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"The French Are Pretty Upset." International G.I. JOE Trailer Is Loud, Stupid And Kind Of Wonderful!

Beaks here...

5/1 Update: Turns out that international trailer was an unofficial leak. It's been replaced with the official domestic trailer, which, sadly, lacks the money line from the headline. Boo.

Has the Stephen Sommers who blessed us with the B-movie glory of DEEP RISING returned? It's impossible to tell based on the just-released international trailer for GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA, but anyone with the audacity to cut directly from the toppling of the Eiffel Tower to someone informing the President of the United States that "The French are pretty upset" has to be in on the joke. And, honestly, how can a movie based on a toy line be anything but a joke?

This is excessive in the extreme. Sommers's penchant for CG abuse appears to be perfectly matched to the glaringly unreal universe of GI JOE, while his actors sound like they've been directed to deliver their lines like they've walked straight out of the 1980s cartoon (the highlight being Rachel Nichols's overwrought "We're running out of time! Eject!"). I didn't ask for this movie, but this is exactly what it should be. I just hope Sommers can sustain this nonsense for two hours without wearing us out. Thanks to my pals atCHUD and Latino Review for the heads up.

Readers Talkback
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  • April 30, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:12 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    this will NUKE THE FRIDGE

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:13 p.m. CST

    No fuckin way

    by Youngdog

    if I am first then I shall proclaim - Action Man!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:14 p.m. CST

    Dammit danguy54321

    by Youngdog

    You may be frist but GI Joe always was and always will be;<P>ACTION MAN<P>In the UK

  • April 30, 2009, 5:16 p.m. CST

    Nobody actually uses the phrase "nuke the fridge"

    by slone13

    Except complete morons.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:16 p.m. CST

    nice looking trailer

    by frank cotton

  • April 30, 2009, 5:18 p.m. CST


    by Youngdog

    Does that mean I can claim a first on a technicality?<br>No?<P>Never mind

  • April 30, 2009, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Pretty darn cool!!!!

    by armando

    My ass is there day one!!!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:19 p.m. CST

    Poor France, they always get fucked.

    by lockesbrokenleg

  • April 30, 2009, 5:19 p.m. CST

    "Real American Hero"

    by GOB Adama

    Let's start by symbolically destroying France's manhood!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:19 p.m. CST

    This will nuke my ass

    by The Penultimate Gunslinger

    It looks god awful. But mind you, it is based on an Action Man toy, so no-one was exactly holding their breath.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:20 p.m. CST

    I want to see..

    by armando

    more SE and SS though... Hopefully this movie does good so we get some full fledged GI JOE sequals more like the comics..

  • April 30, 2009, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Oh Stephen

    by KevinMuller

    This looks like it is going to extremely over the top.... I thought Summers would cool down a bit, but he went the exact opposite way with this. Maybe Gordon-Levitt will add some interest to this project because it now just looks so generic that it seems boring.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:24 p.m. CST


    by armando

    GI JOE is soposed to be over the top... Cobra Commander wants to RULE the world! If thats not over the top, I dont know what is.. I think this movie actually has the right feel.. Even the vehicles feel like Joe toys..

  • April 30, 2009, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Looks better than "Wolverine"

    by pollaxt

    And no less stupid than "Transformers"

  • April 30, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    "how can a movie based on a toy line be anything but a joke?"

    by jimmay

    I'll remember that line when all this site's reviewers are fawning over how "epic" and "badass" Transformers 2 is. Don't get me wrong, I agree with you Beaks, but I extend that line of thought to Transformers as well, always have. <p> That really isn't the case with most of the people around here. Even the ones that hated Bayformers largely only did so because they thought making a full length feature film out of the toyline and cartoons of their youth would be a good idea.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    nobody uses the phrase 'aint it cool'

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:26 p.m. CST

    Sounds like fun.

    by Sal_Bando

    For a while-though it COULD turn into Speed Racer or Van Helsinki awful fast, too! I liked the Mummy though.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Loud and stupid is right

    by Tobiwise

    And the missile-dodging money shot at the end's a rip off from the third act of Transformers.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Where's Cobra Commander?

    by Mr Willi

    Can't be GI Joe without him.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Looks like absolute shit

    by jimmy rabbitte

    It will very definitely suck.<p> Don't be so thin skinned danguy. Anytime you post the same thing ten straight times like that; you're just asking people to shit on what you wrote.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Looks like Obediah Stane got a few defense contracts...

    by -=Shin=-

    Before Stark took his ass out. G.I. Joe: Iron American Heroes!!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:32 p.m. CST

    i dare Harry to give this an honest review!

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:32 p.m. CST

    i dare Harry to give this an honest review!

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:32 p.m. CST

    This is not GI Joe.

    by Reelheed

    The cool thing about GI Joe was that they didnt have super powers or robot suits they were just the best soldiers the world had to offer. Unlike this film which is iron man meets freerunning.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    that cgi looks like hell

    by Kief_Ledger

    how much did this movie cost

  • April 30, 2009, 5:33 p.m. CST

    The French are upset? What about me?

    by sevadro

    I just watched G.I. Joe Resolute - and I'm already convinced that was better than this POS. Why does Hollywood keep hiring this hack?

  • April 30, 2009, 5:34 p.m. CST

    this looks stupid-great!

    by FranklinStreet

    I had zero interest in this film until now... I think I was a couple of years too old for the G.I. Joe cartoon and was never into it as a kid-- it just looked pretty rote and stupid. And Sommers has made too many stupid movies where it looks like he's trying too hard and falling short with either the actors, the fx, or both (the Mummy flicks, Van Helsing). But here it looks like he's gone full-tilt stupid with this thing in the best possible way... the characters sound like they're stripped from Metal Gear Solid with their inane banter (and MSG had to have been pretty much swiped from G.I. Joe in the first place, right?) All of which means that instead of just making a dumb action flick, it looks like by capturing the inanity of cartoon-speak, two-dimensional lack of characterization, and meat-headed motivations, they've actually captured lightning in a bottle and created something that looks like a beautiful freak of nature.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:35 p.m. CST


    by Kryptonian1

    I always pictured Destro as a badass black mofo...not Doctor Who...

  • April 30, 2009, 5:35 p.m. CST

    "this is exactly what it should be..."

    by CreatureCantina

    They said that about Speed Racer, too. I expect the same result at the box office.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:36 p.m. CST

    Cobra's plan is to destroy the world's phallic symbols

    by Geomancer21

    Next is the Washington Monument, then Bill Clinton.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:37 p.m. CST

    That looked awesome!


    Okay, I'm heavily stoned at the moment. Hopefully this will look just as good when i've sobered up.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:38 p.m. CST


    by dr sauch

    Seriously, if you can't like this, just kill yourself, because there's really nothing for you in this world.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:39 p.m. CST

    "This is only just begun"....?!?

    by U004

    Dialog, graphics, cinematography, pacing, lighting; horrific. This is embarassing at best.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:39 p.m. CST

    will there be a Fridge in this film?

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:40 p.m. CST

    I estimate a lot of the Brits here won't like this.

    by dr sauch

    They have no appreciation for the inane.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:40 p.m. CST


    by Mr Willi

    G.I. Joe In Name Only! Actually I don't care -- I just like the acronym. GIJINO! GIJINO! GIJINO!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    Why Does A Movie Based On Action Figures

    by VWantsRevenge

    Have to be stupid? With all the different characters in the Joe universe, and multitude of story lines, why couldn't someone who isn't retarded make a decent, exciting, action packed flick? Kinda tired of the attitude that if it's a toy it has to be childish. Thanks Michael Bay! It is still possible to make a movie that appeals to a broad audience that is serious and well made.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:42 p.m. CST

    should have called it Master Chief vs. generic bad guys

    by BMacSmith

  • April 30, 2009, 5:43 p.m. CST

    Looks fucking AWFUL!

    by J.B.M.A.

    You've never been more off the mark Beaks. There's fun to be had with the G.I.Joe stories, but this isn't it. Excusing such drivel with 'so dumb it's good' platitudes is just embarrassing.<p>Oh, and the cartoon always was a load of ass - most of the good stuff came from the comic series.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:45 p.m. CST

    Missing something?....

    by Trannyformers_Apologist

    Should of got Bay to make another 2 hour commercial... Everybody loves Bay. Bay has a 200 million dollar bank account! cs

  • April 30, 2009, 5:45 p.m. CST


    by TurdontheRun

    We should start a bet on which movie will be the worst: Transfomers 2; Terminator Salvation; or GI Joe. Free blow job from Harry for the winner!

