Cool News
There's A MACHETE Script Review Online!!
Merrick here...
Latino Review has a write-up of the script to MACHETE, which they say...
...plays out exactly like you’d expect the 90 minute extended cut of the two minute trailer to play out.
In case you've never seen the trailer they're referring to, it was gag filmed to run before Robert Rodriguez's PLANET TERROR segment of GRINDHOUSE. It's now being expanded into a feature film starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan , Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal, and Don Johnson
Here's the trailer they're expanding (NSFW)...
LR's script review goes on to state:
...there isn’t a single hook in this story you can hang your hat on. It’s too silly. Too simplistic. Too dumb. Even at a reader-friendly 88 pages this script feels 50 pages too long. I guess the ultimate question is, how long can you keep people interested in a man racing around cutting people up with a machete? 10 minutes for some? 80 for another? The answer will be different for every moviegoer. But while the gluttonous Fast Food film aficionados whoop it up with their tub of popcorn in the front row on opening day, the majority of the audience is going to be checking their watches going, “What the fuck am I watching here?”
Not having read the script, I can't comment with any degree of insight or authority - but the above clipping suggests that, perhaps, the reviewer is missing the point here. Or not understanding that a MACHETE movie isn't supposed to have any particular point? I may end up being very wrong here, but this strikes me as one of the ultimate "it is what it is" projects. So far, I haven't sensed that it's being presented otherwise.
You can find the full review HERE!
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Is this one for the same draft or a newer one?
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what the fuck are they expecting from this movie? the sequel to citizen kane? jesus.
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http://bit.ly/18pyA
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MACHETE!
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This will be a GREAT movie. Viva MACHETE!!!
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very underrated actor.btw i would like to know what role is deniro going to play in this. i hope not like the idiotic one in Jackie Brown.
maybe an italian godfather big boss soemthing. -
sorry, just impatient to find out.
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I guess the the fact that the grindhouse films themselves were less interesting than the trailers, and less successful than the trailers, has fooled them into thinking they should be actual films. Drugs don't help.
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how do they write the scripts so quick? want a scirpt?, bam! you got one.
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...but it sure smells good!
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Rodriguez writes ABSOLUTE SHIT. Once Upon a Time in Mexico was one of the most retarded and fucked up, idiotic movies ever. Rodrigues makes movies like a Mexican-- fast, cheap, and with absolutely no staying power.
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shit thats fast, the first word we hear about the script by someone who's actually read it and you're already trying to give explanations why they didnt like it... it can't be because its a piece of shit, no... the reviewer just didn't 'get' it
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Hurry sly, show these idiots how to make a real action movie
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Machete
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like she really knows how to pick a winner. She turned down The Hangover.
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"It is what it is, and you can't criticize what it is because you obviously don't understand that the thing you don't like is what they were TRYING to do." I don't care, if I don't like something I don't like something!
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Yeah, always trust the negative reviews. They are always right.
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What that AICN gets down on it's knees and sucks Rodriguez's dick every chance it can get, then gives glowing reviews while wiping the cum off their mouths?
Wait, where's Harry's post throwing out how he personally called Robert to get his take on this article? -
this line really is pathetic - 'but the above clipping suggests that, perhaps, the reviewer is missing the point here. Or not understanding that a MACHETE movie isn't supposed to have any particular point?'... so just because the movie is SUPPOSED to be shit then it's ok that it is shit. because thats what the film makers were aiming for. shit. its bad when someone tries to make a good movie and it turns out crap, but if you aim to make a real stinker then it's ok that it turns out crap... u must have loved the movies by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg
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I wrote that kind of joking, but it does kind of sum up about how every RR article goes.
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That's saying "yeah we know our script/movie is shit but...we're cooler than you" ... Bullshit, pure and simple. RR is not a writer or much of a director
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uh i'm not hating on the movie, i'm hating on merrick for defending a script he hasn't read against the thoughts of someone who has read it... its a ridiculous thing to do, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, the other guy on the other hand has actually read the script... so forgive me if i take the viewpoint of the reviewer who has actually READ the material in question.
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...in a man racing around cutting people up with a machete?
Jason Voorhees has been doing it since the early 1980s and we're still watching. -
He'll probably film the entire movie in his backyard in 4 days.
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Aug 13, 2009 11:32:44 AM CDT
where's the poster who did the Jonah Hill in MACHETE impression?
by zombieheathledger
That was comedy gold.
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I really want to Danny is the man. But after that anouncement of The Walking Dead TV show, I am just waiting for the screen shot of a one handed Thomas Jane getting the shit kicked out of him by the Danny The Governor.
