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Massawyrm. POST GRAD. This can't end well.
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
You know, when you’re a film critic and you have a summer like we’re having – especially such a great late summer – you know the bill is going to come due eventually. For me, the bill came in the form of POST GRAD, your typical late summer, tween to college-age “chick flick”. And when I say “typical” I mean to say that it is a lazy, frustratingly predictable, meandering mess of a movie that serves only to reinforce societal norms while constructing a female fantasy that rivals G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA in its complete and utter lack of a grasp on reality.
Oh yeah. I fucking hated it. I mean, I should have known from the trailer what I was in for, and really, I kind of did. But how bad it was going to be didn’t quite sink in until the theater started filling with packs of girls and I noticed that none of them were pretty. I wasn’t just at a girl movie. I was at an ugly girl comfort movie – one for them to go and see with their ugly, chubby friends. It was like a fucking STAR WARS retrospective screening, but without all the light sabers and goatees.
The premise is a simple and very realistic one that could have been the launching point for a great LOST IN TRANSLATION style journey of self discovery. Alexis Bledel is a girl who has known what she wanted to do since the 3rd Grade. She wants to be a book editor and discover the next great American novel. So she made a plan, worked hard all through high school getting great grades, got scholarships, got into a great school and fell just short of nabbing Valedictorian. She’s even managed to get her thesis advisor to put in a good word at the publishing house of her dreams. She’s set.
And then the unthinkable happens. She blows the interview. It’s not that she does anything wrong – she’s just…average. Of course she was an exceptional student with three big internships at other publishing houses. But so is everyone else that walks in through that editor’s door. This girl has nothing to distinguish her from any other candidate. No spark, no creativity. Just a nice resume and a rehearsed speech.
She doesn’t get the job. And her life spirals out of control. From this point on the movie just goes batshit insane throwing any and every needless plot point Bledel’s way that it can to eat up time until the last ten minutes when the movie finally gets around to doing what it really wants to do. Let’s ignore the fact that Bledel is possibly the whiniest actress to grace the screen in ages, her grating voice constantly bemoaning her terrible lot in life. I would have been fine with her becoming functionally unemployable the moment she stepped out of the public education system had it been the theme of the movie that she had spent so much time gaming the system that she never paid any attention to how things worked in the real world; but it isn’t – they just do it for comedy.
The really mind-numbing thing about this is the romantic thrust of the film. You see, Bledel has herself a gay best friend. He doesn’t know he’s gay. He thinks he’s in love with Bledel who only giggles and gives him the brush off every time he caresses her and tells her that he is madly in love with her. And you totally get why she does. He’s handsome, charming, a pre-law grad accepted into Columbia University and, if that don’t beat all, he’s also the lead singer of a band. I know, I know. Total pussy repellant. Honestly, who the fuck wants to date a good looking, funny, lead singer with a law degree to fall back on?
Let me ask you something guys? Have YOU ever known a lead singer that HASN’T fucked every chick in a five block radius of any point at which he is standing? Have you ever known a good looking law student that hasn’t TRIED to fuck every chick within a five block radius of wherever he is standing? I sure as fuck haven’t, and I’ve known plenty of both. But apparently when you put these two stereotypical serial rapists in the body of one down home guy, all he wants to do is stay comfy in the friend zone of some frigid, whiney college grad who hasn’t yet discovered her own vagina. Can I believe in a world where a guy like that can really exist? I sure can. It also has magic swords and robots that shoot fucking lasers out of their eyes.
It is fantasy, pure and simple, right down to the magical, almost dues-ex-machina-like phone call from the job that initially turned her down to ultimately offer it to her. YAY! I don’t mind fantasy and wish fulfillment. But I detest lazy fantasy and wish fulfillment. The film, if you haven’t figured it out yet, has an important, romantic, somewhat true but altogether unrealistic message that it isn’t what you do in life, it is who you do in life. Wait, no, that’s not it. Who you do it with; that’s what they said. What matters is who you do it with. So guess who Bledel wants to finally do it with? The guy that took off to NY two reels ago.
Oh crap! The perfect job that you’ve worked your whole life for or the perfect guy who you snubbed and refused to put out to for the last four years? Oh poo, such hard decisions! Cue the whining and a fatherly lecture on doing the right thing! Sigh. At this point I didn’t even care that she made the entirely unrealistic choice – after all, POST GRAD is a film marred by terrible choices – but by this stage in the game I was pining once again for the cold taste of steel in my mouth from a .38 revolver to end my suffering. I don’t walk out of films. Ever. But this one tested me. It tested me hard. And every time I dreamed of the sweet, tender embrace of the lobby, I just kept reminding myself that it wasn’t worth it. Of all the films to beat me, I wasn’t going to let it be POST GRAD. Fuck that.
