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Massawyrm says the score is officially YEAR ONE, Audience zero...
Hola all. Massawyrm here.
Jack Black IS Jack Black. Michael Cera IS Michael Cera. And the audience IS none the better for it. In what is easily the most mind numbingly brutal big name comedy I’ve seen this year, you will delight to everything you love about low grade comedy. Someone will eat a pile of shit. Someone else will piss in their own face. There will be farts o’ Plenty (both in the film and the outtakes as well.) And then there will be callbacks to those jokes later in the film. Oh yes. This is not the triumphant return of Harold Ramis. This is the sad, pitiful career suicide that places your face squarely in your palm and causes you to mutter and sputter in confusion about what the fuck it is that you’re watching.
It’s not a movie that begs for superlatives. It’s just shitty. There’s no merit here, no real laughs. It is a film that made me BEG for the Tenacious D movie. Remember last year, during this same release weekend no less, when Mike Meyers returned to show us all that he actually had managed to squeeze out every last ounce of talent he possessed and had, quite literally, nothing left? That’s this movie in a nutshell. Everyone who has ever complained about Jack Black being a one trick pony and everyone complaining that they’re sick of Michael Cera’s whiny, mumbling emo stammering will find nothing at all to change their minds here. It is exactly like the trailer. Only longer. Much. Much. Longer.
Remember in 10,000 B.C. when those hill people cavemen came down out of the mountains and discovered civilizations they never knew existed? Well, this is the same plot – except that our heroes (Black and Cera) find themselves wandering through several sections of the Old Testament. They run into Cain & Abel. They run into Abraham (just as he’s sacrificing his son). And then make their way to Sodom for a bunch of jokes about…wait for it…do I really need to tell you? Or did you write the jokes yourselves? Yep. Those are the ones. A friend of mine dared to try and compare this to HISTORY OF THE WORLD: PART I for which I almost broke his jaw. This isn’t anything like HotWPI. It is more like WHOLLY MOSES – the super lame Dudley Moore comedy that used to run a billionty times a day on HBO. And lacked all the magic that made Mel Brooks classic a…well, a classic.
I want to believe, desperately, that there is actually a really funny Rated R movie on a cutting room floor somewhere, but that the MPAA gutted it. But, really, I know better. If this had the kind of funny stuff it needed to rock with an R, they just would have released it as an R. But they didn’t. Because they knew the teenagers that ate up MEET THE SPARTANS and DISASTER MOVIE would eat this crap up too – and that was the only way this was going to make money. This thing is dull as a box of spoons and twice as pithy. There is nothing for you here, nothing but the stark, mystifying wonder of how so many great comedians could come together in something that sucks this badly. Even seasoned pros like David Cross, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt and Hank Azaria seem to be grasping at straws for jokes here. So you can imagine how Black and Cera fare.
A total waste of time, I strongly recommend giving this one a pass at your earliest opportunity.
Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.
Massawyrm
Got something for the Wyrm? Mail it here.
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...Testament world is begging for satire. Damn.
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And today is Thursday. Tell me something I didn't already know.
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That's exactly what I thought when I saw the commercials.
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It's about time the world realised that Jack Black simply isn't funny.
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Lloyd Kaufman is like a bizzaro Mel Brooks? And that Egon needs to stop watching History of the World (or start).
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Have you not seen the trailer?
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Massawyrm nailed my thoughts when I saw a commercial for this movie the other day. Especially with Michael Cera--does that guy do anything other than "Michael Cera?" He needs to go against type soon, and bad--his shtick is dead. There's no chance I'll see this movie. If I'm not going to see Land of the Lost, there's no way in hell I'm going to go see Year One!
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...you're intoxicated? Because that's its own special category and the normal rules don't apply...
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...me laugh. I grew up in a borderline fundamentalist family, so maybe ANYTHING that makes fun of the Bible makes me laugh.
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Seriously, look it up in any dictionary printed since '97. There's simply a picture of his face next to the word. He is fucking awful in everything he's ever done, how does that hack get work? He's holding some seriously fucked up blackmail material on Hollywood honcho's, that's how. It's the only possible explanation.