  • April 30, 2009, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Accelerator suits...

    by IAmLegolas

    looks like they just re-skinned the jumping mummies from MUMMY RETURNS. Even a similar bus chase. Horrible, and horrible idea.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:46 p.m. CST

    IMDB rampantly deleting negative Wolverine posts

    by Wandering_Prophet

    it's true, not deleting because they are offensive or promote piracy, but because we're saying stuff they don't like. If you have a free minute hop on over and join the fray. My post is currently titled "DELETED 8! TIMES! FOX LIED! FOX LIED! WP IDENTICAL TO FEATURE" Go get em fanboys

  • April 30, 2009, 5:47 p.m. CST

    Snakeyes VS Stormshadow


    The best part of that trailer. The movie should just be these two trying to f*ck each other up... the rest being Scarlett and the Baroness trying to f*ck each other, covered in massage oil.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:48 p.m. CST

    so after Bayformers and GIJoe, can we bury 80s toy movies?

    by BMacSmith

    do i really have to sit through a He-man or Thundercats movie that doesnt resemble the source?

  • April 30, 2009, 5:48 p.m. CST


    by Hasselhoffflying

    The only thing GI Blow is good for is being mutilated or thrown of tall structures.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:48 p.m. CST

    I forgot to mention...

    by Hasselhoffflying


  • April 30, 2009, 5:48 p.m. CST

    Cobra Commander

    by enderandrew

    Cobra Commander is being played by Cameron from 10 Things I Hate About You, and his look is supposed to be kept under wraps, but his action figures from the movie look pretty lame. Google image search can find them.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:49 p.m. CST

    How many times will we hear the phrase....

    by tolomey

    "This has only just begun" in summer blockbusters. Fuck me, how many aspiring writers are there in the world that could produce anthing better than this.<br> Mind you, I'm 30 years old, so this movie isn't really aimed at me is it?<br> If I was 10 years old I'm sure this would look amazing.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:49 p.m. CST


    by enderandrew

    You are right that Fox lied, but if you posting that you downloaded and watch the WP, then IMDB has an argument that your post is condoning movie piracy.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    From the director of The Mummy

    by enderandrew

    Is that supposed to be a good thing? I am one of the few here that don't hate on Bay and his popcorn flicks. In reality, Sommers really wishes he could be like Bay.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    ha that last shot of the Master Chiefs dodginf missiles

    by BMacSmith

    looked absolutely horrible. i'm used to bad CG in the Mummy movies, but this is a whole new level. and i love how its almost identical to the shot in Transformers, only instead of poorly designed robots, its fake looking ninja robots.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST

    Bobo_Vision writing for www.NukeTheFridge.COM now???

    by danguy54321

  • April 30, 2009, 5:51 p.m. CST


    by cool_britannia79

    Not action Man, fucking amateur...

  • April 30, 2009, 5:53 p.m. CST

    NO! "blissfully retarded" is not good enough anymore!

    by BadMrWonka

    there are so many movies that manage to be action packed and exciting AND interesting. why do we have to settle for this fucking retarded crap?<p>look at Dark Knight and Iron Man recently...go back to Die Hard or Jurassic Park...why do have to sit there with a gleeful smile as mindless CGI blurs whip back and forth. are we supposed to be as stupid and ADHD-riddled as 10year olds are? are we supposed to see this and text our friends, "OMG GIJOE luks awesum im gunna see it opening day R U?"<p>FUCK THIS SHIT! why do we have to eat what's fed to us? I never played with GI Joe's, I never watched the show, and I don't give a shit about being faithful to the source material. but just make a DECENT MOVIE if you're gonna make one. god dammit Beaks, help a brother out here. why CAN'T we keep our expectations high?

  • April 30, 2009, 5:56 p.m. CST

    How to run a Hollywood studio

    by enderandrew

    You ask Sommers "are you the guy who wrote Scorpion King, and directed Van Helsing?", and when he says yes, you punch him in the dick.

  • April 30, 2009, 5:56 p.m. CST

    America!!! FUCK YEAH!!

    by Browncoat_Jedi

    Live action Team America. I can't wait!

  • April 30, 2009, 6 p.m. CST

    Robot suits?

    by Charlie_Allnut

    Wtf? And Tatum is all wrong for that role. Wayans looks more badass than him. Could be a fun movie, but it doesn't look like the G.I. Joe movie we've been waiting for...

  • April 30, 2009, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Where's Shipwreck?

    by brothamichael

    I'm not going till I see Shipwreck in one of the trailers!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:01 p.m. CST

    "how can a movie based on a toy line be anything but a joke?"

    by Continentalop

    Maybe if you based it on the comic book and not the toyline or cartoons. And while GI Joe was based on a toyline, the actual characters of the Joes were created by comic book writer/artist Larry Hama, and were originally intended to be called Fury Force and be part of the SHIELD and the Marvel Universe. <p> I should also mention that Larry Hama was an ex-Nam vet and his comic and characters were meant to be taken as serious salutes to the soldiers. They might have been comic book characters, but the ranks, pay rates, phrases and terminology was dead on accurate. Larry Hama didn't treat it as a fucking joke, and I find it insulting to see all of his hard work to be treated this way. He and his characters deserved better.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:02 p.m. CST

    Looking more forward to this than Wolverine

    by lockesbrokenleg

    What is wrong with me?

  • April 30, 2009, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Deadpool lives on...

    by Raised FisT

    as Snake Eyes? Sadly, this trailer did more for me than ANY of the Wolverine trailers/ tv spots. Let the cheesy effects and childhood raping commence!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:03 p.m. CST


    by TheFlypaper

    A big, dumb, loud, outlandish, CGI balls to the wall, kid targeted action movie. Anyone who expected anything sophisticated was fooling themselves. Fire up the popcorn machine, warm the butter and pour that bladder-blowing big gulp pop. The summer movie season has begun. HELL YEAH.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:04 p.m. CST


    by Embeedeuce

    Seriously, I'm glad someone finally brought that up.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:06 p.m. CST


    by Continentalop

    You just gave the best studio advice ever. EVER!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:08 p.m. CST


    by Wandering_Prophet

    In continuation with what I typed before, not only do I dismiss piracy in my board. There are hundreds of workprint boards on IMDB, but mine keeps getting deleted because it keeps shooting to the top of the board and informing everyone that fox is evil. So trust me, it's not the piracy issue. It's the smear campaign that's really gettting them.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Here it comes....

    by Sparhawk38

    G.I. Joe vs. Transformers "I ain't got time to bleed!" They will cg the artists who cg'd the movie during a cg interview before the premier.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:09 p.m. CST

    Is this considered a "summer blockbuster"?

    by jersey_d

    What even constitutes that nowadays?

  • April 30, 2009, 6:11 p.m. CST

    Well it does look like retarded fun!

    by Johnno

    Quite honestly I made up stupider plots and action maneuvers in my head while playing with them as a kid so maybe this will tickle me pink or whatever the correct phrase is for the opposite of not raping my childhood...

  • April 30, 2009, 6:12 p.m. CST

    To Harsh On the JOE men?

    by Rollofpennies

    After the non-sense that was Wolverine, I'll take whatever I can to get to bounce back for a good movie. This looks entertaining at the least. The trailer was good and lets be honest, we all just want to a sweet ninja fight and it looks like that was well delivered. Origins on the other hand delivered nothing but a fuck you to the fans. Its well recognizable that didnt put money in that movie and well, they get what they pay for. G.I. Joe wont tank and it looks like it will have better word of mouth than Origins which is pretty damn sad. I could practically see FOX flipping the audience off while watching that bs.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:12 p.m. CST

    Joes DO NOT have uniforms or need robot suits!

    by Itto Ogami loses Daigoro

    Comprende? <p> obviously not.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:13 p.m. CST


    by Bag_of_Hammers

    I was told there would be porkchop sandwiches, I see no porkchop sandwiches.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:13 p.m. CST

    The only thing good about this movie...

    by slave to the one

    Is the fact that Ray Park was cast as Snake Eyes...everything else about this movie reaked of shit! Now we have the trailer to prove it!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:14 p.m. CST

    Movies I can't wait to see now:

    by Tin Snoman

    M.A.S.K., Battle Beasts, Centurions, Wheeled Warriors, Sectaurs. Also, let's fast-track that He-Man film and get a She-Ra spin-off film franchise going too. I'd say reboot Inspector Gadget too, but someone might actually take that seriously.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    its talentlessand retarded, so you have to like it!

