Cool News
The HUMPTY DUMPTY Movie Sounds Way Cooler Than You'd Think...
Merrick here...
David R. Ellis looks to be the director of HUMPTY DUMPTY.
You might not be familiar with Ellis' name, but you've almost certainly seen his work. He served in various "stunt" capacities on NBC's two V miniseries, DAYS OF THUNDER, PATRIOT GAMES, STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER, MEGAFORCE (woo hoo!), and more. He was also Second Unit Director on MASTER AND COMMANDER, THE MATRIX RELOADED, CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER, etc. And, unfortunately, he directed SNAKES ON A PLANE.
The 3-D sci-fi horror pic is about a half-human, half-alien creature who embarks on a murderous rampage after his alien mother is abused by two rednecks in the Deep South.
...says THIS ARTICLE in Variety.
I'm guessing the "half-human, half-alien creature" will be something along the lines of "Pumpkinhead" - whose design didn't exactly scream "pumpkin". BUT, if the filmmakers somehow manage to cobble together a vengeful, blood-thirsty human/alien hybrid that manages to evoke this?
How can this project go wrong?
In many ways, probably. But we can hope, can't we?
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+ Expand All
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Snakes On A Plane
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YEAH MOTHERFUCKERS!
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YOU FUCKING TWAT. HOW DARE YOU ACTUALLY COMMENT ON THE ARTICLE AND IN DOING SO FACILITATE MY EPIC FAIL. BASTARD.
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Sorry but I had to - I've never been this close to the top
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sniffle
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Killing left-wing directors and movie stars after they kill its baby.
Nah, 'rednecks' from the south are better, hell, people will cheer when they get killed. -
You are still the 1st one who claims to be first in this talkback. And you are the first one who posted after me. That's two more firsts than I got in this talkback.
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Let's take a nursery rhyme and find a way to make it into a realistic movie... I know! Humpty Dumpty is an egg-shaped alien! And let's throw some dirty rednecks into it too! It'll be grindhouse-style SciFi! We're awesome! *high-fives*
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who will play the yolk?
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Is this like a redneck alien abductee's idea of revenge? Anally raping the alien with a shovel or something?
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...when I corrected him. (I guess. It might have been there before and I was just blind, but I'm sure it wasn't. Cat hater.)
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would be a perfect yolk
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Is Sam Jackson playing the Half Human alien?
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Apr 28, 2009 10:08:32 AM CDT
The "Hey Diddle Diddle" movie sounds cooler than you think!
by cap'n jack
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYytaZ06Hco #t=0m37s
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I love that...I love that all the fucking nerds around here came in their pants for a fucking year before that movie came out and then it totally let them down. And this site was pushing that movie on everyone like it was fucking cocaine.
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Humpty dumpty was a cannon.
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Sexual abuse was my idea as well. Sort of sounds like there's a "Deliverance" kind of thing going on. And the alien already gave birth to a half human half alien son, so SOMEBODY'S obviously been fucking it.
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That is all.
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Is "How can this project go wrong? In many ways, probably. But we can hope, can't we?" even English? ;-)
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One bad egg out for revenge on the poachers who scrambled his mother. Will his mom be a chicken or an egg?
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Say hello to my new desktop background. I would pay money to see a movie with that version of humpty pushing people around and acting uppity.
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...his mother is probably a human that gets raped by rednecks. I'm sure his dad is the egg alien.
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What does that have even remotely anything to do with Humpty Dumpty? A half man/half alien creature whose mother gets it Deliverance style in some backwoods? Again, what in the fuck does that have to do with Humpty Dumpty? Is that just what they are going to name the monster/man? What in the fuck! What...in...the...FUCK.
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Bwaaahahaha!
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"What's that there,Billy bob?" "Well, gee Ray-Bob, looks to me like an inter-galactic space alien! This could be first contact with alien life! Yee-Haw!" "Well, you know what we need to do about this si-chi-a-tian, dont ya?" "Well....we should rape it...right Ray-bob?" "Darn-tootin'! Space rape!"
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He walks in on you eating breakfast...
Tagline: The YOLKS on you!!! -
Now that is fucking funny. Freaky looking ginger woman enjoying a whole pie! Harry, what hast thou wrought?!
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it should do fine. Although at first, I thought it was going to be the real Humpty Dumpty story and they were going to stretch falling off of a wall for two hours. I was thinking some incredibly slow slo-mo.
