then District 9 delievered? No, it will look like a movie that was shot at your next suburbia place with some fancy computer color correction post-production to make it look like it's a french perfume commercial. Where the fuck this Hollywood movies waste their money on? It always makes me laugh like helel when a movie is 50 million dollars, and people like Michael Bayer say "we made a low budget movie". Give me a fucking break!!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Cobra-Kai...i am stepping forward

    by THEoverfiend

    as a victim of tentacle rape...if you have ever seen the classic anime UROTSUKODOJI-Legend of The Overfiend...then you would be as well. not a shameless plug but a pretty fuckin brutal demon rentacle rape fest. second vol has a nice death rape powered machine...good times..good good times

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:45 a.m. CST

    I guess the phrase "...raping my childhood..."

    by HarryCalder

    ...would apply well to this piece of work... Nice going, Michael Bay and the punk-monkeys at Platinum Dunes... Keep up the good work, losers...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:49 a.m. CST


    by CyberVishnu

    Hey you guys remember that Stephen King story? THE PLANT. I sure enjoyed THE PLANT. I hope they bring THE PLANT out in a miniseries or a movie. Boy I sure thought THE PLANT was well written. Now I have to go water my FAKE MOVIE REVIEW!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:51 a.m. CST

    Who actually thought this would be good?????

    by Drsambeckett1984

    No remake has ever been worth the admission price, in fact there has only ever been one great remake in history (horror wise) and that is The Fly. Now there are rumblings that is going to be remade too, remakes should be banned, anyone involved in them destroyed.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Wasnt the recent Jason remake R-Rated???

    by Mrhazard

    So why will this be PG-13??? I'm contemplating whether or not I should read this spoiler fest review but I'm assuming this remake is going to suck so what the hell...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:59 a.m. CST

    UROTSUKODOJI-Legend of The Overfiend

    by Series7

    This sounds like this animie that used to come on late night Italian TV. This happened two nights in a row. My mom fell asleep on the couch channel surfing through Italian TV. Ended up trying to watch some crazy Italian game show, fell asleep and woke up to full on tentacle rape fest. Two nights in a row. After that she gave up trying to watch Itlian TV.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Thats $30 million shot in South African.....

    by Series7

    And you know all those huts in that movie, where already there. I mean I bet in reality that was a HUGE budget. No stars no name director, who comes from an FX background. <P> Though look at the budgets Steve 'Spaz' Williams, Mark A.Z. Dippé, and Roger Christian got for their films.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Sounds like crap.

    by MJohnson

    Epic fail.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Probably the worst thing about this movie...

    by Mrhazard

    will be the "actors" playing the "teeenage" leads... Why is it SO difficult to cast likable teenage characters that you care about in a horror flick nowadays???<p>Either way, I expect Haley to steal the show. I wont support this but I'll probably download it when the dvdrip leaks...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:18 a.m. CST

    This movie was screwed since the script was GreenLit

    by ThePilgrim

    theres nothing there in that script that really grabs you. I still don't get why some of you people enjoy the reused scene crap. I hope it bombs. I hope this is the horror remake that fucks the trend over. The script was horrible and boring. Nothing new except for the Freddy touched us as kids plot, which was very weak. The parents are morons considering how they decided to deal with it. The trailer looks like crap. Ever character looks empty headed and attractive. JEH is the only good thing in it, but he isn't given a tremendous lot to work with. The script was so fucking bad. I had the superman Freddy reveal sweater scene in the trailer. This is what happens when the kids of successful Hollywood moguls get the keys to the castle. No brains, none of them. they rape and we continue to pay. Yes this film will make money- but you wont be watching a film, it will be a rape/trainwreck. Mark my words.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:19 a.m. CST

    i mean "hate" the superman freddy sweater scene

    by ThePilgrim

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:26 a.m. CST

    JackLucas . . .

    by 2dope

    The fact that you got sent home for dressing like Freddy on career day at school is the funniest shit I have heard in years! Kudos to you man!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Drsambeckett1984 - re Great horror remakes

    by spud mcspud

    I see your THE FLY, and I raise you John Carpenter's THE THING.<P> As with THE FLY, pretty solid original material to begin with, only bettered by the addition of two of genre's greatest directors, both working at the very top of their respective games. THE FLY and THE THING are the exceptions to the rule.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    If I had a post-punk rock band, this would be the name of it. Pure genius.<P> Speaking of great tentacle rape sequences, I can think of two:<P> (1) THE FRIGHTENERS. ET's mom Dee Wallace Stone and Jake "Son of Gary" Busey get theirs in the tunnel between Heaven and Hell - when a gigantic tentacle rapes the hell out of every orifice in their ethereal bodies, as they are pulled back down into Hell - INSIDE ANOTHER GREAT BIG TENTACLE! Awesome stuff.<P> (2) DEEP RISING. And what happens to Wes Studi in that movie - just ugh. He may be a bastard, but he di'int deserve that. Oh no he di'int!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:41 a.m. CST

    AsimovLives - Damn right

    by spud mcspud

    You just KNOW this will be one of those fucking OC-inspired efforts that appeals to the thick-browed mouth-breathing dumb-asses who see THE HILLS as aspirational TV. Everyone will be picked for their looks, NOT their acting ability (except of course JEH, who was cast to cash in on his geek cred following his amazing performance as Rorscach in WATCHMEN), all directed by a guy who understands how to give something a "strong visual style" (read: lots of colour filters and slow-mo, with the odd scratchy-effect that was old back when HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL used it) but knows fuck-all about driving a strong narrative and giving the viewers a truly horrifying experience. Mix in the very essence of meh in the soundtrack, a script that is an unholy mish-mash of all the blandest ideas those flesh-creeping exec twats could muster (between doing vodka body shots and thick, fat lines of blow off the backsides of Hollywood's finest hookers), and what do you have? Possibly one of the most obvious win-win situations in remake history (had they got Chris Cunningham or Pascal Laughier to direct it), drop-kicked suqarely into bargain-bin absolute shit territory by these soulless fucking pod people whose sole reason for existence is to leech first your money, then your soul, as you waste precious hours of your life on this earth watching a sure thing get tentacle-raped until it becomes a PG-13 shitfest that deserves the rapid decline it will surely get in its second week of release.<P> Michael Bay should be flayed alive and rolled in salt for what he has unleashed with Platinum Dumbs. Damn him all to hell!!!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:02 p.m. CST

    To whoever said that there's never been a good movie

    by Coughlins Laws

    remake besides The Fly, here is my Top 10 List of movie remakes, most better than the original, (although some of these were remakes of foreign fims):<p>10. Insomnia - Great acting and Pacino was less hammy than he's been in years. <p>9. Vanilla Sky - I've never seen the original but this is probably Tom Cruise's best performance and holds up surprisingly well to repeat viewings... <p>8. Ocean's Eleven- A fun movie that was a LOT better than the Sinatra & Co. drunk fest...<p>7. 3:10 to Yuma - solid film. Anyone who hasn't seen this yet, should...<p>6. The Ring - Although it doesn't hold up well now and it spawned too many awful copycats, it was my introduction to Naomi Watts... <p>5. Dangerous Liasons - Good movie and it had a bunch of great performances, plus our first glimpse at Uma Thurmon's greatest assets...<p>4. Dawn of the Dead Remake - I'm still shocked I liked this...<p>3. The Fly - This really was a scary movie to me when I was younger and the Special Effects surpisingly hold up well. Although the idea of Jeff Goldblum as a sexual predator is probably the scariest thing in it.<p>2. The Thing - I have never been able to get through The Thing From Outer Space or whatever the original was called (I only tried once), but this remake is surprisingly awesome. I didn't see it for the first time until about 5 years ago and I think it's both John Carpenter and Kurt Russel's best movie.<p>1. The Departed - It's been years since a movie had me so invested in it's character's fates and the ending, which happened so fast and pissed me off at first, now has me realizing how great it actually was. Plus, any movie that can get me rooting that much for Leo has got to be good... <p><p><p>So, there you go, this is just my little essay saying not to dismiss every single remake out there. There have been some quality remakes, even though 95% of remakes seem to suck...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Drsambeckett1984 and spud mcspud

    by snallyg

    I wouldn't put Chuck Russell's The Blob in the same class as the Thing or the Fly, but I thought it was a fun, amped up take on the original. The effects were top notch, there was some interesting kills and fairly hardcore (if memory serves me correctly, I believe a kid was killed)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:05 p.m. CST

    You know what, I was looking at my list and I want

    by Coughlins Laws

    to replace Ocean's Eleven with the Cape Fear remake. I forgot how much I hated Ocean's Eleven when I saw it again on cable and watched some of the sequel... But anyway, Cape Fear was almost too campy but I really liked De Niro in it and it seemed plausible that it would be near impossible to deal with someone like this within the confines of the law...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:08 p.m. CST

    The first was the best! Johnny's first movie!!

    by BlackBriar

    Friday the 13th remake sucked major ass! I knew this one wouldn't be any different!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:11 p.m. CST

    snallyg - Well said! Loved THE BLOB!

    by spud mcspud

    Yep, some imaginative and well-designed kills, pretty downbeat atmosphere, awesome SFX - the only weak link was Kevin Dillon, but even his wooden acting couldn't sink a solid little movie that does NOT deserve the ass-raping it's going to get when Rob "Hack" Zombie gets his redneck-obssessed hands on it. You can practically write the script now...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Jackie Earl Haley has to pick his parts better.

    by Orbots Commander

    Choose better scripts, Mr. Haley, or you can kiss your career revival sayonara. <p> Before his said 'yes' to this de-fanged 'Nightmare on 90210', he should have popped on a DVD or two to take a look at past Platinum Dunes features. Their 'filmography', and I'm being kind, does not inspire. <p> JEH should next take a small part in a good script being directed by Spielberg or Eastwood or some other great director.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    fave part of freddy fliq

    by Meadowe

    Is Johhny Depp doing that "this is your brain on drugs" psa in Freddy's Dead. I have it on the Don Juan DeMarco dvd as a special feature.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:24 p.m. CST

    Speaking of horror remakes...

    by 11ZOMBIES

    ...Savini's Night of the Living Dead is a great one. First DVD I ever bought, I love it.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:24 p.m. CST

    "could care less"

    by Trazadone

    Sigh. The proper expression is "couldn't care less". The review is way too long and I stopped reading it after the unnecessary summary (book report) of the original film. Harry has made poor grammar and verbose writing the norm on this site.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:34 p.m. CST