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By the way there is a picture with QT and Bret Ratner smug fucking the camera on Yahoo movies. Were too cool trying to be cool to let the Crank guys make a fake trailer for Grindhouse. It would have been cooler then anything. In fact Crank 2 is the movie Grind House wanted to be.
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cos I'm getting over that. That said, Machete could be rad.
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As Merrick said, I guess this person just doesn't get the point. Also what's up with the line about "gluttonous Fast Food film aficionados"? Seeing as how it makes no sense in the English language I'll assume that he/she is trying to make a joke about film fans like us... problem is the vast majority of actual film aficionados would never even attempt to sit through a "fast food" film AKA an unimaginative typical studio picture ala Transformers 2 etc. (yes I realize I will be flamed for that but frankly the joke is on you idiots that actually paid to see a movie that was specifically made to appeal to the lowest common denominator and mentally handicapped folks).
Also, Vern posted a script review 2-3 months ago. I don't mean to be a dick but you guys (AICN) will post a review by a person who doesn't even get what the project is yet you can't bother to post Verns? Considering Vern is a talented writer (as opposed to simply being a journalist) you'd think you guys would post his stuff more often. I know I'd rather read his review on a film over some armchair director in Buttfuck, Wisconsin who decided to send a review in to the site. -
Just make sure to keep ANY Tarantino involement out of it if it's to float.
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Aug 13, 2009 11:45:56 AM CDT
Every shot in the trailer is stolen from non-Rodriguez movies
by theplant
Escape NY, Matrix, The Killer you name them...
How is this movie supposed to be more than that ? -
I'm not sure Rodriguez is a "starmaker" anymore.
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Bye Les.
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Just kidding. Sad day for pickers n' grinners.
RIP -
The blood is salt!
Bring this movie ON! -
It's gotta be able to stand on its own.
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I remember they reviewed a script for 28 Weeks Later, and whatever script they got their hands on for the review was very clearly different from what made it onto celluloid. You can Google around and find it, and see for yourself.
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I am so there....with no pants on.
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is looking like it will be the perfect drive-in movie.
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Make a $5 million movie with nobodies and he would be much closer to the mark. From his last few movies he looks more like he sees himself as George Lucas on a budget (look what I can do with off-the-shelf-software!) rather than a filmmaker who sees the incredible value and potential impact of good characters and a good story. There's a reason people still enjoy low budget 60's and 70's flicks, and there's a reason no one will be talking about Rodriguez's films in 20 years.
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there needs to be a decent/fun script to make it work.
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This needs to just be a solid, basic action movie that stands on it's own. This is the real problem with Rodriguez now, he can't take anything fucking seriously, he's gonna make this a really goofy movie that's winking at the camera every 5 seconds, which is exactly the wrong approach. His one great movie, desperado, was the most straightforward and had the least amount of this goofy crap he puts in everywhere. That's what really pisses me off about him, I hate it when action movies think they're hip by making fun of themselves the whole time (like shoot-em-up, hated that), I wish he'd take a page out of Stallone's book and just focus on making a good movie.
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Come oooonnnn......
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Dammit, been too long since I first saw a trailer for that.
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Robert Rodriguez is allowed to make a silly action movie, because he can make it cool. It could just be Trejo and a bunch of no name Mexicans and it would still be badass. In fact, I would prefer that to Jessica Alba and Lindsey Lohan.
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Are you saying that Nevaldine/Taylor wanted to do a trailer for Grindhouse but were told "no"? I've never read that anywhere before.
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It seems like.
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and I have read the script. It's hard to say how good the movie will be, it depends on the execution, but as a fan of the type of action movie it's inspired by I think it hits most of the right notes with many nods to the traditions of the '80s action movie and lots of absurd touches (a machine gun that fires machetes, a girl who sells weapons out of a taco truck, a little dog with a knife attached to stab people, souped up road warrior type cars).
In my opinion the guy who wrote the review actually does not get it, because all he talks about is Grindhouse being a financial failure and what "the average joe" needs to latch onto in a movie. Well, this is not for that guy, obviously it's for the people who DID see and enjoy Grindhouse and who would be excited to see a movie that showcases the particular appeal of Danny Trejo.
I did think a few times it got more jokey than I was hoping, but for the most part it works as a really amped up and crazy action movie. I hope it turns out well because it has the potential to be a movie I love, especially now that Seagal is playing Torrez. (I can't figure out who Don Johnson is playing, though, and I don't think the Alba or Lohan characters were in the draft I read.)
