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Published on Saturday, May 2, 2009 - 8:46am |
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Capone finds X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE an exercise in working really hard to be whole-heartedly average!!!
Hey, folks. Capone in Chicago here.
It pains me to report that the first official film of the summer movie season doesn't even quite reach the level of so-so. Somehow actor Hugh Jackman, director Gavin Hood, and whoever else stepped in with the intention of making Wolverine a better, more exciting work, have instead created a film that is a patchwork plot populated by characters that we never get to know or care about. Remember when Wolverine was arguably the most interesting character in any of the X-Men film? I'm not sure what happened to that dude. What this film consists of is character after character trying to out-badass each other by looking meaner or dressing cooler than the next guy. The Black Eyed Peas' Will.I.Am in cowboy attire was more than I could take.
But let's put aside for a second the fact that many of these characters don't even belong in the same movie together because they never existed in the same timeframe in the comic books. Let's just look at what is here as a stand-alone piece. We begin in 1845, young Logan and young Victor (the boy who would grow up to be Sabertooth) were brothers. There's a strange and seemingly unnecessary sequence in which Logan is sick and the man he believes to be his father is trying to nurse him back to health. Then he finds out a different man is his father. If someone can explain why this is important, you're a better geek than me. Logan and Victor grow up together, and because they both possess incredibly healing powers, the aging process makes it appear that they never grow old; they do, they just grow old in very slow motion. Despite their being Canadians, they fight in the U.S. Civil War, both World Wars, and the Vietnam War, and it's clear that Victor (played as a savage adult by Liev Schreiber, one of the film's few genuine highlights) is evolving into a blood-thirsty animal, while Logan must work increasingly hard to keep Victor from entering into some kind of berserker rage.
The origin story shows the two men get work from a super-secret branch of the U.S. military that apparently has no rules. Other mutants are on the team, including Ryan Reynolds as the wisecracking Deadpool, maybe the only really interesting supporting character of the bunch, and naturally he's on screen maybe 10 minutes. But stay tuned until after the end credits why Reynolds might take such a small role in Wolverine. I was also kind of digging Kevin Durand as The Blob, but again, the guy barely registers in the plot. The twisted mastermind behind the team, and the eventual changes he offers Logan in order to get revenge on Victor for killing his girlfriend, is General William Stryker (Danny Huston, and played in later X-Men films by Brian Cox). He provides Logan the chance to become virtually indestructible by lacing his skeletal system with an impossible-to-destroy metal. Eventually the newly dubbed Wolverine goes against Sabertooth, and they claw the shit out of each other.
One of the problems I have with Wolverine is that it doesn't properly align itself with the first X-Men movie. Does it take place 10 years earlier? Fifteen or 20? The presence of a teenage Cyclops in the film, as well as an ill-placed cameo (that actually might make some people laugh) indicates a certain timeframe. But the equipment all looks so modern that even that assumption might be way off. One of the biggest disappointments of the film was Taylor Kitsch's portrayal of fan favorite Gambit. His Cajun accent is weak, and something about Gambit's power (to energize inanimate objects — including his favorite: a deck of cards) doesn't translate particularly well to film. He's throwing playing cards, for god's sake, and sometimes they go boom. Not much to it, really.
Part of the film's problem is that this doesn't really capture Wolverine at a particularly interesting time in his long life. That may seem like a ridiculous statement, but watching a character go from being ambivalent about his work to ambivalent with a side of moral conscience isn't that interesting, and Jackman doesn't seem that interested in acting as he does flexing his muscles and showing off his ass. Far more compelling is Schreiber, who is allowed to fully embrace his darkest elements and animal ferocity. I had a real blast watching him growing increasingly frustrated with having to hold back on military missions to being allowed to cut loose and kill innocents just to make a point.