    11ZOMBIES - Agreed

    by spud mcspud

    Love the bit where they drive over a zombie on a grass verge, and then - as it thrashes around all helpless - bash its head in with a shovel. Funny as hell, and sets the tone for the rest of the movie ;D

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Coughlins Laws-WHERES MAN ON FIRE!?!?!??!

    by supercowbell5THECOWBELLHASSPOKEN

    3:10 To yuma and departed were fuckin great, so was denzels man on fire!!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 12:58 p.m. CST

    You know, I haven's seen Man on Fire yet, but on

    by Coughlins Laws

    your recommendation I will move it up my movie que on Netflix...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Child Molestation is worse than child acting

    by Morte_Bea_Arthur

    That's what I thought one of the earlier posts said. I'm not making a value judgment, that's just what I thought I saw. I was wrong.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:14 p.m. CST


    by THEoverfiend

    that sounds about right. i guess there are nine volumes but i've only managed to see two. Tentacle Rape Fest does not even really begin to describe it. i must say though, the story is really cool. this was one of the many videos i used to drop on on suspecting friends back in the day when i worked in a mom and pop video store and could order whatever i wanted

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    As far as Freddy Krueger being a child molestor,

    by Coughlins Laws

    isn't that implied? What kind of serial killer just kills children? There's usually some kind of sex act involved and the killing is to get rid of the witness. And to my understanding, Krueger is seeking revenge after his death by the time the movie starts so there's no reason to get into said sex acts...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:23 p.m. CST

    The one thing I love about all these remakes.....

    by Jabroni

    I gives me an excuse to check out or re-visit the originals and reflect on how much I enjoyed those vs. much of the crap that gets redone these day. With the exception of the remake of Chainsaw and Last House on the Left, I have not loved many of these horror remakes. The first Elmstreet is a classic and does not need a re-do.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:24 p.m. CST

    This movie is dead in the water

    by AsimovLives

    Yeah, re-editing will make a tonne of difference for this comedy! Suire! This is Platinium Dumbs, an outfit speciallized in bad. This people's sole reason of existence is to put more bad movies on this planet. Because there was not enough of them already.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:30 p.m. CST

    And how hard is it to get REAL TEEN ACTORS?

    by AsimovLives

    It's USA, where half the teens in there want to be movie stars. The place must be teeming with teens wanting to be in a movie, i'm sure that amoung the multitude you could find enough talented ones to fill a movie cast.<br>I mean, look at Let The Right One In. It's a swedish movie, from a country with a population less then the metropolitan area of Chicago, for christ's sake! And yet they foudn two teen actors for a horror movie, and very good actors at that. If the swedish can, why can't the american? Why can't Hollywood? Doesn't this assclowns who make this Corporate Horror movies think that if they had an actual teen playing a teen, the movie might be, like, REALLY SCARY? I mean, that's the fucking point of a horror movie, right? To be scary! Or have i missed a memo?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:42 p.m. CST

    Isn't the budget comment a bit redundant?

    by shaneo632

    Given exchange rates in the last 30 years?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:42 p.m. CST


    by shaneo632


  • Nov. 2, 2009, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Wasn't there a rumour once that Van Damme was playing Kruger?


    Sure it was big news a while back. Jean Claude raped some kids in the DOJO and got burnt down in it. He comes and kills loads of kids with martial arts i think. Remember someone saying they wanted him to be like the villian in Enter the Dragon with the razor claws. Anyone remember? I think this version would have been shit hot!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:15 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Even with inflaction, there's no way you can compare a 2 million dollars budget of 1981 to a 50 million dollars budget. It's not the inflaction, it's really the fact that today Hollywood cannot make a movie about a guy pissing at a tree without a 50 million dollars budget. Hollywood's budgets and expenditures is an insult to all movie industries of the rest of the world. To use the District 9 example is extremly valid to show how fucking wrong is today's Hollywood.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Adjusted to inflaction, 2 million dollars of 1981 is

    by AsimovLives

    today's $4,678,688.60. It's just a bit more then double. Can you guys imagine that Platinium Dumbs idiots making a movie for that money? They couldn't even began to think of how to get a proper catering for that money. Meanwhile, in South Korea, they would made a big fucking epic out of that money. 4.6 millions is more then John Carpenter's first 4 movies put together! Platinium Dumbs are big fucking wasters with little to show.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Still can't get over them fucking this up..

    by WickedJester

    How hard is it really to write an exciting/scary script about someone that KILLS YOU IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS!?!?!?!<br><br>12 Monkeys with a type writer could churn out a decent film given that pitch. Writing this script should be your final in college if you're aspiring to get into this business. It really doesn't get any simpler.<br><br>Child Molestor gets off on technicality.<br><br>Town kills said molestor in a fit of vigilante justice.<br><br>Molestor comes back as dream demon, killing kids of the town that burnt him alive.<br><br>Have these guys had a nightmare before? What about that falling feeling you get sometimes? Or the one where you can't run? Or can't scream, even though people are 5 feet away.<br><br>That's what NOES should be. Fuck.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Made me so mad I spelt molester wrong. Fuck.

    by WickedJester

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:49 p.m. CST

    Can't be any worse than the new Friday 13th movie

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:49 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I feell your pain. I hope the idiots responsible for this movie fall asleep while driving and wake up upside down and their car a total wreck. Maybe then they will understand what a fucking scary thing it is to die in your sleep and how much they fucked up their NOES.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:52 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Oh i think it can. This is Platinium Dumbs, the outfit for wish no dumb is too dumb,. and they are always outdoing themselves in the dumb retard department.<br><br>I wish i could those motherfuckers in their balls for the fucking shit they made out of The Hitcher. Not only for the fucking pain they caused by watching that fucking movie, but also for the fact that to some teens today, when somebody says The Hitcher, they will think of the fucking remake and don't even know or care for the 80s classic. Where's John Rider when one needs him?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Platinium dumbs' The Hitcher is even made worst

    by AsimovLives

    for the sheer waste of Sean Bean. any fucking filmmakers which wastes this actor's talent for the sake of such a terrible fucking movie deserves their fucking house burn to the ground and their expensive sport cars exploded.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:54 p.m. CST


    by RoarsLoudly

    Who actually thought this would be good????? by Drsambeckett1984 Nov 2nd, 2009 10:51:52 AM No remake has ever been worth the admission price, in fact there has only ever been one great remake in history (horror wise) and that is The Fly. Now there are rumblings that is going to be remade too, remakes should be banned, anyone involved in them destroyed. .........The Thing is another re-make that was awesome.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:55 p.m. CST

    Reboot needs a reshoot so I'll give a hoot.

    by ToMonicker

    ha! I kill me! In my own dreams of course! Yucka yucka yucka... Yeah, I think I have a cold. Anyway, I always get the impression Platinum Dunes is like a Ferengi wet dream of illicit wealth! ;-) I haven't seen a single remake besides My Bloody Valentine, which was at a friend's behest and frankly, after later viewing the original, I thought the hokey original had more charm. Nevertheless, some people insist that some of these re-makes are good, that Zombie has made some good movies *shrug*, and that I am a sad remnant of the 80's. =D You know when I was a teen it was practically a rite of passage to see all rated R films, and looking back, it seems mildly amusing that it was such a big deal. Far as a recollect, Freddy was always subtextually a molester, I mean dropping overt sexuality, he always had an UNwholesome interest in children, teens. And yanno what, you are still a fucking child as a teen... hell, most are still children in their early twenties! So, Freddy has always been a BAD MAN! A very Bad Man! The only thing that could make me respect this remake is if it was seriously psychological and terrorizing, or why else ditch Englund's Iconic portrayal? Indications are that it's not anything but just a weak sauce do- over with the GOAL of middle of the road with a little flash. Yawn. I'm thinking I'm falling asleep... oh... noooo... ;-)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Fridayt the 13th was a no brainer.

    by knowthyself

    How they fucked that up I'll never know.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:04 p.m. CST

    No need for reviews. We all know this will suck.

    by andrew coleman

    Period. No more pussified remakes of classics. Make hard core new horror films please.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Friday 13th would have been so cool if they

    by lockesbrokenleg

    would have just cut out that awful "teaser".

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:12 p.m. CST

    ANy mention of the dream world that Freddy inhabits?

    by skimn

    The beauty of the original and the series was that they followed a crazy and more important surreal dream logic in the death sequences. It sounds now like a standard stalker movie.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:25 p.m. CST

    Wow, thats disappointing

    by Kammich

    I'm not very familiar with the production of this remake, so is it fair to say that Platinum Dunes must have shut Wes out from a lot of the development process? Because, quite frankly, the last 2 remakes of Craven films were some of the best, most brutal horror films in the last few years: Aja's "Hills" and Illiadis's "Last House." So I had high expectations for the NMOES remake, given that the source material is a lot richer than that of the afforementioned. The JEH casting was nice, and letting a surrealist video director helm it wasn't the worst idea I'd ever heard. But it sounds like it just doesn't deliver, especially if it turns out to be a PG-13 affair devoid of all the psychological elements of the original. Platinum Dunes lets me down again after the mundane, forgettable Friday remake.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Not rated R,.....not Ren't paying to see it!!!

    by DrMorbius

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:37 p.m. CST

    Can someone translate this for non-retards?

    by jaysin420

    cause I have no clue what this guy is saying at any point of this review.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Of Course Its A Cash Grab

    by DutchRudder

    I'd like anyone to name a Remake film that wasn't. Also I liked the "Meteor Man" reference. Haha, as if that one turned out really good, or something.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:49 p.m. CST

    "Is this thing anything more than a cash grab?"

    by buggerbugger

    Is this anything more than a rhetorical question?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by DrMorbius

    I hope you're not waiting for a response!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Please god no nerd committees.

    by tradeskilz

    Most of you guys have terrible taste. I know you guys are passionate about what you like, and i can dig that, but i dont think anyone of you could make a movie with mainstream appeal that would still be watchable. Most ideas here are either totally generic or way out there on the wierd-o-meter or quickly turns in to some geek circle-jerk.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:22 p.m. CST


    by buggerbugger

    Absolutely not :)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:30 p.m. CST

    They should have had Englund

    by Series7

    As one of the parents chasing Freddy, that would have been funny.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Fuck it, I'll admit it.

