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Dr. William Weir chuckles through Dario Argento's GIALLO!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with a review of Dario Argento's GIALLO starring (and produced by) Adrien Brody. I haven't been hearing good word on this movie, which makes the Argento lover in me a sad panda. I was hoping this one would be a return to form after suffering through his recent crap like THE CARD DEALER. I mean, it is the maestro returning to the genre that made him famous with an Oscar-winning actor in tow.
This review comes in from FrightFest in the UK and it doesn't add any hope... in fact it takes the remaining hope I had left, skins it and hangs it from the ceiling.
Here's Dr. William Weir fresh from the Event Horizon to tell you more!
Harry,
Long time no see! Well, having no eyes it does make it rather difficult for me to see anyone... so please forgive me. It's been a while since I put forward my review of The Orphanage back in 2007 for the London Fright Fest. I've been circling around the outer layers of Hell redecorating the lesser-known parts of the Event Horizon in a lovely shade of gore red (those gothic columns HAD to go) for a couple of years. But after a while... well, it gets rather boring up here without human suffering to entertain me. So I decided to head back down to Earth to enjoy more Fright Fest goodness and hopefully revel in the squeamish delights and foul, fetid odors of an audience of horror fans.
I smell positively floral in comparasion.
Not having much time, I decided to pick what seemed like the safest bet. Borrowing a set of eyes from the person next to me (no, I didn't give them back) I settled back during the delightful Grindhouse trailers and readied myself to enter the mind of a horror maestro - the enigmatic, deplorable Dario Argento. Choosing his new film Giallo meant I could at least exect a level of quality - atmosphere, suspense, weirdness and potentially stilted acting. Not just that but the usually brilliant Adrian Brody would be the guide in what was hopefully going to be a fantastically odd serial killer thriller in the beautiful baroque city of Turin in Northern Italy - the devil's city, as some call it.
Firstly... MINOR SPOILERS. It's very hard to talk about Giallo without at least giving part of it away. Mainly because it's frankly obvious even when you're watching it.
The film started off, as movies of this ouvre tend to, with the antagonist stalking and capturing the first of his prey, a pretty Japanese girl. The soundtrack, not by Goblin this time (somewhat sadly), was strong but not overwhelming, the locations rich and the cinematography by Fredieric Fasano (Mother of Tears, which one rather guiltily enjoyed) simple but effective. Argento films have always been a little stagey, but for myself that's part of the lure. Somehow he transcends his low budget, often odd casting and stilted scripts and creates an atmosphere of mystery and potential doom. This is something I feel he oft shares with American horror maestro John Carpenter - no more so than in Prince of Darkness.
So... when the first actress opens her mouth, naturally the fact that the acting and delivery is a bit off didn't really bother me. The serial killer captures his prey and takes her back to his lair - not a major spoiler, given the type of movie it is - which is about the point where Giallo unfortunately takes a turn into unintentional comedy. Now, I've never laughed at an Argento movie before. Something inside me (not my guts, pulled them out long ago) really hopes that he knew what he (and executive producer Brody) was doing with this film. Because frankly, it was one of the funniest films I've seen in a very long time.
And it all begins with "Hello.".
By the time Emanuelle Seigner had appeared, everyone had gotten over their chuckle and we'd been introduced to next victim, her model sister, who naturally gets grabbed and dragged back to said lair for the rest of the film. Now, I loved Emanuelle Seigner in Frantic. She's a beautiful woman. However, her acting in this is risible, worse-than-b-movie amateur theatrics to the point where her blank, botox'd expression and flat monotone artistically bent itself into a new comedic artform.
By the time Brody turned up as the hard-smoking detective who does things "his own way" (which appears to be obvious sleuthing and lighting up every scene), I was hoping he would take the picture over and the focus would end up on gritty, hardboiled work trying to uncover the gruesome assailant... but sadly, this wasn't to be. The reliable Brody, with his flagrant telegraphing, obvious beats, cliched dialogue and hilarious facial acting had the audience in stitches. Some of mine fell out. This coupled with blankface Seigner gave the audience a comedy duo on a pair with Laurel and Hardy.
