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G.I. JOE clip goes online...
Hey folks, Harry here... Buzz hasn't really been doing much with GI JOE. As far as I know - I don't know anyone that's seen the entire film, but there seems to be a great deal of concern about the end result. I think the big thing that has exasperated the situation is that GI JOE: RESOLUTE which is pretty much the animated equivalent of everything a GI JOE geek would want in the feature. I know for me personally, the big disappointment was the level of departure they took with the design elements which were so vibrant and striking - and made this particular incarnation of GI JOE latch into the minds of my generation. And as for those of you that just label it a TOY - what'd you want? Well, I wanted something as cool as the Marvel Comics GI JOE comics with these characters. And we may still get that, but other that a couple of shots of SNAKEEYES - I'm not seeing anything that screams, "GO JOE!" I'm assuming this clip leads to a melting Eiffel Tower that we glimpsed in the trailer. Apparently Baroness and Storm Shadow are members of the French Hating Former-Bush administration. Just kidding.
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is shit. that is all
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That prefers shitty cgi to actual story
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to say those suits suck?
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Please, what is your opinion on Sommers? I really think the man is a poor director, but somehow keeps getting a shit load of money thrown at him to make overrated plotless films
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gi joe huh
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i feel stupid saying that this movie is made just to sell toys, seeing as how it's a movie based on toys...but this movie has shown it has shitty toys, so....i just don't even care anymore. the hate is gone from me. i was never a big gi joe fan as a kid, but i can still feel for those of you that were. bad. just bad.
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this is going to be very awful
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in other words update everyone's wardrobe, unmask storm shadow, etc...but then still keep the cheesiness of the lines, weapons, suits, etc. this movie just doesn't know what it wants to be. if it had been pure 'toy' campiness, or gritty realism, both would have worked. but together, they blow.
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Really? This is GI Joe? I made better GI Joe movies with my action figures when I was six. Steven Sommers can lick my bikini zone.
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this is really starting to get stupid for me.
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I'm looking forward to seeing this. Those suits remind me of HALO though.
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this is really starting to get stupid for me.
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But it's no Resolute
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...though I'll still probably catch a matinee out of sheer morbid curiosity
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bwahahahahahaha
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i cant really be bothered to give a shit about this movie at all except to laugh at those god awful power suits. what were they thinking? They look even worse in action.
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i think the cobra characters are campy but true to the source material in a fun way. it's those fucking stupid shitty halo suits that are going to ruin this movie.
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"YO! JOE!" not "Go Joe." I hate when people get that wrong.
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I hate to be that guy, but this really does seem to be "GI Joe in name only."
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or if the director threatened to ruin my career- if i was in the cast and they brought out those suits for me to put on- i'd have to bow out of the picture. even if it broke my contract and i had to pay money. there is such a thing as integrity.. but then again we are talking about a wayans, here.
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How retarded. So, if those suits can't help them defeat Cobra, what's the point? Or wait, if they need the suits to defeat Cobra, then why do they need to be the "best team of operatives?" If they're so good, why the accelerator suits? They could be in any movie. It's like, some writer or FX guys comes up with a cool idea and those involved just find some movie in which to insert it. I mean, it's ridiculous. Joe had super tight weapons per each character's specialty. Isn't that the technical edge they had above standard soldiers. WHEN-WILL-THE-STUDIOS-GET-THE-IDEA! Treat the source material correctly and success follows. That Nolan guy knows a little about that concept.
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is carrying a super soaker
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fuck this film.
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he's paid to make a product, thats about it.
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oh sweet baroness whos ass i would gladly clean with my tounge
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fucking brilliant choice. Nothing sells toys and merchandise like having a bunch of characters with the same abilities and costumes!
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Its like, 20 years old.
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I dont know if most of you know this but the suits they are wearing is what our future military is gonna be wearing on the battlefield a few years down the line. Future Force soldiers
To better equip its soldiers, the U.S. Army is developing an advanced infantry uniform that will provide superhuman strength and greater ballistic protection than any uniform to date. Also, using wide-area networking and onboard computers, soldiers will be more aware of the action around them and of their own bodies. http://science.howstuffworks.com/ffw4.htm
In this article, we will leap onto the battlefield of the future, see how its technology compares with today's and learn how the Future Force Warrior will turn a soldier into an "F-16 on legs."
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apparently they took those out of the X-Men playbook
Wolverine, Terminator, Tranformers and GI Joe. Fuck me. -
... dressed like Master Chief from Halo?
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Does this bother anyone else? She's supposed to be RUSSIAN!!! I mean, they have her speaking with an American accent! Sienna's English accent would've been better. This is going to suck worse than Van Helsing.
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May 29, 2009 4:53:03 PM CDT
c'mon, the best thing about the comics and tv show were the kick
by nutritiouslove
wait, what?
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that flip up walls. btw, they've been saying that shit for decades, and its still dudes with guns, helmets. We can barely afford the military crap we are developing now.
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The technology now exists to digitize shit and re-constitute it directly on our computer screens. We as a people should be so proud.
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the sarcasm in my earlier post was cut off. apologies.
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May 29, 2009 4:55:47 PM CDT
Those suits look EXACTLY like the armor from that retarded HALO
by ironhelix
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http://tinyurl.com/246bab
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Is it me or does she look like a STONER?
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the British version of G.I Joe, three peple would have to share one suit and then it would be fucked in 10 minutes after the designers didn't realise that the all terrain suits would have to withstand rain or some such shit
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Yes, the DOD Future Warrior Project is designing exo-skeletons and such for our military, but I think all the excitement is a little premature. All of these advance ideas were BEFORE we realized that hi-tech stuff is great, but it doesn't replace old fashion boots in the mud.
The Joes always had the best equipment, and even some stuff that was borderline sci-fi, but they were never a bunch of escapees from Halo. -
people will say its a ripoff of this.
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Hey Steven Sommers, watch GI Joe: Resolute and see how a real GI Joe movie should be made
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The power suits don't scream G.I. Joe, but everything else looks alright.
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GI Joe?! This shit looks like a Cannon produced Captain Power film. How does Hasbro expect to sell toys when every Joe character looks IDENTICAL. Idiots.
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That barely resembled the G.I Joe I remember, too. TOTALLY overrated.
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bullshit. There's no excuse for having those in the movie. And Storm Shadow with no mask on? Just casually rolling in like he's from The Matrix? Who makes these ridiculous decisions? This movie was made for the Slurpee drinking XBOX crowd for sure. God awful, it makes Transformers look more faithful.
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besides Miller's fine ass, of course. I'm genuinely curious.
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She was German, wasn't she? I always thought she was kind of a Baader-Meinhof/Red Army Faction kind of gal.
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...your childhoods are about to be bukkake'd.
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I totally agree with you. It was highly overrated. If they had made it an actual 90-120 minute movie, it might have been better, but for me, it was just too much stuffed into too little a running time. I will say that the Snake-Eyes/Storm Shadow fight was great, but when are producers going to figure out that the Marvel Comics were the best GI Joe will ever be and just work in that vein?
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Why can't I watch this shit? 'Cause I live in Canada? I can watch the bullshit fucking ad for sunglass models, but when it comes time for the actual clip to play... nada. Thatnk god I can watch as you sell me some fucking product... that's ok to air in my area, but a clip from a fucking movie? No way! No sir! Eat my frosty Canadian shit you fucking hipster shills! Burn MTV to the fucking ground! I'm so sick of this shit! AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGG!!!!!!
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can sit on my face and wiggle.
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What the hell was Joseph Gordon-Levitt thinking when he agreed to do this movie? "Where do I cash my paycheck?" probably. This makes Transformers look like a fucking masterpiece.
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Storm Shadow's shoes.
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my action figures never had suits. i don't care if the military may have something down the line. i'm sure as shit positive that al qaeda ain't working on a fucking rust weapon. god damn it. each clip of this gets worse. agree with the baroness' lack of accent, but with dialogue like "nice shoes" i'd rather her be mute anyways. joes were badass at one point. now they're lameass shit. kids these days just won't get the same effect. and an elite international military force stopping a "terrorist organization bent on ruling the world" could be as cool - and realistic - as it sounds.
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In order to shoot the Eiffel Tower with a long-range missile, you need to break into a building, kill its inhabitants and shoot off of its roof?
BTW... I actually like the power suits, I think they'd be awesome in a GOOD movie. -
Actually, he's a pretty funny fucker. Definitely recommend you follow his exploits.
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G.I Joe in suit or Jackie Chan in the Tuxedo?
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Why bother even calling this G.I.Joe? So the only thing it has to do with G.I. Joe are the villains?
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I don't want to be the "this CGI sucks!" guy, but man... the shot of the 'Joe climbing the wall then flipping onto the roof just did not look right. I'm sure FX shots are going to be polished right up to the moment they need to get this into theatres, but that was awkward. Like, Blade 2/Spider-man alley fight awkward. I'm not even going to touch on the baroness without an accent/Stormshadow without a ninja costume stuff because the internet doesn't need anymore nerdrage about it.
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Trust me when I say YOU are the luckiest person in this Talkback. You're not missing much.
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"Nice Shoes"?
No Accent?
Fucking Powersuits? POWERSUITS??
What is it, exactly, that makes this a G.I. Joe movie, again? This clip has pretty much single handedly turned my cautious optimism into complete disappointment. :( Oh well. Count me out. I'm sure this movie will make millions from the semi-retarded. I, for one, will find something a little less insulting to watch.
