Cool News
Capone Has the Winners' Names for the Chicago X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE screening!!!
Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here, with the list of winners for tickets to see the screening on Thursday, April 30, of X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE at 6:30 pm. All of the names below should receive an email from me shortly with the details on the screening. If your name is on the list, and you did not receive an email, let me know and we'll get you the details.
Otherwise, enjoy the hell out of this movie. And let me remind you, this is not an exclusive AICN event, so you should get to the theater early to ensure that you get in and get a good seat.
Juan Arevalo (+1)
Jaron Austin (+1)
Katie Barson (+1)
Ryan Bravo (+1)
John Castillo (+1)
Brian Chavanne (+1)
Tim Cooper (+1)
Brian J Corrigan (+1)
Colin Costello (+1)
Casey Curran (+1)
Raul Delacruz (+1)
Jamie Dorbian (+1)
Danielle Duff (+1)
Faustino Escareno (+1)
Marco Garcia (+1)
Greg Hubbard (+1)
Heather Huska (+1)
Andrew Kudelka (+1)
Jennifer Lewkowicz (+1)
Jennifer McHale (+1)
Jonny Posner (+1)
Stan Sara (+1)
Brett Singer (+1)
Heather Stearns (+1)
Joshua Swaney
Kristin Wicks (+1)
-- Capone
capone@aintitcoolmail.com
-
+ Expand All
-
first
-
http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/431436
To see if we should help Harry resign. -
Enjoy the film
-
way to be a rebel and not use TinyURL.com :)
-
Apr 26, 2009 10:57:11 AM CDT
Winners in this case is a rather misleading term
by fa_tass_dinomolester
Given that your prize is "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", I'd say "masochists" is a more fitting description. But enjoy your bowl of shit!
-
Apr 26, 2009 10:59:12 AM CDT
I'll be outside seling copies of the workprint
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
"Hey you! Good copy! Five dollar! Five dollar! You want? You want? Five dollar!"Look for me. I'll be the guy with the backpack, glancing over his shoulder for the police.
-
Apr 26, 2009 11:10:24 AM CDT
Capone, don't you mean the losers' names for the Chicago...
by leafar the lost
...X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE screening??? I can't see as being any kind of reward. It's two hours of your life that you won't get back, and the money is being used to fund Tom Rothman's evil plans. I would wipe my ass with my tickets, and then send them back to the FOX executives who are responsible for this obscenity...
-
Apr 26, 2009 11:15:20 AM CDT
I feel very sorry for these people. They may never want to go t
by kbarber29
X-men 1 and 2 were good pieces of film. My disappointment came with the 3rd film. They stole Joss Whedon's idea, didn't pay him for it, couldn't come up with their own funny lines, "Don't you know who I am, I'm the Juggenaut bitch!", I mean they just stopped caring. And then they tried to sue Warners for filming Watchmen. Now 50 unlucky viewers are going to be whacked over the head with this abomination of a movie.
-
seruously they should have retaken that line of dialog, Jackman's accent comes right through when he says it..it sounded like laim neeson when he trys to sound like an american cowboy
-
any Asian or Black movie fans in Chicago?(I'm assuming about the black part)
-
Which ending will be shown at the screening?
-
Apr 26, 2009 11:31:38 AM CDT
So, these are the 1st people in line to suck Rothman's dick
by kbarber29
-
Apr 26, 2009 11:31:58 AM CDT
I wonder if the tickets are refundable for another film?
by gruemanlives
-
Everyone else gets to take a +1, but poor Joshy has to go alone...
-
Ok, hold your breath, this is going to be BIG!! The Geniuses at Fox have concluded that they'll implement multiple endings to Origins. And different theaters will have different endings. So they're encouraging you and all of your friends to visit multiple theaters so you can see multiple endings. I mean fuck, how stupid do they think we are?
-
Chef Lonelyheart's Soup For One, please.
I imagine he looks EXACTLY like the guy in the Schick Titanium commercials. He'll be seeing Wolverine alone... X-MEN STYLE! -
Josh is just being a TRUE friend, and saving some one he knows from seeing the film. You are a good man Josh, a good man indeed.
-
Apr 26, 2009 12:10:41 PM CDT
Joshua Swaney = Toughest Man On Earth
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
This guy doesn't need a friend whose arms he fall into when the pain begins. Damnit, he's Jack Bauer tough - he takes the pain all by himself!Respect to the Swaney!
-
Apr 26, 2009 12:15:19 PM CDT
Perhaps Joshua Swaney is hoping to get lucky?
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
Maybe he's not taking anyone because he intends to hit on someone in the theatre, lone-wolf style?Go for one of the Heather's, Joshua! In my experience, Heather's are always up for a good time.
-
They originaly wanted to name the show Jushua Swaney, but they thought Shaft sounded better in the theme song.
-
stay strong!
-
He is planning to chest bump with all the the lovely ladies that show up at events like these.
-
Apr 26, 2009 12:34:15 PM CDT
I wonder if Joshua is attempting "dick in the popcorn" with stra
by s-mart shopper
'cause that takes some real balls!
-
Tagline: "Because Courage Doesn't Need A +1."
-
damn U AICN
-
I would not even wsste my computers hard drive space to download this film
-
It's not a remake, or taken from other source material.
-
Josh Swaney IS The Soloist!!
-
that wsa in response to Josh Swaney: The Movie.
but now that I think about it I would play Josh Swaney: The Movie, The Game!! -
he just didn't want to anounce his man love here on AICN.
-
Anyone who has to sit through that god-awful movie is definitely being punished.
-
Lucky?!?!?!
-
IT ALL BEGINS WITH THIS THREAD.
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:10:56 PM CDT
prepare to watch a suckfest of suckiness
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
thats gonna suck
-
Talkbackers will whine all day long about this film but the truth is (and it really is the truth) love or loathe wolverine you will pay your dollars/pounds/rubles or whatever to see this film. The lucky winners who are on that list are the only ones who won't be making Fox richer.
-
If I was any where near Chicago, or even in the U.S. at this time, I would show up with a Josh Swaney Fan Club T-shirt and cheer him on. The back will read +0!
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:20:18 PM CDT
How long until a TBer grabs the AICN handle...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
"Josh Swaney's +1"?
-
fuck yeah!!!
-
Poor guy, hahah.
-
This TB has been pretty awesome and it's all because of you, dude. It's all because of you!
-
Doesn't need a +1. He's man enough for 2.
-
Yeah, i will probably fork out my hardly earned cash to go watch this, and follow it up with DB Evolution. yeah, and probably punch myself in the nuts after to make myself feel better.
-
Josh Swaney is a treand starter.
-
You will be first in line pal, but dude please don't punch yourself in the nuts, that's just fucked up.
-
Call me Kuato!
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:27:16 PM CDT
Wolverine followed by DB Evolution?!
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
Christ on a stick, MrBum! Your eyes will start to bleed!I hope you take someone along so they can drive you to the hospital afterwards.You won't get through it alone. You ain't Joshua fucking Swaney, you know.
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:30:42 PM CDT
will never see dragonball as long as i live
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
fuck you fox. fuck you in the ass
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:31:25 PM CDT
Josh Swaney, keep your hands off my mom !
by formerenglandpropjasonleonard
Bleedin eyes and swollen nuts? Damn Mr Bum is gonna have a shitty May !
-
I guess there is a good side to working in Greenland during this horrid economy.
-
You said I was going with you.You fucking fuckweed...
-
i'm so lonely...
:( -
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
-
but they can be my +1's
:) -
Josh promised to take me. And I had to perform many unspeakable acts to get the chance....Josh you better not renege bitch.
-
beat me by 16 seconds...
*cries* -
Apr 26, 2009 1:47:01 PM CDT
JoshSwaneysPlus1 & TheRealJoshSwaney
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
The joke may only work for today (unless the legend of The Swane lives on for a while), but thanks for making me laugh!
-
29 plus-ones means 29 opportunities to fuck your girlfriend.
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:52:33 PM CDT
I heard Josh Swaney is so motherfucking cool that...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
When he was a kid and someone else tried to get on the see-saw with him, he would shake one finger at them and say "The Swane does this alone".
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:52:53 PM CDT
josh swaney must have a strong asshole
by supercowbell4therequestformorecowbell
to undergo a raping as bad as wolverine by himself.
-
Apr 26, 2009 1:54:40 PM CDT
I heard Josh Swaney is so motherfucking tough that...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
When he climbs into a boxing ring, he tells the opponent to stay out because "The Swane does this alone". And then he proceeds to both punch himself out AND celebrate his victory. At the same fucking time!
-
W+0 L+0 even though he has particapted in 10 fights
-
Here's my facebook link in case you wanna say "hey!"
http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Swaney/1252170053 -
total friends... +0
-
say im "cute" :)
*giggle* -
There were no women involved and he gave birth himself because, as he told the amazed hospital staff: "The Swane does this alone."
-
have "fun".
-
Apr 26, 2009 2:09:34 PM CDT
He promptly sold the kid to a Chinese workhouse
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
Someone told him he'd have to take the kid places and The Swane wasn't having any of that shit.He didn't even shed a tear at the airport. He just told the kid "The Swane does this alone", turned around and went home to collect his cinema ticket.
-
this HAS to be the guy (facebook link i posted above)... under favorite music groups, one of the groups listed is "+/- (plus/minus)" LOL i shit you not!
-
THIS guy:
http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Swaney/599305576
Hurrrrmmmmmm..... -
Apr 26, 2009 2:21:35 PM CDT
When Josh Swaney's maths teacher told him...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
..that one plus one equals two, he spat in her face and then set her alight.He was three years old.
-
Josh Swaney's friends have jumped to a total of +0!!
-
who tweaked the lights on the Terminator set.Bale wasn't tough enough to face him so he picked on someone else....and his name was +1..another fucking poser. JOSH!YOU DICK!!YOU PROMISED!!!!
-
Apr 26, 2009 2:27:40 PM CDT
Josh Swaney once pretended to work in a hospital...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
..just so he could punch pregnant women who were expecting twins in their stomachs.He told one of them, as she lay weeping on the floor, that "everything is born alone and everything dies alone. Anything else is outside the natural order of things".
-
CBTML...that last one was AWESOME.
-
Apr 26, 2009 2:36:17 PM CDT
JOSH SWANEY = THE PENIS THAT MURDERED BEA ARTHUR
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
WTF! LMFAO!!!
-
was dead before Josh Swaney saved it. The Swane did this alone!
-
Apr 26, 2009 2:44:35 PM CDT
Josh Swaney inspires country sensation Brooks and Dunn!!!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
She looked so good movin’ ‘cross the dance floor
Better than the day she left me
Arm in arm with somebody new
Holdin’ hands and laughin’ like we used to
I got my best smile on, but it’s no disguise
It don’t hide the pain in these eyes
I did her so wrong, for so long
Turned my back on her love, now she’s long gone
I did my part, to break her heart
She walked out on me, and tore my world apart
She used to be mine
Oh, she used to be mine
It’s taken every bit of strength that I have
To keep a hurt look off of my face
I can’t keep from lookin’ back over my shoulder
At the lucky man takin’ my place
Oh, if it weren’t for my pride, I’d probably take off runnin’
Guess what I’m feelin’, is what I got comin’
I did her so wrong, for so long
Turned my back on her love, now she’s long gone
I did my part, to break her heart
She walked out on me, and tore my world apart
She used to be mine
Oh, she used to be mine
I did her so wrong, for so long
Turned my back on her love, now she’s long gone
I did my part, to break her heart
She walked out on me, and tore my world apart
She used to be mine
Oh, she used to be mine
Oh, she used to be mine,
She used to be mine -
in the words of TheRealJoshSwaneys_plus1 "WTF! LMFAO!!!"
