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Roland Emmerich's TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION (2012) - 5 Bugnuts Insane Wholly Beetledick Wow Minutes!
Hey folks, Harry here with my pick for movie I'm most looking forward to being driven absolutely happy nuts for... 2012 aka TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION! This movie looks completely unlike all the other make it go boom big movies. There's just a FUCK IT! LET'S KILL IT ALL! Feeling that just thrills me. Driving that limo through the end times of Los Angeles is absolutely absurd. The drive train would DIE on that car so quickly it wouldn't be funny... but ya know what? Fuck that. Fuck logic. It is the biggest case of "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK" I've seen in a very long time, done by a master of that goofy sensation! Just imagine this... on a giant screen. With an audience going insane with the film. I seriously hope this movie lives up to the destruction we've seen so far.
Witness Chaos Reigns!!!
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It doesn't work in the UK or is the trailer really 3 seconds of blank screen?
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... and I was laughing my ass off. RARELY do I agree with Harry, but his assessment is correct. Reality shmeality, let's see stuff BLOW THE $*%# UP!!! I'll be there opening day. Hilarious.
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Even if the movie turns out to be a complete piece of shit (odds are it will), I still NEED to see it in the theater. Here's hoping that clip is less than 1% of what we're in for.
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this content is currently unavailable.
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Region locked trailers are a fucking joke.
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This will be a blockbuster event movie...even if it ends up sucking.
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Why don't they add a message along the lines of "Sorry, this content is not available in your region". A decent user experience will help sell this 'experiment'!
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so I didn't see the total fucking devastation but holy mother of god, I nearly shat my pants with that above voiceover of 'This content is currently unavailable' Mofo almighty they need to change that!
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If it's half as good as "Day After Tomorrow" it'll be twice as shit
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...which works for Non-US pretty well *g*
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...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZxBYItj2sM
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Oct 02, 2009 5:32:21 AM CDT
On the plus side, now the wildfires don't seem so bad...
by burnhollywood
...And the state's budget is completely balanced: no state left, all the taxpayers dead. Heckuva job, Arnie.
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Oct 02, 2009 5:33:06 AM CDT
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. ID4 w/ tectonic plates going apeshit.
by sal_bando
It will be fun, '74 Earthquake all over, and TOTALLY FUCKING LUDICROUS. Oh well.
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Especially the limo sequence.
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That looks utterly ridiculous.
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he jumps the 25 foot gap in the freeway?
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.. handcuff yourself to the nearest 'everyman' actor. Everything will be okay. Seriously though, that's some major damage there... too bad I'd feel as dirty as a two dollar whore for supporting that director. Maybe when it gets to cable.
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I can not WAIT to see this on the big screen!!! Righ now, I'm speechless...............
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The big bad CGI MONSTER is coming!
Look at it swallow everything with it's blur and anti gravity powers.
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It's arleady been done in ID4.
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This movie would be great if it was shot in 3-D!!
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RIP Chuck
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Who cares about realism? This is like Simcity when you decided to turn on all the disasters and destroy your city! I'll be there in the theater to see this haha.
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... in a long time. We can outrun the destruction! Hooray we made it!
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So I don't appreciate this..!!!
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The Arnold scene is campy. The bad look-a-like makes the film more ridiculous, plus Arnie won't even be governor in the year 2012. Anyways, this films look awesome on a chessy/scary way. Emmerich is still the man over Bay.
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Isn't reality pants-crappingly frightening enough without THIS BULLSHITE passing as forkin' ENTERTAINMENT ??? I am SO batsh*t SICK of Rolland Emmerich and his hate for the world and the human race - he REPEATEDLY insists on trashing the planet and billions of (albeit fictional) people with EVERY one of his exploitive, end-of-the-world PANICFESTS ! Roland - GO TO H#LL you worthless MTF'in b@sturd !!! That is all.
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where some broken slab of concrete in Iraq hadnt been completely blown up and was thought to hide some bullets as Bush senior looked on for more targets... Emmerich fits that pattern. Is there even a rock that wont get maligned in this film as he gleefully joins the Micheal Bay 'what can we blow up and how can we blow it up some more' school of filmmaking...
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i'm as for the techtonic destruction of L.A. as the next guy, but i am confused about the segue from fleeing limo to taxi-ing airplane. i would settle for 'this, too, shall be revealed,' but if it is, it would be the first time that Emmerich pulled a reasonable explanation out of his butt. anyway, i'm part of the problem as i'm sure i'll be there Day One. sometimes i hate myself. *sigh*
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people have died,are homeless,they are in despair because of the floods.
But we are here talking about a multi-million dollar movie about catastrophes.Isnt life ironic? :) -
...that's 'tectonic.' i remain, A Tard.
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I kind of agree. I don't look down on folks for liking this stuff, but I don't get it. I outgrew Godzilla movies years ago, poor stick-up-my-ass me. I'm not sure why Saw and Hostel are considered disturbing but the whole population of the world burning and drowning is awesome fun.
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C'mon, man. You can do better than this. You won't take two hours out of your life to lay down a commentary track for Better Off Dead yet you spend six months standing in front of a green screen pretending to drive through a building in a limo while trying to ignore the hackneyed premise of surviving a major disaster stuck in a small plane with the guy who's tapping your ex?
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Fair point. This is another step in the direction of TOTAL FUCKING DESENSITISATION.
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i mean seriously how can you come to a website run by the biggest geek on the planet about cool movies and not like that scene?? that looks like its gonna be a fucking blast to watch on the big screen, who gives a fuck about story when we are getting that sorta specticle
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I'm guessing imploding planets. 20012: The Big Crunch.
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Hasn't he hit the end of the disaster film yet? What else can he destroy?
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still in emmerich's pocket eh?
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So cheesy, and ridiculous, and stupid! I can't wait to see it. If you're gonna make a bad movie, this is how you do it. Michael Bay take notes.
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That was hilarious, especially the bit with Arnold. I still find it slightly disturbing though with scenes were thousands and thousands of people are dying albeit in the background.
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but what happens in the end? surely 'humanity must survive' right?
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a film by Ronald Emmerich.
It starts with a big bang. -
... looks good on the big screen? Because, like, it's big. God I hope those Mayan prophecies play out. The more people involved with this sort of filmmaking not making it to 2013 the better.
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Who cares if it is nonsense, sometimes its fun to watch crazy shit being destroyed up on the big screen and just switching your brain to neutral.
Plus John Cusack is always worth the admisssion price. The Ice Harvest is fudging awesome! -
... meh. I'm more excited by the bit of fluff I've just discovered in my keyboard ...
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Hey, the effects are cool. The thing is, the movie only wants me to care about John Cusack. Sorry, but I relate more to the family being crushed to death in their minivan out the window. Haha, the pilot is oblivious to all the horrible death, what a hoot! And yeah, Emmerich ought to be donating his share of the profits to disaster relief in the real world.
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Ive never seen so many caualties in such a short clip, opening day for sure for me.
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The craziest, most over-the-top end of the world I've ever seen. And can't stop laughing! MAN...I can't WAIT to see this on the big screen.
Havin' grown up with AIRPORT, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, and THE TOWERING INFERNO.....you just can't top this stuff!
Wow!
Count me in line now! My youth returns! lol -
There had better be a scene in this movie with Donald Sutherland playing a clumsy waiter.
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When indulgent fools are caught with panties down and driven out into lakes for ritual drubbing, then so let them be taken to task for the silly dilly dally incompetence they spew forth into piss poor netty netty miserable dot dot forward backward on com, Yet still they criticise oh de dums, To long has it been since the ignorant sow of justice stopped ticking for bam bam booey with lizards pouring out of tv screens, so when you footsack be bootsack vam kick sharp in gob, while you wish satsuma...
When ee heads fall tails a thousand times, so call heads tails both, but coin then lands on third side: the inside...
When you park so wrong ee headlights smash bumper breaky shuttle bang bang bang like fucking pinball...
And when you are inside the infinite misery jumper pulling it over and over your head with no hope of ending because it is replicating at the waistband and you never get out...
THEN EEEEEEE WELCOME
MMMMMMMMMM
WELCOME
BAD CANDLE JACK
mmmmmmm talky chats backs be different from normal days oh he har dumb muddle bum.
The days of sense and indeed meaning have gone for piddle!
BAD CANDLE JACK invites you mmmmmmm
oh har he
fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss welcome
i laughed and laughed gorillas are supposed to have two hands, but people must have there souvenirs, afterall bananas fall to floor when sky gets heavy.
think on muddle bum.
I am BAD CANDLE JACK
and you WILL listen to me. -
I wonder how this will play in Samoa?
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Luckily, breathing and blood circulation are automatic, so it probably wouldn't kill me... I just worry if I would be able to turn my brain functions back on once the lights go up.
Oh, and it looks like the director still hasn't realize that planes (or helicopters) have the option of flying higher than buildings to escape destruction. I would have thought that someone would have told him after "Godzilla". -
another shitfest.
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Total wall to wall crazy. I can't wait. Have the talking heads started posting News stories yet how this is a credible possibility? I love how science will piggy back on Hollywood to get a little press.
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where is will smith when we need him? im sure he can save us from this.
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http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2009/10/01/2086189.aspx
Actually, that's about how it's ridiculous, but still, yeah, they're milking it. -
... it's entertainment. It's art. And as Mr Wilde once said, all art is quite useless. Treat it for what it is, leave your brain at the pick-n-mix, and be entertained. If you're not of this ilk, don't go see it. Simple as that.
