Cool News
Harry has seen G.I. JOE - and is looking forward to seeing it again!
A few weeks ago, I got a voice mail from Stephen Sommers that took me to task for calling VAN HELSING ridiculously goofy retarded fun. He remembered that I gave VAN HELSING a positive review – but if you go back and you look at that review – I talk about Saturday Morning Cartoons, about the sugary confections one must consume to get your brain to the hyper-mental glee state that was necessary to enjoy Saturday Morning Universal Monsters. And while Sommers and I haven’t spoken since that voice mail, if I were to talk to him – I’d say… “What’s wrong with goofy retarded fun, I like it, but I can admit that it’s got goofy retarded fun in it.” And if he asked what was goofily retarded… I’d point out FRANKENSTEIN’s Monster SWINGING. The very definition of goofy retarded fun. G.I. JOE is not VAN HELSING. It is also not the MUMMY films, nor is it DEEP RISING. In fact, it is very much Sommers’ most fun film and possibly his best work to date. G.I. JOE starts off with a flashback to an early ancestor of Christopher Eccleston’s character – who got spanked pretty seriously for being dead set on fulfilling his family’s right to… “TAKE OVER THE WORLD”. Actually, it’s never really stated like that – and honestly, I’m not a real fan of this flashback. That said, when we flash forward to “The Not Too Distant Future” - we meet Channing Tatum’s DUKE and Marlon Wayans’ RIPCORD. Now… I have to confess, I was terrified of these two. I’d seen Tatum in two films that I haven’t liked this year – and the first, FIGHTING – I outright hated him. GENERATION KILL was the only thing I was holding on to really. And Marlon Wayans. Oh God. If Jar Jar were a real live human, he would be Marlon Wayans. And yes, I’m aware that I like Jar Jar, but that doesn’t mean I want EXTENDED TIME WITH HIM CONSTANTLY. I was terrified by Marlon Wayans’ presence. Well, when we get introduced to these two, they’re heading up a military convoy guarding 4 crazy dangerous high tech Gort bugs that eat everything, sort of like a warhead with miniature me’s in them. Anyway, they haven’t been weaponized yet, but Duke’s elite special forces team in 3 big Humvee things and backed up with two Apache helicopters are heading to some unknown location… When the BAD GUYS strike – led by The Baroness. Now – this opening sequence, it is actually kind of intensely scary, but in a VERY COOL WAY! Essentially, the pre-Cobra flying ship comes swooping in, using some energy weapon to completely wipe out the Apaches – and laying scorched Earth pimp slapping of the Humvees. This ship swats the missiles fired at it out of the skies. This one segment of the film, tonally, is just so much fun. Because when you’re the best trained American Soldier… getting your ass handed to you by an enemy that makes your weapon systems seem like Bow & Arrows… that’s a new situation. Duke has history with the Baroness in this film, don’t remember that in the series, but hey… Spock is fucking Uhura – at least they’re not treating these characters like the plastic Eunichs from which this all sprung. Duke is saved by SNAKE EYES, SCARLETT and HEAVY DUTY, who drive off the Pre-Cobras. Before we get too much further – I have to say, I’m not a huge fan of the GI JOE cartoons, the comics were better, but the toys were incredibly fun to play with. I’ve been watching the toons recently – as I was sent the entire series of GI JOE and TRANSFORMERS a couple of weeks back – and there’s a lot of fun in the JOE cartoons, but the idea of no fatalities, the extremely corny dialogue and non-stop puns and cheesy dialogue. Well, it didn’t age as well as I had hoped. I was expecting this movie to be far more jokey, tons of cheese and really serious eye-rolling while groaning. Instead, what I got was a fairly straight adaptation of the script, which I always thought would work as a serviceable all-ages GI JOE movie. Although, this is a bit more violent than I was expecting. Blades can cut, death does happen in this universe, but it isn’t anything out of whack with the rating. I don’t believe there’s any foul language – and all flirtation is kept in very good tastes (ahem, BAY!) After that opening intro to the JOES and Pre-Cobras – Duke and Ripcord are taken to “THE PIT” aka GI JOE Headquarters. Which, in the not too distant future is in Egypt. Guess all this Middle East stuff works out. Anyway, THE PIT is crazy gadget cool. You know how in the comics – there were those CUT AWAY maps that showed you where various things happened. The elevator ride down to where their orientation and induction into the ranks of GI JOE… well, it is like the most inflated cool Q scene in a Bond film. As Ripcord and Duke get tested – you get to see them doing all manners of cool JOE drills. And honestly – I could’ve just spent the entire first movie just training with these characters in THE PIT. There’s so much cool stuff in there – and as it is – we just get an extended whirlwind through it all. Now how “goofy” is the tech of the film? It really isn’t. As a geek, I read about as many military inventions and crazy tech as I can get my hands on. So their INVISIBLE SUIT – I read that story last year in the papers. The accelerator suits, the Army has absolutely been heading in that direction. Energy weapons? Yup, they’re working on it. So this NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE – I give it to them. And as any dog tag wearing JOE freak will attest, there’s so much tech that didn’t exist in just about every episode. That’s what I loved. The other aspect of JOE that Duke and Ripcord get introduced to is the conceit that GI JOE is made up of the best soldiers from around the world. That was another of my favorite aspects of GI JOE. The only real problem that I have with the film is some of the design conceits. It’s almost like HASBRO ordered them to disregard all of that, so they’d have a whole new line of figures to sell. I’ve given the JOE redesign a lot of thought – and there’s a part of me that kinda agrees that it’d look a little VILLAGE PEOPLE to go with their original looks. That Scarlett has red hair and that Cover Girl was HOT – and HEAVY DUTY was no nonsense and BREAKER was cool… I was happy. SNAKE EYES – I’m still not sold on the molded look, but what Ray Park does in that suit… it’s crazy cool. The design problems bugged me in advance on the COBRA side. In the script, I got that they were essentially doing the COBRA origin story. It isn’t till the end of the film that COBRA is actually born. So… Hopefully – if this film succeeds, as it should, we’ll get a sequel with the correct Cobra uniforms… I love that blue. In my opinion this is a vastly superior adaptation than either of the TRANSFORMERS movies. For one, this really is a GI JOE story, not a story of a teenager with grandpa’s glasses. Here, the world is in peril in a coherent way. It isn’t just MEGATRON on a building screaming insults at a boy. But these bad guys, they seriously want to rule the world, not give life to Mountain Dew machines. Now where there will be a divide on GI JOE is here. The fans that want a “hardcore badass GI JOE, where SNAKE EYES slips out of a shadow to slit a character’s throat as he goes all DEADPOOL-mime style through hordes of Cobra ‘red shirts’ – well, that ain’t happening here. This film attempts to tightrope walk between that and something that is accessible to kids – and if you have a kid around the age of 9, he’ll come out of this movie like a raving lunatic. There are so many cool things that any boy that has ever turned a cardboard box into a Mach 8 vehicle or an underground drilling assault vehicle, or some permutation of those badass Drop vehicles from ALIENS… it is here. The energy weapons and what they do is crazy cool. The SHARKS (underwater vehicles) are also crazy cool. There’s a lot of that sort of thing in the film. This is the antidote for people going through gadget needs after the relaunch of JAMES BOND. Here, there’s so much coolness – that if you’re a tech-fetishist – you’re likely to smile really big. They do delve into the whole SNAKE EYES and STORM SHADOW origin – via their childhoods training to be the men they become. Watching those kids beat the tar out of each other was pretty damn awesome – and had the least obvious CG – and just looked cool! I’m not a particular fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt here – mainly due to how Snidely Whiplash he is in the final act, but I do like Christopher Eccleston, and yes – he gets what you want to him to look like, but not till the very end. There’s tons of cameos here. Lots of former Sommers performers. The only one really missing was Rachel Weisz. Dennis Quaid is a grit and smile General Hawk. Arnold Vosloo as the awesome Zartan is used sparingly, but I’m betting he plays more in the future of this series. You know that Paris, accelerator suit stuff you’ve seen in trailers? Well, you’ve seen Slow Motion stuff. When the Accelerator suits are going in real time… oh my god, they’re so crazy fun. The way stuff goes boom, the wanton destruction, the cars that go flying… It really makes you want one. The motion is almost impossible not to giggle at – and by the end of the destructive run – I was laughing like a kid. It was so fun. It was very much just a chase scene, but unlike any that I’ve seen. It was just crazy to watch. I can’t imagine how much loss of life is going on in this chase. All I know is it was so bad, that France has banned the JOES involved from setting foot on French soil. But Man, what a way to get banned, that’d be so much fun. This isn’t an exact translation, but there feels like more of the spirit at play, than there was in the TRANSFORMERS movies. GI JOE doesn’t take itself deathly seriously. These guys are gung ho for stopping the bad guys, the bad guys want to blow shit up and kill people – and they do it in crazy future tech ways. Though the scariest thing that I’ve ever seen is the concept of Mr Dark as U.S. President! Really? They elected Peron as President of the United States? Jesus that’s scary. I was really stunned watching the film. If you’re not at least feeling this movie working after the first action sequence – there’s probably little hope for you, but to me – getting to tour JOE HQ, getting to try out new JOE tech, a crazy awesome trial run in Paris that goes huge big, then Pre-Cobra Command assault. The last act follows action in multiple locales, but while it does require that you pay attention, I really enjoyed it. But ya know what? It IS a G.I. JOE movie and it was pretty damn cool! What makes it cool is that these are still men and women operating amazing technology that WE created ( moderately fictitiously) and that isn’t GIVEN by Aliens, Future Beings, etc. That’s what makes it cool, that and the notion that we work with a Global coalition of cool folks that are capable of crazy awesome with this stuff. That was the dream of the G.I.JOE relaunch. Now that a lot of “HISTORY” is out of the way – hopefully the films will be unencumbered by explaining the history and we can just have JOES and COBRAS beating the boogery snot out of one another. Of the BIG live action SUMMER films – this is one that you should have quite a bit of fun with. But now I’m really curious how hardcore JOE geeks react – along with noobs. I do know that my Commie Liberal sister (if you think I’m liberal, you really have no idea how conservative I am by comparison) – she went in wanting to hate it as Militaristic Propaganda to program our youth to “Go JOE” – but instead she came out loving how science fiction it was. How it really departs from the here and now. This is a pretty wild ride through a kinda hopeful not too distant future. More science fiction than military or war. Here's hoping we get to see S.H.I.E.L.D. vs A.I.M.!!!
Readers Talkback
comments powered by Disqus-
+ Expand All
-
Maybe
-
First?!
-
Sommers makes nothing but crap.
-
...stop comparing movies with Transformers?
-
yup.
-
July 20, 2009, 7:45 p.m. CST
Harry did you ever read the G.I Joe book that had no words?
by toadkillerdog
It was awesome. Just pure artistic narrative. Really showcasing the power of an artist. I am not a Joe fan, but I do own that issue.
-
after everything we've heard about the early screenings, could it really be possible this isn't a gigantic sinking failboat of a film?
-
The movie will be utter shit, end of story. I imagine 30% tops on RT. Harry's just sucking more corporate cock so he can get some fancy quote on a poster or a dvd cover and put a few more twinkies in his fat, gay stomache
-
Neither Tatum nor Wayons were in GENERATION KILL. I did not follow your reference there. What did you mean?
-
to say FIRST in the Subject line! (For the FIRST time!)
-
And he "kinda" liked Harry Potter? This site gives me a headache.
-
Channing Tatum wasn't in that miniseries. You might be thinking of Alexander Skarsgard (from True Blood and almost Thor).
-
Well is it?!
-
Harry is a shill
-
If that is where they went with the film . . . this will be weird. <br> <br> Also, I cannot in a million years imagine that I will ever intentionally watch this film unless it's the only thing playing on an airplane or if I get holed up with swine flu for a week.
-
But Harry likes it so that worries me. Was I high or did Harry say he liked Jar Jar? Jesus Christ.
-
HARRY POTTER's latest adventure is a vastly better film, but nowhere near as FUN as this movie.
-
STOP GIVING MICHAEL BAY MONEY!
-
He hasn't been in any other movies this year.
-
Ugh what a shitpile. But I think G.I. Joe looks fun. I liked the new clip where Snake Eyes and the accelerator Joes destroy Paris.
-
JGL is really building up a decent career in smaller indy films. Brick, that bank movie with Ozymandias that's name escapes me, and (500) Days of Summer which might be the best thing I've seen all year. I really am curious just why the fuck he's playing this role and how bad they've butchered it.
-
yeah. Luckily there's nothing that approaches JAR JAR in this film for the rest of ya though. Marlon has one liners, but they're no less silly than the Ripcord lines from the show - honestly it felt right.
-
Do we see Snake eyes scarred deformed face???
-
I felt it was pretty MEH.
-
he's a bit bugnuts in this.
-
we see other scarred faces.
-
let's hope it's as awesome as harry says.
-
Tumbling through a subway? Did it look motarded on big screen?
-
Seeing Snake-Eyes on the big screen is worth the price of admisson. I agree Harry the cartoons were not good, But Larry Hama's comics were the bee's knee's.
-
Enough said. Those are probably two of the worst creative decisions of my lifetime by any filmmakers that I can recall. Those robot twins in Transformers were also pretty awful, but how they're so offensive that Harry rips the movie a new asshole and yet Van Helsing and Jar Jar (Who is just as racist as the twins) get a pass??!! This movie is horseshit.
-
How were the grown up fights between him and Storm Shadow? And does he talk?
-
Enough said. Those are probably two of the worst creative decisions of my lifetime by any filmmakers that I can recall. Those robot twins in Transformers were also pretty awful, but how they're so offensive that Harry rips the movie a new asshole and yet Van Helsing and Jar Jar (Who is just as racist as the twins) get a pass??!! This movie is horseshit.
-
Nothing like a nice surprise in a summer of utter shite!
-
A Guide to Recognizing your Saints. He was not in Generation Kill though, Harry
-
..and knowing is half the battle... Seriously, I thought this movie would suck, who knew!
-
July 20, 2009, 8:07 p.m. CST
Harry, thank you for your outstanding Public Enemies review.
by Traumnovelle
"Meh" in a reply on a Talkback for GI Joe. "Meh" is not a review. Public Enemies may not be a perfect film, but it's better than anything else out right now (at least in widespread release). I understand that Michael Mann may not contact you directly by phone to invite you to dinners at his house, but I think the guy has earned the right to have his movies at least REVIEWED on this 'movie review' site. If the movie left you feeling a bit underwhelmed, write a review of it explaining why. Actually, as of typing this now, it's kind of suspect as to whether or not you actually SAW it.
-
I think this is the summer of The Hangover and District 9. Will see GI Joe, but I'll have to get very stoned 1st.
-
July 20, 2009, 8:08 p.m. CST
The director has Harry's phone number? positive review?? SHOCK
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
2 words - EDIT BUTTON
-
July 20, 2009, 8:08 p.m. CST
The director has Harry's phone number? positive review?? SHOCK
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
2 words - EDIT BUTTON
-
....getting excited about this. It just seems unnecessary; I don't recall a single person really wanting a GI Joe film - but if Harry's even 10% right, this may be a guilty pleasure.
-
Come Thursday you'll care even less.<p>AVATAR - Nothing Else Matters<P>Foreplaying Your Eyeballs in T - 3 Days (In preparation for full penetration in December)<p>Lube up and enjoy the fun!
-
July 20, 2009, 8:10 p.m. CST
Harry remember that cred you got for the TF2 review
by Miyamoto_Musashi
Your TF2 review was on the mark, and you recived some credibility following on from that, but think you have just lost it.
-
I think Id rather just pay some random hooker with a dick off the street to rape me in the eyes.
-
This is how Harry justifies liking every peice of shit Hollywood puts out.
-
"Yo", not "Go".
-
July 20, 2009, 8:15 p.m. CST
Pleeeeeease...don't forget BIG LOB for the sequel!!!!!!!!!!!
by GibsonUSA Returns
I cannot stress this enough! <BR><BR> Big Lob makes his move!
-
The Daily Mail had a review of Antichrist by a guy who had not actually seen it ..... must be the way to go!
-
you're argument is invalid.
-
...you say you like Van Helsing and Jar Jar Binks?
-
July 20, 2009, 8:18 p.m. CST
Harry..you didnt tell us how you saw this..
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
This is a pretty early review..so how'd you see it? I noticed you didnt write any swan stories about taking dad to the old theater in Austin..so Just kind of curious which room in Sommers house you watched this in with him.
-
Does this new one hope to compete?
-
Yes, yes it does, you know I'm right, and Harold does, too.
-
July 20, 2009, 8:23 p.m. CST
This review was written by Harry who admits he likes Jar Jar
by toadkillerdog
Do you really think the movie will be any good?
-
And PUBLIC ENEMIES is MEH but Jar Jar and VAN HELSING are good, too? My head is about to explode like one of those fembots from Austin Powers.
-
July 20, 2009, 8:24 p.m. CST
BIG LOB saved the entire G.I. Joe team in the '87 movie...
by GibsonUSA Returns
He cut cross court and sidestepped the opponents! <BR><BR> Don't forget Big Lob in GI Joe 2.
