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Hercules Says STARGATE: SGU Is No Better (Or Worse) Than Syfy’s Other Stargate TV Shows!!

Published at:  Oct 04, 2009 5:36:23 PM CDT

SPOILER ALERT !!

I am – Hercules!!


Staring at "Stargate SGU," one senses the folks at Syfy approached the guys who made “Stargate Atlantis” with this pitch: “‘Battlestar Galactica’ is easily the least crappy thing on the channel, but Ron Moore is one pricey writer-producer. You think you could maybe make something like that ‘Galactica’ show? The critics sure do seem to like it a lot better than your Stargate series!”

And so, I imagine, the “Stargate” guys came up with “SGU,” which (in its pilot at least) has “BSG”-like lighting and “BSG”-like music and "BSG"-like outer-space CGI camerawork and doesn’t seem to boast any actors with appliances slapped on their foreheads pretending to be extraterrestrials. Plus they got to hire Lou Diamond Phillips, a three-named actor who worked with Edward James Olmos on “Stand and Deliver.”

The series follows a group of military, political and science types who find themselves forced to escape what looks like a Cylon sneak attack by jumping through a special stargate – a stargate that connects only to an ancient starship in another galaxy far far away. The Cylon-like attack wrecks the special stargate and everybody’s trapped on the highly dilapidated and impossibly old space vessel.

Just as it took a little time to figure out that secretary of education Laura Roslin was now president of the BSG colonies, it takes some bickering to figure out who reports to whom when there’s military men and a senator and a high-ranking bureaucrat all tumbling though the one-way wormhole. There’s also a longhaired British superscientist played by Robert Carlyle who’s nowhere near as interesting or fun as Gaius Baltar. None of this, in fact, is terrifically compelling.

While there’s promise in the premise, the “Stargate” writers don’t demonstrate any more faculty for crafting thought-provoking drama or complex characters than they did on their old “Stargate” shows. There’s a lot of schlocky shouting for the politicians and the soldiers and a lot of unfunny shtick for the chubby civilian genius who gets trapped with the more experienced gate-jumpers. Take away the Galactican pretensions and it all seems no better or worse than the “Stargate” shows Syfy cancelled to make room for this one.

USA Today says:

… may not start fresh, but it does start over. … The cast (including Ming-Na, Louis Ferreira and Brian J. Smith) is good and the concept is a proven winner. And given how long these Stargates tend to stay open, the show certainly has time to improve. …


The New York Times says:

… People come hurtling toward us through a stargate in quick succession, crashing on top of one another in a bloody scrum. We don’t know where they’ve been or where they’re arriving. The answers follow in a series of flashbacks that sap most of the momentum of that nifty opening. … All this stress affords abundant opportunities for the overacting that characterizes “Universe,” as it does most large-cast cable dramas. …


The Chicago Tribune says:

… I've now seen five hours of the show and still don't feel all that invested in the the fate of 1st Lt. Matthew Scott (Brian J. Smith). Theoretically, I should -- he's one of the show's lead characters. Two characters do stand out … but the rest of "Universe" feels like an awkward mishmash of genres and tones. Though I had been cautiously looking forward to another iteration of the "Stargate" franchise, at this point I'm not sure its creators are taking Scott and his fellow survivors anywhere interesting.


The Washington Post says:

… Two things strike me, beyond "Stargate Universe's" stiffened pace: the predictability of the action and the characters, and the apparent tolerance for borrowing that the sci-fi genre treats as a matter of course. Plagiarism is the notable rhetoric, down to how things look in space and what people out there ever say to one another. What, exactly, gives "Stargate Universe" the right to beam its heroes from ship to surface the way "Star Trek" does? Why, except for budget and/or lack of imagination, do the interiors of the enormous starcruiser here bring to mind the dank hallways of "Alien" and the neo-brutalism of George Lucas's "Star Wars," with LED-bulb gizmo decor from "Star Trek" and "Battlestar Galactica"? …


The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:

… begins with both promise and some hokey crutches. And then in next week's episode, the show gets lost in the desert -- literally.…


The Boston Globe says:

… quite a bit of this series feels like “Lost’’ in space, and it is - early “Lost,’’ before things got all Others-y and time-travel-bogged, when it was largely about unlocking characters’ mysteries and playing with grand themes. “Stargate Universe’’ isn’t quite so ambitious, but it’s intriguing in its way, down to the ship, bathed in blue light, that emerges as a character in its own right. The ship is more interesting thus far, alas, than any of the female characters, but perhaps that will change over time. As “Battlestar Galactica’’ proved not long ago, deep mythology is much more fun if it surrounds a lot of complicated people. …


The Hollywood Reporter says:

… The series is competently produced and has all the cinematic bells and whistles you would expect from a member of the "Stargate" family. But if it is to be more than that -- if it is to establish itself as an intelligent drama that, for example, explores the military-civilian dynamic -- it has light years to go. … True, "Stargate" fans likely will climb aboard this spaceship. But if this series is ever to really take off and become stellar, it will need more surprising stories and more intellectually challenging drama.


Variety says:

… a plodding two-hour opener that does little but explain the circumstances of the series, none of which are that complicated. The opener also introduces the cast, none of whom are that complicated, either. …



9 p.m. Friday. Syfy.










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    Readers Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:54:32 AM CDT

    Im waiting for the one and only..

    by frenchbastard03

    ..dioxholster or whatever his name is to reply. im sure he'll defend it too its death without even seeing the damn thing.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:59:03 AM CDT

    BSG RIPPED OFF STAR TREK CUZ IT HAS RANKS

    by haterofcrap

    ...you could go on and on with that who ripped off who shit when it comes to the generalities of tv sci fi...there hasn't been anything really deep or original in the sci fi tv world since TNG and maybe DS9...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 2:16:18 AM CDT

    Just go back to SG-1

    by vadakinx

    It may not have been hard sci-fi, it may not have been thought-provoking, but SG-1 (with Anderson starring) was a very fun show. I'd like to see more TV Movies set around the SG-1 cast instead of SGU.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 2:17:14 AM CDT

    Not sure

    by damned-dirty-ape

    If i'll be able to get into this. I'm a long time fan of all things SG apart from the really shitty last series of SG-1 but between other SG series, BSG, Voyager and that B5 spinoff there really isn't that many stories that haven't been done. I'm not a big fan of Robert Carlyle either, so i'll take a look for the first few and decide but i'm not holding my breath

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 2:17:24 AM CDT

    Cue nutcase Dioxholster in 3...2...1...

    by xiphos_2

    This should be entertaining.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:19:36 AM CDT

    But I don't want deep, dark, complicated Stargate

    by david cloverfield

    Why would anybody want that? I think I'll like it for the same reason the reviews are not that enthusiastic. Let's just hope it's more SG-1 than Atlantis.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:24:05 AM CDT

    Everybody Wants Some is an underrated Van Halen song.

    by juansanchez

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:44:12 AM CDT

    Eat shit dioxholster...

    by hairy nutsack

    I have an SGU uniform and you don't.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:46:50 AM CDT

    SG-1 4-EVER

    by snapt

    I'll watch SGU, but SG-1 will always be #1 in my heart. And that includes ATLANTIS' Dr. McKay, who started on SG-1. STARGATE is about fun and laffs, not dark lighting and depressing, boring shit. BSG was low-rated for a reason.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:52:25 AM CDT

    BSG is still my favorite show ever.

    by daredrummer

  • Oct 02, 2009 5:53:59 AM CDT

    Dioxholster is probably too busy to read this

    by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    I expect, right now, he's finishing his homemade Stargate built from cereal packets, stocking up on cheetos and ironing his Stargate uniform in preparation for the cumfest tonight.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 6:16:40 AM CDT

    Stargate: Voyager

    by renonevada2000

    Is the ship named the S.S. Minnow?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 6:42:51 AM CDT

    Francis Begbie in space......

    by masteryoda007

    This should be worth a watch if Bobby Carlyle is in it!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 6:47:23 AM CDT

    I wish they'd go back to the SG-1 season 1 tone

    by br1947

    when it was primarily scifi exploration with an occasional bit of humor here & there deriving from the script, rather that the corny goofy shit it devolved into later with everyone trying to be a comedian. It doesn't have to be BSG dark, but it shouldn't be goofy either. Bad humor, crew on a ship far from home, and weird story lines around one hot character = Voyager. It hasn't even premiered and it looks like its heading that way.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 7:27:07 AM CDT

    Because they cancelled Atlantis for this...

    by monkeylord

    ... they are already starting in a deep hole as far as I'm concerned. I liked SG1 well enough, but Atlantis was by far a superior show in terms of premise, good characters, and acting. I even liked the Wraith a a good bit more than the SG1 universe villains.
    I'll give SGU a fair shot, but I still think killing Atlantis was one of the worst creative decisions SciFi has made. I mean, make all the horrifically shitty made-for-SciFi movies you want... Just keep your good shows intact! My god!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 7:46:05 AM CDT

    BSG Ripped off Philip K. Dick

    by rainesmaker

    Ever read Second Variety?