-
Allegedly
-
Actually I'd love to be there for this screening. it'll be like that 'oh my god' tingle you get in the bottom of your spine when some skateboarder faceplants into concrete. Plus the revelation of who josh Swaney is will be that goofy little twirps biggest night of his life. It'll be a real where's Wally come to life. Look for the 8 year old with dark glasses and fake beard
-
He will be wearing a monocle, or perhaps nothing on his eyes at all!
-
you got 285 friends on facebook? i know about a hundred and i can only keep up with about 4. maybe 6.
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:08:17 PM CDT
Perhaps The Swane will hire a +1 to fool us?
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
He'll hire an escort and then ditch her in the lobby so nobody knows who he is!Praise The Swane.
-
It means that they have to watch this mess.
-
but they get to see THE Joshua Swaney. sounds like a bucket full of win to me.
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:16:21 PM CDT
Josh Swaney's semen can cure Pat Swayze's cancer!!!!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Let's make it happen motherfuckers!! NOBODY PUTS SWANEY IN THE CORNER!
-
he gets his power from sugar and scriptgirls lactating tities.
-
If you don't parlay this into getting to at least touch a boobie, you are not the man I thought you were. And BTW, Winners = Victims in this instance.
-
LOL!
we need to get shirts made for this -
doesnt need excuses to touch boobies. he just has to give the girls a nod and they drop for him right there
-
You better get some at the screening.And we demand a follow up from the head fags at this site.
-
with special guest appearance cgi marty mcfly
-
i can't believe im actually going to see it for no other reason except "just because"
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:30:37 PM CDT
Swaney VS. McWeeny = Mira Jeff VS. Boll Part 2
by dannyglovers_dickblood
http://tinyurl.com/6f2cpbI think you all know who will be who....
-
Are you one of the winners?! Are you Josh fucking Swaney?If not, I'm no longer interested in you.
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:37:03 PM CDT
BendersShinyAss -- you can be our 'eyes on the inside'.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
We need a description of Our Lord Swaney.If you refuse to comply...we're fucking done professionally.
-
what a waste of time.
-
I heard that Josh Swaney is an anagram for Sosh Jwaney and is part robot from the past here to spread his love for Taco Bell. I choose not to believe this, although it would explain his lack of +1ness
-
by turning up at the screening.
Everyone will be trying to hang out with Josh PLUS_ZERO Swaney! -
Seeing as Josh won tix for I Love You Man and on his facebook profile, he has that listed as a favorite movie, I now know what he looks like and I will be at that screening. It will be entertaining!
-
Some one worth stalking. all these celeb types are boring, we need some one like Josh "The Swane" Swaney to bring psychotic stalking up to a new lvl!!
-
Only 214 more posts to get this to the number 1 TB slot!
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:53:59 PM CDT
So that Facebook is THEE JOSH 'Cunt-Shredder' SWANEY?
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Hahaha. The look on that girl's face is hilarious.
-
I think his profile is the other one. The one without the girl. Because Josh rolls solo, Columbia style.
-
Apr 26, 2009 3:58:49 PM CDT
Oh its not the one with the chick. Thank Christ.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
That bitch looked like Harvey Keitel in drag.
-
http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Swaney/1252170053
-
I think we need to start a petition to name all of these ticket giveways, Swaneys, in honor of the man of the hour. CAPONE IS HOLD A SWANEY FOR 2012 TIX!!!!!
-
Wait, is that for prez, or for the end of the world?? or both??
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:09:31 PM CDT
ROMNEY/SWANEY 2012 -- NO CUNT SHALL GO UNBRUISED.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
End of the world. Because he wouldn't be in office until 2013. Plus he's probably only in his early 20's. US constitution wouldn't let him run for prez.
-
is ageless.
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:18:00 PM CDT
"The Swane" should be the new term for Chode or Taint.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
"Yeah baby...rub my fucking Swane while you suck my balls."
-
Because +1 is fucking distracting.
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:21:25 PM CDT
Take the "Could You Be Josh Swaney's +1?" quiz!
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
http://tiny.cc/ji8qi
-
I have only a 33% chance of being Swaney.
-
The Swane is now the 2nd most popular thread in the past 24 hours!
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:29:53 PM CDT
The Swane is so tough he's got a flu named after him
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
Nothing can stop Swane Flu! It's killing people everywhere!Keep away from other people. It only spreads when you're in pairs!
-
Thanks for supplying me with my "Hearty Laugh of the Day"
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:39:19 PM CDT
Capone. If you had a heart you would change the title of this TB
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...to read JOSH SWANEY - PUSSY SAVANT OR ERRANT PATRIOT? YOU DECIDE.
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:40:38 PM CDT
My fav Daniel Day Lewis film: IN THE SWANE OF THE FATHER
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
Damn You Josh Swaney
-
Swane On!
-
funniest talkback in a long time and no fighting. The SWANE is like a messiah.
-
Joshua Swaney has never been seen in the same room as Bruce Campbell. One and the same? We'll keep you posted.
-
hence no +1
-
Apr 26, 2009 4:58:58 PM CDT
It says Lord Swaney graduated from Columbia in 07.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Uhhhh....but he looks 12. Is he a genius child? I thought only his penis was unproportionally large. Perhaps his brain is as well. Interesting.
-
"I don't need a +1. I'm going to fuck every +1 in that god damn theater before the opening credits fucking roll. They won't ever forget tasting the Swaney."
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:06:38 PM CDT
U2 dedicate their new single "IN THE SWANE OF LOVE"
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...to victims of Joshua's 'Cream Pie' interrogation tactics in the Middle East.
-
SWANEY TODD.
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:08:18 PM CDT
IF ANYONE CAN GET A PIC OF JOSHUA SWANEY -- EMAIL ME!!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Have any of you tried to add him as a friend on Facebook or have some way to hack a pic out of there? If you can get an image. Email me. I will put him up as BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER OF THE DAY on www.aintitbalenews.com My email: dannyglovers.dickblood@gmail.com
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:08:53 PM CDT
Clint Eastwood announces he will play "MAN WITH NO SWANE"
by continentalop
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:09:05 PM CDT
SWANEY TODD -- THE DEMON PLAYER OF SNATCH STREET
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
seriously.
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:10:16 PM CDT
Josh Swaney's ex-friend may have been denied a seat
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
But he's been offered the lead in an upcoming Clint Eastwood remake.He'll be playing "The Man With No Swane".
-
Bravo buddy - you beat me to it!
-
WTF is this insane business with Josh Swaney?
-
fucking lost cunt. This Bale nonsense is pathetic, you fall to the low standards of mainstream culture where instead of saying "ohh who gives a shit about an actors personal life etc" like the less dumb cunt people here, you talk shit. Bring back the transformers talkback days pre dickblood.
-
"Come back Swane. Come back. We love you Swane."
Sorry kid, but Swane is going to Wolverine's alone. He don't need no +1. -
Streep can kiss it.
-
"A place to rest my fuckin' drinks."
-
Just goes to show great minds think alike.
But yours was better. Obviously the person who wasn't +1 would be "THE MAN WITH NO SWANE." -
J.S you did it all by yourself bud, in the UK i cant even view your Facebook, as a nation we are gutted
-
Unless Josh didn't ask for +1, in which case, how cruel life has been to Josh Swaney ...
-
Who will play Magneto in his Origins movie? I wonder. Who will play Apocolypse? How about Cable? Lots of characters to choose from...
Storm Origins? I am thinking that Professor X: Origins would be tied into Magneto: Origins. It would be interesting to see Professor X as a kid. When did he go bald? How about Gambit: Origins?
Now I am starting to think like Tommy Rothman. I think you should hire creative writers to come up with really good scripts. Then you hire really good directors who can take that script and make it into a movie that we would like to see. Time after time idiots like Tommy Rothman keep putting shit on the screen, because they know that they can keep making money
I need some more beer with a shot of vodka...I'll just finish the bottle. "Lean into the bar!" -
All because one person didn't apply for a +1 when they entered a competition. Usually these competition TBs have about five posts but the unique combination of it being for a movie fifty percent of this site has already seen and hated, and one guy deciding to go it alone have created an unstoppable monster of comedic preportions.God bless you Josh Swaney for being a +0 kinda guy. My Sunday would have been a whole lot more boring without you.
-
starring Jamie Foxx as a musical prodigy psycho and Josh Swaney as the reporter who avoids him at all costs because he doesn't need a +1 in his life.
-
Total Win. Timely and hilarious! Josh's +1 is a pandemic, hence no ticket.
-
Where two hot bitches fight to be his plus-one.
-
LOL at your +1 head comment!
-
Swaney is a WW2 soldier enlisted to save Ryan after his four brothers die but Swaney instead goes on a sexual conquest across Europe all on his lonesome. Rated G
-
Check the list. They're both waiting to fuck him after he gets back from the screening.
-
Josh bangs a young Geena Davis while Ed Begley watches.
-
"Not a problem. I'll have Jennifer Lewkowicz head bobbing in my lap by the time Logan gets adamantizized. With her +1 watching."
-
wins best punch line.
-
We need a fake news story about Josh Swaney.
BSB, I expect you to write one as well. -
Apr 26, 2009 5:29:47 PM CDT
Shit..you guys hear that hot new track from T SWAYNE?
by dannyglovers_dickblood
I come with my own look, my own sound, my own style
Who the fuck you think drawed this crowd
It's the ripper, the clean up hitter
You bitter intimidating young long dick nigga
Suck Swayne’s dick, while you around here playa hating
Your woman around here screaming Fuck Me, Fuck Me
Tell me something, don't I put down on my albums
Muthafucka nobody ever told you I was hard as a NFL Helmet
I write 'em, land 'em, plant 'em BAM Nigga can't stand 'em
On top, on sight, heads up, bust 'em at random (What You Did?)
I got the vest out, put the braids back, put on the bandana (What Else You Did?)
Signed a brand new contract, shot the video in Chicago
Don't pull me, can't hold me the beat don't move me
You know smokin, drinkin whenever I kick it with Juvey
Back on my own, back on my zone
Feelin better, lookin better
Bout to go get it and bring it back home
Y'all thought "Project English" was the last of this shit
When I was really only given y'all half of this shit
Fuckin right I made the beat, and I wrote this rap
But a Niggaz In the ghetto want to post the crack
Got two Niggaz posted watching a bus with macks
Just waiting on the police and Niggaz to jack
To people across the nation, thanks for being patient
Ya'll been itching for some Swayne shit huh, I know you waiting
When you cop the cd, get some Herb and Ride
Turn the bitch up real loud so you can feel my Vibe
I got a long way to go, I'm just gettin started
I'm 24 years old and I'm still retarded
I ain't talking about handicapped
I'm talking about the way I talk and Express my rap
You Feelin that
muthafucka make ‘em pussy lips SMACK -
has silenced all the amateurs.