One particular scene of note, when Emanuelle falls asleep in front of Brody and he face-tics his way through what seemed like an interminable period of time before declaring, if I recall correctly (the film is filled with classic clunkers), "beautiful", had me laughing so much I nearly spewed my rectal backlog back out of my mouth. The same went for the rest of the audience who guffawed pretty much throughout the entire film.
I hope it's a commentary or spoof of giallo pictures - it's very hard to tell. The amazing bouts of unfortunate acting (Emanuelle receiving news of her sister's kidnapping), scenes so appallingly rendered as to enter into Airplane-levels of genius (the serial killer himself with his brilliant obsession with whipped cream spray) and detective work so basic that it latches onto chance, rather than the characters intelligence ("Doctor, what condition could turn a person's skin... yellow?)... it must be a spoof surely? But it doesn't feel like it. Whilst all the Argento boxes are ticked, this time he seems literallly lose the plot entirely and takes his career into bad film territory. Entertaingly bad. But bad nonetheless.
It's a shame. As I said before, even Mother of Tears had a lot going for it. Sure, it's no Susperia, and it's cheaply made, but it had atmosphere. There was something weird about it, and it was entertaining without the viewer feeling like they're patronising it just by the simple act of viewing. It's very difficult to watch Giallo without wondering when exactly Argento suddenly became a bad Uwe Boll. It hurts this soul to think that someone whose wonderful films like Tenebrae and Profondo Rosso that eked out mystery, atmosphere, fear and horror despite their flaws can fall so low. The point it hits is so, so low that there's only one place it can end up - a cult classic.
Whilst certainly not the worst film I've ever laid my ocular cavities on, the best I can muster is that it's the best bad film I've ever seen. It is entertaining. Not for the reasons the makers probably created it for (I believe that there was a lot of backstage problems during its creation), but it genuinely proffers more laughs for the horror buff than any genuine spoof. One cannot recommend it as a giallo film, but somehow as a comedy it really works - to the point where it actually is a grindhouse film for the current generation. Were it not for the fecund attempts at seriousness, it could be genuinely "fun". As such it's a film where the dull moments are elevated by the bad to create something that, in it's own way, is genuinely worthwhile.
Maybe that's the point? Maybe that's what Brody and Argento were doing here. That would make sense. However it's hard not to note that the hilarity appears to be nothing but a happy accident. Certainly it made for one of the most entertaining group cinema experiences one's had. Argento created Giallo to reach the stars, but it's gone much, much further than that - before topping it with an ending that goes absolutely no-where.
And so, with that... I must ascend. There is the chance I could turn in another review for yet another Fright Fest film in the morrow, should the demons let me come back down to play. I'll look out for you Harry. I hope to see you... in time...
Kind regards,
Dr William Weir
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+ Expand All
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finally
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Dr. Weir has a sense of humor. I hope I still have mine when I'm in Hell....
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...really is past it.Mother Of Tears was a disgrace, so I've no intention of puttingmyself through this shitfest.Such a shame.
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Tobe Hooper, John Carpenter, George Romero (Survival of the Dead LOOKS HORRIBLE) etc etc the last one I thought would ever go bad was Argento. SAD. What the hell happens to these guys??
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Has he fallen that far? Is this guy serious? Wow, to reiterate what everyone else has said so far.....sad. What becomes even mre frightening is that there are no horror directors on the horizon who seem willing and/or able to take his place.
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I'll believe it when I see it. Uwe's got to be in the top 5 worst filmmakers of all time. I'd say the two assholes who made the epic/date/dildo movies, Coleman Francis, Ed Wood, and then Boll.
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...Argento was done when I saw the Card Player. There were still a couple of nice set pieces but instead of the connective tissue being made up of ominous, omen laden atmospherics it was just "get from point a to point b" mechanics. I hoped Three Mothers would inspire Argento to a return to form, and there are moments in the movie where you can feel him reaching for it, but it just never comes together. There are moments over which he would have lingered in the old days, squeezing out suspense and dread, and in Three Mothers he just cut away. Makes me sad.