    So what... All Scifi is based off about 3 writers. Of course it borrows.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:21:36 AM CDT

    Dioxholster must be crying himself to sleep

    by southafricanguy

    every night over Stargate:Atlantis getting cancled....Wonder how long before that nutjob show up?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:24:06 AM CDT

    The last truly unique show on SciFi or SyFy...

    by reaver chow

    ...was Farscape, which, at least from this description, sounds a bit like this tired old Stargate treatment...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:46:27 AM CDT

    I SERIOUSLY doubt Universe was written for "critics" LOL

    by blhotz

    And I'm glad it's not better or worse than other Stargates... that's the best possible news!! YAY STARGATE IS BACK!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:49:15 AM CDT

    Still holding out hope

    by melvin_pelvis

    although the bit about being unable to controll the ship and away missions running the risk of being left behind rings of Sliders beat the clock trope.
    And the old scifi trop of all desert/jungle/water/etc planets, also planets of hats
    At least they didn't default to nazis first episode like sliders did

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:20:50 AM CDT

    Atlantis was quite bad at the start.

    by v'shael

    As was sg1. Broca Divide anyone? Women rule the world? Genitals on the inside? What is frustrating is that they seem to have to learn these lessons for each series they do.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:43:04 AM CDT

    both previous pilots

    by himbo

    were pretty mediocre. If this pilot compares with the main body of work on the other shows, then I think it has a chance to be great. More importantly, if they can bring the Stargate teams common-sense attitude to the desperate straits of the BSG or Voyager crews, I think it will be a far more entertaining show. BSG was emotionally compelling and well-acted and well-produced, but I frequently had to yell "Are you kidding!? What the hell are you thinking?!" And if the Stargate Command had been in charge of Voyager they would have been home by Season 2 tops (or not been in the situation in the first place).
    Eagerly anticipating.
    And now for special effects douche chat: Herc, the cylon-esque fighters you cite appear (from the trailers) to be Goa'uld death gliders, which have had the same design since the first season of Stargate, indeed the movie Stargate. All said, thanks for posting this talkback.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:48:09 AM CDT

    Needs Interesting Characters

    by _maltheus_

    Atlantis sucked because I hated all the characters (Rodney and the doctor aside). They said Shepard was suppose to be a MENSA genius, yet he acted like a moron. Weir was cute, that's about it. And Teyla was one of the most annoying characters on TV ever. So far, the reviews for this don't make the characters out to be any more interesting. Still, Stargate is usually fun enough, so I'll be watching.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:49:48 AM CDT

    SG-1 Pilot

    by _maltheus_

    Wasn't that bad. You can't knock the only SG-1 ep with nudity, can you?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:55:23 AM CDT

    SG-1 PILOT

    by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    Was it Richard Dean Anderson? I bet there were no dry tissues in the Dioxholster household that day.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:40:13 AM CDT

    _Maltheus_

    by hairy nutsack

    Except the SG-1 pilot movie currently on store shelves is a new cut minus the nudity and they're calling it the definitive version.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:45:49 AM CDT

    Really?

    by _maltheus_

    That's messed up. It's also quite disrespectful to that fine piece of ass. Boner Kree!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:52:05 AM CDT

    This is the last Stargate show

    by smokingrobot

    When it tanks, there will never be another. The fat lady is about to sing.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 11:44:39 AM CDT

    Sooner the better

    by donkey_lasher

    When this TV franchise finally goes tits up they'll finally get to make a sequel to the Movie. Fuck the TV canon.

    And why hasn't anyone trolled this board with CAPRICA yet?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 12:25:30 PM CDT

    SG1 Seasons 1 - 8 > BSG Seasons 2 - 4

    by mistere

    It's true. Deal with it.

    SGA was pretty bad, though. The show never recovered from the fact that the bad guys were a TERRIBLE concept.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 12:27:39 PM CDT

    Oh, and SG1 all seasons > SG: The Movie

    by mistere

    The Stargate movies was largely a mindless turd.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 12:29:16 PM CDT

    Oh, and SG1 all seasons > SG: The Movie

    by mistere

    The Stargate movie was largely a mindless turd.

    (corrected because I meant "movie" and not "movies". God dambed no-edit-function Talkback).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 12:44:07 PM CDT

    God, if they'd only stuck with Babylon 5: Crusade.

    by cookylamoo

    What a great Friggin' series that could have been. Great cast, great stories. Great effects. Instead we've got JMS writing Archie comics.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 12:57:36 PM CDT

    Every Herc Coaxial Review

    by peanutbutterslut

    Gargle gargle......ker plunk *takes Joss' Balls out of mouth* ker spalt!

    I Am Hercules!

    Hey guys, I'm in my mom's basement again, wearing my Dollhouse active wear and building my ridiculously strong wrist muscles by spanking it to Angel re-runs.

    But enough of my life, how about yours? You were looking forward to SGU, no? Well let me tell you, it's no Buff....I mean it's not that great. Joss could have....I mean the writers on this show could have done better.

    You see, this is like every other non-Joss show, there's no UBER witty dialog, the show actually has a fan base beyond drooling basement dwellers. I hate it. ,p>

    Sincerely Herc

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:12:39 PM CDT

    Say what you will about Stargate shows...

    by thehichhiker

    But they have two big things over Battlestar - first - they never took themselves too seriously - it was a cheesy show that knew they were making a cheesy show - so they made the most of it. My favorite bit is in the opening of a second episode of a two parter when Russian sub guys find a "replicator" on the sub. They speak Russian. Official on-screen translation: "What is that??" - what they actually say is something along the lines of "Isn't that the spider thing from last episode". And secondly, they also actually had plotlines that no matter how cheesy - did not end in "God did it".

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:24:42 PM CDT

    cookylamoo (RE: Crusade)...

    by mistere

    cookylamoo, I think Crusade was actually commissioned by, and later canceled by, The Turner Network, but I totally agree. Even with studio interference, "Crusade" had definite promise.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:25:07 PM CDT

    MisterE - About Stargate movie

    by thehichhiker

    Ignoring Stargate shows and show based movies, the original Stargate movie was half a great movie. I remember watching it what it first came out, and I loved it until the moment they went through the gate. At which point it got really dumb, really fast(very similarly to another great sci-fi disappointment of same era - Dark City). I am very impressed that they were able to build SG-1 out of that mess and it actually was pretty decent.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:28:25 PM CDT

    Stargate is for morons. Come back, Farscape!

    by raymar

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:33:13 PM CDT

    So it'll be just like Battlestar Galactica...

    by margot_tenenbaum

    ...but with a lot more awkward attempts at humor, standing around staring at a huge sideways pool and endless boardroom scenes? Count me in!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:35:10 PM CDT

    Also I can't wait until they start playing 72 episodes of this p

    by margot_tenenbaum

    You almost can't not watch it!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:35:34 PM CDT

    er day.

    by margot_tenenbaum

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:38:13 PM CDT

    wheres diox???

    by six demon bag

    i really was pulling for him...im sure he'll enjoy it..

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:40:46 PM CDT

    TheHichhiker (RE: Stargate: The Movie)...

    by mistere

    TheHichhiker, I agree with you*, and acknowledge that I was a little too hard on the Stargate movie.

