I am – Hercules!!

This autumn’s “Amazing Race” contestants include 2004 Miss America Ericka Dunlap, two hot poker pros, gay brothers, the son of “Revenge of the Nerds” director Jeff Kanew and two Harlem Globetrotters (but not Meadowlark Lemon or Curly Neal). The complete contestant line-up: * Gay brothers Dan McMillen (21) & Sam McMillen (23), Liberty, Mo. * Dating blonde athletic executives Meghan Rickey (23) & Cheyne Whitney (23), Southern California. * Songwriter Canaan Smith (26) & aspiring-singer girlfriend Mika Combs (22), Nashville. * Hot poker pros Maria Ho (26) & Tiffany Michelle (25), Southern California. * 2004 Miss America Ericka Dunlap (27) & marketing tour manager husband Brian Kleinschmidt (27), Nashville. * Engineer Garrett Paul (28) & sometime editor girlfriend Jessica Stout (27), Northern California. * Son of “Revenge of the Nerds” director Jeff Kanew (and, since 2006, National Lampoon exec) Justin Kanew (30) and unemployed Asperger’s sufferer buddy Zev Glassenberg (26), Southern California. * Harlem Globetrotters Herbert Lang (32) & Nathaniel Lofton (28), New York. * Lawyer Lance Layne (41) & finance-manager fiancée Keri Morrione (33), Massachusetts. * Married yoga studio owners Eric Paskel (41) & Lisa Paskel (43), Southern California. * Construction manager Gary Tomljenovich (47) & mortgage broker son Matt Tomljenovich (22), Montana. * Dating oldsters Marcy Malloy (60) & Ronald Shalita (59), Northern California. Discover what they all look like here. Notes on tonight’s typically engrossing premiere: * The season opens in the Los Angeles Riverbed (which runs less than a block from where I’m sitting right now), where you’ve seen a hundred car chases but hardly ever any significant amount of water. * Miss America’s husband is quick to point out that while he’s white, she’s black. What he doesn’t point out is the black half of this couple is a whole lot hotter than the white half. * The songwriter and his singer girlfriend are quick to point out they’re Christians. Given that 83 percent of Americans are Christians, it really isn’t necessary to point this out. It’s like announcing you own slacks. Tip for American reality contestants, and I extend this tip even to those named Sanjay, Schlomo and Mohammad: the audience will ASSUME you’re Christian; only if you’re in that 17 percent of Americans that doesn’t worship the one true God Jesus Christ do you need to pipe up on the matter. (What we come to learn later is that when they say “Christians” what they actually mean is “Christians who aren’t boning each other.”) * Perhaps in recognition of these recessionary times, tonight’s installment comes with an “Amazing Race” first: one team is eliminated at the starting line, before a single plane ticket is purchased. * The Globetrotters do not race in their uniforms. * The Los Angeles challenge involves Japanese license plates. * The team eliminated in Los Angeles does still get a spot in the opening titles. * I do not believe I will miss the team eliminated in Los Angeles.

* I love the poker girls. They are adorable. I’m already ready to marry either one, and not just for their Texas Hold ‘Em winnings. The duo have no gaydar and find themselves smitten with the gay brothers, but the gay brothers wisely keep their orientation secret from the poker girls as the two teams forge an alliance. The poker girls, meanwhile, try to keep their real profession a secret and enter the race pretending to be “non-profit organizers.” * Lance the attorney is apparently this season’s colossal bore, and the show’s editors delight in demonstrated how colossal. The poker girls agree they can’t picture “meathead” Lance in a courtroom, and I take their point. * As this is the year of “Star Trek’s” resurrection, I will point out that a team wearing red shirts is either first eliminated or very close to the first eliminated. (CBS will not permit me to say which.) * Phil feels obliged to explain what wasabi is. I’m not certain how necessary this is; even the guys from Missouri say they eat sushi every day. (If there are somehow viewers who have not yet sampled this substance, I encourage you to run out and do so before tonight’s airing. It’s delicious, and it will help you understand what these contestants are going through.) * This line got an unusually big laugh out of me: “OK, she has to go to the bathroom.” * Listening to Zev the Asberger’s guy rattle off his symptoms (finding comfort in routine and an aversion to strangers) convinces me I too have Asberger’s! * The second hour takes the contestants out of Japan but not out of Asia. Their second destination city appears to be entirely under about two feet of water. Appropriately, the first challenge there involves a lot of mud. * The contestants and their yellow instruction envelopes remain filthy for the balance of the episode. * For the road block, contestants literally have to get their ducks in a row. 8 p.m. Sunday. CBS. Follow Herc on Twitter!!

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