Cool News
And The Next Stop On Our Descent Into Hell Will Be: BARBIE: THE MOVIE!!
Merrick here...
Universal has allied with Mattel to bring us a live-action BARBIE movie.
The studio has made a deal with Mattel to build a live action film around its signature toy line.
In regards to producer Laurence Mark:
Mark said he felt fortunate to get the job and said there is no shortage of plot possibilities, since Barbie has held more than 120 jobs over the years.
All per THIS write-up in Variety, which goes on to discuss the canvassing of writers for the project.
As long as the movie empowers women, marginalizes men, deals with a hairstyling crisis every fifteen minutes, and is really fucking pink? It'll be awesome.
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+ Expand All
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Barbie, the Musical! By Waylon Smithers.
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Hollywood is crazy.
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and cast someone hot as the lead.
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I want a live-action Barbie and the Three Musketeers green lit pronto!
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Expect more of the same.
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ALL CGI in a live action?
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Sep 23, 2009 7:13:38 PM CDT
...wait, live-action?...BARBIE?? Is that physically possible?
by flickapoo
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...oh, wait...
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She's an alcoholic. They should make this a sequel to factotum and have a scene where Charles Bukowski gets drunk and slaps the bitch around. She deserves it. Barbie's a slut. There, i said it.
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Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY?!? Are all the good ideas in Hollywood gone? What's after Barbie? Stretch Armstrong in 3D? Maybe someone can dust off Rock 'em Sock 'em robots and have Micheal Bay shoot it for $200 million.
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totally!
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...now that's a concept! It's got drama, it's got pathos, it's got T&A...and only T&A...you know, because of the no vagina thing...
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I could see Chris Tucker in drag with double F's strapped to his chest. Nah, it would still suck.
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Paris Hilton. You know the blond who dresses like a slut and go to party and get too drunk and get gangraped by the football team in Harlem
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is actually onto a great idea for a movie. If you're going to make a Barbie movie, be accurate. Plus she could be dating a military man by the name of Joe who has "Lifelike Hair". But doesn't care about her lack of sex organ. Because he, of course, doesn't have a penis.
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please let Massawyrm review it!
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Yes it's true, this man has no dick!
That's when Barbie dumps his ass and hooks up with old school 1960's G.I. Joe. He's got Kung Fu grip and Barbie likes it rough. -
Yes it's true, this man has no dick!
That's when Barbie dumps his ass and hooks up with old school 1960's G.I. Joe. He's got Kung Fu grip and Barbie likes it rough. -
Sep 23, 2009 7:33:40 PM CDT
...think about it, the hottest woman in the history of the world
by flickapoo
...get her panties off...Just smooth, pink skin...It's a tragedy.
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come on, you gotta give those kids something to aspire to
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How I have longed for a Barbie movie!!
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...Sarah Palin is my point.She better be like fucking Zamfir on that thing...
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That means sign me up!
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Nyotaimori: The Japanese art of serving food on a naked woman. In the film they could put Shrimp on her. Do you see where I am going with this?
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Sep 23, 2009 7:57:35 PM CDT
A Crossover Between Barbie and Major Matt Mason Would Be Pricele
by writefromleft
Barbie: "Hey, Matt."
Mason: "Well, hello Barbie. What are you doing at Mission Control?"
Barbie: "Oh, well, you know." (snort) I've had like 140 jobs. And now I'm a reporter!" (snort snort)
Enter Commander Storm.
Storm: "Well, hello, Barbie."
Barbie: "Hey, Commander Storm."
Storm: "You know, Barbie, I've got a little time on my hands and I was wondering if you'd like to go for a little ride on the lunar trawler?"
Barbie: "Sure, Storm. That sounds like a blast!"
The alien Calisto shoots his way into Mission Control.
Calisto: "No! It is my trawler she will ride!" -
What a great idea that is!
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The man who brought you "Superstar" (no, not the Molly Shannon vehicle) could own this material!
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You know it, too. The perfect choice. Vapid deluxe.
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When will we get a Slinky movie?