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I hope they don't put Rachel Nichols in one of those suits.
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Can you get an Accelerator Suit at Target?
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is a kid with long hair and a mask that covers his mouth and nose (like an air force pilot). If they're going to make him look retarded why not just use the full-face helmet/sack? And he had better be building a weather dominator.
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What a stupid idea this movie was anyways!
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May 29, 2009 5:33:03 PM CDT
GI Joe was always the toy for stupider children anyways
by keeper of chimps
The smart kids were into Star Wars figures. GI Joe was for the trashy kid down the street.
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This is wrong on soooo many levels.
It's not even GIJoe.:'( -
for fucks sake, it's not "go joe", you mutt, it's "yo joe".
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I didn't know this was a crossover movie. But love that Baroness - meow!!!
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If you give even half a shit about G.I. Joe, you are soooo much better off for having missed this. Just back out now, and pretend you've never heard of this movie.
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that because I'm going to rape the Baroness' ass back to Cobra-La. And xspringvictoryx aren't the DARPA battlesuit designs a lot less clunky? I remember seeing a black suit (it was only a model) but it was going to have woven armor and small circuitry to accomplish its purpose. I could be wrong.
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"...your childhoods are about to be bukkake'd."__________________Funniest thing I've read on the nets in a few days :-)
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Just because my childhood dresses provocatively, doesn't mean that it's "just asking for it."
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The guy is fucking hysterical. A gem thusfar, "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Setting up meeting to buy Gitmo."
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May 29, 2009 5:40:43 PM CDT
i couldnt care less about how close it is to the toyline...
by bmacsmith
i dont care whether the hot piece of ass has an accent or not, or the fact that this in no way resembles 80s toys. i just care how good it is as a movie. and this... thing i just watched was hilariously awful.
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That might have been the worse thing I've ever seen.
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----Not so sure about this--bodyarmour, basically take the Big Robots from Transformers, make them people-and you have this movie. Hmmmm----
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The kids will probably love this shit though. Good for them.
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I agree!! That way I can secretly watch and despise it at home. Then I can act cool like I've never seen it and I'm too good for it, but I'll tell people it probably sucks. **yea, that's what I'll do**
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The bad guys are so badass in this universe they don't even need suits? And all the good guys look the same? Who am I supposed to root for again? It kind of reminds me of Transformers. In that case the bad guys had the cooler names (With a name like Starscream you have to be badass, right? Certainly preferable to Bumblebee.)
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It's not the worse thing I've ever seen. One time in Cancun I drank the water and I was on my period and well.. you do the math. So this GI Joe clip was the second worse thing I've ever seen.
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....was that a nod to the toys? hehe
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as a kid are better than this shit. I want a few million dollars to make my Mercer centric movie.
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God damn... That just scared the shit out of me
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at least we have the marvels
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We in the UK had Action Man;)
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May 29, 2009 5:53:10 PM CDT
YOU'LL GET THE WARHEAD! I'LL GET THE KILL SWITCH!!
by one_guy_from_andromeda
Are there really people older than/with an IQ higher than 12 who find this exciting?
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Jesus. Pitiful.
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It looks like two super-fast robocops running around...
I have a bad feeling about this.
At least the Wayans Bros don't have to spoof this as "Action Movie" since Marlon is already in it.
And I've never really dug Sienna Miller but DAAAAMMMMNNNN. Lack of accent aside, she IS the freaking Baroness. She's the only one who looks like she's right outta the pages of the comic. -
The greatest hero of them all!! I can't remember who the main bad guy was though. Was it doctor x or something? I was more of a M.A.S.K fan anyway
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There go any hopes I had for this. :(
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Iconic characters and designs shitted on for the sake of realism. When watching films of this type I don't want realism, especially in the case of Transformers. Cunts.
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.... um... what the fuck is going on?!?! I'm scared
Honestly, I MIGHT have watched this movie if it was not G.I. Joe. No.... there is no fucking way I could watch this. -
May 29, 2009 5:59:51 PM CDT
Actually the REALLy stupid kids were into Stinkor from He-Man
by keeper of chimps
But the next level of dumb were kids that thought Destro was cool.
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I was excited about a G.I. Joe movie on paper, but there isn't anything I've seen of this movie thus far makes me the least bit interested.
Nothing in this preview (or any other preview) resembles the cartoons I grew up with in the 80s. If you had shown anyone this footage to people without telling them the movie title, I bet you would be hard pressed to find many people who could identify this footage as being from a G.I. Joe movie.
I started out as someone who was fairly sure they would see this movie and now I'd say that it's likely that I wouldn't waste my time/money on this crap. -
Fuck yeah!
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You can still watch the intro on youtube
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A military/fantasy/sci-fi action adventure movie.
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It combines the best elements of Transformers and G.I. Joe.
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i had this toy robot thing that was called Max i think. part of some series of toys. all i can remember was the stretchy accordion arms it had. What were those called?
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typing too fast. 103 wpm ain't slowchin'.
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aren't you on the internet?
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just the intros alone to M.A.S.K., Thundercats, Silverhawks, GI Joe, He-Man, Transformers etc....are better than the shit cartoons kids are being fed nowadays. Fuck the 80s were awesome.
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Sienna Miller actually bugs me less than I expected, though I don't get much of a Baroness vibe at all from her.
But that rpg... those power suits... the effects... WTF? -
Don't forget Voltron and Robotech. Even though you said "etc"
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Maxx Steele. They also had suction cups on the bottom which made for a different type of toy, but then they also had suction cups in the comics that came with the toy and iirc the cartoon, which made absolutely no sense. Who designs a robot with suction cups on the bottom in the real world? Treads or wheels or legs are so much more pragmatic
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You aren't thinking of Stretch Monster are you?
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teh gehy.
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Couldn't agree with you more. I still remember getting really excited when the thundercats intro came on and seeing Mumra change into that scary badass, screaming like a banshee
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yeah thats it. i thought he was a bad guy but i guess not. and the suction cups. what were those even for?! What a stupid toy. Cant wait for the movie!
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For all the Michael Bay hate, Bay is twice the director that Sommers is. Sommers really wants to be Bay, but fails at it miserably. Secondly, while I loved GI Joe as a kid, and I'm interested in Eccleston, Parks, etc. I just have ZERO faith in a Sommers film. Honestly, I have considerably more faith in McG than I do in Sommers.
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Piss ant hack, that is what u are bitch, whos fucking nephew are you?
I have not wanted combat like this since the Godzilla blasphemy.
Watch Predator, watch Resolute. Than read every Larry Hama written file on the back of every Joe toy, than read the comics and than go fuck yourself Steven Sommers! I wish this was an Alan Moore story so that he could hex the shit out of you. -
May 29, 2009 6:16:22 PM CDT
I don't give a fuck about GI Joe the toys or the cartoon
by continentalop
I give a shit about GI Joe: the comic by Marvel comics.
For all the guys here laughing about how dumb the Joes were, I wonder if you knew they were originally created to appear as a Marvel comic called either Fury Force or the New Howling Commandos and were intended to take on Hydra. When Hasbro approached Marvel about making a comic using the name GI Joe and Hasbro in turn would make toys based on the characters, Marvel had the writers dust-off the Fury Force idea and transform it into GI Joe.
And who created most of the characters and wrote the majority of the comic book? Larry Hama, a Japanese-American ex-Viet Nam vet who made sure that the Joes stayed within the realm of believability when it came how they operated militarily.
So people can make fun of GI Joe all they want, but name me one other toy in which the fucking character profiles would accurately list their rank, pay rate, MOS, secondary MOS and have them usually armed with actual NATO issued weapons.
My Korean War vet dad didn't know what the fuck Eternia or a Sith was, but he sure as fuck knew that a Master Sergeant's enlisted rank was E-8. -
Looks a bit like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers crossed with some old Godzilla movie. Ouch.
I'm too old for this movie but I remember my son who is almost thirty playing with the figures. I'm not sure what I expected but so far this is not it. The trailer was peculiar too. -
...and the Iron Man suits REALLY kill this. Who the hell signed off on them? Individual characters will look the same in the suits, and they just look stupid.
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Right you are sir
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The Joe suits look like something from Bubblegum Crisis
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The sniper would be proud.
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So Iam sitting at my computer when I hear a knock at my door and who do I find standing there but Mr.Sommers and the whole cast from G.I. Joe.
He smiles as they start making pile on the floor of all my G.I. Joe toys and comics that I have from when I was a kid. I try asking why they are doing this and all he does is smile, that's when he turns around and drops his pants and shits all over my stuff...... wow thanks Sommers for shitting on my childhood it means alot -
May 29, 2009 6:20:11 PM CDT
Continentalop, Its real surprising that you were a GI Joe fan
by keeper of chimps
Did they make you put your helmet on before you played with them?
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4F no doubt.
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You're bang on there. Sommers is a director that has managed to get some decent acting talent in the past (jackman, beckinsale, weiss, hannah etc) and made them give pathetic, laughable, c-rate performances playing second fiddle to shitty scripts and massive amounts of overused cgi. The man is a waste of space and i cnnot figure out for the life of me how he manages to keep getting these big budgets.
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OR NUMBNUTCHUCKS.
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Why is she a baroness if she doesn't have a German accent? And why doesn't Storm Shadow have his ninja suit on? How could he be incognito when he's with a woman wearing a sinister black suit? At least the Joes are donning those Iron Man-like suits just like in the...comics? Er, wait..
