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Harry is fond of ANGELS & DEMONS!
SPOILER ALERT !!
I was not a fan at all of DAVINCI CODE. I wasn’t an offended Catholic – I just didn’t like the story. I just never got swept up in it. But I loved elements of it. I love the Hardy Boys aspect of it. The clue that leads to a clue that leads to another clue… I love mysteries – but I never felt there was a drive to the story.
In ANGELS & DEMONS, it kinda feels like a Michael Crichton novel in the way it is constructed. There’s a series of time limits till something BAD is going to happen. There’s crisis upon crisis upon crisis – all of which ramps up the tension level. And I never have a grotesque silliness like “the direct descendent of Jesus” as a twist.
Instead, this is about a conspiracy that I really do enjoy. The “illuminati”. They’re a good and reasonable villain for the Vatican to have breathing down their necks. The symbology expert Robert Langdon is really in an immediate shituation.
This is what I mean by “Shituation.”
Everything in Vatican City has essentially gone to shit, and he’s in the midst of it. First off, The Pope is dead. Which basically throws the entire Papal state into an automated and rigid process of choosing a new Pope. The 4 main candidates that were the faves to become the new Pope have been abducted. And at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm & 11pm… they’ll be murdered. Not only that, but the Illuminati have stolen a healthy sample of Antimatter – and it is a looming Big Bang that’ll consume the entirety of Vatican City – essentially wiping out the entire hierchy of the Catholic Church… and a goodly portion of Rome as well. And because the Vatican is replacing the Pope – they’re being very stubborn about not going anywhere and continuing to send their smoke signals.
And if that’s not all – this Robert Langdon fella – whom the Catholic Church is not very fond of – he’s the only man that can ‘decode’ and possibly track down the evil Illuminati plot to destroy Catholicism. Add to that – the fact that the Vatican police happen to be headed by Stellan Skarsgard – who really doesn’t like him – or intends to be helpful in the least.
Yeah – it’s tough. Helluva shituation.
Now, there’s giant gobs of suspension of disbelief necessary to deal with this story. First, there’s the very notion that bad guys would ever come up with a plot that adhered to ancient texts, sculptures, carvings, etc. That there would be a man so perfectly designed to deal with this exact precise shituation. That a certain vehicle could reach a height, in the time given that would… well, you’ll see.
But something happened with me with ANGELS & DEMONS that didn’t happen in DaVinci Code – I allowed myself to just enjoy the story, the setting and the glorious Holy good time. If nothing else – there was the beautiful tour of cool places that all of this takes place in and around. The production is incredibly handsome. The intrigue is there, and the threat is one that I just love.
Just about everything is better this time out. Tom Hanks’ hair is much better. The threat is just grander – and the pacing is frantic. The bad shit is on a big scary scale. I just found the idea of finding out that Mary Magdalene was Jesus’ wife and that there was a kid… well I just didn’t believe that would single handedly destroy the Catholic Church – in reality, I felt it would probably just cause a splinter religion that would give a different group a degree of peace in the thought that God wanted to have a family. After all He did make us in his image, if we wanted to have a family, why shouldn’t He?
Here… You have an ancient and powerful organization that is threatening to physically destroy the heart and brain of the Catholic belief system. That’s something I could imagine some group wanting to try to do. We’ve seen a lot of death caused by people that dislike one religion or another – and destroying Vatican City while they’re picking the next Pope. To me, this is essentially BLACK SUNDAY, you know… that old Thomas Harris novel that John Frankenheimer about flying a big bomb in to the stadium that the SUPER BOWL is going on, with a Blimp! This time – instead of screaming excited football fans, a particularly American religion – they’re going to blow up Catholicism.
That said, I do prefer BLACK SUNDAY, if only because Robert Shaw is cooler than anyone living today. And the story was more of a straight forward investigation.
The greatest thing about ANGELS & DEMONS is the setting. At no point did I not think we were in Rome. The production design and photography has us running and speeding across Rome, popping up for air in beautiful churches, with some of the greatest frescos, statuary and general atmosphere in the world.
I also think this film is the first movie to make the Large Hardon Collider and the science from there as a boogie man looming over the top of everything. And that’s a refreshing boogie man. I know that it may be silly to be afraid of the science that could come from that place, but I also think it is healthy to be a little afraid of hurling really tiny things into one another. I also think there’s a great deal of advancement that can be saddled and put to great use if it all goes well due to a cautious and responsible group of people way smarter than I could dream of being. After all… people like me shouldn’t be given advance tech. Just look at what happened when I was given the world’s most powerful hand laser. I was shooting it at everything. I’ll just have to leave that behind.
There’s a point in the film though, where I seriously was contemplating just how amazing one plot turn would be if it were reality. The idea that the Pope could ever be someone my age… Still relatively youthful. In my life, the Pope has always been someone ancient. I mean, right now we have a Pope that looks like Palpatine… can you imagine having a Pope that was Obi Wan Kenobi – as a young man? That’d be amazing. Absolutely amazing.
I suppose at some juncture in my life, if I’m lucky – a contemporary of mine will be a Pope or a President.
I know I seem to be all over the place here. But the reality is – I liked a lot of different things about this film. The look, the setting, the characters, a lot of the harebrained schemes… it feels like a page turner on screen. I couldn’t wait to see where it was headed next. A lot of the film is gobbledygook to me. All the symbology and clues… it doesn’t make a lick of sense to me, but that’s ok, because this time I care about them solving the mystery. There’s a threat I recognize and want to see thwarted.