    by BMacSmith

    its just fun! how is it fun, you ask? well...uh, it just is! its got ninjas, and that automatically makes it beyond criticism. Never mind that the rest is bad acting, bad FX, and bad everything! if you dont like it, then you are an elitist art snob that should go back to watching The English Patient or My Left Foot. Wait, you say you like stupid popcorn movies but hate crap like Transformers? thats impossible. my tiny, ape brain is melting.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Looks worse than I imagined

    by ballyhoo

    And I imagined something fucking awful.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:18 p.m. CST

    "how can a movie based on a toy line be anything but a joke?"

    by lex romero

    Then why bother to make a film out of it at all? Where do you draw the line? "how can anything based on a comic about a man dressed as a bat be anything but a joke?" etc? <br><br> I agree with mrwonka. I'm not asking for "citizen kane" , i'm asking for a decent action blockbuster. Since when did it become "too much" to expect Transformers to have a well structured plot or likeable characters? I'm not asking for something fantastic and revolutionary. I just want a good action film where I care about what's going on and have some kind of semi-decent plot. People sorely underate how important a story is to films. Our entire civilisation is built upon stories that have been shared and passed down. To suddenly claim a good story is "asking too much" just baffles me. <br><br> If the only reason people are going to see the film is for the robot action, then why make the film 2 hours long? why not just condense it to 15 mintues of the robots fighting? <br><br>I find the support of Transformers to be constantly schizophrenic. One minute people are arguing "oh its just a film about toys its meant to be dumb and shit and have crappy characters and plot lol!" and then the next minute, when I point out I couldn't give a fuck about anyone in the film, are arguing that "Bumblebee being taken from Sam was really emotional!". <br><br>Transformers failed because it didn't take itself seriously enough, it was constantly telling the audience what a big joke it all was. And then it expected us to care about teh cahracters? Wtf? <br><br>And just in case anyone questions it, when I say "take it seriously" I don't mean it has to be a "serious" film. Iron Man took itself seriously and was a fun, light hearted and well put together blockbuster. That's all I'm asking for. If the makers expect us to give a fuck about what's going on, then they need to show that they aer taking the concept of there film seriously, rather than trying to tell us how stupid it is and what a ridiculous idea it is throughout the film.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    I didn't know Michael By directed this film too!

    by Jugdish

    By adding "from the director of The Mummy " - I lost all urge to see it

  • April 30, 2009, 6:21 p.m. CST

    They should go 12 inch-style G.I. Joe instead!

    by EastBayFrankenstein

    No, not 12 inch dicks (jeesh). EVERY character in the movie should look exactly alike, ALL be named G.I. Joe, and have identical buzzed-tight Velcro hair and beard (with slight variations in color). Oh, and they should all be played by a reincarnated James Franciscus!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:23 p.m. CST

    HELL YES!!!


    This looks KILLER!!! Sommers' next project should be a big budget, big screen FLASH GORDON-now THAT would be something for him to sink his teeth into.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:23 p.m. CST


    by enderandrew

    There are scripts seriously trying to develop Thundercats and He-Man. If GI Joe makes money, and Transformers 2 makes money, expect these two to get pushed forward even more.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:23 p.m. CST

    Stephen Sommers = Michael Bay + Retarded Child

    by blackmantis

    The day the director of Mummy, Mummy Returns and Van Helsing makes a movie that isn't a steaming heap of shit is the day I'll eat my hat. And I don't even have a hat, so I'll have to buy one to eat it.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Iron Man took itself seriously? Yeah, right.

    by noncents

    That was the weakest link in your argument, Lex. The only reason Iron Man worked was because of the likability of the lead and all those salivating technological toys, because we all want to build bad ass shit in our garbage, and that is the end all fantasy. The Dark Knight took it seriously, but Iron Man. Come on, really? Sam L at the end. Please.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:24 p.m. CST

    thank you lex romero

    by Darth Thoth

    Good post at 6:18:20. Nuff said.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:29 p.m. CST

    MEGAFORCE 2009!

    by blakindigo

    Pics or it didn't happen, you say? I give you the above link as evidence. <br><br> “Nuked the Fridge.”

  • April 30, 2009, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Not Bad.

    by adiehardfanwithalethalweapon

    May actually see this now.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:30 p.m. CST


    by Darth Thoth

    GI Joe, Transformers... it's all the same when it comes to these flicks. The people making the films have no idea what these properties are really about. Absolutely no concept and it shows in the ridiculousness of these trailers and their movies. This trailer had absolutely nothing in it resembling GI Joe other than the obvious characters sprinkled throughout. What a shame. By the way, I didn't download Wolverine but didn't need to to know that this movie is going to be garbage. And I like Gavin Hood, Hugh Jackman, etc. But these studios just suck the life out of art. It's really sad.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:31 p.m. CST

    Holy Crap...!

    by Superzerotwo

    I don't care what anyone says...I think this looks like it might be one HELL of an ENTERTAINING movie, entertaining being the key word. Plus I had like, a shitload of JOE toys growing up waaaay back in a time called the 80's and I became massively popular the christmas I got the aircraft carrier, which took up half of my room. GO JOE!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:32 p.m. CST


    by lex romero

    That's exactly the kind of response I was trying to avoid in the explanation in my final paragraph. I was not saying Iron man was a serious film, I'm saying it took its concept seriously. It took a ridiculous concept and sold it to us as a real world with a likeable and convincing main character. It didn't sit around thinking "woah a dude flying in a robotic suit? That's effin stupid! we better throw in some jokes about how stupid that idea is or the audience will think we're being too serious!" <br><br> Compare some Tony Stark witticism to bumblebee pissing on jon turturro. Both attempts to be funny, but the latter is so pervasively a "lol isn't this stupid? haha a robot peeing on some dude, how retarded, see guys? We aren't taking this stuff seriously either! so you'll like us right?" <br><br> By "taking it seriously" all I mean is that the creators accept they have a ridiculous concept, but they make it work. That doesn't mean it has to be TDK serious and "realistic", it just means when the bad guy is trying to kill the main character, I actually care about what is going on.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:33 p.m. CST

    Itll be goofy-bad-fun for about ten minutes

    by Lovecraftfan

    But that will wear off quickly and than whats left.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:34 p.m. CST

    Dear Larry Hama—

    by blakindigo

    I loved your work on G.I. Joe for Marvel in the 80's. Could you please do an interview with someone at AICN, describing your approach to the comics?

  • April 30, 2009, 6:35 p.m. CST


    by Lemure_v2

    Yeah, but if you go back and watch the Van Helsing trailer that looked like it might be fun...come to think of it, Harry rated that film.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:36 p.m. CST

    There just aren't enough movies with ninjas

    by Oomlot

    So a movie that crosses that cultural divide, and has ninja fights, some sort of crazy exo-suit, big ass explosions and as a bonus, upset frogs, can only be good in my book

  • April 30, 2009, 6:37 p.m. CST

    the modern dance rocket evasion made my brain hurt

    by BadMrWonka

    how can any of you think this looks good? seriously, this is a live action version of Team America, and that movie was a PARODY.<p>god damn, this is why reality TV makes millions and people buy penis enlargement pills. you're all fucking retarded.<p>to quote the great Bill Murray in Groundhog Day:<p>"You are new, aren't you? People like blood sausage. People are morons."

  • April 30, 2009, 6:42 p.m. CST


    by Slippy

    The 80's are back and are gloriously fucking our eyeballs out in 2009!!!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Toy soldiers

    by BlueHawaiiSurfer

    I played with GI Joe toys and read the comics. I just don't get the "ANGER". It's ART?!?! You fucking kidding me??? Just be happy you had the comics, this kind of movie is OBVIOUSLY not aimed at the hardcore fan, but then what is really??? This movie is aimed at the 99% of people who watched the cartoon. (because that's all they really know about Joe, let's face it) I totally agree with you about liking to see a better quality movie, but damn, being MAD about it? lol That ship should have sailed about 20 years ago when you put down your last action figure.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Harry's analysis of X-Men Origins : Wolverine film

    by BDuncan

    After Roger Ebert gave it 2 stars, it'll be interesting to read Harry's analysis of the troubled X-Men Origins : Wolverine film, in terms of what he reckons it did wrong and right.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:44 p.m. CST

    "The French are pretty upset."

    by otm shank

    Well......yeah.<p> They're French.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:46 p.m. CST

    the director played Crysis too much!

    by Devilman666

    Those armor suits looks exactly like the suits in Crysis, with all the different powers, speed, strenght, etc...