The relationship between the brothers Logan and Vincent is meant to be the core element of this tale, but basically what happens when they're in a scene together is Wolverine yelling, "Victooooor!!!" and then Sabertooth snarls and jumps around with his naturally extended talons. The fight scenes are OK, especially one that appears to be atop the stack of a nuclear power plant. But the plot is so filled with both holes and unfinished threads. Why would Stryker spend hundreds of millions of dollars to beef up Wolverine's bones and then turn around and want to kill him? And I found myself asking these slightly obvious questions over and over again while viewing Wolverine. I was even in the mood for good escapist action entertainment; what I got instead was an absolute mess. I was a holdout even before I went into this; I thought it might actually be good. I'm man enough to admit my mistake.
-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com

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Reader Talkback
firseconthirdorthith by palpatinefuckedmydog | May 2nd, 2009 08:53:49 AM | Sabertooth by palpatinefuckedmydog | May 2nd, 2009 08:56:45 AM | SIXTH!!!!! by Shatoichi | May 2nd, 2009 08:57:54 AM | Or maybe not... by Shatoichi | May 2nd, 2009 08:58:19 AM | Sounds about like I expected. by rev_skarekroe | May 2nd, 2009 09:00:19 AM | Thanks for dropping the ball
on Deadpool by Androidvirus | May 2nd, 2009 09:00:44 AM | I don't know... by wampa 1 | May 2nd, 2009 09:12:59 AM | DECAPITATE by craptacular | May 2nd, 2009 09:18:45 AM | Jackman does not exist in this
dojo by Cobra--Kai | May 2nd, 2009 09:18:54 AM | yeah, the Deadpool Remote
Control was stupid by catlettuce4 | May 2nd, 2009 09:27:46 AM | why Stryker does that... by dangerK | May 2nd, 2009 09:29:55 AM | Dougray Scott should have been
wolverine by MANZILLA | May 2nd, 2009 09:32:47 AM | It was bland.. by The Dark Shite | May 2nd, 2009 09:35:09 AM | Capone, you were too easy on
the film!! by the_scream | May 2nd, 2009 09:42:59 AM | Capone, what ending did you
get? by Mahaloth | May 2nd, 2009 09:45:06 AM | Yep... by REDD | May 2nd, 2009 10:00:44 AM | Stick to the CB by Norm3 | May 2nd, 2009 10:01:29 AM | better geek by seansnake | May 2nd, 2009 10:22:47 AM | I'm guessing Sabretooth
convinced Logan to fight the
Wars by D.Vader | May 2nd, 2009 10:30:16 AM | Yeah, the timeframe has been a
huge criticism from me by D.Vader | May 2nd, 2009 10:32:10 AM | I don't think Marvel has ANY
say in this, AndroidVirus by D.Vader | May 2nd, 2009 10:34:29 AM | It Was Average by fedrich519 | May 2nd, 2009 10:38:39 AM | deadpool by funnyhat | May 2nd, 2009 10:53:13 AM | Deadpool is only in at the
end....... by stefan2789 | May 2nd, 2009 10:54:59 AM | No by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 11:12:17 AM | X-men or something totally
different? by Sappers Forward | May 2nd, 2009 11:13:01 AM | HOLY SHIT ON TOP OF WHOLE
WHEAT BREAD!!! by MainMan2001 | May 2nd, 2009 11:35:46 AM | Haters by rbottoms | May 2nd, 2009 11:35:55 AM | Why the different post-credit
sequences? by Kizeesh | May 2nd, 2009 11:36:58 AM | HOLY SHIT ON TOP OF WHOLE
WHEAT BREAD!!! by MainMan2001 | May 2nd, 2009 11:38:47 AM | Sounds like perhaps a lot was
cut out of it. by Mr Nicholas | May 2nd, 2009 11:39:10 AM | The climax is supposed to be
in 1979 by palimpsest | May 2nd, 2009 11:44:54 AM | mainman2001 we do expect more by seansnake | May 2nd, 2009 11:49:30 AM | Well, Star Trek comes out next