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That was pretty funny.
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Micheal Cera is an overrated cunt. That is all.
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Like Topher Grace in "Traffic," where he played the college idiot who was a junkie for the sake of intellectual rebellion.
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Egon would stop dicking around and spend more time working on Ghostbuster 3 and realize that he still could be king and doesn't have to be a bad Apatow.
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Funny bible movie, Passion Of The Christ. HILARIOUS!!! Laugh Out Loud stuff.
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Change your Picture Icon Masawyrm, that is well out of order.
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...The Air In Slow Motion joke gets old after the second hour.
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but please tell us whether you liked it or not.
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Seriously, I feel that The Love Guru is Mike Myers' best work since Wayne's World. Most of the jokes in Love Guru were word play jokes. If you don't like word play, then there's not much to look for in the movie. In the Austin Powers series, he tends to overdo his jokes, it's like, yes, we get the joke already now lets move on to the next thing, but he keeps banging the joke onto our heads until the joke loses its funniness. In The Love Guru, Myers manages to remedy this mistake and found the right balance of when to move on to the next joke.
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...say 257 Our Father's and don't touch yourself any more.
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Jack Black has been over rated for a long time now, time for him to reinvent or step aside for a while.
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Oh wait, no it doesn't. I could have give the same review based solely on the trailers.
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i really hope this doesn't impact on Scott Pilgrim coz that is shaping up nice and if people hated cera before this they may not bother with pilgrim at all.
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Who would be interested in seeing this? Jack Black is the new Wil Ferrel. Why do these insanely incompetent jerks get to keep making movies?
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Love the new picture
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Sorry
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Meh. Not a travesty, just "meh". This looks pretty "meh", too.
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This, however, does not seem funny, even though I believe that is its intent. Still, I have to think it is above and beyond anything excreted by the Disaster Movie guys. Say, it's been almost a year since their last bowel movement. Did they not make enough money after their last one to afford enough Ex-Lax needed to produce an anal discharge that is on par with their previous creations? Or are they mercifully constipated?
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Had the samething going on for four jokes, Jack Black does his shit, then Cera makes a nerdy comment. Repeat.
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And It wasn't horrible. A few decent laughs, nothing cringe worthy in the way Myers has been lately. Basically, it was a sitcom/variety show sketch stretched to 90 minutes. Ramis is one of the most inconsistent directors around - yeah, he did Caddyshack and Groundhog Day, but he also did Bedazzled and the Analyse... movies. So yeah, Massawyrm is basically right, but I'm not sure the movie deserves a whole lot of venom. Lots of worse things out there.
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...that Harold Ramis was even anywhere within five miles of this disaster. And that it's probably going to make a few dollars just because the only other major film opening this weekend is "The Proposal," which looks equally stupid.
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Jun 18, 2009 10:44:09 AM CDT
Fuck this movie, I wont even download this shit! Darkartist
by kenshiro_187
I agree with you 100% Cera, Black, and Shia LaDickhead are all krusty-cunts.
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Then do yourself a favor a watch the ORIGINAL Tenacious D episodes from HBO.
The movie was a monstrosity that had little to nothing to do with what rocked about that show, so don't judge based on that pos.
That show was comedy gold and JB has been riding on the poential he showed back then ever since. -
The smirk that guy gives can make unfunny lines complete comedy.
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saying "I strongly recommend giving this one a pass at your earliest opportunity" to me is like untrustworthy motherfuckers saying "trust me".
Massawyrm, you 'really enjoyed' T4. You rocked out with rocknrolla and you got gleeful boy goo all over fast and furious. I don't trust you. -
is that what i am reading in you tenasious D joke, because i honesstly think anyone who didn't find pick of destiny funny is a souless bastard son of a bitch. That film is funny from beggining to end and the entire sasaprharz section with john c reily is the funniest thing ever put to film
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I'd rather see a movie with PaulRudd just showing off that scene from Mac and Me over and over like he does on....Conan? I dunno, didn't really have much hope for this one anyway. But for all of those who like to watch Jack Black lick his fingers and do his litle hand dance over and over and over again, all those worst fears may be coming true. Yahoo reported yesterday that Black is probably going to be one of the young Ghostbusters in the new movie. Ugh.,.
