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Risk-Averse Studio Hires Talented Writer To Make BAYWATCH Movie...
Beaks here...
Hot off of his uncredited overhaul of THE HANGOVER with Todd Phillips, screenwriter Jeremy Garelick is deservedly all the rage in Hollywood. So why can't Hollywood find anything better for him to do than write and direct the fucking BAYWATCH movie?
I want to make it clear that I'm not faulting Garelick for taking this payday. These are lean times, and the studios are allergic to originality. If the town's production execs had their way, we'd be seeing slates filled exclusively with movies based on toys, video games, popular TV shows and old hit movies. The last thing anyone wants to do right now is take a chance on an original idea. The only studio with balls right now is Warner Bros., but they're also the only studio that can afford to let 'em dangle even a little. (I guess Fox could, but they haven't been in the ball-dangling business since Bill Mechanic hit the bricks.)
So even though Garelick, who also wrote the surprisingly dark script for Peyton Reed's THE BREAK-UP, is getting credit from everyone but the WGA for co-authoring the production draft of THE HANGOVER, producers would rather have him work his "magic" on crap with franchise potential. And while Garelick could hold out and hope that Todd Phillips shoots MURRAY AT LARGE next (Garelick's comedy spec about a "pillar of the community" who goes on the lam after being accused of a hideous crime), or that Columbia greenlights THE INSANE LAWS (no idea what that one's about), if he wants to stay on the A-list radar, he should probably just hold his nose and take what's offered for now.
To Garelick's credit, he sounds upbeat about reconfiguring the risible BAYWATCH as a raunchy, guy-skewing romp in the STRIPES/POLICE ACADEMY mold. (And I'm going to pretend I'm still eleven years old and think the first POLICE ACADEMY is a legit comedy classic. If you've got a problem with that, meet me at the Blue Oyster.) Garelick's BAYWATCH will center on two shlubs trying to join a group of elite lifeguards. Hopefully, he won't fall back on too many easy laughs - or, worse, make SON OF THE BEACH: THE MOTION PICTURE. I certainly don't envy him his task. This is extremely well-worn territory.
Paramount's Adam Goodman has been trying to get a BAYWATCH movie up and jiggling for years now. As you probably know, it was an even bigger hit internationally than it was in the U.S. Despair.
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GO HOFF GO!!
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...Police Academy was good fun. I wish Reno 911 would've did a crossover with a few of the characters.
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...Mission to Moscow.
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TO THE DEATH GO GO GO
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Their ideas are limited to remakes, TV shows, and children's toys. No thanks, I'll just buy some more good movies on DVD.
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...that came up with this one?
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Stop giving us bullcrap Hollywood! We loved the Hangover and you want to ruin a good writer's rep by making a Baywatch film?? Give us something original for once!
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Baywatch was so lame, I never want to see a movie of it.
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Poofy pants, entourage and all.
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...but make it raunchy and funny and I'm there. The more you fail at funny the more seconds of nipple time required though...
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None of that silicon slut shit. My jublee's are real and can't get groped enough. Some fat people on the beach as extra's wouldn't hurt the "Geek crowd" appeal, either. Add some unshaved bikini lines and thats about as realistic as a baywatch movie is going to get.
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GO MITCH!!
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NOTCH JOHNSON.
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Jul 07, 2009 10:44:18 PM CDT
I want to make it clear that I'm not faulting Garelick for takin
by everyonesreimagining_or_er
I fault him.
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As soon as I read that plot and the association with the Hangover, it should definitely be Ed Helms playing (I'd guess) Murray. He's been playing this sort of "upper-middle-class suburbanite with a slow boil of a complete psychotic episode under the surface" kind of guy. And his star is definitely rising fast too. He's pretty much got Steve Carell's career a few years behind doesn't he? All he needs now is his "40 Year Old Virgin"
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Jul 07, 2009 10:57:39 PM CDT
"...the surprisingly dark script for... THE BREAK-UP"
by thelastboyscout
Beaks, where the fuck do you get these opinions from? First, Nic Cage is going to win the Oscar for Bad Lieutenant 2, next, Matt Damon's getting nominated for an Oscar for The Informant. And now, you say the Break Up was dark. If by dark, you mean poor comedy surrounded by even worse attempts at drama, then you'd be right. But I doubt you're saying this. Garelick is a hack, just like every other so called "hot writer" before him that plunged into obscurity after a few years. Hollywood goes through "hot writers" quicker than they go through 19 year old sluts.
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Jul 07, 2009 11:07:33 PM CDT
Plot: The Hoff is a washed up drunk videotaped eating a burger
by tall_boy66
The tape leaks to the Baywatch beach company, they bounce him for being a drunk eating a burger, and they have to hire new Baywatchers.