This isn’t perhaps a ringing endorsement, but I’m glad I saw it. There’s a lot to like here.
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YEAH!
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Yes, I was THAT one.
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But it definitely sounds like more fun than The DaVinci Code!
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He looks evil.
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just boring and way too much info on the Vatican..wgas...it will make huge box office whether it is good or not.
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Although I read both books whilst sunbathing on holiday in Greece - something that I find generally pretty dull - and I can't really imagine enjoying the stories quite the same in any other situation. This includes represented visually over 2 hours in a cinema, as was certainly the case with the totally muddled first film. Demons was a darker book, but I remember thinking somethign about the ending was dumb as fuck and after that I never picked up another Dan Brown book again.
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A V A T A R.December.Nothing else matters.
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I'm no going to criticize your style of writing or nitpick this or that about what you said, but after reading your review I have no more idea of whether I'm going to like this film or not based on your experience with it. I think at the very least you should be trying to help people with that decision, you're getting too stream of consciousness man. I say this not trying to be a dick, but trying to be constructive.
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I second that.
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I third that.
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I agree, what was the score like Harry? The cinematography?
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May 14, 2009 2:59:52 AM CDT
the only praise ive heard is that it sucks less than Da Vinci Co
by bmacsmith
Might be worth wasting a few bucks on a ticket.
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"...that old Thomas Harris novel that John Frankenheimer about flying a big bomb in to the stadium that the SUPER BOWL is going on, with a Blimp!"
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But I'll give this one a try.
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Performances, pacing, pros, cons... etc.
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http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/05/13/martin-scorsese-to-direct-sinatra/
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http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/expendablesposters.jpg
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...how good the movie is. Dan Brown is a hack, and if any percentage of the BO from this film goes to him, I won't be seeing it. Making money will only encourage him to write more, and that's a bad thing. Harry, if you really have such a woody for the Illuminati, why don't you read the "Illuminatus" books, by RA Wilson, or better yet, go read "Foucault's Pendulum," by Umberto Eco, which is the book Dan Brown would like to write when he grows up.
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But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since Howard seems to be in prime form lately. Kinda looking forward to this
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critics overexagerated its flaws, though it was nt a really good movie. Personally I found the ideas far more interesting than the story, characters etc...Willing to give this a go if i hear enough good things about it...Has anyone here read the book? Any better than Da Vinci code?
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Actually, I don't think he will, me being a complete atheist. Just wanted to see if it really is such fun to post such mean things in a forum. People seem to enjoy doing that a lot, you know.
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your post, helps if you read huh? Dont I look stupid now....lol
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May 14, 2009 3:22:45 AM CDT
I just can't turn my brain off for conspiracy theory idiocy
by badmrwonka
fucking illuminati, thousand year old codes written in english in italy, preposterous devices and secrets, and worst of all...the ridiculous idea that ANY secrets as large as the ones in these idiotic books could EVER be kept secret throughout hundreds of years.Dick Cheney acting like an evil asshole behind the scenes? yes, definitely. evil organization existing in secrecy for thousands of years controlling the entire world's governments and economy without anyone finding any proof? suck my balls.conspiracy wackos are one step above Scientologists in my book, and should not be celebrated or encouraged by mainstream movies where morons will see them and not be able to differentiate between what's real and what's not.it's bad enough how many people bought The Secret...
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May 14, 2009 3:23:20 AM CDT
Harry is fond of [insert anything here]
by i_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looking_for
The Da Vinci Code, both book and flick, fucking sucked. This is a colossal waste of talent and resources if ever I saw one.
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Silly -- but you knew that already. Brilliantly, gorgeously mounted. Fifty times better than DA VINCI CODE.
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I totally did not pick up on that in Harry's description. They sound like pretty cool guys.
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"I also think it is healthy to be a little afraid of hurling really tiny things into one another"
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well maybe he's more like recent SPielberg, the one that doesnt give a rats ass about fantasy/adventure/action flicks anymore. Howard doesnt show any of the creativity or sense of wonder that Spielberg did back in the day. he just shares the workmanlike, no flash directing style.
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"I also think this film is the first movie to make the LARGE HARDON Collider..."
Bit of a freudian slip there Harry my man. Its HADRON Collider -
I didn't plan on seeing this after reading the DaVinci Code (yuck) but that sounds over the top insane, especially since Harry mentioned it so casually. Ancient societies, religious symbolism, catholic intrigue... and a Black Matter Bomb under the Vatican. lulwut?
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so don't think you're coining a phrase or anything Harry.
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descendent of Jesus” as a twist."
WTF? It sounds like you're trying to say you wrote it! Which we know is wrong because based on that alone you obviously can't write! Right? -
If I was going to anti-matter the Vatican and ritually murder one pope and his 4 next in line, do you know what'd be the one thing I WOULDN'T do?
Leave an intricate set of puzzles for someone else to decode, so that they could STOP me.
Fucking. Retarded. -
As in Josh Swaney will destroy that bitch with his large hardon collider
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won't mostly Protestant America be cheering for the "bad" guys?
Any religious types here want to start on the whole "Catholics aren't real Christians" schtick I keep hearing about? -
That is such a brilliant summation of Howard it deserves to be repeated on every single film of his. I never saw the Da Vinci code, but it looked to me that it was a film entirely made up of scenes like that terrible exposition scene at the beginning of The Lost World, when Jeff Goldblum visits Dickie Attenborough. 'What, there's a whole other island?!' was bad enough, but then they have to squeeze in the title of the film: 'now it seems, this Lost World will be beyond our help' (or something). What happened to your BS detector, dude? You did the expositional scene in Raiders brilliantly! And all that stuff in Close Encounters too.