As for "sucking Robert Rodriguez's dick," I'm not into that. I did like the Mariachi movies, From Dusk Till Dawn, sort of liked Sin City, liked Death Proof better than Planet Terror. -
It was groundbreaking, original, great performances all around, memorable and completely kicked ass.
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He is, after all, "Uncle Machete!" Maybe they could end up dead and part of the story is him taking revenge for their murders at the hands of Gary and Gertie Giggles.
Just sayin... -
The best movies of this type, take themselves completely seriously which makes all the crazy shit that much more entertaining.
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The reviewer gets it, he gets it alright. He just find it boring, you moron.
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I ama amazed at the douche's ability to constantly write something stupid.
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Explain.
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Aug 13, 2009 1:57:25 PM CDT
Proman1984, how do you feel about Merrick's intelligence
by guy who got a headache and accidentally
or lack of?
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I miss that fucking show....
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Many movies i really like makes me ask that same question. And sometimes, that's a good thing, to watch a movie and not really understanding the craziness on display.
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Naw they were probably never even asked. I was just saying that QT and RR just work with people they are friends with. Which is fine, but its just funny when they put all this time and effort and hyped it up, then Crank 2 just blows it away.
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From the man who's bringing us SHORTS?
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I never saw it...I saw Deathproof and Planet Terror...but I've never seen Grindhouse. After it's abysmal US release it was split up. Didn't even get to see the trailers.
Vern, Machete may be for the people who like this sort of movie but the problem is, not many people do, at least according to the box office returns from both the Grindhouse release and the separate release of the two films.
The Grindhouse idea is an American thing. Not many people outside the US experience it and the ones who experience it within the borders of the US tend to the ones who actively seek it out.
The closest the majority gets to any sort of Grindhouse experience is watching movie reviews on The Spoony Experiment or catching a film at 4am on the TV.
It's a niche market within the geek world, nevermind the mainstream. Machete may be a fun ride and the world may not "get it" but the point is, the world doesn't care if they do or not.
Having said all that, after the box office returns for the tripe that was Transformers, if RR somehow managed to make it PG-13 it would probably break records because audiences these days all love mindless junk. -
...I agree, by the way. I enjoyed Planet Terror a lot (and Death Proof a little), but Crank 2 was definitely the real grindhouse experience. Can't wait for the DVD in a few weeks!
Strangely enough, I feel like what QT and RR did could be made to work, maybe as a DTV line with them as executive producers bringing people in. I was very disappointed that Grindhouse didn't do well, because I enjoyed the concept and the group participation that went into it. I would have loved to see more of it. I view Grindhouse detractors in the same negative light I view the people who gloated over Watchmen's failure. Do they really think we're going to get a better product when those films (and kinds of films) fail? -
amen brother to that
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caused more attention that the movie itself.
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dammit
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The only people that will even go to this thing are the very small minority that are geeky enough to already know it's being made. And perhaps a few brave movie goers that walk into a theatre and just buy tickets blind. And geeks are the most critical pieces of shit alive. I suspect the majority of said geek crowd will hate it. Then you have the poor saps that wander into this thing without a clue of the tongue in cheek, campy nature of the film. They will hate it too. It's much too self indulgent. Now, I am one of those overly critical geeks that is going to watch it and probably hate it, but by god that's what we do. This movie is going to be such a complete failure that I'm almost excited for the hate filled aftermath.
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but look at how fun that movie turned out.
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RR made El Mariachi for what? $7,000? He should go ultra low budget for this, too. If you're going to do grindhouse cinema, go all the way with it. Also, is it going to have scratches in the film and missing reels like Grindhouse had?
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I totally agree with you about making them as executive producers. I mean that shit 8 Films To Die For Happens all the Time I don't see why QT and RR couldn't do something like that. It could be something awesome. I wish it had done better as well, I'm glad I got to see it in theaters. Though QT shouldn't have made one, they should have got someone else. His was ok but just too indulgent.
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Really, what is it with this guy? From cheesy kids' movies to hyper-gory exploitation flicks and back again. This year: "Shorts"! Next year: "Predators" and "Machete"! Well, you can't accuse him for having a lack of range, more than can be said for his "brother" QT...
