Hola all. Massawyrm here.

This one is going to be short and sweet because, frankly, there’s not a whole hell of a lot to say. This is one of those rare, baffling films that simply defies classification. It is its own thing in such a way that you will spend a goodly portion of it just trying to figure out what the fuck it is you’re watching. Because it is not going to help you. THE GOODS: LIVE HARD SELL HARD is theater of the absurd, and might almost find itself in with something like THE ZOO STORY…if it were actually trying to say something. But it isn’t. No. THE GOODS: LIVE HARD SELL HARD has but one intention: make you laugh. A lot. And it succeeds.

THE GOODS is the story of a failing car lot (owned by James Brolin) forced to call in a slasher – a fly by night mercenary car salesman who specializes in weekend sales bonanzas. The team he calls is made up of Jeremy Piven, Ving Rhames, David Koechner and Kathryn Hahn – a group of ace salesmen who are all, for the sake of argument, out of their fucking minds. But that’s okay. Because so is every other cast member in this movie. In fact, the only people not out of their minds are the customers.

There are a few brief moments in which the film attempts to give us some forward momentum with the plot, but it doesn’t matter. The film doesn’t give a shit about its story – or its characters. It is one, long, 90 minute skit about car salesmen. By the end you won’t care who ends up with whom, whether they succeeded or if anything matters at all. And normally that’s a bad thing. I mean a movie lacking a plot or character development? That’s a bad movie.

Except that here it works.

The movie isn’t about selling cars or falling in love or finding your place in the world, despite the occasional moment or two they spend on those themes. No, it’s about watching a bunch of crazy mother fuckers absurdly pinball off of one another, throwing joke after joke at the wall to see what sticks. Some of them don’t. Sometimes the jokes are just too off the wall for even this cast to save it. But when it works, it really, really works. By the time Alan Thicke shows up as a rival car salesman, you won’t be asking “what the fuck,” anymore; you’ll just be going with it. That is if you haven’t given up entirely.

This thing has cult written all over it. Some people are going to hate the living shit out of it. Not able to make heads or tails of it, they’re just going to be offended or find it too crass and bizarre for even their taste. But the people that like it will have a really good time, and much like myself, find it hard to explain why. There are some brilliant moments in this. From Ving Rhames stripper comments to Kathryn Hahn trying to seduce a 10 year old boy with a pituitary problem (making him a full grown adult) on down to every single moment that Will Ferrell is on screen. Holy crap is he funny in this. Long time readers know that I am no Ferrell fan, but god damn he had me howling. Add in a bunch of great, strange bit parts by the likes of Brolin, Ed Helms, Rob Riggle, Ken Jeong, Noureen DeWulf, Craig Robinson and a slew of other character actors and you have the makings for a film the mainstream will ignore, but others will pass around on DVD.

Imagine WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER set on a car lot, trying to tell a semi-coherent story, but not being reliant upon skit based humor…and you get a basic approximation of what this feels like. Over thinking this film will only confuse you. It is stupid, it is silly and it is fucking funny as a rubber crutch. That’s all there really is to it. I’m not going to tell anyone to break their neck trying to go out and see it; but if this sounds like your cup of tea, it is definitely worth a look.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

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