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The sand, surf, and sun still don't help Capone enjoy COUPLES RETREAT!!!
Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.
I know it may seem like an obvious question at this point, but I'll ask it anyway: Why do people ruin everything? I'll attempt to explain. For about the first three-quarters of the new star-studded comedy COUPLES RETREAT, I was right there with it. I've seen better and more insightful comedies about relationships this year, but most of those films have been about male friendships. COUPLES RETREAT bravely tackles four very different male-female couplings (although a gay pairing might have improved things), all of whom head to a tropical island for intensive counseling and guidance. Look, I know a working vacation when I see one, and not a single member of this cast broke a sweat getting through this project, believe me. But the fact is I laughed, more than once, and keeping four very beautiful women in bathing suits or underwear for most of the movie didn't diminish the entertainment value either.
But then we enter the film's final, hideous act. Again, I understand the general public's need for happy endings in their romantic comedies. God forbid things get too heavy. But you've got a movie with four couples, for Christ's sake. Can't the most dysfunctional pair of the bunch maybe not end up madly in love after about three or four days of sun and sorta-fun? I don't want to ruin which couple I'm talking about, but they spend the entire movie not liking each other. They would probably be better off apart; no one watching this movie would question that decision. They're cheating on each other whenever possible, insulting each other viciously. It gets downright uncomfortable at times. But after one night of drinking and dancing, all is fucking forgiven and everybody is shooting sunshine out of their asses.
Vince Vaughn and Malin Ackerman are probably the most normal of the four couples. They have two young kids, and seem fully capable of working their way through every problem that comes their way. Vaughn is a bit selfish with his time and insists that most of the family's plans revolve around his schedule, but he's manageable. When Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell call their group of friends together to announce they are contemplating divorce but giving things once last try on this island-bound therapy program, they insist that the whole gang come along. Probably the funniest spouses of the bunch, Bateman and Bell are playing characters who schedule and PowerPoint every aspect of their lives, and it has drained the fun and spontaneity from their home. They are also struggling with getting pregnant, thus added more anxiety to the relationship. Vaughn's Swingers partner Jon Favreau is married to Kristin Davis. They got pregnant in high school, and have a daughter about ready for college, a moment they are eagerly awaiting. And finally, we have the recent divorcee Faizon Love, who has brought along his new and much younger girlfriend (Kali Hawk) he's been dating about two weeks.
Naturally, the island itself in inhabited by an eccentric cast of creatures, including Jean Reno as the guru who custom-designs counseling regimens for each couple. SHAUN OF THE DEAD's Peter Serafinowicz as the uptight, sort-of cruise director. The always-welcome Temuera Morrison is also on hand as one of the island employees. Among the legion of therapists are Ken Jeong and John Michael Higgens. The elements of funny are all around us, and for much of the film, there are laughs. They may not come rapid-fire and a lot don't hit the mark, but the four men in particular are good together, which should tell you something about how much the filmmakers (writers Favreau, Vaughn and Dana Fox, and director Peter Billingsley) value the comedic abilities of their female cast members. At least the women aren't treated as shrieking harpies, but they also aren't given much to do by way of comedy.
The problem is every time I start to remember the handful of things I liked about COUPLES RETREAT, that miserable ending keeping popping back into my head. It's really is like watching a 2-year-old force square blocks into round holes. It just doesn't fit, tonally or logically. And here's the other problem that the filmmakers don't seem to grasp. It is rarely fun to watch other people have fun. Watching your cast swim in tropical waters or jet ski or dance or drink or play Rock Band may have made production feel more like a party, but it's kind of boring watching others do the fun stuff that you'd rather be doing instead of watching their subpar movie. COUPLES RETREAT is hardly criminal, and that's almost more frustrating. There are hints that this might have been something better at one time. What we're left with is exactly--and I mean EXACTLY--what you might expect. For some of you, that might be enough, but I need something a little less forced and predictable. When I see the poster for this movie now, all I see is missed opportunity for something truly funny. Next time, guys.