    * "Dark City" was terrible, though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:49:31 PM CDT

    Stargate movie...

    by hairy nutsack

    I totally agree, every scene until they go through the Gate is absolutely fascinating. I was expecting an alien Egypt planet, instead all we got was one lousy pyramid, a bunch of stinky slaves, and a tranvestite Pharoah.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 1:59:24 PM CDT

    Crusade - leaked first season finale script

    by thehichhiker

    As I recall TNT canceled Crusade before a single episode aired - because TNT decided it did not want to do SciFi but did not want to look like idiots by selling a successful show to someone else. So they jacked up the price and made sure it died a quick and painful death (as I recall despite all the ratings were not bad (bad compare to Broadcast, but on par with most cable shows i.e. about same as Battlestar)) - But if you can find some of the later scripts like the "End of the Line" (season finale - you can see that it would have been an awesome show...)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 2:06:24 PM CDT

    MisterE - Dark City

    by thehichhiker

    The premise of Dark City could have been good - I mean it had makings of a great classic sci-fi there - but instead of making interesting aliens they chose to do the standard one dimensional "evil aliens chasing you" crap. So yes, it sucked, but it had so much potential.....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 2:36:05 PM CDT

    Dioxholster's Big Night

    by inactionman

    Dioxholster stepped into his mother's bathroom and removed his robe. His hands shook as he reached for the extra large can of shaving cream and jumbo pack of deposable razors he had purchase at the local Costco that afternoon. The anticipation was almost more than he could bare. It had been months since the cancellation of "Stargate: Atlantis" and he needed a fix bad. Sure he had all the DVDs of the original Stargate movie, the cartoon series, Stargate: SG-1 and Stargate: Atlantis but somehow watching the recordings was not the same as watching the broadcast live. The DVDs did not stir the same feelings in him. He did not reach the same levels of ecstasy as when he saw the program he worshiped without being able to control it starting and stopping. He new part of him needed to give up control of when the program started and the commercial breaks, the submissive part of him.

    Dioxholster began to apply the shaving cream to his rotund, hairy pale body. The unforgiving florescent light in his mother's bathroom making him appear even more grotesque. He drew the razor over his corpulent belly leaving behind an inch wide track of smooth white skin. He shaved his chest, legs arms and groin. He contorted himself trying to remove the hair from his taint and asshole. The hair from his comb-over flopped of his head revealing his shinny pate. He struggled back, back his chubby hand reaching back to scrape the last remaining hairs from his asshole for he must be clean to worship at the alter of his new obsession Stargate: Universe.

    The bathroom's tile floor had become slick with water and shaving cream. Dioxholster suddenly lost his footing and came slamming down hard on the bathroom floor. His mother called up from downstairs "What are you doing up there? Are you all right?" "Leave me alone!" Dioxholster wailed, sounding very much like Rupert Pupkin from "King of Comedy."

    Dioxholster slowly picked him self up off of the floor. He did not seemed to be hurt, except for his pride. He stepped into the shower and quickly rinsed off the remaining shaving cream. As he emerged from the shower he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked like a giant thirty-five year old baby.

    Dioxholster quickly glanced at the clock. It was 7:30 p.m. not much time left to prepare. He tiptoed down the stairs headed toward his lair in his Mother's basement. He prayed that she would not see him and that he would not have to spend five minutes talking to her. Time was short and there was still much to do to prepare.

    The unfinished basement that Dioxholster called home was a shrine to all things Stargate. The walls were festooned with Posters of Richard Dean Anderson, Amanda Tapping, the late Don Davis etc. etc. He had models of Teal'C in his Jaffa armor and the Stargate itself although whenever he showed it to the meals on wheels lady that visited his mother, the only real world person he ever spoke to he called it the "Chapa Eye". And then there was his prized possession a rubber Goa'uld prop that he had bought at Dragon Con in 2001. He picked up the phallic shaped prop and stroked it lovingly. "Soon, soon" Dioholster said in a husky voice "Oh, so very soon."

    On a folding tray next to the stained overstuffed recliner Dioxholster began to make preparations for his night of ecstasy. The folding tray table was a hand-me-down from his grandmother. If one was to describe the décor of Dioxholster's lair in one phrase it would be "Early dorm room and dead grandmother". An illustration of a smiling blond woman stared up at Dioxholster from the tray table. She was dressed in 1950s style clothing and has a 50s haircut. She was standing in front of Niagra Falls and the "Welcome to Niagara Falls" was emblazoned across the top of the table. Dioxholster was using this for this evenings activities because he thought the picture of the woman on the tray table bore a more than passing resemblance to Amanda Tapping.

    Dioxholster carefully laid out his supplies on the tray table: 1 bottle extra large "Wet" brand masturbation lubricant, a "Fleshlight", a pair of nipple clamps, his Gou'Auld prop and a battery powered sex toy called "The Anal Weasel."

    The Fleshlight had taken him hours to pick out. He returned to the website time and time again. Did he want the "mouth" opening or the "Vagina" opening or the "Anus" opening. He finally settle on the "Anus" because it most resembled the object of his love; the "Stargate" itself.

    "Yes" Dioxholster thought to himself it was the Chapa Eye itself that stirred his loins. He had no sexual interest in Amanda Tapping, Torri Higgenson or that Buttah Face Australian chick. Or in any of the male cast. Though he did feel a strange attraction to the nerdy guy who's job was to say "Chevron 1, Encoded…Chevron 2, Encoded" but, that was only because the nerdy guy got to interact with the "Chapa Eye" so closely.

    Dioxholster began to prepare himself. He took his Gou'Ald prop and inserted the "Anal Weasel into a slit he had cut in the prop. He coated the now hybrid sex toy/fanboy prop with a generous layer of lube and inserted it deep in his rectum with a grunt of pain/pleasure. He then attached the clamps attached by a chain to his nipples drawing in a breath at the pleasure/ pain. He squirted lube into his "Anus" style Fleshlight and pushed it over his rapidly hardening penis. As the credits started to roll and the title card came up on the screen announcing "Stargate: Universe" Dioxholster reached under himself and switched on the Anal Weasel/Go'Auld prop which began to undulate in his rectum massaging his prostate.

    "Stop talking, activate the gate." Dioxholster hissed through clenched teeth that where holding the chain connecting the nipple clamps. He slowly stroked his member with the Fleshlight. He needed release. He craved it. He knew the only way that he could achieve the orgasm he desired was to time his climax to that of the stargate on his TV screen. He wanted to cum WITH the stargate. To release his fluids just as the stargate released its fluid in a watery blue cum shot on his TV screen.

    "Chevron 1, Encoded" the fat Jonah Hill clone shouted on his TV screen. Dioxholster's hand began to move the Fleshlight up and down faster. "Chevron 5, Encoded" the Jonah clone yelled as the music swelled. Dioxholster began to breath heavily an audible wheeze escaping from his chest. "Yes, yes soooo close." Dioxholster whispered. And then it happened the stargate activated spewing forth a blue/white geyser of water on the TV screen. At the same time Dioxholster pulled the Fleshlight from his member. His own geyser of jisim shot out in an arch over his chest as Dioxholster used his teeth to pull off the nipple clamps.

    Dioxholster collapsed in a sweaty, semen coated heap. He had finally achieved the release he so desperately craved. Tears rolled down Dioxholster's face dripping onto his sweaty, jizz covered chest. "Until next week my love, until next week." He whispered as he fell into a deep sleep.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:21:20 PM CDT

    Predict it won't go past Season 1...

    by fa_tass_dinomolester

    Atlantis ran half as long as SG1, and this will probably not even run half as long as Atlantis. Stargate desperately needs some fresh blood in the Producer's Office...and for Serling's sake, NOT the Bastard Bitch Abrams!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:32:21 PM CDT

    StarGate

    by mr.ftw

    Was a fun and entertaing movie. All of the TV spawned from it has been garbage, I'm sure this will be no different.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 3:40:59 PM CDT

    Herc Herc Herc...

    by obama_von_hitler

    I enjoyed Buffy and all of Joss shows as much as the next basement dwelling nerd, but you gotta move on man. You can't hate every show because Joss didn't make it. Get it together man.