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I've seen this in Hamburg at the Fantasy Filmfest. No one in the theatre laughed. It wall just so boring. It's like the card player, just worse. There is NOT ONE MURDER
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I was at that FrightFest screening. The audience we're pretty aghast at the utterly dreadful acting but everybody soon embraced it and began roaring with laughter at the whole terrible thing.
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I tried to like the movie too, but Argento feels stale and disorganized to me now.
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I thought you'd died or something, dude! Nice to have you back again.
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it's a shock because all of Argento's films before this were so coherent.
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I'm not flaming, I seriously don't rate his films. They have always been dangerously close to awful, even his supposed best ones. He lacked the class of a Carpenter, Cronenberg or a Romero...
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he's so damn aware of himself all the time... he tries so hard to be cool or seductive or something stupid like that most of the time hes on screen... basically he's a fucking poser. in love with his own fame too, thankfully he's not too large of a celebrity
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This review lacks a boob-o-meter!
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Future Spider-Man movies to be produced by PROFESSIONALS?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090831/bs_nm/us_disney_marvel -
Credit me as StarBlitzer and I'll overlook that beer I usually demand for a scoop. You're welcome.
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I love some old-school Argento (with Deep Red, Tenebre, and Phenomena being his best) but he has LOST it. Everything he's made post 1990 is trash (Trauma, Phantom of the Opera, The Card Player, Mother of Tears, EVERYTHING). It's kinda sad actually.
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Some really fucked up scenes in that movie. And a cock-tease of a lesbian scene! The baby off the bridge was disturbing...weird how the director filmed a nude scene of his own daughter. Ick. Overall, the movie was pure camp.
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...you left out the worst, which was Do You Like Hitchcock. I still can't quite make myself accept it as an Argento movie. But I think The Stendahl Syndrome, which was, I think, early 90s, is good Argento. Not great Argento, but creepy and unpleasant and atmospheric. And I can't make myself hate The Third Mother even though it really just plays like the notes compiled by someone who watched an Argento movie once.
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Aug 31, 2009 10:24:28 AM CDT
THE ONLY GOOD THING ARGENTO EVER MADE WAS HIS DAUGHTER!!!FACT!!!
by carlthormark1978
I’m a lifelong Horror fan and I have never understood the appeal of Argento’s brand of cinematic wank. Seriously, I’ve seen every movie the man has made and there’s not a single one that I can say that I enjoy. I know this argument comes up a lot but I think Lucio Fulci, just with Zombie/The Beyond, was a much better Director then Argento. Hell, going with non-Italian Directors I’d take Jess Franco over him.
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...we agree on The Car, but we part ways here. Franco? Really? Jesus of the pan and zoom? Disco Franco? Of the 2,987 Franco movies I've seen 2,984 of them have sucked out bits of my soul. Only Soledad Miranda saved me in the others. At least you didn't throw in Ossorio or Mattei as better than Argento, too. No knock on Ossorio. Scary templars.
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recently and was impressed by his imagery. I, too, never "got" Suspiria, and thought the recent Mother Of Tears another mess with some interesting stuff (with another WTF Argento ending).
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Your beautiful ship killed its crew, Dr. Weir.
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The Crypt Keeper has better puns than this guy. Plus, Event Horizon kinda sucks.
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When I first started coming here it seemed like every reviewer had some character act going, reminds me of the old days.
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except Phenomena, that one was scary with that roach boy.
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Thankyou for your comments! Sadly one was unable to attend any further screenings as the eyes liquified and I contracted conjunctivitis. However I did get word from one of the lesser minions that one to watch out that which screened today was House Of The Devil. It sounds like a nice suspenseful burner and everything this film, sadly, was not. I look forward to seeing you all soon! Or not. Bloody puss. No, really, it IS bloody.
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I didn't even bother with "Do You Like Hitchcock?". Made for TV Argento HAS to be worse than theatrical Argento. I'll agree with you on Stendhal. It's been years since I've seen it but I remember it being descent. Oh, "Sleepless"! I forgot that gem which features cinema's first bludgeoning by flute!