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I was always very disappointed with the lack of commitment be brought to the Star Wars Prequels. It seemed obvious that he thought he was above all this tat - something that you don't see in the performances of proper actors such as Liam Neeson, Alex Guiness, Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Ian McDiarmid. Like, dude, if you don't want to do blockbusters, don't do them, but someone should have told you that playing a leading man in an action film is just as hard as playing Iago at the Donmar. And now it seems you are relegated to playing second fiddle.
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May 14, 2009 4:46:37 AM CDT
Fucking hell - first time I've been able to log in for ages
by righteousbrother
A note on Mr MacGregor - I'm not sure if it was a lack of commitment in the prequels - I mean, he looked pretty nifty with the lightsabre - surely that took a lot of commitment didn't it?
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read anthony sommers and robyn swanns bio. Tina sinatra is the exec producer. This film will be a white wash. and will be a my great daddy flick. and will ignore the mafia. or will bypass.
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Yeah, you could tell Spielberg had no interest in that one. It was just sloppy. how many shots were there of actors looking at the camera in shock? every scene was some loud noise followed by a terrified look on someone's face. Fucking amateur. He lost it somewhere. I think maybe he just doesnt care about those movies anymore and just wants to make historical movies now. but yeah, Da Vinci Code was one long exposition scene.
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The hair alone can spoil the movie.
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Former and deceased irish Leader Charles Haughey helped set up the the provisional Ira. Fianna Fail deny this. and that nazis were taken into the fianna fail family after the war. they dont talk about that.
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Quite possibly the most insightful thing Harry has ever said. If someone or a group found a way of getting rid, destroying or removing all religion and their dogma from this earth, not only would they get my vote, I'd try and help them, not run around Rome like a mulleted twat trying to stop them. It'll be a shorter movie however.
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You forgot the biggest conspiracy of all - that Enda Kenny is actually a puppet created by Gerry Anderson and was the original design for Scott Tracy of Thunderbirds but was thought to be too stiff. :P
Oh and The DaVinci Code sucked. It was based on a book that was based on another book that was both a lie itself and based on a hoax. No truth to it whatsover which is why it always bugged me that people thought it was all true. -
obviously Howard ain’t no Spielberg. He’s made a lot of crap but over the years he’s made some nice things too (because I like movies and all). Plus Arrested Development should earn some points with us ner…, errh, movie enthusiasts.
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Thank god not! Spielberg went shit a long time ago.
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From the Soloman Kane article..
"There's something about child endangerment in film that I'm very much a fan of."
I almost shat a kidney when I read that. -
Ewan McGregor was over the moon to be cast in Star Wars. His uncle was in the original trilogy (Wedge) and Ewan's always been a big fan, so any problems with his performance had nothing to do with feling he was "above this tat". In fact, in early filming he had to be chastised for doing his own lightsabre noises during filming. Bad performance was more likely down to acting in front of blue screen with limited direction from a man who thinks of actors as talking props.
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He was really disappointed in them though. I saw a few U.K interviews where he was talking about how they didn't turn out the way he hoped & this was just after "Attack of the Clones", so he hadn't even finished them at that point.
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The book was way better than the davinci code, the same should go for the film, the pacing of the book was amazing, a thriller that grabs you and doesnt let go until the end, read it in 4 days, can't wait for tonight.
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When you're in your 50s.
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I have no desire to see a sacrilegious movie (based on a sacrilegious) book-made by people who, coincidentally, supported Barack Obama for president last year. I'll just go see Star Trek again instead!
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He looked just like Sinatra on the cover of the last Borne flick.
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SUPERNATURAL FANS, join us in The Zone tonight for breakdown of season four's finale! http://tinyurl.com/oy9ksu
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Have you read the book? if so, you're free to consider it sacreligious all you like.
It seems to me however, that most of the people who criticise it, are blindly choosing to hate it.
If you're gonna hate something, it's only fair to allow yourself the chance to form your own opinions of it, based on content & not religious censorship. -
the man who was more interested in props than actors managed to get amazing performances from McDiarmid and Lee, among others.
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Antimatter?!? WTF? I saw Trek already.
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Harry introduces us to a new word and immediatly afterwards: "This is what I mean by “Shituation.” wow those writing skills...:-)
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May 14, 2009 7:09:11 AM CDT
"amazing performances from McDiarmid and Lee"
by i_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looking_for
Horseshit. There were zero "amazing perfomances" in those shitty flicks. McGregor was saddled with awful scripts, a shit director, and the fact that he was obviously told (or chose) to act as much like Alec Guinness as humanly possible. McDiarmid was fine as Sidius/Palpatine, but Lee wasn't a character. It was just Christopher Lee in a Star Wars flick. Exactly the same with Sam Jackson.
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I read the book and it wasn't great, but I liked it. I think the problem is, a large hunk of the interest in that book was built around the hidden secret about Jesus and revealing it. Honestly, that theory and the stuff hidden in paintings, etc, was more interesting than the "thriller" aspect of it. And the movie couldn't build itself up around exposition. The rest of it just built suspense by making every chapter end in a cliffhanger.
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Is this film actually sacrilegious? I've heard that said, but every plot description I've heard sounds like the church is the victim here. What's the anti-church stuff in there?By the way, a reviewer of this movie for the Vatican newspaper (yes, they have a newspaper) said it was inaccurate, but was "harmless" entertainment. The guy even said he liked it. So, calm down, folks.