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http://bit.ly/106RT4
http://www.theterrordrome.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rise-of-cobra-zartan-01.jpg
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
ok back to work. -
I still think that film, under a different director, could have been unbelievable. He had some of the greatest literary monsters of all time and could really have done something special. Instead he did what he always does, made a lowest common denominator action film.
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"Pull over, me want some HoJo Cola!"
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Worse than Bay, prbly about on par with Emmerich (and anal leakage)
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Now with that out of the way, YOUTUBE this so I can laugh with my American brothers from another mother!
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I hate being so very right. Aside from Star Trek, I doubt there will be any other movie worthy of buying on DVD (much less worthy of splurging for the cost of a Blu-Ray). This coming from the kind of geek who grew up with Transformers and G.I. Joe. I mean, seriously, how hard is it to get the main idea for G.I. Joe? How do you mess it up with Iron Man uniforms? And to make things worse, The Brothers Bloom, which I'm actually excited to see, isn't coming anywhere near my town. Sigh.
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May 29, 2009 6:53:27 PM CDT
So... that office building was the only place to target the Eiff
by odysseus
WTF? And those suits look like ass.
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Real stealthy.
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What thew fuck went through the minds of TPTB? Who thought this looked inviting in any way shape or form? I mean, this really looks fucking horrible, just awful. I hate the way that the fanboys just rip on shit to be ripping on shit. I hate the way that the fanboys pretend forevermore to hate movies that they really liked. That being said, I don;t know if I can avoid this movie; I might just have to see it in order to see if the it can deliver on the monumental awfulness that all the trialers and clips are promising. If this were just some shitty low budget bad CGI direct to video junker, I would still go out of my way to talk about how terrible and sterile and cheesy it looks. The fact that it is G.I. Joe, now I'm 32, prime G.I. Joe age, I grew up with this imaginary badass war machine in my imagination. I know that nothing could live up to the wars and battles I saw in my head when I was eight, but could they at least try? The fact that it is G.I. Joe just really depresses me for some reason. Joe was dirty, they were grunts, the ultimate badass grunts, but still grunts. Think of the bad guys and not just Cobra but the Dreadnoughts, this movie just had so many different cool directions it could have taken. I just keep on rambling and yet i'm speechless to pin the tail on the disgust. It's mot like they just put out a bad product, they totally revamped Joe to pander to who? Video game players? Matrix fans? What? What was the motive here? It's just so fucking awful looking.
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I can't imagine it possibly making a difference.
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So they can look like GI Joe, The X-Men, The Matrix, Underworld, and a few I'm probably leaving out.
I think all action adventure and sci-fi characters should always wear only black so you can't tell the characters apart. Especially if they had unique costumes in their original form, we don't want any individuality here.
I watched a cartoon called G.I. Joe back in the 80s, and collected the action figures. They should make a movie of that, maybe they just licensed the name for this one. I don't think it's any of the same characters from the 80s version. -
Hopefully there'll be a lot of free advance screenings.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYelFySexWo
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is more gay,
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sigh
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otherwise, it will be truly outrageous.
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They thought this was good enough to make a clip...what the fuck is the rest of the movie like...FUCK ME, and right on contentilop my dad was the same way respect to the VETS
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I have lurked on this site since 1997, and have always been content to lurk. but this movie looks so godawful, I had to actually register just to point out how godawful it is.
What the fuck were they thinking? Stephen fucking Summers? My spankerchief has more potential to spontaneously generate a good movie than that tampon dropping. who the fuck thought it was a good idea to put that worthless hack in charge of this? motherfucker hasn't directed a flick since Van Helsing tanked and deservedly so. then i see on IMDB this smegma-filled asshole is directing Tarzan next?!? FUCK!!!
This movie will tank SO hard. -
C'mon those anyone reallllllly give a shit,honestly.Always gonna have the bad ass cartoon movie,cobra la la la la la l a etc
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That probably IS the best the've got... They're actually proud of this boiling cauldron of diarrhea they're foisting upon us...
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GI JOE trade paperbacks are coming out. i got a more than a couple of back issies but they're in shit condition and scatterred about. i liked them best cause they didnt pull any punches. YO FUCKIN JOE!
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god this really looks fucking awesome.
nice shoes-------------ass-cracking writing and reading.
man man o man. i'm going to squeak all the way to the theater! -
McG anyone?
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just wow...how does this like this get funding?..really..how?
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just wow...how does shit this like this get funding?..really..how?
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This is absolutely what bugs me the most about this potential (and probable) debacle. It looks like the director really wanted to make an Iron Man movie but got stuck with GI Joe. I'm likely going to pass on this one.
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You never saw storm shadow or snake eyes. They were always in their costumes.
I could the "faceless" cobras having some generic power armor suit, because they were just cannon fodder. But the Joes were all unique. They were kinda like the village people. You had you're fire man guy, and scuba guy, green beret guy, etc. They were unique that was the cool thing.
That power armor stuff just looks like somebody looked at halo or crysis and said "neat, I think I'd like to insert this into a movie". Fail. -
Exotic villians? Check. Exotic locations? Check. Guys fighting them? Check.
Looks like G.I. Joe to me. With the exception of the comics, there has NEVER been a particularly refined or sophisticated version of the 80s Joes. This movie is right in line, and if you are telling yourselves otherwise, you are kidding yourself. -
Read the comics.
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comes a fearful cry
COBRA!!!!!(cobra!!!!) -
the movie with Don Johnson and Burgess Fucking Meredith....
...ps...i saw some dude on the subway today with the golden boxing gloves necklace a la rocké.
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Never read the comic. Referring more to the feel of the cartoon.
Wouldn't suprise me if the comic had a different aesthetic and maybe even tone than the cartoon. The transformer comic had a much darker tone than the movie. -
I have been waiting for the Marvel GI Joe trades forever. I used to own a bunch of the comics, but alas, I sold most of them during a garage sale right before I went to college.
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I hope you aren't saying it's good, because go watch it again.... bbblllleeeeccchhhhh.
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toys, read and collected the old Marvel comics etc...And this does not look like gijoe. Those suits really do look reatarded. Oh well...at least now i know not to waste my time and money on this piece of shit....and knowing is half the battle....
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The Military is investing millions into battle ready exo-skeletons. Lockheed-Martin already has a working prototype called the HULC. This is going to appeal to little kids like the Fantastic Four did, this isn't for adults.
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Simply painful.
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that the animated movie is good i'm saying it's "city lights" good.
it's fucking "bande á part" good i have cancer. -
Why put a Wayans brother in any movie that isn't made by a Wayans brother? Also hopefully this will end Chatum whatever his name run in films and he'll go back to working at the local 7-11.
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This is an embarrassment to GI Joe. I know that a lot of people think that GI Joe was a cartoon and couldn't be taken seriously, but this is just a mockery of what GI Joe was and is. I would have much rather seen something that sort of, kind of represented GI Joe, in some respect. This just sort of took the whole concept and shat on it. Storm Shadow unmasked? Realistically I get that a ninja can't always be in ninja garb, but fuck, Storm Shadow was never unmasked. Seeing that has me thinking we see Snake Eyes unmasked as well. That will seriously suck ass. Asinine rant over.
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another dumb summer film for the masses!!!
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Baroness barely has an accent! Stormshadow unmasked!?, those suits are horible!! Why can't movie creators stick to what the source material is. If they don't want to then make another movie and don't call it G.I. Joe. Maybe use an original idea for a change and leave the cartoon movies to someone who appreciates the source!
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I finally was able to get through the whole trailer finally. First time I had to hit stop on the line "nice shoes." Second time I had to hit stop once i sow the Power Suits. Third time I had to hit stop when they said "You get the missile and I'll get the kill switch."
I FINALLY got all the way through now, and now I wish I just walked away after I hear "nice shoes." -
Because my grammar and spelling in the last post was so fucking horrible.
A mere minute of this thing will knock you senseless. -
Dear God that was dreadful.
However, what I found amusing was the ad for Target picnic crap and the phrase "Melamine plates"...wait, what?!? -
to get us in the seats. sick of this shit. to think Transformers looks good compared to this. This will be the GODZILLA this summer. dumb fun, no nevermind just dumb.
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a.k.a. G.I. Blow
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i abandoned hope for this film long ago when that pic of marlon wayans surfaced. talk about a red flag
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What I don't get is not only why do they call it GI JOE, but why did they think that this is what people want to see.
I'm sure some executive said "GI Joe was just some dumb cartoon and toys from the 80s. Its for kids, so lets make it stupid."
First off, it wasn't just a toy or a cartoon, it also was a damn good comic book (which is the depiction many of us here prefer).
Secondly, it isn't FOR kids. It once WAS for kids, but guess what? All those kids in the 1980s have grown up and now are in there 30s (or at least late 20's and early 40s). Kids nowadays have no clue who the fuck GI Joe is, but damn Gen-Xers sure as hell know who they are, and they should be your target audience.
And they don't want to see a dumb, cartoonish GI JOE; they want to see a kick-ass, adult GI JOE - the shit the cartoons, toys and comics could never show but we have all thought about. It is the same thing as Batman Begins, TDK and even Battlestar Galatica, updating them for a new generation. Hell, even the Harry Potter books have grown more mature as the readers have gotten older; so should the damn GI JOE universe (look at the current comics now to see what direction the fans want).
So, know we don’t want GI JOE to be like THE POWER RANGERS meets IRON MAN and MEGA FORCE; we want it to be a combination of DELTA FORCE, JAMES BOND, WHO DARES WINS, THE DIRTY DOZEN, GUNS OF NAVARONE, and a little bit of THE OCTAGON thrown in for good Ninja measure.