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A hybrid, too! Requiem!
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This makes no sense.
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I'm all for an egg-like alien/human hybrid on a redneck-killing rampage. Sounds like good ol' 80s horror and could be tons of fun. At the very least, it should be worth a laugh.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnTQiLvJP-8
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will be the day that ten more 90s-era remakes will be greenlit. Because, seriously, if an audience can't get behind an alien bent on revenge for rednecks assraping its mother, how will any original idea succeed?
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Comes Humpty Dumpty...Yippie Ki Yay Mother...*BLAM*
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What the hell is wrong with you guys? That was a fun movie.
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That's a creepy fucking picture.
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Humpty Dumpty? I'll pass, thanks.
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...in advert form way back in the 80s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9UjGC9FfjI -
That picture of Humpty Dumpty is pretty creepy.
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That picture terrifies the fuck out of me. If you don't look at the people around him, Humpty is a giant lovecraftian monster sitting on a wall.
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Nuff Said
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'nough said!
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Humpty Dumpty is unadaptable. Supposedly they offered Terry Gilliam the chance to adapt it in the 80's and he said he would only do it as a 12-part series, 12 hours long. I hope they don't mess with the original story, and stay true to the canon. And they better not take the squid out. Would have rather seen someone like Terrence Malick take on this material. Or Darren Aronofsky. Hahahahahahaha.
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any that sounds awesome!
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...joke.
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....odds are it was the EGG!!!
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Thought he was cool with the chicks. He cracked me up all the time.
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There's no "falling from the wall" sequences, and nothing related to the actual character. Although I MAY have spoiled the ending, now...
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it was probably the chicken DrMorbius. Creatonism: God just created a chicken which then gives birth to egg.
Evelution: Something evolved into chicken which then also gives birth to egg. So...chicken. -
Like fuck she did.
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Jasper fforde's THE BIG OVER EASY - adapt that, and we'll talk...
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and they're trying for an 'original' new story here. If it's along the lines of 'Wrong Turn', it could be okay.
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CELLULAR and the new FINAL DIMENSION 3D movie that's coming out later this year...
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is a bunch of rednecks scrambling eggs for the whole town.
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Apr 28, 2009 12:17:10 PM CDT
sounds like snakes on a plane , only worse
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
didnt know that was possible
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Set to hillbilly banjo chase music.
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Preferably peach.
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If only for the all-too-easy tagline: "HAVE A GREAT FALL."
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Apr 28, 2009 12:31:44 PM CDT
holy shit that girl in the green dress looks like harry!!
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
that is AWESOME
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They were trying to put her back together again. With seminal fluid.
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I hate to give this away, but once Humpty falls and cracks open, out comes.....the missing giant squid (It had to be somewhere)
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Apr 28, 2009 12:37:22 PM CDT
Tagline: "They raped his mother. Now he' s cracked...and killin'
by turdontherun
What's next, Puss in Boots re-imagined as a genetically mutated homicidal cat? Red Riding Hood as a nympho with a penchant for bestiality? the gingerbread man as a psychotic...(oh wait, Gary Busey got there first!)wtf is this film exactly? Deliverance with a giant egg? at least he can 'lube up' with the yolk! and how exactly does the vagina stretch to accomodate a giant egg man, anyway?
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Scramble the jets... AND his ass!
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Mother Egg ship gets a crack in it while trying to return home to the Chicken Cunt galaxy. Egg ship crash lands in Carolina, rednecks find the Mama Hen alien, all extra-crispy burnt up, but still lookin' real purdy, so they do the only redneck respectable thing and fuck her until she shoots albumen out her beak! As they get ready to now eat her finger lickin' good corpse, a huge, horrible half-human, half-alien egg is pooted out of the remains...our hero Humpty Dumpty is born! He then proceeds to mercilessly roll over and crush the rednecks and their families..there's no stopping him! Humpty makes his way to town, rolling and crushing all in his path. He's chased and reviled by the locals, eventually making his way up to the top of Hiwassee Dam. It is here where our hero Humpty is cracked by a redneck battering ram,(a traffic pole strapped onto a Pinto), falls off the dam and takes a huge Dumpty in the process, releasing a frothy whitish, yellowish effluent into the water supply. As credits roll, Digital Underground kicks in and we see thousands of Humpties slowly rising from the water...The End??!!??
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I demand that you demote yourself to SLY_STALLONES_TAINT_HAIR immediately until further notice!
