Hey, everyone. Capone in Chicago here.

I know it may seem like an obvious question at this point, but I'll ask it anyway: Why do people ruin everything? I'll attempt to explain. For about the first three-quarters of the new star-studded comedy COUPLES RETREAT, I was right there with it. I've seen better and more insightful comedies about relationships this year, but most of those films have been about male friendships. COUPLES RETREAT bravely tackles four very different male-female couplings (although a gay pairing might have improved things), all of whom head to a tropical island for intensive counseling and guidance. Look, I know a working vacation when I see one, and not a single member of this cast broke a sweat getting through this project, believe me. But the fact is I laughed, more than once, and keeping four very beautiful women in bathing suits or underwear for most of the movie didn't diminish the entertainment value either.

But then we enter the film's final, hideous act. Again, I understand the general public's need for happy endings in their romantic comedies. God forbid things get too heavy. But you've got a movie with four couples, for Christ's sake. Can't the most dysfunctional pair of the bunch maybe not end up madly in love after about three or four days of sun and sorta-fun? I don't want to ruin which couple I'm talking about, but they spend the entire movie not liking each other. They would probably be better off apart; no one watching this movie would question that decision. They're cheating on each other whenever possible, insulting each other viciously. It gets downright uncomfortable at times. But after one night of drinking and dancing, all is fucking forgiven and everybody is shooting sunshine out of their asses.

Vince Vaughn and Malin Ackerman are probably the most normal of the four couples. They have two young kids, and seem fully capable of working their way through every problem that comes their way. Vaughn is a bit selfish with his time and insists that most of the family's plans revolve around his schedule, but he's manageable. When Jason Bateman and Kristen Bell call their group of friends together to announce they are contemplating divorce but giving things once last try on this island-bound therapy program, they insist that the whole gang come along. Probably the funniest spouses of the bunch, Bateman and Bell are playing characters who schedule and PowerPoint every aspect of their lives, and it has drained the fun and spontaneity from their home. They are also struggling with getting pregnant, thus added more anxiety to the relationship. Vaughn's Swingers partner Jon Favreau is married to Kristin Davis. They got pregnant in high school, and have a daughter about ready for college, a moment they are eagerly awaiting. And finally, we have the recent divorcee Faizon Love, who has brought along his new and much younger girlfriend (Kali Hawk) he's been dating about two weeks.

Naturally, the island itself in inhabited by an eccentric cast of creatures, including Jean Reno as the guru who custom-designs counseling regimens for each couple. SHAUN OF THE DEAD's Peter Serafinowicz as the uptight, sort-of cruise director. The always-welcome Temuera Morrison is also on hand as one of the island employees. Among the legion of therapists are Ken Jeong and John Michael Higgens. The elements of funny are all around us, and for much of the film, there are laughs. They may not come rapid-fire and a lot don't hit the mark, but the four men in particular are good together, which should tell you something about how much the filmmakers (writers Favreau, Vaughn and Dana Fox, and director Peter Billingsley) value the comedic abilities of their female cast members. At least the women aren't treated as shrieking harpies, but they also aren't given much to do by way of comedy.

The problem is every time I start to remember the handful of things I liked about COUPLES RETREAT, that miserable ending keeping popping back into my head. It's really is like watching a 2-year-old force square blocks into round holes. It just doesn't fit, tonally or logically. And here's the other problem that the filmmakers don't seem to grasp. It is rarely fun to watch other people have fun. Watching your cast swim in tropical waters or jet ski or dance or drink or play Rock Band may have made production feel more like a party, but it's kind of boring watching others do the fun stuff that you'd rather be doing instead of watching their subpar movie. COUPLES RETREAT is hardly criminal, and that's almost more frustrating. There are hints that this might have been something better at one time. What we're left with is exactly--and I mean EXACTLY--what you might expect. For some of you, that might be enough, but I need something a little less forced and predictable. When I see the poster for this movie now, all I see is missed opportunity for something truly funny. Next time, guys.

-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
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