Movie News

Updated! G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA "More Enjoyable Than TRANSFORMERS 2"? Two Readers Weigh In...

Published at: July 15, 2009, 3:14 p.m. CST

Beaks here...

Update: Steve "Frosty" Weintraub of Collider.com concurs with the below reviews. He says it's "the cartoon come to life". Our pals at Latino Review also got a positive write-up for Sommers's film.

After all those silly trailers and that ugly little rumor about director Stephen Sommers allegedly getting kicked out of the editing room (which was hotly denied by the studio), is it possible that G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA is actually... kinda fun? Or at least watchable? Or, if you really want to bury the bar, better than TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN? We've just received two very detailed reviews which claim G.I. JOE is not quite as awful as you might be expecting. For those of you who were planning to watch Sommers's opus under the heavy influence of something or another, this could be the biggest buzzkill of all. Careful with this first review if you're spoiler sensitive...
Hey guys, Just got back from a screening of G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra and figured I'd send in a a review. There might be some spoilers, in case you care. I've been familiar with G.I. Joe since I was a kid. I remember the cartoon, the silly PSAs and, of course, the toys. However, I was never a die hard fan or anything like that. After seeing the trailers, and realizing it looked pretty much nothing like the G.I.Joe I remember, I wasn't expecting much. So, with that said, here's the short version: It wasn't great, but it wasn't the train wreck I expected. Also, it was more enjoyable than Transformers 2. Ok, here's the longer version. The first thing to know, is the movie is pretty cheesy for most of the running time. Cheesy, but fun. The best comparison I can give you for the tone of this thing is the original Street Fighter (only with a bigger scope, 800 times the budget and %100 less Jean Claude Van Damme). It's cheesy, light hearted fun. The action is cartoony most of the time but borders on badass at others (this mostly refers to anytime Snake Eyes is on screen). The effects were all over the place as well. Some stuff looked pretty good (the accelerator suit chase) other times it was typical Stephen Sommers cartoon cgi. We were told the effects near the end of the film weren't complete. I really hope that's true because some of the stuff during the underwater attack at the end looked like someone took a crap, colored it blue and threw it on screen. Like I said above, it was more enjoyable than Transformers 2. One of the biggest reasons is the pacing. It was damn good. It didn't come to halt mid way through the movie or blow it's action-scene load too early. Each of the major set pieces was always bigger than the one before it, ratcheting things up nicely. It breaks up the action with flash backs to either Duke/Baroness or Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow. Most of these drag a bit, but are usually kept short and things get moving again quickly. Speaking of action, I could actually tell what was happing for the most part. The underwater battle at the end gets a bit confusing at times, but generally, Sommers sets up the geography of things well so you know what's happening. Also, the story actually makes sense (in the same manner that any "world domination" plot makes sense). It's not exactly deep, but at least it's coherent. They're definitely setting this up as a franchise given how it all ends. The last 10 minutes or so has a couple set ups for later installments, such as Cobra Commander making Destro his bitch and a (somewhat obvious) twist stolen right out of the first X-Men movie. The other main difference between this and Transformers is that this was devoid of low-brow humor. Sure, there were a couple slap stick moments involving Morlon Wayans (who was less annoying that I thought he'd be), but mostly it was cheesy humor that came from the characters. No "robot humping Megan Fox" here. Believe it or not, there's actually some pretty cool stuff tech wise. The guns used by the MARS troopers, the Joe's base which they call "The Pit", just about every vehicle in the film are all fun and imaginitive. I particularly dug the jet pack thing Storm Shadow steels from the Joe's base. The best part of the movie, though, is definitely Snake Eyes. He has no lines and is just a complete badass. My only problem with him, is this: Why the hell does his suit have a mouth? He doesn't talk, and the mouth wouldn't move if he did. So why the hell is it there? It was actually kind of distracting. The rest of characters are nothing to write home about. They're never really boring, but they're never great either. Dennis Quaid seemed to be having a bit of fun as General Hawk though. He gets the infamous "Knowing is half the battle" line. The villains are all pretty much what you'd expect. Baroness is hot, Storm Shadow kicks ass, etc... Speaking to looks, Cobra Commander looks just as stupid as you think he will. He's much more menacing in the movie than I remember him being in the cartoon. His voice is lower and less raspy. I'm fairly certain it's not even Joseph Gordon-Levitt's voice (unless they modified it a lot). When he becomes Cobra Commander he comes off more like Darth Vader (poor comparison, he's no where near that cool) than the whiny coward I remember from the show. Destro is actually the main villain throughout the movie, but doesn't get his silver head untill the very end. It's CGI but actually didn't look too bad, though I'm hoping the effect was unfinished. It could use a little more work. Obviously the movie is flawed. It has it's share of "wtf?" moments, like when Duke, Baronnes and Storm Shadow get out of a plane, on a polar ice cap, wearing Jeans and light jackets. Apparently it's not quite as cold up there as I thought. Must be global warming. Or like when 4 nanomite warheads apparently need to weaponized, a process that involves zapping them with lasers for about 30 seconds. Maybe i'm just not that knowledgable, but I though warheads were the weapon? No weaponizing necessary. Who knows.The movie is filled will stuff like this. But, silly science aside, the real weak link in the movie is easily Channing Tatum. He just doesn't seem like a military badass. They way he delivers lines, he sounds more like a whiny teen sometimes. Yes, i'm aware of how retarded it is to criticize the acting in a G.I. Joe movie, but he's the center piece of the movie and he just can't carry it. Part of the problem is his relationship with Baroness in the movie. Apparently 4 years ago they were engaged. Then Duke and her brother Rex (who later turns out to be Cobra Commander) go off to war and Rex "dies" and Duke and Baroness just stop talking, or something. I really don't know. She is later infected with nanomites by her believed to be dead brother which means he can control her like a robot. But eventually over the course of the movie, they make up and she miraculously overpowers the nanomite programming (wtf?) and helps Duke and the Joes. As dumb as that sounds, it's made worse by the fact that Tatum and Sienna Miller simply have no chemistry whatsoever. So, like I said, it's a fun but flawed movie. It's pretty much what you would expect a summer action movie to be. The biggest question, I guess, is this: "Is it a G.I. Joe movie?" Honestly, I'd have to say "No." It's not quite the G.I. Joe I remember, but it is a big, cheesy, fun and silly action movie that kept me entertained for about 2 hours. If you use this, call me Mr. Blonde. P.S. After the screening they gave everyone G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra hats. So, Just in case the talk backers decide my review looks leafy and green, I attatched a pic of it along w/ the extra ticket I had.
He no lie...

... though I fail to see how that precludes him from being a plant. Our next reviewer is a little less positive than Mr. Blonde, but he also seemed to enjoy himself thanks to massively reduced expectations.
Hey Harry, just got back from a pre-screening of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra and definitely have mixed feelings regarding the movie. Like most people my age, I am 33, I grew up with GI Joe in one form or another. I was an only child so I was fortunate enough to have a slew of GI Joe toys, along with a number of the comics. The cartoon was something I enjoyed but I always considered the comic the more canonical of the bunch. Larry Hama's background in the military somewhat grounded the comic in reality, and I say grounded loosely, so I always viewed the cartoon with a grain of salt. That being said, I don't have the view that Stephen Sommers has "raped my childhood" but I can say that the children in the screening were having a blast, and without a doubt were pushing their parents to buy whatever action figure for the character they most identified with. I realize that the marketing behind the movies now are all about merchandising (thank you Space Balls) and GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra should do well. The movie reflected the high tech gadgetry of the cartoon but was surprisingly violent as there are many on screen deaths. But enough of the history lesson, how is the movie you may ask? Well, it seems as though the screenwriters took bits and pieces from the file cards of the old action figures and copied and pasted them in the screenplay. Have you ever heard of Zartan? Did you know he is a master of disguises? Did you know GI Joe is a real American hero? Well you will know and as they say in the movie, knowing is half the battle. Screenplay aside, this is a movie built around the action scenes and this movie delivers that. However, halfway through the action scene in Paris I was expecting the soundtrack to start blaring, "America, Fuck Yeah!" Team America style as the wanton destruction displayed elicited several chuckles from the audience. The end battle reflected the final battles found in Star Wars A New Hope and Return of the Jedi so much I half expected Lando Calrissien to blow up the reactor core to Destro's hideout. Regarding the characters, the actor who portrayed Duke was wooden beyond all belief, Snake Eye’s mask had indentions from his lips, the Baroness had no accent, Destro's was so thick you could barely understand him, and everyone else seemed interchangeable. Dennis Quaid phoned it in as General Hawk while Branden Fraser makes a-- blink and you'll miss him --cameo. The movie didn't make a lasting impression on me and while they set up a sequel, I have a hard time mustering any enthusiasm for it. However, I have a feeling that the movie is loud, violent, and pop-corny enough (is that even a word?) for the general populace to enjoy. If you're kind enough to use this you can call me Wild Weasel (who doesn't appear in the movie).
Admit it: you're disappointed this might not suck.

Readers Talkback

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  • July 15, 2009, 1:16 a.m. CST

    A REAL INTERNATIONAL GLOBALLY FRIENDLY HERO!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    GI Joe is there!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:18 a.m. CST

    FIRST?

    by lockesbrokenleg

    It maybe more enjoyable, but it won't make as much money.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:19 a.m. CST

    When are they going to make...

    by TTMan

    ...an Action Jackson film?

  • July 15, 2009, 1:20 a.m. CST

    Sweet

    by Dignan666

    I want this to not suck.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:21 a.m. CST

    Body massage

    by Frisco

    The second reviewer has pretty much summed up my summer 2009 movie experience so far: "didn't make a lasting impression on me." Let's hope the Harry Potter movie can salvage it a bit. Oh, and I haven't seen Moon yet, so there's hope with that one too.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:22 a.m. CST

    This will be shite

    by cool_britannia79

    Transformers 2 will be better. Though with Moon out in the UK on Friday, Harry Potter out now, and District 9 a few weeks away, GI Joe can suck my balls.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:22 a.m. CST

    Hey Frisco,

    by cool_britannia79

    Great minds dude...

  • July 15, 2009, 1:23 a.m. CST

    I will probably see it

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Bur aside from the names, there's no way in hell this is GI JOE.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Pleeeeeease...don't forget BIG LOB for the sequel!!!!!!!!!!!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    He shoots! He scores!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:25 a.m. CST

    Cheesiness

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    One of the concerns is that this movie would be cheesy.<BR> Because, when you watch the G.I. Joe cartoon, its easy to tell how a movie could be done super cheesy. <BR><BR> I actually didnt mind taking out "A Real American Hero" that much, because the line IS kind of cheesy when you start saying it loudly outside of cartoon-context...though I wouldnt mind it having been kept either.<BR><BR> I am looking forward to this movie.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:26 a.m. CST

    america...fuck yeah

    by simondark

    i

  • July 15, 2009, 1:27 a.m. CST

    First Reviewer...

    by Captain Happy

    If there's no Van Damme...why would I want to see it?

  • July 15, 2009, 1:28 a.m. CST

    Alright

    by MorganLeafy

    I want this to be good, meaning my guilty pleasure of the summer. It doesn’t have to be ‘Le scaphandre et le papillon’ everytime. Anyway, the difference between this and TF2 : at least this wasn’t made by a fascist mulleted fuck.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Wait a min.....is Quickick in this movie?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Nobody ever told me.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:34 a.m. CST

    In Other Words...It Is Trash!!!

    by Media Messiah

    As was Transformers, Star Trek, Angels & Demons, Up, Terminator Salavation and Wolverine. Al trash. The only good movie of the summer is...The Hang-Over.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:37 a.m. CST

    I still hope that this is the kind of Stephen Sommers movie...

    by DerLanghaarige

    ...that I'm waiting for since Deep Rising, which was one of the most entertaining B-Movies of the 90's. Everything Sommers did before and after was boring shit, but I never gave up hope on seeing a new Deep Rising one from him one day.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:37 a.m. CST

    accelerator suit?....BIG LOB dont need to accelerator suit!!!!!!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    He need only suit up for the sequel! <BR><BR> Big Lob crosses the court!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:39 a.m. CST

    G.I.JOE:RISE OF COBRA..It doesn't completely BLOW ASS!!

    by otm shank

    What a great sell job.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:41 a.m. CST

    The Hang Over? Eh, it was funny, but in the long run

    by lockesbrokenleg

    pretty forgettable. Only Trek has been good this year. No one's even talking about UP anymore.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:41 a.m. CST

    GI JOE SCARLETT MAKES ME RISE IN MY PANTS!!

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 15, 2009, 1:45 a.m. CST

    So if Nanites control the Baroness?

    by Meta

    Did they give her the American accent as well? Saying this film is somewhat better than Transformers 2 is like saying that mushy soft shit that comes out of your ass is better than liquid diarrhea that comes out of your ass in an explosive wet fart. Either way; both are messy and stink like shit.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:46 a.m. CST

    Army? Navy?.......BIG LOB does it all and much more!!!!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob executes a perfect ten dive!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:46 a.m. CST

    DerLanghaarige

    by mrbeaks

    You and me both. Love DEEP RISING.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:48 a.m. CST

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2?

    by Sulla

    Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie but I wouldn't know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:49 a.m. CST

    seeing as how TF2 has made well over 300 mil

    by lockesbrokenleg

    I'd say someone is enjoying it.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:51 a.m. CST

    Sewer rat? Don't you mean TUNNEL RAT? Friend of BIG LOB?????

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob scores and the crowd goes bananas!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:53 a.m. CST

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2?

    by MonkeyLord

    That's like saying getting raped in the nose is more enjoyable than getting raped in the ear.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:53 a.m. CST

    SF movie > GIJOE movie

    by StarchildAD

    Raol Julia will smite all who oppose this opinion with his large undead cock. BABUSHKA!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:59 a.m. CST

    This movie will do well.

    by ganymede3010

    I'm guessing about 400 mill gross.

  • July 15, 2009, 2 a.m. CST

    there's a G.I. Joe movie coming out?

    by mitortilla

    aaaw, forgot I didn't care.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:02 a.m. CST

    Better than Transformers 2 but still sucks

    by kafka07

    "Fun but flawed" never works for me. Oh and have I ever stated that Sommers sucks ass? Because he does.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:03 a.m. CST

    What do the animated movie and this ahve in common?

    by lockesbrokenleg

    They both pretty much killed the franchise.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:04 a.m. CST

    CANT WAIT TO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!

    by uberman

    I am soooo not there.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:09 a.m. CST

    Sulla wins...

    by jub3i

    ...What's going to be a long and drawn out talkback.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:11 a.m. CST

    Proctological examination

    by CuervoJones

    More Enjoyable Than TRANSFORMERS 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:11 a.m. CST

    I love bad grammar

    by godric

    Half the reason I look at this site. And my favorite today? "Like most people my age, I am 33..."

  • July 15, 2009, 2:13 a.m. CST

    Who cares?

    by kwisatzhaderach

    Avatar footage next week.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:15 a.m. CST

    lockesbrokenleg, indeed

    by MorganLeafy

    idiots.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:18 a.m. CST

    SIENNA MILLER MAKES MY COBRA RISE

    by F-18

  • July 15, 2009, 2:19 a.m. CST

    My root canal was better than TF 2 cause the

    by lockesbrokenleg

    assistant had huge boobies.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:21 a.m. CST

    The animated movie was awesome, had BIG LOB...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    ...and did not kill the series, because the series eventually continued after the movie for multiple seasons.<BR><BR> Nemesis Enforcer was awesome, and his beatdown by Sgt. Slaughter was awesomer.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:25 a.m. CST

    If that first guy isn't a plant...

    by ebonic_plague

    ...he missed his calling in life, because I can't imagine how that could be a more carefully scripted piece of damage control than it is. And how is sending free swag supposed to be proof of legitimacy? <p> And how stinky of a turd must this movie actually be, if even the plants are saying, "Of course it sucks, but not THAT bad!" Though that's actually effective marketing. I'm more likely to go see this movie if the reviews make it sound SPECTACULARLY bad.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:25 a.m. CST

    Being kick in the balls by a donkey

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transfomers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:26 a.m. CST

    How come these "readers" who review movies...

    by Continentalop

    ...are never names I recognize from the TBs? I mean, if it was DGDB, lockesbrokenleg, D. Vader, Cobra--kai, toadkillerdog or some other guys I see here all the time, I would think "yeah, this guy isn't a plant." <p> Just call me suspicious.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:26 a.m. CST

    This movie will be cool

    by Toby_FN_Wong

    All of you will eat your words.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:27 a.m. CST

    Having your penis skin shaved off

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:27 a.m. CST

    And how!

    by ebonic_plague

  • July 15, 2009, 2:28 a.m. CST

    Getting beat in head with a meat hammer

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    Getting raped by a chainsaw

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    Getting kicked in tne nuts - more enjoyable than TF2

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 15, 2009, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Thank GOD they didn't use Firefly

    by IndustryKiller!