  • April 30, 2009, 6:46 p.m. CST

    "perfectly matched" and

    by Dingbatty

    "exactly what it should be"? Absolute bullshit! The true iteration of G.I. Joe was the 80's comic book written by Larry Hama. Hama has refused to ever watch the 80's bowdlerized/bastardized cartoon. You have no idea what you or talking about, or familiarity with this property.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:47 p.m. CST


    by kwisatzhaderach

  • April 30, 2009, 6:47 p.m. CST


    by BlueHawaiiSurfer

    And anyone else who finds themselves bent out of shape about something in a movie. "It's a fucking movie!"

  • April 30, 2009, 6:48 p.m. CST

    Good points Lex

    by Continentalop

    But someone should also add you is this film for? Kids who have really no idea who GI Joe: Real American Hero is and have no interest in the characters, or the children who watched the cartoon, read the comics and/or bought the toys in the 80s? The guys from 28-38 are your real target audience - we grew up on this stuff and love it. And one thing we don't want is for someone to make something that mocks something we once loved. <p> We also want to see an "adult" (I use the term very loosely) GI JOE film, doing things the Joes were never allowed to do in the comics or cartoons but we always wanted to see. We want to see planes blown up but don't see any Cobra soldiers parachuting out of them; we want to see someone actually hit someone with his gunfire and kill the enemy; we want to see Cobra pull off a realistic terrorist plot instead of turning people into snakes or trying to use an ancient Egyptian spell to take over the world; hell some of us might want to see the Baroness and Destro finally get in on or see Scarlett and Snake-eyes finally consumate their relationship. <p> What we don't want to see is a movie that makes us think "Shit, the cartoon took itself more serious and more realistic than this POS."

  • April 30, 2009, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Here here Dingbatty

    by Continentalop

    Same thing I said up above. Use Larry Hama as the template, not the cartoon.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:50 p.m. CST

    suddenly thinking this is tihs years GODZILLA

    by Six Demon Bag

    Godzilla was "in" on the joke and that turned out fuck all for all involved. i kinda wished they did it straight up but that'll never happen. another one down

  • April 30, 2009, 6:50 p.m. CST

    I wanted to talk about "rise of" for years

    by Dapper Swindler

    But every time I neglect to, there's another subtitle that uses "rise" and the task of actually complaining about it becomes too great for me. I just can't even articulate anymore how many things use "rise" in the title and how cheap and sloppy it is. I give up. Someone with a lot of time on their hands and patience should make a list.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:50 p.m. CST

    Man, I write like a retarded eight year old

    by Continentalop

    I've got to stop trying to post and work at the same time.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Why is Storm Shadow wearing a

    by Dingbatty

    pair of panties across his mouth?

  • April 30, 2009, 6:53 p.m. CST

    Holy crap, that looks bad.

    by whitty

    Seriously, that looks terrible. I won't be seeing that crap. There are only two films I plan to see in theaters for the rest of 2009: Harry Potter and Star Trek. Otherwise, I've had it with Hollywood, which keeps putting out movies as badly written and badly acted as this one looks to be.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:54 p.m. CST


    by Dingbatty

    I agree with everything you wrote -- I posted before reading the thread. ;-)<p>I can't believe people are defending this after Resolute. Resolute isn't perfect, but it closer in tone to what the movie should be.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:54 p.m. CST


    by OGoncho

    FUCK YEAH!<br><br>My god, it turns out Team America was a retro-active spoof of this EXACT film! Incredible.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:55 p.m. CST

    Continentalop, help me to understand—

    by blakindigo

    "Shit, the cartoon took itself more serious and more realistic than this POS."<br><br> LMFAO!! Are you serious about the Egyptian spell to take over the world? Was that in the cartoon?

  • April 30, 2009, 6:55 p.m. CST

    I could possibly like this

    by kafka07

    if I dumb myself down enough so that I could appreciate a film in the same league as The Mummy. And that's not entirely impossible for me to do on the right day. And that's saying a lot about a Sommer's film. And then again, it could be more like Van Helsing, guh.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:56 p.m. CST


    by OGoncho

    'retro-active'? Try 'preemptive', douche.<br><br>God I hate myself.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Looks retarded as hell...

    by judge dredds fresh undies

    I love it!

  • April 30, 2009, 6:56 p.m. CST

    THATS NOT MY GI JOE!!! fuck that

    by Six Demon Bag

    i see people trying to be the characters...but thats not it. WILD WEASEL looks cool thought.

  • April 30, 2009, 6:57 p.m. CST

    I don't think that's anyone's G.I.Joe.

    by Shermdawg

    Oh well, at least we got the comics and cartoons.

  • April 30, 2009, 7 p.m. CST


    by Continentalop

    Yes they did, and because they tried to get this spell Cobra and the Joes had to fight a bunch of Egyptian gods like Thoth, Horus, Set and Isis. I shit you not!

  • April 30, 2009, 7:01 p.m. CST

    What is the point of the characters

    by Dingbatty

    having distinct specialities, if they are all simply going to wear those powered body armor suits?<p>Hasbro is doing well with their 25th anniversary line. Did they honestly think this will sell toys? That crap will be on the bargain table with the Indiana Jones and The Dark Knight toys, soon after the movie debuts.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:02 p.m. CST

    i guess im supposed to like Godzilla, Pearl Harbor, Van Helsing

    by BMacSmith

    sure they were terrible movies by any measurable standard, but if someone puts the "fun" tag on a movie, who cares how boring, sloppy, regurgitated, compromised, and amateur they are! they had big special FX! and everyone knows that you cant make a movie with big Special FX AND make it good at the same time! thats impossible. never been done. just lower your standards and except what you are fed.<p> masturbating is fun, but that doesnt mean i want to pay ten bucks to watch someone else do it for 90 minutes.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:02 p.m. CST


    by Continentalop

    Just goes to show great minds think alike. <p> Besides you knew this movie was going to be shit when they replaced Stalker with Roadblock. Anyone who knows GI Joe knows Stalker was one of Hama's favorites and one of the most important Joes.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:02 p.m. CST

    Better than Transformers

    by Kobaal

    Also, how come this POS throwaway summer crap gets "accelerator suits" but Starship Troopers didn't? I hate Hollywood.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:04 p.m. CST

    I work in Hollywood and love the film business

    by Continentalop

    But this is final evidence that Hollywood hates America and its soldiers * hang my head in shame*

  • April 30, 2009, 7:05 p.m. CST

    If I didn't know that this was GI Joe

    by Samus Aran

    I could have never ever guessed. There was perfectly nothing familiar about this trailer. Power Suits? Seriously? Power suits had nothing to do with GI Joe. This is not Crysis- that is a different story altogether. Jeez it is amazing how Hollywood can not hardly EVER get a classic story right. Why call it GI Joe? Aren't a team of american soldiers fighting Cobra cool enough as it is? Do they really need power suits? <P> I really would have liked to have seen a good live action movie of GI Joe- that seriously would have been really cool. But unfortunately this asshole had to hijack the title and then make something completely different, and of course he gave us something completely common and predictable. <P> Sure power suits haven't been used much in movies yet- mostly in video games. But if you want to make a movie about power suits- go ahead. There are plently of licenses that use power suits- Metroid, Crysis, Bionic Commando, Half-Life, StarCraft. Errr, um actually, on second thought- I'd prefer that Stephen Sommers stays the hell away from any of these. Well he can have Crysis, but I really don't want him or any of his ilk to get near those other licensed stories that I care about. <P> Oh what the hell, movies suck for the most part anyway. As more and more terrible movies come out, I am loving and enjoying video games more and more- and I don't really need any more of Hollywood's garbage. Video Games are now the venue where you can find the real powerful visual experiences anymore. Down WITH MOVIES!!! UP WITH VIDEO GAMES!!! <P> So go ahead Hollywood and burn down your city. Video games will pick up all your dissillusioned audience members. More and more people in this world are discovering how much of a richer experience video games are over movies every day anyway. The quality goes up in games every year, and every year the quality goes down in movies. Everyone can see it's true.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:07 p.m. CST

    Looks like one of those fake trailers from Tropic Thunder

    by superunknown85

    ie lame

  • April 30, 2009, 7:09 p.m. CST

    Fighting the Egyptian gods

    by blakindigo

    was already done by Stephen Sommers. Maybe—eh, hang on a goddamn minute—<br><br> Has anyone seen this thing yet? Does that trailer even capture the tone of the movie?<br><br> Does anybody want to interrogate a studio executive after say, a vicious dick punch and demand:<br><br> “What the fuck did I do to YOUR childhood?”