-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
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could I be that thing that happens FIRST?
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perhaps the studio made them change the ending or something?
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Oct 09, 2009 7:25:17 AM CDT
GREAT JOB HOW ABOUT A SPOILER WARNING NEXT TIME?!??!
by bringingsexyback
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He nearly shot his eye out towards the end of A Christmas Story, and according to Capone, he does it again (metaphorically speaking) in his directorial debut. Peter B, you will be better next time.
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Oct 09, 2009 7:27:49 AM CDT
YES BECAUSE DOING A ROM COM IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT
by bringingsexyback
than making Iron Man 2. Well, if IM2 sucks we'll know why. Someone's priorities are out of whack.
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You said it brother.
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I'll still see it to see how Kristen fared, but this is up, actually from 6% 12 hours ago.
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Oct 09, 2009 7:41:56 AM CDT
Am I alone in finding Vince Vaughn unfunny as fuck?
by nasty in the pasty
I don't think I have EVER laughed at anything he's done. That whiny lisp attached to that bloated head...ugh.And I liked this movie better when it was called Forgeting Sarah Marshall (which at least was rated R).
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before I went abroad. awful. i am beginning to loathe modern cinema
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Thank you, God.
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something really cheesy from the 80's. WHo the hell thought this movie should be made in the first fucking place??
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Oct 09, 2009 8:23:57 AM CDT
Why is Vince Vaughn the only name they mention in the trailer?
by series7
And having seen the trailer for this along with Love Happens and Soreity Row makes for the perfect trilogy of the most generic looking trailers ever made.
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That this movie was directed by Ralphie Parker from A Christmas Story.
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Why not, seeing this trailer its obvious it was more fun to make then it probably is to watch. Also can this mark the end of the Reign of Terror from Ken Jeong? He's not funny, go back to being a Doctor. He may be a funny doctor at least.
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I kinda thought despite the terrible trailer this could actually be funny. Sounds like I was wrong.
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They? Is it sexist to say "she" now?
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in the lines of the OCEANS films...lucky pricks..
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"America's ticket buyers have shown time and again they're desperate for a laugh and willing to overlook widespread mediocrity to get it." - CNN review of Couples Retreat. This quote says it all for me and explains Judd Apatow's success as well as Seth Rogen's career.
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With three sexy white guys and one fat black man. Just exactly my cup of tea.
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but very often he is the only funny thing in the movies he's in. For instance, Role Models. He was also a lot funnier than Tyson's cameo in Hangover, although I realize that's not saying much.
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Those girls look so ridiculous. Completely unbelievable as well! Who actually has gfs/wives like that? Kristen Bell in bikini - stuff of dreams.
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Especially if you look like Jon Fatreau.
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I generally like Vince Vaughn's schtick and too many near-naked hotties to resist. And yes I do enjoy watching film characters have fun. That's sort of the whole point of cinema, to explore worlds we don't have a chance to inhabit ourselves. And no, I don't think shoe-horning in a gay sex scene would have made it a better film Capone. JESUS!
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So since it didn't have gay peopel and didn't end miserbly it's no good. It's a romantic comedy for guys to get dragged to, much like a Disney movie it's supposed to have a happy ending. What is the problem with that? Here are some better questions, why did you go see it at all, why is this movie being reviewed on a nerd site and why did I bother reading it. I can answer one of those, I'm bored at work.
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First off, never seen Role Models, but I've heard thats his best thing. Secondly everyone always says "yeah the Dr. in Knocked Up!" and I don't recall any aspect of that Lifetime movie being funny or memorable so I know their are a lot of liars. Thirdly, sure he was funnier then Tyson just because the commercials ruined Tysons cameo, but the situation involving Tysons character was funnier I thought. He's whole story was stupid. I thought The Hangover was a lot of fun, then again I seem to be the only guy here who likes Bradly Cooper (not enough Nip/Tuck fans around these parts). And Zack G. was awesome I love his stuff.