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my script will fuck your eyeballs in 2015
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And I consider myself a Jack Black fan. But Michael Cera gets more annoying with each role he takes. I will see this, if only so I can call it the worst movie of the summer.
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Really?
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I used to like the guy, now I long for the days of watching him get blown to pieces by Bruce Willis.
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The movie is fuck'n funny and you just really don't like Jack Black for some reason? Your review is reason enough to see this stupid flick...thank you!
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Is there really a need to profane people's faith here? Really? Come on, man....
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Fuck u dood
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I saw it when it came out. Of course I was 12 years old, so that might have something to do with my enjoyment of it. Kinda like Flash Gordon (the movie with the queen soundtrack, not the TV show).
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tenacious d the band and the tv series (check out the extras on the dvds too) are great. school of rock was cool and uh... well he hasnt really been in anything else good. but i'd say thats more about his choices than his 'talent'
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I think actually flopped.
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He does it for the money.
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This will make even less than Land of the Lost. I wish Jack black would take a hiatus instead of Sean Penn
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Three New Avatar Screenshots!
Donnie Darko 3 With Richard Kelly? -
Someone please summon the Zombie Graham Chapman.
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"If you buy a ticket to this movie that I've decided to hate based on the trailer, I HOPE YOU DIE!!!"
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Then I did for this. Which isn't saying much.
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A couple of morons meandering through biblical history etc. There's material there.
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so 2 people as far as I can see have SEEN it and the rest follow mad Massawyrm like sheep. Now that's funny.
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I liked the scene they released where they meet Cain and Able, but i thought the trailer was shit. Usually Massawyrm is spot OFF with his reviews, so this could be pretty funny...
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funnier than the actual movie. Can't stand Jack Black, don't care for Michael Cena, and wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot club...
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The Wilde one fair in this? I see its not R, so doth the Alpha Dog not bare thy fair flesh?
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Because last I remember Jack Black was in that, and his performance garnered quite a few laughs. Granted Downey stole the movie, but I thought Black put in a solid performance.
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... i didn't expect much and ended up enjoying it. I mean, it's a terrible movie, don't get me wrong, but it's quite obvious that it was everything but a "serious" film. A lot of reaction shots and such certainly elicited laughter, and there were a few really fantastic lines. It wasn't a total waste to me.
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after seeing the trailer
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3 years old?
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Original posting of the avatar: (exactly 35 months ago): http://www.aintitcool.com/node/23902
And the contest (still think Reservoir Wyrms should've won): http://www.aintitcool.com/node/24316 -
this place is for geeks. your kind isn't welcome here.
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..and dump on people who exercised their constitutional right to vote on an issue that changes the definition of a tradition and sacrement that helped build modern civilization. Then he'd have TWO crap movies in a row. One more and he'll join Paul Reubens and pleasure himself in skanky porn theaters. (Or they can pleasure each other, since Jack is such a supporter of that).
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...that way you can resume your sanctimonious, persecuted christian victim pose that seems to come so naturally to your kind, and the rest of us can mock you to your face and then forget about you again. And Jack Black gets to eat. Everyone wins!
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After all, those trailors loo sooo promising. How does this stuff get greenlite? Anybody with a movie IQ above 3 could tell that this was crap, yet they make it anyway. I guess the point here is that the execs who push this stuff through have a movie IQ below 3. Sad. It's like hiring recording industry agents who are deaf...oopps, I guess thats already being done.
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Walking around NYC and seeing this poster all over this past week - the only thing I could think was, "They've been photoshopping Jack Black and Michael Cera's SAME face from ONE picture onto the poster for every movie they've been in lately."
You've got Jack Black with some wacky and devilishly expressive eyebrow pose and Michael Cera looking like he's nervously surprised to be having his picture taken.
I swear this is the same crap over and over. -
Jun 18, 2009 11:59:53 AM CDT
Cera may wanna rethink that Arrested Development holdout
by wickedjester
13 Minutes, 30 seconds and counting on your 15 buddy...
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reitman WILL come back to make GB3...unfortuantely
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I think Michael Cera has a great role or two coming up in his career, and maybe Jack Black does too, but it's tough to hear about misfires like this.