    by bueno_bob

    I'm excited about seeing this remake. Yes, excited. I think most of you miss the point - I certainly know the reviewer of this did. The first Nightmare On Elm Street movie really isn't about Freddy Krueger at all...well, he's a supporting character and all, but the movie doesn't really belong to him. The actual STAR of that movie is Nancy Thompson, portrayed so brilliantly by Heather Langenkamp. The movie is HERS, the story is about HER, not Freddy...Freddy became the franchise player, the cash cow for New Line, but in that first movie, Freddy is simply an external representation of Nancys conflict with her parents and her inability to rely on her immature, self centered friends during a time of personal crisis (although in the case of her boyfriend, well meaning but still essentially useless to her). The problem isn't whether there's going to be enough nudity, or enough violence, or how JEH will do playing Freddy...for those of us who actually GOT THE POINT of the flick back in '84, the problem is directly this - HOW WELL WILL ROONEY MARA DO AS NANCY? Heather Langenkamp was virtually fucking IMPOSSIBLE to follow in that role. The original Nightmare On Elm Street is better titled as The Nancy Thompson Story and if Platinum Dunes misses THAT, than everything else they get right is going to be all for nothing. I challenge ANYBODY to a debate on that!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 4:34 p.m. CST

    To continue, though...

    by bueno_bob

    I am curious to see it. Absolutely NOTHING could be worse than the piles of shit that were The Dream Child and Freddy's Dead, no doubt of that. Even The Dream Master wasn't all that hot, and Freddy vs. Jason I don't consider canon to either franchise...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:18 p.m. CST

    oh no it sucks

    by Spazatronik2000

    my life is over. I have nothing to live for now. Not even Avatard.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:30 p.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Believe it or not, a major part of the script is a fucking DREAM MAP that one kid began mapping before his untimely demise. It just happens to be on his blog on the internet. And Emo Nancy just happens to find it. It's full of emo names for areas like "Tree of Ravens" or some shit. It is exactly as fuck-awful as it sounds.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:34 p.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Nancy's a bog-standard, badly written, non-entity of a part in this script - in fact, if you cut Nancy out of the remake, you wouldn't notice. Kudos to you for pointing out one of the most obvious fuck-ups these fucking morons DIDN'T get about the original ANOES - IT WAS ALL ABOUT NANCY - IT WAS NANCY'S STORY FIRST. This movie has no fucking idea what its focus is, and worse, rips off bits from the original in every OTHER scene. So every time you think you got a handle on where the movie is going, they ladle on the "meh" factor so you just don't care. By the end, you're hoping Freddy gets YOU so you don't have to fucking sit through any more of this low-rent bullshit. And this is just my reaction to the fucking script...<P> This is a major pass on seeing this shit on the big screen. I can't even be arsed to rent it on DVD. If I don't see it for free at a mate's house, I'm waiting for it on Sky Movies. Fuck this shit. Those bastards aren't getting my cheddar.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    The ONLY thing Freddy vs Jason had going...

    by DrMorbius

    for it was Odessa Munroe skinnydipping!<P><P>(remove spaces) (NSFW)

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:34 p.m. CST

    To be fair...

    by Mr. Profit

    None of the main "teenage" leads are over the age of 24. Katie Cassidy looks older but she is 23. Gallner is 23. Lutz is 24. Dekker is 23. And I don't think many people on here have seen what teens look like these days. I live in NYC and these kids look way older now. <P>Anyhow, it's disappointing that they fucked this up. But the trailer looked very stale and uninteresting. It didn't have the same effect on me, the way the New Nightmare trailer did when Freddy's hand sliced through Nancy's bed. <P>The fact that many of the major beats from the original are in here, but the more iconic ones like the bed fountain and Nancy's run in with Freddy's tongue is lame. <P>I defended the TCM remake because it was really a TCM5 to me. And if viewed that way, the movie is effective. But as time goes on, that really was their only good movie. Because everything else is lame. <P>And yeah the F13 remake had nudity and was rated R, to me it held back too much and was a watered down version of the originals. The deaths were more like a Kidz Bop version of Jason's originals. All lacking the punch and brutality of the original films. The sleeping bag death in the remake was fucking weak. And the lack of a proper musical score was just wrong. <P>Which reminds me, I didn't see anything about the score to this film. I hope that Jablonski uses the cues from the original and not make another bullshit minimalist score that is essentially banging trashbags and rattling chains. <P>This review did nothing but effectively piss me off. It doesn't even seem like the remake is even as good as Part 4. And everyone hates that MTV version of a Freddy film.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Also, "Last House On The Left"

    by Mr. Profit

    Was probably the most effective remake I have seen in a very long time. It discarded all of the amateur shit from the original, and added more depth to the story. It was a beautiful looking movie. And the characters were all worth caring about. That was a remake done right. <P>I'm still figuring out how you fuck up A Nightmare on Elm Street though. But I knew this shit was doomed when that Rooney chick was cast. It's hard play the same role Heather did. Even when Heather wasn't the greatest actress, she was still effective. And the fact that she actually set up traps for Freddy and was wise enough to bring his ass out of the dream to fuck his shit up was the best thing about that movie. Is that even in here? Does someone have a link to the script?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:41 p.m. CST

    So.....Bayer and the Producers weren't speaking.....

    by DarkhawkPrime

    Not Surprising since all Samuel Bayer is known for is the Nirvana "Smells like teen spirit" video, and he and Cobain weren't speaking towards the end. I say it on the Nevermind dvd documentary, maybe Bay and Fueller should've watched it as well to see what a prick this director is, but then again I'm talking about Michael Bay who put a humping robot in a movie.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 6:44 p.m. CST

    If it's PG-13 I ain't fuckin' seeing it

    by SoylentMean

    I'll give only so much to obvious money grabs but you can't do Freddy and make it PG-13, it just won't work.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:19 p.m. CST

    Fucking Platinum Dunes

    by D.Vader

    Does anyone within that company have any original, creative bones in their bodies?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:21 p.m. CST

    That fanmade ANMOES on youtube

    by BendersShinyAss

    now THAT was spectacular! flaming krugar with red hot claws. wild!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:21 p.m. CST

    And is Beaks being sarcastic with the Meteor Man reference?

    by D.Vader

    Fucking pretentiousness!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:23 p.m. CST

    here it is

    by BendersShinyAss

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:27 p.m. CST

    cool looking, bender

    by Larry Sellers

    but like most fan shit it overdosed on the Viagra. "What's cooler than Freddy Krueger?? Freddy Krueger ON FIRE!" That guy had a nice concept but good lord that's unnecessary.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Or maybe I just don't get it...

    by Larry Sellers

    If Freddy is "simply an external representation of Nancy's conflict with her parents and her inability to rely on her immature, self centered friends during a time of personal crisis"...that fan teaser must be about a personal crisis ON FIRE. Now that's deep. Sold.

  • Because thats not how the original starts there, buddy.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:52 p.m. CST

    After finishing this review, I can no longer trust this guy

    by D.Vader

    Other than the fact that his english skills are terrible, he says something so strange like : "The beautiful scenes in the trailer led me to believe this remake might be a serious 'Hellraiser' caliber horror film... maybe not 'Jacob's Ladder' but possibly 'Mindnight Meat Train'." <p> I can't tell if he's joking or not.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:58 p.m. CST


    by MajorFrontbum


  • Nov. 2, 2009, 9:58 p.m. CST

    That said I fully expect this to be terrible

    by D.Vader

    I mean come on, who *doesn't* expect this film to be bad, given the level of talent involved? <p> And I exclude the actors when I use the word "talent"; I refer exclusively to the producers and writers and director. Give me a break. No way this would be good with their track record.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:16 p.m. CST

    After reading D.Vader's comment, I can no longer trust


    this talkback.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:31 p.m. CST

    That proof of concept trailer ROCKS!

    by ToMonicker

    I don't know if they intended Freddy to ALWAYS be on fire... but used sparingly that would add a nice dimension to his arsenal, another threatening aspect.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:39 p.m. CST

    AsimovLives, RE: The Hitcher remake

    by D.Vader

    I worked on a commercial with this guy once. He was a nice guy and all, and the commercial had some cool camera moves, but eh. I watched some of that remake and my God was it terrible.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:41 p.m. CST


    by D.Vader

    Good luck. You've just taken your first step into a larger world.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:42 p.m. CST

    Do you know why shit like this gets made?

    by Jobacca

    Because of people like you...fanboys who bitch and complain and then say "I'm going to go see it just to see how bad it is" or "I cant really rip it apart until I've seen it for myself". FUCK! YOU! How 'bout you put your money where yer mouth is and DONT SEE IT AT ALL!!! Dont buy a ticket,dont rent the fucker,and DONT DOWNLOAD IT!!! Fucking ignore it and it will go away!!!! You know what I spent my money on this summer instead of tickets to Transformers 2 and GI JOE? I bought DVD's of the cartoons from the 80's that I actually can do the same damn thing with the NINO(Nightmare In Name Only). Buy the originals on DVD,buy the toys off ebay...hell send $20 bucks to Wes Craven or Robert Englund...but dont support the shit that is this movie unless you want to see more of them!

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:43 p.m. CST

    Spud McSpud

    by D.Vader

    If you see movies like this early, why don't you ever write in reviews for AICN?

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:44 p.m. CST

    Spud, never mind

    by D.Vader

    I thought you saw the movie. Didn't realize you'd only read the script.

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Most remakes are Fucked!


    Bet this one has a pot smoking scene in it. Friday remake was all about how Jason was killing everyone for smoking or stealing his weed..for real. Maybe Jason can cross over into Nightmare over some Elm street kids smoking his shit. Just brainless..

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:07 p.m. CST



    apparently, it does, "and a bong circle"

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:10 p.m. CST



    Then we are in for some good times...good times...

  • Nov. 2, 2009, 11:34 p.m. CST

    Die Fake NoES

    by the_shogun_gunslinger


  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:31 a.m. CST

    Just Rewatched New Nightmare

    by FreeBeer

    And although it gives the impression that Wes is ever so slightly in love with himself, it is one of the cleverest revisionist sequels ever made. Made me think that if they were to do a remake should have got Wes himself to do it. I would prefer for no sequel at all however, as they are destroying what should have been timeless horror icons for the current generation of young cinema goers. Many young people who watch the piss poor reincarnations of Halloween, Friday 13th and now Nightmare, will now not bother seeking out the origionals, and wonder why these assholes ever became iconic for our generation.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:33 a.m. CST

    The original is NOT campy

    by criticalbliss

    Freddy was evil as hell. It wasn't a winking performance rather than a sadistic glee brought to the role. Why would they want to remake a perfect film? <p> For those who don't believe this, watch the original (only) again. It's disturbing as fuck.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:37 a.m. CST

    teh nekkids????

    by Motoko Kusanagi

    omfg<p>why's the mpaa so afraid of tits and nipples, i ask<p>why?!?

