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Published on Monday, July 13, 2009 - 1:57am |
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Vern reviews ITS ALIVE remake film!!!
IT'S ALIVE
Man, anybody notice they do alot of remakes these days? Seems like it anyway. I'd have to research it a little more to be sure. This is the remake of Larry Cohen's 1974 killer baby picture. I thought it was supposed to play in theaters, but that's because I didn't know it was from the DTV kings at Millennium Pictures and Josef Rusnak, director of ART OF WAR II: BETRAYAL and THE CONTRACTOR. This one unfortunately doesn't star Wesley Snipes, but instead Bijou Phillips as the mother of the killer baby.
In this version she's a graduate student under some pressure to not have the baby so that she doesn't screw up her education and throw away a career she's been working toward. But she makes the decision to leave school to give birth and live with her boyfriend and the disabled younger brother he's raising. The baby grows unusually fast so she has to have a forced birth.
She's drugged up for her C-section and when she wakes up the operating room is covered in blood and dead bodies, which is not how it's supposed to look. Also the baby is pretty big for a preemie. We the viewers can guess that the baby is the culprit, but understandably the characters don't jump to the same conclusion. You don't just go around pointing fingers at a newborn. In my experience you want to be absolutely sure that the baby really committed the massacre before making a serious accusation like that.
So Bijou and her boyfriend set out to deal with a difficult birth - they just don't know how difficult. At first the dead animals they find around the house don't seem to be connected to the baby. It's a while before mommy catches baby eating a rat, and even longer before she has to hide the bodies of her dead friends.
I wonder if maybe there should've been more of a whodunit mystery kind of thing here. Like maybe there should've been a couple other baby characters in the movie and you're not sure which baby it is doing the killing until it's revealed at the end. I don't know. Maybe not.
Original IT'S ALIVE writer/director Larry Cohen is credited as one of three writers on the remake. That's because he tried to do the remake himself, so I guess at some point he left or got dumped and they rewrote his script. According to interviews he planned to deal with advances in genetics and the dangers of parents wanting to abort their baby because they find out its disabled in some way, or even gay. That would've been a reasonable new thing to add into the mix, but it's not in the final remake. There's something about an attempt to abort the baby that can be interpreted as the reason for the mutation, or why the baby is angry, but I don't think it's meant as an anti-abortion parable considering how the baby turns out. If ever there was a baby to want to abort it would be this little fucker.
Anyway, this has the usual remake problem of needlessness. I'm not sure why you need to remake it. The original might be dated, but in an interesting way. It has things to say about the time it was made. This one maybe says a little less. Despite that, for me (I like the original, but don't love it or remember everything about it) the remake is an enjoyable experience, a solid little horror movie that treats a ridiculous premise with admirable seriousness. Other than the ambiguous abortion thing I mentioned there's no hint at why the baby is this way, because it doesn't really matter. They don't even once mention "the environment." Instead the movie is interested in the fears of parenting: is she ready to be a mother, is he ready to be a father, or a husband, will she have to give up her life plans, will it be worth giving up her life plans, is the younger brother gonna be okay with it, is the baby normal? And the guilt of having been unsure about the pregnancy. And most of this stuff you get to read on their faces, they don't have a bunch of stupid dialogue to explain what they're feeling or that the mother - who is more the central figure than she was in the original - is having trouble weighing "he's my son and I love him unconditionally" against "oh shit, my baby keeps mauling people."
Like in the original they keep the baby mostly out of sight, off screen, in blankets or shadows. With maybe one sharp-toothed exception the money shots are subtle and creepy. There's a scene in the basement where the baby slowly crawls out from around a corner and stares. But he's across the room and in shadows, you have to squint to get a look at him. But he looks real.
Also like the original the killings are really over the top. You're not seeing little Daniel, but you sure are seeing blood cover the windows and walls. He just tears people apart with his little monster baby teeth and claws or whatever he has. And it's funny because he's a baby, a human baby (to some extent). And I think that's why this is DTV. It's better than some horror movies that get a theatrical release, but I bet they're right if they think today's audiences would laugh it off the screen. Back in the '70s the trailers for these movies made kids shit their beds, but now they probaly think killer babies are funny. People now days got no appreciation for the outlandish and the absurd. They think because it's crazy that means it's bad. They haven't seen the original so they haven't seen something like this before. They're not ready. They can't take it. They're too literal, too square, too anti-killer baby. So fuck 'em.
Of course, the people who can appreciate a killer baby movie have most likely seen the original IT'S ALIVE movies, and aren't looking for an update. But if they are it's due October 6th. I say just because this remake was an accident doesn't mean we can't appreciate the creepy scene where the father traps the baby in a garbage can and takes it out in the woods and loads his gun while otherworldly wailing echoes from inside. It was unwanted, but that doesn't mean it's not beautiful in God's eyes. As far as DTV movies go.