-
Was in 'The Swayne and I'. Course I am very fond of his sci-fi work in 'Swayne Runner'but his last role in 'Quantam of Swayne' was cool too. But he was so badass in 'indiana Swayne and the Theater of Plus 1's'
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:35:57 PM CDT
I love the Three Dog Night's Song "PLUS ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUM
by continentalop
-
...an army of one
-
I shit you not.
-
Of work in 'swaney back mountain' and 'who could forget his duo hit song with brit spears 'i'm a swaney for you'
-
Josh Swaney fucks Plus-One Size Models
-
There is going to be at least 7 girls there.
So maybe in 9 months it will Joshua Swaney +7? -
Apr 26, 2009 5:48:28 PM CDT
I think he'll have more babies than former Broncos RB Travis Hen
by fuckmichaelbay
-
oh yeah
-
Apr 26, 2009 5:51:15 PM CDT
Dustin Hoffman to play Josh in SWANEY MAN
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
It's kinda like RAIN MAN except Hoffman's character refuses to travel with other people, dresses in a Wolverine costume and uses the catchphrase "You're all a bunch of fucking +1's to me" twelve times during the movie.So, it's nothing like RAIN MAN really.Josh Swaney will be attending to premiere. By himself.
-
Josh Swaney pwns +1's past, present and future for the fourth time!
-
I so did. Script Girl whistles when she walks now.
-
Apr 26, 2009 6:00:04 PM CDT
Josh Swaney is now in the rare position...
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
..of being one of the only non-celebs to have several TB handles using his name. Seriously - this TB now has about six people with different Josh Swaney related names.Fuck Susan Boyle! This guy is the real star of the interwebs!
-
Theater director Josh Swaney is mounting a new play. Fresh off of a successful production of Death of a Scriptgirl, he has traded in the suburban blue-hairs and regional theater of Swanectady for the cultured audiences and bright footlights of Broadway. Armed with a MacDonald grant and determined to create a piece of brutal realism and honesty, something into which he can put his whole self, he gathers an ensemble cast into a warehouse in Manhattan's theater district. He directs them in a celebration of the mundane, instructing each to live out their constructed lives in a small mockup of the city outside. As the city inside the warehouse grows, Swaney's own life veers wildly off the tracks. The shadow of his ex-plus-one Adele, a celebrated painter who left him years ago for Germany's art scene, sneers at him from every corner. As he pushes the limits of his relationships, both personally and professionally, a change in creative direction arrives in DannyGlovers_Dickblood, a celebrated theater actor who may offer Swaney the break he needs.
-
I learned it by watching you, DGDB. I learned it by watching YOU! Sniffle. Bong rip.
-
what bitches want to be numbers five through infinity?
-
like harry potter
-
"oh."
-
He's still living with the trauma. Give him time.
-
with just one little comment Josh Swaney becomes a Chuck Norris-level badass loner ...
-
step up, alla youse.
-
LOL.
-
Yes, you are the man (or possibly woman) of the day. You were the first one to notice Mr. -0 in that list and are therefore partially responsible for the Swaney jokes flooding through AICN.Well done to you.
-
somebody needs to get that pic of Josh that he had on his main page when i first posted the facebook link....it was facking HILARIOUS! Now he's got some felching chick on their with him... http://www.facebook.com/people /Joshua-Swaney/1252170053
-
I'm Josh Swaney, bitch's boyfriends most hated...
-
Gotta go. This has been a wicked little TB though. Haven't laughed this much at a TB's comments for some time.I salute you all.
-
I only want to stalk Josh Swaney, not give him head. And my plus one is a gay bear. Although it may turn Josh Swaney on, it would be kind of disturbing for me.
-
All of us have experienced at least one night of casual sex. If you play by the rules, you can successfully procure the cunt, get a free breakfast/lunch out of it, and have him/her the fuck out of your life come 7:00 pm the next day.
THESE STEPS ILLUSTRATE HOW YOU TOO, CAN REMAIN A +0 WHILE POUNDING CUNT ON A REGULAR BASIS.
1. Don’t say “I never do this” and expect me to believe you. Of course you do this, so do I, and you saying that you normally don’t implies that if I do, then I am some kind of a slut. Don’t make me feel like a slut. You are not an innocent girl. We are here to fuck. So drop the act, put the rubber on my dick, and don’t expect to discuss sexual histories because we are both going to lie anyway.
2. Don’t try and have casual, meaningless conversation when we get back to our respective destination. I don’t really care what you do for a living, where you’re from, or your childhood drama. You’re there for one purpose only, TO FORCE FEED ME THE CUNT. Anything I needed to know about you I already found out from your gash. Yeah she told me; she has a big mouth and she loves to spill. Are you attractive and are you over 18? These are the only attributes I’m interested in – so please keep your mouth shut. Out of respect I will do the same.
3. ALWAYS ask permission to do things to me and my home. Ask to take a shower, ask to go through my nightstand looking for a condom, ask before trying to go down on me, and ask me if you want something from me too. We can’t pretend to be familiar with each other so be polite.
4. Speaking of asking, please remember that I don’t know you and I don’t know what you like. You also don’t know what I like so while I appreciate your adventurousness, it is essential that you listen to what I tell you. For example “OUCH” means that I don’t like what you are doing so please slowly remove your index finger from my asshole and simply focus on the head of my dick. And don’t think I’m gonna eat your twat for any extended amount of time. You’re not my girl. I don’t love you. I’m going down there to get that shit wet, not to get to know it on a personal level. Actually...skip the oral altogether. It can lead to many diseases and is best avoided when it comes to one night stands.
5. Don’t get offended if I call you by the wrong name while we’re having sex. In some cases I may not even remember your name and if I do – hey maybe I’m thinking about my ex-girlfriend or maybe I really like the name Shirley. Either way – don’t judge me. You’re getting laid so don’t complain you greedy bitch.
6. If I do let you stay over or I stay at your place – please no cuddling. Casual sex and cuddling just don’t go together. It weirds me out.
7. You don’t get to see me naked. I have no problem with how I look, however; just because we had sex a moment ago doesn’t mean I want you admiring me with the lights on. That is something intimate that requires respect which is not necessarily part and parcel to the sex act we just enjoyed. I treat you with respect in regard to our casual fuck session by not expecting you to dress in front of me and I expect you to do the same. This means that you must pretend to be asleep if I get out of bed to put on clothes. Don’t comment. Similarly, if I choose to get dressed while you are in the bathroom, and then I go into the bathroom, this is your time to get dressed also. Please note, I will probably spend enough time in the bathroom for you to get dressed so do it. If I am in the bathroom for a longer time than you need, use the extra minutes to make the bed.
8. MAKE THE FUCKING BED.
9. Morning sex is off limits. The two primary reasons for this are 1. I got drunk in order to feel comfortable bringing you home and fucking you, now I am not drunk and there is no longer any chance of fucking. That also goes for oral sex, even if I were to participate last night, there is NO chance of a stale, daylight, sober cunt licking for you.
10. If we had a great time and you want to hang out this morning, then ask me to breakfast. Don’t expect me to say yes. Don’t get huffy if I say no. If I do say yes and we do go to breakfast, understand that you are paying. This is not negotiable. Also, understand, once breakfast is over, I want you to go home, shower and forget we ever fucked.
11. Don’t ask for my number when you and I both know we have no intention or seeing one another again. Let’s not waste our energy. Most likely I don’t want your number and you don’t want mine. Exchanging numbers just leads to regret and self-doubt. If you don’t call then I'll wonder if I was a good fuck or if I said/did anything wrong. Neither of us needs to go through that especially when it probably wasn’t bad and even if it wasn’t the greatest sex ever, at least we both got laid. To quote the notable film Threesome, “To me sex is like pizza. Even if it’s bad it’s still pretty good.”
-
Apr 26, 2009 6:33:20 PM CDT
catlettuce4 - THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
I got sucked into that Watchmen shit, too.
-
He's going to be a god at this screening. Or we'll all forget about him by tomorrow. Whichever.
-
Swaney obviously lost a bet...or...OR...and I'm sorry for saying this...is a complete fucking zero and thinks this movie will be good...lets hope for the former
-
bro seriously...while hilarious that guide is overkill...I hope you copied and pasted that novella
-
12. Yes, I do have a spare, unused toothbrush in my bathroom you can use after you are done licking my ass. I'm not rude, bitch.
-
Apr 26, 2009 7:09:22 PM CDT
#13: Buy me a new fucking toothbrush but mail it to me.
by fuckmichaelbay
-
"There can be only one."
-
I don't like kissing. Especially after oral sex.
-
Look, I don't want to clean this shit up or have to get my sheets cleaned again. It is just convenient for me if you just slurp my white shake down.
-
in this case, you ALWAYS go full Swaney
-
Apr 26, 2009 7:28:37 PM CDT
Oh fantastic. Josh Swaney has finally commented on this TB.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
http://tinyurl.com/c9wyab
-
Apr 26, 2009 7:29:21 PM CDT
#16 If you don't swallow, I need to see you dispose of it...
by fuckmichaelbay
...because I refuse to be your economic bailout plan for 2010 and I will have no offspring.
-
seriously my head is spinning from thsoe two names together.
-
YAY!
-
Because Heroin is for pussies.
-
Sooner better that later. And what else are you gonna have to do at a showing of Wolverine? Watch the movie? HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHAAAAHAHHAH!!!
-
"He has my blessing."
-
Come and kneel before Swaney!
-
hehe
-
You're right, there is nothing else to do but make Swaney into my love slave for the evening. The movie is going to suck and I may as well too.
-
Come on. Add his as a fucking friend or some shit.
-
That is the spirit!
-
Blazing Swaney and coming soon SwaneyBalls!
-
Trust us, you have the envy of every man here. Afterwards you shall have the adoration of the Swaney minions.
-
This list is alive ... cuz of Josh.
-
what, you don't like his facebook pic? just use that one dude
-
the one he had up early was better. that shit was PRICELESS
-
"... as soon as I'm done with Jennifer."
-
Bring a towel. I hear Josh is a gusher.
-
I don't have facebook.
-
And one person only. The almighty Christian Bale.
-
just right click on the pic and "save picture as"
-
....like that rhino scene in Ace Venture 2.
-
By sheer force of his powerful, sperm-filled pheromones.
-
but (1) The bitch wouldn't put out and (2) She's dead
-
When he gets up and leaves after the 1st 5 minutes of the movie, he doesn't have to worry about leaving someone behind while doing 150MPH back home screaming, "WHY DID I EVEN WATCH 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHIT MOVIE!!"
-
That's why he's not allowed a +1. Swaney is King Dong.
-
That isn't butter on your popcorn. Swaney just pulled out and splooged after fucking one of the female cashiers.
-
at the thought of The Swane never checking this out, and every one knowing about him at the event. There should realy be a Josh Swaney fan club there hehe
-
That says "*I* am Josh Swaney's +1".
-
the most EPIC thread ever..................EVER.
-
that would be THE SHIT lol
-
...is my Constant.
-
Apr 26, 2009 8:40:12 PM CDT
No....NOW it is official the most epic thread ever....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
http://tinyurl.com/ch4qrl
-
As someone above mentioned, someone should make t-shirts. But everyone should buy them, they should say "*I* am Josh Swaney's +1", and everyone should show up wearing them. But NO ONE can tell Josh. And so when he walks into the theater, EVERY person wearing the shirt shall stand up like in "Spartacus" and take turns saying "I am JOSH SWANEY'S PLUS ONE!" And someone should videotape the whole thing. It would be GLORIOUS.