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comes with hanger
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When his parents view master and twister are killed, millionaire playboy Slinky relocates to Asia when he is mentored by Connect Four and Ra's Al Rubber Ducky in how to fight evil. When learning about the plan to wipe out evil in Candyland City by Ras Al Duckey and the league of Cabbage Patch Kids, Slinky prevents this plan from getting any further and heads back to his home. Back in his original surroundings, Slinky adapts the image of a Hula Hoop to strike fear into the criminals and the corrupt as the icon known as The Hula Hoop.
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Also, this is just my view but, if it took place during the sixties/seventies, had Barbie living in a sort of "bubble" (a la Brady Bunch), with a new "job" every 10 minutes and made Ken a womanizer/gigolo, it could totally work.
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finally!!!!!
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Sep 23, 2009 8:26:43 PM CDT
Everyone who went to see Transformers is to blame for this
by blueimmortal
Because as soon as that shit came out the Mattel Board of Directors was all like "if Hasbro is doing it, we need to get into movies". Next thing, they will be forming Hasbro Studios, Mattel Films, then other brands will get in on the action. Harley Davidson: The Movie is probably being pitched right now.
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that would be great!
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yes i think thats possible
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Massa, you love this girly genre stuff more than a grown, healthy man should admit. But by God, you are one fearless mutha.
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inspired this DUH!
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I'd pay to see that!
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how being blonde and having big tits isn't everything, because that's the message those little fucking dolls have been spreading insipidly for decades.
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before the invention of Barbie, girls didnt even shave their legs. Geez
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Barbie sex tape anyone?
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Sep 23, 2009 8:48:17 PM CDT
actually brett ratner is making a guitar hero movie
by supercowbell5thecowbellhasspoken
sounds awful huh? fuck i cant wait to see the trailer for that piece of horse shit
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wanna bet they'll have that song in the trailer? (you know the one)
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I find it silly that people complain she sets "unrealistic standards" for girls, well what the fuck do you expect little girls to play with some lard-ass doll? no one complains that GI Joes set "unrealistic standards" for boys
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Can you imagine what could come to be if a Barbie movie became a success? "My buddy! My budddddddy! My buddy and meeeee!" sung by the Jonas Brothers!! This would soon be followed by Jesus flying down on the back of Pegasus to Earth whilst shredding an electric guitar.
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...I'm not the only one who played with Big Jim...Apparently I was born a young white gay child...but once puberty hit developed a raging obsession with breasts and vaginas...All's well that ends well I suppose...
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"I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world.. Life in plastic, it's fantastic!!"
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...nine year old boys all over the world stealing her from their sister, taking Barbie's clothes off and rubbing naked Barbie all over their bodies...Because everyone else did that too...right...?
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it was called "Clueless".. That movie rocks!!
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why not?
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Sex in the city for girls?
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Coming soon to your local Multiplex!
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Coming soon to your local Multiplex!
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Sep 23, 2009 9:13:17 PM CDT
I'M SURE ORCI AND KURTZMAN ARE ON THEIR 1OTH DRAFT.....
by carlthormark1978
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Sep 23, 2009 9:14:48 PM CDT
BARBIE THE MOVIE WAS ALREADY MADE BACK IN 95 AS SHOWGIRLS.....
by carlthormark1978
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there needs to be scene where a giant boy comes along, picks Barbie up and takes her clothes off, but is then disappointed to find she has no nipples, vagina or butt crack
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Sep 23, 2009 9:16:33 PM CDT
There is one way a live-action Barbie film could be awesome
by jardinier
If they adapted Kurt Busiek's Beautie, about a life-size superhero mannequin:
http://tinyurl.com/kogucp
http://tinyurl.com/n3nc2x -
Sep 23, 2009 9:21:54 PM CDT
Little Boy who removes and keep Doll Heads: The Movie
by theycallmemrtibbs
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Sep 23, 2009 9:26:11 PM CDT
KUSAMA, CODY AND FOX WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THIS......
by carlthormark1978
Just have Barbie (Fox) work as a pole dancer who wanks her customers, throw in some light lesbianism with her co-worker Zoe Saldana, and I’m sure it could be a powerful feminist statement that sexist woman haters like myself could misconstrued as simply being a movie made by a bunch of bitches who show women engage in the worst aspects of male behavior while pandering to us to at the same time.