It didn’t beat me. But it did hurt me. It hurt me real good.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
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Readers Talkback
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Aug. 21, 2009, 9:29 a.m. CST
A lot of review for a movie no one on AICN would ever be interes
by Pdorwick
...just sayin'.
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This year's "Sugar and Spice!" Don't remember that one? Nobody else did, either.
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I never heard of this movie
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Shouldn't have wasted time reading it!
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You ahted it so much you posted it twice? ;)
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Natural Born Killers and Highlander 2. Got my money back on the latter as well.
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Aug. 21, 2009, 9:35 a.m. CST
blah blah blah - I can't believe I read that whole thing
by ZombieHeathLedger
Cheezus Chrispies, Massawyrm, Lincoln freed the slaves in less words than that war and peace length rant. And what is up with that caricature? Good God, man, take it down a notch.
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You could have gone all-out and really trashed this movie, but you kept it too tame.
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Or some other rom-com cliche? Is her best friend played by Judy Greer (or a look-alike)?
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Anything where you do not see fire or the bottom of a car.
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Bledel is hot though right?
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That the post has been erroneously duplicated. Peace be upon you.
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That was friggin' hilarious. Although the one truism here is that women usually blow off what's best for them to screw some douchebag.
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a movie you hated so much you had to ell us twice?
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Rotten Tomatoes has it at 5%. 38 rotten, 2 fresh. Great review. Bad double post. Horrible movie
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She is so effing hot!!!!!! God I love this chick...
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It was so bad you had top post the review twice to drive the point home. Why is this film even on the AICN radar? Will you be reviewing Legally Blondes next?
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run, the agents are coming.
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That was like reading an article on Cracked.com. Fucking hilarious. It wasn't evena girl movie...it was a fat girl for her to see with her fat fucking friends. HAHAHAH. A fat, ugly girl comfort movie. You've got some balls to type that shit. Prepare for some hate mail..because it was totally worth it. Holy shit. I also love that you wouldn't let it beat you. It tried so hard, but you won buddy. You won. Seeing that movie gave the world this review. Take solace.
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Re: "It wasn’t just at a girl movie. I was at an ugly girl comfort movie – one for them to go and see with their ugly, chubby friends."<br /><br /> The term missing here is "Mooglie." A "mooglie" is every girl's fatter/uglier "best" friend, who she keeps around mainly to feel better about herself.<br /><br /> Of course having a mooglie friend is often looked down upon by other women, particularly when they're in groups (even tho' all women have mooglies), so they tend to pick solo outings with these friends to avoid the social opprobrium of their peers. This is referred to as "walking the mooglie," and it is the phenomenon you witnessed at POSTGRAD.<br /><br /> Remember, "Mooglie" is a relational term -- pretty girls have mooglies, but they are also an even prettier girl's mooglie. And mooglies also have their own mooglies, etc. etc., all the way down the line.<br /><br /> Once you've grasped the sociological concept of the mooglie, the social behavior of women in groups becomes much easier to comprehend.<br /><br /> Still not seeing POSTGRAD, tho'.
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I'm intrigued by your breakdown of the mooglie phenomenon. However, my biggest question, what happens when you get all the way down the chain to the moogliest moogly? When they literally can't find a single person uglier than they are? Is that person just already such a...moogler?...that no one even wants them to be their mooglie and they are just sad and chubby alone all the time? Or do they get to be the girl who has such a great personality the circle loops and they are above paris hilton?
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The existence of such an "Omega Mooglie" or "Great Googly Mooglie" has indeed been posited by mooglie theorists.<br /><br /> But, since she is yet to be discovered, how she would fit into the larger society of women is all theoretical. She might loop back to the top, true, or maybe she just got a puppy. We just don't know -- further studies are needed.
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Keeping it classy I see.
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Spoiler alert, for Chrissakes!!!! LOL
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Sounds more interesting when stopped there.
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DAMN THATS TROUGH.Massa....i would've LIED my ass off if HARRY asked me if I liked the film,etc. Should've sold the pass to some fat chick and gotten stoned instead-and re-rented FEAR and LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS
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Finally all those blow job reviews for payola has lead to the inevitable end. Just like the mob slowly reels one further and further into a web of deceit and criminal activity so does big media. <p> Except big media forces one to watch and review ever shittier movies, tv shows, and other assorted crappola. <p> Because you didn't read the fine print you are expected to blow Fred Savage on a regular basis.