    Reply to Talkback

  • This will last AT LEAST 5 season... hopefully many more!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 4:07:15 PM CDT

    Win Obama WIn

    by peanutbutterslut

    Your post was very win Obama

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 4:08:00 PM CDT

    Also, INACTIONMAN ATTN:

    by peanutbutterslut

    WTF man. WTF

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 4:09:26 PM CDT

    P.S.

    by peanutbutterslut

    This show is awesome!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 4:28:37 PM CDT

    InActionMan...

    by pvt. noguchi

    did you seriously just write Dioxholster/SG-1 fanfic!?!? Look man, i come to this site so i can get my fan on WITHOUT any fucking slash-fic. If i wanted to put up with that shit, i'd hang out on livejournal. Please set yourself on fire. Thanks.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 4:42:20 PM CDT

    InActionMan please take a step back...

    by mcdylbot

    and re-assess your life ya fokken loser...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 5:39:28 PM CDT

    ...

    by mcdylbot

    Who the hell is this dioxholster guy anyways?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 6:08:00 PM CDT

    you're ssuming the TV shows were on par with each other

    by maniaq

    SG1 was ok - had it's moments...
    Atlantis was GODAWFUL!!!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 6:49:24 PM CDT

    re: Stargate is for morons. Come back, Farscape

    by melvin_pelvis

    every episode of farscape:
    run thru corridors, yell each others names, muppet slime
    Starburst

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 7:17:25 PM CDT

    Why I think some people dislike the Stargate shows

    by melvin_pelvis

    I believe it's because it portrays the military in a positive light.
    They want knuckle dragger thugs that just want to lob nukes.
    Be at the center of or henchmen to globe and century spanning conspiracies.
    The x-files crowd

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 7:37:36 PM CDT

    Stargate is following the Trek formula.

    by quantumhawk

    Following the Star Trek scenario:

    - Stargate was TOS, very cool but the concept was somewhat unrefined.
    - SG-1 was Next Generation, started out crappy, got awesome, ended a little questionably, but overall it's most people's favorite. Led to some follow-up movies which got inconsistent reviews.
    - Infinity was TAS, most people forget it exists and don't consider it canon.
    - Atlantis was Deep Space 9, a bunch of people stuck on a station at the butt-end of nowhere, protecting their home corner of the universe from a new group of baddies who want to invade and capture Earth. It had its share of poorly written episodes but overall had a great series of story arcs and a rabid core fanbase.
    - Universe is Voyager, a ship of people accidentally stranded far away from anyone else from Earth, making hard choices and trying to get back home. If it's like Voyager it will have a somewhat plodding premiere, the occasional awesome episode, but by and large it'll be a fading copy of a once-great concept.
    - The next one will just be painful and awkward and everyone will just look away and mourn the death of a beloved franchise. Maybe it can be a prequel about a team of people who dug up the Stargate in the 1800's or the 1930's or the Middle Ages, and then in the series finale it gets buried again so it can be dug up in Stargate the movie. It's Stargate, but with swords and muskets instead of P90's!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 7:48:37 PM CDT

    Writing sexual fantasies about Dioxholster?

    by bill clay

    InActionMan, dude you are PWN3D!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:07:00 PM CDT

    Ok People..............

    by axcel1

    It's started. we decide in 2 hours.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:10:47 PM CDT

    Wow, RDA

    by melvin_pelvis

    is ageing rapidly

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:15:11 PM CDT

    RDA CLASSIC... fatter but still the same hilarious self!

    by blhotz

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:19:25 PM CDT

    Ok, People..............

    by axcel1

    We can decide now

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:29:31 PM CDT

    InActionMan

    by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    You put FAR too much effort into that. I'm betting you probably spent somewhere between twenty to forty minutes, in fact, on writing that beast.And that, my friend, is a little bit scary.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:34:24 PM CDT

    Senator Buttface must die

    by melvin_pelvis

    they're gonna need to trim the cast, hope he goes early

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:34:36 PM CDT

    I'll be watching SG:U later

    by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights

    I'll check back here first whether it's worth my time though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 8:44:35 PM CDT

    Looks like the Cylons are attacking

    by hollywoodhellraiser

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:17:23 PM CDT

    Ok.............

    by axcel1

    We got out RDA, Amanda Tapping, Michael Shanks fix.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:17:49 PM CDT

    Stargate lost it after they introduced Atlantis and the Ori

    by beane2099

    It should have been retired in season 8 of SG1. That was a good note to go out on. There was a lot of lost potential with the Ori story. They could have played up the Jafa vs Ori trops bit. That could have made for some cool land battles. The battle of ideologies, and slowly showing the Ori losing power as people lost faith in them. The Ancients release Anubis to do their dirty work against the Ori, etc. As a side story you could have seen the G'ould return to ower by infesting the Atlantis galaxy and taking Wraith bodies as hosts. Could have all come together spectacularly interwoven through both shows. But instead we got whatever the hell that mess was. Seriously those two years of SG1 and Atlantis were pretty blah. And what the hell was that series finale on SG1? Seriously? SGU will be more of the same as they try to badly emulate BSG. I give it two seasons, tops.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:23:25 PM CDT

    Oh so humorless

    by inactionman

    I actually have nothing but respect for Dioxholster. The man knows how to work a meme.

    I am pretty sure he fucking hates all things Stargate. Lighten up.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:40:34 PM CDT

    So far, so boring!!

    by hollywoodhellraiser

    Yup, standard SG crap!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:40:36 PM CDT

    Get rid of *Scary Black Dewd(tm)* next

    by melvin_pelvis

    overused trope
    and the actor and character ain't pulling it off

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:45:16 PM CDT

    Well..................

    by axcel1

    One down, three to go..............

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:49:56 PM CDT

    Two hrs I'll never get back

    by melvin_pelvis

    not watching another Sci-Fi produced BSG just to get *God did it* at the end

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 9:52:52 PM CDT

    ZzzzZZzzz

    by haleakala

    Wow this thing really sucks. Why in the world did they try and copy BSG...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:02:23 PM CDT

    it's dead jim...

    by haleakala

    After that last season of Atlantis, the POS mmo I beta tested and the 2 hrs of crap I just watched, I'm pretty positive that this franchise is dead.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:04:45 PM CDT

    Only way to save this show

    by melvin_pelvis

    go back in time 20 years
    Get the Ming Na from that time
    Have her prance around in just a thong

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:06:13 PM CDT

    Ah, guys....................

    by axcel1

    You all know this is just a tv show? From all the posts I'm guessing, no?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:07:20 PM CDT

    It's BSG! No, it's LOST! No, BSG! No......

    by zillabeast

    So much for the SyFy channel. Your last great hope for a serial is a dead ringer for a dead show.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:11:24 PM CDT

    Wasn't as awful as the trailer made it out...

    by bill clay

    The "One Tree Hill" music in the trailer made me fear that it would end up as Stargate:90210. But it was sorta entertaining, after all. Nice touch bringing back the Psychic Stones so we can check in with the SGC from time to time.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:17:54 PM CDT

    There was a really really good trailer...

    by blhotz

    and it pretty well lived up the the expectations. Universe isn't going to be BSG good but it's going to the best Stargate and that's saying a lot!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:22:07 PM CDT

    BSG sucked sack

    by yamato

    and this SGU is trying to by BSG, and it too, appears very sucky.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 02, 2009 10:22:53 PM CDT

    JUST ANOTHER SPACE SOAP

    by haterofcrap

    dull dull dull coupled with who gives a fuck about these annoying people.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 12:45:44 AM CDT

    It could have been written by JD Salinger and

    by snowpuff

    directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Herc still would have panned it as he always pans Stargate. If Joss Whedon told him he was the executive producer, Herc would have proclaimed it was the best show ever. Herc = very predictable reviewer.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:15:15 AM CDT

    Pretty sad

    by melvin_pelvis

    Ming-Na is 45 and is by far the best looking woman on the show

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:24:11 AM CDT

    AICN fanfic? Say it ain't so!

    by growltiger

    I fear it says more about the poster than the subject of the post.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:34:01 AM CDT

    Voyager redux?

    by growltiger

    Stargate: Universe was not bad, but it does not have a lot to offer. I felt like it spent more time mixing and matching themes from past space operas in order to make the audience comfortable than trying to construct its own unique persona. It was not horrible, the action was okay, but I felt little connection with the characters.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:37:30 AM CDT

    Melvin_Pelvis: Why sad?

    by growltiger

    Ming Na is gorgeous. It is a pretty big cast. I hope they find things for her to do besides bristle at military authority types.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 2:52:30 AM CDT

    IN-ACTION MAN!!!!