    The Cobra saboteur was easily my favorite character as a kid, the Boba Fett of the GI Joe world. And I would rather his dignity stay intact that have him anywhere near Stephen Sommers.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:31 a.m. CST

    Watching Twilight

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Going benji-jumping with a steel wire tied to your penis

    by MorganLeafy

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:33 a.m. CST

    Having your scrotum riped off my a monkey

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:34 a.m. CST

    Pulling Brazilian ticks out of your anus

    by MorganLeafy

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Reading lockesbrokenleg's posts

    by axel fff

    That one's actually worse than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:35 a.m. CST

    Listening to Celine Dion

    by MorganLeafy

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2; well almost

  • July 15, 2009, 2:38 a.m. CST

    How could anybody make a movie worst than Bay?

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    Bay makes Uwe Boll look like Spielberg. <P>Q: Who can top the visionary genius that created "The worst summer blockbuster of all time" ? <P> <P> <P> <P> A: nobody

  • July 15, 2009, 2:41 a.m. CST

    Having razor wire slowly feed into your asshole

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:42 a.m. CST

    "a (somewhat obvious) twist stolen right out of the first X-Men

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    Snake eyes has super healing?

  • July 15, 2009, 2:43 a.m. CST

    Watching axel fff attempts to be funny

    by lockesbrokenleg

    well, I like TF 2 better than that shit.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:44 a.m. CST

    more enjoyable than having harry sit on your face.

    by mitortilla

  • July 15, 2009, 2:45 a.m. CST

    "a (somewhat obvious) twist stolen right out of the first X-Men

    by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS

    We find out that what happens when lightning hits a toad is... the same thing that happens to everything else?

  • July 15, 2009, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Sliding Down a Razor Stair Railing

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:49 a.m. CST

    Having your ass filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:50 a.m. CST

    Having your ball pressed in a vice

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:51 a.m. CST

    being covered in honey and tied to an ant hill

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:52 a.m. CST

    getting papercuts on your asshole and sprayed with lemon juice

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:53 a.m. CST

    jerking off with a cheese grater

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:54 a.m. CST

    a 600 lbs gorillia sitting on your face

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:55 a.m. CST

    2 girls one cup, infinate repeat

    by redfist

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Getting Double Anal from Lexington Steele and Blackzilla...

    by BigTuna

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:03 a.m. CST

    When I was a kid I had this plastic lion

    by seppukudkurosawa

    with string tied to its tail so I could swing it around the room.<p> What I want to know is when are the studios going to make a movie out of THAT? You can't just make movies about everyone else's childhood toys and leave out mine. That's bad business sense. Marinate on it for awhile, suits, and I'm sure you'll manage to work a script around the concept of a swinging plastic lion.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Watching "According To Jim"...

    by BigTuna

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:06 a.m. CST

    Eating John Goodman's ass...

    by BigTuna

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:06 a.m. CST

    Shaving Ed Asner's back hair...

    by BigTuna

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:07 a.m. CST

    Trimming Andy Rooney's eyebrows

    by BigTuna

    More fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:09 a.m. CST

    Searching for Ken Jeong's penis

    by BigTuna

    more fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:10 a.m. CST

    they make it suck because they know we'll still see it

    by The Only Woj

    I'll see it just like I saw TF2. I love the Mummy, and until recently I didn't know he did Deep Rising. Everything else he's done has been trash. It amazes me that this is the best they can do. Both him and the guy who did Ghost Rider/Daredevil ... it amazes me that they still get to fool around with so much money.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:11 a.m. CST

    Cunnilingus on Star Jones

    by BigTuna

    more fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:14 a.m. CST

    Transformers 1

    by palimpsest

    more fun than Transformers 2. There, I said it.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:15 a.m. CST

    A double bill of SHEOL and HEIMAT

    by palimpsest

    More fun then TRANSFORMERS 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:20 a.m. CST

    I took a shit this morning. It was better than Transformers 2.

    by V'Shael

    And more deeply satisfying.<br> So you're not setting the bar very high with that comparison.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Lars Von Triers' Butt-numb-athon

    by palimpsest

    More fun than TRANSFORMERS 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:21 a.m. CST

    A complete Pauly Shore retrospective

    by palimpsest

    More fun than TRANSFORMERS 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:23 a.m. CST

    OH FOR GODS SAKE

    by Anything But Tangerines

    I'm ashamed at this site. Fix that torn-ass bullshit filter or replace it entirely. Translation: learn to weed out the plants or find people who know how.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:28 a.m. CST

    Favourite line from these reviews....

    by DimensionsPlural

    "like most people my age, I am 33."

  • July 15, 2009, 3:31 a.m. CST

    Finding Ken Jeong's Penis

    by BigTuna

    More fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:31 a.m. CST

    Like most people my age, I can tell shit from shinola

    by Anything But Tangerines

  • July 15, 2009, 3:34 a.m. CST

    Better than Transformers2...?????

    by D o o d

    Surely that's not that difficult. Even Showgirls was more entertaining that Transformers2..!!!!!

  • July 15, 2009, 3:39 a.m. CST

    Lars Von Triers' Butt-numb-athon

    by MorganLeafy

    More fun than Transformers 2. I find that rather trivial, because he's made some real masterpieces.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:47 a.m. CST

    Like Most People My Age...

    by BigTuna

    I think "Matlock" is the best show on tv.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Giving Harry a coffeee enema

    by BigTuna

    More fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:12 a.m. CST

    you know the reason they liked it

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    WAS BECAUSE THEY SAW IT FOR FREE!

  • July 15, 2009, 4:19 a.m. CST

    THEY GAVE THEM FREE HATS!

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    GEEZ! Only thing these two plants are missing is a little THC!

  • July 15, 2009, 4:32 a.m. CST

    I've never called "PLANT" before but...

    by Kirbymanly

    ...did anyone else notice that there is no detailed description of what Cobra Commander LOOKS like in these reviews? That's been the end-all, be-all, crappy mystery that's been set up by the lackluster minds behind this film. Don't you think a spolier-ific review (Two, at that!) would include? AICN, you are being played to think that this film is so bad, it is good... that's the only way the studio can market it at this point and you're being USED.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:38 a.m. CST

    Manos: The Hands of Fate

    by RaveX

    is more enjoyable then TF2

  • July 15, 2009, 4:48 a.m. CST

    BUT ....

    by GINGE_MUPPET

    Transformers 2 is going to make about $1 billion .............. Oh yeah, baby!

  • July 15, 2009, 4:50 a.m. CST

    Having a large steel rod shoved down your penis while a slightly

    by OzzyManDiaz

    more enjoyable that Transformers 2

  • July 15, 2009, 4:54 a.m. CST

    Better than transformers 2?? Fuck me, just

    by southafricanguy

    how low is the bar exactly? TF2 is so bad gijoe can be wretched and still be way better than that retarded mongoloid of a movie. I ve blown stuff out my nose, and crapped out things in the toilet that were more intelligent, logical, and coherent than TF2...

  • July 15, 2009, 4:55 a.m. CST

    I didn

    by thedarklinglord

  • July 15, 2009, 4:57 a.m. CST

    can this summer get any worse? Seems like

    by southafricanguy

    there is only up, public enemies, and Potter (and im not even a Potter fan for fucks sake). The end of the year cant get here soon enough inho. Bring on WTWTA, Sherlock Holmes, and Avatar....please save us from all this crap...

  • July 15, 2009, 4:58 a.m. CST

    I didn't expect it to suck.

    by thedarklinglord

    I expected it to be mediocre and a colossal waste of potential - which is more Sommers style - and, from the sound of it, that's exactly what it is. I guess Sommers is striving to be the next Michael Bay, eschewing story and character development in favor of cheesy dialogue, eye-rolling attempts at humor, and flashy action sequences that are big, loud, and stupid. It's a fucking shame both of those douchebags don't aspire to more.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:01 a.m. CST

    no fuckin shit gi joe is better.

    by ironic_name

    nerds dump on it, just like they did with resolute. because they eat cock.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:30 a.m. CST

    "Like most people my age, I am 33"

    by Laserhead

    Classic AICN review opener.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:40 a.m. CST

    Only good movies this summer

    by kwisatzhaderach

    are The Hurt Locker and Public Enemies.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:47 a.m. CST

    PUBLIC ENEMIES is a fine movie

    by palimpsest

    No HURT LOCKER in the UK till end of August tho dammit.

  • SPOILER Zartan becomes el presidente

  • July 15, 2009, 5:56 a.m. CST

    So it is child friendly?

    by stvnhthr

    My kids would love to see the Transformer films, but the unneeded masturbation and sex jokes makes it inappropriate for the toy buying target audience. It sounds like no pollution of the subject matter here. Can anyone confirm?

  • July 15, 2009, 6:04 a.m. CST

    RE: Names of reviewers

    by We_like_it_VERY_MUCH

    I totally agree. Who are these people who write in 4 page reviews to Harry and yet never post in the TBs? There's something evil asunder...

  • July 15, 2009, 6:07 a.m. CST

    review2, paragraph2, sentence 1...

    by shoveller

    "like most people my age, i am 33..." surely eEVERYONE your age is 33? Love it.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:09 a.m. CST

    A kick in the balls more fun than Transformers 2

    by photoboy

    Of course it's better, Bay couldn't film a dog taking a shit without putting explosions all over the screen.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:14 a.m. CST

    And rotating the camera

    by Baltrius

    fast around the dog.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:15 a.m. CST

    So...

    by Baltrius

    every movie that comes out this year is to be compared to TF2?

  • July 15, 2009, 6:19 a.m. CST

    Actually

    by Slaphappy Slim

    I'm in no way disappointed that this movie "might not suck". I know that hating everything and everyone is what the whole cynical, joyless AICN Talkback experience is all about, but oh well.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:20 a.m. CST

    I Won't Know, 'Cause I Ain't Bothering To See It

    by LaserPants

    Btw, TF2 was retarded, but it sure looked kewl.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:25 a.m. CST

    Angels and demons was also ok

    by MorganLeafy

    No? Why not?

  • July 15, 2009, 6:35 a.m. CST

    i saw that hat at TARGET!!!--fuckers a plant.

    by Six Demon Bag

  • July 15, 2009, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Gibson said BIG LOB!!!! too bad he didnt have a figure

    by Six Demon Bag

  • July 15, 2009, 6:38 a.m. CST

    MUST SUCK TO HAVE YOUR RISING COBRA 'HOTLY DENIED'

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    Edit room or otherwise. It gives you a case of the "Blue Joes." I have no desire to see this. I'll catch it on cable next year, when I'm sick. <br> <br> And yeah, a fucking' G.I. JOE talkback but STILL nothing on MANN/DEPP's PUBLIC ENEMIES? Shame on you geeks at AICN. Seriously, like you all have something BETTER to do? This has got to be a political/money thing.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:38 a.m. CST

    wouldve added to the film if they...

    by Six Demon Bag

    put little PSAs in throughout the film sporadically. they see a kid trying to score some drugs, the JOES shouldve stopped everything and talked to the boy. <P>later on, they will see a cat in the tree who got scared shitless cause the eifel tower just disinegrated, they would ask snake eyes to get it down. <P>FUNNY AS FUCK

  • July 15, 2009, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Public enemies best film of hte summer

    by Six Demon Bag

    besides UP.<P>but then again i really dont consider PE to be released in the summer.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:40 a.m. CST

    gibsonusa if they were all american cobra would kill them all

    by ironic_name

    in seconds.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:42 a.m. CST

    Go see Public Enemies and Hurt Locker!

    by andrew coleman

    This movie will be fun I guess but this summer is the fail! Can't wait for September... Did I just say that?!?!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:43 a.m. CST

    if you hate Transformers 2....

    by Bouncy X

    thats fine, really, every movie cant be everyone's cup of tea. if you hated it sooo bad and thought it was the end all be all type of thing than okay, its your opinion. but to constantly whine and bring it up in every talkback or in this case, make it part of the title...jesus, get the fuck over it kids...its just a movie. lol

  • July 15, 2009, 6:49 a.m. CST

    street fighter was a lot of fun

    by ironic_name

    no jcvd is a shame, but it'll still be good fun.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:54 a.m. CST

    PORK CHOP SANDWICHIES

    by redfist

  • July 15, 2009, 6:59 a.m. CST

    Stephen Sommers

    by savagedave

    Whats the point? Seriously? And didn't we pass laws against the further use of Marlon Wayans in movies?

  • July 15, 2009, 7 a.m. CST

    LICK IT STICK IT SEE YOU LATER BYE

    by redfist

  • July 15, 2009, 7:01 a.m. CST

    HEY KID, I'M A COMPUTER

    by redfist

    STOP ALL DA DOWNLOADING

  • July 15, 2009, 7:01 a.m. CST

    HELP COMPUTER

    by redfist

  • July 15, 2009, 7:05 a.m. CST

    Bouncy come on man

    by ThePilgrim

    It's aintitcool. When is this bashing shit not the norm around here. D-9 will be heavily praised when it drops. Even though we've seen it before when it was called Alien Nation and V. the whole documentary/in the moment/doesn't take place on american soil will fuel the claims of "Brillant" from the critics and sheep. Don't get me wrong D-9 will be entertaining. Ah fuck it why even try to expain this. The collective is beyond one voice. So be it.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:06 a.m. CST

    ThePilgrim

    by redfist

    SHUT UP WE ARE BUSY WITH THE BASHING HERE

  • July 15, 2009, 7:09 a.m. CST

    Getting stabbed in the weiner with...

    by Orbots Commander

    ...a BIC pen is likely more fun than Transformers 2, so that isn't saying much. <p> The closest I'll get to watching GI Joe is if I catch it on HBO on a bored weeknight when there is a re-run of Lost. <p> Plus, Marlon Wayans in a movie=suck. It's like a law of physics or something.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:10 a.m. CST

    found this incredible DVD

    by Six Demon Bag

    timecop, street fighter, hard target and the quest 4 pack 2 disc.NICE!

  • July 15, 2009, 7:10 a.m. CST

    PUUHH-LAAAANTZ

    by ricarleite2

    Planty mcPlant.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:12 a.m. CST

    shove your first firstborn child up your ass and die

    by ThePilgrim

    while sufocating it in your anal cavity while it drows in your ass blood, redfist. Oh and don't shut up, please keep talking. We need to kill another day here. Ahhhhhhhhh, good ole infighting by a bunch 30 something cellar dwellers. Love it!

  • July 15, 2009, 7:12 a.m. CST

    BODY MASSAGE

    by redfist

  • July 15, 2009, 7:15 a.m. CST

    IT'LL BOMB

    by FLESHTONE

    There's ZERO excitement about this film; this has no wide appeal...the trailers look like over-cgi'd shit. Let's face it, it's going to bomb like Nagasaki. This crapfest is TANKING.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:15 a.m. CST

    FINISH HIM!!!!!

    by ThePilgrim

    "PEDOLITY" Noob Sabot wins....