Ew. -
How DARE people excercise their right to peacefully protest, in AMERICA of all places!! Good thing we have people like you to crap all over peaceful demonstrations. Keep'n it real man.
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Jun 18, 2009 12:10:22 PM CDT
I'm still not sure why this movie was greenlit, then made
by soylentmean
The idea is sofa king reed art head. Is this movie as bad as that other Jack Black vehicle, Envy? Because that movie was terrible.
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Jun 18, 2009 12:11:24 PM CDT
A Dr. Pepper IV? Massa, I don't always agree with you...
by soylentmean
but I agree with that. Amen.
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Damn you MPAA
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minus the talent, wit, charm, intelligence,charisma,and creativity of course.
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If Cera Wants His Schtick to Work He needs to get back to doing George Michael and rock it in the Arrested Development movie already. Only place that character is awesome enough to actually be hilarious. Otherwise, its just old. He needs to find a new game out of George Michael Bluth.
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I agree with whomever said it was one drawn-out sketch. It actually looks like several sketches just thrown together into a "comedy" made only to satisfy the biblical wet dreams of one aging, God-riddled hack director, full of old Jewish shtick that induced groans back in the early days of Vaudeville.
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out of 19 reviews so far. I happen to think Jack Black is funny, I like Cera even though he keeps playing the same character, and the trailers for "Year One" look like shitty pants.
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As long as he wears that sexy blonde wig.
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It looks full of "Here's the setup, and you guys are funny, just say something funny and look goofy for the camera!" Yeah, I know -- but Ramis did this, and Ramis made that! Sure, he's had his moments, but... some people are solid gold, while some are just gold-plated, if you know what I mean. This just looks completely phoned-in. I mean, "Your name is suck"...? Really? That's your best punchline for selling this movie?
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*has a Salo flashback* I don't want to watch that. The thing is that old Mel Brooks movie isn't to my liking either. I know it's supposed to be a classic but my funny bone doesn't respond to Mel Brooks type humor. So the fact that it looked like that's where they were going with this didn't really get me enthused. I was going because of Cera. I dunno know now. I swore off of poo eating movies.
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It'll be here once Year one makes a ton of money thanks to American Audiences... You know this to be true...
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Teens think this looks "clever" and Cera is like the dude right now. Maybe hopefully the Hangover an actual funny movie and Up can beat this. Because yikes this looks horrible. But stupid people will make it money.
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i expect it to bomb, but i want to see it. Cera's bits were really funny to me.
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We needed a review to tell us a buddy cave man movie is shit? Don't patronize us, man.
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That would be too bad.
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The middle ages aren't funny, the bible isn't funny. Black and Cera can work well but only if they have decent material to start with. Remember looking at the full cast listing and thinking it might be halfway worth watching, but the trailer was all kinds of awful. Pass.
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I guess I'll just wait for Get Him To The Greek then . FFS
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feral angel feral angelllllL!L!LL!L!L!!L!L come and kiss your old man! and drop that moody nonsense!
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Just saw the film "Be Kind Rewind" the other day. Wow. What a fucking disappointment. This movie could have been REALLY GOOD had they stuck with the remaking of movies segments. For example, the 5 minute "Ghostbusters" segment was gold. A+ stuff. Christmas garland as the proton beams? I was rolling.
And then...well...the film I think tried to go (1) artsy, and (2) sappy. They absolutely DID NOT NEED the entire storyline about the old jazz musician -- this became the primary plot of the movie. It makes the first 5-10 minutes of this film virtually unwatchable. An EXTREMELY dull opening; I almost turned the movie off right then and there. I'm glad I didn't, if only for the "Ghostbusters" and "Rush Hour II" segments, but those were small pleasures in an otherwise very painful film to sit through.