week by SoylentMean | May 2nd, 2009 12:07:38 PM | Deadpool end by welshguy | May 2nd, 2009 12:10:59 PM | Two different endings by palimpsest | May 2nd, 2009 12:18:33 PM | The Black Eyed Peas' Will.I.Am
in cowboy attire by future help | May 2nd, 2009 12:20:12 PM | Does fox own the rights to
DEAPOOL? by bobagentofhydra | May 2nd, 2009 12:26:37 PM | And who the fuck is Dougray
Scott??? by Blancoshadow | May 2nd, 2009 12:32:51 PM | i has a special bullet. by alice 13 | May 2nd, 2009 12:40:01 PM | Ok by smatt584 | May 2nd, 2009 12:49:07 PM | They re shot the Japan ending by palpatinefuckedmydog | May 2nd, 2009 01:12:21 PM | Wolverine: the first shit
movie of the summer season by AsimovLives | May 2nd, 2009 01:13:20 PM | It wasn't Jackman... by crankyoldguy | May 2nd, 2009 01:14:11 PM | Bjornegar by AsimovLives | May 2nd, 2009 01:14:15 PM | I'd like to use those bullets,
however... by crankyoldguy | May 2nd, 2009 01:14:46 PM | dioxholster by seansnake | May 2nd, 2009 01:22:08 PM | That was a shit review by Lemure_v2 | May 2nd, 2009 01:24:09 PM | I was gonna go see this by Broseph | May 2nd, 2009 01:24:42 PM | Still looks and sounds good to
me by Emperor_was_a_jerk | May 2nd, 2009 01:37:02 PM | SQUIRREL GIRL OWNS ALL by DOGSOUP | May 2nd, 2009 01:42:22 PM | LOOK, THIS FOX BOYCOTT NEEDS
TO COME INTO EFFECT by theplant | May 2nd, 2009 01:51:47 PM | $35m opening day domestic by palimpsest | May 2nd, 2009 01:59:21 PM | but...... by seansnake | May 2nd, 2009 02:00:39 PM | @ theplant by ugh | May 2nd, 2009 02:06:00 PM | we should start doing a
sweepstake on the box office
drop... by Gabba-UK | May 2nd, 2009 02:34:33 PM | So was it "wholeheartedly
average" or an absolute
mess??? by 3D-Man | May 2nd, 2009 03:00:28 PM | The boycott will never work by Joker Gordon Levitt | May 2nd, 2009 03:11:40 PM | Ebert is right, Wolverine is a
horrible character by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 03:13:09 PM | Wolvie isn't a boring
character by Joker Gordon Levitt | May 2nd, 2009 03:14:52 PM | It's a LOT better than this
site would leave you to
believe. by PeopleCallMeTheBriMan | May 2nd, 2009 03:23:51 PM | Briman by x factor | May 2nd, 2009 03:32:03 PM | So Wolverine is a 150+ years
old by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 03:37:14 PM | Saw it last night by Snookeroo | May 2nd, 2009 03:37:36 PM | FOX needs to stop making
movies. The PS3 game is better
than the by MrFloppy | May 2nd, 2009 03:42:18 PM | The PS3 game is better than
the movie. Trust me, and play
it (at by MrFloppy | May 2nd, 2009 03:43:18 PM | Wolverine is a good character
if you write him that way by Rupee88 | May 2nd, 2009 03:50:02 PM | I LOVED LOVED LOVED this
movie!!! by yer mama | May 2nd, 2009 03:52:51 PM | No, I agree Rupee88 by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 04:07:40 PM | The Lowest Common Denominator
Argument by My_Horse_Got_Fucked_On_Jeopard
y | May 2nd, 2009 04:08:54 PM | GABIN HOOD MUST RETIRE FROM
FILMMAKING by theplant | May 2nd, 2009 04:11:15 PM | PS : i'm betting on T4 being
superior to Avatar by theplant | May 2nd, 2009 04:12:18 PM | Rothman was right by antonphd | May 2nd, 2009 04:12:19 PM | One of the best reviews of it
I've read so far. by Gwai Lo | May 2nd, 2009 04:13:28 PM | antonhpd by theplant | May 2nd, 2009 04:13:41 PM | Really the smartest people
...are by antimcgyver | May 2nd, 2009 04:17:12 PM | Why the first scene is