  • July 15, 2009, 7:20 a.m. CST

    Like most people my age, I am 33

    by magnetic

    haha

  • July 15, 2009, 7:20 a.m. CST

    Don't wanna bitch but

    by MorganLeafy

    Marlon Wayans in a movie=suck is not a phyiscal law. Requiem for a Dream. Even the spastic sit-com star was good in that one.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:22 a.m. CST

    Lips on Snake Eyes = flames on Optimus?

    by sith_rising

    and for the record, Snake Eyes' second suit, the visor one their going with for the film, had lips on the figure itself: http://www.yojoe.com/action/85/85card/snakeeyes2.jpg and yeah, I don't usually scream PLANT and every review, but since that trainwreck Cobra Commander was barely even mentioned, the whole thing is suspect.

  • I know this chick in Pittsburgh that can make it happen for 1500. <P> I am not a cellar dweller, I am a neck beard....so suck it.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Sith Rising

    by J.B.M.A.

    Yes - but that figure was fucking terrible. Every comic and catoon representation of that particular suit omitted those very same lips due to their inherent awfulness, so I really don't think it's much of a justification for their unwelcome return here.<p>Off topic, but I would also like to say that Transformers : Revenge of the Fallen is one of the worst films I have EVER seen. Michael bay is a cunt.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:41 a.m. CST

    MorganLeafy

    by VXXXJesterXXXV

    You beat me to that point. I know most of what marlon has been in has been shit, though as far as stupid pot head humor flicks I actually didn't mind Scary Movie 1&2. Not good movies, but in the right frame of mind they can be funny. That said he did a great job in Requim and showed he actually can act, he just picks a ton of shit to star in.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:41 a.m. CST

    If I crave some popcorn, maybe I'll go see it.

    by JDanielP

    ...maybe.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:46 a.m. CST

    Finally saw Transformers 2 last weekend.

    by Cotton McKnight

    I actually liked it a lot and thought it was a vast improvement over the original. Were the jokes stupid? Yeah, but no worse than what was in the original movie. I just don't understand what people were expecting- I saw it because I liked the first one. Did you not like the first one? If not, why did you see this one? What were you expecting? A different outcome? Isn't that the definition of insanity?

  • July 15, 2009, 7:47 a.m. CST

    #2 : "Like most people my age, I am 33..."

    by lochkray

    Best line in an amatuer movie review. I just wonder how old those outside the "most" would be. (Note to Wild Weasel: use brackets, not commas)

  • July 15, 2009, 7:52 a.m. CST

    I thought you guys were doing a Chevy Chase line.

    by Cotton McKnight

    Like most people my age, I'm 33. I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:58 a.m. CST

    seppukudkurosawa ...and his plastic lion.

    by JDanielP

    "When I was a kid I had this plastic lion with string tied to its tail so I could swing it around the room." <P>"What I want to know is when are the studios going to make a movie out of THAT? You can't just make movies about everyone else's childhood toys and leave out mine. That's bad business sense. Marinate on it for awhile, suits, and I'm sure you'll manage to work a script around the concept of a swinging plastic lion." <P>That got a genuine laugh, seppukudkurosawa. Thanks.

  • July 15, 2009, 8 a.m. CST

    PUBLIC ENEMIES

    by thecheesegrommit

    WHERE ARE THE PUBLIC ENEMIES REVIEWS?!?!? NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! I WILL HIJACK EVERY TALK BACK UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER OR AM BANNED!!!! AARRGGHH! That is all. Peace.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:03 a.m. CST

    Like most people my age, I am 33

    by redfist

    Kind of goes to the demographic lag that this movie naturally has. <P> People that are old enough to "know" the 80s GI Joe are not the target for the movie. They are the 14-20 year olds that grew up on Sigma 6 and want to see shit blow up all prudy.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:06 a.m. CST

    America...Fuck Yeah!

    by Sailor Rip

    Hey, these reviews are a lot better then i expected. As a die hard Joe fan I'm pumped.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:20 a.m. CST

    ???

    by Philvis

    The guy said, "Like most people my age, I am 33, I grew up with GI Joe in one form or another." Sure it isn't the best grammatically, but look at who his target audience is...you. Neither review was anything close to glowing, so why would you suspect a plant? Oh thats right, a bunch of you think the moon landing never happened.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:20 a.m. CST

    Please, its GI JOE what are you expecting???

    by j2talk

    seriously with a movie based on a toy/cartoon/comicbook just what are you expecting here? personally if I find that after shelling out my $5 for a matinee showing with my kids that I find that I'm NOT looking at my watch thinking "is this over yet" the film will be a winner

  • July 15, 2009, 8:22 a.m. CST

    war movie....

    by massolit

    you wanna see a movie with gripping tension and 'splosions and gruesome deaths (the guy even wears a suit that makes him look like a land based deep-six, only not cheesy)? the hurt locker is where its at.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Grammar.

    by Sailor Rip

    Like most people my age, I am 33, I grew up with GI Joe in one form or another. <p> Apparently there are some of you that are not familiar with what a comma is used for. <p> Like most people my age, then he staes his age, then he continues with the first declarative statement. I see nothing wrong with the sentence.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:26 a.m. CST

    "Like most people my age, I am 33."

    by m00kiedood

    Should have just ended it there. Would have made the perfect sentence.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:27 a.m. CST

    States!

    by Sailor Rip

    Ok, I suck too.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:29 a.m. CST

    m00kiedood

    by Sailor Rip

    And that is correct as well. All, not most, people his age are 33.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:29 a.m. CST

    reduce my expectations

    by themidnighter23

    so, if a person reduces their expectations they will enjoy the movie. I guess I need a lobotomy and leave my brain with the usher to hold

  • July 15, 2009, 8:30 a.m. CST

    Movie always looked good to me.

    by NinjaRap

    Fuck the haters. Especially those who don't know anything about G.I. Joe and/or thought that the Transformers movies were somehow passable.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Who are the other people Wild Weasal's age that aren't 33?

    by SpyGuy

    Did they find the Fountain of Youth or become vampires or something?

  • July 15, 2009, 8:39 a.m. CST

    "Admit it: you're disappointed this might not suck."

    by UMAGA

    That's funny considering what I just read made it seem like it just sucks. Not as shitty as everyone expects, but still sucks ass.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:40 a.m. CST

    Making your mouth the "cup" in 2girls1cup

    by turketron_2

    More enjoyable than Transformers 2. I have no doubts that I would enjoy this movie more than that piece of shit. Hell, I enjoyed Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li more than Transformers 2! FUCK!

  • July 15, 2009, 8:41 a.m. CST

    Starship Troopers 3 is better than ROTF.

    by Smashing

    Most films are, so G.I Joe being better is like saying oxygen is good for you.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Wow! Hold the fucking presses!

    by Droid

    "GI Joe is more fun than Transformers 2" <p>No shit. Getting assraped by the LA Raiders defensive line would be more fun than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:44 a.m. CST

    More like...

    by Harold-Sherbort

    C.G.I. Joe!! Am I ruh? Am I ruh?

  • July 15, 2009, 8:49 a.m. CST

    The Hurt Locker is the best film of 2009... thus far

    by Droid

    Just. Go. See. It. <p>People need to stop ONLY going to the movies to watch all these shitty blockbusters.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:54 a.m. CST

    Snake eyes has no lines.

    by arby64

    For some reason that made me laugh.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:56 a.m. CST

    This year's SPEED RACER?

    by zillabeast

    Although I personally think Speed Racer was one of the 5 best films of 2008.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Speed Racer is an awesome movie.

    by Smashing

    It is funny, visually stunning, quirky and for a film from a toon pretty sweet, it's also easily ten times better than all 3 Star Wars prequels and the 2 Matrix sequels, I wonder why a film that suggests that some major sporting events are rigged for money got so much flack? hmmmmm

  • July 15, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Looks OK

    by nostairway

    Looks exactly like what I though a GIJoe movie would look like - the characters, the tone, the plot, etc. The only thing that looks out of place is those suits,and if they work them into the plot in a somewhat intelligent way I'll give'em a pass. Let's be honest, this isn't "Francis Ford Copella's GIJoe" we're talking about here. And that's coming from a GIJoe comics lover from back in the day. "My dinner with Serpentor", anyone?

  • July 15, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Uh, those are actually bad reviews...

    by Demarco

    I'm not sure why AICN is taking these two reviews as a sign that the movie might not suck, because all I'm seeing is, "it's not as bad as you were expecting," which is still pretty bad. These remind me of the reviews for the first Transformers movie where the reviews would complain about the plot, acting, incomprehensible action and would then go on to say "but it's Big Fucking Robots!"

  • July 15, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    I Refuse

    by redfist

    I will not watch Speed Racer. <P> Reason: The Matrix Revolution.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Storm Shadow steels from the Joe's base= cheets on his wife

    by YackBacker

    Illiterate hillbilly jackass reviewer.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Saw GI Joe a month ago, and...

    by Gil Brooks

    ...it was awful. No doubt it appeals to the type of people who made Van Helsing $300mil worldwide, but that's not saying much. The 1st review basically tells you the whole movie, but I would add that Waynes was terrible, the chick who played Scarlett is hot, and the overall movie was a mess. Word is the the Sommers rumor (about him being locked out) IS true (despite what the studio says), so maybe it was slightly saved in editing, but I doubt it. And for the record, I did not love ROTF, but liked it more than Joe.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:21 a.m. CST

    It's this years...

    by Sailor Rip

    ...Little Miss Snake Eyes

  • July 15, 2009, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Comparing this to TF2 is like comparing shit to diarrhea

    by YackBacker

    Seriously, why bother?

  • July 15, 2009, 9:25 a.m. CST

    getting ASS RAPED by She-ra LaDouche...

    by Kaiser Soze

    ...is more enjoyable than Transformers 2. Waitaminnit...getting ass raped by She-ra LaDouche WAS Transformers 2...and Michael Bay got to watch while the leg humping robot cupped the balls and the ghettobots fellated themselves.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST

    wait

    by idrinkyourmilkshake

    what about COBRA COMMANDER-did he look cool or not?

  • July 15, 2009, 9:27 a.m. CST

    oh, and sorry to break your little hearts,

    by Kaiser Soze

    but Speed Gaycer sucked big, fat Rhino cock!

  • July 15, 2009, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Speaking of Transformers 2...

    by Demarco

    ...just saw it as part of a triple feature at the drive-in (so I like to think I didn't help support directly) and I'd like to punch everyone who said MB is the right director for that series in the throat. He brought it most of the elements the fans were begging for and then completely dropped the ball with every single one of them. He didn't even accidentally get something right. Lessee, the people want Soundwave, ok, let's keep him in space and give him 30 seconds of screen-time. Devastator? Hmmm, let's stick him off to the sidelines where he can only interact with the fucking comic relief instead of any of the important cast. Then, instead of having any of the Big Fucking Robots fight him (like the audience would want), I (Bay) will cut to my stock footage of Military Masterbation Sequences (MMS) and give the crowds what they really want, only they don't know it yet...Devastator taken down from sea by a human rail gun. With my (Bay) track record of knowing what audiences will love (Raiders of the Lost Ark will suck), how can I be wrong. Hey, here's another great idea...Mudflap and Skids...

  • July 15, 2009, 9:36 a.m. CST

    will there be free hats?

    by theycallmemrtibbs

  • July 15, 2009, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Demarco- a TRIPLE feature at a drive-in?

    by YackBacker

    Dude, tell me you were at least getting a blowjob that lasted 7 hrs.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:45 a.m. CST

    Why can't they..

    by JokerClone

    ..take the elements from a franchise that are interesting and fun, and makes people like them, and give us that on the screen?

  • July 15, 2009, 9:47 a.m. CST

    vKol plokk;l', .,,;''/

    by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_Loggia

  • July 15, 2009, 9:47 a.m. CST

    vKol plokk;l', .,,;''/

    by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_Loggia

  • July 15, 2009, 9:47 a.m. CST

    vKol plokk;l', .,,;''/

    by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_Loggia

  • July 15, 2009, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Sorry...my 9 month old's on my lap

    by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_Loggia

    and he loves to smash keys...

  • July 15, 2009, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Why does anyone expect anything other than fun?

    by dr sauch

    COME ON! LIGHTEN UP! Transformers was hot chicks, explosions, disposable dialogue, and fucking FIGHTING ROBOT ALIENS! GI JOE will be similarly retarded, and thats what I want. I don't want to go watch something heavy, I don't want TDK or Let the Right One In, I want Sienna Miller to be hot, and things to explode. I want one-liners and popcorn. Lighten up.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:51 a.m. CST

    That 1st review....

    by HollywoodPlant

    is a strait up, mother Fucking plant! Bet on it. The movie isn't tracking well. This thing passes 150 or gets close to it and thats it. That being said, I hope it actually is better than what people have told me. I want to enjoy it:)

  • July 15, 2009, 10:03 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Groping Scarlett Jo: The Rise Of My Cobra.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:05 a.m. CST

    "more enjoyable"??

    by StovetopStuffin'

    more like "less painful"

  • July 15, 2009, 10:08 a.m. CST

    i will see it. and probably like it.

    by THE_ONE_MAN_GANG

    just because of snake eyes and stormshadow probably.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Beaks don't be such a fool

    by D.Vader

    You REALLY think the Studio would confirm trouble and admit that they locked Sommers our of the editing room? You're such a monkey-boy when you just go with what they spew at you.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:10 a.m. CST

    The_Floating_Skull

    by The Garbage Man

    Check your email, I'm fairly sure Don Murphy wants to sign your 9 month old for a 3-picture deal.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:10 a.m. CST

    I bet that its worse than cutting your cock and balls off and ea

    by mitortilla

  • July 15, 2009, 10:10 a.m. CST

    I bet its worse than getting raped by the alien

    by mitortilla

    and getting an acid bukkake.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Did someone say "Eating John Goodman's ass?"

    by gruntybear

    'Cuz I'd so cut a bitch to have a chance at Dan Connor's bootay. Hint: the "bear" in the name isn't hypothetical.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:12 a.m. CST

    WTF? The Baroness is good and just under evil robot control?

    by D.Vader

    *Sigh* Just. Plain. Stupid. Leg-humping robots make more sense than THAT.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:13 a.m. CST

    this movie will be erased from our collective conciousness

    by mitortilla

    in 5...4...3...2...1

  • July 15, 2009, 10:14 a.m. CST

    It will do as badly as like I love you Beth Cooper.

    by mitortilla

  • July 15, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST

    Brendan Fraser shows up as: The GI JOES version of a redshirt

    by D.Vader

    That'd be awesome.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Like most people my age I have waited 33 years to see SWINGING PLASTIC LION. I just didn't know it till now.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:15 a.m. CST

    dr sauch

    by savagedave

    I EXPECTED fun, what I got was shit.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:16 a.m. CST

    I think I'll just watch Team America again...

    by Shut the Fuck up Donny

    and save myself some money. <p> In regards to Sailor Rip's argument that the "I'm 33" sentence was correctly written, I would argue that the use of m-dashes would have read far better than the commas. <p> Still pretty funny that line is getting more attention than the rest of the review.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    More Moneyable Than TRANSFORMERS2

    by Rufferto

    Is it?

  • July 15, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    ZombieHeathLedger...

    by D.Vader

    Dunno if you saw it, but Capone DID actually review Public Enemies. Though he may have been the only one to do so.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    That's what it means right?

    by Rufferto

  • July 15, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    How can people say its more enjoyable than Transformers.

    by mitortilla

    have you seen the trailer for this piece of shit? that underwater base scene at the beginning of the trailer I always think its G-Force.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:18 a.m. CST

    ARE YOU BUZZ LIGHtYEAR?

    by panicdawg

    ...I loved your movie.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:19 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Unreleased Michael Jackson ballad 'Swinging Plastic Lion' discovered. Succeeds Thriller as the best selling record of all time.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:20 a.m. CST

    Six Demon Bag has the best idea ever on this Talkback

    by D.Vader

    For the next GI JOE film, put some of those PSA's into the middle of the movie. I want to see the JOES making sure kids are swimming out in the middle of a thunderstorm, or skating on a very precarious ice-lake.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:22 a.m. CST

    More enjoyable than TF2? Doesn't really sell it to me.

    by Gabba-UK

    'cos I would find root canal work with a pickaxe being weilded by Jigsaw as more enjoyable than watching TF2 again. So annoyed with TF2. The first one I thought was great fun. Incredibley stupid but fun. The second was just a collection of piss poor knob and drugs jokes with some amazing SFX in between. And I still don't know what it was about. Saying it's better than the worst film of the year so far is not pushing my buttons.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Everyone, repeat after me...

    by rfid

    PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT PLANT 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  • July 15, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Swinging Plastic Lion?!?!

    by D.Vader

    I had that toy TOO!