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Sep 23, 2009 9:31:37 PM CDT
Who is Playing Skipper Roberts, Barbies Trashy Tween Sister?
by conspiracy
That's right Mothers Fuckers...You know who I am recommending....
Sasha FUCKING Grey! -
thats the problem with toys for girls, they arent just toys to play with. they're brainwashing tools to try and turn them a certain way. i mean is it coincidence that 99% of toys for girls are things to "prepare" them to become a mom/wife? how about letting kids just being kids and have fun. least us boys had no expectations, our toys were to have fun and let our imaginations go wild. and who cares what standards barbie represents or doesnt, she's supposed to be a toy to play with, not a model to life.
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looking at teenage girls today, i'd say Barbie is actually pretty damn realistic to me. people who blame her for anything are probably just mothers jealous that their daughters look better at 15 then they ever have their entire lives.
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Sep 23, 2009 9:40:29 PM CDT
conspiracy, SASHA GREY IS HIGHLY OVERRATED!!!FACT!!!
by carlthormark1978
Look up Karen Lancaume and Anastasia Blue then tell me that little deadeyed fuckdoll Grey even begins to compare?
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You know, a smart and sexy looking woman who works in NYC and succeeds, and has this gay friend. First of all, women are supposed to be either cooking, or being our cum depot. Second, no woman even looks like Barbie, and if any woman did, it would be a FUCKING CIRCUS FREAK, not a real woman.
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Sep 23, 2009 9:42:03 PM CDT
Hey...anyone else find that commercial slightly..Pederastic?
by conspiracy
I dunno...it just seems...wrong.Now..I'm not saying I didn't fap it to Maureen watching reruns of Brady Bunch in the 1970s...but I was ya know..10. Today I MUCH prefer Maureen during her late teens early twenties coke whoring period...Marcia, Marcia, Marcia....
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"God help us all..."
Surely a sign of the coming Apocalypse. -
da dum tink!
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Sep 23, 2009 9:46:52 PM CDT
Respect Carl...But I LOVE that dead eyed little cock whore..
by conspiracy
I love the no tats, I love the fresh face, I like the fact you could give her a anal fisting, throw her in the tub for a golden shower, watch her eat your spunk off a plate..then clean her up, take her to Disneyland in a "I Love Daddy" tank top, and watch the stares of disapproval as you passed her off as your daughter and made out with her on Small World. Which she WOULD DO!!!Yes..., I'm sick....but I am creative.;) lol
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One trip to the mall will convince you that yes..you are indeed a Ephebophile, as there is more flesh there than at butcher.
If that does not do it...check out Stickam some boring Saturday night. 15 seems to be the new 25...at least online and in California. -
or let John Waters have at it.
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American really is the land of dunderheads.
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I'mamarriedspudI'mamarriedspud
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Make it fucking happen!
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Sep 23, 2009 10:25:47 PM CDT
Flicka...Big Jim -- black shirt with small yellow-circled wolf l
by mdf2
Came with the mini-comic book about the underground dwelling villain Zorak, and the rest of Jim's Pack, the Whip and Torpedo?
That Big Jim?
Then no, you're not the only one.
AOOOOOOOO!!!! -
Everything else stands.
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Not sure which is worse
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...thank god. That's a relief.
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My childhood --
Battle royales between Big Jim, Steve Austin, the freakin' Saqsquatch, that big-ass plastic articulated Hulk figure with the torn white shirt, and the required purple pants -- Western figures like Old Shatterhand, and pretty much anyone else I could get my hands on.
I never knew the original GI Joe -- I was an 80's Hasbro dude -- but I remember my 12" Star Wars figures, too.
I miss all that. -
Sep 23, 2009 10:49:41 PM CDT
120 different jobs... I hope being a hooker isn't one of them
by darthbakpao
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Follow Eddie Murphy as he tries to get past dem hungry hungry hippos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
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those things are nasty
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that crazy hair and a pencil stuck up there butts.
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Once again Hollywood is strip mining American pop culture. Instead of actually actively looking for new writers who may have an original idea worth making into a movie.
If they are smart(ed.note: doubtful), they will spoof the shit out of this. Make the fact that she's had 120 jobs the underlying plot. Ridicule everything that makes Barbie who...or what she is. -
of that 80's movie, "Mannequin" yet?