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everyone knows that the Catholic Church is merely an arm of the Illuminati, it's religion endowed with borrowed Sumerian and Babylonian symbolism :)
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Is actually a masonic hat cult.
After the pope's done his public speaking stuff, they all go inside & rub their giant hats together. It's true. -
I kind of like harry's new word shituation. Combines elements of shit hitting the fan and situation to kind of mean a really bad situation. Maybe its a personal preference thing but I like it. In this instance Harry did good! Horrah!!!
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And I know just the director to do it - Jonathan Demme. Frankenheimer's original is poorly dated and never lived up to the potential of Thomas Harris' terrifying novel. It was amazingly cast, though. I'm not generally one for remakes but I'd love to see this adapted into a better movie.As for ANGELS&DEMONS, Harry has actually pointed out one of the very reasons I'm interested in seeing it - for the locations. I remember reading Brown's book and imagining Rome and Vatican City. The French locations were one of the things I enjoyed about THE DAVINCI CODE.
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I disagree.
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C'mon Harry. The most ludicrous plotline in The Da Vinci Code was that there was any descendant of Jesus at all. Jesus never existed. He wasn't a real person. You Americans and your suburban, shopping mall Christianity are so quaint.
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May 14, 2009 8:57:17 AM CDT
It's not often you review a film you don't like is it.
by facefacefaceface_____face
Please, correct me if I'm wrong, & point me in the direction of a review where he rips the shit out of something. ta.
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Little mexican fella. He cleans my pool twice a month.
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GODS AND DEMONS is the next film on my summer list. I'll be checking it out Friday or Saturday. I think tonioght or tomorrow I'll give THE DAVINCI CODE another look as well to whet the taste buds for this new Langdon adventure.
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...the Church. That's what I think. A bit of a spoiler, if I remember correctly from the book, it isn't REALLY the Illuminati who are doing the bad stuff, it's clarified that they as a real group are long dead and that this other guy is doing things in their name just to stir up fear within the Church. People say there's no evidence for Illuminati and all those world-dominating groups, but just look the fuck around you, they own and run everything they just go under different names. World government. The Bildeberg Group. They are the masters of this fucking universe. However, it's unlikely that they are sinister and evil. If they WERE the world would probably be dead by now.
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There are Roman documents that talk of his crucifixion, as well as some other non-christian documents that talk about him The question is whether he was the Son of God. That ones up for debate lol, but he did exist.
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afaik the lhc dones't have anything to do with antimatter, but i suppose it's nice for the purpose of vague culture references
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It's a documentary that peddles the same DaVinci Code bs, but unintentionally hysterical
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Every year some movie gets unjustly fucked by the media. TDVC was that movie. It was a hell of a lot better than the shitty ass book.
P.S. There is no god. -
A man being born the son of God & rising from the dead?
Wow! That must be bs! -
a few minutes of wikipedia-ing shows im wrong
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The idea of him as the son of man is in dispute.
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Evereyday, there were literally hundreds, if not thousands of "prophets" on the streets. Ol' JC just happened to become popular.
He probably handed out free biscuits or something.
"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy." -
Do have to read a prequel comic book to have the story make sense?
Maybe they should have showed a special screening of The Da Vinci Code and have Tom Hanks show up then show Angels and Demons. Then it would be great and everybody would love it! -
Star Trek sucked major donkey balls.
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is scarce. So scarce, I can list all the references here :
The earliest Gospels date from maybe 70 AD, 40 years after his alleged demise.
The non-Christians who wrote about him in the years following his putative death : The Roman historian Tacitus, writing in his Annals around 110 AD, mentions one "Christ, whom the procurator Pontius Pilate had executed in the reign of Tiberius."
Bear in mind that's 80 years after the dude supposedly died.
The Jewish historian Josephus remarks on the stoning of "James, the brother of Jesus, who was called Christ."
The Talmud, a collection of Jewish writings, also refers to Christ, although it says he was the illegitimate son of a Roman soldier called Panther.
And that's IT, as far as evidence.
Not, you must admit, particularly convincing when forced to stand in the cold light of day. -
I've read at least one good book that puts forward evidence that Jesus did not exist, even as a man. You may not agree with it, and I'm not sure I do, but there was at least enough force behind it to think that, hey, I shouldnt reject the idea of Jesus' non-existence out of hand. Specifically the book is called The Jesus Puzzle, and its got some pretty compelling arguments. I can understand why some people feel that way.
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One of the best mocks in South Park history! "I am getting a clue."
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...because I'm made of matter. And antimatter is anti-me. Fuck that.
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But I do know about Bale.
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Fecal matter doesn't count.
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The events of the world, as being played out in this "global economic crisis", are part and parcel of the plans of the true Illuminati. They are reshaping the world as we have known it, we are being primed to serve as cattle for the masters of the New World Order. Obama, as an agent of the people, voted into position by America and adored by the world, is doing what he can to stop it. Get your ass out there and help.
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That is, I sure hope his plot summary was deliberately inaccurate in order to avoid giving away the Big Spoiler (which I won't give away either). Because if it was accurate, then the movie has ruined the whole point of the book.
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By analogy, many early reviews of _Batman Begins_ continued referring to Watanabe as Ra's al Ghul to avoid giving away the surprise. I really really hope that's what Harry's doing here.
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I hope it isn't Ewan McGregor being a villain. I saw the trailer where he was supposed to be a good guy, but he came across as a baddie to me. It just seemed so obvious that I hoped it wasn't true, otherwise the whole thing would be a waste of time.
