Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

AICN-DOWNUNDER

Have I left it too late to give my thoughts on the AVATAR footage? Yes? Oh. (I didn't see it. Who the hell wants to see fifteen minutes of a film? I'll go see the thing start-to-finish upon its release, and then -- and this is the shocking part -- make my mind up whether it works then! Call me old fashioned, if you must, but I'd rather see the damn thing first. To all those who have pre-judged in the most negative way possible: Cameron gave you ALIENS, the first two TERMINATOR films, and TRUE LIES. Quit your whining.)

Film NZ is currently undergoing a bit of a shake-up, mostly due to the resignation of Chief Executive Judith McCann. Though nothing tangible has come out of this yet -- I usually try to avoid reporting on bureaucratic news unless it relates directly to a film -- it did produce one of my favourite quotes of the year. Julian Grimmond, Chair of Film NZ's Board of Trustees, was quoted as saying
"New Zealand should be to filmmaking what Switzerland is to banking." So, the New Zealand film industry should become a safe-haven for Nazi gold? I like where they're going with this!

(One more thing: about three weeks ago, I was talking about how much Robert Downey Jnr's character and personality made IRON MAN the success it was, and how Jeff Goldblum should also have his own superhero role. Then, when news broke that Fox was doing yet another FANTASTIC FOUR movie, Herc suggested Goldblum as Mr Fantastic, an idea which even trumps the proposed George Clooney idea from way back when. The more you think about Goldblum as Reed Richards, the more brilliant it is. Fox, if you feel you must continue making FANTASTIC FOUR movies, this is the way to go.)

NEWS

After all the braying and pride over the news that GREEN LANTERN would definitely, absolutely unequivocally shoot in Australia, the news came that it would not shoot here at all. Thanks to our lousy strengthening dollar, budgetary concerns have forced the film to move overseas. The story was first reported by Inside Film.

James Cameron will produce SANCTUM, from KOKODA director Alister Grierson, with filming taking place on Queensland's Gold Coast at the end of the year. The words "underwater", "3D" and "Russell Crowe or Hugh Jackman" were all mentioned (though the last two names were mentioned with the qualifier "I haven't cast..."). The film, loosely based on the experiences of producer Andrew Wight, will follow a father and his teenaged son who go underwater cave-diving... with hilarious results! Wait, not hilarious. Probably scary and special effectsy. (Thanks to Matt for the heads-up.)

I saw a fair few high profile releases at this year's MIFF, and there was always someone reminding me (usually quite correctly) that I was wasting my time on something that would get a general release anyway. Turns out that isn't always the case. THE HURT LOCKER is, Roadshow informs us, bypassing the cinema and going straight to DVD. (Just so you know, the correct response is: "What the fuck?!?") One of the best films I've seen of 2009, filled with action, well-known cameos, and brilliant direction from Bigelow, and it doesn't even fare a cinema release? Craziness. Especially given these people just voted it the film most likely to get a Best Picture nomination!

BLACK WATER director Andrew Traucki? Check. Giant shark? Check. Well, that's my ticket purchased. THE REEF, a film about four stranded friends trying to escape a Great White Shark has just finalised its cast. Damian Walshe-Howling (MACBETH) and Gyton Grantley (BALIBO) have joined Zoe Naylor (THE BOOK OF REVELATION), Adrienne Pickering (KNOWING) and Kieran Darcy-Smith (THE SQUARE) in the soon-to-shoot thriller. Meanwhile, I'm trying to think of a third creature that can terrorise people in the water so Traucki can complete his thematic trilogy. Big crocodile, big shark... big jellyfish? Actually, that could work. And it would certainly be ten times better than the BLOB remake Rob Zombie is planning...

THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO is an Australian film I've really been looking forward to seeing, but it seems that simply making a film isn't enough to guarantee it will get out there. Filmmakers Chris Moon and Peta Astbury have announced they will be self-distributing the film -- a move that deserves points for ballsiness alone. The film will screen for one week at South Australia's Wallis Cinemas from September 17 onwards. That week of screening will hopefully shore up enough interest to get the film out to the rest of the country. Get out there and see the film! I don't usually include reader reviews in this column, but anyone who catches FIGARO should email me their thoughts, and I'll put them into the next AICN-Downunder.