-
fuckin' SWEEEEEET!
-
That video would be amazing. Make it so, Capone.
-
...Josh Swaney ever pulled was convincing the world he could go stag.
-
signed Josh to sing a duet with the Eagles. "A Horse With No SWANE!"
-
OMFG make it so!
-
Apr 26, 2009 8:47:27 PM CDT
Capone. FILM THIS SHIT!! Listen to D. Vader.....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
.....do an interview with Josh Swaney and you will have mucho respect from the TB'ers. You shouldn't have a problem getting a camera in there. What, its not like you're gonna record Wolverine and distribute it illegally....muahahahaha.
-
... Trying to prevent people from recording the film. The ultimate display of irony.
-
LOL, that would be another great thing to tape and distrube. Capone getting "taken down" for having a camera at the Josh Swaney +0 event
-
Apr 26, 2009 8:55:10 PM CDT
It would be the best display of AICNs relationship with TBers
by d.vader
It'd be the coolest thing, literally, for AICN to interview a random Talkbacker who managed to get famous due to his manly ability to be a loner and not give a shit what anyone else thinks. It'd be great to see what Josh is expecting to see (before the film) and to hear his thoughts afterward. Some column like that would actually rejuvenate this site, I think. It'd be such a nice change for AICN, which has been stagnant of late. DO IT CAPONE! We humbly request it!
-
Have Capone or Massawyrm grab a random viewer and ask them a few questions about the movie, whether or not they liked it, etc. But make sure they're a Talkbacker first.
-
D.Vader's sugestion. DO IT!
-
....seriously. Do it. Maybe it will finally convince Harry to start paying you.
-
Being one of the only female fans of Josh Swaney, I will make you all proud of me. On a side note, I don't think Capone will be at this screening since the screening of Star Trek is the same night and it's AICN exclusive. I missed the contest by two hours. But now...me and Josh will be able to make sweet love to the sounds a bad cajun accent.
-
For everyone of these special screenings they have, they can grab a few TB'ers and ask them a few quick questions. But yeah...only TB'ers, not just those bitch made readers that leech off the site but contribute jack shit to the community here. And leave it up to the person whether or not they want to reveal their TB'er identity. It would be a great cause for discussion in the TB, and convince the readers AICN actually gives a fuck.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:02:01 PM CDT
Auriellis -- you're a female? From the Chicago area?
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Have you ever......been you know, taken Josh out to breakfast?
-
Us being AICN editors and the Talkbackers, who draw as much readership nowadays as the main site itself. I think it'd be a wonderful little experiment. But they MUST be Talkbackers. And yeah, no need to "out" them at the screening, but let them decide if they'd like to release their names or not. Actually, no one would know what they look like except for Capone. But Auriellis- is that true? Capone won't be there bc he'll be at Star Trek instead? Say it aint so!
-
Yes I am female and from Chicago and no...sadly, Josh has never graced my presence in an intimate setting such as breakfast.....yet. However, I have seen him at screenings I'm sure.
-
If you had, you would be 7 months pregnant.
-
I lol'd at the "5 dolla, 5 dolla" visual.
-
Yeah it looks like Capone will be at the Star Trek movie although it may be at the same theater, I don't know.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:09:22 PM CDT
Capone......remember when you asked for donations....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...to fix your fucking roof? Well since you will be attending the Star Trek screening, I suggest you pay for both D. Vader and myself to fly out to Chicago to conduct the interviews. We don't need a hotel. Its cool if we crash at your place.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:10:11 PM CDT
I didn't mention, but I meant you should use the donations...
by dannyglovers_dickblood
.....you received (which are probably sitting in a high interest account) to pay for our tickets. I'm fucking serious.
-
I should've stuck around for the last 200 posts.2009 the year of +1 for none!
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:13:24 PM CDT
DGDB: I have an HD camera package & will shoot it for free...
by fuckmichaelbay
...if you get Capone to rent me a van and pay for gas. I don't fly.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:15:01 PM CDT
FuckMichaelBay -- I'm on the phone with Capone right now...
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...I'll let you know.
-
And I'm in Charlotte, NC. I'm in.
-
Dang for having it up for only a few hours i am happy with 15...its open for all week...putz
-
I want to experience SWANEY from every single angle. And I think the cameras should be rolling, fixed tight on his face the entire duration of the film.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:21:45 PM CDT
Vader's HDV will work great for the "night-vision" action-cam.
by fuckmichaelbay
Knock the gain to high and it still looks awesome...plus the tapes cheaper.
-
I wont be back from Greenland till Friday, I would drive my ass the 3 hours to Chicago JUST for this!
-
User-created, Talkbacker videos on AICN, interviewing TBers as they exit the theater. We could go to all the screenings and see how people feel coming out of them. It would make AICN popular again. Seriously. I think we're on to something.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:24:01 PM CDT
I see a tight Michael Mann CU of Swaney bathed in green light...
by fuckmichaelbay
...getting ready to steal your woman and make her his +1.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:24:01 PM CDT
And we could setup a Vimeo account for this....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
....thats true. We don't even need AICN to do this. We just need people to catch people exiting outside and ask them if they are TB'ers. There's gotta be a few in every bunch. The only problem is the actual logistics.
-
Its the Canon AX-H1. High gain, but no nv. I'll have to grab one of the consumer cams for the "night-vision" shots.
-
....when they go to a screening and a pre-determined video crew goes to shoot them when at least five or so show up.
-
Yeah... yeah that's a bitch. A little help, Capone?
-
Throw a green gel over the lens. Instant NV.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:27:55 PM CDT
I miss night-vision as well.....that fucking sucks.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
I used to have awesome night-vision on a $400 Sony Digi-8. I have a Panasonic DVX and I want my fucking night-vision!!!
-
...and they shoot the people as they leave the theater and get their opinions.
-
Apr 26, 2009 9:28:47 PM CDT
Yeah. I mean like actually getting to these....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
....they are basically only in Chicago and Austin. There are very few in L.A. because Beaks won't get off his fucking ass and arrange anything.
-
Boycott this movie!
-
Just spent an hour or so checking out your site.Great stuff and very funny shit. Mad props home slice.
-
They can be just regular press screenings and whatnot. How hard is it to get a hold of a screen list in your town?
-
EXCELLENT! Can it still see through girls' shirts too?
-
Anytime Entertainment Weekly gives out passes to free screenings, they're in Atlanta. F-that.
-
...but it looks like it could.
-
...remake THE MATRIX with it too. It's multi-purposed.
-
It was part of a LOTR spoof I directed. I popped up as Neo and challenged Elrond to a fight. Elrond promptly took off his robes and wig to reveal a black suit underneath. He then put on some sunglasses as I took off my black coat, and the fight commenced. I wish I thought of using a green filter back then.
-
i don't know where to begin
-
after Swaney. Fuck it, I'll be the first. We're watching history being written today, kids.
-
I'm thinking of getting the Brevis.
-
...removed his black coat to reveal a LOTR costume. Hilarity ensues.
-
...MUST BUY IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
-
Bring Talkbacker with no name Swaney, DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD_SWANEY, FuckMichaelBay_Swaney, BringingSexyBack_Swaney....
-
...and now I am hard.
-
I dunno which one is best, but I think my research tells me the Brevis is the better deal. As for my LOTR/Matrix spoof... damn you, where were you 5 years ago when I needed that idea!
-
and had a "Swaney +0" shirt on
-
For seeing through girl's shirts you need the x-ray specs (scientific name) you cut out two circles from cardboard, cut a small hole in each and then draw spirals on it like a hypno wheel. That shit actually works!
-
Then I could just get the girls to remove their shirts.
-
Because in between comments about Swaney are still people commenting about how crappy this movie is....as if we didn't know. I look forward to cuddling with Swaney in the theater and ignoring the film.
-
I really hope you're being honest. If Swaney gets even just a french kiss out of all this, I think the collective TB would shed a tear. Dead fucking serious.
-
and links better show up here within 24hrs!
-
I am honest about being there at the screening. I'm not so sure if I'll be french kissing him for the amusement of the TB, though. However, my gay friend who will be my plus one might.
-
Bravo indeed
also, winners: lool -
Show that we will not take this crap from Fox.
-
so does there +1
-
GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND GET A BREAKING BAD TALKBACK GOING.
-
Show that we will not take this crap from Fox.
-
We have to go!
-
Apr 26, 2009 11:06:59 PM CDT
and no Swaney would signal the start of the Apocalypse
by proziumjunkie
-
I can't believe no one said that yet, or am I the only old timer around here. But seriously I don't know whether to pity this kid or envy him. I don't wanna laugh at this but it's funny as fuck. And yeah, at this screening they better do something special for him and there better be pictures.
-
How's that for old school, IndustryKiller?
-
http://tinyurl.com/d8esrh
-
Harry make it happen
-
And its all thanks to Josh Swaney, Bale should take him on as his protoge.
-
He's the hero it needs.
-
Joshua once beat Chuck Norris' beard in an arm wrestling contest. After defeat Chuck fired a roundhouse kick to Josh's face but at the last second before impact Josh whisperd "Plus zero" and Chuck Norris spontaneously combusted!
-
Where does that tomboy beanpole stuff come from? I've always wondered.
-
that says +1 on it with an arrow pointing down to his dick. The only +1 Josh Swaney needs is his gigantic cock.
-
RENTS DUE BITCHES
-
after the masses began to weep for Chuck Norris, Joshua took pity on them. He picked up a bloody chunk of Norris and whispered "plus one" springing Chuck back into existence, upon which Chuck began to promptly fellate Joshua and ultimately becoming Swaney's sex slave.
-
I am so glad to have witnessed this talkback. It will establish my talkback bona fides in the same way references to GONE have. I am very proud of being a TB chump, clearly.
-
Proud that Josh Swaney exists!
-
"I don't care who you +1's are back in the world, you give away my position one more time, i'll bleed you, real quiet, and leave you here. Got that!?"
-
No one gives a fuck. No one!
-
called "Swaney and Hutch".
Then the producers thought Fuck Hutch!
Josh Swaney only rolls with one person.
Josh Swaney. -
The origin of the "Sexy tomboy beanpole" is back in, like, 2003 there was an advertisement on this site for Bend it Like Beckham and the reviewer they chose to quote on this advert was some guy who referred, in his little blurb, to Keira Knightley as a "Sexy Tomboy Beanpole". It was just such a random/stupid/unintentionally hilarious thing for a journalist to say let alone for a studio to quote that it was an AICN staple for years, and was so widely used that Knightley began getting questions about it in interviews. Priceless.
-
Apr 27, 2009 2:38:41 AM CDT
EASILY the best talkback since the great "System Maintenance"
by industrykiller!
Too obscure???
-
Apr 27, 2009 2:40:48 AM CDT
I'll go see Wolverine if Jackman shows to greet Swaney
by industrykiller!
THAT is a fucking sacrifice. I'll even go (+1) in the spirit of things.
-
You can always be my (+1) to see the great Swaney.
-
The answer is the same to the question "Am I drunk at 4 in the morning?" Yes, Yes it is.
-
DICKBLOOD in your face Swaney!!
-
coverage here is upsetting. Swaney and Bale watch it, why don't you?
-
....he lives it.
-
to have been part of this from the beginning.