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that's a fact of science
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May 14, 2009 10:25:27 AM CDT
THE CHICK IN THE POSTER IS RELATED TO THE ILLUMINATI
by bringingsexyback
She was Avner's wife in Munich. Pretty hot.
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What does yours do?
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Frankly, the world would be better off without any religions. By now humans should have gotten over believing in invisible, all-knowing, all-powerful deities. Luckily, some of us already have.
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"the direct descendent [sic] of Jesus" is too grotesquely silly for you but the illuminati stealing anti-matter is all cool!?? Dude... you are really funny sometimes.
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of course it wouldn't be good to kill most of Rome - I went there once and it was great - but if the church was to be dissolved over night would it make any difference?
Still have to go to work and pay taxes, "God" would still exist and he'd still be listening because "he is everywhere". Nope, can't see why we need the church.
Yay, Illuminati! Wonder if they can take down the church without killing anyone? -
I'm not going to say what the any of the spoilers are (anyone who wants to know can presumably find a summary of the book online). But I have in mind a spoiler that, if the movie is true to the book, makes Harry's summary crucially inaccurate.
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i mean, its unethical, you guys must ban him he just took my name and capitalized it. if that doesnt get someone banned i dont know what is.
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it should be about that, since thats what the vatican does on a daily basis.
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May 14, 2009 10:37:21 AM CDT
FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT I PRESENT: THE ANTICHRIST SLIDESHOW
by bringingsexyback
Enjoy, kids!
http://tinyurl.com/q9gfqk -
...antimatter-->FlickaPoo-->fecal matter-->Dark "Shite"-->dark matter-->the Catholic Church-->buggery-->stinky fingers-->conspiracy......so close!...I'm going to lock myself in a room, talk to myself, write on the walls with charcoal, and draw spirals until I figure this thing out...
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Evidence that god exists = Bale.
Evidence that the 'illuminati' exists = Shane Hurlbut.
Tweakin' the lights, tweakin' the lights. -
"Let he who illuminated this manuscript illuminate me."
What film? -
I'm sad that these films aren't totally fab, because Hanks really is fantastic, and it's good to see him doing his own action-adventure franchise. It's just shame there's not too much action in this one...
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how many films that recieve embargo are actually good??
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Any catholics here? Anyone know a catholic?
I'm curious if the 'no contraception' rule is ever adhered to? By anyone.
Also how far does 'every sperm is sacred' go? If a catholic wife gives her catholic husband a blowjob or handjob and he spills the beans on her does that count as a sin?
I'm honestly curious. -
Stinky fingers to consiracy, that's quite a jump:-D!
As for the spirals, just don't go humming "All along the watchtower" & you should be ok. -
May 14, 2009 11:04:59 AM CDT
DICK CHENEY IS THE POPE-IN-WAIT OF THE NEW SATANIC WORLD ORDER
by bringingsexyback
The Inquisition is an institution of the Roman Catholic religion. It was developed to stem "heresy", i.e., the gospel of salvation as found in the Bible. The Inquisition was zealously carried out by Romish Inquisitor-Generals, priests, and monks. And oh yes, they had the support of the secular authorities. Know ye not that the Dark Ages were dark because the papacy was at the height of its monstrous glory--ruling over kings and queens and encouraging recusancy towards any ruler that did not bow to the devil/papacy? Romanism is the Devil's religion, therefore papists do the works of the Devil. Only the Devil could inspire men to the deeds recounted by Samuel Clarke in his book Martyrology circa 1651. Papists have tortured and killed Christians for centuries. These are grievous crimes that are loathsome to even list but multitudes endured these for the gospel's sake. Christian friend, if YOU were before the Inquisition and they wanted you to say Jesus is a piece of bread, would you do it? Many of your brothers and sisters held out for the cause of Christ. They resisted to the blood striving against sin. Here are a just a few of the tortures they went through--
- Skin flayed off of head, face and body
- Nipples pulled off
- Fried alive in pans
- Bound to pillar head down and roasted
- Mouth slit back to ears
- Crucified upside down
- Put in cauldrons of boiling oil
- Thrown out of windows upon upward facing spears
- Bodies gored through mouths with pikes
- Arms cut off
- Torturous slow burning e.g., burn soles of feet, then up to ankles, mid-calf, etc. until dead
- Bellies burnt until bowels fell out
- Women stripped, hung from tree by their hair and scourged
- Tourniquet placed on head and twisted until eyes came out
- Ears bored out
- Tongue cut out
- Set down (by pulley) into a fire by degrees
- Thrown to dogs
- Hung up by the heels and choked with smoke
- Smothered in caves on mountains
- Hearts pulled out, which the papists gnawed with their teeth.
- Some roasted upon spits over a soft fire
- Some had their bowels pulled out
- A smith had his brains beaten out on his anvil with a hammer
- Some had sharp instruments forced under their nails and other body parts
- Some racked until their bowels broke out
- Some had their throats cut with butcher knives
- Knocked on the head with axes
- Naked women left hung up by one leg on trees until they died
- Some slain and their body parts set on stakes for 30 miles streches
- Some had their noses and breasts pulled off with red hot pinchers
- Some had their flesh torn with the claws of wild animals
- Murdered in a church during sermon
- Some hanged by one foot, their hands and breasts in the water
- Some hung up by one hand with weights of lead at their heels
- Two tied together and slain
- Some were torn in pieces by horses
- A legion of soldiers cut some to pieces with swords
- Some had boots of boiling oil put on their legs over a small fire.