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was an abomination, and not in a good way. SUSPIRIA was a waste of good viewing time. will pass on his movies in the future
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cause i heard it was his best. Didn't do it for me. He paints a scene well but it was all to clunky. Visuals and ambiance are good..all else lacking. Never gave anything else a chance and sounds like i wont give this one a chance either. I always wanted to see Brody as The Joker. No prosthetics needed. White face green hair go. I hear the role might be available.
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Argento made brilliant, disturbing, nonsensical films. But for the past decade or so, it seems like he's lost his fire. I agree, most of what he's done since his heyday is less than great. But does anyone know what happened to him? Why he ended up making such inferior films all of a sudden?
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Completely forgot Sleepless, which wasn't too bad. It made CSI Argento...I mean The Card Player an even more crushing disappointment because it teased you into thinking he might be getting back on track.
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Classic-straight up professional line
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Were "Suspira" & T"he Bird in the Crystal Plumage. To compare him to Carpenter is utterly ridiculous.
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is obviously a Argento tribute. So maligned... ignorantly. It's almost... unsane...
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To be honest, yes, maybe I did cross the line slightly there - but only in terms of a direct comparison. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that Argento had a trademark feeling of oddness and impending doom that he shares with Carpenter, and like Carpenter he lost it. Both transcended their budgets to create films packed with atmosphere and the feeling of threat. And both now struggle to even retain a level of atmosphere beyond the DTV. So maybe it wasn't that ridiculous?
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In this neverending debate i always liked Fulci more. Argento is a bit bland, i mean how many times has he filmed someone's head smashing through glass or camera going through flowy curtains=ATMOSPHERE. I like Fulci's more outlandish efforts, more hammy but more entertaining.
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I'm glad to see mention of him. it's kind of a shame with the 70s and on he went into his lesbo exploitation fetish. I really appreciated Franco in the 60s though, the best of that era only behind Bava for horror. I get his haphazard style, and he knew atmosphere. also made the best chris lee dracula.
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Now at the top of my must see list.
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Or is it DTV?
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man, why do great directors turn bad? admittedly id class argento as more a visual artist than a director, but even his recent films just dont have that wow factor visually. the man hasnt blown me away since Opera, thats what...22 years ago now?
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are available here:
http://ninjadixon.blogspot.com/2009/08/giallo-2009.html
http://www.dvdtimes.co.uk/content/id/70960/giallo.html
http://www.eyeforfilm.co.uk/reviews.php?film_id=16713
http://www.eyeforfilm.co.uk/reviews.php?id=8276
http://watchinghorrorfilmsfrombehindthecouch.blogspot.com/2009/06/giallo-exclusive-review.html
http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?p=3070496
http://retroslashers.net/blog/dario-argentos-giallo-2009-exclusive-review/
http://www.theskinny.co.uk/article/46294-eiff-2009-giallo
http://www.quietearth.us/articles/2009/07/01/EIFF-09-Review-of-Dario-Argentos-GIALLO
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First of all, this review starts off with zero credibility because he is obviously not an Argento fan. He refers to the Card Player, as the Card Dealer. That being said, I feel that Argento's films are not for everyone. If you came to know him in his recent years, you may have a different interpretation of what he does. Comparing Argento to Uwe Boll is extremely offensive to genre fans. Boll is a joke and Argento is a legend. I honestly don't know why a review like this would even be posted on a credible website. For shock value? The person who wrote this doesn't seem like they have a lot of experience with giallo films in general. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but you have to have solid reasoning before you try to destroy someones movie that isn't even out yet. Uwe Boll? Really? Nothing ever offends me, but that struck a nerve. Good day!
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and the entire audiance pissed its pants laughing for most of the movie. It is really really terrible the funniest bit being Brody's flashback to his back story which is the funiest thing I have seen all year.
Terrible terrible movie -
But it wasn't used - booooo!!!
