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Published on Tuesday, July 7, 2009 - 4:35am |
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Hercules Has Seen Syfy’s First New Show: WAREHOUSE 13!!
I am – Hercules!!
Almost certainly inspired by the final shot of “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” the disappointing “Warehouse 13” is a sci-fi adventure dramedy about a pair of hot federal agents assigned to gather uncanny artifacts -- artifacts to be locked away in a sprawling top-secret South Dakota storage facility. It stars Eddie McClintock (“My Boys,” “Bones”), Joanne Kelly (“Vanished,” “The Dresden Files”), CCH Pounder ("The Shield") and Saul Rubinek ("Frasier").
The series was also likely inspired by the real-life “Area 51,” a chunk of military-infested Nevada desert topped by restricted airspace and situated 83 miles north of Las Vegas. Area 51 does not appear on maps of Nevada. Satellite images of the site were removed from web servers (including Microsoft's "Terraserver") five years ago.
Understandably, the place has captured writers’ imaginations now for decades.
The time-travel series “Seven Days” took place inside Area 51. “Stargate SG-1” used it to store alien artifacts. Michael Knight rescued KITT the talking car from Area 51 in an episode of “Knight Rider.”
Joanna Dark invaded Area 51 in the videogame “Perfect Dark.” Lara Croft invaded it in the videogame “Tomb Raider 3.” In “Metal Gear,” Area 51 is HQ to a powerful secret society.
Area 51 was the place Brent Spiner’s character looked after the giant alien scout ship in “Independence Day.” “Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” informed us the warehouse in which the Ark of the Covenant was stored at the end of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was actually Nevada’s “Hanger 51.” The same hanger housed the Roswell aliens.
There’s a bit of conspiracy, perhaps, around the genesis of “Warehouse 13.” Writer Rockne S. O’Bannon (“Farscape,” “The Triangle”) was once identified as one of the show’s creators, alongside Jane Espenson (“Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” “Firefly,” “Battlestar Galactica”) and D. Brent Mote (“Earthquake In New York,” “Atomic Train”), but O’Bannon’s name has somehow fallen out of the credits. The pilot’s teleplay apparently took on, shortly before production, another writer-producer: David Simkins, whose credits include everything from “Freakylinks,” “Mercy Point,” “Charmed” and “Blade: The Series” to “Brisco County Jr.,” “Dark Angel” and “Roswell.”
I think in earlier drafts of the pilot script the main characters were FBI agents; here they’re Secret Service agents. The arrival of Fox’s FBI-centric “Fringe,” which also deals with the uncanny, may have precipitated that change.
The pilot has major problems with tone; it can’t decide if it wants to be a bad knockoff of “The Lost Room” or a bad knockoff of “Moonlighting.” Both agents seem too preoccupied and goofy to make us believe they were actually once charged with protecting the U.S. president, and the pilot isn’t funny enough to justify all its wackiness.
Mostly the debut episode just leaves me confused and reeling with questions. Why is Saul Rubinek’s character the only guy tending to such a huge warehouse filled with crazy powerful stuff? Why do the agents have to communicate on huge antique picturephones instead of today’s tiny cellphones? If the possessed guy is strong enough to tear off his handcuffs, why are a couple of cops strong enough to wrestle him back into a cell that he’s probably strong enough to break out of anyway? Why does the girl agent need to call a source on a pay phone instead of a cellphone, aside from the fact that it gives the writers an excuse to separate her from her partner at a crucial moment? Is a zip-line really the most efficient way to get around Warehouse 13? Why doesn’t Rubinek get a cart to carry that oversized painting? Don’t the agents find that jewelry box hidden on the professor’s shelf with ludicrous ease?
At the end of “Raiders,” I was left longing to see what was in all those other crates. At the end of “Warehouse 13,” I really couldn’t be bothered to investigate. A season pass on my DVR is something these agents are not going to recover.