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It’s crystal the channels set up in the Hollywood picture business is all about grand nightmares and crushed dreams. Good writer, youse good writer! Yousa win a Oscar one day youse keep this up! Go Head Boy! Git Hot! Whatever happened to balls man? BALLS MAN, plural. This one nut called Hollywood has called the shots since WINDGONE because talented folks lack balls. Where have the entrepreneurs of this biz gone? Are Cult Disney and Tyler Perry & Berry the ONLY ones with the balls to make their own studios, their own movie land? When perfect capitalist opportunities come along for folks like this I always shake my head in amazement who scrap the band idea all the while slowly beating that drum. It’ll Always Make That Sound BOOP awwwww I punched a Kaufman-sized hole in it and have to poop. Fuck salt.
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I agree with you and like your name sir!
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I find that quite mean thing my good lad. The Hoff is still a very talented person and has prospered since the drunk fiasco. Now if you’re gonna be mean, be mean to someone who deserves it. Like Brandy.
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This will have to be the first film to ever be shot in all Slow-Motion. And Pam Anderson wins the Oscar
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Watch This: Mustard Gas!
Yay! My SoCal lifestyle is so cool!
*coughs blood* -
DONE.
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I WAS JUST THINKING THAT! HAHAHA!
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no caps...
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Why have a writer(s) for a movie like Baywatch? WHY??
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Glorified porn. The actors (hahaha, actors!!) could just make up shit as they go along.
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And possibly Megan Fox.
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Ferrell as Hasselhoff. Shit. Megan Fox as the main bikini girl, but she doesn't have the boobs! Pamela as her original character from the first Baywatch, in a cameo as the older, more experienced burned-out lifeguard, but still with hugh tits. Now that I'd see.
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They deserved an Emmy or two for their acting alone.Hoff should play the villain named Havesumsnapps and Pamela can play a floatation device that saves lives. Please let Michael Bay do this instead...boobs explode!
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This has to be a fucking joke. Weep loudly. We are witnessing the death of american cinema as we KNEW it. And not just because they're making a baywatch flick. But because thats all they(as in the big studios) ever make anymore. Trash. I dont even know why I bother. Gun.mouth.bang.dead...
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than the movie. The first draft from Lucas and Moore was the best script I ever read and way funnier than the movie, if you can believe that. This Garelick guy took out the hilarious gay bar subplot and the cleverness about finding Bartha on the roof. Not a "great talent," unless you love the cinematic genius of Alien vs. Predator Requiem and Shaft.
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Ah, memories.
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...and foreign movies right now. To paraphrase Sunset Blvd right now, Hollywood isn't in the movie business, they are in the popcorn selling business.
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Jul 08, 2009 3:39:48 AM CDT
he should probably just hold his nose and take what's offered fo
by buzz_aldrin
I'm sure a hotshot Hollywood screenwriter needs the blessing of an insane dumbass like you to make his career decisions. You're such an idiot Beaks, it's mind numbing.
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Area man sues AICN
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Jul 08, 2009 4:59:35 AM CDT
Surely they gonna get THE HOFF and PAMMY to be the backbone of t
by mr sulu
esp if its to be a Police Academy style comedy as like The Shat they both seen as comedy personalities now ....i mean theyd be CRAZY not to have The Hoff in it properly (not just a blink and you miss it cameo like Glazer and Soul in Starsky and Hutch)...
same goes for Pammy - in terms of appeal she was the Spock of Baywatch to The Hoffs Kirk..
i know they'll want fresh hot young blood as the leads but The Hoff and Pammy will HAVE TO be in this in a similar way to Brando in Superman or Nimoy in the new Trek
oh and like the way Starsky and Hutch homaged the original actors outside pursuits (e.g. Having Hutch sing 'Dont give up on us baby') there MUST be a homage to Pammy & Tommys video in this - like the new CJ makes a honeymoon tape and someone steals it...also The Hoff with Knight Rider - have the Hoff cruising around in a black trans am singing Jump in my car -
he reiterates this with every post he makes
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i also did an uncredited polish on JAWS...and 1941...do i get CREDIT? or BLAME?
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as her TRANSFORMERS audition.
From http://perezhilton.com/page/4/
The only transformation Michael Bay should be concerned with now is the one he took from geeky teenager to disgusting, douchey perv! Apparently, the Transformer's director had Megan Fox complete a rather unorthodox audition at his house. A source reports that Bay "made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her." What?! Ewwwww!!!! When asked about this unseen footage, Bay claims "[I] don't know where it is." Sure, sure. Bet if we check your bedroom DVD player we'd find it! -
the person's name isn't anywhere in the movie's credits, hence the word. although at the same time, if you went through the trouble of keeping your name away then why go and mention it but hey...thats people for ya.
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Motherfuckers are running out of 70s and 80s shit to "update", they're rebooting franchises that don't need to be rebooted, and now they're dredging up fuck-awful 90s excrement.
Still no NEUROMANCER or ENDER'S GAME movies. Jeezus Khrist on a pogo stick. -
now its a hit...and hey i DID that!!!!
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Featuring two guys from D-Troit named Joseph who wear crazy makeup and go on a wacky adventure south of the border. Their kids get married at the end and all ends well, for everyone except Richard Libertini. And horrorcore fans.
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He likes slow motion.