  • April 30, 2009, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Looks like a bunch of movies from the last few summers

    by MattmanReturns

    Doesn't look anything like G.I. Joe.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:13 p.m. CST


    by Continentalop

    Because what you are saying is so God damn true!

  • April 30, 2009, 7:14 p.m. CST

    update! Sommers to direct Crysis, but with key differences!

    by BMacSmith

    A new character named John Crysis and his team will now wear modern military uniforms and fight a shadowy terrorist mummy organization called SNAKE. the Crysis power suits as well as the alien element are gone, but one of the bad guys is North Korean, so it ties in perfectly.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:14 p.m. CST


    by gruemanlives


  • April 30, 2009, 7:14 p.m. CST


    by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer


  • April 30, 2009, 7:15 p.m. CST

    Wait—! Stalker ISN'T in the Movie?!

    by blakindigo

    What. The. Fuck.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:16 p.m. CST

    "When all else fails, we don't"

    by Kobaal

    Then why not just send these guys in first? Why bother sending Deltas or Seals at all, if they only might do the job, whereas GI Joes will definitely do it?<p> Fuck this insulting bullshit.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Why is every movie copying stargate concepts

    by dioxholster

    what the hell, its like they stole all its ideas and used them differently

  • April 30, 2009, 7:20 p.m. CST


    by Flyingcircus

    This is just embarrassing. It really doesn't even look like it could be a real movie. Just when I thought H-Wood couldn't sink any lower, they shit something like this out. Fucking pathetic.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Haaang on...

    by Majereuk

    Did something go wrong in the casting here? Everyone knows movie villains are all English, but this guy is clearly a Scot. I suspect he's not a villain at all, but merely a chap who's been hired by the French government to dismantle that expensive tower- which was meant to be temporary, after all... In other lunacy, I seem to remember a Transformers vs GI Joe comic. Surely the next crossover movie hit has to be obvious. And for the dads, they should get Circuit Breaker in there... (Warning to Americans- this post may contain traces of sarcasm)

  • April 30, 2009, 7:22 p.m. CST

    "can a movie based on a toy line be anything but a joke?"

    by cococommander

    A good writer should be able to write a good story no matter the subject matter. "The Red violin" is about an instrument and is a good film. "G.I.JOE: ROC" is based off a cartoon centered around specialized soldiers fighting a Nazi-like organization. How difficult could it be?? Apparently, for some, it seems quite hard as this movie looks horrible.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:24 p.m. CST


    by petedrinksduff

    What a load of bullshit, you couldn't pay me to watch that! I know everyone bashes Transformers but at least the effects are incredible, unlike that fucking Spectrum Render they used on that!

  • April 30, 2009, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Pussy Fucking Communists sound pretty good!

    by mistergreen

  • April 30, 2009, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Warren Ellis

    by DennisMM

    apparently is writing pretty good GI Joe: Resolute web content, and he wrote what should have been both the ultimate M:I and ultimate any task-force story (including GI Joe). It's called Global Frequency. Ask for the TPs.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:32 p.m. CST

    Ray Park is the man

    by MrClark

    Can someone just make a 2 hour movie with him going crazy with very sharp objects? If thats what this movie is I might just die happy.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:34 p.m. CST

    Take a chill pill, nerds...

    by Davidia

    This is based off of...action figures. Same with Transformers, if it's to "low-brow" for you than fuck off and watch The Reader. P.S. I liked Transformers.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:34 p.m. CST


    by lockesbrokenleg

    He is a nice guy. Met him a few times. He can kick your ass, but he's nice.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:34 p.m. CST

    "this is exactly what it should be."

    by MonkeyLord

    WTF? Was Beaks eating a retard sandwich when he posted this?<p> Well I'm not biting. Beaks can go fuck himself, and his apologist-for-shitty-adaptations attitude. I grew up playing with G.I. Joe, watching the cartoons, and reading the comic books, and I know what those stories and characters meant to me as a kid. I know what they mean to me today as an adult. And I expect better than *this*.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:34 p.m. CST

    "Raped my childhood"

    by DennisMM

    Everybody's childhood gets raped, one way or another. Some children actually get raped. You're grown-up now. Life's tough. Deal with it.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:39 p.m. CST

    "Looks like Obediah Stane got a few defense contracts"

    by ganymede3010

    AHAHAHAHAHA Shin, that's the funniest shit I've ready all day lol.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:39 p.m. CST

    Warren Ellis

    by blakindigo

    wrote G.I. Joe: Resolute.<br><br> I rather stupidly, assumed the tone of the new shiny, expensive movie would be the same. Or even more-so. I really don't get this—I mean this doesn't even feel like transformers.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:42 p.m. CST

    I'll watch it drunk

    by Harold The Great

    I just came home from a party and this seems like the greatest thing ever. I'll bring some booze in my flask to the theater. Damn, the stupider this movie is, the better it will be.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:44 p.m. CST


    by BMacSmith

    i expect good lowbrow, what im seeing is bad lowbrow. there is a difference.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:46 p.m. CST

    i thought eccelston didnt want to play the heavy

    by bacci40

    anymore...guess the money was too good to turn down

  • April 30, 2009, 7:51 p.m. CST

    Pissweak Attitude Beaks

    by the zapper

    Just beacause a film is genre-based doesn't mean it has to be "big dumb fun" (ie: brain-dead CGI Bullshit). Its this attitude of acceptance that ensures potentially great properties are squandered again and again. I'm not a hge GI Joe fan (played with the toys as a kid, watched a few cartoons) but even I can see this is shit. Over reliance on CGI? Shit. Removing any interesting elements about the bad guys? shit. Black leather super battlesuits? shit. Marlon Wayans in an action movie? Shit. Green metal eating nonobytes as the major plot point ? absolute double diarreha shit sandwich, the likes of which wouldnt even pass for a plot on saturday morning cartoon.In fact, it reminds me of the "mutant baby vampire" plot in Van Helsing - another potentially great property butchered, only to be defended as "big dumb fun" by all the plebs who dont ask for anything of substance from genre-based films

  • April 30, 2009, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Bring on the stupid fun

    by darthSaul666

    The trailer looks like what I was expecting. Shit sakes I don't get all the hater bs. GI Joe was big stupid kid fun in 1985 and will be in 2009. I read some of the GI Joe comics back in the day. They were less dumb but I never though it was mind blowing like Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing or anything. Bring on the childhood nostalgia. Yo Joe!!!

  • April 30, 2009, 7:55 p.m. CST

    It reminds me of Lost In Space

    by mr.brownstone

    only without the space part.

  • April 30, 2009, 7:56 p.m. CST

    I agree zapper, how can anyone accept M. Wayans as an Action sta

    by ganymede3010

    That's equivalent to having Jim Carey star in the Expendables. The biggest miscast in history if you ask me. Hollywood is in dire need of young Black Action stars. Marlon Wayans, Don Cheadle (Although Don is starting to grow on me as Warmachine) Stick Fingers as Blade, I mean what the fuck?

  • April 30, 2009, 8 p.m. CST

    Bad Mr Wonka

    by the zapper

    Sorry....just realized you'd already said my thoughts exactly =p Dark Knight, Iron Man, Hellboy, the original Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark - these are what these sort of ilms should be aiming to be like, ie: family friendly action movies that don't treat the audience like absolute plebs. One of the reasons I mainly focus on anime and asian cinema these days is because they are artforms that dont feel the need to dumb down everything genre-based

  • April 30, 2009, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Don't dis Speed Racer!

    by Toonol

    It _WAS_ exactly what it should be, and one of the best movies of '08.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:19 p.m. CST

    "surender? surender?"

    by Jesiah

    "That A in my name doesn't stand for France!!!"--Jesiah (paraphrased from Ultimate Captain America ;)- )

  • April 30, 2009, 8:20 p.m. CST

    Wolverine reviews AICN ?

    by Miyamoto_Musashi

    Or do you only review stuff you want/paid to promote these days >

  • April 30, 2009, 8:22 p.m. CST

    How can...

    by the zapper

    a movie about a movie about a part-man part-machine be anything but a joke? Imagine if James cameron, Ridley scott and Paul Verhoeven had had that attitude.Suddenly Terminator, Blade Runner, and Robocop turn into shit ala the attached trailer. Seriously Beaks, you've made a huge error of judgement here.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:22 p.m. CST

    "We're running out of time! Eject!"

    by fiester

    Is this a sex scene when she yells this?

