Hola all. Massawyrm here.

Mark Waters is officially my go to guy for romantic comedies and teen films now. That’s it, he just is. He’s up at the top of my wish list from here on out. I don’t know how he consistently does it, but he takes the crappiest, lamest, most done to death premises for films then spins total shit into remarkable gold. It’s like watching a guy trip only to fall into a somersault then vault into a back flip and finish with a stuck landing and a smile. And you’re left there dumbstruck wondering how the hell he just did that. He took a studio remake of FREAKY FRIDAY – a film that was ripped off no less than a dozen times between the two Disney versions – and made a very entertaining and surprising version in its own right. Then he followed it up with the incredible MEAN GIRLS which most of you reading this know as the answer to the question “Name me one really good fucking movie that Lindsey Lohan has ever made”, but an entire generation has moved into the status that many hold 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU, EMPIRE RECORDS and CAN’T HARDLY WAIT. He followed that up with the criminally underseen JUST LIKE HEAVEN which set the bar for perfect ROMCOM casting. Come on, has somebody really done better than Reese Witherspoon and Mark Ruffalo since? Personally I’m a little miffed that we haven’t seen them together again. And finally he came at us last year with the delightful fantasy that brought every girl with daddy issues (who saw it) to tears: THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES.

But this time he’s outdone himself.

This. Idea. Fucking. Sucked. Who honestly thought that cribbing A CHRISTMAS CAROL and changing the miserly old Scrooge into a womanizing letch forced to relive his past relationships over the course of a night was anything resembling a good idea? Really? Well they were right. It was a damn good idea. Once again, Waters takes something that should not for the love of God work at all and instead makes the single most charming and hilariously funny Romantic Comedy of the past year. The kicker is that Waters decided not to crib A CHRISTMAS CAROL. He cribbed directly from SCROOGED.

Going so far as to borrow a few set pieces (and a handful of jokes) from the classic Christmas spoof/retelling, what Waters does is use a framework that we are not only familiar with but know entirely by heart and uses that familiarity to his advantage every chance he gets. Then he plays Matthew McConaughey the same way the Weitz brothers played Hugh Grant in ABOUT A BOY – using his public persona to build upon the douche-iness of his character. But unlike his recent antics (or recent films) McConaughey gives us something we haven’t seen in several years: smart and slick Matthew McConaughey. This isn’t the bombed out of his skull beach bum that’s been gliding shirtless in and out of theatres as of late. He’s on top of his game again, and he’s ready to play with his image.

Backed up by a fantastic supporting cast this film comes out of the gate with something that the TERRIBLE GAWDAWFUL GOUGE YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT WITH A SPOON trailers completely fail to relate: that this is a razor sharp, witty as all hell comedy that will have you laughing not only consistently, but hard. Sure it’s schmaltzy and love drunk and is trying to invoke fuzzy warm feelings in your wee wittle tummy – but when it’s not doing that…it is absolutely, unabashedly brutal about laying out just how to be an honest to god womanizer. When McConaughey gets taken back in time (by a very geeked out Emma Stone) it isn’t just a tearful walk through heartbreak and his douchetastic voyage, but we also get to see how he grew up. As the Nephew turned ward of a Hugh Hefner like playboy played mercilessly by Michael Douglas. Douglas goes nuts, chewing up the scenery in one of the single funniest things he’s ever done on screen. The way he lays out the sexual education of a thirteen year old boy as a means of curing a broken heart is about one of the single most raw “funny because it’s true” lectures you’ll ever see in a movie aimed at making women swoon and fall in love. And he pulls it off in such a magnificent way that you’ll understand why his name is on the tips of everyone’s tongues all of a sudden with talk of WALL STREET 2 and such.

And the rest of the supporting cast all gets a chance to shine in their own way. Breckin Meyer actually plays it strait and nails the whole touching brother with a heart of gold thing, while opposite him the so hot it’s criminal Lacey Chabert plays the hanging by a thread nervous bride-to-be to the hilt. And together they sell the chemistry of an adorable couple who actually is the glue keeping the film together. Meanwhile man-god Robert Forster gets a few good scenes as the father-in-law who is clearly having fun playing R. Lee Ermey. And McConaughey would be nothing without Jennifer Garner anchoring him. Sadly she really isn’t given a lot to play with – the movie just isn’t about her, it’s about him - but what she does she nails in a big way. She’s given a few moments where all she’s allowed to do is sit in a car or lay in bed and give a look off camera. And she breaks your heart with it every time the movie lets her.

I cannot stress how much I loved this film. It is so not the low rent, paint by numbers romantic comedy they’re selling it as. Nor is it worthy of being the sacrificial lamb of counter programming that is often thrown up against the first big summer movie of the year. This isn’t MADE OF HONOR. This is something sooooo much better. I’m taking my wife to see it this weekend, partly for her, but also – to be 100% truthful – to see it again myself. If you can’t bring yourself to see it for Garner and McConaughey, seriously, see it for Michael Douglas. He’s gonna test your bladder with how hard he makes you laugh. Believe it or not GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST comes Highly Recommended. I eagerly look forward to seeing it again.

Until next time friends, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.

Massawyrm

Come along and ride on a douche-tastic voyage, slide slide slippity slide, hittin' switches on the block in a sixty five.

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