- Some hung up on trees by the middle til they died of hunger
- Women's bellies ripped up and their children trod underfoot
Is it any wonder Cheney is on a public campaign to justify torture? He is preparing America and the world for an age of indiscriminate violence to be perpetrated upon those who do not obey the Illuminist masters.
Jesse Ventura has joined the resistance against Cheney's Satanic revolution:
VENTURA: I do a lot of reading. I don't watch much TV. This year's reading, I covered Bush's life. I covered Guantanamo and a few other subjects. And I'm very disturbed about it.
I'm bothered over Guantanamo because it seems we have created our own Hanoi Hilton. We can live with that? I have a problem. I will criticize President Obama on this level; it's a good thing I'm not president because I would prosecute every person that was involved in that torture. I would prosecute the people that did it. I would prosecute the people that ordered it. Because torture is against the law.
KING: You were a Navy SEAL.
VENTURA: That's right. I was water boarded, so I know -- at SERE School, Survival Escape Resistance Evasion. It was a required school you had to go to prior to going into the combat zone, which in my era was Vietnam. All of us had to go there. We were all, in essence -- every one of us was water boarded. It is torture.
KING: What was it like?
VENTURA: It's drowning. It gives you the complete sensation that you are drowning. It is no good, because you -- I'll put it to you this way, you give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I'll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.
KING: Even though you know it's not going to happen -- even though before it, you know you're not going to drown.
VENTURA: You don't know it. If it's -- if it's done wrong, you certainly could drown. You could swallow your tongue. You could do a whole bunch of stuff. If it's it done wrong or -- it's torture, Larry. It's torture.
KING: A lot of things to go into, Jesse. What do you make of the Cheney/Limbaugh --
VENTURA: I don't have a lot of respect for Dick Cheney. Here's a guy who got five deferments from the Vietnam War. Clearly, he's a coward. He wouldn't go when it was his time to go. And now he is a chicken hawk. Now he is this big tough guy who wants this hardcore policy. And he's the guy that sanctioned all this torture by calling it enhanced interrogation."
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BSB that's a hardcore post bro. Now can we go back to cracking Bale jokes?
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I know a very strict Catholic who adheres to that totally. Fucking insane.
I also knew a few million Africans who adhered to it. Unfortunately, the Pope murdered them all.
"Condoms? In a continent plagued by the HIV virus? We can't have that! What would our non-existent deity think?" Fucking loonies, one & all. -
...is so FETCH! Keep it up - all of us losers who want to talk like the cool kids will start using it and you can bask in the glow of how awesome you are.
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His Rant will tear your soul asunder, but he regards your body as your personal temple, with respect.
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Man, I don't even know how you COULD adhere to that?
Not to get too graphic but balls constantly create sperm and that needs release.
That kind of enforced abstinence must really mess with your mind. -
Depends how resourceful you are. I suppose if you had a little rendevouz with Madame Palm & her 5 lovely daughters, there's probably a way to put that stuff back in.
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than The Da Vinci code anyway, so it's really not surprising that it's a better movie. The only reason Da Vinci code got made first is because people went ape shit over it. Oddly, I couldn't even read through The Da Vinci code whereas with A&D I couldn't put it down.
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There's your answer. Out and in, no one knows but you and God.
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...there are conspiracies...trust me.
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...fact. Of course I never had one because I was too busy um...releasing on purpose.
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I'm pretty sure you're the only reason I still come to this crap site.
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That's a good name for a band!
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Is he still sporting that bizarro proto-mullet/two dead hedgehogs on the top of his dome hair style? Man that wig beat anything Nic Cage ever glued to his mellon.
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Bale sanctions sex. And lots of it.
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Thanks pally.
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Damn straight.
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History of the World. Funny as fuck.
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Can you do something with In Bale We Thrust? Mess around with the dollar bill at AIBN.com?
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several times a day. Bale be praised.
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I'll alert the art department. It will be done.
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Graci, graci. Praise Bale.
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That was by far the worst part of the book.
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as pope or president by the time you turn 80, maybe 70, if you get lukcy. It's inevitable.
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Your daughter is great. You aren't.
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That movie is so bad, it even made an atheist like me want to defend the catholic church from the movie's bullshit idiotic inventions. And i'm hardly the church's biggest fan.
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Ask and ye shall recieve.......http://www.aintitbalenews.com/in-bale-we-thrust.html
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can u plz tell Bale to ban an idiot pretending to me here, his name is DIOXHOLSTER.
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$100 BALE BILL! PROFESSIONAL!
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will BALE save me though? i mean that jerk could be a light tweaker, tell bale that.
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That is damned professional! Those are barely legal tender.
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now i can feel honored to sit on Bale
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Balemas can't come soon enough.
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with the hadron collider plot. I just picked up the book and started reading a little of it. It came out in 2000 or 2001 and this was way before anyone was as skeptical of the hadron collider as they are today. So I give Dan Brown a little credit for being a little ahead of the curve on that, but what I've read so far of the book, its a little, I don't know, "pulpy" or not serious enough. But what else can you expect from popular fiction. I mean I think we can all agree it's not Shakespeare we're analyzing here.
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The amount of ignorance on the plot of this book/movie is sad. If someone would read the book, THE WHOLE PLAN WAS SO THAT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD SAW HOW THE BIG BAD PLAN WOULD DEVELOPE!! And not to give too much away, but the "real" bad guy PURPOSELY dug up an ancient cult to make his plan work perfectly. Call me crazy, but I liked this book, a lot.
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May 14, 2009 1:31:34 PM CDT
As a member of The Illuminati, I'm not impressed.