Oh, and thanks for the YouTube link. Fancast and Hulu can kiss my chocolate starfish. -
2012 looks fun. Michael Bay should take a back seat for the next installment.
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Yes, clearly the studio has all sorts of confidence in this. Seriously, how fucking dull was that crap? Nothing like some exciting CGI of shit falling apart! Yay!
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...I can be a bit more forgiving. It is indeed the stupidist thing ever, but there's so much absurdity packed in that bit that it almOst comes out the other side into a more zen-like state of mindlessness. The edited down version that aired on TV does it a disservice.
So still stupid, but I can see the appeal. My apologies.
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Ok maybe a one trick pony, but that clip is balls to the wall apocalyptic spectacle! Got my ticket, I'll check my brain in the foyer and have a blast.
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Because it sure looks like one.
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Day After Tomorrow was completely, tediously underwhelming. Was dubious about it, went to see it and found it was even worse than my already low expectations. This one . . . I think this one will rock. In no small part because of John Cusack.
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...includes Danny Glover reading to a group of kids as the end of the world occurs. He is infomed of the impending TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION and looks blankly at the camera. Turns out he was informed of the Mayan prediction six months beforehand but chose to ignore it. He swiftly exits the school for a waiting helicopter, breathing heavily: "I'm gettin' too old for this shit."Unfortunately the casting agent doesn't agree.
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Nutty as hell, and probably as scientifically accurate as phrenology, but when I want to learn science, I head for the non-fiction section.
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Holy shit my eyeballs are cumming!!!!!!
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God bless Roland Emmerich.
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Oct 02, 2009 9:06:48 AM CDT
SUCTION FROM COLLAPSING RUNWAY/EARTH WOULD PULL PLANE DOWN
by bringingsexyback
But who gives a shit? That fucked my eyeballs but good!
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No matter what you believe.......
Stick with John Cusack and you will survive to see the end of the movie! -
Oct 02, 2009 9:07:35 AM CDT
WILL FINAL SCENE HAVE ABE VIGODA LOOKING OUT ON BARREN PLANET?
by bringingsexyback
I hope!!!
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This is how you do TFD!!!!!
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I need an herbal tea to calm down now.
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Lady, we're going for a wide!!!!!!!!
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in all orifices with nails sticking out of their dicks. Nuff Said.
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But did the Mayans see their own 'world' ending a thousand years ago?Maybe they thought best to bugger off before getting Emmerich'd.
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Emmerich's doing Foundation next, so I guess we can look forward to Hari Seldon flying a plane as the Milky Way implodes.
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and ignoring the millions plunging to their deaths. The emotional logic of disaster movies escapes me.
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falling around inside the theatre and spring loaded chairs for the full Universal Studios effect.
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This movie will no doubt be visually stunning. BUT THAT'S ALL. It will be DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB, and probably DUMB too.
Cusack must have signed up for this one for the paycheck. He's much better than this material. But then again, almost ANY good actor is too good for this typical Emmerich nonsense. There's no story, just a premise. It's eye candy and nothing else. It's like making an entire meal out of a too-sugary dessert. With that kind of visual creativity in his employ, think of how good Emmerich's movies could be if he actually gave a shit about a good story. -
...but what I wouldn't give for a disaster movie focusing on seriously average people:"Jane, Jane, pack up the kids. California is collapsing into the ocean.""Omygod, have you hired a plane for just such a contingency?"(SILENCE)"Er, no. But I think I have a kite in the trunk of my car.""A kite? Really? Thank goodness, for a moment there I thought we were going to diiiiiiiieeeeeeeee..."Jane and her three kids collapse into the middle of the earth as a light aircraft screams past their window carrying a particularly smug looking middle-class family.
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...then 2012 and the "end of civilization" is already here.
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...if you go to see this at the 20:12 showing on the 20/12/2012, in seat 20 on row 12......you really should seek professional help.
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I watched it in high def after The Mentalist last night and the effects looked fucking amazing. Eat your heart out Avatar. It's still going to be awful, but at least now I have hope it will be entertaining.
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...going to the cinema in London costs £10.00 there or thereabouts. Central London it's more like £20.00.Now, mathematics was never a strong point but that's between fiften and thirty dollars. For that kind of money I want to be transported (and with a happy finish if I'm being honest) to a world of make believe.This film looks like it will not only transport me to that world but will then blow the fucker right up and dump it into the ocean. Bring it, Mr Emmerich. Entertain me.
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Emmerich is the Irwin Allen of the 21st century, and he has no equals. I'll be there at the Drafthouse South in November, brain suitably numbed with a couple few shots of smuggled-in Patron, and let the world crumble and explode in magnificent EmmerichVision as the jizz slowly but surely drips down my leg!
P.S.: To those who are so distraught at the level of carnage and human loss.... IT'S A FUCKING MOVIE!!! No lives were lost in the making of this film!!!!! -
This is like face-fuck porn for the masses.
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that'll end up another critical and financial disaster? Only Slurpee drinking mongoloids go to these films. Embarrassing that John Cusack is in it, they must have driven a big dump truck full of money up to his house, he's not made of stone!
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I've met Irwin Allen and Roland Emmerich is no fucking Irwin Allen.
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No shit. The problem is the tone and emotional investment. If it were a drama, I could get with it. If it were a comedy, I could get with it. "Titanic" had awesome visuals but still made it feel like a tragedy. Alderaan exploding -- tragedy. "Hitchhiker's Guide" played it all as comedy. "Dr Strangelove", very dark comedy. But you can't expect me to cheer for Cusack and laugh at the nutty pilot while millions are fictionally dying. If it's the CGI you care about, fuck the story and just have two hours of that. Why wrap it in a story? It's CGI destruction porn, nothing more.
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looks like a theme park ride but seriously, what possible resolution can a story where everyone in the entire world dies HAVE ?
oh, none? -
Oct 02, 2009 9:59:55 AM CDT
GUESS THERE'S NO NEED TO PAY THE CREDIT CARD BILLS ANYMORE
by bringingsexyback
Let's party!!!!!!
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Only twats write "Only Slurpee drinking mongoloids go to these films".Oh, oh. I'm sorry. Was I generalising again?I disagree with you. People go to see this who enjoy 'the experience'. You cannot possibly know if you will like a film until you've seen it, so sometimes 'the experience' is a negative one. But people keep coming back and trying again because the positives always outweigh the negatives - a great movie is worth ten average ones.But how do you know unless you actually watch it? Reviewers opinions never tell the whole story. Viva los mongoloids!
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Yeahhhh...Nevada beachfront property.
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Surely they can just forage on the floor and let nature drop apples and bananas whenever the sky gets heavy ?
after all, tourists need souvenirs -
Basically we (human race) are turds and this is the flush and wipe, Earth-style. Like the tag line in "Legion"; G-d got tired of our bullshit.
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"how did he get from the limo to the plane? its a continuity error!"no... it's called a cut. I'm sure you'll see a little more in the actual movie, but they wanted to show 5 minutes of action here."why doesnt he just fly above the buildings?"because he hardly got lift off.. you think hes in a helicopter? he cant fly straight up. at least the guy who said the plane would be sucked down made a valid point."what about all the other people dying?"what about them? we're watching the story of one of the few families that survive. "only stupid people watch these movies"..or people looking for some fun. you're actually allowed to enjoy art films AND event movies. sometimes i enjoy steak, sometimes i enjoy cake. you see enjoying different things makes you a well rounded person.i agree that disaster movies have run their course. i think/hope emmerich realizes that too, so he's giving us one last disaster movie to end all disaster movies. then we can wait 20 years until a new generation starts making them. (now if emmerich's next movie is another disaster movie then he deserves a little scorn, but so far it looks like this his disaster masterpiece.)
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Oct 02, 2009 10:23:43 AM CDT
Yeah because that plane had to fly through all of that!
by hollywoodhellraiser
I hate an overabundance of CGI! Can I say this looks like a CGI shit-fest!!!!
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I am baffled (which rarely happens) by that clip. I feel an earthquake of laughter building too. The kids crying was priceless.
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I will never, ever, see this movie and actually go out of my way to mock people that do for being the simpleminded plankton that they are. This movie is the cinematic equivalent of herpes.
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...are like religion. Just one more fear tool to keep the masses in place.
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After his 5,000 "money shots" no one will ever get a chubby watching another action movie ever again. Emmerich is a movie cock-blocker.
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He'll destroy everything that was interesting or cool about Asimov's novels.
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the way it is shot, looks exactly like a ride, not an ounce of intensity for a viewer need to be on the ride to really enjoy it
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"Crazy" divorced dad? CHECK! Comes to save family just in time? CHECK? Another bad parody character like in Godzilla? CHECK? PASS from me? CHECK!
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I mean seriously, ever since I read in High School Science class that during an Earthquake 9 or higher on the Richter scale you would be able to see MOVING WAVES OF EARTH, I've always wanted to see what that might look like.
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this week we're going over 'The Poems of William Blake' so please have footnotes and commentary ready.
afterwards we'll have crakers and brie and discuss the simpleminded plankton that enjoy having fun. then we'll go find where said plankton like to discuss the things they find enjoyable, like this website called 'AICN' and we'll sign up for an account, and call them all simpleminded plankton.That'll show them! isnt it great to be superior? -
(tm) Yackbacker
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Oct 02, 2009 10:53:57 AM CDT
I'LL WATCH THIS AND CAPITALISM: A LOVE STORY BACK-2-BACK
by bringingsexyback
Same movie, different approach.
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Roland make it happen
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Hope I dont have the Thundercats tune in my head when Avatar comes out
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keep playing by your double standards.
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Except they were talking about this movie, not the year.