USA Today says:
… flabby … More emphasis on character is needed, and less on silly props …
Entertainment Weekly says:
… The pilot drags, but Saul Rubinek, who plays the warehouse curator, is entertaining enough that I want to believe it will improve …
The New York Times says:
… This, insidiously, is science fiction as extreme midlife crisis. As Lattimer puts it, “I’m trained to take a bullet if necessary, but I’m not sure how to stop a dead Italian cougar.” Or, he might have added, deeply stupid plots.
The Los Angeles Times says:
… as lightly thrilling as the sound of the Good Humor man's bell on a drowsy afternoon. … "Warehouse 13" has no Cancer Man, no irritating prophesy, no need to bludgeon viewers with lessons in mortality and morality. The warehouse is warm and cozy with its Oriental rugs and Victorian lighting, Rubinek's Artie steals every scene he is in, and McClintock and Kelly provide a happy friction that promises great things. …
The Chicago Tribune says:
… surprisingly satisfying, especially if you're in the mood for a light procedural with a dash of "X-Files" spookiness. … Smart, thoughtful character development is really the necessary key for "Warehouse 13." With any luck, the trio prowling Warehouse 13's vast aisles will come to matter more than the possessed bric-a-brac they collect.
The Washington Post says:
… Whatever. As Kelly laments at one point, "This is crazy, this is crazy." Also, for the first hour, off-puttingly poky. But if you stay with it, the mysteriousness of it all is kind of seductive, and the disparate strands of plot and subplots do eventually come together -- sort of. Basically it's a half-baked adventure series, but it's July, and fully baked may just not be the way to go.
The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette says:
… Like other Sci Fi shows of the recent past (think: "Eureka"), "Warehouse 13" begins with a strong concept and suffers from weak execution. … There's no sparkling dialogue or surprising plot turns. "Warehouse 13" has more in common with executive producer Simkins' "Dresden Files," another lackluster Sci Fi entry. … Too often "Warehouse 13" comes off like a mash-up of leftover parts from better series ("X-Files," "Moonlighting" and a hint of "Lost"), and in its premiere never manages to distinguish itself as a show worth watching.
The Boston Herald says:
… tepid … Despite the slight material, McClintock and Kelly sizzle together onscreen. They may remind viewers of the leads on Fox’s “Bones.” Kelly comes off as one of the more believable female law enforcement agents on the tube right now. (NBC’s “Listener,” I’m looking right at you.) Like Syfy’s “Eureka,” “Warehouse 13” is prime-time comfort food. The premise is easy to understand, and it practically gift-wraps its happy endings. It’s also the kind of show you could put on a shelf and forget about.
The Boston Globe says:
… the quirkiness overtakes the creepiness by far, and here’s where “Warehouse 13’’ faces its biggest challenge: There’s a fine line between wink-wink clever and desperately cheesy. Tonight’s story crosses into Kraft Singles territory more often than it should, with bleeding statues and bloodshot eyes, sacrificial fires and some poorly acted demonic possession. Rubinek vamps hard for comic effect, perhaps a little too hard. Pounder does far better, in her brief onscreen moments, being funny and sinister at once. A little more of her alchemy, and “Warehouse 13’’ would be closer to out-of-this-world.
The Hollywood Reporter says:
… Lattimer and Bering are no Mulder and Scully, following a by-the-numbers meet hate/bonding ritual that's one of the flatter parts of the pilot. But the presence of such top-notch character actors as Saul Rubinek (Nielsen) and CCH Pounder (Mrs. Frederic) more than make up for any initial lack of chemistry. But the show's real speed bump is buried in Lattimer and Bering's assignments: They're sent out to capture interesting devices, defuse them and file them away. While that might be just governmental duty -- label it, pack it up -- it undercuts the "invitation to endless wonder" Frederic offered Lattimer early on. Who wants to run a library if you can't read the books? Perhaps that is on the way. For now, "Warehouse" shows promise.