Both times I saw BALIBO, family members of the Balibo Five were in the audience. Many of wondered how they would feel sitting through the film, which depicts (quite graphically) the fates of their loved ones. Wonder no longer. This review is by Shirley Shackleton, widow of Greg Shackleton, and provides a valuable, subjective insight into the film from the perspective of someone who would be most greatly affected by it. An essential read.

AWARDS, FESTIVALS AND SCREENINGS

Melbourne Underground Film Festival

I haven't seen MATINEE, the short film directed by Jennifer Lyon Bell, but based on nothing more than its description, I think I'd have to side with Ms Bell. The OFLC recently banned the short from playing in this year's MUFF because of its depiction of actual sex. Before we get into this debate again (it's been years since I've heard from the Australian Family Association -- it's like they stopped caring...), the issue is about consistency. As the MUFF website points out, the OFLC passed Lars von Trier's ANTI-CHRIST for the Melbourne International Film Festival, a film that depicted fairly graphic, unsimulated sex (in one of the film's less confronting moments). Why the double standard? Naturally, no explanation has been forthcoming.

Toronto International Film Festival

I've banged on a lot about how great 2009 has been for Australian films, and now it's time to prove how right I've been. Or, more importantly, how right producers and certain funding bodies have been. A bunch of Australian films, including BLESSED, BRIGHT STAR, BEATIFUL, DAYBREAKERS, BRAN NUE DAE, LAST RIDE, THE WAITING CITY, MY YEAR WITHOUT SEX, MAO'S LAST DANCER, BALIBO, SAMSON AND DELILAH and the restored version of the Ozploitation classic WAKE IN FRIGHT, will play at this year's Toronto International Film Festival. New Zealand also makes a fine showing with documentary THE TOPP TWINS, Niki Caro's THE VINTNER'S LUCK and Jonathan King's UNDER THE MOUNTAIN. (And once you've seen all those, make sure you also see AN EDUCATION, FISH TANK, and Bong Joon-ho's MOTHER. God, Toronto looks good this year!)

BOX OFFICE

Is it just me, or does every release from the Weinstein Company usually come with a comment from the movie press saying that this is the film that will make or break them? If so, they should be heartened that INGLOURIOUS is at number one in Australia. Then they should be disappointed when they realise that number doesn't scratch AU$3 million. Big country, small population.

1. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

2. THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3

3. THE YOUNG VICTORIA

4. THE UGLY TRUTH

5. DISTRICT 9

RELEASED THESE PAST TWO WEEKS

Does anyone else feel lethargically deflated when they see this poster?, Paul Hogan and Shane Jacobson make for an unlikely father/son duo, Hollywood finally adapts Dr Suess's Channing Likes Fighting, my favourite director cheekily makes another film that most people just won't get, Miyazaki makes a terrific film that feels more at home in his late 1980s ouevre, Joe Wright prequels THE DUELLISTS, in the spirit of US anti-government activisits: Washington doesn't Matthau, Ang Lee out-HULKs himself with his bizarre "Peanuts" adaptation, Matthew Newton continues his violent ways with his rodent blinding, Pixar makes another film so perfect I don't even bother to review it, and Emily Blunt and Rupert Friend try to live up to Miriam Margolyes and Jim Broadbent.

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC

CHARLIE AND BOOTS

FIGHTING

THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE

PONYO

THE SOLOIST

THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3

TAKING WOODSTOCK

THREE BLIND MICE

UP

THE YOUNG VICTORIA

NEXT WEEK

- Hideo Nakata to make a horror film about a cursed VHS dub of YELLOW SUBMARINE that kills its viewers, in RINGU STARR

- Jane Seymour announces plans to play William Shakespeare's wife, as Anne Hathaway is cast as Henry VIII's third wife

- Inspired the success of JCVD, Steven Seagal will portray himself in a film about his history of artistic conflict in the Anton Chekhov adaptation THE SEAGAL

Peace out,

Latauro

AICNDownunder@hotmail.com