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Looks like it was SOO bad you needed to vent your spleen once for your ego, and another for your masculinity. LOL
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Obviously the US stole and misunderstood a foreign sporting term. <p> Could be worse by not comprehending Brentford rhyming slang, Great Googly Moogly means something amazingly different under that standard.
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Ebert apparently really enjoyed it and requested a sequel. No words...
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FFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTT. <P> See this is why women should not be allowed to direct. <P> Of course said the man that is seeing the Hurt Locker at 5:45 PM this evening.
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I'm living it right now. Then again my dad isn't Batman.
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She's so cute!
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And while is wasn't the game changer James Cameron was saying it was going to be, it was an interesting little thriller. <P> BUT MY GOD the fucking trailers for that film had to have been a sort of Tropic Thunder style joke on the audience. Love Happens/Sorority Row/Couples Retreat. We seriously thought that they were jokes, like they were fake films they show in intro to film classes or something. This is what a romantic comedy looks like, this is what a slasher film looks like, this is what an adult comedy looks like. <P> While Couple Retreat MAY MAYMAYMAY end up funny, lord knows they gave away 75% of the jokes in the fucking trailer. Seriously go watch those three trailers in a row, we almost walked out of the film before it fucking started. No wonder people have given up hope on a film. Having seen those trailers I can honestly say that Avatar is a game changer.
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How the fuck is this guy in everything now? Go look at the poster for All About Steve, you can tell he was photoshoped in last minute after he became more popular then Brad Cooper after The Hangover. I wish he was funny.
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...Your "mooglie" thesis is at least as fn hilarious as Massa's review. So what's the male equivalent of a mooglie? Those ripped, but 5'2" dudes at the gym?
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So what does she choose?
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Douchebags.
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Just sayin. Loved the review!
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Ebert probably doesn't have any kids. So he thinks that its all sunshine and smiles to have a fucking annoying brat that can't get a job. OHHH BOO HOO I can't find a job I want. What a fucking great idea to release this movie in this economy. I wish I could sit around and wait for the perfect job to land in my lap, fucking bitch. I hope this movie bombs and the chick in the movie ends up waiting tables at a strip club because she's too ugly to get on the stange.
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Sorry, I don't really keep up with the literature put out by the Bromanticists. I think they've been working on a unified theory of moogliedom, but last I checked they were still several years away.<br /><br /> The issue is most men, metrosexuals and the like notwithstanding, don't usually care (as much) what they or their friends look like. So the central self-esteem-promoting function of having a mooglie around just doesn't carry over to the male sphere.<br /><br /> I'm sure there's some other dynamic at work in groups of men, but I'm just not up on it. As far as the Brucie-style gym rats you mentioned, Series 7 might be onto something: douchebaggery is probably majorly involved.
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Big freaking surprise for someone on AICN, I wanted to go to film school! No back up plan (because when you read interviews with guys who made it, they say, "I never had a back up plan! It was making films or nothing" -- this, by the way, is crap). I had my student film scripted, storyboarded, ready to shoot. I was going to go in and rip everyone a new one!<p>When those little flat envelopes came in from the Big 3 (UCLA, USC, NYU), I think I stood around for a month not saying a word except, "What the fuck happened?"<p>I don't know what the fuck happens in this movie. I didn't freak out. You keep trying. You reapply. You apply at smaller schools. Things worked out...differently than imagined but probably better (again, I've learned that everything everyone famous says in an interview about how they made it is a lie -- it's not that the don't deserve to make, if they made it they DO deserve it, it's just that no one knows exactly HOW they made it).<p>But it's sort of an interesting situation for a film, if handle right, with the right balance of humor, empathy and irony.<p>Well, probably not this film, but maybe...
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3rd grade having dreams of becoming a book editor? What a lame fucking ho
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that chick id like to bang but yeah, i suppose her talking would get annoying after a while. When reading the review i thought it was the girl from that show the nanny *que annoying laugh
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... (besides, gym-shrimps, which ain't that bad, really) Let's call them: "benstillers".
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Sooooo did you go to film school?
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Very poor.Let yourself down with this,Massa I see you tried to balance it out somewhat with the Star Wars geek reference but with things like Comic-Con being the huge event it is now,Geekdom has never been cooler! Even your attempt at fair-play is insulting.