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Talk amongst yourselves...
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Fucking Professional!
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I love B movies...and Cellular is King of the B's (at least in the last decade). Great action, great lines, great fun, Jessica Biel...awesome!
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..and its mother is human. Why would the rednecks abuse her if she looked like a giant egg?I don't think I'm ready to see that on the big screen. My computer screen maybe. But no 3D.
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Apr 28, 2009 1:56:11 PM CDT
Fuck me just make some Jasper Fforde novels into movies!
by evilwizardglick
Really now his books would visually translate. So would Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of the Apocalypse by Robert Rankin.
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Those must be some desperate rednecks...what, they find a crashed UFO and decide to rape the thing inside it? Don't they have cows or goats at their disposal? I mean really...I don't care how redneck you are, or horny you are...you're telling me some guys rape an alien? WTF?
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...Humpty rising out of the river complete with head band and camo fatigues... water dripping off his shell while clutching an M-60 in his right hand, ammo belt in the other and blasting the locals all to hell.
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Most of the people who say it sucked never even bothered to see it. I was there opening night and it was great fun. That movie should have made $200 million.
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both have the greatest ideas of all time. i would kill to see your guys movies.
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... is reason enough to suspect it'll be lame.
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...just noticed the transgendered alternate-universe Harry (Harryette?) in the illustration. Brrr!
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because it would make the film makers sound like pretentious twats.
Also, nowhere does it say in the nursery rhyme he's an egg! :) -
... in the closing credits to the tune of Digable Planets "Humpty Dance", I'll actually pay my $10 on opening night to see it!
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...Now that rhyme used to scare the crap out of me when I was a kid. Yeah, I was a weird kid, but still...
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...maybe they should just do an adaptation of the old Wonder Woman villain, Egg Foo. Or put all those characters together in one movie. Humpty Dumpty, Jack Spratt (also appearing in his nom du guerre Jack B. Nimble), Gingerbread Man, Peter Peter Pumpkin-Eater, et al, all led by Mother Goose. Yes, coming to fight evil in 2010, it's Goose Force!
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Apr 28, 2009 2:48:12 PM CDT
That sounds terrible. A faithful version would be alot better.
by hallmitchell
Don't call it Humpty Dumpty because idiots are going to take their kids and see that dross.
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And that was fun!
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the movie!
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Apr 28, 2009 3:28:14 PM CDT
I would have some hope in this were Stan Winston still alive
by alienindisguise
to work his magic on this as he did on Pumpkinhead. Classic stuff.
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Not.
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The hen discontentedly waited for him to fall asleep then satisfied herself.
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She has the massive head for it. Ellen Paige too.
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I could of sworn that's what I was reading in the headline at first?
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What's next? A family-friendly romp starring the Old Woman who lived in the shoe? A claustrophobic, Panic Room-esque thriller about Old Mother Hubbard? Lemme spoil it for you - her dog eventually kills her because she doesn't have a bone to feed him. Lemme spoil the Humpty one, too. It will blow chow.
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Careful Merrick. Thats sacred Stan Winston territory you're jabbing at.
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and you have a pussy, we will fuck you.' this sounds cool to me
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:) You deserve a blackbox answer for that one!
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was pushed!
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you got that right!!!
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Apr 28, 2009 6:21:43 PM CDT
I can't see this movie -- it's got too much cholesterol
by mrmysteryguest
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He'll kick your ass blue!!!
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Digital Underground on the soundtrack.
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Apr 28, 2009 6:27:18 PM CDT
Tonight's episode: HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE THE BODY IN THE MIDDLE
by mrmysteryguest
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Apr 28, 2009 6:30:21 PM CDT
"That can of soda just ran over that guy with his Camaro!"
by mrmysteryguest
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Misleading headlines. Silly AICN.
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How about the studio pays me all the money that they are going to use to make this movie and I just go and take a dump in the middle of a packed theatre! It will basically the same thing but I bet more people will come see me.
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Apr 28, 2009 7:35:47 PM CDT
LONDON BRIDGE : AL QAEDA ATTACKS
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 7:49:14 PM CDT
JACK BE NIMBLE:SILENT KILLING MACHINE
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 7:50:27 PM CDT
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR: DEATH LASERS
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 7:51:15 PM CDT
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB : MUDEROUS ALIEN HERD
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 7:53:28 PM CDT
HICKERY DICKERY DOCK: ZOMBIE CLOCK
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 8:00:37 PM CDT
why is humpty always portrayed as an egg? CONTINUITYZOMG!!?!?!1
by dr sauch
it doesnt say in the rhyme that he's an egg, just that he fell and was severely injured, and could not be saved despite the best efforts of the kings horses and men. this egg thing lacks continuity. i already hate this movie.