  • April 30, 2009, 8:38 p.m. CST

    The Resolute cartoon was awesome.

    by Royston Lodge

    This trailer is not. Reminds me of that godawful Avengers movie.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:40 p.m. CST

    'k. So this is not a Warren Ellis G.I. Joe. Good to know.

    by Amy Chasing

    Although didn't Sommers do The Mummy, which was quite good. Maybe this'll be like Van Helsing, only funnier. <P> BTW, have there ever been any good movies based on toys? None spring to mind (although the trailer to Toys had Robin Williams at his best. That trailer was better than the film too.)

  • April 30, 2009, 8:43 p.m. CST

    The effects look surprisingly awful. And, it's not GI Joe.

    by kevred

    Just because you *can* simulate a camera constantly rotating around everything doesn't mean you *should*. This constant-camera-swoop-around-bad-CG will be what people in a decade or so will look back on and wonder, "why were they so impressed with this back then?"<p>Oh, and this isn't GI Joe. It's yet another in the endless series of Hollywood idiots thinking they have better ideas than the ideas they're basing a movie on.<p>"Yeah, GI Joe is a great property, strong enough to build a film on. Now, here's how we're going to change everything people know and like about it..."

  • April 30, 2009, 8:47 p.m. CST

    One shot mimicked Transformers...

    by Seany-Wan

    When the two guys in their suits move in slow-mo to dodge the missles? Just like when Ironhide shot his two missles in the street at the end of the film. Since when did Duke look like a punk?

  • April 30, 2009, 8:49 p.m. CST

    More on those effects

    by kevred

    Seeing these unconvincing, video-game-level effects, I wonder if Hollywood should adopt a new rule: Filmmakers can only use effects as advanced as they can pull of completely convincingly.<p>If you can't make the underwater vehicles and Eiffel Tower dissolving look better than this, then you can't put them in a movie. Instead, you'll have to settle for, say, helicopters and a building blowing up.<p>We might just start getting much better movies out of the deal.<p>I thank god that current technology wasn't around when the likes of Predator, Aliens, and the original Star Wars flicks were made. These new films have no soul at all. I'll watch the 1980 Flash Gordon before I waste my time on this pseudo-GI-Joe garbage.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:55 p.m. CST

    Directors and effects

    by enderandrew

    Directors ask for something, but it is an effects company who produces the shot. If the special effects are poorly done, that isn't the fault of the director. When the director designs a stupid sequence, that is the director's fault.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:56 p.m. CST


    Late again as usual so no way i am reading all these talkbalks.:P Reelheed said it best The cool thing about GI Joe was that they didn't have super powers or robot suits they were just the best soldiers the world had to offer. Unlike this film which is iron man meets freerunning. And Beaks what the heck are you talking about? What can you expect from a movie based on a toyline? acting straight out of the 80's cartoon? The acting and stories from the 80's cartoon was actually quite good, and have you seen GI Joe resolute? goes to show that GI JOE can be good and be taken seriously.

  • April 30, 2009, 8:57 p.m. CST

    Halo equipment.

    by wintermusic

    It's possible someone already said this but; did I see a Pelican Dropship come in for a landing at the beginning the "accelerator" suits look a little like Mjolnir armor?

  • April 30, 2009, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Directors and effects

    by kevred

    When a director makes several films in a row that are atrocious CG-effected train wrecks, said director does not get let off the hook that easily.<p>It's a group effort to do something that looks this bad, but someone has to be in charge.

  • April 30, 2009, 9:16 p.m. CST

    I'm intrigued

    by RowanM

  • April 30, 2009, 9:32 p.m. CST


    by Squashua

    I want my damn sequel. Need to see Sawyer, Kate and Hurley get off Monster Island.

  • April 30, 2009, 9:42 p.m. CST

    Same old Same old

    by Rufferto

    More parroting the same illogical reasoning for why I should watch a bad movie posted by unimaginative, easily amused people who have very little expectation for the property anyway.

  • April 30, 2009, 9:42 p.m. CST

    Will Marvel release some GI JOE TP's

    by cymbalta4thedevil

    of Larry Hama's comics to tie in with this movie? Never read them back in the day.

  • April 30, 2009, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Expensive modern day version of Street Fighter the Movie?

    by Orionsangels

  • April 30, 2009, 9:50 p.m. CST


    by Rufferto

    I think they published two or three. Not many so far. And a lot of the original issues were very under printed. So it's pretty expensive to collect those, sadly. So I am hoping for more TP in the future myself.

  • April 30, 2009, 10:11 p.m. CST

    That's probably the most bombastic trailer I've ever seen.

    by TheGoddamnSiege

    They might as well release the G.I. Joe animated movie from the 80s in theatres this summer.

  • April 30, 2009, 10:17 p.m. CST

    melt the Eiffel tower? WHO GIVES A SHIT

    by HaterofCrap

    i mean...COME ON!

  • April 30, 2009, 10:37 p.m. CST

    Looks like they got Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes right...

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    but that's about it. Oh well, still looks like retarded kick ass fun.

  • April 30, 2009, 10:57 p.m. CST

    I hate when people think a movie like GI Joe

    by Jor-El23

    Should be more than just a movie based on action figures. Jesus Christ.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:20 p.m. CST

    I hate when people think a movie like GI Joe

    by BMacSmith

    should be about ninja wannabes in Master Chief armor dancing with missiles. That had to be one of the worst shots i ever saw. is this a musical?<p> this looks like the first Street Fighter movie.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:23 p.m. CST


    by NivekJ

    Sorry, but when did GIJOE become EXO-Squad? That being said, if this movie kicks ass, I will be the first one to eat crow. <p>Besides, EXO-Squad kicked ass, too.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:25 p.m. CST

    I'm a computer

    by pandaman

    well at least in wont be anywhere as near as bad as street fighter chung-li, i'll take some fun retarded action

  • April 30, 2009, 11:32 p.m. CST

    Ahhhh .... what sweet, wondrous, wonderful

    by PadewanKlaatu

    BULLSHIT!!! It's just the kind of sweet, wondrous, wonderful bullshit we've been waiting for .. and what we've deserved .. since we were kids ... between the Bayformers, Indy's nuking the fridge, Lucas's repeated violations of all of our long ago, far far away childhoods ... can anyone truly say that, deep down, in their heart of hearts, that the very notion of a G.I. Joe movie is something they wouldn't go see without knowing that it was going to be majestically craptacular as this trailer proves it will be? Just be thankful that with Sommers directing, we didn't see Brendan Fraser as Snake-Eyes, Rachel Weisz as Scarlet, Hugh Jackman as Hawk, David Wendham as Duke or possibly even Flint, The Rock as Cobra Commander, Kate Beckinsale as the Baroness, lord-only-knows-who as Destro (though IMHO, Eccleston is inspired casting for that part).

  • April 30, 2009, 11:33 p.m. CST

    Looks like dopey fun...

    by BurnHollywood

    I'm mainly there to see the "sexy librarian" Baroness...she looks like a PVC fantasy Palin.<p> LI-I-IPSTI-I-ICK!!!

  • April 30, 2009, 11:34 p.m. CST

    I'm sick of this shit!!


    Does this really look like fun!! It looks like a mess! I'm so disappointed.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:38 p.m. CST

    seriously, doesnt this remind you of Street Fighter the movie?

    by BMacSmith

    or possibly Mortal Kombat 2 or the Power Rangers movie. Were those shit films dumb fun for you too? do you also thump your nuts for pleasure? I'm trying to get a definition of what dumb fun is to you people.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:50 p.m. CST

    This movie looks fun as fuck....


    ....and half you motherfuckers in here bitching are Transformers apologists. So your opinion is equivalent to the enema stew that dribbles out of Aurora Snow's fuck hole following an 8 man all black gangbang.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:54 p.m. CST

    This could replace Transformers as the..

    by Crow3711

    Worst. Movie. Ever.

  • April 30, 2009, 11:59 p.m. CST

    Crow3711 -- not possible. No Shia.


  • May 1, 2009, 12:02 a.m. CST

    But It Does Have Marlon Wayans, DGDB

    by Crow3711

    And that guy who started in movies where he dances in the rain. I see your point tho.

  • May 1, 2009, 12:10 a.m. CST

    If Marlon bothers you as much as Shia, you got problems....


  • May 1, 2009, 12:26 a.m. CST


    by thefoggiest

    "Damn... I missed"

  • May 1, 2009, 12:29 a.m. CST

    smells like this summer's "Fantastic Four"

    by themikejonas

    Marketed like a bigger movie than it's supposed to be, will do pretty good at the B.O. but, while not a steaming pile of crap, is a big bowl of "meh."