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is available here:
http://www.horror.com/php/article-2496-1.html -
One was sitting next to a real Argento fan, more so than me, and after staring at him a while I freaked him out enough to talk to me. He was thoroughly disappointed. One is always affeared that fans fall into a "trap" where they feel they're the only ones who can truly understand what the director is aiming for. It says a lot that even the good reviews can't seem to put a finger on it - as to whether it's an intentionally comedic film or a completely accidental bomb. At the end of the day, a film is only really as good as it is on the screen. Unfortunately in this case, even knowing a good few previous Argento movies (I'm not a card-carrying member of the Argento fanclub, apologies), and sitting next to someone who more than qualifies, at the end of the day it's simply a bad film. You should at least attempt to distance yourself a little if you're writing a review, otherwise you're apt to blow credibility. Like I said, I enoyed Mother of Tears because it retained at least a bit of classic Argento feel despite the flat photography and DTV budget. It wasn't a particularly good movie, but it had something this lacks. Don't let fandom blind you into thinking something isn't - you're only backing yourself into a corner! Frankly regardless of his previous output, once a film is out there it's down to the judgement of the person seeing it to try to qualify it in words. When the film is literally as poorly put tog ether as an Alone In The Dark, a film I've seen (and I doubt the poster kerugerdude has), then I feel that's an apt tag. Like I said, when a classic directors most recent effort can only be put on the level of the worst, that's a real shame. And so, it is.
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"At the end of the day". Stephen King would kill me.
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Sep 01, 2009 12:51:15 PM CDT
"It says a lot that even the good reviews can't seem to put a fi
by cardplayer
But isn't it interesting?
A film at the same time serious and funny?
Most of Argento's films have always offbeat,grotesque and funny bits,because of the weird actors,ideas,dialogues,stories...
The writer of GIALLO says in the interview above that his story has funny and tongue in cheek bits,deliberately. -
let's see, the major difference would be is, Fulci's City of the living dead, The Beyond and especially Zombi scared the shit outta me.Suspiria was laughable and almost intentionally campy shit.Demons was OK.
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For someone who feels the need to critizise others for their shitty writing this guy spends a lot of time writing shitty introductions. Ocular cavities? Who gives a shit?
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not only can he do horror but high concept action films (Escape from NY and AoP13) but even a bit of Comedy (Big trouble in Little China)and even his remake of the Thing stands out as one of the best Horror films of all time.can't say the same for "Argie" ':)
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Really? I like Zombie a lot. Like The Beyond some. Like City of the Living Dead, but I sure wouldn't say it was good. And I don't think any of them are as scary as Suspiria, though Zombie would probably be in my top maybe thirty...definitely fifty...horror movies and From Beyond would probably make my top hundred. And Demons was directed by Lamberto Bava, not Argento (though with most of these European collaborations there is some question about who did exactly what and parts of Demons look a lot more like classic Argento than anything else Lamberto did).
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...I wouldn't trade Carpenter for Argento.
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I'll admit that the last few Argento films excluding Mother of Tears were pretty bad, but Sleepless from 2001 was excellent and I think that's what still keeps my hope for Argento's future films high. I just don't want another Card Player or Do You Like Hitchcock?. He's my favorite director and I want his movies to be as great as they use to be. I need to see Giallo now just to make a decision on whether or not he's lost his touch.
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I have seen Alone in the Dark and that's my point. I have never seen an enjoyable Uwe Boll film. Argento on the other hand has so many horror classics under his belt that I feel the comparison is uncalled for.
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...I don't know, I laughed all the way through House of the Dead and through most of Bloodrayne, so I can't say I didn't on some level enjoy them. After that something happened. The movies stayed as bad as they were before but I stopped finding them funny. With that caveat, though, you make a good point. In Dr. Weir's defense, though, I don't think he was comparing Argento to Boll. I think he was using Alone in the Dark as a touchstone worst horror film. And it's certainly in the neighborhood, at least among those that scraped by with a theatrical release. The Fog or Prom Night or Black Christmas remakes would be in the same range, but as remakes he might not have found them as appropriate. And if you want to call something atrocious horror there's no better way to rile folks up than pointing at Uwe's worst horror movie.