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being stuck in a small space (a room big enough to take a couple steps around). You are high on acid having a horrible trip and you are trapped in a room with the girl/woman from the nanny as she constantly laughs and says "yea? really?" and Alexis Bledel speaking ultra fast ala gilmore girls and she keeps giggeling. A fucking nightmare.
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"The premise is a simple and very realistic one that could have been the launching point for a great LOST IN TRANSLATION style journey of self discovery." <br> <br> Lost In Translation wasn't a journey of self discovery. It was a movie about a man who was bored in a foreign country spending a couple days with a bored, neglected woman. That's really all the movie was about. <br> <br> anything above and beyond that was just an attempt by pompous ass, pretentious critics to insert subtext and deep meaning where none existed. Seriously, it was just a boring fucking movie about nothing left open enough for people to feel superior and smart by adding something that wasn't there. <br> <br> the movie sucked; can we finally stop talking about it?
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Hey we all know Harry shares a bed with RR, if your going to review this why not someone give us the low down on Shorts. Seriously what the fuck.
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Did you jump out of your seat Tingler-style as soon as the first end credit appeared, or did you sit through the interminable list of clueless fucks who made this piece of shit?
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Is if the only way you could see the 16 minutes of Avatar footage is by sitting through this.
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was an annoying mushmouth in that damn "Gilmore Girls," but I was surprised to see how hot she'd become in the last episode of "ER." She was smoking in that!!! In a few years she needs a "True Blood"-style cable show with nudity. Maybe even "True Blood" itself, if it's still on. Look how it's worked out for Anna Paquin - I'll bet her agent's phone is ringing constantly and her movie asking price has gone up a couple mil.
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The review for amovie so bad Massa had to warn us TWICE!
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You forgot the Spoiler Warning... <br><br> '...phone call from the job that initially turned her down to ultimately offer it to her. YAY!' <br><br> Now this movie is ruined for me.
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and i enjoy that very much. its a good thing she's actually 27...well actually not like it matters, its not as if id ever meet her and even if i did, not like she'd sleep with me.
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I was being facetious.<br><br>Sorry you had to take the no-walk-out bullet.<br><br>On a positive note any of us with girlfriends and/or wives now know to avoid this at all costs.
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Hate to break to ya, nerds. But those are probably dykes who want to fuck Alexis Bledel because most Mooglies are the constant predatory lesbian companion to the hot chick friend.
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Rude, Massawym. Just rude.
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I guess I'm just tired of people putting down other people but why did a movie review have to include snide comments about "I was at an ugly girl comfort movie – one for them to go and see with their ugly, chubby friends." WTF did that have to do with the film. Just seems unnecessary and hateful. I think that statement says alot about you and I feel bad for you and the way you see the world.
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Not that I was expecting Citizen Kane, but... oof. Bet Alexis is pining like hell for that Gilmore Girls reunion show right about now. Can't even hope for a spot in Sin City 2, given what happened to her character at the end (unless either SC2 is a prequel, or she and her pals took out the assassin as she got off the phone).
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Ugh. I don't think I've been let down by more movies than any other summer.
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Way to stereotype about three groups of people in the one review.
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same goes for rentals. what the hell has happened
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Yeah I totally agree, and the fact that he bangs the piano singer is proof. He was just bored looking for some ass.
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When you hate on something this much, you are clearly compensating for the fact that secretly, you enjoyed it and feel ashamed. Either way, anyone with this much to say about a movie aimed at young girls is a first class cunt.
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Really? Not gonna fix the double post?
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Putting fat chicks down is not mean spirited, it's all in good sport. If they don't like it they should not go in public.
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Even though they are shittier then hell, those stupid ass National Lampoon movie like Dorm Daze nail college age chicks better then this crap. Most of them are dirty ass sluts. Any girl that didn't do some hard banging during college is a fucking loser who probably was home schooled. <P> This movie should have ended up with that first ending of Happy Feet. The one where the Penguin is banging his head on the glass in the zoo. But have the girl working the fry machine at a McD's after having been kicked out of her house.
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Iglorious Bastards. Its already sold out tonight around me.
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Lauren (Loreleai Gilmore)Graham might be on the new Scrubs show. Yeah, Scrubs.