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stuffing their mouths with super sized muffins and complaining about her unobtainable body.
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Needs to raise some capitol
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Otherwise, not interested.
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A brilliant casting move that would boost the self-esteem of millions of even the most homely and overweight girls.
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It has elements of the creator of Barbie's story in it. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1109882/Man-created-Barbie-Ken-dolls-kinky-swinger-manic-need-sexual-gratification.html
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Plot: Barbie breaks up with Ken. Ken then kills Barbie's family, pets, and destroys her Malibu Dream Home. Barbie, enraged, doles out torture porn retribution like Liam Neeson did in Taken. Everyone get ready to fear......VENGEANCE BARBIE!!
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There is not God.
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Gay paraplegic retards with half skulls?
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I'm surprised this didn't happen before. Probably the most successful toy property in history, and there hasn't been a licensed movie yet? *shrug* Why not?
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'Lamps: The Movie.'
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That is all.
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Much rather have a live action JEM movie!
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a giant rips her head off and covers it in pink ghostbusters slime... surely thats how barbie is meant to be played with?
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Pixar style that would be sweet. About this I just don't get how they are going to do this. But if it comments on feminism and womens looks and somehow makes fun of its self I am sure they could get Amy Adams. Otherwise they better look up Britney Snow or someone else who won't give two shits about the script.
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One idea being floated around is to show that slut Barbie's secret life as a streetwalker slut named "Crystal Chandelier" who reports to her pimp, played by Mr. Bubble. Mr. YUCK, the green anti-poision ingestion icon from 70's teevee public service announcement fame, is being discussed as a possibility for one of Barbie's main antagonists.
Various set pieces proposed for the film will allow for the construction and sale of new merchandise such as "Crackhouse Barbie", "Whorehouse Barbie", "LiveSexClub Barbie", to name but a few. If licensing and legal matters can be cleared, Barbie will be shown riding both Gumby AND Pokey in her first 21st century big screen adventure. -
GI Joe, Battleship, Barbie. Oh, if only they would make a movie based on all those Star Wars toys I had as a kid.
Imagine how cool it would be to see a real X-Wing or the Millennium Falcon on screen, and I bet Darth Vader would be really menacing in the movie.
They could call it "STAR WARS" -
I would love to be part of that furniture. This would be one of the biggest cattle calls of all time I predict. Since all plas surgery is geared towards Barbie.
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I'd buy that for a dollar!
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...with size 2 feet that are permanently locked into high heel position, 5 foot long legs, a 2 foot long torso with a 16 inch waist, 36 DD breasts, an 18 inch long neck, a tiny head, a small bump for a nose, trout lips, manga eyes... and blonde hair?
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...I want Dig Doug: The Movie. I can imagine no greater cinematic masterpiece than two hours of Shia Lebeouf digging tunnels ungerground, Bugs Bunny/The Shoveler style and exploding evil gophers with a super-soaker gun!
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..."underground" of course.
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This will only further that pathetic trend. Fuck you hollywood
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Yet they still won't talk to alienindisguise.
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I mean, let's look at it. Harry has been posting completely WTF? articles on things completely irrelevant to us - beyond his usual 'reviews' that is, and now we're getting told about news that is, let's face it, only cool for 6 year old girls. Is it because so many of us hated the Avatar trailer, Harry? Because since then and the infamous twitter comment, I've had the distinct impression that AICN management has issued the degree "Fuck 'em. Fuck with their MINDS!! I'll give them irrelevant blue thundercats!" I'm genuinely starting to wonder.......
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In a misguided attempt to cash in on that 5 minute pole danceaerobics fad a few years back when all the vapid whores(TM) lost all dignity and self respect in order to keep fit AND please men. I would watch that. Because a cinema ticket is still slightly cheaper than my local strip bar.
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think sex & the city for 10 year old girls
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I didn't know Marcia was in a Barbie commercial. Cool! Two of my childhood things put together. Seriously they make toy movies for you guys, why not us? I can take my daughter; will she receive more brain-damage than when she was taken to see Transformers? They just need to make Jem and She-Ra into movies and my world will be complete.
