Beaks here...

Hot off of his uncredited overhaul of THE HANGOVER with Todd Phillips, screenwriter Jeremy Garelick is deservedly all the rage in Hollywood. So why can't Hollywood find anything better for him to do than write and direct the fucking BAYWATCH movie?

I want to make it clear that I'm not faulting Garelick for taking this payday. These are lean times, and the studios are allergic to originality. If the town's production execs had their way, we'd be seeing slates filled exclusively with movies based on toys, video games, popular TV shows and old hit movies. The last thing anyone wants to do right now is take a chance on an original idea. The only studio with balls right now is Warner Bros., but they're also the only studio that can afford to let 'em dangle even a little. (I guess Fox could, but they haven't been in the ball-dangling business since Bill Mechanic hit the bricks.)

So even though Garelick, who also wrote the surprisingly dark script for Peyton Reed's THE BREAK-UP, is getting credit from everyone but the WGA for co-authoring the production draft of THE HANGOVER, producers would rather have him work his "magic" on crap with franchise potential. And while Garelick could hold out and hope that Todd Phillips shoots MURRAY AT LARGE next (Garelick's comedy spec about a "pillar of the community" who goes on the lam after being accused of a hideous crime), or that Columbia greenlights THE INSANE LAWS (no idea what that one's about), if he wants to stay on the A-list radar, he should probably just hold his nose and take what's offered for now.

To Garelick's credit, he sounds upbeat about reconfiguring the risible BAYWATCH as a raunchy, guy-skewing romp in the STRIPES/POLICE ACADEMY mold. (And I'm going to pretend I'm still eleven years old and think the first POLICE ACADEMY is a legit comedy classic. If you've got a problem with that, meet me at the Blue Oyster.) Garelick's BAYWATCH will center on two shlubs trying to join a group of elite lifeguards. Hopefully, he won't fall back on too many easy laughs - or, worse, make SON OF THE BEACH: THE MOTION PICTURE. I certainly don't envy him his task. This is extremely well-worn territory.

Paramount's Adam Goodman has been trying to get a BAYWATCH movie up and jiggling for years now. As you probably know, it was an even bigger hit internationally than it was in the U.S. Despair.