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why to imitate something,when u can go for the real thing.just use a minimal budget,give the creativity work to talented people who love this kind of cinema and know how it works,and make the damn movie.
take for example italian spiderman from youtube.these guys know how to do 60s/70s z-movie cinematography. -
Aug 13, 2009 3:43:49 PM CDT
Is it wrong to ask for this, to WANT for this, to be something m
by d.vader
More than just a cut 'em up joke? I loved the trailer, but this review doesn't really get me excited. Course. I'd really like for LR to compare it to Desperado's script, which was really fun too, without really being about "anything" either. But still, is it wrong to ask for this to have just a litttttle bit more substance? ESPECIALLY when you've got a great topical problem here, as ContinentalOp has pointed out numerous times before, with the exploitation of illegal immigrants for profit?
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She's only using Rodriguez to get a career back, bc she's fallen OH so low. She'd NEVER take a part in a Rodriguez film before. It took her last movie to go straight to Family Channel to make her realize no one wants to work with her.
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Don't tell me you buy into that bullshit kind of thinking marketing people use. That "nobody saw grindhouse so nobody wants to see machete" kind of crap. It's like how before lord of the rings came out, "gee well nobody cares about fantasy movies (uh, maybe because nobody is making any) so we don't really want to fund this one. Oh shit, it just made millions of dollars, quick, every movie is a fantasy movie epic now, hold a minute, harry potter just made millions, make sure those epics now have a danny elfman-ish soundtrack and a title with cgi glowing sparkley shit around it, also make the sure the trailer has a dude with a kind old man voice narrating how our studio is inviting them on an epic journey of imiginative enchanment. It's crap. This marketing shit is tea leaf reading bullshit. There's no formula for why people don't see one movie and do see another. I myself almost didn't go to see grindhouse despite it definitely being "my shit." I eventually decided to spend the money on it because hell, it'd been a long while since I'd even seen a movie with bruce willis in an actual theatre.
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to see a movie that showcases the particular appeal of Danny Trejo? Wow, that's a tiny audience.
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Still, he has accomplished a lot. I hope Fahey gets a great paycheck out of this; he's been one of the highlight's of LOST recently.
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Grindhouse was a disaster by all accounts and this is more of the same.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpNAU4SSrx8
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Machete, damn it. I can admit that.
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You three and the reviewer all talked about how this movie won't appeal to everybody in the world. Yes. Of course. No shit.
It's not supposed to be STAR WARS. It's a fairly low budget action movie starring Danny Trejo as a vengeful federale. If that doesn't appeal to you then what you do is you go watch a movie that does appeal to you. Today movies and music and everything are more niche oriented than ever before, but even long before that there were still movies like this. I happen to enjoy the lower budget, lower brow action movies starring Michael Dudikoff and Steve James and Van Damme and people like that. This will hopefully be in the tradition of (and better than) many of those movies.
I don't understand what point you are trying to make, why does it seem bad to you that this is a small movie for a small audience? What does that have to do with anything? It seems like you're trying to make me cry by telling me that somebody's small spinoff movie is not gonna make as much money as PAUL BLART THE MALL COP. Why does that even cross your brain let alone seem like the most important thing to argue about? I don't get it at all.
Next you should go after THE HURT LOCKER. That will only appeal to a small audience. Kathryn Bigelow should be ashamed of herself.
VADER: The movie does deal with immigration and class issues, though not really in a serious way, more in the simplistic "stick it to the man" thematic way that some of the blaxploitation movies dealt with race issues. -
Aug 13, 2009 6:58:31 PM CDT
CRANK 2 IS THE MOVIE MACHETE WANTS TO BE BUT NEVER WILL...
by carlthormark1978
Rodriguez doesn't have the balls to go as fucking hardcore as that flick. Also, C2 only cost 20 mill and was loaded with action while El Douche is spending upwards of 50 mill on his shit these days. Crank 2 was a TRUE exploitaion classic. FACT!
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Vern is the only fucker here that doesn't have a giant stick up his ass
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... I FUCKING HATE "it is what it is" reasoning. Just fuck right off.
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to be full of a bunch of whiny little b*tches. Especially if the article they're commenting on actually says something *gasp* positive instead of just joining in the crowd of whiny internet losers who spend all their time complaining.
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...but you stated them like a whiney bitch (just being honest, bud). I'll go one step further than the three stating the obvious - I'm betting the plug gets pulled on this before photography begins. If it does ever make it to the silver screen, I'll be part of the small crowd enjoying it.