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Loves tits, good with slo-mo, strong eye for visuals. For chrissakes he's perfect!
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Hasn't the Hoff suffered enough?
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It was just on in a lot of countries and got terrible ratings in all of them. Some marketing moron made that out to be better than it is and morons started parroting it was the most watched show in the world like it was the truth. It's one of those dumb shows a thousand channels can repeat every afternoon and sure, theoretically, millions of people might be watching it. Except they aren't. And they never were. And everybody knows it's garbage. Maybe somebody's pet dog still watches it on the odd occasion the television gets left on when their unemployed owner goes to do the ironing or water the garden.
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in a chase sequence? McGill, Cab, Tony Hawk, . . . thems was the good ol' days.
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if anything ever had his name all over it this would be that thing. He could load it up with all the cliched lines, hammy, silly comedy he wanted and the people who saw it would think it fucking Gold.
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i'm reading three things at once right now-Dick's highcastle, mcdevitt's moonfall and bits n pieces from essential ellison. (oh, and watching eps from my TZ collection-60s and 80s) so suck on it hollywood!
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Jul 08, 2009 11:54:43 AM CDT
No. Its timne for the Aquaman movie we have been waiting for:
by wowsah156
Its time for DC and WB to show some balls and start looking for a decent Aquaman script. And cast Kirks father from JJ Abrams Trek has Arthur/Aquaman.
And have cameos from king shark and superboy in the movie (as a set up for the Suicide Squad movie) -
Police Academy 4--Citizens on Patrol...the bones brigade subbed for David Spade??? yes.
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I guess we know this now. Ah well, I'm catching up on my reading and frequenting the local public library often this summer.
The ONLY way I'll see a Baywatch movie is if I catch it on late night cable, years from now. -
Tony Hawk actually played a charactaer in the movie (not himself) altho I think his character's name was Tony. Drove a Pizza Hut truck, etc. A good 'whodunit'-'teenager gets deserved justice' movie in the early beginnings of Christian Slater's career. I think Gator was in it too...ahh yes..and for the really obscure BB's...Have you seen him?http://tinyurl.com/ldm9dj
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Seriously?
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I forgot how good that movie is. Seriously, compared to Transformers 2 it's like fucking Raiders of the Lost Ark. Michael Bay used to be a good director who knew how to create beautiful shots but unfortunately, if you give him too much money everything goes to shit. I guess he's a bit like Joel Schumacher in that way. Mayble Bay and this Garelick guy could just swap franchises or something.
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Jul 08, 2009 3:04:45 PM CDT
THEY MUST CAST HASSLEHOFF IN THIS MOVIE! OR IT'S NO DEAL!!
by mrmysteryguest
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running around in orange, one piece bathing suits every two minutes....I'm There.
Oh and the Hasslehotff singing all his greatest hits............. in German -
Are you colour blind?
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It was an old television. Channel 50 was a tough channel to tune into without cable, all we had was a hanger with aluminum foil on the end of it.
I am not however second guessing the titties! -
Doesn't mean the movie is doomed to suck. It may get lucky and become like the Brady Bunch - did anyone really think that movie would turn out as well as it did? I don't expect anything classic like Stripes, but I wouldn't necessarily dismiss this just because the show sucked.
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So Beaks is 12?
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he knows hot to rite women
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*how*
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You haven't read a word of this script - never mind that you haven't seen a frame of film. this wah wah wah death-of-originality-TRASH-TRASH-wah blatherin is fuckin ridiculous. The easiest thing in the world, it is- pluckin' the knob-end of superiority from out the panties of feigned-offence, crackin' great globs of pseudo-ire every goddamn road and direction - the easiest thing, yes, when you have no more knowledge of the subject than the crust of a month-old loaf has of the price o' a roll of cellotape. This pisses me off somethin' fierce. I wish there were more staggerin' films being made by folks who clearly have the ability to make them - but i'll judge each thing as it reaches me, not fourteen years before. Wah-Wah Fincher's makin a bloody goddamn picture about the Facebook holy Jesus Christ wah wah. you have NO IDEA what Fincher, or this Baywatchin' cat, or the Viewmaster chaps and ladies, have in mind. NO IDEA. nor will you have any idea until such times as the film arrives - if it ever does - and you 're forced to feign a grimace through two hours of motion picture you're seein only through the fug of what you said about it a lifetime ago, on that talkback, and which now threatens you no-end, for oh my god, it turns out I was the one, yes, with no imagination. Jesus. This is nothing new, folks. nothing new AT ALL. and guess what - some of the finest fuckin' pictures ever made arose from such an "unoriginal" "suit"-conjured funk. You think John Ford took on The Searchers because of the originality of the two-line plot synopsis on IMDB??? He took it on because he knew the territory inside out and because he knew that a pre-set generic template meant he had more room for worrying about the Important Stuff. Goddamn. And if Baywatch the motion picture (wait, there already was one...)- if this NEW baywatch motion picture turns out to be a load of stinkin' rotten ballbag, well that's how it goes. But it might not. there's the thing. rant over. www.mondoirlando.com
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