This kind of crap passing for entertainment is surely a sign of the End of the World.
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nothing like an old fashion disaster movie. looks very well done just imagine what could be done with ID4 part two.
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Learn to swim.
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Tool said that! (little joke there.)
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we peaked in 1969, its been downhill ever since
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Oct 02, 2009 11:19:50 AM CDT
Why AVATAR sucks, and why AVATARDS suck each other. and why AICN
by badcandlejack
I am guessing Fox will need some kind of butt plug too. As the internet backlash has now become legendary. If i were Fox i would be touching cloth by now. TUT TUT. Never spend the wealth of a small country on a overblown cartoon.
Heads will roll. Cameron will never work again. and will be free to do all the expeditions he wants in the future.
Cue another TITANIC doc. titled: Help me back into the industry i alienated.
Pucker up buttercup
Your high standards and your trend setting hype machine will guarantee this movie will bomb. It could not possibly live up to the hype you people are responsible for! Are you all stupid ? What did you expect ? Fcking GOD on celluloid ? You bunch of useless ignorant fools. Now go and cry in your corners now you know this is the most expensive cartoon ever made. Guess what... WALL-E
had live action in it. There is zero in that trailer that was any better than the first 45 mins of WALL-E. This is the biggest mistake you people could have made. Claim this is the second coming without even seeing it. You simple minded easily led bunch of sheep. Jumping on the Fox hype machine from the get go. Before even a single frame had been shot. "This is going to be the greatest movie ever" "Water into wine" ect ect. Fox sat there and let you hype this movie into the stratosphere, knowing full well you watch any old garbage. Just say it is expensive and tell them James "Master of the universe and anti matter" Cameron is directing. Then keep the buzz going by giving hack journalists brief glimpses who we can pay to say is the second coming cinema. Jim will bring on his mates too. Soderberg, Ridley, Jackson ect ect. Once the geeks hear them them talking up this PS3 rendered movie, We will have them by the balls. they will create their own buzz. Much like they did with Phantom Menace. And we all know how that turned out. Why should George Lucas have all the inter-species fun. he had a woman screw a duck, we will have blue lanky muppets screw half cloned semi human Worthington. The girls will love it ;-) And for the boys we will render Zoe`s navel in 3D so the truly desperate geeks can crack one off in the dark at the back of the cinema. We can also make it relate to global warming. "Hey but that doesn't really exist" "The general public don't know that though" "Yeh cool go for it" "Ohhh Ohhh we can also make it pander to those Second Life guys who cant live for themselves". "Yeh they use Avatars don't they ?" "Yeh that's right, Hey now there is a thought" "We will call it Second Life ?" "No" "OK we will go with AVATAR then."
"But wait".
"We cant just film it first" ".
We need to go out and develop some new technology first".
"Why ?".
"Because if we say everything is new, we will be able to wrangle another few years out of the 3D thing"
"No way people will never buy it guys, everyone knows 3D is a fad".
"Yes but people forget about the last time it came around and we said it was here to stay, we have an entire new generation of gullible fools to dent our impressions of reality into".
"Good point Murdoch".
"Thanks Rothman, Now daddy has an itch only your mouth can scratch".
Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppppp.
Every single one of you people who hype a movie before a single glimpse should hang your heads in shame. You are the ones who are the ball lickers. You give Fox a tounge bath every time you state your claims. Photo real, Cinema revolution.
Fact:
There is nothing in that trailer AT ALL, that looks better than anything George Lucas did 5 years ago.
Fact:
That trailer features some of the worst CGI i have ever seen. The opening shot of Sam coming out of the hanger with the AMP next to him. TERRIBLE.
Fact:
This fan base is going to get notoriety for one thing only. Being as stupid and as arrogant as the Star Trek fan base. Bravo nerds, BRAVO.
THE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU. and quite right too.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA S U C K E R S HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Oh and one last thing. It looks like a bad Pixar movie. No scratch that. BAD DREAMWORKS movie.
Fan bases dont get owned very often, but jeesshh. You guys are a laughing stock.
Now something more important....
WHY DOES AINT IT COOL NEWS SUCK ?
WELL IT IS RUN AND OPERATED BY A SLACK JAW GAGGLE OF INBRED CHIMPS,
ITS USERS ARE MORONIC SLOPPY TWATS
WHO ONLY SERVE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEATH OF CINEMA. HEADED UP BY A
MAN SO MISFORMED THAT GEORGE LUCAS COULD HAVE WHEELED HIM ONTO THE SET OF RETURN OF THE JEDI AS JABBA THE HUTT AND CARRIE FISHER WOULD NOT HAVE BATTED AN EYLID. JABBA LIKES TO USE CRUDE AND VAGUE SENTENCES WHEN TYPEING UP A REVIEW SUCH AS... My geek juices exploaded inside her clefty twat as i sat there watching Hostel 2. Or the classic " I enjoyed fantastic four 2 ", Ohhhhhh harry are you having geekgasms and exploading all over your monitor while Yoko fondles the rotting meat left spew around you from days gone by ? Will TRON LEGACY pop out your eyes and skull fuck your brain into oblivion ?
and as for you. yes you. keep fighting for first place on the board. or maybe 2nd or even 3rd,
i hate you so much i am going to cry myself a river and drown you with my tears.
AICN is an amazeing website. I LOVES YOU ALL. death to CHUD.COM -
i'm talking about TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION.
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We're all on the surface of water in a toilet bowl and the thing is gonna flush soon. Hmmm, it's lunchtime!
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I swear to god this is what happened every time I played that game.
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And in his next feature, Mr. Emmerich will destroy the whole galaxy!!
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Oct 02, 2009 11:30:46 AM CDT
This whole thing looks like one of Harry's Taco Farts
by borock_a_boomer
A really big one
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ever.
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did they even film the actors or are those cgi representations?
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Serious.
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I don't know whether to go and see this film or not. On the one hand, it's Emmerich - king of the superficial eye-candy - so will be somewhat lacking in several key areas (script, dialogue, credibility, etc) but on the other hand, it's got John Cusack in it, who is always value for money and doesn't usually work for the pay-cheque.So how will this film pan out? Will it be a good Emmerich movie or a bad Cusack one? Shall I give it two hours of my oh-so-fleeting lif?Decisions, decisions...
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what does it mean when people like BADCANDLEJACK get so excited at the chance of the failure of others?
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When indulgent fools are caught with panties down and driven out into lakes for ritual drubbing, then so let them be taken to task for the silly dilly dally incompetence they spew forth into piss poor netty netty miserable dot dot forward backward on com, Yet still they criticise oh de dums, To long has it been since the ignorant sow of justice stopped ticking for bam bam booey with lizards pouring out of tv screens, so when you footsack be bootsack vam kick sharp in gob, while you wish satsuma... When ee heads fall tails a thousand times, so call heads tails both, but coin then lands on third side: the inside... When you park so wrong ee headlights smash bumper breaky shuttle bang bang bang like fucking pinball... And when you are inside the infinite misery jumper pulling it over and over your head with no hope of ending because it is replicating at the waistband and you never get out... THEN EEEEEEE WELCOME MMMMMMMMMM WELCOME BAD CANDLE JACK mmmmmmm talky chats backs be different from normal days oh he har dumb muddle bum. The days of sense and indeed meaning have gone for piddle! BAD CANDLE JACK invites you mmmmmmm oh har he fuss fuss fuss fuss fuss welcome i laughed and laughed gorillas are supposed to have two hands, but people must have there souvenirs, afterall bananas fall to floor when sky gets heavy. think on muddle bum. I am BAD CANDLE JACK and you WILL listen to me.
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Fuck Roland Emmerich up his fucking ass.
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Oct 02, 2009 11:53:44 AM CDT
Michael Bay, Jar Jar Abrams, Roland Emmerich and Robert Zemeckis
by asimovlives
go to a bar. They fuck each other in the ass. The End.
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..must listen to a lot of "Coast to Coast"/Art Bell.
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Fucking Roland Emmerich reached a new low in his hack stupidity! This fucking idiot is beyond teraphy! QWhat i realy waht to know is who was the fcuking retard who, after 10,000BC, though it was a good idea to give fucking Roland Emmerich to make a movie. Who the fuck was that retard? Jesus Christ, Hollywood is fuilled with retards!! I donpt know who's worst, Roland Emmerich or the iditos who keep paying him to make movies.
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Fuck Roland Emmerich up his fucking ass.
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It looks stupid as hell, but should be really fun on the big screen. I'm OK with one of these a year, as long as these people actually try on the other movies.
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and lets never talk or ponder on warm wallow sectors of the night of the why`s and the woe`s but chirpen upon hearing the crude death screams of a visionary Canadian being fed into a woodchipper, while fairys and pixies light up the forrest of solitude for the grim pleasure of onlookers. we will sing, we will dance, and make merry in the halls of our forbears while fucking coffee machines. For tonight, we feed the sky with the ashes and aroma of a visionary Canadian,
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THURSDAY ? -
and lets never talk or ponder on warm wallow sectors of the night of the why`s and the woe`s but chirpen upon hearing the crude death screams of a visionary Canadian being fed into a woodchipper, while fairys and pixies light up the forrest of solitude for the grim pleasure of onlookers. we will sing, we will dance, and make merry in the halls of our forbears while fucking coffee machines. For tonight, we feed the sky with the ashes and aroma of a visionary Canadian,
WHAT IS THE POINT OF THURSDAY ? -
tl:dr
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I don't give a shit if it makes sense or not, this movie is going to make a bajillion dollars!