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Sep 01, 2009 7:24:43 PM CDT
TakingScorpiosCalls, YOU KNOW WHY I LIKE JESS FRANCO?
by carlthormark1978
Yeah, you could throw the “hack” label at him but what I admire is the fact that he’s made somewhere in the realm of 200 movies over his career. Sure, you could easily say that most of them are crap but there is always something in his movies that keeps me watching, even in a terrible movie like Oasis of the Zombies. Sometimes I admire the effort more then the finished product as opposed to other Directors who spend so much time obsessing over every little detail and end up killing any sort of spontaneity or feeling of life in their movies. Franco’s peak was in the late 60’s/early 70’s when he made Vampire Lesbos, She Killed In Ecstasy and his masterpiece, Venus In Furs.
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Well said. You made some really great points. I for go into ultra-defensive mode sometimes about Argento and Carpenter.
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...and good for you. The one I get defensive over is Romero. He's been so bad for so long now, but each time he makes a new movie I run to it fully expecting to see a Night of the Living Dead for the new millennium. Even with Diary of the Dead, after I first saw it I was arguing "well, maybe it's not good, but at least it has a Romero feel to it, and it's been a long time since something he made really felt like it was his, and so this is a good sign". And I'll be right out to see his next one, too, and probably take a year before I'll admit it was bad, too. You're not a horror fan if you don't have one (or more) of these guys you can't let go of.
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late 60s/early 70s is also the period of his collaborations with Chris Lee which is a highpoint for each so i can see that period as his peak, Blood of Fu Manchu (68), Castle of Fu Manchu (69), and Count Dracula (70), and also one of those Eugene lesbo flicks to which he reportedly said that it was the one movie of all that he did which he hated least (self depracating there) The Manchu movies were the last 2 in a 5-movie series with Lee and thse had a bravura and energy to em which made the pervious entires stale in comparison. it's that haphazardly direction, the organic spontaneouty is definitely the plus here over the tinkerers. I was reading the Eurospy guide and in there said he was not that bad at the 60s spymania either, attack of the robots, one of the sumuru flicks.
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... it's the only apt comparasion. The film feels precisely on that level, and that's crushing. One wasn't trying to deliberately rile up the fanbase (not that I actually care about doing so, that's not the point) but trying to make a point as to how low Argento has sunk with this movie. As for it being deliberately funny, CardPlayer... it's hard to see it as being intentional on viewing. I've made a point during the review that it COULD be on purpose, but despite that it still comes off as an awful film. The attempts at humour, if that's what they are, come off as contrived and obvious and are impounded by the bad delivery. I think that's potentially giving everyone too much credit to deliberately set out to make one of the worst movies many at the FrightFest have seen this year. It's not interesting if your product ends up being a bad movie. You also have to bear in mind retroactively approaching criticism with validation, which I'd hazard that's what the writer's doing to save face in the light of a bad reaction. As for The_Ad_Wizard, I have a good friend here called Ironoman who's pointing at your chosen online name. ;)
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One's interested to see the co-screenwriter's worked with Carpenter before.
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...and Kiss Me Killer and the other two girl spies movie (two spies in flower panties maybe?) are watchable. But Oasis of the Zombies, which is terrible, is closer to Franco's best than his worst. I mean we're talking those Killer Barbies movies and Snakewoman and Cookie and the Tarantula and on and on. I don't discount Franco (and clearly I watch plenty of his stuff) but you just can't put him in the same league as Argento or Fulci or the Bavas.
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I'd still say that was a better film than Giallo, really I would. At least it had a clear focus!
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at FrightFest london too... all I can say is, "Worst Film Ever", the review is spot on. It was so bad it had the audience fucking creasing up!! Like the reviewer said, from the retarded "Hello" beginning, its just so funny! Acting, script etc etc... fucking good laugh though. Worse than the Card player, which is quite an achievement
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Beautiful to look at. Fantastic score. Suspenseful. Frightening. Because of this, I will always see anything Argento creates. Unlikley it will ever be as good, but hopefully it will at least be interesting.
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Disappointed with GIALLO
but someone should tell him no more US writers and producers, they fuck up anyway
SLEEPLESS and MOTHER OF TEARS were his last best films
TENEBRE is my fave
THE CARD PLAYER not DEALER! as moron Dr. William Weir said was not his best but....
I like all his films and even TRAUMA was not a classic
Maybe because he shot it in the USA
Anyway Arento will come back
Don't care what any jerk says!
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