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If you think that all it needs to be is random villains and good guys they it's YOU who doesn't get it. Oh and fuck you. Harry was right about how important the aesthetic designs were to the original. The fact htat they can't even get a reasonable facsimile thereof is goddamn ridiculous. Next is the characters, they weren't terribly deep, but they were rich nonetheless, with cool Larry Hama backstories and THAT is why they are making a GI Joe movie and not a M.A.S.K. movie.
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Doing nothing at all in service of the characters (especially that horrible and random Snake Eyes sub-plot) and had a plot that was probably less exciting then 90% of the ones from the cartoon. And Cobra Commander was homogenized, which is a cardinal sin as he's easily the coolest Joe character. Just objectively speaking.
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This is probably the only movie out there that I truly, truly hate because it is so fucking insulting to movie-goers. Lowest common denomination doesn't even describe this, this is thinking everyone out there is a full-blown retard that will see anything you give them.
Normally I could care less that Hollywood made a piece of shit film, but this is like they fucking baked a loaf of shit and than have the nerve to try serving it to us WHILE claiming that it is cake.
Fuck this shit. I'm going to the gym. -
i know! lets make an 80s NOSTALGIA movie, but lets aim it at kids that no fuck all about it. Then lets destroy all merchandising opportunites by making all the characters clones of each other!Who are the fucking geniuses in charge around here? They are obviously only in it to make money, yet they are too fucking stupid to do it in an intelligent way! its kinda funny when you think about it.
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that looks laughably bad. Resolute kicked so much ass. I might just stay home and watch that again.
Industry killer, I thought the Snake eyes sub plot was all right. Besides, they have plenty of time to for more..(I just saw the pilot). Cobra Commander was kinda homogenized though, but still, the "bumbling leader" thing got kind of old. And the plot was actually pretty similiar to any of the ones from the cartoon that I remember. At any rate, even for whatever faults it has, it sure looks a HELL of a lot better than the movie. -
Right. Give me a fucking break. Nerds are never happy, I swear. You will go see it. You know you will.
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From somewhere else?
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Please please let us hope this bombs. I hate to say it but this is just so stupid any corny. Power suits!?!?! I shouldn't be complaining because I'm not going to see it, but you'd think they would at least, I don't know... TRY to make something that wasn't shitty on purpose.
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Here's a blonde. And a brunette. And a black lady. And a vaguely Latino chick. And... uh... an Asian woman. And a Middle Eastern Lady... who are we missing...? How about a fat chick? There. We love everyone. Buy some goddamn TIDE.
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Cobra should be the one with Super Suits since Cobra always had the latest tech.
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This actually makes Transformers 2 look tolerable (solely based on trailers, and clips, nothing else).
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May 29, 2009 9:55:31 PM CDT
fuck that lame bentley, and fuck those lame plastic suits
by haterofcrap
that car has no edge to it...its just pretty in a bad pop culture sort of way. and who could fuck up supersuits? i mean really...you gotta be a complete tool to blow that one.
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...like many others who haven't posted for years, or never posted before....just to say how fucking horrible this movie looks.
Christ. Please, no one go see this movie. Don't encourage them. And let it be heard throughout the land, that the movie won't fail because there's not a market for a G.I.JOE movie. There is. There's just no market for this excrement.
I can understand not putting Wolverine in the yellow spandex, maybe. But this is so far removed to be unrecognizable. And, on top of that, it sucks. The people behind this movie, from the hack director to whoever did the terrible CGI, should be run out of the business permanently, they shouldn't even be making home videos.
And please stop saying "uh but yeah dude, that chick is hot." Go to a porn site and wack off already.
Scary that the show 24 is closer to G.I.JOE than this stupid movie. -
That does not look like a movie for seeing; it looks like a movie for lying down and avoiding...
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I'm now 100% convinced.
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suck suck suck suck suck suck!!!
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Pure Scheiße!
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and, holy shit, that is some bad acting to boot. It would appear that even in a suit of incredible power there are no acting skills. I also have a sneaking suspicion that if someone were run into by a person wearing one of those suits at what would seem to be full speed, they would be hurting pretty bad, ninja or not. Shitty.
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3 strikes and you're out!
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Judge for yourself if Transformers is better than G.I. Joe:
Jetfire WAS a Decepticon that shifted allegiance to the Autobots. Before dying, he gives Optimus Prime his wings to get to the Giza Pyramid, so that the latter could defeat The Fallen. The blonde that Sam meets in college is a Decepticon disguised as a girl. "Alice" is her name, since it was a copy of a human-like Honda robot. Optimus Prime goes into stasis after being stabbed by Megatron (Optimus goes mano-o-mano with both Starscream and Megatron in that forest in the trailer). Sam actually dies, and while he was being revived, he sees a vision of the original 13 Primes,killed by the Fallen, telling him that they choose him to be the keeper of the Matrix of Leadership (the dagger-like thingy that Sam picks from the ground in the trailer, produced by the AllSpark thousands of years ago as a key to a machine atop the Pyramid of Giza that produces Energon, a secondary energy source taken from any star, in this case, our sun).
Simmons has a major role in the film and becomes a hero of sorts. After being fired from Sector 7, he spent his time in his mother's deli, and he keeps a secret attic above him mom's restaurant, blogging with the name "Robo Warrior" who happens to be discovered by Sam's geek dorm mate.Simmons is responsible for helping out a carrier with coordinates to destroy Devastator by sneaking under the biggest Decepticon ever. And Mikaela gives Simmons a kiss (well, a flying kiss that is, for helping her and Sam).
Yes, it has a happy ending. -
Sam uses the Matrix of Leadership to revive Optimus by "stabbing" it in Optimus' heart.
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i call bullshit on your novel spoiler until i find that out. and i know every Bay movie has one.
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its just stupid.
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Megatron? Does he die again? What about the Fallen? Are there any setups for something like Unicron? Is the end battle really big in scale? Come on dude, give up some more spoilers. Enquiring minds want and need to know...
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just do it so the whole film will be CGI and END IT!!!
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The shit is pretty funny when you laugh at how bad it is but as an action movie it fails on every level.Put this in the Snakes on the Plane/laughably bad category not the cool action flick with quality nostalgia category.
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Judge for yourself if Transformers is one of the best films this summer: Jetfire WAS a Decepticon that shifted allegiance to the Autobots. He was one of the original Seekers of the Allspark that reached earth thousands of years ago, like B.C. times. When his “batteries run out,” it must be that he is automatically programmed to retain the ability to copy any machine from a cart to whatever technology that existed throughout history while he lay dormant (not sure if this would be explained in the movie, which could be a source of a plot hole). The blonde that Sam meets in college is a Decepticon disguised as a girl. "Alice" is her name, since it was a copy of a human-like Honda robot (This blonde seduces Sam, and as a probe (its “tongue” ) is being inserted into his mouth to "hack" his brain, Mikaela enters his room and sees the girl on top of her boyfriend, and that pisses her off. Optimus Prime goes into stasis (he's not really dead, but it would take like hundreds or thousands of years for his body to repair itself) after being stabbed by Megatron (Optimus goes mano-o-mano with both Starscream and Megatron in that forest in the trailer). Sam ACTUALLY DIES, and while he is being revived, he sees a “heaven” vision of the original 13 Primes murdered by the Fallen, and further telling him that they choose him to own the Matrix of Leadership (the dagger-like thingy that Sam picks from the ground in the trailer, produced by the AllSpark thousands of years ago as a key to a machine atop the Pyramid of Giza that destroys a star (our sun in this case) to produce Energon, a secondary energy source if the AllSpark gets destroyed). He hears Mikaela tell him “I love you.” And when he finally wakes up, his first words are “I love you.” It sounds cheesy but it isn’t. A minor plot involves the fact that they haven’t said “I love you” to each other and each were challenging the other as to who should say it first, which complicates matters since Mikaela witnessed first-hand Sam’s propensity to be disloyal to him when he is far away from her. Sam uses the Matrix of Leadership crystal to revive Optimus' Spark. Before dying, Jetfire gives Optimus Prime his wings so that the latter could get to the Giza Pyramid fast, to stop the Fallen from activating a machine that could destroy the sun. Simmons has a major role in the film and becomes a hero of sorts. After being fired from Sector 7, he spends his time in his mother's deli, and he keeps a secret attic above his mom's restaurant, blogging with the name "Robo Warrior" who happens to be discovered by Sam's geek dorm mate. Simmons is responsible for helping out a U.S. Carrier with coordinates to destroy Devastator by sneaking under the biggest Decepticon ever. And Mikaela gives Simmons a kiss (well, a flying kiss that is, for helping her and Sam). Yes, it has a happy ending. I'm not sure how they would explain why Arcee is a girl, or the concept of trans-dimensional travel. Two Decepticons defect to the Autobots: Jetfire and Wheels, that small Decepticon who ends up enamored by Mikaela. Like he hugs her and burrows his head into her cleavage, but she didn't mind since she senses that the robot isn't really aware of what sex is.
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Southafricanguy: Megatron and Starscream enters what it seems like a black hole (trans-dimensional travel, and enter a ship called the Nemesis. The Fallen came from this place... Megatron ends up waking up the other robots in sarcophagi in this ship. Megatron wanted to be a Prime,which is why he woke up the Fallen but Primes are born, not made, according to Optimus. Optimus Prime is the last of the Primes. He was an orphan and his "Prime" ancestors were murdered by the Fallen. There's no clue about Unicron, however.