  • May 1, 2009, 12:47 a.m. CST

    I just remember Marlon destroying Ladykillers

    by BMacSmith

    not that it was a good movie anyway, but his constant "look at me" bullshit was so annoying i couldnt stand it. why was he so annoying? Everything about that guy screams movie ass cancer.

  • May 1, 2009, 12:49 a.m. CST


    by Dingbatty

    To add insult to injury, that's not even Roadblock. They are having him go by "Heavy Duty," who is, as you know (and I'm saying this for those not into ARAH), a pointless carbon copy cousin of Roadblock.<p>I imagine the script writers thought that "Stalker" would be misinterpreted, as it didn't have the same mainstream connotation back in '82 as it does now, or they simply didn't care to do any research, or possibly knew something of the property, but were too young to remember the first wave of characters.

  • May 1, 2009, 12:51 a.m. CST

    This looks as bad, if not worse, than

    by Dingbatty

    Transformers. They are both related universes that crossover, so to fuck up one, is to screw both.

  • May 1, 2009, 12:52 a.m. CST

    It looks amazing!

    by Vic_McNulty

    actually no.. looks fucking terrible... fuck.. this summer is going to suck for movies...

  • May 1, 2009, 1 a.m. CST

    DAMMIT - Action Force

    by Youngdog

    That will teach me to post after 6 pints of wife-beater in the Water Poet<P>We renamed it in the UK as we don't call them GI's - we just call them Privates.<P>You can't really have little kids playing with their Privates all day<P>plenty of time for all that when they get a bit older

  • May 1, 2009, 1:03 a.m. CST

    can't be worse than wolverine...

    by Ogmios_the_Eloquent

  • May 1, 2009, 1:24 a.m. CST

    This will be as good as Van Helsing.

    by ganymede3010

    It will have it's moments, but not very good overall. I'm still going to see it though. How can I pass up on a movie depicting Marlon Wayan's as a black ops super-soldier;)

  • May 1, 2009, 2:06 a.m. CST

    Fuck this fucking movie

    by VitoRapesFinn

  • May 1, 2009, 2:11 a.m. CST

    On closer inspection..

    by Youngdog does indeed look like a live action remake of Team America. Way to miss the point.<P>The Eiffel Tower scene looks harsh though. If I saw that in 3D IMAX I would be shitting it.

  • May 1, 2009, 2:25 a.m. CST


    by Darth Scourge

    Yeah, the 12" figures were G.I. Joe in US, Action Man in UK. Then the 3 and 3/4" G.I. Joe figures which were launched in the 80's were renamed Action Force in UK. These days, the G.I. Joe and Action Man brands are wholly separate. And I think that parts of Paris should be destroyed in EVERY summer blockbuster. >:)

  • May 1, 2009, 2:28 a.m. CST


    by Fortunesfool

  • May 1, 2009, 2:29 a.m. CST

    another vacuous, cgi-laden piece of shit.

    by Fortunesfool

  • May 1, 2009, 2:30 a.m. CST

    What on Earth is this stupid green goo..?

    by chien_sale

    That melts the Effeil Tower? And that has to be the least real-looking CGI shot i've ever seen when the tower collapse. Sommers will never learn.

  • May 1, 2009, 2:37 a.m. CST

    Will there be a PSA with creepy looking kids at the end?

    by WickedJacob

    Knowing is half the battle.

  • May 1, 2009, 2:51 a.m. CST

    Wow, more kiddy porn to look forward to... sexy.

    by alucardvsdracula

    Great concept: Based on the multi million selling range of toys and dolls... and directed by the talentless whore who brought the world "Van Helsing" and "The Mummy Returns". Just remember to leave your soul at the door, and don't expect to collect it on the way out. Hollywood has been laying golden turds for so long people are actually starting to enjoy the taste. If you are an ADULT and are fired up for this, then seriously, you should stop hanging around childrens play areas and give pedophilic ass over to the police. That encludes you. And keep your mits off my little sister.

  • May 1, 2009, 3:33 a.m. CST

    The comic was awesome. The trailer was not.

    by Reelheed

    The invasion of springfield was one of the best stories and is obviously reflected in the cool GI Joe: Resolute webisodes. Which were better than this trailer and probably will be better than this film.

  • May 1, 2009, 6:36 a.m. CST

    GI Joe resolute was great!

    by Dazzler69

    Everybody should see that toon movie.

  • May 1, 2009, 6:58 a.m. CST

    They fucking STOLE the nanosuits from Crysis?

    by ominus

    WHAT THE FUCK ?!!?!?!?!?

  • May 1, 2009, 7:21 a.m. CST

    Why is it even called GI Joe?

    by sfgeek

    Anyone, anyone? Hello? Anyone?

  • May 1, 2009, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Baroness is super hot,storm shadow and

    by ominus

    snake eyes look perfect,but the whole movie looks like crap.but if its 2 hours of good,brainless entertainment like transformers,i am sold.

  • May 1, 2009, 8:50 a.m. CST

    In the two trailers I've seen

    by Jor-El23

    I haven't heard any stupid, Will Smith-trying-to-be-funny-in-an-action-movie-but-failing-miserably dialogue from anyone and that to me is a victory. I realize there's still a ton of movie we haven't seen (although probably only 88 minutes of total film) but I'm feeling good about the fun of this movie.

  • May 1, 2009, 8:58 a.m. CST


    by CeeWulf

    It's already gone, so where are the alternative links? Are you telling me the often reliable web only had one place to host this? How disappointing.

  • May 1, 2009, 9:07 a.m. CST

    "And, honestly, how can a movie...

    by BizarroJerry

    based on a toy line be anything but a joke?" Unfortunately, I think that kind of short sighted, stupid thinking was what the filmmakers were thinking, too. If you think your premise is stupid then you should either de-stupidize it or skip making the movie. If the story about a guy in a bat suit fighting a clown can get Oscar consideration, I don't understand why you can't make a serious film out of soldiers fighting 1960s James Bond style terrorists. There were G.I. Joe comics every bit as good as many other comics of that era. If there weren't more to G.I. Joe (or Transformers for that matter) than it's most silly aspects, the franchise wouldn't have survived for all these years.

  • May 1, 2009, 9:17 a.m. CST

    TF and GI JOE crossover

    by sapno_krei

    It would be funny if the meteor-Transformers hitting Paris in TF2 and the green goo missle hitting the Eiffel Tower in GIJOE passed each other on the way down.

  • May 1, 2009, 9:22 a.m. CST

    It's funny...

    by BizarroJerry

    They make certain G.I. Joe is an international team, not just Americans, and then the filmmakers go and destroy France's greatest landmark.

  • May 1, 2009, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Comparing Batman to GI Joe

    by Jor-El23

    Ridiculous. I realize that Batman is a comic book but when you look at the origins of some of our greatest comic book stories, it was nerdy, underepresented people trying to deal with tragedies in their lives, feelings of being out of place in the world. Superman was a way to cope with a dead father and to cope with being a ridiculed Jew in this world. You can do something more with that. GI Joe is a fucking toy. And a kick ass toy too. Do you really want to sit through a fucking boring, moody GI Joe movie? Or a Transformers movie?

  • May 1, 2009, 10:53 a.m. CST


    by BizarroJerry

    I didn't really mean it should be in the same tone of The Dark Knight, but I don't like saying it was based on a toy to excuse crappy writing. It should definitely be a fun action movie and still be somewhat serious. To make a better film analogy, G.I. Joe could be made in the tone of a movie like Raiders of the Lost Ark. Both serious and silly on occasion, with a basis in old fun adventure serials. I'm saying if superhero premises can be adapted into somewhat seriously, there's no reason G.I. Joe can't, either.<p.And to be honest, I don't think I would mind any take on G.I. Joe if it was actually a good movie. I just don't think this is shaping up to be one. And I feel like people are letting the filmmakers off the hook when they say, "Of course the movie is bad. How could it not be?"

  • May 1, 2009, 10:57 a.m. CST

    Something got cut off...

    by BizarroJerry

    I meant to finish by saying, I feel like people are letting the filmmakers off the hook by saying, "Of course it's a bad movie. How could it not be?" To go back to Batman, it's as if someone decided to make a Batman movie based on the 60s cartoon and then suggested it couldn't be done any other way.

  • May 1, 2009, 11:05 a.m. CST

    What is with the new trend of casting...

    by moonlightdrive

    comedians/comedy actors in action films? "OK guys, I have a real passion to fuck this movie up but this time I'd like to do something right at the beginning to fuck it up. What do you think about casting a comedy actor?"

  • May 1, 2009, 11:06 a.m. CST

    "This is exactly what it should be."

    by D.Vader

    I hate ignorant apologies like that.