This movie teased the shit out of us the rest of the way, as it only showed very small snippets of other films being remade ("2001" being one of them), as it scrolled a cocktease list of all the films they were doing that we couldn't be allowed to see. Notably, one of those films was "Gummo." I shit you not. Fucking "Gummo." While I think that movie was disturbingly awful, if this film would have had any balls at all, it would have shown THAT making-of segment. Maybe Jack Black in a dirty bathtub eating spaghetti with a piece of bacon taped to the wall in the background.(Yeah...if you haven't seen "Gummo," well...it's pretty fucked up.).
There was a very good, if not great, film lying here, somewhere...but they fucked it all up. -
I have a feeling I'll actually like it. But I have a defective sense of humour.
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Jun 18, 2009 1:50:53 PM CDT
Damn, so I guess you're telling me to skip it.
by sigourneyweaversbeaver
and I shall.
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Well, allow me:
Harold Ramis gotta eat!...and eat...and eat...and eat... -
The movie hit a wall with the goddamned jazz subplot, and just dribbled down said wall to a squelchy, shitty pile that was the ending. And ending where the filmmakers couldn't even bother to actually end anything. They just kinda...stopped.
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Jun 18, 2009 2:38:24 PM CDT
Michael Cera needs to do a Sin City Elijah Wood type thing
by stuntcock mike
This kids career is going to be over very soon
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HE'S INSUFFERABLE. OMFG. HE HAD 30SEC OF SEMI-FUNNY SHIT IN HI FIDELITY, THEN UTTERLY DOWNHILL FROM THERE. IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL HE SECURES HIS OWN MORONIC SITCOM. MARK MY WORDS.
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He's the same monotone character in everything he does. I don't find that funny.
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then you know the movie is shit.
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Watching the trailers i was thinking dude this isn't fucking juno it's a god damn caveman movie
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The making of a biblical "epic" that ended up being on par with the Rocky Horror Picture Show for awfulness. Rent it!!!
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Just sayin'.
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Jack Black has done a lot of great work. Alot of the stuff he's done for Channel 101 is comedy gold. I still love Tenacious D even though I wasn't a huge fan of the movie. And he's had more hits than flopperoos so far. Too bad Year One is not a comedy juggernaut, but that won't be enough to get me to say that Jack Black is not one talented dude. Because he is.
Muscle tribe of Strength and Excellence! -
Plain and simple. BOOO. boo.
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Jun 18, 2009 5:25:35 PM CDT
"This thing is dull as a box of spoons and twice as pithy"
by nasty in the pasty
Um...what?
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Olivia Wilde in this?Just wanted to know.This is PG-13 so no chance of seeing her cute tight ass get nude.Oh,btw,FUCK JACK BLACK!
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I thought this was already out....
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...when I heard about it a year ago. After I saw the trailer, the dissapointment set in. Oh well. Life goes on.
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I've only seen him getting cast in comedy roles but is that because he is a professional funnyman and this is all he wants to do or is it because he's typecast or something?He seems like he's longing for some Woody Allen dialogue. If he is a professional funnyman I'll give him credit for not basing his schtick around infantile wailing or throwing himself at shit.
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I first saw him in Arrested Development, and he was good...not great.
Since then I've seen Superbad and the last half of Juno, and it's clear the little fucker is completely one note, he is the EXACT same character in each of the 3.
Is he lazy, or just no good at leaving his comfort zone? His act was tired half an hour into Superbad, and I'm glad I've seen nothing else with his bland, unfunny ass attached.
As someone else said, the trailer didn't make me even smirk accidentally, the movie just looks hugely unfunny. The Hangover trailer had numerous funny moments culminating in Tyson riffing on Phil Collins and punching a guy out...you know, something to entice you to watch. Year One looks terrible if it's best moments were in the trailer like many trailers are now. -
Damn these acronyms, was that for my internets or tha printer?
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Jun 18, 2009 8:30:34 PM CDT
caveman had barbera bach. I woulda fucked her three ways from th
by ironic_name
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The Arrested Development movie. And that's it fucker, Hollywood has no more roles for you. You are banned!
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Rocknrolla was good.
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I'd piss myself if I saw him play an Ed Gein or Charles Manson type. You all know you would, too. And let me add myself to the chorus of people saying Jack Black blows.