-
This is my G.I. JOE Review/Breakdown. SPOILER HEAVY! SPOILER HEAVY! SPOILER HEAVY! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! This movie isn't as bad as you thought it will be. No, it's actually a lot worse. Read on. Okay, here is the main thing you need to know about "G.I. JOE." If you are, or ever have been, a fan of the cartoon, the comics, or the toys, which all basically tie together, then this live-action version will ruin any fond memory that you have of that history. I repeat, it WILL RUIN ANY FOND MEMORY!!!! And I mean FOREVER! You will see and hear things that you can't un-see or un-hear. You will be scarred!! This movie is so dumb, far-fetched, asinine, horribly acted, with unbelievably bad CGI. I couldn't believe how much money that they spent on that piece of sh-t! And with all of that money, it STILL looks like crap!! It starts out in 1641 in France, where a guy that is supposed to be Scottish, although he sounds like nothing even close, is forced to wear a mask while it's still hot. Then it jumps to modern day after subtitling "In the not too distant future." Yeah, only 500 plus years...I don't know what they consider far if that is "not too distant." We meet James McCullen (Destro) and he sells weapons. He sells some glorified rockets with green stuff inside to NATO and it's guarded by Duke and Ripcord and a bunch of other nobodies that are about to get blown up. While traveling, they're ambushed and everyone dies except, you guessed it, Duke and Ripcord. Well, The Baroness is the the one ambushing and apparently had a life with Duke previously. So despite being an enemy that just killed ALL of your men and is kicking you in the face while stealing the most dangerous weapon on the planet, Duke can't somehow shoot her. Instead he just keeps saying "Anna? Anna? Anna!" while running after her. Genius. To the rescue is Heavy Duty and along is Scarlett and Snake Eyes. Heavy Duty actually STOPS firing at The Baroness and says "Don't make me shoot a lady." This makes so much sense. It's only a highly classified and dangerous weapon, but since it's being stolen by a woman, he can't find it in his dedication to shoot. Brilliant. She, of course, escapes but, without the goods. (The weapons, not her breasts. Btw, those are her only saving grace and while they are really quite nice, her cleavage is not nearly enough to save this film. Great tits though Sienna!) Dennis Quaid (a very good actor but, his soul is absent from this performance) appears via a hologram and talks about Duke and Ripcord coming to Joe HQ. They and the rest go to Egypt, under the sand, and see all of the cheesy looking Green Screen, I mean, training facilities and base from which the Joes operate. They are hundreds of people walking around and doing stuff in the background (Remember this for later). Apparently, the New World Order is in place because instead of "America's highly trained Special Missions Force," we're told that 10 nations gathered together and sent their best and they all share the Intel. McCullen appears via hologram now, (I guess phones are obsolete) and makes a crack about Duke not doing his job. Duke flinches like he's going to hit him but, is held back by Ripcord. From what??? HITTING A HOLOGRAM?!?!? Dumb!!! Duke wants into the Joe program but, is refused. So he spills the beans that he knows everything about Anna, er, The Baroness to become a "provisional recruit." All of this appears as a flashback, which btw, this movie is peppered with so many stupid flashbacks, it gets incredibly old after the first, and there's a LOT more than one. Her name was Anna Lewis and Duke asked her to marry him and she asked him to promise to protect her "egg-head brother." This being Rex Lewis, the kid from 3rd Rock, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, now all growns up. Ripcord comes up during this flashback, and makes a racist comment. "Oh, you 2 look like the little white couple on the cake!" Why does race have to be entered into it? It's obvious that they're white. Now, can you imagine if the roles were reversed? "Wow, Ripcord! I'm so happy for you! You 2 look like the little black couple on the cake!" Puh-lease. The NAACP would boycott this film so F'n fast. But, I digress... Well, Rex gets his ass blown to smithereens (during another flashback) and Duke gets a scar and some regret. Duke goes to Rex's funeral, sort of, as he rides in on his motorcycle, in the pouring rain, WHILE WEARING SUNGLASSES!! He takes them off for a couple seconds, never leaving his bike, and then puts them back on, IN THE POURING F'N RAIN MIND YOU, and then rides off. Unbelievable. At the Pit, Duke and Ripcord are tested with everything the Joes have at their disposal. Ripcord starts to hit on Scarlett because they apparently don't have her in a relationship with Snake Eyes, like she is in other incarnations. Brendan Fraser makes a 5 second cameo here, I think as Gung-Ho. He's in and out so fast, I don't even think they referred to him by name. Maybe he quit during filming because he saw it for what it is. Duke is lauded as really good because he tackled Snake Eyes after getting his ass beat repeatedly by Snake Eyes the last few rounds. He beats him silly and just tackles Snake Eyes and all of a sudden he's great? Apparently so, because they've "never seen Snake Eyes take a hit." He tackled him from behind after the match was over!!! Some weirdo, with a bad voice that sounds like a kid trying to sound like an adult over the phone, named The Doctor appears and if you haven't figured it out yet, with all of the rumors, the toy packaging, etc., it's Cobra Commander. And yes, it's Rex, back from the grave and out for revenge. Yawn. He created the nanomite technology and has injected into his soldiers that he will control with a keyboard. Zartan makes his appearance around this time and isn't master of disguise, just a guy that will trade clothes with you after he kills you. Oh, and he doesn't have more than like 3 lines. He just whistles a lot. Horrible. The Baroness and Storm Shadow (with his perfectly coiffed hair and white suits, he looks like a gay fashion model) break into the Pit with Zartan's help and steal the rocket weapons with the green slime. Somehow, there's only like 2 guards on duty and they're dead before you can blink. I thought these were the best of the best??? During the battle, Duke, again, has the opportunity to shoot The Baroness, for what seems like an eternity and decides to disobey his orders/training/honor by not following through. Um, Duke, do ya think you might want to shoot her considering that she's going to kill a ton of people?!? Nah. Of course not. Oh and while all of this is going on, there only seems to be like 6 or 7 G.I. Joes fighting them. What happened to the HUNDREDS that were around earlier?!? This was no short fight mind you, it goes for a good long while. So where is everyone?!? Afterward, they somehow decipher that McCullen is in on it by guessing and then everyone agreeing. No proof, mind you, just a hunch and a simple agreement between the group. Okay. Later, The Doctor injects Zartan with needles so he can change his appearance. So again, not a master of disguise, he needs chemicals to change his look. It's so obvious what they're planning when they do this...it's interspliced with shots of the U.S. Prez, so figure it out. Somewhere in here (I think, it's all over the place with these damn flashbacks) Snake Eyes has his flashback, showing him as starving boy in Tokyo and sneaks into a house to eat. 10 year old Storm Shadow catches him and they fight like crazy. Storm Shadows master comes in, speaking perfect English and says to him "Storm Shadow (yeah, he calls him this at 10), we have guest, where are your manners? English please." "But he's a thief!" responds the young Storm Shadow. "No, he's just hungry. Let's invite him in and teach him. Now, what shall we call you?" Painfully dumb to watch!!!! Duke and Ripcord go on the mission with the Joes and are given the infamous "accelerator suits" because, ya know, they're so experienced with them and have been trained for so long. (Roll eyes here) They arrive in Paris to go after The Baroness and Storm Shadow, so Duke and Ripcord put on the Matrix, I'm sorry, accelerator suits. The Eiffel Tower gets destroyed, which, in all seriousness, was the only truly cool part of this crappy movie. The lame, cartoonish looking slime (nanomites) is just that, lame and cartoonish looking but, the Tower falling looks pretty real. The ONLY CGI that looked believable. And I'm thinking that they might've used a model. Duke gets captured by the bad guys and the other Joes get captured by.....wait for it....the French police. Seriously. The most bad ass special forces agents on the friggin' planet can't escape from the stinky French cops?!?!? This is just sad now. While they have Duke, Storm Shadow has a flashback where he kills his master while still a kid because he is envious of kid Snake Eyes and runs away. They get released by promising to never return to France again and figure out where McCullen is hiding and it's in the North Pole. The Baroness arrives there with Storm Shadow and Duke. The Baroness somehow is still showing off her cleavage in sub-zero temperature. (They still look great honey but, it's supposed to be cold out.) McCullen's base is under the icy water where you've no doubt seen the footage of those fake looking subs, etc. They look really fake on the big screen. Snake Eyes, Scarlett and Ripcord go to the North Pole to rescue Duke and get the other weapons back. The other no name Joes are sent underwater to fight the fake looking subs with their own fake looking subs. The Doctor is going to turn Duke into a nanomite slave and reveals himself to be Rex and that he has his own sister, Anna, now The Baroness, under his control. Btw, when takes off his mask, he doesn't look scary, just sickly. Meanwhile, Anna is having her flashback images of her and Duke's life together and breaks free of the control from The Doctor (which she was unaware of) and frees Duke but, is knocked out by Rex. McCullen comes in and asks Duke to choose what he wants more, to stop them or to save Anna. Duke tries both and something explodes and McCullen gets his face burned to a crisp. The other Joes try to stop the missiles with the warheads from being launched but, to no avail. Missiles take off, Snake Eyes shoots one down. Ripcord decides to jump in a plane that he's never flown before and gets a kiss from Scarlett, who has now come around to his flirtation. He can't fire the controls because they're voice activated and won't respond in English. Scarlett says to try Celtic, which Ripcord has never heard of, (You've never heard of the Celtic language?!? Are you retarded?? Oh yeah, it's Marlon Wayans) and tells him the translation for "Fire." He saves Moscow, the last one is going for Washington D.C. The U.S. Prez has been evacuated to a secret bunker and is locked inside. A secret service guy blows away his counterparts because he's under The Doctor's control. A door opens and out comes Zartan but, you don't see him and have to assume that he looks just like the Prez. They couldn't have Jonathan Pryce do a split screen or something?!? C'mon! The Prez says "So, that's your plan!" Yeah, pretty lame. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow fight it out and the latter gets cut up and then stabbed and falls into the water. He and Scarlett escape as the whole place blows. The Doctor has taken McCullen to his own special sub and takes off with Duke and Anna (who is not under the spell thanks to Duke) in tow behind them. The Doctor injects something into McCullen and proclaims that he will now be called Destro, as the nanomites make his face hard metal. He then puts on his own mask, another one, and tells Destro that he can call him Commander. Ugh. Duke catches up and now is face to face, underwater, with Cobra Commander. Duke says he'll take him in. "You and what army??" asks Cobra Commander. Really, he says that. The rest of the Joes pop up behind Duke and he says "This one." Ripcord destroys the last missile and parachutes onto the LAWN OF THE WHITE HOUSE where he is somehow treated with kid gloves because he says "Same team! Same team!" Last shot is Destro and C.C. in a special prison. Anna is also in a cell but, can get conjugal visits from Duke, while they work on removing the nanomites from her body. Then we see the Prez being welcomed back and he puts his feet on the desk and starts whistling, because it's really Zartan. THE END. This movie was so damn awful, it was hard to even write this, as I had to relive it. I would flog Stephen Sommers and the writers if given the opportunity. This movie was so bad, I thought it was almost over and I looked at my watch and it had only been an hour!!! I literally said out loud, "God, please, let this movie end!" It was that painful! It has very little connection to anything that you will remember from your childhood. What it is, is a slap in the face and a complete aberration to what I would consider G.I. Joe. I actually regret seeing this movie and only wrote this to stave off the disappointment you will also feel as a result. These bastards are planning a trilogy for this story. Please DO NOT SEE THIS FILM! If it does well, it will only embolden them to make that happen. If it fails miserably, maybe a reboot can happen in 5 plus years. What a total failure of a movie. Say NO to G.I. JOE. Blood Red
-
July 20, 2009, 8:27 p.m. CST
How can you not enjoy the cartoon when it included BIG LOB??
by GibsonUSA Returns
He shoots! He scores! <BR><BR> Big Lob cannot be stopped, and never has been.
-
I'm sure he's already creating another CreepyThinMan psuedonym screenname on a different proxy server. <br> <br> If G.I. Joe DIDN'T have Marlon Wayans in it, I'd be MUCH more inclined to see it in the theatres. "Marlon Wayans is Jar Jar come to life" is a PERFECT analogy. Heh heh.
-
Makes your stuff easier to read.
-
I didn't realize it was GI Joe until it said GI Joe. I never watched it as a kid but I almost want to see the movie because of Mr. Eko.
-
July 20, 2009, 8:32 p.m. CST
There should be a character (letter) limit on reader talkback
by effector12
-
I did but, it came out like this....I'll give it another go.
-
In fact, i may have almost completely lost it. I mean, i used to respect this guys reviews... as i pretty much always agreed with them to the bone. But... he trashed Transformers 2, needless imo, because he graded it harshly on little crap that EVERY movie has. T2 was friggin fun, 2.5 hrs of non stop ridiculous badass giant robot fun. And then this!? Saying he loved G.I. Joe? Harry...wtf? Every time that trailer has come on in a theater before another movie i went to see, the ENTIRE audience literally laughed out loud through almost the whole thing. No one is taking it seriously. And yet you loved it. WTf man... shame on you.
-
Seriously? you liked Jar Jar? I shoulda stopped reading right then. Jesus fuck, Harry...
-
Yeah - cuz my phone number is oh so hard to find. And McG having my phone number helped him wonders didn't it? And Michael Bay has my phone number - did him wonders too. Oh fuck, that runs counter to your belief system. Sorry
-
July 20, 2009, 8:35 p.m. CST
Finding VEN HELSING even remotely entertaining is unacceptable
by YackBacker
Sorry, Harry- that was one of the worst movies of all-time. But this was a good review. I'll be seeing this despite my brain.
-
let's see here: harry hated the transformers movies. they turned out to be THE defenition of good 'ol fashioned popcorn movie fun. harry loves the g.i. joe. which means one thing: this movie is going to SUCK MAJOR DONKEY SCROTUM!
-
to make these crazy fucking weapons. Why not keep the dough and retire to Cobra Island with a bunch of super models? The entire motivation for Cobra always seemed idiotic to me. Take over the world? Lame! Running the world is a fucking headache. I'd rather take over a yacht full of bikini-clad babes.
-
..can I please have an answer as to why Public Enemies wasn't reviewed? I don't think that's too much to ask.
-
Yes, I loved JAR JAR - because originally - Jar Jar was going to be sacrifice himself so the twins would live in the end of the third film. At least that was the arc for the character that sources in Lucasfilm told me (same sources that leaked script and showed me the 2nd one so early) - but then George decided to cut back on Jar Jar - his tragedy became his vote in the senate that helped bring the Emperor to supreme power. I feel some of his worst moments should have been trimmed back, but I loved that the Gungans were named after Gunga Din - and Jar jar was a bit Sam Jaffe - but more 3 Stooges.
-
July 20, 2009, 8:40 p.m. CST
James Bond would just go in there and play poker with
by lockesbrokenleg
Destro
-
Thanks for giving the entire play-by-play, now I don't have to see it! Also, did that voicemail from Sommers end with a death threat? You might as well have written another four paragraphs about the size of his dick.
-
because I just felt "meh" about it. I was on embargo - and when it was lifted, I just didn't feel a review in me beyond... "Meh". I was REALLY BUMMED. I'd been looking forward to that film since Mann first announced it.
-
That's about the only thing I like about the trailer. Then again, I didn't care for my Joes being shrunk from 12" to 3 ". sigh.
-
You don't need billions to get babes and a yacht. But when you have billions, babes and yachts are just simple playthings. Billionaires with a Napoleon complex and a skin condition, need something else to chuff their woogies! World domination baby!
-
This review sounds like it was written by a platinum blonde from Orange County.
-
well, it isn't a film that takes itself seriously, so why should the audience. It's meant to laugh and have fun with.
-
Harry's review was a perfect way of describing it. Roger Ebert was right too. I'm glad I didn't have to pay to see it. Spielberg is the one who has lost his credibility with Indy 4 and this Transformers shit (I never liked Michael Bay)
-
I've barely touched on what happens in the film.
-
If they had to fight the bad guys with guns and cool vehicles but no 'accelorator suits', would it still be a fun movie? Would it still make sense?
-
Was supposed to be on a script that did not make it to the screen. He was what he was - on the screen. An ebonic spewing, effront and slap in the face by Lucas.
-
an action packed masterpiece of modern cinema. While TF2 will win Razzie awards and is the worst summer blockbusters ever made.<P>Bay makes Sommers look like Spielberg.<P> Anybody who tries to apologize or defend that horrible movie should be banned from movie sites. Your opinion about movies is worthless.
-
Michael Jackson proves you're correct. Dammit! Anyway, having read BloodRedthe1st's lengthy review, I may actually sit this one out. I loved the show and toys when I was a kid but I'm really running out of patience for bad movies. I don't have it in me to equivocate my true feelings about garbage.
-
I think I'll believe blood red over harry. Doesn't seem like blood red's got his dick in Sommers ass.
-
best film out right now? Not close by my estimation. UP, STAR TREK, DRAG ME TO HELL, latest HARRY POTTER, BROTHERS BLOOM, 500 DAYS OF SUMMER are all much better films. It wanted to be a great film, came up boring instead.
-
I just really feel that if you were letdown by a movie you'd been anticipating, you'd write a review to explain that. I loved the movie, but wouldn't you at least feel that if the movie was so underwhelming, you'd want to write a review to tell the readers of your site? To warn them that, "hey, you may have been anticipating this movie, but you might want to reconsider, and here's why." Isn't that kind of your job? Every movie can't be a steaming pile of shit, or a glorious ray of light from heaven. No doubt, a middle-of-the-road flick is MUCH harder to discuss than either of those polar extremes, but again, isn't that your job? I'd genuinely like to read what let you down about that movie. Shit, the movie deserves a discussion for the cabin shoot-out alone.
-
I don't buy it. All the trailers looked terrible, and the movie looked cheap, like a made for cable TV flick. <p> Not gonna waste my money on this turd.
-
Think we could fit "cool" and "fun" in there just a few more times? Because you're not QUITE to the total overdose point yet...
-
He doesn't apologize to anyone for liking what he likes. You gotta respect that at least.
-
I didn't read your review cause i don't wanna get spoiled, but i appreciate your humongous effort, and will read it after seeing the film. Anyway, I'm a G.I Joe fan, i saw the cartoon, read the comic books, had my g.i joes gangbanging my scarlett g.i joe, i burned them with fireworks, threw them off buildings attached to some flying contraptions that i would invent, and melted them. I also stole them from shops by opening the packages and putting the toys down my shirt. So yeah, i'm a fucking fan. Harry likes this movie, but he likes jar jar. He likes jar jar. He likes jar jar. He likes jar jar.
-
Glad this is getting some positive word of mouth.
-
Saying how he sucked then comparing him to Jar Jar and then saying you liked Jar Jar and then writing a horribly long review about a horrid film and expecting us to believe that its not a bad film or even read the review is an impossible task.
-
I liked what I saw from the trailers and sure enough it looks to be exactly what I wanted - dumb fun with a ton of action, plus leather-clad boobies.
-
I saw Van Helsing based on your review and enjoyed it. It was retarded, it was stupid, it was cheesy, but it was FUN. And everyone I know disagrees with me.
-
Which is what the cartoon was, no harm no foul. GI Joe should be fun, if anyone wants a grittier, more realistic GI Joe, go watch Blackhawk Down. This movie sounds very much NOT for me, but at the least it doesn't sound like the total idiotic waste of space other summer blockbusters are.
-
yeah - Blood Red doesn't sound like someone with an agenda. Apparently he has never seen someone on a motorcycle with sunglasses on during the rain. Hell, I've seen people wearing sunglasses while swimming, and while riding in the rain. - God forbid a character have a pre-existing relationship with a woman - that he proposed to, was responsible for her brothers death in some small way - then after having not seen her in 4 years - she opens up a can of whupass the likes of which he's never seen - and yeah, he hesitates. He hesitates, just as she hesitates. THEY WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED. There's a lot between them. But if you've never had a relationship, I guess bustin a cap in a bitch's ass seems easy.
-
Don't you remember the hilarious advices from the GI JOE cartoons? Like 'never hide in a fridge'... That would never work as a 'serious' movie.
-
This contains a spoiler of sorts, so don't look if you don't want to see it... <p> <p> <p> I read the prequel book and saw a spoiler that Baroness is Duke's old girlfriend, and Cobra Commander is her brother. In the book, he is thought dead after getting caught in a missle strike. A missle strike that was launched prematurely due to Gung Ho overriding Duke's orders. So Cobra is all Gung Ho's fault.<p> <p> <p> <p> I just thought that was kind of funny.
-
I'll just browse the web when that clown's onscreen.
-
...from this summer (and as far as movies go, it's pretty much over), what would it be? UP? That'd be mine. <p> Easily, though, one of the worst. movie. summers. EVER.
-
I'm sorry that this movie is unbelievably bad. I had to warn as many as I possibly could. This is what it is and I'm not going to shy away from letting people know what they're in for, not when it's complete trash. If this had been awesome, I would have made a short comment saying "it's bad ass and you should check it out." Sadly, that is nowhere near the case. This summer was awful and we have to look forward to next year. Although, I still think "District 9" is going to be pretty good.
-
Joe is gonna be the biggest flop of the summer.
-
Retarded people would be offended by that comment — not because of the word 'retarded' — because Van Helsing was a steaming pile of shit and was no fun in any way, shape or form.
-
Who would you like to see brought to the screen in the next film? I am dying to see Firefly & Gung Ho, and the Tomax/Xamot twins.
-
Hey Harry, the only "agenda" that I have is to warn people of trash and for them to not waste their hard earned money. It's a shame that you can't say the same. God forbid that the writers, producers and the director actually stick close to the source material and not invent "pre-existing relationships" for characters just to have a romance angle. I love how you decide to slight me at "never having a relationship." When one's argument becomes personal, that is when you have lost the ability to debate and your credibility is gone.
-
July 20, 2009, 9:03 p.m. CST
40th Anniversary of lunar landing on Discovery channel
by toadkillerdog
Harry, or someone, start up the Moon landing TB again
-
Good call way back when with Drag Me To Hell. Best horror film I have seen in the theaters in probably 10 years.
-
Let's have phone sex.
-
really....
-
I just refuse to believe that. Everyone around me was clapping and laughing. Even my friend who never saw the cartoon enjoyed it.
-
July 20, 2009, 9:12 p.m. CST
Harry, I fear the individual characters losing their weight
by jimbojones123
The great thing about the cartoon and toy series was the vastly different characters. I LOVE Shipwreck. Lifeline was also one of my favorites because he was the only Joe to NEVER use a gun. Each character has their own unique personality quirks and ways of handling situations. I fear that the "Super Suits" will make all the Joes simply all super soldiers. Please tell me this does not translate in the film and there is backlash for the accelerator suits. I really HATE the concept of making all the Joes identical. Oh, does Roadblock talk in mini poems and whatnot??? Thanks.
-
and I went in expecting it to be racist and the shittiest movie ever.
-
Roadblock's not in it, his "cousin" Heavy Duty is.
-
I called this apologia weeks ago. Harry, you're so fucking predictable.
-
I have spent years reading reviews from ADULTS (or critics that each one of us has personally chosen to trust), but good or bad they all have one thing in common - they don't OVERUSE THE SAME DESCRIPTIVE PHRASES OVER AND OVER AGAIN! Every time you use "crazy," "crazy cool" or some derivative of "crazy + 'something else'" I wanted to wash my eyes out with soap. When did your reviews become geared toward pre-teens?