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
We go around secretly giving kids toys, putting money on benches next to sleeping homeless people and covertly funding Uwe Boll movies. We don't blow people up.
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See T:S and Drag Me to Hell!
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There's some stuff there that could well go into the next Hostel flick.
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Nice. http://movies.yahoo.c om/premieres/13468916/standa rdformat/
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May 14, 2009 3:48:34 PM CDT
Large Hard-On Collider... Huh huh! Huh! That was cool.
by yotzvonfrelnik
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It's the only way to be sure.
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because a central conceit of the film is that church is actually relevant and that anyone would actually care if it went away. Ha! Fiction.
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I think of Boondock Saints.
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Diox you should be pleased - it's like having your very own clone.
You could send your clone out to buy beers for you, watch the game, or even have a threesome with your girl - it's all good baby.
Two Diox are better than one. -
Had me rolling on the floor.
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Just ask Dawkins !
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yeah i didnt see the movie but what i read was funny. like a senior orgy lol ewwww.
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would u like another Cobra--Kai around here? I DONT THINK SO!
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It came on the screen, and it was so awkward, I was just like, "WHAT?!"
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Guess what? Don't care about Avatar right now, and the more Cameron cock sucking I see the less I care. When the fuck are we going to see a trailer? Footage? ANYTHING FOR FUCK'S SAKE. This top secret we are not revealing anything until the last minute BULLSHIT just pisses me off. Cameron gets a free pass because he has made good movies? Fuck that, show me something, ANYTHING. Until that starts happening, fuck Avatar. Everything else matters EXCEPT that fucking movie.Whew ok I feel better, rational thought resuming.
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...but DaVinci Code was FUCKING BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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And certainly not Angels and Demons.Fucking your eyeballs - Dec 18th! Keep the faith, brothers!!!
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Unseen & overhyped. You know it's true. It won't just be your eyeballs that are fucked.
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Cameron can do it better than The Asylum!!
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An overhyped piece of shit that will bomb.
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The words "Pope" and "Kenobi" in the same sentence count as a spoiler, Harry.
Second, this should be a much better flick than the first one, not only is the book better, but I like they made Langdon already in the shit because of his actions in the last film. Plus, you have MacGregor, he's almost always good.
And a finale that is so crazy over the top, that it can't help but be awesome.
Oh, and a henchman who's down with the herb. -
has to earn my trust again after what he did with Terminator 3. Just sayin'. Avatar better be the shit, or be shit. Fuck it. I'm not following the hype. It'll be a rental.
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as a secular Jew, I find the history behind religions, especially forms of Christianity, fascinating, go figure. Despite the claims that the stuff in Da Vinci Code, the Priory, etc. is all scam and such, I actually don't buy it. Not that Leonardo was in a secret society(well maybe, who knows, really?). Same goes for claims of Illuminati and conspiracies. This book was actually far better, much more gripping, than Code was. I expect it to be a better film as well.
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or 2012 if things don't all fall right as they should in the next four years. Ventura would trounce the Palin twit and give her the squeal ass-fucking she deserves, too.
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"Too late" -Igor
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I am a Catholic. =)
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Reading that review was a shitacular shituation. "Hardon Collider"? Really? And I love this gem: "BLACK SUNDAY, you know… that old Thomas Harris novel that John Frankenheimer about flying a big bomb". What is it that John Frakenheimer did, there? Dammit, man. Print your shit out and read it, first.
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QuandraX, well then to put it delicately...on the subject of 'emissions'... what's the official Papal ruling?
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And ain't gonna waste a second watching this. Life is short, and I'm getting old.
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it sucked balls. plot was crap, you could see the ending a mile away. typical red herring followed by oh my god i cant believe its the guy that was friendly all along. boring as hell.
da vinci code was a way better film. mullet and all.
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Cameron didn't make T3, which is probably one of the reasons it was shit. He did make Titanic however, which is even worse.
Cobra--Kai, I believe the official papal ruling on "emissions" is to wipe it on a young orphan boy. -
That's because the LHC is not even in the book. The film producers put it in because it is in recent media memory. In the book it's just a generic anti-matter factory. Which doesn't yet exist in reality, anywhere in the world. (To make antimatter you need to create positrons, antiprotons and antineutrons, and have them form atoms. Noone has yet achieved this). And the LHC is not an antimatter factory. It's just a proton collider.
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May 15, 2009 10:19:13 AM CDT
No Catholic adheres to the no-contraception thing any more
by white_vader
as the only one who can afford it is - Mel Gibson! And so we come full circle...
Dark Shite, that one's for you mate.
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Mel Gibson these days? It's getting as creepy as the Josh Hartnett/Tommy Lee Jones thing. Or the Brad Pitt Robert Redford thing. Bloody remakes man...
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This movie has 6 days to make it's money, then the Bale God appears and takes over....
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For the love of god, would people stop saying "symbology." It is not a freaking word. The word is "symbolism" and it is used in the exact way you used "symbology" in your review. Don't you have spell check?
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he has no soul to save
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is an enemy of Jesus, and will burn in hell along with Jews, Blacks, Gays, Muslims, Commies, Babies, Middle-Aged people, old people, scientists, the college-educated, and Monica Lewinski.
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Babylon is falling.
P.S. HARRY IS THE SHIT DEMON!!!! -
but if there is an albino guy in this it's going to rock!!!
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One of the worst films that I've seen.