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    That look into Diox's world was some Fuckin' FUNNY ASS SHIT....Holsterboy STILL hasn't replied...Fuck all the haters man....None of them have a talented bone in their body...I was laughing HARD at your probably very accurate description of Diox's preperation for the Premiere of his beloved SGU....You may be a sick fuck, but your MY kind of sick fuck....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 3:16:45 AM CDT

    Ina-Godda-da-Action-man....

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    Join us at 42445. I think your mindset and talent would be more appreciated over there in the 'Caine Asylem (sp)'I'll be clocking in there tomorrow circa 10:30 PM CST...but feel free to mingle...Get to know the crazy, fucked-up people you'll be spending eternity in Hell with...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:10:35 AM CDT

    I haven't been able to spell...

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    asylum since I was released from the mental ward. Second printing...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:16:12 AM CDT

    Herc you're an idiot

    by lsleelee

    The space shots in SGU look exactly like the ones in SG1 and SGA always did, and are nothing like the ones on BSG.

    The lighting is darker on the ship because there's no fucking lights on, not to copy BSG, which by the way had everything lit all dark for no effing reason. Everywhere else, the flashbacks and stuff looks just the like SG1 and SGA always have.

    As for the "cylon-like attack," there have been alien attacks in the SG universe and every other piece of scifi since before BSG reboot ever happened, and this didn't look like any more of a rip-off of the cylon attack than any of them.
    You're an idiot
    You're right about the quality of the show, but as for the BSG ripoff stuff you're an idiot

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:25:20 AM CDT

    Stargate is the ultimate definition of FAIL

    by megan_foxs_tool_box

    jesus fucking Christ, herc's doing his job to report on this weak-ass piece if shit.
    Stargate sucks, it's defenders suck-FUCK!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:31:04 AM CDT

    Isleesee is not happy...

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    Are you mad at the si-fi concepts,(quality does matter in horse shoes and hand grenades) or just mad that you wasted two hours of your life watching a poorly produced program?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:37:51 AM CDT

    Isleelee isn't exactly happy, either...

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    it was her good name that was ruined, after all...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:41:54 AM CDT

    It's Lsleelee

    by lsleelee

    While I disagree with those that thing Stargate is terrible (with the exception of the film and the last three seasons of SG1), I certainly don't think it's GREAT.
    There's no reason to make shit up about it ripping off BSG, is all I'm saying.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:52:05 AM CDT

    Also I suspect short memories...

    by lsleelee

    ...may have something to do with the Stargate hate. SG1 originally planned to end after Season 7 and the introduction of Atlantis, but got picked up at the last minute, as I recall. Those last three seasons were of vastly lower quality than the first seven (which I will again admit were not the greatest tv of all time or anything just in case people are back to thinking I'm stupid)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:53:30 AM CDT

    "There's no reason to make shit up about it ripping off BSG..."

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

    BSG...which ripped off the original BSG 9and GW Bush's war on terrorism, which ripped off of Star Wars, and then Jimmy Carter interrupted the world premeire...with PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST...But, we all tend to forget about thet...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 4:54:58 AM CDT

    Where did that 9 come from???

    by cheeses_of_nazareth

  • Oct 03, 2009 6:37:21 AM CDT

    Excellent! :)

    by chronicallydepressedlemming

    Sounds exactly like what I want from SG, as usual. Fuck haters. I like my pop-corn sci-fi intake, and SG does that brilliantly.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 8:49:28 AM CDT

    Finally watched it on Hulu

    by br1947

    Much better than I expected. Are they mimicking BSG? Yep. Is that bad? Nope. BSG may have ended on a really weird disappointing note, but the series itself was one of the most bad ass scifi series of all time. Does it have the same plot as Voyager? Yep. But the plot itself wasn't the problem with Voyager, it was the execution. For those bitching that it's not campy enough, a little camp is good in a scifi series, but the end of SG1 and all of Atlantis was runaway camp which destroyed any sort of remotely interesting plot. The one goofy geek civilian is enough, hopefully they blow him out an airlock soon.Could it go totally sideways after the first episode? Yep, seen many good pilots that turn into shit shows.This pilot was easily the best episode of Stargate since SG1 left Showtime. Based on that, I'll keep watching as long as they keep the quality up.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 8:58:48 AM CDT

    I

    by nasty in the pasty

  • Oct 03, 2009 8:59:03 AM CDT

    I

    by nasty in the pasty

  • Oct 03, 2009 8:59:54 AM CDT

    I'd eat the corn out of Ming Na's poop

    by nasty in the pasty

    She's so hot, she makes me stuh-huh-HUH-ter.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:06:55 AM CDT

    InActionMan... wow, just wow

    by spifftacular squirrel girl

    First of all, I can't believe you put that much effort into a Diox fanfic.

    Secondly, I can't believe I read the whole thing and laughed/recoiled-in-horror through the entire posting. The scary thing is I'm hoping that you write more talkbacker slash fanfics.

    ...no... I don't know what's wrong with me either.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:41:56 AM CDT

    I liked it

    by twogunjames

    Despite the BSGness and all of that. I enjoyed the pilot. It was entertaining on a level BSG never was. I have no problem with watching a science fiction show that looks and feels like BSG without the idiotic philosophical nonsense. I'm hoping this show won't end with one of it's main characters being an angel, or showing the creator of the show reading a magazine.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 10:12:56 AM CDT

    Stargate Fan says "BOOOORING!"

    by dead youngling

    I'm let down--absolutely nothing about that pilot made me want to watch more...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 10:16:19 AM CDT

    SGU=ENNUI

    by drmorbius

  • Oct 03, 2009 11:05:07 AM CDT

    I don't like the cast

    by ulcer

    I'm already tired of reading all the bashing of SG:U saying "it's bsg" or "it's voyager". There is alsmost nothing is common with these shows. BSG became mainstream because it's a remake of something 30 years old people are nostalgic about. Voyage is trek, bright color, preachy, people-in-tights show. Let's look at SG:U. What do I feel? I don't like anyone except the so-called 'genius'. With BSG, you instantly like much of the cast, it has a lot of 'character' in both sense of the word.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 11:23:33 AM CDT

    Diox, you just got F'd in the A, literally.

    by anonymoose

  • Oct 03, 2009 12:09:22 PM CDT

    Watching it on Hulu right now...

    by obi_juan

    I find that the shaky cam is jarringly out of place. It worked for BSG. Doesn't work well here.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 12:09:49 PM CDT

    Dark depressing rubbish for the kids under 25

    by vision

    For some reason they seem to like that. Alas the writing is terrible, full of bad lines (fitting a lot of bad 'actors') and incompetent soldiers.

    Oh well. That's TV these days.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 12:11:12 PM CDT

    This was pretty good

    by offput

    It stands a chance of being a better show than SG-1. It will obviously be a different show in tone, so it's not exactly fair to compare the two, but Universe has already outperformed Atlantis in every metric.