  • July 15, 2009, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Dr Sauch, by what definition...

    by pdennett316

    can TF2 be called fun?? The thing is fucking abysmal, and I say that as a guy who liked the first movie. <p> This film had exactly ONE decent scene, the fight in the forest, and even that scene was sullied by complete bullshit. How? By the fact that not a few minutes before we hear that only a Prime can kill another Prime, only for Megatron to go ahead and kill Optimus PRIME. <p> When you say lighten up I assume you mean jab a spike into your brain until you drool and stare ahead blankly. The effects were good, but that means not a fucking thing when most of the movie is inconsequential filler and stupid shit that only a hyperactive three year old would find funny. <p> Shit acting, shit script, shitty plot, shitty pacing, shitty direction, boring "action" and a complete absence of charm or restraint. That is TF2 and if that entertains you, well, yet more evidence of the dumbing down of audiences. <p> You're a studio's dream, the lowest common denominator in human form...congratulations. Your ideal movie is a stripper in front of explosions for 90 minutes.... well done you idiot!

  • July 15, 2009, 10:25 a.m. CST

    There, Don Murphy, 3 pple like the Swinging Plastic Lion

    by D.Vader

    Go steal our idea and make a movie about it.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Uhhh, I meant, re: The JOES PSAs in the next movie...

    by D.Vader

    They should be making sure the kids AREN'T swimming out in the middle of a thunderstorm, or skating on a precarious ice-lake. <p> Though to be REALLY funny, it should be the COBRA version of a PSA, with COBRA members encouraging kids to do those stupid things, like cooking with grease while the parents are away, or attempting to jump over a live power line with their BMX bikes.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Speed Racer is great fun!

    by zapano

    Saw it for the first time two days ago. Visually superb. A great movie for kids. Deserved to make much more at the box office, much more than Transformers. <p> The whole anti-corporate thing might have been lost on the kids.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:29 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Leaked early footage of SWINGING PLASTIC LION causes outrage amongst fans when the string is shown to be black.<p> "They just made it black to 'look cool' and appeal to teenagers" stated one devotee camping outside Mann's Chinese Theater 72 days before release,<p> "everyone knows that the string was really plain hessian. Why does Hollywood always do this TO US! It has to be hessian! Don't FUCKING RAPE MY FUCKING CHILDHOOD!"

  • July 15, 2009, 10:30 a.m. CST

    I enjoyed Transformers 2, pdennett

    by D.Vader

    Go ahead and insult me too. I want you to feel good about yourself today.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:31 a.m. CST

    WTF

    by rogueleader66

    Why is it every single fucking time there is a review submitted by someone from an advanced screening it is automatically considered a "plant"??? No matter what the tone of the review, good, bad, or indifferent, there is always someone yelling "plant". Listen, I know plants are used, but I find it hard to believe that every single submitted review is a freaking plant. Lighten up people.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:32 a.m. CST

    SWINGING PLASTIC LION changed to a SWINGING LYGER

    by D.Vader

    "Our research has shown that Swinging Plastic Lygers are more popular with kids today, thanks to huge hits like 'Napolean Dynamite', and we wanted our film to reflect this cultural shift in big cat appreciation." <p? Meanwhile, irate Swinging Plastic Lion fanboys took to the streets and set fire to automobiles.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:33 a.m. CST

    Meanwhile, irate Swinging Plastic Lion fanboys took 2 the street

    by D.Vader

    And set fire to automobiles and threw trash cans through store windows.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:36 a.m. CST

    TF2

    by savagedave

    This guy says it better than i can be bothered to. http://tinyurl.com/kp78xa

  • July 15, 2009, 10:36 a.m. CST

    no onscreen deaths...

    by j_difool

    ... would have made it more faithful to the cartoon, in which every time a Cobra plane exploded, the pilots miraculously parachuted out to safety. I guess that explains how the battles were able to drag on year after year after year, with no side ever winning. There were never any casualties.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:38 a.m. CST

    D.Vader.......

    by pdennett316

    Ok, you're a fucking mush head. But bear (bare??) this in mind, it has fuck all to do with feeling good about myself, I don't. <p> I'm fat, bald and in poor health. It has to do with being insulted by such spectacular drivel as TF2, yet audiences are lapping the shit up and slamming their flippers together for more. <p> TF2 was terrible, and that's a direct result of the first one doing so well. Bay was clearly under restraint the first time due to some element of risk involved, but this time he was allowed to go all out and the movie suffered badly because of it. <p> So fuck you up, down and round-a-bout dipshit, my standards could not be lowered enough to enjoy that drivel - and I enjoyed the Mummy trilogy!

  • July 15, 2009, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Like Most People My Age, I'm A Swinging Plastic Lion.

    by buster00

    I'll never give up; I'll stay 'til the fight's won.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Why would a studio plant a review like that 1st one?

    by Gil Brooks

    Not saying it is or isn't, but IF it is, then it's totally counter-productive. If I had zero knowledge of the movie, and read that, I wouldn't want to see it because 1) it gives away everything that might be considered a twist in the film, and 2) I don't read it as being a positive review at all.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Ewwwww, you enjoyed TheMummy trilogy?

    by D.Vader

    We have nothing more to say!

  • July 15, 2009, 10:48 a.m. CST

    I own Reign of Fire on DVD and I still think TF2 is shit.

    by savagedave

    By way of mitigating circumstances I didn't pay full price for it.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:49 a.m. CST

    Well, when I say Trilogy...

    by pdennett316

    I really mean the first two, the third one was mediocre. But at least the first two had all that Transformers 2 doesn't - decent acting, likeable lead, serviceable script, serviceable plot, good action scenes, subtle humour, a decent fucking villain and a director who, while not being the best ever, is at least eleventy billion times better than Mr Bay. <p> What did you find so captivating about TF2? I find it odd you mock MY taste yet have yet to argue your corner.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Oh and SavageDave...

    by pdennett316

    Thanks for that video link, awesome stuff, though I will say I don't think the first Transformers was the worse movie ever before the second one......it was decent. All the more surprising considering how the second one ended up.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:54 a.m. CST

    Fensler Film Fake GIJOE PSAs

    by LaserPants

    are some of the greatest works of art I have ever seen in my entire life. Someone should pay them to re-dub not only ALL of the PSAs, but every single episode of the series AND the Transformers. They're brilliant and hilarious.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:58 a.m. CST

    So GI Joe doesn't suck as much as we thought...

    by TurdontheRun

    But still basically sucks anyway? Hardly a ringing endorsement! We are conditioned to be grateful for small mercies, such are the lowered standards of this cinematic era. Transformers 2 is like losing an arm, and GI Joe will be like losing a hand. One sucks slightly less than the other, but they both still blow harder than a Thai hooker sucking a golf ball through a garden hose.<P>Next week on Planet Earth -Comic Con. Avatar. Guaranteed NOT to suck. No apologies required. It won't be like losing an appendage, it'll be like growing an extra dick.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    PLANTS ARE GETTIN' "CLEVER" but not clever enuf!

    by Mennen

  • July 15, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    PDennett, I'm just messing around

    by D.Vader

    My friends and I did enjoy TF2, though we can recognize its not a great film. It doesn't bother me that a lot of people didn't like it; it only bothers me when TBs feel the need to insult those that did. <p> And, despite a lot of animosity toward him, Shia is a very capable actor. But, please, let's not turn this into a TF2 talkback. I'm having much more fun discussing the potential of a Swinging Plastic Lion film.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    PDennett, I'm just messing around

    by D.Vader

    My friends and I did enjoy TF2, though we can recognize its not a great film. It doesn't bother me that a lot of people didn't like it; it only bothers me when TBs feel the need to insult those that did. <p> And, despite a lot of animosity toward him, Shia is a very capable actor. But, please, let's not turn this into a TF2 talkback. I'm having much more fun discussing the potential of a Swinging Plastic Lion film.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:01 a.m. CST

    SPEED RACER Was Great, But It Coulda Been AWESOME

    by LaserPants

    I loved it, cause I have a built in, life long love of the original series. But for people not that into it? Why would they care? Also: it was WAAAAAAY too fucking long. Should've been no more than 90 minutes, tops. I liked it, though, bought the dvd, skip to the awesome parts...<br><br>Oh and Christina Ricci as Trixie? Instant hard-on.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:03 a.m. CST

    BINGO! that's is Avatar's new tagline...

    by Kaiser Soze

    Nevermore shall it be "Avatar - Fucking your eyeballs this Christmas!" Henceforth, all posters for the film shall read: "Avatar - Christmas 2009 - It's like growing an extra dick!" Avatar could totally suck (doubt it) and still be all kinds of awesome if that's what the posters read.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:04 a.m. CST

    and again, SPEED GAYCER SUCKED DONKEY DONG!

    by Kaiser Soze

    for those of you that thought otherwise

  • July 15, 2009, 11:07 a.m. CST

    SPEED... GAYCER?

    by LaserPants

    Did you enjoy your 5th grade graduation this year? I hope so!

  • July 15, 2009, 11:07 a.m. CST

    SPEED GAYCER was directed

    by Kaiser Soze

    by a chick that used to be a dude. And it shows. Onscreen. Ironically, it was still better than Transformers 2, although only because it didn't include giant swinging robo-ballz. It just sucked those giant swinging robo-ballz...

  • July 15, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST

    I think the robo-ballz are starting to hypnotize KaiserSoze

    by D.Vader

  • July 15, 2009, 11:10 a.m. CST

    D.Vader

    by pdennett316

    I think Shia is decent too, but he was really awful in TF2....I think he knew there was little point in trying too hard. <p> Too true about the TF talkback thing...I think it's been discussed more on here than GI Joe has. As for GI Joe, they should have gone all out to make it the All-American hero movie. Over here (UK) it's Action Man, and I doubt many others the world over would care about GI Joe. They shouldn't have tried to 'Internationalize' the character. <p> Oh, and does anyone have a picture or link concerning this Swinging Plastic Lion....I'm finding it hard to visualize, though a movie with a real lion swinging from a helicopter mauling passers by has somehow stuck in my mind.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:11 a.m. CST

    Oh please... If anything, this makes me think it WILL suck...

    by westwood13

    "Better than TRANSFORMERS 2??" Maybe you could name a movie that wasn't horrible to compare it to? "Speaking of action, I could actually tell what was happ(en)ing for the most part." For the most part?!?! When did that become the acceptable standard?? If these are plants, all they're doing is attempting to lower expectations, because God forbid someone actually go to the movies and expect to see something good.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:14 a.m. CST

    i thouroughly enjoyed SPEED RACER

    by Six Demon Bag

    it was cute fun and entertaining..great score too.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:17 a.m. CST

    That's a different Swinging Lion, pdennett

    by D.Vader

    They're saving that one for the GI JOE sequel.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:19 a.m. CST

    The Baroness is controlled by NANITES?! REALLY?!

    by KinoEscalate

  • July 15, 2009, 11:27 a.m. CST

    D. Vader

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    Are you referring to his interview with Michael Mann? Because that's all I saw and though it had some fawning elements to it I didn't know if that was meant as the full official "review."

  • July 15, 2009, 11:28 a.m. CST

    ZombieHeathLedger...

    by D.Vader

    I'm pretty sure I saw an actual review headline somewhere, though I didn't click it bc I just wasn't interested... lemme check again.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Yeah here it is...

    by D.Vader

    http://www.aintitcool.com/node/41588

  • July 15, 2009, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Watching Transformers 2 more enjoyable

    by Geekhaterssuck

    than listening to the constant whining about Transformers 2 and Michael Bay, and whatever the devil else you people constantly whine over. Fact is it's made over 300 million so there are some people that obviously like it. You don't that's perfectly fine but good lord give it a rest.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST

    There's a Big Lob inside of each of us...

    by Cletus Van Damme

    ...but especially your mom.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:32 a.m. CST

    it sux, so this movie will make 100 billion dollars

    by BMacSmith

    because people love shit!

  • July 15, 2009, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Movies about toys have low standards.

    by Bob Cryptonight

  • July 15, 2009, 11:45 a.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Joking aside, SWINGING PLASTIC LION would make a great Pixar short.<p> Only trouble is it would be so awesome the feature following it might look bad.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Media Messiah

    by karmakitten13

    see Moon. you'll then have 2 movies on your good list

  • July 15, 2009, 11:49 a.m. CST

    If they do another one..

    by wookie1972

    Get Goldberg or Steve Austin to play Gung Ho.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Lower your expectation is becoming the USA pledge!

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    Not only have we been using it for several years to rate movies, tv, and music.<p>But we also use it to justified our shitty grades, our job performance, the women(or guys) we date, the food we eat, and and the friends we hang with.<p>Yeah, lets lower those expectations because expecting something to be excellent or good is too hard to achieve!<p>Being better than TF2 is not something hard to do!

  • July 15, 2009, 11:54 a.m. CST

    by Organs

  • July 15, 2009, 11:55 a.m. CST

    Aww, nertz (and I have no idea how that last one made it)

    by Organs

    I have no expectations of this being great. I never did. I do have expectations of it being more palatable than a Michael Bay movie. But Baroness starting out good and turning good? I can't abide that.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:59 a.m. CST

    No, Sailor

    by bah

    Commas are not correct there. "I am 33" is an independent clause, and you can't have a comma separating independent clauses without a conjunction (as I did in this sentence).

  • July 15, 2009, 12:07 p.m. CST

    G.I. Joe: The Rise Of The One-Eyed Snake

    by AsimovLives

    When the studio heads decided to call this movie "G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA", didn't they ever dream of the possible pornographic implications if that title? Can anybody remind me of what are this guys payed to do?

  • July 15, 2009, 12:09 p.m. CST

    We were too poor for the plastic lion swing!

    by HollywoodHellraiser

    We used towels as capes and jumped off our roof trying to fly!<p>Now thats was a REAL toy!

  • July 15, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    you're not my dad

    by the new transported man

    OHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • July 15, 2009, 12:12 p.m. CST

    Worse Movie Ever: Transformers 2

    by Saltoner

    It's kind of hard for anything to be worse than Transformers 2. If Hasbro was afraid Sommers ruined their franchise, then they are dumber than the execs that green-lit Bay's monstrosity!

  • July 15, 2009, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Yes TF2 was horrible, but it was a success.

    by ganymede3010

    I took 5 of my nieces and nephews to see TF2 last weekend. Ages ranged between 5 and 13. And they absolutely loved it. And guess who their favorite characters were? Yep you guessed it, the ungodly awful twins. And once again, the crowd that I watched with for the second time LOVED the movie. I couldn't do nothing but /faceplam. I really hope Michael Bay leaves, ASAP.

  • July 15, 2009, 12:21 p.m. CST

    "Like most people my age, I am 33..."

    by Stryder

    "There are a few people my age who are NOT 33, but let's not talk about them."

  • July 15, 2009, 12:27 p.m. CST

    I didn't want to see this movie

    by Series7

    Now I do. Hopefully its fun, I still don't understand Tatum Channing as Duke. He's the guy that always seems like its just TOO hard to follow the rules, like tucking in his shirt and too cool to form complete words when he talks. And would be too cool to get into any actual character that was not just him. They needed some tool to play his part. I forgot JGL was in this, that also peeked my interest.

  • July 15, 2009, 12:36 p.m. CST

    y'know, at this point I belive this will be better than TF2

    by Stalkeye

    I'd put marlon wayans anyday over stupid ass mudflap and skids. oh and then there's that terminatrix,devastator's balls,the annoying nerdy sidekick and john tutoro's ass. FU Michael Bay. Anyways, me wants that Cobra figure from Sideshow collectibles!!

  • July 15, 2009, 12:42 p.m. CST

    Who would of though, out of Xmen, TF2, T4

    by ganymede3010

    That that GI JOE would end up being the better movie. Mind-boggling to say the least.