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Oct 02, 2009 12:12:16 PM CDT
THEY ARE DRIVING AWAY FROM AN EARTHQUAKE
by supercowbell5thecowbellhasspoken
A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
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as worst fucking director in the universe.
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For the gift of the sick and dying,
May we thank him for the joy of the wretched and weak. Give praise to the glory of the deaf and dumb, Bask in the pressence of diesse and pestilence. and may we never forget the sacrifices that Charles Manson gave us, and take comfort from the fact that the churches will spend your money on houseing paedophiles for general neighborhood fondleing. let us praise him, praise him, praise him.
Forever the glory and power and death and cruelty forever and ever
AMEN.
Let us give thanks to god. -
And WhaAAt is the DEEAL with AirPlane food?
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And WhaAAt is the DEEAL with AirPlane food?
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I just cannot suspend disbelief that much.
I don't have how "fun" it is. -
Great question - but if we're attempting to define reality, there's a pretty great chance that 1. The limo would have never made it pass the street it was on
2. The rise of the dirt of the earthquake would have blinded everyone in california and they sure as hell wouldn't have found the airport
3. The suction of the earth would have pulled the plane straight into hell
the only way logical way to beat the earthquake was to create a time warp forward so they could skip all that mess and find themselves in the plane. It just makes sense. -
Because they must have blew the VFX budget on shit loads of BLOW!
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The first half will feature all the TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. If you can turn off your brain and enjoy it, then cool. I harbour no ill will towards the folk who will have fun watching all the CGI TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION. They know it's stupid, they don't care, it's fun to watch. That's totally fine. Go ahead and enjoy the first half of the movie.
Then, when the TOTAL FUCKIN DESTRUCTION dies down, and there's still at least 30 minutes to go before the credits roll, get your coat and leave the theatre.
Where the hell does this story go after the TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION? The battle by John "Everyman" Cusack to get his family on one of the government's "arks". All the whiny bastards led by John Cusack on board the "arks". In-fighting. Hackneyed "man vs. man" conflict. Awful dialogue. No story.
Fuck that.
If Emmerich wants to make a TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION movie, that's fine.
But don't waste our time trying to tack onto the end a story about human beings interacting with each other. You don't have the chops. -
. . . after all the land sinks into the oceans, maybe MegaShark and Giant Octopus will take over!
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While entertaining, it lacks the spectacle of the jewels of our modern civilization being smashed into tiny bits. I mean honestly, which is more impressive: Skyscrappers hundreds of feet tall crumpling down and thousands of cars glittering in midair as they tumble into the Earth, or a Wal-Mart, Dennys, and a trailer park getting summoned into the bowels of the Earth? Btw, note I said impressive!
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I'm usually okay with silly disaster movies, but that was stupid. Everthing just happens to be falling in around them except for exactly the places that they happen to be going. It was just... stupid and done for the wow FX only, and make NO sense. I hate when they pull this shit. I know they want it to be exciting, but how many Kindergarten classes did they consult to come up with this? Really, I could see the kids all excited and raising their hands and little Johnny in the back saying "Yeah, and... and... they kids jump in the car just as the house collapses! And... and... as they're driving away the earthquake is following them and... and... everything is falling down around them... and and... they drive through this collapsing building and like zoom out the other end! Yeah. That's so cool!"
I think that's how it was written, and all the while some stupid suit is furiously writing this down thinking "Goddamn, we should talk to kindergartners more often!" -
It looks so shitty. But we're all still going to go see it, right?
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Oct 02, 2009 12:46:16 PM CDT
I TRUST JOHN CUSACK TO SOW THE SEEDS OF A NEW CIVILIZATION
by bringingsexyback
Imagine if Glenn Beck got on that ark. Fuck that!!!
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with his big balls hanging out his pants so you all can suck it!
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Oct 02, 2009 12:48:33 PM CDT
The other thing that pisses me off about these movies...
by royston lodge
...is how it's always the government who saves the survivors. The political subtext is always, "humanity sucks. We need TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION so that we're forced to let the government finally implement perfect totalitarian rule. Everybody, but everybody, who tries to save themselves, dies. Trust your government, or else. Did I mention that the director's from Germany?"
Mad Max didn't follow the "trust the government" paradigm. Even Waterworld, with all its faults, didn't follow the "trust the government" paradigm.
But Emmerich can't help himself. Meh... -
Fuck this movie, man! Fuck it! And fuck Roland Emmerich. Fuck Roland Emmerich up his fucking ass. Fuck this shit!
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Roland Emmerich has made people outrunning a lot of stuff: fireballs, temperature, and now, it's earthquakes. Who the fuck takes any of this shit seriously? Who the fuck actually feels tension and suspense watching this bullshit? Are ther epeople in the world stupid enough to feel tension and suspense from this bullshit crap? If this shit is ridiculous instead of scary and suspenseful, then what the fuck it's useful for?
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Oct 02, 2009 12:54:44 PM CDT
WELL, WHO ELSE WOULD SAVE HUMANITY IF NOT PRES. GLOVER?
by bringingsexyback
Wal-Mart? Bank of America? Come on now.
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Government was the only logical savior.
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is the type of guy whos going to see the movie with his friends anyway, he never let them know what he really thinks about it. He just want to be "with his friends". G
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is the type of guy whos going to see the movie with his friends anyway, he never let them know what he really thinks about it. He just want to be "with his friends".
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Oct 02, 2009 12:58:56 PM CDT
I'm just not impressed or even slightly interested in this kind
by mrhazard
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Of course he had to at least try to outrun the earthquake and save his family. And thank God he did!!!
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The Expendables in various rescue scenarios.
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It doesn't matter if the "saviour" is a government or a corportation. The thing I hate about Emmerich's movies is the necessity of the "saviour".
In Waterworld, small communities of survivors band together to try and make a go of it. Nobody "saves" them.
Ditto for the Mad Max flicks.
In Deep Impact, there was at least SOME high ground for people to get to. So individual families could at least have an opportunity to TRY to SAVE THEMSELVES. Would it work? Who knows, but at least they could try. Ditto for the James Cromwell's character who takes his family out on his sailboat in advance of the impact. Their chances of survival were slim, but at least they had a chance.
That's not good enough for Emmerich. There is no high ground. Even the fucking Himalayas are submerged! Think you can survive on your own boat? Think again pal, cuz even aircraft carriers are fucked. You have zero chance. Better sign on with the government.
Emmerich's flicks are not inspiring stories of human survival. They're soul-deadening stories of submission to the government. The TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION is just a way to kill off all the pesky individuals who won't submit. -
GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, Ya, same movie, wrong SPFX...
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Oct 02, 2009 1:12:51 PM CDT
ROYSTON DUDE, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR NUTRITIONAL VALUE IN CANDY
by bringingsexyback
You ain't gonna find it, might as well enjoy it. But I think the movie you're wanting is The Road, as far as I can tell. War of the Worlds, even. But this is Emmerich and it is what it is. And quite frankly, since I was a kid I've always wanted to see a honkin' big ark in an end-of-world scenario and this is my big chance!!!!!
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Oct 02, 2009 1:15:59 PM CDT
It's one of the reasons Battlestar Galactica was so good.
by royston lodge
Even after humanity had been reduced to about 50'000 people, they STILL weren't willing to submit to the warm, glowing, warming glow of the Benevolent Leader.
Can you imagine how Emmerich would have 'reimagined' BSG? Eek... -
I just praised Waterworld and Deep Impact.
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...than the early clips they released. Pretty much everything that's happening would be totally and completely impossible in the "real world". But while watching them "escape from LA" I actually starting holding my breath, pulse rate rising. So, yeah. I may have been turned around on this one. Maybe. That Bentley commercial clip is still one of the worst things I've ever seen. But this just looks SOOOOO much better. Maybe. lol
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But when "The Earth" is the villain in the movie...there's only one way this flick is gonna end. Villains die at the end.
Was anybody HAPPY to see that huge tidal wave splash over Tea Leoni at the end of Deep Impact? I wasn't happy...nor was I moved.
This movie's 'bummer' ending will turn people off. But watching things go BOOM on THIS large of a scale...pretty frickin incredible. -
To the corner, young man!!!
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Nobody needs to hear your conservative paranoia-laced diatribe. Those small bands tryign to make a go of it in WW were inbred hicks, the last of a people dying, not surviving.
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Oct 02, 2009 1:30:59 PM CDT
CALL ME A SOCIALIST BUT IF THE GOVERNMENT BUILT AN ARK
by bringingsexyback
I want on it.
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...I thought one of the best things about BSG was Tom Zarek and his gang. Interesting.
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Also some of my favourite BSG stories.
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..ditto!..its the " i wonder what it would look like" magic..
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That was .................. AWESOME!
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I hate posting LOL, but...LOL
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Bay saw that clip and laughed his ass off.
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and FEMA. Don't worry.
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the stupidity of that shit doesn't get old.
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fireballs, temperature, earthquakes, you name it.
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Oct 02, 2009 2:19:06 PM CDT
Destruction all the way through please, unlike Day After Tomorro
by damien chowder
First 10 minutes of spectacle then crappy waste your time family shit.
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I feel like we've hit the wall on this shit. I mean, honestly, no matter how "detailed" you render things, in real life, SHIT DOESN'T MOVE THAT FAST.
It didn't move that fast when it was a big fake snake eating John Voight, it didn't move that fast when Spidey was slinging between the buildings, and it doesn't move that fast when buildings crumpel.
Also: why the fuck is the plane flying so close to the ground? As with the aformentioned Spidey, no matter how high that plane gets, somehow there's still shit that's higher.