-
...who gave you more money and / or perks: HD-DVD or the guys who put out this film? Just curious!
-
that we're taking it to, but if Duke is truly an elite, highly trained soldier, he blows Baroness away when he has the shot. That's what soldiers do, they kill- ex-girlfriend or not, she's a threat to the world.
-
July 20, 2009, 9:31 p.m. CST
Harry likes a film i hate so this film MUST be bad!!!!
by Six Demon Bag
i love that mentality..people need to understand that this review is just ONE opinion of a person who isnt you..it is not the be all, end all. <P>think for yourselves. <P>i must admit, i am starting to give in to the dark side..ive been reading my old books and watching the dvd strategically released to coincide with the film...hmm. probably will take the boy to it for hell's sake.
-
You responded to my opinion that Public Enemies is the best film out right now, and proceeded to make a list to show me just how wrong I am (ahh, LISTING...an internet favorite!). But what about my point that it's much harder to judge a movie that isn't great, but isn't terrible either? It's very hard to pinpoint exactly what you didn't like, ah? Is this why you didn't review it? And this has nothing to do with Public Enemies at this point. I liked it, you didn't, no big deal. But I'd just like to know why you feel a review is unnecessary for ANY film if it wasn't as good as you were expecting it to be? If a planned project is a property you currently enjoy, or will feature the work of a director or DP or actor you really like, isn't it inevitable that you will have high hopes? Then, isn't that exactly the job of a movie critic? Discussing what the movie IS, and not what you thought it was going to be? As a 9 to 5 office schlub, I am just kind of appalled that you refuse to do the job you are SO lucky to have, based on the fact that the movie let you down. Work is sometimes just that, work. It's not all rave gushings and scathing attacks on the director's nerd credentials. Sometimes you have to actually discuss why a movie works and why it doesn't.
-
PSAs placed throughout the film inbetween action scenes...and uh, <P><P>oh yeah! BIG LOB!!!!!
-
So, Destro gets scarred and thats why he wears a mask? Didn't the original Destro (from the tv show and comics) wear the mask as a sign of devotion to his clan? That's a much cooler reason for a mask than "Ooo, I'm hideous underneath!"
-
If you want Harry to review it, you gotta peer pressure him like the WOLVERINE movie, ha. It is pretty lame he skipped it, being that it's one of the higher profile movies with some ain't-it-cool people involved.
-
and ditch the cobra...
-
July 20, 2009, 9:36 p.m. CST
but there were other Public Enemies reviews on this site..
by Six Demon Bag
im not understanding..its not like the site completely ignored it. if he felt MEH about it..thats his review.
-
July 20, 2009, 9:36 p.m. CST
I hated Van Helsing when I first saw it.....
by IHaveSeenEveryEpisodeOfPrisonBreak
But I gave it another chance on cable and really enjoyed the stuipidity of it all.
-
I said it months ago, check talkback, and I'll say it again. GI JOE is bad. Not awful like say STREET FIGHTER THE LEGEND OF... what the fuck ever, but not good either.<br> <br> Yes, it has some nice scenes in it, and overall, I'm sure some people will be pleased walking out, but c'mon, is that all you need to have in a fucking movie to get praise nowadays? If it doesn't suck, then it's good? It seems as though so many films get passes if they are not as bad as you think they will be. Well, that doesn't make it GREAT either.<br> <br> And yes, Eccleston turns into Destro full on, but his mask/helmet is way to big for his head and makes him look kinda funny. Of course, in REALITY, a dude wearing a metal mask would look kinda stupid, but it could've been a WEE bit cooler than what I saw. And Levitt is a fantastic actor, which is why Knowles probably doesn't like him as much as R-Patz, but he is not good in this. He does what he can with Cobra Commander, but the make-up is dumb, the origin is dumb, and the end result as Harry noted, is not good. Not good at all.<br> <br> As a dude who grew up with the original GI JOE, I just can't think many of same kind of fans will have positive reactions to this film. Kids are gonna love it. Just like other stupid ass movies like TF2 and THE CLONE WARS. Shit's for kids now, not for people in their 30's and above. But I agree that looking for masterwork in a movie based on toys is disingenuous but one could still hope for kick ass costumes and action given how much source material there is. All of the Joes in this are carbon copies of each other. Even the Cobra main villains are not all that different. Everyone wears black except Storm Shadow. ooooo, evil.
-
I agree with your point, but it's useless to try and get Harry to talk about it. At this point, he's got enough money, hollywood friends, and "pwesents" that he doesn't give a shit what any talkbacker wants him to do, regardless of whether it's what the job calls for. Dollars to doughnuts you give this site to any one talkbacker for a month and it would run much more efficiently. I also happened to love Public Enemies, by the way.
-
Snakeeyes Break dance? thats all I want to know.
-
Do these guys even seem like soldiers? I mean, fucking Wayans falling out of a truck saying "My bad." Does that seem like a guy who would be in an organization that is tougher than DEVGRU and Delta Force? <p> Plus the clip of them in the accelerator suits when one tries to jump through the tree and the other one tries to jump over it, and Wayans says "I didn't know it could do that." I mean, WTF? Do they not train with their equipment. It would be like sending a SF soldier into battle and giving him a weapon he has never practiced with. "Fuck, I didn't know they had a grenade launcher attached to this." Smart fucking thinking. <p> Maybe it is good, but all evidence I have seen leads me to think otherwise.
-
i saw it and thought it was the best movie so far this year. i dont see much independant but ive seen watchmen, star trek, up, the hangover, transformers 2, and i think public enemies is definitely the best. maybe my favorite mann movie, cool gunfights, cool history of crime stuff, and depp as dillenger was so cool, a classic antihero, maybe my fav depp role. anyways, i wonder why harry hasn't reviewed that yet, if he liked land of the lost and gi joe he had to like that right? btw, i love will ferrel and danny mcbride, just saw eastbound and down and its awesome, but i wasn't a big fan of land of the lost, the humor felt too broad for me, but it had its moments.
-
wow from when i read the last talk back till i posted two people commented about public enemies as well. yeah...it was great.
-
The toys used to pride themselves in wearing and looking like the real army men of the day-non of this candy assed leather and flying saucer shit. I still dont understand why they made it so fantasy-oriented as opposed to marketing a more realistic military approach. Its like if Barbie dolls morphed into a line of butch dyke dolls. WTF?
-
yet there's more dick slobbering over van helsing. unreal!
-
So, 5 minutes in, Cobra steals "The MacGuffin" device" and shipwreck blows up an orphanage. This show kills me- here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/lafmlx
-
I'm just hoping it's nearly as fun as Harry says it is. I never read the comics, saw the goofy cartoon in the 80s, so I'm not expecting much. Except unlike a lot of folks (at least talkbackers), I'm not a Sommers-hater. I feel Deep Rising is his best film, and the first two Mummy flicks are disposable fun. Van Helsing wasn't very good (it was an odd film - Jackman and Beckinsale being so serious, and the main vampire being a stand-up comic performance) - so I'm hoping G.I. Joe gets back to being just fun again.
-
Harry, you need some new adjectives. You said "crazy" like 27 times in that review.
-
I couldn't have said it better. I am in total agreement. Aside from that, I knew somehow Harry would be able to justify his love for this movie. I'm not surprised. It's his thing. My opinion is that it's really too sugary for me. I like a little more nourishment from my movies. Most of the time. This time...not so much. There's nothing here that excites me. And the fact that ALL the accellerator suits look the same REALLY bugs me.
-
or at least mention of 'pork Chop Sandwiches'?
-
i didn't notice people and harry already commented on public enemies at the beginning. now my comment to that...meh? i dont know about that. to not think dillenger was the coolest in that movie is like...you dont get it. i should post my own review. the way it started you could just tell what it was about, this is how bad asses rolled back then, and dillenger was the coolest. the way he handled that beautiful french chick makes me envious. the tommy gun fights were awesome, not surprising after heat and miami vice. worth seeing it in a theater for that. i loved how the j edgar hoover scenes showed him for what a creep he was. new classic mann and depp i say. not to mention my main man bale holds it down solid in the background. best movie of the year. im looking forward to district 9, inglorious basterds, and avatar.
-
I almost fell asleep once, and I rarely do that. I was so bored I was counting the cars in the street scenes.
-
Don't you think you're being a bit hypocritical with Red? You defend yourself time and again against having an agenda when reviewing movies, yet you baselessly accuse Red of having an agenda. Other than informing others about what he feels is a really shitty movie, I see no agenda. You criticize him for being critical of the movie's logic (or lack thereof). Case in point: Duke allowing his personal history with "Anna" to interfere with his duties as a professional soldier. Personally, I would like to think that the soldiers we entrust with the sacred duty of protecting our nation would not hesitate to sacrifice an enemy who's intent on killing untold number of civilians--regardless of past romantic associations. Personally, I would view this as more than a conflict of interest; it borders on treasonous imo. Being a soldier is not some part-time job where your commitments and professionalism can take a backseat to your personal relationships; this are issues of life and death. Now, perhaps you can enjoy this movie's intellectual flaws by turning off your brain and reveling in the visceral pleasures, but apparently Red likes to be entertained without requiring a virtual lobotomy. I fail to see why you would be contemptuous of him for that.
-
... but my concern is Sommers' tendency towards overkill, as in the climax of Van Helsing.
-
at least for me it is. I've fuckin' watched that movie on a loop I love it so much. The Mummy is another kind of comfort film from my youth. The Mummy Returns not so much, but I do have a Mummy trilogy viewing planned. Van Helsing was 80% cool, 20% "hey, let's follow the script of the videogame". <P> I still love all of those movies just for existing. They're shlocky fun. I'm looking forward to seeing G.I. Joe, mainly because this Summer has sucked so much I'm willing to give anything without guinea pigs in it at least half a chance (and some matinee money).<P> The only thing that sucks about Deep Rising is the fuckin' poster. Treat Williams and Famke Janssen on a jet ski!!!! WTF? The movie has one of the coolest monsters of all time (at least the toothy, grabby tentacles) and that's all they could come up with?<P> OK, there are some international posters and a one-sheet that has Famke Janssen's face under water, but you still never really get a feel for what the movie is about. But that video cover poster stands out, because I worked at a video store when Deep Rising hit video and I always had it on my Employee Recommends display with movies like The Evil Dead, Carpenter's The Thing, Jurassic Park, etc. The covers for those videos let you know exactly what you were in for. <P> Deep Rising promised jet ski action.
-
Harry I have never seen you so desperate to get people to like a film as you were in this review and your defence of it in the talkbacks. This is just Godzilla all over again. Honestly, how can a movie like this get a free pass and something like T4 - a flawed but decent - gets ravaged for every little error it makes?
-
And its getting to the point where Id say 70% of the people here feel that way. Youve lost all cred. Your reviews suck, you like movies that are garbage. Everything about you is fake and a sham. Jesus Harry, you have no fucking soul. Christ, the little bit with you on the Hot Fuzz extras is pretty much spot on. Just go away and count your money. I'll take Capones reviews over yours any day of the week and twice on Thursdays. Plus, you can barely form a coherent sentence you illiterate gingerbread man...
-
I'm sold. Call me a loser but 99% of the time I go to see movies to have "fun" not review the damn thing. ...figured this movie was getting a bum rap and was way more entertaining than most thought.
-
for weeks. Remember the planty mcplant reviews? He's EXTREMELY transparent when he starts doing a wind-up.
-
Oh, look at all your different-colored hats!
-
because it was so damn "GOOD". It made me cry too. But most people cry when their brains and eyes get fucked simulataneously.
-
that you actually have to pay attention at one part? Well, fuck me...
-
July 20, 2009, 10:30 p.m. CST
I like fun movies with decent stories but I could care less
by lockesbrokenleg
for fun shit like any Fast and Furious, etc.
-
The only Sommers I enjoy going back to is Deep Rising. That said, this will be high on my must see DVD list. And seriously, why compare everything to Transformers?
-
There were only three things that annoyed me in that movie. <P> Matthew Broderick<P> Baby Godzilla Raptors<P> The Siskel & Ebert looking dudes<P> I still think we're overdue for another, better Godzilla movie where Godzilla looks like Godzilla but wreaks maximum destruction on whatever city he happens to visit. Make it interesting and steer clear of New York, L.A., and D.C.<P> Oh, and I don't have a problem with a fast Godzilla as long as he:<P> "Picks up a bus and throws it back down as he wades through the buildings toward the center of town"<P> Go Go Godzilla!
-
just sayin'
-
that the Japanese kaiju filmmakers had our Godzilla killed off in the next film by the real deal.
-
for how bad a movie isn't. What's scary is I try explaining to people why I think, nay why I know Transformers 2 sucked, and they respond with "but it had giant robots". <P> Humanity is fucked. Looking forward to 2012.
-
made by people who know how to not make him suck.
-
July 20, 2009, 10:43 p.m. CST
Funny thing is, Michael Mann doesnt care what Harry thinks
by axel fff
But apparently Sommers holds grudges. Fuckin' amateur. Just like Harry.
-
July 20, 2009, 10:45 p.m. CST
Harry, do they ditch those lame suits for the other set pices?
by Raymar
Please say yes!
-
there's nothing FUN about plain retarded and stupid.
-
How could you make a movie which has Dracula, Frankenstein and the wolfman and it still sucks. S.Sommers films are dogged by crappy CGI. Is this any better?
-
July 20, 2009, 10:55 p.m. CST
G.I. JOE jumped the shark when Hasbro shrunk his ass to 8"!
by Drunken Busboy
Does G.I. Joe have Kung Fu Grip in this movie? If he don't then it's not G.I. JOE!
-
I'll at least see this on Blu-Ray...probably...maybe. Still no way I'll go see it in a theater, though.
-
It seems like your writing is more concise, doesn't go off on as many weird tangents or have crude references to chocolate covered whatever. This was a huge review for a movie that to me looks like they just dumped in August, but my mind was made up to see it anyway. I guess the Mummy 3 was a huge August hit last year (everyone has seen everything else) and look forward to GI JOE. Latest Joe comics are pretty good and may take themselves more seriously than this movie but screw it, its GI Joe, I spent many an hour with those old toys. Also, on the Public Enemies tip, there's a scene toward the end where they make it appear that dillinger had a bigger hand in his fate than I think he actually did. I think they wanted to romanticize the character and make it seem like he was going out on his terms rather than just being caught. I wasn't a fan of that. Depp is also not very intimidating but his character had to be in several scenes. Basically, Public Enemies outcome was like the outcome of the assassination of Jesse James for me, another interpretation of history that has a guy who may have just been ungracefully shot turned into a grand design which may or may not have been the case just to make the characters more immortal and or appease some kind of hollywood ending that would otherwise just have been tragic. That's just my two cents.
-
would have been better actors in Public Enemies.
-
thats one mutherfuckin huge ditch he's digging..
-
....From your limited vocabulary? I'm not even sure you know what it means.
-
Really IMDB? WOW. I guess he has gotten that big that when he announces he is going to do something we should all take note.
-
What a beautifully descriptive review, Harry. It was so crazy cool. LAME.
-
Poop in his hand! Poop in his hand!
-
July 20, 2009, 11:10 p.m. CST
So, what movies did Harry give positive review for that sucked b
by Mahaloth
-
July 20, 2009, 11:10 p.m. CST
"...she came out loving how science fiction it was."
by thegreatwhatzit
Inspired copy, Harry, the same journalistic integrity that you applied to very positive reviews of TWILIGHT, GODZILLA (the remake) al. Sommers is a hack who yields to CGI because his screenwriting skills are juvenile (only enjoyed DEEP RISING; camouflaged as "monster movie" homage, it parasitically adhered to Sommers' panache for dumbing-down. VAN HELSING is the "dumbest", followed by MUMMY II, a digital coloring book with 3rd grade captions that function as dialogue). And, Harry, nobody is buying into your "liberal" facade; it's your lame imitation of Hollywood duckspeak (probably hoping politics will prompt an invitation to an L.A. party; ain't gonna unless Eli Roth officiates another "gala" at Arby's. Of course, Roth has nothing to celebrate so don't hold your breath).
-
It said "Harry reviews Public Enemies" and then when you click on it it just says "Meh". XD I didn't like it either and I thought it was going to be my favorite this year.
-
To bad this isn't in IMAX.
-
July 20, 2009, 11:11 p.m. CST
So, what movies did Harry give positive review for that sucked b
by Mahaloth
I'll start: Godzilla
-
Seriously, dragging out his GODZILLA review ten-plus years after the fact is pretty sad. If so many of you dislike Harry and his reviews (and question his integrity) maybe you should spend your valuable time elsewhere. I don't agree with half of Harry's reviews, but I give the guy credit for building this site and giving us a forum to talk movies/tv/etc. That being said, Harry, can we do away with this ScriptGirl nonsense, please? Do it for an old pal! :)
-
I don't even know what to say. I can't trust the review and my every instinct has taught me that Harry and I are bound to disagree on film adaptations like this, but the sadomasochist in me says I'll see it anyway.
-
Let me preface with something. About %98 of you TB's wouldn't know a plant here even is I let loose a bong cloud in your face. This is the 5th early review I seen so far. I'm thinking this film might be really cool. I was always wanting to check this film out since I first heard about it because I was an 80's kid with a whole lot of Joe toys. Let also face things. GI Joe is escapism... END OF FUCKING STORY!!!!! IT WAS ALWAYS HIGHLY UNREALISTIC!!! The comics were better but no where near as cool as The Sandman or the one and only BATMAN.<p>I'm going into a bit of Metaphor for a moment. If someone was ever going to make a movie around McDonald's, some section of AICN TBers would make some nasty hate bitching about part of Ronald McDonald being miscast and that the casting of Early Bird is some actress who tits are to big and has no acting chops. Despite the fact it would be a movie about shitty cheeseburgers. Why Am I ranting so hard? Because the condemnation for this film before the viewing of the end product has been thicker than I've ever seen in the TB's. And as usual the TB community is batting 1000 on epic fail in deciphering cool.... Please remind me the summer of 06 when DC and Marvel had flicks and only one was big enough to keep a franchise going, despite TB general opinion.<p> Also I agree with Harry on his review of Public Enemies. Meh!!! My hopes were high. I wanted something akin to Scorsese and got something less computationally sound than Collateral.
-
but the new Trailer actually looks like a better film than the first trailer led me to believe.<br /><br />And I LOVED Public Enemies. Anyone who thinks it's boring or "Meh" has been watching too much mindless fast paced summer schlock and has forgotten what an actual film with a story is like.
-
I meant compositional
-
Harry jumped on the bandwagon of the critics reviews of TF2 to gain to not look like a joke. No one buys the fact that your cinematic moral compass was set off because of Megan Fox's ass (I guess Jessica Alba stripping on the Brooklyn Bridge in Fantastic Four didn't set off any flags even though that was PG-13 as well). Suddenly this movie is ok? "Hot Hot Hot" are the women here apparently but oh well. You ran out of snark and bullshit outrage with the TF2 review and are the victims of low expectations for this movie which is the common theme I've read from all the reviews online.
-
Anybody got any info on District 9???
-
Attack of the Abominable snowman earned $400 million worldwide. <P> This feels like it could be the next Speed Racer...but since this summer has pretty much blown, it'll probably be a hit.
-
this movie looks like poop.
-
Was the most juvenile, rambling, disjointed piece of crap I've ever read. Like a 12-year-old with ADHD on a sugar rush bouncing off the furniture while incoherently describing some awesome experience that he doesn't have the vocabulary or eloquence to properly relate so, instead, starts making "boosh!" and "ga-wam!" sound effects while flinging himself against the walls like a fucking mental patient. Christ on a cracker, that was some inept pseudo-journalism.
-
Big Lob = Score.
-
And does anybody yell "Pork Chop Sandwhiches?!"
-
DarthSaul, just because something is "escapism" or based on a toy doesn't mean we can't demand quality. Sure it is based on an action figure, but once something is put on the big screen I demand that it meets the requirements I have for all movies - be fucking "good" - whether it is based on "Crime or Punishment" or based on "Little Red Riding Hood." This looks like it has a bad plot, bad characters, bad story and I won't be able to suspend disbelief. In short, it looks bad. <p>
-
About Public Enemies? I mean he mentions hating Catum Tanning in two movies this year, Fighting being one and then oops no mention of the second movie?