  • July 15, 2009, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Gany, why do you keep seeing it, man????

    by YackBacker

    Dude, you're basically buying Two-Chins' donuts for the day when you do that.

  • July 15, 2009, 12:45 p.m. CST

    A colonoscopy would be more enjoyable than "Transformers 2"

    by darthvedder81

    ...

  • July 15, 2009, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Did AICN report on the upcoming Smurfs live-action?

    by Royston Lodge

    http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/raja-gosnell-to-direct-live-action-smurfs/

  • July 15, 2009, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Trick question

    by D.Vader

    Muddflap and Skidds were actually based on Marlon Wayans.

  • July 15, 2009, 1 p.m. CST

    TOO SOON?!?!?!?!

    by Pageiv

    Could this be a movie where the bad guys aren't US soldiers?

  • July 15, 2009, 1:06 p.m. CST

    D. Vader

    by ZombieHeathLedger

    thx for the link. must've missed it. my bad. Still TRANSFORMERS 2 gets like 6 TB's and PUBLIC ENEMIES gets just one review? I sense a disturbance in the force...

  • July 15, 2009, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Muddflap and Skidds

    by Stabby

    Even the names are a racist. Muddflaps are black and so are skid marks.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:10 p.m. CST

    All the positive feedback for this movie focuses

    by Alienswear

    on "How they got Snake Eyes right". Well it seems to me from what I've of the trailer that they spent 90% of their effort on perfecting Snakes Eyes, but then phoned it in on the rest of the movie. Why go for a traditional Snake Eyes but then change all the other characters? It's as if dudes in the focus groups said you better not fuck up Snake Eyes. But then meanwhile they made horrible changes to Destro, Cobra Commander, Baroness, Duke, the Suits, the FX, whatever bullshit character Wayans is supposed to be. But I'm supposed to give this movie a pass because.... it's better than Transformers 2. Well I got news for you, the shit I just took is better than Transformers 2. We should expect more from our Summer Blockbusters.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:12 p.m. CST

    Is Chicago getting a free screening...

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    for SWINGING PLASTIC LION? <p> If so, I want to know how I can win tickets

  • July 15, 2009, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Ethnic stereotypes in animation

    by Stabby

    I was talking to my brother-in-law this past weekend about how every animated movie these days has to have an ethnic, often stereotypical voice characterization. And he brought up a good point. Does there really need to be an ethnic voice characterization in a Dr. Seuss movie, for example Horton Hears a Who?

  • July 15, 2009, 1:18 p.m. CST

    G.I.Joe SHOULD have been a Michael Bay film.

    by scriptgirl_nipples

    He can deliver explosions like no-other.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Better than shitting yourself!

    by Magnum Opus

    It doesn't bode well when a movie's highest selling point is that it's better than something as bad as TF2.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:21 p.m. CST

    Six Demon Bag

    by LaserPants

    The SPEED RACER score was great! I loved the little sound effect and music cues to the original series too. Fuck the haters, I thought it was great. Too long, though. They definitely should have streamlined some stuff. No reason the same story couldn't have been told in 90 minutes.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:24 p.m. CST

    Go see this film. It's better than shitting yourself.

    by scriptgirl_nipples

    I'd go see that movie.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:35 p.m. CST

    HEY KID. I'M A COMPUTAH. STOP ALL THE DOWNLOADING.

    by turketron_2

  • July 15, 2009, 1:36 p.m. CST

    so one piece of shit is less smelly than some other

    by Rupee88

    lets all celebrate

  • July 15, 2009, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Stabby

    by Series7

    ethnic, often stereotypical voice characterization. What about the kid from Up? He was asian and didn't sound like the guy from the Hangover.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Agreed regarding Speed Racer

    by Forsakyn

    I found the film to be really well done and enjoyable. Too bad it flopped at the box office because I would've gladly seen a sequel. It was fun, and probably the most successful cartoon-to-live action adaptation ever made - because it was STILL a cartoon at heart even in live-action. I expected it to suck, so I was really pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a very good film.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Muddflap and Skidds

    by Series7

    You know one of those voice was the Spongebob guy.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:40 p.m. CST

    They have to find good reviews

    by fanaticon2007

    Paramount's payoff check finally showed in the mail. Harry and clan had to dig some good reviews.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:45 p.m. CST

    everything i need to know about this movie...

    by jackknifed_juggernaut

    can be gleaned from that hat in the pic: both are hideous, poorly constructed, and belong in the $3 bin at your local Wal-Mart.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Speed Racer was amazing

    by Series7

    But like always the Brother W, copied what Asian cinema already did, but made it better. Go watch the movie Cashern, its based off an old ass Manga and has similar visual styles. <P> Speed Racer is a lot better, and its the only movie I've ever seen with a built in learning curve to get used to it.

  • July 15, 2009, 1:49 p.m. CST

    PLANT!!!

    by In_Rainbows

    PLANTPLANTPLANTPLANTPLANTPLANT!!

  • July 15, 2009, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Sailor

    by rfid

    Sailor wrote: "Apparently there are some of you that are not familiar with what a comma is used for."<br /><br /> True--and it appears you're one of them, since the original sentence was wrong in its use of that form of punctuation, and since yours is as well. (The above sentence also misuses "that" instead of "who," in addition to the missing comma after "apparently.")<br /><br /> Sailor also wrote: "Like most people my age, then he staes his age, then he continues with the first declarative statement. I see nothing wrong with the sentence."<br /><br /> Well, that would explain why you misspelled "states" and used quotation marks in that sentence. It would also explain why you apparently think there are people his age who are anything but the 33 years of age that he is. (Hey, I'm just playing along, since you decided to mock people for bad punctuation, despite the fact that yours is as imperfect as your grammar and spelling.)

  • July 15, 2009, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Like most people my age

    by Mockingbuddha

    I missed the Swinging Plastic Lion craze the first time around, but I caught it on DVD when I was around 17 and I thought it held up pretty well. I mean the hairstyles were outrageous, but I thought the dialogue really popped.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Like most people my age, I am the same age as most

    by Stabby

    people my age!

  • July 15, 2009, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Like most people my age..

    by ColinSL

    I think this movie looks terrible... Well, hang on. The sad thing is many people that are 21 think this movie looks great. Yikes. Jesus would have voted No on 8: http://tiny.cc/qojfR

  • July 15, 2009, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Aren't these reboots of old toys

    by Series7

    Like TMNT/Trannyforms/GI Joe a big kick in the nuts to the whole Pokemon oversaturation this past decade. Like Pokemon came and was a hit, the first movie was a decent hit but all the otherones (like 10?) didn't do anything. Then there came the never ending flow of similar shit like Digimon/Yougio and such that just all sucked and never were huge outside of kids. <P> Now we reboot these old ass toys and they are fucking gold mines still. It must suck to be a toy creator these days. You shit just won't be as popular as stuff from the 80s. Also in 10-20 years I'd like to see if Pokemon could even make a comeback. <P> But it also sucks because there are some good kid properties out there that get nothing, shit like Viva Pinata (that started as a game) and some of the Cartoon Network stuff. I guess we'll have to see how good Airbender is.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:11 p.m. CST

    LaserPants--this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

    by Six Demon Bag

    TRUE THAT!!<P>tio think a mere 2 months ago we were at each others throats..i really cant even remember why...hmmm

  • July 15, 2009, 2:20 p.m. CST

    Like most plants my age, I'm a fern,

    by Stabby

    my branches are starting to droop and my leaves are starting to turn brown on the edges.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Ah good, another movie for fanboys to argue over

    by lockesbrokenleg

    meanwhile, the public will avoid it.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:28 p.m. CST

    rfid

    by Sailor Rip

    Yes I misspelled "states". It's not that i was typing fast and missed a button it's that I honestly do not know how to spell the word "states".

  • July 15, 2009, 2:31 p.m. CST

    Oh and

    by Sailor Rip

    Yo Joe. The more I see of this(I just saw a tv spot with new shots) the better it looks. It looked like shit in the beginning but it's looking better so fuck you all, don't go to see it. Maybe I'll be able to put my feet up on the empty chair in front of me.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:35 p.m. CST

    Speaking of Fanboys; just watched the movie finally

    by Stabby

    and boy, what a POS. How that director got James King, let alone another shot at a film, out of that deal I'll never know. But, god bless him. Hope for us film geeks everywhere.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:35 p.m. CST

    STOP GIVING STEPHEN SOMMERS MONEY!

    by landosystem

    STOP GIVING MICHAEL BAY MONEY!

  • July 15, 2009, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Yeah, that Famboys thing was pretty shit wasn't it?

    by lockesbrokenleg

    The way Kyle Newman talks about it, you think God himself had made it.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Series7

    by Dingbatty

    You made me wonder if the Gen Z pissants who defend the misinterpretation of Gen X toons will come back and apologize when the fuck over Pokemon or Yu Gi Oh when they dredge them up for a live-action film, directed by the worst directors of the time, written by the progeny of Orcus and Colonel Kurtz?

  • July 15, 2009, 2:38 p.m. CST

    The fact that they didn't use the original

    by Dingbatty

    G.I. Joe: ARAH logo is all you need to know. And that they skipped over Snake Eye's original suit to the silly visor one, as well. Choosing Ray Park was the only thing they got right.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:40 p.m. CST

    If you want blue coloured shits

    by Autodidact

    You don't fucking colour the shit after you take a dump. You drink two bottles of blue food colouring and eat a bag of tofu. Fucking amateurs!

  • July 15, 2009, 2:43 p.m. CST

    Dingbatty

    by Series7

    By that time Orcus and Colonel Kurtz will have one an Oscar or two, and will be seen as writing gods.

  • July 15, 2009, 2:51 p.m. CST

    And knowing is half the Battle!

    by theycallmemrtibbs

    GEEEEE IIIII JOEEEEEEE!

  • July 15, 2009, 2:54 p.m. CST

    The only thing I remember about the GI Joe cartoon

    by Stabby

    other than Cobra Commander and the moral lessons at the end of each episode was that nobody ever died and that if a helicopter or a plane exploded the pilot would always safely escape by ejecting with a parachute seat. Wonder if the film will be the same.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:07 p.m. CST

    I'm almost as excited by the prospect of SWINGING PLASTIC LION

    by savagedave

    as I am about STATHAM FLYING SIDEWAYS HOLDING GUNS.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Cloverfield sucked

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 15, 2009, 3:15 p.m. CST

    SDB

    by rogueleader66

    Have to agree with you, Speed Racer was a very enjoyable film. So many people have slammed it as bad, but seeing all the crap that has been released since then, maybe the haters should go back and watch it again, and maybe gain some appreciation for it.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:27 p.m. CST

    i'm not disappointed it might not suck...

    by maxwell's hammer

    I know it will still suck, I'm just disappointed that millions of people will go see it anyway paving the way for sequels that will only be even lower in quality as Sommers tries each time out to make things BIGGER and KEWLER!! Blech.

  • July 15, 2009, 3:30 p.m. CST

    $170 million spent- how much to employ plant reviewers?

    by YackBacker

    Seriously, Paramount is shitting themselves despite some big box office from TREK and TF2, they cannot suffer a flop here. Nevermind that they did fire Sommers' ass (which they'll deny 'til they die) the movie is super good, right? I'm half expecting "It's fucking rad, man!" to show up in a "review."

  • July 15, 2009, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Oh no, GI Joe is a bad movie!!!

    by AsimovLives

    No shit, sherlock!! GI Joe a bad movie? Well, i never!! Will wonders ever cease? Totally unexpected that! Who would had though that possible?

  • July 15, 2009, 3:36 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for another SLOW MO ACTION scene!

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Even Trek had a SLO MO ACTION scene!

  • July 15, 2009, 3:42 p.m. CST

    Discuss it on THE ZONE

    by DennisMM

    http://zoneaintitcool.com

  • July 15, 2009, 3:43 p.m. CST

    FUCK typos

    by DennisMM

    http://zone.aintitcool.com <P> Goddamned typos!

  • July 15, 2009, 3:53 p.m. CST

    Yea, Eagle Eye was also more enjoyable than Trans 2...

    by jaysin420

    Billy Bob, Rosario Dawson and Shia dies at the end! What more could anybody want?

  • July 15, 2009, 4 p.m. CST

    DennisMM

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    Is The Zone hard-up for visitors these days? What's the deal?

  • July 15, 2009, 4:01 p.m. CST

    'Better than TF2.'

    by TedKordLives

    BWAH-HAH-HA-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! <p> So is Bubble Boy.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:04 p.m. CST

    Latino Review Likes Everything, No?

    by christian66

  • July 15, 2009, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Latino Review is the shit!

    by lockesbrokenleg

    Damn, those latinos getting the scoop on everything!

  • July 15, 2009, 4:18 p.m. CST

    I'll see it

    by MattmanReturns

    I like watching train wrecks, for some reason. It's been a good year for those. And Sienna's ass won't be hard on the eyes.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Speed Racer Was Amazing Garbage!!!

    by Media Messiah

    The only good shot in the movie was when the Mach 5 flipped down the side of the icy mountain, which lasts 5 seconds on screen, we saw most of it in the ads for the film. The rest of the movie, all of it, was trash. Speed Racer is simply one of the worst films ever made--and I do mean, ever!!! They destroyed a cartoon classic.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    Reboot SPL!

    by TedKordLives

    We need a 'Swinging Plastic Lion' for a new generation! <P> 'This ain't your daddy's Swinging Plastic Lion!'

  • July 15, 2009, 4:34 p.m. CST

    'It's the cartoon come to life.'

    by TedKordLives

    Yeah, minus the costumes, logic and physics. <P> And plus silly Iron Man wannabe suits, TF-style run and gun hijinx, & Dennis Quaid in a foofy-ass beret. Poor, poor Dennis Quaid.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:40 p.m. CST

    G.I. Joe: Resolute

    by Johnno

    I just saw a trailer for this cartoon. Anyone know anything about it? Because it looks 1000 times better than this film!<br><br>Oh, and SPEED RACER OWNS YOUR ASSES!!!

  • July 15, 2009, 4:42 p.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    Yeah Ted, don't you just want to slam Quaid up against a wall, look him deep in the eyes and say "what happened to you man? What the fuck happened to you man?"<p> Quaid would prob report you to the cops for being a crazed stalker, but it'd be worth it to get your point across.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:46 p.m. CST

    sounds like Transformers 1 reviews

    by Vern

    "sure, it's terrible, but it's not supposed to be good! it's based on crap and therefore I should be excited to see more crap! I LOVE IT AND AWESOME!!!"<p> And that one on Latino Review is textbook plant, going through all the different marketing bullet points. "The story is great! I was surprised by Marlon Wayans's humor! I too grew up loving this cartoon like you did we are all together in this united as one forever go see it!"<P> But to be honest I'm still gonna go see this, it looks like some Rob Cohen style enjoyably moronic crap. Not an actual summer movie but like STEALTH, some stupid crap that I get a kick out of for some reason. I hope.

  • July 15, 2009, 4:57 p.m. CST

    Rob Cohen style

    by Series7

    God he sucks. I hope its not that bad.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:01 p.m. CST

    It looks more like a Jerry Bruckheimer movie

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 15, 2009, 5:11 p.m. CST

    No super gay voice for Cobra Commander?

    by pablo2004

    That was the only reason i was going to see this POS.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Cobra

    by TedKordLives

    Remember 'Innerspace'? Goddamn if was not a walking talking Hal Motherfucking Jordan in that movie. <P>From 'When things are at their darkest, PAL, it's a brave man who can kick back and party.' to 'Knowing's half the battle.' <P> Poor, poor Dennis Quaid.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:22 p.m. CST

    You mean this could be good after all?

    by Sal_Bando

    Ha ha that'd be a minor shock. I might be tempted to check this out, after all.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:27 p.m. CST

    Three Hundred and Fifty Second

    by WealthyPeasant

    Ha! You're all losers.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Latino Review didn't review JOE, that was a reader review.

    by YackBacker

    AICNers, that's right- LR did not review GI JOE-THE RISE OF THE C.O.B.R.A.- it was a readers' submitted review (Codename: Plant-Viper).