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I'm just not sure where movies on how to do dishes, empty the bank account, nag incessantly or turn into Ultrabitch once a month fits into the 'Cool News' pantheon.
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"If Barbie were a real woman, she would have to grow to be seven feet tall. She would have a bust that was between 38-40 inches, her waist 18-24 inches, her hips around 33-35 inches. Barbie's weight would be 110 pounds. If she were a real w...oman-Barbie would have to walk on all fours due to her proportions. If Ken were a real man-he would be seven-feet, eight-inches tall. An average man would have to add seven inches"
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Whoever wrote the text you cribbed clearly was not of this world.
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Surely Paris Hilton needs bigger boobs to be able to "act" in this shi.. *ahem* movie?
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I JUST KNEW! when I read this tagline that this TB would be milk coming out of the nose affiar, and sure enough IT IS!
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It'll be all over the evening news and Entertainment Tonight and talk radio. No need for AICN to bother reporting on it.
If "Ain't It Cool News" is a question, then the answer in this case is "no". -
I pity the teenage girl in this country. Disney and other media have transformed this age group (and even and ever younger) from one of innocence into one that is unapologetically sexually provocative. I think the engine started really revving with Britney Spears.
Miley Cyrus pole dancing on an ice cream cart? I don't know about you all but that just makes me worry about where our culture is, and is heading.
Wait. I know where it's headed. Girls Gone Wild.
Are they CAPABLE of making a wholesome Barbie movie? One that conveys moral values and instills a sense of self-worth and innocence for girls? I'm not hopeful, but I hope so. -
Wasn't it called Leagly Blonde?
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This, not so much.
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Or it'll suck. Barbie is wholesome, gorgeous, dresses like she's fresh out of the 50s, and is naively innocent in a way that shames those around her, while at the same time having a photographic memory, which is how she has the skills to hold down over 120 jobs. She should, like, have a standing offer to go be a waitress, stewardess, or neurosurgeon wherever she's worked before.
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will there be a naked barbie wrestling match staged in an eight year old boy's closet...until his sister finds out and starts screaming.........yes??
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From all over the world. Like those Farm Insurance commercials.
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Barbie lives alone and due to her low attention span can't hold down a job, hence why she is an air hostess one day, a policewoman the next etc.
She is also wealthy due to being left lots of cash by her parents. This is why she can spend shit loads on outfits, camping vans, hot tubs etc. etc.
One day, she magically acquires a black friend.... she just DOES, OK???
She has failed to notice that hey boyfriend, Ken, is a screaming homo and that across the street, GI Joe lusts after her.
Hilarity ensues! -
Rescue Rig or Sports Camper?
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I can already tell how this is going to go down.
The stupid retard who plays edward in stupid motherfucking gay ass twilight as KEN.
Lindesy slut face lohan to play Barbie, And once again our t.v.'s will be infected with dumb ass tv spots of the barbie movie. and our theathers will be packed with dumb ass girls screaming and fliping out to see that edward pussy on screen. -
Here's the link... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Qs2bhQcdA
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It's really no surprise I'm a woman, and I love Barbie to death as does my little niece. I just hope it doesn't go with Demi Moore's vision where Barbie isn't a real person and Ken is nowhere to be seen.
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There is no other choice.
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Sep 24, 2009 11:08:21 AM CDT
Frank Darabont for director and the soundtrack by Extreme Noise
by wowsah156
Seriously folks we have an iopportunity here to do an interesting satire using mtoifs from Dario Argento. Have Barbie being chased hunted by the euro nutters from Eli Roths Hostel.
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A bit of ENT.
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That is all.
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Bring it On: Cheerleader Barbie
Legally Blonde: Lawyer Barbie
Just Like Heaven: Ghost Barbie (Doctor Barbie)
Stick It: Gymnast Barbie
Cruel Intentions: Cokehead Barbie
Buffy movie: Vamp Hunter Barbie
But seriously, this is clearly geared towards children and Barbie as a brand has 99% worldwide brand awareness(actually Mattel fact). Uhm, it only makes sense, the only real question is why this didn't happen sooner? Barbie is like 75 now
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What's the point otherwise?