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But like a totally badass one. He smokes and swears and almost busts his friends jaws, honest. Sometimes he wears a trenchcoat and a, get this, backwards baseball cap. So don't be mad sensitive christian lambs, he is one of yours.
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It seems like a really unfunny joke to try and stir up Christians. Like Rock DJ unfunny...
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Been looking forward to this. The trailers look funny, the stars and director are there. Damn.
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Compared to most other Brooks comedies. This must be really bad.
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Of all the people to hate on haha the dude has only been in a handful of films so far and seems one of the most down to earth people in hollywood. You little jealous pricks make me laugh.
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I remember when I first read about this movie I thought it sounded great, but the trailer doesn't make it look like anything more than a rainy day rental at best, I like the Tenacious D movie though, blow me
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The trailer looked painfully unfunny. I’ll just wait for Brüno to fuck my funny-bone. Mmmmm, that doesn’t sound so good, now does it…..
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Michael Cera will redeem himself in Scott Pilgrim.
Fo sho, if the production pics are anything to go by, that movie is gonna kick all sorts of ass. -
Shame on you ingrates for not knowing who Fats Waller is. Possibly the best thing to come out of the otherwise pretty dry '50s music scene.
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Still am, in fact.
After last week's inexplicably positive review of PELHAM, why should I take you seriously? -
Yeah...he was a real jazz musician...but I think his music predated the 1950s by just a tad, seeing as though he died in 1943. The point is that he didn't belong in this movie. Perhaps in a separate bio pic -- but not this one.
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Esp in School House Rock. This is very disappointing. He needs to stick with kids movies.
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Oh wait, that's Michael Cena. Who is Michael Cera anyway. I never heard of him because I like to avoid crap. The funny thing is Black could do a lot better if he did more drama. As an ensemble member of The Holiday he actually impressed me. His movies are just like Will Farrel's, they're all the same, or he plays the same guy anyway.
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Corky Romano? Or Zoolander? or Nothing But Trouble? Rat Race? Sgt. Bilko (Steve Martin)? The trailers seem to me to be putting it about on par with those movies, which are fluffy little amusing diversions, and not really to be taken in the context of 'This Year's *SUMMER MOVIES OF GREATNESS OR SHAME*', but instead just amusing diversions to occasionally pop into a dvd player or catch bits of on cable from time to time. If it is like those movies, then I am actually ok with it, and we need a continuing stream of movies like that to act as the filler between our *SERIOUS FILM FARE*. They don't all have to be great.
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It was worth watching once. Sure it's a remake with a different title. I think without John Cleese as the mastermind of the game it would have been unwatchable. Kathy Bates tries to kill Whoopi Goldberg, so bonus points there.
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Someone up there said the middle ages weren't funny and neither was the bible. I guess they haven't seen the Holy Grail or Life of Brian.
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...same basic size.i laughed at that in the trailers, but i agree that cera's thing is getting old. he really needs to play someone other than himself and fast.
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but I'm sure you already knew that.
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Sorry, Harold-Sherbort, but Life does not go on; NBC cancelled it.
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It's lousy and it goes on forever. I laughed four times tops, which works out to around twice an hour, making this less entertaining than your average infomercial.
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A: To even compare this to ZOOLANDER is an insult to the good name of ZOOLANDER.B:Never mind the bizarre INDY 4-esque free pass that this site gave to the horrendous PELHAM 123 - he's right on the money, YEAR ONE is crap. Better than PELHAM, but still crap.
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Slavery and the oppression of women also built modern society, and you don't see many people defending those concepts.
Besides, why do you assume that "changing the definition" of something to be more inclusive will automatically destroy it? Loving v. Virginia was opposed in a very similar manner and that worked out pretty well for the American ideals of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We don't consider polygamy to be a valid form of marriage anymore, unlike they did in the Old Testament... that seems like a change in definition that worked pretty well, too. -
So your OK with mediocrity and you admit it. Brave! Stupid, but brave.
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Ramis used to be great. Gorundhog Day is a classic.
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it wasn't as bad as you make it out to sound massii'm a jack black fan so maybe thats why i enjoyed it, it's at least worth a rental for a night in
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