Unfortunately, no matter how high I get, this will still suck massively. Please, people, boycott this shit director, these shit effect, and the horrible horrible idea that "it's rendered in more detail!" is reason enough to see a movie. -
Oct 02, 2009 2:28:05 PM CDT
"no matter how high I get, this will still suck massively"
by royston lodge
LOL. That definitely deserves a No-Prize.
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None of it looks remotely real or unlike watching, say an IMAX film. And that whole 'twenty million things exploding at once' stuff? It's the tool of hacks, try to put so much onscreen and have it happen so fast hopefully no one will see how fake and grit-free it looks. And Cusack's lost any credibility, or for that matter charisma, he once had.
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I havea feeling this is going to be a lot of fun. However, if the ground did start moving like that I'm pretty sure you might be able to just kiss your ass goodbye. Forget about driving a limo. Anyone who has been through an earthquake will tell you how little reaction time you actually get. Maybe if you have a dog and it freaks out you might have two seconds to duck for cover.
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...but perhaps in a good way, unlike 10,000 B.C. with that god-awful narration.
This will probably be funnier than any "Disaster Movie" spoof could ever be. I'm getting high and going opening weekend. Woo hoo! -
Oct 02, 2009 2:40:57 PM CDT
THEY ARE DRIVING AWAY FROM A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE!!!!
by supercowbell5thecowbellhasspoken
I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!
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Much more grounded in what most people actually think compared to Harry's cheerleading. And you wonder why Hollywood has so lowered its standards for big-budget movies? It's because of people like Harry Knowles.
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..."beetledick?" Did I miss a meme-memo?
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...because then the heroes can dodge the same CGI all over again and escape death a dozen other times. Now at 300mph.
I bet they crashland in the water, get themselves into a speedboat and attempt to get around these buildings a third time, now as they slide into the ocean.
That would be awesome. -
U.S.S. FEMA
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Dear Roland Emmerich,
Eat me. That is all. -
Oct 02, 2009 3:16:18 PM CDT
The arks will be called after derivative "american" stuff like
by asimovlives
... freedom, liberty, and whatever the fuck that americans think that only exists and is belived by in USA only and no where else in the whole world. Made even worst by the fact that the director is german. Maybe to be fully american way, some of the arks will also be named Capitalism, Money, Greed and God's Own Dog.
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As gloriously assanine as that looks, i just have to be there on opening night to cackle my ass off at it.
Seriously, all these scenes seem to built around being obstacle courses in the video game. -
I can get with everything they showed but one thing.
There sure as shit ain't no nice upper class WHITE families living that close to Randy's Donuts. -
...he's an ex demolition derby expert who killed his pit crew in his negligence, but he has to overcome his demons in order to give a big "fuck you" to gods plan and drive his ass off once more for the sake of his family.
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I'll be at the midnight show of course.
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it's funny though how they kind react in that "Independence Day" television show reality kind of way... not really too scared or threatened... with humor... but those effects are like some sort of collage nightmare abstracted art. Kind of like how the city in Godzilla was a dream version of layers with buildings you crash through or hide within. Surreal and expressive.
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Just noticed that he TELLS his very young children to WATCH as California falls into the sea. I imagine any halfway decent parent would tell their kids NOT to look.
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Or at least the 2% of us who survive...
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GET ON THE BUS!!!!!
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...is having a warp coil issue.
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for not letting them see Cali go into the ocean. I know I would.
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If your in an airplane, why are you flying so low? Do they realize they don't have to fly through falling buildings and shit?
DUMB. -
They couldn't get Arnold to come in and shot for a few hours to get those lines? No instead they get some asshat crappy impersonator to do it.
DUMB. -
that, if we live long enough, we WILL see it happen -- Another Roland Emerech disaster movie.
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or take a giant flying fuck at it.
P.S. The plane does get sucked down, watch the friggin' trailer. -
It will be revealed that it was all caused by, The Nothing.
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.. Ned Flanders running down the street yelling "Help me, Lord!"
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i know. i know. LAUGHED hard at the Ned Flanders bit.../\
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Run away from all this shitty CG madness. And you people call Bey a terrible filmmaker?
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Is a giant lizard, Dennis Quaid, and aliens, and the circle would be complete.
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'talent' then Emmerich needs to get an Oscar for this!! Day After Tomorrow sucked but this looks awesome!!! How are they possibly going to 'kill' the 'enemy' in this one?
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I'll go see it in theatres if I get a bug up my ass and have a nice big doobie to smoke. Otherwise I'll rent the blu-ray. Peace!
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Oct 02, 2009 6:11:11 PM CDT
Supposedly, this is the heat-signature of Planet X. Hope this i
by womb_raker
http://www.google.com/sky/#latitude=13.250639570043104&longitude=-%20%2033.0029296875&zoom=7&Spitzer=0.00&ChandraXO=0.00&Galex%20%20=0.00&IRAS=100.00&WMAP=0.00&Cassini=0.00&slide=3&m%20%20%3Cbr%3EI=1&oI=1
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I don't understand why that keeps getting said. Look at his entire career in IMDb and then explain to me how the last ten years are different than the ten years before that. He's constantly done a variety of different types/genre of movie. Seriously - he's always done romantic comedies, dry comedies, worked in the political thriller and odd independent film alongside the giant goofy ones. I mean, he's in Con Air! One of the silliest movies of all time. Recently he tried suspense/horror with 1408, and now he's doing epic action in 2012 (didn't see the number thing until I typed that, lol). It's what most actors generally refer to as "working". John Cusack is one of the most successful working actors of the last 30 years. He's always in something. So again, how has he lost credibility?
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It's so hard seeing the One Crazy Summer guy being in giant CGI fuck fest.
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Oct 02, 2009 7:06:55 PM CDT
"Hey guys, let's fly REALLY low near all the destruction"
by takingscorpioscalls
"Maybe we should, oh i don't know pull up and away from the destruction?" What a stupid scene.
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Motarded as hell, but shit gets fucked up! I'm there.
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Oct 02, 2009 7:25:47 PM CDT
They left out the cut scene where the radio turns out
by takingscorpioscalls
and starts playing "It's Raining Men" and everyone laughs.
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You really know they are going to make it, so it has all the involvement of a special effects demo reel. I guess it might be worth watching at some level, provided your friends sneak you into the theater, but this was so dumb you might find yourself walking out and demanding your money back. Cinema as we know it dies this holiday season.
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Oct 02, 2009 7:32:04 PM CDT
Like the guy ducking the plane as the entire earth crumbles
by darth_inedible
The sequel should just be 120 minutes of Jon Cusack fleeing in a Space Shuttle just ahead of a rampaging blackhole sucking up every planet in the solar system.
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That's what this movie is. Plain and simple.
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like they did the happening http://tinyurl.com/6fk5ps
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They get thru all of that and I cant make two green lights in a row.
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They leave the Santa Monica airport which is a couple of miles from the ocean, to fly 20 miles inland (I guess to fly under buildings?) and then fly back out to the ocean? Check this out...
http://www.wwtdd.com/wp-content/uploads/2000/08/satmap2.png -
dude knows how to destroy a city
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This is not a movie, it's an amusement ride. This movie will be dumb, but not too dumb, the crazy visuals will balance out the dumb & make a good popcorn movie. A big dumb popcorn movie. I do get a kick out of these movies, imagine what to you'd do in that situation, well, in this case you'd be fucked, build moon/mars colonies now!
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This is not a movie, it's an amusement ride. This movie will be dumb, but not too dumb, the crazy visuals will balance out the dumb & make a good popcorn movie. A big dumb popcorn movie. I do get a kick out of these movies, imagine what to you'd do in that situation, well, in this case you'd be fucked, build moon/mars colonies now!
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The best bit is the family going "wheeeee" like they're on a rollercoaster. This shit is funnier than Team America.
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than McG's Terminator 5.
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Gotta love how everything in our protagonists' world seems consciously making an effort to just barely avoid hitting them but close enough so that it looks somewhat dramatic. I'm reminded a little of the island escape sequences in PJ's KING KONG when every living creature on the island seemed hell bent on attacking our heroes & heroine but just missing them by smidgen. Like the T-Rex that actually spit out the prey it already had in its mouth in order to lunge at Naomi Watts, and miss of course.
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Oct 02, 2009 9:02:17 PM CDT
As much as I worship Cameron and expect Avatar to be the year's
by starwarrior
...This has blown my mind (and sodomized my eyeballs) a hell of a lot more than anything I've seen from Avatar so far.
Still, I expect Cameron's movie to maintain a high quality throughout. This one, like all of Roland Emmerich's disaster epic will have an amazing first hour where tension is built really efficiently until the mind-boggling world destruction... then we'll get shitty family drama, boring "human" moments, an underwhelming survivors story and a climax that won't hold a candle to the end of the film's first act where California goes under. The Patriot will remain Emmerich's greatest film. However, I hope I'm wrong. -
I thought it was LAX. That's like 3 miles from Randy's donuts, which is in Inglewood, where they narrowly escaped the rolling donut.
Maybe the scene break was longer than I expected, so I could be mistaken. -
You know what yer gonna get from this, so just watch and enjoy. I think the whole scenario is gonnna be bullshit of course.
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So it will probably make $200 million from the morons that just can't get enough explosions and car wrecks.
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On foot, in a car, in a plane, it doesn't matter, one family stays one step ahead of disaster in every (I mean EVERY) move they make. Its so ridulous seeing all this in the trailer alone, it HAS to be good. Hell, it HAS TO BE GREAT! The trailer is hiding nothing except the outcome so that's a good thing. The bad thing is that these ridiculous scenes have to complemented by great, subtly well-timed one liners and a flawless, non-compromised, finish or the movie flops in epic style
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Oct 02, 2009 10:31:50 PM CDT
BADCANDLEJACK, CHRIS MORRIS' JAM REFERENCE FTW!!!FACT!!!
by tehcreepythinman
Harry would have had The Gush by now if he could find his cock.