    Atlantis was supposed to be Stargate's DS9, but it never managed to become as good as DS9 did so in terms of quality it's Stargate's Voyager. Here's hoping Universe will be a DS9 and not an Enterprise.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 12:58:09 PM CDT

    It tried way too hard to be BSG

    by turingtestee

    by using the same type of music cues when the ship is on-screen. Wanted the ship to be a proto-ancient stargate dropper (close, but not quite). Still a little too funny.Over all I liked it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:07:16 PM CDT

    Can't Judge this Show From the Pilot

    by _maltheus_

    The entire pilot was devoted to, how they got onto the ship. I can't really get a feel for it until they go through the gate a few times.
    The characters haven't done anything for me yet. No doubt, they'll add a few aliens as time goes on. The scientist guy seems to have a Gaius Baltar thing going on, so I suppose that can go either way. The geek character is already grating on me. A few symbols in a video game shouldn't be enough for him to understand ancient tech. He's also being treated with far more respect than characters like him are typically treated in the SG universe. Jackson was at least a trained archeologist, and got crapped on for seasons.
    I dunno, I'm keeping an open mind, but I'm worried this will end up the worst of the three.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:35:18 PM CDT

    A few thoughts.

    by obi_juan

    I don't understand why the pilot wasn't linear rather than the bouncing back and forth in time. These were events separated by a matter of minutes, not like months or years.

    They needed a better actor to play the part of the Senator. I seem to recall SG-1 having better actors playing the parts of politically important people. This guy isn't from SG-1 at all is he? Ah well, he isn't a recurring character...


    The guy who was in detention sounds retarded. Seriously, he sounds like he has downs syndrome.

    There are too many women in the cast. Too many irrational and emotional outbursts. Please eliminate 3 of them.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 1:50:25 PM CDT

    watched like the 1st 40 min......

    by rben

    fighting boredom and sleep, switched to the last 20 min of Dollhouse, (wished i had watched all of that), then at 10, watched The Soup (that Joel Mchale is such a scamp!), then attempted to watch the last 30 min of SGU and give up. Same writer/creators of the orginal Stargate show, same sci fi lite. (i'll stick with Dollhouse/reruns of Flash Forward i didn't get to see thursday and whatever else they throw at me on friday but SGU. naw....

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 2:27:36 PM CDT

    Loved SG-1, liked SGA....

    by cybevenom

    But by judging solely on the pilot i am hoping the friday timeslot will put this SGU to rest soon. I can't believe SGA had to make room for this sleeping pill.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 2:53:13 PM CDT

    Some basic trappings of Sci-fi series and what does and doesn't

    by dougmckenzie

    First and foremost your characters must be compelling OR have a great group dynamic and chemistry, if you have a character driven show on the go. On the other side, you have to have a deep winding, but not over complicated, mythology if you have a plot driven show. Star trek Voyager was an attempt at character driven Sci-fi (placing a group of characters in episodic MOW shows), it didn't work because the characters basically sucked (aside from the Doctor), and the group dynamic was broken and weak as well. There were so few compelling character relationships on that show and you can't do that on a character-driven show. Paris-Harry kinda worked as a "buddy-buddy" thing, but everything else, especially the Captain-Seven "mother-daughter" relationship failed. Babylon 5 was definitely more a plot-driven than character-driven show, and it mattered quite a bit less that the quality of actors (aside from the great Andreas Katsulas), was sub-par because the writing made up for it. Much of the plot was driven by events or forces (Vorlans-shadows) that were not the main characters on the series, leading to a "shaking the ant-farm and watching the results" feel to the show. BSG was kind of a hybrid because it was a plot-drivenshow at heart... but the characters on the show drove that plot.. i.e. Baltar's machinations affecting so much of the story. I watched a bit of Universe last night but fell asleep, and kind of saw a bit of BSG's attempt at story-telling nut have a feeling it will be more episodic than BSG. It can do that well if it builds some good relationships. I can already see good potential with Rush and Wallace together. But I didn't really find much in the the civilian-miltary angle that hasn't been done before.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 5:03:42 PM CDT

    obi_juan, good news..............

    by axcel1

    3 more do die by episode 4, don't know who.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 5:25:52 PM CDT

    Nice.

    by obi_juan

    I'll cross my fingers and hope it's 3 of the women.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 5:28:37 PM CDT

    DADDY!!! NOOOO!!! YOU LOGICAL BASTARD!!!!!!!

    by haterofcrap

  • Oct 03, 2009 6:35:11 PM CDT

    Exactly hater.

    by obi_juan

    The guy just told them everyone will die in an hour if the hatch isn't closed. And everyone is going to through a hissy fit about how wrong it is to send someone to fix the hatch? What planet are these people from? It ain't earth.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 6:51:11 PM CDT

    The Psychic Stones allow for cameos...

    by bill clay

    Just like Carlyle used the stones to mind-swap with the SG-1 scientist back on Earth, this plot point allows them to have original cast members cameo on the other side of the Universe. Need Rodney McKay to solve a problem? No sweat, just have him jump into Eli's body for one episode. After all, David Hewlett's gotta eat!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 7:29:54 PM CDT

    Time for nicknames

    by melvin_pelvis

    Nerd dood and senators daughter are Boner and Boof.
    One taken from that tv show and the other from teen wolf.
    Seems fitting since they're probably going to end up a couple

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 7:53:56 PM CDT

    obi_juan................

    by axcel1

    I don't think all 3 of the main female cast will die, they need some kind of doctor on the show. And, while I think (As do others.)Ming Na is hot, her character is annoying , feel the same about the Senator's daughter, too.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 8:26:23 PM CDT

    Lost In Space + BSG = Stargate: Universe

    by jamie mcbain

    I think I may have created, a new nickname, for the show, Stargate Lostlactica. Off hand: The show looks ok, I guess.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:24:53 PM CDT

    Ones that won't be killed off

    by melvin_pelvis

    The mad scientest d00d, Boner or Boof, The commander, Ming-Na, The medic chick, the military guy that's always with Boner
    The mad scientist, the commander and Ming-na all represent different factions that will ply for power.
    Boner is ass-pull guy who will make intuitive leaps at the last second to save the day.
    Military guy who's always with him is the action hero.
    Boof is the princess heir apparent, that the 3 power factions will always be trying to woo to their side. She's also the voice of reason, compassion, and common sense.
    The medic chick will also survive because like someone said upstream, they need a doctor type.
    Also she'll be part of the triangle with action hero guy and the chick he was fucking early in the show.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:31:32 PM CDT

    enjoyed InActionMan's fanfic more then I did the pilot

    by ravex

    is there something wrong with me...?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:36:08 PM CDT

    "Ming-na's character is annoying"...

    by ulcer

    how so; she had one line of dialog in that 2h. Blink and you'd miss her.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:45:49 PM CDT

    Melvin_Pelvis......................

    by axcel1

    You said, "The medic chick will also survive because like someone said upstream,(That would be me.) they need a doctor type." But, then you said, "Also she'll be part of the triangle with action hero guy and the chick he was fucking early in the show." I thought she had something going on with Ming Na's character.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:57:13 PM CDT

    axcel1

    by melvin_pelvis

    I got that feeling also, but she also seemed to be trying to escape it.
    They'll make her bi for the same reason Megan Fox claims to be bi. So everyone will watch

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 9:58:35 PM CDT

    ulcer................

    by axcel1

    Just my quick impression of the character, based on trying to decide who i think the other 3 are one the death list. Oh, and, not trying to be funny, but, you must have blinked because she had 3 separate scenes of dialog.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 10:07:18 PM CDT

    And, Melvin_Pelvis & ulcer..............

    by axcel1

    Melvin_Pelvis, I must have misread that scene she did with Ming Na. ulcer, I also said she's hot, so, she can be as annoying as she wants to be.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 10:33:27 PM CDT

    obi_juan- the non-linear structure improved the pacing

    by thesecondquest

    By taking the approach they did, they were able to pair up the slow introductory "prelude" flashback moments with the more exicitng/tense arrival on the ship and initial chaos, and then pair up the post-arrival slower scenes with flashbacks fo the more exciting base attack sequences. I thought they handeled that quite brilliantly for the first episode (the second episode slowed things down though). I was concerned with the structure at first- the Atlantis Season 4 finale episode The Last Man was told in a non-linear way but would have been a much more effective and tense finale had it been told linearly, so I initially feared they'd screw up with it here, but they pulled it off.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 11:05:07 PM CDT

    axcel1

    by melvin_pelvis

    Ming-Na said something like *So your leaving for school and weren't going to tell me* I forget what medic chic said in reply. But got the impression she wanted it over and Ming-Na wasn't going to let it end easily.
    I think Ming-Na's character will seduce Scary Black guy. She may be a lesbian, but she won't let that stop her from using her groin to bind people to her while trying to take charge.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 11:23:04 PM CDT