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The best part for me though was after the movie. My friend J. who is supposed to be the most unflappable member of my little crew, said as we were walking into the lobby surrounded by fellow moviegoers, "I'm not sure I get it... I feel kinda dirty." and without missing a beat I said, "What's to get, he grabbed the dude's balls and he ripped 'em off." It made me happy because it got a big laugh from the people around us. Man I am so self centered, my favorite part of most movies is my own reaction to them... It's almost like I'm looking at the world from my own personal viewpoint... I bet none of YOU do that,
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One group complaining that this is too much of a niche movie to be financially successful and another group saying that it won't be as cool as CRANK 2?!I don't recall CRANK 2 breaking any box office records either.Did it even make as much as the first one? There will always be a small market for cheaply made over the top dumbass grindhouse movies. He's not paying these actors their usual rate. Most of them are shooting extended cameos for a week or two. There's no way this movie won't make its money back. And Rodriguez will keep making those kids movies as long as they keep making money as well. He's not worried about how history will judge his output. He's making goofy disposable entertainment. It's fun for him and fun for the audience. And yes, I said FUN!
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How can they pull the plug before photography begins? He's already shooting! Didn't he say he'd shot the first week or two of this on some red carpet last weekend?
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then what IS it?
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i just want to see a 60 minute extended edition of the mexican riding around on a motorcycle with a minigun strapped to the front of it, while flying through the air with everything exploding around him!! SOLD SOLD SOLD! What a winner!
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Any semi-critical review of his work must be tempered with snarky contrary commentary.
This is AICN after all. Can't have anybody tarnishing the image of the auteur behind Spy Kids, Road Racers, and Sharkboy & Lava Girl. -
I'd rather see a movie that wallows in what it is to the point of awesomeness (like machete) than a POS that tries to be cool like Transformers. Also, Danny Trejo is the fucking man
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I was so close to working on this film and it didn't happen! I would be posting shit everyday from set!
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I'm not much of a Robert rodriguez fan (i respect him mroe then i like him), but i can't harldy wait for Machette. This will be one of those few movies i will accept it unconditionally as total mental fun without any more to it then just blow the shit up, entertainingly. And it's always great to see, FINALLY, Danny Trejo in a staring role, with giants like Robert DeNiro playing second fiddle to him. It's the reversal of Heat, in a way.
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Seagal is in this? Since the fuck when?
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So that means I'm not going to see it.
Lindsay Lohan = box office poison -
I would like to thank you for introducing me to the world of Seagal. After reading Seagalogy I can't but help love the guy.
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Let's bring back Old Skool Eddie Murphy!
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He fills the good parts in when he's directin.
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He fills the good parts in when he's directing.
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They're already behind schedule and still mucking in pre-production nonsense. As I sais, I worry that this film may be plagued with pre-production woes and fears leading to its being shelved or halted outright. I don't hope for this outcome as I mentioned...I'd be one who'd be interested in seeing it. But I do see warning signs for this project already. And perhaps that won't lead to its full demise..but it may lead to a near-death direct to DVD release. Did anyone see Val Kilmer's latest flick where he plays a psychotic earth first type that's locked 6 hostages in a sauna? Direct to DVD baby.
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Finally, the man is the top hombre of a movie. About fucking time! Caramba!!!
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Why should he be except? why should any director be isempt from critcism of his movie's scripts. If a script is bad, it's a bad script and helps the movie being bad, regardless of who is the director. This fucking leeways people do to some directors is the reason so many geeks are so easy to accept the most horrible piece of shit movies made this days, like the latest bullshit form Jar Jar Abrams.Nobody is isempt from ciricism of a bad script for their movies. Nobody. Certainly not Robert Rodriguez.
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Along with Pathology, another miserable flop from Neveldine and Taylor. If Gamer tanks, these boys best start calling Seether and Bullet for My Valentine for video gigs.
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Will it be "Rated X" (or at least the 21st century equivalent?)? If so, sign me up. If we have to wait for the DVD for that, I'm not so jazzed. AsimovLives is right about direct-to-DVD being today's "drive-in" fare...but how I'd enjoy seeing RR negotiate the premiere of "Machete" in actual drive-ins all across the country.
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For those who may have actually been sitting in a theater on Good Friday 2007 -- and in the middle of the day if you got the half-day off as I did, you can understand why you had to be there to experience it close-up and personal like. The shit was mind-boggling. Fucking thing opens with the "Machete trailer" and the 6 people in the theater went ape-shit. Planet Terror went over well. Lots of laughs, but the trailers in the middle were through the roof. Dudes were laughing so hard at "Thanksgiving" they could barely catch breath and I almost pissed myself. You had to be there. Death Proof is a much better experience at home with the director's cut and a few beers. Still enjoyed the whole double bill experience though. They really should have released in the Summer. The film would have lasted. Why release on Easter?
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