  • July 15, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    How long is JOE anyway? hour and a half?

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 15, 2009, 5:38 p.m. CST

    I agree Vern, Stealth was stupid but very enjoyable.

    by ganymede3010

    The 3rd act in stealth was kinda cool once he took control of the A.I Jet.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:39 p.m. CST

    GIJOE clocks in at 1:45 min

    by ganymede3010

  • July 15, 2009, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Rob Cohen or Jerry Bruckheimer

    by AsimovLives

    What a fucking choice! Both are terrible beyond description. Fuck them both, i chose neither.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Stealth

    by AsimovLives

    I could only see 10 minutes of that bullshit, i had to turn it off. Fuck that movie, for me it's literally unwatchable.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:50 p.m. CST

    LaserPants, MIA?

    by blakindigo

    Where the hell have you been?

  • July 15, 2009, 5:52 p.m. CST

    SixDemonBag & Laserpants

    by DrMorbius

    Looks like love is in the air.<P>I too, thought Speed Racer was a good movie but, not interested in joining you guys for a three way.

  • July 15, 2009, 5:54 p.m. CST

    I like "Battle Armor" Cobra Commander

    by Jesiah

    That was my fave version......interested to see the reaction to jgl's Cobra Commander and if it will still have people clammoring for him as Joker.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:02 p.m. CST

    SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

    by DrMorbius

    Do you want to know what G.I.JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA is ABOUT?<P>It's about 144 minutes too long!!!!!!!!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:09 p.m. CST

    It's like a backlash from hate

    by LandonSmith

    So much hate for the movie it's starting to take a turn for the better.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Quaid!

    by TedKordLives

    Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    hey Benny, SCREW YOUUUUUUUU!!!!!

    by Six Demon Bag

  • July 15, 2009, 6:16 p.m. CST

    I can probably get through the rest of the summer...

    by SoylentMean

    and spend less than $30 on movie tickets for the movies I'm going to see in theaters. This has got to be one of, if not the worst, movie summers of all time. Holy shit!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Thanks 6DB.

    by TedKordLives

    Only five minutes response time, too. Excellent. I knew I could count on you.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Soylent Mean-

    by TedKordLives

    Seconded. Hands down, the worst summer for movies in MY ENTIRE LIFE.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    If I wrote the G.I. Joe 2 script....BIG LOB would be sooo in it.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob makes his move!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    Oh, and...

    by TedKordLives

    I've been going to the movies since I was 5 (in 1985), if that gives you a frame of reference on how awful I feel this summer has been.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:27 p.m. CST

    BIG LOB MAKES HIS MOVE

    by Six Demon Bag

    he scores!!! and the crowd goes bananas!

  • July 15, 2009, 6:27 p.m. CST

    yeah pretty sucky summer

    by Six Demon Bag

    im sure next summer will be more of the same.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:28 p.m. CST

    These don't seem planty to me

    by Thunderbolt Ross

    They just don't

  • July 15, 2009, 6:36 p.m. CST

    Besides BIG LOB, imo here's what G.I. Joe needs.....

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    First of all, it (and especially Big Lob) doesn't need accelerator suits. Why can't it just be about a bunch of super-awesome regular humans? <BR>Snake Eyes can flip around, Sgt. Slaughter can pound on people, Tunnel Rat can burrow, Zartan hates the sun, etc. The characters had enough personality and talents, and enough high tech machinery. Why accelerator suits? <BR>Here's stuff I think G.I. Joe needs. <BR><BR> 1. An aircraft carrier - Thats the first thing we think of right? That gigantic aircraft carrier playset.<BR><BR> 2. Generic Cobra Troops with the blue helmets and facemasks - driving those generic Cobra tanks. <BR><BR> 3. Glass mask Cobra Commander with raspy voice -throwing tantrums and Destro is the voice of reason. <BR><BR> 4. A huge American flag - international all you want, but its been "Real American Hero" for decades. <BR><BR> 5. Roadblock, Quick Kick, and Beachhead - and Beachhead must be in a green hood and pissed off all the time.<BR><BR> 6. Zartan and the Dreadnocks - only listens to Cobra orders with its convenient to them.<BR><BR> 7. A scene where jets explode, and it shows all the pilots parachuting out.<BR><BR> 8.Dog sidekicks - several of the Joes must have dogs with them <BR><BR><BR><BR> There. If a movie contains these things, it is a GI Joe movie to me.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:37 p.m. CST

    I wrote that first review

    by MrBlonde885

    First off, I'm not a plant (sorry to disappoint). Check out the review at Latino Review. Now THAT'S a plant. The sad thing is, I actually thought I was being clever by including a pic of the screening pass. Apparently I severely underestimated the cynicism of the AICN talkback community. Lesson learned. I saw some people calling bullshit earlier because I didn't mention Cobra Commanders mask. Well, there really isn't much to say. The mask is only on screen for about a minute, total. The rest of the time, JGL is "The Doctor" and looks like he does on the poster. Besides, we've all seen that picture from the toy packaging that's floating around. It pretty much looks just like that. If you still want more spoilers, here's a biggie I didn't mention: Snake Eyes kills Storm Shadow during the final battle. Yes, kills. As in dead. As in sliced up, stabbed in the chest and left to rot in the icy waters under a polar ice cap. I was pretty surprised they killed of the second coolest character in the entire movie. This ever happen on the show or in the comics? Oh, and Vern, comparing it to Stealth is probably a fair comparison. The action is fairly similar in style, but I'd say this is much lighter in tone and more fun.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:38 p.m. CST

    It's a Summers movie. Summers movies all suck.

    by Tall_Boy66

    Therefore, this will suck.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:38 p.m. CST

    AND SO THE AICN RIMJOB BEGINS

    by reflecto

    Harry, just admit you got PWESENTS and you're giving this shit a pass.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:44 p.m. CST

    WILL YOU WRITERS PLEASE ALLOW BIG LOB TO MAKE HIS MOVE????

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    When he shoots, he will score.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:54 p.m. CST

    AICN should really be able to spot this planty bullshit, probabl

    by raystevensonwarzone

    AICN should be able to spot a corporate lacky trying to sound like a hip 20 something from a mile away. The review uses the nerd buzzwords, but has a very very corporate feel to it.

  • July 15, 2009, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Besides BIG LOB, get BROCK LESNAR to play Chuckles.......

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Brock Lesnar in a Hawaiian shirt smashing and crushing....that'd be awesome.

  • July 15, 2009, 7 p.m. CST

    and the crowd goes bananas

    by Six Demon Bag

    thats not all that goes bananas

  • July 15, 2009, 7:01 p.m. CST

    Latino Review's review is a plant

    by IAmLegolas

    Like Treebeard sized even.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Willem Dafoe Joins John Carter of Mars

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

  • July 15, 2009, 7:19 p.m. CST

    BIG LOB is UNDEFEATED in the G.I. Joe universe...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    You would decline someone who has done nothing but score? <BR><BR> Without Big Lob, G.I. Joe 2 lacks moves.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:24 p.m. CST

    Only one thing could get me to see this in the theater:

    by TedKordLives

    Unfortunately, it involves skipping the 'R' rating and going straight to 'NC-17', soooo....<P> <P> <P> I'm talking about graphic lesbian sex, by the way.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:27 p.m. CST

    BIG LOB?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

  • July 15, 2009, 7:28 p.m. CST

    BIG LOB better remain UNDEFEATED in G.I. Joe 2.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Even if Cobra completely takes over G.I. Joe headquarters...Big Lob has to be somewhere else, completely unrelated to the situation and still undefeated.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:44 p.m. CST

    Graphic Lesbian Sex

    by TedKordLives

    Between Scarlett and Baroness. <P> If you catch my drift.

  • July 15, 2009, 7:53 p.m. CST

    by Cobra--Kai

    If I, Cobra, took over GI Joe headquarters then Scarlett and Baroness would be forced to 'perform' in front of my cackling minions. Then you would have your graphic lesbian sex, noble Ted, yes then there would be graphic lesbian sex for everrrryone..mwahahahahah!

  • July 15, 2009, 7:56 p.m. CST

    Snow Job?

    by Semen Stains

    Is snow job in this? "Oi you little wankers,get off my lake"

  • July 15, 2009, 8:01 p.m. CST

    TedKordLives

    by DrMorbius

    Not many movies that wouldn't benefit from a graphic lesbian sex scene!

  • July 15, 2009, 8:03 p.m. CST

    Wow.

    by TedKordLives

    I actually spelled both characters' names right! I am by no means a Joe fan. I never watched the cartoon, I didn't play with the toys. I did, however, collect the trading card set they put out (and sold at my neighborhood gas station). So I am familiar with the characters. Familiar enough to know how much they've fucked with the formula. And even tho I'm not a fan, it still pisses me off. <P> Because there's no need. Maybe a few tweaks here or there, but this massive 're-imagining' they've done is crap. It looks crap, it sounds crap, and my only hope is that people get so burned out on crap that there's a massive craplash. <P> Yes, a craplash. A public backlash against crap that stuns the world! It could happen, right? right? <P> Ok, rant over. Back to work.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:14 p.m. CST

    YOU ARE ON CRACK IF U THINK THIS MAY NOT SUCK

    by the Green Gargantua

    STREET ROCK. have you seen Zartan? HAHAHA. Whats worse than snake eyes lips? The fact that he does not tie up his boots over his pants, it looks awful like at his waist they ran out of money. This movie will be ass. The only people effected are those who read the marvel comic.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:18 p.m. CST

    Media Messiah re. Speed Racer

    by toadkillerdog

    Speed Racer was a fantastic adaptation and a damned enjoyable movie. I loved it. And I am a very long time Speed Racer fan. I had one and only one quibble, not enough Mach 5. But what we did get was awesome! I will be re-watching that Flick this weekend.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:23 p.m. CST

    I had an endoscopic bladder exam...

    by conspiracy

    that was more enjoyable than Transformers 2.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:26 p.m. CST

    PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!

    by D.Vader

  • July 15, 2009, 8:33 p.m. CST

    They should have gotten John Woo to do this. And had BIG LOB.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    The reasoning is that Mr. Woo resists high-techy futuristic stuff...so I think Woo's GI Joe would have been more of a straight-up blastfest with ordinary soldiers doing amazing things.<BR><BR> Imagine a Woo directed GI Joe gunfight with Snakeeyes and his swords in the middle of it all. Wow.<BR><BR> I hope this movie is good but I hope they find a way to get rid of the accelerator suits for G.I. Joe 2. Michael Bay would have made an awesome military-feeling Joe movie in my opinion. I hope GI Joe 2 does away with those supersuits and just goes back to the characters...introducing Sgt. Slaughter and his Mercenaries and such.<BR><BR> But I will watch this movie and hope its good. The trailer DOES look good.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:44 p.m. CST

    TRANSFORMERS 2

    by dioxholster

    was a great movie you asses, BAY ROCKS!

  • July 15, 2009, 8:45 p.m. CST

    "The cartoon come to life" is the most laughable assessment

    by D.Vader

    I think I've heard.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:47 p.m. CST

    Deep Rising, eh?

    by Phimseto

    Good to know I'm not alone in the wilderness on that one. I love both that film and the original Mummy. It all went wrong after that.

  • July 15, 2009, 8:48 p.m. CST

    Someone go to Home Depot...

    by PessimusGrime

    ...and buy a bottle of Round-Up! Getting to be a lot of chlorophyl around here. In other words: too many PLANTS!

  • July 15, 2009, 8:51 p.m. CST

    TRANSFORMERS 2 is more American than GI JOE

    by dioxholster

    i stopped caring for that stupid GI movie after i learned of how they stripped the patriotism from story. GI JOE was about being american and fighting like one not some sissy international imaginary world thing which doesnt really exist. Transformers 2 had the balls to show you what america is capable of.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:07 p.m. CST

    It'd be awesome if G.I. Joe 2 was Real American Hero.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Chest-thumping, patriotic music blasting in surround sound as the flag waves over headquarters....and the G.I. Joe logo is red, white, and blue once more. No accelerator suits, but huge U.S. flag badges on the shoulders of all the uniforms. <BR><BR> But alas, that probably isnt gonna happen. Hope we at least get BIG LOB though!<BR><BR> Even as an international organization, G.I. Joe has the chance to be good. I dont get the people bashing the movie already. The trailers look good, and my friends are all looking forward to it.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:10 p.m. CST

    Love the AICN agenda

    by Philvis

    Since Harry felt TF2 was a film to end mankind, he has AICN spinning the reviews to make GI Joe sound, "Not as bad as TF2". I'm sorry, but the reviews sound like the movie isn't very decent.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:35 p.m. CST

    real american heros get killed by real iraqi peasants

    by ironic_name

    fuck that, ww2: joint effort, korea: success, nam: fail basically, iraq 1: fail, afganistan: fail, iraq 2: fail.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:38 p.m. CST

    ironic_name---- BATTLES WON BY AMERICANS!

    by dioxholster

    no one wins a War, unless if the only objective is total annihilation.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:41 p.m. CST

    D.Vader, with respect, you haven't seen it yet.

    by ironic_name

    "Also, the film has plenty of high-tech weaponry, vehicles, and gadgets that kids and the die-hard fans will love. How does a Joe jetpack work? It just does. How do the futuristic weapons work? They just do. How did the accelerator suit get developed and how does it work? Stop asking questions and just go with it. As I said, a cartoon come to life." <P> "– The movie is cheesy but fun. Yeah, the dialogue is corny and everyone was either a good or a bad guy, but that’s the cartoon. Also, it never went for the really cheap joke or any bathroom humor. Sorry Bay, but you could learn from Stephen Sommers on this one." <P> "– The plot actually works and makes sense…for a “G.I. Joe” movie. Unlike “Transformers 2″, “Joe’s” got a clear story. The bad guys want to destroy certain cities/important monuments/take over the world and the good guys are trying to stop them. That’s it." <P> sounds like a cartoon to me.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:44 p.m. CST

    it is a B movie and as such it succeeds

    by j2talk

    its a B movie and as such it succeeds- seriously people, you should review a film with an eye at what they were trying to achieve..NOBODY going into this should be expecting anything more than a B movie-not the cast, crew or the audience just look at source material, writers, director and cast 'nuff said......

  • July 15, 2009, 9:47 p.m. CST

    I am aware that no one wins, I've seen wargames.

    by ironic_name

    making a movie about how great the yank army is is career suicide. <P> you want a patriotic american army movie? all I can say is... <P> AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

  • July 15, 2009, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Movie looks cool

    by andrew coleman

    Don't believe there is an agenda here because it is better than Transformers 2 I know this already.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:56 p.m. CST

    G.I. Joe has been American since the 1960s....

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    ..and when you are talking about the 80s cartoon...to me its clearly it's not a show about how great the U.S. Army is.<BR> It's simply a kids cartoon about "America's highly trained special mission force", with the purpose of defending against [fictional] Cobra.<BR> It's a flag-waving children's show about "Real American Heroes"...and thats cool.

  • July 15, 2009, 9:58 p.m. CST

    american army is the only REAL army in the world

    by dioxholster

    you know it, all other armies are either weak or reliant on American support. China's and other armys' only strength is making all its citizens expendable but America puts value in american life as well as the life of others. American Technology is unbeatable at this stage. America's only weakness are Democrats.