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But it was cool to see So Cal finally slide into the sea.
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You know, one thing that always bothers me about these kinds of movies is that the people don't mean shit. I mean...we see cars blowing up and skyscrapers collapsing, but the spectacle simply outweighs the sense that anyone has died. It just feels...wrong. And it's not that they died in the first place, but that their deaths truly meant absolutely NOTHING. I mean, we get the same sort of thing in Aliens. Where 157 colonists (including small children) die horrible deaths so that we can get more Aliens to kill. That sort of bothers me, but at least there there's sort of a SMALL acknowledgement of how horrible this is. Ripley's confrontation with Burke. The corpses in the Alien hive. The eery scene where the Marines find where the colonists made their last stand. It's small, but at least that's SOME recognition that these were supposedly actually PEOPLE who died. I saw Hellboy 2 and liked it a lot, but one thing just sort of bothered me on a moral level. Early on in the movie, hundreds of people died a HORRIBLE death. They were locked in a room where they were consumed bit-by-bit by tiny creatures that have a particular affinity for chewing the teeth out of still-living people. That's a HORRIBLE way to die. Then when Hellboy kills all of the tiny monsters, the public greets him with cheers. No one in that universe gave a shit about the people who died, they were just happy to get a chance to see Hellboy kicking ass. People go up to Hellboy and say "dude, you're AWESOME!" But do we see any small children walking up to Hellboy and asking him, "so did you find my mommy and daddy?" I don't know, man. Call me a pussy, but this actually does sort of bother me. If you're going to kill BABIES (because don't tell me that babies didn't die), then fine. Just give me SOME reason to believe that the dead babies are justified, rather than that I'm watching babies die because it looks FUCKING AWESOME.
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Okay, I admit it, this may actually be the very definition of a roller coaster ride of a movie. I'll definitely be going to see this in the theater.
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where a terrorist is about to nuke LA. This terrorist has hidden the map to the bombs in a baby's brain. And then a second terrorist is supposed to find this baby, retieve the map, in order to find the bombs that will destroy the city. Meanwhile, the hero knows that there's a bomb in the baby's brain, but he doesn't know WHICH BABY. So he has to crack open every baby's head as as quickly as possible, in the hopes that he finds the map to the nukes in time to disarm them and save the city.
It's a cool story. The whole movie consists of babies' heads getting split open. But it's a happy story. Because even after cracking open a thousand babies' heads, and then failing to find the map before the terrorists detonate the bombs, at least the hero manages to get his family out of LA before the bombs go off. So everything turned out a-okay. -
Oct 03, 2009 1:34:36 AM CDT
Looks like another day in this fucking traffic and gang banging
by citizen sane
Apparently Cusack is the only decent actor in that whole scene because he was the only one that actually looked frightened instead of just stupid.
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no $ for Emmerich but have to see it on the big screen.
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I know what you mean there, especially in this day and age seeing this is so stupid and yes a lot of disaster movies show it, but what really makes the scene assholish is making it a rollercoaster ride like this is an x-wing in the battle of Endor zigzagging along, when in the background you're watching toppling buildings which everyone now knows the stark reality of. WavingFlagsInSpace made a good point about how some random family is being killed at the moment, the filmmakers don't have the balls to show people being splattered and crushed, i was watching a youtube video of firefighters on 9/11 hearing bodies smashing on to a hotel's roof, now that's real horror, this detached disaster-porn is disgusting. I mean heck right now there are 3000 just killed people in the Pacific and these guys are diddling their dicks creating this discentizing nonsense without showing the upclose consequences.
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Oct 03, 2009 2:47:05 AM CDT
All the world's falling apart and ONE plane takes off?
by lockesbrokenleg
There should have been 1,000's of planes flying through the city.
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a million is a statistic"
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Then they make room for this kind of film art. TFD baby.
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Yep and one badass super-Lincoln limo that knows the ONE exactly safe path through all the falling rubble and gridlock (GPS? OnStar?) and of course none of the other 3 million people in the city is smart enough to follow them -- they all just run stupidly INTO the falling rubble and get crushed (but we don't actually see that because it would be way too expensive to render thousands of little people...)
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"It's funny till someone gets hurt ... then it's HILARIOUS." (Or was that the Joker? Eh, either way.)
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I'm watching millions of people die horribly onscreen!! And yet, Roland Emmerich invites me to chuckle about the Randy's donut rolling across the road!! I don't find that in questionable taste at all!!
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Oct 03, 2009 3:17:45 AM CDT
If that's what their prepared to waste on a 5min YouTube....
by gabba-uk
what's the rest of the films destruction quota?!! Cool!
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The excitement! The thrills! The complete lack of drama! The skull-numbing boredom! The utter stupidity of it all!
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Retarded
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"Being a critically respected actor was not giving me any financial advancement, so i decided to take the hint from Tom Cruise, Will Smith and Nicolas Cage and sold my ass for the most retarded of filmmaking shit. And now i'm getting rich, finally! Finally!! Fuck respect, i want fucking money! And i'm getting it now! Should had though of doing this before."
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would be like if the germans had won the war.
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... I can't wait to see it.
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looks fun
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John Cusack already tried to start selling his asshole for money in 1997 when he followed up Grosse Point Blank with fucking Con Air.
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Are they just big ass boats or will they end up taking off into space? The concept of the government secretly building arks is not unrealistic. I have a story of my own about secret arks being built. Stay tuned.
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Are they still banned in Japan for the anal rape of Godzilla?
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if the movie Outbreak has taught us ANYTHING it is that HELICOPTER is the ONLY way to travel!
for some reason I kept thinking about Lex Luthor making a peace sign and saying "AUSTRALIA!" -
nobly suffer through the bumbling stepdad who is the intruder to his wife and adorable kids (1 boy, 1 girl). I'm not a stepdad myself, but it still is the lamest insta-sympathy script device. Not that I was expecting original with this particular movie.
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AND 115MIN OF CUSACK'S CHARACTER TRYING TO RECONCILE WITH HIS ESTRANGED DAUGHTERS, WIFE, GAY LOVER, ETC ETC ETC.
KILL ME NOW. -
EXACTLY. YOU MAY STAY IN THIS TB.
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Oct 03, 2009 7:51:45 AM CDT
".going to the cinema in London costs £10.00 there or thereabout
by flipao
Not sure where you get your number from, but £15 will buy you a monthly subscription for the whole of the UK, including London.
If you want to avoid that you can also go to the Prince Charles cinema which is also pretty cheap. -
It's like all the action movies rolled into one big one. Am a big fan of the kill everyone website. This movie sorta has the same vibe.
As to the complaints about the "divorced dad" scenario... uh... Hello! Do you know any kids who's parents aren't divorced... & if so, compared to how many who's are?
If art is going to imitate life, I'd say that's pretty accurate. If you think it's old & worn out, well, I'm sure the kids with divorced parents would agree with you completely. Maybe if people only had kids with people they really intend to spend the rest of their lives with, we wouldn't have such over-population OR so many divorces.
Today's movies don't have much chance of having anything completely new. It's ALL been done before. The trick is to do it better than has been done before... maybe some interesting twist is the best to hope for.
Greetings All,
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Every movie gets the audience it deserves.
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Hello! Do you know any kids who's parents aren't divorced...
My kids (and their kids), per example. -
It has awesome s/f who stand even today,mainly because most of them are non-cgi but miniatures,it has anthology scenes like the ufos destroying the white house ect,excellent acting from all the actors and great chemistry between them,and most importantly the film did some have some nice dramatic scenes,who gave to the characters more depth,making them less stereotypical.Thats why i think ID4 and Stargate are Emmerichs best films,and that he is capable of more than just stupid,pure,fan.
Now i like the effects and the visualization of the disaster scenes in 2012,but if the movie lacks the extra ingredients of ID4,then dont count me on its opening day.
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Mindless fun all of them. Count me in !
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This normally wouldn't be my thing at all, but it actually looks entertainly and cleverly conceived. I think the real thing is whether it can hold your attention and develop that idea over the requisite 90-120 minutes, which I'm not sure about at all. I think they'd have to keep it pitched as pseudo-comedy, but it probably becomes like, serious about the apocalypse.
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You know You are, too.
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It's fun! It holds up. It's goofy and cartoony and all that, sure. But it is, what it is. Very 1996 I should add, too.
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Hello!!!! How many bazillions were killed on Alderaan? inside those two Death Stars? in the Klone Wars? By Jake Lloyd's acting???
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This I would see in 3-D.
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Oct 03, 2009 11:17:56 AM CDT
Sal_Bando: Star Wars only redeems itself thanks to . . .
by royston lodge
. . . Uncle Owen's and Aunt Beru's charred, smoking skeletons and the short clip in ROTJ where the Ewok dies and his friend cries over the corpse. Otherwise, I agree with you.
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Oct 03, 2009 11:19:08 AM CDT
Sorry, is that opinion too right wing for the talkbacks?
by royston lodge
I can never tell...
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Jesus. This is the cinematic equivalent of Satan spoolging in the face of a hooker. Let's all just revel in the death of millions shall we? Oh wait. I'll give you a couple of crying kids to remind you of your humanity while I show two buildings falling together and people falling out the windows. No wonder the Islamists hate us so much. They see this shit and think, hey blowing up a building or two ain't such a big deal.