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PROFESSIONAL!!! though considered a throwaway by some, its waaay more serious than this shit and doesnt dumb it down for the audience. christ what a difference a decade makes!
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Simmons sneaking under Devastator...Mikaela and Sam avoiding missile fire from about 11 Decepticons...Sam dying...Sam reviving Optimus...
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during the abyss of all films!!!
how's that for irony?
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He kicks the butt of The Fallen, Starscream and Megatron in the final battle.
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i want emotion and characters i care about..
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not only have his Director's Guild card revoked (I think him and Uwe Boll are the same person) but his Man Card should be revoked as well. Why? Because he's taken my inner child out back, pulled down his pants and raped him with this pile of shit!
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i just saw 2 episodes of this by accident tonight...i love it. My new favorite action adventure cartoon. Not since Samurai Jack has tv animation entralled me in such adventure. It feels like the best of Raimis Spidey mixed with some James Cameron action mixed with Batman old school.
Below is a review i found online to help convey my feelings:
(seek em out and download em so we can watch more together in the upcoming weeks...eh?)
Review:
Spectacular Spider-Man isn't just a great cartoon. It's a great show, period, that is deserving of a better time slot. Seriously, if it were shown during prime-time, it would fare better than most would think.
For one, the action scenes are all fluidly animated. Spiderman moves the way he should. He jumps, flips, swings, and dodges with the greatest of ease. After watching the first season, I don't think I've seen him make the same move in the same way twice—amazing. Not only are the action scenes visually arresting, they're well thought out as well. Yes, Spidey is superhumanly strong, fast, and agile. However, most of his victories come from him using his brain. He defeated Electro by dropping him in a swimming pool. The Shocker gets an abandoned theater brought down around his head. Spidey took out the Sandman by drenching him with wet cement. The Rhino was defeated by being lured into a steam tunnel where he quickly overheated.
Then there is the humor that, so far, has been absent from any version of Spiderman outside of the comics. This show has some vicious one liners that sound like they were written by professional stand up comedian. Case in point, Spidey is fighting the Shocker and just ripping on him. (Shocker—Don't you mock me). (Spidey—Hey, it's what I do. I mock. I'm a mocker). The Green Goblin tells Parker that they should join forces to take over New York City. The hero's response: Are we just talking Manhattan or all five. The snappy writing doesn't end with the tights though.
Peter Parker's more normal life is covered full and well, providing this show with less fantastic and more dramatic character interactions. Pete's relationship with his aunt is more fleshed out and shown to be extremely close, with him having a curfew and suffering restrictions. And it makes sense. After all, they're all that they've got. At school, Pete is the perennial outcast and has to deal with being picked on relentlessly. However, the bullies and valley girls are never cast in a one dimensional light and, as the season progresses, are allowed to grow as characters. Eventually, they even start warming up to him. This is especially evident in the Flash Thompson and Liz Allen characters. The real meat of the slower paced scenes, however, all take place at the Daily Bugle.
J.J.J. is faithfully depicted as the perennial boss from Hell and to hilarious effect. The first time Parker approaches him about taking photos of Spiderman, the guy has him kicked out of the bullpen before he can say anything. Then there is Betty Brant. She is an adult. Parker is sixteen. Yet, there is still an attraction between the two that is resolved in a way that feels right, not forced, and never becomes creepy. I fell out over Aunt May going all the way into Manhattan to tell Brant to back off her teenage nephew, all while dodging a rampaging Rhino. When Parker trounces the bad guy, only to end up losing out with a babe, the show is working on overtime and firing on all cylinders.
The Spectacular Spider-Man has amazing animation, sensational action, side splitting humor, absolutely relatable drama, snappy dialogue, and, lastly, spectacular writing. -
I'm surprised nobody else has thought of that! Or at least they haven't posted it. This looks pretty terrible.
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WORTHLESS UNINSPIRED BY-THE-NUMBERS CRETINS: FUCK OFF AND BURN IN HELL YOU TOXIC, TALENTLESS TITS.
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FUCK OFF STEPHEN SUMMERS. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOUR DUMB ASS FOR VAN HELSING.
FUCKING PRICK. -
Judge for yourself if Revenge of the Fallen is one of the best films this summer: Jetfire WAS a Decepticon that shifted allegiance to the Autobots. He was one of the original Seekers of the Allspark that reached earth thousands of years ago, like B.C. times. When his “batteries run out,” it must be that he is automatically programmed to retain the ability to copy any machine from a cart to whatever technology that existed throughout history while he lay dormant (not sure if this would be explained in the movie, which could be a source of a plot hole). The blonde that Sam meets in college is a Decepticon disguised as a girl. "Alice" is her name, since it was a copy of a human-like Honda robot (This blonde seduces Sam, and as a probe (its “tongue” ) is being inserted into his mouth to "hack" his brain, Mikaela enters his room and sees the girl on top of her boyfriend, and that pisses her off. Optimus Prime goes into stasis after being stabbed by Megatron (Optimus goes mano-o-mano with both Starscream and Megatron in that forest in the trailer. Optimus is not really dead, but it would take like hundreds or thousands of years for his body to repair itself). Sam ACTUALLY DIES, and while he is being revived, he sees a “heaven” vision of the original 13 Primes murdered by the Fallen, and further telling him that they choose him to own the Matrix of Leadership (the dagger-like thingy that Sam picks from the ground in the trailer, produced by the AllSpark thousands of years ago as a key to a machine atop the Pyramid of Giza that destroys a star -our sun in this case- to produce Energon, a secondary energy source if the AllSpark gets destroyed). He hears Mikaela tell him “I love you.” And when he finally wakes up, his first words are “I love you.” It sounds cheesy but it isn’t. A minor plot involves the fact that they haven’t said “I love you” to each other and each were challenging the other as to who should say it first, which complicates matters since Mikaela witnessed first-hand Sam’s propensity to be disloyal to him when he is far away from her. Sam uses the Matrix of Leadership crystal to revive Optimus' Spark. Before dying, Jetfire gives Optimus Prime his wings so that the latter could get to the Giza Pyramid fast, to stop the Fallen from activating a machine that could destroy the sun. Simmons has a major role in the film and becomes a hero of sorts. After being fired from Sector 7, he spends his time in his mother's deli, and he keeps a secret attic above his mom's restaurant, blogging with the name "Robo Warrior" who happens to be discovered by Sam's geek dorm mate. Simmons is responsible for helping out a U.S. Carrier with coordinates to destroy Devastator by sneaking under the biggest Decepticon ever. And Mikaela gives Simmons a kiss a flying kiss that is, for helping her and Sam. I'm not sure how they would explain why Arcee is a girl, or the concept of trans-dimensional travel. The other Decepticon that changes allegiances is Wheels, that small Decepticon who ends up enamored by Mikaela. Like he hugs her and burrows his head into her cleavage, but she doesn't mind since she perceives the robot more like a pet. At the end of the movie, one Optimus defeats the Fallen, Megatron and Starscream escape through a portal, a continuum (a.k.a. trans-dimensional travel, and enter another dimension where the ship called the Nemesis is located. Megatron summoned the Fallen from this place. His last words are "Arise!" as he wakes up the other robots in sarcophagi in this ship. Megatron wanted to be a Prime, which is why he promised to work for his Master, the Fallen. Optimus, however, tells Megatron that he was deceived by the Fallen, since Primes are born--not made. The Fallen is a Prime that murdered Optimus’ ancestors, which is why Optimus is an orphan and the last of the Primes.
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pure popcorn
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Good mess up of adverising for GI Joe marketing twats!! GI Joe will suck ass hats!!
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so this doesn't see too bad....I'm on board w/ bashing the costume design choices, but the pacing of this little 40 seconds is great.
Not to mention Lee looks bad ass (once again), so I'm curious to see what his character is like. -
http://tinyurl.com/39gc bz
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...
http://tinyurl.com/39gc bz
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U.S. Army General Infantrymen would NOT be acting as Robocops in Paris. I really thought this was a commercial on the way to the actual clip. After replaying it twice it finally dawned on me that this was the movie. Pathetic. A G.I. Joe movie would ideally be set in WWII, when soldiers were actually called G.I. Joes.
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Your a fag
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Fag wannabe
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Staring Master Chief Himself the robosapien General Duke!
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the first trailer was not so bad. but these iron-man rip off costumes what the fuck? they could have just had the characters have super hero type strength WITHOUT the stupid armor. this trailer looks SAD.
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May 30, 2009 2:02:10 AM CDT
Michael Bay would of never dropped the ball like Sommers did.
by ganymede3010
That's why you bay-haters should cut the man some slack. You can't name another director that can shoot action sequences better then Bayformer.
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How did they fuck this up? How the fuck hard is to make a great movie out of a great concept, with ready-built/awesome characters. Sure, tell me that I couldn't do better, but what the fuck ever. Michael Bay could have done this better. My taint could have done this better. The "speed-up" or what the fuck ever suits are extremely fucking stupid. Seriously. God Damn It. I don't normally get this mad about movies, but Jesus tap-dancing Christ how the fuck did they fuck this up so handily?
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This turdfest has epic suck and fail written all over it. From the dialogue alone, it's something a third grader would snort at.
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Office walls were only sheetrock. Knowing this movie exists is half the battle with my sanity.
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GI Joe will probably die a death in the UK anyway...
