WOLVERINE isn't an embarrassingly awful film, not for me. It doesn't make me feel embarrassed to like X-MEN comics or the character of the Wolverine... It just feels limp, empty and completely lacking in satisfaction. That said, it is much better than the draft i had read that made me fear for even worse.

Years ago - I remember reading an early draft of X-MEN that was being developed by Fox and Bryan Singer. The single biggest problem in that script was the fact that WOLVERINE was devoid of anything that made him even come close to being Wolverine. Thankfully, they addressed a lot of that and to me - the best Wolverine on camera thus far is his introduction scene in the bar, when Rogue comes across him. There's a "don't fuck with me" attitude that was truly cool. Before going to WOLVERINE, earlier this week I revisted the original two X-MEN films, and then that thing that Apparently ended X-MEN.

This latest WOLVERINE story is not as offensive as that for me, simply because I've never given a shit about Wolverine's origins. Whereas the Phoenix story is something I absolutely love. That said, it kills me that WOLVERINE is such a lifeless character, especially because I love Hugh Jackman. He's cool. But the Hugh Jackman Wolverine reminds me very much of the Pierce Brosnan James Bond. It has just never been as brilliant as its own casting. The character has been reduced to a killer smile, awkward clumsiness and squenching up his forehead and screaming. There really is nothing more to his character. Sure he has a brother, but other than running and killing, there's nothing else these brothers seem to have ever done. The "best" aspect of the new film is the opening credits sequence which establishes that they've been killing for about a century or more. BUT - that's it. What'd they do in the long periods between conflicts? What made these two strange men so patriotic that they'd fight repeatedly for their country? What was it about their American experience that made them go to war? They don't seem to have any military tradition in their family background. What purpose did it do to advance their characters? Are they particularly brave? I mean, they can't die, so it isn't anything for them to go to war, it just gives them a chance to kill men that are bravely fighting.

Now - what about Wolverine's savagery - perhaps this opening montage would show off his awesome rage and furor? But, no - this is just a credit sequence they thought would be BADASS, but it doesn't really advance the story other than Chronologically - and without really building a bond between the two brothers. What if they had families they were fighting to avenge in the Civil War? Just anything to give them ANY motivation.

Throughout this sequence, we just see how Wolverine is seemingly disgusted by violence, doing it as a reflex action to protect and join his brother, but what does his brother do to turn him? Well, he's one of those Vietnam helicopter gunners ala THE KILLING FIELDS gunning folks down from up on high - but we never see that - we just see him firing the gun. He apparently rips the guts out of commanding officer, but we don't see that either, we don't even hear a sound effect. His hand isn't even bloody, muddy or anything. So it gives the impact of a punch, but not a death.

So much of this movie is flaccid like this. There's an intent of action, but no real reality. There's nothing to advance characters, relationships or empathy with anything going on on screen. Remember how quickly and easily Singer bonded Wolverine with Rogue? Well, after Logan walks from Nigeria to the Canadian Rockies where he has a picturesque cabin. Its all just there.

Did he build it? Buy it? How long has he been with the woman there? How'd they meet? How deep has their relationship gone. They tell us that they love each other, but it isn't shown. She teaches school apparently, but how did the school teacher meet the most lethal badass in comic history? Was it a bar? What was that moment like when Logan revealed his true self to her. That he's an ageless eternal with bone claws that can never die?

I know, I know. There's no time for love Dr Jones. Well, there better damn well be some time for it, because she's the entire lynchpin for the entire fucking movie. She's the thing that makes him turn himself into Weapon X, that makes him hand himself over to someone he despises with the express purposes of killing his brother... hmmm... Too bad she comes across as the girl he's shacked up with. How hard was it to establish their relationship, instead of a visual effects sequence showing Wolverine fighting through time. Sure it isn't as embeddable, but had they just used that time to make us care. This film could have been the mutant badass version of THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES. But no. There's no interest in actually sculpting a real character out of Wolverine or any of the other characters in the film.

This is an action figure movie. A slurpee cup flick, where it's far more important to just have the characters do something eye-popping, not actually human. Oh sure, these are not humans, they're mutants... and apparently the mutant power they all have is the ability to make me not give a shit. BUT, I do give a shit, because I've been reading comics since I learned to read.

More than that - I like Hugh Jackman. I want him to be the best Wolverine he can be, although - with the double feature I saw - there's a part of me that would prefer to see James Purefoy take over the character, because everything that I would love to see Wolverine be, I saw in Solomon Kane today, only more religious.

The oddest thing about WOLVERINE is that the film looks cheap, but we all know the budget was apparently somewhere over 140 million. I don't really care how much a film costs - except when it isn't on screen. WOLVERINE looks like it cost about 1/3rd of what X2 cost and easily half of X3. That the best moment of action in the entire film is that helicopter shot that we've been seeing from the beginning... well, I've seen it so many times in trailers and everything else that assumed there had to be bigger stuff. I'm sure the filmmakers must've thought the Sabretooth/Wolverine/Deadpool fight would be bigger, but it just comes across as goofy. And when you give all your characters superhuman healing powers, I find it very odd that all Wolvie does is stab. I mean - wouldn't he do a mid-section slice and push to disengage torso from legs? Cut off an arm? Fingers? An ear? An ankle?

If you don't ask for much of anything from your WOLVERINE film - go on, see it. You've seen worse. You've seen Electra and X3. Though I'm gonna rewatch X3 again today - because I am sort of on the fence about WOLVERINE being better than X3. The effects are so bad with his digital claws, it really annoys the hell out of me. And the Professor X young effects look about 30 times worse than they did in X3, where I thought they were kinda remarkable, especially on McKellen.

God damn. This movie makes me say nice things about X3. Didn't see that one coming.

Now - I know... a lot of you are feeling like - well, I went into this with the big hate on for the film. But ya know... When I pulled up to the Alamo South today - I saw about 14 cars empty and approach the Drafthouse - as the doors were just opening. They were smiling and happy. There was a new WOLVERINE movie. I got in line with them to buy my tickets, I approached the box office and the ticket guy was all set to comp me, but I said, "No, I'll pay for this one."

I saw my first movie of the day, and Dad, Quint and I all come out smiling and happy. We're standing in the hallway chatting about the film, the stuff we loved, the stuff that we just liked. You know, that post film conversation we all have with our friends - when Wolverine's first show let out. The first 60 or so people that came out. Absolutely solemn. Then a couple of openly disgusted folks. Then the big crowd that stuck around for the post-film scene. And the first of that group came out, and they were smiling and I said to Quint - "Ah, the people that liked it!" and then the person smiling says to their friend, "That was so fucking lame!" OH NO.

At my screening, when the shot glass hits the bar empty - someone yelled out for everyone to be quiet, because there was your normal emptying of the theater chatter. The whole theater goes silent. The scene plays out and someone screams out, "You've gotta be fucking kidding!"

Sigh. This is that sort of experience. If you go to pay to see WOLVERINE, it won't just be money you'll be paying with.