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:38 a.m. CST

    ya Mr. Profit

    by Spazatronik2000

    Last House On The Left was surprisingly good.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:42 a.m. CST

    I Do See Why They Had To Replace Englund.

    by FreeBeer

    Although brilliant and frightening in the first he later became a joke rendering Englunds Freddy, sadly, no longer scary. But I suppose if they had Englund under that new computer enhanced scar tissue he would have once again become the stuff of true Nightmares and not fucking music videos.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:06 a.m. CST

    "we likie the bootie"?

    by Viewer 3

    No, YOU "likie the bootie" because you've apparently never gotten your hands on any in the entire 16-year span of your life. Anyone who actually lists "lack of nudity" in their complaints section is someone that I just can't take seriously. Sorry.<p><p>"But shameless nudity is a staple of CLASSIC cheesy horror, it's SUPPOSED to be stupid and pointless so it can pay homage to the movies of old! It shows that the movie still has BALLS! DUH!"<p><p>Right. Keep making excuses for movies that disguise horrible writing, awful acting, and shameless nudity as "paying homage to the necessary cliche's of the classic genres". Do that, and the industry will keep on cranking out fecal matter- I mean movies- right into your open mouth. Just for you. Because you will just keep on paying for it. Every time.<p><p>I understand a Freddy movie isn't Oscar material. But none of these embarrassingly-awful "reboots" and "remakes" of classic movies have even come close to striking the balance between "paying homage" and actually contributing ANYTHING in the way of original ideas that build upon the source material in quality ways. But yes, it will make its money back. And eventually turn a profit. I "get" it. It's a business. That's all. And from a business perspective, bravo to the industry for making all the right business moves. There's nothing wrong with profit. No doubt about it. I understand I'm among the extreme minority that actually wishes for originality and integrity in the film business. But that wouldn't make money. Oh well.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 a.m. CST


    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    Fuck yeah, New Nightmare rules! (minus the goofy glove but hey, it's still awesome) My fave right behind Dream Warriors. Original is third for me. <P> This imposter they're releasing will never be ranked my me because I will NEVER see it. Just like I never saw Die Hard 4.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 a.m. CST

    Meteor Man was better then BATMAN BEGINS & BLANKMAN!

    by EvilDoeR

    I dare you to say other wise! HA!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 a.m. CST


    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    This impostor they're releasing will never be rank ed by me because I will NEVER see it. - sorry

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:21 a.m. CST

    If The Reviews Are Positive...

    by FreeBeer

    I will check it out as a curio. If not I won't bother. But why remake anything unless your going to use the concept but tell a different story with it, like The Thing and The Fly which used the same basic premise as the original but told a differnt story with different characters. Make a Nightmare remake if you absolutely must, but put your own spin on it, use the basic idea and do something new with it. Freddy may have a new face, but its the same old shit.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:28 a.m. CST

    2 movies from Platinum Dunes that I can deal with

    by blakindigo

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:37 a.m. CST

    "Texas Chainsaw" remake and "Last House" remake—

    by blakindigo

    The former doesn't hold a candle to the original, but something about it worked for me. I think it was better than parts 2 and 3. And, Lee Emery was excellent in it.<br><br>"Last House…" was much better than it ever had a right to be. I was caught off-guard by it.<br><br>I thought both "Friday the 13th" and "The Hitcher" were 2 of the worst films I've seen this decade. I'm not kidding. "Friday the 13th" with the self-referential black dude almost made me walk out. "The Hitcher" was so absolutely infuriating; besides completely WASTING an amazing talent like Sean Bean, the story lacked any real suspense. Lazy and inferior storytelling compared to the original classic. It's on par with the remake of "Psycho" except, in actuality, it's worse.<br><br>I hope to God they don't fuck this up.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:54 a.m. CST


    by the_shogun_gunslinger

    "...I think it was better than parts 2.." <P> Everyone one knows part 2 is the "best" of the TCM movies. The first wins for being scary as shit and groundbreaking, but 2 is awesome.. Chop Top.. Nubbins.. Dennis Hopper! TCM 2 rules all.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:25 a.m. CST

    there's always room for bootie.


    must be jello cause jam don't shake like that.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:34 a.m. CST


    by GavinVanDraven

    does freddy molest little girls and boys or just the girls? he obviously kills both but.... does he swing both ways in his molestation? im pretty sure he has a thing for raping and killing just about anybody, for the fun of it.... your mom, grandma, uncle.... and im not sure if he kills you or rapes you first.... either way, messy. this guy should be the personification of evil am i right? they better get it right, you are supposed to be scared of him, not amused by him. his jokes should only be funny to himself, if he does crack any one liners at all....

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:09 a.m. CST

    "Lick my plate, you dog dick!"

    by blakindigo

    Dennis Hopper, get well soon brother…

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:23 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Fastest turnaround in AICN TB history! Kudos, dude... ;D <P> Yeah, I read the script, but I'm damned if I've got the link now! I think it was on something like Scribd, one of those file-sharing sites. Can't remember which though.<P> I DO weigh in with reviews for new DR WHO episodes, as I'm in the UK and ready to review as soon as the episode ends. May have to stop that though - the last three specials with David Tennant are nigh, and all I know is, Russell T Davies has brought back the Master - who has been hiding in a council sink estate (our white version of the projects) as a chav (Danny Dyer with more Burberry). And yes, it does get worse from here. My review would probably end up as OHMIGODRUSSELLYOUFUCKINGMORONWHATTHEFUCKHAVEYOUDONEWITHTENNANT'SDOCTORYOUCUNT!!!!!<P> I don't think anyone wants to sit through that...

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:37 a.m. CST

    ANOES 2010 script

    by spud mcspud

    Here's a link to the new script on someone's site, although you do have to sign up and require Adobe Reader: <P> <P> There's probably a better link to it on the message boards at imdb or something, I can't be arsed to go find it.<P> I'd say enjoy, but it's shit, so you can't. Sorry...

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Wait wait wait... The Master is back?

    by D.Vader

    *Smacks forehead* <p> Didn't he like... die or something?

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 5:50 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Yeah, but between the ULTIMATE X-MEN rip-off (the Valiant sky-carrier), the RETURN OF THE JEDI rip-off (the funeral pyre at the end) and the HARRY POTTER rip-off (Dobby the Time Elf) there was a FLASH GORDON rip-off - where Mrs Saxon (we presume) picks up the ring, and we hear the Master laughing. So if the ring can contain his essence (and we assume it can, as a fob watch contained the Doctor's) and the missus shot him because they had pre-arranged for her to shoot him to enable him to enter the ring (fnar fnar), it all makes perfect sense.<P> Check Youtube - there's a trailer for the Christmas and New Year specials from the SD Comic Con this year, and there's a flash of the Master in a white shell-suit. It's as horrifyingly tacky as it sounds, and RTD is indeed putting the Scorched Earth policy into effect, making arguably the best Doctor's exit into the most childish, cheesy, tacky exit EVER. Tennant deserves much, much better than this...

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 6:06 a.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by Drsambeckett1984

    In all fairness you havent actually seen the specials yet, and all we have seen is a 45 second trailer recorded on someones camera phone. <P> We cant judge the quality from that. Obviously the Master's ring works the same way as the Doctors fob watch as it had the same symbols on it, and Lucy Saxon picked it up. <P> i did wonder why The Master was dressed like that though, there are pictures of him in a grand manor house, but i think that is just the backdrop for Donna's wedding. <P> I dont think the specials are ruined, the scene where the doctor sees Rose again look to be heart wrenching stuff.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 6:21 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    But THAT'S the problem - RTD keeps on bringing back the same old shite! Take Rose. The finale to Season 2 was awesome - heart-wrenching stuff, especially where he wants to tell her he loves her, but his signal fades before he can ("I'm burning out a star just to talk to you"). The whole Bad Wolf bay thing was great. The emotional resonance was enormously powerful.<P> Until they bought her back in Season 4. Not only was it a terrible plot point (how exactly did they manage to breach an unbreachable gap that would have supposedly collapsed ALL realities, without collapsing all realities, again??) but Billie Piper seemed to have forgotten how to act as Rose - and also seemingly had veneers on her teeth that were two sizes too big!<P> Oh, and bringing in Donna... AFTER telling Wilf that reminding her of ANYTHING to do with the Doctor would burn her mind out, leaving her a drooling vegetable? Well, doesn't matter, 'cos RTD will do some stupid, illogical plot twist to allow it to happen. There's nothing wrong with bringing back characters who are dead / in other realities / could die if they did come back - IF you do so with intelligence and imagination - both sorely lacking in RTD's scripts. Look at the end of LAST OF THE TIME LORDS. So the psychic network amplifies the thoughts of the entire world, who are all thinking "Doctor". Fair enough - that might reverse the aging process. But making the doctor FLY? Able to disintegrate the cage he's in? Able to create a forcefield that can repel blasts from a laser screwdriver? Able to do telekinesis, Jedi-style? And able to forgive the Master AFTER HE'S KILLED OVER 10% OF THE ENTIRE EARTH'S POPULATION??<P> That finale showcased everything that's wrong with RTD's writing - when he gets in a corner, he doesn't have a way to get out, so he has a great big Deus Ex Machina do it for him, that was NEVER set up anywhere in the story beforehand. It's like having the end of RETURN OF THE JEDI have Luke almost killed by Vader, only to have the sandshark from BEETLEJUICE crash through the ceiling and eat the Dark Lord of the Sith. Illogical, nonsensical, utterly stupid.<P> Think about this: IF the Doctor knew that an amplified psychic field would enable him to basically become God, wouldn't he have one fitted in the TARDIS - or better yet, a smaller version in his sonic "can do ANYTHING" screwdriver - to get him out of the bigger scrapes he's gotten into? And why would the heart of the TARDIS - a force so powerful it can fit the entire Time Continuum into one human's head, with the knowledge of the beginning and end of all Creation - be kept behind a flimsy metal door that can be pulled off with a winch truck??<P> I could go on. All day. But I won't. The RTD fans will forgive him anything - including his glaring inability to write anything approaching an intelligent, coherent narrative - so long as they get a gooey warm feeling in their stomachs as the Doctor wins through some never before mentioned, utterly implausible Deus Ex Machina (such as towing the Earth behind the TARDIS - so stupid on so many levels I wouldn't know where to begin) - and we RTD haters will always point to the basic requirements of a decent SF writer - intelligence, imagination, the knowledge of how to properly structure a script, and how a never-before-mentioned Deus Ex Machina is actually a BAD THING - and how deficient RTD is in these things, and how very far from a decent SF writer he'll ever be. He just steals from better stuff, stitches the steals together and hopes nobody notices the hack job he's done.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:02 a.m. CST