  • July 15, 2009, 10 p.m. CST

    and i talk like a robot

    by dioxholster

  • July 15, 2009, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Just in case that first AICN review...

    by ebonic_plague

    ...wasn't planty enough, the one on LR is an entire ecosystem of desperate damage control. <p> Santa Claus is more believable than these reviews.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:30 p.m. CST

    MrBlonde885

    by ebonic_plague

    "I'm not a plant," <p> says the never before seen screenname who's sole post to AICN talkback is for his own review to say, "I'm not a plant." <p> You're not underestimating the cynicism, you're underestimating the bullshit detector.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:45 p.m. CST

    Why this movie will succeed:

    by Timstuff

    Look at all the movies negatively portraying the military that have flopped recently-- Jarhead, Stop Loss, Lions for Lambs, etc. All the military movies that have been financially successful show the military in a positive light, because people don't want to sit in a theater for 2 hours listening to how bad their armed service men and women suck. GI Joe shows the military in a positive light, and seeing as negative military movies always seem to flop, it stands to reason that a positive one will be a success.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:46 p.m. CST

    Both Transformers movies also show the miltary in

    by lockesbrokenleg

    a positive light, One of the better aspects of the films.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:51 p.m. CST

    ebonic_plague

    by MrBlonde885

    The only reason I've never posted is because usually don't have time, and as such never bothered to get a username. Since this is the first review I've ever had on the site, I felt the need to make a little time and finally sign up and try to defend myself a little (though I doubt I'm helping my cause any). I figured I'd get labeled a plant right from the beginning. That's how AICN works. Any remotely positive early review that doesn't jive with everyone's preconceived notions that the movie is pure crap, get's labeled as a plant. I've been reading this site (and the talk backs) long enough to know this. Hence the attempt to ease everyone's suspicion. Obviously there's nothing I can say to convince you, or anyone else that the review is legit. All I can say is, the movie was good B-Movie fun for about 2 hours, whether you believe it or not.

  • July 15, 2009, 10:51 p.m. CST

    I never understood

    by Arteska

    why people had such a a ridiculous mean streak for everything about this movie any time it has been mentioned up to now. People have been planning to buy a ticket to and utterly demolish this movie on the internet for months... anyone anywhere actually enjoying even a moment of this movie has to have serious repercussions for the internet doesn't it?

  • July 15, 2009, 11:02 p.m. CST

    Original comic > entire cartoon series

    by HB_Dad

    That is all...

  • July 15, 2009, 11:03 p.m. CST

    Can't wait for the reboot.

    by Falafalguy

    Hopefully it will be with a music video director.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:12 p.m. CST

    russian army is the only real army in the world

    by ironic_name

    fixed.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:22 p.m. CST

    I hope they don't forget U.S. is still the biggest consumer regi

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Making a product internationally "friendly" is fine, but U.S. remains the number 1 consumer region in the world. When they take G.I. Joe, which has been "America hero" for three generations, and strips it of its Americanness, it might be a turn-off...not its a global squad of guys in supersuits?<BR><BR> I dunno...its a balance.<BR> I hope this movie is great and gets sequels.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:39 p.m. CST

    by the way, I'm just fuckin' with ya, gibson.

    by ironic_name

    no hard feelings or anything, I really don't mind the joes being international. the 60's figures were absolutely yankey jingoism. but hama introduced so many neat ideas like the oktober gaurd, that are to hard to translate into a movie, so a ragtag team like the dirty dozen or magnificent seven, made up of different nationalities is cool to me.

  • July 15, 2009, 11:42 p.m. CST

    HAVING E. COLI IS MORE ENJOYABLE THAN BAYFORMERS 2

    by BringingSexyBack

    G.I. Joe has a pretty low benchmark to clear. <P> That sedd, it looks like fun with the exception of Marlon Wayans' scenes.

  • July 16, 2009, 12:03 a.m. CST

    Okay, back to G.I. Joe 2 & how it needs to have BIG LOB.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    The only problem is, I cannot think of a single actor that would play Big Lob. I have a friend that looks and acts exactly like Big Lob, but he gets mad when I call him Big Lob.

  • July 16, 2009, 12:07 a.m. CST

    John Leguizamo as Tunnel Rat. But who will be BIG LOB??

    by GibsonUSA Returns

  • July 16, 2009, 12:12 a.m. CST

    BIG LOB tucks his basketball uniform into his pants!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob makes a fashion statement! <BR><BR> Now for those of you doubting how a basketball player with his uniform tucked into his cargo pants running around with a grenade will translate to screen...all I gotsta say is, AWESOMELY.<BR><BR> By the way, Big Lob wears the #14. I would like to propose possibly changing it to #25, representing the time it took for Big Lob to return to the big screen!

  • July 16, 2009, 12:20 a.m. CST

    Benjamin Bratt as Law. But who will be BIG LOB??

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Brock Lesnar is Chuckles. John Leguizamo is Tunnel Rat. Benjamin Bratt is Law, with his faithful dog. But who will go for the gold?

  • July 16, 2009, 12:30 a.m. CST

    Lets have BIG LOB finally getting an action figure!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    I heard a rumor that due to late 80s toymaking technology not being sufficient enough for a Big Lob figure to make his move, none could successfully be made. Let's try again.

  • July 16, 2009, 12:32 a.m. CST

    Big Lob vs sgt slaughter vs the fridge perry

    by krull1977

    Screw big lob who should be in gi joe 2? Sgt Slaughter or William "The Refrigerator" Perry

  • July 16, 2009, 12:38 a.m. CST

    Puh-leese, BIG LOB soo makes his move against sgt slaughter

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Don't forget...Big Lob sidesteps the opposition! <BR><BR> Especially if they used today's Sgt Slaughter, who is like 60. <BR><BR> But I almost forgot about the Fridge!though! He MUST be a character in the next G.I. Joe!

  • July 16, 2009, 12:43 a.m. CST

    BIG LOB aside, get Stone Cold Steve Austin to be Gung-Ho....

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    PLEEASE tell me the movie people didnt forget Gung-Ho?

  • July 16, 2009, 12:47 a.m. CST

    I'm dissapointed

    by mitortilla

    people that liked this piece of crap are using up our oxygen.

  • July 16, 2009, 1:41 a.m. CST

    I'd rather see GI Hoes

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • July 16, 2009, 2:18 a.m. CST

    It might be just a rumor

    by JohnRyder

    but I heard that the Cobra Commander has testicles

  • July 16, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    You know who I miss?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    BIG LOB.

  • July 16, 2009, 2:31 a.m. CST

    MrBlonde885

    by AsimovLives

    Ohhh, the AICN people are so cynic, they don't believe me, oh oh!!"<br><br>Boo hooo!!<br><br>I'm sorry, friend, but your review is one of the most obvious plant job i ever seen posted at AICN. On the remote and unlikely possibility that you are not a plant, you are failing your vocation, you should be payed for that job.

  • July 16, 2009, 2:33 a.m. CST

    And anybody who says that

    by AsimovLives

    we should be thankful a movie is bad just not as bad as the worst movie made this year, and for that we should enjoy it and be thankful it exists, that is somebody's opinion i will not trust at all. A bad movie is a bad movie and that's it. A bad movie is bad news.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:29 a.m. CST

    BIG LOBBING GIANT PIG!

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 3:33 a.m. CST

    What could be worse than TF2?

    by HagCeli

    Revenge Of The Fallen was the worst piece of overlong, mindless drivel I've seen in a long while. Razzie Awards frontrunner. I'm amazed by how successful it is. A racist, sexist animated film about robots with some random people thrown in. I still can't believe Kurtzman & Orci wrote the script.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:37 a.m. CST

    BIG LOB MAKES HIS MOVE WITH THE BARONESS

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    The Baronness cannot resist!

  • July 16, 2009, 3:39 a.m. CST

    BIG LOB GOES FOR THE HOMERUN!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    He shoots! He scores!!!!

  • July 16, 2009, 3:42 a.m. CST

    SCARLET ISNT THAT TYPE OF WOMAN. BIG LOB CHANGES HER MIND!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    He goes for the gold!!

  • July 16, 2009, 3:48 a.m. CST

    For those of you yet to see BIG LOB in action......

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    http://tinyurl.com/lpr4xs <BR><BR> Skip to 3:06 to see the moves being made.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Last time a movie was this bad It Killed Raul Julia

    by Phategod1

    Whomever is hooked with Dennis Quaid had better up that life insurance.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:08 a.m. CST

    BIG LOB = BIG BALE!

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 4:09 a.m. CST

    Last time a movie was this good It Killed Raul Julia

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 4:51 a.m. CST

    Killing is the other half of the battle.

    by Dingbatty

  • July 16, 2009, 5:38 a.m. CST

    Remember the PSA with Roadblock and the electrical wire?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    That should be incorprated in the sequel lol. Also the swimming one.

  • July 16, 2009, 6:38 a.m. CST

    i love the PSAs cause the JOES

    by Six Demon Bag

    just come outta nowhere...i think there was one where a kid was trying to sneak out in the middle of the night or something (maybe runaway from home) and Barbeque just comes out from the bushes next to his window!!! what the fuck were you doing back there BBQ????

  • July 16, 2009, 7:06 a.m. CST

    is there a masturbation PSA

    by Bouncy X

    where Scarlett comes out under the boy's bed and shows him how to work the shaft?

  • July 16, 2009, 7:06 a.m. CST

    HagCeli

    by AsimovLives

    I totally believe that bob The Orci and The Klutzman wrote Transformers 2. It's quite in tune with their usual work. What's suprising is people being suprised they did such a collosal piece of shit. Man, that's them in their normal state, they can only make shit, the only difference is the level.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:51 a.m. CST

    Yo Joe!!

    by Yeti

    Movie looks like it could be fun. Didn't think Transformers ROTF was that bad except it was too long and the whole mysticisim part was a little hard to swallow

  • July 16, 2009, 8:10 a.m. CST

    Lets talk about something else.

    by GetEveryone

    How about Alien 3?<BR><BR>Then someone could show me how to do a superscript.

  • July 16, 2009, 8:13 a.m. CST

    remember the He Man version of PSA's?

    by savagedave

    There's one of those where He Man and She Ra are talking about what to do if someone touches you inappropriately. Wierdest thing I ever saw.

  • July 16, 2009, 8:24 a.m. CST

    Savagedave,

    by _Palmer_Eldritch

    so what would He-Man do if somebody touched his magic sword?? And much more interestingly, what would She-Ra do if someone tried to put their magic sword in her shaft?

  • July 16, 2009, 9:01 a.m. CST

    It's not "I'm gonna crush you quaid"

    by turketron_2

  • July 16, 2009, 9:04 a.m. CST

    It's, "I'M GONNA DRILL YOU SUCKA! I'M GONNA GRIIIIINNND YOU UP!

    by turketron_2

  • July 16, 2009, 9:05 a.m. CST

    what about your five kids?

    by Six Demon Bag

    shit man im not even married...not put your fuckin hands up.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:07 a.m. CST

    you mean this?

    by Six Demon Bag

    Alien³

  • July 16, 2009, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Professional.

    by GetEveryone

    My penis is the closest I've come to a small 3.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    GET TO THE CHOPPER

    by redfist

    NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • July 16, 2009, 9:13 a.m. CST

    hm.

    by GetEveryone

    Alien<SUP>3<SUP>

  • July 16, 2009, 9:16 a.m. CST

    I don't know what the font is...

    by GetEveryone

    for the comment box, but I know I like it.<BR><BR>*Confuses redfist's quote* "You know when I promised to kill you last, Sully? I lied."

  • July 16, 2009, 9:17 a.m. CST

    It's a swinging plastic Lion

    by redfist

    IT'S HUGE

  • July 16, 2009, 9:19 a.m. CST

    the gospel of MAC

    by Six Demon Bag

    Here we are again bro... Just you and me. Same kind of moon, same kind of jungle. Real number ten, remember... Whole platoon, thirty-two men chopped into meat... We walk out, just you and me, nobody else. Right on top, huh? Not a scratch... Not a fuckin' scratch. You know whoever got you, he'll come back again. And when he does I'm gonna cut your name, right into him... I'm gonna cut your name, right into him!!

  • July 16, 2009, 9:21 a.m. CST

    You are one ugly...

    by redfist

    whatever.....

  • July 16, 2009, 9:26 a.m. CST

    That was one of the funniest quotes from Total recall

    by Stalkeye

    "shit, I aint even married........now put your fucking hands up".Me and my friends always laughed at that scene. That and "this whole place will blow up and I'll be home just in time for Corn Flakes".<p>Comedic gold.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:36 a.m. CST

    I don't need a gun, john.

    by GetEveryone

    I can take you, i can take you without the gun. aaarrrrghhhhhhh

  • July 16, 2009, 9:40 a.m. CST

    What have you been feeding this thing?

    by redfist

    Blondes.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:40 a.m. CST

    "Lips on Snake Eyes" is actually dead-on accurate

    by seagrass

    to the toy that this version of Snake Eyes is based on (2nd edition, with the "knight" visor). I would have preferred Storm Shadow's 2nd edition uniform as well, but the movie version looks decent. Apparently Zartan and Shipwreck make appearances in the film as well, and it's nice to see they included MARS and The Pit. Nice! All we need now is some Kwinn and Dr. Venom action, and some grape soda and chocolate donuts from the concession stand. Looking forward to this again!

  • July 16, 2009, 9:41 a.m. CST

    True that, ironic_name

    by D.Vader

    Thanks for bringing me down a peg.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:48 a.m. CST

    This looks like it's based on the comic, rather than

    by seagrass

    the cartoon. They never really touched on Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow's history in the cartoon...all that came straight from Larry Hama and the comics. All the better.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:55 a.m. CST

    HAHAHA YOU THINK THIS IS THE REAL QUAID? IT IS!!!!

    by Kief_Ledger

  • July 16, 2009, 9:57 a.m. CST

    Pork Chop Sandwich

    by krull1977

    I want to see the updated psa's at the movies, either Pork Chop Sandwich or Body Massage

  • July 16, 2009, 10:31 a.m. CST

    C'mon baby you know you're the girl of my dreams..

    by Six Demon Bag

    best line of the film.<P>sets the tone for the ENTIRE film.

  • July 16, 2009, 10:31 a.m. CST

    My Kung Fu is Strong?

    by redfist

  • July 16, 2009, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Laura Lion...

    by SnatchVagina

    ...touches pee-pee

  • July 16, 2009, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Fuck G.I. Joe, where's my CAPTAIN PLANET movie?

    by SnatchVagina

    Directed by Christopher Columbus and starring Ryan Reynolds.

  • July 16, 2009, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Stop the press: Shocking news!!!!

    by AsimovLives

    Transformers 2 is terrible, and GI Joe is a little better! Completly unexpected news! Who would had ever guess that?

  • July 16, 2009, 11:41 a.m. CST

    Plastic Lion On A String: The Movie

    by AsimovLives

    Now, dammit!!

  • July 16, 2009, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Getting a root canal...

    by PessimusGrime

    ... is more enjoyable than Transformers 2!

  • July 16, 2009, 12:34 p.m. CST

    The first thing Benny says...

    by TedKordLives

    when you first see him in the rock crusher thingee is "Hey Quaid, I'm gonna squash you!". Don't fucking argue with the master, turketron_2.

  • July 16, 2009, 12:45 p.m. CST

    ted--i second that

    by Six Demon Bag

  • July 16, 2009, 1:33 p.m. CST

    The Fensler film shorts quotes are so tired.

    by Dingbatty

    Please let it go, people.

  • July 16, 2009, 1:36 p.m. CST

    After Van Helsing how can anybody have any hope!?

    by mitortilla

  • July 16, 2009, 2:05 p.m. CST

    dioxholster

    by codymr

    "America's only [military] weakness are Democrats." <P> I suppose that is one point of view... or one could argue that America's large traditional military has great difficulty adapting to asymmetric warfare.

  • July 16, 2009, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Thanks 6DB. 'Preciate cha.

    by TedKordLives

    Well, at least now we know that this movie will suck. <P> And knowing's half the battle! -groan, that was bad, even for me.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Sequel must include Roadblock removing and electricl wire

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    cause thats what he does.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Sequel must include Roadblock removing an electrical wire

    by GibsonUSA Returns

  • July 16, 2009, 3:21 p.m. CST

    and BIG LOB.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

  • July 16, 2009, 3:30 p.m. CST

    Van Helsing is a movie that should had killed a career

    by AsimovLives

    and bury it under 100 meters of solid concrete.

  • July 16, 2009, 3:55 p.m. CST

    I doubt Van Helsing was that bad....