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God, thank you. After reading Massawyrm who at least had good reasons seemingly to not like it, then reading Capone and his major fuck up of stating this film is a sequel to The Da Vinci Code and not a prequel just made me think he didn't even take the time to watch this movie. I'm very glad to see your review. Because it is right on!
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Why do I even bother reading them anymore?!
All I want to know... is that godawful ending from the original book in this film? I seriously hope not. If I see Robert Langdon jump out of a helicopter and use a piece of foil as a parachute... I will immediately kick the head of the person sitting in front of me. -
Harry fondles Angels & Demons!!!
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the mysterious volatile substance will dominate scripts for the next 2 decades bank on it
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How big of a deal is it when they finally decode this upside down "ILLUMINATI" thing? I went apeshit when I first saw the teaser and that reality-shattering revelation was thrust upon me. I wept in awe and was speechless for days. Maybe it was the musical accompaniment.
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What a convoluted and, at times, confusing mess. I really didn't give a shit about any of the characters and Tom Hanks looked like someone filled him with sleeping pills through the whole thing. Also, Ron Howard's direction is uninspired as usual. Only bright point I can think of is Ewan McGregor, but I like that guy almost anything anyway so it's not much of a praise.
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I had moderate expectations on this one, but with the Harry Knowles approval, I now know that it is a pile of dog shit. Harry, you liked Episode 2, you said MI:3 was maybe the best spy movie ever, you praised Daredevil, and now this. I have come to realize that you're reviews are helpful in that I take the opposite action that is suggested. Thank you, I will skip this one now.
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You like everything. Dan Brown is the worst author working today, or is at least tied for that honor with James Patterson.
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...confirms its total shit..
apart from the fact you know is some psuedo suspense mystery relating to religious horseshit. -
It isn't a talkback without Mel.
He IS the illuminati. -
1. Fuck people who sit in the movie and just talk like they are in a restaurant. 2. I enjoyed the film. I liked TDC better, but this was fun. 3. The Talking of Pelham 123 has to have the worst trailer of all time. 4. I'm sitting down to read Earthy Powers by Michael Burleigh author of Sacred Causes cause even a B film about a smart person is enough to get me to buy a history book to read over the weekend.
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Harry, it's not difficult to learn how to use dashes correctly. Just look it up on Google already.
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Since there is no God, and since religion is for ignorant suckers, the term "sacreligious" has no meaning whatsoever.
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Stein seeked him out, and fucking blasted him in the teeth. Brown hit the floor quicker then an atheist exudes arrogance in an argument about religion...then Stein found Bill Mauer, dropped kicked him in the back fucking snapping his spine...shortly there after Stein fucked his wife in front of him while Mauer lay motionless and helpless on the floor crying then begging for funding of stem cell research to regenerate his spinal cord.....this scenario is just as truthfull and likely as Dan Browns bullshit fictional theories displayed in "demons", and "divinci".....Harry, the fact that your radical Leftist beliefs are starting to effect your opinions on film, is scary. Fuck this movie, as far as I'm concerned its Borefest II: Death of Tom Hanks Career
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Just got back from seeing it. It's basically a Michael Bay film without the 'splosions.
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Or are you just happy to see me?
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...he writes treatments for film scripts. Everything about his prose screams "This is what it'll be like in the movie!". I'm suprised there are no stage directions or camera moves in the text...Having said that, the novels are fun in their own crappy way. Deception Point would've made a better film than either of the Langdon books though.
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You know I'm right.
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Supposedly, the Vatican wouldn't allow Howard to shoot in most (all?) of the famous buildings. This is really obvious because the CG architecture background shots are almost as bad as SW prequel shots. The lighting is weird and some of the footage just looks bad. I saw this at the Hollywood Arclight, so I would expect that's as good an image as anywhere else. I wouldn't give too much credit to the cinematographer- he didn't have to do much on this one. I would say that this film is good for one thing- editing. I read A&D after TDVC movie came out, and I loved it. The ending of the movie falls way short of the novel ending, IMO.
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May 17, 2009 2:19:58 PM CDT
"I suppose at some juncture in my life, if I’m lucky – a contemp
by jaysin420
Ok now how about a review from someone who's not a total retard.
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Angels is running, what, about 35% at Rotten Tomatoes right now. Naturally, Harry writes a glowing review. He can barely mention its obvious and glaring flaws, before moving on to the next thing he just LOOOOOOVED about it. Gimme a break. When was Harry's last bad review? About 2 or 3 years ago?
That's pretty much AICN these days. Every other reviewer at least has the guts to throw in a scathing review now and then in amongst their glowing endorsements of "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". But if Harry doesn't like a movie (if that's even possible these days) he just doesn't review it. So now it's just one asskissing "review" after another from Harry. C'mon dude. If a movie sucks, have the nuts to say it sucks. -
It was OK--worth a matinee or rental; won't bother watching it again. Tom Hanks was a bit more believable in his intellectual action mode this time out. It's hard to capture the oomph of Dan Brown's frenetic prose onto film. I always pictured someone like Neeson, Clooney, Quaid (or even Ford!) doing Langdon justice on the screen. Can't wait for the next Langdon book...
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The man is funny. Needs to lighten up a bit and go all comedic on our asses.
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Agreed ClarenceBeaks, Hanks does need to find his way back to comedy.
http://drivein77.typepad.com/drivein77/
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Yes...the answer is yes.
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that was funny
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boring. next.
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Just breathtakingly awful on every level.
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Ladies and Gents to listen to the best podcast around download Jobless Film Reviews from the site below:
http://tinyurl.com/l44edq
Listen to a British guy and a Candian, (without jobs) discuss all things filmic..
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