-
If you can get to through that and getting everything in one sitting than you got more aware than me. What I was trying to allude to is the directing sucked.*PE* Too many scenes of throwing shit on a wall to see what sticks. *PE spoiler* When Dillinger walked into the FBI Dillinger task force office and no one recognized him..... That was really stupid IMO.. Especially given the film ends with the FBI knowing so much about him and they didn't take him when he's at the police station? *PE* was alright but I was expecting brilliant, no plot holed, epic cinema and it let me down..... Joe and Transformers are escapism.... If I escape into it for 2 hours I'm happy.
-
Harry said it was Meh. Probably one of his better reviews.
-
You've had that animation of Nothing up for forever. Give us something on Splice.
-
July 20, 2009, 11:36 p.m. CST
Army? Navy?.......BIG LOB does it all and much more!!!!
by GibsonUSA Returns
Big Lob executes a perfect ten dive!
-
A comedy or an action film? I can't tell with those trailers. So that probably means it will flop, you know how America is. You can't give us ambiguity, we get scared and don't go.
-
"My house has many rooms in it."
-
July 20, 2009, 11:38 p.m. CST
Harry, when will Sommers allow BIG LOB to make his move????
by GibsonUSA Returns
Is the goal line in sight??
-
... is that they made Godzilla (one of the most vicious movie monsters ever) into a pussy... He went from being this violent force of nature into this clumsy asexual goofy giant raptor... It was more Jurassic Park than Godzilla... <p> Not to mention the horrible story, acting, script, casting, comedy, the design of Godzilla, and pretty much everything that had to do with the movie... Actually what was RIGHT about G'98 again???
-
10/10!! BRILLIANT!! FIST WORTHY!! yada yada, Paramount I expect the check to be in my mail box in TWO DAYS. No later, please.
-
Fucking everything. I love that movie. I don't care if it sucks. And Because of Godzilla I found out about Aint-it-cool-news, and haven't stopped coming back since.
-
July 20, 2009, 11:43 p.m. CST
Paramount needs to start the global search for BIG LOB.
by GibsonUSA Returns
Auditions will consist of how well they make thier move.
-
I just had to chime in along with the anti-VH sentiment, not because I really care about Sommers or his films, but because that one incensed me so much.<p>You've got Jackman as a gothic monster hunter and all kinds of great (on paper) monsters, which should be the easiest thing to nail. But you end up with a bunch of horrible CG, terrible monster designs, and those ludicrous weapon inventions by the stupid techie-monk character.<p>It could have been a tidy action-horror classic, an updated Hammer film. Instead it looks like some damned outdated video game with so little logic that it's just unwatchable.
-
I'm having popcorn.
-
At least to my knowledge... And thats the main reason I want to see it.<p> Also, it's Rated R and has no recognizable overrated 'A-listers' so automatically theres less chance for it to suck than most other movies...
-
What was there not to like?
-
It ain't released yet so how would you know for sure if it's crap or not. Plus like Harry says in the review about old Joe cartoons. To hype myself for the film I went to youtube to check out lots of the old episodes one weekend. That old cartoon stuff is pure shit.... I think some folks reverence is in playing with the toys may have clouded there mind to the quality of the intellectual property itself. GI Joe has an inherent "stupid" slant to it... Resolute was better but I still prefer the Animated Spawn series for a dark cartoon.... And as for the the Accelerator Suits. The Cartoon had the M.A.S.S. teleportation device, Energy reflecting mirrors, The Weather Dominator, The Brodcast Energy Transmiter, lots of bullshit technoledgy.... Thought the suits were kinda of like a modern take on the usual literary devices I was use to with GI Joe.
-
You're a professional. But the BIG LOB stuff is killing me. I admit, I'm cracking a smile right now over it, but just tell me you're drunk while you're posting this, please?
-
July 20, 2009, 11:52 p.m. CST
Harry, have you seen Orphan yet?
by castoutthiswickeddreamthathasseizedmyheart
How about posting my review?
-
July 20, 2009, 11:53 p.m. CST
So apparently G.I.JOE is crazy, cool, and or crazy cool!!!
by otm shank
Not exactly inspiring me into the theater.<p> Also, Van Helsing was "goofy retarded fun"......well one out of three ain't bad.<p>
-
SOOOO is Orphan really just a sequel to Joshua? Or is it a reboot/remake?
-
July 20, 2009, 11:54 p.m. CST
If undefeated BIG LOB is making his move in GI2...
by GibsonUSA Returns
Will it matter that I perhaps mentioned him a bit much here on this Talkback? With all those moves bringing joy from the screen? <BR><BR> Also... <BR><BR> Chuckles = Brock Lesnar <BR> (Brock Lesnar in a Hawaiian shirt beating up tanks. You would refuse that??)
-
That would be awesome!!!
-
I saw this movie when it came out in theaters. It was my birthday and by the time we got their I was pretty smashed. I ended up falling asleep, or maybe just blackout drunk and only remember the first 10 minutes. <P> Went back and watched it sober on VHS, and I gotta say....it was a lot better when I was passed out.
-
July 21, 2009, midnight CST
Brock Lesnar in a Hawaiian shirt riding atop a chopper...
by GibsonUSA Returns
...shooting at the other choppers. <BR><BR> You would actually refuse??
-
It's nothing like JOSHUA or THE BAD SEED or THE GOOD SON or THE OMEN other than that it's about a possibly evil kid. It was surprisingly really good. Weird that Vera Farmiga was in both movies, though.
-
Brock Lesnar for Chuckles... a side arm and his fists.. Would have to be a little smarmy. But that would par for the course for someone undercover.
-
If many other TB's can take up so much metaphorical byline, than why not BIG LOB?
-
that probably wont work in 09...
-
July 21, 2009, 12:08 a.m. CST
The push for BIG LOB...or the BIG LOBby....has begun!
by GibsonUSA Returns
Did you see the way Cobra tried to stop him at the end of the 1987 movie? Did you see Big Lob not be stopped?
-
And I realized that there hasn't been like 457 positive reviews about Funny People on this site already. So that probably means that it sucks and they don't won't word getting out and are hoping to make the money back (it looks like it only cost Sandler's and Rogan's paycheck and Johan Hills Golden Corral receipts) with a big opening weekend coasting off of the success of 40 year Old Virgin.
-
...and I got waaaaay less than I was expecting. It's one thing to have a BIG, DUMB, FUN movie, but T2 was BORING AS FUCK. You can throw all the explosions and CGI you want on the screen, that does not make it fun. I thought Public Enemies was definitly one of the best movies of the summer. That being said, the people that are saying that this movie will be shit, should wait to see it. I havn't seen it yet, and neither have a lot of people here. Actually, fuck all that. Why didn't Moon get a wide release? Sorry my a.d.d. is actin a fooltoday.
-
Does Peter Sarsgaard have sex with a bunch of dudes in the movie? He seems to do that in all of his movies, and in real life.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:11 a.m. CST
Brock Lesnar would have killed those tanks in Saving Private Rya
by GibsonUSA Returns
Mr. Ryan....you are SAFE!!
-
He even beat them in a Dreadnaught helicopter that I use to have the toy of when I was kid. BIG LOB!!!
-
After all, he sidesteps the opposition!
-
But that's just me. Feel free to like what you want.
-
Sure the movie isn't released yet and I don't really know if it is good or bad, BUT what I can judge is how this movie is being advertised and how it is trying to prime the audience for the movie, and what the track records are of the people involved. <P> No one enters a movie in a vacuum anymore and no one sees a movie without first learning something about it. The way this thing looks makes willing to make an educated guess that it will be a piece of shit. And that is something the studios and the filmmakers can be criticized for.
-
Where it ends with a gun cocking noise, its pretty fucking bad ass.
-
I cosign that opinion...
-
July 21, 2009, 12:23 a.m. CST
I have no clue why they chose Ripcord instead of BIG LOB....
by GibsonUSA Returns
The dude needs a f'n accelerator suit to make his so-called move. <BR><BR> Big Lob makes it in his high school basketball uniform. <BR><BR> Is it even close??
-
I thought this TB had a higher post count...
-
Wow, YES, there is a comic subplot in which Sarsgaard keeps getting foiled in his attempts to seduce the mailman, the pool boy, etc.
-
Hell you can even find scripts of films being shot on the internet sometimes. It's totally easy to make a good estimation of a flicks quality these days. But like I was saying before, and I'm sure some may concur, this flick is getting early reviews. TF2 didn't have any, Terminator Salvation didn't have any. GI Joe, as far as I can tell now has 5 with 4 sounding rather positive. That gives me some hope it may be worth checking out. Star Trek had huge early review on this site and so far is my fave of the summer.
-
If a movie has a 5% on rottentomatoes, but enough of my friends say its badass, I'd go watch it. And if a movie has a 90% on rottentomatoes, but my friend says it sucks, I might skip it. <BR> I still use rottentomatoes for reference and read reviews, but friend opinions are #1, over everything imo.
-
Seriously I saw like a string of movies with Peter where he just starts banging dudes. I think the worst one was The Dying Gaul. And I don't know how he got his life partner pregnant, because as far as I knew the only man that could get pregnant was Arnold.
-
I just put Cruising into my VHS. I wonder how fucked up this is going to get.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:34 a.m. CST
BIG LOB tucks his bball shirt into his pants...and is STILL cool
by GibsonUSA Returns
Can you do that?
-
almost forgot that one.
-
I know people that live and fucking die in L.A. by the Rotten Meter on Rotten Tomatoes. I used to work with this girl and she was somehow known as the movie person around the office. But if a popular movie didn't get good reviews on Rotten Tomatoes should wouldn't see it. Though she would see shit like Deception and 88 Minutes, I didn't think people actually saw those movies. To her credit though she had seen G.G. Allin in concert.
-
Really is a movie site for non geeks. Its a site for people who like movies but don't really care about movies. If it sucks it sucks, if its good its good. They don't really care about who made them what they cost/made, who the special effects house was. But since they see a lot of movies people think they know a lot about movies.
-
I get so sick of hearing that a movie can suck because it's "based on a toy". Well, Star Wars was based on toys too. And Flash Gordon comics (the toys of their time). For that matter, Batman is based on toys/comics. And yet, Lucas and Nolan still managed to create absolutely kick ass movies! Why the fuck can't Sommers (and Bay) make good movies out of proven commodities? Answer? Sommers and Bay both suck!
-
Marlon Wayans in Requiem for a Dream. Anybody? The man can act. But I guess usually embroiled in the family business too much for some folks to notice.
-
The collection remains incomplete.
-
If they say a movie is good (i.e. Transformers), I know it probably sucks...
-
In D&D.
-
But when I think of GI JOE, he's probably the LAST actor I would think of...
-
Hey Harry, This story is gaining circulation and is on a rampant viral infestation all over the web... LOOK!!! http://tinyurl.com/mys5d4 http://tinyurl.com/mgxv3h http://tinyurl.com/njsd24 http://tinyurl.com/l6tdso http://tinyurl.com/m4ox9u http://tinyurl.com/mncgyf http://tinyurl.com/mdhdvp http://tinyurl.com/lvdlob Guys, the photos are reminiscent of 1930's, black & white, old school films...
-
After all, they are (supposed to be) the Real American Heroes.
-
suspicion that it is a pile. Thanks for saving me my time and money.
-
Star Wars... Cinema first. Flash Gordon.... Serial???<p> GI Joe was a Toy first.. Batman was a comic book for nearly 30 years before the Adam West TV show created a demand for merchandising.<p>Star Wars was ground breaking SFX cinema before the toys were made. Actually SW toys were not released until a year after it's theatrical release. GI Joe was a toy from the 50's that had a media blitz in the 80's. Major toy commercial for a new line of revamped 50's toys. You will respect my athoura-ta!!!
-
Same way I had fun in Batman and Robin. It's sometimes fun and fascinating to watch a movie where every scene goes so horribly wrong in every possible way.
-
Who will pilot my dreadnaught helicopter to Joe Victory? That's lame
-
July 21, 2009, 12:53 a.m. CST
Can they put the red, white, & blue back in the logo?
by GibsonUSA Returns
...for the sequel?...at least for the domestic poster. Internationally, go nuts with the silver fonts.
-
"The Dark Knight SUCKS!!" in a positively definitive way. However, it can hurt movies like "Knowing," which critics thought they were supposed to hate, for some reason.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:55 a.m. CST
Regarding the shocking lack of a BIG LOB ACTION FIGURE...
by GibsonUSA Returns
I heard a rumor that 80s toymaking technology was inadequate to allow for a Big Lob toy that properly made his move, so none was made. <BR><BR> Now, we must try once more.
-
Something that I always notice is that many of these female heroes have their hair down, even though it would be so much more practical to have it tied back, or cut short. Even cartoon Scarlet had it in a ponytail.
-
July 21, 2009, 1:03 a.m. CST
Batman Begins.. Dark Knight.. Best Ever in Batman Franchise
by darthSaul666
After 70 years in print and approx. 60 years on film and TV we got Joe Chill as the killer of Bruce Wayne's parents and The Joker's identity as unknown...... Only 70 fucking years to get it right!!!! All haters need to read more comic books....
-
DarthSaul666, some corrections: Lucas wanted to make Flash Gorgon but couldn't get the rights so he made Star Wars instead. And yes, of course I know the toys followed the films. What I'm saying is that a movie being based on a cheesy serial or comic is no different than being based on a toy. Ergo, Sommers and his so-called G.I. Joe movie have no excuse -- certainly not a "it's based on a toy" excuse -- that allows it to suck. A movie should and could be good no matter what's based on. Sommers just plain sucks, and this movie sucks.
-
It's time to make the campaign for BIG LOB action figure!!!
-
My friends and I have been wondering for awhile, but forget to ask. Tomax and Xamot. With the He-Man hair.
-
Your post about the Dark Knight nailed it. Yeah, it took 70 years to get it right. But what I can't understand, for the life of me, is that now that Hollywood is finally "getting it right", they can go and screw this up so bad. And yes, everyone needs to read more comics, especially the "based on a toy so it gets a pass" people. I hear way too much in these talkbacks about the G.I. Joe cartoon. This movie should have been based on the comics. The comics took this silly (and I admit it's silly premise) and made it really fucking cool! The Joe cartoons were the equivalent of the Adam West Batman, while the Joe comics were the equivalent of the original Kane and more modern Dark Knight comics, at least in comparison to themselves within their respective franchises. We didn't get a new Adam West Batman (thank god!) so why do we have to have an Adam West equivalent of G.I. Joe? Come to think of it, Nolan could have directed (and wrote) G.I. Joe and made it infinitely better.
-
Well aint that a kick in the twink! Harry likes a shit-ass movie. Am I smelling a new Phantom Menace moment here?
-
July 21, 2009, 1:12 a.m. CST
BIG LOB's shooting percentage is a perfect 100%..............
by GibsonUSA Returns
...in a GI Joe world where nearly everyone always misses, noless! <BR><BR> And yet...he does not qualify for the sequel?? <BR> What in the world are you looking for on the resume?? <BR><BR> As far as a BIG LOB action figure...it must include:<BR> 1. His afro widows peak hairstyle.<BR> 2. His basketball shirt, with the #14, tucked into his... <BR> 3. Cargo pants.<BR> 4. A chest strap, holding hand grenades.<BR> 5. No guns, suits or any other weaponry. Big Lob's grenade shots are perfect.
-
How much do you get paid to pretend to like a movie? Yes, yes, you said you hated Transformers, but that was going to make a billion dollars whether you liked it or not. This one, god, Hasbro is worried it might ruin the Joe brand. So in they swoop in hopes buying you will get the geeks asses in the seats. Be a man, tell the truth, did they buy you?
-
Game Master: You make a decent point. But to assume toys and comics are mutually exclusive all the time can be wrong. History of Violence is a comic that got a best picture nom for it's adaptation. No toys for sale at Wal-Mart for those ones. Also don't seem to remember a cheesy/merchandisible slant to Brandon Lee's the Crow<p> Basically to paraphrase my earlier post is that the some folks have a tendency to think GI Joe was reverent like the Dark Knight Returns or something to that nature when from day one it was basically a sell out.
-
...and I will give this movie the greatest review you've seen in history!
-
I Haven't seen the Joe movie to say whether it's campy like the sixties Batman. All I got is a few early reviews that say it's played rather straight and is entertaining.<p> But The fact that it has early reviews unlike many of this Summer's tentpole projects ( Transformers, Terminatator, Wolverine ) Makes me look forward to seeing it and quite possibly may entertain me.
-
The original ones from like the 80s or early 90s or whatever. I remember some Joes fighting Trypticon or whatever. It was awesome.
-
. . . I'm *not* saying toys and comics are mutually exclusive. That was my point. In the eyes of the mainstream, they're all seen as juvenile, yet despite their being so disrespected some are made into really great, really serious films. I see no reason why G.I. Joe, if it *had* to be re-invented (i.e. powersuits) couldn't have been done with intelligence and a truly edgy and exciting feel to it. It just seems to be too easy an out for Sommers to go the route he did, and for the movie's defenders to say "bad is okay since it's based on a toy". Too often are toys AND comics disrespected in this manner. It's why comic book films never actually win the big Oscars and other awards, because there is a prejudice against them, saying they are "just kids stuff", when actually I believe they (comics especially) are among some of the best modern literature available. Sure, G.I. Joe STARTED as a toy, but Larry Hama took it and made some really damn good stories out of this "mere toy" with the Marvel comics, and as a movie someone could have taken it further and made it even better. Instead, comics were ignored (the "toy stigma") and regressed back to being silly and stupid. So, I think you and I take different paths to the same destination: Haters need to read more comic books.
-
I have to totally agree Memento, Insomnia, Batman Begins, Dark Knight. Nolan never seems to do wrong....
-
I used to think they were the coolest team. I had every single action figure, including Sgt Slaughter in his little white vehicle, which I had to mail away for. Never had Falcon, though. <BR><BR> My friend, who was a spoiled kid, bought like a million of those generic Cobra troopers lol...I went into his room and he had like a million of them all over the base, for "realism" lol.
-
Just sayin'
-
Before I make an opinion on Sommers direction or his camp factor. If I went by promotional footage alone I would have said give Public Enemies an Oscar....<p> The Joker is now listed in the MPAAS for a top Oscar.. Only took 70 years. If only I could give everybody a copy of Art Spiegelman's Maus... Everyone would stop seeing comics as mere "kid's stuff"
-
July 21, 2009, 1:46 a.m. CST
TF2 made me hate people and almost gave up on movies but this
by andrew coleman
Makes me happy. I'm seeing this for sure.
-
And both mail in only with proof of purchase Cobra Commanders...
-
Were the coolest part of the movie
-
This is all a feeble attempt by Harry to try to win back Paramount's advertising dollars. But they are not about to fall for that. So ferret away scumbags, you're being sold a lie.
-
The coolest part? Well, that was another terrible movie, but the Mercs at least were CHARACTERS. Another big gripe with Sommers' film. The Joes and Cobras are a grand collection of CHARACTERS, to varying degrees of reality. You can't have all of them in a film, certainly, so hey! Just take the best ones! But what did they do? They chose Duke, for chrissakes! Why not Stalker? Or Roadblock? Tripwire? Airborne? Doc? Beach-head? There were dozens of Joes with very realistic styles (costume, weapon, MOS, and code-name) which would have allowed for a pretty cool movie. But Sommers and his script monkeys choose a lot of no-names or dipshits. Now, Snake-Eyes, Scarlet and Breaker are good choices, but there it ends. Wayans is NOT Ripcord. And Heavy Duty? If he's a COUSIN to Roadblock, why not just have Roadblock? It smacks of "I'm doing this my way, fuck the fans, and fuck thirty years of quality-control testing". Want a good example of TRUE G.I. Joe style characters and a silly premise that still kicked ass? PREDATOR. 'Nuff said.
-
Crazy dangerous, crazy gadget cool, crazy tech, crazy cool, crazy cool, crazy fun, crazy future tech, crazy awesome. This review is crazy utter shit.