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I doesn't remind me much of GI Joe but I am curious about how the action will be. It really looks like a popcorn movie. It's a wasted opportunity for a GI Joe movie, but it looks like a fun summer movie. Can't wait.
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for fans of the first Transformers movie. Exact same shiny, shallow look to it.
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The one thing that was essential to making this pile watchable was unique visuals. They made every goddamn Joe look identical in their identical bullshit power armor. Useless.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M678PVOf5F0
I think these guys remade the wrong 80's property. -
fit his parka over that super suit?
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The Decepticons are trying to destroy the sun?? Hahaha, THAT'S fucking priceless. That's fundamentally worse than anything in the cartoon. What a fucking joke. I can't believe anyone would want to watch ANY of these films.
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and Twittered (tweeted?) about it. It sucks. And not cheesy suck, just plain 'ol 1965 suck.
The version I saw was near completion, and I'd say 80% or more of the FX were done. Doesn't matter, as the movie just blows.
Huge fan of the toys in the 80's and the TV show. Watched it almost everyday and had most of the toys. My favorite being the F16 (I think that's what it was... the big white jet). This movie makes everything including Cobra Commander stupid. -
I know he's DUkes friends who gets injured or some shit and hten is a mad scientist. How does Levitt play him? Does he have any sort of voice? Give a synopsis of how he's involved.
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Ripcord's love interest in the movie, not Snake Eye's girlfriend (a la the Hama comic), nor Duke (the 80's toon).
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as there were/are for Transformers (which is disappointing, as a Gen Xer who loves both properties). What a missed opportunity, given their universes often crossed over.
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Are you fucking kidding me? Storm Shadow wearing a white fucking suit looking like a gay Korean pop star?!?!?!
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to disregard the design elements of the original for their sorry attempt at "updating." Most of the originals still hold up.Like the Nazis, Cobra purposely has a sharp, dramatic sense of fashion (the Nazis had their uniforms designed by Hugo Boss), which is an effective recruitment/propaganda technique.The Joes looked like real soldiers, but with a slight super-heroic quality to them, given their unique looks to complement their distinct personalities, abilities, and back stories.They also wrongly assumed their reinterpretation of the characters was better than Hama's vision, experience, and voice. Oddly enough, out of most genre properties, apart from LOTR, G.I. JOE ARAH has the most female fans, given how capable, intelligent, and cool Hama made the female characters (which is ironic, considering women barely figure into the Tolkien mythos, though I assume LOTR's recent surge in female fandom is due to the bolstering of female roles in the story by Peter Jackson for the movies, and the presence of hunky actors playing sensitive action heroes).
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high priced dominatrix's sartorial sense, so I could see her praising a woman's shoes, though she'd probably cap her for daring to show her up in her presence.
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How in the hell does Channing Tatum keep getting gigs?
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Team America is actually funnier in live action rather than puppets. All that hard work for nothing! If Matt Damon has a cameo in this it would be the greatest movie ever.
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...an American accent on The Baroness? Look goddammit, it's one thing to take the hottest piece of sexy librarian euro-trash ever created and cast a Brit in the role, but it's something else entirely to force said Brit into an AMERICAN ACCENT! AT LEAST LET HER USE HER NATURALLY, GOD-GIVEN SEXY BRITISH ACCENTEDNESS IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FORCE HER TO GO TOTALLY PSUEDO-GERMAN!!!
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'Cause 'Doctor Zhivago' and 'Thunderball' came out that year.That is a fun descriptive though…
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I thought that was top of the pops.
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There isn't one original thing in any of the clips/trailers that we've seen. This would have been so easy to get right but noooooo, all the design elements that made the characters cool in the first place have been tossed in favor of "safe" costumes. It's a bunch of fucking bullshit.
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May 30, 2009 5:25:53 AM CDT
At least, JJ didn't think the past suits were dumb. Stuck with i
by se7en
Thus, it becomes Trek TOS. (although some may disagree). But at least he passed first base. Superman Returns didn't even pass first base because of the tweaking ( read : Plastic s-shield and muscle pads). If they thought the GI JOES suits were 'unrealistic' then why go with THE NINJA WITH THE BIG MACHINE GUN WITH THE YELLOW TIP RAY on that clip ? Dumbass suits. As, someone said above, my condolences, GI Joe geeks.
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just to see how Joseph Gordon Levitt plays Cobra Commander. Here's hoping someone releases all of his footage on youtube and saves me 10.
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if you know what I mean
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When are we going to see a trailer for G.I Joe?
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is if one the Joes runs in yelling "Pork Chop Sandwiches"! Or possibly if the evil Cobra super-weapon gets broken into 3 pieces and scattered around the globe. Because that's what happens to all Cobra super-weapons.
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Marlon Wayans?!? and that other no talented fucker gordon levit as Cobra commander? If Sommers took this project more seriously, he wouls have used half of the cast from tears of the sun.I rather have Cole Hauser as Duke anyday than this idiot Chad Tatum .Not to mention Monica (Belluci) as the Baroness.This movie seems marketed to sell not only toys but fucking happy meals.Workprint please.
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it's scheduled for release in August.Resolute will crush this POS!And it's a 70 minute cartoon.Fuck you Sommers, you dumb ass Brit.
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Mikey Bay, the overrated prick that he is would never haved fucked over GIJ like sommers will.and why didnt Hama have more creative control? The same goes for hasbro?This will finish Stevie's career once and for all (if we're lucky.)
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and what people are responding positively toward, was the serious, adult tone. Where Ellis went wrong was trying to amalgamate aspects of the cartoon with the superior comic book, with an unnecessary dash of fantastical martial arts (as opposed to grounded in real physics) and his personal obsession with tech. Nevertheless, it was miles above and beyond this Rise of Cobra dreck. The images at the links that the Green Gargantua posted above for the tie-in toys for Rise of Cobra are all you need to see to realize this movie is a huge misfire.
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pretty fun. I'll watch it some afternoon with reasonably low expectations and it'll meet 'em. I'm not looking for smart or some resurrection of my childhood here.
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doesn't really have "awesome" potential for a summer movie anyway.
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be like Fantastic Four. Perfectly pleasant and forgettable. Although the Silver Surfer one was memorably awful.
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You had a foot tall US Soldier, pretty much. Later on in the decade they gave us 'GI Joe w/ Kung Fu Grip' and one w/ a bionic eye if you can imagine it(Eagle Eye Joe?? I forget)---and there was this neato copter you could have Joe 'fly' in. But nothing about a cartoon, no cobra commander, no jets getting hit/100% of pilots ejecting safely out, 'knowing is half the bottle' etc. I associate the 80's GI Joe w/ the A-Team, Transformers, He-Man, etc. just because it was for the next group down from us. This movie could be fun, but any and all resmemblences to your Cobra Commander 80's toon or the '70's Joe (I remember my brother had one and we somehow lost his left foot....)-is purely coincidental. Sommers DID make a really fun, good B movie-the first Mummy 10 years ago. What has happened to this guy since-I donno. Bring back the '99 Sommers, and you'd have a decent flick. This guy is the Van Helsinki Sommers-no thanks.
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I ask because Marlon Wayans is in this shit heap they call a movie.
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Harry wrote: "As far as I know - I don't know anyone that's seen the entire film"
Harry, do you read this stuff before posting it? -
My brain is spending a lot of time at the door this summer.
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The Wayans clan needs to go extinct. America will never be great as long as they're around.
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That looked liked SHIIIIITTTTTTTEEEEE!!!
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Unbelievable ow good that was and how bad this is.
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Very underwhelming, and my I say mediocre. Why wouldn't they release a kick ass sequence? I was behind this movie since it was announced. But the more I see, the more I'm worried. No wonder Paramount isn't pushing this movie like Transformers 2. It seems, kind of. . . off. I can't explain it. I still plan to see it, but my expectations are getting lower by the day.
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Would last a total of 45 seconds.
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adding my voice to mob of people feeling let down, power suits? why?
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Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter or any other kiddie franchise bollocks
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I realize that most people are simply spoiling to demolish this movie on principle (this site included it seems, right down to the underwhelming ... instead of !!! announcing the clip being online), but this clip is even introduced in a way that says virtually no one has seen a lick of this movie yet but its fate here is already 100% consigned. I really don't care about a GIJOE movie but I do know what shape a movie based on a toy line and the old cartoon might turn out like - and it's not the stupid "adult" approach advocated above. Adult? Really? Are you one of those that didn't like the prequels and hates Lucas forever because he didn't delve into Jedi erotica? The cartoon was fun when age appropriate and the Hama comics were entertaining soap operas for boys but stop assigning things that never existed to this stuff and wondering why it doesn't manifest itself now in a movie translation. Yeah they probably could do a solid action movie with the premise, and maybe they have, but no one really cares to find out because it's more fun to bitch and count on disappointment. You can always play-act with your action figures if this doesn't deliver whatever version of Joe you want that no two people here would agree to want to seeing. It is kind of lame that they apparently ripped off the suit (almost wholesale) from Crytek's Crysis PC game though. Not that it was a novel idea to begin with. Sgt. Slaughter and Refrigerator Perry action figures are in this toyline - stop acting like it was ever a mature endeavor.
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of all the turds they try to force feed us this one looks particularly runny and full of corn
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This looks ludicrous! Why are there power suits? They've never used or needed anything like them in the show. Also...what the hell with that fucking dialogue? "Get OUT!! Nice shoes..." Ugh!! It seriously sounds like they hired writers from those terrible disney shows.
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GIANT PIG!!!
