BROKEDOWN PALACE review

BROKEDOWN PALACE is just a plain and simple bore.

Basically it is a women in prison film. A genre dear to my exploitive heart. When I heard that Jonathan Kaplan was directing, my heart had a bit of hope. You see, he started off with NIGHT CALL NURSES, STUDENT TEACHERS and the classic TRUCK TURNER. Also the more forgettable GIRLS OF THE WHITE ORCHID. Now Kaplan did have some star points taken away by me when he attempted to soften the sadism and exploitation in his remake of REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS, though his inclusion of lesbianism... while softening it into a semi-realistic portrayal rather than the usual Bull Dyke con bending tender young morsel to her carnal will standard of the genre was a bit of a misstep.

But... at the same time, Jonathan Kaplan has taken the exploitive ‘women in danger’ genres and really gone places with them. For example, he directed Jodie Foster to her first Academy Award in THE ACCUSED back in 1988. And in the film LOVE FIELD, while not really an exploitive film, he directed Michelle Pfeiffer to an Oscar nomination for her character.

There will be no Oscar nominations for this one though.

It is neither good exploitation filmmaking, nor is it good dramatic filmmaking.

Here’s the problem... These are two stupid pretty girls that I just never really care about. Who gives a shit about a couple of girls that would travel to THAILAND, become immediately bored with the beauty of the country, the people, the marketplaces, the history... And as quickly as they could try to sneak into the most American looking hotel they could find, mooch alcohol and swim in a normal American standard swimming pool.

To me, sending these girls to prison was a character building endeavor to get them to be more appreciative of their surroundings. BUT... they don’t go there with the movie. They are just as shallow and naive and dumb at the end of this movie as they are at the start. They really suffer no problems in this country club prison in Thailand, where they have stone gardens, and prisoners can have Sony Walkmans with a selection of audio cassettes, where you can eat fresh fruit and veggies if you pull up weeds in a well manicured lawn. Where guards let you go potty in the middle of the night, and the evil prisoner girl just... smiles alot. Big friggin whoopdedoo.

Apparently you can have visitors at any point in time. Solitary confinement can be with your best friend in a hole in the ground with a nice soft sand floor and a spring in the middle, where sunlight can flicker light around the pit.

Meanwhile in the background we get to hear a score comprised of new-age ENYA-y type wailing with a techno beat whilst they look.... despondent.

Oooooh.... Poooooor Children.

There never really is any real suffering beyond a cockroach in an ear problem, that we are told about but not shown. The real travesty is if someone puts fish-heads in your rolled up mat to scare you when you unroll it. Ewwwwww.... That’s terrrrrible.

But you can tell that Kaplan knew the genre.

There are the typical evil female screws and corrupt justice officials... but... they just stand there and look evil. Not that they really do anything evil.

There is a group shower scene... but not with Claire Danes or Kate Beckinsale in it. Can’t degrade our stars in this film... oh no. That’d be terrible in a Women in Prison movie.

Now, for it to have been fun exploitive menace. At least that would have passed the time better.

I mean... for a women in prison film there are certain... genre watermarks you have to have to satisfy a Women In Prison film fan.

There must be a cat fight. Someone must be forced into lesbianism. The uniforms have to reveal way too much skin. The head guard must be an obese sadistic screw with two assistants that torture and at all times imply that they are about to fist the leads to search for... coconuts or something. And there is always a rape scene that is beyond tasteless.

The sleazy lawyer has to not want money, but a piece of ass. Ultimately his johnson will be removed in vengeance by the girl he is screwing over. There must be a daring rescue or escape where everyone that offended or hurt our heroine or heroines... must die at their hands in some incredibly graphic way that makes ya go.... “OH SHIT!”

The soft girl must become harder than all the other tough girls around her till they respect her. Her friend is ultimately drugged up and tortured and killed to make her more vicious.

And that’s the exploitive version of WOMEN IN PRISON movies.

To do it serious. You needed a sense of isolation. A passage of time. A feeling of regret. You needed a character arc where we could feel some growth, some sense of either degradation or enlightenment. There needed to be tension and drama. The prison needed to have a sense of dread. The other women needed to give off the sense that they’d been there for years. That lives are lost in here. That these walls drain the youth from girls like these.

Small accomplishments are really set backs awaiting to be exposed. Ultimately.... by the end of this mess I still don’t care about anyone. I don’t know how much time has passed. I see no change in any of these characters. And the one sense of joy I get is that the credits do roll and I can now leave the theater.

Claire Danes needs to fire her agent. Find someone who will attach her to far better projects and choose to be picky. Cause after this and THE MOD SQUAD her career is headed into the same pit she was tossed into.

As for Kaplan... Well... if he would just commit to powerful dramatic work like THE ACCUSED and do that. Or commit to fun exploitive work and do that, it’d be nice. But this hanging out in the mediocre center of blasé dumb stuff that doesn’t go anywhere and provokes no response at all.... That’s the path to forgettable filmmaking if I’ve ever seen it.

Make films that illicit some sort of emotional sense of worth, this film just sat there, meandered and ultimately ended. Kaplan can be better than this and so can everyone who was featured in this film! Hopefully next time out, they will.

Instead of watching this film I’d recommend checking out the SHARON STONE prison flick LAST DANCE (which surprisingly didn’t completely suck) or CAGED HEAT depending if you want a serious Women in Prison film or an Exploitive one.