    Melvin_Pelvis re:Ming-Na...

    by hairy nutsack

    I would fucking love it if Ming-Na started seducing the guys!! The dyke kingdom is already super pissed that Ming-Na will be doing a body swap using the magic stones and that her body will **GASP** have sex with a man in a later episode.
    I mean how awful, a woman actually having sex with a man, what is the world coming to?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 03, 2009 11:50:19 PM CDT

    re: Ming-Na

    by melvin_pelvis

    well she'll sleep with Scary Black Guy because I think it's written into all her contracts that she gets it on with at least one black guy

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 12:09:56 AM CDT

    The problem with SG:U...

    by gislef_crow

    Is the same problem with so much of serialized TV these days. It's the same 5-10 people rubbing each other's backs. Cooper, Wright, Mallozzi, Mikita, Gero, Binder, Mullie, McCullough. They look alike, they talk alike... It's like Smallville, which has had the same producer types and core group of writers for eight years. You need either one strong creator type like Kripke on Supernatural who actually has a style. Or you need a regular shuffleup like Fringe, which dropped people in and out all last year and brought in Goldsman late in the season to carryover to this season. Or you need an incredibly strong core character like House. Gone are the days when you'd have a Stephen King or Harlan Ellison or Neil Gaiman or Joseph Stefano come in to write an episode. The last time the SG team brought in anyone new, it was Peter DeLuise, for christ's sake. Having the same people call all the shots is barely tolerable with, say, comedies or procedural drama. S.F. and fantasy are supposed to be about expanding the imagination. You can't do that if you got the same group of writers staring at each other's navels.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 12:29:45 AM CDT

    re: Problem with SG:U

    by gislef_crow

    My theory is also why Smallville rocks when the producers have the smarts to bring in Geoff Johns. He doesn't _write_ like the other writers on the show. Imagine what Smallville would be like if they brought in, say, Grant Morrison once a year. It doesn't matter if it's a crappy comic book writer: it's at least someone who understands comic books and can write. Which is more than the current crop of Smallville writers. Ditto for Stargate Universe. Writing and creating 10+ years of TV s.f. doesn't make you a s.f. writer, it makes you a TV writer with a slight specialization in the niche of SF TV. Bring in an occasional SF writer, SG crew. Please.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 3:08:23 AM CDT

    re: re; Problem with SG:U

    by gislef_crow

    Herc scores a key point, though. SG:U is no better than the previous shows. That's the problem. Despite the wealth of talent that has assembled on the show to make something better. After 15 years, they should be able to do BETTER, rather than just treading water. Again, it's like Smallville: the writers and producers should get better, not stay the same or be worse. Instead they're just doing what might have been fresh and new, if BSG hadn't already done it.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 3:16:20 AM CDT

    Peter DeLuise??

    by son of a butch

    No, that was definitely not the last time they brought in anyone new. Several of the people you mention (some of whom have left the franchise by now, BTW) came aboard after him. Wright is the only one left who's been with it since the beginning. Also, I believe there ARE a few episodes written by new writers coming up later this season.

    I also think it's a little funny that even though this show based on what little we've seen so far is CLEARLY very different from either of the previous SG's, you go on about how they need to "expand the imagination", whatever that means. I take it it's just an original way of saying "try something new", which is exactly what they're doing.

    As for "bringing in an occasional SF writer", they at least have John Scalzi as a consultant this year if that counts.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 8:13:48 AM CDT

    The problem with Hercules....................

    by axcel1

    is that he called the show STARGATE: SGU, the title of the show is, Stargate Universe. Minor point, I know, but, I'm just saying.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 11:32:15 AM CDT

    having JUST seen this..

    by chronicallydepressedlemming

    I can't believe the whine fest on this site. I thought it was pretty cool and it was good to see some SG again, albeit a less 'family friendly' one (that sex scene seemed a bit out of place). Can't wait to see what happens next, tbh.....you jaded fucks :)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 12:56:09 PM CDT

    WOW, chronicallydepressedlemming...........

    by axcel1

    Here I was, thinking," I put 4 or posts up so far, but, still have not said if I liked it or not." Here you are saying what I was thinking, especially, the first part of your post.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 3:33:34 PM CDT

    chronicallydepressedlemming...

    by son of a butch

    ...look what site you're on. EVERYTHING here is a whine fest.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 5:13:03 PM CDT

    As Herc reported, SG:U did rip off everybody...

    by nohubris

    ...and the list is very long (They even stole the floating cameras from Earth VS. The Flying Saucers). But alas, in the end it is still Stargate.Although I must confess that Robert Carlyle and Ming Na are always great, with Honorable Mentions for Justin Louis (Everett Young) and Jamil Walker Smith (Ronald Greer) -- those four are the clear standouts IMHO.Still, it's no BSG!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 5:47:38 PM CDT

    NoHubris..................

    by axcel1

    "But alas, in the end it is still Stargate." You say that like it's a bad thing!

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 5:51:32 PM CDT

    Oh, and, Son of a Butch..........................

    by axcel1

    Why is EVERYTHING here is a whine fest?

    Reply to Talkback

  • That's when the Doctor Who whine fest starts.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 6:08:36 PM CDT

    axcel1

    by nohubris

    I'm not trolling -- that's just me being still missing BSG a little.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 6:13:13 PM CDT

    "you go on about how they need to "expand the imagination","

    by gislef_crow

    I'm not sure who you're quoting, since I didn't say "expand the imagination." However, generally I do go on about it because they ain't. Taking ST: Voyager and merging it with BSG (or Voyager as it was originally billed as, military types vs. non-military types) is not "expanding the imagination. Granted, nothing is "new" in TV, but rehashing Voyager with a few tweaks when it's been off the air less than 10 years is not expanding the imagination or new. The beauty of the original Stargate was that it WAS imaginative and new for TV. Modern-day Earth persons going to explore planets, and an original take on Chariot of the Gods (what if those "Gods" were evil conquerors). As for the crew involvement, Wright & Cooper: 1997 (when SG:1 started). Mallozzi: 2000. Gero: a newbie at 2005. Binder: 1999. McCullough: also '05. Mikita: 1999. Mullie: 2000. The "youngest" new people on the show have put in 4 years across now three series. And all the people I mentioned are listed in the pilot crew for SG: Universe. Scalzi isn't listed as a writer for any 1st season episodes so far. All the writers I've seen so far are the same gang I listed above, and if you check back you'll see their the writers for 90%+ of later SG1, and SG:Atlantis.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 6:13:53 PM CDT

    Well that was mediocre!

    by fa_tass_dinomolester

    Not horrible, but not good either. Just kind-of...there. And it only drew slightly more in the ratings than the average episode of Atlantis. Given how much this series has been pushed, and how much it costs, (about $2 mil an episode), that's a disaster. Again, I predict it'll last only a season, 2 at the most. And Atlantis was canceled because it has been sucking since Season 2...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 6:16:08 PM CDT

    re: newbies

    by gislef_crow

    I should say the "youngest" new people on the show that has major creative contributions. Yes, they've got a new person doing Legal Counsel. As for Scalzi, I'll judge his efforts when I see something resembling significant s.f. on the show. Other than making sure the astronomical distances and galaxy placements made a general kind of sense, there's nothing he needed to contribute to the pilot, or what looks to be the third part of it next Friday.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 7:56:39 PM CDT

    NoHubris..................

    by axcel1

    How you feel about BSG is how I feel about Faescape.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 8:04:10 PM CDT

    I meant, Farscape

    by axcel1

  • Oct 04, 2009 8:29:15 PM CDT

    A few more thoughts.

    by obi_juan

    Overall, I liked the show very much and will continue watching. Pilots never seem very strong to me, with rare exception. The way the women are on the show reminded me of that Jack Nicholson line from As Good As It Gets. How do you write women so well someone asks him? I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability. The military people don't seem as professional as they should be. Maybe I took too many bathroom breaks, but did Lou Diamond Phillips do anything? I thought he was supposed to be a major character. I hope they keep him around, always liked the guy in movies. And he used to appear a bit in The Outer Limits.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 9:33:35 PM CDT

