Hey, folks. Capone in Chicago here.

What kills me about this Diablo Cody-written horror comedy is that I know Cody (an Oscar winner for her first screenplay JUNO) loves horror movies. We talked about them at length when she was in Chicago a couple years back doing press for that film. She told me as much as she could about a horror script she had already finished and was working with her Juno director (Jason Reitman, acting as producer here) on finding money and a director. But there's no doubt in my mind that Cody is a tried and true horror aficionado. This is why is actually pains me to report that JENNIFER'S BODY is a mess, plain and simple--a horror film with too many jokes to be scary, and trying too hard to be earnest and meaningful to be funny. And what may shock some of you is that none of the blame for the film's failure belongs to star Megan Fox, who puts in pretty solid work as a seductive hottie who seduces high school boys and then eats them.

Cody's love of horror shines through in her script, but it does so in a bizarre way. It's as if she was afraid to lift too directly from any recognizable favorites, so instead she has created something bland and without much in the way of terror or even original gore. The story is actually told from the perspective of Needy (MAMMA MIA's Amanda Seyfried), Jennifer's best friend since preschool. Needy has a boyfriend, and while she is undoubtedly pretty, she would be considered the plain friend next to the porn starish Jennifer (Fox). The two sort of make sense as friends. Jennifer brings out the slightly crazy side in Needy, while Needy tempers Jennifer's party girl insane behavior. The two go to a bar one night to see a band play and the place literally burns to the ground, killing dozens of people. But the band seems far more concerned with making sure Jennifer gets in their van to supposedly take her to the hospital. But when we see Jennifer again, she's covered in blood and vomiting black, spiky bile. Needy is terrified of what is happening to her friend, but by the next morning Jennifer seems like her old self with perhaps a touch more bitch built in.

It doesn't take long for us to see Jennifer start her clandestine killing spree of boys in her school, as she lures them with the promise of sex and then rips giant chunks of flesh off their bones with her enormous teeth. While I certainly love the idea that Cody has turned the tables on typical slasher or monster movies that almost always feature female victims, watching these otherwise harmless boys die didn't really do anything for me. These aren't the school bullies or thugs or boys who in any way wronged Jennifer. They're just boys. Compare JENNIFER'S BODY to something like TEETH, which is the ultimate female-empowerment horror metaphor, and it just seems week and pointless. To make matters worse, director Karyn Kusama (GIRLFIGHT, AEON FLUX) doesn't really have a clue how to direct a scare movie. Scenes are set up for big scares, but then mangled so much by the editing that we lose the best moments for screams.

The best thing about JENNIFER'S BODY is the casting. Fox and Seyfried deliver pretty terrific performances overall. Fox does know how to keep things sexy and bitchy, while still giving some zing to Cody's distinctive and sometimes funny dialogue. Seyfried is good at burying her looks and sunshiny personality, as she's required to here. She's meant to be the girl who blends in, but she's also required to get increasingly anxious and gutsy as the film progresses. I also really like toupee-sporting J.K. Simmons (big surprise) as one of the girls' teachers. He's got what I believe is a painful-to-the-ears Minnesota accent and a hook hand. I don't know how you could ask for more. But these great acting touches don't quite make up for the shortfall in the writing. The script and its ideas feel dated, and I kind of wish Cody had maybe given it another pass to make it feel fresh and relevant. In its current state, JENNIFER'S BODY feels choppy, disjointed and void of many screams or laughs. I was an unapologetic lover of JUNO from Day 1, and I'm mad about Cody's TV series, "The United States of Tara," but this one just doesn't cut it. I'm disappointed as both a horror lover and a Diablo admirer. I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with her entertaining Tweets and pop-culture columns in Entertainment Weekly until the next script.

-- Capone
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