Variety says:
… while the male-female team thrust into this weird world is promised "an invitation to endless wonderment," the grand opening is more like a ticket to banality. Although the premise is rife with possibilities, based on the two-hour premiere, one suspects there's better inventory hidden away in Warehouses 1 through 12. … those eager to find true "wonderment" will have go shopping somewhere other than the big-box store known as "Warehouse 13."
9 p.m. Tuesday. Syfy.

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Reader Talkback
I know talkbackers frequently
bitch about writers by V'Shael | Jul 7th, 2009 05:09:26 AM | The Men's Wearhouse would be
more interesting by BadMrWonka | Jul 7th, 2009 05:09:43 AM | Herc i'm not sure by nalapou | Jul 7th, 2009 05:45:15 AM | The Iron Giant was a great
movie by Nasty In The Pasty | Jul 7th, 2009 07:00:14 AM | Don't MINCE words, V'Shael, by PennsyDeux | Jul 7th, 2009 07:29:46 AM | New York Times review by Gislef_crow | Jul 7th, 2009 07:45:24 AM | the important question, herc,
is by RaveX | Jul 7th, 2009 08:17:49 AM | Remember ... by ThusSpakeSpymunk | Jul 7th, 2009 08:41:04 AM | SYFY IS A STUPID WAY TO SPELL
SCI FI. by Mr Spork | Jul 7th, 2009 09:04:10 AM | Another one by Omar B | Jul 7th, 2009 09:04:13 AM | I'm so glad DOCTOR WHO has
jumped to BBC America by SpyGuy | Jul 7th, 2009 09:15:26 AM | I'm just going to watch the
first episode by dogrobber | Jul 7th, 2009 09:25:43 AM | Right on, Omar B by darthsynn | Jul 7th, 2009 09:46:00 AM | Dear Syfy by smackfu | Jul 7th, 2009 09:58:29 AM | and btw 'Syfy' looks like it
should be pronounced by smackfu | Jul 7th, 2009 10:02:56 AM | Can't Wait Till SG:
Universe... by blhotz | Jul 7th, 2009 10:04:14 AM | Seriously, your brand name is
one syllable away by smackfu | Jul 7th, 2009 10:04:50 AM | agreed, The Lost Room was
awesome by Jarek | Jul 7th, 2009 10:06:36 AM | Don't forget to watch Burn
Notice on Thursday.. by sheenakrull | Jul 7th, 2009 10:14:18 AM | Friday the 13th: the Series by kabong | Jul 7th, 2009 10:21:11 AM | LOL by JacksParasites | Jul 7th, 2009 10:22:01 AM | That supposed be "scripts." by kabong | Jul 7th, 2009 10:22:17 AM | It also rips SJGAMES
"Warehouse 23" by Squashua | Jul 7th, 2009 10:26:13 AM | Syfy and Warehouses by thecosmicdudewithattitude | Jul 7th, 2009 10:54:35 AM | Should Take Place in a Pottery
Barn by Wrath4771 | Jul 7th, 2009 11:24:50 AM | "Syfy" by 24200124 | Jul 7th, 2009 11:30:22 AM | smart is a four-letter word in
Hollyweird, cosmicdude by kabong | Jul 7th, 2009 11:37:58 AM | Jacksparasites, you have a
parasite in your brain by alienboy170 | Jul 7th, 2009 12:49:29 PM | Jackparasites is just trying
to wind people up. by Hint_of_Smegma | Jul 7th, 2009 01:29:47 PM | I'm Gonna Watch the Pilot by Crow3711 | Jul 7th, 2009 01:36:03 PM | Steve Jackson: Sue These