    Spud Mcspud

    by Drsambeckett1984

    You know what, I completely agree with you on almost every count. That was one of the most concise arguments I have ever seen put across here! <P> Unlike some, I do not worship RTD, I give him credit for bringing back Doctor Who and making it relevant. <P> I one hundred percent agree with you that he cannot leave a story alone, and has a nasty habit of repeating his own story lines. At least the sequence with Rose takes place in the past. <P> I myself am baffled as to how he intends to bring Donna back. But I'm pleased to see the Master again because he was so much fun! John Simm really made that role his own, it perfectly represented what The Doctor could have been. <P> Bringing him back was logical, as his story was never completed, there was never any explanantion for the sound of drums. <P> Unfortunately, these last 3 episodes will be the last i watch, as nothing I have seen from the new series interests me in the slightest. Instead of being a show Kids and Adults can enjoy, the Matt Smith era looks soley aimed at one demographic, Teenagers.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:20 a.m. CST

    the 3 stooges

    by cloudrider`

    kruger, jason, myers - when are they making a musical together is what i want to know. <p> the popularity of those 3 retarded creations just baffles me. and the fact they can keep making endless sequels after sequels(it's just the same movie, only worse!) and people are still flocking to them is an undisputable fact that human are no smarter than cows. <p> these are not horror icons. pleeeease. they are CLOWNS! omen, rosemary's baby, exorcist, poltergeist... these are the real deal. not some silly masked clown with kitchen appliances as weapons. i'd take a japanese/korean horror anyday over another regurgitated lame concept like this.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:22 a.m. CST

    You know this movie is going to suck

    by WickedJester

    When the TB shifts to Dr. Who instead.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:35 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Thanks for that! I've been called many things on these TBs, but concise is never one of them. Maybe I'm mellowing out in my dotage!<P> Don't be too hasty to dismiss Matt Smith's Doctor - from what I hear he's a very talented actor, and the showrunner will be the Grand Moff Steven Moffat - who wrote arguably the best episode, BLINK, as well as THE LADY IN THE FIREPLACE (brilliant work by Sophia Myles in that) and THE EMPTY CHILD two-parter. And let's not forget, he gave us the Doctor's future wife and true love River Song in THE FOREST OF THE DEAD and SILENCE IN THE LIbRARY - and Alex Kingston has been seen on set... Is River Song returning??<P> And the secret weapon? If you've seen THE KEVIN BISHOP SHOW (a low budget sketch comedy show on ITV2 here in the UK) you'll have seen Karen Gillan, the new Companion, who is an extremely talented actress, comedienne and impersonator (does a great Angelina Jolie, and her Mary Poppins framing Bert sketch is awesome) and will be by far one of the best things about the next series. I don't think the Eleventh Doctor is going to be a series of SKINS IN SPACE - I think Moffat will bring a maturity and intelligence to this series that RTD never could have. At least give the regeneration episode a go... ;D

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:38 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    Hey, it's me slagging off RTD's DOCTOR WHO, or yet more discussion about how Michael Bay is killing cinema, about how much JEH's new condo must be costing for him to work on a shitfest like this, or the many and myriad reasons why Platinum Dumbs can't understand such a simple concept as ANOES.<P> ANOESINO is going to suck. HARD. And with no redeeming features whatsoever.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:41 a.m. CST


    by spud mcspud

    In fairness, you don't think the J-horror craze of having zombie girls with long black hair over their faces menacing people is getting kind of old??<P> There's almost as much repetition in J-horror as there is in US slasher genre pics...

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Sing it, Jobacca!

    by Larry Sellers

    Sing it to all the >.1% of the population that read this site. Dumbass. People will see what they want. And Hollywood will continue to dictate taste until something even more stupid comes along that captures everyone's attention. Just pop a Xanax and watch culture regurgitate itself.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Good to know you share my opinion about The Hitcher remake. I still have scars in my soul from watching that abomination, made even worst because it's a remake of such a beloved sublime original.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    J-horror vs C-grade slashers

    by cloudrider`

    ghost of long hair woman is used often because it's deeply ingrained in asian cultures. even in my part of asia(not japan, not korea either), the urban legends are always that of long hair woman in white. <p> but i'm always of the opinion that the best horror films are ones that can scare a lot by showing you a little. a horror film who can scare you with just a flock of black hair is vastly more creative(and thus superior) to a film that rely simply on buckets of blood and gore. blood and gore is easy. it's a sure sign of creative bankruptcy as well. j-horror also allow room for some twists in the formula, while these slasher flicks are all one and the same. you've seen one, you've seen them all. and frankly i dont know what's so scary about a guy wearing a silly mask and silly sweater, mouthing off silly phrases. must be an american thing.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 9:38 a.m. CST


    by Drsambeckett1984

    Nothing wrong with introducing DOCTOR Who to this talkback, a little bit of culture to an otherwise cultureless world where piece of shite remakes like this abortion are allowed to happen. <P> Peace!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 9:51 a.m. CST

    'Robert Townsend & Big Daddy Kane...

    by pokadoo

    ...fighting on set of Meteor Man' Hilarious!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Wait a fucking moment... this is about Friday 13th remake

    by AsimovLives

    did i dream it, or did i read it right that in the Friday 13th remake the motivation off jason killing the teens is that they are messing around in his pot plantation? Did i read that right? you guys got to be kidding me, right? that's so... well, stupid is not the right word on account of understatment. What is jason suposed to be in the remake, a pissed off hippy? You got to be fucking kidding me!!<br><br>More and more i'm convinced that Platinium Dumbs who make this remakes are all people who FUCKING HATE the originals. It's the only logical conclusion i can reach given the evidence.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Slasher films with no gore: WHY?

    by Sepulchrave

    I mean, WTF?

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Doctor Who? Culture? Ha!!

    by FreeBeer

    That show is ridiculous!! But it is enjoyable at times I'll admit, but only for the cheese fest it is. As for likening Freddy and Myers to the 3 Stooges (won't mention Jason cos I'm not overly gone on him) you're obviously more familiar with the sequels than the brilliant originals. Especially Halloween, that cannot be accused of relying on buckets of blood, that had as much if not more atmosphere and creativity than any Japanese horror I'm familiar with (familiar with quite a many, I'm a horror junkie).J-Horror movies ARE becoming stale too, just like U.S efforts it can't be denied. Where the U.S make straight remakes, the Japanese to make shameless rip-offs, same thing.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Ha Ha Ha! Culture!!

    by FreeBeer

    Not everything English is high art

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Oh, And J-Horror...

    by FreeBeer

    Just because its "ingrained in asian cultures", (though I hear no more so than the hook man in familiar U.S urban legend), doe's not mean it should be used in nearly every damn horror show. Why it showed up in Tale Of Two Sisters is beyond me. After knowing how that film ends looking back at it, that scare just didn't fit in. Vampires & Werewolves are ingrained in my Irish culture, European culture, American culture and indeed Asian culture, but I don't need to see a fecking Vampire in EVERY horror movie that I see! (Alas, I AM seeing 'em in every horror I see these days). Japanese horror cannot be excuse, the best, freshest horrors I've seen lately have been French, Swedish, German matter of fact.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    But They Don't Get Remade As Often

    by FreeBeer

    So not as many people have seen them. One good thing about remakes of foreign cinema I guess is that people might seek out the original, seeing a great movie they may not have heard of otherwise. I guarantee many of the people who have seen Ringu or .REC did so after becoming familiar with them through promotionals for The Ring and Quarantine.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:06 a.m. CST

    Studios Fail To Understand

    by FreeBeer

    The reason the very films they are apeing are so beloved by so many is because they were so original and unique upon release. Why not take a chance on an original? All these remakes and retreads its becoming far more difficult for a NEW horror icon to be born, to join the ranks of The 3 Stooges as somebody piss takingly put it. The closest we've gotten in recent years is Jig-Saw, and fuck me if he isn't a boring old BASTARD!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:19 a.m. CST

    asian ghost

    by cloudrider`

    vampires and werewolves do not exist. long hair woman in white is what the people here would describe how a typical ghost look like. if you live here long enough, eventually you'll hear dozens and dozens of stories of people who claim to have seen this long hair apparatus in white. you hear it as a child, you hear still even now. you talk to any ten people on the street, chances are 9 of them believe in this. that's how ingrained it is to us. <p> but please explain how one slasher is different from the others? freddy, jason, myers, these are supposed to be the big cahunas, right? but what's so different about them besides the halloween masks? plot wise, character wise, they are the same exact movies. and yes, i watch the first movies of those slashers. i thought elm street is pure garbage. myers is technically much superior, but it's still run of the mill stalker movie. i take the best of J-horror like ringu and ju-on anyday over the best of those.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:27 a.m. CST

    before you blame the studio...

    by cloudrider`

    blame the american audience who keep flocking to these garbage. and i dont think what we need is a horror icon, just a good horror film. omen, rosemary's baby, the shining... no horror icons in some stupid halloween mask came out of those. but damn if they're not great horror films. most people like crappy entertainment, oh the studio understand that perfectly. ;)

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:30 a.m. CST

    I read the script... (SPOILERS)

    by Mr. Profit

    Freddy is the scariest one because you can't fucking escape sleep. It's impossible. You can avoid condemned camp grounds. And you can avoid Haddonfield on Halloween night. But you can't avoid a sick motherfucker who uses the fears you place in the back of your mind against you when you sleep. <P>I read the remake script today. How it includes certain scenes and disregards major ones is utter stupidity. How can they eliminate Nancy's resourcefulness where she plans to bring Freddy into real life and fuck him up with a booby trapped house? Instead she brings him out of the dream to fight beat him with a shovel then burn him? Lame. <P>Then the cliched ending? No Nancy's mom being a drunk. No father being an officer. Also many of the characters seem miscast. <P>Thomas Dekker is not tough enough to play Katie Cassidy's bad boy boyfriend who get's locked up. Katie Cassidy's character is focused on for about 25 pages in the beginning and she winds up dying. <P>The only thing interesting about it were the micronaps that happen involuntarily due to severe sleep deprivation. And I like how they definitively reveal Kreuger is a nasty child molester. But the script moves too quickly for you to care and it is missing a lot of meat. <P>Also the fucking writer emphasized the oddest things: "Nancy gives Kris a gift, chocolate covered coffee beans"... Seriously? <P>This shit is going to be a disappointment since everything I read seems to be in the trailer.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:35 a.m. CST