important by cleovero | May 2nd, 2009 04:27:03 PM | So they took the easy way out. by Briannicus | May 2nd, 2009 04:30:47 PM | lay off of Gavin Hood... by Jarek | May 2nd, 2009 04:31:24 PM | Bjornegar by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 04:33:12 PM | Bjornegar...Daredevil does
have superpowers by Lemure_v2 | May 2nd, 2009 04:48:00 PM | What, no love for Captain
America Bjorn? by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 04:51:43 PM | Ice cube didn't give him
powers by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 04:57:58 PM | Q = What is SIlver Age Batman? by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:00:10 PM | I will buy your comic
dioxholster by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:01:49 PM | But he volunteered for the
experiment by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:04:29 PM | Awww, but Cap is a hero by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:12:46 PM | Dioxholster by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:13:55 PM | Vigilantism is one step away
from fascism by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:17:54 PM | I live in LA, diox by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:20:09 PM | Plus Cap fuckin' punched
Hitler by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:22:25 PM | Game called on account of
friggin' 'mos. by Cletus Van Damme | May 2nd, 2009 05:37:03 PM | Well considering that... by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:37:46 PM | Scene after credits? by MrGonev5 | May 2nd, 2009 05:38:12 PM | Well thank you diox by Continentalop | May 2nd, 2009 05:39:31 PM | Rothman adds the Final Nail by Cpt Shaw | May 2nd, 2009 05:46:51 PM | I have to defend this film by slaughterstorm | May 2nd, 2009 06:01:19 PM | slaughterstorm by Riley Martin | May 2nd, 2009 06:07:36 PM | riley martin by sokitome | May 2nd, 2009 06:23:23 PM | Fuck Wolverine by EWS | May 2nd, 2009 06:30:28 PM | theplant......BOYCOTT FOX by DrMorbius | May 2nd, 2009 06:38:24 PM | @ bacci40 by cococommander | May 2nd, 2009 06:41:21 PM | The site has propped up MUCH
WORSE FILMS by quantize | May 2nd, 2009 06:58:27 PM | dioxholster by DrMorbius | May 2nd, 2009 07:03:45 PM | example of what I hate in
stupid critics! by Donnie_Dunn | May 2nd, 2009 07:13:56 PM | Stop comparing this movie to
F4 or Electra by eule | May 2nd, 2009 07:15:59 PM | Defenders, stop using the
cop-out by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 07:18:36 PM | by eule | May 2nd, 2009 07:24:37 PM | If this had been made 10 years
ago you would all be creaming
you by Walter_Burns | May 2nd, 2009 07:36:39 PM | Walter_Burns by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 07:49:43 PM | magnum opus by eule | May 2nd, 2009 07:53:46 PM | I love Orange Wednesdays... by Walter_Burns | May 2nd, 2009 07:54:19 PM | Best part: "I said 'Bub' not
'Blob'!" by TylerDurden3395 | May 2nd, 2009 07:54:41 PM | eule by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 08:03:19 PM | What are the two endings? by mrfan | May 2nd, 2009 08:05:37 PM | Re:magnum_opus by Walter_Burns | May 2nd, 2009 08:16:22 PM | Capone, Wolverine is the best
of the 4 X-Men films, here's
why.. by W3bzpinn3r | May 2nd, 2009 08:35:10 PM | magnum opus by eule | May 2nd, 2009 08:37:05 PM | W3bzpinn3r by palpatinefuckedmydog | May 2nd, 2009 08:45:30 PM | I keep drooling and drooling! by lockesbrokenleg | May 2nd, 2009 09:06:00 PM | You're right eule by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 09:06:46 PM | The Wolverine game is soo
