I am – Hercules!!




What do “90210,” “Melrose Place” and “Twin Peaks” have in common? All were Spelling Television series, forged at the dawn of the 1990s, and now owned by CBS via a 1999 Viacom acquisition.

What they don’t have in common? Among many, many other things, “Twin Peaks” has not been revived on CBS-owned netlet The CW.

A headline in tomorrow’s Variety:

CW hot for remakes
Network continues to comb through old titles

So I say this to CW entertainment president Dawn Ostroff:

Bring back “Twin Peaks” the way you’ve brought back “90210” and “Melrose Place”!

Remember that the original “Peaks” gave us bizarre Black-Lodge glimpses at a decades-older FBI special agent Dale Cooper, as if anticipating this 20-years-later revival.

Kyle MacLachlan has been sending out signals suggesting he’d be into it. Reach out to David Lynch and Mark Frost; they don’t seem like the busiest guys in Hollywood at the moment. I think Tim Minear’s contract with Fox runs out next year; start putting out feelers to his agent too in case his “Alien Nation” project doesn’t get picked up fast enough.

Maybe start with eight episodes, like they did in 1990.

Imagine retired FBI regional bureau chief Gordon Cole, called up from his Caribbean home to Washington State 20 years later to investigate the sudden and mysterious emergence from the Black Lodge of the good Special Agent Dale Cooper, now clothed in bloody, urine-soaked rags and speaking backward gibberish.

Imagine senior FBI agent Chet Desmond, still shaken from his own brief encounter with the Black Lodge, spurred by the news to investigate what the evil, imposter Dale Cooper has been building in Twin Peaks for the last two decades (think Kid Miracleman -- or “Fringe’s” shadowy superindustrialist William Bell)!

Imagine heavily armed survivalist Big Ed living on a remote patch of Indian reservation in a reconstituted Bookhouse.

Hire Summer Glau as Deputy Josie Truman. Hire Lauren German as Ben Horne’s Japan-educated granddaughter Cricket. Hire David Bowie to turn up three times a season as time-lost FBI man Phillip Jeffries.

Make it happen, Dawn Ostroff. The smart little girls like me don’t want another fucking Whedon-free vampire series; we want “Twin Peaks II”!!

Find all of Variety’s story on The CW’s plans here.

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Star Trek (2009)
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$11.99: Eyes Wide Shut Blu-ray!!
$12.99: Clockwork Orange Blu-ray!!
$12.99: The Shining Blu-ray!!
$19.99: Dr. Strangelove Blu-ray!!