    Also I liked "The Ring" better than "Ringu"

    by Mr. Profit

    Neither were scary though. But the remake was better paced. And it was better than the silliness of "Ringu". When people died in that movie the whole freeze frame Polaroid effect was funny. Ju-On was cool, but again I think J-Horror is overrated. None of it is really scary to me because I don't find ghosts scary. But a lot of people do. I think once you are past a certain age and have seen everything that horror has to offer, you go into these things more looking for fun rather than being scared. Because by now nothing is scary. Especially when real life can offer us all some crazy shit that is far scarier.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 11:51 a.m. CST

    ringu is the superior film

    by cloudrider`

    you ever hear of subtlety? how about less is more? ringu is superior because it doesnt need to have a big scene about a horse jumping off a ferry to its bloody demise, it doesnt need to have a scene of an old man electrocuting himself in a bathtub, it doesnt need to have a 'spooky' boy with heavy eyeliners who draw 'disturbing' drawings, it doesnt need for the ghost to say "seven days" in some 'scary' voice. ringu trust its story enough and trust the audience enough that they'll be there at the end for the big payoff. the americanized version keep throwing you scary scenes(ooh... look at the fly coming out the tv) for fear you might fall asleep if they dont. <p> ghost doesnt scare you but you think freddy does? a bad actor in bad makeup with silly sweater and butter knives for fingers scares you? really?

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:02 p.m. CST

    and "nothing is scary" because horror movies are shitty nowadays

    by cloudrider`

    and "go into these things more looking for fun rather than being scared" is an easy excuse for crappy horror films. genuine horror films should and can creep you out.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:09 p.m. CST

    Vampires & Werewolves Don't Exist You Say??

    by FreeBeer

    And what?? Ghosts do?? You're missing my point entirely. Regardless if its ingrained in culture or not does not mean you throw it into every horror movie going. And also, 9 out of 10 people in japan or korea would believe in these things?? I highly, highly doubt it. Say what you want but I think thats utter pooey. I may not be asian but to say 9 out of 10 people in a civilised developed society believe in ghosts is complete garbage. MOST of these people believe in Casper?? Is there an asia wide gas leak?? My girlfriend is from Petang Malaysia and she laughs at the long haired ghost in movies, she doesn't believe it anymore than she does Vampires or Werewolves. On the subject of Freddy & Myers. They are slasher movies. If you like slasher movies these are as good as it gets. If you do not like slasher movies in general then your critisism is worthless. It's like somebody who hates western movies giving you his opinion of Unforgiven. If you hate westerns your not gonna dig Unforgiven, that doesn't change the fact that it is one of the greatest westerns ever made. Say you dislike slasher movies by all means, but acknowledge that as far as slashers go these are the, as you say, big cahunas. (And it doesn't make sense to bash Halloween for being a run of the mill slasher, seeing as it was the original slasher movie).

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:18 p.m. CST

    "go into these things more looking for fun rather than being sca

    by FreeBeer

    Whats wrong with having fun at the movies cloudrider?? People watch horror for thrills and spills as well as scares, just like a ghost train ride. Evil Dead 2 is one of the greatest horror movies of all time, and "fun" to boot. There is a place for Ringu & Omen and Exorcist and the like, but ask me which movies I watch more repeatedly and its the Evil Dead's, Nightmares & Halloween that come out top. Why? Cos they're one hell of a good time that why!!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:23 p.m. CST

    And The Fly In The Ring

    by FreeBeer

    Was Sweet. Only reason nothing happened like that in the original is budget constraints. The story in The Ring made way more sense too. But Sadako is scarier than Samara no doubt.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:25 p.m. CST

    FreeBeer, there's always K-Horror (Made in Korea)

    by AsimovLives

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:38 p.m. CST

    Speaking Of K-Horror

    by FreeBeer

    I want to see Thirst because its a Park movie, but I'm sick and tired of vampires!! I'm conflicted...though Right One In was sublime

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:41 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I think that what cloudrider wanted to say is that an horror movie should disturb you, not make you have fun and come out of the theater laughing and high-fiving your fridnds and say "fun movie, yeah". And i partically agree with him in that it does detray the spirit of the genre is a supposedly horror movie the reaction it causes on you is not fear, dirturb or at least uneasiness but instead an elevated sense of good times fun. And frankly, more and more i see horror movies being nothing but action movies with a bit more gore in it. The action movie template is infecting every genre, from Sf to, now, horror.<br><br>There are many things i agree with you, but on this case, i side with cloudrider. Horror movies should be disturbing, not lightweight fun.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:42 p.m. CST

    ghost exist

    by cloudrider`

    it's scientifically proven. werewolves and vampires do not. i live in asia, so i think i can say for a fact long hair woman ghost is common place phenomena here. doesnt mean the films that features that kind of ghost cannot look silly. i'm just explaining why it's used as often as it is in asian films. <p> yes, i hate slasher flicks. with a vengeance. know why? because they're the only kind of horror films that are not really horror films. "as good as it gets", you said? you can excuse lots of bad movies using that same rationale. 'last legion' is "as good as it gets" when it comes to uwe boll film. 'the happening' is "as good as it gets" to a film about scary wind starring mark wahlberg. see my point? show me one slasher film that is a REAL film, a genuine scared you shitless horror film, then i'll change my perception about slasher. <p> @freeber: nothing wrong with having fun. but when you go watch a horror film, for me the fun is in getting scared. when the film fails to scare you and makes you laugh instead at the unintentional silliness, then it's becomes a no fun experience.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:43 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I think that what cloudrider wanted to say is that an horror movie should disturb you, not make you have fun and come out of the theater laughing and high-fiving your fridnds and say "fun movie, yeah". And i partically agree with him in that it does detray the spirit of the genre is a supposedly horror movie the reaction it causes on you is not fear, dirturb or at least uneasiness but instead an elevated sense of good times fun. And frankly, more and more i see horror movies being nothing but action movies with a bit more gore in it. The action movie template is infecting every genre, from Sf to, now, horror.<br><br>There are many things i agree with you, but on this case, i side with cloudrider. Horror movies should be disturbing, not just lightweight fun for the whole family.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:44 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I think that what cloudrider wanted to say is that an horror movie should disturb you, not make you have fun and come out of the theater laughing and high-fiving your fridnds and say "fun movie, yeah". And i partically agree with him in that it does detray the spirit of the genre is a supposedly horror movie the reaction it causes on you is not fear, dirturb or at least uneasiness but instead an elevated sense of good times fun. And frankly, more and more i see horror movies being nothing but action movies with a bit more gore in it. The action movie template is infecting every genre, from Sf to, now, horror.<br><br>There are many things i agree with you, but on this case, i side with cloudrider. Horror movies should be disturbing, not lightweight fun.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:46 p.m. CST

    And about K-Horror

    by AsimovLives

    I have to say, some of the top best horror movies made that i have seen recently came from Korea. Those guys are masters.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:50 p.m. CST

    I don'tneed to believe in the supernatural to like an horror mov

    by AsimovLives

    I don't believe in ghosts, werewolves, vampyres, demons, the devil, god, angels, poltergeists and the whole lot. That doesn't mean i'll not enjoy a good horror story that involves all those aforementioned supernatural beings. It's not what i believe that exists or not that will determine if i like a movie or not, but how good the story is, and helped if it has some cool and original scary creature.<br><br>Deosn't matter if the object of the horror in a story is a supernatural entity or a psychotic killer. all it matters is if the story is good and is well told. And Halloween is a good movie. Not just a good slasher movie, it's a good film, period.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 12:54 p.m. CST


    by cloudrider`

    i appreciate the support. yeah, a horror film should first, above all else, scare you. period. and great horror always rely more on long build up, rather than quick jump scare and blood and gore. it's much harder to create and sustain tension, than it is to just slash and hack teenagers after teenagers. that's how you can tell a great horror director from some wannabe lacking in imagination.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Fuck Michael Bay

    by AsimovLives

    Fuck Michael Bay up his fucking ass.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:05 p.m. CST

    As Good As It Gets

    by FreeBeer

    Slasher is a genre all on its own. And I see what your saying they are not horror movies so to speak. Say Freddy & Myers are as good as it gets slasher wise isn't the same as saying last legion is as good as it gets as far as Uwe Bowl films go, as Uwe films are not a genre of film (at least I fucking hope not). Slasher is a genre and if you don't like this genre then no slasher movie could ever impress you. Granted, a slasher film has never creeped me out but thats not why I watch them. I'll say it again, I love a good ghost story, I love a good exorcism or demon possession as much as the next man, but I also watch and enjoy slashers for what they are, a fun park ride. Thats not to say they are dumb and I'm a cinematic dimwit. You don't seem to be able to tell the difference between a good slasher and a bad one. I can. You have to be a fan of this type of film to tell the diffence. The reason Nightmare & Halloween are great is because they are not just run off the mill slasher films, if they were they wouldn't be so highly regarded. Repetitive kills, unimaginative set pieces, unsympathetic characters, generic antagotist, uninspired mythology=most slasher movies, we see dozens of these each year. Nightmare is a classic. Imaginative. Creative. Origional .Fun. No long haired girl randomly thrown in there for no reason though, shame..(not attacking asian horror just saying becoming equally as uninspired as western horror. As I said, the long haired one almost ruined Two Sisters for me, becoming as cliched in asian horror as the hand one shoulder or there's somebody in the back seat!!)

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:07 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Yes, of course. And yet, there has been horror movies, genuine horror movies which have depended on the slashing and killing of young people to deliever scares. and they are very good on it. From the top of my head i can name the original (AND ONLY) The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. And that mvoie did depended on a slow build up deliever the sense and mood of dread to deliever it's scares. And scary it is.<br><br>And i do think it's possible to deliver both some action and scares. It's rare but it's possible. Aliens does that (and it's action movie reputation is bloated, that movie only has about 40 to 45 minutes of action in a total running time of, even at the short version, of 135 minutes. It's just 1/3rd of it's running time!).