good.... by TheWaqman | May 2nd, 2009 09:10:51 PM | It's so annoying by palpeedude | May 2nd, 2009 09:36:11 PM | "Who the hell are you supposed
to be?" by MY_BLUE_PENIS | May 2nd, 2009 09:53:17 PM | Yeah the cliched dialogue was
pretty bad by eule | May 2nd, 2009 10:01:20 PM | It didn't "suck" but it didn't
"rawk" either... by 3D-Man | May 2nd, 2009 10:30:59 PM | this quote right here by CherryValance | May 2nd, 2009 10:37:18 PM | It was better than getting
raped in the face. by Outlaw | May 2nd, 2009 10:55:03 PM | Have you ever BEEN raped in
the face, Outlaw? by 3D-Man | May 2nd, 2009 11:05:00 PM | "He's throwing playing cards,
for god's sake,..." by Professor_Monster | May 2nd, 2009 11:13:09 PM | Didn't mean to hit a nerve 3D by Outlaw | May 2nd, 2009 11:17:06 PM | And also... by Outlaw | May 2nd, 2009 11:19:45 PM | I was just kidding Outlaw... by 3D-Man | May 2nd, 2009 11:21:10 PM | Hmmm by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 11:22:00 PM | My apologies 3D...sarcasm is a
bitch to read here. by Outlaw | May 2nd, 2009 11:28:25 PM | Palpie and Diox... by W3bzpinn3r | May 2nd, 2009 11:36:54 PM | W3bzpinn3r by Magnum Opus | May 2nd, 2009 11:43:55 PM | Magnum... by W3bzpinn3r | May 3rd, 2009 12:02:29 AM | correction... Silver Fox, not
Silver Sable. by W3bzpinn3r | May 3rd, 2009 12:03:13 AM | W3b by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 12:32:21 AM | I forget by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 12:55:03 AM | Dickholder and the troll by Miyamoto_Musashi | May 3rd, 2009 01:28:41 AM | Squid? by JoeSixPack | May 3rd, 2009 02:50:16 AM | review by redkamel | May 3rd, 2009 02:52:43 AM | are you tripping balls? by redkamel | May 3rd, 2009 03:01:29 AM | are you tripping balls? by redkamel | May 3rd, 2009 03:05:14 AM | re: redkamel by Kizeesh | May 3rd, 2009 03:14:10 AM | Deadpool post-credits sequence
on youtube. by Kizeesh | May 3rd, 2009 03:18:03 AM | Posts like W3bzpinn3r's make
me want to murder people by IndustryKiller! | May 3rd, 2009 04:51:56 AM | My W3bzpinn3r impression by IndustryKiller! | May 3rd, 2009 04:56:29 AM | and another thing... by Lemure_v2 | May 3rd, 2009 06:10:18 AM | WHY IS GAVIN HOOD MAKING BIG
BUCKS by theplant | May 3rd, 2009 07:51:47 AM | F**k this van helsing crap! by ccdev | May 3rd, 2009 08:06:51 AM | Oh what?!?! by The Ape Giggins | May 3rd, 2009 09:13:33 AM | Wolverine works better as a
supporting character by kabong | May 3rd, 2009 10:40:41 AM | deadpool ending? by stupidmop | May 3rd, 2009 12:15:37 PM | An 87 Million Dollar Weekend
For Wolverine by Media Messiah | May 3rd, 2009 12:32:26 PM | Will I.Am = Don Cheadle in
Boogie Nights by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer | May 3rd, 2009 01:05:05 PM | you haters are high by ackman81 | May 3rd, 2009 02:03:37 PM | MM by D_T | May 3rd, 2009 02:11:32 PM | >./decapitate/ by Larry Sellers | May 3rd, 2009 02:50:43 PM | stupidmop by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 02:53:54 PM | Fans can fill in the blanks by Larry Sellers | May 3rd, 2009 03:04:43 PM | Box Office speaks by RobertCrane | May 3rd, 2009 03:08:26 PM | ackman81 by Larry Sellers | May 3rd, 2009 03:12:33 PM | wow i dont get you guys by robamenta | May 3rd, 2009 03:18:13 PM | Larry Sellers by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 03:20:15 PM | I wasn't defending it by Larry Sellers | May 3rd, 2009 03:25:47 PM | Didn't mean to imply you were by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 03:32:14 PM | Ah k by Larry Sellers | May 3rd, 2009 03:36:25 PM | Loved the movie, but not sure