-
July 21, 2009, 2:13 a.m. CST
DarthSaul, the only part of Batman getting it right after 70 yea
by Continentalop
I would disagree with is the Joe Chill as the killer of Bruce Wayne's parents. Yes it is better than having a young Joker as the killer, but the idea that they were killed by an unknown mugger was so much more powerful. The fact that the killer got away with it is one of the things that motivated Bruce Wayne to begin his "War on Crime." And whenever he encountered a criminal, it was easy for him project their identity onto the killer - anyone he met could potentially be the murderer of his parents. <p> It was a little like the muggers in Death Wish - Bronson didn't know who they were and never met them, he could only get vengeance against a bunch of surrogate criminals.
-
July 21, 2009, 2:16 a.m. CST
Remember Larry Hama thought of GI JOE BEFORE Hasbro...
by Continentalop
...approached Marvel. It originally was going to be called Fury Force and be about Nick Fury's son leading a team of Special Forces soldiers against Hydra. Marvel passed on the idea, but when Hasbro said they wanted to re-do the GI JOE toy line as action figures with a comic book tie in, Marvel got Hama to dust of his idea and change it a little. <p> So really you could argue that they could make a GI JOE movie based on the comic book and not the toy.
-
I love Deep Rising & Mummy 1 is ok, but other than that, Sommers is shite. Still, I agree RE Transformers sucking cock, so I'll maybe take my nephew to see this.
-
If this works you know the sequel will stuff like waaaaaayyy more joes into it.<p> If you missed my earlier post you know what I said about GI Joe as an intellectual property.. It never was Watchmen. The Mercs were something of a new line and I tended to like there idiosyncrasies. They were like good guy Dreadnaughts. But I didn't necessarily expect them to be like Rorschach.<p>
-
Based of of an old yarn of Finger/Kane and Modernized in the 80's by Mike Barr and Todd McFarlane? Shit sakes... The story of Batman meeting Chill 40 years later makes him go evil bad guy so he can murder him.... the new take on the franchise is now far more loaded than some of you fanboys can realise.... and like I said it only took 70 fucking years!!!!
-
The score? The production design? The cinematography? All the things that are usually mentioned in a film review?
-
July 21, 2009, 2:37 a.m. CST
They had better not put BIG LOB in no accelerator suit...
by GibsonUSA Returns
I would get rid of/phase out those suits in sequels, but if they must keep them, everyone may wear them except Big Lob. <BR><BR> A row of prettyboys walking in slow motion in those dark suits...and BIG LOB next to them in his basketball shirt.<BR><BR> And you know what? He'd look the coolest.
-
Sounds to me like a piece of fun!! I had to put up with the awfulness of Wolverine and Bay's overload, this sounds like something right up my street!!
-
And I always looked at the reveal of Joe Chill as the killer (and later revealed to have been hired by Lew Maxon) as a kind of Red Hood thing - completely unnecessary. And like how The Dark Knight exorcised any reference to The Red Hood part of the Joker's origin, I think Batman Begins shouldn't have had Joe Chill. <p> Now I didn't mind Year 2 but I thought it would be much more powerful if he met Joe Chill later in his career, like his 10th or 11th year, not his second year. To have him meet his parents killer so quickly is like Fox Mulder finding out what happened to his sister in the second season of the X-Files IMO.
-
Because "I'm the Juggernaut bitch" had me laughing so I hard I tried to commit suicide during X3. At least, that's why I THINK I tried to commit suicide during X3.
-
This is a very strange review. It is a positive critique of the film, yet I cringed more and more with each paragraph. It it to the point where I don't even want to give this project a chance in good faith. I too enjoyed the comics and their mix of the fantastic and the real... but based on the trailers and online clips, Sommers' film seems nothing like the source material - not even in spirit. <P> I can't believe I am about to say this: I wonder what Michael Bay would have done with this material? OK, now I have to go gouge my eyes out with spoons. <P> I hate myself.
-
July 21, 2009, 2:55 a.m. CST
Best part of '87 G.I. Joe movie-when Sarge was beating Nemesis
by GibsonUSA Returns
"This is for Alpine, Gung Ho and Bazooka!" <BR> [SMASH!] <BR> "This is for Falcon!"<BR> [SMASH!]<BR> "This for me!"<BR> [SMASH!]<BR> "This is for Duke!"<BR> [SMASH!]<BR> "AND THIS IS FOR THE U.S. OF A.!!" <BR> [BIG SMASH!!]
-
I was totally into Chill being in the first movie. Especially how the 2 movies set you up for characters not being dead when you think they are. Made me think Chill will come up later in the franchise.... Mind you the Red Hood was written like 20 years after Batman's debut.... ( Heath Ledger RIP ) If the Joker does continue it's an avenue that could be explored.. Even thought it would probably be in a Flashback like Killing Joke sense.<p> I was most happy that after like 5 previous movies we got a clear explanation that Batman is a master ninja with an affinity to the League of Shadows. That if you read The Greatest Batman Stories Ever told you would know that was something Finger/Kane came up with in issue #7
-
The way I see it Joe Chill and The Red Hood were not necessary additions, just things that Kane, Finger and Robinson did because, lets be honest, they have a comic to put out. <p> Joe Chill's name and identity was finally revealed in 1948, 9 years after Batman's origin was first revealed. And the Joker's origin of the Red Hood was revealed in 1951, two years later. What I like about Nolan's approach is he has exorcised these superfluous elements to the Dark Knights mythos. I wish he did the same with the Joe Chill idea (or at least wait before revealing the identity of his parents killer for awhile) but alas, Norton has a different vision than I do....<p> As for The League of Shadows...they appeared in issue #7 or Batman? I don't think they did...unless you mean a different number 7 than Batman comics. I always thought that the League of Assassins (which the League of Shadows is based on) appeared in the late sixties and where created by O'Neil and Adams, before they were revealed ot be part of Ra's Al Ghul's The Demon organization (although like you I do like it as part of Batman's origin - I just wish it was called The Demon like it is the comic book).
-
immediately following the creation of the comic. It wasn't in as high a demand as it was following the television series, and it wasn't represented by the same breadth of form factors, but it existed. Superman merchandising was also available.<p>Now, the concept for G.I. Joe: ARAH wasn't something that was initially silly but then adapted by Hama. The concept was of Hama's creation. The comic existed three years before the silly cartoon, which was reviled (but, admittedly watched) by kids and adults who had followed the book from its inception. The slightly younger generation who were introduced to this iteration of Joe to this day tend to be oblivious to the comic (or, the comic before the later nonsense that Hasbro foisted upon Hama ruined the book), and are usually the ones come in here and enjoy posting the redundant, tired, and unconvincing [it's just a toy/dumb cartoon] argument.<p>There are very few genre properties in books, film, comics, or toons that have not had a subsequent toy line either soon after or years later.
-
Batman properties' failings over the years on the West/Ward show, as it reflected the aesthetics and tone of the book from the 50's and 60's. We didn't get serious O'Neil/Adams Batman until the 70's. The switch in tone and look at the turn from '69 to '70 is severe.
-
Basically, because the Shadow was popular at the time and Batman is partly a derivative of, Batman had to have his own "Secret from the Orient" which happened to be Ninjitsu. I was befuddled that a comic from 1939 mentioned any legitimate martial arts form. Let alone one that got popular in a mainstream sense approx. 50 years later. But essentially the name is mentioned and one panel of art about his time training with the league. Mainly it was an allusion to his prowess as a hand to hand combatant. As you seem to know the history well, this canon was explored later in 70's by Denny O'Neil
-
It started out as a card game or some crap right? And toys were created too. <BR><BR> Yet the tv shows and movies were pretty neat.
-
July 21, 2009, 3:31 a.m. CST
this will be a fun movie, people who want to hate it will be sad
by ironic_name
and they'll pretend they they liked it all along, just like they did with resolute and tf animated and heath ledger joker.
-
July 21, 2009, 3:32 a.m. CST
everyone here but me complained about heath ledger's joker
by ironic_name
'fans' are pointless.
-
Ra's Al Gul was a creation of Denny O'Neil in the 70's to obviously explore, at the time, forgotten bits of Batman's mythos
-
Like I said earlier some fanboys, ironically, need to read more comic books.
-
July 21, 2009, 3:37 a.m. CST
Besides BIG LOB,the original film has 2 things over this one.
by GibsonUSA Returns
1. The intro. I simply cannot see how this new movie can top the awesome animated intro with Joes vs Cobra at the Statue of Liberty. So proudly cheesily patriotic...so awesome.Maybe this new movie can top it...who knows?<BR><BR> 2. The theme music. Does this mew movie have it or not? Since they're not real American heroes anymore...how are they supposed to sing the theme song, which calls them that? We will see.
-
Pencil in your eye.... OSCAR.... YES FINALLY SOMETHING I LIKE GOT RECOGNITION... I WANT MY PHONE CALL!!! That Joker smile reminded me of Ichi The Killer... the joker was STRONGER THAN ALL!!!!
-
STRONGER THAN ALL!!!!!
-
For Milk. But that is just my opinion.
-
Was Gary Oldman as Gordon. Guy was the heart of the picture IMO. Guy deserves more credit for that role.
-
Sid Vicious, Dracula, Beethoven, Commissioner Gordon. Oldman never seems to do wrong IMO
-
Well I just did.... You know how it ends!!
-
You make good point<p> I had a few issues... Shit Sakes I used to have Transformers #1 as a kid... The I read Judge Dredd. Gawd that film from Stallone bothers me. Good thing that he went back to Rambo!!!! That was ultraviolent fun!!!
-
Much better editing, sound and plot:<p> http://tinyurl.com/l3hqbb
-
has clearly displayed that they are sheep following the herd, and have no place criticizing Harry's review until they see the movie for themselves and inherit their opinion on whether it was good or not from whoever they saw it with.
-
Seriously, using the phrase "Crazy cool" to define something an not much else is the same as when you dump a girl an are trying to list off her good qualities, all the while pushing yourself away from her. "You're just awesome. Cool even. Crazy cool!..but i'm just so busy. BUT!.. Did i mention with Words, that you. are. crazy. cool?" Gimme a break. Taking potshots at transformers an holding up "Gi:joe-The rise of cobra" an saying "Now This is what a summer movie should BE!..This Michael Bay. Cause you know what you Ruined my childhood and your movie just wasnt "Crazy-cool" enough. Actually....i'd rather that kind of a review than a tarted up lukewarm-bullshit review. Atleast then it'd have balls..."Crazy-cool" balls. =D
-
So he can be a rebel!
-
the uninspired computer bullshit?
-
Admit it, folks. Serious awards are NEVER given to anything comic bookish, sci-fi, etc. Yes, Return of the King swept the Oscars, but that was only after the first two films were totally ripped off (and FOTR was the best of the three, really), but even then Tolkien's name carries respectable cultural weight, so that was "acceptable" by the Oscars. The ONLY other award even close to a big one is Best SUPPORTING Actor for Ledger's Joker, and trust me, if he hadn't died, that award would have gone to another movie. I'm not saying Ledger didn't deserve it. Quite the contrary, I'm saying far more comic book and genre films deserve big awards that they don't get. However, Hollywood politics being what they are, it was an "ohhh, he died, we have to give him this or we'll be seen as insensitive" that nabbed the Joker Oscar. Otherwise, besides ROTK and Joker, what Best Pictures or Best Actor awards have EVER been given to fantasy, sci-fi, comic books or horror? Just doesn't happen. Hollywood looks down their nose at genre, despite the fact that it's genre that pays all their bills. It's part of this town's and this industry's bullshit. And shit movies like Bayformers and G.I. Blows aren't helping!!!
-
any other and i wouldn't bother.
-
That's funny about your sister. My parents didn't like me watching it cause they thought it was American Imperialistic propaganda. The fools, i thought. They were right, but it was still a hell of a lot of fun to watch.
-
Does it <p> work like this?
-
Sorry
-
July 21, 2009, 5:15 a.m. CST
HARRY, WHY HAVEN'T YOU REVIEWED I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER????!!!???
by gruemanlives
I mean, it's a film with Hayden Panitereriieeiieeeerrrkjdl;ef;rkkj. She hot.
-
I say that as a huge fan of Mann. The story and characters just weren't there. It was essentially a montage of bank-robbing scenes and gunfights, with no real exploration or depth or arc to the characters. Bale and Depp might as well have been playing robots who chirp out, 'I must rob banks!' and 'I must stop him from robbing banks!'<p>Beautiful action choreography, but little else to recommend it.
-
COBRA ISLAND.<p> It's where I keep my dojo of highly trained bikini-wearing ninja sex sluts.<p> 'I'll take you, you , and you. Sorry if I left anyone out. It's been a long day. I'm a little tired.'<p> 7 days stay costs $12,000. Kids go fee.
-
But it was still pretty awesome. Cold and distant, like most Mann films, but better than most movies out.
-
worst film of the year bar none - yes that includes Transformers. This film is not film, it's tedious. It's not funny. It's not exciting. The designs are lousy. Quaid seems to think he's in a live action Thunderbirds and plays it that way. And the key set-piece is a direct lift from Team America, which did it better and was mocking exactly the sort of crap we see here. A team of Americans (of sorry, as Harry says they are international, yet weirdly virtually all American - or British which is basically the same thing in movies like this) blow into Paris and "for the good of the people" destroy the city and wipe out half the population in the collateral damage of their over-blown antics. This is Team America live action but without the irony! Hell, the Eiffel Tower even falls down in both films at the end of the respective scenes! GI Joe not just the worst film i've seen this year i would say it is the worst summer movie i've seen since Batman & Robin. There are no saving graces.
-
took on Cobra La--they were Ex Vipers--their names were...Mercer, Taurus, and Red Dog....grrr
-
Unless you're involved in the production, leave the script the fuck alone. You're only spoiling the movie for yourself, and nobody's gonna be impressed that you know shit before they do. They'll probably just tell you to shut the fuck up. <p> Go Joe!
-
"Discussing what the movie IS, and not what you thought it was going to be?" - This echos my thoughts exactly...
-
oh, so you really DIDN'T like Episode 1 then?
-
looking at this from the cartoon standpoint, and not the comic standpoint. The cartoon was cheese, while the comic was great, and even had people dying in it early on, both Joes and non-Joes. Also Snake Eyes was the baddest mo fo on the block. The cartoon not only wasted that character, but had Duke steal his girlfriend.
-
big gijoe fan as a kid, watched the movie numerous times, had many of the figures, collected the awsome Larry Hama comics etc...But recently I watched the old cartoon...and man did it suck, seriously guys who here can really say its good? Either you, like me, have nt seen them in a damn long time, or you watch them through the thickest nostalgia goggles imaginable. The animation is ugly, the humour super cornball, the dialouge is just bad, and many of the joes do look like the village people. Im no fan of Sommers, in fact I have yet to even enjoy one of his films, but based on this review im at least willling to give it a chance now, and the changes/redesigns. After all it cant possibly be as bad as TF2...but then again nothing could be as bad as that...
-
There are times to trust a Harry review and times not to. This is one of those times when the kid who still plays with action figures trumps the man who knows better. If you're 8, fine, this review is probably spot on. But if you have pubes, be wary...be very very wary.
-
FIX THAT FUCKING GENERATION KILL ERROR.
-
i just got the new dvds of the toon..yeah they arent the greatest but of that time i think they hold up better than most cartoons that i watched as a child. ive tried watching all that hanna barbera stuff with my son..geez.<P>i dunno, ive been reading my old books as well, so i hate to saay that im getting pumped film...but we'll see about more reviews later.
-
Well i think the old Marvel comics hold up really well imho. But yeah, like you im starting to get interested by this. Which is really strange as this movie has been the one that Ive previously had fuckall interest in, but as you say lets wait and see what other reviews say....
-
may be the most dead-on review Harry has ever written. the movie that should have kicked ass was relentlessly, interminably "meh." as for THIS review, i suspect harry got some nice "pwesents" for his shilling.
-
may be the most dead-on review Harry has ever written. the movie that should have kicked ass was relentlessly, interminably "meh." as for THIS review, i suspect harry got some nice "pwesents" for his shilling.
-
Blah blah blah, got paid, blah blah, gargle gargle, blah, leafy green, blah blah blah.<br> Sorry, but Harry, your reviews are becoming worse with every 'publication' (and I use that term in the loosest sense I can).
-
July 21, 2009, 8:17 a.m. CST
Sommers - every damn second of Van Helsing was retarded!!!!
by JuanSanchez
-
with this site recently. Harry rarely gets involved in TBs, usually commenting no more than once or twice, but in this case he's come out all guns blazing.<P>Public Enemies, a film by one of the best directors of recent years, is ignored.<P>Harry loves asinine films. Dumb fun isn't fucking enough. Is it well shot? How is the script? Do we care about the fucking characters? Do they arc?<P>No wonder there are so many new handles around here and so few of the old faces.<P>Harry, you are a cunting hack. I want to fist your wife and tear your head off.
-
I absolutely agree that it's better than most movies out there right now. But being better than most movies out there is no longer much of a compliment, I think. My favorite Mann movies aren't distant; they're grounded in character exploration, which gives meaning to the intense action beats-- Thief (still his best), Manhunter, Heat, Collateral, The Insider... all get you up-close into the character's yearnings and motivations. Like I said, Dillinger and Purvis could have been robots in the movie. It was never really boring, mostly because all the actors are somewhat inherently interesting, just as faces, but the story never gelled into anything-- it was parts of a movie, scenes and action beats, that never combined into a whole with a cumulative impact.<p>Michael Mann is great, but this was something of a letdown. The script just wasn't there.
-
is she in or not? didn't she outrank Scarlett?
-
...but the kid in me will have to go see it. GI Joe (or Action Force as they were once called here when I started buying them) was my favourite childhood toy. Used to love strategically placing them in around the xmas tree and then having them ambush each other (the fairy lights made it cinematic). Is it too much to hope for Gung-Ho, Airtight, Roadblock and Outback? Outback (ginger or white, it doesn't matter) was always my leader (Tunnel Rat his deputy), and Shockwave my favourite bad guy. I'd be pretty easy to please if any of those turned up, then again I loved Transformers once too and got underwhelmed upside the head...
-
Lucas specifically says in the making of Episode 1 doc "The Beginning" that the name "Gungan" came from his toddler daughter's name for big trucks on the road. Apparently, she would point and say, "Daddy, gungan?" With this and Tatum Channing all-of-a-sudden being in GENERATION KILL, it's hard to trust anything you say...
-
Who cares if Harry has an agenda? Who cares if Blood Red has one? What does it have to do with me? My radical idea is to make up my own fucking mind about this movie. Unlike a lot of talkbackers, though, I actually have to see it before I can do so.
-
in his DVD column this week he said he watched The Watchmen Extended Blue Penis Edition 5 times already. When is he going to find the time to review Public Enemies.
-
Hey Harry, Did you like it better than Crystal Skulls?!
-
It was one of his more coherent and well-written reviews. He said 'meh'.
-
You liked Van Helsing. Who in there right mind could like that movie?
-
Chocolate covered pussy juices?
-
I had planned on seeing this film for the nostalgia factor alone since I grew up with the Joes, but after reading BloodRed's synopsis, I want no part of this. Harry seems to be the one with the agenda in regards to GI Joe. He cannot tolerate or excuse the popcorn'ish TF2, but GI Joe gets a pass? Give me a break. When you read a review of his and its starts with him receiving a phone call from the Director, you know he is on the take. I guess he received one of those lockers full of GI Joe promotional toys from Hasbro. Nothing in Harry's diatribe or BloodRed's review sounded anything close to the GI Joe I grew up with 25 years ago other than some of the names being used. This definitely sounds like, "NO JOE!" to me. Keep up the great reviews Harry.
-
July 21, 2009, 9:28 a.m. CST
I woulda liked to have seen the USS FLAGG from Resolute.
by Royston Lodge
But I'll survive without it...
-
You've just pepped me up for a month with those incredible links! I CANNOT WAIT for the greatness that lies behind House of the Wolf Man!