-
This talkback is ten times the film Wolverine was.
-
Less impressive than an unknown obscure talkbackers true identy. Could Wolverine have been saved by a take not unlike Army of darkness? Come to think of it, could spiderman 3 have been saved by a take not unlike Army of darkness?
-
The way I remember it, there was a side ad for "Beckham" featuring Knightley (before she was real famous), but I don't recall the ad having a quote calling her a sexy tomboy beanpole. I seem to remember that quote coming from a reviewer at AICN?
-
Apr 27, 2009 8:59:27 AM CDT
I want to buy my kids a "Breaking Bad" chemistry set.
by leafar the lost
It amazes me that the media hasn't done more to promote AMC's "Breaking Bad, which is a show whose central character is a high school chemistry teacher. I can't recall a show that has made the study of chemistry "cool". For that reason I want AMC to develope a line of chemistry sets based on the show.
The chemistry sets themselves would be just like the ones already on the market, but pictures of the actors from "Breaking Bad" would be on the packaging. I can see this making AMC a lot of money, and I would expect them to donate a percentage of it for educational programs involing chemistry. The actors from the show should speak at high schools to promote the study of chemistry.
By the way, where is the "Breaking Bad" talkback? -
Choosing the wrong one could cost you your life.
-
There are two AICN Comics Shoot the Messengers links. Now why would anyone in the world post two links to two talkbacks that no one ever goes on..hmmmmmmmmm Swaney you devil
-
And clean panties!!!!!
-
Apr 27, 2009 10:58:15 AM CDT
"BALE ANNOUNCES NEW ADDITION TO CABINET POST: JOSH SWANEY
by bringingsexyback
will head the Department of Light Conservation. Due to his inimitable professionalism, Mr. Swaney wil oversee the department to ensure that no distraction will occur, and has been given the authority to brazenly violate the Geneva Conventions to that end."
-
I'm talking to the fellas.
-
Can't believe that dojo feller hasn't made an appearance yet.
-
I can get you millions at auction, and a book and movie deal. See me after the screening.
-
"I couldn't take it anymore. I have left you for...Swaney"
Love,
Christine
-
because some douchebag hog farmer cut in front of him at a Celine Dion concert. That's right Swaney listens to Celine Dion! Every time she sings "Because You Loved Me" he rapes an angel...and you know how Swaney LOVES angel pussy!
-
Apr 27, 2009 11:58:36 AM CDT
JBOUGANIM - FUNNY, I LEFT A SIMILAR NOTE FOR MY WIFE
by bringingsexyback
Chicago, here I come!!!
-
It has been reported that new internet sensation Josh "The Swane" Swaney AKA +0, The Swanelist, The Man With No Swane ETC. Has commited suicide due to his new found and completely unwanted fame. His note reads "While it is true that I AM The Swane, all this fame has proven too much for me. I am a +0, and this has made me a 250+ post superstar. I thank all of my fans for driving me to this end."
-
It's Nigella Lawson of course. That'd be a +2
-
The auto industry is going under because The Swane rides a bike!
-
Harry is his plus-sized +1. They buried the hatchet in a 10-gallon drum of Mint Chip ice cream and then McSwaney buried his hatchet in a 350 lb pile of gooey ginger ass-juice.
-
THE Swane would never de-Swane the world, that would equal a -1 and +0 is the standard he set for himself.
-
Apr 27, 2009 1:01:50 PM CDT
you do realize this guy has probably slit his wrists by now?!
by turdontherun
Internet cyber bullies be damned! Real men roll solo! (I'd be embarassed to take a friend to that shitty Wolverine movie, too!)This man is a true professional, not that cunt Bale!!!
-
The man is immortal
-
His blood is life-sustaining.
-
there's no need to bring sand to the beach, son.
-
EVERONE will be looking for him! He'll get pelted with popcorn! And you just KNOW someone will whip a blowup doll at him (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). It's going to be BAD.
-
why bring the cow when the milk is free?
-
+0 against all attacks!!
-
and robs banks. i got nothin.
-
with Josh Swaney.
-
Apr 27, 2009 1:54:09 PM CDT
I heard that The Swane goes for "Buy One Get One Free" offers
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
Just so he can throw the free item back in the cashier's face.
-
"+1? FUCK THAT SHIT! PABST SWANEY!"
-
Josh puts the R in Expendables.
-
..everyone except him is expendable."The Swane rolls alone, bitch."
-
and donates the second item to the poor.
-
but when he does.....he prefers Dos Equis.
Stay thirsty my +0 friends. -
Cures every thing from cancer to being in grown nose hair
Made from The Swane's tears of solitude! Too bad he doesn't cry -
Kind of hard to believe this worship of Swaney lasted more than one day. But I will make sure I keep it going inside me until Thursday when I find the Swane and make him my bitch.
-
Me fail enlgish? That's unpossible!
-
I'm Somebodies Bitch!!!
-
Okay people i think ive made this TB go on long enough and hereby declare it to STOP
-
HAHA someone has already made a video of him in line in chicago lmao!!
http://tinyurl.com/bqqrvx -
You can't stop a force like Swaney with just words.
-
Max Swane.
-
Josh: "Yeah."
Jennifer: *Drops to knees* -
It cannot be stopped. It WILL not be stopped!!!
-
does not have two underscores.
-
I will only shout Josh Swaney's name during all my future sexual encouters with other men....and women. :)
-
and beg him to marry my daughter
-
he simply didn't understand the notion of addition. "Why the fuck would I need a +1. Come and gargle on my balls teacher!"
-
What a fucking shit stain that was. Beyonce, your fucking smoking hot, now get yourself some fucking english language tapes. Jesus. May I suggest Rosetta Stone? The silk shirted slut that pimps The Stone is flapjacktastic!
-
fake as all fuck
-
I thought Ali Larter was looking quite hot in the previews. Hotter than Beyonce.
-
I dragged her to Crank: High Voltage. Obsessed was her payback. Never again. Ali was looking good.
-
and I know what the movie is really about: black women's fear that white women just wanna steal all the black men.
My answer to black women - start dating white guys for once. -
You came to Earth to sae it....from Josh Swaney. You came to Earth to save it....FROM Josh Swaney!
-
Just another reason why being +0 rocks!
-
Considering he was one of the chief components of the Baleback hitting 10,000 (Epic talkback which I'm honored to say I was a part of under my other name) so he would never say enough
-
Everyone thought she was Espaniche.
-
Apr 27, 2009 4:07:25 PM CDT
STUNTCOCK: BLACK MEN, AND JOSH SWANEY, GET ALL THE BITCHES
by bringingsexyback
including the black ones.
-
Yes, and your partners will appreciate the intense orgasms it will give them!
-
I'm not talking about Ali Larter clmaxing on Mandingo, I'm talking about The Fight.
-
Do you always listen to everything I tell you to do?CUNT.
-
You got me all curious who is he, he sounds like some Urban Legend
-
and as for "I will make sure I keep it going inside me until Thursday when I find the Swane and make him my bitch." if Swaney reads that he might stay inside you until his cock absorbs you adding a +1 to his girth!
-
That's my plan from now on. I should have just asked myself...."What would Bale do?"
-
Apr 27, 2009 4:24:16 PM CDT
Obsessed is a movie any of us could write in our sleep.
by stuntcock mike
28 fucking mil opening weekend. Bet your fucking ass Bale and Josh were not in attendance.
-
doesn't have a 0 (zero) in his name either.
-
Will Josh Swaney absorb me completely until I am no more? I must ponder this.
-
and the REAL DGDB will be here to tear poser anus.
-
Wouah cet émetteur-récepteur entier est simplement incroyable. Habituellement ces la TB de concurrence obtiennent comme 10 poteaux. Une remarque de cattlelettuce et du plus grand émetteur-récepteur jamais pourrait se produire maintenant. Absolument étonnant. Et quant à Swaney ..... he' ; de s Français évidemment. Quelqu'un avec ces charisme beaucoup sexuel et qualifications machos qui n'est pas seigneur Bale doit être. N'importe qui qui réclame n'importe quoi différent mérite d'obtenir à des +0 l'aide de la DESTRUCTION FOUTUE TOTALE ! ! !
-
Wouah this transmitting entire receiver is simply unbelievable. Habitually these the TB of competition obtain as 10 posts. A remark of cattlelettuce and more transmitting big receiver never could produce itself now. Absolutely astonishing. And as for Swaney .... he'; of French s evidently. Someone with these a lot sexual charismas and qualifications machos that is not lord Bale must be. Do not import that that claims does not import what different deserve to obtain to the + 0 the assistance of the TOTAL SCREWED-UP DESTRUCTION! ! !
-
he does have "a lot sexual charismas and qualifications machos that is not lord Bale must be"
-
yes I know it is an obvious comment and was probably said 20 times above, but it bears repeating.
-
When the Planet Swane was about to erupt, the infant Joshua was placed in a rocket by his father, Jor-Shu. When his father tried to put in her infant sister, Swaney said "Fuck that. I don't need no +1." and hit the ignition of the rocket ship, leaving their sorry asses behind.
No Josh fights for truth, justice and the right to go somewhere by yourself. He also enjoys long walks on the beach and fisting cunts. -
...if the real Josh Swaney is aware of this TB or will he be taken by suprise at the theater. I need to bring my camera.
-
I think he will be surprised the most if you take BSB's suggestion.
-
....its flattering you choose to live in the shadow of my dick, but you need to make a name for yourself son. Fuck off with this bullshit and drive your Chrysler into a fucking wall going 90.P.S. I would never utter gay shit like LMFAO. Fuck you, and the whore that bore your ignorant ass.
-
So I suggest you go a few hours without shaving downstairs. Let him experience a real woman.
-
Apr 27, 2009 6:30:13 PM CDT
It looks like these people are winners after all.
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
They get to sit in the presence of JOSH FUCKING SWANEY. Not many people have been in his presence and survived.He's an army of one. Not plus one. Just one.
-
Je suis si content que vous pourriez nous joindre mon ami ! Maintenant nous avons créé deux mouvements ! La Bale de seigneur tend toujours des ânes et les coeurs cassant dans les maisons à travers Amérique, et maintenant nous avons jeune Swaney professionnel. Il est un moindre ecclésiastique bien sûr, mais un professionnel néanmoins. Content vous êtes ici. Garder être le meurtrier de dame de motherfucking je toujours ai su que vous faites grandissez pour être. Et la vie long Jean Reno ! !
Respectueusement, Le Seigneur Dickblood -
Does that count?
-
The full wrath of the Church of Bale will drive this demon out.
-
you can only hope he doesn't fuck your ass as he walks by
-
Apr 27, 2009 6:40:06 PM CDT
Thanks to everyone for staying sharp and calling that fuck out!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
If you don't taste the dick blood, than it ain't the real thang.
-
Apr 27, 2009 6:42:09 PM CDT
Christian Bale only used a stunt double in 2 scenes in TDK.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
And you all know damn well who it was.
-
is when he's fucking your mom and leaves without paying.
-
In brownish/green enema stew all over your girlfriend's fucking sheets....
-
Please kindly fuck off and leave this site to people who speak English. French is a shit language anyway and French people smell like shit. Or maybe shit and cheese. Yeah, French people smell like shit and cheese. And fish. Imagine that smell. It's fucking sick, isn't it? Well, that's what French people smell like and that's what DESTRUCTION_FOUTUE_TOTALE smells like.