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I loved the 80s cartoon and I don't mind that the Baroness doesn't have an accent but those suits! Come on!
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wayans was good in REQUIEM FOR A DREAM. i guess it depends on the director. everyone brought their game to that film. geez thats a rough one.
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But something tells me that might be a good thing.Someone said no Cobra Commander? I thought this was called Rise of the Cobra?
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A new TB staple I missed?
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You must not be a hard sell in the world of Transformers and Wolverine. This might be worse than those, but not MUCH worse.
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but, the black guy is the problem? Maybe you've been watching too much Michael Bay BringingSexyBack.
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to bring in the urban crowd on opening weekend. you know it to be true.
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clueless; is always barking wild, inappropriate exhortations to the rest of the cast; is always determined to exclaim their 'blackness.' Can't we retire this stereotype in the 21st Century?
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But I agree, everything is better with a GIANT PIG! Hence RAZORBACK is the greatest movie ever!
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May 30, 2009 1:06:26 PM CDT
Arteska, Zardazap, well for something so unrealistic and childis
by continentalop
It is amazing that they listed their enlisted rank, MOS and secondary MOS on their profiles. I mean how many kids are gonna know that Snake-Eyes and Stalker's E-5 means they are Sergeants, or that Dukes E-8 means that he is a First Sergeant?
Like I said, I could care less about the toys or comics, I care about the characters who were pretty much all created by the comic book writer Larry Hama. He wasn't trying to design toys or cartoon characters, he was trying to make interesting comic book characters that stayed true to his experiences in the Army. -
Seriously, it's good.
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With any luck this will bomb and not yield a franchise
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HASBRO.
Think about it. Do you think they wanna stay true to what Larry Hama did and make a movie that can only be appreciated by 30-somethings, or do you think they would rather make a movie that will help them move toys? HASBRO doesn't give a shit if the movie is good or there is actually a good concept amongst the GI JOE: Real Americans toy-line, they just want to make a 90 minute toy commercial.
Like I said earlier, Larry Hama wasn't designing toys, he was making characters; Sommers and HASBRO are just designing toys. -
and intimately involved with 'The 'Nam' from the 80's. I believe he was the editor. Michael Golden came into his own on that book. So, I think Hama's military focus was indulged by Marvel by playing to his strengths as a writer and editor. I think he was writing 'GI Joe' while editing 'The 'Nam'.
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http://tinyurl.com/mrxjb5
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Was actually well written and all Hama's idea. Hasbro wasn't thinking about making Snake-Eyes ninja trained or adding Shadowstorm. That was Hama's idea.
Hama is Japanese-American, and he studied judo, Kyüdo (archery), kendo and Iaido, The guy knew his martial arts and did research on what he didn't know.
While Miller usually gets all the credit for bringing ninjas into comics, I really think it was Hama who made them so popular (well, him and the TMNT). -
them in his 'Daredevil' and 'Wolverine' books; he discovered them by way of Samurai movies.Hama had a more 'credible' feel to his Ninja, with emphasis on their'mysterious' nature.Also, at the time 'The Ninja' by Eric Van Lustbader was going to be made into a movie and that was another point of reference.
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Is it possible that pour own real American military could like declare War on these filmmakers?
Or maybe the Joes could be could be...government enlisted...by *another* country...
If... if... I was in the military and they gave me a retarded powersuit like that...I'd be a man about it and frag myself.
sniggers *Rust cannon*
nice posts all -
Enough is enough…
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Now if they were to mix the two they could at least know what to keep and what NOT to keep. The crap lines and cheesiness is what they should have got rid of. They should have kept the cool shit like Destros mask. THE fact that Cobra Commander is ALWAYS MASKED!!! How do you get that wrong????? Cobras identity shouldn't be revealed throughout an entire TRILOGY. But no... In this movie we're going to see CObra Commander as a small child. SO LAME!!!!
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Since you all have already made up your mind that this movie is going to suck even though all you have seen from it is a couple of trailers and a 30 seconds clip, then why don't you write your review already and submit it? Who knows. Perhaps the producers could take notes and decide to do some reshoots so we can have a better final product.
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May 30, 2009 2:57:10 PM CDT
the entire arlington National Cemetary is rolling over in Their
by mr.lordbronco
:D
Peace to the military people serving overseas
I couldn't resist -
-MLB **snip**
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Lawrence of Arabia
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of transformers, except it's G.I. Joe, and it sucks more
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A Viking movie were they only drink tea and discuss issues?
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May 30, 2009 3:22:39 PM CDT
I'll give Sommers credit, he's good for like 10 minutes a movie.
by ganymede3010
It's the other 200 minutes I'm worried about.
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I don't think I'm wrong this time...
-MLB -
Which means we'll have to endure an even crappier sequel. Oh the dread.
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The awfulness. Just wow.
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May 30, 2009 3:27:23 PM CDT
Glad they were able to get the suits from Armageddon cheap.
by wickedjester
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You know why they release clips like this? So potential movie goers will get a taste of what it will be like and influence them to go see the movie. Well guess what? This time it backfired.
If this is the best clips they can show, I think it is hard not to make an intelligent guess that this will be a flaming piece of shit. When people wondered if TDK was going to be good or if Nolan was going in the right direction, they released the bank robbing scene and that got rid of any fears that it wasn't going to work. When people worried that Iron Man was going to be cheesy, the released clips of RDJ building the armor, and everyone was pleased.
Here, the best they can show is a rejected scene from GUYVER and you are bitching at us for thinking it will be shit? -
for me to poop on.
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WTF! I have no hope for this piece of shit. Those fucking suits are shitty Iron Man lite bullshit. Cobra Commander and Destro look like a couple of fags! Fuck you Sommers!
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May 30, 2009 3:58:50 PM CDT
To help us rate this piece of shit better when it comes out...
by continentalop
...here is the Bristol stool chart:
http://tinyurl.com/25wtok
I'm guessing it will be a 7. -
WHEN DID GI JOES EVER RUN AROUND IN FUCKING POWER SUITS? FUCK THIS STUPID MOVIE!!!
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is so much more entertaining than national suckage.
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Fucking morons, why don't they blow up the presidents office or something. I also agree that those powersuits are retarded, where the fuck is Bazooka with his big ass fucking Bazooka? He'll take care of business.
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...what?You thought there was something more?Silly boy. Wait for the MacFarlane toys and then you can wank yourself daft...
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...sorry, lads, but humour me, I'm a Brit.When did Nick Fury become a pissed off black American? Not got a problem with this, but it seems to cock up your continuity a tad. Don't get me wrong, but I now see NF as Sam J a la 'Pulp Fiction' and it spoils everything else for me because he's instantly twice as badass as he ever was before, know what I mean?Ah well, I guess it all makes sense to you folks...
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Oh boy that cliped looked awful.
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And then fucked them again!
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They are developing zero buzz for this movie.
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that GI Joe's need to wear accelerator suits to get the job done, and all Cobra needs to do is look cool. Does that even make sense? I need to move on from this clip. It is just pissing me off.
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May 30, 2009 5:57:26 PM CDT
Did anyone actually think this stood a chance of being a good mo
by jackbauer@ctu
'Cause you're silly if you did...
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He can't help making the movies that he makes. You know when seeing a Sommers movie what you are going to get. If you like that kind of crap, more power to you. I blame that twat Bonaventura and the cunts at Paramount for picking Sommers and allowing him to move so far from the source (Marvel Comics) material. Hasbro too.
A property like the Mummy, sure take it for a spin. It's an old movie and the diehard fans are likely dead or too old to give a shit.
G.I. Joe was Americana. It was a fucking brilliant comic book. It was something that I will always love.
So will this film make money? Who knows? It Hasbro's intent was to sell a crap load of toys, I'm sure that fucking with the source material will have the same effect on toy sales for Hasbro as putting out three horrible prequels did to Star Wars toys. The fans of the original will just move on.
What a fucking waste.
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A black MTV logo. Thanks for that. Guess I'll have to YouTube it if I really cared.
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Let's give the characters some kind of power armor suit?, so then we can make them entirely CG and climb and jump around like human monkeys. Will get great action shots. That tells the viewers that there was no danger involved in this over the top cartoony looking CG effects laden sequence.
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I just watched True Lies yesterday, and it still amazes me how fantastic the harrier sequences were. That's bleeding G.I. Joe right there. Real military tech with actual stunts performed by real people.
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For a take on GI Joe that actually is faithful to the 80s show check out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fmy3OS2qvsU
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and throw the remains at the screen like monkey dung. Sommers has a unique talent for that. Everything he touches turns to shit.
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Why do the Joes need suits to fight COBRA. The old Joes didn't.
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Yup... what you just said is about right.
What Sommer's has done is a fucking abortion. -
The only people who'll laugh at that line are kindergarteners and retards. I'd rather pay $100 to watch a MST3K version of this.
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Hama rocked Joe as the writer, and "The Nam" But "Nth Man" would make a great movie (though without these grade school drop outs behind it)
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flames (and lips) to a character was viewed as sacrilege. now we're dealing with fucking power suits and maskless k-pop reject ninjas? that's it. i'm done with 80s toon adaptations.
now having said that, if they were ever to produce a Bravestar film... -
Sommers isn't a great director, but atleast he knows how to take something simpler, and not over-complicate it. His films are feasts for the eyes, and he knows how to film an action sequence. And I like they completely changed "G.I. Joe" and make it fit with this modern age. Power suits are awesome!