Fuckers by ROBRAM89 | Jul 7th, 2009 02:11:50 PM | I can't wait... by spiceybiscuit | Jul 7th, 2009 02:45:34 PM | Rename the network CTD by Banditmania | Jul 7th, 2009 02:55:05 PM | Wonderment Woman by spacechampion | Jul 7th, 2009 02:55:59 PM | I know, Kabong.. by thecosmicdudewithattitude | Jul 7th, 2009 03:25:15 PM | 38 Posts by InActionMan | Jul 7th, 2009 03:52:12 PM | Syfy Name SUX by Linguo_IS_Dead | Jul 7th, 2009 03:53:57 PM | Syfy's name change = Poochie
the Rockin Dog by smackfu | Jul 7th, 2009 03:56:42 PM | Who cares? Let's talk more
about Sarah Palin!! by FlandersBum | Jul 7th, 2009 04:05:28 PM | SYFY LOL! The only channel not
showing Jackson clips by lockesbrokenleg | Jul 7th, 2009 04:05:59 PM | come on, Herc... by Subtlety | Jul 7th, 2009 04:21:16 PM | Marvel and DC co-own the
phrase "Super Hero"... by QuidditchJedi | Jul 7th, 2009 04:24:31 PM | Area 51 is just a place... by Naughty | Jul 7th, 2009 05:40:34 PM | The Wire by Terry the geek | Jul 7th, 2009 05:48:59 PM | Absolute Shite by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGH
TS | Jul 7th, 2009 06:22:45 PM | Should have gone with by gotilk | Jul 7th, 2009 06:33:47 PM | Bring back SEVEN DAYS!!! by ciroslive | Jul 7th, 2009 07:29:06 PM | They got rid of BSG for THIS!
THIS!!! SHIT!! by lockesbrokenleg | Jul 7th, 2009 08:50:48 PM | Boom Mic by Omar B | Jul 7th, 2009 08:51:23 PM | What do CCH Pounder's friends
call her? by Wandering_Prophet | Jul 7th, 2009 09:05:00 PM | Briscoe? by dzot | Jul 7th, 2009 09:54:38 PM | Bring Back Invisible Man!! by SEVGN | Jul 7th, 2009 10:31:21 PM | "There's a bit of Conspiracy
about the show's genesis..." by Big Dumb Ape | Jul 7th, 2009 10:55:58 PM | It has potential.... by Ka Dargo | Jul 7th, 2009 11:45:47 PM | SyFy off to sucky start by RegnadKcin | Jul 8th, 2009 12:11:05 AM | Bring back G vs E!!!!! by Raymar | Jul 8th, 2009 02:17:20 AM | Hey. by Deathpool | Jul 8th, 2009 02:47:28 AM | Having actually watched it... by Gislef_crow | Jul 8th, 2009 02:51:58 AM | @Wandering_Prophet by V'Shael | Jul 8th, 2009 03:32:47 AM | @Big Dumb Ape by V'Shael | Jul 8th, 2009 03:34:10 AM | What is SyFy's average? by The McPoyle Clan | Jul 8th, 2009 05:29:16 AM | Rockne S. O’Bannon by unfaithfullyyours | Jul 8th, 2009 08:05:56 AM | Exactly what I expected by D_T | Jul 8th, 2009 08:45:23 AM | Better suggestion for SyFy by JacksParasites | Jul 8th, 2009 11:54:17 AM | Area 52 by Sailor Rip | Jul 8th, 2009 01:13:49 PM | area 57 pilot by compn | Jul 8th, 2009 04:12:49 PM | Guess I'm easily entertained by Manatee | Jul 9th, 2009 12:01:16 AM | Almost certainly inspired by
Friday by Dingbatty | Jul 9th, 2009 02:08:13 AM | Article explaining meaning of
"syfy" in Polish by Dingbatty | Jul 9th, 2009 02:19:13 AM | Syfy Made Me Laugh by Replicant23 | Jul 9th, 2009 03:41:31 AM | It has promise and I liked it. by allykatD | Jul 9th, 2009 10:52:50 AM | Just watched it and it wasn't
that bad... by Mindtrip | Jul 9th, 2009 05:32:21 PM | Always should have been the
"SF" channel by ReportAbuse | Jul 10th, 2009 03:11:17 PM | it was
crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by DrMorbius | Jul 12th, 2009 12:35:23 AM | test by ExcaliburFfolkes | Jul 26th, 2009 06:38:51 PM |
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