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    It seems the kind of movie where you get what you see from the trailer.<BR> I didn't watch it because I personally just wasnt interested in the subject matter...I'm just not into that Mel Brook's Dracula type atmosphere, despite Leslie Nielson. <BR>But it looked of the same type of deal as The Mummy (which I liked but others may not), and yoy get what you see from the trailers.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:01 p.m. CST

    ....but BIG LOB is certainly just that good!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    People need to stop complaining about Optimus Prime. The real issue is, they had better make sure Big Lob is done justice to.<BR><BR> First of all, the hair must be correct. That afro widow's peak thing must be completely intact. Secondly, he had better be announcing his moves before executing them. The audience must know what he is about to do.<BR> Please get this right.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:03 p.m. CST

    GibsonUSA Returns

    by rogueleader66

    Van Helsing was exactly what you would expect from the guy who did The Mummy. i don't know what people were expecting, but the last thing I expected was a Horror movie. I thought the opening sequence shot in b&w was very well done. Overall, it was like The Mummy and it's sequel, they weren't good movies, but they were fun movies. With Sommers attached as a director you should know what to expect, he is not everyone's choice of director to be sure, but expecting anything more than mindless popcorn flicks from him is reaching.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:09 p.m. CST

    rogueleader66

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    The thing is, in my opinion, most movie trailers are pretty honest. When you watch the trailers for The Mummy, Transformers, GI Joe, etc...they seem pretty honest about what they are. It's clear the movies are not going to be Batman Begins or anything...the trailer for that had a completely different feel than something like Van Helsing imo.<BR> So in my opinion the trailers are pretty honest. If someone goes into Van Helsing expecting a complete departure from The Mummy, I would ask him if he even saw the trailer.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:14 p.m. CST

    And I don't wanna see BIG LOB in no dark rubber suit either!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob aint rollin with that! Uh-kay? <BR><BR> Big Lob wears his high school basketball shirt proudly. Big Lob needs room to make his move.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Captain Planet?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Heart!

  • July 16, 2009, 4:21 p.m. CST

    GibsonUSA Returns

    by AsimovLives

    Van Helsing IS that bad!

  • July 16, 2009, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Fine, make a Captain Planet movie...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    ...but let me cast and conduct auditions for Linka. <BR><BR> You can have Kwame.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:24 p.m. CST

    rogueleader66

    by AsimovLives

    I detest the "what werre you expecting" notion about judging movies. What we all should expect is good value for our money, nothing less then that. We have been too tolerant of hacks, and they have crossed the line. I say, this far no futher.<br><br>By the way, how are you? Long time no see you in here, friend.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:27 p.m. CST

    So if Hulk is the Hulkster, is BIG LOB...THE LOBSTER?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob makes his move!

  • July 16, 2009, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Well...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Movie tickets are the same price no matter which movie you go to. I went to see Star Trek, which I enjoyed. However, I admit I went into see The Legend of Chun Li...the ticket price was the exact same as Star Trek, but it was a completely different set of expectations.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:32 p.m. CST

    GibsonUSA Returns

    by AsimovLives

    There should only be one expectation when watching a movie: that it's worth the money you payed. And that it is really good. and by good, it's not "yeah, it was fun, lots of action scenes", but as in REALLY GOOD, quality filmmaking. Nothing less of that is acceptable.

  • July 16, 2009, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Chuckles and Gung-Ho

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Why am I like the only one mentioning GI Joe characters in this talkback? Stop talking about dental procedures and get back to Yo Joe! <BR><BR> So is Gung-Ho in this movie or not? And why isnt Stone Cold Steve Austin him?<BR> And yes, Brock Lesnar needs to be in a Hawaiian shirt as Chuckles walking in the middle of the battlefield taking down Cobra tanks with his hands. Yo Joe!

  • July 16, 2009, 4:47 p.m. CST

    Fuck GI Joe

    by AsimovLives

    Fuck the movie, i say. It's exploiting your nostalgia, and in trade delivers you a piece of shit dumb action crap. Stick to the toys, dudes.

  • July 16, 2009, 5:23 p.m. CST

    This is my Van Helsing

    by mitortilla

    Starring Ian McKellen as Van Helsing Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Dracula Directed by Thomas Alfredson Screenplay by Steve Knight.

  • July 16, 2009, 5:32 p.m. CST

    Van Helsing is the only movie with One Star

    by mitortilla

    in Netflix.

  • July 16, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    GET YOUR ASS TO MAHS!

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:37 p.m. CST

    my main man d.vader is a professional.

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:38 p.m. CST

    SEEYOU ATDAH PAHTY, RICTAH!

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    COHAGEN! GIF DEES PEOPLE EAYAH!

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:43 p.m. CST

    CONSIDUH DIS A DIWORCE.

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Well, I have NO previous history with GI JOE

    by spud mcspud

    I was all about the STAR WARS right up til Uncle George ass-fucked his own franchise into a land called Clusterfuck in 1999, so GI JOE utterly passed me by. But this looks like it has big, dumb, fun action, a hawt Sienna Miller in black leather, great but silly ideas (like the accelerator suits), and a Stephen Sommers who - if he's reined in from his kitchen-sink excesses such as in VAN HELSING - can be great. Remember DEEP RISING? Remember THE MUMMY? When he's great, he's REALLY great at those second-tier, but no less awesome, popcorn rollercoaster movies.<P> I have zero expectations for this movie. Ergo, I'm fairly sure I'll enjoy this one.

  • July 16, 2009, 5:47 p.m. CST

    BITCH WITH 3 TITS IS NOW A JOURNALIST. CALLED "CUNT" BY DENISE

    by ironic_name

    http://tinyurl.com/nfropn

  • July 16, 2009, 5:49 p.m. CST

    I couldn't disagree MORE AsimovLives

    by j2talk

    when I go to see a movie the SOLE factor I am looking at is did I feel like I just wasted 1 hr 30 min to 2hrs of my time and the $5 (matinee show times-the only way to see a film) I paid to see it, did I look at my watch and ask is it over yet?? Are you honestly trying to tell me that you have the same expectation going in to see a Michael Bay film as a film by Francis Ford Coppola?? I don't think so and If you do you are in for a life time of disappointment. Personally I judge every film I see based on the material, cast,crew, budget etc and by doing so I am able to be aware going in as to what I am likely to get and to ENJOY a hell of a lot of movies and occasionally be surprised by what i get. One HAS to accept that there are different levels of GOOD films, your "Oscar" films, your Family films, your "B" movies etc...for example By NO stretch of the imagination could you consider Knocked up a GOOD Film, but as an example of a "slob" comedy film it certainly in the top 10...

  • July 16, 2009, 5:50 p.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/l85kb8

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    I'd rather see Rabid Grannies

    by mitortilla

    than G.I. Joe

  • July 16, 2009, 5:56 p.m. CST

    It would be soo easy to incorporate BIG LOB into G.I. Joe 2.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob and a bunch of new recruits are playing some basketball at a G.I. Joe sub-station. <BR><BR> Cobra launches a surprise air and land attack, killing all the basketball players except for Big Lob, who scrambles out of there with Tunnel Rat. They are now isolated from the rest of the GI Joe team, and at some point Big Lob finds cargo pants and some hand grenades.<BR><BR> Whah-lah! One of the most popular characters of all time!

  • July 16, 2009, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Roadblock can help BIG LOB

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob almost runs into an electrical wire, but Roadblock removes them.

  • July 16, 2009, 6:23 p.m. CST

    There should be a G.I. Joe PSA before the movie.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Where Barbeque tells moviegoers not to set off fake fire alarms, because it's the job of firefighters to answer real calls, not fake ones. <BR><BR> Moviegoers: Now we know! <BR><BR> Barbeque: And knowing is half the battle! <BR><BR> GEEEEEEEE-AYYYYYYYY JOOOOOOOOOOE! <BR><BR> [movie begins]

  • July 16, 2009, 6:26 p.m. CST

    kareem abdul jabar as big lob

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 6:28 p.m. CST

    I WISH I HAD ARNOLDS WAY WITH WOMEN

    by savagedave

    http://tinyurl.com/n4pew7

  • July 16, 2009, 6:58 p.m. CST

    I'll only see this

    by Phategod2

    if Snake eyes starts breakdancing!

  • July 16, 2009, 7:01 p.m. CST

    if BIG LOB is in it?

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob needs to be young...like 20 years old...I'm sure there are young Lobsters out there.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:06 p.m. CST

    Let's start an online petition for BIG LOB in G.I. Joe 2!

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Because that always works!

  • July 16, 2009, 7:06 p.m. CST

    We can call it the BIG LOBby........

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Millions will sign.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:11 p.m. CST

    OK where the hell did this

    by Phategod2

    Big Lob stuff come from? Do you guys know how long I waited for Habro to make a Big Lob I had all the recruits except for Him and Jinx it drove me Crazy.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:21 p.m. CST

    Hasbro

    by Phategod2

    Damn sorry about that

  • July 16, 2009, 7:22 p.m. CST

    And BIG LOB's helicopter going down is not a loss.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    Big Lob remains undefeated. <BR><BR> He was not flying the helicopter, nor was he firing from the helicopter. He merely sat in the passenger seat as an observer. You cannot lose as an observer. Therefore, no loss.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:30 p.m. CST

    BIG LOB was about to kick Serpentor's ass...

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    ...but got blocked off by a blast. <BR><BR> Lucky for Serpentor.

  • July 16, 2009, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Ha ha ha ha ha

    by darthSaul666

    You gotta wonder if reviews are coming in this early the film might actually be enjoyable.<p>GI Joe, better toy commercial than Transformers? I'm interested now.

  • July 16, 2009, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Watch BIG LOB save the ENTIRE G.I. Joe team.

    by GibsonUSA Returns

    http://tinyurl.com/n6wuzs UNDEFEATED.

  • July 16, 2009, 8:53 p.m. CST

    we'll arnold did have his way with lots of women.

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 8:56 p.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/kjm255

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 8:58 p.m. CST

    http://tinyurl.com/l5p4b7

    by ironic_name

  • July 16, 2009, 9:05 p.m. CST

    G.I. Joe The Rise of Torrent Usage

    by mitortilla

    Nobody is paying for this piece of crap.

  • July 16, 2009, 9:14 p.m. CST

    mitortilla will pay to see this

    by ironic_name

    twice.

  • July 16, 2009, 10:05 p.m. CST

    Thoughts on Timstuff's take regarding "negative views of the mil

    by Sithtastic

    I tend to think all the films he named had more to do with allegedly grity "realism" (that is to say in their dramatic style, not content) than with a patriotic theme...or rather anti-patriotic. My point being its a summer action movie and if you want at the very least a more by the book portrayal of the military, Harry's review of the Hurt Locker pretty much spelled out a more coherent take on real American heroes, not just cartoons.

  • July 16, 2009, 10:40 p.m. CST

    Nerd Talkback Topic of the Year

    by slugbat

    What's worse: Indy 4 or TF2?

  • July 16, 2009, 11:01 p.m. CST

    jesus, hemorrhoids are more ejoyable than transformers 2...

    by The_Ritty

    nogthing beats the GI JOE we already have just like The Transformers: The Movie... 1986 all the way bitches!!! "Once a man...hissss... once a man!!!"

  • July 16, 2009, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Script Girl Is better than Transformers 2

    by wash

    So is AIDS, the US Economy, the singer from Creed, vegans, and HD-DVD supporters.

  • July 16, 2009, 11:53 p.m. CST

    it cant lose

    by redkamel

    its either worse than Transformers, which means it will be so bad it will be a shit show to watch and laugh with, or it will be better, which is good (but not saying much)

  • July 17, 2009, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Bay and the military

    by MorganLeafy

    Indeed, he’s America’s version of Leni Riefenstahl.

  • July 17, 2009, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Team America 2?

    by Roborob

    I know the original Cartoon had an All American Hero but out side the USA Action Force and Gi Joe were INTERNATIONAL troops Made up of several nationalities not just Americans. This Movie might work in the USA but Europe? let alone the rest of the world, I don't know. the more I hear of this film ~I think Team America 2.

  • July 17, 2009, 4:07 a.m. CST

    Bay and the military

    by AsimovLives

    Bay has a strange view of the military. While he has major hard-ons on the equipment and how the soldiers look when they are all suited up, still in all his movies the military characters acts like retards, stupid, idiots and inept. since Bay always portaits the military so poorly, i'm very fucking aamzed and suprised that the american military still give him help and acess for his movies. Are the american armed forces made of people who belong to a self-hating club? Where I in the possition of any top brass of any of the american armed forces and Bay came knocking on my door for assistance for one of his movie,s i would send the guy out of my office by being shot from a big cannon or tied to a missile rocket.

  • July 17, 2009, 4:29 a.m. CST

    'the military characters acts like retards, stupid'

    by MorganLeafy

    That's not saying much about his views on the military. ALL of Bay's characters act stupid.

  • July 17, 2009, 7:21 a.m. CST

    A Simple solution

    by Roborob

    If you folks don't like Bay's movies then DON'T GO TO SEE THEM, Simple. I liked the transformers films and speed racer but they are not classics but fun and that is what they are for nothing more. It is like when some idiot goes on about their childhood being ruined by changes to star wars it does not matter it is only a movie. As for the worst film ever may I offer the over hyped mess that is the very boring 2001.

  • July 17, 2009, 7:38 a.m. CST

    The reason Snake Eyes's mask has a mouth...

    by qualopec

    ...is so he can eat and drink. Duh.

  • July 17, 2009, 8:10 a.m. CST

    TF2 lovers : No

    by MorganLeafy

    Sure I don’t have to see it. However with every dollar it makes you’re in fact saying you like juvenile, fascist, misogynic shit and lowering the bar for all the rest of the blockbusters. I can understand that you wanted to see TF1, not knowing any better. However after the terrible reviews for TF2 including on this site, which is not exactly a site for cinephiles, you should have known better and my patience is gone. I didn’t start this battle, but now it’s on.

  • July 17, 2009, 9:38 a.m. CST

    Whats wrong with robots humping Megan fox?

    by Cronkit

    If I was a robot I would hump her too. In the butthole of course.

  • July 17, 2009, 10:09 a.m. CST

    Roborob

    by Magnum Opus

    Thank you. By saying in the same post that you enjoyed TF2 AND you think 2001 is "the worst movie ever," you've proven just how feeble minded fans of the Transformers movies are.

  • July 17, 2009, 11:31 a.m. CST

    j2talk

    by AsimovLives

    I havwe the same expectations from every movie made by every director regardles sof the genre they are made. Because i expect to watch a good movie. I have the right to make such a demand. Genre and who the director are are no excuses.<br><br>You attitude helps make more and more dumb fuckign stupid retard movies made by miserable untalented stupid uncultured hacks who should be trusted to tie their own shoes, much less direct a movie. whenever a very bad movie gets made, you have to thank yourself for helping enamble it with your attitude. Your attitude is part of the problem. And considering what collection if shit the blockbusters made and released this year are, where dumb incompetent shit like Watchmen and JJ's Star Trek are mistaken for "good", things will not get get better any time soon. Thanks for that, pal.

  • July 17, 2009, 11:37 a.m. CST

    MorganLeafy

    by AsimovLives

    That's right, but the military in Bay's movies act EVEN MORE STUPID then the rest of the stupid characters that populates his movies. And with that, how the fuck the military still helps out Bay's is a total mystery. The US armed froces bitch so much more on certain details in movies which are far more respwectful to them, and yet offer full support to the directro that portaits them as complete retarded mongloids. What the fuck is going on?<br><br>Nott hat he's unique, JJ Abrams portaits the military of the Federation as a bunch of whinny teen fucks in a high school for morons. Must be some fashionable hack bullshit thing going on in modern Hollywood or something.

  • Aug. 6, 2009, 3:17 p.m. CST

    Real life CoverGirl - WATCH THIS!

    by digitallyblonde

    pfff Karolina Kurkova is so 2000 and late. Check out this vid w/ the real CoverGirl and her training techniques. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdd6tlkA-tc

  • Aug. 7, 2009, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Why G.I. Joe is totally a chick flick!

    by digitallyblonde

    Check out my latest blog post >> I can prove it's a chick flick! www.digitallyblonde.com

  • Aug. 25, 2009, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Dingbatty

    by orcus

    Who are you to use Orcus name in vain?