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Saracen's in this movie, isn't he? Poor guy. He had a similar decision himself in FNL, either the perfect college or the girl he loved, and he chose the girl--only that girl was an 80-year-old woman with Alzheimers (his grandmother). Yeah, that boy cannot get a break. But at least he has another season to change his mind, and a cute teenaged girlfriend in the meantime. <p>Is his band in this movie as awesome as Crucifictorius?
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this review was awesome. did you actually go to see this twatwaffle piece of shit movie in the theater by yourself? now that takes balls!
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Aug. 21, 2009, 2:32 p.m. CST
I have not seen trailers or commercials for this thing...
by andrew coleman
And it came out today! Wow. Great review love reviews of movies I have no idea even exist.
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Wow. It's a very rare occasion when the written word makes me actually want to physically stand up out of my chair and applaud... loudly. This review says everything that needs to be said about this movie and this genre in general. I'm adding "ugly girl comfort movie" to my personal lexicon of film terms. Well done, man.
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Really? Weird.....as I said before....I feel a bit lost with his reviews lately. But I'd like thank Massawyrm....he just called me thin and beautiful ! Cause I'm not getting anywhere near this pile of old camel dunk....
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English is my fourth language...
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5 star review for a no star piece o'shit lifetime movie.
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If handled right the subject matter of the post-college blues would have made for an interesting movie. But they wussed out and did the standard puppydog teen romance BS. Too bad.
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I have no idea why you do this to yourself, Wyrm.
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If I were overweight and/or a girl I might be offended, but I'm not. So BWAH-HAHAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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"S'all about the cows, man."
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Although like everyone else, how you think this has been a good summer for movies is surprising. There have been maybe 5 films worth seeing.
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boredboredboredboredboredbored
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the premise has a lot of potential. Very timely. Could have been on par with Office Space. Instead Hollywood wastes this potential with a formulaic, dumbed down rom com.
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i wasn't first poster on THIS talkback.
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John Hughes just rolled over.
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Except it doesn't have any music, acting or plot. Can't we get some sort of special glasses to see hot chicks in movies totally naked? Fun fact----Alexis Bledel is 100% latina
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Aug. 22, 2009, 3:50 a.m. CST
I fucking love seeing a critic go to town on a shitty movie!
by bbbbeeeennnn
Especially on AICN when they actually say "I fucking hated it." You made my day Massawyrm.
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Any type of rude, offensive aspersions about the people watching movies needs to stay out of your reviews. It's one thing to slam the ones involved in the MAKING of this cinematic turd, but spewing your vitriol on the crowd is in very poor taste. This review sounds as if you were being pissy and just wanted to take your mood out on anyone you could. Its a shameful article.
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What, The Wyrm can't spew a little hate, but it everyone else in here can say what they want about who they want? The article was funny and informative. Yes, some people will find it offensive, but this is fuckin' AICN...Half the shit posted here is offensive.
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But I found the article neither funny nor informative. Any chance of an actual movie review went south as soon as Massa began painting the walls green with bile. And while I agree with you that half (I'd actually up it to about 75%) of TalkBacker posts are ridiculous and immature, Massa is a black-box certified AICN pro, and should be held to a higher standard than the typical mouth-breathing TBer.
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Are you retarded? You went to review a film which is so obviously bad from the look of a 30 second television spot, and is aimed at 14 year old girls? You spend presumably hours perfecting your tirade against something that not one person gives a rats ass about, and for what in return?
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at the box office
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH-wheeze-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Aug. 23, 2009, 4:30 p.m. CST
BiggusDickus hope you gave Natural Born Killers another shot
by johnnyangelheart
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Cmon Mass...of COURSE it is. Alexis is the queen of all tweens who eat their feelings. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? Life is Short? Tuck Everlasting? FFS....even Gilmore Girls. If it wasn't for a really bad turn as Becky in Sin City, she'd have literally nothing interesting in her career whatsoever. The fact that she was a co-star of a moderately successful TV show..and yet, everyone only really remembers Lauren Graham speaks tons.
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Sorry to hear that it was such a let-down. Like you said, from the trailer it had potential to be a self-discovery masterpice that I was looking forward to reflecting on my own life. Oh well, back to the typewriter. And Bledel has potential, but no one is clear how to use her without playing someone completely innocent (but, sigh, there's a market for that). 'Gilmore Girls' is pretty descent, but she shone brightest in 'Sin City'.
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i hate this kind of crap.
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Mass-dude, those of us with a brain would not see this fucking shit movie; but thanks for the review, laughed my ass off!
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Hollywood is full of them. I'd say most Apatow stuff is pretty much the same but aimed to the male audience.
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