    Lou Diamond Phillips, military, women

    by gislef_crow

    Well he's in the group PR shots, and appeared in the "upcoming season" previews. Presumably he was evaced on the Hammond and will continue to either appear in the occasional "What's happening on Earth" scenes, or he'll chat with someone via the Ancient communication stones. Although it seems that cutting back to Earth occasionally would undermine the whole "We're isolated and on our own" aspect of the show. Which Voyager at least managed to avoid the first few years. Military on SG (and TV in general) rarely appear as professional as in real life. The problem with the female is that you've got: the medic, who doesn't want to be a medic; the token gay and mildly shrill anti-military civilian leader; and the civilian assistant politician who has been there primarily to whine about her dying/dead father so far. We're not talking a Carter, or even a Teyla or Weir, among the bunch.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 9:37:32 PM CDT

    Communicating with Earth

    by gislef_crow

    And that's the problem. Instead of creating fan favorites, the same old/same old crew just keeps bringing back the old ones. You had the original series, with a small core of four which arguably had strong followings. Then you had SG:A, which had maybe two breakout characters (I'd argue Ronon and McKay). Now we've got SG:U, which really only seems to have one breakout character: Rush. Scott is your copy of Sheppard, who was a copy of O'Neill. Colonel Young was dialed back to one. Maybe if they'd spent more time developing the new characters, instead of trying to work in a cameo for Sgt. Walter...?

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 9:56:53 PM CDT

    That's unfortunate.

    by obi_juan

    I thought he made it to the Destiny. Wasn't the whole idea of his character to be a tough military type? What good is he twiddling his thumbs on earth? Was hoping to see him shoot things up and yell at the women about how irrational and soft they are. Hopefully there is a transporter accident of some kind that gets him on the Destiny. Waste of a powerful actor if they don't.

    About those communication stones. This is where the gritty realism that they'd like to transfer from BSG just breaks down. Whereas on BSG you had technology, here you have um... stones. It just doesn't work well so far as being gritty and real. But as an SG-1 fan, I get it. Don't think non-fans will get it.

    It also strikes me as odd not having a Jaffa of some kind on board. Maybe they will meet up with a stranded Jaffa on some planet.

    Anyone else thinks the Senator's daughter looks a lot like Summer Glau? She looks a lot like River Tam from Serenity.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 9:59:27 PM CDT

    Rush is O'Neil and Daniel Jackson smashed together.

    by obi_juan

    Rush has the tragic loss thing going on in addition to being the smart guy.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 04, 2009 11:57:44 PM CDT

    meant to say...

    by nohubris

    "...just me still missing..."axcel1, regarding Farscape, now I get it, bro.But we'll always have our DVDs. :-)

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 12:04:24 AM CDT

    Lou Diamond Phillip's character can also explore the Lucian Alli

    by thesecondquest

    Not only does he seem to serve the function of being the recurring face for Earth-based scenes so far as "how do we help get them back" and "here's whats going on" scenes, but he can also be involved in the investigation into the Lucian Alliance attack that caused the evac in the first place. For a group that has been hesitant to commit to large scale attacks since their losses at the Battle of the Supergate, it's very curious that they'd attack a Earth outpost with such force. They had to have a reason to want to destroy that base/stop the 9th Chevron research. It's likely at least one person at the base (and thus likely in the group evacuated to the Destiny) is a Lucian spy, so it's a plotline that can work from both angles of the storytelling- finding out the motives and identify from the Milky Way while trying to root him out on the Destiny. Not to mention he's a fighter pilot, which allows SGU to work in some of the signature dogfight space battles that Atlantis kept pushing the envelope on, despite the Destiny's seemingly lack of fightercraft and puddlejumpers (shy 1.5 busted shuttles).

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 12:06:42 AM CDT

    Terrible editing in places, lacked tension

    by yackbacker

    That being said, I will give it a shot because this MIGHT be the STAR TREK: VOYAGER I hoped for years ago- where the crew spends time actually exploring instead of whining all of the time about getting back to Earth. But if this becomes a bitch-fest (which is very possible) and skips on the exploration angle, I'll leave it behind without a second thought.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 8:35:08 AM CDT

    after watching it again

    by melvin_pelvis

    I don't think anything transpired between Ming-Na and TJ.
    I do however believe that Ming-Na's character is making unwanted advances, meddeling in TJ's career so she can go *you owe me*.
    TJ enrolled in some classes that would transfer her away to get away from Ming-Na.
    Unfortunatly for her, events sealed them up in the ship together.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 8:49:41 AM CDT

    Melvin_Pelvis, the writers aren't that bright...

    by fa_tass_dinomolester

    I can assure you, the character arcs on the show will be as awkward and malformed as they've been for years in this franchise...ya know, SG hasn't been any good since Anubis was defeated...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 8:56:57 AM CDT

    Lucian Alliance/etc.

    by gislef_crow

    But, I don't want to see them going back to Earth via cutaways. You can't play up how isolated and alone the 79 survivors of the Destiny are, if they keep cutting back to Earth every damn episode or two. Don't care about Earth, don't care about Lucian Alliance. SG: Atlantis was much stronger before they could casually go back and forth every few weeks. And the Lucian Alliance was always the most boring/dull of the pre-SG:U bad guys. Gou'ald, Ori, Wraith... and a bunch of crooks with ships. Woo-hoo. They also need an alien perspective, a Teal'c or a Ronon (or even a Teyla). Doesn't look like they have anyone scheduled for that position as a regular, though.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 9:12:00 AM CDT

    As far as we know...

    by fa_tass_dinomolester

    The only aliens in the first season will be in next week's episode, "Air Part 3", "Water", "Time", and "Space", and they'll all be CGI...so no, no regular alien characters. The episodes already cost about $2 million, to add a regular CG character would obliterate the budget...

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 11:19:16 AM CDT

    Who the hell does Louis Ferriera play?

    by jtp8000

    The guy is like second listed in the credits and I can't find an IMDB listing for him and he's not listed in their cast list

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 11:48:24 AM CDT

    Finally watched this...

    by allykatd

    I had it on my DVR and got around to watching it last night since there was nothing else on. I was a big fan of Stargate Atlantis in the beginning. My complaint about years 3, 4 & 5 were that the Wraith were a good enemy, so were the Genii (or however you spelled it) and General Kolya. He and Shepherd made great frenemies. The replicators were poor standins for Wraith and uninteresting (but perhaps cheap because no makeup was required) and Michael was good at first but really boring and drawn out later. My biggest complaint is that the writers would get into the drama of a particular character and then pull back, as if they were emotionally stunted 16 year olds and didn't have proper personal experiences to draw from. Wow, so now that brings me to this new show. Which I really really disliked. I HATED the guy in detention, I HATED the asian woman he was arguing with. I HATED both the senator AND his daughter. The only people I semi sorta liked was the geeky gamer, the colonel and the scientist. The premise has promise, but not with these characters. I definitely will not be tuning back in even though, for once, it seems like this show is made for a slightly more mature audience than retarded 14 year olds.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 11:50:06 AM CDT

    P.S.

    by allykatd

    At least Stargate Atlantis had some decent male eye-candy when the episode sucked, like Shepard and Ronin, and even Rodney in a weird nerdy way;.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 05, 2009 5:01:46 PM CDT

    jtp8000....................

    by axcel1

    Louis Ferriera is Justin Louis' real name.

    Reply to Talkback

  • Oct 06, 2009 10:12:35 AM CDT

    herm....

    by himbo

    I liked that they tended to use steady-cam versus shakycam. I was a bit bored, but have gone back to it a few times, so there is something compelling.
    I was disappointed in that always before, the military characters associated with the SG programs seemed to be very, very competent, top-tier personnel. Maybe there are so many SG projects now that personnel are stretched thin, but I had no idea that any of these people were very good at their jobs. I'd actually like that addressed at some point by Col. Young saying "They never really thought this experiment was going anywhere." Especially on a budget of 1.6 billion. That's chump-change compared to the space cruisers.
    There is potential on this show, but I enjoyed it less than the SG1 or SGA pilots.

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