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Wanting To Have Fun Isn't An Excuse...

    by FreeBeer

    ...for crappy movies, because I wouldn't enjoy a crappy slasher. I'm aware most are production line bullshit and would only go and see one if the reviews were especially kind. It has been a long long long time, perhaps even as far back as the end of the 80's since I last saw a slasher I could even call good. No wait, New Nightmare, that was good, crappy acting though.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man, puts asian

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man, puts asian and amercain

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:16 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man, puts asian and

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man, puts asian and amercain to

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. Euro horror at the moment man, puts asian and amercain to shame. True originals. Right One In a fricking masterpiece

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man,

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:17 p.m. CST

    Hellraiser remake

    by FreeBeer

    Now THAT might be interesting. After seeing Martyrs I felt physically sick for two days. French horror man, puts

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:18 p.m. CST


    by FreeBeer

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:18 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    I think you exagerate in that notion that slasher is a genre on it's own. No, it's a sub-genre of horror. The same way time travel is a sub-genre of SF. Horror is the genre, slasher is a sub-genre. slasher do have their own set of "rules", or course, but so do any sub-genre there is. The point of an horror movie is that it should scare. Even if it's played for laughs. But an horor movie should deliver scares, first and foremost. The problem with most slashers is the same problem with all genre movies and all movies in general: most people who make them are not very good.<br>Byut in the slasher subgenre, they have found a formula that has seeved them well, in that they try to play ironic, they try to make it all just "fun" because it's a killer killing obnoxious teens in gory ways, and it uses such tricks to disguise poor filmmaking. And the slasher subgenre has had the good fortune to found for it a public which are very weasy suspectible to eat up the flaws and forgive them, to the point of even expecting them to be there and be completly uncritical of it.<br><br>I think that this typical attitude from most of the slasher fans have actually brough more harm then good for the sub-genre.<br><br>And guess what, if we were generous and liberal with the definition, Stanley Kubrcki's The Shinign could aslo be called a slasher. Sure, it has scary ghosts in them but they do nothing, they do no real harm, it's the humans who end up being the real destructive element in the story. Think about it wghen you talk about slashers, think of The Shining. And see that, when handled well in the hands of true professionals, a slasher can be elevated to such high levels.<br><br>I believe there are no bad genre, no dumb genres, only bad and dumb filmmakers.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:41 p.m. CST

    "as good as it gets" in any genre

    by cloudrider`

    i thought donner's superman was as good as it gets for a superhero film, until 20 years later, last year, dark knight showed up. see? never say "as good as it gets". that's just a poor excuse. for anything. just because it hasnt been done, doesnt mean it cant be done. <p> and just because some films are highly regarded in some circles doesnt mean it's not regarded as c-grade movies in others. popularity doesnt always equal quality. just ask michael bay. and nightmare is just a bad movie, from any which way i see. i give you that i was a bit harsh on myers though. the first halloween is one league above nightmare. just the first movie. and slasher is a subgenre of horror, just like a heist movie, or a gangster movie, or cop and robber movie, is a subgenre of crime drama. <p> and Asimov, i'm ashamed to say that i have not ever watched the first TCM. ive never been able to find the film here locally, and i've been looking forever.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Asimov, you beat me to it. :)

    by cloudrider`

    didnt read your post before commenting. slow upload.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:51 p.m. CST

    AsimovLives. Agreed

    by FreeBeer

    Sub genre would be more precise. I too like any genre of film as long as it is a quality production. I like creepy kid flicks like The Omen & Exorcist, but hate The Unborn and that crappy De Niro flick i can't even remembe the name off. I like ghost stories like Ju-On, The Haunting, House On Haunted Hill, Poltergiest, Ringu, but hate the pretenders. As it goes I like slashers, Nightmare, Massacre, Shining (also a possession/ghost/haunted house flick), but hate the likes of the remakes and I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legend etc. There is greatness & diaper filler to be found in all these horror sub-genres. You mention the best of asian horror but there is also your fair share of generic bull, like The Eye & One Missed Call among others.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:54 p.m. CST

    As Good As It Gets.

    by FreeBeer

    Didn't think I had t out. Of course I meant as good as it gets as of now, not as good as it gets and as good as it will ever possibly get. Nightmare. Great. Halloween. Great. Massacre. Great. Don't think so you are in the minority conciderig they are concidered absolute classics of the genre. As I said before I respect your opinion but I just don't like the accusation that to enjoy these movies you have to be in some way mentally impaired.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Typo, meant "Didn't think I had to spell it out"

    by FreeBeer

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:07 p.m. CST

    "highly regarded in some circles"?

    by FreeBeer

    Think every circle. The Olympic circles. These are classics, their standing diminished by endless sequels and remakes, but classics none the less. In some circles implies the miniority, it is you who are in the minority my friend. And I know popularity doesn't equal quality, if it did Michael Bay would be rated higher than Stanley Kubrick. They are acknowledged as classics not only by almost every fan of the horror genre, but by the majority of movie critics the world over.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:07 p.m. CST

    okay, at least we agree on something

    by cloudrider`

    we'll never agree on nightmare. but you like ringu, and i like ringu. you hate the eye, i also think it's highly overrated. let's just focus on our similarity. :)

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:11 p.m. CST

    Nightmare Should Be Respected..

    by FreeBeer

    ..If only for the concept alone. A monster you cannot run from because he gets you when youre at your most vulnerable, asleep in your bed, dreaming.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Nightmare Concept

    by FreeBeer

    The concept could be spun into something truly terrifying, which is why this remake is a wasted opportunity. Make a different kind of movie that would be pure horror, and get a visionary to do it. Imagine if Terry Gilliam had been given the gig? Imagine the dream state worlds he could come up with!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 2:28 p.m. CST


    by FreeBeer

    As I said all your opinons valid and I respect them and i love your sharp yet yielding facial features, but I don't like an entire sub genre been written off as being completely worthless cos its not. I agree there have been more crimes commited against cinema in this genre than any other (bar rom-coms possibly). But gosh darn it there is great watchin' to be had here my friend, just open your heart to the fake blood and rubber dismembered limbed chaos of this most charming of horror sub genres. I'm tellin' ya your missing out on some of the greatest shows on earth.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:10 p.m. CST

    I think Stanley Kubrick is more popular then Michael Bay

    by AsimovLives

    The real fans of Michael Bay are a very limited group of people, all of whom have very similiar tastes and enjoy the same things. You will find fans of Kubrick in all walks of life. Take James Cameron, the original guy to whom Bay tries to imitate. Cameron is a big fan of Kubrick and 2001 is his favorite movie. Kubrick fans can be as diverse as it gets, Bay fans all look the same. That's my point.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:21 p.m. CST

    The first Nightmare On Elm Street

    by AsimovLives

    I truly believe that the notion most people have of the first Nightmare On elm street has been fashioned, influenced and ruined by the sequels. I even go fso far as to say most people see the first movie and the villan Freddy Krugger through the sequel's tinted glasses. but thing is, if you abstract yourself from the sequels and you only see Freddy as he is in the first movie, he's a monster. Not a wisecracking wiseguy who kills anoying teens in entertaining ways, but a true monster, a malicious villain who inflicts harsh torture before killing to poor innocent teens who are paying for the sins of their fathers.<br><br>And most important of all, Freddy is not even the main character of the movie. Nancy is, not Freddy. Freddy is the unstopable antagonist, but the focus is always, always in Nancy. And Nancy is not your usual slasher heroine or final girl. She is one of the few final girls that actually is smart, intelligent and capable. And she is also very pretty, but not in that slut way, which even the final girls tend to look in slashers despiste trying to play virginal characters (yeah, right!). Shit, Nancy even wants to have sex, and it's obvious she already had once with her boyfriend, only she doesn't think that it's a good time to bonk when there's much weird shit afoot, and that's even before the killings began. A beauty with brains and capability.<br><br>And again, i go back to Freddy Krugger: he is not supposed to be funny in the original movie. Being funny is exactly the last thing that was in Wes Craven's mind when he made Krugger. Freddy is obnoxious, deranged, foul-mouthed and insulting, but he is not funny. He is suposed to be a vile monster, and he is that.<br><br>It's amazing how wronlgy many people think of Freddy Krugger in the first movie, and most suprisingly, even from the horror fans. Which, i think, should know better.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:24 p.m. CST

    True Enough AsimovLives...

    by FreeBeer

    ... but by popularity I was talking ticket stubs. If you pile up the amount of cash Bay's feature length music videos have raked in and piled up Kubrick's takings, one would be mountainous and the other a mole hill. Now when we talk of popularity as in the diversity of the people that admire someones achievments then you're right on the money.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:26 p.m. CST

    Oh Lord, deliever us from Michael Bay's bullshit

    by AsimovLives


  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:32 p.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    Actually, the only movie that Kubrick made which flopped was Barry Lyndon. All his other movies have been pretty big money earners, with special mentions to Spartacus, Dr Strangelove, 2001 (yes, 2001) and The Shining. This notion that Kubrick's movies are art-house uncommercial flops is ret-conning bullshit.<br><br>And Bay could obnly dream of having 1/1000th of the accolades that Kubrick got from peers, fans and public alike.<br><br>And here's the thing: which is the real true measure of sucess? The imediate, year of release only box office results? Or the fact you made a movie and 10, 20 years after release people are still buying the DVD/blu-ray/whatever, meaning the movie is still making money and being a mone earner 20-30-40 years down the line, in prestige editions? Which is the case with Kubrick's movies. And where's The Rock? In the bargan bin. 'Nuff said.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:33 p.m. CST

    And Right, Freddy's Not Supposed To Be Funny

    by FreeBeer

    If he was Craven wouldn't have written him as a serial child killer for Christs sake. "Hey I got this idea. A wise cracking child molesting child killer. He's unspeakably evil but that doesn't mean he can't have a cheeky sense of humour. He has a fedora too. Think of him as a hideously scarred child molesting Iniana Jones." Any thing he did or said in the first film was amusing, not to us, but to himself and himself alone. The humour of a sick maniac. In the sequels its like he is trying to make us the audience laugh, like a self aware cartoon comedian.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:44 p.m. CST

    I Know Kubrick Wasn't A Flop Machine

    by FreeBeer

    Not by any means. I say mole hill only when compared to the astronomic takings of these imbecilic summer blockbusters. Kubrick certainly had commercial success, I know this, but none of his movies could be seen as blockbusters (which I see as a good thing by the way. Blockbusters tend to bust blocks because they appeal to the lowest common denominator) As I say I agree, popularity has more to do with longetivity and the spectrum of people that embrace you. When you leave the theatre after seeing a Bay film you're likely to forget what you've seen before the taste of buttered popcorn has left your mouths.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Kubrick's Nightmare On Elm Street..