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Please stop having sex with Malin Akerman. Obviously the girl is the best fuck in the entire universe, but why should WE have to suffer because you guys can't keep it in your pants?? STOP PUTTING HER IN MOVIES! SHE CANNOT ACT GOOD! Just, sell her to some Arabs or something and keep her out from in front of the movie cameras for God's sake!
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Doesn't that seem to be a staple in her life? I bet its probably her at some point.
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While I'm not on board with the whole geek love for Bell (never seen her show) but unlike Portman I can see where nerds would like her. But she's like what? 20? And Bateman is in his 40s? And they are both high strung executive types? Bateman really likes going for the pedofile angle doesn't he? And he's married in real life.
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Too much Bateman, too much Ken Jueng, too muck Marlin and too much Vaugn. Its like we get it your all up and comers right now, but too much of your mugs and we'll get bored of you. Does anyone in hollywood aim to have a long career anymore? I mean Ken I can understand, hopefully this time next year he's relegated to bad Comedy Central shows and National Lampoon movies.
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and since he's engaged, it looks like he's already settling into married life because he's getting a big as a friggin house.
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You know, I completely forgot about Bradley Cooper's role on Nip/Tuck as the idiot actor on the medical series. He's hilarious in that! Much funnier than Hangover.
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Was funny in the Hangover, he's role was so stero typical and predictable. It was just lame, if anything he was my least favorite part of the movie.
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Doing the whole I broke my neck trying to suck my dick, kind of cemented it for me. I think he's great. I used to think he was self aware that he's just a douche, but between All About Steve, Not That Into You and the upcoming Valentines Day...not so much. He's botched try out for the Green Latern story is pretty funny.
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And I mean that literally. Other members include John Travolta and Val Kilmer.
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Val gained the weight for his role in Felon, and couldn't lose it. But he also is probably a liar.
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Thomas Jane will be there in 5 years.
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but some get head fat. Would love to see Thomas Jane get there. Guy's way to in love with himself.
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at least I don't think
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You just like to bitch.
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I don't think you're a pedo to go for 20 year old girls though. It may be creepy.
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Isn't there another term for that? Or is that just Creepy Old Man?
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I would ever see this. Dude's funny. But I bet he's nothing in this film.
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Love Vaughn, love Bateman, and LOVE Davis. We have two kids and a baby-sitter, we are going out to laugh at something that isn't antimated or has cute animals in it. We have four hours of baby-sitting and I can't wait to see this movie. Capone, get a life and realize we are not all lonely movie nerds that only care about sucking Avatar's dick.
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with an over the top, winking to the audience, fake ending.
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Maybe they should have set this on Easter Island?
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Even when he's phoning it in.
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Until at least Thanksgiving. This time of year is a dumping ground for garbage. It's no shock this movie sucks, hollywood knew that and that's why it's out now.
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I'll have to remember that one.
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what the fuck is he doing in this shitty movie??
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I've read most of the talkbacks for both reviews and they are stranger than normal.According to the reviews the movie sucked and it would be a lot better if the couples all divorced or if they turned gay or maybe if some one drowned,and in both talkbacks there are posts about the black guy in the movie being fat or unattractive. Not that I'm taking notes but this is one weird ass talkback. Maybe i'm reading it wrong.
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Granted, she still LOOKS about 17 (much like Alison Lohman).
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Vince Vaughn is fucking boring...he was ok in a few things but the guy is morphing into Jabba the Hut..so ya i agree totally unfunny fucker...
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Portman and Bell are popular with geeks because they look comparatively more attainable than other girls in the media.
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They should have put a cross-dressing black man in a fat suit. Now that shit would be funny, and I don't think this concept has been done before...
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I was gonna go. Then I though nah. I'm glad I didn't miss anything.
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then im Carson Kressley.
fucking GODESS. -
... an awful movie like the remake of heartbreak kid ... they practically stole hank azarias character-- outfit, appearance and all
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