-
Can you imagine the reaction of the Spider-Man or Batman fan base if their respective recent movies were just "campy, cheesy fun"? There'd by geeky riots in the streets. Like with TF, the creators of this film do not understand the potential of the property they've been given the reins to. The cartoon is not the extent of the property, though I realize it's probably most known by the general public. The comic book is its more mature sibling, though it wasn't completely removed from the cartoon. Same characters, general plots, etc.<p>And can we stop the "no deaths" criticism of the old cartoon? Sure, it gets to be pretty hilarious watching every single shot down plane spit out a pilot in a parachute, but did people really expect the kid's show to include lots of bullet-wounds and dead bodies? And SOME of the characters made the show look like the Village People -- maybe the most overused "clever" joke about the series -- but most were in green, khaki, camouflage, etc. So, of course the movie's gonna remove the guy that looks like Popeye and the stereotypical American Indian. Funny how people use the silliness of the show to both say the movie's bad and the movie's good. If someone says it's too silly, the counter is, "Of course it is. The cartoon was stupid." Or they say, "How can you not like it? It's as fun and silly as the cartoon!"
-
JarJar is your traditional Step'n'fetchit racial stereotype which Harry does not find offensive because he grew up with the stereotype and is therefore comfortable with it. Muddflaps and Skidzz on the other hand are a new incarnation of the traditional step'n'fetchit stereotype with the modern addition of gangsta hip hop. It is much easier for Harry to recognize it as racist. This is also why kids love the Racistcons, because they are desensitized to the gangsta hi hop step'n'fetchit stereotype.
-
You hate Harry, yet you constantly waste your time replying t his reviews. I for one appreciate Harry's views, that's not to say that I always agree with them, but at least he's positive most of the time. The rest of you are just wasting your time.
-
for him to hate the racial stereotypes in Bayformers 2, yet love JarJar Binks.
-
Agree completely about Public Enemies. My wife and I were both quite underwhelmed with it. I dozed a couple of times. The story just didn't cut it for me. It's funny, usually Harry catches shit for his long rambling reviews; in this case, "meh" says it all, clearly and consisely.
-
The rating will make a BIG difference if you try to be a responsible parent.
-
July 21, 2009, 10:30 a.m. CST
Harry should list all "pwesents" received in the review
by JuanSanchez
We should get to see his list of GI JOE pwesents in his review of GI JOE and then make our judgments of how many grains of salt to take said reviews with.
-
WILL SUCK, there's no debate.
-
...like this movie but not like Cobra Commander? Shouldn't the two be intertwined somehow? CC has got to be a huge part of this universe... My gut says this movie will be atrocious. I tend to trust my gut.
-
should've cast him.
-
be the first summer blockbuster i do go and see at the cinema. because i think the suits thingys look cool. i'll go in expecting to have fun and come out having had fun. not come out and feeling a rage and writing a fucking essay on how stupid it was . thats the reason why i watch movies isnt it everyone elses? its raining and i wanted to wash my car after work.
-
walked out.
-
Wasn't he a Joe?
-
...and I did not like that movie. GI Joe is a mess in tone, structure (flashbacks left and right), and plot. I'm betting the script was written in crayon.
-
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LOL
-
July 21, 2009, 11:11 a.m. CST
my ideal GIJoe movie team v1, i.e. the worst team
by the new transported man
Chuckles, Sneak Peak, Psyche-Out, Airtight, & Lightfoot take on Cobra, an evil terrorist organization determine to rule the world, led by Raptor, Zanzibar, & Road Pig.
-
July 21, 2009, 11:14 a.m. CST
my ideal GIJoe movie team v1, i.e. a better team
by the new transported man
Shockwave, Snake Eyes, Rampart, & a reformed Storm Shadow take on Cobra, an evil terrorist organization determined to rule the world, led by Firefly & his legions of Alley Vipers.
-
July 21, 2009, 11:15 a.m. CST
my ideal GIJoe movie team v3, i.e. the best team
by the new transported man
Big Lob makes his move & throws grenades at Big Boa for 90 minutes.
-
July 21, 2009, 11:23 a.m. CST
If they really wanted in-depth, which they don't
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
They would have a scene with Snake Eyes a la Dr Phibes.
-
This movie still looks like crap, despite what Harry says
-
Is redundant
-
http://tinyurl.com/yulp8m
-
July 21, 2009, 11:33 a.m. CST
I hope they make an R rated Ninja sequel for the adult fans
by CornsilkSW
Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, chopping off heads and chasing down Zartan.
-
Introduce Dee Jay & kill him off 30 seconds later.
-
and sometimes actress Sienna Miller as the Baroness?
-
And he said suck it, Harry!
-
and knowing is half the battle.
-
and the young nerds gather to debate a property thats been shoddy in every incarnation it's ever appeared in. Rip Turd! One Eyed Wonder Worm! Who else they got? Airtight Asshole! Scarlet Feminine Napkin! GI JOE. HAHAHAHAHA! You guys would play with action figures made out of baked shit if they sold them.
-
July 21, 2009, 11:53 a.m. CST
how many times can Harry use " crazy","cool","crazy cool"?
by tvs_frank
for fucks' sake, come up with some other adjectives already! it reminds me of that South Park episode when Cartman was saying "hella" all the time
-
Beachhead, Lowlight, Chuckles, Flint, and one of the chicks... Lady Jaye, I guess, VS, Serpentor, Firefly, Nemesis Enforcer, and Zartan's brother and sister.<p>Everybody shoots lasers that don't hit and run at one another screaming.
-
Would be an awesome codename for a G.I.Joe operative.<p>Scarlet! Shipwreck! Lowlight! Asshole! Front and center!
-
"bugnuts" "cool" "crazy cool" "geeky cool" "Script Girl"
-
THAT TO REMEMBER! YOU WRITE "GO JOE" EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT. Uggggh.
-
Attention!
-
Sgt. Douche: Goooooooo, Joe!
-
Porn Shadow, Low-Life, Bitch Head, Blow Job, Mung Ho, Leatherdick, Sgt. Ass Slaughter, etc.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST
IT'S NOT SHAKESPEARE!!!!! LEAVE YOUR BRAIN AT THE DOOR
by Trannyformers_Apologist
What happen to "It's not Shakespeare" leave your brain at the door" popcorn movie" "doesn't take it's self seriously" "Fun and entertaining escapism"?? <P> They are already making a sequel <P> I guess not every summer blockbuster can have dogs humping, robots humping humans, farting robots ,John Tururros ass, robot testicles, cussing ghetto robots in black face and linkin park
-
July 21, 2009, 12:15 p.m. CST
say, Harry... that Channing sure is bad ass in True Blood,
by jackknifed_juggernaut
eh? ignorant tub o' douche-lard. sausage link fingers aside, how long would it realistically take you to jump on over to IMDB before posting such erroneous tripe? please proceed to the nearest McDonald's and suck Morgan Freeman's dick for penance.
-
Crystal Balls, Dukey, Falcon Shit, etc.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:31 p.m. CST
Master Chief Called, He Wants His Accelerator Suit Back....
by DarfurOnTheRocks2
Seriously
-
until they changed his voice in the clone wars cartoon! that voice was fucking terrible! worse than his usual one!
-
All this 80's "cobra" shit is for the pansy generation.
-
As a major lover of classic monster movies and recent well done ones, these 3 are of the worst I have ever seen, with DEEP RISING being in the running for worst ever. For these 3 reasons, Sommers has forever lost me as a veiwer.
-
in those already horrible movies, it would've been a more than laughable trilogy than it already is.
-
July 21, 2009, 12:48 p.m. CST
I don't even get why anyone could find Jar Jar entertaining
by YackBacker
I can see the ideas behind poorly executed jokes/characters in a bunch of movies and shows. But under no circumstances does Jar Jar make any sense. Imagine if Yoda never stopped acting like an asshole in ESB. That's basically Jar Jar.
-
noooooo! jumps in front of padme and gets shot.
-
now I'm a Jar Jar Binks fan too.
-
thought he was too stupid, I did a survey.
-
Real men prefer O.S.I!
-
"This place has gone downhill since they dropped the dress code."
-
"Eunichs"?
-
Harry says`Inglorious Basterds`is "AWESOME"....what a shock,eh?
-
i mean jesus you come to a movie reveiw site and disagree with a reveiwer on a movie you havent even seen yet? You've read the reveiw knowibg full well that you plan on disagreeing with it. why are you even here? if your literally going to insult the reveiwer on his poor taste why read his reveiws? why haunt this site with your asinine commentary and often mean spirited statements? jesus how pathetic are your lives that this is the only method of power you can exert over anything?
-
July 21, 2009, 1:23 p.m. CST
I like Harry's explaination for liking Jar Jar
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
"because he was supposed to be all these other things that are cool but actually wasn't so i liked him anyway"...holy hell..if any normal jack off tells you they like Van Helsing or Jar Jar Binks you'd mace them in the face and run away.
-
Makes more sense given the fact Stalker was more prominent in both the Marvel Comic series and in the cartoons. I guess the name "Stalker" is too sinister for all the kiddies who'll be buying his action figure.
-
the Black Cauldron? Thankfully Lucas came to his senses and didn't do that. Phantom Menace was Disney enough with Jar Jar, poop jokes, and the goofy two headed announcer. I'm glad they limited his "character" to the bar minimum in the following two films.
-
"Now – this opening sequence, it is actually kind of intensely scary, but in a VERY COOL WAY!"
-
I don't know how a G.I. Joe movie can.
-
this talkback has been pretty tame to Harry compared to others.
-
Yes, Harry's Jar Jar love...<p> Justified because of the similarity between the words 'Gungan' and 'Gunga Din'. Riiiight. Ok...<p> And secondly because in three movies time Jar Jar was due to 'sacrifice himself' to save another character (oh fuck, one can only imagine how embarassingly awful that would have been had they shot it for Portman and MacGregor to stand there and well up with tears as CGI Jar Jar choked out his last words).<p> Well, now that you've explained yourself Harry I think we can all understand why 'meesa wuvved him'.
-
the Gunga Din part was brilliant though.
-
Man up and admit you made a mistake on that one H. On VAN HELSING too. People would respect that. Ridiculous comments to try and justify your lapses of judgement just dig your hole deeper dude.
-
From Harry's Transformers 2 Review "The well talked about racist foul-mouthed robots that are built in monkey proportions, have a big shiny gold tooth and do nothing to advance the story an inch. It's almost like Michael Bay showed the script to George Lucas and Uncle George let loose with another of his awesomely inappropriate animated racial slurs."
-
Imagine the round of applause that would've garnered.
-
Suspicious things happen on Headgeek's Stephen Sommers reviews.<p> I remember Harry's review of THE MUMMY - he absolutely slaughtered it. Complete poison pen letter.<p> Then a short while later he recanted. Did a U turn and said actually it was a great fun movie. Why? Harry never does U turns (as this JarJar shit today proves).<p> This was followed by a massively positive review for VAN HELSING.<p> And now a positive review for GI JOE.<p> I don't know what's going on here. But I don't like the smell of it.
-
According to an interview with George Lucas, the name "Gungan" came from his toddler daughter's name for big trucks on the road. Apparently, she would point and say, "Daddy, gungan?"
-
As soon as they open the Pulitzers to online writing, Knowles is a shoe-in.
-
And I'm referring to Seinna Miller's falsies. Preaty obvious stuffing going on there.
-
He's of the "wouldn't it be cool if" school of directing, and the overloaded finale of Van Helsing illustrates that. Kind of a slightly more talented PSW Anderson.
-
What do we have here? <P> Harry loved a movie based on a childrens toy from the '80s? <P> AICN Talk Backers spewing ridiculous amounts of hate toward something they haven't even seen yet? <P> Many of those same talk backers insulting Harry, calling him a piece of shit, a retard, and still coming to his website on what seems like a daily basis? <P> All seems right in the world of AICN. Carry on with your hate, kids...
-
What about Fubar, Snafu, and Tarfu?
-
It's a hamburger place here in Austin. Yeah, I picked up that commie liberal vibe from his sister.
-
Sommers you owe Kathy Wheelock an apology - you know it, I know it. She did a fantastic job blowing up the ship in Deep Rising and yet not a credit in the film. Man up, chump.
-
What exactly gave you the commie-liberal vibe from Harry's sister? Was she eating a salad in a burger joint? Just curious.
-
the geeky hippy chick vibe.
-
http://superherohype.com/nextraimages/ironmanscarlettnew.jpg
-
http://tinyurl.com/lpjfer
-
Obviously doesn't know WTF they are talking about.
-
me either...but yeah he really has lost any credibility he ever had with his terrible god awful utterly amature writing and incessant hyperbole.
-
So if you put that, the Mummy Trilogy, and G.I. Joe together, that means that Sommers has made 1 good movie out of 5. That's 20%. A low F. Go fuck yourself, Stephen Sommers. You're a hack of Michael Bay level. Van Helsing was physically painful to watch. I loved the Mummy, like one loves an autistic child. The Mummy Returns was The Mummy's severely-retarded little brother. And the new Mummy was the partial-birth abortion that followed. G.I. Joe looks gayer than rainbow underwear and any critic worth his fucking salt is going to bash this to Hell and back. But not Harry. One of the hot chicks in tit-hugging spandex must have reminded him of his wife, so he splooged into his popcorn and, with cum-soaked fingers, proceeded to type out a glowing review for this horseshit on celluloid. I wouldn't watch this movie if there was a Angelina Jolie blowjob raffle after the end credits. Do we need anymore proof that Harry is getting paid off for his reviews? Nope.
-
July 21, 2009, 4:06 p.m. CST
If I wrote the G.I. Joe 2 script....BIG LOB would be sooo in it.
by GibsonUSA Returns
You know it.
-
I guess everything Trey and Matt were making fun of and putting down in TEAM AMERICA just doesn't matter, huh? Just as long as its "crazy cool" and "fun". Jesus, we're really just a society of kids.
-
July 21, 2009, 4:52 p.m. CST
Miller describing her "talcum powder" experience
by HollywoodHellraiser
made my balls sweat! So I guess I can relate to what she saying!<p>i hope she realizes she nothing more than a piece of ass in the acting industry, just like Fox and Scarlet!
-
July 21, 2009, 4:52 p.m. CST
Khan_Noonien_Zing, Sommers did not write or direct Mummy 3
by MaleSheep
Too bad, I loved the first two Mummy movies. The third one blew.
-
Since I know Harry wouldn't like it if it were racist and misogynistic. Becasue Misogynism is defines as, you know, showing a hot chick.
-
Harry's reviews read like the ramblings of an excited twelve year old. While I don't carry any animosity towards the guy his write-ups and posts on the site always strike me as extremely juvenile. The previews of GI Joe look terrible; just as terrible as Transformers,Van Helsing and any number of other mindless, expensive Hollywood crap that Harry has loved. So I'm not particularly surprised by this review but I don't think I'll ever watch it.
-
Why does Harry feel the need to sell his soul for fear that he won't be getting Cobra Commanders stupid fucking scuba helmet in the mail? So we don't get Cobra till the end... we don't get Destro till the end... we don't have a single recognizable JOE in the entire film, yet its a great movie. Bull. Fucking. SHIT, HARRY! My god man, get some goddamn standards! I won't be seeing this no matter what you say for 2 reasons. 1. Because I'm sick of empty Hollywood suits making lackluster adaptations of material that is tried and true and raping the ever-loving shit out of it. If we have been fans of this franchise for decades, why the shit do they need to change so much! Accelerator suits my ass. Thanks Iron Man. <br> Reason #2 is because you obviously have no standards left. You don't mention a single bit of story, pacing, acting, effects... NOTHING! 9 year olds indeed, and you Harry possess the attention span and the intelligence of one.
-
...right?
-
Nothing else matters
-
and Trek, but they've all made HUGE ASS amounts of money. Gee.
-
I have more taste in my dick. You deride TF2, but you like this shit? Fuck this.... I'm going for a Slurpee.
-
Not so much a review, as a retelling of the plot. Your style continues to astound me with its absolute shittiness.
-
I'm going to take a wild guess and say Bay never gave you a personal phone call. Screw you and your cheap shots.
-
I'm still waiting for the TF2 thread on this JJ-blowing site boasting the $$$ it's made thus far. You know, like we got for TREK? <p> TF2 has blown past TREK and is well on it's way to finishing in the U.S. Top 10 all-time. If TREK $$$ was newsworthy, so is that.
-
you think it's 'crazy cool' and 'crazy awesome' whatever the fuck that means. Y'know Harry you are allowed to use other words in your reviews, not just repeating the same dickhead phrases.
-
"Trek $$$" isn't newsworthy and neither is TF2. Fuck Bay and fuck TF2 and fuck anyone who gloats about BO $ as if it meant anything other than more coke for whores of all varieties and the onset of the Idiocracy in general. This site is about one man's special brand of irrational illiteracy and that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, we like it.
-
Thanks for proving my point. That TREK $$$ thread was stupid and agenda-based. What's good for the goose is good for the gander doesn't fly around here.
-
Your into a Jollyment over this piece of shit. Making GI JOe not an American unit is NOT the same as having Spock and Uhura hook up dip ship
-
Harry had a bowl of Stephen's dick.
-
because this shit reads like Plant food to me
-
"Shit's for kids now, not for people in their 30's and above." <p> Well, Transformers and G.I. Joe were kids shows and toys, so... yeah...
-
Whatever the reason, I find it hilarious. All you hate filled monkeys are why I come here. <P> Oh, and when I say, "Hate filled monkeys," know that I say it with love.
-
well
-
my experience tells me it was the only better than T4 but its just aweful french cheese
-
the beast was well fed
-
Your review seemed more sincere than Harry's ramblings. You sound like a fan of GI Joe and you described it in detail and told us what you hated about it. Such as the bad acting, CGI, implausable dialogue, etc. Harry's review was basically a rambling love letter to the movie. I know nothing about GI Joe, but I am betting your review is alot closer to the truth than Harry's. I wasn't going to go see it anyway, but now I know that unless one of my friends are taking their 9 year old brother to see it, they need to stay away.
-
when a movie review does not even mention any film elements such as acting, writing, etc, of course the perception is going to be that quality is not even a factor to the reviewer. And when you get 1000 reviews repeating the same behavior and a pattern is established, then nobody should be surprised when a piece of shit like gijoe gets a "good" review.
-
Comedy gold, I tell ya.
-
He holds Channing Tatum's acting in the movie against him, when he is literally on screen for 10 seconds.
-
look at the release dates for movies this year. a majority of them skew towards kids, family, teens. and some stuff for adults is obviously dumb. i know young people spend disproportionately compared to older but at the same time, there's so few like major releases that seem to be cool movies for adults, compared to a new kiddie or teen movie every other week. its like whenever a cool movie for adults gets made it has to be cool for teens and kids too. i want more adult cool movies. not like gay human dramas but like the dark knight. sure that movie is cool for kids and teens too, but it never feels like it's trying to be. anyone agree? not to worry though cause im working on some cool adult screenplays. maybe im wrong though cause im a rather childish 24 year old. they dont make movies for people like me very often. teen and kid stuff is dumb, and adult stuff is boring. good stuff is like dark knight, cloverfield, district 9 maybe, b-13, casino royale,
-
and public enemies best movie of the year so far, with district 9 inglorious basterds and avatar still to come
-
Credibility shot.
-
July 21, 2009, 8:47 p.m. CST
IMO, if BIG LOB was in this movie, there'd be no negativity her
by GibsonUSA Returns
Everyone would be smiling and buying tons of GI Joe merchandise. <BR><BR> Big Lob sells his shirts!
-
i come here for the news mainly, and i do like to read harrys reviews though we dont always agree. he adds in personality which i like...personally. i never knew he might be influenced by behind the scenes connections, and i dont know if thats true, i think if it is its only to a certain extent sometimes, but it could explain the really favorable reviews to lots of juvenile fare. it being my post about money skewing young. maybe they're getting to harry cause they know lots of young people go to this site.
-
1: The Giant Robot Lions and 2: Bert Lahr. Other than that--it blew.
-
i've posted like 5 times here and you've dogged me twice. so you're saying public enemies sucked and so did cloverfield....i'll accept that, barely, but only if you can name two movies from the last two years that were better. cause you're credibility is almost shot for ME MUDDAFOOKAH
-
July 21, 2009, 9 p.m. CST
Can u imagine bashing a BIG LOB movie w/ a straight face?
by GibsonUSA Returns
Big Lob brings joy.
-
he doesnt know about the 3 shells?<P>you dont know who big lob is??<P><P>http://www.joeheadquarters.com/charlist_joes1.shtml#BIGLOB
-
You ever going to correct yourself on the Generation Kill statement?