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Where's the title of a talkbacker's message entiteld "MEH?"
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Heh. I don't mind this.
Global uber-destruction brings us all closer together. Sweet. -
Absolutely no trace of anything even remotely scientifically accurate, but damn, that was funny stuff! If the entire film has that sense of over-the-top humor, I think I will enjoy the crap out of it (assuming they were intentionally making it funny, that is...) Ridiculous, but potentially entertaining!
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Cool! Emerald City gets rocke with explosions, Martin Lawerence plays the Scarecrow, Nicholas Cage, the Tin Man, Steve Buscemi, the Cowardly Lion, Megan Fox as Dorothy, and Areosmith's version, of Somewhere Over The Rainbow? Now's that's a movie!
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I don't know what's more horrifying, that this movie will probably make a billion dollars, or that this hack is at the helm of Asimov's Foundation series. I guess now he can just destroy the entire universe.
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That when the trailer, for Foundation hits people will be saying, it looks bad, but atleast it's not quite as horrible as the one for 2012.
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Honestly, what's the purpose of escaping in a plane but refusing to fly ABOVE the destruction itself?!?! Some of those scenes from the commercial had the plane soaring only a few hundred feet above the ground or actually flying INTO crevices instead. Yeah, yeah, I know... Logic be damned. But really, really blatant in-your-face lack of logic should have it limits is all I'm saying.
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This movie has the EXACT tone of all his other flicks. He depicts disaster and horror, but is constantly winking at the audience, reminding us that it's all a big joke. The images shown here could be terrifying and intense, but instead they just come off as over-the-top. He has to show ridiculous close-calls every five seconds. This removes any sense of suspense because the characters come across as immortal, or really fucking lucky. Fuck you, Emmerich...
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What The Final Destination, what have looked like, if Emmerich directed it.
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..is the term 'CGI-shitfest' adequate ?
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Oct 03, 2009 1:29:08 PM CDT
Instead of the Foundation series, Emmerich should . . .
by royston lodge
. . . helm a remake of THEM!
That would be a franchise worthy of his unique talents. -
an oil tanker? Early on, I mean? Before everything in the entire city/state/world went to hell? That oddity aside, this looks like a fun ride. For anyone who has end of the world fantasies.
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It's called "2012", so of course it's going to be dumb.
Of course 4/5s of you complaining about it will go see it at the big screen and probably even receive the DVD as a gift.
I love how one of you is "nobly" saying he will pay money for another movie and then sneak in to see 2012. -
...is that Emmerich won't have the proper amount of respect for Graham Hancock's work and he'll start making up a bunch of fake stuff just off the top of his head.
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Oct 03, 2009 2:38:02 PM CDT
The cement mixer slammed into some gas pumps
by flurryofchocolateglazedkrispykremedonuts
That's why it blew, it was the gasoline from the pumps. What's even crazier was when the plane was flying through all the falling... um... California. On TV that scene was a little longer and they fly under the hurtling arc of a falling passenger train. Needless to say the train is still linked together as it plummets.
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When they narrowly dodge the Randy's Donuts sign which is rolling down the street like a runaway tire.
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...You mean like Hancock just made up all sorts of crap off the top of his head? What's that guy going to do when we're all still sitting here bitching about movies in 2013? His career will be over just like that Face-on-Mars guy when better pics came back from the Mars Global Surveyor and the face was... wellllll, just a hill.
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It's a Roland Emmerich movie. In his world, Wooly Mammoths built the pyramids, A fucking MAcBook disabled a space fleet from a galactic civilization, people can outrun cold! In this outing, I think he just suspended all physical laws entirely.
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Every fact in his books has been checked by a team of over 15 experts in their fields* -- he's no Erich von Däniken who settled for teams of 4 experts plus a sherpa named Rhesus that he paid in cinnamon pop tarts.
*The scientific community has had all citations of this wiped from the internet. Just trust me. -
... it'll probably be way more entertaining and more deserving your bucks than half the Oscar winners of the last 3 decades (to be seen in a Theater).
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Everything explodes!
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What happend to Emmerich's pal, Dean Devlin? Are they still on speaking terms?
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Sure, you can complain about Lucas overusing CG, but at least he doesn't have Obi Wan running from a Damn explosion.
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It's all just part of the reptilian agenda.
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Oct 03, 2009 7:09:14 PM CDT
I agree lockes, but that's like saying "this shit is better than
by takingscorpioscalls
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But you probably think Evil Dead is a good movie.
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They use tons of special effects, can cut a decent or even good trailer, but their stories are usually stupid, the dialogue inane, and the movies always end up sucking big time and so will this (Godzilla anyone?)
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Is to create disaster porn films?
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you owe me a cup of coffee, because I spit mine all over my desk laughing when I read about having "respect for Graham Hancock's work"god, PPD is a bitch, isn't it?
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thats a claim that does nothing but brand you as a braindead douchebag.
Congrats. -
ur a fat kid aren't you??
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You know, from the climactic chase sequence. I almost expect to see Cusack's limo spinning around on its roof or crashing through a strip mall while his daughter quips, "Dad! Hot Topic is having a sale!"
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And Harry, did you mean to write "Witless Chaos Reigns"?
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...this was so ridiculously over-the-top silly that I'll wait for DVD so I can invite friends over and we can watch it and make fun of it over maaaaany beers!
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because it over budget and barely finished as is. doing it stereo was just not plausible.
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That they are not releasing it in 3-D, and IMAX, too.
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Oct 03, 2009 11:21:09 PM CDT
If you look hard at the Limo outrunning the earth collapsing....
by thelordofhell
You can see a paperboy on his bike just behind the limo screaming, "I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!!" as he falls into the abyss.
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Oct 03, 2009 11:26:41 PM CDT
At least Lucas doesn't pull shit like this.....you're kidding ri
by thelordofhell
I guess that wasn't Lando outrunning the 2nd Death Star blowing up at the end of Return Of The Jedi.
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Oct 04, 2009 12:19:39 AM CDT
Why is that planes can only climb AFTER flying between falling b
by conanreturns
Emmerich sucks donkey balls. The end alright. The end of his fucking shitty career, I hope!
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Emmerich still tastes Equus asinus scrotum though...
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Your a dumbass plain and simple.
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ever considered maybe they are TRYING to get the plane to go higher but it is just proving too difficult to deal with all that SUCTION from the gigantic hole in the ground that is opening up underneath them?
some people mentioned the suction and some other people mentioned the plane not getting much air but nobody put two and two TOGETHER?
who here can fly a plane - I'm sure there's gotta be at least one - can we please have someone who actually knows what the fuck they are talking about clear this up? video games don't count - I don't care how good your flight simulator is supposed to be
outrunning explosions and narrow-escapes and near-misses - what, did Emmerich INVENT this shit?
nobody else does it?
that people can - without making a joke of it - say they won't watch this shit and oh how "unrealistic" and THEN praise MICHAEL FuCKING BAY in the same sentence...
in the wise words of Ford Fairlane, un... fucking... beleivable -
He would tell you--that's bullshit, that plane woulda been up and over all the falling buildings rather quickly. C'mon get a grip.
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What a year this has been. I have witnessed the realisation of ASS: THE MOVIE in the shape of Jar Jar Abrams's Skank Trek. And now, it's TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION: THE MOVIE, in the shape of Emmerich's latest movie 2012. Wow, just, wow! More nails in the coffin of cinema.
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After watching this movie's teasers, Bay must be screaming to himself "why the fuck didn't i though of this? I'm the blow up man, i should be the one doing big ass mega-esplosions, not this kraut upstarted! I'm the exploding man!!! Fuck, i should had though this shit first! What a fucking ass i am!! Fuck!"
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Emmerich blows up half the USA. I'm affraid that, for once, somebody outdide Bay in the retarded brainless stupid explosions department. This is indeed the year of suprises, when Star Trek became dumb and when somebody else out-exploded Michael Bay. Wow!!It's not Bayheim anymore it's Emmeheim!!
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agree, Bay would be feeling impotent after watching this trailer, I feel sorry for the underage gir(s)l he will pick and snort cocaine of/in.
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:the Oporto Goat years. You know he's got the complete box set.
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Is the Jeff Goldblum/Dennis Quaid/Matthew Broderick character of the film, who knows more than who is ever is charge, and thus is one of the few, can save the world?
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That I laughed my ass off in the theater at a preview since High School Musical 3 just based off the sheer ridiculousness of it.
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I swear. How can a scene of total disaster be so freaking funny? Simple. You turn it into a roller-coaster ride! Stretch-limo dodging raising columns of earth, driving through a falling building, comic relief while part-time pilot needs to get his bearings while runway is collapsing behind our heroes, then once in the air, dodge falling buildings, buzz a city street low enough to give people mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and fly between more buildings as everyone else dies below. I am so jazzed to see this movie because it will be the BIGGEST UNINTENTIONAL LAUGH-RIOT of ALL-TIME. Thanks, Roland. You're the master of slapstick armageddon.
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2012 will probably make more than Avatar at the box office.
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and lay off the pipe. you know that is pure unmitigated bullshit.
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And looks to have as good acting. Donno about the F/X yet..
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"If elected, I promise to divert approximately 98% of your tax dollars to build a couple of giant boats so that, in the unlikely event of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION, my hand-picked team of experts can save the 0.1% of the population that we have scientifically-determined are vastly superior to the rest of you fucking rednecks."
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a limo driver who saves Amanda Peet and a young boy while their world falls apart around them. It was in Identity. Don't get typecast Cusack!