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Continentalop has a really good point about these 80’s redux movies. The core audience of a film like this should be the original audience who are now in their thirties. A Joe movie taken seriously, with real deaths, real action, minimal CG, good old fashion practical stunts, no wire fighting bullshit, good writing, good acting, great direction, and just a touch of a winking sense of irony at knowing it is not only based in comics but a toy line, and a look that is true to the source materials; my God we would be there in droves. But lets be honest, my son who is now the age I was when I discovered Joe has little to no interest in the new toys or anything like them, nor do his friends. I think this is because they can now play war on X Box 360 and PS3. So I think the intent of making this kid friendly is a bit of a waste, the toys sales of the new stuff is nowhere near the 80’s levels, nor will they ever be. My son’s friend’s father and I both laughed however when we ran into eachother in Target the other day looking for the latest 25th Anniversary Joe figures. Now that is a devoted fan base.
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CGI JOE! CGI JOE! CGI JOE! CGI JOE! CGI JOE!
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I would have laughed my ass off if in the midst of a serious GI Joe movie there was an explosion followed by one of the Joes groaning and screaming "I've Got a Screw in back! Pull it out, pull it out!"
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Yeah, Hasbro has done quite well with the 25th anniversary line (why we got Resolute), though I'd rather see a toon closer to Hama's 80's version. There are exclusives this year at the Hasbro site, which you aren't going to be able to find at the stores, if I'm not mistaken.
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for the Hallyu-esque Stormshadow (from G.I. Joe Reloaded): http://tinyurl.com/mbcrsg
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...yet they have to CLIMB STAIRS and TAKE AN ELEVATOR to get to the ROOF? Did they spend their whole budget on the weapon, with nothing left for high-tech transportation? And this devious, high-tech organization's best method of delivering this mega-weapon is to shoot it through the window of a conference room in an office building?And the Joes have those stupid robot-monkey suits, but they're still required to RUN AFTER and TACKLE their opponents? Wouldn't jet packs and, oh, some kind of weapon that can be used at a DISTANCE have made this encounter easier?Why am I not impressed by any of this? Why is it so hard for Hollywood to get simple things right? Sigh.
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No, Sienna Miller is NOT the best pick for Baroness. See Famke Jannsen or Peta Wilson.
And can we PLEASE have Stormshadow using a white suit in an arctic environment...you know, functionality AND exotic locales (two birds with one stone). Stop with the laughable shuriken "killshot" crap. Check history on how they were used.
And you know, I wouldn't even mind the suits, if they could actually make them look MILITARY and less like a HALO lawsuit waiting to happen like others have posted.
Why are we so angry? Because most of us are morons and WE could do better. Why not just give everyone in the movie NERF weapons to whore that toyline as well...at least it would keep our expectations in check. -
Reminds me of the book version of Starship Troopers!And would anyone REALLY want soldiers dressed in things like goofy attire like a football jersey, cowboy hat or Donald Duck sailor suit running around fighting terrorists??? C'mon!For a live action adaptation, this G.I. Joe looks pretty good, so far. Except The Baroness SHOULD have her accent (though I liked her shoe quip) and Destro SHOULD be wearing his steel helmet.
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The classic uniforms were mostly standard military greens. O WAIT ya sure got me there. Cause Donald wears a sailor uniform it's totally stupid that a trained Us Navy man would wear a standard navy uniform, right? Dur hur hur. And no one is saying they had to make the characters a slave to their counterparts only recognizable and respected. Shipwreck hasn't warn a navy uniform since GI Joe was relaunched by Image and Devils Due anyway. Wild Bill is a Texan an could wear a fucking cowboy hat if he wants but I could give two shits if he was used and didn't. And Bazooka sucks. WOW-ee I see such spectacular defense for this. The even better one was that one guy says that plot is overrated.
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I agree that they went the matrix route with Storm Shadow. But he still looks better in that then he does in this movie. The costume designs are just awful. Even Storm Shadow's ninja one looks bad. Anyway, The Reloaded book actually seemed like a concept for a movie. It failed in some respects but would of been pretty outstanding in comparison to this actual film. I especially like how fleshed out the cobras were. CC's origin was touched upon and was very nicely done. I hate to admit it about anything but I enjoy the update in that. I like CC's meetings with high command cobras and especially with Destro. They didn't focus enough on the Joes and made Rock and Roll too young but other then that I think it was a pretty solid book.
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was ever declassified but yeah her accent did sound sort of German. She definitely European. I know that doesn't narrow it down much.
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Hama actually put him into the marvel book. Since he was a ranking general, much later he took over command of the Joes for Hawk.
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Please find your nearest Fleet Week this summer, and go mock their uniforms to their faces.
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And is it a PG13?
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Because they yell Yo Joe. No SGT. Slaughter, no sell.
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...does this look like a wreaking pile of shit.
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...more of a Transformers and Masters follower.
Nonetheless, as a fellow child of the 80s, I feel for those who were. Of course, this movie could still turn out decent for all I know, but everything I've seen so far FEELS wrong.
I never saw the cartoon much...more into the Marvel comics. But despite all the fancy gadgetry, the Joe always seemed AUTHENTIC as a real-life fighting force. The interactions between the Joe crew, as written by Hama, convinced me they were a modern day military unit. To me, that was the key.
In contrast, I'm getting an overblown, CGI-infested Thunderbirds-vibe from this. -
Baroness looks the way I imagine ScriptGirl should look, full figure? Maybe it's the glasses!
It's cheesy not doing a proper accent; if not prussian/austrian then at least a sinister eastern-bloc one... -
Box Office Chart of the top 10 movies this week Top Movies Weekend Gross* Number of Screens Per-Screen Average Weeks in Release Gross to Date* 1 Up Buena Vista $68.2 3766 $18109 1 $68.2 2 Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Fox $25.5 4101 $6218 2 $105.3 3 Drag Me to Hell Universal $16.6 2508 $6630 1 $16.6 4 Terminator Salvation Warner Bros $16.1 3602 $4481 2 $90.7 5 Star Trek Paramount $12.8 3507 $3650 4 $209.5 6 Angels & Demons Sony $11.2 3464 $3233 3 $104.8 7 Dance Flick Paramount $4.9 2459 $1993 2 $19.2 8 X-Men Origins: Wolverine Fox $3.9 2263 $1723 5 $170.9 9 Ghosts of Girlfriends Past Warner Bros $1.9 1450 $1314 5 $50.0 10 Obsessed Screen Gems $0.7 679 $979 6 $67.5 See movie grades from critics and readers
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that finds the acting in the first trailer, and the little in this one, to be terrible? When the actress I assume is Lady Jane screams "Eject" I want to throw things. and "Its only just begun"?! Come one.
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This clip kinda reminds me of Aeon Flux.
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Sommers had a chance to do something very cool. This country has two very decisive wars going on that many feel are unjust, while others think are absolutely necessary. Our veterans coming home are largely ignored -- at least they are not being spit on. Here is a chance to make a realistic movie about our armed forces fighting a terrorist organization. Show how they work together and the dedication they have to their country and each other. What do we get? The fucking Power Rangers. This summer is a loss for me. Star Trek was decent, but I'm not sure what else I should be looking forward to, because this shit isn't going to play. I will be keeping my $10, thankyouverymuch.
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I'm glad I don't suffer from GI-Joe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I'll be able to watch this movie and enjoy it purely for the bombastic summer popcorn trash it most certainly will be.
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That movie will make more than this crap especailly the 69ing, dildos, and tribbing involved. I expect to reserve my copy from Vivid by September this year.
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What's the source material for this latest piece of drek?
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I MEAN, WTF? GI JOE? THE MOST HOMOEROTIC TOY IMAGINABLE. BE A SHAME IF THEY DON'T CAPITALIZE ON THE HOT GAY FACTOR.
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If yer gonna be a nerd, be accurate.
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...piece of shit. I had such high hopes when I saw the first publicity photos. I actually didn't mind the black suites. But the first time I heard the words "Accelerator Suits", I knew it was the end. This has NO hope!
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That was a nice line. At least it looks like the villains are having fun.
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I have to start this out by saying I'm a GIANT Joseph Gordon Levitt fan. He tries to do what he can with Cobra Commander, but it's just so idiot stupid he can't save much.
The first thing that pissed me off, and I'm sure will piss most people off, is that he never wears anything resembling the blue uniform, hood OR mask. I've heard through the grapevine this might be addressed in a reshoot scenario, but we'll see. His origin is basically this... he trains with some of the Joes before they're Joes, becomes a scientist, is tricked, goes mad and is hurt in an explosion. His views differ from those of the Joes, therefore he switches sides but stays hidden from the Joes until the BIG reveal.
It is so bizarrely insane I almost can't type it out. The silver/white/black thing he wears with partial facial exposure makes him look like a cheap version of Darth Vader. As for what Levitt sounds like, after he becomes CC he essentially just whispers his lines in a kind of hiss but not like the CC in the cartoons.
They fuck up all the characters here. Destro, Duke, Baroness, Scarlet... you name it, Sommers fucks 'em. Even Snake Eyes is relatively stupid in this because they have him "communicating" through body gestures and head movements. It's so silly looking. How can anyone fuck a ninja dressed completely in black? REALLY? It's trash. The edit I saw was a little over 100 minutes and was hard to get through at that.
I hate to say this, but as lame as TRANSFORMERS RotF is, it is at least more entertaining and dare I say, more intelligently written. Oh fuck, that's it, I just defended a Michael Bay film against GI Joe. I'm done. -
Sorry sugar.. didn't mean to scare ya! :)
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