-
stop it harry or i'll call the cops.
-
July 21, 2009, 11:29 p.m. CST
I just know they are gonna leave out BIG LOB again.
by GibsonUSA Returns
Just watch. The sequel is gonna come out, and it's STILL not gonna have Big Lob. They're gonna go ahead and leave him out again.<BR> wtf...
-
i'm shocked. you actually made me interested in a movie i was dead set against. more like this please.
-
my expectations of these reviews and the movie are pretty low.
-
Duke and the gang try to rescue Scarlett after Cobra kidnaps her for a secret experiment in mind control through forced lower GI Enemas; however..the rescue is put in jeopardy when Duke finds himself pulled into a world of unknown BDSM/Enema pleasures. Yo Ho!
-
The trailers looked awful. Like Driven-awful. Like it-makes-Transporter-seem-high-art awful. But Harry liked it. <p> You had me vaguely interested until you mentioned Jar Jar. Still makes me furious. Forget the racist undertones of it for a minute, it was just pandering of the worst kind. A blight on the legacy of Star Wars. I don't even care what he did, Harry. Just the concept of the character, sheer comic relief, was terrible, and you can't tell me that wasn't how it was written. Which means you liked that aspect of it. Which means you and I have very different tastes. Which means you have no authority in movie-lore any longer. I have spoken.
-
The movie studio should DEMAND that Big Lob be inserted into the sequel!....lest funding be CUT!!
-
July 22, 2009, 12:20 a.m. CST
Remember how the GI Joe NES game didnt have BIG LOB??
by GibsonUSA Returns
That sucked!! I'm STILL clicking though the roster looking for him!
-
In my opinion, the original designs would NOT have made them look like the village people! <BR><BR> The original designs for Duke, Flint, Hawk, Lady Jaye, Sgt Slaughter, Falcon, Beachhead, Scarlet, and Roadblock look like the Village People?? NO, they looked like cool military-ish designs! <BR><BR> Some of the other ones, like Gung-Ho and Alpine had different looks, but they were cool and believable in the given universe.<BR><BR> As for BIG LOB, he just rules.
-
Seriously, this has been the WORST summer for movies in recent memory. Star Trek was passable, but everything else... ball of suck.
-
L.O.L <P> The GPA line killed me.
-
July 22, 2009, 1:45 a.m. CST
Harry, do you really like that its a "global coalition"?
by GibsonUSA Returns
G.I. Joe's symbolizes Americana doesnt it? <BR>"Real American Hero" and such? <BR><BR> I like the message of global cooperation, but is that GI Joe? I believe GI Joe had another message.<BR><BR> Growing up as a kid, I thought of GI Joe as delivering a message of what it meant to be an American. Watching the cartoon...GI Joe was a hugely diverse team! You had men and women, people from different backgrounds and representing virtually every race working together and waving the American flag together. It was great. <BR> And each episode was followed by a PSA featuring everyday kids, again diversely represented, talking with Joes about teamwork and things like that.<BR><BR> As a kid, GI Joe's message to me was about who we are as Americans. Sure, some of the characters were maybe a little uncreative and maybe a little stereotypical (Quick Kick?), but it seemed to well meaning to me.<BR><BR> Would you trade that for a new "global coalition"?
-
July 22, 2009, 2:26 a.m. CST
a silent undercover operative? how thefuck does that even work?
by BMacSmith
CHUCKLES finds a way.
-
A huge guy in a Hawaiian shirt punching tanks...never talks...and is in training to go undercover.<BR><BR> Rock on...rock on...
-
July 22, 2009, 3:17 a.m. CST
How in the universe did Ripcord get priority over BIG LOB??
by GibsonUSA Returns
Can someone answer that question? Does ANYONE here, when they think GI Joe...think "Ripcord"?? <BR><BR> WTF?? <BR><BR> Big Lob all day.
-
July 22, 2009, 3:24 a.m. CST
What losers are they gonna pick for GI2 instead of BIG LOB??
by GibsonUSA Returns
Cause you know they will. They're gonna pick some jabronis out of nowhere and AGAIN no Big Lob.<BR><BR> You're gonna see Snow Job in there before Big Lob...and other Ripcord equivalents.
-
The cartoon lasted until 1991 because of Big Lob. Why? Cobra had basically won in the 1987 movie until Big Lob took that Dreadnock flyer and saved almost the ENTIRE Joe team.<BR><BR> Next time you think of G.I. Joe in the 90's, thank Big Lob.
-
Why do you fuckers continually come onto his site, click on his review, read it, then say you don't give a fuck what he says, or "Harry likes it so it must be shit", or that he's sucking the director's dick??? <p> If he's so terrible at reviewing and you feel his tastes are opposite to yours, why the fuck do you feel the need to constantly whine and bitch about his reviews? Stop reading them, simple. Or wait for Capone, Quint or whoever you feel best meshes with your taste in films. <p> Every fucking time it's "Harry sold out", "Harry likes __________, shocker!", "But Harry, seven years ago you said you liked _________, now you don't. Ha ha, hypocrite" and other such bullshit. <p> Hey dipshits!! People's tastes and views change as they get older/experience new things/reflect on past behaviours. If it didn't, we'd all still be watching Nick Jr. <p> Point is, Harry's tastes and quirks are well established by now. Don't like it? STOP WHINING ABOUT IT AND JOG THE FUCK ON!!!
-
July 22, 2009, 4:27 a.m. CST
You know that dumbass named Scoops from Oper. Dragonfire?
by GibsonUSA Returns
HE WILL probably make it in before BIG LOB!! WTF?????
-
July 22, 2009, 4:31 a.m. CST
Remember when they made Street Fighters to GI Joes?
by GibsonUSA Returns
THEY will probably make it in before BOG LOB!! WTF????
-
Zap. ZAP. Yet HE will probably make it in before BIG LOB!! WTF????
-
NEVER FORGET
-
He was one of the orignal nine Joes. Then, everybody and their mother was allowed to join the team.
-
It's a crappy summer flick for middle-class dumb tweens and white trash. If you pay to watch this, you are either one of those.
-
"Big Lob is that guy in GI Joe the movie that talks in sports metaphors."<P>Big Lob is my kind of guy. I bet he destroys the pussy.
-
July 22, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST
Van Helsing wa sso bad that I'm just not willing to give GI JOE
by Movietool
PLUS, whenever I see the ads, I don't see ANYTHING that makes me say "GI JOE." As people have said here before, this just looks like a Megaforce movie. I'll wait for Netflix.
-
jack would have shot the bitch...just like he did Nina
-
July 22, 2009, 12:26 p.m. CST
S.H.I.E.L.D. movie would rock, but only if NIck Fury is Bruce Wi
by SpyGuy
Leave the "Too Hip for the Room" Ultimate Nick Sam Jackson Fury for the Avengers if you must, but a S.H.I.E.L.D. movie demands a Classic Nick Fury, preferably set in the sixties with flying sportscars, LMDs and glider-suits.
-
Of Lebron James getting dunked on by BIG LOB.
-
Youse guys are nuts.
-
in some of the comics he played a huge role....he was dating the daughter of the head of the crimson guard...she was killed with soft master by scrap iron. He had some great story lines. he was also a great action figure...so of course this piece of shit film fucked all that up.
-
July 22, 2009, 4:33 p.m. CST
Can we have a Vern review of this please?
by RICHARD_GERE_RAPED_MY_GERBIL
He's probably the only reviewer on here I completely trust.
-
I hate to admit this, but I want to see this film. I doubt I'll go to the theaters, but I'll check it out on Blue Ray. I hated "Transformers" so much that I've vowed never to watch the sequel unless I'm playing a stripping/drinking game with lots of hot coeds. But I want come off this film feel liking I'm knowing and knowing's half the... well, you know...
-
larry hama should have been a creaive consultant or maybe he should have had a part in it,like a general or something.Maybe then all the "true fans" would shut the fuck up and just enjoy the movie.Oh...wait he did both.Fuck all you cocks who bashed this saying shit about larry would hate this and blah blah move out of your moms basement you 35 year old virgin...blah.Fuck sticks...
-
Skynet: "Does not compute! Does not compute!" <BR><BR> Big Lob: " BIG LOB MAKES HIS MOVE!!"
-
Megatron: "You puny earth creatures will...what the?...get off of me!!" <BR><BR> Big Lob: "BIG LOB MAKES HIS MOVE!!"
-
Shut the fuck up you British socialist wanker. we have every right to complain, criticize and tell Harry to fuck off. He knows it, we know it. Your dopey attitude makes me think you would be better off in Stalinist Russia, you dumb cunt.....
-
..i'm gonna watch G.I. Joe: the revenge of cobra and G.I. Joe: Resolute and be satisfied.
-
I'll see it. :)
-
I'll see it in a hat and overcoat.
-
just wanted to say that. Van Helsing was garbage. Not fun fun at ll just plain stupid - it makes Mummy 3 look like Amadeus. And what's with the Marlon hating? He can be good, give him a break. I don't care what anyone says remeber how much positive feedback he got on Above The Rim...Mo Money...Requiem For A Dream...Lady Killers he even killed Scary Movie 1 & 2 and he WOULD have been a much better Robin than Chris O'donnell had he been given the chance... Fuck this stupid movie I\ll watch the cartoon any day, cobra la!
-
July 23, 2009, 12:31 a.m. CST
BIG LOB must remain the unsung hero of G.I. Joe................
by GibsonUSA Returns
Big Lob should not get much screentime, and should usually be seen standing in the back. An unusual comment perhaps, but that is his role.<BR><BR> Big Lob is the type of guy that takes a backseat to all the prettyboys when it comes to spotlight, but after watching the movie several times, you come to the realization that it was ACTUALLY him who saved the day, rather the the screentime prettyboys. This role must be retained.<BR><BR> If Big Lob is in GI2...if that movie is 1.5 hrs, Big Lob should have less than 10 min on screen...yet he is the one that actually saved the day.
-
and COOL? Well hot damn, what more can you ask for?
-
Don't tell me a bunch of guinea pigs (literally) is more red, white and blue than Yo Joe????
-
Gimme a break. They had a saying in Sarajevo-if someone was an obvious plant or mouthpiece for the State-they called them 'the Eastern Radio Announcer'. PDennett, besides enjoying anal sex w/ iguanas, bassetts and large wooden objects, is, yes, an Eastern Radio Announcer. Back to the show!
-
Its people like you who fuck UP movies.
-
Like my cock after 15 Stella Artois's
-
Well based on the trailers I would have never gone to this movie - looked pretty weak. <p> But being recently unemployed and having good cheap afternoon showings nearby maybe I will check it out. It can't be nearly as bad as Land of the Lost or Year One, can It? <p> my guess is I laugh more in GI Joe than those 2 movies combined...
-
The polystone comiquette dioramas of the film that Sideshow will sell to infantilized man-children like me.
-
GI Joke is another movie I'd pay NOT to see.
-
Because Stephen Sommers makes horrible movies and this movie looks just as horrible as everything else he has done.
-
July 23, 2009, 11:39 p.m. CST
Following GI Joe 2 should be GI JOE ORIGINS: BIG LOB
by GibsonUSA Returns
Starting from when he was just a little lob...
-
has anyone seen the g i chipmunk video on metacafe it's quite funny, absoloutley rips it out of the movie
-
his is the link http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3087879/g_i_chipmunk/
-
No, huh?
-
it would be so iconic if movie #2, with the now fully formed "Cobra" fighting GI JOE, focused on a "Cobra is trying to assemble a Weather Dominator" plot. Yeah, the plot of GI JOE was kind of science fictionish in the cartoon and this is what I hoped for; not taking itself TOO seriously but not some insane parody; Bay is literally an insane person, Transformers 1 was an insult but people just enjoyed looking at the shiny robots...now even people that liked Transformers 1 hate Transformers 2 (it's just noncoherent scenes about some kid's grandfathers' glasses, BARELY any robot action...not enough Starscream. etc.) But I'm happy to see that GI JOE works; purely a popcorn flick but dang it that's what they were specifically trying to make. ***BUT HOW CAN GI JOE NOT BE AMERICAN? THEY"RE THE ALL-AMERICAN HEROES! What's with this multi-lateral stuff?! As Animal Lover said, "HE WHO IS NOT WITH ME IS MY ENEMY"
-
..will be the credits roll at the end.
-
donated to the AICN swag fund. Don't mean to be an asshole, but I am feeling more and more like the joke is on us and this site is strictly a studio marketing device. Either that or Harry really has no discernible criteria and his taste in films is suspect at best, for rent at worst.
-
July 25, 2009, 4:31 p.m. CST
Who Gives A Shit about this thing -- It's A G.I. JOE MOVIE!!
by LeftFoot
Unless Joe finally starts doing Barbie (the tension has been there for years, we all know it), then this film has no interest for me.<p> Make a good S.H.I.E.L.D. movie -- that appeals to me.
-
... on what it cost Sommers and the studio to buy a good review from Mr. PWESENTS!
-
While I think Mr. Knowles positive review makes me lean towards seeing this movie, this statement right here is the problem I've had with it since I first saw the trailer. To me the appeal of GI Joe, like Transformers, was it's use of real world shit. Completely over the top stuff, but otherwise the planes, the tanks, the helicopters were all real world military weapons (granted GI Joe went sci-fi after the animated movie, but whatever). That this movie uses sci-fi stuff, well, why bother calling it GI Joe? When they put on the "accelerator suits" they just look like generic army guys from Halo. Less GI Joe more Master Chief. And even though Mr. Knowles seems to think the military is working on these things, in fact they gave up on their Future Warrior program cause it was, well, crap. And the other fact is, their idea of what a "Future Warrior" was was nothing like what's displayed in Ha...GI Joe. It wasn't superhero-y shit with spandex tights, it was bulky equipment that made our men giant targets. Big giant waste of money it was. So looking at that trailer, I don't see "near future" anything, I see a complete Hollywood fantasy. But that aside, okay, if it's a good movie, and this is the first review I've read so that's one in the thumbs up column, I can enjoy it for what it is.
-
Really, it just looks SOOOOOO BAAAAAD.
-
... Amadeus is awful. Just awful.
-
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. The other half is the the sickly sweet stench emitted from Big Lob's anus after a 24hr clam chowder enema.
-
The guys skill set is a joke For far too long he's been getting by by being just another pretty face and come hither glances.<p>
-
If you watch the Military Chnnel, you might know these accelerator suits aren't as fantastical as you mgiht believe. I recently saw a show about them being tested as prototypes by the Army - not for running fast, but for picking up and moving heavy objects, a lot like Ripley's suit in ALIENS. They allow a person to pick up hundreds of pounds with it taking the effort of lifting a single pound in the perspective of the lifter. That way, soldiers can do these repetitive tasks over and over and get the job done without getting fatigued.
-
"... for reasons that don't take place in the actual movie." This is why "buzz" is stupid.
-
FUCK YOURSELF IN THE EAR. It wasn't funny, it was just fucking lame. Seriously, if you find that funny, go off yourself with a rusty spork. Idiot.
-
Did you put that stupid chipmunk thing together? It doesn't rip shit out of anything...it's inept, amateur garbage and was a waste of time.
-
i dont recommend seeing this movie at all it looks stupid how can u like it
-
Riding a motorcycle with sunglasses on in the rain is incredibly stupid IMO. Riding in the rain with a dark visor is a bit better but still annoying, and I don't know anyone else that does it except me (can't help it if I'm a slave to looking cool!) At least w/ a visor u can raise it while riding unlike sunglasses... I trust Blood over your sycophantic and whorish reviews Harry.
-
With every studio handout you accept, and the positive reviews you give shit movies, it is impossible to take you seriously anymore. How fucking depressing!!!
-
I didn't really pay much attention at all to GI Joe when I was a kid. I watched a battle once where every tank and plane that was destroyed had to have somebody ejecting out at the last second. And then there was a huge, huge firefight where apparently nobody from either side actually HIT anyone. At all. And with that degree of irrationality displayed before me, I lost whatever mild interest I had in GI Joe right then and there. That said, I have NO expectations about this movie and will go see it and will take it for what it is. Everybody else here seems to be stuck with early judgment calls one way or the other. Go me!
-
Yes, it was. But I have also seen amazing trailers from movies that suck ass. So, now I don't believe in the trailers as much as I did in the past. Some trailers make you believe the movie is from one genre when the movie itself is completely different. Watch the movie first, or at least wait till a friend goes to see it and ask them.
-
I'm still waiting for the REAL GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip that I played with in the 70's before the "Village People" took it over.
-
The Pit is located under a motor pool on Staten Island like in the comics! Anything else is a lie!
-
from www.cbc.ca... "It's the biggest movie of the summer that practically no one has seen. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra opens Friday, but Paramount Pictures isn't screening the blockbuster for critics beforehand. Only a select few writers from blogs and movie websites have seen it for review — such as Harry Knowles, the self-professed Head Geek from Ain't It Cool News — and their opinions have been mostly positive." Why has Harry seen this and most other critics have not... probably because they were certain that his review would be positive. And why would they be so certain of his approval - I have my suspicions... how about you.
-
Kind of incredulous that none of y'all realized that he meant a DIFFERENT Iraq War movie that Channing Tatum was in this past year...
-
I saw that you got your name in the trailer/commercial for this Harry. I really think you sold out on this one. When nearly every other source is pounding on it, and they are not screening it for general critics, well, it doesn't pass the smell test. I can't speak for the rest of the talkbackers, but my respect for you has diminished.
-
Having seen G.I.Joe, what do you think of the idea of having Sommers helming the much-needed reboot of the Fantastic Four franchise?
-
True, True...
-
No press screening, and the TV spots quote... Harry? Holy shit.
-
...WHERE I KNOW HE FIGHTS FOR ME <BR><BR> AND I WONT FORGET THE THE MOVES HE MADE <BR><BR> TO SET THE OTHER JOES FREE <BR><BR> AND I GLADLY STAND UP! NEXT TO HIM AND REMEMBER STILL TODAY <BR><BR> CAUSE THERE AINT NO DOUBT I LOVE THIS LAAAND <BR><BR> BIG LOB's FROM USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! <BR><BR> [tear]
-
From what I have seen in the trailers I have two issues with this movie, one is small and one is pretty big. First off, who in the fuck thought it would be a good idea to put LIPS on Snake eyes. WTF? He doesn't talk (at least he better not) and he's a godamn ninja, how many fucking ninja's run around with lips on their masks. This might be the most retarded thing I've seen in a movie since Battlefield Earth. Second, and believe it or not this is the big issue. I don't wanna see GI JOE: Master Chief. Those stupid ass suits remind me wayyyy to much of HALO. JOEs don't need power suits. Thanks for putting yet another bullet into the back of the head of my childhood.
-
So Ray Park is Snake-eyes. Now I am definitely going to watch this film. :)
-
I just saw the commercial where they drop your name and three of your quotes, trying to shake up some credibility. I never believed all the sell-out/plant shit people talked about you until now. You should be ashamed. We used to believe in you and your reviews.
-
it was fun. Not a good movie, not a bad movie, but a good attempt at a G.I Joe movie. Stephen Sommers tried his hardest to make this movie suck with his horrible directing, but he failed. THe flashback scene with Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow fighting as kids is ridiculous but awesome
-
I HAVE TO SAY THAT WHILE I'M A FAN OF THE COMICS AND TOYS I THOUGHT THIS FILM WOULD SUCK. THANKFULLY IT DIDN'T. LOTS OF ENERGY AND FUN ESPECIALLY IN THE PARIS SEQUENCE. THE CAST WERE GOOD TOO. LOOKING FORWARD TO THE A SEQUEL.
-
pfff Karolina Kurkova is so 2000 and late. Check out this vid w/ the real CoverGirl and her training techniques. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdd6tlkA-tc
-
...and I will be saving my movie money for District 9. Damn, another movie filmed with a script that no one edited.
-
he has the taste of pure monkey shit. Why anyone can respect summer garbage is beyond me.
-
Only if they're Gobble Weiner brand. Yes, I stole that from Futurama, but damn, all I can think of is Harry trying to fool us into seeing this film with a really dubious review.