wether i wanted it to succeed by Wolverines_Leaky_Workprint | May 3rd, 2009 04:12:27 PM | Leaky by Magnum Opus | May 3rd, 2009 04:25:41 PM | I can't believe I'm going to
actually say this by stupidmop | May 3rd, 2009 04:34:04 PM | The '90s FF is a classic..... by eule | May 3rd, 2009 04:51:39 PM | Enough by OptimusCrime | May 3rd, 2009 04:53:29 PM | Magnum by stupidmop | May 3rd, 2009 04:59:52 PM | Oh, and another thing by OptimusCrime | May 3rd, 2009 05:03:08 PM | jackman did his best by monster man | May 3rd, 2009 05:09:34 PM | stupidmouth by eule | May 3rd, 2009 05:11:28 PM | Furthermore, Harry by OptimusCrime | May 3rd, 2009 05:22:45 PM | Shocked BY, rather by OptimusCrime | May 3rd, 2009 05:23:40 PM | Spirit gets love? by knowthyself | May 3rd, 2009 05:43:01 PM | The movie was flat out bad. by Exasperilious | May 3rd, 2009 05:55:16 PM | I'm probably not going to see
this film... by Lobanhaki | May 3rd, 2009 06:07:29 PM | Most irritating thing about
XMO:W by Darth_Tarantino | May 3rd, 2009 06:17:11 PM | Lobanhaki by Darth_Tarantino | May 3rd, 2009 06:21:33 PM | Wolverine lovers deserve
garbage. by knowthyself | May 3rd, 2009 07:38:06 PM | Capone is such a better
reviewer than Harry... by whitty | May 3rd, 2009 07:41:47 PM | Jackman in no way did his best by IndustryKiller! | May 3rd, 2009 09:24:26 PM | Awful movie. Easily the worst
X-Men film yet. by JuanSanchez | May 3rd, 2009 09:27:32 PM | yeah well it doesnt matter cuz
it made eleventy billion
dollars by BMacSmith | May 3rd, 2009 09:42:53 PM | Russel Crowe by Cujo_Fugate | May 3rd, 2009 10:50:31 PM | Gerard Butler as Wolverine by Cujo_Fugate | May 3rd, 2009 10:53:27 PM | Frankly, I thought the movie
was fine... by Curious Jorge | May 3rd, 2009 11:41:07 PM | I went into it thinking it was
going to suck. by dailysportspages | May 4th, 2009 12:50:18 AM | You guys are sniffing glue by Saxster | May 4th, 2009 12:51:11 AM | Cyclops gets taken by Sinister
and put in stasis shortly
after t by dailysportspages | May 4th, 2009 12:57:12 AM | wolvercrap by jofex | May 4th, 2009 01:36:11 AM | Deadpool looks like a crappy
Jason Voorhes. by JuanSanchez | May 4th, 2009 02:33:29 AM | I actually have a full copy of
the 1994 Fantastic Four on VHS by drave117 | May 4th, 2009 04:25:45 AM | saving grace by ukfilms28 | May 4th, 2009 08:32:09 AM | First things first,
dioxholster... by GaiustheBrave | May 4th, 2009 09:05:16 AM | Its amazing how soon we forget by knowthyself | May 4th, 2009 10:06:07 AM | Moose Turd Pie... by allykatD | May 4th, 2009 12:29:56 PM | by Guyver1138 | May 4th, 2009 02:52:34 PM | Omnipotent, the story of
Molecule Man by Cellar Door | May 4th, 2009 04:03:39 PM | the film was worth my $5 by j2talk | May 4th, 2009 05:30:10 PM | The secret to enjoying the
x-men movies by Wolverines_Leaky_Workprint | May 4th, 2009 08:30:11 PM | Don't trust any AICN reviews
of Wolverine by Movie_Grinder | May 5th, 2009 02:08:07 AM | Agreed by unclebusu | May 5th, 2009 11:50:02 AM | The movie is shit by Second Try | May 5th, 2009 02:20:37 PM | In my professional opinion: it
sucked by thebearovingian | May 7th, 2009 01:42:42 AM |
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