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Seriously, just because this fucking guy has spent his career figuring out ways to blow-up, freeze, stomp-on, and drown mini models of US landmarks doesn't mean we have to lower ourselves to a retard mental state and pretend its ok cuz its goofy and fun....FUCK YOU HARRY! if you like getting your intelligence insulted to make friends in the movie biz thats fine by me...but don't use your "fan-based" site to peddle this clown shoes bullshit. Fucken ass.....
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I was actually looking forward to this movie until I saw that clip. If you're going to destroy the fricking world and base it on some supposedly "true facts" DO NOT go molesting your cheek with your tongue! Sure it's Emmerich but I'd like to see a disaster movie WITHOUT HOPE of survival, no matter how much they struggle.
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Black Hole. Dennis Quaid, Will Smith and John Cusack as [fill in scientific occupation here] discover a black hole forming on the edge of the solar system that will swallow all the people of Earth if they don't evacuate us all in time.
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. . . in extreme slow-mo so the viewer can savour every single death!
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Oct 04, 2009 8:03:39 PM CDT
DanteCubit coins the best phrase ever!
by flurryofchocolateglazedkrispykremedonuts
"Slapstick Armageddon"!
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As the limeys like to say. There's no way this isn't satire of his own style. The way the plane flight goes on and on and just gets more and more absurd, like Peter Griffin fighting the chicken. There's no way this is serious, and that's why it's absolutely fucking hysterical. The people hating on this for being stupid don't get that it's being stupid on purpose.
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Oct 04, 2009 8:08:34 PM CDT
Royston, that's just too fuckin' bad for the rednecks!..
by flurryofchocolateglazedkrispykremedonuts
...no one suggested they marry their sisters and first cousins for 200+ years. They just have to take responsibility for their actions. That responsibility being Total Fucking Destruction. Maybe "Jayzis" will save them (yeah, right).
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Sounds like a good name, for these types of films, other than disaster porn. All that's missing, from the footage, is the music fom the Benny Hill Show.
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12-15 seater. It appears to be a Cessna 414 or similar, which has a climb rate of 1580 feet per minute for the standard model or 1900 feet per minute for a higher performance model.
The aircraft has taken off and is in the air for more than 1 min 30 going by the trailer time, before it reaches those falling buildings.
Even at only 50% climb performance, due to "suction" with the low power aircraft it would easily have cleared even the tallest building in Los Angeles, the US Bank Tower, which comes in at 1018 feet, assuming the pilot continued climbing, which he does immediately AFTER flying between the two buildings.
The fact that the aircraft decreases altitude and the pilot manoeuvred BETWEEN the 2 falling buildings shows that NO attempt to treat this shit seriously was made to be "dramatic" instead of realistic.
Emmerich can continue to lick donkey balls. There is absolutely no logic in what we have seen here, just more shite from the master of it. You attempting to defend it through" suction" when there is clearly no such thing because the aircraft climbs BEFORE it begins to descend for some unknown reason, says to me that you can join him... -
buy the scenario
don't
will I lose any sleep if you do or don't?
nope
personally, I've enjoyed the occasional Emmerich flick and look forward to someday him and Devlin coming good on their promise to make another Stargate that completely sidesteps the entire TV series
-
set on CERN,the experiment goes wrong,a mini black hole is created which starts sucking Earth.A scientist played by Cusack again,tries to escape the black holes gravity pull ,riding wildly a bicycle.Everything around him gets sucked into the black hole,until Harry gets pulled too,but his fat ass stucks in the opening of the black hole and the total desctruction of Earth is avoided.
The CERN becomes a tribute monument where the tourists can go and watch the hero Harry,still alive,sitting in the familiar 'craping a turd in the toilet' position.
End credits. -
You can stop proving you are an idiot, it's already know.
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Emmerich is uncapable of self-irony. He's incapable of seeing the silliness of his own stuff. He takes his movies very seriously, he thinks he's maing big statments. He prides himself for foreseeing global warming disasters in the future with his movie The Day After Tomorrow. He man has no sens eof humour other then that easy cheap cheesy one-liners joke set inbetween total fucking destruction. The man is totally incapable of self-criticism. No, man, this movie, and what you saw in the traile,r is emmerich's idea of cool and exciting action. Nothing is in there for coment or irony. It is supposed to be taken seriously, and for you to find it thrilling and edge-of-yourseat excting. That instead he's getting lauhgs if more a testement to his failure then anything he intended to achieve.
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Really, he can go fuck himself. Fucking ass!
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makes me wish for emmerich to do a disaster movie every year.
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. . . the 99.9% of the population who don't get seats on the boats, even though their taxes paid for them.
Actually, this could spawn some really funny YouTube spoof campaign ads!
"My opponent wants to use your tax dollars to send his friends on all-inclusive carribean cruises, using the imaginary threat of TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION as an excuse! I promise to treat your tax dollars with respect, and I'll also arrange for Roland Emmerich to be hunted down and dissected!" -
A Roland Emmerich Joint.
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"Where's your ticket?"
"I don't have a ticket!!"
"Then you're gonna die!! Next!" -
A little boy goes blind and kills everyone in the ark.
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can you not see how this is fun? It's brainless fun. It can happen. And this has nothing to do with either Bay or Nerd Trek, so I don't see why you're bringing either up. Unless you're still upset about that time that they took turns defiling your virginal body, and left you a broken individual with borderline autism brimming with the kind of shame that not even bleach removes. A shattered personality incapable of expressing himself in anything other than stunted gay insults, one that has to persecute the objects of his affection via an anonymous internet forum. Or, perhaps, you're just a hypocrite cunt that was stoked to see "Mr. Alien, Mr. Predator and lots and lots of Mr. and Mrs. Dead People". Cunt.
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is a good thing. You're just too stupid to realise this.
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"Are you one of the millions of Americans not to receive a golden ticket on one of President Glover's luxury destruction cruises? Well then COME ON DOWN to Carnival's TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION Discount Cruises! For a fraction of the cost of our competitors you can enjoy all-inclusive fun-in-the-sun on one of our fully-equipped discount Destruction Arks! How do we keep our prices so low? Volume! Watch your puny, useless neighbours die horribly as California sinks into the ocean from the comfort of your own private veranda! And remember, you'll never have to worry about smelly ethnic workers on our ships, cuz we left them all on shore to die horrible, horrible deaths! (All prices based on double occupancy.)
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its JJ'Star Trek parodies are pure genius.
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and Asimovlives is fucking goats.
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Oct 05, 2009 9:55:22 AM CDT
Xiphos: Actually, it would be more apropos to say . . .
by royston lodge
. . . that this movie is shitting in a cup and making your eyeballs eat it like a couple of lesbians.
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Oct 05, 2009 9:56:12 AM CDT
In other words, this movie's title should be changed to . . .
by royston lodge
TWO EYEBALLS ONE CUP!!!
Wakka wakka wakka! -
... are you Sarah Palin? And why exaclty is it that we will listen to you? Will we be strapped down? Chained to a wall? Drugged? The problem with this sort of over-the-top CGI "spectacle for the sake of spectacle", film making is that there's no emontional investment in the outcome and/or fate of the characters. I didn't experience even one second of "suspension of disbelief" whilst viewing this footage. The physics and geometry are all wrong. and I never believed for even one second that any of it was plausible or that anyone was in any danger. Reminded me of a badly plotted, hyperbolic video-game. It blows my mind that some of you dorks are actually, and earnestlyno less, trying to defend this completely pointless CGI crap-fest.
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Is now the offical title of 2012.
-
The President in this movie is named Goldie Wilson. The Janitor/soda jerk in Back to the Future who dreamed of a political career - and later became mayor was named - wait for it- Goldie Wilson. Coincidence?
-
First, the "Bentley scene": http://tinyurl.com/yc9nuod
Second, all three trailers edited together:
http://tinyurl.com/yewy3bz -
THE EARTHQUAKE IS CHASING THEM!!! WOO!!! CHASING THEM!
-
. . . has his RV fucked up by a volcano, but he survives.
Then he's in a limo while Los Angeles falls into the ocean, but he survives.
Then he's in a big-ass cargo plane that crashes into the mountains, but he survives.
DOES NOBODY ELSE SEE THE IMPLICATIONS?!?!?!
John Cusack is the CAUSE of the TOTAL FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!!
just put a bullet in his head so the planet can get the fuck back to normal... -
Are you some sort of jeuvenile cropophiliac or what? What's funny about "2 eyeballs one cup"? I guess internet porn really does destroy young minds. Give it a rest you hopeless tool.
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That?!
-
... just a nasty old crank. Dead man walking and all that. Lesbian shit eaters is a disgusting image. It offends me. You post garbage like that all the time, I just never bothered to comment before, bored I guess. Seriously boy, you got a kink for feces?
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And th whole scata logical thing you've got going on is just tedious and gross.
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Ty Cobb's hometown.
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Oct 05, 2009 6:54:18 PM CDT
oh and the earthquake also stops to give them time
by takingscorpioscalls
to get from the limo to the plane, it's like a hunter giving its prey time for the chase.
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I agree with Harry's write up. I can't fucking wait for this shit show and I mean that endearingly. Also, does BADCANDLEJACK rant on Avatar frighten anyone else?! I'm serious too. I only read a little bit of it but I think Cameron should worry.
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I haven't watched the MAD issue yet, but from your description, i can't wait. I wonder if it's online.
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Oct 10, 2009 3:56:16 AM CDT
Why are they in realtime while the rest of LA is in slow-mo?
by preacher_mg
I will go see it in a cinema... once they invent a temporary lobotomy so I could enjoy it.
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