--Vern
www.outlawvern.com
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Reader Talkback
First! by Fiend1138 | Jul 13th, 2009 02:08:10 AM | second. by Fiend1138 | Jul 13th, 2009 02:16:25 AM | and third... by Fiend1138 | Jul 13th, 2009 02:16:57 AM | So, do they kill the baby or
does it do them in? by JuanSanchez | Jul 13th, 2009 02:17:34 AM | next up on the remake block:
S-s-s-s by mr. smith | Jul 13th, 2009 02:26:13 AM | Kathy Bates should have played
the baby by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGH
TS | Jul 13th, 2009 03:41:57 AM | Best. Review. Ever. by Knuckleduster | Jul 13th, 2009 04:25:13 AM | IT'S A LION! by SmallTuna | Jul 13th, 2009 06:25:42 AM | Remake The Stuff... by Redfive! | Jul 13th, 2009 06:27:25 AM | I liked the scene in the
original... by PessimusGrime | Jul 13th, 2009 06:32:41 AM | TITBAG by Buzz_Aldrin | Jul 13th, 2009 07:25:02 AM | Its clear that this is a
Pro-Choice, propaganda movie. by Fareal | Jul 13th, 2009 07:25:19 AM | Still waiting on the SHAKRA
remake with the baboon. by Mike_D | Jul 13th, 2009 07:36:00 AM | All I remember of the original by Stuntcock Mike | Jul 13th, 2009 07:45:49 AM | Next for remake: PHASE IV by palimpsest | Jul 13th, 2009 07:58:15 AM | Kudos, Mr. Smith by 2for2true | Jul 13th, 2009 07:59:00 AM | One would think a killer baby
flick would... by The_Floating_Skull_of_Robert_L
oggia | Jul 13th, 2009 08:00:18 AM | Sooo pretty much by Series7 | Jul 13th, 2009 08:11:48 AM | best part of the original by jccalhoun | Jul 13th, 2009 08:40:30 AM | Another reason why "Action
PPV" is missed.... by Mr. Profit | Jul 13th, 2009 08:51:33 AM | Nice, Vern by ThusSpakeSpymunk | Jul 13th, 2009 09:01:03 AM | I think I saw "It Lives Again" by turketron_2 | Jul 13th, 2009 09:36:51 AM | Like Yesterday's Used Diaper by OldManPreviews | Jul 13th, 2009 09:42:11 AM | It's Alive III: Island of the
Alive by Samplelord | Jul 13th, 2009 09:46:58 AM | The guy loves "phone-horror" by skimn | Jul 13th, 2009 10:42:05 AM | "You don't just go around
pointing fingers at a
newborn." by D.Vader | Jul 13th, 2009 10:57:14 AM | actually, another great scene
from the original... by jdolph | Jul 13th, 2009 11:04:38 AM | Loved the original by Chakalak | Jul 13th, 2009 11:14:49 AM | vern, have you seen GRACE? by PotSmokinAlien | Jul 13th, 2009 12:10:08 PM | Another horror remake... by Dapper Swindler | Jul 13th, 2009 12:15:19 PM | So, the It's Alive baby grew
up by AsimovLives | Jul 13th, 2009 12:30:17 PM | Oh no, that's not right! by AsimovLives | Jul 13th, 2009 12:31:01 PM | I guess after The Excorcist
and The Omen by Spandau Belly | Jul 13th, 2009 12:43:26 PM | Great write-up as always by buffywrestling | Jul 13th, 2009 12:45:44 PM | S-s-s-s by Wrath4771 | Jul 13th, 2009 12:48:46 PM | "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" by rxse7en | Jul 13th, 2009 03:55:08 PM | Nevermind... by rxse7en | Jul 13th, 2009 03:56:14 PM | I'll see it by GiveMeAnFinBreak | Jul 13th, 2009 04:12:03 PM | I still want to see this by SoylentMean | Jul 13th, 2009 06:01:34 PM | Agree with PessimusGrime &
HOUSE/HAUNTED HILL by thegreatwhatzit | Jul 13th, 2009 06:35:33 PM | Once again... by DrMorbius | Jul 13th, 2009 07:50:29 PM | We need a remake of.... by DrMorbius | Jul 13th, 2009 07:51:49 PM | Or....SLITHER!!!!!! by DrMorbius | Jul 13th, 2009 07:52:25 PM | Here's a great killer baby
cartoon... by jgull | Jul 13th, 2009 09:06:54 PM | Phase IV? by Dollar Bird | Jul 14th, 2009 12:26:33 AM | Best Larry Cohen flick: by Jarek | Jul 14th, 2009 12:51:28 AM | Bijou's bush by Spocko | Jul 14th, 2009 12:52:46 AM | Once again... by AsimovLives | Jul 14th, 2009 02:20:36 AM | If you gotta remake the
Stuff... by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 04:12:38 PM | It's Alive III: Island of the
Alive by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 04:32:52 PM | 2nd Fave line: by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 04:46:51 PM | Larry Cohen: by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 05:05:35 PM | Y'know by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 05:14:43 PM | It's Funny: by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 05:28:26 PM | I look forward to the DTV
reviews. by OutlawsDelejos | Jul 14th, 2009 06:00:52 PM | Bijou Phillips-Yum. by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 06:18:18 PM | by TedKordLives | Jul 14th, 2009 07:08:57 PM | Island of the Alive by mr. smith | Jul 14th, 2009 08:23:26 PM | TedKordLives by Jarek | Jul 15th, 2009 12:47:56 AM | Once more....into the
breach.... by DrMorbius | Jul 15th, 2009 01:07:49 AM | they should remake God Told Me
To by The Amazing G | Jul 15th, 2009 10:25:16 AM | PHASE IV... by seniorspeilbergio | Jul 15th, 2009 12:48:03 PM | "The Milkman Go-eth!" and "IA"
funfacts by darthliquidator | Jul 15th, 2009 01:19:33 PM | Mr. High Concept...Exactly. by TedKordLives | Jul 15th, 2009 08:07:04 PM | It's Alive III is fucking
legendary... by sonnyfern | Jul 15th, 2009 08:25:40 PM | Larry Cohen: by sonnyfern | Jul 15th, 2009 08:27:01 PM | Another turd in the waterpipe
of remakes. by Yoda's Ball Sack | Jul 16th, 2009 02:38:10 PM | 'Grace' trailer online... by ReportAbuse | Jul 16th, 2009 08:01:17 PM | Original poster freaked the
shit out of me as a kid... by Cellar Door | Jul 17th, 2009 11:02:22 AM | There's only one problem with
this remake... by TedKordLives | Jul 20th, 2009 05:25:34 PM |
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