    by FreeBeer

    ...can you imagine it?? Jesus God why did this never happen? Probubly for the best

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 3:50 p.m. CST

    Sorry, When I Said None Of His Movies..

    by FreeBeer

    ..I meant Most

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:03 p.m. CST

    Asi - Good points all...

    by spud mcspud

    But I think Bay wants to be Tony Scott WAAAY more than James Cameron. He wants to be all badass on the set like Cameron is, but in the end, Bay's "visual style" is a poor imitation of Tony Scott's. Everything Bay does comes out like TOP GUN. And if you shot Bay up with several syringes full of speed, you'd get DOMINO. Fuck knows what Tony Scott was on when he made that shit. I only understood it after an epileptic explained to me what happened. He had a fit and the movie was on TV. True story.<P> Not really.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:08 p.m. CST

    FreeBeer - Kubrick's Nightmare

    by spud mcspud

    Jesus, what a boring fucking movie THAT would be. Call me a heretic, but I've never once found THE SHINING a frightening movie. Frighteningly fucking long, but that's it.<P> A Kubrickian Elm Street would have Freddy's arms trailing for approx twelve minutes down that alleyway while the soundtrack just played fingernails on a chalkboard. The Depp massacre near the end would be in slow motion. And two spooky-ass twin girls would be singing that theme tune.<P> And you'd hear tales of Robert Englund on set, almost having a nervous breakdown, on take 126, screaming "But what more do you want from me, Mr Kubrick? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT??!?"

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Oh, and Asi

    by spud mcspud

    You can't diss THE ROCK. Together with the first BAD BOYS, that was Bay's peak, right there. I love me some THE ROCK, and Connery is THE MAN in that movie.<P> And so is Ed Harris. He's this generation's Michael Ironside.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:25 p.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by AsimovLives

    I don't diss The Rock, i PISS ON IT. That pudrid bullshit is beyond endurance! First ever proof of what a fuck up Mikey Bay really is. And Ed Harris hated making The Rock, he told that Bay was always bugging him for stories to tell about how Cameron directed, Bay forgetting what an unhappy time it had been for him making The Abyss, until he got fed up with Bay and told him to shut the fuck up already. Which Bay did.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:26 p.m. CST

    There are no boring Kubrick movies

    by AsimovLives

    None of his movies are boring if you love cinema. I didn't say loving watching movies, i said LOVE CINEMA. There's a difference.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:30 p.m. CST

    The Bay "look"

    by AsimovLives

    It actually go back to Kubrick. Stanley Kubrick made Barry Lyndon, a movie whose cinematography mesmerized the Scott Brothers, Ridley and Tony. Ridley and Tony sCott then truied their best to emulate BL's look for their commercials and movies. Later, some punk ass idiot tried to imitate Tony Scott's visuals. This punkass was Michael Bay. So, Michael Bay is lik a failed third hand experiment in imitating the look of a Kubrick movie. The copy of a copy.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST

    And Domino, what the fuck was that bullshit?

    by AsimovLives

    You know what Domino is? It's Tony Scott trying to be arty. trying to show off that he has an artistic vision. And the result was one of the worst most ugly nonsene of a movie i ever had the displeasure to watch. But not as ugly as a Michael Bay movie, because no movie is as ugly as his pieces of shits he calls movies.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 5:54 p.m. CST


    by FreeBeer

    Was almost like Tony trying to copy Michael who himself was copying Tony in the first place who was originally copying Stanley.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Bay: "If I make it, they will come"

    by Dr Gregory House

    THEY being hookers with coke on their asses.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 6:48 p.m. CST

    I Read the Script

    by BloodFart

    The whole movie they want you think Krueger was wrongly killed and the teens are trying to prove he was innocent. In the end he touched kids.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 7:07 p.m. CST

    Bloodfart. SPOILER!!

    by FreeBeer

    Thanks for spoiling the movie dude. Spoiler.... 1 2 3 If this is true then fuck it would have been better if he actually was innocent, would give it its own identity outside of the original and give him more reason to be vengeful. (molester burned to death would be pist off but would have to know he had it coming. An innocent wrongly accused and murdered however would be even more outraged given the injustice of it all.) And Bloodfart, your name sickens me.)

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Like, lifted their spirits?

    by TedKordLives

    C'mon BloodFart, don't leave us hanging!

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Skin Peeler...

    by SimonDunkle

    Really good review. Thanks. Confirms my worst fears. NOES should be creepy and a bit surreal, not just making you jump (which is just irritating). Should have been hardcore (erm, not hardcore porn) - opening with the rape of his mother by 100 maniacs! Could be a crazy, disturbing scene.

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:12 p.m. CST


    by SimonDunkle

    Sorry, which Kubrick movie has the look of 'Bad Boys' or 'Days of Thunder'?

  • Nov. 3, 2009, 8:46 p.m. CST

    They should remake the movie Dreamscape

    by Chakraborty

    That was a good movie that could definitely use an upgrade in special effects to make it better. Also, Wes Craven stole heavily from that movie in terms of the Nightmare on Elm Street films. The bad guy (Sully from Commando) even has blades for fingernails at one point in the final dream, and a burned face at another point. He uses nunchakas at another point (ie. the Dream Warriors). That movie is underrated and has been raped by Craven.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 2:31 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    As i said, it's a bad copy of a copy. Remember all those filters that Bay likes to use, even if they have absolutly no context for the scene? It's a very bad pale imitation from tony Scott, which he imitated from Stanley Kubrick's look for his movie Barry Lyndon. Check out Barry Lyndon, and in there you see the genesis for the Ridley Scott and Tony Scott look. Which Bay badly imitates.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 3:46 a.m. CST

    Much love for DREAMSCAPE!!

    by spud mcspud

    Dennis Quaid is badass in that movie, and yes, the evil dude from THE WARRIORS plays the villain - and the nuclear holocaust dream ending is fucking terrifying! True, you could make a better version in terms of SFX these days, but you know what? It holds up really well as it is. DREAMSCAPE definitely in under-rated - show it the love it deserves!!

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 3:48 a.m. CST

    I need to see this BARRY LYNDON

    by spud mcspud

    But after being almost bored to death by 2001 and THE SHINING, not to mention sex snoozefest EYES WIDE SHUT (by the way, the short story is far superior to the movie), I'm gonna have to really work at it. The only Kubrick movie I've seen that I absolutely loved was FULL METAL JACKET, and even that's a movie of two halves - and the first half was vastly superior to the second.<P> Asi - This movies vs cinema. What's your differentiation between the two? Just trying to clarify...

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 5:50 a.m. CST

    Don't bother with Barry Lyndon, spud

    by Chakraborty

    I'm a Kubrick fan, and like all the Kubrick films you mentioned, but I've never been able to sit through Barry Lyndon. I've tried...but it's like trying to force feed yourself some rotten cheese in the hope that it has a nice after taste.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 5:51 a.m. CST

    I liked Domino

    by Drsambeckett1984

    Anything with Keira Knightley in gets my support.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 7:25 a.m. CST


    by AsimovLives

    The irony of you as a Kubrick fan is that you are dismissing what might be not only one of Kubrick's best movie he ever made, but also his most challenging and bold. It's no small wonder that movie is admired and beloved by filmmakers, like Scorsese, Ridley Scott and spielberg, who calls it Kubrick's most emotional movie.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 7:28 a.m. CST

    spud mcspud

    by AsimovLives

    The difference between watching mvoies and lovign cinema is a matter of enthusiasm, love and having a descriminating mind. Watching movies is just a passive experience. To love cinema is an active experience, you are with the movie,s good or bad, they hit you hard in your heart, mind and soul, good or bad. Bascially, the difference is in attitude. Watching movies is superficial, loving cinema is deeper, as all true love is.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Full Metal Jacket

    by FreeBeer

    I would regard it his weakest film, including Eyes Wide Shut, even though I enjoyed Full Metal Jacket more for the most part. Second half was generic, cliched, unrealistic, the dialogue was terrible (film doesn't have to be realistic, but the grunts talked like Mr.T and the ambience was all wrong). The first half is brilliant, but if the entire second part of the movie is poor then the movie cannot be regarded a classic. Kubricks stubborn decision to film the whole thing in England didn't help either, choosing to import exotic trees rather than do location work. The warzones depicted LOOK like movie sets, and furthermore the climate looks to be a temperate English climate. The ending is powerful enough but the film cannot be forgiven its many flaws, unless you blindly hero worship Kubrick as a filmaker that can do no wrong.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 11:30 a.m. CST

    And Give Lyndon Another Try..

    by FreeBeer

    ..Its quite brilliant, philosophical, and the realisation of 18th century England is so intricate and believable you'd swear he built a time machine and went back and captured the real thing on camera. Performances are a master class too. Check it out again.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 11:41 a.m. CST

    FreeBeer, agree about Barry Lyndon

    by AsimovLives

    I'd say it's the most and best depiction of what people from another time would be like put in a movie ever achieved in cinema. The whole movie looks like a series of painting from the time, which was in fact the real inspiration for the movie's cinematography.<br><br>And the second half of the movie Fuill Metal Jacked is terribly underrated still to this day. And the dialogues, if you find them irrealistic, they are pretty much in tone and accurate to the book. In fac,tt he book is even more philosophical with the dialogues, Kubrick's movie groudned them closer to reality. and you know what, people can say the weirdest shit and have the the weirdest conversation in war. Even philosophy.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 2:14 p.m. CST

    child molestation with flashbacks done creepily, but in good tas

    by cylon_conspiracy

    Sorry, that was funny. I know it wasn't meant to be taken that way.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 8:43 p.m. CST

    Unreadable review. Come on, y'all.

    by Harry Weinstein

    But, I loved Beaks' METEOR MAN reference, so it wasn't a complete waste of the valuable seconds it took to follow the link from Mobius.

  • Nov. 4, 2009, 11:41 p.m. CST

    Still Disagree About Full Metal Jacket...

    by FreeBeer

    ...It would have worked far better as a film if he had gone to the effort of shooting it on location. The world in LYNDON was so beautifully realised, and the future of 2001, that it is a shame the realisation of Vietnam as warzone suffered because he just couldn't be arsed travelling to do the required shoots on location. I believe the movie suffered and would have been far better had he shot the war scenes in a more appropriate setting. Kubricks ugliest film, brilliant in parts, sadly quite forgettable in others.