-
No lame ass doppleganger would have had the brilliance to come up with that. Truly you are DannyGlovers_Dickblood.
-
Apr 27, 2009 6:53:28 PM CDT
Auriellis -- I don't mean to be disrespectful.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
But I hope you're on the fucking pill.
-
farts make bitches cum.
-
Shit talking aside, i'll be there first in line thursday at midnight
-
get your tongue out of dannyglovers_dickblood's anus, son. You need to get some air. you truly are pussywhipped.
-
Im flattered that someone decided to Imposter Danny Glovers Dick and the Blood that spurt from it!
-
Apr 27, 2009 7:03:16 PM CDT
DANNY UNDERSCORE.....I want you to burn in a fire....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
....while your children watch from the sidewalk. Richard Pryor motherfucker.
-
ROFLMFAO
-
the poser will suffer a painful rusty chain mail gloved anal fist fuck from The Swane himself!
-
now there are TWO of them?
-
let alone the sheets!
-
Jennifer Lewkowicz sat in the bed, the sheets covering her naked, spent body as she watched him get dressed. She almost let out an audible sigh of excitement when he placed a shirt over his chiseled chest and abs. The mere sight of Swaney’s build made her body tingle and become moist.
Finally, she built up enough courage to break the silence and speak:“Please take me with you Josh.”
Josh just shook his head no as he grabbed his shoulder holster and slipped it on.
“You have to take me with you,” she cried as tears began to roll down her cheek. “He knows I was with you last night and he will kill me when he finds me.”
Joshua waited until he holstered hist pistol before replying “I know, but I told you last night. I’m a loner.”
“But-but I need you. How can you just walk out on me like this? Especially after last night?”
Her eyes pleaded with him, but Swaney was unmoved.
“It’s easy,” he replied as he walked towards the hotel door and opened it. “As I told you last night, Joshua Swaney travels alone. It never is Joshua Swaney +1 and never will be. ”
With that he closed the door on her and her sobbing.
-
This is how you propel this shit to 5K. LETS FUCKING DO IT!
-
MELGIBSONS_FLYTRAP. Sounds like a duel too the death.
-
Apr 27, 2009 7:52:58 PM CDT
I FOUND A NEW PICTURE OF JOSH SWANEY!! WITH BITCHES!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
http://tinyurl.com/d3cb6u
-
Gay, making girls feel comfortable hanging out with them, or
He is a stud and pussy magnet. -
Apr 27, 2009 8:03:08 PM CDT
LOOK AT ALL THESE CUNTS TRYING TO SUCK MY DICK!
by dannygl0vers_dickblood
You all ain't got nothing on my dick skin but everbody keeps trying to gank MY SHIT!FUCK OFF!
-
Why the fuck would he need to bring anybody? That's like taking sand to the beach or a sanwhich to a buffet.
-
borrowed heavily from Maya Angelou, apologiesThe Swane Will RiseYou may write me down in TB history
With your Twitter and AICN lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like my girth, I'll rise.Does my plus zero upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got testicles
Sploogin in your living room.Just like Norris and like Bale,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like kicks to the face never landing high,
Still I'll rise.Did you want to see me broken at Origins?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
OR panties falling down like teardrops.
Women wet by my lustful cries.Does my plus zero offend you?
TBer’s take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh I'm taggin pussy
In my own back yard.You may burn me with your flames,
You may amuse me with your cries,
The Swane gets stronger with your hatefulness,
But still without Cialis, I'll rise.Does my sexy plus none upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I fuck hard enough
To make diamonds in between your thighs?Out of the TB's of AICN’s shame
I rise
Up from anal fisting that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a plus zero leaping with pride,
Yelling and swearing in the tide.
Leaving Dickblood in terror and fear
I rise
Into a Talkback that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that Norris and Bale bestow,
I am The Swane and Auriellis is my HO.
I rise.
I rise.
I rise.
-
Apr 27, 2009 8:14:44 PM CDT
ProziumJunkie - Don't quit you fucking day job.
by dannygl0vers_dickblood
Reading that was like trying to suck your mother's bloody tampon through a crazy straw.FUCKING AWFUL.
-
We know the score. Its not that funny.
-
real DGDB=PROFESSIONAL
-
for just a Quantum of Swaney.
-
Josh raised his gun and aimed it at the two men. “Ok,” he said as he kept his eye on both of them, “which one of you is the real DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD?”
“I am!” they said in unison.
“Ok,” said Swaney as he pointed at the first man, “say your name!”
“DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD.”
Swaney gestured to the second man. “DANNYGLOVERS__DICKBLOOD” he said without hesitation.
“Damn it” thought Swaney, “I forgot you can’t hear double underscores.”
“Ok” said Swaney, “ Let me ask you each a question: who is your lord and savior?”
The both cried out “Lord Bale!”
“Ok, let’s make this a little tougher: if you could have anal sex with one girl on this planet, who would it be?”
Both answered instantaneously. “ScriptWhore!” cried out one of them. “Alicia Sacramone” cried out the other.
“Alicia Sacramone? I’m LMAO to that an-“
BAM! Joshua Swaney’s pistol cut him off before he could finish. He dropped to the ground dead.
The real DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD wiped the sweat from his forehead and breathed a sigh of relief. “That was fuckin’ close. Why did you come back to rescue me?”
“Who said I was?” replied Joshua.
“Wait a second? You’re not here to rescue me? Than why did you come back?”
“Because I can’t stand impostors. It is fucking amateurish and distracting. But now that is done…” Swaney turned and aimed the pistol on the real DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD.
“Wait!” screamed Danny, “You don’t have to do this!”
“Yes I do,” replied Swaney as he pulled the trigger. “You’re a professional Dickblood, but Josh Swaney never travels +1.”
-
..dogs orgasm.
-
You won't be disappointed.
-
Quit living off of me you CUNTS!I just want to be ME! I don't want to be the guy you fucking losers try to walk in the shadow of!FOR THE LAST TIME:FUCK OFF!
-
DGDB be damned
-
...contact with DICKBLOOD. So, you know, to whom it may concern...
-
...either way...spread by contact with Dick Blood. And knowing is half the battle.
-
I have a feeling he just forgot to add the (+1) and the ensuing madness is the result of that simple mistake.
-
Nolan, make it so!
-
...swine to human. My god.
-
“Look, the wall is closing!”
Joashua Swaney looked at where BringingSexyBack was pointing and, sure enough, the temple walls leading to the exit were closing.
They ran towards the closing walls but were stopped in their tracks when the floor opened up. Both were now tittering at the edge of a pit that filled the entire passage. Looking down they could see that it went down some forty feet, than ended in a room filled with poisonous cobras.
“We don’t have much time before that wall closes in,” cried out Josh, who than took a sniff of the air, “and if I am not mistaken poisonous gas is being released into this room. We don’t get out of here we are doomed.”
Maybe The curse of the temple of Shiva was true, thought BringingSexyBack. No wonder no one else has ever been able to get out with the Golden Kuma Sutra. Then BSB spotted a low hanging beam and remembered the rope he had brought. “Hang on” said BSB as he took out his rope and lassoed the beam. He then handed the rope to Joshua and ordered him to go first.
Joshua swung across and landed on the other side. BSB had pulled off his backpack holding the Golden Kuma Sutra and tossed it over to Josh. “Now throw the rope back to me.”
“Sorry, BSB” replied Swane as he picked up the backpack and ran towards the exit.
“Is this because of me and Auriellis?” shouted the desperate BSB. “It was nothing, man. I swear.”
“I could care less” said Swane just before the walls closed, trapping BSB forever. “It is just that Josh Swane never travels +1.”
-
Apr 27, 2009 9:49:18 PM CDT
"......but Josh Swaney never travels +1." BAM!
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Classic.
-
Apr 27, 2009 9:51:32 PM CDT
ME AND JENNIFER DID PAGES 6 - 72 OF KAMA SUTRA, IT'S TRUE
by bringingsexyback
I betrayed Swane. I betrayed Swane!!! *Bag started burning*
-
"Sure she's an American hero, but the ass is still gonna pay."http://tinyurl.com/dkfxwb
-
He's baaaaaack
Continentalop = Hi-larious
Josh Swaney = Nobody equals Josh Swaney -
Bank on it!Coughlins Laws is actually Stuntcock Mike. I'm surprised more people don't know that.
-
Enjoy the suck that is WOLVERINE.
-
I might be able to handle a pose or two of Kama Sutra, but most of them require muscles I'm not sure I ever use!
-
One woman is not enough for Swaney
-
I take it you work in the industry, if not you should be, Harry you apparently have connections that you don't want to offend anymore, so use them and get this guy a job he needs to write the Josh Swaney movie.
-
Apr 27, 2009 10:23:44 PM CDT
Yeah there's gonna be some suck goin' down in Wolverine...
by dannyglovers_dickblood
-
High five
-
.....or losing personality.
-
This TB was by far more entertaining than the giant, bloody load Heroes shot in my face tonight. I fully believe Josh Swaney is laying pipe to the fake DGDB's women as we speak (well, type); I'd say 'raping' them, but that would imply resistance. And no one can resist Agent +0.
And I would pay good money for more stories from Continentalop. -
Apr 28, 2009 12:41:04 AM CDT
Auriellis -- I'm believing you're a female.....
by dannyglovers_dickblood
...otherwise I would be saying horrible horrible things to you right now. I'll keep it simple.FUCK OFF.
-
Proving once again that no one can take a joke on the internet, especially when, at the same time, I ironically made fun of everyone who says "Congratulation Winners of this contest.....or should I say losers?"
Get it now, DGDB? Or are you just in a bad mood today? -
Apr 28, 2009 2:24:52 AM CDT
Auriellis -- I'm a little testy thanks to that fucking imposter.
by dannyglovers_dickblood
Maybe you really are a female-- you're rational and patient. If you also have red hair, than you will have 3 out of the 4 traits I require in a woman.Goodnight to you my darling.
-
Go to bed you talentless sack of molestation residue.
-
Leave me be. Bale and I wouldnt give you the time of day.
-
thats my guess
-
A little unstable, but loyal nonetheless. I don't think its him. I honestly think its someone from AICN.
-
Yes I actually have red hair as well. And thank you, I do try to add some sense of rationality to my comments since you boys (and the few men out there) tend to be crude and non-sensical, most of the time. Silly boys!
-
Wheelchairs are Professional :)
-
There is an absence of "black boxes" (I mean comments and not in a Jungle fever way) on TB's these days.
Maybe there are all a little bit more sensitive (definetely more corporate), hence don't want to be the target of TB's comments. -
Look, I like DGDB, but even if I didn't it is just wrong to impersonate someone else. It undermines this entire site if you can't be sure who said what. If you have a problem with another TBer, don't be a coward and impersonate him but instead argue and debate with him, like it is supposed to be done. Look at John_T_Chance and most excellent ninja: they hate DGDG but at least they have the balls and decency to tell it to his face.
I am not a fan of the banhammer, but sometimes it is warranted, and this time it is warranted. What is the point of the TBs and handles if we cannot be certain who said what and then be able to debate them. If that is the case we should ony be allowed to supply anonymous quotes because users track records and past quotes would be pointless.
I expect Harry and the moderators to do something about this. You might not like DGDG, but it has nothing to do with him. It has to do with how this site operates and that we can be certain that no one is misrepresenting us or slandering our user names.