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What next a movie based on Battleship...oh wait...
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about a vicious, mauling killing machine.
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I loved the hell out of it. It was the 2nd best movie of the summer for me.
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"Are they CAPABLE of making a wholesome Barbie movie? One that conveys moral values and instills a sense of self-worth and innocence for girls? I'm not hopeful, but I hope so." This from someone with the nom de plum "BringingSexyBack"??? On second thought, though... love the idea for a "Girls Gone Wild" feature!
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Sep 24, 2009 12:05:15 PM CDT
And a couple years Later....they find her without a head.
by cookylamoo
Where do all the Barbie heads go, anyway? Is there a Barbie head heaven?
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in The Mask...when she was hot as hell...you know, before she shot the sword scene in Jason and the Argonauts....THAT would be my Barbie!
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IM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF! HELP ME! I CANT BREATHE! MOTHERFUCK!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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in her box of shame. sorry black barbie, but no one wants to play with you.
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Who authorized such a thing?
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No one gives a shit about Barbie cept for Young ladies/girls and a few flamboyany homosexuals.If the 'nauts got a live action treatment, it would fucking kill..just as long as none of these hacks:Anderson,Boll,Ratner,Orci and his butt buddy Kuntzman,etc.are behind it.I always though Baron Karza was way more badass than Vader.
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with hyperstrength arms.
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With a budget of $40 Million and that's just for the holographic special effects.
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Sep 24, 2009 12:47:07 PM CDT
I know it's a lil' before my time, but since some of you are ol
by stalkeye
..remember Big Jim or Major Matt Mason,how about Mego's Action Jackson? wasn't that a blatant ripoff of GIJoe? yes, the first action figure to sport a Mullet...or as it was known back then,Maxi Mod hair. LMMFAO
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And at the end of the movie she's still an airheaded ditz who can't keep a job, but she falls backwards into a ton of money.
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Sep 24, 2009 2:07:29 PM CDT
Tomorrow's headline: "Ellen Page cast as lead in Barbie movie"
by royston lodge
Cue Twilight Zone theme music...
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Sep 24, 2009 2:10:48 PM CDT
The next headline: Fox greenlights live-action Barbapapa movie
by royston lodge
With live-action humans interacting with CGI Barbapapa family in downtown Los Angeles. Hilarity ensues!
http://tinyurl.com/gvne5 -
That would make one Hell of a mockumentary film, I'd go see that.
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Will there be songs?
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truly truly truly outrageous.
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I think food is next:
"Pepsi: The Movie"
"Flaming Nacho Doritos: The Movie"
"Corn Syrup: The Movie" -
Kevin Jonas plays Zack, the new kid at school who's Nerf skills are totally whack! But with the help of a blind janitor (Terrance Howard) and his new girlfriend (Taylor Scout Compton), he can rise to the challenge and defeat the school's reigning Nerf champion (Thomas Ian Griffith). In Real-D For In Your Face Nerf Action!
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C'mon it'd work.
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Three doors down, and beneathe the blinking light.
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As long as she has huge tits and a small waist- I'm there!
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Why this sudden worshiping of board games and toys as movies? Jesus, if a culture is to be judged by the art it creates- we are all fucked.
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Starring Robin Williams...
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of this:
http://tinyurl.com/6qbj4c -
And now I post on a talkback with forever virgins while watching Supernatural while sneak previews of Drew Barrymore directed movies starring Ellen "when I'm not a pregnant chick with ridiculously stylized dialogue I'm cuting dudes' balls off or at least threatening to do so or starring in Christopher Nolan's maxtrix remake" Page. So don't knock Barbie. She contributes more to young girls being nice and normal than you may give her credit for.
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Fuckin nerds ;)-
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Fuckin nerds ;)-
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heh...
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Sep 25, 2009 3:45:34 AM CDT
Barbie is a self-absorbed materialistic trust fund kid who loses
by timstuff
and has to experience life from the POV of the middle class. Her search for her niche turns into a revolving door of different blue collar / working class jobs, until she meets Ken, a lowly blue collar who she falls for.
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http://tinyurl.com/ybsnwu3
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True dat!
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followed by the almost magical appearance of her "sister" kelly?
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