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Apr 28, 2009 8:02:01 PM CDT
ITS RAINING ITS POURING THE OLD MAN IS RAPING YOUR MOM
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
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Apr 28, 2009 8:11:03 PM CDT
F. MURRAY ABRAHAMS NOSTRILS! What a great idea!
by freds_balls_in_a_mason_jar
There has never been a definitive Humpty movie
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Okay, I contributed.
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Fucking then you threw all that random shit at me like I didn't I was like David Ellis, Final Destination 2 and Cellular Guy .... and Snakes on a Plane. Thought I was going crazy. Well Cellular and FD2 were fucking good, hopefully he can make FD3-D awesome as well. I really like this guys work. Snakes on a Plane was OK I mean really what did you expect.
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Jack & the being stalked?
Ah, screw it. -
stupid horror films like Leprechaun and Ice Cream Man
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MUST play Humpty Dumpty. You know it.
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it was called Regarding Henry.
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Apr 28, 2009 11:14:51 PM CDT
And all the rappers in the top ten, please allow me to bump thee
by thelordofhell
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to cam whore with Jills teenage daughter.
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... harry made it into that picture (holding a pie)
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be like Rumpelstiltskin(1995) cool!? hehe
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PETER PETER CORPSE EATER
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BADASS MUTHAFUCKA.
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Well, full marks for originality.
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So this should really be a historical drama.
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not even if the alien mother is forced to squeal like a pig
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There's never been a British Civil war.
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I do that. Everytime somebody posts something historical it's either well meaning & slightly wrong or at worst, just bullshit. Drives me crazy & I end up giving mini history lectures. MUST. NOT. NITPICK.
I can't believe people get paid to come up with this stuff though. If we wrote a movie with this kind of premise, we'd probably go to post it, then think twice & throw it away to avoid the potential humiliation.
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Joe R. Lansdale to write this.
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Apr 29, 2009 11:01:05 AM CDT
Weirdest News Ever. What's next? The Mother Hubbard Chainsaw Mas
by snake foreskin
Hey, a Sci-Fi original movie is probably now in the works. I want 20%.
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Damn this site.
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Sounds a lot like this movie.
I loved the part where if you drank to much you were all over the place... -
Apr 29, 2009 12:15:09 PM CDT
THE "MY SCHLOCKFEST'LL MAKE MORE MONEY THAN 'STAR TREK'' MOVIE
by mrmysteryguest
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why Humpty Dumpty is always pictured as an egg? There's no egg in the poem. Say it out loud. Do you hear an egg? I don't hear anything about an egg.
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The rhyme does not actually state that Humpty Dumpty is an egg. In its first full printed form in 1810, the rhyme is posed as a riddle and exploits for misdirection the fact that "humpty dumpty" was also eighteenth-century reduplicative slang for a short and clumsy person; the riddle being that, whereas a clumsy person falling off a wall would not be irreparably damaged, an egg would be.[1] The rhyme is no longer posed as a riddle, since the answer is now so well known.
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DennisMM, that's right.
I knew it was something like that, but I couldn't remember the exact meaning..short & clumsy/fat & clumsy. I tend not to check wiki, 'cause any fucker can change the info, but that sounds about right. It's much older than 18th century slang though .
phool2056...There's no real Canon to it. The only thing known for sure is that it originated in England & that it's been used to describe everything from disliked noblemen getting their come-uppance (the fall part) to weapons etc, but its origins are probably as simple as a physical insult. In the same way something like dumpy would be used today. Or stupid fat cuntfaced butterfingers. Take your pick:-).
Someone said above that the rhyme's about a Cannon in the "British Civil War" (meaning the English civil War) & another mentioned one on the wall of Edinburgh castle, but it's the other way around. The name already existed & the cannons got their names because of their shape. The irony being, The one in Edinburgh was already called Humpty Dumpty, then lived up to it's name.
I wish I didn't know this stuff. I should write a book: Stupid things to bore people with, by Dr. Shite.
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CHECK OUT www.myspace.com/humptydumpty3d -
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