-
I couldn't agree more. This double underscore / ZERO imposter is one of the saddest lifeforms I've ever encountered on here and the powers that be should just kick them off. People have been banned for much less.
-
Like I said, this has nothing to do with DGDB and everything to do with the integrity of the site. I don't care if it is the person I hate the most on this site, you should never - NEVER - impersonate him and misrepresent him. Let people live and fall by their own words and actions - don't slander anyone here.
Miyamoto_Musashi, I am working on it but I am drunk and angry about the entire DGDB thing to work on a story right now. Ok, actually I am just drunk. But Joshua Swaney, Agent +0 will be back this morning, I promise. -
Rejection has driven him to desperation.
-
...has made a name for himself here and this Doppelganger is either trying to impersonate him cos he wants to be like the real Danny and thought no one would notice or, and this is even worse, wants to discredit Danny by saying dumb fuck things (like LMFAO...cunt). Either way it's unacceptable and should be dealt with in a timely fashion.
-
The spineless double underscored bastard needs to go. Can't make it here on your own merit? Forced to ride on the name of someone who has? Fuck off, you poor excuse for a TBer.You're neither funny nor interesting. In the war against the Ban Hammer, there have been many undeserving casualties. They were better men (and women) than you.Your time is up.
-
Tis the darkness inside us all. This darkness can only be purged through total devotion to Christian Bale and the concept of +0 as a lifestyle choice. The Ass Hurlbut remains, as always, +2.
-
Ban hammer these imposter cunts please.
-
How the worm has turned. The son has become the father and the father has become the son!
-
That is the burning question...
-
I thought you people were fucking professionals. This is amateur!
-
Please for the love of all that is good in the world!!!
-
looks like his 15mins is up.
-
Josh the "Profesional" with Natalie Portman! Hows that for a remake!
-
Miyamoto_Musashi finally managed to kick the cockpit door open, only to find both pilots laying face down, motionless.
“Shit!” he said as he checked the bodies. “They are both dead!”
Mushashi thought about how unfair this was– here he was with the a bag full of white vader, the street value was enough to let him live a lifetime without struggle, and he was about to die in a plane crash because someone had poisoned the pilots. He looked over his shoulder and nervously managed to squeak out “What are we going to do Swaney?”
Swaney just calmly walked towards him holding a pair of parachutes and nonchalantly handed him one. With a mischievous grin he said “I guess we are just going to have to get out and hitchhike the rest of the way.”
Musashi had to laugh despite the fear he felt. Nothing seemed to phase Swaney. He wondered how Auriellis could ever had said something bad about him. But she was a girl, and was prone to be jealous of a man like the Swane who would never settle down.
Swaney threw on his parachute and opened the door – a gust of cold air nearly knocked the two over. “Last one down has to buy the beers.” he said as he prepared to jump.
“Wait!” shouted Musashi. “Where is the bag. We can’t leave the white vader!”
“Don’t worry MM, replied Swaney as he held up a small duffle bag, “This stuff isn’t leaving my sight. Plus, I need it to pick up all that poon in Chicago. Adios.”
Swaney jumped, and Mushashi soon followed after him. As he left the plane, Mushashi thought how strange it was that he would become partners with Josh Swaney, the ultimate loner. They had warned him that he was someone you couldn’t trust. “I
guess they didn’t get to know him as well as I did,” thought Mushashi.
“Getting close to the ground. Better pull the cord.”
Miyamoto_Mushashi pulled it, nothing happened. He pulled the emergency cord, again nothing happened.
The ground was racing up towards him.
In his final seconds before impact, Miyamoto_Mushashi thought about what BSB had told him before he mysteriously disappeared. Don’t get too close to Joshua Swaney, because he never travels +1.
-
Keep 'em coming. Swaney must be immortalized!
-
Bag of white vader. I almost passed out from laughing so hard. *Starts a slow clap*
-
a grizzly bear threatened to eat The Swane, Josh showed the bear his giant cock and the fist under his sack. the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it was a less painful way to die.
-
Great job as always. Keep them coming man.
-
as an Uber-Professional. Do not share this with the Outside World, people.
-
Shame.....I wanted it to at least last till Thursday.
-
TB's die, that's the way of things. How many posts are we at anyways? It's enough to be legendary!
-
“God damn you Josh! You think you can just have your way with me and not see me again? I don’t care who think you are? Why the hell do you treat people like th-“
Click! Josh Swaney hung up in her in mid sentence. He knew she would call back, but he didn’t care. Let her. He couldn’t even remember which one she was anyways. Katie Barson, Heather Huska, Jennifer McHale, Heather Stearns, Kristin Wicks, the +1 that was with Jonny Posner? Pretty much everyone of them had been calling him nonstop since he slept with them, and that only since Thursday.
Still, as he poured himself a scotch her unfinished question came into his mind: why the hell do you treat people like this? He didn’t always, and memories that Joshua Swane had tried hard to forget came back to him….
*********************************************************************************************************************** *********************
“….Oh fuck Swane! They got me!”
Josh huddled over the prone body of his partner and looked at the damage: his body was riddled by bullet holes, and his clothes were soaked with blood. Already a pool of crimson was beginning to grow around him.
“Oh God Swane! I’m dyin’!” odo19 screamed as he looked at the damage upon his body.
“You hang in there! You hear me, odo19? You hang in there! You’re gonna make it!”
But Swane knew he was a goner. He was trying desperately to stop the blood loss, but there was to much damage. Fuck, Swane thought, why did he let odo19 accompany him on this mission? Swane knew it was to tough for him, but odo19 begged him to tag along. Swane damned himself for buckling to his pleads and for the Chief to agreeing to it..
“I don’t wanna die, Swane! I don’t wanna die!”
“You hang in there, buddy help is on the way.”
odo19 began to shiver. “I feel so cold Swane. I’m so cold.”
“You’ll be warm soon enough.”
“Swane, I’m sorry. I’m sorry to let you down-“
“Shut up odo19! Stop talking stupid.”
odo13 let off a harsh cough. “I just want to let you know, that I am so proud to have served with you. To be…your partner.”
Swane saw that odo13’s eyes were slowly closing. “Keep fighting odo13! You hear me, keep fighting! Don’t fall asleep!”
“I’m glad…to have been…your plus….”
“Odo! Odo!”
odo13’s voice trailed off, and his eyes slid shut. A final breath escaped his lips, and then he was still.
Swane didn’t say anything. He just kneeled there in silence, clutching his hand in a fist and cursing himself for letting this happen.”
********************************************************************************************************************************************
The ringing of the phone snapped Swane out of his thoughts. He knew it would be just one of the girls, and he didn’t feel like having company tonight, so he just let it ring. Instead Joshua Swaney poured himself another scotch.
People always wanted more of me, he thought as he downed the drink. They all want to get close to me. But I had a partner once, I had a plus one. And I am never going to be in that situation ever again where I am responsible for someone else.
From now on it is only Joshua Swaney. And he always travels +0.
-
Beautiful to read the origin story of +0.
-
You sir, are a fucking riot.
Josh Swaney would be pleased. If he had the ability to allow himself a brief moment of tranquillity. -
They were doing this shit to me 10 years ago. I was originally Fettastic but had to keep changing my name because of the impersonators. Well that and I kept getting banned for saying shit like "Harry's veins flow with bacon grease". There's actually a much more clever way to do impersonations that are literally impossible to determine, but I won't say how.
-
He msged me first and was like who is this? Im like im from aintitcoolnews (obv im not friends with his mutual friends). About 5 seconds later he put me on block
-
I spoke to god
-
people are putting him in every damn talkback
-
...before I find Josh Swaney in line at WOLVERINE!!!!
-
The young boy ran around the corner and stopped in his tracks at what he saw: in front of the cantina was dozens of bloody pistoleros and gamberros laying on the ground. None of them moved or even twitched; all were dead. Patches of red dirt and pools of wet blood littered the dirt street along with shell casings and wicked knives and machetes.
Despite feeling sick and scared at the sight of the carnage, the young boy frantically looked around for sight of the gringo. His body did not lay with the outlaws, nor was he anywhere in sight. The young grow grew nervous, worried that he was hurt, dying or dead..
Suddenly, as if by magic, the gringo appeared, stepping out of the cantina drinking from a bottle of tequila and wearing a dusty old leather jacket. Underneath the jacket the boy could see the handle of a 38 Bulldog revolver that was tucked into the front of his pants. He took a swig from the bottle and walked across the street towards a shed, revealing as he stepped that he had a slight limp.
The boy’s heart swelled at the sight of him, and he waited for the gringo to notice him, but he did not. Finally the boy cried out “Senior Swaney!”
Swaney glanced over to him, but he did not answer or stop. He continued walking over to the shed and entered. The boy waited nervously, wondering if he should go check on him or not. A moment later Swaney reappeared, pushing out a 1952 Vincent Black Lightning which had seen better days.
The boy ran up to him just as Swaney swung his leg over the bike and wearily climbed on.
“Senior Swaney. Where are you going?” the boy asked earnestly.
“My work here is done lil Otm Shank. I’ve got to move on.”
“But why?” asked the young boy. “We need you here Senior Swaney. The whole village needs you?”
“They don’t need many anymore. The cartel won’t bother your village or your family again.”
“But-but my family needs you hear. My mother needs you here. So do my sisters.”
Swaney didn’t answer, but just wiped his glasses cleaned.
“All the women in the village will miss you. They will all be lonely without you.”
Swaney smiled as he sled on his glasses. “Well, in about nine months some of them will be less lonely, In fact you might have another brother or sister and might even be an uncle.”
Otm shank did not understand him but instead rushed up to him and hugged him. “Please don’t go. I need you her Senior.”
Otm shank looked up and saw that Joshua Swaney was grimacing in pain. He released him from his hug. “What is wrong? Are hurt Senior! We should take you to the doctor!”
Swaney shook his head no. “I’m fine. I’ve been hurt worse. I will live.”
Swaney gestured for the boy to step back as he revved up his motorcycle. It came to life, sounding like the howl of some mighty dragon. Over it’s roar the boy screamed out: “Please take me with you Senior Swaney!”
“I’m sorry shank, but I can’t take you were I am going.”
“Where is that?”
“Chicago.”
Tears began to roll down the boys eyes. “Why can’t I go with you?”
“Because I am a professional and I have to go alone.. When you get older shank you’ll understand, but right now my time is done here and I have to go somewhere else where I am needed. When you get older you’ll realize that sometimes you have to travel alone, and can’t go +1. Goodbye.”
Joshua Swaney gunned the cycle and began to ride down the road into the desert. Shank watched him ride off out of town before suddenly noticing that his hands felt wet. He glanced down and saw that his hands that hugged Swaney were now red with blood. Otm shank started to chased after him, running through the cloud of dust he left behind, screaming as he ran: “Please come back Swaney. Please. I love you Swaney. We all love you.”
But the roar of the engine was to loud and he continued to ride on down the road, finally disappearing from view over the horizon. Gone for ever from otm shank’s life.
But not forgotten.
-
Be careful. He bites. But on a serious note...he bites hard. Good luck
-
all of these should get posted on AIBN as an illustrated or photoshop mini series. Funny stuff.
-
HaHaHa.
-
I might not make the screening tomorrow to meet with Swaney. I am sick as a dog right now and I doubt Josh will want a red nosed red head.