-
"As a cheesy, mindless kid blockbuster it's perfectly mediocre, those already labeling it a highlight of the Summer though need to seriously get their heads examined"
-
My latest blog post!! I can prove it! www.digitallyblonde.com
-
And then put his clones in charge of every summer film... forever. Then, I'll never have to get pissed about how movies like this ever get made.
-
First off Siena Miller as the Baroness, she stole the film. Tons of action, hot female supporting actresses (kept seeing the Baroness as Kate Beckinsale from Underworld), not the best CGI (ILM has the market on that), decent acting, (Gordon Levitt as Cobra Commander was great).This movie was not a total disappointment. It was worth the 7 dollar matinee price.
-
This movie was a bigger disappointment Phantom Menace. Why would you see this again, exactly? Unless they're paying you I don't see...never mind.
-
I loved Stephen Summers Deep Rising and The Mummy, hated The Mummy Returns and Von Helsing, and now i have to say not only did i enjoy G.I.Joe, i think its way more fun than Transformers 2- sure its absolutely a popcorn movie for 12 year old boys and its still got a lot of the usual Sommers traits- way too much CGI for my liking , some of the acting is awful(Channing Tatum, take a bow and Christpher Eccleston, who should know better)and hardly any character development, but do you know what , it was FUN! undemanding fun, i know it sounds like a cliche , but in these recessionary times thats all some of us ask for at certain times (me i cannot wait for District 9 and Moon now) but it has to be said that Transformers 2 gave me such a headache, i couldnt wait for it to end,far too long, badly directed, morally dubious at times and from my knowledge as an actor for 15 years , Megan Fox cannot and i repeat cannot act!!!! However GI JOE pleasantly surprised me tonight(now i know what Sienna Miller does!!) kudos to Mr Sommers for rediscovering some of the flair you had on The Mummy , Gi Joe does what it says on the tin
-
and happiness<p> i wanted not to be lonely<p> i wasn't sure i wasn't feeling lonely<p> i wasn't impressed with my body<p>my body was fat and a handsome man was running his finger on my shoelaces<p>i was perturbed and imperfect and then GIJOE! holy babies!
-
now I'll admit i can barely remember things from the og show, but i had my friend there next to me who remember everything. so between us, we cover are bases, and we both thought the movie had very bad moments,i'll admit there was lots of pretty things that go boom, but nothing worth paying to see. snake eyes and storm shadow were about the only thing that made this movie watchable IMO and a bit of a spoiler here but WTF did they do to cobra commanders mask, really? how hard would it be to have did it right, I've seen 6 years old's with Halloween costumes look better, i mean i'm understand changing things to work in a movie better (ergo spider-mans web shooters, didn't like it but understood the change) but this had no function, in fact it look like a fail attempt at semi transparent predator mask, it was just bad. also destro's metal face cgi was god awful, being someone who works in 3d, i have to say even i could do better work then that, wtf? did they just run out of money for the cgi at the end? don't was the money unlees you just want to see ray park kick some ass every 20 minutes or so... oh and harry, do better...
-
now I'll admit i can barely remember things from the og show, but i had my friend there next to me who remember everything. so between us, we cover are bases, and we both thought the movie had very bad moments,i'll admit there was lots of pretty things that go boom, but nothing worth paying to see. snake eyes and storm shadow were about the only thing that made this movie watchable IMO and a bit of a spoiler here but WTF did they do to cobra commanders mask, really? how hard would it be to have did it right, I've seen 6 years old's with Halloween costumes look better, i mean i'm understand changing things to work in a movie better (ergo spider-mans web shooters, didn't like it but understood the change) but this had no function, in fact it look like a fail attempt at semi transparent predator mask, it was just bad. also destro's metal face cgi was god awful, being someone who works in 3d, i have to say even i could do better work then that, wtf? did they just run out of money for the cgi at the end? don't was the money unless you just want to see ray park kick some ass every 20 minutes or so... oh and harry, do better...
-
Hary, may i say, you are a fucking hypocritical twat of the first degree? YOu lay into Transformers 2 for being hollow, soulless shit, which it is, but you love this for the same reason? I have been thinking for years that your taste was questionable at best, but you have just hit a new low. Anyone who likes this is a fucking moron, Harry you are an idiot.
-
Just finished watching this online and I'm really glad I didn't pay for it. I hope it ruins careers, everyone involved with this travesty needs to be impaled up the ass and left to rot on Sunset Blvd!
-
Or maybe even crazy shite.
-
Way better than Transformers 2. I strongly doubt anyone bad-mouthing this movie in talkback actually saw it; it seems tailor-made to entertain geeks of all ages. Is it the best action movie of all time? Not by a long shot. Best of the summer? Quite possibly!
-
He didn't mention Channing Tatum's soul rending, horrible performance. Good god that man is a terrible actor. Every single line of dialogue and facial expression he made was wooden and terrible.
-
I not only grew up with Gi joe the cartoons, but I bought all of the marvel issues...I even got a hold of #2 which was rare at the time. But this movie bastardizes the concept of gi joe. Who ever wrote this is a dumbass, who couldn't read the comics. ripcord is a filler, a nobody! Scarlet and snake eyes were the couple and snake eyes didn't take "a vow of silence"...he had his face blown off rescuing a war buddy. shit if you don't want to get to deep into it because of time constraints fine just don't make up some stupid shit. snake eyes and storm shadow weren't kids when the master died. cobra commander and baroness siblings ...christ!!! I saw it once...and that was too many times. You wanna "blow shit up". 4th of july. I could swallow duke and baroness, even the nanomites crap. hell even how cobra commander got his raspy voice and why he wears a mask (although that one was pretty weak). There is so much wrong with this movie it has no right to call itself GI JOE. suggestion: if anyone at, what was it spyglass? whoever backed this film...find writers who know the material ...lets say Larry Hama. let his ass write it, approve it and make a movie that fits, bullshit, that respects the name GI JOE....I'm pissed!!!
-
some people on here when criticising a movie act like the producers have killed their families or something, and if they were fans of the original comic book, watch out!!! excuse my ignorance for not reading the original G I Joe comics- but those that have and are regulars on here, at times are so so OTT in their posts , when the movie doesnt live up to their idea of what it should be- this movie was a bit of fun, if it wasnt your idea of fun, ok, but those that liked it, are entitled to like it, think some of you are taking things way too seriously
-
...but it's also so inspired by the tone of the cartoon that it may as well have just been one of the cartoon's scripts filmed in live action with a few deaths and curse words thrown in. In that sense, I would call GIJoe a successful adaptation -- but that doesn't mean it's a good film.
-
...but it's also so inspired by the tone of the cartoon that it may as well have just been one of the cartoon's scripts filmed in live action with a few deaths and curse words thrown in. In that sense, I would call GIJoe a successful adaptation -- but that doesn't mean it's a good film.
-
which equals a thumbs down. As always, I trust Roger. This is what separates Harry from a professional film critic - Trust. Harry has an entertaining website, but his insight into film is underwhelming and the criteria he bases his "reviews" on is non-existent. You can never trust what Harry says because you can never be too certain that his review is Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the site, but as far as using it as a barometer for good cinema, those days are long gone. Jeffery Lyons has more cred than Harry (and he is a total douche - as is his son Ben). Give me Ebert, Roeper, or Phillips over AICN reviews any day of the week. AICN - good for a little levity, not very informative.
-
fantastic four dont need a reboot, it was done well\, given the material...if the problem is with some of the cast i agree **cough, cough ALBA, cough** then i agree...other than that i thought both movies were great......GIjoe was great too, so was transformers 2....u people need to get your heads out of your self important asses and just goto movies to enjoy them, not compare them to your precious comics and cartoons, then rip them apart...buncha pussies u are.
-
which equals a thumbs down. As always, I trust Roger. This is what separates Harry from a professional film critic - Trust. Harry has an entertaining website, but his insight into film is underwhelming and the criteria he bases his "reviews" on is non-existent. You can never trust what Harry says because you can never be too certain that his review is genuine and not paid for. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the site, but as far as using it as a barometer for good cinema, those days are long gone. Jeffery Lyons has more cred than Harry (and he is a total douche - as is his son Ben). Give me Ebert, Roeper, or Phillips over AICN reviews any day of the week. AICN - good for a little levity, not very informative.
-
He couldn't keep track of the number of warheads in the movie, and he thought that Duke and Ripcord were the same character. I understand that some people respect the guy, but come on... The guy is freaking OLD, and judging from his GI Joe reviews he's showing early symptoms of dementia. IMHO, letting one person dictate your movie watching habits is kind of foolish, anyway.
-
it depends on what you are looking for when you go see a film... I for one find it of paramount importance that the story is both coherent and cohesive. I don't think it is self important to expect any less. If big, dumb and loud works for you great, I prefer something with a little more substance. A film can be entertaining without being mindless.
-
As I mentioned in my post I also respect the opinions Richard Roeper and others (even though there are times that I strongly disagree)... at the end of the day I decide what films I spend my time and money on. I do think it is foolish to suggest that Roger Ebert is too old to have an informed opinion, or infer that his age has anything to do with his ability to review a film critically and fairly. That is just ridiculous and I would suggest that there are many, many more people that respect his work than those who do not.
-
Give it up, you're just humiliating yourself. The only people that suffer from dementia are all the idiots like yourself that sincerely think it was a good movie. Thank you, b3mike
-
...Tim's right. That review was plagued with inaccuracies.
-
Just got home from this movie... was exciting until people talked, everythign was so cheese filled it completely insults your inteligence. I am all for having fun at the movies, I liked transformers 1.... hated 2.... this is the same as TF2 IMO. Cobra and Destro, two of my all time favorite villians are raped by Dr. Evil and bore the children that represent them in this shit film. Seriously... third waste of money in a row after HP and TF2... utter turd.
-
Just read hsi review, what are you guys talkign about he confused Ripcord and Duke? That's nowhere in his review... Anyways, his review is spot on, you have to be retarded to enjoy this stuff. Just because it's based on a cartoon doesn't mean it has to be so silly, I would of preferred it had a tone similar to Iron Man instead of Street Figther" The Movie... Fuggin garbage...
-
Street Fighter, was not only a good movie, but a good "G.I.Joe" movie. And yes, unless he changed his review, last week, he said Duke was the one that chased down the missiles. Mistook how many missiles there were. Thought Rex was McCullen, and didn't realize Cobra didn't exist until the end of the film. <br><br>Also, G.I.Joe could've worked really well as straight camp, or a more adult take on the storylines of the comics. I'm not exactly thrilled with what we got, but I'm not gonna deny it what we got was pretty fun. Just wish Paramount would jettison Sommers and Tatum.
-
He edited it.
-
...with piss poor direction.
-
I agree with many points that you made in terms of Marlon Wayans making me afraid that he won't do well in this movie. I also liked how there wasn't much profanity or romance that you need to cover your child's ears and eyes for, thus making this movie watchable for all ages which is a huge plus. I also agree that the tech stuff in this movie isn't that far off from being real, compared to cars turning into killing machines and being able to talk (transformers). You can read more of what I think about this movie at http://www.ryce.biz/blog/2009/08/gi-joe-review
-
Instead of Destro sending in his best guys directly into the Joe's headquarters couldn't he just make some new weapons? Silly... Another thing is why did they retardedly let Hawk live? oh right so he could set the alarm and allow for a big fight... ALso, why didn't the Joes alert the police in Paris to help stop the would be cobra'la? they were obviously incompetant anyways, also why did the joes wait for them to kill the baron before the Joes showed up?!... Oh yea, most embarrassing bad movie seen ever was the cobra reveal scene... "You will now call me COMMANDER!"- DUN DUN DHUN! wow, utter shit...
-
I don't think Transformers was perfect or even the greatest movie by any stretch, but to act like G.I. Joe was better or even a good movie for that matter leads me to believe that Harry is getting paid off to pretend like G.I. Joe wasn't that bad. You could hear the mouse clicks during anything with special effects. The CG was terrible. It was really G.I. Joe in name only.
-
No, because the original plan was for it to appear that someone from NATO stole the warheads, and for them to squabble over who stole, weaponized, and launched them, while Zartan snuck in the White House and Cobra rose to dominance. They might as well have came up with a new plan if they went with the nanomites again.
-
This movie didn't suck and I kinda sorta agree with this review. Gasp! I disagree with Harry that this is his best work to date, however, as I really enjoyed the first Mummy and this G.I. Joe flick treads dangerously close to god-aweful Mummy 2 territory by the final act. The action scenes were bad-ass throughout but after a while the non-stop CG thrill ride becomes mind-numbing and tedious. Still, this movie is a giant step up from M2 and Van Helsing.
-
El Oh El? Are you fucking kidding me? It seems to me that this movie was pumped out pretty quickly and the effects were pretty damn impressive all things considered. Do you even have any grasp of the massive number of effects shots there were in this film? They knocked it out of the fucking park.
-
I understood that part of the plot Shermdawg. But I really think if Destro was so keen with coming up with a plan he would of pulled it off better instead of sending a handful of guys in the Joe headquarters to retrieve it. I am probably thinking about this too much but I found in multiple parts of the movie jsut seemed like the JOES were compeltely incompetant, they didn't show to be very good at protecting paris even though they had intel to what was going to happen, nor did they do well in protecting the Joe base. I get that people liked it, but I jsut don't see it. When I was watching it part of me wished I was five again because maybe, just maybe I would've enjoyed it. ALthough even as a child I think I would have thought destro and cobra were way sucky villians in this movie.
-
Can't wait for the sequel(s).
-
Wow there's a lot of mixed feelings on this movie. I have to admit that I did enjoy it, it's definitely cheesy at a few parts but it's a really fun flick. Just don't go into it expecting something epic that's gonna change your life or anything. My favorite part is seeing Mr. Echo scream "YOOO JOE!!!!" during the underwater battle, LOL. BTW- Paris chase scene is suuuuper bad ass, my goodness. Also, I am NOT a fan of the Snake Eye's look, he's my favorite JOE of all time and I think they kinda failed on him, like they did with Gambit in 'Orgins'...did Snake Eyes have lips in the cartoon? I don't remember that...
-
Listen, this movie was awesome eye candy... but I am confused as to the difference between this and Transformers ROTF, with the exception that the feeling and action in Transformers was more fun. GI Joe was great... but there is a reason why Transformers was, and is the biggest Summer movie of 2009 despite the negative feedback it received not just on this site, but across the board.
-
Online, and I was upset that it robbed me of 25 minutes of my life. I could only imagine how I would feel if I chose to pay to lose 25 minutes of my life. If you're an adult, this movie is utter dog shit. Or, atleast the first 25 minutes were. Who knows, maybe the movie totally rocked after the utter shit fest of the first 25 minutes.
-
You may know that GI Joe was renamed when shown in the UK to Action Men. I never loved the show but it was cool nevertheless. And im glad they remnamed it here cus GI Joe is a bit of a weird name for a whole team of people i mean 1 person being named that fine but a whole team? Im probably misunderstanding somthin about the whole mythology of the thing tho still gi joe sounds naff to me. anyways the film was bollocks Harry your review is bollocks. This was painful to sit through with another terrible script. I wana b a hollywood writter - earn millions writting shite that even Action Man would crap away and get paid for it. Some of the CGI was terrible to. best bits: opening military fight and paris crash. Worst bits well all the rest!
-
Bag of shite this! I walked just after the shiny CG spaceship flew into the badly rendered CG hide-out in the desert! looked worse than a Playstation game! Denis Quaid and Christopher Eccleston seem to be regressing in Acting ability! What was that god aweful Scotch accent!? Utter dross! UEUWE Bol would be proud
-
Somebody needs to tell Sommers that ice FLOATS!!!! I did enjoy the movie though. Lots of fun! Super cold arctic ocean will slow Storm Shadows vitals down to see another sequel!!! I'm calling it here first!!!
-
Now it's quite obvious that there is Bay hatred on this site from all the reviewers. Whether it actually be legitimate or just because he won't give them free perks is a moot point. To say this movie is better than both Transformers movies shows that you have no right to ever review another movie again. G.I. Joe has perhaps the worst special effects in the history of motion pictures while Transfomers may have the best. What's wrong with you man? This is an embarrasment as a final product. We are talking worse than Playstation CGI. This is Sega Genesis stuff. 65% of the movie is CGI when it does not need to be. A CGI Destro head instead of a mask? A CGI aircraft carrier, when Bay can make a phone call and put 5 real ones in his movie. Yeah, G.I. Joe is far superior. As for source material, here Snake Eyes is a ten year old homeless child who sneaks into a ninja dojo and just happens to have the kung fu skills to hold off Storm Shadow who has been training all his life. That's more true to the source than Bumblebee being a yellow camaro instead of a pansy yellow volkswagon??? Just a pathetic review, and you should seriously be ashamed to look in the mirror after writing this.
-
This needs to stop. G.I. Joe is the worst movie of the year, yet you hump up on it. It's sad.
-
What subtle G.I. Joe plot nuance will I be missing if I read the review? And is it true this has become a big gay date movie?
-
Never trust Harry ever again. Godzilla anyone?
-
why your mom saw it twice
-
Ewww
-
But The sign up process was such a pain in the ass. I requested new password, got new password, entered password, repeat. BUT! Now I can throw my two cents! Coming from a guy who loves Twilight(which sure shows what type of movies Big Red hungers for) *COUGH* *COUGH* SHIT! He actually liked somthing that was cool.
-
Get it right
-
I know this is late, but i just saw TF3
-
I know this is late, but i just saw TF3 got greenlit and given a release date, and one thing really annoys me about harry's review of tf2 and gi joe. All the way through TF, harry got up on his high horse, and bleated like some liberal pansy about the so called racism, and how disgusting the twins were. however, apparently its TOTALLY fine for a black guy to be comedy relief, and only get into GI Joe on the back of a white guys marks! Anyway, Joe was a bullshit movie saved only by the stunning Parissequence, everything else was groan inducing, not the least of which was the worst piece of acting of all time, the opening in the 1600's. Harry, you;re a two faced bastard, calling GI Joe a good movie, for all the reasons you criticized TF2 for.
-
Its tolerable thanks to Scarlett exercising.
-
Only the Son Of God can save me from movies this flat-out rotten...and I'm a Buddhist.<p> I am so fucking, motherfucking, fucking fuck tired of cocksucking heterosexual screenwriting prick dick dildos second-guessing even the most basic of source material (LIKE A FUCKING HASBRO CARTOON) and utterly ruining it. This movie sucked elephant asshole.<p> Harry, I hope you spent the PLANT money on something other than the usual ribs. John The Baptist on a screaming alligator, I hated every minute of this fucking shit.<p> And to think, I just saw it for free...
-
And I've seen many. I couldn't even get through the thing. Except for Sienna Miller's leather clad bod, a failure on even its own terms. Harry is nuts. And he hated 2012, which--while not a masterpiece--was MUCH better than GI Joe. At least 2012 succeded as an example of the disaster film genre. GI Joe wasn't even as good as Hasslehoff's "Nick Fury: Agent of Sheild." Jesus!
-
forgotten. Harry's taste is in his ass.
Top Talkbacks
- Harry suits up for IRON MAN 3 and thinks this is the best Iron Man to date! -- 536 total posts 484 posts
- Behold Unhelmeted Klingons From STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS!! -- 335 total posts 335 posts
- J. J. Abrams Says John Williams Will Return To Score Episode VII! -- 544 total posts 218 posts
- Nordling Says IRON MAN 3 Kicks Off Marvel's Phase 2 In Grand Fashion! -- 381 total posts 150 posts
- Check Out These Gargantuan IMAX Posters For PACIFIC RIM! -- 137 total posts 137 posts
- Harry's 18th Blu-Ray PICKS & PEEKS of 2013: Streisand, Gary Cooper, MANBORG, REVISIONISTS, Next Generation, NOIR & Brando!!! -- 360 total posts 109 posts
- THE WOLVERINE CinemaCon Trailer Is Positively Slash-Happy! -- 83 total posts 83 posts
- The First Trailer For The WALKING WITH DINOSAURS Movie!! -- 66 total posts 66 posts
- Paul Thomas Anderson To Begin Shooting INHERENT VICE This May! Warner Bros To Finance! -- 47 total posts 47 posts
- Colin Firth And Emma Stone Officially Set For Woody Allen's Latest Untitled Comedy! -- 82 total posts 35 posts