I am – Hercules!!




Donald Trump is a bloated, self-important, self-aggrandizing half-wit bore.

He just resigned from Trump Entertainment Resorts, now a staggering $1.7 billion (with a b) in debt, after the casinos that bear his name fell into bankruptcy for the third time in two decades.

Why anyone would want to become his apprentice at this point is a mystery. Of course, nobody really does anymore.

His show is a weekly two-hour Chicken of the Sea commercial.

So why can’t we stop watching “Celebrity Apprentice,” which has gone from the chopping block to NBC’s top-rated Sunday-night show in just two seasons?

This year the reason to watch has not been Tom Green or Dice Clay, both fired early, but mercurial 75-year-old stand-up comic Joan Rivers and her archrival, poker shark Annie Duke.

In consultation with prior “Apprentice” winner Piers Morgan (and, presumably, the staff of Mark Burnett Productions), Trump picked Rivers and Duke to duke it out in tonight’s three-hour finale.

***

Also concluding tonight is the latest season of CBS’ “The Amazing Race,” another show that long teetered on the brink of cancellation before emerging as a top Sunday-night draw for its network.

With water-averse, trash-talking sisters Kisha and Jen eliminated in last week’s penultimate episode, the “Race” field has narrowed to:

* Superhot attorney Tammy Jih, 26, and her bossy big bro Victor, 35 (Mandarin speakers who caught a big break when the last leg of the race took them through China);

* Clinical researcher Margie Adams, 50, and her hearing-impaired son Luke, 22 (who looks a little like “Weeds” star Justin Kirk if you squint); and

* Jaime Edmondson, 29, and Cara Rosenthal, 26, superhot former Miami Dolphins cheerleaders (they both have red hair).

Tonight “Race” producers apparently force all the female contestants to don bikinis and lift very heavy things, which means I’ll be catching “Celebrity Apprentice” an hour later on Denver affiliate KUSA.

Screenwriter Mike White (“School of Rock”) and his gay preacher pop Mel will be waiting at the finish line tonight with the rest of the contestants.

“The Amazing Race”: 8 p.m. Sunday. CBS.
“Celebrity Apprentice”: 8 p.m. Sunday. NBC.

And remember: talkbackers who claim they’ve never followed a reality show are trying to make everyone forget that time mom caught them masturbating to “Breaking Bonaduce.”

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