-
If there is ever a final Continentalop story I hope you feature in it.
-
Enjoy the viewing, you lucky people, being in the presence of Agent +0. But don't get too close...we know what happens when you get to close.
Continentalop, you are now officially my new hero. I would read these stories any day of the week. -
Conspiracy
-
Apr 30, 2009 3:14:04 PM CDT
JBouganim - You have done God's work.
by christian_bale_trashed_my_lights
For he commanded that The Swane shall not be forgotten for his message to fear the plus one is important to mankind.I salute you and so does God. The Swane however probably doesn't. He doesn't know you exist. Hell, he doesn't know anyone exists. The Swane is alone and that's how he likes it.
-
He denied me but continues to poke me on a regular basis
-
Swane was apparently in the area
-
Swane Flu is on the rise! Pandemic levels!
-
“So are you sure?” asked fain88 in between bites of his sandwich. “You’re sure it is Joshua Swaney who is after us?”
JBouganim1 silently nodded his head yes. He hadn’t said a word yet, but his expression told them he was serious and scared.
The two other men at the table sat their silently, unsure what to say. Finally Stuntcock Mike broke the silence:
“Are you sure it is him? I mean, couldn’t you be mistaken. Their deaths could be accident’s after all…”
JBouganim1’s face told them the answer: he was certain. JBouganim1 looked down at his plate – a deli sandwich of some sort – and pushed it away in disgust. He had no appetite right now.
“It is the Swane,” he said in a grave voice. “Joshua promised he would get all of us. And I am pretty sure that the death’s of ProziumJunkie and Jackalcack were no accidents.”
“How are you sure?” asked fain88 as he finished his sandwich, and he began to eye JB’s. “I mean, the police even said they were accidents, so what makes you so sure? And are you going to eat that?”
JB pushed his plate over to the hungry fain, and gestured that he could eat it. “Yeah, it looks like an accident, but notice a pattern? ProziumJunkie is at the supermarket where a self of canned goods falls and crushes him, and Jackalcack dies at home because of a gas leak.”
The other two men looked at each, unsure what he was getting at. “So?” asked fain88 in between chewing his food.
“I got this in the mail about four days ago…” JB pulled out a post card showing five pigs on it. No signature or address was on the card, but there was a simple message written on the back that read: I will see you soon.
“Shit!” cried Stuntcock Mike. “I got one just like that!”
“Sho dij I” fain88 managed to say despite the half-a-sandwich in his mouth. “Bud whud does thad hab to do wid their deaths?”
JBouganim1 turned his head in disgust, unable to watch fain88 eat. “ProziumJunkie was killed at the market; Jackalcack was killed at home. Notice something?”
“Of course!” cried fain88 as he swallowed the last bit of food. “The five little pigs.”
Stuncock Mike sat up upon hearing this. “You’re right. The first little piggy went to the market, the second little piggy stayed home. But what makes you so sure that Joshua Swane is behind this?”
“Only Joshua is so diabolical and intelligent to pull something off like this,” replied JB. “Plus, he always said he would get all of us. Right fain? Fain?”
The two men turned to face fain88 just in time to see his head collapse onto the table with a loud thud. JBouganim1 started from shock, then reached over to check on his friend.
“My god. Fain is dead!” JB glanced over at the the empty plate and suddenly realized what kind of sandwich it was. “Oh Jesus! This little piggy had roast beef. Fain was eating a roast beef sandwich!”
JBouganim1was unsure what to do, and looked up at Mike for guidance. He was surprised to see Stuntcock putting on his coat and heading towards the exit.
“Where are you going?” cried out a desperate JBouganim1, as sweat began to drip down his forehead.
Mike didn’t face him, but calmly replied “I am going home.”
JBouganim1 couldn’t believe how callous Mike was, and he felt a cold shiver run through his body. He started to notice he was having trouble breathing, and his hands were going numb. “Why are you going home, Mike?”
“Oh, you can stop calling me Mike” he replied, his voice suddenly different. “Stuntcock Mike has been dead for at least a couple of months. I should know – I killed him.”
JBouganim1 recognized the voice, jumped to his feet and almost fell over. “You-you’re Swaney!” he cried out in astonishment and he tried to keep his balance. He felt dizzy and his body felt colder.
The figure turned around revealing himself to be Joshua Swaney. In his hands he held a rubber mask of Stuntcock Mike. “Yes, I am Joshua Swaney,” he said as he slipped on his glasses, “ but that information won’t do you any good.”
“Please don’t kill me, Swane. Look in your heart and let me live. You can let me go.”
First off, I have no heart. Secondly, I can’t let you go – you know I never leave a plus one. And finally, it is to late to beg for your life. You are already dead. The poison will soon kill you.”
“What poison?” cried out JBouganim1, as held the table to hold himself up. The room felt like it was spinning, and his vision had become blurry. “I didn’t eat that sandwich so I couldn’t be poisoned.”
“Actually, you should have ate it. I poisoned you 24 hours ago, and if you had the roast beef the poison in that would have counteracted the one I gave you earlier. Or don’t you remember the poem: this little piggy had none?”
JBouganim1 opened his mouth to reply, but he was to weak; he fell to the floor with a crash. It took all of his strength just to lift his head to see Joshua Swaney walking towards the exit.
Over his shoulder he said to the dying man, “Now I am –wee, wee, wee- on my way home to Chicago.”
But JBouganim1 hadn’t heard him, because he was already dead. Joshua Swaney gave a thin smile, proud of his work, and then left the room.
And then there was plus none.
-
...the stories get longer and longer. Continentalop is really getting into these :)
-
HOLY SHIT. THATS FUCKIN CLASSIC. “Actually, you should have ate it. I poisoned you 24 hours ago, and if you had the roast beef the poison in that would have counteracted the one I gave you earlier. Or don’t you remember the poem: this little piggy had none?”
-
Brilliant.
-
Good. Swaney.
-
My bad.
In +0 we trust. And get kicked in the face. -
I was too sick to go tonight. Frakking Swine flu.
-
Apr 30, 2009 8:18:28 PM CDT
Continentalop - brilliant, you should have written Wolverine
by miyamoto_musashi
You have talent!!.
Have we got any reports yet from the screening ? -
A FATEFUL ENCOUNTER: Part I
“So you are sure. Positive. Ok. Thanks!”
S-Smart Shopper excitedly hung up the phone and then addressed the man across from him. “We are on. My source just told me he is there with the package. He is just sitting in the bar as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.”
Joshua Swaney didn’t react, but instead casually put his feet up on the table and stretched out. To S-Smart Shopper’s eyes he looked almost bored.
“You up for this?” asked S-Smart Shopper.
“Why not? He is just one man.”
A surprised laugh escaped Shopper’s mouth. “One man?” he asked, incredulous. “This guy is as professional as they come. Don’t ever underestimate him.”
Josh nonchalantly shrugged. He seemed disinterested in the whole thing.
“Look, Swane. I know you are a bad-ass and a loner, that is why we called you into Chicago to help us handle this, but we are doing it my way. He is way to much for any of us to take on alone. As soon as catlettuce4 and Cocknasty_Buttstank show up, we’ll all go together and finish him once and for all and get the package.”
A shadow of a smile appeared on Swaney’s face; the sight of which made S-Smart’s skin crawl for some mysterious reason. “I wouldn’t worry about those two showing up.”
“Wh-why?”
“Because I killed them about 2 hours ago.”
S-Smart’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Why did you do that?” he asked, as he surreptitiously reached under the table to grab his hidden pistol.
Joshua’s gave him a look as if to say “are you kidding me.”
“C’mon S, you know who I am. I do everything alone. I don’t need no help. Never have.”
“You will against this guy. You’ll need me. You’ve heard how bad-ass he is, and how good he is with a gun. For once you’ll need help.”
“I don’t think so…and I never travel plus-”
S-Smart suddenly whipped out his pistol and aimed it at him, but in a flash Swaney produced a pistol out of nowhere. Both fired nearly simultaneously, but Joshua’s hit striking Shopper in the chest. BLAM! BLAM! Swaney fired two more shots into Shopper, putting him down for good.
Joshua calmly stood up and left the room, not even giving a second glance to S-Smart Shopper’s corpse that now laid on the floor.
The taxi pulled over to the curb and out stepped Swaney.
“Should I wait?” asked the driver as he looked street over. It was a scary looking neighborhood, and he couldn’t imagine anyone would come here on purpose.
“I don’t need you to wait.” Swaney replied, as he tossed the driver a $20 for his troubles.
The driver sped off, leaving Swaney alone - the way he liked it - in front of a crummy dive bar. From inside, all he could hear was music, but no sound of any other activity. The place looked dead.
Swaney felt the pistol that he had concealed under his trench-coat and prepared himself to go in. Tonight was a real challenge, but he knew when he exited later it would just be him plus none.
The way it always was.
TO BE CONCLUDED.
-
Someone has seen it...
-
All this attention over a god damn +1. Thanks everyone.
-
Man, you have got to read every talk back in this place. You are named dropped like a god.
-
I had no idea this shit was going on until someone at the screening recognized me. It helped explain a lot this past week.
-
...but I was too sick to go. I figured you had no idea this was going on since you never posted. But hey, welcome to legend status on AICN. That will last all of one week and then your name will occasionally and randomly pop up in some TB somewhere in the next few years and people will giggle.
So AICN fans everywhere are dying to know if you liked the movie? -
All I wanted in life was acceptance from Swaney
-
I never was too into the comics so I'm not as pissed as most of the fanboys around here. Production quality was pretty shitty though. Capone had no idea about this talk back which is pretty funny. I would've laughed my ass off if he brought it up at the screening.
-
...since on a rare occasion, a gem like the +0 hero comes out. Did you actually have a plus one and he forgot to put it in? Or were you awesome enough to run solo?
-
Swaney is principled even to the core!!!!!!
-
My normal +1 was too busy to make it out hence the +0.
-
Last
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Whitney Houston 1963 - 2012 -- 383 total posts 380 posts
- New JUDGE DREDD post production footage pops up -- 111 total posts 111 posts
- WTF HOLLYWOOD: SOLARBABIES -- 75 total posts 73 posts
- HANNA's Saoirse Ronan to boss around seven little people -- 71 total posts 68 posts
- Does ‘SNL’ Rhyme With ‘Deschanel’?? Learn Which SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Vet Hosts After Sexy Zooey!! -- 77 total posts 55 posts
- If the Behind the Scenes Pics of the Day drops her pen, pick it up, but don’t look at her legs or else it will be on your record. -- 54 total posts 48 posts
- There's a STAR TREK video game that is going to lead into JJ's STAR TREK 2 apparently... -- 165 total posts 41 posts
- Herc’s Seen Tonight’s Return Of THE WALKING DEAD!! Discuss Also DOWNTON ABBEY, FEAR FACTOR, PAN AM, ONCE, SIMPSONS, DYNAMITE, LUCK, SHAMELESS, BAIT CAR, THE GRAMMYS And More!! Sunday Is Sweeps Day 11!! -- 41 total posts 41 posts
- To Commemorate The 3D Release Of STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE, George Lucas Wants You To Know...Greedo Shoots First!! -- 500 total posts 35 posts
- Avid Comic Reader Hercules Does Battle With Tedium During Kevin Smith’s COMIC BOOK MEN! -- 28 total posts 28 posts