  • May 1, 2009, 11:08 a.m. CST

    How the hell do I get this player to work?

    by D.Vader


  • May 1, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Transformers Haters

    by enderandrew

    Transformers was a flawed popcorn flick, but I expect as much from Bay. I love all the haters who rip that movie, who were the same ones here swearing up and down they'd never watch it. And they were all full of shit. And they'll line up and pay to see this one as well. And the money they are spending will convince Hollywood to make more of the same.

  • May 1, 2009, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Oh I get it, the trailer was taken down

    by D.Vader

    I don't understand Paris-talk.

  • May 1, 2009, 11:41 a.m. CST

    "The French are pretty upset,"

    by D.Vader

    That's the funniest damn line I've heard all year.

  • May 1, 2009, 12:52 p.m. CST

    GIJ Resolute will still own this POS.

    by Stalkeye

    mark my wordsssssssss!!

  • May 1, 2009, 1:23 p.m. CST

    You aren't missing anything Vader, Beaks is DEAD wrong

    by IndustryKiller!

    He has no idea what he's talking about. It's like your dad commenting on what a great GI Joe movie should be. He's right a GI Joe movie can afford to be pretty silly, but they can't even get the basics of the basics like characters or aesthetics right. Why the fuck is everyone wearing the same god damn costume. One of the things that made GI Joe so memorable was how everyone had their own individual look, now they are all just wearing black. I could fucking kill Bryan Singer for starting that trend in the first X-Men film. And what they have done to cobra commander, a character so awesome he makes Snake Eyes look lame, is completely inexcusable. Any real fan of GI Joe will tell you Cobra Commander is the best character, but then again even Warren Ellis couldnt get him right so what hope is there?

  • May 1, 2009, 1:25 p.m. CST

    And Beaks there is also YEARS of comic books

    by IndustryKiller!

    So reign in that ignorance a little.

  • May 1, 2009, 1:33 p.m. CST

    That's pretty funny IndustryKiller

    by D.Vader

    "It's like your dad commenting on what a great GI Joe movie should be." <p> Yeah, except he'd probably say it should be about WWII and the army and gung-ho type stuff. He wouldn't necessarily be wrong but... you know. <p> What I don't get are the power suits- really? Power suits, really? <p> And on the subject of everyone looking unique, I understand that in a realistic fighting force setting, everyone should be wearing the same uniform. But if you're going to embrace some of the more ridiculous qualities of GI JOE, I think you can afford to allow everyone their own look and style (which was reflective of the American melting pot it represented). <p> And even though the JOEs are now an *international* fighting force, they can STILL afford to have characters with individual style be indicative of the differences between cultures.

  • May 1, 2009, 1:52 p.m. CST

    88 Minutes with Al Pacino is starting

    by D.Vader

    Did the producers not see the irony in having an R rated crime film be produced by a company called "Family Room Entertainment"?

  • May 1, 2009, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Movies are entertainment, folks...

    by maverick68

    that is all. Quit taking yourselves so fucking seriously...

  • May 1, 2009, 2 p.m. CST

    here's another link to the trailer

    by cyberskunk

  • May 1, 2009, 2:46 p.m. CST


    by turketron_2

    *madly fires blue lasers*

  • May 1, 2009, 3:08 p.m. CST

    Arigato Mr. Joboto

    by Stalkeye

    Robosuits?!? This will be teh speed racer of 2009.

  • May 1, 2009, 3:37 p.m. CST

    They should've used those robosuits in Starship Troopers.

    by rev_skarekroe

    That's pretty much what they wore in the book.

  • May 1, 2009, 4:12 p.m. CST

    I saw cleavage there for a second.

    by Stuntcock Mike

    Otherwise pffft.

  • May 1, 2009, 4:22 p.m. CST



  • May 1, 2009, 4:42 p.m. CST

    I Used to Kinda Not Give A Crap

    by HapaPapa72

    ...about Sienna Miller, but so far she's a big selling point for me. Damn she looks good. Shit, I'll check it out.

  • May 1, 2009, 4:59 p.m. CST

    This trailer is like my Ex Girlfriend's ass.

    by Stalkeye

    ..lokks good, but will stink.

  • May 1, 2009, 5:41 p.m. CST

    What a piece of SHIT!!!

    by alienindisguise

    Why the fuck does it look just like transformers!? Mother fucker the studios have no fucking clue what they're doing!!!

  • May 1, 2009, 6 p.m. CST

    "Sir, the French are upset."

    by D.Vader

    Proper response: <p> "The French are ALWAYS upset!" <p> I coulda written this thing.

  • May 1, 2009, 6:01 p.m. CST

    Wait, was that GI JOE? Or the opening to Team America?

    by D.Vader


  • May 1, 2009, 6:13 p.m. CST

    In these times this is exactly what we need!!!

    by lostbat

    Will watch them all: Transformers, GI Joe, Star Trek, Terminator... They will all make more money than that f.cking pretentious Watchmen. And they deserve it. Give the people what they need this summer. ENTERTAINMENT!! There is too much doom and gloom in our normal lives as it is.

  • May 1, 2009, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Man this has got "Nominated for 12 Oscars" written all over it.

    by Darth_Bale

    I feel bad for the GI Joe fans, Prepare to feel the same disapointment Wolverine fans are feeling.

  • May 1, 2009, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Someone explain this to me

    by drewlicious

    How is a missile that explodes in metal-eating nanobots any better than a regular bomb? I mean, if the only purpose of it is to destroy things we've already invented stuff that does that faster. Kind of reminds me of the superweapon in "Ecks Vs. Sever" (ugh) where they inject a nanobot into a person and they can trigger a heart attack whenever they want. Problem is, its injected with a huge frickin' dart. Yeah, bullets work better.

  • May 1, 2009, 8:05 p.m. CST

    Because nanobots are cool, drewlicious!

    by D.Vader

    And RIDICULOUSLY expensive! COBRA needs a reason to hold the world hostage at such a ridiculously high price! And they've got to have something to show their financial backers where all the money has gone to, aside from brainwashed soldier-ants and fun costumes.

  • May 1, 2009, 9:55 p.m. CST

    Screw the French

    by Boomstick78

    Did we get all upset when the White House was blown up in Independence Day? I swear, anything to be mad at us "American Pig Dogs".

  • May 1, 2009, 11:01 p.m. CST

    Sorry, look awesome to me

    by JoeSixPack

    The SFX doen't look all that great, but looks like a fun action film. Plus, anything with an exoskeleton = win.

  • May 2, 2009, 12:24 a.m. CST

    The "it's based on a toy" argument doesn't

    by Dingbatty

    hold water. Clearly this movie is utilizing elements from the comic book. The whole Arashikage clan backstory for Snake Eyes and Stormshadow came from the Hama's pen.

  • May 2, 2009, 12:24 a.m. CST

    Hama's pen, not "the" Hama's ;-)

    by Dingbatty

  • May 2, 2009, 3:46 a.m. CST

    Looks like moronic jingoistic garbage, but...

    by PacmanFever

    It looks like FUN moronic jingoistic garbage, which might be the crucial difference for me between this and the first TF movie, which was tedious moronic jingoistic garbage with a lousy teen romance at the centre and a ton of embarassing jokes

  • May 2, 2009, 3:52 a.m. CST

    That said...

    by PacmanFever

    I imagine this will "bomb" (i.e. underperform), peeps will probably have already got their fill of toy-derived action from TF2

  • May 2, 2009, 4:27 a.m. CST

    The trailer was 90% CGI!!! WTF?!?!?!

    by Violator90

    If it the movie is going to be mostly CGI why not just make it an CGI animated movie! Pixar and Dreamworks know how to make a CGI movie. I liked RESOLUTE, it showed how a G.I. JOE movie should be like. Sadly, Hollywood is nothing more of than writers that don't know shit about the property they are writing about and hack directors that are less than frat boys on cocaine trips. Yet another part of our childhood being raped. And yes this movie will suck donkey dick.

  • May 2, 2009, 4:44 a.m. CST

    That looks like a great fun movie to watch.

    by kingoflight

    whats that term everyone uses for avatar ? Fucking your eyeballs!!! GI joe making sweet sweet love to you eyes!

  • May 2, 2009, 11:46 a.m. CST

    So are you saying that this is jingoistic

    by Rufferto

    despite the fact that they work for the "UN"? Or maybe whoever wrote this got confused by all the reimagination he forgot? ugg Why am I even discussing this pos.

  • May 3, 2009, 1:54 p.m. CST

    More like C.G.I. Joe

    by IronSpidey